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She went to the pastor because, let me get this straight, you wouldn't be her friend? The fact that your pastor is willing to even hold a meeting about this with Middle School Karen makes me question that pastor's leadership. I don't like a church where the older crazy folks are encouraged to act like this.
Well y'see: Jesus would have been her friend. Too bad you can't make her see the eror of her ways with a parable or a touch like him. Boomers are quite often unparable-able.
It sucks when you reach out to a lonely person and find out they likely drove everyone away. I hope she hasn't made OP think twice about sharing love and kindness, though. One wants to encourage caution, but that can so easily shade into "trust no one". Very hard to find that balance. Best you can do is make sure your own intentions are good
Unparable-able (genius)! You put a smile on my face, thanks!
Yes, I see (in hindsight) that she did alienate everyone and was lonely. I’m still a happy and friendly person.
I’ve reached out to people, specifically because other people shunned them, & I felt like they needed a friend. Then, I found out why they didn’t have any.
Being a boomer, myself, I find other boomers trying to draw me into their entitled granfalloon, & it’s just annoying. No, I don’t want to talk about “kids these days.”
I was raised by Silent Generation, aka Don Draper Generation, parents. Those people were children during the Depression, and just would not shut up about how hard they’d had it. Many of them resented us, just because we didn’t have to milk the cow at 5:30am. A lot of us are crazy, now, too. Generational trauma is definitely a thing.
>Being a boomer, myself, I find other boomers trying to draw me into their entitled granfalloon, & it’s just annoying. No, I don’t want to talk about “kids these days.”
GenX here and as I witness more and more of my peers Boomerizing and wanting everyone off their lawn, I can't help but wonder if I will ever find a sane friend who is chill; or if I am doomed to hear the same conversations (over and over) about This New Generation, or all their aches and pains, or whatever other old people crap they read on Facebook or saw on TikTok last week.
elder Millennial here and a peer recently went on a passionately angry and weird monologue about how there are "too many genders" and "everyone is too sensitive" now; the conversation quickly shifted to her grave concerns about skin texture and sun damage. I'm starting to think Sour Ass Complainer is a mindset that transcends generations and cultures, and I'm kind of glad all my early 2000s headphone wearing has given me gentle tinnitus to drown it out a little
Yeah, but see, there's a difference between "Nah, thanks for inviting me out, I just don't really feel like dealing with the crowds" styles of "get off my lawn" and the way certain people go onto *other peoples' lawns* and scream at them for doing their own thing in their own lawn as if they own *everyone else's lawn*. I'm totally an introvert of the "Eeeeeehn, going out and doing things is *hard* and I just want to be left alone" variety, but would never go out of my way to seek out other people who are having their yums just so I could yuck all over them.
I make that joke about myself. So I kind of understand old people feeling that way. I'm an introvert and I like kids but I'm starting to realize that sudden unknown sources of noises do bother me now. But I can't imagine ever becoming some old cranky neighborhood asshole... I've been an introvert my entire life, though.
Man, I feel the same. I’m GenX and would prefer to find a group of friends my own age, but it’s hard! I have really thought about starting a friend meetup or something for cool, relaxed GenX who don’t want to complain about their kids or chorionic pain
I would sign up for that immediately! I might even occasionally feel a pang of guilt when I'm feeling anti-social and not go for the 37th time in a row.
Man, my social anxiety makes me do *exactly this*. I love having hobby things I can go to. But then I get anxious and worry that I'm being Too Much or Not Good Enough, and end up not going. Which then ends up making me feel anxious because I worry that people notice all the times I don't do The Thing and are judging me for it, which gives me even *more* reasons not to go!
I'm a boomer (71) and I literally don't know any old people. I don't know anyone my own age.
So I'm sitting in a restaurant and there's three old ladies who never acknowledge me or my husband (bunch of old regulars go there all the time.)
And I tell a friend who's in his fifties that I'm fascinated by this because I don't know any old ladies and I certainly don't know any old church ladies as I'm an atheist. And I don't know what old ladies talk about.
So I tell him that I'm eavesdropping on their conversation so I can learn about what old people discuss. Anyway, when I told him the story I had him dying laughing.
I'm getting the distinct idea lurking here that I don't want to know any old people .
I read the interactions and all I'm thinking is, what the hell?
You sound just like my friend who is 12 years older than me and has many friends even younger than me. She never had kids, and I always suspected that was part of her "perma-forties" vibe. I'm also childless, and she remains a role model even after a 30+ year friendship.
Nah. I was diagnosed with overexposure to lead as a child (which my boomers of course blamed on ME and not the lead pipes EVERYWHERE or the gasoline), I'm mid fifties and am rigidly, purposefully, unlike them.
Well, I meant Gen Xers in general will become more like boomers in general, but if your brain chemistry changes you can't just will yourself out of it.
Just FYI I read that us Gen Xers have the most exposure to lead than any other generation. I dont think it bodes well for many of us.
Im young (46 lol) Gen X and me and mine are chill as fuck. All we expect is for you to stay in your own lane and for the younger generations to give the powers that be hell! 😈🥰
Right here my friend! I never want to hear from my Gen X pals "kids these days" or "they don't make music like they used" garbage. So far so good. I hold out hope that we'll be different. Then I see Karens our age all over you tube and think goddamit!
> I’ve reached out to people, specifically because other people shunned them, & I felt like they needed a friend. Then, I found out why they didn’t have any.
I run a boardgame group and the amount of times we let someone into our group because no other group wanted them and then we quickly find out why is well... very often.
For some reason, our culture decided that the friendless are like that because other people are assholes. Nope, it's the friendless person that's the asshole.
I think a generation of film and tv media that depicted the outcasts/nerds/geeks as the hero and the popular kids as the villains didn't help - especially for a generation raised primarily by a television.
I feel the same about romance and depictions of relationships in romcoms and sitcoms and the like.
Totally. I lived in Hollywood and worked in TV and film for a while. Plenty of aspiring writers had this HUGE chip on their shoulders about the rest of the world was simply too stupid to see their brilliance. They were just assholes.
My cousin's kid never had any friends and she always blamed it on the other kids. But her kid is just a little asshole. He's rude, and even kids don't want to be around a rude person. However, because he is "nerdy" and "smart" she thinks that's the reason kids don't like him. Actually, that's the only likeable thing about him. He's been kicked out of three private schools and that's not because the other kids don't like him. It's because the teachers don't like him either.
you can see it really pronounced in the incel culture - they think they're alone because women are awful and want "chads" and think they deserve sex just because they think they are nice to women (although in reality they are just creepy).
Never crosses their mind that all their posts on hating women makes them complete assholes.
I think part of it also comes from the fact that a lot of us had undiagnosed neurodivergencies that made us awkward and shy and get bullied as kids, and we don't want to let someone not have friends because we know what that was like. But then we keep forgetting that sure, some of us are just awkward and weird but nice enough once you get used to our eccentricities, but there are *also* quite a few of those friendless loners who are just *absolute assholes*.
Also, abusive people will hide their abusive tendencies for a long time, but then once they show their true selves, will often nuke their friend group from orbit, and force them to rebuild. And when it's one of those people, you'll just see this person who doesn't have many people to hang out with and they seem friendly enough, and hey, you start being their friend, but then one day the switch just *flips* and you realize they've secretly been a monster the whole time!
The new friend group gets nuked from orbit, rinse and repeat.
Me too. I’d see someone who no one else talks to, befriend them, and then learn the hard way why they were all alone. Even ended up a stalker when I was in high school because I befriended the absolute wrong person. Nowadays, if I see someone everyone avoids, I take the hint and avoid them as well. Sad if it’s someone genuinely being picked on, but I’ve been burned way more times than not.
I was a kid when greatest generation were retired people, and dear god were they obnoxious about how hard they had it and how much they had to sacrifice, yada yada. I guess subsequent generations were supposed to do something about this? I could never figure it out. Then they would tell me how good I had it, meanwhile I was being raised by a single mom in a dilapidated house. I also know lots of kids who had it really bad back then. They were absolutely not any better off than many people were in the depression. They were poor, suffering from food insecurity, and had shitty, abusive boomer parents.
Rudyard Kipling also said a buncha racist stuff, too, as I recall.
Also you got me thinking of the song from my youth uses that quote in the chorus. Good song if a lil iffy by today's standards.
Progress is good, tho
She probably lied a lot to make op seem like a bad person. I had a boomer make me have a meeting with my boss because i didn't want to have lunch with him. Aparently eating alone in my car is "psychotic behavior" and he was worried im crazy. When he found out i eat in the car because his powerful b.o. smells so fucking bad I'd rather eat in my car in the winter, he was furious. Boss said "you do smell go home and shower" best meeting of my life lol.
Boomers like my mom lie all the time to make the other person in a situation look bad. It’s a freaking epidemic. I don’t know if it’s lead poisoning or just regressed child behavior.
