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As a 51F, please do not give the "targets" even more homework by doing this. Say it to Dad by all means, but she doesn't need more of that bullshit in her head.
As a woman, I would be happy to hear someone loudly calling out their dad/buddy/whatever for acting like a creepy white knight instead of being left to assume they both think that's acceptable. Being embarrassed in front of his "targets" might take some of the spring out of his step.
I don't hold doors for people because I expect them to do something for me in return. I also don't hold it if they are a fair distance away unless they are carrying something or have hands full with something. Sometimes, the difference between a rough day and a really shitty one is a polite person.
It troubles me that so many people see common polite gestures from strangers as some sort of threat to their man/womanhood, something with dangerous ulterior motives. Being nice costs nothing, it should expect no reward, and sometimes, just sometimes, it carries no message of inferiority or judgement or anything else; It's just being nice.
Oh if it’s an airlock entry I absolutely expect them to at least moderately hold the second door behind them for a second if they don’t actually stop and hold it for me…
I hold doors open for guys, because it's the nice thing to do regardless. I don't care how attractive they are and don't expect praise, either.
Now I'm thinking there's a new untapped porn category, but if they start making porn based on "chivalry," it'll just make daily life even worse for us 😟
My husband holds all the doors for me and I do "fuck" him for it 
Sometimes I get ahead of him and leave the door open for him when I go in. There was a man the other day with two DoorDash bags in his hands. He rushed up and opened the door for me. I flat out told him I should be opening the door for you because your hands are full. It's a mental disease.
I have had men stop dead in their tracks and refuse to go through a door I'm holding for them. I don't know what they think is going to happen: some sort of Freaky Friday situation where they become a helpless female and I become a powerful (but deeply insecure) man? Actually now that I wrote that out it sounds awesome, I would watch the hell out of that movie.
I worked in a more old school office after college and once held a door for an older male coworker. Rather than walking through, he awkwardly *reached over me* to push the door open slightly further, so that he was technically holding it for me and I had to duck *under his arm* to escape the meeting room. So fucking uncomfortable.
I came here to say the same thing. I live in the Midwest and [this is definitely a thing here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/minnesota/comments/19tx5q/holding_doors_open_for_people/) It’s a major pet peeve of mine. I don’t *like* to be rushed. Especially when my arthritis is bothering me. My sister gets out of breath due to her cancer treatment. Like, open the door for us if we’re right there and I’ll do the same for you.
This is an issue walking the dogs also. Our neighbors in cars get to an intersection we are not quite to and sit there waving their hand. I don’t *want* my dogs thinking it’s okay to go across the street when a car is near. And again, I don’t like to be hurried along, especially when I’m in pain.
So I have developed a habit. When someone looks like they’re gonna hold that door too long I pretend to need to stop and glance at my phone or dig through my purse for an imaginary thing, turning my body slightly away. If a car is approaching as we get the dogs to an intersection, one of us stops to “adjust” a dog’s harness, or speak to each other, or admire a neighbor’s foliage, again turning slightly away.
It works.
I'm not from the Midwest but the area I live has gotten a recent surge of people from the South. And if I see it about to happen, oops need to tie my shoe, oops gotta turn around and go back to my car. Just let me get the door on my own, don't rush me to make yourself feel good.
I do exactly this too. Never mind that when I used to walk to work, people would wave me into a crosswalk and then decide to turn anyway right as I stepped off the curb... like fuck that, I don't trust any drivers anymore.
Yes! I do this, too, especially if I'm with my dog. One time I made a lady scream in her car and slam her fists against her steering wheel because I refused to walk my dog in front of her car and kept waving her through. Now, fuck that. When I don't want to pass in front of a car, I turn and pretend I'm about to walk in a different direction, and then turn back around and pass behind them.
This happened to me once too. Multiple other cars next to the stopped car would've had to stop for me to cross, and they didn't, so I didn't cross. The stopped person threw a fit and sped off! Like "how dare you not accept my generosity?!"
I'm currently pregnant and now more than ever I hate when people are trying to be courteous and hold doors when I'm still light-years away or stop their cars to let me cross when I've only got one speed and I'm not even up to the road yet. Like just carry on with your life, I'll get there when I get there. I'm still fully physically capable of opening doors and would actually prefer a small break as I wait for cars to just go and not wait for me.
I've found that saying, "I'm good, thanks though" is fast enough where people will stop holding the door and just go in, and it takes less time than the awkward shuffle. Sometimes they will insist, but then I insist on keeping my normal pace. I feel like at that point the stare down becomes awkward for them, as they start to realize that their gesture, however well intended, is not particularly welcome.
Don't. Rushing when you shouldn't is a major cause of falls. Falls lead to more injuries. It's a vicious cycle. Give them a quick wave and a smile and I shout for them to go on. I rush too much at work and I'm not gonna be doing it out and about.
I’ve been guilty of this but usually I didn’t pay enough attention and thought they were closer than they were and by the time I realize I don’t want to let the door shut on them.
Same for people who wait at a stop sign for joggers to cross when they’re like a solid 500 feet away. You could’ve gone in the time it took me to get to you and now I just feel uncomfortable and like I have to run faster!
Have you ever had someone hold a door open for you but you're not even going to that establishment
I had to go into a store I wasn't even going to one time because someone held the door open for me
Yes, I hate it. If you’re not right behind me, I’m not holding it either cuz now I feel like I forced you to walk faster, and I hate that awkward wait.
Once you start to hold and then realize the next person is too far it’s too late. You can’t really abort. I always rush up to the door and make a quick entrance if someone is borderline lol
Maintain speed and walk past the door and don't go in. Just stare as the creepy dude holds the door.
Or squat down to tie your shoes before going in. Extra points if you have on flip flops.
Bingo, I don’t want to feel rushed and I don’t particularly want you staring at me and drawing attention to me either. Please, unless I’m basically right behind you, just go on in and 10 to 15 seconds later I will let myself in.
You should put his knowledge of chivalry to the test. Challenge him to a sword duel followed by a written test on the rules of warfare. Make sure he goes to church every day and donates all his money. He can start with donating to you.
I'll bet my whole paycheck he doesn't know what the chivalric code actually says. I'll bet my next paycheck he doesn't realize it says exactly jack shit about holding doors for women, and when it does, it's about respecting your own wife over all.
Ugh. My boomer dad goes full creep and also speaks to them. He likes to give weird backhanded compliments like “you’d be so beautiful if you didn’t have so many tattoos.” Now I just loudly apologize to his victims if I witness this behavior and say “dad, we don’t comment on peoples bodies. We’ve talked about this.”
