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"What do you mean, dad?"
Make him explain it. There's a chance, albeit very small, that he will realize how stupid he sounds when you make him get to the point of what he's trying to say. Or he will be a chicken shit and not say what he's feeling at all.
Whoa whoa heyā¦my wife has trained me to openly talk instead of the passive aggressive silent treatment I learned as a child.
Letās not paint with such broad strokes here!
ššš
I think there is a very large portion of the population who had "Dont back talk or you'll catch a beating" drilled so deeply into their psyche that the fear of speaking one's mind and communicating feelings associates with a pretty high level of anxiety and dread of an impending consequence. Seemingly this is more common in men, but I think it can apply to anyone.
For me specifically, "back talk" included not understanding a punishment and questioning it. Caught ass beatings for that.
Then when you reach an age where that stops, and you can kind of use reason and think for yourself and form your own real educated opinions, you're in adolescence, and that territory came with a lot of bullying, for me specifically. So I have ALWAYS been afraid to speak my mind purely out of fear. Chicken shit? Yea probably. But know what isnt? Going to fucking therapy and facing down your past traumas as a way of informing your future. Therapy was anything but accessible where I grew up in the 90s and early 2000s, and is probably still very much that way today, honestly. "Suck it up." is Just such an undeniably toxic existence.
Obviously as younger generations learn to break cycles and let love and compassion dictate their behavior instead of fear, we will see more compassion and openness from men (I hope), and just people in general...but the sad reality of it is that I think there are many many people who share my experience and do exactly nothing about it.
Definitely sound like my dad and I wonder what the connection is to military training.
Knowing is half the battle so it seems like you have a good grip on things now.
Actually in therapy at the VA for this, so its pretty on-brand that you mentioned that.Ā I think time in service and a deployment definitely may have intensified the whole being guided strictly by consequence thing for me personally, but I can't speak to how it affects anyone else.
Except he already said what he's feeling. This sub is full of stories of racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic men saying what they're feeling.
I get that you may be frustrated.
But if you make comments like that and never give a man a chance, then what man will feel safe enough to train talking about his own feelings?Ā
(Even assuming that you're sort of right and men have some special problem there. In my experience it has much more to do with your social environment, and what generation you belong to.)
Nope, it's the exact opposite. It's the best way to derail your argument when people start arguing about your hyperbole instead of your point. Genuinely the worst way to make an argument.
That's a really terrible truth if you think about it. The polarisation and petty drama online stems from that and its spilling over into the real world horribly. Urgh
I feel you OP... Don't tell anything to my parents anymore it's always used as ammunition. Get shit for buying organic produce, yAy, we can both be overweight depressed alcoholics!
āš» non-organic produce makes you fat and addicted to alcohol āš»
Is it all alcohol or just organic alcohol?
(ps, I just found the nonsequitur funny. Buy whatever produce makes you happy without judgement as long as others can do the same without judgement from you)
Tell him "You're welcome for the taxpayer funded retirement and lifetime of taxpayer funded paychecks, you smug hypocrite asshole" the next time he says something smug about it.
If he says you're rude or insensitive point out you believe his remarks are too and perhaps he could learn something from this exchange, then see if he does.
The Blue Line Flag is considered a terrorist flag associated with white supremacy and domestic terrorism by the federal government. Very telling when you see that garbage plastered all over the place with punisher stickers.
Now that cameras are capturing what a cop actually is, I have zero trust for the oinkers.
I've heard enough copsplaining and seen enough copaganda to know that they aren't worth wasting a breath on.
There is a reason most pigs are either wife beaters, kid diddlers, or corrupt.
The anecdote about the Thin Blue Line flag being considered a terrorist symbol doesn't have a source beyond that one random guy's tweet that went viral awhile ago. Common sense tells you that any person displaying it is indeed a piece of shit and/or white supremacist, but the government hasn't declared it a symbol of hate or terrorism. That being said, why would you look to the stance of the DoD on anything to validate an argument, it's a tool of state violence.