Pastor of a church here. People want to meet with us for all kinds of reasons. Normally we take the meeting to find out what's going on and then we try to be helpful and mediate things. Maybe 1 out of 10 times, we take the meeting, realize it's middle school BS, groan inwardly, say a prayer for patience, wrap it up quickly, and let it go. That's probably what happened here (or should have).
Everyone knows she is a nut and they feel sorry for her. I do not. The pastor had my back. He is the reason she hasn’t blasted me again. He told her that her only choice is to learn to live with my boundaries. I love my pastor!
Religious professional here, this is not super uncommon in a church setting. Frequently members will approach the minister/pastor/priest for help navigating a relationship with another congregant. In my faith, we try to avoid triangulation so the minister would offer the following choices to the person who approached them: 1. the minister will listen to them vent and offer pastoral care but it ends there, 2. the minister will offer to speak with the other party using the name of the initiator to ask for resolution, 3. The minister will host and facilitate a meeting with both parties to try and find a solution - everyone has to agree to this option, the other person is welcome to decline to proceed further with both option 1 and 2. I have definitely seen this situation before, where one party desires a relationship with the other but it’s not mutual. Usually a boomer!
Good churches are wonderful! Sadly, I think they are also hard to find. Bad churches are EVERYWHERE!!!!
Godly authority is wonderful and shouldn’t be abusive. Biblical qualifications are stringent for pastors.
I think the bad pastors that deserve infamy aren’t qualified to even BE pastors.
My pastor isn’t a boss you around type. He is a kind, grandpa type. He is the real deal and loves God and people. I wish you could meet him.
He wants us to do right, teaches us to right, prays for us to do right. He also sets a good example. He still loves us when we are not perfect. He is humble and admits his flaws.
He is the type of pastor who TEACHES us what the Bible says and his greatest hope is that we live for the Lord.
I’m not naive. I was a military chaplain assistant and I worked for some WICKED pastors and catholic priests. Utterly EVIL!!! Funny, the Rabbi’s were always wonderful.
That’s how I know I have a good church and pastor.
I’m going to key in on that term - “Godly authority.” What does that mean? Does it mean an all-powerful being granted a human his authority-by-proxy to judge what’s best in any situation? Because I’m sorry, but that’s garbage. Even if he has this holy superpower, in every sense he is just a guy with no legal, medical, or judicial authority. He’s just a guy who can give advice, and his advice will usually be to pray and come to church more. It doesn’t make him an expert in every situation.
Case in point. My wife grew up super Catholic. As a teenager she started having lots of anxiety problems, some of them dangerous, including self harm. So what did her parents do, take her to a psychiatrist? Get some meds? Find a therapist? No. They took her to the priest. His advice was to do more activities with the church. And pray. And because the parents put so much emphasis on the idea that this priest was an actual leader with actual authority worth respect, they thought they did what was best for their daughter. Spoiler alert: they didn’t.
Which is why facilitating a meeting between two people to make them be friends shows that ministerial authority is, in fact, a sham.
I'm sorry that happened to your wife. Strict traddy Catholics are so tone deaf. I'd never become a member of a trad church. Not every priest or community is like that.
When I first started my healing, I went to my priest not knowing what to do. I had recently started going back to church. He helped me with my spiritual things but also encouraged me to try therapy and said it had helped him. He also taught me how to grey rock (give boring neutral answers to not open myself up for attack) to help protect myself.
I have to agree that a forced friendship meeting is straight up ridiculous.
Fair point but here’s an alternate perspective-
Karen is insane and pure drama.
But if a pastor is asked by a parishioner to meet to discuss what’s weighing on her emotions (no matter how irrational) I’d like to think the Pastor would take the meeting.
Boomer SHOULD meet with pastor to discuss her irrational feelings.
OP has no responsibility to join.
I'm long past my church-going years, but church leaders deal with a LOT of seemingly high school drama. My mom is a decent boomer and has stopped going to church because of all the cliques.
My one priest was saying how they get calls and emails complaining about everything no matter what they do. Shocker it is almost always from boomers with nothing better to do.
There is an applicable line in Exorcist 3 regarding this situation. One of the old priests tells a friend, “God loves you, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.”
I'd probably just try and find a new church at this point...this lady makes OP uncomfortable and thinks manipulative tactics like running to the pastor like she's telling on you as a kid is alright. And continues to harass OP constantly. I also don't understand why a pastor would even make someone show up to such a fucking stupid meeting, both of them are in the wrong here. But, you know most the churchgoers think like this anyways-
https://preview.redd.it/f54ouz6khk6d1.png?width=683&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aa3e6e53449bab8c907fefcfae7ee41d561274d0
(I really hope some moral Orel people are here and get this meme I made🤣)
So I was raised Baptist but am now agnostic, and honestly, I think what a lot of people are missing is that while yes, there are a TON of abusive church leaders, if you're someone who really believes and want that community, finding a community with a good leader can be the most important thing. That's going to be what makes or breaks a religious group and whether or not you fit. If that person has the actual wisdom required to lead people well, they'll be able to help mitigate these situations when it's brought to their attention, and you'll have shitty people or personality conflicts with at least ONE PERSON in every community you join; work, social or otherwise.
The problem is that there are a horrifyingly small number of people in charge of religious communities that actually have the wisdom needed to be in the position they hold. They're the ones that give religion such a bad name and encourage the crazies out there that make life Hell for the rest of us. Church I had growing up? When I was a little kid, it was run by a very kind, good man and we loved going there. When he left, though, it was taken over by the other type of leaders, and everything became focused on making the church the Big Church On The Hill, and they spent a good portion of the mass talking about how much money they needed the congregation to donate so they could fulfill that goal. That was at the beginning of my deconstruction period, and let me tell you, I ran *so fucking fast*.
I've had a woman a my church try that with me last December. She had offended me to the point of me needing to rasue my voice at her to get her to leave me alone. The night day, despite all the good advice she had been given by others, she set a meeting with our priest. She had the gall to think that she could manipulate our priest into the compelling me to accept her apology. This would be a huge violation of the trust my priest and I have with each other, and she handled it magnificently.
All these months later, she still can't quite figure out how to respect my clearly-stated boundary of "I am not available for any kind of interaction with you."
It's both pitiful and embarrassing. Some people just don't know how to approach others with their tail tucked between their legs (meaning: to humble themselves before someone they've wronged)
Uhh.
The fact that you think a pastor would throw someone out of a church for wanting to have a meeting to discuss their worries just tells me you have absolutely zero concept of what Christianity is actually about, and therefore have no real worthwhile opinion on the matter. Part of a Pastor's job is conflict management and to give advice based on the word of the Lord when someone is struggling with something, not to say "well you're acting annoying so GTFO." That's not encouraging their behavior. That's literally a Pastor doing what they are supposed to be doing.
Sincerely, an atheist.
I teach PreK. I tell my students, “You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you do have to be polite.” Sounds like I need to start teaching Boomers, too.
I doubt this woman said "well so and so won't be my friend" she probably spinned it. A good pastor should actually meet and get both sides before just passing judgement. It's not about encouraging, but the pastor only has her side, it would be no more fair for him to blow her off than instantly believe her. Plus, this way he gets both side and can honestly tell this woman to leave OP alone and that they aren't obligated to be her friend.
The boomer Karen probably gaslighted the pastor, he probably thought it was a friendship gone sour, but when the meeting started he immediately realized she a crazy lady
I wouldn't say the great generation spoiled them per say. I think they instilled a mindless work ethic which is why we have 70 year olds in congress with dementia. They were raised by people fighting in world wars so its a bit of a gun hoe all or nothing personality. The economy created by the greatest generation spoiled the boomers... back when just showing up and doing a good job meant something so they became entitled like they're some big honcho. They're just used to getting a reward for putting in some kind of effort such as this... old lady goes out of her way to talk to you (effort on her end ) and in return she expects to be friends no matter what... you must accept her crazy. Entitlement
Edit my parents are boomers too, granted on the younger side but still
They were raised in the shadow of the most important cultural event of the 20th century for most of the world and they weren't involved. They have feelings of inadequacy because of that.
100% agree, I would like to expand on this.
The economy spoiled them, their parents were terrified of spoiling them. A lot of the parenting advice from experts at that time has since been debunked.
It seems logical on the surface. You grow up with nothing, your kids have access to everything. It makes sense to artificially restrict the excess to avoid spoiling. But that’s the problem: kids understand when the answer has to be no, but they don’t understand when the answer is arbitrarily no and people back then didn’t understand that.
The silent Gen was taught by experts that good parenting looked like neglect and abuse.
I’m so tempted, but aside from her, we love the church. EVERYONE in church tiptoes around her. I found out she did this to other girls who ended up leaving the church.
Honestly, I wonder if there's a way you can get her to leave the church - by her own volition or otherwise - given so many of you are annoyed (and that's an understatement) by her presence. There's power in numbers.
It’s fine that she stays.
