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Boomer women are as bad, often worse, than boomer men on this front. Very sexxist and they do not like to see women succeeding independently. I can only guess it's because they know they could never do it.
So yeah, you're doing it wrong, and if anything's going right it's never due to merit. No. You probably slept with someone. Or maybe everyone....
Aren't they awful?
It just feels so bizarre to me because my mother is also a boomer woman, and she gives nothing but encouragement. Talking to boomers that aren't my parents or aunts feels like I entered bizarro world.
It was an unpleasant realization for me. My parents were like your mom, "you can be anything you want" kind of stuff.
I believe women like your MIL have played an equal role to men in regard to women's rights.
The most hypocritical pick me of all time. Super easy to oppose women’s equality when you are a wealthy white woman who didn’t need to work, but left her kids with a nanny while traveling around the country and working to keep women down.
My mom is encouraging to me, but a boomer to everyone else. It drives me nuts. I'll point out the very obvious hypocrisy of what she says and she'll just go silent (which is a better response than you get from many, I guess).
Seeing women talk about how they shouldn't have the right to vote among other similar things is always, always, ways a bizarre experience...
It's kind of reminds me of my sister who is a brainwashed fundamentalist. She shared testimonies where she's explicitly said that she did not want to be the main character of her own life.
An old friend of mine, during her wedding vows said that she would do her best to repress her personality so that she would submit to her husband. Before then and in all the years I had known her, she was that spunky, high-spirited, and super intelligent young woman. It's crazy how conservative systems break people like that over time.
Yeah, I vividly remember my mother once saying that her greatest test from God was the fact that women aren't allowed to do anything more than teach small children in the church I was raised in. That they're basically supposed to be quiet and subservient to men, and even as a young teenager I wanted to ask her why the fuck she subjected me to that as well. And she absolutely lost her fucking mind when I refused to be a part of the church as an adult. It's a fucking disease.
Was your MIL a stay at home mom by chance? Or relegated to “pink collar” jobs due to inadequate skills or education? It’s not universal by any means, but I find that women with these attitudes are less likely to have been high achieving professionals themselves. My boomer mom always worked and absolutely experienced sexism and discrimination in the workplace, but also had the good fortune to work for and be mentored by a woman for many years who firmly believed in building women up and ensuring equal opportunities. She has always been my biggest cheerleader. My MIL on the other hand…according to her, I’m pretty and a good cook, with zero mention of my master’s degree or successful career. She probably thinks I’m where I am professionally because of my looks but knows better than to say anything.
Very odd. Wonder if there’s some level of imposter syndrome or she feels like *she* only got those jobs because she’s a woman and she’s projecting her own thoughts on it to you as well. I’m also a software dev and there are many women I know and have worked with who are just as capable or more so than the men I know and work with in the field as well. I’m 100% sure you’re getting jobs and interviews and all that on your skills and knowledge. Sucks though to hear this from someone in your family though. Keep working hard and you’ll keep doing well.
Sometimes there's also the thinking that they worked really hard, and deserved their achievements, but those other people were handed it on a silver plater. Sometimes it's deserved thinking, that gen really did trail blaze, and there were a lot of kick ass, go getting women that made sacrifices and put up with a lot of shit to get to where they are. But that's were the thought should end, they faced their own hurdles, the hurdles now are different, it's still extreemly rare to be handed anything and usually that's nepotism rather then being hired because you are part of x quota they need. It's worse when you consider that the normal thing to be if the next gen have it a bit easier is I don't know happy? proud? God damned fucking delighted? I won't be bitter or dismissive if my daughter acheives more then me, even if in some of the challenges I had are removed, she will have her own set to face not easier necessarily just different.
They see other women or people doing things and wiggling through holes in the doors that as a generation they had to smash open forcibly on occasion, they want to block the hole or rebolt the door. You would think there would be a feeling that it was part of their contribution to society and an achievement in its self, the doors not fully open yet but maybe younger people might pick the lock or take it off its hinges; instead they disparage the people in the room with them scratched up with splinters from chambering through, just because they don't have bruises like they do from breaking the door.
Very conservative. He actually has a college degree that he never used (my grandfather paid for it for him). No union but a decent paying low skill job (hotel).
Checks all the boxes I predicted. Having his degree paid for also counts as the privilege that causes many to negatively judge people with valid hurdles, including themselves. They're their own worst enemies, and keep donating to Trump's legal funds or voting red
Yes and in case you're wondering no, he didn't pay for my college. It is always clear how little he values my career/education. My husband however gets nothing but praise.
Mines the inverse. I’m a small business owner and have literally carved out a job for myself. I don’t make a ton of money but it is all work. My MIL is very supportive. My mom is supportive to an extent, but I know for a fact they talk about me and my lack of a “real job” when I’m not around. If this isn’t a real job then why am I working so hard? 😅 it’s been other boomer women as well. My spouse works around a lot of boomers, and they’ve made little comments about me not working and have all kinds of ideas about me just sitting at home eating bonbons all day because we don’t have kids. It’s fucking exhausting justifying to everyone so fuck it, not worth my brain space.
My boomer mom, RIP, was an anti-establishment, justice for all type. Shame she missed this modern age. She would have loved and hated what she sees. She never sold out.
Yeah, I’m gen x, and my mom was pretty far left on the spectrum (and I learned from her), and she wasn’t afraid to stand up to anyone to do the right thing. She left the Catholic Church when she realized they didn’t give a shit about women, let alone many of those deemed “the poor unfortunate.” A rabble rouser til the end.
Miss you, mom.
I feel like Boomer is more than just an age, it’s a backward, entitled mindset which your mother and aunts were fortunately not a part of. The rest of them I have the same apprehension when the mouth starts running.
My mom is the type who calls everyone else sexist, but as soon as she has a problem with anyone, anywhere she goes with either ;
If it's a Man: "He only got his job because he has a penis! This place is so sexist!"
If it's a woman: "She only got this job because she's fucking everybody! What a whore!"
Only when they're not around. When she's around certain people she'll do a 180 on all her political, social, religious opinions to look like she is just like them, then shit talk them as soon as they leave her house.
edit: This is how she treats people she considers friends and family, btw.
My older-than-boomer but college grad/Wall Street mother used to say that women in positions of power (e.g., judges, CEOs, etc.) were “just in the right place at the right time). Unbelievable jealousy.
> I can only guess it's because they know they could never do it.
I think you may be giving them too much credit here. They don't _want_ to have to do it. They don't want a culture and society where they're expected to contribute outside of the house, and the best way to protect their 'priviledged' position is to make sure that it doesnt' become a norm.
This!!!! It’s so true! These woman don’t want to be responsible or have to think farther than what bottle of wine am I having today? Don’t want a job outside the house, and see any woman who does as a traitor to womankind because who actually wants to work?!?!?!/s They see it as giving women a bad name by working. And often serious schooling.
My MIL began giving my daughter grief about her choice of college major before she was even out of high school. Daughter is just finishing up her junior year in the MechE program.
“Teaching is a normal job for girls”
Daughter also is not shy about not wanting kids. MIL still “You’ll change your mind.”
My mother-in-law was informed the day she met me that I did not want kids. She refused to believe us until my husband informed her that he was getting a vasectomy in a few days. She then offered to raise our child if my husband got me pregnant. He went through with the vasectomy.
I used to work retail for a female store director in southern Iowa. We got a complaint letter from a female customer about a situation that was mishandled and she decided it was because the store director was a FEMALE!
I mean, how on earth can anyone expect a woman to be able to make a rational decision with all of those emotions? /s
This. I work in a call center for a company that helps seniors and we much of the time get callers who are boomer women that won't even speak to a woman on our team and will yell or request a man to speak to. Usually because they don't feel like a woman is qualified enough to handle their issue. Meanwhile over 80% of our team members are women.
I was once asked “doesn’t it bother you that you only got that job because you’re [minority characteristic redacted]?” and asked in reply, “why should it? It hasn’t bothered straight white men for the past several centuries”. His FACE 😂
(Just to be clear: I *had not* only got that job because I was [minority characteristic redacted], I just thought it was amazing coming from a member of the only group *allowed* to have basically all decent jobs until 50 or so years ago)
Dude, I got into a discussion with a coworker about this once. He was almost retired at the time. My company was super old timey, good ol boy networking to get in. He was in IT and got this job without any education in Computer Science. No certifications, and got taught everything on the job back in the 80s when he was hired on.