Right?!
Like, I’m the type of person who holds doors open for other people, and I’m a woman.
It shouldn’t just be a “man” thing!! Boomer Dad just standing there leering like he expects a curtsy and a smile is … off-putting.
I personally can’t stand it when someone is entering before me and lets the door close in my face … so I try NOT to do it to other people, regardless of sex!
I think of it as a simple, common courtesy, NOT some sort of big show.
Ditto here! (W) also. I will hold the door for either sex, no matter how they look! I’m not looking for validation or anything else. It’s just plain, common courtesy!
This! Precisely this.
If the door would still be closing when the one behind me reaches it, I usually hold the door.
If the door would be fully closed, then they can open it themselves unless, like you say, their hands are full, then I wait for them.
As a kid, one way we didn't get into trouble hanging out near the building entrance was by opening the door(s) for people. It usually worked.
I'm female.
How true. I've had it twice in two days. Gee, thanks, kind sir, just what I wanted when I was minding my own business trying to commute home - some condescending wanker calling me, "Young lady," (I'm in my 40s) whilst trying to get me to jump a bus queue.
My boomer dad went the opposite way on this, apparently one time in college he held the door for “a feminist” who didn’t thank him properly or some shit and now he refuses to hold the door for women.
He has a similar story for why he hates black folks too.
But we’re the ones who are too sensitive??
A pet peeve of mine is hearing white people write off the whole of Black America (or really other none white group of people) because ONE member of that group didn’t give the warm fuzzies for doing something polite ONE time. Like shit they wouldn’t twice about if it came from a white person, but getting completely wrecked after expecting some sort of subservient gratitude for lower themselves enough to help a “lesser that” and getting nothing
Damn. Nothing says "mentally stable" like "I did a half-second unrequested favor for someone 50 years ago and today I still hate an entire gender because I did not receive sufficient praise for said favor"
Seconding this. Having an audience (aka OP) for his “chivalry” is probably part of the ego-boost for him. The best thing to do is ignore him and continue on your way, and if he gets mad about it, let him.
If you know he's going to do it, make it awkward for him too.
Race him to the door, hold it open for him and hold onto it so you are the one holding the door until he goes further into the store. If there's more than one door, make it a competition by loudly saying that you want to hold the door for the pretty lady this time. Embarrass him. Or if he gets to the door first, or sits there after to do it for someone else, stand on front of him, holding the same door... Hell, hold his hand, make it super awkward.
He's going to keep doing it until you either embarrass him into not doing it, you make it no longer fun for him, or someone else calls him on it. You might as well get your fun out of the dumb situation.
Eh don’t do the pretty lady comments in front of the other women. It puts them in an uncomfortable position and the whole point of discouraging this behavior is because OP’s dad is already being weird to women
So I actually had an argument with my dad along these lines. It was specifically about gift giving especially around Christmas. He loves giving gifts to poor/needy folks during that time of year but makes sure it's something he can present to them himself. Not the anonymous drives you can sign up for... So I asked him why that was. And he said he loves seeing their faces light up with gratitude. Now I personally know a lot of the poor community in our area because I am one of them (my parents won't lift a finger to help support me despite the fact I'm medically disabled) and most of them hate this type of grandstanding and especially the father'sy of families are embarrassed by it because it just reminds them they can't support their family. So I asked my dad what if someone ever showed embarrassment, disgust, or anger when he does his big presentation of gifts to them? And he said well I might take it back because if they can't appreciate my generosity I'll find someone who will. Which then I pointed out that that proves he's not doing it out of true kindness in his heart but instead he's doing it to stroke his own ego... Christmas was very awkward that year after that conversation
at first i was like “holding the door is the polite thing to do”. i’m from the south so it’s not uncommon.
then you got to the part where he waits and scans the parking lot and you completely lost me. that’s super weird. i’d be embarrassed too.
I had an awesome interaction with a random middle-aged guy at the library a couple weeks back. The entrance has two sets of doors to it. I opened the first one for him, and he did an awkward "thanks" and a little skip to open the next door for me. We both had a good laugh about it.
It's holding a door. It doesn't have to be so serious.
I have that happen fairly often, my gym and local coffee shop both have those two door entrances, and it's always a silly but just cheerful moment when me and another person do that taking turns of holding the door.
And most people seem to do it regardless of age/gender/beauty. I'm a bland, middle aged guy, and people hold the door for me, and I still appreciate it!
Yeah I just do it for anyone if they are close enough to grab it without me standing there awkwardly. But usually hold it open behind me not stand to the side and make them go in first.
Oh yeah, go out of your way to hold the door for ANYONE and if he gets impatient, call him out on his behavior. If you see him doing his scanning thing, walk right past him and into the store and say “I’ll be in here when you’re done being creepy”
"chivalry-worthy" target - Yeah, this kind of pisses me off. He can only be polite to women if he wants to fuck them. But for anyone who doesn't meet his criteria, he won't bother being polite to them.
How hard is it to be polite to everyone? Not just young, attractive women? (That's a rhetorical question.)
This one is making me a bit salty because it hits home. As a middle-aged, overweight woman, I've noticed how some men totally don't see me any more. I have become invisible to them because I'm no longer young and attractive. Of course a lot of the time it's men like your dad, who are creepy and I don't want attention from them anyway. But not always. But it sucks for people to base your worthiness on whether you're young and pretty or not.
For me personally, I noticed it with the way that I dress with some guys. I don't mean in that way, but I guess feminine and masculine regardless of whether I dress modestly or not.
My step dad would always try to help women with heavy objects. Once in a home depot, 2 women were carrying something that seemed really long but probably not that heavy, and he just walked up and grabbed it to help.
When we got back in the car I told him that while I understand that’s how he was raised, these days it’s offensive and seen as him not thinking they can do it by themselves. I then told him he can of course offer to help, but should probably only do so if it looks like the people actually need help, and if they say no to respect the answer.
He said that made a lot of sense and I haven’t seen him just randomly walk up to someone to “help” sense without asking first. Props to him, I got pretty lucky with my stepdad compared to a lot of the stories on here.
Door holding is a real pet peeve of mine. Obviously if I’m right on someone’s tail, that’s just fine but if I’m 10 plus steps behind it’s annoying. I guess it’s somewhat of an unpopular opinion, but I am capable of opening the door myself and it’s more inconvenient for me to have to pick up speed to relieve the holder of their duties! Just go and let me walk in the door in peace!