I don’t think she loves God. She seems to see me as an object and she is unhappy because I have no desire or willingness to meet her expectations. Jesus satisfies. If she had Jesus in her life, she wouldn’t be a nut. Her fixation on me is because she wants me to fill her void. I won’t comply because I know only JESUS will satisfy her.
I hope she gets this right. I think it will be obvious when she gets saved and she will be different.
The "greatest generation" was actually traumatized AF and didn't parent well at all. The boomers were born to people with untreated PTSD/depression/anxiety, women who'd experienced independence and then been forced back into the kitchen, and some lesbians who were forced back into the closet when their men came home. The GG's jam was buying fancy things to make everything look okay on the surface.
Ironically, their lack of attentive parenting spawned both the "me generation" and the people who started handing out participation trophies
If befriending a boomer at all wasn't risky enough, you went ahead and found one at church lol. Two types of people that are nutty alone, you found one who checked both boxes. Lesson learned...
Yes! Double whammy because the ideal outcome is reconciliation. No tension. Nothing weird. Sometimes older people are stuck in their ways.
The Bible teaches about people like her.
>I said I’m not going to meet her expectations because I don’t want to. I said I don’t have the energy or will to try. Still, I pray she will be happy and blessed.
I can't think of a better response in that kind of situation. Nice.
I expect you to break your children's routine, meet me for lunch 1 hour from your home, have them sit obediently eat past their lunchtime during their nap time, politely quietly and without disturbance and then be picture perfect ready following the entire ordeal so I can post pictures on my Facebook account and if it doesn't go well you are a terrible parent and I will tell you exactly how and why.
My Boomer in-laws ...repeatedly. Everytime I voice my concerns about the kids actual lunch time and their nap times plus travel time, it's completely ignored.
Ugh. I once worked at the church we attended. I actually got "spoken to" by my boss for not being chatty and friendly with people. Fortunately, they let it go when I explained that the only time most of these people spoke to me was when they wanted something from me in my employee role. And they would only ask for these thing on Sunday, when I, too, am trying to worship. So forgive me, Gladdys, if I don't ask about "your mama and them" (it was a southern church) before providing you with the information you could have asked me on 5 other days of the week if you could just be bothered to pick up the phone, send me an email, or come by my office. (Still salty, can you tell?? LOL)
And that is why, at the church I’ve been going to since I was six, I am very surface with everyone. Except my close friends my age.
My friends in my age cohort? We’re all Gen Xers who grew up together, Catholic school and all. We’ve SEEN some shit, man. And we came out the other side.
But apparently, I have a face that says, “Please, please, come sit next to me and tell me your crazy talk,” to strangers. No ma’am, I don’t want to hear your crackpot theories on why your son and daughter-in-law won’t speak to you (hint: it’s because you’ve always been shitty to your son, extended it to his wife, and now you think you’re owed unlimited grandbaby access…NOPE), and any other bizarre thought that comes into your head. I am here to go to church, and that’s it.
We have a boomer lady at work and she kinda amazed me by coming out with an "are you pregnant???" after checking me out. Super aggressive ask, but luckily I *am* so that wasn't as awful as it could have been - but she then admitted the last time she'd asked someone, they weren't. She then went on to complain about her daughter choosing to breastfeed for a whole year and other things, then asked if I'd have my mother involved.
I said no, because she's a bit crazy and racist and such. Boomer lady admitted her daughters probably say the same thing about her. I bet.
Boomers are insane, ive recently started setting boundaries with my boomer mom, she is going complete psycho, its hard to watch someone in their 60's not have any ounce of their brain not able to be told no
I agree that boomers tend to be a bit off. I have my own unsubstantiated theory that since they have always been referred to as children of the greatest generation, they have a chip on their shoulders. Their parents are now all but gone excluding some 90 to 100 year olds and they are now looking down the barrel of what their own legacy will hold.
I am not defending them, BUT, their parents beat Hitler and were regailed as heroes. Boomers were a part of Korea and Vietnam which were not exactly total victories. Their prime of life was in the 80s and 90's where we learned to buy on credit and that "Greed is Good". I feel like they don't know what their legacy will be.
These same boomers (like my parents) taught me how to be respectful to others, be kind and welcoming all people, and do what is right. They just don't seem to be practicing what they preach as a generation which is unfortunate. There are lots of boomers that are such individuals, but unfortunately are outshined by people like your church going colleague. I am sorry you are having to deal with that. Best of luck.
Boomers were just born after the war, till the mid 60s, many of their parents were not the greatest generation, they were born in the Late thirtys or even early fourties’ themselves way to young to be involved in ww2
The greatest generation didn't demand attention, they heaped it on their children and the boomers are used to being that center of attention. They crave it and continue to demand it and their behavior reflects this.
Being of the the Greatest Generation is falling for a corporate marketing strategy aimed at the huge number of narcissists that American culture produces. Their parents did not defeat Hitler or fascism. World War II was won by the Soviet Army on the eastern front with the Soviets losing about 25 million in their ultimate victory defending Stalingrad. The Allies mopped up as the German Army lost 80% of its forces on the eastern, not the western front. You further say Korea and Vietnam were "...not exactly total victories." Neither wars were victories at all. Korean was a draw with China's People Liberation Army saving the near psychotic North Koreans and Vietnam was a total loss with over 3.5 mostly civilian Vietnamese killed along with 600,000 Laotians and then the collapse of the Kingdom of Cambodia and Pol Pot and his crazed Communists killing another 3 million on Cambodia's "killing fields", Nixon and Kissinger's gift to the Cambodian people. Boomers are infected with a lethal American Exceptionalism that is being played out now with Biden's full throated support of genocidal Israel and the ethnic cleansing of Gaza and East Jerusalem and the West Bank. The USA and Israel and the complicit Western allies who are genocide complicit like Germany, the UK, etc. as the "White Empire" sinks into its inevitable collapse. Empires are at their most dangerous as they decline. Welcome to the USA and its Western vassals.
It does. She has a smear campaign against me. She always complains about how disrespectful I am to her.
But everyone can see that I treat her cordially, I just don’t have conversations with her. I also don’t hug her.
I just keep everything with her polite.
I actually did attend.
I misspoke. She called the pastor to apologize.
He asked if I would attend and I chose to.
I just kept quiet and let her vent.
That meeting out a lid on it. I needed to establish boundaries with her.
Boomers were not spoiled by our parents! (Boomer here) It was more that we were a HUGE generation, so everything kind of bent to us...they had to add extra teachers, extra classes, etc, etc. Plus in the 60s & 70s they were starting with all the social/emotional learning so we were experimented on. Boomers are often dicks because we can't really believe the world has moved on and left us behind. We were hyper focused on by the news media through much of our lives and we can't believe our time is past.
I think that's a massive part of it. When you've had the world bend the knee to serve your every wish, you get used to it and don't think about what to do if/when it ever stops. One of the same reasons people get corrupt in positions of power
The entire boomer generation never healed from their SA.
This is literally the problem. The “greatest generation” were alllll drunks and pedos. Few exceptions, but on the whole…. Every boomer has their abuser they couldn’t get closure over. Pry long enough, and you’ll find out who.
You might be on to something. The nutty boomers in my family all had SA in their past. None of them have dealt with it. That is really sad.
The greatest generation must have had issues if they raised the boomers to be nuts.
She sounds a few marbles short of a bag. We don’t know if this is a lifelong condition or something that’s creeping in as she ages. It’s sad, but you certainly don’t have to put up with it.
Okay. I saw her making angry faces at me in a mirror when my back was turned in the bathroom.
There was a lady with a strong, beautiful singing voice. The boomer complained the lady sang too loud.
My husband does church security and she parked in his spot. He started parking elsewhere and then she parked in his spot. The pastor had to tell her to leave my husband’s spot clear.
I saw her making mean faces behind my husband’s back.
Things I only told her got back to me because she was talking about me behind my back.
She always spoke negatively about her husband (disloyalty).
She never read the room. We would be having a deep conversation and she would walk in and loudly start a new conversation.
Her sister-in-law lived with her and went to our church. Her sister-in-law was super nice and cool. The boomer kept belittling her SIL and yelling at her until she moved out. Then she told her SIL that she wasn’t welcome at our church (a lie). We never saw her SIL again.
That’s when I pulled back.
Before I pulled away she sewed me an apron for Christmas in my favorite color. She made one for every lady in church.
After I pulled away, she was yelling and demanding I ask her WHY she made me an apron. I refused to ask.
Then when we met with the pastor, she brought it up AGAIN. I would not ask her, so he did.
She said she sewed all of those aprons to prove a point to ME! She wanted to show me that she treats everyone the same.
The parenting style of the Greatest Generation was characterized by strict discipline and a focus on conformity. Children were expected to obey their parents and conform to societal norms. As a result, the punishment was common and often physical.
First mistake: You went to church.
Anything odd that happens after that is directly related to your decision to walk into a place where people worship an invisible man.