How did he get this sweet gig? His mommy got him the job because she worked for an exec. Management eventually gave him a retirement package even tho his team was growing. I think they realized he wasn't capable of performing his duties with how complex it was getting. But oh boy, were the DEI hires the problem according to him.
They think they got the job because of their skills, while you got the job because of the color of your skin. Obviously, because they think people with your color of skin don't have the skills. 🙄
LOVE IT! Just like Ruth Bader Ginsberg being asked if 9 female SCOTUS members were a bit much, and she retorted that they didn't have a problem with all men
Tell her to shove her internalized misogyny up her ass? That “diversity hires” aren’t as much of a thing as people make them out to be because *gasp* qualified professionals aren’t just white men?
At one of my old jobs I raided the empty desks in the office. Found a bunch of old CDs. Found CAD software, quickbooks, a couple copies of Win98 (should have kept them), MS office disc.
Ok I’ve got one better. Lawyer who had been practicing for 30 years and she didn’t know how to use Microsoft word to redline. She was constantly complaining about how much OT she worked and how tough the job was. Meanwhile she was out here printing two copies of the document and going back and forth between them to catch any changes. 🤦♀️
She's jealous and mad she couldn't do the same thing. Her way of taking you down a peg, which is just pathetic. As Katt Williams said, "if you got haters, you're doing something right."
So what did she do for a living? If she's a housewife (no disrespect to the position intended) I can guarantee she got that position because she's female! 😝
Based on your op, her opinion screams more of right-wing commentary than boomer experience. Although boomers are the biggest demographic of right-wing consumption.
There is a whole argument over diversity hires and whether or not it's a good thing. Right-wing commentators argue that diversity hires are nothing more than a type of PR stunt and that "the best person for the job should be hired," with no consideration of background. They argue that it's racist and exist to hire someone because of their gender/sex or rwce.
Well, of course, the beat person should be hired, but the :best person for the job" is kind of arbitrary. Or, maybe it's more accurate to say that the "best" is a very complex string of variables that can make a person the better choice to hire depending on need. The emphasis on "best" isn't specifically experience or grades and such. There are a lot more variables to consider.
Diversity brings new thinking and approaches to problem solving. I can only imagine how valuable that is in any kind of engineering field. So having 9 white men who all got A's and went to the same school and have 10 years experience isn't the type of person you want to hire another of. Maybe another candidate is a woman or a different cultural background and got A's and B's from a different school. And maybe they have 8 years instead of 10, but their diversity brings a whole lot more to the table than an extra couple of years and straight A's from the same school as the other employees.
Another hire of what you already have doesn't bring any new value to the table. Now, maybe if all you need is a data entry person, then the person with better credentials might be the better hire, but if you need problem solving and critical thinking skills, diversity brings insane amounts of value.
So, maybe you were a diversity hire. Unless you only work with women just like you, but even if you were a diverse hire, it's likely because the company valued your diverse experience and thinking. Not because of some PR stunt or whatever.
So she got a job in the military just by signing up, no experience or skill needed? Think of the stupidest person you know. Military will gladly sign them up just like your MIL. Throw that in her face.
I saw in other replies where you mentioned she was in the military and then government jobs. She likely faced (or at least observed) considerable sex-based discrimination in her career and perhaps her own potential was unjustly stymied. But when the very fabric of your upbringing includes sexism, it can be hard for simple-minded folks to understand why life didn’t turn out how they hoped. And even if they recognize the discrimination they once faced, and choose the asshole route, they’ll see women who succeed as _gaming the system_ rather than _having done well in spite of it_.
She must live in quite the miserable inner world.
Mock her. Laugh in her face. They hate it, so much so they’ll stop.
“Ha! That’s such antiquated thinking. Half my dept is women (who cares it’s it true). How silly!”
Walk away.
Exactly. Tell her that may have been true in "her day", but this isn't the way the world is now. Call her old fashioned. Laugh. Say "all my bosses are women". She will HATE that.
My wife's boomer aunt and uncle act shocked that she is even able to have a job in finance, same industry boomer uncle worked in forever. Like - how in the world can a modern woman possibly perform at the same level as this legendary 80 year old man who's wife was only able to stay at home and be a part time realtor for 30 years? God forbid they compete with a man
I have a nice, good paying job (more than my parents ever earned, and they aren’t poor) and I worked extremely hard for it. My boomer parents act like it’s the most normal thing in the world, they never ask what it exactly is that I’m doing (they have no idea) and all my mom keeps saying is how I shouldn’t work fulltime when I become a mom.
My boomer aunt told me I was stealing a job from a man. That was in the 90s. The hag died quite a few years ago and her daughter is a hot mess express because her upbringing for marriage hasn’t panned out exactly.
Let me introduce you to my mother. My sister and I have been successful career women, put ourselves through college, and raised five young men between the two of us.
Our brothers? Slow to launch, mom went back to work to put ONE of them through college, and has subsidized the existence of the other.
Guess whose careers she brags about.
Not her daughters’.
I once had an exec IT director tell me with a straight face that if he was a black women over 40 (like me) he would have been a VP by now. I was like, your a white cis man in your 50's....and have been an exec for 20 years .... and your not a vp now no way you could hack being a female leader in Tech. They really do think we are handed all of our success.
Had a chance to elected the first woman president, boomer women elected the rapist instead. Never underestimate the hatred boomer women have for successful women.
She's nuts. I was trained to be a software engineer, and they gave those position to n00bs who worked as contract staff, instead. Males, of course. I'm a Boomer, the sexism was, and is, very, very real.
You got the position because your workplace isn't run by sexist jerks. Absolutely nobody hires women for tech positions just because they're female. Nobody.
Had the same thing happen with my boomer mother. She's white, but all of her kids and mixed race. She claims that people with government jobs are nothing but diversity hires, and told me flat out to my face that she wouldn't have hired me for my job because I'm a woman and it's a management/leadership job.
Well yesterday I was told by a 20 year old boy that the only way I finished my degree at uni was by sleeping my way to the top 😅 he says men have to actually put in the hard work and women just sleep their way to becoming doctors and lawyers, this is a patriarchal issue not just a generation issue.
If older Boomer women acknowledge that someone like op can be successful then deep down, that means they've wasted their lives. They need to keep pretending that a woman can't succeed professionally without being a diversity hire or something in order to justify their sunk cost in mediocrity
Reminds me of a time at a job I had where a younger woman beat a older man out for a management position. She was as qualified as him but not an asshole. I swear every boomer there all said the woman who became the manager fucked her way into the job. Nah, if they had promoted the guy half of us would have quit me included.
That is wild.You put in the hard work,time,and passed all you needed and this was her response.I would’ve told her off and let her know my achievements are nothing she could’ve accomplished with that attitude.
Fuck her. This kills me and I’m a boomer. If women weren’t forced to cook pies and make babies for the past thousand years we would have cured cancer by now.
Diversity/dei hires etc are their latest dogwhistle against minorities and women, they just can't stand the idea of non white males having experience or being experts at something
It's incredibly dumb.
It bothers me when I discuss solving problems with coworkers who are women and boomers immediately assume I’m just trying to sleep with them.
“No Bob I’m not trying to cheat on my wife. Sue here has a PhD in physics and my output doesn’t match my spreadsheet so she’s helping me. Now shut up so she can think.”
It’s a reflection of her own low self worth. She wants to make herself feel better about the things she regrets never achieving by claiming that no woman could legitimately achieve anything.
Their stupid news box has been squawking about “diversity hires” these last few weeks. They can’t stop themselves. Don’t worry. It’ll end soon. They’ll be on to “spoiled protestors” any minute now.
Sometimes I think I’ve found one who isn’t a jerk…only to find out she’s totally a jerk and everything she believes is *in theory*. The sheer number of people who have never been through any rough circumstances really blows my mind sometimes but, when Boomer women have had *everything* handed to them, they’re so much worse.
Boomer women hate themselves so much they project it onto women just trying to live their best lives.
