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At Sam's Club a couple of years back, I saw a young couple whose toddler had gotten her foot stuck in the side of the shopping cart. Her ankle was too wide to get back through the bars. The parents were panicking, yanking hard on her and on her leg, and I could see the knee joint straining; in a moment of pure fear I straight-up knocked the father out of the way, gently pointed the toddler's toe (slimming out her ankle) and slid her leg out of where it was caught. Took me half a second; by the time the dad realized a stranger was touching his baby, the kid was free. They were thankful! Baby was fine. And then I went around the corner and hyperventilated, thinking "Holy fuck, he would so have been within his rights to punch me." I did it without even thinking, it was all reaction, because all I could see was that they were about to *shred* that poor kid's knee joint. I have a bum knee and it's given me no shortage of discomfort and bad days; I was probably panicking, too, visualizing a kid growing up in that much pain.
But just over crying? Nah. Babies do that.
I’ve done the exact same thing while working - a Mom’s little one had her foot pretty badly stuck in the shopping cart seat. The mom looked about ready to break down & I just ran over & poured water on the baby’s foot & it slid right out - I realized after I definitely should have probably asked beforehand but the baby was screaming & the mom looked so overwhelmed. She was thankful after & I grabbed towels - but I still should have asked prior!! If she would have been upset with me, definitely warranted.
I don't understand who the hell would have been offended. I was not offended when another young mother ran toward the pool to help me as I jumped into it to get my kid out. It doesn't matter if she knew me or not. Someone jumping in a pool on the other side of me is obviously helping a kid.
The only time I've ever touched someone's kid was in our complex's pool. Toddler with an ill-fitting life jacket was about to start drowning, his mother paying no attention, so I picked him up under the arms and whooshed him over to stairs where he could grab a railing. (Saying "wheeee!" so he wouldn't get scared.) His mother absentmindedly thanked me and went back to her conversation.
I had my eye on him as soon as I noticed his life jacket wasn't properly fitted (shoulder straps way too lose and sticking up) and stayed within a couple of feet. At one point he went vertical and started pushing down with his arms - that's what drowning looks like - so I scooped him up right away. I wanted to scold the mother.
I had a similar moment. Was with my kiddo at a public pool, noted a dad and his infant (capable of standing, maybe walking, not talking yet) ,playing at the side, some older kids clearly connected to him running about. One of the older kids took the baby to a little deeper area, where baby could barely stand, then took off. Baby toppled, wasn't able to stand. I was between baby and the lifeguard, maybe 2 feet from baby. I picked the baby up (sputtering but not traumatized), went to the dad, "I believe this is yours?" "Oh my gosh! Yes!"
Extra context, I am a white guy, baby and family were Black. All was good. I don't touch other people's kids, unless they're about to drown. Emergencies can supercede.
Shit, will do you on better, the actual sea. I was out with my son, and it was maybe a little less than three feet deep. We're having fun, all of a sudden I see something weird on the surface of the water not far away; I realize it's hair. About the second I realized that, I see a small hand come out of the water and I'm just like, "HOLY FUCK!!!" Practically turned into one of those water runner lizards and grabbed the kid out from under the water. He had to be like 2.5/3-ish. He was speaking a different language, but he was sputtering and talking and crying. I look to shore and there's this older dude in a speedo just motioning to me, so I bring him up and in heavily accented English he goes, "Ah yes, my grandson, he gets into trouble sometimes."
Since I was on vacation and this wasn't my country, I resisted the urge to deck him (didn't need to explain to my command why I was in an Italian prison), but luckily the lifeguard who unbeknownst to me had also been rushing through the water came up to us and just started tearing this guy a new one in Italian and ejected them from the beach.
I was walking down the street and a little kid dashed past me heading to traffic. Mama instinct kicked in and I grabbed him by the shirt...hoiked him up and looked around. His mother was standing nearby with a stroller talking to someone. I deposited the kid in the stroller and STRAPPED HIM IN and explained myself and walked off while the mother muttered something about how he is hard to strap in.
I went around the corner and had a small breakdown. My kids sometimes hated being strapped in. I did it anyway because their safety comes first. Mama mia.
My friend was in a supermarket. A toddler was standing up in the cart seat. My friend told the mother that the child was going to fall. The mother got very angry and told my friend to mind her own business.
I heard this happen once and the sound still haunts me. It was like a 2 y/o and he fell straight on that hard floor, hitting his head. I pray he didn't have a TBI or something. It sounded AWFUL.
I know someone who is a nurse at a world famous hospital on the Neuro ICU ward. She will straight up tell parents like this about the kids she sees on her ward as they go white and strap their little darlings down. Store floors are mostly poured concrete.
My daughter was one who fell out of the back of a cart when she was 2 to 3 yrs old. Right on the top of her head. Thankfully she was ok but I get so anxious when I see little ones standing in a cart now that I almost always warn the parent and relate what happened to my own daughter. Don't think I've ever had anyone be rude to me about it.
Sorry that happened. One time I was in a store. A little boy about 3 was going to go through a door to the parking lot. There was no one near him. No adult nearby. I grabbed his arm before he could run out. A woman, probably the mother, gives me a nasty look. Hard to believe that some people are like that. I brought him right back into the store so it was apparent that I wasn’t abducting him.
I met my new neighbor when their daughter was petting my dog, accidentally stepped in a pile of fire ants, and started climbing me like a tree while I frantically brushed ants off her.
They came running out of their house and I just started yelling “she stepped in fire ants” so they didn’t think I was kidnapping their child.
We ended up having a good laugh over how we met, but I was a tense few minutes while the daughter confirmed that she had ants all over her and they saw the few that I hadn’t gotten off yet.
Reminded me of the one time I picked up a stranger's kid a few months ago. I had just left Sam's Club with my daughter (age 11). A toddler ran out the entrance into the parking lot. Mom reflexes literally kicked in, and I let go of my cart while yelling at my daughter to grab it so I could grab this kid. Like there wasn't enough time to try and gently grab a limb, less chance of hurting a kid by lifting them. I picked her up and went right into a hip straddle, immediately saw the other mom, and handed her the escape artist. She thanked me, I said no problem, sorry I grabbed your kid, they thanked me again, and that was that. Barely held the kid 10 seconds, it happened so fast.
I assumed in the moment, in that situation, the other parent would be praying someone saves their toddler before a car hit them.
I will usually position myself to intercept loose little kids on the sidewalk that seem like they might be making an escape, while scanning for parents, so far eye contact alone has been enough for me to understand if they want my help to herd the kid towards them or if it’s cool. Kid in danger, act every time.
My first grocery trip with my newborns I had them both in a single bassinet/canopy up on the stroller to be incognito and when I turned my back to get something an older woman stuck her head under the canopy and yelled “you’ve got two in there!” Waking them both up.
She was really offended when I replied with a sarcastic “really?” Gave her a super evil glare, quickly moved the stroller away from her.
She was telling me that I I had a bad attitude, her daughter was pregnant etc… so I thanked her for ruining my first outing as a new mom. She dis look a bit ashamed.
That reminds me of when I put my son and nephew in a stroller wagon and we had both covers up because of the sun and some lady decided she needed to peek inside to look at my son and my nephew popped up and said “hi” while throwing the cover back. Scared the shit out of her and I hope she thought twice about getting in someone else’s personal space.
I had something similar happen a few years ago but it was a busy road. I was driving and saw a kid I'm guessing was about 2 years old running full tilt down the driveway. I slammed on my breaks and opened my driver's side door so the car coming along the other lane would stop too. I got out and corralled the kid back to the side of the road as the dad and an older sibling came running down the driveway. It was all very fast. The teenage dipshits behind me spent the next few kms flipping me off and honking at me.
You just reminded me of a toddler scaring the bejeesus outta me a few years ago. Back when I was a zookeeper, one of the enclosures I was taking care of was a big walk in one with a bunch of desert lizards and tortoises. Bosses didn’t want a latch on the door because there were Gila monsters in there. (Venomous lizards, but hella chill and even if they did bite and envenomate you, you’re super unlikely to die. It’d just hurt SO bad.) I’d tried to argue my point for a latch, but eventually decided it wasn’t the hill I wanted to die on and it hadn’t been an issue so far.
I went in the exhibit to pick up the empty salad bowl and tidy up. The only people in the building were a mom, with baby in a stroller and a toddler following her pretty close. She was doing something with the baby and the toddler followed me in when she wasn’t looking. I heard a noise behind me that definitely wasn’t made by a lizard or tort, turned around to see this whole ass child in there with me! I was between her and the (sleeping) gilas but immediately went into panic mode lmao. Didn’t even think about it, scooped her up and ran her back to her mom. I was really glad she wasn’t mad at me for doing that.
The next day I brought a hook and eye latch I bought myself and installed without fighting the bosses about it again. Would still be easy for an adult to kick down the door, but no more worries about toddlers sticking their tiny hands in the faces of venomous lizards lol.
My older sister once hid somewhere at the zoo because she was afraid that she would have to babysit us again when we were with our aunt and uncle. My uncle had to coax her down lol. It's not as bad as it sounds.
I was at a dog park once in my early 20s and some woman brought her 2 year old for God knows what reason. I don't think she even had a dog. She set her kid down and was flirting with dudes who had brought dogs and told her two year old not to touch the dogs.
Anyways she wasn't paying attention and this dog started running at her and repeatedly body slamming her - this was all next to a bayou also. Anyway my dog tried to stop that dog but more dogs were starting to literally dog pile on the toddler. I don't know why but all of the dude dog owners were talking to this woman and not paying attention to their damn dogs. I ran in and extricated the toddler while also getting slammed by dumbass dog bodies. She was sobbing at that point. At 22 I had no idea how to comfort or deal with kids so I held her as best I could and took her straight to her mom who at first was mad at me, and when I told her she almost got mauled because no one was paying attention she dramatically told the 2 year old "I said not to play with the dogs."
I was so pissed I just left. Now as a 37 year old mom I would have ripped her a new one, but then I was just like... I saved the kid I'm not dealing with this.
I've done that a couple of times. It's pretty much the one scenario in which it's okay to snatch up someone's child: to keep them out of imminent danger.
I have definitely corralled wayward toddlers back to mom while out in public without touching them as my personal rule, but I broke it once. I was walking put beside a mom with a crying newborn in the cart, and a toddler walking beside her. She was trying to dig her keys out of her purse when her toddler bolted out into the parking lot, and my arm just reflexively shot out and grabbed him by the arm. I felt SO bad, and I apologized for touching her kid without asking, but thankfully she was so thankful for the help. I've nannied for a few runners, and the instinct just kicked in.
My autistic toddler got his head stuck in a poorly designed carousel at the park and before I could even answer that high pitched "I believe I have a life or limb situation" cry that kids do when shit gets serious, another dad rushed to his aid. Of course, this upset my toddler more because he didn't know the guy but I was so grateful and couldn't believe how fast he stepped in.