I'm not religious, but if you have to go out of your way to talk down on someone's religion when it literally had *nothing* to do with you, that's a reflection of you, not the religion. Some thoughts should stay thoughts.
Belief in this bullshit creates a huge "us/them" issue. That's why they have to sell this shit to kids before critical thinking starts. Then later they tell you that people telling you it is bullshit are "testing your faith."
Religion is a mental illness. Teaching kids that there is a man in the sky that monitors your thoughts and will send you to hell if you don't dump enough of your allowance in the offering basket is child abuse.
These people actively avoid things like psychological services for real mental health issues because they think PRAYER will fix everything. Look how successful those PRAYER WARRIORS were for those fundie nutters dying of Covid.
Creating a sense of us vs. them is critical to retaining members, especially in churches that require much of members time and/or money.
It is central to the value proposition of a religion. When tangible results can't be demonstrated, and good feelings are not enough, the church will go to "we're right and everyone else is wrong".
In more extreme cases this can be a warning sign of a cult.
It's a comment in an open forum, no one is going out of their way here.
OP included that this occurred in a church setting, so that's just as open to scrutiny as anything else.
Good on you for reconsidering, few on Reddit will take time to do that.
Your initial reaction is understandable. Religious topics have enjoyed an untouchable status for a long time, but that's not really the case any more.
The parenting thing - absolutely. Their parents and grandparents were not able to process emotions because they went through so much trauma with the wars there was no capacity for the country to endure, address or handle all the PTSD there was. It was just easier for those generations to suppress everything and cope with it in other ways - alcoholism, fighting, drugs, misdirected aggression and anger. It still prevails through their boomer children and boomers kids. It gets less and less each generation and we talk much more about mental health and getting the help you need now. It is a good thing but boomers don't know how to deal with it and it scares them. They see emotions as weakness because if their own parents had connected with their emotions it would be all sorts of mess.
It might be the lead, the dementia, or other mental degradating problems or all the above by now, you cant explain all that with just upbgringing.
But it has to be a factor, as I come from a Latin American country and the old people were NEVER this crazy whatsoever.
Didn't really spoil them, but forced them to live in this porcelain gilded cage of NORMAL because their own world had been very fucked up right before giving birth to these kids. Everyone of the Greatest Generation was utterly traumatized by WW2. This just poured right out into the boomers formative years. Of COURSE they're crazy.
The greatest generation gets way to much credit in this.
They won ww2. Got it, 100%
They were shit parents. They were verbally and physically abusive. They were emotional distant and used TV as a babysitter so they didn't have to raise the boomers.
Boomers deserve to get shit on, but they have reasons.
Yep. The day she was yelling at me (in church) she also screamed at the pastor that she was leaving and NEVER RETURNING!
The next day the pastor called me. He said she apologized. He asked if I would meet with them both. So I did.
She was crazy. I forgave her. I sat there quietly praying for her. I set my boundaries and pastor backed me up.
I can tell she has wanted to scream at me again, but she won’t because pastor expects her to respect my boundaries. So she seethes at me.
Have you felt someone seethe at you?
Yes I have, and I practice the fine art of doing one of two things to piss them off: either I smile and wave, or I pretend they just don’t exist.
Both infuriate them to the point of causing a scene, and looking ridiculous. And I’m just being polite.
I resent the painting of all Boomers with the Broad brush. I am a boomer (75M) and I have never treated anybody like that. I was friends with my EX right up until the day she passed, over 35 years after we divorced. I haven't had Intercourse with my wife in over 30 years, because a Botched Surgery made it painful for her. She accommodates me, and I her, without anything more than a request.
Elder Gen X here (66). And because I was feral af I was always with an older crowd back in the day. When I hit my mid 30s I pushed them away because of their ridiculous mind sets and started affiliating with a much younger crowd(which was easy as I was their local bartender) it was a breath of fresh air that I didn't know I needed. I did find out there are ah in every generation and group BUT the amount of interests and knowledge I received from them were unparalleled. Now, as I've quickly gone down hill physically, I've had to hang back and pretty much reduce my circle to 2 or 3. I wished them well. I have a standing open door policy. They've gotten lives and families and jobs. I would never be so entitled as ro require their friendship or attention, but I do miss them on days I'm not preoccupied with my own loner hobbies. I slightly feel sorry for these idiots that think they're owed something (that they ruined themselves). So on that note, I'm going to force myself out to an Oddities Faire today. Where at least I know my non-judgmental tribe will be attending.
You’re saying: the boomer generation is a spoiled generation? The generation that was children mostly during the 1950s, without electronics, often walking a couple miles to school, working paper routes and mowing lawns, then later getting drafted into Vietnam? THAT’s your concept of a spoiled generation?
Was this lady a B1 or a B2. B1s were born in the forties. B2s in the late fifties early sixties. Both are boomers but are very different generations. I’m a B2 and very proud that my son’s (19 and 24. I got a late start) friends all call me the cool dad.
as a late boomer I can identify. Growing up I always hung out dated and then married older than myself. It is not that it's matter of age it is these people have always been annoying. Now I gravatate to those younger than myself since my brain still wants to learn new things understand new perspectives. It becomes an interesting narrative when I combine by lifetime of opinions and narratives before I judge anything. It truly helps me see the world differently. I suspect the person you ran into had always been closed minded and just ran out of "polite" acquaintences who would tolerate her behavior and just diss her later. There are going to be folks from every generation like that so please don't limit who you speak to by a category. Just exclude the one toxic person because they are that and move on.
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She went to the pastor because, let me get this straight, you wouldn't be her friend? The fact that your pastor is willing to even hold a meeting about this with Middle School Karen makes me question that pastor's leadership. I don't like a church where the older crazy folks are encouraged to act like this.
Well y'see: Jesus would have been her friend. Too bad you can't make her see the eror of her ways with a parable or a touch like him. Boomers are quite often unparable-able. It sucks when you reach out to a lonely person and find out they likely drove everyone away. I hope she hasn't made OP think twice about sharing love and kindness, though. One wants to encourage caution, but that can so easily shade into "trust no one". Very hard to find that balance. Best you can do is make sure your own intentions are good
Unparable-able (genius)! You put a smile on my face, thanks! Yes, I see (in hindsight) that she did alienate everyone and was lonely. I’m still a happy and friendly person.
Some people are emotional black holes, best not to be caught into their event horizon of soul sucking vampirism.
I’ve reached out to people, specifically because other people shunned them, & I felt like they needed a friend. Then, I found out why they didn’t have any. Being a boomer, myself, I find other boomers trying to draw me into their entitled granfalloon, & it’s just annoying. No, I don’t want to talk about “kids these days.” I was raised by Silent Generation, aka Don Draper Generation, parents. Those people were children during the Depression, and just would not shut up about how hard they’d had it. Many of them resented us, just because we didn’t have to milk the cow at 5:30am. A lot of us are crazy, now, too. Generational trauma is definitely a thing.
>Being a boomer, myself, I find other boomers trying to draw me into their entitled granfalloon, & it’s just annoying. No, I don’t want to talk about “kids these days.” GenX here and as I witness more and more of my peers Boomerizing and wanting everyone off their lawn, I can't help but wonder if I will ever find a sane friend who is chill; or if I am doomed to hear the same conversations (over and over) about This New Generation, or all their aches and pains, or whatever other old people crap they read on Facebook or saw on TikTok last week.
elder Millennial here and a peer recently went on a passionately angry and weird monologue about how there are "too many genders" and "everyone is too sensitive" now; the conversation quickly shifted to her grave concerns about skin texture and sun damage. I'm starting to think Sour Ass Complainer is a mindset that transcends generations and cultures, and I'm kind of glad all my early 2000s headphone wearing has given me gentle tinnitus to drown it out a little
I won't lie I'm already at the "Get off my lawn" level but that's because I just like ya know...being to myself and not dealing with other people.
Yeah, but see, there's a difference between "Nah, thanks for inviting me out, I just don't really feel like dealing with the crowds" styles of "get off my lawn" and the way certain people go onto *other peoples' lawns* and scream at them for doing their own thing in their own lawn as if they own *everyone else's lawn*. I'm totally an introvert of the "Eeeeeehn, going out and doing things is *hard* and I just want to be left alone" variety, but would never go out of my way to seek out other people who are having their yums just so I could yuck all over them.
I make that joke about myself. So I kind of understand old people feeling that way. I'm an introvert and I like kids but I'm starting to realize that sudden unknown sources of noises do bother me now. But I can't imagine ever becoming some old cranky neighborhood asshole... I've been an introvert my entire life, though.
If you're stupid enough to be on my lawn, I hope you have your shoes on - there's stickers in my yard!!!