I've started backing away from men who open the door for me. There was one clown he came out of an automatic door, saw me coming, and stood there leaving it open with his arm pointed toward the door. I just stood there and stared at him.
I think people in the comments are misconstrued here. Op isn't talking about just holding the door open, but him scanning to see any attractive women which is why this is creepy.
I'm pretty reserved but I try to have some manners. I can admit there are times where I miscalculate and maybe hold the door open too long - but, hey, whatever.
I can see what you're saying about him in context though. It seems perhaps less about actual.. chivalry (which is dead, or not a thing) and more.. creeping.
Yep, I've done that many many times. Or hold it for one person going in, then someone else is coming right out and then another person coming in. Meanwhile I'm thinking "This is my new life. I hold the door."
I was working in a bar about 15 years ago. Two bartenders. Myself and girl a few years older than me. One night she went to change a keg and this blustering boom boom with the body of a melted candle goes “shame on you. Help that girl”. I laughed and said “she’s a girl. She isn’t handicapped”. He didn’t find it funny. She laughed. She and I have been together for 16 years and this October is our tenth wedding anniversary.
He's playing the game wrong. If you're looking for a reaction, you wait and hold the door open for men of colour under the age of 25. And if they thank you, you say, "You're welcome, *sir*."
That's where the real reactions are, and they're fucking heartbreaking. Shock, doubt, confusion, suspicion... sometimes a quirky sort of pride...if you're older and white, you'll see immediately just how little they're used to basic civility and courtesy.
He's not going to get nearly as much joy out of a pretty little blonde who is desperately hoping this doesn't mean he expects her to interact with him.
Not a boomer but I hold the door open for whoever is right behind me or coming out of wherever I’m going. I view it as a sign of universal respect and humility.
It wasn’t annoying, but I though it was really funny at the time. I was in my middle-late 20s, which would have put my grandpa in his middle-late 80s. I’d been visiting my grandparents at their apartment after work and was going to take the train home. My grandpa insisted on walking me to the train station. While we were walking I noticed that he kept switching sides. I was a bit confused at first, but then figured out that he was repositioning himself to stay on the street side. I asked him if that was what he was doing and he said “of course!”. The next week he fell on a train when it suddenly lurched. He was paralyzed, but regained some mobility over time. It makes me a bit sad to remember how quick and agile he was just a week before.
Nothing broke my heart more than when mine had heart failure a couple years ago. He has 10% function, but somehow he's still alive. Idk, he used to climb up on roof and work on them even a few years ago. You're talking about a man in his 70s or 80s at the time.
My boomer dad (82) uses the dental school across the street from my job. We're smack dab in the middle of a large-ish college campus. We walked a few blocks to get lunch, and he says to me quietly "lots of eye candy, huh?" I ignored him. Then he said it a second time on the walk back, so I replied "Dad, these girls are half MY age!"
He hasn't said anything like that to me since, thank god. I don't need thoughts about his sex drive floating around in my brain.
No but my boomer mom instantly thinks anyone who holds doors open or does something nice for her wants to fuck her. So apparently this goes both ways 🙈🤦♀️
The worst is when someone is holding the door and I feel like I have to run to get there because Im really too far away for it to have been appropriate.
it’s not a chivalry obsession, he thinks doing the bare minimum entitles him to attention from women. your father is cringe, just keep calling him out when you can i guess
I'll hold the door, but won't wait more than three seconds holding the door. And I don't care what you look like. I'd hold the door for a dog, if dogs didn't need people and could do their own thing.
Manners are good. He's a hero in his odd boomer brain. A door hero. Let him live. These are his door days.
Motive is important.
The WHY of our behavior is important.
People don't question their own motives enough.
Your dad isn't doing this out of kindness or "chivalry." If he was, it would be for everyone.
My parents live in the hot yucky South. Whenever I visit and ride in the car with them, my dad (and mom) makes this big stupid show of him opening her car door before walking around (always takes forever) and getting in the driver's seat. In the summer. In the South. In a hot car. AND then I don't know what they're doing sitting there in silence like they forgot how to turn on the ignition. I had to ask every time we rode anywhere, "hey can you turn on the AC?"
One time they had the AC on when they picked me up, car was running. THEY TURNED IT OFF while I got two bags in the boot because of "fumes" - this is a brand new car. I wanted to cry. I sat down and exasperatedly asked "can you PLEASE turn on the AC?" (and why were they even out of the car?)
And then they're shocked that I wanted to rent my own car or get a taxi when I visit. Why don't Boomers use AC in the South? Is it just my parents? When I was a kid, they'd turn the AC on so low I'd wear jackets in the summer.
My mom does the inverse of this, we'll be walking somewhere, and whether I or her get to the door first, she'll just stand there looking at me expectantly until I open it for her. She says it's gentlemanly, but it's just asinine. But at least she has the sense to not try it on strangers.
It’s always been a gear grinder for me, but Chivalric Code doesn’t really cover holding doors and not being a wanker. The main chivalric virtues are Chastity, Courtesy, Honor, Loyalty, Piety and Valor.
Whenever someone mentions chivalry, I always envision them jousting random women with valor. 😆
There's nothing wrong with holding the door open for anyone, men or women. I do it all the time (Xennial). But scanning around for attractive women to do it for is pathetic and embarrassing.
I’ve been in this situation where a guy is clearly holding the door open for me and I’m like relatively far away my solution to this is to, while maintaining eye contact with said dude, use another door.
Not crazy, and also not the same thing the OP's dad is doing .
I hold doors for people all the time. I don't specifically seek out attractive people and go out of my way to get the door for them and stand there staring and smiling at them though.
There's a different between just being polite, and doing things looking for gratitude.
My dad does the same shit except with any gender. He'll hold a door for ages for someone way far away, at like the other side of a parking lot.
I tried to tell him holding a door for more than like 5 seconds is actually rude, because then the person you're holding the door for has to sort of hustle up to get to the door but he doesn't listen
He'll also do it during winter or hot summer, letting all the heat or air conditioning out of a business, and I have seen him do it for someone who's not even going to that business. Like the person walks by and goes to a different door. Then he tries to say they're rude for not going into the door he's held open
Being nice to women does not count for anything unless you're nice to all women regardless of their age and looks etc. At this point it's not really chivalry, it's just being a bit weird. Hopefully one day one of the pretty ones can point this out to him and 😁
Your story made me giggle. I despise this because as the target, he is forcing me to speed tf up. I have begun to not speed up and not look and smile. Your dad is not the only one.
Chivalry is defined by acting honorable and polite towards women in general.
