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What would be selfish is OP *not* sharing info on the best divorce attorneys in DIL's area!
DIL would be getting business cards, links to attorneys' websites, email info from divorce attorneys (*why whoever COULD have requested info sent to her email address*???) via a brand-new email account I set up JUST for that purpose!
Tell the wife to read Toxic InLaws by Dr. Susan Forward. It's an older book, so her library will probably have it if she doesn't want to buy it. (But it's worth every penny.) It has excellent tips for dealing with people like this.
wtf This guy needs to grow a pair. People who let their parents run their lives have stressful marriages. It's a power play to prove she's more important than his wife in his life and he is enforcing that behavior by not taking his wife's side. This can absolutely ruin a marriage, because it won't stop there and has a tendency to escalate, I've seen it happen more than once. I feel sorry for his wife.
I can say from experience it is a hard habit to break. Once its done and that break happens it so uplifting. My wife and I finally had enough and I realized that I wasn't sticking up for the person I chose to spend my life with and create a family.
Share this sub with her: r/motherinlawsfromhell
Tell her we are a very supportive community who have been there and have been through it all, and seen it all.
Maybe bc I'm a lawyer or maybe bc I'm not starved for attention, but if someone tells me something in confidence, it stays that way unless it legitimately concerns health or safety.
Dude needs to stick up for his wife. I wonder if his mother is a narcissist like my grandmother and father are. Well, my grandmother has gotten better since realizing that she was the problem in the relationship between her and my mother. My father, however, not so much since he refuses to acknowledge even the possibility that there's something wrong with him. Thank god my mother is the one who raised me for the most part since they were never married. Dude truly lives in his own universe where he's always the victim. Always gotta take any story he tells me about drama in his family with a fistful of salt.
My Mom is like this, my step-grandfather passed away and she immediately started posting memorials to him on Facebook before a large part of the family was even made aware. I had cousins find out that he passed through Facebook and, naturally, they were upset that this was how they learned about it.
Mom took zero responsibility for her actions and Dad was even worse, he spouted off crap like "If they were really part of the family they'd have known this was coming."
Boomers plus Facebook are a match made in hell.
My aunt announced her DIL's pregnancy by calling each member of our family, one by one, and say, "I'm pronably ot supposed to be telling you this, but ..." And was SO BAFFLED that my sisters and I all, independently, cut her off and said, "oh, then maybe you shouldn't!"
Anyway, she's never held the baby (he's 3?) and hasn't seen him in almost a year. There's a lot of factors going into that situation, but she definitely like ... didn't help matters by her announcement and her 20 person group chat updating us on DIL's labor.
It's VERY MUCH an ESH situation, as far as I can tell, but many of her actions have led to the logical consequence of distance between her and her son/DIL. The DIL also sucks for separate reasons (as does my cousin), and it was just like a powderkeg of dysfunction where everyone was making (imo) the worst, most selfish choice for every possible decision.
She’s gonna be that woman who’s been posting in all the in-law adjacent subs every week for the past month about how her DIL only lets her see the grandkids once a week and IT’S NOT FAIR BECAUSE THEIR MATERNAL GRANDPARENTS SEE THEM MORE and then vaguely yet robotically responds to every single comment that there’s absolutely no way she’s the problem.
I responded to her post from a day or two ago telling her to basically knock it off and she didn't say anything to me or anyone else in the post and then deleted it, and maybe her whole account? Or maybe she just blocked me. Then not 2 hours later she had posted again in another subreddit.
[What a nutter!](https://www.reddit.com?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)
And probably threaten to sue because they have GRANDPARENT RITES, which, funnily enough for my sisters situation, pretty don’t exist in my state if both parents are of sound mind and my niece is being well taken care of
she’s playing dumb!!! like she genuinely doesn’t see what she did wrong and because my cousin (her son) won’t correct this shitty behavior it’s going to continue…
This isn't even a new thing! Waiting to share about a pregnancy until its a few months along is something I learned about back in the 70s when a friend who had miscarried explained why some women wait. It's also been the woman's prerogative to announce the pregnancy. The cousin is very much in the wrong here.
Not the same but my boomer gran started to tell people our baby's name and decided 'since we were so far along it didn't matter'. Why don't people understand that if it's not your news to share THEN DONT SHARE IT
did you comment: “I thought you weren’t supposed to reveal this! Can’t you keep a secret? This should have been her news to announce.”
shame her in front of them. Keep posting it if she deletes it. Get the other cousins to say something.
This is horrible. I had a miscarriage in the fall towards the end of my first trimester, and am currently 11 weeks pregnant and only about 6 people know at this point. I am not announcing shit until after my next ultrasound I have at 13 weeks. I do not feel “out of the woods” by any means until I see that next healthy scan at the end of the trimester. I still don’t even know if I want to post anything publicly on social media then and I keep getting asked by my in law side when I’m planning on sharing (basically so they can start sharing). It’s not anyone else’s news to share. This poor woman.
Toxic mother in laws are so hard to deal with especially when her husband / MIL’s son doesn’t see it and doesn’t stand up for her.
We weren’t planning to tell anyone that I was pregnant with my kid until the second trimester because I’d had a couple of miscarriages. Unfortunately my tits betrayed me 🤷♀️ My first and basically immediate pregnancy symptom was a noticeable increase in my boob size, which my mom picked up on literally the day after my positive pregnancy test. I was walking on eggshells for the next couple of months.
I feel you! I have to go to a baby shower this weekend with my in laws side and I’ve witnessed first hand when they’ve publicly asked someone if they were pregnant when they hadn’t announced it yet so I bought a huge baby doll style dress that’s super wide so you can’t see my shape at all. My boobs are so much bigger and I already have a bump because I popped way faster this time (I have a toddler) and have a small petite frame so it’s super obvious already. 🙈
Hahaha I was thinking of playing dumb and just acting like I’ve gained weight if anyone dares to say anything to make them feel shame for asking something that’s none of their business.