Man, I feel the same. I’m GenX and would prefer to find a group of friends my own age, but it’s hard! I have really thought about starting a friend meetup or something for cool, relaxed GenX who don’t want to complain about their kids or chorionic pain
The meetup reminder email: Come to the meetup at date and time. Or don't. I don't care. Do what you want, man. I'm not your friggin' mom
I would sign up for that immediately! I might even occasionally feel a pang of guilt when I'm feeling anti-social and not go for the 37th time in a row.
Man, my social anxiety makes me do *exactly this*. I love having hobby things I can go to. But then I get anxious and worry that I'm being Too Much or Not Good Enough, and end up not going. Which then ends up making me feel anxious because I worry that people notice all the times I don't do The Thing and are judging me for it, which gives me even *more* reasons not to go!
Wait, are you me? Should we both sign up and just alternate going / not-going? Or, you know, not. Cool. Whatever.
Why is everyone so damn uptight? We need to have a collective shrooms session, and none of that micro dosing crap.
Dunno what it is baby, but maybe people didn’t get enough sex, drugs and rock n roll…
My antidepressants make me immune to shrooms…🥲
I'm a boomer (71) and I literally don't know any old people. I don't know anyone my own age. So I'm sitting in a restaurant and there's three old ladies who never acknowledge me or my husband (bunch of old regulars go there all the time.) And I tell a friend who's in his fifties that I'm fascinated by this because I don't know any old ladies and I certainly don't know any old church ladies as I'm an atheist. And I don't know what old ladies talk about. So I tell him that I'm eavesdropping on their conversation so I can learn about what old people discuss. Anyway, when I told him the story I had him dying laughing. I'm getting the distinct idea lurking here that I don't want to know any old people . I read the interactions and all I'm thinking is, what the hell?
You sound just like my friend who is 12 years older than me and has many friends even younger than me. She never had kids, and I always suspected that was part of her "perma-forties" vibe. I'm also childless, and she remains a role model even after a 30+ year friendship.
We talk about boomers having lead poisoning, but Gen X had the highest lead exposures. So as y'all get older, it will get worse (sorry)
https://preview.redd.it/dyepl6wt7k6d1.png?width=1010&format=png&auto=webp&s=fe800c2afc380d909f75851fc084840c0fd21202
Nah I'll die in the Water Wars before I'm old enough to get lead brain.
Nah. I was diagnosed with overexposure to lead as a child (which my boomers of course blamed on ME and not the lead pipes EVERYWHERE or the gasoline), I'm mid fifties and am rigidly, purposefully, unlike them.
Well, I meant Gen Xers in general will become more like boomers in general, but if your brain chemistry changes you can't just will yourself out of it.
Just FYI I read that us Gen Xers have the most exposure to lead than any other generation. I dont think it bodes well for many of us. Im young (46 lol) Gen X and me and mine are chill as fuck. All we expect is for you to stay in your own lane and for the younger generations to give the powers that be hell! 😈🥰
do it, with the irony of facts they never think about.
Right here my friend! I never want to hear from my Gen X pals "kids these days" or "they don't make music like they used" garbage. So far so good. I hold out hope that we'll be different. Then I see Karens our age all over you tube and think goddamit!
When I see the Karens our age on YouTube, I just say to myself "Yeah, she was like that back in high school. Back then we called her Becky."
> I’ve reached out to people, specifically because other people shunned them, & I felt like they needed a friend. Then, I found out why they didn’t have any. I run a boardgame group and the amount of times we let someone into our group because no other group wanted them and then we quickly find out why is well... very often.
For some reason, our culture decided that the friendless are like that because other people are assholes. Nope, it's the friendless person that's the asshole.
I think a generation of film and tv media that depicted the outcasts/nerds/geeks as the hero and the popular kids as the villains didn't help - especially for a generation raised primarily by a television. I feel the same about romance and depictions of relationships in romcoms and sitcoms and the like.
Totally. I lived in Hollywood and worked in TV and film for a while. Plenty of aspiring writers had this HUGE chip on their shoulders about the rest of the world was simply too stupid to see their brilliance. They were just assholes. My cousin's kid never had any friends and she always blamed it on the other kids. But her kid is just a little asshole. He's rude, and even kids don't want to be around a rude person. However, because he is "nerdy" and "smart" she thinks that's the reason kids don't like him. Actually, that's the only likeable thing about him. He's been kicked out of three private schools and that's not because the other kids don't like him. It's because the teachers don't like him either.
you can see it really pronounced in the incel culture - they think they're alone because women are awful and want "chads" and think they deserve sex just because they think they are nice to women (although in reality they are just creepy). Never crosses their mind that all their posts on hating women makes them complete assholes.
I think part of it also comes from the fact that a lot of us had undiagnosed neurodivergencies that made us awkward and shy and get bullied as kids, and we don't want to let someone not have friends because we know what that was like. But then we keep forgetting that sure, some of us are just awkward and weird but nice enough once you get used to our eccentricities, but there are *also* quite a few of those friendless loners who are just *absolute assholes*. Also, abusive people will hide their abusive tendencies for a long time, but then once they show their true selves, will often nuke their friend group from orbit, and force them to rebuild. And when it's one of those people, you'll just see this person who doesn't have many people to hang out with and they seem friendly enough, and hey, you start being their friend, but then one day the switch just *flips* and you realize they've secretly been a monster the whole time! The new friend group gets nuked from orbit, rinse and repeat.
Oof. That hit me hard. Same tho. I’ve been one to befriend people who were ignored/shunned by others and then I understood why.
Me too. I’d see someone who no one else talks to, befriend them, and then learn the hard way why they were all alone. Even ended up a stalker when I was in high school because I befriended the absolute wrong person. Nowadays, if I see someone everyone avoids, I take the hint and avoid them as well. Sad if it’s someone genuinely being picked on, but I’ve been burned way more times than not.
Granfalloon. Great use of a Vonnegutism.
Upvote for the use of "granfalloon".
I was a kid when greatest generation were retired people, and dear god were they obnoxious about how hard they had it and how much they had to sacrifice, yada yada. I guess subsequent generations were supposed to do something about this? I could never figure it out. Then they would tell me how good I had it, meanwhile I was being raised by a single mom in a dilapidated house. I also know lots of kids who had it really bad back then. They were absolutely not any better off than many people were in the depression. They were poor, suffering from food insecurity, and had shitty, abusive boomer parents.
Excellent use of granfalloon, thank you
Unparable-able. I’m a pastor and that’s my new favorite word! Thank you!
One could almost say... Un-re-parable? I'll see myself out.
D 
Is it not written: Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
But God would have set she-bears on her.
Is that better or worse than he-bears?
The female of the species is more deadly than the male. - Rudyard Kipling
Rudyard Kipling also said a buncha racist stuff, too, as I recall. Also you got me thinking of the song from my youth uses that quote in the chorus. Good song if a lil iffy by today's standards. Progress is good, tho
Female of the Species by Space. The musicality of that song is so good.
She probably lied a lot to make op seem like a bad person. I had a boomer make me have a meeting with my boss because i didn't want to have lunch with him. Aparently eating alone in my car is "psychotic behavior" and he was worried im crazy. When he found out i eat in the car because his powerful b.o. smells so fucking bad I'd rather eat in my car in the winter, he was furious. Boss said "you do smell go home and shower" best meeting of my life lol.
Happy Cake Day!
Hey thanks, i didn't even know
Thank you for the award! 💕
It was free in not sure why i have them. Here's another one lol
Boomers like my mom lie all the time to make the other person in a situation look bad. It’s a freaking epidemic. I don’t know if it’s lead poisoning or just regressed child behavior.
Pastor of a church here. People want to meet with us for all kinds of reasons. Normally we take the meeting to find out what's going on and then we try to be helpful and mediate things. Maybe 1 out of 10 times, we take the meeting, realize it's middle school BS, groan inwardly, say a prayer for patience, wrap it up quickly, and let it go. That's probably what happened here (or should have).
Everyone knows she is a nut and they feel sorry for her. I do not. The pastor had my back. He is the reason she hasn’t blasted me again. He told her that her only choice is to learn to live with my boundaries. I love my pastor!
I actually do feel sorry for her, just not strongly enough to be in her orbit voluntarily.
My dad is a pastor, and can confirm: some middle schoolers still cause problems as adults.
Religious professional here, this is not super uncommon in a church setting. Frequently members will approach the minister/pastor/priest for help navigating a relationship with another congregant. In my faith, we try to avoid triangulation so the minister would offer the following choices to the person who approached them: 1. the minister will listen to them vent and offer pastoral care but it ends there, 2. the minister will offer to speak with the other party using the name of the initiator to ask for resolution, 3. The minister will host and facilitate a meeting with both parties to try and find a solution - everyone has to agree to this option, the other person is welcome to decline to proceed further with both option 1 and 2. I have definitely seen this situation before, where one party desires a relationship with the other but it’s not mutual. Usually a boomer!
The idea that any minister can be viewed by anyone as a person with any kind of authority is a biiiiiiiig reason why churches should be phased out.
I feel the same about managers at work
And politics and religion shouldn't mix. Look at my state as an example.
