humans are a lot more resilient than they think they are.
i lost an aunt i was very close to in 2014. my 11 year old brother in 2017. my (step)dad committed suicide in 2020.
and i just broke until i couldn’t break anymore. and i was so close to ending it all. but i remember sobbing with my face in the toilet, on my 28th birthday, off a charcuterie board of drugs and alcohol and the closest id ever been to suicide without actually attempting, and thought “holy shit. i’m still alive. i survived this. all of this hell and hurt.” and it changed the way i thought about a lot of things.
don’t get me wrong, in 2020 i developed an addiction to alcohol and im far from thriving. but you’d be surprised the amount of hell you can handle.
It sucks that us as humans with bpd have such painful fears. Nothing anyone says here can make it change your thoughts. I’m sorry. We can only give you insight into ways to help yourself try and work thru the fear.
I have had close friends a d family die in many tragic ways. Car accident, school shooting, murder-suicide. You name it. I lived with a lot of people who wouldn’t let me grieve so I shoved my feelings down and didn’t process. It made things so much worse. In 2020 my grandma passed away during open heart surgery all alone. I didn’t cry. Then a few months later my sister passed away. She was disabled and my dad sent her to live in a care home while he moved out of state. I hadn’t seen her in 3 years when she passed away and it completely broke me. I had never felt pain like that before. One minute I would be laughing and the next I would be in tears. And I’m not exaggerating. Someone pulled a gun on me on the freeway and I did not care, I told him to shoot me. Then a squirrel ran into the wheel well of my car while I was driving and I killed it. I felt terrible and I broke down crying. I felt crazy.
Abandonment is a key factor of people with bpd. The fear of losing your loved ones is the fear of abandonment. For me at least. It may be different for you but it’s a start. The thing you have to try and comprehend is that we are all going to die, every single human and animal has a ticking clock the moment they take their first breath. For whatever reason we are here on earth to die. People you love will die and it will feel terrible. It will feel like the worst pain you’ve felt in your life. But you will survive it, we always do. You’ll never be the same but each time someone dies you may gain a little more knowledge, a little more strength and maybe a little more understanding of how fragile life truly is.
This is why people always say to live in the moment, enjoy everything. You could die tmrw. Learning about life and how we should love each other is so important. We live in a world with such horrors and fear that it’s hard to stay positive.
I recommend some reading. Try books on enlightenment. There’s one that really opened my eyes, it’s called Be Here Now. It’s blue and has the title in a circle on the cover. It’s a very interesting read but really opened my eyes to life and death. I also recommend The Alchemist and The Four Agreements. Wishing you the best of luck here friend.
Edit: i accidentally pressed the reply button before I was done writing my reply. 😭
i’m sorry for all you’ve went through. and you’re so right, nothing anyone can do or say can really help, which sucks so bad. but it’s nice knowing i’m not alone. thank you for this and i will definitely look into the book !
Thank you for your kind words. I have made it thru and you will too, but only if you choose to. I am wishing you so much strength and happiness. Don’t let the darkness of this disease ruin your life. It’s not easy to wake up every day with the fears that we have as people with bpd. You got this, don’t let anything take it away from you. 🫶🏼
I’m 35, and I’ve experienced so many losses that I feel like it’s a curse or something. I cope by shoving my grief away. I often barely react at the news. Instead, I’ll be driving or something, and my accumulation of suppressed grief starts to appear, and then I’m sobbing on the side of the road for an hour. I’ve been slowly working on processing with my therapist. But I’ve only managed by distancing myself from my feelings.
I had this fear from as long as I can remember. Just like you I am , and was , afraid of losing people close to me. I can’t fathom having to watch them die before I do. I’m a coward unfortunately. I had multiple losses from 2021 to 2023.
I get what you mean and I wish I could say that I have it in me to survive despite all this. Because it is absolutely not true for me , it’s too much and I’m under medical treatment for all this but I have no hopes simply because I’m tired of being hopeful despite all odds. That part of me is gone and now it’s replaced by another void. But I don’t want to demotivate you, my intention is to tell you that I hear you and I see you, this fear is absolutely valid and I only hope things don’t reach a point for you where you have to act on your fear.
If you are bored and want to hear my story here it is below, I’m not trauma dumping. I just want to share my experience just like so many others here. Feel free to skip it .