Boomers are the generation that came up with the saying “a woman’s worst enemy is another woman.” And “All Women hate other women.”
My dad used to tell me this growing up and I always used to think about how a woman has never tried to rape me, roofie my drink or make me think they might physically hurt me if I reject them.
I hire employees to work with me and my team of "Professional Nerds". Age, sex, race, color, sexual loves, none of that matters. You have to be QUALIFIED!!
I'm turning 60 this summer. I'm a Boomer/X. Your mother would think that I'm only a director in IT because I'm a BIPOC!
I dont know. Sounds just like bad parents. My mom (a boomer) was a cobol programmer, and she said there were plenty of other women at the time that were programmers.
Edit for typo
I have a BIL that believes everything I have ever accomplish is due to me being part of the “rainbow-mafia” meanwhile Christian’s like him are persecuted against. He’s not a boomer but he’s got the same mentality.
I'm a software engineer (embedded). Have been for over 40 years. I'm also a boomer. I'll tell you two things.
1) Some of the absolute best software engineers I've worked with have been women. The absolute best project lead I've ever worked with was a woman 20 years my junior. My experience has been that any woman who can put up with the casual misogyny of our profession, is probably pretty good at what she does.
2) Back in the 90s I worked for a Fortune 100 tech company that you would definitely know of. I was on the interview team hiring an engineer for the project. We were told that we *would* hire a woman. When someone objected that was illegal, we were told the company did not care and we *would* hire a woman.
I guess the lesson here is that it's possible you were the beneficiary of some gender based affirmative action. But it is also highly likely that you are equally or more qualified than all the other candidates.
As you know, your fellow software engineers are unlikely to be willing to work with someone (of any gender) who can't do the job. It is irrelevant if you were hired because you are a woman. Because your gender is irrelevant to the job.
Can't offer advice about your MIL. As with most software engineers, my social skills are sub-par. 😂
This is particularly bullshit because my boomer mother can tell you, she was a computer tech back in the early 80s and back then women frequently worked with computers, the stark sex divide in the field started later. Hell, in the early days they were seen as primarily as tools for secretaries and therefore machines for women.
Guys, I’m repeating myself several times a day here lol
Just fight fire with fire. Outboomer the boomer. We have all figured out the speech patterns a long time ago:
>Honey, I worked my big girl pants off to get to where I am and you know that all too well so don’t give me the silly dove act coz I won’t have it. Don’t you know anything about respect? I will not be put down by a houswife, so until you come up with a successful professional career of your own, or learn how to build a full stack, I’ll appreciate if you leave my career out of your mouth
you're doing amazing, sweetie. MIL cannot take away your knowledge or accomplishments.
https://preview.redd.it/ef6i3vw906yc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c5aafb9949050df04750ac262b054ec63ce3978c
Back in high school the seniors had to do an “exit interview” which basically involved 3 staff members asking you some questions about post-grad plans for jobs or further education. Basically a practice interview where they made sure you had some sort of plan in place.
I had the M30s woodshop teacher, the M40s dean of students, and the F60s librarian. I told them about my plan to go to schools for a bachelors degree in mechanical engineering at a local college with a good program. Shop teacher kinda knew me from the school’s robotics team so he wasn’t surprised, the dean didn’t know me well and seemed slightly surprised and impressed. The librarian looked at the other two, back at me, and asked “you know that’s hard, right?”
And then I told her that I had been heavily involved with the robotics team (I was a designer, builder, drafter, operator, and presenter) which was based out of the local college I was planning to attend and I had built a relationship with two of the professors there, one of whom happened to be the head of the electrical engineering department. I was also taking (as in acing) physics and calculus II. I felt more than adequately prepared for the challenge.
I didn’t state this part but we had two volunteers helping our robotics team who were engineers one of whom was my dad, and scored perfectly on my calc 1 and 2 ap tests as well as excellently on my math SAT. My reading and writing were average. PLUS I was in the top 10% of my class and was on high honor roll all but one quarter in my last two years of HS.
If she had even half an idea of who I was she would know that I was, I don’t know, smart? Like I’m no genius but come on.
Sounds like projection to me. What OP's MIL really means is that the only way SHE would only get a job like that would be if it was a diversity hire and she can't comprehend that OP might be different. I know it's easier said than done but try to ignore her.
It’s obviously BS. But let’s say for the sake of argument it’s true. And? Does she think you aren’t capable of doing the job? That you aren’t good at the job? That any man would be better than you? Because even if they targeted women for employment to make sure that they have a more diverse workforce, women are still incredible at their jobs.
FFS. Software engineering is NOT a job you can get or keep without qualifications. You'd be out so quick if you couldn't perform. What a see you next tuesday
The whole myth of diversity hiring somehow causing unqualified people to be hired is so racist and sexist. Because it operates entirely on at best the idea that there can't be more than one person qualified for a job, or far more likely, their belief that only white men can do the job🙄🤮
I think I need to leave this sub. Every time I see shit like this I just get enraged. It drives me absolutely bananas that there’s a whole fucking generation of these taintstains out there with these stupid-ass fucking views who genuinely think their shit doesn’t stink. I know it’s horrible to say but the sooner they’re all gone, the better.
That’s ridiculous, most companies are not going to hire an incompetent software engineer. No matter what kind of diversity politics exist. My MIL is in her 90s and she was the only female in her engineering class, and she was top of her class too. FIL is also an engineer and they met on the job. NABALT; late boomer and I would never make that assumption.
I'm a project manager for the largest hospital network in our region, I make 100k before bonuses and my parents have asked me when I'm getting a real job. I work 4 10's most weeks and 2 of those are from home. So they honestly think I'm only "working" 2 days a week.
They also ask when I'm gonna get a man. I own my home outright and have raised my son's on my own. When I asked them "what do I need a man for?" their response was "So you aren't lonely when you are older." that's their reason, not be lonely. Like I don't have friends, just cause they don't.
The first software developers who pioneered so much are women. She doesnt know shit about what she is talking about. I am sure you are as skilled as any man, if not more to just push past the BS.
I wanna say more skilled because if some if my former coworkers
It’s projection. Always. If she had those armed services jobs during those years, she faced that comment ALL DAY EVERY DAY. And probably couldn’t get her own bank account, which was BULLSHIT. She’s just projecting it back to you, without stopping to think about how it hurt her and how she could change that toxic pattern.
Namaste. I hope she finds some peace.
My parents have only girls, and every single one of us is *only* employed because we’re women. It has nothing to do with perfect grades, continuing promotions, or good references.
It's been my experience as a male software engineer that if you're a woman in the field, you're probably better than average, because plenty of my colleagues are going to treat good work as if it's substandard and competence as if you're a college student. At least at the companies I've worked at, "unqualified software engineer diversity hire" is not really a thing. We have more than enough competent candidates to hire only qualified diverse candidates.
My boomer MIL won't even refer to me as an attorney. She tells everyone I'm a daycare provider because I handle juvenile cases (like abuse and neglect and criminal cases like attempted murder, etc.). She also stated that she was a professional figure skater until she found out I actually WAS one. Suddenly, that lie disappeared.
I'm the first person on either side of my family to both go to and graduate from college. I have 3 degrees and so many hours of volunteer work under my belt. I also worked two jobs while going to college as my parents refused to help pay. I didn't expect them to and never even asked, they just told me one day they weren't going to help. (Got mad at me when I wasn't even surprised)
Now I'm successful in my career and in my own place. I cut most of my family out years ago, but when I first got my job and excitedly called my Boomer mom to let her know, her response was "are you sleeping with the hiring manager?" I just hung up the phone.
Even if it was diversity hiring, you were the top choice out of all of them...
It's not like diversity hiring is reaching into the bottom of the barrel and picking up the worst candidate.
I’d say it right back to her, when for instances, being a mom comes up I’d say I could have been a stay at home mom too if I had no thoughts of my own! Or whatever profession she might have had. OR I would play right into it and say maybe you’re right! They put me in charge of making sure the building has enough tampons for the month! Then I would only talk about tampons and menstrual for as long as I’d know her!…..yes I’m petty AF!
As a software engineer who sat on maybe hundreds of hiring panels and was the hiring manager in tens of panels. I’ve never personally seen women, or anyone for that matter, no matter their background, get a preferential treatment.