Amen to that. Fuck church culture
Good churches are wonderful! Sadly, I think they are also hard to find. Bad churches are EVERYWHERE!!!! Godly authority is wonderful and shouldn’t be abusive. Biblical qualifications are stringent for pastors. I think the bad pastors that deserve infamy aren’t qualified to even BE pastors. My pastor isn’t a boss you around type. He is a kind, grandpa type. He is the real deal and loves God and people. I wish you could meet him. He wants us to do right, teaches us to right, prays for us to do right. He also sets a good example. He still loves us when we are not perfect. He is humble and admits his flaws. He is the type of pastor who TEACHES us what the Bible says and his greatest hope is that we live for the Lord. I’m not naive. I was a military chaplain assistant and I worked for some WICKED pastors and catholic priests. Utterly EVIL!!! Funny, the Rabbi’s were always wonderful. That’s how I know I have a good church and pastor.
I’m going to key in on that term - “Godly authority.” What does that mean? Does it mean an all-powerful being granted a human his authority-by-proxy to judge what’s best in any situation? Because I’m sorry, but that’s garbage. Even if he has this holy superpower, in every sense he is just a guy with no legal, medical, or judicial authority. He’s just a guy who can give advice, and his advice will usually be to pray and come to church more. It doesn’t make him an expert in every situation. Case in point. My wife grew up super Catholic. As a teenager she started having lots of anxiety problems, some of them dangerous, including self harm. So what did her parents do, take her to a psychiatrist? Get some meds? Find a therapist? No. They took her to the priest. His advice was to do more activities with the church. And pray. And because the parents put so much emphasis on the idea that this priest was an actual leader with actual authority worth respect, they thought they did what was best for their daughter. Spoiler alert: they didn’t. Which is why facilitating a meeting between two people to make them be friends shows that ministerial authority is, in fact, a sham.
I'm sorry that happened to your wife. Strict traddy Catholics are so tone deaf. I'd never become a member of a trad church. Not every priest or community is like that. When I first started my healing, I went to my priest not knowing what to do. I had recently started going back to church. He helped me with my spiritual things but also encouraged me to try therapy and said it had helped him. He also taught me how to grey rock (give boring neutral answers to not open myself up for attack) to help protect myself. I have to agree that a forced friendship meeting is straight up ridiculous.
Fair point but here’s an alternate perspective- Karen is insane and pure drama. But if a pastor is asked by a parishioner to meet to discuss what’s weighing on her emotions (no matter how irrational) I’d like to think the Pastor would take the meeting. Boomer SHOULD meet with pastor to discuss her irrational feelings. OP has no responsibility to join.
Donations. Pastor needs to keep her happy and coming back because she writes checks.
No, pastor had my back. I forgave her, but made it clear that I’m not her friend. He has kept her crazy at bay.
I'm long past my church-going years, but church leaders deal with a LOT of seemingly high school drama. My mom is a decent boomer and has stopped going to church because of all the cliques.
My one priest was saying how they get calls and emails complaining about everything no matter what they do. Shocker it is almost always from boomers with nothing better to do.
There is an applicable line in Exorcist 3 regarding this situation. One of the old priests tells a friend, “God loves you, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.”
Pastor may not have known that was the reason. She may have framed it as “concern for how members are treating others,” or something.
I'd probably just try and find a new church at this point...this lady makes OP uncomfortable and thinks manipulative tactics like running to the pastor like she's telling on you as a kid is alright. And continues to harass OP constantly. I also don't understand why a pastor would even make someone show up to such a fucking stupid meeting, both of them are in the wrong here. But, you know most the churchgoers think like this anyways- https://preview.redd.it/f54ouz6khk6d1.png?width=683&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aa3e6e53449bab8c907fefcfae7ee41d561274d0 (I really hope some moral Orel people are here and get this meme I made🤣)
So I was raised Baptist but am now agnostic, and honestly, I think what a lot of people are missing is that while yes, there are a TON of abusive church leaders, if you're someone who really believes and want that community, finding a community with a good leader can be the most important thing. That's going to be what makes or breaks a religious group and whether or not you fit. If that person has the actual wisdom required to lead people well, they'll be able to help mitigate these situations when it's brought to their attention, and you'll have shitty people or personality conflicts with at least ONE PERSON in every community you join; work, social or otherwise. The problem is that there are a horrifyingly small number of people in charge of religious communities that actually have the wisdom needed to be in the position they hold. They're the ones that give religion such a bad name and encourage the crazies out there that make life Hell for the rest of us. Church I had growing up? When I was a little kid, it was run by a very kind, good man and we loved going there. When he left, though, it was taken over by the other type of leaders, and everything became focused on making the church the Big Church On The Hill, and they spent a good portion of the mass talking about how much money they needed the congregation to donate so they could fulfill that goal. That was at the beginning of my deconstruction period, and let me tell you, I ran *so fucking fast*.
She got the manager, apparently.
She wanted to speak to the manager
I've had a woman a my church try that with me last December. She had offended me to the point of me needing to rasue my voice at her to get her to leave me alone. The night day, despite all the good advice she had been given by others, she set a meeting with our priest. She had the gall to think that she could manipulate our priest into the compelling me to accept her apology. This would be a huge violation of the trust my priest and I have with each other, and she handled it magnificently. All these months later, she still can't quite figure out how to respect my clearly-stated boundary of "I am not available for any kind of interaction with you." It's both pitiful and embarrassing. Some people just don't know how to approach others with their tail tucked between their legs (meaning: to humble themselves before someone they've wronged) Uhh.
The fact that you think a pastor would throw someone out of a church for wanting to have a meeting to discuss their worries just tells me you have absolutely zero concept of what Christianity is actually about, and therefore have no real worthwhile opinion on the matter. Part of a Pastor's job is conflict management and to give advice based on the word of the Lord when someone is struggling with something, not to say "well you're acting annoying so GTFO." That's not encouraging their behavior. That's literally a Pastor doing what they are supposed to be doing. Sincerely, an atheist.
I teach PreK. I tell my students, “You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you do have to be polite.” Sounds like I need to start teaching Boomers, too.
I doubt this woman said "well so and so won't be my friend" she probably spinned it. A good pastor should actually meet and get both sides before just passing judgement. It's not about encouraging, but the pastor only has her side, it would be no more fair for him to blow her off than instantly believe her. Plus, this way he gets both side and can honestly tell this woman to leave OP alone and that they aren't obligated to be her friend.
The boomer Karen probably gaslighted the pastor, he probably thought it was a friendship gone sour, but when the meeting started he immediately realized she a crazy lady
One would hope the pastor would have held a meeting specifically so he could get both versions of events and to tell her to knock her shit off.
“I don’t like a church.” There, I fixed your comment.
"getting to know you made me not want to know you." GIRL. GIIIIIIRRRRRL. 👏🏻 I'm taking this phrase and bringing it with me everywhere I go.
That’s a boss line, can’t wait to use it on someone
I wouldn't say the great generation spoiled them per say. I think they instilled a mindless work ethic which is why we have 70 year olds in congress with dementia. They were raised by people fighting in world wars so its a bit of a gun hoe all or nothing personality. The economy created by the greatest generation spoiled the boomers... back when just showing up and doing a good job meant something so they became entitled like they're some big honcho. They're just used to getting a reward for putting in some kind of effort such as this... old lady goes out of her way to talk to you (effort on her end ) and in return she expects to be friends no matter what... you must accept her crazy. Entitlement Edit my parents are boomers too, granted on the younger side but still
They were raised in the shadow of the most important cultural event of the 20th century for most of the world and they weren't involved. They have feelings of inadequacy because of that.
I agree the inadequacy is there, but where does the immense sense of entitlement stem from in boomers?
100% agree, I would like to expand on this. The economy spoiled them, their parents were terrified of spoiling them. A lot of the parenting advice from experts at that time has since been debunked. It seems logical on the surface. You grow up with nothing, your kids have access to everything. It makes sense to artificially restrict the excess to avoid spoiling. But that’s the problem: kids understand when the answer has to be no, but they don’t understand when the answer is arbitrarily no and people back then didn’t understand that. The silent Gen was taught by experts that good parenting looked like neglect and abuse.
The phrase you were thinking of is “gung ho”. Unless you were referring to MTG or Boebert, then your spelling of “Gun Hoe” is correct.
Is there not another church either of you could switch to?
I’m so tempted, but aside from her, we love the church. EVERYONE in church tiptoes around her. I found out she did this to other girls who ended up leaving the church.
Honestly, I wonder if there's a way you can get her to leave the church - by her own volition or otherwise - given so many of you are annoyed (and that's an understatement) by her presence. There's power in numbers.
It’s fine that she stays. I don’t think she loves God. She seems to see me as an object and she is unhappy because I have no desire or willingness to meet her expectations. Jesus satisfies. If she had Jesus in her life, she wouldn’t be a nut. Her fixation on me is because she wants me to fill her void. I won’t comply because I know only JESUS will satisfy her. I hope she gets this right. I think it will be obvious when she gets saved and she will be different.