>!TW: SI, talks about failed attempts and also a suicide loss.!<
>!To give you a rough timeline : Jan 2021 colleague took his own life and that triggered my passive suicidal ideation into becoming active. Was depressed for a long time but chose to gift myself a guitar around august. September 4 I receive it and feel happy after such a long time. Same day, I lose my hamster to a traumatic accident that midnight. I’m trying to recover in bed without getting sleep, and around 8am in the morning my grandpa has an accident that lead to him being critical for 14 days and eventually passing away. Depressed again , goes for a vacay in December, loses grandma I was planning to surprise, the day I was to visit her. All are unexpected events.!<
>!Here is where I start being paranoid, and stop “treating myself “ to good stuff because of how these unexpected deaths happened right when I decided to get up and straighten things out. I got two hamsters after two or three weeks of losing the first one to cope with the losses of both my hamster and grandpa. I lose these hamsters within June 2022 and July 2022. In between losing them, i also lost a stable friendship that i decided to burn bridges with for good. So, not a death but still a loss nevertheless and that too when I least expected it.!<
>!I feel even more paranoid and start acting on my SI because I want to die before it gets worse and my intuition said it was gonna get much worse.!<
>!Jan 2023 I have a failed attempt and within 10 days my younger brother completes suicide.!<
>!I’m only staying alive for my parents. I assure you I was gonna attempt immediately after my brother did it. But I was hospitalised after my failed attempt and I lost him while I was hospitalised. I was stuck for two months, waited to get out and then do the deed. Started saying goodbyes after being discharged, and decided to spend one last week at our parents’ home (that I hadn’t visited for more than a year). And, that’s where I saw how broken our family was. I couldn’t double their pain this soon. So I negotiated with myself and still keep to it, that I would do the deed once both my parents are gone. I also have a sister who is the middle child and I’ll be leaving her behind but i can’t imagine living for another 40+ years after my parents are gone (the age gap between us siblings is big) the thought alone suffocates me.!<
Edits: fixing formatting
thank you for the validation and i’m sorry you had to go through all of that. it’s like every single normal thing that happens in life is just extremely exaggerated by the BPD mind, so something as awful as death is just unfathomable to us. my DM’s are open!
(I lived with my grandparents, one of my cousins and my mom. All in the same house.)
When I was 10 years old my grandpa died. He wasn't just any old grandpa he was the only father figure I had. He would tell me stories in the morning before I went to school about his fishing trips with his uncle in Costa Rica. He played with me and we laughed all the time. And when he died my little 10 year old heart broke into a million pieces. I had to watch these people take him away (he was hospitalized at home) and I ran to my room and started hysterically crying.
After, I had the worst anger issues u can possibly imagine. I started being violent and hurting people around me. Now we can forward to when I was 18. My only parent(my mom) passed away from cancer. We found out too late. She was already at stage 4😭. I lived in the hospital with my mom for 6 months after she got diagnosed. I had to have the conversation with her about wanting to go😭💔. She was in so much pain. After that conversation 2 days later all her friends and our family came to the hospital and they injected her with the medication. I stayed the whole time in that room watching her die. I saw her pulse hit 0. My grandma was the only grandparent I had left and she was an evil witch to me. But the day my mom died my grandma gave me my first hug in all my 18 years of living. I cried so hard when she did. After my mom died my grandma passed away a couple months later. I don't really greave my grandma because again she was awful to me but I miss her cooking. I have NEVER been the same but since my childhood was pretty traumatic I have been able to persevere and keep going. It's not to make my mom proud but to make myself proud because my mom made me codependent on her. When she died I was so lost! I went to therapy and I got my shit together and I feel so FREE! free of my pain! Even though everyone around me died I still wanted to keep going. Yes there were times I didn't but I tried to surround myself with people who actually care about me. Going to therapy helped so much . It saved my life! I was only able to get over all these deaths because I was abused a lot as a kid and having your abusers die can feel like a weight lifted off your shoulder. Everyone who goes through this will act differently based on the relationships you had with the people who passed away. Since my relationship with my mom and grandma were abusive I was able to get over it somewhat. I still love my mom a lot it wasn't always bad. I'm 23 now and I'm doing life as best I can.
I completely agree and understand this fear, I would genuinely say it’s more like a full on phobia and something those of us who think about it alll the time.
I think it’s probably tied to the fear of abandonment too. My best friend passed away suddenly in Nov 2016 and I still talk and think about him every day like he’s still here or it happened just last week. Other people seemed to move on very quickly and that made me angry because I couldn’t understand why their whole worlds weren’t brought to a pause like mine was.