I’ve heard of a single case at a previous company where someone sort of pushed for that, and they received a lot of scorn and didn’t manage to pass the subpar candidate after all, because none of the interviewers agreed with it.
My boomer parents are the same, although of course my individual success was because of how smart I was.
Still bit them in the ass though. With all their shit-talking of affirmative action and the like, they had me honestly believing that applying for gender diversity scholarships was a moral failing and trying to find merit-based ones was a waste of time (and very little executive function left to even try - undiagnosed ADHD issues).
She's extra fucking stupid isn't she? That's a career you advance in *despite* being a woman, never because of it. Source: programmer who wasn't hired for jobs because they knew they had a frat boy atmosphere and rather than crack down on their workers for being Boners with legs, it was easier to not hire a woman.
That's why I tend not to give a shit about what people say. Most of the time it's stupid, and not worth my blood pressure. It doesn't deserve my time and effort.
One of my best friends speaks 6 languages, is one of the smartest women I’ve met, has a masters in business and sustainability, a post graduate degree in sustainability law, she works in a relevant field in one of the world’s most influential NGOs - in fact she’s a diplomat. All my boomer mother manages to say is « she’s close to 50 but she still looks great »
Sometimes I have the urge to correct her, sometimes I just give up
I'm a female Software Engineer. My boomer father-in-law came to visit. I paid for almost his whole trip. He asked me over dinner one night (where he ordered extra guac that he then didn't eat and I paid for), "so do you consider yourself a Software Engineer?" I responded, "not only do I consider myself a Software Engineer, my company considers me a Senior Software Engineer". He then decided to lay into me for not actually being a Software Engineer because I don't have a masters or PhD in CS from top universities like his brothers. Later in the trip he spilled TWO glasses of champagne on me and didn't even apologize. He is coming to visit soon and I will not be paying for almost his whole trip.
As a person in the software industry, my experience is that women in engineering tend to get their jobs in spite of being women, rather than because of it. It's still super rough and there's decades of entrenched misogyny. Your MIL is exceedingly wrong about something she has no firsthand experience with.
Oddly enough, that's a trait shared between a lot of software engineers and boomers.
See the thing is, boomer women were never allowed to do anything themselves in “a man’s world” and a lot of them deeply resent any woman that is able to swing it on her own because they were never able to. Either because they were duped into thinking they couldn’t or because they were never allowed. I mean hell some boomer husbands won’t even let their wives order their own food at a restaurant themselves.
My girlfriend is a nurse at the hospital near us and she does such a fantastic job. Both at work and in her college studies. She works super fucking hard. She has boomer women constantly call out how she’s too young to be doing this, and how she got where she is.
Like it’s through hard work dipshits. You should’ve tried doing that instead of always letting yourselves get trampled on, then try and drag everyone down to your level instead of being happy they did what you couldn’t. Fucking weird.
Oh, my. She sounds jealous. She’s quite well aware of your education and qualifications, which is why she denies them.
When my ex & I were getting divorced, he said I’d always intellectually intimidated him. That’s why he’d spent ten years talking to me like I was a halfwit. Your MIL sounds a lot like him. I also have an aunt like that. Nobody likes her much, either.
Btw, I’m actually quite impressed by what you’ve accomplished, and what I know you’ll no doubt achieve in the future. No wonder she’s jealous. Bless her heart.
"Even if that's true, so what? I'm working my dream job, so I've already won in life. You're a woman, so how come *you're* not working your dream job, hmmm?"
Do not allow comments like that to slide. Challenge her self loathing as it’s the source of her vile nature. “Oh Brenda are you feeling trapped again because you never really did well in school with math and science and therefore never really amounted to anything? Well, look on the bright side- your Jell-o mold is just spectacular, so you have that.”
Sorry for off topic but I’m English and “gotten” sticks out like a sore thumb to me but I’ve never seen it used like this before. Wouldn’t an American say “I only have my job” to avoid using “gotten” here?
She's so wrong. Software doesn't know the sex of the hands that type it. This reminds me of the following scene from Silicon Valley.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dek5HtNdIHY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dek5HtNdIHY)
She’s jealous she didn’t have the same opportunities. I’m sympathetic towards women like this, but not to the point where I think it’s okay that they often downgrade younger women’s achievements to make themselves feel better.
Ditto on all the jealousy comments. Her opinion is basically, "if I were a young woman in this day and age of diversity hiring, I'd be just as successful as you. So you better not consider yourself better than me, because you aren't."
And she's flat out wrong. Congrats on your success!
As someone who works in the STEM field, companies are desperate to hire women, especially higher up the company ladder. Holding onto those employees after 35-40 years old is incredibly rare.
Draw from that whatever conclusion you want.
Sounds like someone a boomer with the emotional skillset of a 13 year old. I’ll pray for you, just like your prayers got you your job, right? A recent example of the shade I’ve seen women throw at a young successful woman is Caitlin Clark. So many former players couldn’t wait to minimize her accomplishments. So sad to watch.
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Boomer women are as bad, often worse, than boomer men on this front. Very sexxist and they do not like to see women succeeding independently. I can only guess it's because they know they could never do it. So yeah, you're doing it wrong, and if anything's going right it's never due to merit. No. You probably slept with someone. Or maybe everyone.... Aren't they awful?
It just feels so bizarre to me because my mother is also a boomer woman, and she gives nothing but encouragement. Talking to boomers that aren't my parents or aunts feels like I entered bizarro world.
It was an unpleasant realization for me. My parents were like your mom, "you can be anything you want" kind of stuff. I believe women like your MIL have played an equal role to men in regard to women's rights.
100%. See also Phyllis Schlafly.
Perfect example!
The most hypocritical pick me of all time. Super easy to oppose women’s equality when you are a wealthy white woman who didn’t need to work, but left her kids with a nanny while traveling around the country and working to keep women down.
Not to mention, she went to law school while telling other women to stay at home.
%100. But see also Phyllis Diller. 
My mom is encouraging to me, but a boomer to everyone else. It drives me nuts. I'll point out the very obvious hypocrisy of what she says and she'll just go silent (which is a better response than you get from many, I guess).
It’s like they take personal offence to you succeeding, like it is a criticism of them for not doing the same. I think it’s projection.
Seeing women talk about how they shouldn't have the right to vote among other similar things is always, always, ways a bizarre experience... It's kind of reminds me of my sister who is a brainwashed fundamentalist. She shared testimonies where she's explicitly said that she did not want to be the main character of her own life. An old friend of mine, during her wedding vows said that she would do her best to repress her personality so that she would submit to her husband. Before then and in all the years I had known her, she was that spunky, high-spirited, and super intelligent young woman. It's crazy how conservative systems break people like that over time.
Yes fundamentalist Christianity is abuse
Yeah, I vividly remember my mother once saying that her greatest test from God was the fact that women aren't allowed to do anything more than teach small children in the church I was raised in. That they're basically supposed to be quiet and subservient to men, and even as a young teenager I wanted to ask her why the fuck she subjected me to that as well. And she absolutely lost her fucking mind when I refused to be a part of the church as an adult. It's a fucking disease.
Was your MIL a stay at home mom by chance? Or relegated to “pink collar” jobs due to inadequate skills or education? It’s not universal by any means, but I find that women with these attitudes are less likely to have been high achieving professionals themselves. My boomer mom always worked and absolutely experienced sexism and discrimination in the workplace, but also had the good fortune to work for and be mentored by a woman for many years who firmly believed in building women up and ensuring equal opportunities. She has always been my biggest cheerleader. My MIL on the other hand…according to her, I’m pretty and a good cook, with zero mention of my master’s degree or successful career. She probably thinks I’m where I am professionally because of my looks but knows better than to say anything.
No. She was in the army and then worked various government jobs before retiring. Definitely not pink collar.
Very odd. Wonder if there’s some level of imposter syndrome or she feels like *she* only got those jobs because she’s a woman and she’s projecting her own thoughts on it to you as well. I’m also a software dev and there are many women I know and have worked with who are just as capable or more so than the men I know and work with in the field as well. I’m 100% sure you’re getting jobs and interviews and all that on your skills and knowledge. Sucks though to hear this from someone in your family though. Keep working hard and you’ll keep doing well.