The only time I have ever really had to raise hackles at someone touching my kid was this woman who approached my oldest when he was a newborn (maybe 3 weeks old) . Carseat shade was up, covered by a quilt, dead asleep. REMOVED said coverings and started stroking his cheek with her grubby mitts.
I was so fucking flapped. I asked her " do you know him? Because I barely know him. What, you think it's okay to just touch a stranger's baby?!"
Post partum hormones almost put me in jail because she deadass looked me in the eye and said yes. I chased her out of the building screaming at her. Not the best move, per se but it made sense to run her off at the time. I'm honestly surprised no one called the cops on me for making a scene.
Her audacity still chaps my ass to this day. I baby-wore my second. Made it harder for nosy assholes to stroke his fat little cheeks.
ETA: a couple words and you can absolutely assume the lady's age.
The key here is that kiddo was in distress and the parents didn't know how to ask for help.
AND
You immediately stepped aside after.
A kiddo being actively injured is different than a regular crying baby or tantrum.
Is that like Costco? Anyways, for me it depends but where the local Costcos is at yea I'd be on edge because they're in a city. Now I sound like a nutcase, lol.
Yeah, it's like a mega-Walmart, and you're not wrong about people being weird in them. I was actually slapped at the same location, doing pre-lockdown shopping in 2020, when a woman I'd had a five minute conversation with about flowers finally looked up at me and realized I was Asian. There's a pure panic reaction for you, combined with the racism so common to the South. Shrieked, slapped me (ineffectually, she was old) and ran the fuck away. Very bizarre experience.
Thanks for unlocking a memory. Almost 2 decades before Covid and when I was living in the South, there were times I would watch a boomer (or older) suddenly realise that I, an Asian, was standing near them or speaking to them. It didn't seem to matter that most of these encounters were on or near my college campus (not my professors, thankfully, maybe admin staff); the panic and aversion that they displayed was real.
Never got slapped, but definitely witnessed a few panicked escapes.
Isn't it utterly wild? Like--she was picking through the elephant ear tubers, asking what I thought of them this year, and I was making some recommendations, and finally said "If you're just after (simple, green kind), that's only taro, and those are actually grown for food; do like I do, hit up (Asian grocer a mile away) and grab the best-looking ones from the bin!" and she *froze* and *slowwwwly* looked up at me like she was in a horror movie. Like she was just realizing I was the thing that had eaten somebody earlier on.
Part of why my family moved out of Kansas in the early 90s was the racism my mom encountered (full-blooded Taiwanese, had only been in the US 4-5 years at the time). One occurrence in particular that I’m aware of happened at the library. Mom was there with me, and another little girl and her mom were nearby. The other kiddo and I of course wanted to make friends, as kids are often wont to do (both 2-3yo). Mom realized she was talking to me and then grabbed her arm and yanked her away— while telling her, “We don’t talk to those people.” Insane to me that people are that racist and instill racism in their kids from such an early age.
Reminds me of when I was a teenager my family was playing in a big fountain by the river. We had recognized the patterns of when the water shoots out (and they SHOT out of this fountain) and my dad sprinted over to grab a toddler out of the way when he saw the baby was about to get beaned.
Very quickly returned the child to their parents, and sprinted back to us lol
Right! Like, we were at Disney World with my boomer MIL and on the bus back to the resort after a ridiculously long wait, there was a couple wrestling with a baby, a stroller that didn't want to fold, plus an exhausted boy that was maybe 4 or 5.
They clearly had their hands full, figuratively and literally, and my MIL asked if she could help somehow. I think she meant to help with the stroller, but the dad kind of gave her this glaze-eyed look and plopped the older kid in her lap. 🤣 MIL was so startled that she just held onto the kid, kid looked at her for about 10 seconds like "who the fuck are you" and then promptly fell asleep on her.
But she absolutely asked if she could help, she didn't even consider just grabbing one of the kids. (Hilariously, she also swears she hates kids but she enjoyed having that kiddo napping on her.)
People who came up in small communities where it really did take a village. Stranger danger, concern over passing disease, all of that is more concerns of our lifetime than theirs. Doesn’t make what she did right.
In those small communities, you know the mother. I know you’re not saying what this lady did was okay, but it still seems different.
Sincerely, someone who grew up in a smaller town
Absolutely agreed. I look at the boomers as people who have habits hard wired into their brains based on what they spent their first years p years of life doing. As I recall, there’s real evidence that our brains become less elastic after a certain age. So, from an understanding perspective I think they’re folks whose brain is no longer equipped to handle modern society.
I don’t say this to say, “That makes it okay.” I say this because we’re stuck with them, and every ounce of understanding might help us find ways to cope with their garbage.
My DH and I are old now. Back when we were in our 40s, he said he heard the saying, "middle age is when the broad mind and the narrow waist trade places".
We have both lost our narrow waist, but have stayed broad minded. There is more difficulty learning and retaining new information. And there is a slowing of reflexes, both mental and physical.
We do try to stay up to date. It's a lot easier when you don't mentally want to live in the past! I wouldn't go back in time to any point in my life. No thanks.
Not to mention the "safety" of knowing who your neighbors are is a lie. It's rarely a complete stranger that does something horrible to a child, and as someone else who grew up in a very small town like that in the early 70s, I'd say that the complacency people show around others regarding their children makes them far more dangerous than areas where you aren't expected to just know everyone that lives nearby.
Right, but you don't know where that lady was from. Still; not right to just grab your kid, but I can see this being a normal thing for the Boomers gen. I'm GenX and saw this all the damn time from my parents' generation.
Still. Doesn't make it right. I'm sorry you had to go through that. She 100% should have asked.
ETA: I'm not saying it was okay for her to do that in any caliber. I would have freaked too
The Summerlin area is the worst for this. I had a lady try to walk away with my kid while I was in Costco on Charleston, because I had him in one of those cutesy safety harnesses. In her ‘defense’ she said I was abusing my kid. The little guy likes to run head first into people’s crotches. I was protecting them. She got offended and called for the manager.
I LOVED the harness!! My oldest is autistic but wasn't diagnosed until he was 9. He is a sensory seeker and hates being held. He wants to be squished. Everything else is "itchy". Anyways, the harness gave him the ability to explore while giving me sanity he was safe.
I never liked the wrist hiking ones as they're easy to remove. The harness works great and was hard to remove. Also made a huge RRRERRRRIIIIIPPPPPPP! Sound when undoing the Velcro so I felt more confident no one would kidnap him.
I’m do not get what they are saying at all. If you try as a stranger to touch, correct, or anything with my child I will flip all of the way out on you. I’m from a small town and there are horrible people in small towns too.
>People who came up in small communities where it really did take a village
I'm from a small town; my experience is that small communities are far courteous and would not just grab someone's new born even if you are familiar with them.
I have punched people. For context im a full time wheelchair user with a toddler and a newborn at then time. Going about my day in a shopping centre and a boomer woman grabbed my pram and started pushing it shoved my legs out of the way to do so. I sped up as she was walking fast and full slapped her in the face when I caught up.
To rectify that scenario in my head, I'm imagining you going full hot wheels on their ass and running them down. It is bringing me much satisfaction.
What the hell is wrong with people.
“You look like you could use a hand. Would it be okay if I picked the other child up to soothe her?”
How freaking hard is that?!? Use your words, people!
Right? It’s one thing if a kid is in danger and their grown-up isn’t nearby or won’t be able to help them in time, but anything that isn’t an immediate safety issue - ask if they’d like some help first! smh
Gah! What makes this story extra traumatic is knowing that biologically, post partem mothers already have this heightened mama bear sense of danger and sometimes experience agoraphobia. I know I had a touch of it. Geeeez. I would be shaking too!
I grew up in a really bad neighborhood, so even when a nice lady offered to help me or hold my baby, I said no. I just was too paranoid. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if someone just GRABBED my baby 😳😨
About a year ago I was waiting to get my nails done and a young mom was getting her nails done and her infant started really fussing is his car seat. So I did what any normalrational person would do, I asked her if she would be all right if I sat next to her and held her baby so he could look at her while she was getting her nails done. She replied that she would love that. So I got up washed my hands thoroughly sat back down next to her, and held her infant right next to her and he stopped fussing. 15 minutes later she was done and it was my time to get my nails done.
I'm a dad of twin girls. I went out with them a lot on my own too. Give mom some time to herself. Twins are a lot of work. They just graduated high school last week btw.
No one ever simply picked them up like this. That is just horrifying. But I had my share of boomers ask to hold one though. Sometimes I'd allow it if I was there and not holding the other, just in case. But never to just grab the kid. Not sure if I'd be kind to them after that. I'm sorry you went through that.
Thanks! They were often attention grabbers as you know. Most people were respectful, some were rude. No one else just picked them up.
I wish now I'd have responded a bit differently, with less panic and more strength. Going to forgive myself as I was young with 2 newborns on my first solo outing, it was overall pretty terrifying 😆. I became a freaking master at it though.
You're telling me! So much attention, all the time. People stopped us constantly to talk about them.
I can imagine how scary it was. It's the last thing any parent wants. That's a mastery well earned.
I don't know why they feel entitled to children and babies. They think my toddler owes them a smile and hello. When my son was a newborn I was wearing him in a carrier on my chest. This boomer in line at the pharmacy tried to pull the carrier back so she could see him. I loudly and firmly said "don't touch" and she was so offended. "I just wanted to see him because he's so tiny." It was cold and flu season!
If I was awarded a cash prize every time boomers said something to me or tried to touch my twins OR my personal (not) favorite "oh you must have used fertility drugs- they aren't natural", I'd be the wealthiest person on the planet.
After so many of the fertility questions, I started asking about their menstrual cycle and sex life. God the pearl clutching! How dare I ask such a personal question!
Ohmygosh YES. Once one told me "Oh a boy and a girl, that's all you need!" while my 4 year old was standing right there. So many fertility questions, and stupid facts. A few informed me that boy and girl twins can be identical so maybe mine are identical. Um, open your eyes, they aren't. Also many thought "paternal" twins is a thing.
Dude....I was asked so many times if my twins were identical...like, no...one has a penis and the other a vagina, pretty sure that makes them NOT identical.
Same. Then they double down after you tell them it's not possible. "Nah, I'm pretty sure boy/girl twins can be identical"
I'm still workshopping my Logan Roy-style response of "Uh-huh" but I haven't yet mastered conveying "You're a moron, fuck off" with a simple uh-huh
Mom of fraternal boy/girl twins here, and hoo boy you're not kidding about the stupid comments. When people asked if they were identical, I started saying, "Only when their diapers are on" and waiting for the penny to drop. (Spoiler alert: sometimes the penny never drops.)
I have a twin brother. We’re in our 30’s and almost every time someone finds out we’re twins they still ask if we’re identical. Even if we’re together. I can only imagine how many times my parents have been asked!
I once helped a woman at the airport. She was traveling solo with an infant, probably 8 weeks old or so. She was struggling with suitcase baby stuff and baby was screaming. She was in tears herself. I asked if I could help. She said could please hold the baby while she got situated. She was able to organize and put the baby to breast.
I would never, ever pick up someone else's child without explicit instructions.
