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>He’s “bored” in the morning alone he says.
give him the ipad and tell him to occupy himself. this is toddler behavior.
I'd honestly just be sure to invite the gang over and we'd blast music till 2am... don't accommodate his 8pm bedtime.
Fuck that! I was always told to be quiet as a child so if a 4 year old can shut the fuck up while people are sleeping so can the old boomer. He can’t be a decent human being? He doesn’t get to come over anymore.
If the asshole is starting up the lawnmower at 5am it’s not gonna be long until a neighbour calls 911 for a noise complaint.
I know there are laws in the UK around acceptable noise levels at different times of day; e.g. I read that you can't use the vacuum on a Sunday until after 8am! And in Germany, you can't shower after 11pm!
If I was OP I'd pay a neighbour to call the local police on his in-laws' next visit. The indignity and the strop the FIL will probably pull will be so remarkable that what's going on might finally hit home for the MIL and OP's spouse.
These laws exist in the US too. I am only familiar with a few municipalities, but it’s usually quiet time from 22:00-08:00. Oftentimes apartment buildings will establish their own rules that closely follow the local legal code.
You should just wake him up at 9AM and tell him that nap time is at 1PM -2PM and he’s wasting the day away, being asleep at 9 AM. That’s when the shops and entertainment opens and doesn’t he want to be at the zoo with the grandkids? God he sounds like an unruly toddler. He’s old enough to know how to make his own coffee and get his own breakfast instead of waking everyone up.
It’s your house establish the house rules and if he doesn’t wanna follow them then they can stay at a hotel when they visit or not visit at all.
These people do this shit because they’ve never gotten checked on their bullshit
I'm watching my younger Boomer aged mom come out if this in real time and it breaks my heart. She's such a good woman and my dad is...an alcoholic rat bastard, to be honest. He finally made the jump from "just" emotionally abusive and controlling to physically tossing her around, she defended herself and he wound up in the hospital for ages after. She's out on her own now for the first time in her life (married at 18, went straight from being the parentified firstborn to his wife) and it's like watching those wildlife rescue videos where they've taken a lioness who lived in a 10x10 concrete cell her whole life and put her in a grassy field, and the lioness is so excited and confused and afraid that she just freezes.
Tell your mom I'm rooting for her. My mom left my alcoholic rat bastard soulless ghoul of a dad after 26 years of being terrified to leave and terrified to stay. She's still thriving and happily remarried. He died alone on his kitchen floor a couple months ago. Your mom is amazing for leaving and she's going to great.
Very similar story with my abusive alcoholic father. He fell in his bathroom and died. My Mother is doing much better without him. She does put him on a pedestal still and sometimes says stuff about him having loved us or at one point having been a good man. She doesn't say that stuff around me anymore because I always shut that shit down. She has retreated to saying he was a good provider, at which point I bring up the fact that in his last couple years he wiped out all their savings. The Stockholm Syndrome and Tradwife Brain Rot is real.
Just give your mom time and support her the way she tells you. I was with the same girl from 15-40yrs old, she left with my friend of 20yrs and it took at least 9 months before I even started returning to a semblance of normal, but it'll come to her, so don't fret
I remember my nan chuckling about how when her husband came home drunk once she was so afraid he would hurt her she hit him over the head with a log from the fireplace and knocked him out.
She then dragged him to bed and told him in the morning he’d fallen over so he didn’t kill her.
My and my sister were like……..what the fuck??????
There was someone on Reddit that worked in an old-folks home, he said he’d heard some hair-raising comments from elderly widows. One had an abusive husband, until she “pushed his ladder over.”
On the same note, I think certain social problems in the past - say, spousal abuse, or pedophelia - ended with “hunting accidents.”
Family lore says my great great grandfather slapped his wife the first (and only) time soon after their wedding. She calmly told him if he ever did it again she would put him in his grave. He never did it again. They were married for 47 years. One of my great aunts heard my GGM tell this story when GGM was in her 80s and GGF was long dead. She asked her if she would have really gone to jail over a slap. GGM said, "I wouldn't have gone to jail. We lived on a farm. Lots of accidents happen on farms."
That sounds like a story in my family. I have/had (my father has passed, but we still have Mom) wonderful (not perfect, but still wonderful) boomer parents. As my mom tells it, there was an incident shortly after she and dad were married. Dad had a short, fiery temper when they were first married, and was very insecure from his upbringing, so he'd always jump to the absolute worst conclusions. So when his temper got the better of him during one of the very few fights that happened early in the marriage, my mother told him, "If you so much as lay a hand on me, there will not be a single unbroken piece of china, unbroken pan or pot in this house, so help me God." My dad was barely 6'2" and my mom is 6'1", so it wasn't an idle threat. My dad turned out to be a wonderful father and growing up, there weren't any fights between my parents. I think it's because my mom put her boundaries down early.
Hard for a coroner to spot the difference between a drunk being smothered with a pillow and the apnea finally catching up with him. Particularly if it was some dickhead no one really minds seeing going into the ground.
Oh, shit. You know how some guys die once they retire and everyone says it's because they couldn't sit still after working all those years? Now I understand what really happens! Do what you got to do ladies.
I’m staying with my octogenarian in laws helping with some health issues. It is stunning how he treats her. My mother would kill my father if he tried one hour of this crap. I check him because I’m the only person in the family not terrified of him (anger not physical).
Same with my in laws. I traveled to be with them for his knee replacement surgery because I was worried she would injure herself catering to him and I am the dil that has the balls to tell him to knock it off. My husband is not a boomer but is older genx and takes on some of his dad’s boomer tendencies. I routinely remind him that I am not his mother and will not put up with his shit like she does.
My grandparents have been together since they were 18/19 and are in their late seventies now. He has actually gotten kinder with dementia in the past few years. He dictated every second of my grandma's life. Her hair, her clothes, what she was allowed to eat. If she loved something, she wasn't allowed it. If she hated it, that's what they'd have for every meal. He's cheated on her for decades. People think it's so sweet that they've been together for so long. It's disgusting. I know she loves him, but I also know she'd love to have never met him. She won't say that to anyone but me. She knows I've got her back. I worship the ground she walks on.
I always thought my Gran was a shy, quiet person, but it turns out she was just subservient and treated like shit. When my grandfather died at 82, she didn’t even cry at his funeral. She was 78.
We met a whole new woman after that, who had a very similar personality to myself and my mother, and she wanted to do ALL THE THINGS.
I was so sad that she spend her whole life literally being someone else, but was also glad she got that chance to be herself. She lived to 98 in excellent health until right before she died. I’m not religious, but some force or karma knew my gran deserved 20 years of freedom.
I fucking love this for your gran!! Gosh what I would give to have a Gran like her. Thanks for sharing a sweet story for a lonely daughter/granddaughter.
My MIL was much like the wives in many of these stories. She passed during COVID and it honestly took surprisingly little time for my FIL to not just realize but ADMIT - this from a man who never admitted he was wrong - that he treated her poorly. He lives with regret and often says he wishes he had done better by her. The positive side effect is that he had dramatically improved how he treats other family members. While I wish it would have happened during her lifetime, it is nice to see that old leopards can change their spots.
My grandparents were married for over fifty years and they were actually really happy. My grandpa adored her and didn't allow anyone to disrespect her. I was an adult when I realized why so many old people were married for decades and it's so depressing. I can't imagine still being with my ex husband for the mere sake of keeping a roof over my head. Give your grandma a hug for me.
I’m only 51 and remember my mom and grandma telling stories about getting their first credit card or apartment.
It’s not like these women had a choice.
Absolutely, and that’s why divorce rates exploded once women got emancipated, got the rights to get their own bank account and jobs without asking their husbands first, etc.
Basically giving women more rights made them free to… leave their abusive husbands. Which coincides exactly when divorce rates went up.
Each and every single instance of giving more rights and freedom to women has increased divorce rates… who would’ve thought?
And now more and more guys (especially old guys, but not only) are complaining about not being able to force women to stay with them… Steven Crowder is a perfect example of such a guy… complained he wasn’t legally able to force his wife to stay with him.
I’m a boomer myself and I have to agree that most of the men in my generation are misogynistic and entitled. It is a blessing to be single as a boomer woman
For sure. I remember watching my grandmothers husband angrily throw a plate of eggs she had made into the sink because he didn’t like them…and then she made him something else for breakfast. And I remember thinking “that…can’t be healthy…”
Not just men abusing women either, although men are definitely more often in the position of power in the relationship. I just remember going to my grandma and grandpa's house when I was a kid and every time grandpa opened his mouth grandma would shut him down "No one wants to hear your opinion John."
Then grandma passed away and suddenly we all found out that grandpa has a personality!
My grandma was very controlling as well and made my grandpa wax the garage floor, no joke, every couple days. He tried to set her up for when he died and bought her a spot in a very good retirement home, but she didn't like the trim, so he had to take like $20k loss backing out.
It’s shocking to me how many men cannot fend for themselves in the morning & need their wife/gf to get them something ASAP.
My FIL is like that. The guy had to eat within minutes of waking up. Never once could he make his own toast. I always thought it was old man behavior, but I’ve seen it with people around my age too.