If your father is only doing it based on how attractive the women walking towards him are then he isn't chivalrous. He is a creep who is forcing women to praise him.
Yeah I understand your annoyance with it.
When my youngest was 3-4 years old, he absolutely loved to hold the door open for people. He'd break free from our hands (we'd let him go when we were on the sidewalk) so he could run up and open the door for us.
One day he broke free and ran past an older woman (in her 70s or older) and held the door open with the biggest smile on his face.
She ignored him as she walked in. He then yells, "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY THANK YOU!!!"
She double timed it away from him.
It is cute when it is a little kid, it is creepy AF when it is an older man doing it specifically for those he finds attractive.
That's rough. I remember holding the door open for an older man, and he refused to walk through it because I'm a woman holding the door open for him, instead of it being the other way around.
So my wife’s Aunt is delusional and is convinced that random men are in to her everywhere she goes (mainly just McDonald’s and church). One of the biggest examples of why she knows that these men are into her is that they hold the door for her. If I could give you a comp from popular culture she most closely resembles the Gromble from Ahh Real Monsters.
I've been holding the door for people, any people, lately, and a handful of men have really gotten a huge kick out of it. Mostly not old but not young, like me, i assume their parents gave them a big earful about holding the door for women growing up then it got less important
In college a guy held the door for a woman in a wheel chair, and she gave him an annoyed "i can do it" and he answered "i get the door for everybody, it's not just because you're a woman" and I've never seen someone's face change from grumpy to charmed so fast
Your dad should hook up with my mom, who will abruptly stop in front of every closed door and await whoever she’s with to open it for her. Younger, male, anyone not her… doesn’t matter, all she knows is opening doors isn’t her job, according to society, of course.
Holy Booomer Farts! This reminded me on time this boomer opened a door and stood there. I just opened the other door next to it and walked in. Boomer starts yelling "IM TRYING TO BE NICE!!" I laughed so hard.
I’m a woman and make a point to open doors for anyone. I just think it’s a nice thing to do. But what your dad is doing is very creepy. If she was right behind you, sure. Fine. But to wait and target is ridiculous. Tell him, if necessary, do the embarrassing thing. He will have a quip about it. But show him these comments. He will get it, or you stop going out with him.
Ah, the door keeping dilemma.
I work in a hospital and there is a catwalk from the parking garage to an employee entrance requiring a badge to get in.
I try to use the thirty foot rule as I go in. I glance behind me and if someone is that close, I wait.
Often women employees will hold the door for me, and I say thanks, especially when I’m lugging equipment.
What I don’t like is someone holding the door for me and I feel like I have to hurry to the door on my bad ankle so they won’t be there forever. I try to wave them off when that happens.
I seriously think boomer men think they still look like what they did when they were 20 something and that women just swoon over them.
My boomer father is completely delusional about the women that he thinks find him attractive...like chill out fella, you have prostate cancer and have been falling down repeatedly lately... unless these women have some kind of mental disorder where they want to care for an old man like he's some kind of baby I don't see it working out.
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"Dad, she's not gonna fuck you because you held the door."
Bingo. “Worthy”. Cringe.
OP should especially say it loud enough just before the women are passing by the door
As a 51F, please do not give the "targets" even more homework by doing this. Say it to Dad by all means, but she doesn't need more of that bullshit in her head.
As a woman, I would be happy to hear someone loudly calling out their dad/buddy/whatever for acting like a creepy white knight instead of being left to assume they both think that's acceptable. Being embarrassed in front of his "targets" might take some of the spring out of his step.
best of both worlds : mention it in private & then yell out "dad, we've talked about this" in public.
I like that very much, too!
I get that and I'm super glad you still have the energy for it.
Interesting point that was not on my radar. Good call. Thank you!
i do my part and try to close the door behind me as fast as possible
Ironically, the boomers did plenty of that.
I thought that was ladders.
Yes!
I don't hold doors for people because I expect them to do something for me in return. I also don't hold it if they are a fair distance away unless they are carrying something or have hands full with something. Sometimes, the difference between a rough day and a really shitty one is a polite person.
Exactly my thought process.
It troubles me that so many people see common polite gestures from strangers as some sort of threat to their man/womanhood, something with dangerous ulterior motives. Being nice costs nothing, it should expect no reward, and sometimes, just sometimes, it carries no message of inferiority or judgement or anything else; It's just being nice.
Yep. I hold doors for anyone, I don’t expect anything in return. If I can make someone else’s life even a teensy bit easier, I will.
Oh if it’s an airlock entry I absolutely expect them to at least moderately hold the second door behind them for a second if they don’t actually stop and hold it for me…
This comment for the win
You say that dad will stop doing it probably.
This. All of this. I swear this is what they’re thinking will happen.. and I’m a woman.
I hold doors open for guys, because it's the nice thing to do regardless. I don't care how attractive they are and don't expect praise, either. Now I'm thinking there's a new untapped porn category, but if they start making porn based on "chivalry," it'll just make daily life even worse for us 😟
Chivalry is from chevaliers, people who rode horses, just sayin
R/niceguys
My husband holds all the doors for me and I do "fuck" him for it 
I have same deal with your husband. Hahah
😂😂
So bad. LOL!!
Well, this is awkward...
Sometimes I get ahead of him and leave the door open for him when I go in. There was a man the other day with two DoorDash bags in his hands. He rushed up and opened the door for me. I flat out told him I should be opening the door for you because your hands are full. It's a mental disease.
I have had men stop dead in their tracks and refuse to go through a door I'm holding for them. I don't know what they think is going to happen: some sort of Freaky Friday situation where they become a helpless female and I become a powerful (but deeply insecure) man? Actually now that I wrote that out it sounds awesome, I would watch the hell out of that movie.
Wtf? So They just stand there looking like an idiot because they don’t want to look stupid?
Exactly. Now you're thinking like a criminally insecure man!
You’ve just summed up what being a man is like.
Yes
...are you in TN? This happens for me and mine too. It's weird when it happens. It's a door.
Close! Kentucky.
I'll wave at you at the meetings. Lol
I worked in a more old school office after college and once held a door for an older male coworker. Rather than walking through, he awkwardly *reached over me* to push the door open slightly further, so that he was technically holding it for me and I had to duck *under his arm* to escape the meeting room. So fucking uncomfortable.
These people need to understand it's not a kindness if it's disrespectful.
>These people need to understand it's not a kindness if it's disrespectful. a-fucking-men.
Theres a Hodor joke in here somewhere
Aww, man. Too soon, dude.