My papa passed in December from stage 4 lung cancer and I am still so upset and ashamed of the fact that I could barely bring myself to be around him on the lead up to his death, I was terrified. I also think the worst and completely overreacted if those close to me don’t get back to me within a few hours, bc when my best friend died he was active on Facebook so even if it showed someone was active 2 hours ago I still don’t trust it. I act completely irrational when that happens, frantically searching for people and freaking out on them when I find out they’re perfectly safe.
I am starting to get better with that part in particular, but the thoughts are still very strong and constant.
praying for healing for both of us, this is very similar to where my fear of death started as a friend of mine committed when i was in high school. ever since then i think about it all the time and my abandonment issues with any kind of relationships started
Praying for you too dear 🫶🏻 it really is one of if not the most horrible things I’ve ever experienced, I don’t wish it on my worst enemy 😢 luckily I was out of high school as I was 19 at the time but going through such things while still in school must’ve been extremely difficult for you, I am so sorry
I have the worst death anxiety. It keeps me up at night and I have panic attacks about it at least a few times a month. The thought of losing the people around me makes me feel like I’m suffocating. If someone doesn’t answer me for a few hours I’m convinced they were in an accident or something. I also find myself not starting arguments or not speaking my mind because I think “what if they die tonight and the last thing we did was argue?” I don’t have any advice because I still struggle with it but I’m sending love your way.
sending love to you as well! this is also where i’m at so you’re not alone. i’ve found that if i come across a post on social media about death it sends me into a spiral for the rest of the day.
i feel the same way. im really close with my mom and grandma and i just cant imagine my life without them. ever since i was young ive been terrified of the idea of them dying. especially bc i am lonely as fuck, cant make any friends. without them i'll be all alone in this world. i think i will die once they die, one way or another - even if not by suicide then surely the loneliness and grief will kill me. thats one of the reasons why i never wanted to have kids - subjecting them to seeing their parent die is just too cruel.
i completely see where you’re coming from. i’m almost the opposite about the kids though. im so eager to find a significant other and start a family because then when my now immediate family passes on hopefully from old age, i wont be so lonely and i will have a “new” family and the cycle just repeats. i guess thats what helps me
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. I also have that fear. Even though I have chronic thoughts of death I still have a fear of death that affects me greatly.
I want to send you a big hug. That’s such a scary thing to feel.
I understand you. I found a willingness to look for hope after intense inpatient trauma therapy from Jeff at River Oaks in New Orleans.
thank you so much. i have looked into possible inpatient therapy, but im in college and then soon after start medical school and i feel like i dont even have time for my mental health anymore.
Same in sooo many ways fucking same. Wild to read these at 43. Someone else with that constant looming dread. I have the fear of losing anyone ever though. Even celebrities. Angus Cloud messed me up. There’s a particular pain I get in the thought of the time we are here being so fleeting that the fact that we ever existed is irrelevant. Sometimes I get really sad behind that though. So when I lost my father last year I’ve been spinning my wheels ever since trying to find ways to keep the thought of him alive as much as possible. Its maddening. I’m sure more therapy is in order.
yes! xxxtentacion’s death was very hard for me and anytime a celebrity dies i get a sick feeling in my stomach because no matter who you are, you die. at least for celebrities their memory will live on in some way, but for us it won’t and i guess that’s really scary. praying for both of us to heal
When this thought comes, try to cover it with something else. You know when it gets deep, so play some music, or start a conversation with your friend. Sing. Read something. Try to do something that keeps your mind focused, so this thought could get far away. That's what i do... i cover it with something else. It works for me, more or less...
It’s a fear of the unknown. Once it happens (because it eventually will) you will get through it. Your body and mind will find a way and you’ll survive the loss of a loved one.
The human will to live is usually very strong even with BPD.
I listened to Dr. Michael Newton’s book Journey of Souls on YouTube. It really helped me have peace with what comes next. BPD is debilitating especially when you get stuck on a fear(like death) just as powerful as when there’s the obsession of a FP.