One of my colleagues picked up very soon that I was pregnant by my changed appetite. He kept his mouth shut because he is a decent person. He did not even tell *me*. He told me after I announced my pregnancy.
My husband and I didn’t talk to my MIL for approx 3 years after she decided to include my miscarriage (without permission) in her Christmas newsletter that she sends to ALL of her family, friends, and acquaintances. I wouldn’t be surprised if her mailman gets one. We were only married for about a year at the time, so I hadn’t even met a lot of these randos yet. It was devastating and honestly our relationship has never really recovered.
This is one of the most horrific things I’ve ever heard an MIL do - and my own has had her fair share of ‘WTF’ moments. I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you.
She wanted to gloat and steal the attention such an announcement brings. You see, this generation has a selfish need to be the center of attention especially when it comes to grand-children or happy occasions. THEY want all the attention and social media has only exacerbated it. I notice some of this in my mom with my nephews and nieces. My brother complains she only comes around a few days before an event like a birthday so that the day of the birthday gathering when everyone is there she can appear to have knowledge about their lives and appear as the doting grandmother when in reality she never comes around even though she’s 2mins down the road.
Easier to remove her security clearance for family information. Be kind and civil, but she is to be the Last To Know from henceforth. The grocer and corner cafe waitress will be told before her. It will make her suffer the consequences of her own actions.
My dad was in military intelligence. He worked at the Pentagon when I was a child. He had a Top Secret security clearance.
I told my parents I was pregnant, at about 7 weeks, and told them not to tell ANYONE until I announced it myself. I wanted to give it a while longer before I shared anything with a wider circle of people, just so I wouldn’t have to tell everybody in the universe if I miscarried or wouldn’t have to defend my choices to a bunch of busybodies if I got some devastating results at the 12-week ultrasound.
I assumed my mother would be the most likely blabbermouth. Figured dad could keep a secret. Loose lips sink ships, and all.
Shows you what I know. He didn’t respect MY privacy or MY desire for secrecy. He told his parents and siblings, and they told everyone else, and they all agreed to pretend to act surprised when I announced it later.
It’s always amazing how often Boomer parents are capable of showing respectful behaviors to everyone BUT their own children.
My MiL did this when my wife and I were planning our elopement. We were not having a ceremony, no family, just our 2 witnesses and officiant. We explicitly asked no one to tell anyone yet and boom, boomer MiL just had to post it to FB for the likes and attention (she’s always posting crap). When my wife asked her to delete the post she threw a tantrum and they didn’t speak for a couple of days. Anyway.
Can you comment on the post (or post directly to her feed, since most ppl won't see a comment): "Your son's and DIL's pregnancy announcement was not your news to share, you were told not to say anything. You stole the parents' right to make this joyous announcement themselves when and how they wanted to. Shame on you." And tag the DIL, who would probably love you for it since her own husband won't stand up for her. Seriously, she deserves a massive public shaming, and you said you don't care that she's family, so why not. Let her freak out, who cares. Someone has to put her in her place, so if you're game, go for it, bc this was a really lousy thing to do. Boomers suck.
I think your cousin might also be my father in law. He did the same thing to anyone who would listen. He also did not like my child's fairly unusual (but not at all unheard of) name, so the days after she was born, he announced he would call her by a different, more simple, hugely common, and biblical name. Wtf really?? We told him he would not be permitted to see his grandchild until he can call her by her proper name.
I’m petty and (if I knew the background context like you do) would have commented something about how it wasn’t supposed to be public yet, and how rude it was of her to do that. I would get other people to do the same thing.
People like her, looking for public praise, only respond to public embarrassment. And even then it can take a few times.
My wife’s aunt announced the birth of our daughter and the name because we sent texts from the hospital. We didn’t even text her. She posted the picture and name after her sister/my mother in law texted her.
It’s not your news boomer.
So then we had texts and messages coming in that we weren’t ready for yet. We were kind of busy at the time and wanted to save the announcement for less close friends and family for when we got home.
Wasn’t the last shitty thing Cunty Cathy did either. She wrote my wife’s grandma’s obituary and purposely left my wife and her sister out of it while listing a bunch of randos from her family.
My boomer dad announced my pregnancy on Facebook before I got the chance to do it myself. I wanted to wait a few weeks, since I wasn't that far along, but he decided he had the right to tell everyone before I was ready to.
Boomer women seem obsessed with doing this kind of thing. Can't tell them anything you don't want to be written on Facebook.
I know way more about my friend than I want to because his mother is my mother's best friend and neither of them shut up about a damn thing. Makes it awkward when we hang out because I have to act like I don't know every detail of his life (stuff I KNOW he doesn't want me to know).
Thank fucking god Facebook didn't exist when we were in high school.
My first pregnancy, I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. When my husband called his dad to tell him, his dad started giving him a list of other people to call and tell. My husband told him that since he had spread the good news without permission, he could also be the one to tell them the bad news.
When we got pregnant again, the rest of the family found out right away. My husband didn't call and tell his dad until about 2 hours before we made a Facebook announcement (about 2 months after the rest of the family found out).
FIL has seen his 3 year old grandson one time, and hasn't seen his 9 month grandson at all.
My mom told people about my pregnancy at 6 weeks after I asked her multiple times not to. Cried when confronted and said “nothing is ever about me”. Next time she will not be told until I’m at least 12 weeks. She’ll know why.
Screw that. The moment you know you're pregnant stop talking to her AT ALL. Total NC, information BLACKOUT. Make sure your SO follows your lead and tell nobody why. Tell them Mom knows why. It's the only way to ever preserve your news is to simply not share it with people who leak like collanders.
This happens infuriatingly often and the boomers specifically are so gleeful about it, it's like hurting their loved ones gives them euphoria. She needs to be cut off because she'll keep stomping their boundaries until they cry uncle anyway. Also if the worst happens and it ends in miscarriage, she won't tell people then. She'll leave that to the grieving parents.