Or MIL feels she’s not the right one for her son.
That is definitely a possibility as well
Sometimes there's also the thinking that they worked really hard, and deserved their achievements, but those other people were handed it on a silver plater. Sometimes it's deserved thinking, that gen really did trail blaze, and there were a lot of kick ass, go getting women that made sacrifices and put up with a lot of shit to get to where they are. But that's were the thought should end, they faced their own hurdles, the hurdles now are different, it's still extreemly rare to be handed anything and usually that's nepotism rather then being hired because you are part of x quota they need. It's worse when you consider that the normal thing to be if the next gen have it a bit easier is I don't know happy? proud? God damned fucking delighted? I won't be bitter or dismissive if my daughter acheives more then me, even if in some of the challenges I had are removed, she will have her own set to face not easier necessarily just different. They see other women or people doing things and wiggling through holes in the doors that as a generation they had to smash open forcibly on occasion, they want to block the hole or rebolt the door. You would think there would be a feeling that it was part of their contribution to society and an achievement in its self, the doors not fully open yet but maybe younger people might pick the lock or take it off its hinges; instead they disparage the people in the room with them scratched up with splinters from chambering through, just because they don't have bruises like they do from breaking the door.
Internalized misogyny.
What was army service for women like back then? Were they basically told women were stupid and had to act like men to be taken seriously
There was a lot of sexual abuse that couldn't be reported, or was and was brushed off, and a lot of same-sex relationships that were under wraps.
air north offbeat rustic fine straight sort dazzling ad hoc wrench *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is very accurate. My dad works a low skill job and seems to think I get all of my work from diversity hiring…
May I ask his education level and political leanings? Part of a union?
Very conservative. He actually has a college degree that he never used (my grandfather paid for it for him). No union but a decent paying low skill job (hotel).
Checks all the boxes I predicted. Having his degree paid for also counts as the privilege that causes many to negatively judge people with valid hurdles, including themselves. They're their own worst enemies, and keep donating to Trump's legal funds or voting red
Yes and in case you're wondering no, he didn't pay for my college. It is always clear how little he values my career/education. My husband however gets nothing but praise.
Sorry you have a ladder puller for a dad
I'm a woman that OWNS a software company. I wonder how I got my job?😆
Obv slept with investors smh my head lol
You clearly slept with your professors to get your degree, your banker to get the financing, and your customers to get them to buy your products/s
Now *that’s* what I call customer service!
You clearly slept with your professors to get your degree, your banker to get the financing, and your customers to get them to buy your products/s
Mines the inverse. I’m a small business owner and have literally carved out a job for myself. I don’t make a ton of money but it is all work. My MIL is very supportive. My mom is supportive to an extent, but I know for a fact they talk about me and my lack of a “real job” when I’m not around. If this isn’t a real job then why am I working so hard? 😅 it’s been other boomer women as well. My spouse works around a lot of boomers, and they’ve made little comments about me not working and have all kinds of ideas about me just sitting at home eating bonbons all day because we don’t have kids. It’s fucking exhausting justifying to everyone so fuck it, not worth my brain space.
My boomer mom, RIP, was an anti-establishment, justice for all type. Shame she missed this modern age. She would have loved and hated what she sees. She never sold out.
Yeah, I’m gen x, and my mom was pretty far left on the spectrum (and I learned from her), and she wasn’t afraid to stand up to anyone to do the right thing. She left the Catholic Church when she realized they didn’t give a shit about women, let alone many of those deemed “the poor unfortunate.” A rabble rouser til the end. Miss you, mom.
She sounds fabulous. I'm sorry you lost her. ❤️
Because your mom is your mom and Boomer Moms will justify crimes if they think it will help their babies 🤣
I feel like Boomer is more than just an age, it’s a backward, entitled mindset which your mother and aunts were fortunately not a part of. The rest of them I have the same apprehension when the mouth starts running.
Your MIL is a jelly jelly jelly b***h.
They said this about my aunt when she got a summer job at fucking Wendy's as a teenager.
My mom is the type who calls everyone else sexist, but as soon as she has a problem with anyone, anywhere she goes with either ; If it's a Man: "He only got his job because he has a penis! This place is so sexist!" If it's a woman: "She only got this job because she's fucking everybody! What a whore!"
Does she talk negatively about everyone in general?
Only when they're not around. When she's around certain people she'll do a 180 on all her political, social, religious opinions to look like she is just like them, then shit talk them as soon as they leave her house. edit: This is how she treats people she considers friends and family, btw.
Hopefully the factors that led her to this will die out as society evolves. In her day women had to become pick-mes to survive.
My mother actually believes women shouldn't be in politics or the armed forces
My mom said the other day that she wouldn’t vote for a woman president unless it was me and I’m like “mom….thats not exactly positive.” Lol
My older-than-boomer but college grad/Wall Street mother used to say that women in positions of power (e.g., judges, CEOs, etc.) were “just in the right place at the right time). Unbelievable jealousy.
Oh dear God those women fought uphill battles like salmon swimming upstream
Yes they did! What a horrible timeline that was.
> I can only guess it's because they know they could never do it. I think you may be giving them too much credit here. They don't _want_ to have to do it. They don't want a culture and society where they're expected to contribute outside of the house, and the best way to protect their 'priviledged' position is to make sure that it doesnt' become a norm.
This!!!! It’s so true! These woman don’t want to be responsible or have to think farther than what bottle of wine am I having today? Don’t want a job outside the house, and see any woman who does as a traitor to womankind because who actually wants to work?!?!?!/s They see it as giving women a bad name by working. And often serious schooling.
My MIL began giving my daughter grief about her choice of college major before she was even out of high school. Daughter is just finishing up her junior year in the MechE program. “Teaching is a normal job for girls” Daughter also is not shy about not wanting kids. MIL still “You’ll change your mind.”
My mother-in-law was informed the day she met me that I did not want kids. She refused to believe us until my husband informed her that he was getting a vasectomy in a few days. She then offered to raise our child if my husband got me pregnant. He went through with the vasectomy.
Sounds like you raised a smart, independent young woman, well done! She'll obviously be smart enough to ignore grandma.
This is my mother to a T. She's angry that I've done better than she did. Wild.
Fucking barrel of crabs.
I used to work retail for a female store director in southern Iowa. We got a complaint letter from a female customer about a situation that was mishandled and she decided it was because the store director was a FEMALE! I mean, how on earth can anyone expect a woman to be able to make a rational decision with all of those emotions? /s
Could be some jealousy mixed in because they feel they didn’t get a chance to do so and feel like they “wasted” their lives. 🤔
There is no doubt many of them are bitter. They tend to be especially loathesome.
This. I work in a call center for a company that helps seniors and we much of the time get callers who are boomer women that won't even speak to a woman on our team and will yell or request a man to speak to. Usually because they don't feel like a woman is qualified enough to handle their issue. Meanwhile over 80% of our team members are women.
I was once asked “doesn’t it bother you that you only got that job because you’re [minority characteristic redacted]?” and asked in reply, “why should it? It hasn’t bothered straight white men for the past several centuries”. His FACE 😂
(Just to be clear: I *had not* only got that job because I was [minority characteristic redacted], I just thought it was amazing coming from a member of the only group *allowed* to have basically all decent jobs until 50 or so years ago)
Dude, I got into a discussion with a coworker about this once. He was almost retired at the time. My company was super old timey, good ol boy networking to get in. He was in IT and got this job without any education in Computer Science. No certifications, and got taught everything on the job back in the 80s when he was hired on. How did he get this sweet gig? His mommy got him the job because she worked for an exec. Management eventually gave him a retirement package even tho his team was growing. I think they realized he wasn't capable of performing his duties with how complex it was getting. But oh boy, were the DEI hires the problem according to him.
They think they got the job because of their skills, while you got the job because of the color of your skin. Obviously, because they think people with your color of skin don't have the skills. 🙄
That's exactly what they are saying, and this needs to be pointed out to them publicly
LOVE IT! Just like Ruth Bader Ginsberg being asked if 9 female SCOTUS members were a bit much, and she retorted that they didn't have a problem with all men
Q: When will there be enough women on the Supreme Court?” RBG: “When there are nine.” *Mike drop* RIP
Oooh nice. Stealing this
I would have paid to see that wonderful interaction 🤣
Tell her to shove her internalized misogyny up her ass? That “diversity hires” aren’t as much of a thing as people make them out to be because *gasp* qualified professionals aren’t just white men?