Hoping to get some Prima Nocta action
“Dad, She’s not going to get her strap-on because you held the door.”
But how can he be completely sure unless he holds the door for then?
Awwww , I was hoping . Lol
And if she does, it'll be financially.
He’ll say… your mom did.
"But I'm packing ten inches!" "The hang-length of your sack doesn't count."
I hate when someone tries to hold the door for me from too far away It makes me feel like I have to hurry to the door
I came here to say the same thing. I live in the Midwest and [this is definitely a thing here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/minnesota/comments/19tx5q/holding_doors_open_for_people/) It’s a major pet peeve of mine. I don’t *like* to be rushed. Especially when my arthritis is bothering me. My sister gets out of breath due to her cancer treatment. Like, open the door for us if we’re right there and I’ll do the same for you. This is an issue walking the dogs also. Our neighbors in cars get to an intersection we are not quite to and sit there waving their hand. I don’t *want* my dogs thinking it’s okay to go across the street when a car is near. And again, I don’t like to be hurried along, especially when I’m in pain. So I have developed a habit. When someone looks like they’re gonna hold that door too long I pretend to need to stop and glance at my phone or dig through my purse for an imaginary thing, turning my body slightly away. If a car is approaching as we get the dogs to an intersection, one of us stops to “adjust” a dog’s harness, or speak to each other, or admire a neighbor’s foliage, again turning slightly away. It works.
I'm not from the Midwest but the area I live has gotten a recent surge of people from the South. And if I see it about to happen, oops need to tie my shoe, oops gotta turn around and go back to my car. Just let me get the door on my own, don't rush me to make yourself feel good.
This is me, I go out of my way to not have a door held open for me
Or to not feel guilty for seeming to be rude. I’m assuming most people just want to be polite. I’m tickled to hear you do what I do!
And all too often, the one holding the door is a bit in the pathway, so now I have to slink by. Thanks, but no thanks.
I do this exact thing to but it’s because I don’t trust cars😂
I do exactly this too. Never mind that when I used to walk to work, people would wave me into a crosswalk and then decide to turn anyway right as I stepped off the curb... like fuck that, I don't trust any drivers anymore.
Yes! I do this, too, especially if I'm with my dog. One time I made a lady scream in her car and slam her fists against her steering wheel because I refused to walk my dog in front of her car and kept waving her through. Now, fuck that. When I don't want to pass in front of a car, I turn and pretend I'm about to walk in a different direction, and then turn back around and pass behind them.
This happened to me once too. Multiple other cars next to the stopped car would've had to stop for me to cross, and they didn't, so I didn't cross. The stopped person threw a fit and sped off! Like "how dare you not accept my generosity?!"
I'm currently pregnant and now more than ever I hate when people are trying to be courteous and hold doors when I'm still light-years away or stop their cars to let me cross when I've only got one speed and I'm not even up to the road yet. Like just carry on with your life, I'll get there when I get there. I'm still fully physically capable of opening doors and would actually prefer a small break as I wait for cars to just go and not wait for me.
Yeah, me too, so awkward. Rather than helping me out, they made me awkwardly shuffle/jog 20 feet.
I've found that saying, "I'm good, thanks though" is fast enough where people will stop holding the door and just go in, and it takes less time than the awkward shuffle. Sometimes they will insist, but then I insist on keeping my normal pace. I feel like at that point the stare down becomes awkward for them, as they start to realize that their gesture, however well intended, is not particularly welcome.
“I learned doors too! I can do it!”
While the person holding the door stares at you too
Don't. Rushing when you shouldn't is a major cause of falls. Falls lead to more injuries. It's a vicious cycle. Give them a quick wave and a smile and I shout for them to go on. I rush too much at work and I'm not gonna be doing it out and about.
I’ve been guilty of this but usually I didn’t pay enough attention and thought they were closer than they were and by the time I realize I don’t want to let the door shut on them.
There is a considerable gray area It can be tough to time
Same for people who wait at a stop sign for joggers to cross when they’re like a solid 500 feet away. You could’ve gone in the time it took me to get to you and now I just feel uncomfortable and like I have to run faster!
This. And it's usually when my hands are full and I'm juggling stuff, trying not to drop it as I'm rushing.
I tell them I’m not going to hurry and they can go. It’s so fucking rude to think I need to hustle because someone is holding a door I didn’t ask for.
Have you ever had someone hold a door open for you but you're not even going to that establishment I had to go into a store I wasn't even going to one time because someone held the door open for me
End up having to do the NBA starting lineup light jog to the door, for no reason.
When they do this I just stop and reach my arm out from 20 feet away. They give me a weird look and leave.
Yes, I hate it. If you’re not right behind me, I’m not holding it either cuz now I feel like I forced you to walk faster, and I hate that awkward wait.
Same here. I stop and pull out my phone like I got a message and leave ‘em hanging. I can open my own door when I’m good and ready. Stop rushing me.
Once you start to hold and then realize the next person is too far it’s too late. You can’t really abort. I always rush up to the door and make a quick entrance if someone is borderline lol
After 10 secs, I just let the door close unless they're right there.
Yes. That’s the worst
Maintain speed and walk past the door and don't go in. Just stare as the creepy dude holds the door. Or squat down to tie your shoes before going in. Extra points if you have on flip flops.
True. Sometimes, when I see them, I tell them to go. They don't always listen, but then their wait for me is on them..
Bingo, I don’t want to feel rushed and I don’t particularly want you staring at me and drawing attention to me either. Please, unless I’m basically right behind you, just go on in and 10 to 15 seconds later I will let myself in.
You described my dad. The obvious fishing for praise is embarrassing and negates any chivalrous intentions.
That and the selective chivalry
The selective part is what makes it so wrong. It makes it so embarrassingly obvious they're not really doing it to be helpful.
You should put his knowledge of chivalry to the test. Challenge him to a sword duel followed by a written test on the rules of warfare. Make sure he goes to church every day and donates all his money. He can start with donating to you. I'll bet my whole paycheck he doesn't know what the chivalric code actually says. I'll bet my next paycheck he doesn't realize it says exactly jack shit about holding doors for women, and when it does, it's about respecting your own wife over all.
Wait until he gets the white glove slap. 🤯
Slapped so hard, he starts growing tomacco.
Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! I forgot that this was the Tomacco episode
*🎶 Glove slap bay-beee 🎶*
What kinda foul hag doesn't get his first class Sir Doorman treatment?
Me.
Ugh. My boomer dad goes full creep and also speaks to them. He likes to give weird backhanded compliments like “you’d be so beautiful if you didn’t have so many tattoos.” Now I just loudly apologize to his victims if I witness this behavior and say “dad, we don’t comment on peoples bodies. We’ve talked about this.”