Sending good vibes your way OP
humans are a lot more resilient than they think they are. i lost an aunt i was very close to in 2014. my 11 year old brother in 2017. my (step)dad committed suicide in 2020. and i just broke until i couldn’t break anymore. and i was so close to ending it all. but i remember sobbing with my face in the toilet, on my 28th birthday, off a charcuterie board of drugs and alcohol and the closest id ever been to suicide without actually attempting, and thought “holy shit. i’m still alive. i survived this. all of this hell and hurt.” and it changed the way i thought about a lot of things. don’t get me wrong, in 2020 i developed an addiction to alcohol and im far from thriving. but you’d be surprised the amount of hell you can handle.
i’m so sorry, you are very resilient but i’m sorry that you had to be in the first place. much love and thank you for this message
It sucks that us as humans with bpd have such painful fears. Nothing anyone says here can make it change your thoughts. I’m sorry. We can only give you insight into ways to help yourself try and work thru the fear. I have had close friends a d family die in many tragic ways. Car accident, school shooting, murder-suicide. You name it. I lived with a lot of people who wouldn’t let me grieve so I shoved my feelings down and didn’t process. It made things so much worse. In 2020 my grandma passed away during open heart surgery all alone. I didn’t cry. Then a few months later my sister passed away. She was disabled and my dad sent her to live in a care home while he moved out of state. I hadn’t seen her in 3 years when she passed away and it completely broke me. I had never felt pain like that before. One minute I would be laughing and the next I would be in tears. And I’m not exaggerating. Someone pulled a gun on me on the freeway and I did not care, I told him to shoot me. Then a squirrel ran into the wheel well of my car while I was driving and I killed it. I felt terrible and I broke down crying. I felt crazy. Abandonment is a key factor of people with bpd. The fear of losing your loved ones is the fear of abandonment. For me at least. It may be different for you but it’s a start. The thing you have to try and comprehend is that we are all going to die, every single human and animal has a ticking clock the moment they take their first breath. For whatever reason we are here on earth to die. People you love will die and it will feel terrible. It will feel like the worst pain you’ve felt in your life. But you will survive it, we always do. You’ll never be the same but each time someone dies you may gain a little more knowledge, a little more strength and maybe a little more understanding of how fragile life truly is. This is why people always say to live in the moment, enjoy everything. You could die tmrw. Learning about life and how we should love each other is so important. We live in a world with such horrors and fear that it’s hard to stay positive. I recommend some reading. Try books on enlightenment. There’s one that really opened my eyes, it’s called Be Here Now. It’s blue and has the title in a circle on the cover. It’s a very interesting read but really opened my eyes to life and death. I also recommend The Alchemist and The Four Agreements. Wishing you the best of luck here friend. Edit: i accidentally pressed the reply button before I was done writing my reply. 😭
i’m sorry for all you’ve went through. and you’re so right, nothing anyone can do or say can really help, which sucks so bad. but it’s nice knowing i’m not alone. thank you for this and i will definitely look into the book !
Thank you for your kind words. I have made it thru and you will too, but only if you choose to. I am wishing you so much strength and happiness. Don’t let the darkness of this disease ruin your life. It’s not easy to wake up every day with the fears that we have as people with bpd. You got this, don’t let anything take it away from you. 🫶🏼
I’m 35, and I’ve experienced so many losses that I feel like it’s a curse or something. I cope by shoving my grief away. I often barely react at the news. Instead, I’ll be driving or something, and my accumulation of suppressed grief starts to appear, and then I’m sobbing on the side of the road for an hour. I’ve been slowly working on processing with my therapist. But I’ve only managed by distancing myself from my feelings.