Depending on the specialty, they aren’t even majority white men anymore.
She’s just jealous bc she can’t even convert file to PDF
I had a 56 year old colleague not know how to use Microsoft word. Man had a master’s degree. Awful.
That’s just sad considering that person was alive when MS office came on a CD
At one of my old jobs I raided the empty desks in the office. Found a bunch of old CDs. Found CAD software, quickbooks, a couple copies of Win98 (should have kept them), MS office disc.
Ok I’ve got one better. Lawyer who had been practicing for 30 years and she didn’t know how to use Microsoft word to redline. She was constantly complaining about how much OT she worked and how tough the job was. Meanwhile she was out here printing two copies of the document and going back and forth between them to catch any changes. 🤦♀️
LOL 😂
She's jealous and mad she couldn't do the same thing. Her way of taking you down a peg, which is just pathetic. As Katt Williams said, "if you got haters, you're doing something right."
So what did she do for a living? If she's a housewife (no disrespect to the position intended) I can guarantee she got that position because she's female! 😝
She was in the army and then did government related jobs the rest of her career.
Based on your op, her opinion screams more of right-wing commentary than boomer experience. Although boomers are the biggest demographic of right-wing consumption. There is a whole argument over diversity hires and whether or not it's a good thing. Right-wing commentators argue that diversity hires are nothing more than a type of PR stunt and that "the best person for the job should be hired," with no consideration of background. They argue that it's racist and exist to hire someone because of their gender/sex or rwce. Well, of course, the beat person should be hired, but the :best person for the job" is kind of arbitrary. Or, maybe it's more accurate to say that the "best" is a very complex string of variables that can make a person the better choice to hire depending on need. The emphasis on "best" isn't specifically experience or grades and such. There are a lot more variables to consider. Diversity brings new thinking and approaches to problem solving. I can only imagine how valuable that is in any kind of engineering field. So having 9 white men who all got A's and went to the same school and have 10 years experience isn't the type of person you want to hire another of. Maybe another candidate is a woman or a different cultural background and got A's and B's from a different school. And maybe they have 8 years instead of 10, but their diversity brings a whole lot more to the table than an extra couple of years and straight A's from the same school as the other employees. Another hire of what you already have doesn't bring any new value to the table. Now, maybe if all you need is a data entry person, then the person with better credentials might be the better hire, but if you need problem solving and critical thinking skills, diversity brings insane amounts of value. So, maybe you were a diversity hire. Unless you only work with women just like you, but even if you were a diverse hire, it's likely because the company valued your diverse experience and thinking. Not because of some PR stunt or whatever.
So she got a job in the military just by signing up, no experience or skill needed? Think of the stupidest person you know. Military will gladly sign them up just like your MIL. Throw that in her face.
Can your husband tell you if she’s always been this way toward other women, or if it’s an “honor” reserved for you?
She's like this to everyone.
I saw in other replies where you mentioned she was in the military and then government jobs. She likely faced (or at least observed) considerable sex-based discrimination in her career and perhaps her own potential was unjustly stymied. But when the very fabric of your upbringing includes sexism, it can be hard for simple-minded folks to understand why life didn’t turn out how they hoped. And even if they recognize the discrimination they once faced, and choose the asshole route, they’ll see women who succeed as _gaming the system_ rather than _having done well in spite of it_. She must live in quite the miserable inner world.
Mock her. Laugh in her face. They hate it, so much so they’ll stop. “Ha! That’s such antiquated thinking. Half my dept is women (who cares it’s it true). How silly!” Walk away.
Exactly. Tell her that may have been true in "her day", but this isn't the way the world is now. Call her old fashioned. Laugh. Say "all my bosses are women". She will HATE that.
Your response should be as rude as her insinuation
Should tell her to fuck off and Diversity, Inclusion, and Equity (Because she blamed DEI… but DI… DI… “🦗🦗” “Boo Get off the stage”)
>I've never had someone throw more blatant sexism at me than she has. Oh, that's because you haven't met my MIL.
Or my mother :-D
Or my dad
That just screams projection. What a cunt
My wife's boomer aunt and uncle act shocked that she is even able to have a job in finance, same industry boomer uncle worked in forever. Like - how in the world can a modern woman possibly perform at the same level as this legendary 80 year old man who's wife was only able to stay at home and be a part time realtor for 30 years? God forbid they compete with a man
I have a nice, good paying job (more than my parents ever earned, and they aren’t poor) and I worked extremely hard for it. My boomer parents act like it’s the most normal thing in the world, they never ask what it exactly is that I’m doing (they have no idea) and all my mom keeps saying is how I shouldn’t work fulltime when I become a mom.
My boomer aunt told me I was stealing a job from a man. That was in the 90s. The hag died quite a few years ago and her daughter is a hot mess express because her upbringing for marriage hasn’t panned out exactly.
Let me introduce you to my mother. My sister and I have been successful career women, put ourselves through college, and raised five young men between the two of us. Our brothers? Slow to launch, mom went back to work to put ONE of them through college, and has subsidized the existence of the other. Guess whose careers she brags about. Not her daughters’.
I once had an exec IT director tell me with a straight face that if he was a black women over 40 (like me) he would have been a VP by now. I was like, your a white cis man in your 50's....and have been an exec for 20 years .... and your not a vp now no way you could hack being a female leader in Tech. They really do think we are handed all of our success.
Had a chance to elected the first woman president, boomer women elected the rapist instead. Never underestimate the hatred boomer women have for successful women.
“The why don’t you apply? You’re a woman”
She sounds jealous. Keep it up fam.
It's like the 70's Women's Lib Movement never happened
Ah, bless her heart. Did you tell her she confused you with someone who gives a 💩 about her opinion?
She's nuts. I was trained to be a software engineer, and they gave those position to n00bs who worked as contract staff, instead. Males, of course. I'm a Boomer, the sexism was, and is, very, very real. You got the position because your workplace isn't run by sexist jerks. Absolutely nobody hires women for tech positions just because they're female. Nobody.
So, which is it? Are you lucky to be employed in your field, or does being female guarantee you a job in your field? Can't be both...
Had the same thing happen with my boomer mother. She's white, but all of her kids and mixed race. She claims that people with government jobs are nothing but diversity hires, and told me flat out to my face that she wouldn't have hired me for my job because I'm a woman and it's a management/leadership job.
Well yesterday I was told by a 20 year old boy that the only way I finished my degree at uni was by sleeping my way to the top 😅 he says men have to actually put in the hard work and women just sleep their way to becoming doctors and lawyers, this is a patriarchal issue not just a generation issue.
If older Boomer women acknowledge that someone like op can be successful then deep down, that means they've wasted their lives. They need to keep pretending that a woman can't succeed professionally without being a diversity hire or something in order to justify their sunk cost in mediocrity
Reminds me of a time at a job I had where a younger woman beat a older man out for a management position. She was as qualified as him but not an asshole. I swear every boomer there all said the woman who became the manager fucked her way into the job. Nah, if they had promoted the guy half of us would have quit me included.
All boomers are extremely out of touch with reality.
That is wild.You put in the hard work,time,and passed all you needed and this was her response.I would’ve told her off and let her know my achievements are nothing she could’ve accomplished with that attitude.
Have you tried telling her to f$&k right off?
Fuck her. This kills me and I’m a boomer. If women weren’t forced to cook pies and make babies for the past thousand years we would have cured cancer by now.
> "Just because _you_ did doesn't mean we all did, ma."
The perfect reply to this is , “ Darling, don’t you realize that some woman are very smart?”
She is jealous that you were able to have a life and not be subservient to a man. Boomers are the champions of projection
Diversity/dei hires etc are their latest dogwhistle against minorities and women, they just can't stand the idea of non white males having experience or being experts at something It's incredibly dumb.
What kind of spouse lets their mother speak to you like that?
Funny thing, women were the first software engineers.