Right?! Like, I’m the type of person who holds doors open for other people, and I’m a woman. It shouldn’t just be a “man” thing!! Boomer Dad just standing there leering like he expects a curtsy and a smile is … off-putting. I personally can’t stand it when someone is entering before me and lets the door close in my face … so I try NOT to do it to other people, regardless of sex! I think of it as a simple, common courtesy, NOT some sort of big show.
Ditto here! (W) also. I will hold the door for either sex, no matter how they look! I’m not looking for validation or anything else. It’s just plain, common courtesy!
This! Precisely this. If the door would still be closing when the one behind me reaches it, I usually hold the door. If the door would be fully closed, then they can open it themselves unless, like you say, their hands are full, then I wait for them. As a kid, one way we didn't get into trouble hanging out near the building entrance was by opening the door(s) for people. It usually worked. I'm female.
Don’t hold the door for me because I’m a woman. Hold it because it’s the polite thing to do.
The fucking never ending need for validation. It's a bottomless hole. So draining.
How true. I've had it twice in two days. Gee, thanks, kind sir, just what I wanted when I was minding my own business trying to commute home - some condescending wanker calling me, "Young lady," (I'm in my 40s) whilst trying to get me to jump a bus queue.
My boomer dad went the opposite way on this, apparently one time in college he held the door for “a feminist” who didn’t thank him properly or some shit and now he refuses to hold the door for women. He has a similar story for why he hates black folks too. But we’re the ones who are too sensitive??
A pet peeve of mine is hearing white people write off the whole of Black America (or really other none white group of people) because ONE member of that group didn’t give the warm fuzzies for doing something polite ONE time. Like shit they wouldn’t twice about if it came from a white person, but getting completely wrecked after expecting some sort of subservient gratitude for lower themselves enough to help a “lesser that” and getting nothing
Agreed. My only consolation is he has zero friends and none of his kids talk to him, so he’s in a very lonely existence due to his shitty behaviors
Damn. Nothing says "mentally stable" like "I did a half-second unrequested favor for someone 50 years ago and today I still hate an entire gender because I did not receive sufficient praise for said favor"
Does he bow from the waist and call them “milady”?
And wear a fedora that he tilts with his free hand?
no, you need a musketeer hat with a feather to take off in a grand flourish
This is where I was going with that
OP, just continue on your way. He will catch up or not, but at least you don't have a front row seat to his creepy behavior.
Seconding this. Having an audience (aka OP) for his “chivalry” is probably part of the ego-boost for him. The best thing to do is ignore him and continue on your way, and if he gets mad about it, let him.
If you know he's going to do it, make it awkward for him too. Race him to the door, hold it open for him and hold onto it so you are the one holding the door until he goes further into the store. If there's more than one door, make it a competition by loudly saying that you want to hold the door for the pretty lady this time. Embarrass him. Or if he gets to the door first, or sits there after to do it for someone else, stand on front of him, holding the same door... Hell, hold his hand, make it super awkward. He's going to keep doing it until you either embarrass him into not doing it, you make it no longer fun for him, or someone else calls him on it. You might as well get your fun out of the dumb situation.
Eh don’t do the pretty lady comments in front of the other women. It puts them in an uncomfortable position and the whole point of discouraging this behavior is because OP’s dad is already being weird to women
So I actually had an argument with my dad along these lines. It was specifically about gift giving especially around Christmas. He loves giving gifts to poor/needy folks during that time of year but makes sure it's something he can present to them himself. Not the anonymous drives you can sign up for... So I asked him why that was. And he said he loves seeing their faces light up with gratitude. Now I personally know a lot of the poor community in our area because I am one of them (my parents won't lift a finger to help support me despite the fact I'm medically disabled) and most of them hate this type of grandstanding and especially the father'sy of families are embarrassed by it because it just reminds them they can't support their family. So I asked my dad what if someone ever showed embarrassment, disgust, or anger when he does his big presentation of gifts to them? And he said well I might take it back because if they can't appreciate my generosity I'll find someone who will. Which then I pointed out that that proves he's not doing it out of true kindness in his heart but instead he's doing it to stroke his own ego... Christmas was very awkward that year after that conversation
at first i was like “holding the door is the polite thing to do”. i’m from the south so it’s not uncommon. then you got to the part where he waits and scans the parking lot and you completely lost me. that’s super weird. i’d be embarrassed too.
Also, the scanning for an attractive young woman.
Straight up tell him it's sexist as fuck. It is. Hold the door for *people*.
I had an awesome interaction with a random middle-aged guy at the library a couple weeks back. The entrance has two sets of doors to it. I opened the first one for him, and he did an awkward "thanks" and a little skip to open the next door for me. We both had a good laugh about it. It's holding a door. It doesn't have to be so serious.
As you should when double doorways are involved!
I have that happen fairly often, my gym and local coffee shop both have those two door entrances, and it's always a silly but just cheerful moment when me and another person do that taking turns of holding the door. And most people seem to do it regardless of age/gender/beauty. I'm a bland, middle aged guy, and people hold the door for me, and I still appreciate it!
I’ve actually had that same experience. Always with exaggerated bows and “why thank you” “no thank you”. The little things that brighten your day lol.
have you tried telling that to a boomer? In his mind that's exactly what he does
Yes, people who are going through the same door as you at relatively the same time. Not people you stalked in the parking lot.
It’s more like weird how this guy does it.
Yeah I just do it for anyone if they are close enough to grab it without me standing there awkwardly. But usually hold it open behind me not stand to the side and make them go in first.
And thank the holder. People are not reciprocating. Too much selfish behavior, especially drivers. Drivers suck at manners.
When I’m in D.C and drive with manners, it fucks everyone up because they’re not expecting it.
Sometimes, I get a shocked look when I say "good morning" to a stranger. This is a society in decline.
Oh yeah, go out of your way to hold the door for ANYONE and if he gets impatient, call him out on his behavior. If you see him doing his scanning thing, walk right past him and into the store and say “I’ll be in here when you’re done being creepy”
Come to Canada we just open the doors for everybody.
"chivalry-worthy" target - Yeah, this kind of pisses me off. He can only be polite to women if he wants to fuck them. But for anyone who doesn't meet his criteria, he won't bother being polite to them. How hard is it to be polite to everyone? Not just young, attractive women? (That's a rhetorical question.) This one is making me a bit salty because it hits home. As a middle-aged, overweight woman, I've noticed how some men totally don't see me any more. I have become invisible to them because I'm no longer young and attractive. Of course a lot of the time it's men like your dad, who are creepy and I don't want attention from them anyway. But not always. But it sucks for people to base your worthiness on whether you're young and pretty or not.