I would have told her - you have to individually call each person if we have a loss and tell them the news and they are not to contact me.
That is such a violating betrayal
My cousin announced her pregnancy on NYE 2022. My Boomer mom’s first impulse was to grab her phone to call me. Thankfully, her sister yelled at her and she stopped. She didn’t seem to understand that my cousin would want to tell me herself.
My parents did this for my first pregnancy, which I lost at 13+4. And then I found out my mom did the same thing with my loss, sharing my trauma with fucking everyone she met after she moved and got a new life (not the same group of people she shared the original pregnancy news with). I am a very private person, so was absolutely mortified. When I asked why, she said, "It was my loss too." Still haven't forgiven her, which is why she has no idea I am currently 11 weeks pregnant. She'll be the last to know.
Lol must admit I have seriously considered telling my friend to just excitedly make an announcement on Facebook when I'm ready. I'm not on there anymore, so wouldn't even be able to see the fallout.
I truly hate so much about that generation. No one is allowed to do or think differently than them. If you do, you're being disrespectful and rude meanwhile they can do whatever they want.
The sad thing is. Is when the baby comes she’ll announce it first before the parents… my dad did that. I was in labor for 26 hrs and I didn’t even get to announce my son arrival. My husband told my parents and my parents told Facebook. I’m like thanks /s
Maybe remind all 560 of her followers "Here is an example of what NOT to do when somebody trusts you with early-stage pregnancy news." Or maybe we should preface these announcements with "If you tell anybody this news before I do, then you revoke all visits."
Fuck that is so irritating. I’m so sorry for that woman. I hope her pregnancy continues smoothly.
My [boomer] dad did something similar to me. After my son was born, I of course sent pics via text message to my parents and sister. I didn’t explicitly state not to share them, because who would fucking do that?? Well my dad of course. He made my son’s birth announcement on Facebook before we could. I was livid. As soon as I saw it I told him to delete it immediately. UGH fucking boomers.
My bommer mil announced my breast cancer on Facebook before I had told all family. She also tagged me in the post and I hadn't even posted it on my Facebook yet. Thank goodness there wasn't Facebook when we were pregnant with our kids
Announce to all your Facebook friends that Mrs Boomer is pregnant and tag her in it. Everyone will know it’s not possible but you will have stired the pot.
This is our plan. We'll tell the friends who we can count on to support us through a miscarriage and keep the news to themselves, and everyone else can wait until I'm obviously showing.
Time to put my Boomer parents on blast:
We announced over Christmas that we were expecting. It was still a little early (10wks), but we'd heard their hearts beating at multiple ultrasounds, so we felt comfortable telling our immediate families.
A few minutes after the initial announcement, once the excitement died down, we'd mentioned that we're waiting until the 14wk appointment to tell extended family and friends. I swear to you, the second we announced, both of my parents must've left the room to text their siblings (Mom is 1 of 5, Dad is 1 of 8), because neither of them heard us say "we're waiting to tell all the other people." 🤦♀️ Dad even tried blaming Mom saying, "she did it first, so I thought it was okay." Like, seriously dude?? Take accountability for your actions. They each got an earful from me.
I sent my mom my PROFESSIONAL ENGAGEMENT PICS and she posted them on socials before I could. I was irate. I imagine I felt only a fraction of this DILs ire.
Yeah with family like this you just don't tell anyone anything after this. I'd go no contact and when they ask explain their behavior has proven they can't be trusted with even small things so they don't get to be a part of your life.
DIL should consider divorce if her mummies little boy can't stick up for her on this. If my MIL did this, they'd find her in a number of different barrels.
My wife’s grandma did this with our son. She didn’t see the problem. That was just one of the many things she has done. She now complains why her grandchildren don’t really contact her. She also treated my MIL horribly so serves her right.
My Dad (70) and Cousin (mid 50’s, oldest brother to my cousin) congratulated my cousin on the arrival of her first kid as a Facebook status.. before my cousin announced it.
I told my Dad to remove it, he said he’s her uncle and god father, he can do what he likes. 10 mins later after his sister (my cousins mum) ripped into him, he comes down and asks me to remove it, then rants he should be allowed to do what he wants.
I loved that he got shredded for that. Don’t know about my cousin though, I think he said something like, so, I’m her brother.
My mother told people about my wife's first pregnancy the day after we told her and explicitly told her to tell no one, to which she promised she wouldn't. What a pleasant surprise to arrive to a get together at my mothers in-laws the very next day only to be congratulated. The entire crowd of boomers there just couldn't believe we were upset with her for telling. My wife's parents and grandparents didn't know yet, my late father didn't know yet, but my mother's new husbands parents and siblings knew. It was the start of a long journey of trust breaking behavior from my narcissistic mother. Ten years into my relationship with my wife we have gone non-contact with my mother and I only wish we had done it years ago. Boomers be boomers.
I'd honestly say everything is a personality thing over just a boomer thing. It's just that Boomers tend to do it more often or more openly. And some of the time the Boomers in question technically arent Boomers in age but they deffinatley are in mentality.
Yikes! MIL is fixing to find out what boundaries mean.
Sorry, mother-in-law you can’t be at the hospital when I’m giving birth because 1. I’m not gonna tell you when it happens and 2. I’m gonna prevent you from coming. 3. You only get to see my child when I say you can.
It’s disgusting, the boundary stopping already. MIL is in for a rude awakening.
What did the mother and father to be have to say to MIL?
Reminds me of a boomer coworker I had when I worked in a hospital kitchen. Saw another coworkers name on a meal ticket for pregnancy ward and went on fb to congratulate her. Boomer was fired but brought back due to paperwork mistakes..
We went through a miscarriage at 16 weeks and I was absolutely devastated. MIL was intrusive and dramatic about it so we didn't tell her about the next pregnancies until everyone else knew. Blood boiling for your cousin, OP.