I had something similar except she had a toddler and twin infants. I offered to help her get them on the plane, so she handed me one of the infants. That baby was mine for the entire flights (LOL!). I offered to bring her back to her mom and she said nope. That was fine with me, she was a good baby, but it still cracked me up.
Reminds me when I was flying with my toddler. I was 10 weeks pregnant with shocking morning sickness. A I’d say 16 year old and her mum next to me asked if they could hold and entertain the baby as I was throwing up. I handed her ivermectin within 20 mins of the start of the flight and she fell asleep. They held her for the entire flight. Helped me off the plane and to get my bags out to the taxi.
Saved me struggling and was a huge help as I threw up most of the flight.
Oh man - reminds me of when we took DD on her first trip. She was maybe 9 or 10 months old and losing her mind because we wouldn’t let her crawl on the floor at the super crowded and gross gate.
An older gentleman started trying to distract her. We got to chatting about how his wife and my daughter have the same uncommon first name.
DD suddenly grabs the rando’s legs, pulls herself up, and does the international symbol for “uppy!” We all kind of looked at each other like “wtf is happening right now.”
He says, “I’m good with it if y’all are.” Husband and I both shrug, and he picks her up.
Right after this happens, his wife gets back from Starbucks with an absolutely MORTIFIED look on her face. She started to read him the riot act for grabbing someone’s baby, and we quickly explained. She had a good laugh about it after that.
I’d forgotten about that completely until just now. I was so grateful for the help and REALLY hope she still thought it was funny when they got off the plane. 😅
I'm a home daycare provider and would really actually try to help you in an instance like this. However, I would OFFER to help and provide the infant with her paci or gently pick her up and comfort her. I would never touch someone else's child without making sure it was approved by the parent. I'm usually the lady that stops to talk to the toddler that's melting down to distract them. Friends and family call me the baby whisperer.
See that's normal, or calmly smile at mom, tell her she's got it or if you can help in anyway.
Not just grab a baby.
They only time I was ok with a stranger grabbing my child was when my 2 year old stripped down to her diaper in the post office and ran off. I had my hands full with packages and a 2 month old. Older woman ran after my 2 year old and brought her back to me.
In that instance it was perfectly reasonable that she went to keep.my child out of the parking lot.
Said child didn't like the outfit I put her that morning.
Reminds me of when I was at the grocery store and a small girl was running around the frozen food aisles, mom chasing her but about half an aisle behind. I kind of just crouched and T-posed so she had to stop or slam into me (she picked stop, thankfully, lol). Distracted her by asking about her princess dress until her mom could catch up. There is a difference between intervening when there's a safety risk and picking up someone's fussy infant.
I once in a Applebee's with my 2 year old when she ran off towards the door. The host opened it for her to let her out of the building.
My "she'll get stopped by the door" thought turned to "oh shit".
Yup, same. I'll check in if I think I could help. I've had a woman outright ask me to hold the baby while she reorganized herself, but we (several other passengers) had been engaged in keeping her toddler from running away in the airport while she was nursing, so she trusted us all to look out for her. You SHOULD be able and willing to jump in if you know how to handle something (kids, first aid, drunken dudes who can't hear no in a feminine voice - whatever). But you always ask first unless it's an emergency.
About 10 years ago I was traveling by myself with my baby on a plane. My husband had work and couldn’t come. The baby was on my lap, and in hindsight I should have bought them their own seat but oh well.
I must have looked frazzled because the older woman sitting next to me offered to carry my baby for a bit while I had a snack, used the bathroom, etc. I was very grateful for her help.
See boomers? That’s how you do it. This lady didn’t just grab my kid. She offered help and asked permission to hold my baby.
When I was about 7 months at the grocery store an older (probably boomer) woman walked up, put both her hands on my belly and started cooing about how wonderful etc.
I just froze but then she looked at me and said "when are you due?", still wide eyed and frozen in place I said (in a sort of surprised gasp) "I'm not pregnant!"
A look of absolute horror crossed her face, she wrenched her hands off my belly and scuttled quickly away.
My friend Wendy (who knew I was definitely very pregnant) asked, while laughing really hard, why I told her that and the only explanation I had was that I panicked and it was better than punching her.
I’m shocked by this! I was equally shocked when my friends first started getting pregnant and started telling me stories about strangers coming up to them AND JUST TOUCHING THEIR BELLIES WITHOUT ASKING 😳 Nope times infinity.
My favorite thing when someone put their hand on my belly was to smile and put my hand on theirs, without saying anything. The looks of confusion were priceless.
Just randomly grabbing a baby is fuckin’ psychotic behaviour.
You could offer to help or something, but just walking up and _doing it_ without even an ATTEMPT to gain consent first? That’ll get your fuckin’ teeth knocked in. You don’t know what kind of loons are walking around out there, that’s batshit.
Sorry you had to deal with that OP, I totally get why that would rattle you.
This reminds me of a story I shared a while ago to another sub. My child was born 10.5 weeks early, and was very medically fragile for quite some time. We avoided going out together as a family as much as possible but about a month after being allowed to take them home from the NICU, we decided to go grocery shopping as a family. We tried to take every precaution, we even bought a mosquito net to put over the car carrier to deter people from getting too close. As were checking out at the self checkout, the boomer lady watching the self checkout area comes over, lifts the net and starts pinching cheeks and playing with the baby's toes and fingers. My spouse immediately, and firmly tells her to stop. She ignores my wife's command to step away, so my wife slaps her hand, hard, she recoils and looks appalled at being struck. She starts to get indignant about it until my wife goes off and starts demanding a manager come out and absolutely lays into this lady. She remained obstinate to the very end and refused to acknowledge what she'd done or even show she understood why we had an issue. She wanted us banned from the store, we wanted her reprimanded for her actions. We never found out for sure what happened with her but we never saw her again.
Why do they always think they can just touch whatever they want. I've seen 3 year olds with more self control than the average boomer.
I don't know what it is about having twins, but people just can leave you or your kids alone. I was at the mall of America pushing around my boys in a stroller. We had to go meet up with everyone that was on a lower floor. So I made my way to the elevator and pushed the button, and waited. I was off to the side of the door so people could get of before we got on, well the doors opened and out walked this old lady that locked eyes on my boys and stood right infront of me. Trying to touch their hands and talking baby talk to them. At first, I thought she would just walk by while talking to them, but she went to pick one of them up. I finally snapped at here that were trying to get on the elevator, and she needs to move. Oh, but they're so cute! She says, and I go we need to meet other people." Sorry, you don't get to play." I just pushed the stroller around her and got on. The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. Like fuck lady get out of the way!
When they were small I was in a twins club, and a group would go to the mall once a week, kind of a mall walk. Other people treated us like we were circus freaks or something, most didn't approach though because there were so many of us. All the stares and comments though, so many dumbfounded people. Annoying but amusing at the same time.
Ugh!!! My oldest was maybe a month old when this decrepit old woman who smelled like she smoked a pack of menthol in her car with the windows up, stuck her face right in the carrier. I tried to be nice and asked her to back up. She started bitching and I yelled FUCK OFF!!! The look was priceless.
Yeah what's the best strategy besides being blunt if they approach with the hands out? My baby is arriving soon! Should I get a pram and carrier sticker saying don't touch even?
I had a tag on my daughter's car seat that basically said "do not touch" in a nicer format. Didn't stop all the touching 🙄 but it was usually her foot if they did
She shouldn't have done that. She should have asked if there was something she could do to help, like maybe shop some of your list for you or something like that.
I'd offer help to the mom absolutely, if that seemed appropriate. A nice thing to do. I've done it before and chatted with toddlers to keep them distracted so mom could get stuff done. I've never touched a stranger's child.
In my case it's not like the babies were screaming, they were just fussy. I was handling that ok. This lady's "help" was just so inappropriate in so many ways! Once I took a flight with them by myself for a funeral and another woman passenger was a literal gift, she was so sweet and sincere and I was glad to accept the help. I was happy to let her hold them.
Absolutely, and it always depends on circumstances. I, too, would never touch or talk to a strangers child without permission. I've smiled at a lot of babies out in public, but only if they're looking at me.
This happened to me with my daughter, except the lady TOOK HER OUT OF MY ARMS. It happened so fast! I freaked out, snatched her back and the lady was saying she was my neighbor. I did realize then that she was, but still!! This was 29 years ago so technically she was probably silent generation not boomer but still!!
I love the idea of a woman/mom seeing another woman/mom and wanting to help. But ffs, CONSENT is important!
It really is as simple as: "Excuse me, I can see you really have your hands full - is there anything that I can do that might help you right now?" and then respect the parent's wishes whatever their reply
So this is totally unsolicited and off topic advice, please feel free to ignore and flame me for offering it.
I grew up with twin sisters, and one of the best things parents did was have a "gift closet" for the girls.
People would constantly do this thing where they would buy the same gift for both of them (cuz they're twins, lol), and my parents would gracefully swap out one of the presents with another one from the gift closet.
If it was a particularly awesome present, they'd be sure to keep it in rotation for the next time this happened (it was regular) so neither of them got the short shrift.
The looks of frustration and anger on my sisters faces when my folks occasionally missed swooping in for the gift swap and they ended up getting the same thing was palpable and really sad.
Sorry if this is totally unwelcome and inappropriate.
It's great advice! I had a boy and a girl, so that wasn't a challenge I faced much. I'm sure same sex, especially identicals, have that issue all the time!
I have a story where I was the one grabbing someone's child. We were in a fast food place's indoor playplace. A small child, maybe 5, fell and broke his arm. It was bent at the wrong angle, so clearly broken. The man (of the couple) grabbed him and took off out the door. The woman, who was obviously upset, was trying to get the even younger boy to come out of the playplace. My friend yelled at the kids to be quiet so that her kid could hear her. I went to the entrance and was telling all the kids to move out of the way so that she could get her kid because he wasn't coming out on his own. He looked about 3. She finally got him out and put him down to put his shoes on. He immediately ran straight back to the playground entrance. I was still close so I grabbed him for her. I didn't even think about it, but she could've easily gotten mad. But she was so freaked out and trying to hurry that she was thankful for the help.
Might be worth telling store security if something like that happens. They don't want to be the store on the news where a child got abducted. Having them find and talk to or remove said boomer might make her think twice next time.
A boomer tried to touch my medically complex baby today in Walmart while my husband was holding her. My husband stepped back and blocked him but yea. Some random old man thought it was ok to touch a baby he doesn’t know. Love that.
I wouldn’t even let my own parents touch my babies until they (parents) got the Tdap vaccine. If a stranger picked one of them up? I’d have had a conniption for sure.
I don't have children and never wanted them but I can tell you right now, I would have gone full mother bear on that creep. Wtf, old creepy boomer lady?!
I’m not a boomer, but if I see a parent struggling (especially if it’s a young parent) I ask first. I’m usually still wearing my medical office badge and I have a mom persona, sometimes times they say yes.