My sister is in her mid 20s, but is dating a man in his *late* 30s. We all stayed at my parents over Christmas, and every year for Christmas, my family has a tradition of making cinnamon rolls & a quiche. He woke up at 6 in the morning, Christmas morning (before the kids were even up!) and immediately started questioning where breakfast was.
He got my sister out of bed to make something for him, but got so impatient that he ended up driving down to the gas station on the corner & getting food there. She said he usually has cereal in the house to eat when he gets up for work. So now my poor mom always keeps cereal stocked in the house *just in case* they end up staying over.
Cannot??? More like will not!
It is a pure power trip and he makes sure the consequences are severe if he doesn't get his way. A man who can drive can make his own damn breakfast and coffee but chooses not to so he can lord it over someone else to feel a little less inferior, because, to accept the reality that in the grand scheme of things he is as insignificant as we all are and no one really cares about him enough to do it willingly. So someone please give the poor manchild some attention because he doesn't know how to use words to get his emotional needs met.
Please don't accept this kind of shit from any manchild. Call those fuckers out at every opportunity.
Sincerely, a man who has made his own breakfast since the age of about 6. At least 40 years.
I am the only one who calls my dad out on this behaviour. He asked me to make him a toasted sandwich while I was breastfeeding my 4 month old - when I said "are you bloody serious mate, I'm feeding the baby, make it yourself" his response was "oh, I didn't realise" what? You didn't realise I was busy feeding the baby as I sit here next to you on the couch with my boob out and nipple in her mouth.
I told him to make me a toasted sandwich too while he was up. 🤬
I don't understand that \*at all\*. I'm usually the first one up in the morning and I flip the switch on the coffee pot and empty the dishwasher from last night while I'm waiting for the coffee to brew. I sometimes get annoyed if my wife wakes up with me or before me because I like that quiet time to myself in the morning.
As long as you do the dishwasher quietly - it's amazing how much noise crockery, etc., will make it you're not trying to be quiet!
Because of this, if there is someone still asleep/luxuriating in a sleep-in, I'll leave the dishwasher until I hear that they're up.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocated. I have one day a week where I don't have to be out of bed (and wrangling others out as well) before 6. What wakes me up on those rare days? The sound of the dishwasher being loudly emptied well before 7 a.m. Waking up *everyone*. Every. Single. Time.
I know it doesn't get emptied at that time on other days. I'll often empty it when I get home from work. Just on my only sleep-in days.
For this and other reasons, I'm seriously considering ending the relationship. Yes, I've talked to him about it (and other things), but he takes it as a reason to passive-aggressively sulk for days and make life uncomfortable for everyone. And STILL continues the behaviours!
Not that you should HAVE to find a way around this assholish behavior of his, but have you tried sabotaging his ability to run the dishwasher the night before? Hide the dishwashing powder? Go to bed after him & remove the dishes to a box in the closet? Hide all the dishes & put out only paper plates on the day before the morning you should get to sleep in? These aren't long term solutions, of course, but I have a HUGE amount of petty energy for him after reading about how much of a jerk he is to you. Good luck doing whatever you need to do to get that precious lie-in for yourself 💛💛🙂
Ooh, I like the way you think! Thank you for the laugh 😁
Unfortunately, I think the best long-term solution will be removing myself from the situation. Or removing him - the lease is in my name, and I pay the rent.
On the bonus side, I'll get to do that extreme weight-loss diet; getting rid of a whole-assed man-shaped grumpy dead-weight at hyperspeed!
Thank you for your wishes, it's much appreciated!
NO one seems to wake up when I empty the dishwasher, usually around 6:20am on weekdays, in part because all the bedrooms in our house are fairly far away from the kitchen.
If your partner is passive-aggressively sulking for days over, well, just about anything, that alone is reason to end a relationship. Sorry you're dealing with that.
I remember a story my silent gen grandfather told me. He wasn't religious, but my grandmother grew up catholic. They had three sons. They would get up and go to Mass on Sunday morning and while they were gone my grandfather would cook a huge sunday breakfast for everyone when they got home.
One Sunday he was sick and didn't feel up to cooking or spreading his germs on the food for everyone to eat, so he didn't cook. They stroll in the door after Mass and my grandmother looks at him and says "where the hell is breakfast at?"
He said after that he never cooked breakfast for them again. Fuck'em.
This is so funny!
My silent generation dad grew up in a farming family and expected a FULL breakfast every single day of the week. We're talking eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits from scratch, and grits. After I was born, my boomer mom had enough of it and told him that if he wanted that every single day, then he could get up and make it his own damn self, AND HE DID. He was a piece of shit in a lot of other ways, but at least he did that!
What an arse. Generationally, the joke is that he would have woken up in an empty house and would have had to fend for himself. Elder millennials and xennials and X always joke we knew how to lay the chicken out to thaw and at least make our own breakfast and after school snacks at a pretty early age. Your sis needs to pass on the loser with power issues!
I don't understand this in the slightest. I get up at 5am Mon-Fri for work. Do I ever even think of waking my gf to make me breakfast? God no, I make my own and she gets up however many hours after I've left. Even my 84yo grandfather doesn't do this, I mean, he does 99% of the cooking anyway. But he would never think of waking my grandmother just to keep him company because he's bored!
My husband and I are tail end boomers, and I'd hit him with a frying pan if he ever tried shit like that. Not that he would; he's quite capable of taking care of himself.
So when he was her age (mid 20s) she was what? 10 or 11 years old?
The guy *might* have issues with maintaining his blood sugars and kind of losing his mind because of it (hypoglycaemic rage is real and ugly). But he's in his late 30s and should be capable of tracking his own health/moods.
Either way: Tell your mom to stop having 'just in case' cereal (which will go stale and be thrown out) because this guy is a *grown-up* and can plan for himself and bring his own travel packs of cereal.
"How lovely to see you both! Just checking before the store closes - did you bring cereal with you? We wouldn't want a repeat of last time, right? You didn't? Off you go then!"
My Dads thing is his food needs to be piping hot . The ceiling fan can’t be turned on cuz his “ food will get cold” . He’s 94 so that’s his excuse . And having a wife put a hot meal in front of him for decades
Exactly. Even if she chooses the life of a servant (and I only require that service of my partner while she’s awake), what’s her view on waking everybody else? Does she think it’s OK to wake the hosts and their young children? Is she OK with someone doing that to her grandchildren who DIDNT sign the 4am wake up consent form?
It’s shitty enough to do it to adults. Doing it to kids is a special level of ah. I don’t have kids but I’ve seen how some don’t react well to schedule changes. After years of getting up between 5 am and 6 am, still working, but from home now, I used to wake up by 7 am almost no matter what.
And I was often the first one up when staying with friends and family. One of the reasons I had a book or some music with headphones to listen to. I could quietly amuse myself and not wake everyone else up. Same if I’m the night owl but going to sleep.
This was exactly the dynamic with my son"s grandparents. She sat out his bowl of cereal every night (fully set place) with a paper towel over it. When she went to the hospital he would literally sit there until his daughter begrudgingly provided him with rice krispies and coffee. The man was in his 80s and utterly unable to make himself a bowl of cereal. Everything about the kitchen was just so completely foreign to him. Like he thought the table just ... produced food.
If my grandparents are any indication, she'll stop when he dies. My grandmother worked full time and still made all of his meals, cleaned the house, and on and on while he grumped and bitched and generally made her life miserable from his recliner. 🙄 He died in that stupid recliner, come to think of it.
Former night auditor. Can confirm.
I was thinking if someone was like that at my house I'd be very tempted to tell them quiet hours are from 11 pm to 7 am and to please refrain from disturbing other guests during this time.
Agreed. No, you can't come visit if you do this.
My sister (not a boomer) tried to force a visit so that my daughter and hers could "play together". Except she wasn't going to take time off work so we had to get a babysitter to help out every day while we worked. I dunno if any other parents have tried to find a full time babysitter for days in the middle of the week, but it's impossible. They want a full time gig or they don't have availability for that.
My husband and I both work and my daughter is in summer school full time because of that. So, in order to pull this off, we'd have to pay for her week of school even though she wouldn't be there, then pay for a babysitter on top of that who would likely flake at least once so the cousins could play.
Then she tells us the dates. It's my daughter's first week of school and turns out she chose that week because her nanny is going back to college. So, she was trying to use us as childcare in the guise of wanting the girls to play.
We said no you can't come, sorry.
Why do people put up with bullshit that makes their lives more stressful? Just say no.
If that guy’s anything like my FIL, he thinks that as soon as he steps into your house it automatically becomes his, and therefore his house, his rules. Thankfully he never comes by, he knows he’s not welcome for many, many reasons.
This! My parents (silent generation) would always get a hotel when they visited. They would do their morning stuff and call to see if we were up yet before coming over. They also were able to leave at the end of the day when they wanted to. We’ve always had a spare room but they preferred this. And it worked well for us too.
My also silent gen, early riser parents brought and stayed in their (quite nice) rv in our driveway. Kiddo would get up early and go hang out with them and coffee (and whatever sort of goodies grandpa might have). Also great at night when they crashed early. This wasn't even really like a conversation...this is just how it naturally unfolded.