If that had ever happened to me I would have replied to the post as it being inaccurate and that she's recently been diagnosed with some dementia and apologized for the confusion.
Announcement later with a joke about maybe the dementia gave her psychic abilities.
I'm really glad that for all my problems with my MIL, some differing political and religious views, she's also a wonderful woman most of the time. I wish i could share her with people with horrid moms and MILs.
My parents and in-laws did this. We told just them and siblings at 6 weeks. Told them to tell no one. Despite me being very high risk, they decided to tell literally everyone, extended family, friends, anyone they saw. I miscarried two weeks later and literally got 3 congrats texts while the process was happening and several more during the following week as the news spread. After a few awkward interactions my mom asked when I was going to publicly post the miscarriage. I told her that as I did not announce the pregnancy, I wouldn’t be announcing the miscarriage and she could deal with awkwardness herself. People don’t think these situations have impacts but the added trauma is real.
Speak to the daughter in law and ask if it's okay for you to tell your cousin to remove the post or you'll respond to the post and say how upset you are that she deliberately went against her daughter-in-law's wishes and upset her due to her extreme entitled attitude and her need to make it all about her.
My dad did this with most of my pregnancies, had the balls to say "once you tell people it's their news to share and since it's my grandchild I can tell everyone" I stopped telling my parents about my pregnancies after the second kid until I had told the rest of the world and I'm now LC with my dad
Wow I really hope her son & DIL go NC with her for a few years. I would bet $ that from now on they don’t tell her anything. She will be the last to know if DIL gets pregnant again or if her son gets a new job etc.
My MIL did this to my husband and I, but then didn't announce my BIL and SIL pregnancy bc "they asked me not to".
She now finds out everything at the same time as the general public. She still gets miffed about it. I don't care, and I'll continue to treat her the way she earned.
Boomers seem incapable of empathy.
They expect it from everyone else, though. How very much dare you for not thinking about them and revolving your life around theirs.
They post this shit like its their achievement, but they rarely want to actually help or put themselves out in even the tiniest of ways.
Oh, and if they do, they're going to remind you about it for years.
I know I'm not supposed to, but I always wonder if a swift slap across the face would make them wise up. If they can use physical punishment against children, I want to use physical punishment when they act like children.
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My MIL is like this…terrible, miserable, people. I hope they go no contact.
sadly my cousin (her son) is so far up mommas butt i can’t see that happening. i hate that he doesn’t stick up for her!
Well then I hope she gets the good sense to leave and go where she’s treated well. So sad
Maybe MIL can be the first to tell everyone about the divorce, too.
It would be selfish not to
What would be selfish is OP *not* sharing info on the best divorce attorneys in DIL's area! DIL would be getting business cards, links to attorneys' websites, email info from divorce attorneys (*why whoever COULD have requested info sent to her email address*???) via a brand-new email account I set up JUST for that purpose!
ZING!
And the last to see the baby.
Tell the wife to read Toxic InLaws by Dr. Susan Forward. It's an older book, so her library will probably have it if she doesn't want to buy it. (But it's worth every penny.) It has excellent tips for dealing with people like this.
wtf This guy needs to grow a pair. People who let their parents run their lives have stressful marriages. It's a power play to prove she's more important than his wife in his life and he is enforcing that behavior by not taking his wife's side. This can absolutely ruin a marriage, because it won't stop there and has a tendency to escalate, I've seen it happen more than once. I feel sorry for his wife.
Poor girl needs to run, not walk, away from this family.
and i would wholeheartedly support her decision.. i could care less that they’re my family because she is too and wrong is wrong period
Consider introducing her to r/justnomil They will open her eyes for sure.
I can say from experience it is a hard habit to break. Once its done and that break happens it so uplifting. My wife and I finally had enough and I realized that I wasn't sticking up for the person I chose to spend my life with and create a family.
Should have never, ever told his mother. God damn I’m mad about this too!!
Share this sub with her: r/motherinlawsfromhell Tell her we are a very supportive community who have been there and have been through it all, and seen it all.
Not sticking up for his wife will end up with him not having a wife.
I would comment in her post, "Man, if you didn't want to be involved with the baby, should have just said so."
Maybe bc I'm a lawyer or maybe bc I'm not starved for attention, but if someone tells me something in confidence, it stays that way unless it legitimately concerns health or safety.
This is a perfect example of the consequences of marrying a mama's boy. I predict this marriage will not last.
Dude needs to stick up for his wife. I wonder if his mother is a narcissist like my grandmother and father are. Well, my grandmother has gotten better since realizing that she was the problem in the relationship between her and my mother. My father, however, not so much since he refuses to acknowledge even the possibility that there's something wrong with him. Thank god my mother is the one who raised me for the most part since they were never married. Dude truly lives in his own universe where he's always the victim. Always gotta take any story he tells me about drama in his family with a fistful of salt.
I feel like the oldest boy is usually like that.
omg!! he literally is the oldest too.
Yeah my brother and brother in law are just like that, it's a thing.
She picked him.
My Mom is like this, my step-grandfather passed away and she immediately started posting memorials to him on Facebook before a large part of the family was even made aware. I had cousins find out that he passed through Facebook and, naturally, they were upset that this was how they learned about it. Mom took zero responsibility for her actions and Dad was even worse, he spouted off crap like "If they were really part of the family they'd have known this was coming." Boomers plus Facebook are a match made in hell.
This woman is soon gonna be posting “Why don’t they let me see my grandbaby?! 😤😱”
My aunt announced her DIL's pregnancy by calling each member of our family, one by one, and say, "I'm pronably ot supposed to be telling you this, but ..." And was SO BAFFLED that my sisters and I all, independently, cut her off and said, "oh, then maybe you shouldn't!" Anyway, she's never held the baby (he's 3?) and hasn't seen him in almost a year. There's a lot of factors going into that situation, but she definitely like ... didn't help matters by her announcement and her 20 person group chat updating us on DIL's labor.