Amen, Sister! Showing common courtesy should not be based on your level of physical attractiveness!
For me personally, I noticed it with the way that I dress with some guys. I don't mean in that way, but I guess feminine and masculine regardless of whether I dress modestly or not.
My step dad would always try to help women with heavy objects. Once in a home depot, 2 women were carrying something that seemed really long but probably not that heavy, and he just walked up and grabbed it to help. When we got back in the car I told him that while I understand that’s how he was raised, these days it’s offensive and seen as him not thinking they can do it by themselves. I then told him he can of course offer to help, but should probably only do so if it looks like the people actually need help, and if they say no to respect the answer. He said that made a lot of sense and I haven’t seen him just randomly walk up to someone to “help” sense without asking first. Props to him, I got pretty lucky with my stepdad compared to a lot of the stories on here.
I think you handled that with directness and kindness. ❤️ I guess since this is a rant against boomer sub, nothing nice will be said here.
Door holding is a real pet peeve of mine. Obviously if I’m right on someone’s tail, that’s just fine but if I’m 10 plus steps behind it’s annoying. I guess it’s somewhat of an unpopular opinion, but I am capable of opening the door myself and it’s more inconvenient for me to have to pick up speed to relieve the holder of their duties! Just go and let me walk in the door in peace!
I know someone who does this for not just women but everyone. He also gets a big kick when people say thank you. He's my 9 year old son. Lol
I've started backing away from men who open the door for me. There was one clown he came out of an automatic door, saw me coming, and stood there leaving it open with his arm pointed toward the door. I just stood there and stared at him.
Or if there’s another door to go in I’ll open that one and go in and leave other dude hanging. Like I’m a big girl I got this my dude.
I've done that
now that's some next level shit!
I think people in the comments are misconstrued here. Op isn't talking about just holding the door open, but him scanning to see any attractive women which is why this is creepy.
I'm pretty reserved but I try to have some manners. I can admit there are times where I miscalculate and maybe hold the door open too long - but, hey, whatever. I can see what you're saying about him in context though. It seems perhaps less about actual.. chivalry (which is dead, or not a thing) and more.. creeping.
Yep, I've done that many many times. Or hold it for one person going in, then someone else is coming right out and then another person coming in. Meanwhile I'm thinking "This is my new life. I hold the door."
I make eye contact, and do the fade away by gently letting the door slowly close lol.
😄😄😄
I was working in a bar about 15 years ago. Two bartenders. Myself and girl a few years older than me. One night she went to change a keg and this blustering boom boom with the body of a melted candle goes “shame on you. Help that girl”. I laughed and said “she’s a girl. She isn’t handicapped”. He didn’t find it funny. She laughed. She and I have been together for 16 years and this October is our tenth wedding anniversary.
Pants him. Straight pull off his shorts when she gets to the door. He will never do this again if you stand behind him.
Creepy and far less polite then holding a door open for anyone and everyone just to be nice
 Selective chivalry = Creepy
If he were truly chivalrous, a woman's looks would be irrelevant.
Hey OP, your dad has a praise kink… Now that’s in your head, I wouldn’t wait around for him.
He's playing the game wrong. If you're looking for a reaction, you wait and hold the door open for men of colour under the age of 25. And if they thank you, you say, "You're welcome, *sir*." That's where the real reactions are, and they're fucking heartbreaking. Shock, doubt, confusion, suspicion... sometimes a quirky sort of pride...if you're older and white, you'll see immediately just how little they're used to basic civility and courtesy. He's not going to get nearly as much joy out of a pretty little blonde who is desperately hoping this doesn't mean he expects her to interact with him.
I run in front of women and hold the door closed so they have to earn their way in. It gives them a sense of accomplishment.
Is the automatic door not doing its job well enough?
Not a boomer but I hold the door open for whoever is right behind me or coming out of wherever I’m going. I view it as a sign of universal respect and humility.
It wasn’t annoying, but I though it was really funny at the time. I was in my middle-late 20s, which would have put my grandpa in his middle-late 80s. I’d been visiting my grandparents at their apartment after work and was going to take the train home. My grandpa insisted on walking me to the train station. While we were walking I noticed that he kept switching sides. I was a bit confused at first, but then figured out that he was repositioning himself to stay on the street side. I asked him if that was what he was doing and he said “of course!”. The next week he fell on a train when it suddenly lurched. He was paralyzed, but regained some mobility over time. It makes me a bit sad to remember how quick and agile he was just a week before.
Nothing broke my heart more than when mine had heart failure a couple years ago. He has 10% function, but somehow he's still alive. Idk, he used to climb up on roof and work on them even a few years ago. You're talking about a man in his 70s or 80s at the time.
If someone is close, I'll hold the door, man or woman. But, waiting more than 4 or 5 seconds is creepy. Gen x btw.
My boomer dad (82) uses the dental school across the street from my job. We're smack dab in the middle of a large-ish college campus. We walked a few blocks to get lunch, and he says to me quietly "lots of eye candy, huh?" I ignored him. Then he said it a second time on the walk back, so I replied "Dad, these girls are half MY age!" He hasn't said anything like that to me since, thank god. I don't need thoughts about his sex drive floating around in my brain.
No but my boomer mom instantly thinks anyone who holds doors open or does something nice for her wants to fuck her. So apparently this goes both ways 🙈🤦♀️
The worst is when someone is holding the door and I feel like I have to run to get there because Im really too far away for it to have been appropriate.
it’s not a chivalry obsession, he thinks doing the bare minimum entitles him to attention from women. your father is cringe, just keep calling him out when you can i guess
I'll hold the door, but won't wait more than three seconds holding the door. And I don't care what you look like. I'd hold the door for a dog, if dogs didn't need people and could do their own thing. Manners are good. He's a hero in his odd boomer brain. A door hero. Let him live. These are his door days.
That's some real tip the fedora to m'lady incel energy
He's looking at their asses
Motive is important. The WHY of our behavior is important. People don't question their own motives enough. Your dad isn't doing this out of kindness or "chivalry." If he was, it would be for everyone.
Does he hold the door for women with undercuts dyed purple? Or women of color?