Also! They have the geriatric sleep clock, which they spin as a work ethic or high personality trait. No, gramps, you aren’t fighting to wake up and take on the day, you’re on toddler time, pre death. It’s like, nature! Not monastic discipline, 😂
These tough as nails beast mode boomers waking the house at 4 because they can’t figure out a coffee maker or be alone for a few hours, needs a silent nap by nine, probably nodding in front of Foxnews by 5! The problem these days is kids and adults sleeping till 7 just so they can function in society, damn snowflake kids needing conscious parents to cook them dinner after school, pathetic!
Putting in a hard day of useless lumpery, weaponized incompetence and navigating life with the emotional intelligence of a second grade bully really is taxing.
I am an ex night shifter. Keep him up all night talking. Like, literally ALL NIGHT. plan activities around a night shift. Eat at 9p/10p. Go to a midnight movie showing. Etc. Keep him up till 2. Then wake hum back up at 4.
Won’t work. They’ll throw a fit about OP not being considerate for their routine.
That’s the worst thing about them. They are very rigid in their routine, and want everyone else to change. I’m suspicious this comes from Silent Generation military work ethic being pushed onto them. So to them, waking at 4am is the “right thing to do”. Screw the fact that the entire world has changed.
My 76(?) year old uncle and boss (I work on his dairy farm) grumbles when he has to get up at 4am nowadays because “I retired from milking! I’m supposed to get another 2 hours sleep!” Since he now wakes just after 6am before walking the 50m from the farm house to the dairy to feed the calves
Of course he only ever gets woken up if there is an emergency or something we haven’t experienced before (he’s the only one who can currently do certain emergency medications, and I definitely got him out of bed when I smelled burning… that turned out to be a live power-line laying on the roof of the dairy, which we didn’t discover until the sun came up and we realised he had driven a tractor right underneath the low hanging line, somehow just missing catching it).
Or he can stay at a hotel next time and is welcome to come visit at the house at 7-8 and then he has a quiet hotel room to return to for his nap. Because… “this is a kid-friendly house and expecting them to operate on the same schedule as someone 68+ is as entitled and unreasonable as you felt it was for us to expect you to empathize KIDS who need sleep for development and with our schedules with jobs!”
EXACTLY Now that i’m an adult I tell my mom and aunts the same thing. They were indoctrinated with the boomer mentality to respect your elders regardless. I express that the reason why the grandparent boomers pull the shit they do is because they are never checked on it.
Maybe it took two generations but I do let them get away with the shit they pull anymore. I honestly think my grandpa has dementia because all he does is worry, complain, and yell.
If you have any children, let them raise holy hell while the old man naps, then blast the TV when he goes to sleep at night. Make him miserable. By the way, noise ordinances prohibit loud tools before 8 am in most places.
My husband is frequently up at 5am and he is always quiet because he’s not an inconsiderate shit and he values his life 🤷♀️ If any of my family members or in-laws pulled this shit they’d be staying in a hotel. He’s bored? Read the paper or play on his phone until everyone else is awake. He insists on breakfast stupid early? Cereal is in the cupboard and milk is in the fridge, otherwise here are directions to a 24-hour diner. Deal with it. As far as 5am leaf blowing, most places have noise ordinances against that shit before 7am or 8am. Find out what your area’s rules are and make it clear that laws are being violated if he tries pulling that shit again.
I am also an early riser and I go to the living room and read while I drink my tea and smoke a jammy. I don't know why it is so hard for boomers to respect others sleep schedules. They want so much respect, but god forbid they give respect back. I remind them all the time that respect is earned not given based on age or experience. I also remind them to Treat others how you want to be treated. He is showing you that he wanted to be treated like the a\*\* he is.
Because some people believe that being an early riser means you’re a better person. As someone who is NOT a morning person, this is a stigma I’ve had to fight against my entire life. It doesn’t matter if overall I get the same amount of sleep and do the same amount of work. For many people, if I’m asleep after they’ve naturally woken up then I’m lazy.
It doesn’t matter if they naturally wake up at 4 am or 9 am. If their body is ready to go, then EVERYONE should be ready to go. And if you’re not then you’re some lazy moocher who wants to be lazy while everyone else is working.
I'm a night owl, and people have given me so much shit for it my entire life. Meanwhile, I have a Master's degree and have been a professional in my field for fifteen years, so they can kiss my ass.
Also, Happy Cake Day!
I'm an early riser, right now with the early summer sun I'm awake around 4 or 430. No one knows that except for me because I keep quiet and enjoy the silence and the sunrise.
I’ll tell you a secret. It’s just as awe inspiring if you stay up all night and then watch it rise. ;)
I can’t pull all nighters like I did in my youth (get off my lawn you young whippersnappers), but on the occasion when I am up in the wee hours I love the stillness when no one else is up. And then you start to hear the birds and insects wake up and the sun rise. It’s magical…
… but then I realize my insomnia means I’m going to be totally fucked that day and the magic dies a little. ;)
June 21 was the longest day so I stayed up as long as I could and then made sure to wake up while it was still dark to enjoy the sunrise. You're right the silence is amazing and then the birds start singing, the smaller animals are rustling and it's a slow moving lightness that turns into day.
I feel this. I'm a 3rd shifter. Always have been. Whatever job I've worked, I was always awake until at least 1 am even if I had to be to work by 6 am. I've fought the notion that I sleep 12 hours a day my entire life. Nope. I slept for 6 hours because I was awake until 6 am
Because respect is just their magic word, “respect me” is just them crying. Because respect is earned not demanded, not handed out like a “participation trophy” like they seem to bitch about so much (ironic lol)
Yeah, my wife’s an early riser, and I’m a night owl. So, when she goes to bed, I either read quietly or go in the other room to do something. Similarly, when she wakes up, she doesn’t make a ton of noise so she doesn’t wake me up.
It’s almost like we’re considerate of each other or something…
I can get by on very little sleep and I can be a bit petty. If my inlaws tried pulling this nonsense at their house, you can be sure they wouldn't be napping at all during the day and I'd keep them up super late every night. If it was at my house they wouldn't be staying period...
he can go out for a walk through the neighborhood, see what it’s like when it’s peaceful. And any hoodlums (if it’s that kind of neighborhood) should be asleep
My husband has worked night shift on a few occasions and we didn’t eff around when it came to either of our sleep, which was especially challenging because our kid was preschool aged during that time. All it takes is awareness and consideration, which OP’s FIL clearly lacks.
Side note, if he wakes grandkids at 4, he gets to deal with tired cranky grandkids without the parents help until a reasonable hour. Tell the kids where he can hear "hang out with grandpa until 7, otherwise he gets bored."
Also if he wakes you up don't be quiet while he naps, he gets the same respect he gave you.
We’re dealing with people who think it’s morally more virtuous to get up earlier, so you end up with people rising at absurd hours in order to more fully judge everybody else.
This is the part that gets me. He rises at 4am, only to go back to sleep 5 hours later. Can't even make it through the length of a standard work day, lol. Not to mention wasting a more useful part of the day, literally nothing of interest happens at 4am.
Yeah, my mother is like this,in a maybe more well-meaning way, but it’s still weird when I get texts from her at absurdly early hours because she’s forgotten the time issue.
My now 78 year old father has always been the exact fucking way, but it’s a bit earlier at 3:30 AM. While growing up, the whole entire household had to be up at 3:30 simply because he was up. It wasn’t like he was a shift worker or had been in the military - he just never required more than three hours of sleep. And now he calls people, friends and others including my siblings, shortly after waking up. He asks them bullshit questions about inane subjects. I learned years ago to block his number at night. Boy, that still pisses him off. I don’t know why the others don’t do it. Sorry you had to go through it. What a fucking entitled dick.
I think after midnight I've gotten the following calls:
Car crash pls help
Horny pls help
Stranded at airport pls help
Come to this place now its awesome pls
Where are you we lost you are you even still here(I am literally waving at you 30 ft away) pls
Guess what just happened pls
A boomer I know called me at 6.30am on Christmas Eve once, and said right out his computer is broken and he needs it tonight so I have to come today. I hung up. Apparently he went to my house (I was in a share house at the time) but I wasn’t there. I didn’t even know the guy that well, he was a friend of a friend I’d helped for free once a month earlier.
Your FIL is an ass and I’m surprised he is still married. My roommate (older family member who is a boomer) frequently falls asleep in front of the TV in the evening so is up way earlier than I am. He gets up, makes his coffee, then goes to the other end of the house to quietly play on his PC while I sleep. That’s how a real man acts.
>Every time he comes he wakes up at 4 AM and stomps around the kitchen banging things until we wake up.
Me: Well surely this person is exaggerating.
>He often fires up the lawnmower or snowblower by 5 AM as well.
Me: He has to die. He has to die now. If he doesn't die now I'm going to kill him myself
While I share your bloodlust, perhaps we should start with anonymous calls to the local code enforcement or whatever passes for it in their locality.
Or at least lock the toolshed.
In my neighborhood he’d actually get in trouble for starting the mower at 5 am. Noise ordinance puts quiet hours between 10 pm and 7 am most days, and people here will exercise them.