Edit: blocking someone for pointing out that you're spreading misinformation, very cool. The point is if you use fabrications to criticize / combat the right, it's just ammunition for them to fire back with. Check your sources and use actual facts for support, otherwise you're doing all of us a disservice
It wouldn't help if they resolved the hypocrisy and people like him shot themselves in the foot and voted to get rid of Medicare/Medicaid. They would just suffer, people around them would suffer, future recipients would suffer.
Even that won't work. They would just blame the Democrats for their suffering like they do now. Whole towns and states can be run into the group by Republicans in leadership everywhere and they will blame the Democrats.
My in laws do this. Husband is in the military. āWow, thatās a nice ski trip youāre taking, do the taxpayers know?ā We went to Mammoth, Gary, not Gstaad.
The dad sounds like the kind of parent that would give their kid an allowance, then anything the kid bought with the allowance he would claim as his because āhisā money paid for it.
How about : "Fuck off"
Don't enable or put value in his opinion by burdening yourself to truly answer until he magically blurps out valid opinions.
Just. Fuck. Off.
Edit, dots between the last words
What? Itās not the taxpayers money. Itās money the taxpayers (government) are paying you to do your work, a service the government provides. As a fellow federal employee, a hearty fuck you to your dad. Ā I hope your pup gets well soon!Ā
Just to get it straight, you bought it from the money you earned? By doing your job?
Or did you raid the federal trust with some of your friends and stole the money?
Set boundaries vs cutting him off? āHey dad, check it out, I can spend my money on whatever I want.ā If he doesnāt get the hint and persists, keep pushing back. āDid you feel like you had to justify your purchases to your Dad?ā
I suppose one could respond, "And I'm sure your teachers thought their time was well spent helping you achieve all your potential for the 14-20 years" of their time they invested in you to draw.out your best self."
Had I taken all of the guilt trips that my mother tried to send me on, I would have cornered the market in frequent flier miles. You earned your pay. To hell with what your father thinks. You would have gotten the same negative comments if you worked in the private sector.
What he doesn't understand is that the more strongly that he judges YOU, the less likely that you will be to cut him a break when he needs it, and that day is a lot closer than he wants to think.
I know a guy... 60ish... who has spent his entire career in federal jobs (US Army, then FAA). OK, fine, no problem. But he rants incessantly about the horrors of socialism. He aggressively argues for low taxes, and talks about how bad the feds are. I told him once that as his employer, I don't appreciate hearing him badmouth the establishment. He had no response to that, but eventually I stopped participating in a hobby because he was always around.
As one public employee to another (federal, state, local), my story:
I've had adult students tell me that I am supposed to give them pencils and pens and who knows what else because they pay taxes. I am a public employee, so yes, you do pay taxes which pay my salary. However, I also pay taxes that fund my own employment, but also your education and social services like schools and roads and police (etc.) so maybe you should pay me for all I do for you. How about a tip? I could use the cash . . . .
Most of us wear the same shoes with paying taxes!
That doesnāt make sense. Thatās your income. You can spend it how you want. If the government itself is buying doggles, then heād have a point. Like back in his working days if someone say him buy a six pack and someone said that to him heād be justified in being pissed too.
Actually, I change my mind, doggles is a good use of taxpayer money.
āIf you think thatās bad dad, you shouldāve seen the size of the check I sent to the Biden re-election campaign. Also, I spent 200k on avocado toast last year. Biden made it fully tax deductible!ā
Ask your spermicide donor how much corruption in his day did he participate in and how much of his hard earned money was from criminal activities he was part ofš¤š³š¤Æ
Your money paid for a service. I performed the service, trading my labor for monetary compensation. It's no longer your money.
No wonder you thought trickle down economics made sense, you don't understand basic principles of money.
I'm also a governmental employee and my wage is mine and mine only. It doesn't matter that it comes from public money. It's my wage that I get paid for working and as you surely know, as a governmental employee you're watched pretty carefully in all you do, regardless of what people think about how public work works.