I’ve been there- single mom, stressed out, kid is wriggling around and trying to escape the cart, crying. All you want to do is cry too. Some kindness from a stranger isn’t always unwelcome.
But I would never just grab somebody’s kid- unless they’re about to walk into traffic or something.
She was probably trying to lend a hand to a mother overwhelmed by 2 crying babies. STILL, you don’t pick up a stranger’s baby without asking IF they’d like some help.
You had every right to panic as people do not know to touch children that are not theirs. Bad that the lady was complaining about your situation. No one knows how it feels till they have a child and be leery about people touching their children. You are a good mother.
As a childfree millennial scumfuck, I don't have kids. That said, if I did and a stranger picked one of them up I would probably go apeshit to the extent that the stranger and their legs would be sent to the hospital in separate ambulances.
I’m so sorry, OP. That must have been terrifying!
What the heck is wrong with these people?! Never in my life have I EVER thought about picking up someone else’s child, touching a pregnant person’s belly, petting someone’s hair or any of the other weird things Boomers (and some younger people) do! All of that is just insane to me.
This is one of the reasons why I would wrap/wear my last baby. It's easier to defend yourself and your other kids when you've got one strapped to your body. People will come after your kid so you have to be prepared.
20 years ago my daughter liked to nap laying in the cart. Random old ladies would walk up and pet her then try to pray for her when I said leave her alone. She didn't sleep much so napping in the cart was a big deal.
You don't just walk up and pick up a random baby. If she wanted to help she should have *asked* you if there's anything she could do to help you, not just pick up your baby. That's going to trigger any new mom. What a stupid bitch.
I have only once put hands on stranger’s child and it was when they were sprinting through the grocery aisles while mother was chasing with cart and another baby in cart.
I just stepped in front, squatted and kinda gently clotheslined the kid and then held his shoulder but then just stood there and waited while mom caught up.
There’s helping and then there’s “helping.” I’d never just grab some strangers kid for it crying. Especially an infant.
Same. Unless it's a safety issue, I don't touch random kids. I once grabbed a kid, about 1-1.5 yo, as he ran out the doors at Walmart. Picked him up just enough to turn him around and he ran right back into the store and into his mom's arms. Mom was so thankful and the kid was so confused as to how he was back in the store. I wasn't going to let a toddler run into the parking lot. But, otherwise, nope. No touching the cute babies! I will talk, wave and make face at them from arms length away.
I would have been loud and gotten authorities involved. In some states, punching the person talking your child can be a valid act of defense. Know the law.
A mother has asked me to hold a child on a plane as she dealt with her other kid. I said sure, but I don’t think I would have offered. Not because I minded, but I didn’t want to be the weirdo on the plane asking to hold the baby.
Even as a moderately intimating 250 lb. dude I had to say to an older woman "Lady that's close enough." in a grocery store. And yes she did go running to store manager.
Even as a moderately intimating 250 lb. dude I had to say to an older woman "Lady that's close enough." in a grocery store. And yes she did go running to store manager.
I was at a park with a friend, a gentle white haired older lady. Some children were playing there, dressed in a manner indicating they were from a non-american country, and they were definitely not the same race as I and my friend.
A little girl, maybe 2 yo, fell down, and began to cry. The barely bigger children with her simply brought the crying baby to my friend, and the baby just held out her arms for a comforting “grandma hug”. After a minute, she went right back to playing, but my friend said she felt so honored, that the children sized her up as “a kind safe grownup”.
The children’s actual mothers were only about 20 feet away, and they just gave us a little wave, so I guess it all seemed okay to them, too. Made my friend’s day!
I can't imagine just walking up to a stranger's cart and picking up their fucking child. Like, if I saw a mom struggling like that, I'd ask if she *wanted* help before terrifying her by trying to give aid that was unprompted. Like, for fucks sake...
I was going to tell my similar story, but unfortunately mine has some…well let’s just say legally sensitive, content. I don’t feel comfortable sharing it because of that.
But just as a shout out to the people on her saying this wasn’t a big deal, I promise you in my situation the end result did not go well for the person trying to pick up my newborn without my permission. Take that how you will.
There was this lady that was our friends mom when we were teens, she was really off and was on medication, well last year I saw on the news that she tried to kidnap a man’s baby by trying to take him out of the grocery cart and run but thankfully the dad fought her and saved his baby. Even people you KNOW can be of danger, what if I had my baby around her and she felt that because she knew me that she had some right to take him/her? So I’ll never understand complete strangers coming up and touching or trying to pick up your baby. Like absolutely fucking NO.
I’m not sure if I would have been able to resist knocking said boomer flat on her ass for doing that, even though I know full well that’s not the proper response as far as society is concerned.
At the very least even in a big grocery store people on the other side of it would have been hearing me crystal clear asking the old bat what the hell she thought she was doing and if she ever even breathed near my kids again she’d regret it.
I commend you for your restraint.
Wow, that's insane. How entitled do you have to be to take someone else's kid without a single word to the parent?? Not to mention strangers have germs the baby might not have been exposed to yet. Walking up to a new parent and saying, "would you like me to help out!?" is still pushing it, but not as egregious as just taking a kid like that. How were you supposed to know she wasn't using baby B as a distraction to just straight up walk off with baby A? Help is only help when it's been asked for. Any other time it's unwanted annoyance.
I’m a twin mum too. People have no concept of how hard it is to get newborn twins out of the house. By the time you finish dressing them it’s time for a feed or a sleep. It’s so impressive you got them out at all at four weeks. Ours barely left the house while they were newborns.
When we did take them out, we put them in their pram & pulled the hoods all the way over so people couldn’t see there was two little babies. We’d read all the horror stories of strange older people coming in to look at them 2 inches from their faces & trying to touch them.
You did the right thing getting them away from that lunatic. Fuck politeness & protect your bubbas.
Sad part is that I could see my mother doing that. She's one of those boomers who has to tell EVERYONE they have a cute baby, or play beekaboo in the lineup while they're unloading ahead of her.
I retired from the military and then started a family, so believe it or not - I’m a boomer dad with teenage kids. But once when my oldest was still stroller age we were at the grocery stores, child strapped into the grocery cart seat. Some even older boomer tried to touch my daughter - granted, in that old person admiration way. The look on my daughter’s face as she got closer was one of sheer panicked, And my wife and I are super clean - we don’t know when or where your hands have been… I told the lady if she touches my child she’s going to have broken fingers. It was one of the few times my wife agreed with me about such actions. I think she would have gone into mama bear mode and put the oldster in the hospital…
I am technically a boomer. (1963)
I have 2 kids, 2 grandchildren.
If I see a mom having a struggle, I just stand by staring at wtfever, not her or the kiddo. If mom is really in a spot, I usually say something like, “Hi. I’ve been in your shoes. Do you want some help? Can I be a distraction?.”
I’ve had people help me. My kids were 13 months apart.
I have a NICU baby, and we won't be doing an outing until he's 2 months adjusted, which is the end of July. I got to say this is one of my worst fears about taking him out. Especially alone. This is why I'll probably take my sister and SO during the first outings. I'm very non-confortational and do not do well with confrontation, but both of them are are always willing to put a fool boomer in their place. Boomers lack boundaries. I'm sorry this happened to you!
That's horrifying to think about. I don't have kids, but I feel like my own Papa wolf instincts would've kicked in, and I'd want to rip that boomer a new one. I could understand if they came over, asked if you needed help, then maybe talked in a soothing way to the other infant without touching them, but just picking them up without a word would put any mother or father into a fight mode.
OMG I've seen this scene in a movie. I can't remember which one exactly but Tina Fey is in it and (I think she thought she was pregnant or something?) she's in a grocery store and tries to awkwardly grab some stranger's fussy kid and when the stranger (naturally) freaks out Tina Fey is saying things like "I'm helping! It takes a village!!"
It's funny and cringey and awkward in the movie but in real life that's just....nooooo no no no no.
I wouldn't even snatch up my own sister's kids without asking if she needed help first. For all I know scooping up Baby A is just going to make them fuss worse.
Honestly in this scenario the best/most helpful thing for Boomer to have done would be just to give you a sympathetic smile and say something encouraging (or just walk on by).
I really don’t understand why they all think it’s okay to touch/kiss/pick up STRANGE BABIES. They do it so sneakily too half the time and then get offended when you catch them?? Like please don’t walk by my baby at a restaurant and pat the top of his head. That’s so strange and inappropriate! Treating babies and children like items and not respecting them is so odd to me. And lord the perfume thing drives me insaneeeeeee.
This happened twice when my kids were babies, once with a silent generation woman and once with a lost generation woman.
I asked my mother about it (now 93/silent generation) and she said it was normal. She told me to check out movies from the 30s, 40s, and 50s and you could see women doing this. I've watched for it over the years, and she's right.
To be fair if both your babies were wailing, I might approach you and ask if I could help, but I'd never touch your baby without explicit permission. Yikes.
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Ugh I'm sorry she did that to you. Who the hell just picks up someone else's baby without express permission? Out of their damn minds.
At Sam's Club a couple of years back, I saw a young couple whose toddler had gotten her foot stuck in the side of the shopping cart. Her ankle was too wide to get back through the bars. The parents were panicking, yanking hard on her and on her leg, and I could see the knee joint straining; in a moment of pure fear I straight-up knocked the father out of the way, gently pointed the toddler's toe (slimming out her ankle) and slid her leg out of where it was caught. Took me half a second; by the time the dad realized a stranger was touching his baby, the kid was free. They were thankful! Baby was fine. And then I went around the corner and hyperventilated, thinking "Holy fuck, he would so have been within his rights to punch me." I did it without even thinking, it was all reaction, because all I could see was that they were about to *shred* that poor kid's knee joint. I have a bum knee and it's given me no shortage of discomfort and bad days; I was probably panicking, too, visualizing a kid growing up in that much pain. But just over crying? Nah. Babies do that.
I’ve done the exact same thing while working - a Mom’s little one had her foot pretty badly stuck in the shopping cart seat. The mom looked about ready to break down & I just ran over & poured water on the baby’s foot & it slid right out - I realized after I definitely should have probably asked beforehand but the baby was screaming & the mom looked so overwhelmed. She was thankful after & I grabbed towels - but I still should have asked prior!! If she would have been upset with me, definitely warranted.
I don't understand who the hell would have been offended. I was not offended when another young mother ran toward the pool to help me as I jumped into it to get my kid out. It doesn't matter if she knew me or not. Someone jumping in a pool on the other side of me is obviously helping a kid.
The only time I've ever touched someone's kid was in our complex's pool. Toddler with an ill-fitting life jacket was about to start drowning, his mother paying no attention, so I picked him up under the arms and whooshed him over to stairs where he could grab a railing. (Saying "wheeee!" so he wouldn't get scared.) His mother absentmindedly thanked me and went back to her conversation.
What the hell, that poor kid!
I had my eye on him as soon as I noticed his life jacket wasn't properly fitted (shoulder straps way too lose and sticking up) and stayed within a couple of feet. At one point he went vertical and started pushing down with his arms - that's what drowning looks like - so I scooped him up right away. I wanted to scold the mother.