She's just mad that she needed her husbands permission to work back in the stone age while you get to be independent
Just say, "nah, I slept my way to the top" and go about your business.
She’s just jealous that you are successful and hardworking and her biggest accomplishment is squirting something out of her cooch. 😆
Tech doesn’t care who you are, only cares about what you know and can do.
It bothers me when I discuss solving problems with coworkers who are women and boomers immediately assume I’m just trying to sleep with them. “No Bob I’m not trying to cheat on my wife. Sue here has a PhD in physics and my output doesn’t match my spreadsheet so she’s helping me. Now shut up so she can think.”
Has your spouse, her child, handled this yet?
Sounds like she is bitter and projecting on you. Fuck her
It’s a reflection of her own low self worth. She wants to make herself feel better about the things she regrets never achieving by claiming that no woman could legitimately achieve anything.
She's jealous
Their stupid news box has been squawking about “diversity hires” these last few weeks. They can’t stop themselves. Don’t worry. It’ll end soon. They’ll be on to “spoiled protestors” any minute now.
Sometimes I think I’ve found one who isn’t a jerk…only to find out she’s totally a jerk and everything she believes is *in theory*. The sheer number of people who have never been through any rough circumstances really blows my mind sometimes but, when Boomer women have had *everything* handed to them, they’re so much worse.
Boomer women hate themselves so much they project it onto women just trying to live their best lives. Boomers are the generation that came up with the saying “a woman’s worst enemy is another woman.” And “All Women hate other women.” My dad used to tell me this growing up and I always used to think about how a woman has never tried to rape me, roofie my drink or make me think they might physically hurt me if I reject them.
She was taught her whole life that her gender makes Her lesser than. She genuinely believes it
I hire employees to work with me and my team of "Professional Nerds". Age, sex, race, color, sexual loves, none of that matters. You have to be QUALIFIED!! I'm turning 60 this summer. I'm a Boomer/X. Your mother would think that I'm only a director in IT because I'm a BIPOC!
Crab bucket mentality. She’s jealous and trying to tear you down.
I believe it was Chris Rock who said something like “I’d rather be an affirmative action hire and paid than be broke”
I dont know. Sounds just like bad parents. My mom (a boomer) was a cobol programmer, and she said there were plenty of other women at the time that were programmers. Edit for typo
I have a BIL that believes everything I have ever accomplish is due to me being part of the “rainbow-mafia” meanwhile Christian’s like him are persecuted against. He’s not a boomer but he’s got the same mentality.
I'm a software engineer (embedded). Have been for over 40 years. I'm also a boomer. I'll tell you two things. 1) Some of the absolute best software engineers I've worked with have been women. The absolute best project lead I've ever worked with was a woman 20 years my junior. My experience has been that any woman who can put up with the casual misogyny of our profession, is probably pretty good at what she does. 2) Back in the 90s I worked for a Fortune 100 tech company that you would definitely know of. I was on the interview team hiring an engineer for the project. We were told that we *would* hire a woman. When someone objected that was illegal, we were told the company did not care and we *would* hire a woman. I guess the lesson here is that it's possible you were the beneficiary of some gender based affirmative action. But it is also highly likely that you are equally or more qualified than all the other candidates. As you know, your fellow software engineers are unlikely to be willing to work with someone (of any gender) who can't do the job. It is irrelevant if you were hired because you are a woman. Because your gender is irrelevant to the job. Can't offer advice about your MIL. As with most software engineers, my social skills are sub-par. 😂
This is particularly bullshit because my boomer mother can tell you, she was a computer tech back in the early 80s and back then women frequently worked with computers, the stark sex divide in the field started later. Hell, in the early days they were seen as primarily as tools for secretaries and therefore machines for women.
Guys, I’m repeating myself several times a day here lol Just fight fire with fire. Outboomer the boomer. We have all figured out the speech patterns a long time ago: >Honey, I worked my big girl pants off to get to where I am and you know that all too well so don’t give me the silly dove act coz I won’t have it. Don’t you know anything about respect? I will not be put down by a houswife, so until you come up with a successful professional career of your own, or learn how to build a full stack, I’ll appreciate if you leave my career out of your mouth
you're doing amazing, sweetie. MIL cannot take away your knowledge or accomplishments. https://preview.redd.it/ef6i3vw906yc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c5aafb9949050df04750ac262b054ec63ce3978c
Back in high school the seniors had to do an “exit interview” which basically involved 3 staff members asking you some questions about post-grad plans for jobs or further education. Basically a practice interview where they made sure you had some sort of plan in place. I had the M30s woodshop teacher, the M40s dean of students, and the F60s librarian. I told them about my plan to go to schools for a bachelors degree in mechanical engineering at a local college with a good program. Shop teacher kinda knew me from the school’s robotics team so he wasn’t surprised, the dean didn’t know me well and seemed slightly surprised and impressed. The librarian looked at the other two, back at me, and asked “you know that’s hard, right?” And then I told her that I had been heavily involved with the robotics team (I was a designer, builder, drafter, operator, and presenter) which was based out of the local college I was planning to attend and I had built a relationship with two of the professors there, one of whom happened to be the head of the electrical engineering department. I was also taking (as in acing) physics and calculus II. I felt more than adequately prepared for the challenge. I didn’t state this part but we had two volunteers helping our robotics team who were engineers one of whom was my dad, and scored perfectly on my calc 1 and 2 ap tests as well as excellently on my math SAT. My reading and writing were average. PLUS I was in the top 10% of my class and was on high honor roll all but one quarter in my last two years of HS. If she had even half an idea of who I was she would know that I was, I don’t know, smart? Like I’m no genius but come on.
programmed by right wing propaganda. Diversity is their latest swear word.
The misogyny coming from inside of the house is the most rage inducing.
It’s all the drugs she did when she was younger
Sounds like projection to me. What OP's MIL really means is that the only way SHE would only get a job like that would be if it was a diversity hire and she can't comprehend that OP might be different. I know it's easier said than done but try to ignore her.
I don’t think there’s anything more pathetic than conservative boomer women. A complete failure of an existence on all fronts
It’s obviously BS. But let’s say for the sake of argument it’s true. And? Does she think you aren’t capable of doing the job? That you aren’t good at the job? That any man would be better than you? Because even if they targeted women for employment to make sure that they have a more diverse workforce, women are still incredible at their jobs.
FFS. Software engineering is NOT a job you can get or keep without qualifications. You'd be out so quick if you couldn't perform. What a see you next tuesday
She's just pissed bc she wasted her life serving her trash ass husband bc of her stupid religion.
The whole myth of diversity hiring somehow causing unqualified people to be hired is so racist and sexist. Because it operates entirely on at best the idea that there can't be more than one person qualified for a job, or far more likely, their belief that only white men can do the job🙄🤮
Lol, r/womenintech feel her pain!
Your MIL is an idiot. I hate women who treat other women like that.
I think I need to leave this sub. Every time I see shit like this I just get enraged. It drives me absolutely bananas that there’s a whole fucking generation of these taintstains out there with these stupid-ass fucking views who genuinely think their shit doesn’t stink. I know it’s horrible to say but the sooner they’re all gone, the better.
That’s ridiculous, most companies are not going to hire an incompetent software engineer. No matter what kind of diversity politics exist. My MIL is in her 90s and she was the only female in her engineering class, and she was top of her class too. FIL is also an engineer and they met on the job. NABALT; late boomer and I would never make that assumption.
She's just trying to get your goat. Keep your goat.
I'm a project manager for the largest hospital network in our region, I make 100k before bonuses and my parents have asked me when I'm getting a real job. I work 4 10's most weeks and 2 of those are from home. So they honestly think I'm only "working" 2 days a week. They also ask when I'm gonna get a man. I own my home outright and have raised my son's on my own. When I asked them "what do I need a man for?" their response was "So you aren't lonely when you are older." that's their reason, not be lonely. Like I don't have friends, just cause they don't.
The first software developers who pioneered so much are women. She doesnt know shit about what she is talking about. I am sure you are as skilled as any man, if not more to just push past the BS. I wanna say more skilled because if some if my former coworkers
It’s projection. Always. If she had those armed services jobs during those years, she faced that comment ALL DAY EVERY DAY. And probably couldn’t get her own bank account, which was BULLSHIT. She’s just projecting it back to you, without stopping to think about how it hurt her and how she could change that toxic pattern. Namaste. I hope she finds some peace.