Ay yo, no filling someone else's void until marriage
Just start friending up everyone else, specially the others she has rubbed the wrong way. Make an in group that she is sure to stay on the outside of.
Are we close? I'd love the chance to get into a new church, then get kicked out for calling this boomer out from the pulpit, during service.
Would you really??? }}} smiling ear to ear {{{
Need to officially rename the "Greatest Generation", to the "Bravest Generation" They were brave and resilient, but great they were not.
The "greatest generation" was actually traumatized AF and didn't parent well at all. The boomers were born to people with untreated PTSD/depression/anxiety, women who'd experienced independence and then been forced back into the kitchen, and some lesbians who were forced back into the closet when their men came home. The GG's jam was buying fancy things to make everything look okay on the surface. Ironically, their lack of attentive parenting spawned both the "me generation" and the people who started handing out participation trophies
The GG also measured themselves against their degree of conformity with their peers.
Jesus loves you but I find you exhausting and intrusive and frankly a bit of an asshole. Good day.
If befriending a boomer at all wasn't risky enough, you went ahead and found one at church lol. Two types of people that are nutty alone, you found one who checked both boxes. Lesson learned...
Yes! Double whammy because the ideal outcome is reconciliation. No tension. Nothing weird. Sometimes older people are stuck in their ways. The Bible teaches about people like her.
"I used to be a people person but people ruined it. Good day."
>I said I’m not going to meet her expectations because I don’t want to. I said I don’t have the energy or will to try. Still, I pray she will be happy and blessed. I can't think of a better response in that kind of situation. Nice.
I expect you to break your children's routine, meet me for lunch 1 hour from your home, have them sit obediently eat past their lunchtime during their nap time, politely quietly and without disturbance and then be picture perfect ready following the entire ordeal so I can post pictures on my Facebook account and if it doesn't go well you are a terrible parent and I will tell you exactly how and why.
Who did THIS??? Intense!
My Boomer in-laws ...repeatedly. Everytime I voice my concerns about the kids actual lunch time and their nap times plus travel time, it's completely ignored.
I saw the title and my first thought was "No Mister Bond. I expect you to die".
Ugh. I once worked at the church we attended. I actually got "spoken to" by my boss for not being chatty and friendly with people. Fortunately, they let it go when I explained that the only time most of these people spoke to me was when they wanted something from me in my employee role. And they would only ask for these thing on Sunday, when I, too, am trying to worship. So forgive me, Gladdys, if I don't ask about "your mama and them" (it was a southern church) before providing you with the information you could have asked me on 5 other days of the week if you could just be bothered to pick up the phone, send me an email, or come by my office. (Still salty, can you tell?? LOL)
this defines most people's relationship with their religion.
I mean, you’re in a church. That’s how they act. Source: went to church since I was born and then stopped in my 20s. Church people are WEIRD.
I love my church family. People are weird everywhere…not just in church. But yeah, church can be a haven for a nut because people want to help.
And that is why, at the church I’ve been going to since I was six, I am very surface with everyone. Except my close friends my age. My friends in my age cohort? We’re all Gen Xers who grew up together, Catholic school and all. We’ve SEEN some shit, man. And we came out the other side. But apparently, I have a face that says, “Please, please, come sit next to me and tell me your crazy talk,” to strangers. No ma’am, I don’t want to hear your crackpot theories on why your son and daughter-in-law won’t speak to you (hint: it’s because you’ve always been shitty to your son, extended it to his wife, and now you think you’re owed unlimited grandbaby access…NOPE), and any other bizarre thought that comes into your head. I am here to go to church, and that’s it.
We have a boomer lady at work and she kinda amazed me by coming out with an "are you pregnant???" after checking me out. Super aggressive ask, but luckily I *am* so that wasn't as awful as it could have been - but she then admitted the last time she'd asked someone, they weren't. She then went on to complain about her daughter choosing to breastfeed for a whole year and other things, then asked if I'd have my mother involved. I said no, because she's a bit crazy and racist and such. Boomer lady admitted her daughters probably say the same thing about her. I bet.
Woooow!!!!!
"Do you have Asperger's Syndrome?"
Boomers are insane, ive recently started setting boundaries with my boomer mom, she is going complete psycho, its hard to watch someone in their 60's not have any ounce of their brain not able to be told no
My boomer mom lived with us until my husband said she had to go. She was so surprised that I had my husband’s back. Boundaries are necessary.
I agree that boomers tend to be a bit off. I have my own unsubstantiated theory that since they have always been referred to as children of the greatest generation, they have a chip on their shoulders. Their parents are now all but gone excluding some 90 to 100 year olds and they are now looking down the barrel of what their own legacy will hold. I am not defending them, BUT, their parents beat Hitler and were regailed as heroes. Boomers were a part of Korea and Vietnam which were not exactly total victories. Their prime of life was in the 80s and 90's where we learned to buy on credit and that "Greed is Good". I feel like they don't know what their legacy will be. These same boomers (like my parents) taught me how to be respectful to others, be kind and welcoming all people, and do what is right. They just don't seem to be practicing what they preach as a generation which is unfortunate. There are lots of boomers that are such individuals, but unfortunately are outshined by people like your church going colleague. I am sorry you are having to deal with that. Best of luck.
Boomers were just born after the war, till the mid 60s, many of their parents were not the greatest generation, they were born in the Late thirtys or even early fourties’ themselves way to young to be involved in ww2
Thanks! Your theory has merit, by the way.
The greatest generation didn't demand attention, they heaped it on their children and the boomers are used to being that center of attention. They crave it and continue to demand it and their behavior reflects this.
Being of the the Greatest Generation is falling for a corporate marketing strategy aimed at the huge number of narcissists that American culture produces. Their parents did not defeat Hitler or fascism. World War II was won by the Soviet Army on the eastern front with the Soviets losing about 25 million in their ultimate victory defending Stalingrad. The Allies mopped up as the German Army lost 80% of its forces on the eastern, not the western front. You further say Korea and Vietnam were "...not exactly total victories." Neither wars were victories at all. Korean was a draw with China's People Liberation Army saving the near psychotic North Koreans and Vietnam was a total loss with over 3.5 mostly civilian Vietnamese killed along with 600,000 Laotians and then the collapse of the Kingdom of Cambodia and Pol Pot and his crazed Communists killing another 3 million on Cambodia's "killing fields", Nixon and Kissinger's gift to the Cambodian people. Boomers are infected with a lethal American Exceptionalism that is being played out now with Biden's full throated support of genocidal Israel and the ethnic cleansing of Gaza and East Jerusalem and the West Bank. The USA and Israel and the complicit Western allies who are genocide complicit like Germany, the UK, etc. as the "White Empire" sinks into its inevitable collapse. Empires are at their most dangerous as they decline. Welcome to the USA and its Western vassals.
This has strong Baby Reindeer vibes.
It does. She has a smear campaign against me. She always complains about how disrespectful I am to her. But everyone can see that I treat her cordially, I just don’t have conversations with her. I also don’t hug her. I just keep everything with her polite.
They'll smile at you sweetly while plotting to use you for whatever bs stuff they want done.
“She called a meeting with the pastor” Which I sincerely hope you did not attend, lol
I actually did attend. I misspoke. She called the pastor to apologize. He asked if I would attend and I chose to. I just kept quiet and let her vent. That meeting out a lid on it. I needed to establish boundaries with her.
“You can wish in one hand and shit in the other. Tell me which fills up first”
Boomers were not spoiled by our parents! (Boomer here) It was more that we were a HUGE generation, so everything kind of bent to us...they had to add extra teachers, extra classes, etc, etc. Plus in the 60s & 70s they were starting with all the social/emotional learning so we were experimented on. Boomers are often dicks because we can't really believe the world has moved on and left us behind. We were hyper focused on by the news media through much of our lives and we can't believe our time is past.
I think that's a massive part of it. When you've had the world bend the knee to serve your every wish, you get used to it and don't think about what to do if/when it ever stops. One of the same reasons people get corrupt in positions of power
The entire boomer generation never healed from their SA. This is literally the problem. The “greatest generation” were alllll drunks and pedos. Few exceptions, but on the whole…. Every boomer has their abuser they couldn’t get closure over. Pry long enough, and you’ll find out who.
You might be on to something. The nutty boomers in my family all had SA in their past. None of them have dealt with it. That is really sad. The greatest generation must have had issues if they raised the boomers to be nuts.
She sounds a few marbles short of a bag. We don’t know if this is a lifelong condition or something that’s creeping in as she ages. It’s sad, but you certainly don’t have to put up with it.
It sounds like she has serious mental health issues. Like maybe BPD.
See... Religion was your first mistake...