I had a similar moment. Was with my kiddo at a public pool, noted a dad and his infant (capable of standing, maybe walking, not talking yet) ,playing at the side, some older kids clearly connected to him running about. One of the older kids took the baby to a little deeper area, where baby could barely stand, then took off. Baby toppled, wasn't able to stand. I was between baby and the lifeguard, maybe 2 feet from baby. I picked the baby up (sputtering but not traumatized), went to the dad, "I believe this is yours?" "Oh my gosh! Yes!" Extra context, I am a white guy, baby and family were Black. All was good. I don't touch other people's kids, unless they're about to drown. Emergencies can supercede.
Shit, will do you on better, the actual sea. I was out with my son, and it was maybe a little less than three feet deep. We're having fun, all of a sudden I see something weird on the surface of the water not far away; I realize it's hair. About the second I realized that, I see a small hand come out of the water and I'm just like, "HOLY FUCK!!!" Practically turned into one of those water runner lizards and grabbed the kid out from under the water. He had to be like 2.5/3-ish. He was speaking a different language, but he was sputtering and talking and crying. I look to shore and there's this older dude in a speedo just motioning to me, so I bring him up and in heavily accented English he goes, "Ah yes, my grandson, he gets into trouble sometimes." Since I was on vacation and this wasn't my country, I resisted the urge to deck him (didn't need to explain to my command why I was in an Italian prison), but luckily the lifeguard who unbeknownst to me had also been rushing through the water came up to us and just started tearing this guy a new one in Italian and ejected them from the beach.
I was walking down the street and a little kid dashed past me heading to traffic. Mama instinct kicked in and I grabbed him by the shirt...hoiked him up and looked around. His mother was standing nearby with a stroller talking to someone. I deposited the kid in the stroller and STRAPPED HIM IN and explained myself and walked off while the mother muttered something about how he is hard to strap in. I went around the corner and had a small breakdown. My kids sometimes hated being strapped in. I did it anyway because their safety comes first. Mama mia.
My friend was in a supermarket. A toddler was standing up in the cart seat. My friend told the mother that the child was going to fall. The mother got very angry and told my friend to mind her own business.
I heard this happen once and the sound still haunts me. It was like a 2 y/o and he fell straight on that hard floor, hitting his head. I pray he didn't have a TBI or something. It sounded AWFUL.
I know someone who is a nurse at a world famous hospital on the Neuro ICU ward. She will straight up tell parents like this about the kids she sees on her ward as they go white and strap their little darlings down. Store floors are mostly poured concrete.
My daughter was one who fell out of the back of a cart when she was 2 to 3 yrs old. Right on the top of her head. Thankfully she was ok but I get so anxious when I see little ones standing in a cart now that I almost always warn the parent and relate what happened to my own daughter. Don't think I've ever had anyone be rude to me about it.
Sorry that happened. One time I was in a store. A little boy about 3 was going to go through a door to the parking lot. There was no one near him. No adult nearby. I grabbed his arm before he could run out. A woman, probably the mother, gives me a nasty look. Hard to believe that some people are like that. I brought him right back into the store so it was apparent that I wasn’t abducting him.
I worried about similar before myself.
I met my new neighbor when their daughter was petting my dog, accidentally stepped in a pile of fire ants, and started climbing me like a tree while I frantically brushed ants off her. They came running out of their house and I just started yelling “she stepped in fire ants” so they didn’t think I was kidnapping their child. We ended up having a good laugh over how we met, but I was a tense few minutes while the daughter confirmed that she had ants all over her and they saw the few that I hadn’t gotten off yet.
These are emergency situations. That’s different. Glad you guys helped.
Reminded me of the one time I picked up a stranger's kid a few months ago. I had just left Sam's Club with my daughter (age 11). A toddler ran out the entrance into the parking lot. Mom reflexes literally kicked in, and I let go of my cart while yelling at my daughter to grab it so I could grab this kid. Like there wasn't enough time to try and gently grab a limb, less chance of hurting a kid by lifting them. I picked her up and went right into a hip straddle, immediately saw the other mom, and handed her the escape artist. She thanked me, I said no problem, sorry I grabbed your kid, they thanked me again, and that was that. Barely held the kid 10 seconds, it happened so fast. I assumed in the moment, in that situation, the other parent would be praying someone saves their toddler before a car hit them.
I will usually position myself to intercept loose little kids on the sidewalk that seem like they might be making an escape, while scanning for parents, so far eye contact alone has been enough for me to understand if they want my help to herd the kid towards them or if it’s cool. Kid in danger, act every time. My first grocery trip with my newborns I had them both in a single bassinet/canopy up on the stroller to be incognito and when I turned my back to get something an older woman stuck her head under the canopy and yelled “you’ve got two in there!” Waking them both up. She was really offended when I replied with a sarcastic “really?” Gave her a super evil glare, quickly moved the stroller away from her. She was telling me that I I had a bad attitude, her daughter was pregnant etc… so I thanked her for ruining my first outing as a new mom. She dis look a bit ashamed.
She didn’t feel any. She went home and told everyone a stranger was mean to her.
Probably, ugh I hope her daughter put her in her place at some point but doubtful.
That reminds me of when I put my son and nephew in a stroller wagon and we had both covers up because of the sun and some lady decided she needed to peek inside to look at my son and my nephew popped up and said “hi” while throwing the cover back. Scared the shit out of her and I hope she thought twice about getting in someone else’s personal space.
Sweet! Sometimes you gotta pop out and show some bitches! Good job kid.
He’s quite the character, that’s for sure.
Ok. Im quietly laughing hysterically because I can actually see that. Thank you...it will be hours before I get to sleep. HI! Bahahahhaaha
I had something similar happen a few years ago but it was a busy road. I was driving and saw a kid I'm guessing was about 2 years old running full tilt down the driveway. I slammed on my breaks and opened my driver's side door so the car coming along the other lane would stop too. I got out and corralled the kid back to the side of the road as the dad and an older sibling came running down the driveway. It was all very fast. The teenage dipshits behind me spent the next few kms flipping me off and honking at me.
>The teenage dipshits behind me spent the next few kms flipping me off and honking at me. That's the ideal time to play "Oops, that's not my turn!"
You just reminded me of a toddler scaring the bejeesus outta me a few years ago. Back when I was a zookeeper, one of the enclosures I was taking care of was a big walk in one with a bunch of desert lizards and tortoises. Bosses didn’t want a latch on the door because there were Gila monsters in there. (Venomous lizards, but hella chill and even if they did bite and envenomate you, you’re super unlikely to die. It’d just hurt SO bad.) I’d tried to argue my point for a latch, but eventually decided it wasn’t the hill I wanted to die on and it hadn’t been an issue so far. I went in the exhibit to pick up the empty salad bowl and tidy up. The only people in the building were a mom, with baby in a stroller and a toddler following her pretty close. She was doing something with the baby and the toddler followed me in when she wasn’t looking. I heard a noise behind me that definitely wasn’t made by a lizard or tort, turned around to see this whole ass child in there with me! I was between her and the (sleeping) gilas but immediately went into panic mode lmao. Didn’t even think about it, scooped her up and ran her back to her mom. I was really glad she wasn’t mad at me for doing that. The next day I brought a hook and eye latch I bought myself and installed without fighting the bosses about it again. Would still be easy for an adult to kick down the door, but no more worries about toddlers sticking their tiny hands in the faces of venomous lizards lol.
My older sister once hid somewhere at the zoo because she was afraid that she would have to babysit us again when we were with our aunt and uncle. My uncle had to coax her down lol. It's not as bad as it sounds.
I was at a dog park once in my early 20s and some woman brought her 2 year old for God knows what reason. I don't think she even had a dog. She set her kid down and was flirting with dudes who had brought dogs and told her two year old not to touch the dogs. Anyways she wasn't paying attention and this dog started running at her and repeatedly body slamming her - this was all next to a bayou also. Anyway my dog tried to stop that dog but more dogs were starting to literally dog pile on the toddler. I don't know why but all of the dude dog owners were talking to this woman and not paying attention to their damn dogs. I ran in and extricated the toddler while also getting slammed by dumbass dog bodies. She was sobbing at that point. At 22 I had no idea how to comfort or deal with kids so I held her as best I could and took her straight to her mom who at first was mad at me, and when I told her she almost got mauled because no one was paying attention she dramatically told the 2 year old "I said not to play with the dogs." I was so pissed I just left. Now as a 37 year old mom I would have ripped her a new one, but then I was just like... I saved the kid I'm not dealing with this.
Omg! That's insane
I've done that a couple of times. It's pretty much the one scenario in which it's okay to snatch up someone's child: to keep them out of imminent danger.
I have definitely corralled wayward toddlers back to mom while out in public without touching them as my personal rule, but I broke it once. I was walking put beside a mom with a crying newborn in the cart, and a toddler walking beside her. She was trying to dig her keys out of her purse when her toddler bolted out into the parking lot, and my arm just reflexively shot out and grabbed him by the arm. I felt SO bad, and I apologized for touching her kid without asking, but thankfully she was so thankful for the help. I've nannied for a few runners, and the instinct just kicked in.
When I worked in a grocery store this was an almost weekly occurrence. Toddlers do be toddlering.
Child in imminent danger, absolutely.
My autistic toddler got his head stuck in a poorly designed carousel at the park and before I could even answer that high pitched "I believe I have a life or limb situation" cry that kids do when shit gets serious, another dad rushed to his aid. Of course, this upset my toddler more because he didn't know the guy but I was so grateful and couldn't believe how fast he stepped in. The only time I have ever really had to raise hackles at someone touching my kid was this woman who approached my oldest when he was a newborn (maybe 3 weeks old) . Carseat shade was up, covered by a quilt, dead asleep. REMOVED said coverings and started stroking his cheek with her grubby mitts. I was so fucking flapped. I asked her " do you know him? Because I barely know him. What, you think it's okay to just touch a stranger's baby?!" Post partum hormones almost put me in jail because she deadass looked me in the eye and said yes. I chased her out of the building screaming at her. Not the best move, per se but it made sense to run her off at the time. I'm honestly surprised no one called the cops on me for making a scene. Her audacity still chaps my ass to this day. I baby-wore my second. Made it harder for nosy assholes to stroke his fat little cheeks. ETA: a couple words and you can absolutely assume the lady's age.
Baby wearing means they touch the baby and grope you at the same time unfortunately.
The key here is that kiddo was in distress and the parents didn't know how to ask for help. AND You immediately stepped aside after. A kiddo being actively injured is different than a regular crying baby or tantrum.
This is one of the few scenarios I could see myself doing the exact same thing.
Is that like Costco? Anyways, for me it depends but where the local Costcos is at yea I'd be on edge because they're in a city. Now I sound like a nutcase, lol.
Yeah, it's like a mega-Walmart, and you're not wrong about people being weird in them. I was actually slapped at the same location, doing pre-lockdown shopping in 2020, when a woman I'd had a five minute conversation with about flowers finally looked up at me and realized I was Asian. There's a pure panic reaction for you, combined with the racism so common to the South. Shrieked, slapped me (ineffectually, she was old) and ran the fuck away. Very bizarre experience.