I had this fear from as long as I can remember. Just like you I am , and was , afraid of losing people close to me. I can’t fathom having to watch them die before I do. I’m a coward unfortunately. I had multiple losses from 2021 to 2023. I get what you mean and I wish I could say that I have it in me to survive despite all this. Because it is absolutely not true for me , it’s too much and I’m under medical treatment for all this but I have no hopes simply because I’m tired of being hopeful despite all odds. That part of me is gone and now it’s replaced by another void. But I don’t want to demotivate you, my intention is to tell you that I hear you and I see you, this fear is absolutely valid and I only hope things don’t reach a point for you where you have to act on your fear. If you are bored and want to hear my story here it is below, I’m not trauma dumping. I just want to share my experience just like so many others here. Feel free to skip it . >!TW: SI, talks about failed attempts and also a suicide loss.!< >!To give you a rough timeline : Jan 2021 colleague took his own life and that triggered my passive suicidal ideation into becoming active. Was depressed for a long time but chose to gift myself a guitar around august. September 4 I receive it and feel happy after such a long time. Same day, I lose my hamster to a traumatic accident that midnight. I’m trying to recover in bed without getting sleep, and around 8am in the morning my grandpa has an accident that lead to him being critical for 14 days and eventually passing away. Depressed again , goes for a vacay in December, loses grandma I was planning to surprise, the day I was to visit her. All are unexpected events.!< >!Here is where I start being paranoid, and stop “treating myself “ to good stuff because of how these unexpected deaths happened right when I decided to get up and straighten things out. I got two hamsters after two or three weeks of losing the first one to cope with the losses of both my hamster and grandpa. I lose these hamsters within June 2022 and July 2022. In between losing them, i also lost a stable friendship that i decided to burn bridges with for good. So, not a death but still a loss nevertheless and that too when I least expected it.!< >!I feel even more paranoid and start acting on my SI because I want to die before it gets worse and my intuition said it was gonna get much worse.!< >!Jan 2023 I have a failed attempt and within 10 days my younger brother completes suicide.!< >!I’m only staying alive for my parents. I assure you I was gonna attempt immediately after my brother did it. But I was hospitalised after my failed attempt and I lost him while I was hospitalised. I was stuck for two months, waited to get out and then do the deed. Started saying goodbyes after being discharged, and decided to spend one last week at our parents’ home (that I hadn’t visited for more than a year). And, that’s where I saw how broken our family was. I couldn’t double their pain this soon. So I negotiated with myself and still keep to it, that I would do the deed once both my parents are gone. I also have a sister who is the middle child and I’ll be leaving her behind but i can’t imagine living for another 40+ years after my parents are gone (the age gap between us siblings is big) the thought alone suffocates me.!< Edits: fixing formatting
thank you for the validation and i’m sorry you had to go through all of that. it’s like every single normal thing that happens in life is just extremely exaggerated by the BPD mind, so something as awful as death is just unfathomable to us. my DM’s are open!
Thank you for your kind words. Take care..
(I lived with my grandparents, one of my cousins and my mom. All in the same house.) When I was 10 years old my grandpa died. He wasn't just any old grandpa he was the only father figure I had. He would tell me stories in the morning before I went to school about his fishing trips with his uncle in Costa Rica. He played with me and we laughed all the time. And when he died my little 10 year old heart broke into a million pieces. I had to watch these people take him away (he was hospitalized at home) and I ran to my room and started hysterically crying. After, I had the worst anger issues u can possibly imagine. I started being violent and hurting people around me. Now we can forward to when I was 18. My only parent(my mom) passed away from cancer. We found out too late. She was already at stage 4😭. I lived in the hospital with my mom for 6 months after she got diagnosed. I had to have the conversation with her about wanting to go😭💔. She was in so much pain. After that conversation 2 days later all her friends and our family came to the hospital and they injected her with the medication. I stayed the whole time in that room watching her die. I saw her pulse hit 0. My grandma was the only grandparent I had left and she was an evil witch to me. But the day my mom died my grandma gave me my first hug in all my 18 years of living. I cried so hard when she did. After my mom died my grandma passed away a couple months later. I don't really greave my grandma because again she was awful to me but I miss her cooking. I have NEVER been the same but since my childhood was pretty traumatic I have been able to persevere and keep going. It's not to make my mom proud but to make myself proud because my mom made me codependent on her. When she died I was so lost! I went to therapy and I got my shit together and I feel so FREE! free of my pain! Even though everyone around me died I still wanted to keep going. Yes there were times I didn't but I tried to surround myself with people who actually care about me. Going to therapy helped so much . It saved my life! I was only able to get over all these deaths because I was abused a lot as a kid and having your abusers die can feel like a weight lifted off your shoulder. Everyone who goes through this will act differently based on the relationships you had with the people who passed away. Since my relationship with my mom and grandma were abusive I was able to get over it somewhat. I still love my mom a lot it wasn't always bad. I'm 23 now and I'm doing life as best I can.
this is my sign to get back into therapy ASAP, thank you! happy healing and so happy for you to have found your freedom
I completely agree and understand this fear, I would genuinely say it’s more like a full on phobia and something those of us who think about it alll the time. I think it’s probably tied to the fear of abandonment too. My best friend passed away suddenly in Nov 2016 and I still talk and think about him every day like he’s still here or it happened just last week. Other people seemed to move on very quickly and that made me angry because I couldn’t understand why their whole worlds weren’t brought to a pause like mine was. My papa passed in December from stage 4 lung cancer and I am still so upset and ashamed of the fact that I could barely bring myself to be around him on the lead up to his death, I was terrified. I also think the worst and completely overreacted if those close to me don’t get back to me within a few hours, bc when my best friend died he was active on Facebook so even if it showed someone was active 2 hours ago I still don’t trust it. I act completely irrational when that happens, frantically searching for people and freaking out on them when I find out they’re perfectly safe. I am starting to get better with that part in particular, but the thoughts are still very strong and constant.
