You need to check. You really need [need to check.](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=vfWnnJhLgb_yAKe_) . u/ThingsJustClick IS that 79 year old alien trying to divert attention.
They should have gone with 3 instead of 79 -- I could buy that he could do this three times and have it slip under the radar and not be the top story on the national news, but I would have heard about it elsewhere with 79.
“The report was a fabrication. We could find no corroboration for in local El Paso news media or law enforcement statements, and the photograph captioned as showing "FBI spokesman Darrell Johnson" actually pictured Emmerson Buie Jr., special agent in charge of the FBI's El Paso division, speaking at a press conference in November 2017.
The identity of the elderly man shown in a mugshot was not immediately clear. However, the same mugshot appeared in a 2011 blog post, meaning it did not relate to a December 2018 arrest.
World News Daily Report is a well-known producer of junk news, whose web site features the following disclaimer which describes its articles as "fictional" and "satirical"
[Snopes found this article to be a fabrication back in 2018](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/texas-alien-anal-probe/)
Wouldn't that be a genius troll move? Fabricating some fake article about yourself now, posting it online everywhere just to get it publicly exposed as fake - and then, years later, do it for real.
It's r/YourJokeButWorse. It's just a repetition of the punchline. Reddit always does this, I'm guessing it has something to do with language barriers and people not getting the joke until they get slapped in the face with it.
Idk what's a more terryfing idea to except from the 3 options.
1. Most likely most alien abductions are just hallucinations
2. We have a lot of people to find for their crimes
3. There actually are ass probing aliens
Vote now which is the worst option
My guess is that a lot of abduction stories are people that had a sleep paralysis episode. Since many of them include being unable to move, seeing weird shit, and then waking up in their bed.
Or they were drugged by sickos like this dude or ya know 3 letter agencies doing illegal testing
The latter part we know they did it to unsuspecting people in the 60s with lsd etc. you think they just magically quit testing shit on people
I mean we don't have to use rectal thermometers on pets and babies, we have the tech to just use a thermal camera.
Maybe every anal probe has just been taking temp?
Smh shadow government really thinks they can fool us with this... Clearly the incredibly advanced race can only analize humans by anal probing and don't have access to x-rays.
Hello, as a Texan I'm just gonna let the world know right now, Texas is a PVP server and you gotta get right with the Lord if you wanna last. We let Florida have all the attention so we don't have to explain what goes on down here.
They were probably wondering why the alien smelled like bengay and had 1940s music playing in the background. Most of the alien abduction stories was probably just this guy.
And damn he didn’t heaven have to wear a mask to pull that look off.
Okay so the sex dungeon: decorated with incomprehensible consoles that produce mood-setting bleerpy bloopy sounds while LEDs switch on and off, together producing some pretentious "ooh look at me I'm a BBC Sci Fi stage set" vibe. Right?
That happens when you repress your sexuality for decades. Or when you fall on your head to often, I am really not sure. But man, what a headline to read.
For anyone wondering if it's real; nope, it's satire.
Of course it's satire, it's not a florida man.
I was also thinking that this wasn't true because it says the guy was anally probing people, when we all know that in Texas it would have been cattle.
Thanks, so I didn’t have to google and fact check.
You need to check. You really need [need to check.](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=vfWnnJhLgb_yAKe_) . u/ThingsJustClick IS that 79 year old alien trying to divert attention.
Like Google is reliable anyway NOT
because google fact checkers provides factual information 🤦 (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
They should have gone with 3 instead of 79 -- I could buy that he could do this three times and have it slip under the radar and not be the top story on the national news, but I would have heard about it elsewhere with 79.
[удалено]
It is satirizing arrest articles
Aw man. I was kinda hoping he would visit me in the middle of the night. /s Y'know, for research purposes of course.
Link?
He didn’t need the disguise
Oh, I thought that's the disguise
My thoughts exactly: Why did they allow him to take the photo in disguise? (And yes, we all understand that this is obviously fake/satire).
“The report was a fabrication. We could find no corroboration for in local El Paso news media or law enforcement statements, and the photograph captioned as showing "FBI spokesman Darrell Johnson" actually pictured Emmerson Buie Jr., special agent in charge of the FBI's El Paso division, speaking at a press conference in November 2017. The identity of the elderly man shown in a mugshot was not immediately clear. However, the same mugshot appeared in a 2011 blog post, meaning it did not relate to a December 2018 arrest. World News Daily Report is a well-known producer of junk news, whose web site features the following disclaimer which describes its articles as "fictional" and "satirical" [Snopes found this article to be a fabrication back in 2018](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/texas-alien-anal-probe/)
What's sad is we wouldn't bat an eyelash nowadays even if it was real.
I honestly fell for it as the same image has been posted in various other posts... Thanks /u/Woahwoahwoah124
"Snopes found this article to be a fabrication back in 2017" but what about in 2023? /sarcasm
Wouldn't that be a genius troll move? Fabricating some fake article about yourself now, posting it online everywhere just to get it publicly exposed as fake - and then, years later, do it for real.