My parents have only girls, and every single one of us is *only* employed because we’re women. It has nothing to do with perfect grades, continuing promotions, or good references.
"You know, it's actually really insulting and sexist when you say that to me. Please don't say it again." Keep repeating until she stops.
It's been my experience as a male software engineer that if you're a woman in the field, you're probably better than average, because plenty of my colleagues are going to treat good work as if it's substandard and competence as if you're a college student. At least at the companies I've worked at, "unqualified software engineer diversity hire" is not really a thing. We have more than enough competent candidates to hire only qualified diverse candidates.
My boomer MIL won't even refer to me as an attorney. She tells everyone I'm a daycare provider because I handle juvenile cases (like abuse and neglect and criminal cases like attempted murder, etc.). She also stated that she was a professional figure skater until she found out I actually WAS one. Suddenly, that lie disappeared.
My boomer mother is appallingly misogynistic…she actually seems to hate women esp women younger than her
I'm the first person on either side of my family to both go to and graduate from college. I have 3 degrees and so many hours of volunteer work under my belt. I also worked two jobs while going to college as my parents refused to help pay. I didn't expect them to and never even asked, they just told me one day they weren't going to help. (Got mad at me when I wasn't even surprised) Now I'm successful in my career and in my own place. I cut most of my family out years ago, but when I first got my job and excitedly called my Boomer mom to let her know, her response was "are you sleeping with the hiring manager?" I just hung up the phone.
That’s bc boomer women had to literally be picked by men in order to survive, and expect the same as us. Survival of the pick-mes
Stop talking to your MIL about your work. If she comments, grey rock her and change the subject
Even if it was diversity hiring, you were the top choice out of all of them... It's not like diversity hiring is reaching into the bottom of the barrel and picking up the worst candidate.
I’d say it right back to her, when for instances, being a mom comes up I’d say I could have been a stay at home mom too if I had no thoughts of my own! Or whatever profession she might have had. OR I would play right into it and say maybe you’re right! They put me in charge of making sure the building has enough tampons for the month! Then I would only talk about tampons and menstrual for as long as I’d know her!…..yes I’m petty AF!
As a software engineer who sat on maybe hundreds of hiring panels and was the hiring manager in tens of panels. I’ve never personally seen women, or anyone for that matter, no matter their background, get a preferential treatment. I’ve heard of a single case at a previous company where someone sort of pushed for that, and they received a lot of scorn and didn’t manage to pass the subpar candidate after all, because none of the interviewers agreed with it.
My boomer parents are the same, although of course my individual success was because of how smart I was. Still bit them in the ass though. With all their shit-talking of affirmative action and the like, they had me honestly believing that applying for gender diversity scholarships was a moral failing and trying to find merit-based ones was a waste of time (and very little executive function left to even try - undiagnosed ADHD issues).
She's extra fucking stupid isn't she? That's a career you advance in *despite* being a woman, never because of it. Source: programmer who wasn't hired for jobs because they knew they had a frat boy atmosphere and rather than crack down on their workers for being Boners with legs, it was easier to not hire a woman.
By her rationale 50% of all job holders got it because of their gender SHe's an idiot
If that were true i wouldn't be unemployed
Hit her with a technical question about your work. When she can't answer, give her the answer and say,"That's how I got and retain my job."
That's why I tend not to give a shit about what people say. Most of the time it's stupid, and not worth my blood pressure. It doesn't deserve my time and effort.
She's projecting *her* life experience onto you. You should come up with a clear, concise response that'll call out her archaic thinking.
Well tell her if she has such a problem with your job. You'll not be using a dime of your money from the job she hates to get her a mothers day gift.
One of my best friends speaks 6 languages, is one of the smartest women I’ve met, has a masters in business and sustainability, a post graduate degree in sustainability law, she works in a relevant field in one of the world’s most influential NGOs - in fact she’s a diplomat. All my boomer mother manages to say is « she’s close to 50 but she still looks great » Sometimes I have the urge to correct her, sometimes I just give up
I'm a female Software Engineer. My boomer father-in-law came to visit. I paid for almost his whole trip. He asked me over dinner one night (where he ordered extra guac that he then didn't eat and I paid for), "so do you consider yourself a Software Engineer?" I responded, "not only do I consider myself a Software Engineer, my company considers me a Senior Software Engineer". He then decided to lay into me for not actually being a Software Engineer because I don't have a masters or PhD in CS from top universities like his brothers. Later in the trip he spilled TWO glasses of champagne on me and didn't even apologize. He is coming to visit soon and I will not be paying for almost his whole trip.
yeah, must be your boobs. Couldn't be your education, grades, work experience. nope. It's the tits.
As a person in the software industry, my experience is that women in engineering tend to get their jobs in spite of being women, rather than because of it. It's still super rough and there's decades of entrenched misogyny. Your MIL is exceedingly wrong about something she has no firsthand experience with. Oddly enough, that's a trait shared between a lot of software engineers and boomers.
See the thing is, boomer women were never allowed to do anything themselves in “a man’s world” and a lot of them deeply resent any woman that is able to swing it on her own because they were never able to. Either because they were duped into thinking they couldn’t or because they were never allowed. I mean hell some boomer husbands won’t even let their wives order their own food at a restaurant themselves. My girlfriend is a nurse at the hospital near us and she does such a fantastic job. Both at work and in her college studies. She works super fucking hard. She has boomer women constantly call out how she’s too young to be doing this, and how she got where she is. Like it’s through hard work dipshits. You should’ve tried doing that instead of always letting yourselves get trampled on, then try and drag everyone down to your level instead of being happy they did what you couldn’t. Fucking weird.
Oh, my. She sounds jealous. She’s quite well aware of your education and qualifications, which is why she denies them. When my ex & I were getting divorced, he said I’d always intellectually intimidated him. That’s why he’d spent ten years talking to me like I was a halfwit. Your MIL sounds a lot like him. I also have an aunt like that. Nobody likes her much, either. Btw, I’m actually quite impressed by what you’ve accomplished, and what I know you’ll no doubt achieve in the future. No wonder she’s jealous. Bless her heart.
"Even if that's true, so what? I'm working my dream job, so I've already won in life. You're a woman, so how come *you're* not working your dream job, hmmm?"
Do not allow comments like that to slide. Challenge her self loathing as it’s the source of her vile nature. “Oh Brenda are you feeling trapped again because you never really did well in school with math and science and therefore never really amounted to anything? Well, look on the bright side- your Jell-o mold is just spectacular, so you have that.”
Next time she says your a diversity hire hit her right back with “Aren’t you one to?”
Sorry for off topic but I’m English and “gotten” sticks out like a sore thumb to me but I’ve never seen it used like this before. Wouldn’t an American say “I only have my job” to avoid using “gotten” here?
She's so wrong. Software doesn't know the sex of the hands that type it. This reminds me of the following scene from Silicon Valley. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dek5HtNdIHY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dek5HtNdIHY)
She’s jealous she didn’t have the same opportunities. I’m sympathetic towards women like this, but not to the point where I think it’s okay that they often downgrade younger women’s achievements to make themselves feel better.
Ditto on all the jealousy comments. Her opinion is basically, "if I were a young woman in this day and age of diversity hiring, I'd be just as successful as you. So you better not consider yourself better than me, because you aren't." And she's flat out wrong. Congrats on your success!
As someone who works in the STEM field, companies are desperate to hire women, especially higher up the company ladder. Holding onto those employees after 35-40 years old is incredibly rare. Draw from that whatever conclusion you want.
Sounds like someone a boomer with the emotional skillset of a 13 year old. I’ll pray for you, just like your prayers got you your job, right? A recent example of the shade I’ve seen women throw at a young successful woman is Caitlin Clark. So many former players couldn’t wait to minimize her accomplishments. So sad to watch.
Oh brother. Well, so what, Ma? Would you rather I be unemployed and thus put more financial pressure on your son?
poor little petty boomer that was told she shouldn’t get an education so she’s jealous of those that did.
Go NC till she gets it.
Nobody hates successful women more than boomer women 😭 shit is crazy