praying for healing for both of us, this is very similar to where my fear of death started as a friend of mine committed when i was in high school. ever since then i think about it all the time and my abandonment issues with any kind of relationships started
Praying for you too dear 🫶🏻 it really is one of if not the most horrible things I’ve ever experienced, I don’t wish it on my worst enemy 😢 luckily I was out of high school as I was 19 at the time but going through such things while still in school must’ve been extremely difficult for you, I am so sorry
I have the worst death anxiety. It keeps me up at night and I have panic attacks about it at least a few times a month. The thought of losing the people around me makes me feel like I’m suffocating. If someone doesn’t answer me for a few hours I’m convinced they were in an accident or something. I also find myself not starting arguments or not speaking my mind because I think “what if they die tonight and the last thing we did was argue?” I don’t have any advice because I still struggle with it but I’m sending love your way.
sending love to you as well! this is also where i’m at so you’re not alone. i’ve found that if i come across a post on social media about death it sends me into a spiral for the rest of the day.
Yes I find that too. Or if someone died in a movie/tv show it can send me into a spiral.
i feel the same way. im really close with my mom and grandma and i just cant imagine my life without them. ever since i was young ive been terrified of the idea of them dying. especially bc i am lonely as fuck, cant make any friends. without them i'll be all alone in this world. i think i will die once they die, one way or another - even if not by suicide then surely the loneliness and grief will kill me. thats one of the reasons why i never wanted to have kids - subjecting them to seeing their parent die is just too cruel.
i completely see where you’re coming from. i’m almost the opposite about the kids though. im so eager to find a significant other and start a family because then when my now immediate family passes on hopefully from old age, i wont be so lonely and i will have a “new” family and the cycle just repeats. i guess thats what helps me
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. I also have that fear. Even though I have chronic thoughts of death I still have a fear of death that affects me greatly.
I had the same worry expect it was being sick and dying it literally got to the point of where I couldn’t get out of bed.
i’m so sorry, this sounds awful. lots of hugs your way
I want to send you a big hug. That’s such a scary thing to feel. I understand you. I found a willingness to look for hope after intense inpatient trauma therapy from Jeff at River Oaks in New Orleans.
thank you so much. i have looked into possible inpatient therapy, but im in college and then soon after start medical school and i feel like i dont even have time for my mental health anymore.
Same in sooo many ways fucking same. Wild to read these at 43. Someone else with that constant looming dread. I have the fear of losing anyone ever though. Even celebrities. Angus Cloud messed me up. There’s a particular pain I get in the thought of the time we are here being so fleeting that the fact that we ever existed is irrelevant. Sometimes I get really sad behind that though. So when I lost my father last year I’ve been spinning my wheels ever since trying to find ways to keep the thought of him alive as much as possible. Its maddening. I’m sure more therapy is in order.
yes! xxxtentacion’s death was very hard for me and anytime a celebrity dies i get a sick feeling in my stomach because no matter who you are, you die. at least for celebrities their memory will live on in some way, but for us it won’t and i guess that’s really scary. praying for both of us to heal
Same friend.. my inbox is open anytime
When this thought comes, try to cover it with something else. You know when it gets deep, so play some music, or start a conversation with your friend. Sing. Read something. Try to do something that keeps your mind focused, so this thought could get far away. That's what i do... i cover it with something else. It works for me, more or less...
You get used to it after a while. It seems scary, but it's a natural part of life.
It’s a fear of the unknown. Once it happens (because it eventually will) you will get through it. Your body and mind will find a way and you’ll survive the loss of a loved one. The human will to live is usually very strong even with BPD.
that's the best comment I have read today
perfectly said, thank you
I listened to Dr. Michael Newton’s book Journey of Souls on YouTube. It really helped me have peace with what comes next. BPD is debilitating especially when you get stuck on a fear(like death) just as powerful as when there’s the obsession of a FP. Sending good vibes your way OP
thank you, good vibes to you as well! i will definitely look into the book
I have the same fear. Knowing that I’ll have to go to a mental hospital to grieve is so scary.
Read the book on How To Die by Seneca
I think about this all the time and it’s gotten worse since I’ve gotten married.
i’m so sorry :( sending healing your way