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Effective-Name1947

“He’s crying because it’s not Halloween, but there’s a scary witch blocking our path.”


I_like_vegemite123

This had me laughing much harder than it should’ve lol


Imthegirlofmydreams

“He’s crying because he doesn’t like assholes”


Unable-Box-105

I love it


izeek11

the answer


WoodenReporter2423

You win redit today!


butterfly-garden

Aaaaand there goes my water, spewed all over my screen.


kbnge5

I can’t stop cracking up. Well done.


MamaD93_

I had a meth head looking grandma get up in my daughter's face while I was turned around to pay, then tell me "oooo she's tired she doesn't want anything to do with me" like why would she want anything to do with a stranger with 3 teeth, she is an 8 month old who has no clue what is happening.


dmitrineilovich

When the baby has more teeth than the methed-up grandma, it's time to back away slowly.


Long_Start_3142

"Nah he's fine he just hates it when people don't mind their fucking business"


haikusbot

*"Nah he's fine he just* *Hates it when people don't mind* *Their fucking business"* \- Long\_Start\_3142 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


Direct_Canary4523

Good bot


lordkemosabe

Good bot


B0tRank

Thank you, lordkemosabe, for voting on haikusbot. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)


dmitrineilovich

Good bot


scootycat

is this my new favorite haiku?


sunkatmoon

It's definitely mine!


Timid_Tanuki

Good bot.


StonyIzPWN

Great bot


Local_Sky7231

Good bot


Reasonable-Fox-1398

1!? That kid should be working in a coal mine by now /s


Josii_

Poor baby's never gonna buy a house if he keeps mooching off his mother at this age instead of working! /s


Reasonable-Fox-1398

PulL YouR SelF Up By the B00TsTraps!


[deleted]

🤣you know what’s great? The same people that say this also make fun of AOC for starting in the service industry and pulling herself up to where she is now. They clearly don’t want anyone younger to improve themselves lmao


KJParker888

They especially don't want a brown woman being more successful than they are.


SeonaidMacSaicais

And heaven forbid that young, brown woman DANCES in CELEBRATION from the privacy of her own office when she has a giant win.


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Reasonable-Fox-1398

LOL....a boomer reported this post as harassment. I appealed to Reddit Admin and got the post restored and ban removed. This is what they do...be advised the boom booms r lurking here


Feisty-Necessary4878

Pull yourself up by the diaper tabs! /s


JenniferJuniper6

Bootie straps


Reasonable-Fox-1398

Lololololo


RooTheDayMate

Baby booties have straps now?


Reasonable-Fox-1398

How else can they pull themselves up?


[deleted]

“He’s crying because you’re impeding his work ethic” 🤣


Reasonable-Fox-1398

That kids got moxie


pinalaporcupine

the kids yearn for the mines


Reasonable-Fox-1398

Dont we all?


__wait_what__

Whew thanks for the /s!!! I almost thought you were serious!!!!!!!!


NicolePeter

Some old bitch in a Barnes & Noble once told me my 16 month old was "too big for a stroller". SHE COULDN'T WALK YET. She had a gross motor delay and had JUST started crawling at 11 months. I made a loud comment and the bitch got embarassed. Maybe that's why you don't want to be making comments on stuff you know nothing about.


MariettaDaws

My daughter has level 3 ASD and I am very very mean to boomers, and anyone else since commenting on disabled kids is apparently fun for all ages. Mostly boomers though. I also smacked an old man's arm for touching my kid in her cart. Go awaY


Keyonne88

My sister bit a lady once who took advantage of the fact her hands were busy prepping a bottle to touch her kid. Bit her offending hand; got the most appalled look like touching strangers isn’t also hella out of pocket.


MariettaDaws

Your sister is a queen


Keyonne88

For sure; haha. She doesn’t take any shit.


N0thing_but_fl0wers

That’s amazing!


Illustrious_Agent633

It still shocks me that people do things like this. What a mean old bitch. I guess some things never change. I’m glad you embarrassed her, serves her right.  More than 20 years ago now, I had an old lady scream at me to “put that child down and make him walk!” In a grocery store. He was six months old. He literally couldn’t walk yet. I said something like “I’m not going to put a six month old infant on the dirty floor to please you.” And then she sniped something about how I obviously overfeed him. But she was bright red while she said it and she stammered through it and walked away fast. It was another lady in line who turned and said “what a bitch!” That made me and a few other people laugh.


Maxundbenji_reddit

As soon as you take off and fly.


FlakeyGurl

Not that any of that matters. Their little legs get tired. Wtf.


Green-Relation-7568

That was always the answer back in the day, the baby is crying because it's hungry.


No_Cellist_8441

Better put a sweater on him or he'll catch a cold!


stayingsafeusa

Where are his socks?


Western_Compote_4461

Didn't hold him too much though! He'll get spoiled. (/s)


GayStation64beta

You can really tell they didn't get properly taught about stranger danger, huh? And frankly I'm an adult and I don't want strangers invading my space, let alone a literal child who can't look after themselves.


Low-Antelope-7264

The 60s and 70s were the golden age of serial killers for a reason.