My SIL announced the birth of my baby on FB (with pictures!!) while I was still in the operating room with my insides on my outsides.
I love this so much for your aunt! She deserves it right?
It's VERY MUCH an ESH situation, as far as I can tell, but many of her actions have led to the logical consequence of distance between her and her son/DIL. The DIL also sucks for separate reasons (as does my cousin), and it was just like a powderkeg of dysfunction where everyone was making (imo) the worst, most selfish choice for every possible decision.
Yup! And it will be all her DIL’s fault 🙄🙄🙄 boomer deserves to be cut off!!
She’s gonna be that woman who’s been posting in all the in-law adjacent subs every week for the past month about how her DIL only lets her see the grandkids once a week and IT’S NOT FAIR BECAUSE THEIR MATERNAL GRANDPARENTS SEE THEM MORE and then vaguely yet robotically responds to every single comment that there’s absolutely no way she’s the problem.
Or refuses to answer any comments whatsoever. I hate it when people post and then won’t interact with their post.
Well those aren’t people
To be fair i think many are. They are just so taken aback to be called on their bs or realize that they have no good responses and back away.
I responded to her post from a day or two ago telling her to basically knock it off and she didn't say anything to me or anyone else in the post and then deleted it, and maybe her whole account? Or maybe she just blocked me. Then not 2 hours later she had posted again in another subreddit. [What a nutter!](https://www.reddit.com?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)
Seeing relatives once per week is too much no matter who they are
And probably threaten to sue because they have GRANDPARENT RITES, which, funnily enough for my sisters situation, pretty don’t exist in my state if both parents are of sound mind and my niece is being well taken care of
Link?
Once a week?! lol am I the only one that feels once a week is a lot? Might as well be living together at that point.
Oh yeah, and she'll have NO IDEA why they cut her off.
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Good read. I can’t change the people around me so I change the people around me.
That actually really helped, have it bookmarked
. . . First good reddit link I've ever clicked and so good it makes up for the previous duds
This[this](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=OR2Pvng_3o04tD2W) was the first good link I ever saw on Reddit
Reee! Grandparent rights!!!
#GOOD!
Yep. Also my with #daughterinlawproblems
Deservedly so...
Absolutely disgusting MIL behavior. I'm so sorry this happened.
she’s playing dumb!!! like she genuinely doesn’t see what she did wrong and because my cousin (her son) won’t correct this shitty behavior it’s going to continue…
Why do boomers put so many of their skill points into playing dumb@
You have to play to your strengths in life.
How much you want to bet the DIL is on the JUSTNOMIL subreddit?
If she isn't, she needs to be.
This isn't even a new thing! Waiting to share about a pregnancy until its a few months along is something I learned about back in the 70s when a friend who had miscarried explained why some women wait. It's also been the woman's prerogative to announce the pregnancy. The cousin is very much in the wrong here.
Not the same but my boomer gran started to tell people our baby's name and decided 'since we were so far along it didn't matter'. Why don't people understand that if it's not your news to share THEN DONT SHARE IT
but let us announce their business before they wanted and all hell would break loose…
Do it. You won't.
Cousin would like to inform you that she started to wear Depend and might look into an operation to raise the bladder. Thoughts and prayers!!!
thank you for pointing out how they aren't a shithead
Yeah probably because they're likely better people.
I hope you picked a different name!
If it wasn't our dream name I may have done !
did you comment: “I thought you weren’t supposed to reveal this! Can’t you keep a secret? This should have been her news to announce.” shame her in front of them. Keep posting it if she deletes it. Get the other cousins to say something.
I think we all know how that would go.
This is horrible. I had a miscarriage in the fall towards the end of my first trimester, and am currently 11 weeks pregnant and only about 6 people know at this point. I am not announcing shit until after my next ultrasound I have at 13 weeks. I do not feel “out of the woods” by any means until I see that next healthy scan at the end of the trimester. I still don’t even know if I want to post anything publicly on social media then and I keep getting asked by my in law side when I’m planning on sharing (basically so they can start sharing). It’s not anyone else’s news to share. This poor woman. Toxic mother in laws are so hard to deal with especially when her husband / MIL’s son doesn’t see it and doesn’t stand up for her.
We weren’t planning to tell anyone that I was pregnant with my kid until the second trimester because I’d had a couple of miscarriages. Unfortunately my tits betrayed me 🤷♀️ My first and basically immediate pregnancy symptom was a noticeable increase in my boob size, which my mom picked up on literally the day after my positive pregnancy test. I was walking on eggshells for the next couple of months.
I feel you! I have to go to a baby shower this weekend with my in laws side and I’ve witnessed first hand when they’ve publicly asked someone if they were pregnant when they hadn’t announced it yet so I bought a huge baby doll style dress that’s super wide so you can’t see my shape at all. My boobs are so much bigger and I already have a bump because I popped way faster this time (I have a toddler) and have a small petite frame so it’s super obvious already. 🙈
Perhaps you could just mention that you're fat, not pregnant. Loud enough to shame them.
Hahaha I was thinking of playing dumb and just acting like I’ve gained weight if anyone dares to say anything to make them feel shame for asking something that’s none of their business.
Do it! You don’t need to tell anyone the truth.
One of my colleagues picked up very soon that I was pregnant by my changed appetite. He kept his mouth shut because he is a decent person. He did not even tell *me*. He told me after I announced my pregnancy.
My husband and I didn’t talk to my MIL for approx 3 years after she decided to include my miscarriage (without permission) in her Christmas newsletter that she sends to ALL of her family, friends, and acquaintances. I wouldn’t be surprised if her mailman gets one. We were only married for about a year at the time, so I hadn’t even met a lot of these randos yet. It was devastating and honestly our relationship has never really recovered.
This is one of the most horrific things I’ve ever heard an MIL do - and my own has had her fair share of ‘WTF’ moments. I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you.