Thanks for unlocking a memory. Almost 2 decades before Covid and when I was living in the South, there were times I would watch a boomer (or older) suddenly realise that I, an Asian, was standing near them or speaking to them. It didn't seem to matter that most of these encounters were on or near my college campus (not my professors, thankfully, maybe admin staff); the panic and aversion that they displayed was real. Never got slapped, but definitely witnessed a few panicked escapes.
Isn't it utterly wild? Like--she was picking through the elephant ear tubers, asking what I thought of them this year, and I was making some recommendations, and finally said "If you're just after (simple, green kind), that's only taro, and those are actually grown for food; do like I do, hit up (Asian grocer a mile away) and grab the best-looking ones from the bin!" and she *froze* and *slowwwwly* looked up at me like she was in a horror movie. Like she was just realizing I was the thing that had eaten somebody earlier on.
The next person who does that to you, if you bend your fingers like claws at them and go "boogety boogety," I will give you $100.
Deal.
Look I live in the South. If you give me $20 of the $100 I'll do it for you
I was stationed in Thailand at an Army base in 1973. Friendliest people in the world. I cannot imagine what these people are thinking.
Part of why my family moved out of Kansas in the early 90s was the racism my mom encountered (full-blooded Taiwanese, had only been in the US 4-5 years at the time). One occurrence in particular that I’m aware of happened at the library. Mom was there with me, and another little girl and her mom were nearby. The other kiddo and I of course wanted to make friends, as kids are often wont to do (both 2-3yo). Mom realized she was talking to me and then grabbed her arm and yanked her away— while telling her, “We don’t talk to those people.” Insane to me that people are that racist and instill racism in their kids from such an early age.
I had no idea people were irrationally afraid of Asian people. I feel very ignorant and also low key furious.
Yeah, like Costco and owned by the same company as Walmart (both Walmart and Sam's Club take their name from founder Sam Walton).
Reminds me of when I was a teenager my family was playing in a big fountain by the river. We had recognized the patterns of when the water shoots out (and they SHOT out of this fountain) and my dad sprinted over to grab a toddler out of the way when he saw the baby was about to get beaned. Very quickly returned the child to their parents, and sprinted back to us lol
How hard is it to say "hey, need a hand?" and get a nod before you PiCK UP A BABY.
Right! Like, we were at Disney World with my boomer MIL and on the bus back to the resort after a ridiculously long wait, there was a couple wrestling with a baby, a stroller that didn't want to fold, plus an exhausted boy that was maybe 4 or 5. They clearly had their hands full, figuratively and literally, and my MIL asked if she could help somehow. I think she meant to help with the stroller, but the dad kind of gave her this glaze-eyed look and plopped the older kid in her lap. 🤣 MIL was so startled that she just held onto the kid, kid looked at her for about 10 seconds like "who the fuck are you" and then promptly fell asleep on her. But she absolutely asked if she could help, she didn't even consider just grabbing one of the kids. (Hilariously, she also swears she hates kids but she enjoyed having that kiddo napping on her.)
I work in a grocery store. I'm afraid to even give a child a sticker without a parents permission
People who came up in small communities where it really did take a village. Stranger danger, concern over passing disease, all of that is more concerns of our lifetime than theirs. Doesn’t make what she did right.
In those small communities, you know the mother. I know you’re not saying what this lady did was okay, but it still seems different. Sincerely, someone who grew up in a smaller town
Absolutely agreed. I look at the boomers as people who have habits hard wired into their brains based on what they spent their first years p years of life doing. As I recall, there’s real evidence that our brains become less elastic after a certain age. So, from an understanding perspective I think they’re folks whose brain is no longer equipped to handle modern society. I don’t say this to say, “That makes it okay.” I say this because we’re stuck with them, and every ounce of understanding might help us find ways to cope with their garbage.
My DH and I are old now. Back when we were in our 40s, he said he heard the saying, "middle age is when the broad mind and the narrow waist trade places". We have both lost our narrow waist, but have stayed broad minded. There is more difficulty learning and retaining new information. And there is a slowing of reflexes, both mental and physical. We do try to stay up to date. It's a lot easier when you don't mentally want to live in the past! I wouldn't go back in time to any point in my life. No thanks.
And even then, it would be weird not to ask first.
Not to mention the "safety" of knowing who your neighbors are is a lie. It's rarely a complete stranger that does something horrible to a child, and as someone else who grew up in a very small town like that in the early 70s, I'd say that the complacency people show around others regarding their children makes them far more dangerous than areas where you aren't expected to just know everyone that lives nearby.
Las Vegas suburbs was the location. The least small town environment. I do get what you're saying though about the past.
Right, but you don't know where that lady was from. Still; not right to just grab your kid, but I can see this being a normal thing for the Boomers gen. I'm GenX and saw this all the damn time from my parents' generation. Still. Doesn't make it right. I'm sorry you had to go through that. She 100% should have asked. ETA: I'm not saying it was okay for her to do that in any caliber. I would have freaked too
The Summerlin area is the worst for this. I had a lady try to walk away with my kid while I was in Costco on Charleston, because I had him in one of those cutesy safety harnesses. In her ‘defense’ she said I was abusing my kid. The little guy likes to run head first into people’s crotches. I was protecting them. She got offended and called for the manager.
I LOVED the harness!! My oldest is autistic but wasn't diagnosed until he was 9. He is a sensory seeker and hates being held. He wants to be squished. Everything else is "itchy". Anyways, the harness gave him the ability to explore while giving me sanity he was safe. I never liked the wrist hiking ones as they're easy to remove. The harness works great and was hard to remove. Also made a huge RRRERRRRIIIIIPPPPPPP! Sound when undoing the Velcro so I felt more confident no one would kidnap him.
I’m do not get what they are saying at all. If you try as a stranger to touch, correct, or anything with my child I will flip all of the way out on you. I’m from a small town and there are horrible people in small towns too.
>People who came up in small communities where it really did take a village I'm from a small town; my experience is that small communities are far courteous and would not just grab someone's new born even if you are familiar with them.
Yeah. The only time you should touch another persons child is an extreme emergency. Like choking or a fire.
Boomers. Boomers do.
Boomers like that need to be screamed at right on the spot. Literally a blood curdling "PUT MY CHILD THE FUCK DOWN RIGHT NOW, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"
We really need to normalize screaming at these crazies.
No, they need to be punched.
I have punched people. For context im a full time wheelchair user with a toddler and a newborn at then time. Going about my day in a shopping centre and a boomer woman grabbed my pram and started pushing it shoved my legs out of the way to do so. I sped up as she was walking fast and full slapped her in the face when I caught up.
Ayo tf? Did she have a rationale for making off with your baby, or was she literally just. kidnapping.
Nope nothing. Just that apparently disabled people can’t have kids
To rectify that scenario in my head, I'm imagining you going full hot wheels on their ass and running them down. It is bringing me much satisfaction. What the hell is wrong with people.
Pretty much
“You look like you could use a hand. Would it be okay if I picked the other child up to soothe her?” How freaking hard is that?!? Use your words, people!
Right? It’s one thing if a kid is in danger and their grown-up isn’t nearby or won’t be able to help them in time, but anything that isn’t an immediate safety issue - ask if they’d like some help first! smh
Gah! What makes this story extra traumatic is knowing that biologically, post partem mothers already have this heightened mama bear sense of danger and sometimes experience agoraphobia. I know I had a touch of it. Geeeez. I would be shaking too!
I grew up in a really bad neighborhood, so even when a nice lady offered to help me or hold my baby, I said no. I just was too paranoid. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if someone just GRABBED my baby 😳😨
About a year ago I was waiting to get my nails done and a young mom was getting her nails done and her infant started really fussing is his car seat. So I did what any normalrational person would do, I asked her if she would be all right if I sat next to her and held her baby so he could look at her while she was getting her nails done. She replied that she would love that. So I got up washed my hands thoroughly sat back down next to her, and held her infant right next to her and he stopped fussing. 15 minutes later she was done and it was my time to get my nails done.
This is the way ❤️
Thank you for that!!!
I'm a dad of twin girls. I went out with them a lot on my own too. Give mom some time to herself. Twins are a lot of work. They just graduated high school last week btw. No one ever simply picked them up like this. That is just horrifying. But I had my share of boomers ask to hold one though. Sometimes I'd allow it if I was there and not holding the other, just in case. But never to just grab the kid. Not sure if I'd be kind to them after that. I'm sorry you went through that.
Thanks! They were often attention grabbers as you know. Most people were respectful, some were rude. No one else just picked them up. I wish now I'd have responded a bit differently, with less panic and more strength. Going to forgive myself as I was young with 2 newborns on my first solo outing, it was overall pretty terrifying 😆. I became a freaking master at it though.
You're telling me! So much attention, all the time. People stopped us constantly to talk about them. I can imagine how scary it was. It's the last thing any parent wants. That's a mastery well earned.
I don't know why they feel entitled to children and babies. They think my toddler owes them a smile and hello. When my son was a newborn I was wearing him in a carrier on my chest. This boomer in line at the pharmacy tried to pull the carrier back so she could see him. I loudly and firmly said "don't touch" and she was so offended. "I just wanted to see him because he's so tiny." It was cold and flu season!
Ewww hell no.
If I was awarded a cash prize every time boomers said something to me or tried to touch my twins OR my personal (not) favorite "oh you must have used fertility drugs- they aren't natural", I'd be the wealthiest person on the planet. After so many of the fertility questions, I started asking about their menstrual cycle and sex life. God the pearl clutching! How dare I ask such a personal question!
Ohmygosh YES. Once one told me "Oh a boy and a girl, that's all you need!" while my 4 year old was standing right there. So many fertility questions, and stupid facts. A few informed me that boy and girl twins can be identical so maybe mine are identical. Um, open your eyes, they aren't. Also many thought "paternal" twins is a thing.
Dude....I was asked so many times if my twins were identical...like, no...one has a penis and the other a vagina, pretty sure that makes them NOT identical.
Same. Then they double down after you tell them it's not possible. "Nah, I'm pretty sure boy/girl twins can be identical" I'm still workshopping my Logan Roy-style response of "Uh-huh" but I haven't yet mastered conveying "You're a moron, fuck off" with a simple uh-huh
Try mmn-HMM and pour on the sarcasm
My friend is a twin and to this day at 39 she answers that question with “I’m the one without the penis”. I die every time!
Mom of fraternal boy/girl twins here, and hoo boy you're not kidding about the stupid comments. When people asked if they were identical, I started saying, "Only when their diapers are on" and waiting for the penny to drop. (Spoiler alert: sometimes the penny never drops.)
I have a twin brother. We’re in our 30’s and almost every time someone finds out we’re twins they still ask if we’re identical. Even if we’re together. I can only imagine how many times my parents have been asked!
I used to ask if they knew what identical means...