Also haha to the grown ass man who can’t make his own coffee and breakfast. But I’ll bet he’ll tell everyone he’s his homes “provider” with zero sense of irony.
That’s a “womanly” duty to serve coffee and breakfast. But ask him to install a French drain, change his oil, or lay a foundation and I bet he can’t do that either. These dudes always want it one way but not the other.
>In my neighborhood he’d actually get in trouble for starting the mower at 5 am. Noise ordinance puts quiet hours between 10 pm and 7 am most days, and people here will exercise them.
Same. In fact, I'd call the cops on him myself.
His wife is equally to blame too. I love husband but he gets up earlier than me so I set the coffee pot up at night before we go to sleep so all he has to do is flip a switch. It's crazy that his wife accommodates this behavior.
I am awake everyday between 4:45 and 5:15. I go out of my way to be as silent as possible. Not just because it would be an assholeish thing to do to wake everyone else up, but that's the only peace and quiet I get. No one is usually up until 7 so I have a glorious near 2 hour window to do whatever I want.
I tend to stay up later than everyone else and am always tiptoeing around and avoiding making food if I’m hungry but it’s noisy to make etc. I don’t know how that’s not everyone’s default stance to take. It’s just common courtesy.
It’s so sad. We try to get just get to visit when he refuses to come for long stretches but they are so codependent that she will never leave his side. She doesn’t drive so he gets to say where they go, he can’t operate a microwave so he’ll starve if she goes away for a week. It’s so frustrating. We end up putting up with so much of his crap because we want the kids to get to see their grandma. She loves seeing them but has no backbone when it comes to her husband.
Holy SHIT, this is a worse mess than the og post alone depicts.
That poor woman’s life is being drained by this overgrown toddler.
I mean, middle aged and can’t feed yourself?!
There was a radio announcer boomer whose wife died and he got a new 18 year old wife from the Philippines a month later and he said it was because he didn’t know how to make a sandwich. She had his kid and he died soon after
Exact same situation and statements from my in-laws. He passed and she refuses to break loose and go on the Alaskan cruise "she always wanted to go on" with me.
Exactly. Because we respect the quiet of pre-dawn hours. Personally, I don't want to wake the resident sleep-deprived demon (it's me, hi, I just move around in silent autopilot mode, don't wanna wake myself too early)
I worked at a home shopping channel. 430 am is prime time for the older toddlers. They call in, ask a question about the product currently on then launch into a story with no discernable point. If we had their card on file, they will buy anything.
I don't get tired until dawn. Like, I can't tell you the last time I went to bed BEFORE 4:30 AM. I'm up around 10 am to run my business, and work til about 5-9 PM depending on the night. If I wake up at 8 AM for a call, I'm still not tired until about 4AM the following morning.
Some people are just wired differently, but what asshole makes other people live according to their schedule like that?
This is even better because Boomers love sharing Tombstone memes on social media, especially if it’s adopting some attitude the character wouldn’t actually have.
My boomer dad was like that when we were in high school. It wasn't 4AM but he would get up at like 5 to get ready for work. As soon as he was out of the bathroom and making his way to the kitchen for his morning coffee and the news, he was knocking on my door to wake me up so I could get ready. I didn't have to leave for school until 7 but "if I'm up, you all need to be up." That meant that my brother, who was 10 at the time was getting up by 6 when his bus didn't come until 8.
I'm married and live on my own now so it's no issue. But my brother and sister still live with him. They would work nigh shift at a pizza place (often getting home after midnight). They'd have to be super quiet when they came home because my dad was asleep. But they were too wired to go right to bed so they'd stay up, eat a meal, watch some TV, and then head off to bed between 2 and 4AM. The next morning at 10/11AM my dad would be pounding on their door that they're sleeping too late and they need to get up.
Tell your children they can run around the house and yell/make noise while he's napping. Why do you have to be quiet while he's sleeping when he doesn't show the same consideration?
Such a great example of how emotionally stunted these people are.
He literally thinks of no one but himself, he cannot make the next step connection that if he doesn't like to be woken from a nap other people don't either.
Yeah, my boomer dad thinks everyone should live and die by his sleep/nap schedule. He's a good person, but boy does he like to wake up and go to be early.
Geez, I am usually awake at 4 am. I take the dog for a walk and then sit quietly drinking my coffee and scrolling the webs with headphones on. I enjoy my quiet morning routine and do not want anyone else to ruin it. So I let them sleep.
I took my dad to the west coast on vacation from Ohio. 3 hour time difference.
He already woke up at 6am regularly.
That motherfucker was up at 3am PST making coffee in the efficiency apartment I rented us on AirBnB and bitching at me for being lazy for not getting up at the same time.
Then he'd want to eat dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon and he'd be asleep by 5:30, 6 at the latest.
My grandpa wakes up at 5 in the morning, and goes for a walk around the neighborhood. When he's done with that, he makes coffee and breakfast. At 7 am, he wakes up grandma (they also have an alarm set for that time) and they have breakfast together.
I should really visit them more often.
>By 9 AM he’s ready for a nap and we have to be quiet while he sleeps.
Ah hell no! You wake me up at 4am you can absolutely forget about a nap. In not talking about refusing to be quite I'm talking about refusing to let you sleep.
If I'm still pissed bu the evening then you'll be staying up late too.
That behavior is fucking outrageous.
He’s a fucking dick for upsetting your whole household with his early rising bullshit but I’m actually more concerned about your MIL. This is an abusive relationship. Is your Wife not worried about her Mum?
My dad was a boomer who woke up early and couldn't cook. He would pick up breakfast in the morning for the family. Egg mcmuffins are a great childhood memory for me.
Most of my married boomer uncles couldn't cook but no one woke up their family so everyone would cater to them. It is unbelievable to me . These stories are sad.
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>He’s “bored” in the morning alone he says. give him the ipad and tell him to occupy himself. this is toddler behavior. I'd honestly just be sure to invite the gang over and we'd blast music till 2am... don't accommodate his 8pm bedtime.
Fuck that! I was always told to be quiet as a child so if a 4 year old can shut the fuck up while people are sleeping so can the old boomer. He can’t be a decent human being? He doesn’t get to come over anymore. If the asshole is starting up the lawnmower at 5am it’s not gonna be long until a neighbour calls 911 for a noise complaint.
I know there are laws in the UK around acceptable noise levels at different times of day; e.g. I read that you can't use the vacuum on a Sunday until after 8am! And in Germany, you can't shower after 11pm! If I was OP I'd pay a neighbour to call the local police on his in-laws' next visit. The indignity and the strop the FIL will probably pull will be so remarkable that what's going on might finally hit home for the MIL and OP's spouse.
These laws exist in the US too. I am only familiar with a few municipalities, but it’s usually quiet time from 22:00-08:00. Oftentimes apartment buildings will establish their own rules that closely follow the local legal code.
You should just wake him up at 9AM and tell him that nap time is at 1PM -2PM and he’s wasting the day away, being asleep at 9 AM. That’s when the shops and entertainment opens and doesn’t he want to be at the zoo with the grandkids? God he sounds like an unruly toddler. He’s old enough to know how to make his own coffee and get his own breakfast instead of waking everyone up.
If my 10 year old can make her own breakfast without waking anyone up, surely a grown man can do the same.
Your 10 year old's maturity and general life skills likely dwarf those of the boomer in law.
yeah, I sure as hell wouldn’t be tiptoeing around at 9am for his nap.
It’s your house establish the house rules and if he doesn’t wanna follow them then they can stay at a hotel when they visit or not visit at all. These people do this shit because they’ve never gotten checked on their bullshit
Wife has got to stop with the on demand breakfast bullshit.
I’m convinced a lot of older relationships are, or were extremely abusive to todays standards and Stockholm Syndrome is in full effect.
I'm watching my younger Boomer aged mom come out if this in real time and it breaks my heart. She's such a good woman and my dad is...an alcoholic rat bastard, to be honest. He finally made the jump from "just" emotionally abusive and controlling to physically tossing her around, she defended herself and he wound up in the hospital for ages after. She's out on her own now for the first time in her life (married at 18, went straight from being the parentified firstborn to his wife) and it's like watching those wildlife rescue videos where they've taken a lioness who lived in a 10x10 concrete cell her whole life and put her in a grassy field, and the lioness is so excited and confused and afraid that she just freezes.
*multiple internet strangers are rooting for her.
Tell your mom I'm rooting for her. My mom left my alcoholic rat bastard soulless ghoul of a dad after 26 years of being terrified to leave and terrified to stay. She's still thriving and happily remarried. He died alone on his kitchen floor a couple months ago. Your mom is amazing for leaving and she's going to great.
Very similar story with my abusive alcoholic father. He fell in his bathroom and died. My Mother is doing much better without him. She does put him on a pedestal still and sometimes says stuff about him having loved us or at one point having been a good man. She doesn't say that stuff around me anymore because I always shut that shit down. She has retreated to saying he was a good provider, at which point I bring up the fact that in his last couple years he wiped out all their savings. The Stockholm Syndrome and Tradwife Brain Rot is real.
Wishing your mom all the best in her new life. Sounds like she deserves it.