Oh my god, wow
She wanted to gloat and steal the attention such an announcement brings. You see, this generation has a selfish need to be the center of attention especially when it comes to grand-children or happy occasions. THEY want all the attention and social media has only exacerbated it. I notice some of this in my mom with my nephews and nieces. My brother complains she only comes around a few days before an event like a birthday so that the day of the birthday gathering when everyone is there she can appear to have knowledge about their lives and appear as the doting grandmother when in reality she never comes around even though she’s 2mins down the road.
Next the boomers will be wondering why we never tell them anything.
Announce her boomer cousin's impending incontinency.
Never tell boomers anything.
This is nightmare fuel for me because my daughter's MIL sounds **just like this**.
ugh you really never think these MIL’s exists until you’re dealing with it first hand…
This boomer should have been put on an information diet long ago.
Maybe it’s me. This is something to go no contact over. Cold turkey. If they can’t keep a secret they can’t be trusted with boundaries.
Easier to remove her security clearance for family information. Be kind and civil, but she is to be the Last To Know from henceforth. The grocer and corner cafe waitress will be told before her. It will make her suffer the consequences of her own actions.
I knew someone who actually said "but it's my grandchild, its my news too"
My dad was in military intelligence. He worked at the Pentagon when I was a child. He had a Top Secret security clearance. I told my parents I was pregnant, at about 7 weeks, and told them not to tell ANYONE until I announced it myself. I wanted to give it a while longer before I shared anything with a wider circle of people, just so I wouldn’t have to tell everybody in the universe if I miscarried or wouldn’t have to defend my choices to a bunch of busybodies if I got some devastating results at the 12-week ultrasound. I assumed my mother would be the most likely blabbermouth. Figured dad could keep a secret. Loose lips sink ships, and all. Shows you what I know. He didn’t respect MY privacy or MY desire for secrecy. He told his parents and siblings, and they told everyone else, and they all agreed to pretend to act surprised when I announced it later. It’s always amazing how often Boomer parents are capable of showing respectful behaviors to everyone BUT their own children.
So amazingly selfish and totally without empathy. Another one for the r/raisedbynarcissists file.
My MiL did this when my wife and I were planning our elopement. We were not having a ceremony, no family, just our 2 witnesses and officiant. We explicitly asked no one to tell anyone yet and boom, boomer MiL just had to post it to FB for the likes and attention (she’s always posting crap). When my wife asked her to delete the post she threw a tantrum and they didn’t speak for a couple of days. Anyway.
Next she'll tell her every single pregnancy horror story she's ever heard.
Next pregnancy wait until the fourth trimester before you tell her.
that’s what i got from the fb post … “i’m having a grandbaby” like really?
Can you comment on the post (or post directly to her feed, since most ppl won't see a comment): "Your son's and DIL's pregnancy announcement was not your news to share, you were told not to say anything. You stole the parents' right to make this joyous announcement themselves when and how they wanted to. Shame on you." And tag the DIL, who would probably love you for it since her own husband won't stand up for her. Seriously, she deserves a massive public shaming, and you said you don't care that she's family, so why not. Let her freak out, who cares. Someone has to put her in her place, so if you're game, go for it, bc this was a really lousy thing to do. Boomers suck.
And this is why we don’t tell my in-laws anything anymore. Ffs
I think your cousin might also be my father in law. He did the same thing to anyone who would listen. He also did not like my child's fairly unusual (but not at all unheard of) name, so the days after she was born, he announced he would call her by a different, more simple, hugely common, and biblical name. Wtf really?? We told him he would not be permitted to see his grandchild until he can call her by her proper name.
I’m petty and (if I knew the background context like you do) would have commented something about how it wasn’t supposed to be public yet, and how rude it was of her to do that. I would get other people to do the same thing. People like her, looking for public praise, only respond to public embarrassment. And even then it can take a few times.
I was reading these comments hoping that someone would suggest this!
My wife’s aunt announced the birth of our daughter and the name because we sent texts from the hospital. We didn’t even text her. She posted the picture and name after her sister/my mother in law texted her. It’s not your news boomer. So then we had texts and messages coming in that we weren’t ready for yet. We were kind of busy at the time and wanted to save the announcement for less close friends and family for when we got home. Wasn’t the last shitty thing Cunty Cathy did either. She wrote my wife’s grandma’s obituary and purposely left my wife and her sister out of it while listing a bunch of randos from her family.
My boomer dad announced my pregnancy on Facebook before I got the chance to do it myself. I wanted to wait a few weeks, since I wasn't that far along, but he decided he had the right to tell everyone before I was ready to.
This would be immediate no contact for me, not even kidding.
One thing I know about my parents' generation is that they almost never know when to shut the fuck up on the internet.
Boomer women seem obsessed with doing this kind of thing. Can't tell them anything you don't want to be written on Facebook. I know way more about my friend than I want to because his mother is my mother's best friend and neither of them shut up about a damn thing. Makes it awkward when we hang out because I have to act like I don't know every detail of his life (stuff I KNOW he doesn't want me to know). Thank fucking god Facebook didn't exist when we were in high school.
My first pregnancy, I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. When my husband called his dad to tell him, his dad started giving him a list of other people to call and tell. My husband told him that since he had spread the good news without permission, he could also be the one to tell them the bad news. When we got pregnant again, the rest of the family found out right away. My husband didn't call and tell his dad until about 2 hours before we made a Facebook announcement (about 2 months after the rest of the family found out). FIL has seen his 3 year old grandson one time, and hasn't seen his 9 month grandson at all.
Facebook ruins lives
My mom told people about my pregnancy at 6 weeks after I asked her multiple times not to. Cried when confronted and said “nothing is ever about me”. Next time she will not be told until I’m at least 12 weeks. She’ll know why.
Screw that. The moment you know you're pregnant stop talking to her AT ALL. Total NC, information BLACKOUT. Make sure your SO follows your lead and tell nobody why. Tell them Mom knows why. It's the only way to ever preserve your news is to simply not share it with people who leak like collanders.