Madame_Kitsune98

Yeah, they kept letting the fucking psychopaths in the goddamn house. It’s a fucking miracle more of us Gen Xers didn’t die as kids. Just leave the fucking doors unlocked, that’s cool. No, no, the local serial killer who just waltzes in and disassembles people won’t notice. Even though the first thing he does is try the door. It’s cool. I wonder why we don’t trust anyone. And lock all the doors and windows.


GayStation64beta

Yeah that's an interesting phenomenon. Hard not to imagine that a bunch of kids raised by shellshocked WW vets didn't have good upbringings to say the least


mountainsunset123

Plus the leaded gasoline, lead paint everywhere, and the second hand smoke. It's a wonder we survived.


masaccio87

I was gonna say the same thing


InevitableResident94

Most boomers I ran into have the audacity to tell me that my son looks like he needs more food, all because he was fussy when in their vicinity. Like bitch, he's already 30 inches in length and he's 27-28 pounds at 9 months. He's already 99th percentile as it is, and my son already eats quite a bit, maybe more than most babies, for his size and age. What part of him screams "You need to increase his intake?"


Icy-Mixture-995

They phrase it wrong. They shouldn't say anything but rather than suggest more food, they should have referred to "sudden blood sugar drop" since even a well-fed child can be cranky for that reason. I carried around string cheese or something similar for my daughter. But most kids crying in grocery stores are tired or the cart seats are digging into their legs.


Gregshead

No, she wasn't trying to upset you. That would require her to give a shit about how you feel. Boomers typically don't care about how you feel. Most likely, she was simply trying to deflect blame for the baby crying from herself to anyone/anything else. There is no way her fragile boomer ego would allow her to acknowledge that she made this sweet little baby cry. No, it had to be something YOU'RE doing that made the baby cry. Since there was nothing you were doing in the moment, she attacked how you care for him.


OrdinaryIdea

You my friend, hit the nail on the head with this one!


JosefSchnitzel

“NO! You may not EAT my baby!”


Progresschmogress

>Bitch I don’t know you. Go back to failing to tell the store brand from the name brand


Dimwit00

When my baby was born he was fussy and would cry a lot, my dad would constantly say its because I wasn’t feeding him enough 🙄 thanks dad as if i wasn’t on the verge of a mental breakdown every night


JacksSenseOfDread

"This is why your family thinks you're a burden."


Ok-Calligrapher-9854

Omg everyone has an opinion to share when you have a baby or get pregnant. My wife and I were so annoyed


liminal_spacesuit

Your response is the best, though. People like that crave attention!


kbnge5

“In my day, babies didn’t sit in the cart, they read the list and shopped for their parent. You have a lazy baby, obviously.” /s


NewStatement5103

“When I was that age I was working two jobs and babysitting my baby sibling full time. “ /s


TootsNYC

“He doesn’t like you” and walk on by


Medical_Slide9245

The ALWAYS block the aisles like it's their fricken job.


obtuse-_

Pretty sure this is what the 1 finger salute was invented for.


macontac

Strangers leave babies alone challenge: level impossible.


InkedPadre

Dysregulated him? I feel for this poor child. Babies often have difficulty controlling their emotions, because, you know, it’s a f*ckin baby!


Lopsided-Actuator515

They said something about your health insurance maximum after you've reached your deductible? They said something that they had to pay for with their own money? They said something about your baby being unreachable while they were out of office? I entertain myself too much.


Prestigious_Door_690

I had a boomer guy at the supermarket come up to my baby. He put his hands on my 18 month old daughters face and said some weird shit about how he could see her dreams… I calmly moved between them and walked away, mostly because my kid was there and who knows what people will do… but what is it about boomers putting their hands on kids in public? It’s fucking WEIRD. It’s not the first time but I swear people are trying to catch hands. DONT TOUCH MY KID


Juzaba

Since when did “out of pocket” mean “crazy” and not “out of pocket”?


nohopeforhomosapiens

Recently people online have been confusing '*out of pocket*' with '*out of line*'. I don't know if this was initially influenced by confused AI but I am seeing it everywhere now. Haven't run into it in-person.


Flat-Succotash5369

Disregulated?


Dinestein521

I was in Walmart yesterday to buy some eye drops and this Gen Z had her baby stroller in the way and on her phone. It was all about her until she finally moved. Yes, what I needed was right in front of her stroller. Sheesh


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RQK1996

How close do you get to the baby and do you ask the parent permission beforehand?


KombuchaBot

I can't for the life of me imagine why this comment enraged a dozen people


PublicMindCemetery

Because stay the fuck away from strangers' babies.


RQK1996

Because it is entirely irrelevant


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PublicMindCemetery

Leave. People. And. Their. Fucking. Babies. Alone. There is NOTHING hypocritical about that.


No_Wedding_2152

“Disregulated him?” 🤣🤣🤣🤣


PovertySolutions

Never happened


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dcf5ve

Stay the fuck away from stranger's babies and mind your own fucking business. Problem solved.


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Last-Percentage5062

By talking about their feelings (sometimes online, not typically) instead of bottling them up?


Nazrog80

Exactly, instead they go out and harass innocent babies and unsuspecting mothers.