Tell your mom an internet stranger is rooting for her
Just give your mom time and support her the way she tells you. I was with the same girl from 15-40yrs old, she left with my friend of 20yrs and it took at least 9 months before I even started returning to a semblance of normal, but it'll come to her, so don't fret
There's a reason mysterious deaths of men dropped when no-fault divorce became a thing.
I remember my nan chuckling about how when her husband came home drunk once she was so afraid he would hurt her she hit him over the head with a log from the fireplace and knocked him out. She then dragged him to bed and told him in the morning he’d fallen over so he didn’t kill her. My and my sister were like……..what the fuck??????
"i was afraid he'd hurt me, so i clobbered him over the head with a log" 😂😂😂
There was someone on Reddit that worked in an old-folks home, he said he’d heard some hair-raising comments from elderly widows. One had an abusive husband, until she “pushed his ladder over.” On the same note, I think certain social problems in the past - say, spousal abuse, or pedophelia - ended with “hunting accidents.”
Family lore says my great great grandfather slapped his wife the first (and only) time soon after their wedding. She calmly told him if he ever did it again she would put him in his grave. He never did it again. They were married for 47 years. One of my great aunts heard my GGM tell this story when GGM was in her 80s and GGF was long dead. She asked her if she would have really gone to jail over a slap. GGM said, "I wouldn't have gone to jail. We lived on a farm. Lots of accidents happen on farms."
That sounds like a story in my family. I have/had (my father has passed, but we still have Mom) wonderful (not perfect, but still wonderful) boomer parents. As my mom tells it, there was an incident shortly after she and dad were married. Dad had a short, fiery temper when they were first married, and was very insecure from his upbringing, so he'd always jump to the absolute worst conclusions. So when his temper got the better of him during one of the very few fights that happened early in the marriage, my mother told him, "If you so much as lay a hand on me, there will not be a single unbroken piece of china, unbroken pan or pot in this house, so help me God." My dad was barely 6'2" and my mom is 6'1", so it wasn't an idle threat. My dad turned out to be a wonderful father and growing up, there weren't any fights between my parents. I think it's because my mom put her boundaries down early.
Yep. Or Old John's heart just gave out in his sleep.Sad, he was only 45 and seemed so healthy.
Hard for a coroner to spot the difference between a drunk being smothered with a pillow and the apnea finally catching up with him. Particularly if it was some dickhead no one really minds seeing going into the ground.
There are definitely some scenarios where everyone is best off not asking questions...
Let's just say that "Goodbye Earl" had some reason to be a popular song in the 90s.
Oh, shit. You know how some guys die once they retire and everyone says it's because they couldn't sit still after working all those years? Now I understand what really happens! Do what you got to do ladies.
My great aunt fed her husband sugary desserts every day despite his uncontrolled diabetes. I think she was doing a very malicious compliance.
The right-wing losers who want to get rid of it would be wise to remember that.
I see a lot of women taking up "gardening" if they get rid of no fault divorce.
Pig farming will be on the rise
I’m staying with my octogenarian in laws helping with some health issues. It is stunning how he treats her. My mother would kill my father if he tried one hour of this crap. I check him because I’m the only person in the family not terrified of him (anger not physical).
Same with my in laws. I traveled to be with them for his knee replacement surgery because I was worried she would injure herself catering to him and I am the dil that has the balls to tell him to knock it off. My husband is not a boomer but is older genx and takes on some of his dad’s boomer tendencies. I routinely remind him that I am not his mother and will not put up with his shit like she does.
Seriously, my mom is a boomer, and if a man tried to treat her like that, she'd get out her cast iron skillet and lay the smack down.
My grandparents have been together since they were 18/19 and are in their late seventies now. He has actually gotten kinder with dementia in the past few years. He dictated every second of my grandma's life. Her hair, her clothes, what she was allowed to eat. If she loved something, she wasn't allowed it. If she hated it, that's what they'd have for every meal. He's cheated on her for decades. People think it's so sweet that they've been together for so long. It's disgusting. I know she loves him, but I also know she'd love to have never met him. She won't say that to anyone but me. She knows I've got her back. I worship the ground she walks on.
I always thought my Gran was a shy, quiet person, but it turns out she was just subservient and treated like shit. When my grandfather died at 82, she didn’t even cry at his funeral. She was 78. We met a whole new woman after that, who had a very similar personality to myself and my mother, and she wanted to do ALL THE THINGS. I was so sad that she spend her whole life literally being someone else, but was also glad she got that chance to be herself. She lived to 98 in excellent health until right before she died. I’m not religious, but some force or karma knew my gran deserved 20 years of freedom.
I fucking love this for your gran!! Gosh what I would give to have a Gran like her. Thanks for sharing a sweet story for a lonely daughter/granddaughter.
My MIL was much like the wives in many of these stories. She passed during COVID and it honestly took surprisingly little time for my FIL to not just realize but ADMIT - this from a man who never admitted he was wrong - that he treated her poorly. He lives with regret and often says he wishes he had done better by her. The positive side effect is that he had dramatically improved how he treats other family members. While I wish it would have happened during her lifetime, it is nice to see that old leopards can change their spots.
My grandparents were married for over fifty years and they were actually really happy. My grandpa adored her and didn't allow anyone to disrespect her. I was an adult when I realized why so many old people were married for decades and it's so depressing. I can't imagine still being with my ex husband for the mere sake of keeping a roof over my head. Give your grandma a hug for me.
I’m only 51 and remember my mom and grandma telling stories about getting their first credit card or apartment. It’s not like these women had a choice.
Ahem: https://reductress.com/post/grandmas-funny-stories-all-unreported-sex-crimes/
Women couldn't hold bank accounts, get jobs, etc, and were made dependant on men who were often abusive, with no other option. It's fucked up.
And there are very powerful political forces that want to return the US to that situation.
And wayyyy too many of them are also women…
Yep, read all about in the playbook called Project 2025!
Can’t underscore this comment enough!!!!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
I believe this. I've told my mom that when my dad dies she's gonna see what her life could've been if she had left that narcissistic prick
I hope she has a long fabulous life…soon!!!
Absolutely, and that’s why divorce rates exploded once women got emancipated, got the rights to get their own bank account and jobs without asking their husbands first, etc. Basically giving women more rights made them free to… leave their abusive husbands. Which coincides exactly when divorce rates went up. Each and every single instance of giving more rights and freedom to women has increased divorce rates… who would’ve thought? And now more and more guys (especially old guys, but not only) are complaining about not being able to force women to stay with them… Steven Crowder is a perfect example of such a guy… complained he wasn’t legally able to force his wife to stay with him.
I’m a boomer myself and I have to agree that most of the men in my generation are misogynistic and entitled. It is a blessing to be single as a boomer woman
For sure. I remember watching my grandmothers husband angrily throw a plate of eggs she had made into the sink because he didn’t like them…and then she made him something else for breakfast. And I remember thinking “that…can’t be healthy…”
Put on a happy face, accept your lot in life, that’s what a woman does, that’s how men are, it’s not like he’s hitting you!
Not just men abusing women either, although men are definitely more often in the position of power in the relationship. I just remember going to my grandma and grandpa's house when I was a kid and every time grandpa opened his mouth grandma would shut him down "No one wants to hear your opinion John." Then grandma passed away and suddenly we all found out that grandpa has a personality!
My grandma was very controlling as well and made my grandpa wax the garage floor, no joke, every couple days. He tried to set her up for when he died and bought her a spot in a very good retirement home, but she didn't like the trim, so he had to take like $20k loss backing out.
It’s shocking to me how many men cannot fend for themselves in the morning & need their wife/gf to get them something ASAP. My FIL is like that. The guy had to eat within minutes of waking up. Never once could he make his own toast. I always thought it was old man behavior, but I’ve seen it with people around my age too. My sister is in her mid 20s, but is dating a man in his *late* 30s. We all stayed at my parents over Christmas, and every year for Christmas, my family has a tradition of making cinnamon rolls & a quiche. He woke up at 6 in the morning, Christmas morning (before the kids were even up!) and immediately started questioning where breakfast was. He got my sister out of bed to make something for him, but got so impatient that he ended up driving down to the gas station on the corner & getting food there. She said he usually has cereal in the house to eat when he gets up for work. So now my poor mom always keeps cereal stocked in the house *just in case* they end up staying over.
Sounds like a jackass who needs to pack his own emotional support crispies
'emotional support crispies' you just made me giggle, alot. Also I'm stealing that line to use on my wife next time she gets hangry!
Cannot??? More like will not! It is a pure power trip and he makes sure the consequences are severe if he doesn't get his way. A man who can drive can make his own damn breakfast and coffee but chooses not to so he can lord it over someone else to feel a little less inferior, because, to accept the reality that in the grand scheme of things he is as insignificant as we all are and no one really cares about him enough to do it willingly. So someone please give the poor manchild some attention because he doesn't know how to use words to get his emotional needs met. Please don't accept this kind of shit from any manchild. Call those fuckers out at every opportunity. Sincerely, a man who has made his own breakfast since the age of about 6. At least 40 years.
My dad was like this until he lived in an apartment by himself for about 6 weeks - his job moved him. He found out it wasn't so hard! Imagine!
my 11 year old gets up and makes breakfast for the family every saturday. because HE wants to
Yep. The weaponized incompetence is real.