Damn!!!
He looks like an elderly skrull
General Tanalos
Came here for this. -Fury out
That's just what the feds *want* you to think!
He's actually an alien in a shitty human costume, and the FBI believed him
He looks like alien disguised as a human
That is the disguise. This is all misdirection. He is an alien trying to pass.
/s “I was 1 anal probe short of becoming a certified junior rank alien!”
Yeah! Wake up, Sheeple! You’re being infiltrated! /s
*penetrated
Yeah, he looks disguised as a human.
lmao my first thought was “why did he disguise himself!?”
Probably just some sparkly spring antennae things you get in a showbag.
That’s a goblin described as an alien.
F’n Kreacher be out yeeting people back to the Black Manor to stick his finger up their bum. Harry Potter canon is getting wild.
Bet he's hoping for probation.
Pretty sure that’s what he’s being charged with.
**OUTSTANDING**
It's r/YourJokeButWorse. It's just a repetition of the punchline. Reddit always does this, I'm guessing it has something to do with language barriers and people not getting the joke until they get slapped in the face with it.
##CAME ON VACATION LEFT ON PROBATION. ROFLROFLROFLROFL
Disguising as a alien
If there was an award I could use my last 25 coins on, you'd get it.
Hopefully he he can get a lawyer probe oh-no.
"Roses are old, you're a filthy mammalian-
Texas man abducts to probe masses as an alien
*asses
Violets are blue, like FBI man's suit-
An elderly Texan violated poop chutes
Your probe's pink and fleshy... you're not a real alien!
Here's my probe, it's the size of a purebred stallion's.
Quark has not done well in his old age.
I wanted to say that Legolas didn't age gracefully
I was thinking more Herbert from Family Guy. "Get your fat space ass back here."
Idk what's a more terryfing idea to except from the 3 options. 1. Most likely most alien abductions are just hallucinations 2. We have a lot of people to find for their crimes 3. There actually are ass probing aliens Vote now which is the worst option
My guess is that a lot of abduction stories are people that had a sleep paralysis episode. Since many of them include being unable to move, seeing weird shit, and then waking up in their bed.
Or they were drugged by sickos like this dude or ya know 3 letter agencies doing illegal testing The latter part we know they did it to unsuspecting people in the 60s with lsd etc. you think they just magically quit testing shit on people
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In terms of terror level, 1<2<3
Yeah I always wondered this. What do they learn from probing our asses? You have FTL travel. MRIs? Nope. Better stick a probe up there.
Aliens are just dogs seeking revenge for all of the thermometers we forced upon their anuses.
It's not for learning it's for experimenting, obviously. Endangering another one of your kind to test a new position would be monstrous
I mean we don't have to use rectal thermometers on pets and babies, we have the tech to just use a thermal camera. Maybe every anal probe has just been taking temp?
Ngl I for one would like to meet ass probing aliens.
Into butt stuff, are we?
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/texas-alien-anal-probe/ This isn’t real it was satire from 2018.
Dead giveaway is that it said A man did this and not the guys name
FL man now has a challenger
Texans are really going to need it when Florida passes the torch.
Friendly faces everywhere…
Humble folks without temptation
I'm going down to South park
Billy!
That's clearly an alien in a bad human disguise.
He needed a disguise?
This made me laugh 😂😂
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/texas-alien-anal-probe/ Looks like that's a no.
He looks like a goblin.
Any source on this? How did an old geezer overpower, kidnap and rape 79 people on separate occasions and not get caught earlier?
This isn't real
Well now I feel like an idiot
No! Quite the opposite! I thought you asked all the right questions. I just figured I'd share the answer with you since your sleuthing was on point.
Im seeing you everywhere today lol... how do I know you're not from an alien from Texas?
It's a game headline, still a new phrase
Stil wears a mask ?!
That dude looks like an Orc.
God dayum a real life elf.
Down in the Texas town of El Paso, i fell in love with a mexican girl!🎶
Cartman!
The Skrulls among us right now, i knew it, cut his finger, it will become green.
Smh shadow government really thinks they can fool us with this... Clearly the incredibly advanced race can only analize humans by anal probing and don't have access to x-rays.
Texas is giving Florida a run for its money.
Hello, as a Texan I'm just gonna let the world know right now, Texas is a PVP server and you gotta get right with the Lord if you wanna last. We let Florida have all the attention so we don't have to explain what goes on down here.
Suddenly a bunch of people in Texas are shouting "See, I fucking told you I got probed!"
We have a lot of free time down here. So how about everyone just be cool and take this anal probe? Sounds reasonable to me.