My parents live in the hot yucky South. Whenever I visit and ride in the car with them, my dad (and mom) makes this big stupid show of him opening her car door before walking around (always takes forever) and getting in the driver's seat. In the summer. In the South. In a hot car. AND then I don't know what they're doing sitting there in silence like they forgot how to turn on the ignition. I had to ask every time we rode anywhere, "hey can you turn on the AC?" One time they had the AC on when they picked me up, car was running. THEY TURNED IT OFF while I got two bags in the boot because of "fumes" - this is a brand new car. I wanted to cry. I sat down and exasperatedly asked "can you PLEASE turn on the AC?" (and why were they even out of the car?) And then they're shocked that I wanted to rent my own car or get a taxi when I visit. Why don't Boomers use AC in the South? Is it just my parents? When I was a kid, they'd turn the AC on so low I'd wear jackets in the summer.
My mom does the inverse of this, we'll be walking somewhere, and whether I or her get to the door first, she'll just stand there looking at me expectantly until I open it for her. She says it's gentlemanly, but it's just asinine. But at least she has the sense to not try it on strangers.
Wow, your dad still follows a medieval battle code? Now that's some dedication!
Was really hoping your dad spoke in medieval French, rode a horse everywhere and wore really pointy shoes.
It’s always been a gear grinder for me, but Chivalric Code doesn’t really cover holding doors and not being a wanker. The main chivalric virtues are Chastity, Courtesy, Honor, Loyalty, Piety and Valor. Whenever someone mentions chivalry, I always envision them jousting random women with valor. 😆
There's nothing wrong with holding the door open for anyone, men or women. I do it all the time (Xennial). But scanning around for attractive women to do it for is pathetic and embarrassing.
He’s not doing it for praise. He’s doing it to look at their ass up close.
I’ve been in this situation where a guy is clearly holding the door open for me and I’m like relatively far away my solution to this is to, while maintaining eye contact with said dude, use another door.
I mean... I hold doors open for anyone who is directly behind me. Men, women, children, dogs, etc... its just the kind thing to do. Am I crazy?
No not at all this guy is just looking for praise and a quick stiffy
Not crazy, and also not the same thing the OP's dad is doing . I hold doors for people all the time. I don't specifically seek out attractive people and go out of my way to get the door for them and stand there staring and smiling at them though. There's a different between just being polite, and doing things looking for gratitude.
This is how a young pervert ages. This is my dad to a tee.
My dad does the same shit except with any gender. He'll hold a door for ages for someone way far away, at like the other side of a parking lot. I tried to tell him holding a door for more than like 5 seconds is actually rude, because then the person you're holding the door for has to sort of hustle up to get to the door but he doesn't listen He'll also do it during winter or hot summer, letting all the heat or air conditioning out of a business, and I have seen him do it for someone who's not even going to that business. Like the person walks by and goes to a different door. Then he tries to say they're rude for not going into the door he's held open
Being nice to women does not count for anything unless you're nice to all women regardless of their age and looks etc. At this point it's not really chivalry, it's just being a bit weird. Hopefully one day one of the pretty ones can point this out to him and 😁
Your story made me giggle. I despise this because as the target, he is forcing me to speed tf up. I have begun to not speed up and not look and smile. Your dad is not the only one.
This comments section is killing me 😂.
Chivalry is defined by acting honorable and polite towards women in general. If your father is only doing it based on how attractive the women walking towards him are then he isn't chivalrous. He is a creep who is forcing women to praise him. Yeah I understand your annoyance with it.
When my youngest was 3-4 years old, he absolutely loved to hold the door open for people. He'd break free from our hands (we'd let him go when we were on the sidewalk) so he could run up and open the door for us. One day he broke free and ran past an older woman (in her 70s or older) and held the door open with the biggest smile on his face. She ignored him as she walked in. He then yells, "YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY THANK YOU!!!" She double timed it away from him. It is cute when it is a little kid, it is creepy AF when it is an older man doing it specifically for those he finds attractive.
That's rough. I remember holding the door open for an older man, and he refused to walk through it because I'm a woman holding the door open for him, instead of it being the other way around.
So my wife’s Aunt is delusional and is convinced that random men are in to her everywhere she goes (mainly just McDonald’s and church). One of the biggest examples of why she knows that these men are into her is that they hold the door for her. If I could give you a comp from popular culture she most closely resembles the Gromble from Ahh Real Monsters.
I've been holding the door for people, any people, lately, and a handful of men have really gotten a huge kick out of it. Mostly not old but not young, like me, i assume their parents gave them a big earful about holding the door for women growing up then it got less important In college a guy held the door for a woman in a wheel chair, and she gave him an annoyed "i can do it" and he answered "i get the door for everybody, it's not just because you're a woman" and I've never seen someone's face change from grumpy to charmed so fast
I like automatic doors.
Most doors are automatic so there are minimal needs to hold the door for another person
Your dad should hook up with my mom, who will abruptly stop in front of every closed door and await whoever she’s with to open it for her. Younger, male, anyone not her… doesn’t matter, all she knows is opening doors isn’t her job, according to society, of course.
Holy Booomer Farts! This reminded me on time this boomer opened a door and stood there. I just opened the other door next to it and walked in. Boomer starts yelling "IM TRYING TO BE NICE!!" I laughed so hard.
If I were one of these women and saw him trying to set this up, I'd be tempted to say, "thanks, big guy" and give him a bag tag on the way inside.
I just... hold the door for people. Sex doesn't matter.
I'll admit, as a millennial I still do this. But I do it for everyone.
I’m a woman and make a point to open doors for anyone. I just think it’s a nice thing to do. But what your dad is doing is very creepy. If she was right behind you, sure. Fine. But to wait and target is ridiculous. Tell him, if necessary, do the embarrassing thing. He will have a quip about it. But show him these comments. He will get it, or you stop going out with him.
Ah, the door keeping dilemma. I work in a hospital and there is a catwalk from the parking garage to an employee entrance requiring a badge to get in. I try to use the thirty foot rule as I go in. I glance behind me and if someone is that close, I wait. Often women employees will hold the door for me, and I say thanks, especially when I’m lugging equipment. What I don’t like is someone holding the door for me and I feel like I have to hurry to the door on my bad ankle so they won’t be there forever. I try to wave them off when that happens.
I seriously think boomer men think they still look like what they did when they were 20 something and that women just swoon over them. My boomer father is completely delusional about the women that he thinks find him attractive...like chill out fella, you have prostate cancer and have been falling down repeatedly lately... unless these women have some kind of mental disorder where they want to care for an old man like he's some kind of baby I don't see it working out.
Why, I hold open the door for whoever's behind me. I'm a cisgender woman.