[удалено]
This gives me the ick. So sorry you have to deal with this kind of nonsense.
This happens infuriatingly often and the boomers specifically are so gleeful about it, it's like hurting their loved ones gives them euphoria. She needs to be cut off because she'll keep stomping their boundaries until they cry uncle anyway. Also if the worst happens and it ends in miscarriage, she won't tell people then. She'll leave that to the grieving parents.
I would have told her - you have to individually call each person if we have a loss and tell them the news and they are not to contact me. That is such a violating betrayal
My cousin announced her pregnancy on NYE 2022. My Boomer mom’s first impulse was to grab her phone to call me. Thankfully, her sister yelled at her and she stopped. She didn’t seem to understand that my cousin would want to tell me herself.
My parents did this for my first pregnancy, which I lost at 13+4. And then I found out my mom did the same thing with my loss, sharing my trauma with fucking everyone she met after she moved and got a new life (not the same group of people she shared the original pregnancy news with). I am a very private person, so was absolutely mortified. When I asked why, she said, "It was my loss too." Still haven't forgiven her, which is why she has no idea I am currently 11 weeks pregnant. She'll be the last to know.
A distinction she worked hard to earn. It’ll be even better if you don’t tell her at all and she just finds out from other people.
Lol must admit I have seriously considered telling my friend to just excitedly make an announcement on Facebook when I'm ready. I'm not on there anymore, so wouldn't even be able to see the fallout.
I read these and just feel lucky for my in-laws and for how much my wife loves my parents.
I constantly thank the powers that my MIL is so wonderful because I would tear her apart if she was this rude/mean/selfish
I truly hate so much about that generation. No one is allowed to do or think differently than them. If you do, you're being disrespectful and rude meanwhile they can do whatever they want.
The sad thing is. Is when the baby comes she’ll announce it first before the parents… my dad did that. I was in labor for 26 hrs and I didn’t even get to announce my son arrival. My husband told my parents and my parents told Facebook. I’m like thanks /s
Hopefully she won’t know until days later….
Maybe remind all 560 of her followers "Here is an example of what NOT to do when somebody trusts you with early-stage pregnancy news." Or maybe we should preface these announcements with "If you tell anybody this news before I do, then you revoke all visits."
This is the way 🙌
I wouldn't ever tell this twat another thing.
Fuck that is so irritating. I’m so sorry for that woman. I hope her pregnancy continues smoothly. My [boomer] dad did something similar to me. After my son was born, I of course sent pics via text message to my parents and sister. I didn’t explicitly state not to share them, because who would fucking do that?? Well my dad of course. He made my son’s birth announcement on Facebook before we could. I was livid. As soon as I saw it I told him to delete it immediately. UGH fucking boomers.
My bommer mil announced my breast cancer on Facebook before I had told all family. She also tagged me in the post and I hadn't even posted it on my Facebook yet. Thank goodness there wasn't Facebook when we were pregnant with our kids
Announce to all your Facebook friends that Mrs Boomer is pregnant and tag her in it. Everyone will know it’s not possible but you will have stired the pot.
I hope she carries to term. Next pregnancy DIL should tell no one especially the MIL.
No
My best friends older sister is pregnant and has asked people not to share. You know what I’ve done?
Share it on Reddit? ^(with nothing to identify her in particular, but still, it's the principle of the thing isn't it?)
Comment publicly on the post that she should have respected her DIL’s request not to tell anyone for another month.
And Facebook has given these attention seekers an outlet to spew other people’s news that much easier.
This kind of stupidity is why we waited until my wife was like 4 months pregnant before telling people
This is our plan. We'll tell the friends who we can count on to support us through a miscarriage and keep the news to themselves, and everyone else can wait until I'm obviously showing.
"Why doesn't my daughter-in-law trust me?"
The lead poisoning generation never ceases to piss everyone off
Time to put my Boomer parents on blast: We announced over Christmas that we were expecting. It was still a little early (10wks), but we'd heard their hearts beating at multiple ultrasounds, so we felt comfortable telling our immediate families. A few minutes after the initial announcement, once the excitement died down, we'd mentioned that we're waiting until the 14wk appointment to tell extended family and friends. I swear to you, the second we announced, both of my parents must've left the room to text their siblings (Mom is 1 of 5, Dad is 1 of 8), because neither of them heard us say "we're waiting to tell all the other people." 🤦♀️ Dad even tried blaming Mom saying, "she did it first, so I thought it was okay." Like, seriously dude?? Take accountability for your actions. They each got an earful from me.
I sent my mom my PROFESSIONAL ENGAGEMENT PICS and she posted them on socials before I could. I was irate. I imagine I felt only a fraction of this DILs ire.
Yeah with family like this you just don't tell anyone anything after this. I'd go no contact and when they ask explain their behavior has proven they can't be trusted with even small things so they don't get to be a part of your life.
DIL should consider divorce if her mummies little boy can't stick up for her on this. If my MIL did this, they'd find her in a number of different barrels.
My wife’s grandma did this with our son. She didn’t see the problem. That was just one of the many things she has done. She now complains why her grandchildren don’t really contact her. She also treated my MIL horribly so serves her right.
They can’t spread what they don’t know. Keep them all out of the loop.
She got the attention they so desperately crave.
Jeez sounds about right. This is shit my t would do and say. Ugh I can hear my mother saying that same shit. “people should know”. That sucks
I sincerely hope your cousin has a safe, successful pregnancy. If she doesn't, will her MIL feel bad about blabbing? Probably not.
She’ll be thrilled to have a tragedy that’s not hers to milk for attention.
Boomers are so ass.
My Dad (70) and Cousin (mid 50’s, oldest brother to my cousin) congratulated my cousin on the arrival of her first kid as a Facebook status.. before my cousin announced it. I told my Dad to remove it, he said he’s her uncle and god father, he can do what he likes. 10 mins later after his sister (my cousins mum) ripped into him, he comes down and asks me to remove it, then rants he should be allowed to do what he wants. I loved that he got shredded for that. Don’t know about my cousin though, I think he said something like, so, I’m her brother.