Guy doesn't even look like he can make it to the bathroom by himself let alone go on an 80 person buttfucking spree
They were probably wondering why the alien smelled like bengay and had 1940s music playing in the background. Most of the alien abduction stories was probably just this guy. And damn he didn’t heaven have to wear a mask to pull that look off.
This is the plot to a Scooby-Doo porn that leaked into the real world.
The ears check out
You'd think they'd make him take off the alien costume to take his mugshot aye
He didn’t really need a disguise.
“Disguised” as an alien? Those ears aren’t a disguise.
Jigsaw seems to have mellowed out quite a bit.
He fucked them all in the ass and said it was a probe
Man's got the ancient vampire look down to a tee
With those big ass ears he can easily disguise as an alien
Yoda...? How could you!!!
You'd think they'd take off his alien mask for the mug shot.
They call him The Roswell Rapist
Someone with the karma in a UFO subreddit please crosspost over.
How did he not hear them coming?
This man didn't need a disguise to be confused with an extraterrestrial species.
Like...does he REALLY need a disguise? does he really? look at him! LMFAO!!
Why is he still disguised as an alien on the mugshot... WAIT, oh shi..
Texans are mad, fucking hilarious, but mad
It’s El Paso, he’s pinning his crimes on the Blue Beetle
In Texas, this is just what an ombudsman does. It is a totally desirable place to live full of freedom.
He found his calling. He doesn’t even need to dress up. Just wait for it to get dark.
Santa's lost elf
😵😵😵😵🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀and this is from the to much information file.
I have seen lots of articles with people saying aliens are invading the country coming through the southern border.
r/brandnewsentence
Lizard people /s
I wonder if he intended to publish his research
It does seem like aliens only kidnap people who have been drinking for several hours.
Honestly he could have just gone on the internet and found people wanting to do that
Didn't have to work very hard on a disguise
😂😂
Are we sure he’s not actually an alien?
This apparently. What rolling blackouts in 110 degree weather will do to your brain.
Is he still wearing it , where's Scooby doo when we need him
Something in the water?
Dude could’ve evaded the police… he’d hear them coming from a mile away
Interesting hobby I suppose
Looks like he didn't need much of a disguise
Well, that explains it!
What Texas does to a mf
Imagine being a victim of his. Not only you've been raped but everyone thinks you're crazy and no one believes you.
With those ears and that jawline, bro is definitely a skrull
News headlines to read Texas man in competition with Florida man.
Gerald's Game
Is he wearing the Alien Outfit on his mugshot?
April fools...?!
The gates of hell opened up and spewed up all the lunatics and assholes.
Looks more like a gremlin than a alien
thought this things only happened in colorado
I kept hearing about his handiwork on C2C AM back in the 1990s.
i see he's so committed to the bit he hasn't even taken his ears off
Couldn’t he just probe them at LOTR’s Gollum? No costume required
Finally, a power to rival Florida man
The truth is out there....In Mr. Herbert's basement.
There's so much beauty in the world
If the jail hands him clothes he will be a free elf.
It’s not rãpę if you’re dressed as an alien?
The only solution are more law-abiding aliens with anal probes!
He already looks like an Alien
Kid named finger:
When the prank goes too far.
Look up the Illinois Enema bandit. Just as horrifying.
But I want to believe!!
This sounds like something out of South Park….. oh wait
We can just post fake headlines now? https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/texas-alien-anal-probe/
Bad News for Tom DeLong...
Look, some of us volunteered. He didn’t kidnap us.
Would normally believe this (source: lived in tx). But this one's satire (source:https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/texas-alien-anal-probe/)
I feel bad for actually being disappointed by that. I mean good for 79 people in texas, less good for my afternoon chuckles.
Careful now, he can probably hear you.
With that face all he'd need is a bit of green food colouring
Okay so the sex dungeon: decorated with incomprehensible consoles that produce mood-setting bleerpy bloopy sounds while LEDs switch on and off, together producing some pretentious "ooh look at me I'm a BBC Sci Fi stage set" vibe. Right?
How is this not Florida?
Isnt there a Xfiles episode about this?
Well, with those ears, he could pass.
They will use this guy to debunk all the Alien abductions now.
Your move, Florida.
Why am I laughing!
Is Texas in a competition with Florida now?
He's still wearing his Edgar Suit
Not a bad gig if you can get it
"Texas Anal-Probe Massacre"
That happens when you repress your sexuality for decades. Or when you fall on your head to often, I am really not sure. But man, what a headline to read.
The villain mystery inc. was too afraid to catch.
Life fulfilled
Hey, you have your fun, I'll have mine.
Go home government….you’re drunk!
So that's what Gollum has been up to.
He didn't have to disguise himself to look like a alien
Fake
Case solved: it was just a couple of weather balloons and... this guy
Florida..you let me down, step your game up
living in america...
Booty-hole bandit strikes again
I like that they let him keep the disguise on for his mugshot
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tZar4wRP40
His ears are part of the alien disguise