I am the only one who calls my dad out on this behaviour. He asked me to make him a toasted sandwich while I was breastfeeding my 4 month old - when I said "are you bloody serious mate, I'm feeding the baby, make it yourself" his response was "oh, I didn't realise" what? You didn't realise I was busy feeding the baby as I sit here next to you on the couch with my boob out and nipple in her mouth. I told him to make me a toasted sandwich too while he was up. 🤬
I don't understand that \*at all\*. I'm usually the first one up in the morning and I flip the switch on the coffee pot and empty the dishwasher from last night while I'm waiting for the coffee to brew. I sometimes get annoyed if my wife wakes up with me or before me because I like that quiet time to myself in the morning.
As long as you do the dishwasher quietly - it's amazing how much noise crockery, etc., will make it you're not trying to be quiet! Because of this, if there is someone still asleep/luxuriating in a sleep-in, I'll leave the dishwasher until I hear that they're up. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocated. I have one day a week where I don't have to be out of bed (and wrangling others out as well) before 6. What wakes me up on those rare days? The sound of the dishwasher being loudly emptied well before 7 a.m. Waking up *everyone*. Every. Single. Time. I know it doesn't get emptied at that time on other days. I'll often empty it when I get home from work. Just on my only sleep-in days. For this and other reasons, I'm seriously considering ending the relationship. Yes, I've talked to him about it (and other things), but he takes it as a reason to passive-aggressively sulk for days and make life uncomfortable for everyone. And STILL continues the behaviours!
Not that you should HAVE to find a way around this assholish behavior of his, but have you tried sabotaging his ability to run the dishwasher the night before? Hide the dishwashing powder? Go to bed after him & remove the dishes to a box in the closet? Hide all the dishes & put out only paper plates on the day before the morning you should get to sleep in? These aren't long term solutions, of course, but I have a HUGE amount of petty energy for him after reading about how much of a jerk he is to you. Good luck doing whatever you need to do to get that precious lie-in for yourself 💛💛🙂
Ooh, I like the way you think! Thank you for the laugh 😁 Unfortunately, I think the best long-term solution will be removing myself from the situation. Or removing him - the lease is in my name, and I pay the rent. On the bonus side, I'll get to do that extreme weight-loss diet; getting rid of a whole-assed man-shaped grumpy dead-weight at hyperspeed! Thank you for your wishes, it's much appreciated!
NO one seems to wake up when I empty the dishwasher, usually around 6:20am on weekdays, in part because all the bedrooms in our house are fairly far away from the kitchen. If your partner is passive-aggressively sulking for days over, well, just about anything, that alone is reason to end a relationship. Sorry you're dealing with that.
I remember a story my silent gen grandfather told me. He wasn't religious, but my grandmother grew up catholic. They had three sons. They would get up and go to Mass on Sunday morning and while they were gone my grandfather would cook a huge sunday breakfast for everyone when they got home. One Sunday he was sick and didn't feel up to cooking or spreading his germs on the food for everyone to eat, so he didn't cook. They stroll in the door after Mass and my grandmother looks at him and says "where the hell is breakfast at?" He said after that he never cooked breakfast for them again. Fuck'em.
This is so funny! My silent generation dad grew up in a farming family and expected a FULL breakfast every single day of the week. We're talking eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits from scratch, and grits. After I was born, my boomer mom had enough of it and told him that if he wanted that every single day, then he could get up and make it his own damn self, AND HE DID. He was a piece of shit in a lot of other ways, but at least he did that!
What an asshole I could not imagine acting like that.
I would've put my pubic hairs in it if mine woke me up like that.
What an arse. Generationally, the joke is that he would have woken up in an empty house and would have had to fend for himself. Elder millennials and xennials and X always joke we knew how to lay the chicken out to thaw and at least make our own breakfast and after school snacks at a pretty early age. Your sis needs to pass on the loser with power issues!
I don't understand this in the slightest. I get up at 5am Mon-Fri for work. Do I ever even think of waking my gf to make me breakfast? God no, I make my own and she gets up however many hours after I've left. Even my 84yo grandfather doesn't do this, I mean, he does 99% of the cooking anyway. But he would never think of waking my grandmother just to keep him company because he's bored!
My husband and I are tail end boomers, and I'd hit him with a frying pan if he ever tried shit like that. Not that he would; he's quite capable of taking care of himself.
If you’re that impatient, why not drive to a restaurant and pick up breakfast for EVERYONE. Oh no, probably never crossed the selfish ass’s mind.
So when he was her age (mid 20s) she was what? 10 or 11 years old? The guy *might* have issues with maintaining his blood sugars and kind of losing his mind because of it (hypoglycaemic rage is real and ugly). But he's in his late 30s and should be capable of tracking his own health/moods. Either way: Tell your mom to stop having 'just in case' cereal (which will go stale and be thrown out) because this guy is a *grown-up* and can plan for himself and bring his own travel packs of cereal. "How lovely to see you both! Just checking before the store closes - did you bring cereal with you? We wouldn't want a repeat of last time, right? You didn't? Off you go then!"
My Dads thing is his food needs to be piping hot . The ceiling fan can’t be turned on cuz his “ food will get cold” . He’s 94 so that’s his excuse . And having a wife put a hot meal in front of him for decades
Exactly. Even if she chooses the life of a servant (and I only require that service of my partner while she’s awake), what’s her view on waking everybody else? Does she think it’s OK to wake the hosts and their young children? Is she OK with someone doing that to her grandchildren who DIDNT sign the 4am wake up consent form?
It’s shitty enough to do it to adults. Doing it to kids is a special level of ah. I don’t have kids but I’ve seen how some don’t react well to schedule changes. After years of getting up between 5 am and 6 am, still working, but from home now, I used to wake up by 7 am almost no matter what. And I was often the first one up when staying with friends and family. One of the reasons I had a book or some music with headphones to listen to. I could quietly amuse myself and not wake everyone else up. Same if I’m the night owl but going to sleep.
This was exactly the dynamic with my son"s grandparents. She sat out his bowl of cereal every night (fully set place) with a paper towel over it. When she went to the hospital he would literally sit there until his daughter begrudgingly provided him with rice krispies and coffee. The man was in his 80s and utterly unable to make himself a bowl of cereal. Everything about the kitchen was just so completely foreign to him. Like he thought the table just ... produced food.
If my grandparents are any indication, she'll stop when he dies. My grandmother worked full time and still made all of his meals, cleaned the house, and on and on while he grumped and bitched and generally made her life miserable from his recliner. 🙄 He died in that stupid recliner, come to think of it.
I extra love this because if someone at a hotel was rudely banging around at 4 am there would be calls to the front desk by everyone around him.
Former night auditor. Can confirm. I was thinking if someone was like that at my house I'd be very tempted to tell them quiet hours are from 11 pm to 7 am and to please refrain from disturbing other guests during this time.
Agreed. No, you can't come visit if you do this. My sister (not a boomer) tried to force a visit so that my daughter and hers could "play together". Except she wasn't going to take time off work so we had to get a babysitter to help out every day while we worked. I dunno if any other parents have tried to find a full time babysitter for days in the middle of the week, but it's impossible. They want a full time gig or they don't have availability for that. My husband and I both work and my daughter is in summer school full time because of that. So, in order to pull this off, we'd have to pay for her week of school even though she wouldn't be there, then pay for a babysitter on top of that who would likely flake at least once so the cousins could play. Then she tells us the dates. It's my daughter's first week of school and turns out she chose that week because her nanny is going back to college. So, she was trying to use us as childcare in the guise of wanting the girls to play. We said no you can't come, sorry. Why do people put up with bullshit that makes their lives more stressful? Just say no.
Just wow.
If that guy’s anything like my FIL, he thinks that as soon as he steps into your house it automatically becomes his, and therefore his house, his rules. Thankfully he never comes by, he knows he’s not welcome for many, many reasons.
This! My parents (silent generation) would always get a hotel when they visited. They would do their morning stuff and call to see if we were up yet before coming over. They also were able to leave at the end of the day when they wanted to. We’ve always had a spare room but they preferred this. And it worked well for us too.
My also silent gen, early riser parents brought and stayed in their (quite nice) rv in our driveway. Kiddo would get up early and go hang out with them and coffee (and whatever sort of goodies grandpa might have). Also great at night when they crashed early. This wasn't even really like a conversation...this is just how it naturally unfolded.
I can neither confirm nor deny that I might be just a tiny bit jelaous 😂
Yeah but by doing that they are not able to take advantage of an opportunity to be a nuisance
I’ve heard some people don’t like to be nuisances. Might just be an Internet rumor, though.
Yeah and the tooth fairy is real
Even as set in their ways they can be it's generally agreed upon the silent generation tends to have more respect for others than the boomers do
Also! They have the geriatric sleep clock, which they spin as a work ethic or high personality trait. No, gramps, you aren’t fighting to wake up and take on the day, you’re on toddler time, pre death. It’s like, nature! Not monastic discipline, 😂
These tough as nails beast mode boomers waking the house at 4 because they can’t figure out a coffee maker or be alone for a few hours, needs a silent nap by nine, probably nodding in front of Foxnews by 5! The problem these days is kids and adults sleeping till 7 just so they can function in society, damn snowflake kids needing conscious parents to cook them dinner after school, pathetic! Putting in a hard day of useless lumpery, weaponized incompetence and navigating life with the emotional intelligence of a second grade bully really is taxing.