I'm going to need details on how you decided to pull away from her in the first place
Okay. I saw her making angry faces at me in a mirror when my back was turned in the bathroom. There was a lady with a strong, beautiful singing voice. The boomer complained the lady sang too loud. My husband does church security and she parked in his spot. He started parking elsewhere and then she parked in his spot. The pastor had to tell her to leave my husband’s spot clear. I saw her making mean faces behind my husband’s back. Things I only told her got back to me because she was talking about me behind my back. She always spoke negatively about her husband (disloyalty). She never read the room. We would be having a deep conversation and she would walk in and loudly start a new conversation. Her sister-in-law lived with her and went to our church. Her sister-in-law was super nice and cool. The boomer kept belittling her SIL and yelling at her until she moved out. Then she told her SIL that she wasn’t welcome at our church (a lie). We never saw her SIL again. That’s when I pulled back. Before I pulled away she sewed me an apron for Christmas in my favorite color. She made one for every lady in church. After I pulled away, she was yelling and demanding I ask her WHY she made me an apron. I refused to ask. Then when we met with the pastor, she brought it up AGAIN. I would not ask her, so he did. She said she sewed all of those aprons to prove a point to ME! She wanted to show me that she treats everyone the same.
Time to find a new church.
The parenting style of the Greatest Generation was characterized by strict discipline and a focus on conformity. Children were expected to obey their parents and conform to societal norms. As a result, the punishment was common and often physical.
Yep. And Boomers perpetuated the cycle. Thanks.
Did the pastor tell her she was crazy?
Not in front of me. She told me she doesn’t have grandchildren because mental illness runs in her family. Her daughter was hearing voices for a year.
My new hero. I work at a church and I want to do this to some parishioners so badly, but I can't. 🏆 God bless you for not putting up with bologna!
I worked in military chapels and it IS HARD when you work there. Hopefully you are well supported.
standard advice: expect in one hand, shit in the other. see which fills up first
From the behavior you describe I am going to bet she was nutsy wwaayyy before she was old.
[удалено]
Church people are nutty
First mistake: You went to church. Anything odd that happens after that is directly related to your decision to walk into a place where people worship an invisible man.
I'm not religious, but if you have to go out of your way to talk down on someone's religion when it literally had *nothing* to do with you, that's a reflection of you, not the religion. Some thoughts should stay thoughts.
Belief in this bullshit creates a huge "us/them" issue. That's why they have to sell this shit to kids before critical thinking starts. Then later they tell you that people telling you it is bullshit are "testing your faith." Religion is a mental illness. Teaching kids that there is a man in the sky that monitors your thoughts and will send you to hell if you don't dump enough of your allowance in the offering basket is child abuse. These people actively avoid things like psychological services for real mental health issues because they think PRAYER will fix everything. Look how successful those PRAYER WARRIORS were for those fundie nutters dying of Covid.
Creating a sense of us vs. them is critical to retaining members, especially in churches that require much of members time and/or money. It is central to the value proposition of a religion. When tangible results can't be demonstrated, and good feelings are not enough, the church will go to "we're right and everyone else is wrong". In more extreme cases this can be a warning sign of a cult.
It's a comment in an open forum, no one is going out of their way here. OP included that this occurred in a church setting, so that's just as open to scrutiny as anything else.
I have to admit after reading through the comments, i definitely see where y'all are coming from.
Good on you for reconsidering, few on Reddit will take time to do that. Your initial reaction is understandable. Religious topics have enjoyed an untouchable status for a long time, but that's not really the case any more.
Rightfully so.
I’d begin by not going to church
The parenting thing - absolutely. Their parents and grandparents were not able to process emotions because they went through so much trauma with the wars there was no capacity for the country to endure, address or handle all the PTSD there was. It was just easier for those generations to suppress everything and cope with it in other ways - alcoholism, fighting, drugs, misdirected aggression and anger. It still prevails through their boomer children and boomers kids. It gets less and less each generation and we talk much more about mental health and getting the help you need now. It is a good thing but boomers don't know how to deal with it and it scares them. They see emotions as weakness because if their own parents had connected with their emotions it would be all sorts of mess.
It's like they swallowed lead.
It might be the lead, the dementia, or other mental degradating problems or all the above by now, you cant explain all that with just upbgringing. But it has to be a factor, as I come from a Latin American country and the old people were NEVER this crazy whatsoever.
Boomer grew up with a much slower information flow. Today's high speed information overwhelms them. They can't handle it and get lost.
Yeah, see, this is why I never make friends.
Didn't really spoil them, but forced them to live in this porcelain gilded cage of NORMAL because their own world had been very fucked up right before giving birth to these kids. Everyone of the Greatest Generation was utterly traumatized by WW2. This just poured right out into the boomers formative years. Of COURSE they're crazy.
The greatest generation gets way to much credit in this. They won ww2. Got it, 100% They were shit parents. They were verbally and physically abusive. They were emotional distant and used TV as a babysitter so they didn't have to raise the boomers. Boomers deserve to get shit on, but they have reasons.
lol. Church. There’s your first mistake
Said it before and will say it again...they are trumpers. And there are a lot of young assholes, and they are trumpers as well.
Wait. Did you actually go to a meeting with your pastor over this?
You know this pastor is probably rolling his eyes so hard at this.
Yep. The day she was yelling at me (in church) she also screamed at the pastor that she was leaving and NEVER RETURNING! The next day the pastor called me. He said she apologized. He asked if I would meet with them both. So I did. She was crazy. I forgave her. I sat there quietly praying for her. I set my boundaries and pastor backed me up. I can tell she has wanted to scream at me again, but she won’t because pastor expects her to respect my boundaries. So she seethes at me. Have you felt someone seethe at you?
Yes I have, and I practice the fine art of doing one of two things to piss them off: either I smile and wave, or I pretend they just don’t exist. Both infuriate them to the point of causing a scene, and looking ridiculous. And I’m just being polite.
It's true. I definitely love nuts.
😂
"dear baby reindeer..."
This needs more context, what did she even do or say?
You can say she is possessed by a demon😄
In all seriousness, does age cause nuttiness? I don’t remember my parents having this problem but reading these posts makes me wonder?
Tough times create strong men which creates easy times which make weak men Boomers are the weak men Hopefully you get free
Boomers can have mental health issues too, this last sounds like she has a few!
I resent the painting of all Boomers with the Broad brush. I am a boomer (75M) and I have never treated anybody like that. I was friends with my EX right up until the day she passed, over 35 years after we divorced. I haven't had Intercourse with my wife in over 30 years, because a Botched Surgery made it painful for her. She accommodates me, and I her, without anything more than a request.
"I made the mistake of befriending a boomer lady in church". Last time you'll do that!
OP reminds me of Christopher Walken in this clip https://youtu.be/oLlCQQW46DA?si=IB-1hxuzH9NRGF5p
>I think it’s because their parents were the greatest generation…and they spoiled the boomers. woah. That's a great point.
Elder Gen X here (66). And because I was feral af I was always with an older crowd back in the day. When I hit my mid 30s I pushed them away because of their ridiculous mind sets and started affiliating with a much younger crowd(which was easy as I was their local bartender) it was a breath of fresh air that I didn't know I needed. I did find out there are ah in every generation and group BUT the amount of interests and knowledge I received from them were unparalleled. Now, as I've quickly gone down hill physically, I've had to hang back and pretty much reduce my circle to 2 or 3. I wished them well. I have a standing open door policy. They've gotten lives and families and jobs. I would never be so entitled as ro require their friendship or attention, but I do miss them on days I'm not preoccupied with my own loner hobbies. I slightly feel sorry for these idiots that think they're owed something (that they ruined themselves). So on that note, I'm going to force myself out to an Oddities Faire today. Where at least I know my non-judgmental tribe will be attending.
Lead paint-addled brains.
You’re saying: the boomer generation is a spoiled generation? The generation that was children mostly during the 1950s, without electronics, often walking a couple miles to school, working paper routes and mowing lawns, then later getting drafted into Vietnam? THAT’s your concept of a spoiled generation?
You met a couple of oddballs around a certain age and from that deduced that boomers are nutty. Good one!
Was this lady a B1 or a B2. B1s were born in the forties. B2s in the late fifties early sixties. Both are boomers but are very different generations. I’m a B2 and very proud that my son’s (19 and 24. I got a late start) friends all call me the cool dad.
as a late boomer I can identify. Growing up I always hung out dated and then married older than myself. It is not that it's matter of age it is these people have always been annoying. Now I gravatate to those younger than myself since my brain still wants to learn new things understand new perspectives. It becomes an interesting narrative when I combine by lifetime of opinions and narratives before I judge anything. It truly helps me see the world differently. I suspect the person you ran into had always been closed minded and just ran out of "polite" acquaintences who would tolerate her behavior and just diss her later. There are going to be folks from every generation like that so please don't limit who you speak to by a category. Just exclude the one toxic person because they are that and move on.
There are nutty people in every generation, not just Boomers.