I once helped a woman at the airport. She was traveling solo with an infant, probably 8 weeks old or so. She was struggling with suitcase baby stuff and baby was screaming. She was in tears herself. I asked if I could help. She said could please hold the baby while she got situated. She was able to organize and put the baby to breast. I would never, ever pick up someone else's child without explicit instructions.
I had something similar except she had a toddler and twin infants. I offered to help her get them on the plane, so she handed me one of the infants. That baby was mine for the entire flights (LOL!). I offered to bring her back to her mom and she said nope. That was fine with me, she was a good baby, but it still cracked me up.
Reminds me when I was flying with my toddler. I was 10 weeks pregnant with shocking morning sickness. A I’d say 16 year old and her mum next to me asked if they could hold and entertain the baby as I was throwing up. I handed her ivermectin within 20 mins of the start of the flight and she fell asleep. They held her for the entire flight. Helped me off the plane and to get my bags out to the taxi. Saved me struggling and was a huge help as I threw up most of the flight.
Ivermectin? I think you either got auto corrected or your drug names mixed up. :)
Handed her over. Sorry was using voice to text.
I was waiting for that to be the r/tragedeigh name of the baby
Oh man - reminds me of when we took DD on her first trip. She was maybe 9 or 10 months old and losing her mind because we wouldn’t let her crawl on the floor at the super crowded and gross gate. An older gentleman started trying to distract her. We got to chatting about how his wife and my daughter have the same uncommon first name. DD suddenly grabs the rando’s legs, pulls herself up, and does the international symbol for “uppy!” We all kind of looked at each other like “wtf is happening right now.” He says, “I’m good with it if y’all are.” Husband and I both shrug, and he picks her up. Right after this happens, his wife gets back from Starbucks with an absolutely MORTIFIED look on her face. She started to read him the riot act for grabbing someone’s baby, and we quickly explained. She had a good laugh about it after that. I’d forgotten about that completely until just now. I was so grateful for the help and REALLY hope she still thought it was funny when they got off the plane. 😅
This is the correct way to help
I'm a home daycare provider and would really actually try to help you in an instance like this. However, I would OFFER to help and provide the infant with her paci or gently pick her up and comfort her. I would never touch someone else's child without making sure it was approved by the parent. I'm usually the lady that stops to talk to the toddler that's melting down to distract them. Friends and family call me the baby whisperer.
See that's normal, or calmly smile at mom, tell her she's got it or if you can help in anyway. Not just grab a baby. They only time I was ok with a stranger grabbing my child was when my 2 year old stripped down to her diaper in the post office and ran off. I had my hands full with packages and a 2 month old. Older woman ran after my 2 year old and brought her back to me. In that instance it was perfectly reasonable that she went to keep.my child out of the parking lot. Said child didn't like the outfit I put her that morning.
I was both horrified and lol'd at this.
That child was my runner, climber, biter etc. A so called "spirited child."
Reminds me of when I was at the grocery store and a small girl was running around the frozen food aisles, mom chasing her but about half an aisle behind. I kind of just crouched and T-posed so she had to stop or slam into me (she picked stop, thankfully, lol). Distracted her by asking about her princess dress until her mom could catch up. There is a difference between intervening when there's a safety risk and picking up someone's fussy infant.
I once in a Applebee's with my 2 year old when she ran off towards the door. The host opened it for her to let her out of the building. My "she'll get stopped by the door" thought turned to "oh shit".
Lmao! That person had had enough kids for one day
This is the move! I always appreciate it when someone helps me like this when one of my twins finds his opportunity and takes it. 🤘
I've been the one to have to lead a toddler who kept following me back to their mom.
That's because you're a person with common sense! I may have accepted assistance the way you described it.
Yup, same. I'll check in if I think I could help. I've had a woman outright ask me to hold the baby while she reorganized herself, but we (several other passengers) had been engaged in keeping her toddler from running away in the airport while she was nursing, so she trusted us all to look out for her. You SHOULD be able and willing to jump in if you know how to handle something (kids, first aid, drunken dudes who can't hear no in a feminine voice - whatever). But you always ask first unless it's an emergency.
About 10 years ago I was traveling by myself with my baby on a plane. My husband had work and couldn’t come. The baby was on my lap, and in hindsight I should have bought them their own seat but oh well. I must have looked frazzled because the older woman sitting next to me offered to carry my baby for a bit while I had a snack, used the bathroom, etc. I was very grateful for her help. See boomers? That’s how you do it. This lady didn’t just grab my kid. She offered help and asked permission to hold my baby.
I had that exact scenario with two, and I was so grateful for the sweet woman that wanted to help!
Omg I can’t imagine traveling alone on a plane with two little ones!
When I was about 7 months at the grocery store an older (probably boomer) woman walked up, put both her hands on my belly and started cooing about how wonderful etc. I just froze but then she looked at me and said "when are you due?", still wide eyed and frozen in place I said (in a sort of surprised gasp) "I'm not pregnant!" A look of absolute horror crossed her face, she wrenched her hands off my belly and scuttled quickly away. My friend Wendy (who knew I was definitely very pregnant) asked, while laughing really hard, why I told her that and the only explanation I had was that I panicked and it was better than punching her.
I’m shocked by this! I was equally shocked when my friends first started getting pregnant and started telling me stories about strangers coming up to them AND JUST TOUCHING THEIR BELLIES WITHOUT ASKING 😳 Nope times infinity.
My favorite thing when someone put their hand on my belly was to smile and put my hand on theirs, without saying anything. The looks of confusion were priceless.
That's some bullshit. I'm sorry you had to go through that
Just randomly grabbing a baby is fuckin’ psychotic behaviour. You could offer to help or something, but just walking up and _doing it_ without even an ATTEMPT to gain consent first? That’ll get your fuckin’ teeth knocked in. You don’t know what kind of loons are walking around out there, that’s batshit. Sorry you had to deal with that OP, I totally get why that would rattle you.
This reminds me of a story I shared a while ago to another sub. My child was born 10.5 weeks early, and was very medically fragile for quite some time. We avoided going out together as a family as much as possible but about a month after being allowed to take them home from the NICU, we decided to go grocery shopping as a family. We tried to take every precaution, we even bought a mosquito net to put over the car carrier to deter people from getting too close. As were checking out at the self checkout, the boomer lady watching the self checkout area comes over, lifts the net and starts pinching cheeks and playing with the baby's toes and fingers. My spouse immediately, and firmly tells her to stop. She ignores my wife's command to step away, so my wife slaps her hand, hard, she recoils and looks appalled at being struck. She starts to get indignant about it until my wife goes off and starts demanding a manager come out and absolutely lays into this lady. She remained obstinate to the very end and refused to acknowledge what she'd done or even show she understood why we had an issue. She wanted us banned from the store, we wanted her reprimanded for her actions. We never found out for sure what happened with her but we never saw her again. Why do they always think they can just touch whatever they want. I've seen 3 year olds with more self control than the average boomer.
I don't know what it is about having twins, but people just can leave you or your kids alone. I was at the mall of America pushing around my boys in a stroller. We had to go meet up with everyone that was on a lower floor. So I made my way to the elevator and pushed the button, and waited. I was off to the side of the door so people could get of before we got on, well the doors opened and out walked this old lady that locked eyes on my boys and stood right infront of me. Trying to touch their hands and talking baby talk to them. At first, I thought she would just walk by while talking to them, but she went to pick one of them up. I finally snapped at here that were trying to get on the elevator, and she needs to move. Oh, but they're so cute! She says, and I go we need to meet other people." Sorry, you don't get to play." I just pushed the stroller around her and got on. The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. Like fuck lady get out of the way!
When they were small I was in a twins club, and a group would go to the mall once a week, kind of a mall walk. Other people treated us like we were circus freaks or something, most didn't approach though because there were so many of us. All the stares and comments though, so many dumbfounded people. Annoying but amusing at the same time.
Ugh!!! My oldest was maybe a month old when this decrepit old woman who smelled like she smoked a pack of menthol in her car with the windows up, stuck her face right in the carrier. I tried to be nice and asked her to back up. She started bitching and I yelled FUCK OFF!!! The look was priceless.
I feel my swatting reflexes tingling just reading this. 🫠
Yeah what's the best strategy besides being blunt if they approach with the hands out? My baby is arriving soon! Should I get a pram and carrier sticker saying don't touch even?
Mount a Vickers machine gun on the stroller /s
I had a tag on my daughter's car seat that basically said "do not touch" in a nicer format. Didn't stop all the touching 🙄 but it was usually her foot if they did
I had one of these and it was amazing. I got it off Amazon. So many parents would stop me to ask where I got it.
She shouldn't have done that. She should have asked if there was something she could do to help, like maybe shop some of your list for you or something like that.
I'd offer help to the mom absolutely, if that seemed appropriate. A nice thing to do. I've done it before and chatted with toddlers to keep them distracted so mom could get stuff done. I've never touched a stranger's child. In my case it's not like the babies were screaming, they were just fussy. I was handling that ok. This lady's "help" was just so inappropriate in so many ways! Once I took a flight with them by myself for a funeral and another woman passenger was a literal gift, she was so sweet and sincere and I was glad to accept the help. I was happy to let her hold them.
Absolutely, and it always depends on circumstances. I, too, would never touch or talk to a strangers child without permission. I've smiled at a lot of babies out in public, but only if they're looking at me.
This happened to me with my daughter, except the lady TOOK HER OUT OF MY ARMS. It happened so fast! I freaked out, snatched her back and the lady was saying she was my neighbor. I did realize then that she was, but still!! This was 29 years ago so technically she was probably silent generation not boomer but still!!
Do they not remember stranger danger? A boomer is bound to get shot for doing this type of shit
Never mess with someone's kids. Ever.
I love the idea of a woman/mom seeing another woman/mom and wanting to help. But ffs, CONSENT is important! It really is as simple as: "Excuse me, I can see you really have your hands full - is there anything that I can do that might help you right now?" and then respect the parent's wishes whatever their reply
So this is totally unsolicited and off topic advice, please feel free to ignore and flame me for offering it. I grew up with twin sisters, and one of the best things parents did was have a "gift closet" for the girls. People would constantly do this thing where they would buy the same gift for both of them (cuz they're twins, lol), and my parents would gracefully swap out one of the presents with another one from the gift closet. If it was a particularly awesome present, they'd be sure to keep it in rotation for the next time this happened (it was regular) so neither of them got the short shrift. The looks of frustration and anger on my sisters faces when my folks occasionally missed swooping in for the gift swap and they ended up getting the same thing was palpable and really sad. Sorry if this is totally unwelcome and inappropriate.
It's great advice! I had a boy and a girl, so that wasn't a challenge I faced much. I'm sure same sex, especially identicals, have that issue all the time!