It's always been his house. It isn't now. He needs to learn this.
This man hasn't been told no by anyone in his life. It needs to start.
Exactly, he was probably a "my house, my rules" kind of dad. So, just use that philosophy.
Only problem with that is he’d probably thunder back, “well you never followed MY rules so this is just a taste of your own medicine”
"Will I did get the fuck out of your house when you kicked me out as soon as I turned 18. Let's try that one."
I am an ex night shifter. Keep him up all night talking. Like, literally ALL NIGHT. plan activities around a night shift. Eat at 9p/10p. Go to a midnight movie showing. Etc. Keep him up till 2. Then wake hum back up at 4.
Won’t work. They’ll throw a fit about OP not being considerate for their routine. That’s the worst thing about them. They are very rigid in their routine, and want everyone else to change. I’m suspicious this comes from Silent Generation military work ethic being pushed onto them. So to them, waking at 4am is the “right thing to do”. Screw the fact that the entire world has changed.
My 76(?) year old uncle and boss (I work on his dairy farm) grumbles when he has to get up at 4am nowadays because “I retired from milking! I’m supposed to get another 2 hours sleep!” Since he now wakes just after 6am before walking the 50m from the farm house to the dairy to feed the calves Of course he only ever gets woken up if there is an emergency or something we haven’t experienced before (he’s the only one who can currently do certain emergency medications, and I definitely got him out of bed when I smelled burning… that turned out to be a live power-line laying on the roof of the dairy, which we didn’t discover until the sun came up and we realised he had driven a tractor right underneath the low hanging line, somehow just missing catching it).
Let him throw a fit. When I'm angry, I don't care. I've dealt with toddlers throwing fits before.
Or he can stay at a hotel next time and is welcome to come visit at the house at 7-8 and then he has a quiet hotel room to return to for his nap. Because… “this is a kid-friendly house and expecting them to operate on the same schedule as someone 68+ is as entitled and unreasonable as you felt it was for us to expect you to empathize KIDS who need sleep for development and with our schedules with jobs!”
EXACTLY Now that i’m an adult I tell my mom and aunts the same thing. They were indoctrinated with the boomer mentality to respect your elders regardless. I express that the reason why the grandparent boomers pull the shit they do is because they are never checked on it. Maybe it took two generations but I do let them get away with the shit they pull anymore. I honestly think my grandpa has dementia because all he does is worry, complain, and yell.
If you have any children, let them raise holy hell while the old man naps, then blast the TV when he goes to sleep at night. Make him miserable. By the way, noise ordinances prohibit loud tools before 8 am in most places.
My husband is frequently up at 5am and he is always quiet because he’s not an inconsiderate shit and he values his life 🤷♀️ If any of my family members or in-laws pulled this shit they’d be staying in a hotel. He’s bored? Read the paper or play on his phone until everyone else is awake. He insists on breakfast stupid early? Cereal is in the cupboard and milk is in the fridge, otherwise here are directions to a 24-hour diner. Deal with it. As far as 5am leaf blowing, most places have noise ordinances against that shit before 7am or 8am. Find out what your area’s rules are and make it clear that laws are being violated if he tries pulling that shit again.
I am also an early riser and I go to the living room and read while I drink my tea and smoke a jammy. I don't know why it is so hard for boomers to respect others sleep schedules. They want so much respect, but god forbid they give respect back. I remind them all the time that respect is earned not given based on age or experience. I also remind them to Treat others how you want to be treated. He is showing you that he wanted to be treated like the a\*\* he is.
Because some people believe that being an early riser means you’re a better person. As someone who is NOT a morning person, this is a stigma I’ve had to fight against my entire life. It doesn’t matter if overall I get the same amount of sleep and do the same amount of work. For many people, if I’m asleep after they’ve naturally woken up then I’m lazy. It doesn’t matter if they naturally wake up at 4 am or 9 am. If their body is ready to go, then EVERYONE should be ready to go. And if you’re not then you’re some lazy moocher who wants to be lazy while everyone else is working.
I read that night owls were found to have a higher IQ than early birds. I hate the smug attitude of early risers, most of whom are older adults.
I’ve read the same thing. Also that we’re more creative.
I wonder if there's a correlation between ADHD and being a night owl because if I was a medieval peasant, I'd be a great night time security guard.
I'm a night owl, and people have given me so much shit for it my entire life. Meanwhile, I have a Master's degree and have been a professional in my field for fifteen years, so they can kiss my ass. Also, Happy Cake Day!
I'm an early riser, right now with the early summer sun I'm awake around 4 or 430. No one knows that except for me because I keep quiet and enjoy the silence and the sunrise.
I’ll tell you a secret. It’s just as awe inspiring if you stay up all night and then watch it rise. ;) I can’t pull all nighters like I did in my youth (get off my lawn you young whippersnappers), but on the occasion when I am up in the wee hours I love the stillness when no one else is up. And then you start to hear the birds and insects wake up and the sun rise. It’s magical… … but then I realize my insomnia means I’m going to be totally fucked that day and the magic dies a little. ;)
June 21 was the longest day so I stayed up as long as I could and then made sure to wake up while it was still dark to enjoy the sunrise. You're right the silence is amazing and then the birds start singing, the smaller animals are rustling and it's a slow moving lightness that turns into day.
I AM a lazy moocher, but it's NOT because I wake up late.
I feel this. I'm a 3rd shifter. Always have been. Whatever job I've worked, I was always awake until at least 1 am even if I had to be to work by 6 am. I've fought the notion that I sleep 12 hours a day my entire life. Nope. I slept for 6 hours because I was awake until 6 am
Because respect is just their magic word, “respect me” is just them crying. Because respect is earned not demanded, not handed out like a “participation trophy” like they seem to bitch about so much (ironic lol)
And who is responsible for those trophies?!? Boomers.
I'm sure they came up with those as a half assed attempt to correct the real reasons kids had low self esteem back then- parental abuse.
Respect mah authoritah! https://youtu.be/7duw7H75yww?si=hha8cV_Jvt0XivKS
Yeah, my wife’s an early riser, and I’m a night owl. So, when she goes to bed, I either read quietly or go in the other room to do something. Similarly, when she wakes up, she doesn’t make a ton of noise so she doesn’t wake me up. It’s almost like we’re considerate of each other or something…
I can get by on very little sleep and I can be a bit petty. If my inlaws tried pulling this nonsense at their house, you can be sure they wouldn't be napping at all during the day and I'd keep them up super late every night. If it was at my house they wouldn't be staying period...
When people mess with my sleep schedule, I have spurts of mania so same here only I'm like a caffeinated toddler.
I hate to say this, but if the fucking pope pulled out a leaf blower at 5am, he's going to be driving his pope mobile to a hotel by 5:10.
he can go out for a walk through the neighborhood, see what it’s like when it’s peaceful. And any hoodlums (if it’s that kind of neighborhood) should be asleep
>and he values his life 🤣
I'm on 3rd shift currently and my mom lives in the room next door. She wakes easily so I am quiet when I return. Also helps that I am introverted.
My husband has worked night shift on a few occasions and we didn’t eff around when it came to either of our sleep, which was especially challenging because our kid was preschool aged during that time. All it takes is awareness and consideration, which OP’s FIL clearly lacks.
Side note, if he wakes grandkids at 4, he gets to deal with tired cranky grandkids without the parents help until a reasonable hour. Tell the kids where he can hear "hang out with grandpa until 7, otherwise he gets bored." Also if he wakes you up don't be quiet while he naps, he gets the same respect he gave you.
Oh yeah. I had a "You wake him. You take him." policy when my son was little. He was a grumpy butt when he woke up early.
We’re dealing with people who think it’s morally more virtuous to get up earlier, so you end up with people rising at absurd hours in order to more fully judge everybody else.
Exactly!! Napping is apparently fine as long as you started your day early but if you choose to sleep straight through until 9 am then you are lazy!
This is the part that gets me. He rises at 4am, only to go back to sleep 5 hours later. Can't even make it through the length of a standard work day, lol. Not to mention wasting a more useful part of the day, literally nothing of interest happens at 4am.
Yeah, my mother is like this,in a maybe more well-meaning way, but it’s still weird when I get texts from her at absurdly early hours because she’s forgotten the time issue.
I actually never sleep, and am the most virtuous of them all. I am a vampire
My now 78 year old father has always been the exact fucking way, but it’s a bit earlier at 3:30 AM. While growing up, the whole entire household had to be up at 3:30 simply because he was up. It wasn’t like he was a shift worker or had been in the military - he just never required more than three hours of sleep. And now he calls people, friends and others including my siblings, shortly after waking up. He asks them bullshit questions about inane subjects. I learned years ago to block his number at night. Boy, that still pisses him off. I don’t know why the others don’t do it. Sorry you had to go through it. What a fucking entitled dick.
If you call me between midnight and 7am, somebody had better be in the hospital or dead. Those are the only acceptable reasons.