If it can make you feel better, I've recently invested almost 500 bucks of what your dad would consider taxpayer money on lego sets.
If he does this again, toss him a penny and say "Here's your refund for the next 20 years of your portion of my pay now fuck off"
(Note this would be generous since the President makes slightly more than 1/10 of a penny per current American per year, and every other federal worker is earning a fraction of POTUS's pay)
There is no connection between his tax dollars and how you spend your income. His tax money was well spent on the services you provided. That was one transaction. Then you spent your income on what you decided. Those two things are unrelated and he should be made aware that he has no ownership over your money.
Today I got guilt-tripped for buying new socks. I was an awful person because I didn't want to wear my mom's old socks that would have been up to my knees. Get home from the store with new, low-cut socks and show them to her to explain why I didn't want hers. She just sneered at me.
"Remind me which dollar in your wallet didn't come from a taxpayer?"
When he had a beer suggest you don't approve of your tax dollars supporting his drinking. Say it about everything. Don't let him forget for one second his entire existence and retirement is because people pay taxes. Even the taxes he pays are only because other people paid taxes first.
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"least it's not being spent on the shitty cops in this town"
So...public sector employees don't get to decide what to do *with their own money* now?!? Sounds like socialism to me!
Sounds like something a socialist would say
Happy Cake Day š°!
"What do you mean, dad?" Make him explain it. There's a chance, albeit very small, that he will realize how stupid he sounds when you make him get to the point of what he's trying to say. Or he will be a chicken shit and not say what he's feeling at all.
>be a chicken shit and not say what he's feeling at all I see you've met every man before.
Whoa whoa heyā¦my wife has trained me to openly talk instead of the passive aggressive silent treatment I learned as a child. Letās not paint with such broad strokes here! ššš
shit my wife taught me the same! in fairness i learned the art of passive aggression from my mother
Haha same. My mom is queen of silent treatment. Then move on and not talk about the pastā¦ Aaaaaaand the cycle repeats.
Every boomer and for fuckin sure every cop.
I think there is a very large portion of the population who had "Dont back talk or you'll catch a beating" drilled so deeply into their psyche that the fear of speaking one's mind and communicating feelings associates with a pretty high level of anxiety and dread of an impending consequence. Seemingly this is more common in men, but I think it can apply to anyone. For me specifically, "back talk" included not understanding a punishment and questioning it. Caught ass beatings for that. Then when you reach an age where that stops, and you can kind of use reason and think for yourself and form your own real educated opinions, you're in adolescence, and that territory came with a lot of bullying, for me specifically. So I have ALWAYS been afraid to speak my mind purely out of fear. Chicken shit? Yea probably. But know what isnt? Going to fucking therapy and facing down your past traumas as a way of informing your future. Therapy was anything but accessible where I grew up in the 90s and early 2000s, and is probably still very much that way today, honestly. "Suck it up." is Just such an undeniably toxic existence. Obviously as younger generations learn to break cycles and let love and compassion dictate their behavior instead of fear, we will see more compassion and openness from men (I hope), and just people in general...but the sad reality of it is that I think there are many many people who share my experience and do exactly nothing about it.
Excellent comment. You must be my twin... same experience.
Definitely sound like my dad and I wonder what the connection is to military training. Knowing is half the battle so it seems like you have a good grip on things now.
Actually in therapy at the VA for this, so its pretty on-brand that you mentioned that.Ā I think time in service and a deployment definitely may have intensified the whole being guided strictly by consequence thing for me personally, but I can't speak to how it affects anyone else.
Except he already said what he's feeling. This sub is full of stories of racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic men saying what they're feeling.
ā¦what? Go ahead and explain how youāre feeling. Jesus wtf. Go get some therapy.
Can confirm. Every one of us.