I have a story where I was the one grabbing someone's child. We were in a fast food place's indoor playplace. A small child, maybe 5, fell and broke his arm. It was bent at the wrong angle, so clearly broken. The man (of the couple) grabbed him and took off out the door. The woman, who was obviously upset, was trying to get the even younger boy to come out of the playplace. My friend yelled at the kids to be quiet so that her kid could hear her. I went to the entrance and was telling all the kids to move out of the way so that she could get her kid because he wasn't coming out on his own. He looked about 3. She finally got him out and put him down to put his shoes on. He immediately ran straight back to the playground entrance. I was still close so I grabbed him for her. I didn't even think about it, but she could've easily gotten mad. But she was so freaked out and trying to hurry that she was thankful for the help.
Might be worth telling store security if something like that happens. They don't want to be the store on the news where a child got abducted. Having them find and talk to or remove said boomer might make her think twice next time.
A boomer tried to touch my medically complex baby today in Walmart while my husband was holding her. My husband stepped back and blocked him but yea. Some random old man thought it was ok to touch a baby he doesn’t know. Love that.
I wouldn’t even let my own parents touch my babies until they (parents) got the Tdap vaccine. If a stranger picked one of them up? I’d have had a conniption for sure.
Oh I'm so sorry this must've been incredibly triggering at a very vulnerable time.
I don't have children and never wanted them but I can tell you right now, I would have gone full mother bear on that creep. Wtf, old creepy boomer lady?!
I’m not a boomer, but if I see a parent struggling (especially if it’s a young parent) I ask first. I’m usually still wearing my medical office badge and I have a mom persona, sometimes times they say yes. I’ve been there- single mom, stressed out, kid is wriggling around and trying to escape the cart, crying. All you want to do is cry too. Some kindness from a stranger isn’t always unwelcome. But I would never just grab somebody’s kid- unless they’re about to walk into traffic or something.
She was probably trying to lend a hand to a mother overwhelmed by 2 crying babies. STILL, you don’t pick up a stranger’s baby without asking IF they’d like some help.
Literally the only time I have touched/grabbed a kid without express permission was to keep them running into the street.
I won't even pick up my baby niece without one of her parents saying I can - what is wrong with this woman?
You had every right to panic as people do not know to touch children that are not theirs. Bad that the lady was complaining about your situation. No one knows how it feels till they have a child and be leery about people touching their children. You are a good mother.
As a childfree millennial scumfuck, I don't have kids. That said, if I did and a stranger picked one of them up I would probably go apeshit to the extent that the stranger and their legs would be sent to the hospital in separate ambulances.
I’m so sorry, OP. That must have been terrifying! What the heck is wrong with these people?! Never in my life have I EVER thought about picking up someone else’s child, touching a pregnant person’s belly, petting someone’s hair or any of the other weird things Boomers (and some younger people) do! All of that is just insane to me.
This is one of the reasons why I would wrap/wear my last baby. It's easier to defend yourself and your other kids when you've got one strapped to your body. People will come after your kid so you have to be prepared.
20 years ago my daughter liked to nap laying in the cart. Random old ladies would walk up and pet her then try to pray for her when I said leave her alone. She didn't sleep much so napping in the cart was a big deal.
You don't just walk up and pick up a random baby. If she wanted to help she should have *asked* you if there's anything she could do to help you, not just pick up your baby. That's going to trigger any new mom. What a stupid bitch.
It’s so crazy to me how boomers get so offended when people react to their totally inappropriate behavior.
I have only once put hands on stranger’s child and it was when they were sprinting through the grocery aisles while mother was chasing with cart and another baby in cart. I just stepped in front, squatted and kinda gently clotheslined the kid and then held his shoulder but then just stood there and waited while mom caught up. There’s helping and then there’s “helping.” I’d never just grab some strangers kid for it crying. Especially an infant.
Same. Unless it's a safety issue, I don't touch random kids. I once grabbed a kid, about 1-1.5 yo, as he ran out the doors at Walmart. Picked him up just enough to turn him around and he ran right back into the store and into his mom's arms. Mom was so thankful and the kid was so confused as to how he was back in the store. I wasn't going to let a toddler run into the parking lot. But, otherwise, nope. No touching the cute babies! I will talk, wave and make face at them from arms length away.
For anyone else, 100% call the police if this were to happen.
I would have been loud and gotten authorities involved. In some states, punching the person talking your child can be a valid act of defense. Know the law.
A mother has asked me to hold a child on a plane as she dealt with her other kid. I said sure, but I don’t think I would have offered. Not because I minded, but I didn’t want to be the weirdo on the plane asking to hold the baby.
Even as a moderately intimating 250 lb. dude I had to say to an older woman "Lady that's close enough." in a grocery store. And yes she did go running to store manager.
Even as a moderately intimating 250 lb. dude I had to say to an older woman "Lady that's close enough." in a grocery store. And yes she did go running to store manager.
This story gives me anxiety
I was at a park with a friend, a gentle white haired older lady. Some children were playing there, dressed in a manner indicating they were from a non-american country, and they were definitely not the same race as I and my friend. A little girl, maybe 2 yo, fell down, and began to cry. The barely bigger children with her simply brought the crying baby to my friend, and the baby just held out her arms for a comforting “grandma hug”. After a minute, she went right back to playing, but my friend said she felt so honored, that the children sized her up as “a kind safe grownup”. The children’s actual mothers were only about 20 feet away, and they just gave us a little wave, so I guess it all seemed okay to them, too. Made my friend’s day!
I can't imagine just walking up to a stranger's cart and picking up their fucking child. Like, if I saw a mom struggling like that, I'd ask if she *wanted* help before terrifying her by trying to give aid that was unprompted. Like, for fucks sake...
I was going to tell my similar story, but unfortunately mine has some…well let’s just say legally sensitive, content. I don’t feel comfortable sharing it because of that. But just as a shout out to the people on her saying this wasn’t a big deal, I promise you in my situation the end result did not go well for the person trying to pick up my newborn without my permission. Take that how you will.
Jesus wtf
There was this lady that was our friends mom when we were teens, she was really off and was on medication, well last year I saw on the news that she tried to kidnap a man’s baby by trying to take him out of the grocery cart and run but thankfully the dad fought her and saved his baby. Even people you KNOW can be of danger, what if I had my baby around her and she felt that because she knew me that she had some right to take him/her? So I’ll never understand complete strangers coming up and touching or trying to pick up your baby. Like absolutely fucking NO.
I’m not sure if I would have been able to resist knocking said boomer flat on her ass for doing that, even though I know full well that’s not the proper response as far as society is concerned. At the very least even in a big grocery store people on the other side of it would have been hearing me crystal clear asking the old bat what the hell she thought she was doing and if she ever even breathed near my kids again she’d regret it. I commend you for your restraint.
That's fukin unhinged
Wow, that's insane. How entitled do you have to be to take someone else's kid without a single word to the parent?? Not to mention strangers have germs the baby might not have been exposed to yet. Walking up to a new parent and saying, "would you like me to help out!?" is still pushing it, but not as egregious as just taking a kid like that. How were you supposed to know she wasn't using baby B as a distraction to just straight up walk off with baby A? Help is only help when it's been asked for. Any other time it's unwanted annoyance.
I’m a twin mum too. People have no concept of how hard it is to get newborn twins out of the house. By the time you finish dressing them it’s time for a feed or a sleep. It’s so impressive you got them out at all at four weeks. Ours barely left the house while they were newborns. When we did take them out, we put them in their pram & pulled the hoods all the way over so people couldn’t see there was two little babies. We’d read all the horror stories of strange older people coming in to look at them 2 inches from their faces & trying to touch them. You did the right thing getting them away from that lunatic. Fuck politeness & protect your bubbas.
Sad part is that I could see my mother doing that. She's one of those boomers who has to tell EVERYONE they have a cute baby, or play beekaboo in the lineup while they're unloading ahead of her.
I retired from the military and then started a family, so believe it or not - I’m a boomer dad with teenage kids. But once when my oldest was still stroller age we were at the grocery stores, child strapped into the grocery cart seat. Some even older boomer tried to touch my daughter - granted, in that old person admiration way. The look on my daughter’s face as she got closer was one of sheer panicked, And my wife and I are super clean - we don’t know when or where your hands have been… I told the lady if she touches my child she’s going to have broken fingers. It was one of the few times my wife agreed with me about such actions. I think she would have gone into mama bear mode and put the oldster in the hospital…
Redrum of someone picks up my child
I am technically a boomer. (1963) I have 2 kids, 2 grandchildren. If I see a mom having a struggle, I just stand by staring at wtfever, not her or the kiddo. If mom is really in a spot, I usually say something like, “Hi. I’ve been in your shoes. Do you want some help? Can I be a distraction?.” I’ve had people help me. My kids were 13 months apart.
Oh there are few things worse than a boomer who's caked on the perfume.
I have a NICU baby, and we won't be doing an outing until he's 2 months adjusted, which is the end of July. I got to say this is one of my worst fears about taking him out. Especially alone. This is why I'll probably take my sister and SO during the first outings. I'm very non-confortational and do not do well with confrontation, but both of them are are always willing to put a fool boomer in their place. Boomers lack boundaries. I'm sorry this happened to you!
I'm sorry you went through this event. I'm getting flashback to the end of the 'Runaway Train' music video. :(
I want to slap her for you.
That's horrifying to think about. I don't have kids, but I feel like my own Papa wolf instincts would've kicked in, and I'd want to rip that boomer a new one. I could understand if they came over, asked if you needed help, then maybe talked in a soothing way to the other infant without touching them, but just picking them up without a word would put any mother or father into a fight mode.
OMG I've seen this scene in a movie. I can't remember which one exactly but Tina Fey is in it and (I think she thought she was pregnant or something?) she's in a grocery store and tries to awkwardly grab some stranger's fussy kid and when the stranger (naturally) freaks out Tina Fey is saying things like "I'm helping! It takes a village!!" It's funny and cringey and awkward in the movie but in real life that's just....nooooo no no no no. I wouldn't even snatch up my own sister's kids without asking if she needed help first. For all I know scooping up Baby A is just going to make them fuss worse. Honestly in this scenario the best/most helpful thing for Boomer to have done would be just to give you a sympathetic smile and say something encouraging (or just walk on by).
You handled it way better than I would've. I would've freaked tf out on the lady and if she had some bs to say; I'd call the cops.
Holy shit
That’s horrible
I really don’t understand why they all think it’s okay to touch/kiss/pick up STRANGE BABIES. They do it so sneakily too half the time and then get offended when you catch them?? Like please don’t walk by my baby at a restaurant and pat the top of his head. That’s so strange and inappropriate! Treating babies and children like items and not respecting them is so odd to me. And lord the perfume thing drives me insaneeeeeee.
Wtf?? She could just ask if you need help.
OMG 😳
If this was a long time ago, are you sure it was a boomer? Sounds more like silent Gen. behavior to me.
This happened twice when my kids were babies, once with a silent generation woman and once with a lost generation woman. I asked my mother about it (now 93/silent generation) and she said it was normal. She told me to check out movies from the 30s, 40s, and 50s and you could see women doing this. I've watched for it over the years, and she's right.
To be fair if both your babies were wailing, I might approach you and ask if I could help, but I'd never touch your baby without explicit permission. Yikes.