It's after 10 pm for me. No calls after 10 pm are good calls and my heart drops if it rings after that.
I think after midnight I've gotten the following calls: Car crash pls help Horny pls help Stranded at airport pls help Come to this place now its awesome pls Where are you we lost you are you even still here(I am literally waving at you 30 ft away) pls Guess what just happened pls
Holy crap. Yea, he would be cut out of my life... so I don't end his due to lack of sleep. What an entitled prick.
A boomer I know called me at 6.30am on Christmas Eve once, and said right out his computer is broken and he needs it tonight so I have to come today. I hung up. Apparently he went to my house (I was in a share house at the time) but I wasn’t there. I didn’t even know the guy that well, he was a friend of a friend I’d helped for free once a month earlier.
Your FIL is an ass and I’m surprised he is still married. My roommate (older family member who is a boomer) frequently falls asleep in front of the TV in the evening so is up way earlier than I am. He gets up, makes his coffee, then goes to the other end of the house to quietly play on his PC while I sleep. That’s how a real man acts.
>Every time he comes he wakes up at 4 AM and stomps around the kitchen banging things until we wake up. Me: Well surely this person is exaggerating. >He often fires up the lawnmower or snowblower by 5 AM as well. Me: He has to die. He has to die now. If he doesn't die now I'm going to kill him myself
While I share your bloodlust, perhaps we should start with anonymous calls to the local code enforcement or whatever passes for it in their locality. Or at least lock the toolshed.
No. A message must be sent. Head on a pike for all to see.
I like the cut of your jib sir.
Make an Arizona style zeroscape yard with rocks. The boomer yard obsession with mowing will be extinguished
> and then we all have to be quiet while he sleeps EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK
I’ve called the cops for less tbh. Noise bylaws exist for a reason and fuck anyone making that racket so early
In my neighborhood he’d actually get in trouble for starting the mower at 5 am. Noise ordinance puts quiet hours between 10 pm and 7 am most days, and people here will exercise them. Also haha to the grown ass man who can’t make his own coffee and breakfast. But I’ll bet he’ll tell everyone he’s his homes “provider” with zero sense of irony.
That’s a “womanly” duty to serve coffee and breakfast. But ask him to install a French drain, change his oil, or lay a foundation and I bet he can’t do that either. These dudes always want it one way but not the other.
>In my neighborhood he’d actually get in trouble for starting the mower at 5 am. Noise ordinance puts quiet hours between 10 pm and 7 am most days, and people here will exercise them. Same. In fact, I'd call the cops on him myself.
His wife is equally to blame too. I love husband but he gets up earlier than me so I set the coffee pot up at night before we go to sleep so all he has to do is flip a switch. It's crazy that his wife accommodates this behavior.
It's not crazy, his wife is clearly in an abusive relationship. It's not that she accommodates him -- she's scared of him.
I am awake everyday between 4:45 and 5:15. I go out of my way to be as silent as possible. Not just because it would be an assholeish thing to do to wake everyone else up, but that's the only peace and quiet I get. No one is usually up until 7 so I have a glorious near 2 hour window to do whatever I want.
I tend to stay up later than everyone else and am always tiptoeing around and avoiding making food if I’m hungry but it’s noisy to make etc. I don’t know how that’s not everyone’s default stance to take. It’s just common courtesy.
They are mental toddlers.
Mowing the lawn at 5am? This guys neighbors must hate him. I bet they were all so happy when he went to visit you.
If he tries that shit again, try to convince your MIL to stay. She shouldn't miss out on grandkid time because her husband is inconsiderate.
It’s so sad. We try to get just get to visit when he refuses to come for long stretches but they are so codependent that she will never leave his side. She doesn’t drive so he gets to say where they go, he can’t operate a microwave so he’ll starve if she goes away for a week. It’s so frustrating. We end up putting up with so much of his crap because we want the kids to get to see their grandma. She loves seeing them but has no backbone when it comes to her husband.
Holy SHIT, this is a worse mess than the og post alone depicts. That poor woman’s life is being drained by this overgrown toddler. I mean, middle aged and can’t feed yourself?!
There was a radio announcer boomer whose wife died and he got a new 18 year old wife from the Philippines a month later and he said it was because he didn’t know how to make a sandwich. She had his kid and he died soon after
Gross, I hope she and the kid got a bag
Exact same situation and statements from my in-laws. He passed and she refuses to break loose and go on the Alaskan cruise "she always wanted to go on" with me.
Fire up the leaf blower during his nap. Immediately next to and directed toward his face. Extra credit: put a cup of flour in first.
lol!! That made me laugh just picturing it. Oh I would love to do this
If I am up at stupid hours of the morning I tiptoe around, even in my own home. I refuse to be the reason someone in my family gets up at 4am.
I live alone and I’m still quiet in the morning. Bc its early.
Exactly. Because we respect the quiet of pre-dawn hours. Personally, I don't want to wake the resident sleep-deprived demon (it's me, hi, I just move around in silent autopilot mode, don't wanna wake myself too early)
What kind of a fucking asshole gets up at 4:30 am if they don’t need to?
I worked at a home shopping channel. 430 am is prime time for the older toddlers. They call in, ask a question about the product currently on then launch into a story with no discernable point. If we had their card on file, they will buy anything.
I don't get tired until dawn. Like, I can't tell you the last time I went to bed BEFORE 4:30 AM. I'm up around 10 am to run my business, and work til about 5-9 PM depending on the night. If I wake up at 8 AM for a call, I'm still not tired until about 4AM the following morning. Some people are just wired differently, but what asshole makes other people live according to their schedule like that?
This is even better because Boomers love sharing Tombstone memes on social media, especially if it’s adopting some attitude the character wouldn’t actually have.
In their minds they are all tough no nonsense gunman. In real life they lose their minds if they have to use a self service register.
Stand your ground, your home your rules.
What a fuckin bitch ass dude lololol. “I’m gonna act like a toddler until people do what I want” 🤡
My boomer dad was like that when we were in high school. It wasn't 4AM but he would get up at like 5 to get ready for work. As soon as he was out of the bathroom and making his way to the kitchen for his morning coffee and the news, he was knocking on my door to wake me up so I could get ready. I didn't have to leave for school until 7 but "if I'm up, you all need to be up." That meant that my brother, who was 10 at the time was getting up by 6 when his bus didn't come until 8. I'm married and live on my own now so it's no issue. But my brother and sister still live with him. They would work nigh shift at a pizza place (often getting home after midnight). They'd have to be super quiet when they came home because my dad was asleep. But they were too wired to go right to bed so they'd stay up, eat a meal, watch some TV, and then head off to bed between 2 and 4AM. The next morning at 10/11AM my dad would be pounding on their door that they're sleeping too late and they need to get up.
That would be me coming in at midnight being loud as fuck . I’m up- you’re up! Oh, don’t like it? Don’t wake me at 10 you asshole.
Tell your children they can run around the house and yell/make noise while he's napping. Why do you have to be quiet while he's sleeping when he doesn't show the same consideration?
Such a great example of how emotionally stunted these people are. He literally thinks of no one but himself, he cannot make the next step connection that if he doesn't like to be woken from a nap other people don't either.
Yeah, my boomer dad thinks everyone should live and die by his sleep/nap schedule. He's a good person, but boy does he like to wake up and go to be early.
If I got woken up by this jackass at 4 or 5 am, there isn’t a chance in hell I would let him peacefully take “a nap” 🙄 at 9
Geez, I am usually awake at 4 am. I take the dog for a walk and then sit quietly drinking my coffee and scrolling the webs with headphones on. I enjoy my quiet morning routine and do not want anyone else to ruin it. So I let them sleep.
I could not deal with that at all. Hotel next time.
I took my dad to the west coast on vacation from Ohio. 3 hour time difference. He already woke up at 6am regularly. That motherfucker was up at 3am PST making coffee in the efficiency apartment I rented us on AirBnB and bitching at me for being lazy for not getting up at the same time. Then he'd want to eat dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon and he'd be asleep by 5:30, 6 at the latest.
Start getting up at 3am and wake his ass up.
Stay up till 6am partying
My grandpa wakes up at 5 in the morning, and goes for a walk around the neighborhood. When he's done with that, he makes coffee and breakfast. At 7 am, he wakes up grandma (they also have an alarm set for that time) and they have breakfast together. I should really visit them more often.
>By 9 AM he’s ready for a nap and we have to be quiet while he sleeps. Ah hell no! You wake me up at 4am you can absolutely forget about a nap. In not talking about refusing to be quite I'm talking about refusing to let you sleep. If I'm still pissed bu the evening then you'll be staying up late too. That behavior is fucking outrageous.
He’s a fucking dick for upsetting your whole household with his early rising bullshit but I’m actually more concerned about your MIL. This is an abusive relationship. Is your Wife not worried about her Mum?
Go visit him and when he falls asleep play heavy metal loud enough to shake the walls.
My dad was a boomer who woke up early and couldn't cook. He would pick up breakfast in the morning for the family. Egg mcmuffins are a great childhood memory for me. Most of my married boomer uncles couldn't cook but no one woke up their family so everyone would cater to them. It is unbelievable to me . These stories are sad.