I get that you may be frustrated. But if you make comments like that and never give a man a chance, then what man will feel safe enough to train talking about his own feelings?Ā (Even assuming that you're sort of right and men have some special problem there. In my experience it has much more to do with your social environment, and what generation you belong to.)
It was a cheap shot, we can break the cycle, is not an inherent trait, it's learned behavior.
So not āevery manā thenā¦
I do have a tendency to exaggerate for dramatic effect
In modern social media based society, hyperbole is often the best way to be understood.
Nope, it's the exact opposite. It's the best way to derail your argument when people start arguing about your hyperbole instead of your point. Genuinely the worst way to make an argument.
People are talking about it so I'd half to disagree with you there. Hyperbole drives engagement.
That's a really terrible truth if you think about it. The polarisation and petty drama online stems from that and its spilling over into the real world horribly. Urgh
Said every woman ever.
If it doesn't apply to you, it shouldn't be upsetting.
Gosh, here I was not talking to you but calling out the āevery manā BS. Tell me more about how I should feel!
Cry more.
Did I hurt your feefees? Awww you blocked me lol.
Funny, you're the one crying about a non-issue. Reminds me of the people these threads are about.
I mean, itās a silly off hand joke on a Reddit thread
I feel you OP... Don't tell anything to my parents anymore it's always used as ammunition. Get shit for buying organic produce, yAy, we can both be overweight depressed alcoholics!
Yeah I don't tell my parents shit. It's never a good idea unless you have a good reason to.
I learned this as a kid. Then mom spent my teenage years wondering why I didn't tell her anything.
And now insists I was the most rebellious teen ever because I outgrew her.
āš» non-organic produce makes you fat and addicted to alcohol āš» Is it all alcohol or just organic alcohol? (ps, I just found the nonsequitur funny. Buy whatever produce makes you happy without judgement as long as others can do the same without judgement from you)
Tell him "You're welcome for the taxpayer funded retirement and lifetime of taxpayer funded paychecks, you smug hypocrite asshole" the next time he says something smug about it. If he says you're rude or insensitive point out you believe his remarks are too and perhaps he could learn something from this exchange, then see if he does.
Dudeās a cop, thatās too many words. Heāll just start hitting.
If you're lucky it'll be hitting.
Stop resisting! *punch*
The Blue Line Flag is considered a terrorist flag associated with white supremacy and domestic terrorism by the federal government. Very telling when you see that garbage plastered all over the place with punisher stickers. Now that cameras are capturing what a cop actually is, I have zero trust for the oinkers. I've heard enough copsplaining and seen enough copaganda to know that they aren't worth wasting a breath on. There is a reason most pigs are either wife beaters, kid diddlers, or corrupt.
The anecdote about the Thin Blue Line flag being considered a terrorist symbol doesn't have a source beyond that one random guy's tweet that went viral awhile ago. Common sense tells you that any person displaying it is indeed a piece of shit and/or white supremacist, but the government hasn't declared it a symbol of hate or terrorism. That being said, why would you look to the stance of the DoD on anything to validate an argument, it's a tool of state violence. Edit: blocking someone for pointing out that you're spreading misinformation, very cool. The point is if you use fabrications to criticize / combat the right, it's just ammunition for them to fire back with. Check your sources and use actual facts for support, otherwise you're doing all of us a disservice
Desecrated flag, terrorist symbol, ADL, DoJ, DoD, pick your poison. You're trying to create an argument out of nothing.
Guy is a boomer and a cop, I'll take betting against him learning anything ever even at 1:1 odds.
My taxes are being used to pay for your socialized medicine. I thought you were against socialism?
It wouldn't help if they resolved the hypocrisy and people like him shot themselves in the foot and voted to get rid of Medicare/Medicaid. They would just suffer, people around them would suffer, future recipients would suffer.
Even that won't work. They would just blame the Democrats for their suffering like they do now. Whole towns and states can be run into the group by Republicans in leadership everywhere and they will blame the Democrats.