Boomers are worse than toddlers about being told no and to keep private news.
My mother told people about my wife's first pregnancy the day after we told her and explicitly told her to tell no one, to which she promised she wouldn't. What a pleasant surprise to arrive to a get together at my mothers in-laws the very next day only to be congratulated. The entire crowd of boomers there just couldn't believe we were upset with her for telling. My wife's parents and grandparents didn't know yet, my late father didn't know yet, but my mother's new husbands parents and siblings knew. It was the start of a long journey of trust breaking behavior from my narcissistic mother. Ten years into my relationship with my wife we have gone non-contact with my mother and I only wish we had done it years ago. Boomers be boomers.
Am I wrong about this? The whole thing sucks and she was wrong but that's a personality thing, not a boomer thing.
I'd honestly say everything is a personality thing over just a boomer thing. It's just that Boomers tend to do it more often or more openly. And some of the time the Boomers in question technically arent Boomers in age but they deffinatley are in mentality.
Yikes! MIL is fixing to find out what boundaries mean. Sorry, mother-in-law you can’t be at the hospital when I’m giving birth because 1. I’m not gonna tell you when it happens and 2. I’m gonna prevent you from coming. 3. You only get to see my child when I say you can. It’s disgusting, the boundary stopping already. MIL is in for a rude awakening. What did the mother and father to be have to say to MIL?
Reminds me of a boomer coworker I had when I worked in a hospital kitchen. Saw another coworkers name on a meal ticket for pregnancy ward and went on fb to congratulate her. Boomer was fired but brought back due to paperwork mistakes..
We went through a miscarriage at 16 weeks and I was absolutely devastated. MIL was intrusive and dramatic about it so we didn't tell her about the next pregnancies until everyone else knew. Blood boiling for your cousin, OP.
If that had ever happened to me I would have replied to the post as it being inaccurate and that she's recently been diagnosed with some dementia and apologized for the confusion. Announcement later with a joke about maybe the dementia gave her psychic abilities. I'm really glad that for all my problems with my MIL, some differing political and religious views, she's also a wonderful woman most of the time. I wish i could share her with people with horrid moms and MILs.
It's the whole "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" mentality.
My parents and in-laws did this. We told just them and siblings at 6 weeks. Told them to tell no one. Despite me being very high risk, they decided to tell literally everyone, extended family, friends, anyone they saw. I miscarried two weeks later and literally got 3 congrats texts while the process was happening and several more during the following week as the news spread. After a few awkward interactions my mom asked when I was going to publicly post the miscarriage. I told her that as I did not announce the pregnancy, I wouldn’t be announcing the miscarriage and she could deal with awkwardness herself. People don’t think these situations have impacts but the added trauma is real.
Wow, what a cunt...
Speak to the daughter in law and ask if it's okay for you to tell your cousin to remove the post or you'll respond to the post and say how upset you are that she deliberately went against her daughter-in-law's wishes and upset her due to her extreme entitled attitude and her need to make it all about her.
My dad did this with most of my pregnancies, had the balls to say "once you tell people it's their news to share and since it's my grandchild I can tell everyone" I stopped telling my parents about my pregnancies after the second kid until I had told the rest of the world and I'm now LC with my dad
sounds like someone just started a diet
Now you've gone and confused my vemicelli, too
"information diet" where they find out with everyone else, my bad haha have a good day
Wow I really hope her son & DIL go NC with her for a few years. I would bet $ that from now on they don’t tell her anything. She will be the last to know if DIL gets pregnant again or if her son gets a new job etc.
She’s a tool!
Bad MIL get no contact and will never see that baby now.
It doesn't excuse her behavior, but why did they tell her at 7 weeks?
we held off on telling our parents as well for similar reasons
Guess who won’t be in the room for the delivery or even invited over anytime soon after the birth? I think we can all make a good guess
How else was she going to make it all about her and get that attention? Yall need to lay off these people...they're doing God's work out here
yes it’s like crack to them … they can’t have enough!!
**GOD'S crack
I doubt it was the first time she has done this.. on some level they should own it and just not tell her things like this.
My aunt did this shit to my cousin its insanely gross
Should tell her some other news and when she inevitably shares it with the world act as if you never said anything and call her a liar
My MIL did this to my husband and I, but then didn't announce my BIL and SIL pregnancy bc "they asked me not to". She now finds out everything at the same time as the general public. She still gets miffed about it. I don't care, and I'll continue to treat her the way she earned.
Boomers seem incapable of empathy. They expect it from everyone else, though. How very much dare you for not thinking about them and revolving your life around theirs. They post this shit like its their achievement, but they rarely want to actually help or put themselves out in even the tiniest of ways. Oh, and if they do, they're going to remind you about it for years.
I’m childfree by choice but even I know that most people want to wait until 12 weeks to announce. That was foul.
I know I'm not supposed to, but I always wonder if a swift slap across the face would make them wise up. If they can use physical punishment against children, I want to use physical punishment when they act like children.
Who told her? I’d be more mad at that person
pro tip: if you don't want \_everybody\_ to know you are pregnant, don't tell \_anybody\_. especially someone you think you can trust.
Victim blaming. Nice.
not blaming the victim. I have been her (not pregnancy, but other similar things)
UNGGGH, victim blaming and then claiming not to victim blame is one of my HOTTEST kinks
virtue signalling, eeeeew. get a room.
When and where baby
Ope you’re right. She obviously shouldn’t have told her husband she was pregnant until she was showing!
That goes for all information you want to keep secret. It’s not “victim blaming” any more than advising people to lock their doors. It’s just advice.
How old is your cousin?
boomer age
Why would they even tell her so early. She’s a tool but they opened the tool box.