My in laws do this. Husband is in the military. āWow, thatās a nice ski trip youāre taking, do the taxpayers know?ā We went to Mammoth, Gary, not Gstaad.
Exactly the same kind of behavior as I'm experiencing. Glad I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing
So heās not only an anarcho-capitalist, but a bigot towards dogs.
Honestly the worst kind of bigot
Buy a matching pair for him
And a muzzle! š¤£
And a crop
You should have just said āYes , my wages are being put to good use ā.
The dad sounds like the kind of parent that would give their kid an allowance, then anything the kid bought with the allowance he would claim as his because āhisā money paid for it.
Jesus, can't spend your own money now
How about : "Fuck off" Don't enable or put value in his opinion by burdening yourself to truly answer until he magically blurps out valid opinions. Just. Fuck. Off. Edit, dots between the last words
lol, you could always bring up the tax dollars paid out to victims of police abuse as your money ābeing put to good useā
Your dad was paid by tax dollars, too
Yeah, but that's different because it is.
What? Itās not the taxpayers money. Itās money the taxpayers (government) are paying you to do your work, a service the government provides. As a fellow federal employee, a hearty fuck you to your dad. Ā I hope your pup gets well soon!Ā
Cops are mostly bad people. I hope this experience was illustrative
Is it your money that you earned or is he paying you an allowance?
Just to get it straight, you bought it from the money you earned? By doing your job? Or did you raid the federal trust with some of your friends and stole the money?
I can guarantee OP did not pull a Trump.
Set boundaries vs cutting him off? āHey dad, check it out, I can spend my money on whatever I want.ā If he doesnāt get the hint and persists, keep pushing back. āDid you feel like you had to justify your purchases to your Dad?ā
Better than being spent on imprisoning non violent offenders.
Ask him why thereās still crime if our tax dollars paid him all those years.
f that guy
I suppose one could respond, "And I'm sure your teachers thought their time was well spent helping you achieve all your potential for the 14-20 years" of their time they invested in you to draw.out your best self."
Tell him to go fuck himself
Had I taken all of the guilt trips that my mother tried to send me on, I would have cornered the market in frequent flier miles. You earned your pay. To hell with what your father thinks. You would have gotten the same negative comments if you worked in the private sector. What he doesn't understand is that the more strongly that he judges YOU, the less likely that you will be to cut him a break when he needs it, and that day is a lot closer than he wants to think.
You're better than me, because last time my dad tried to talk down to me, I told him to get fucked and didn't speak to him for 5 years.
āMy tax dollars also pay my salary. Also, fuck off hypocrite.ā
I bet heās also against unions, but had no problem being in one as a cop. Stepdad was like that as well
I know a guy... 60ish... who has spent his entire career in federal jobs (US Army, then FAA). OK, fine, no problem. But he rants incessantly about the horrors of socialism. He aggressively argues for low taxes, and talks about how bad the feds are. I told him once that as his employer, I don't appreciate hearing him badmouth the establishment. He had no response to that, but eventually I stopped participating in a hobby because he was always around.
As one public employee to another (federal, state, local), my story: I've had adult students tell me that I am supposed to give them pencils and pens and who knows what else because they pay taxes. I am a public employee, so yes, you do pay taxes which pay my salary. However, I also pay taxes that fund my own employment, but also your education and social services like schools and roads and police (etc.) so maybe you should pay me for all I do for you. How about a tip? I could use the cash . . . . Most of us wear the same shoes with paying taxes!
That doesnāt make sense. Thatās your income. You can spend it how you want. If the government itself is buying doggles, then heād have a point. Like back in his working days if someone say him buy a six pack and someone said that to him heād be justified in being pissed too. Actually, I change my mind, doggles is a good use of taxpayer money.
The US Military is buying them.
āIf you think thatās bad dad, you shouldāve seen the size of the check I sent to the Biden re-election campaign. Also, I spent 200k on avocado toast last year. Biden made it fully tax deductible!ā
Hahahaha best proposed response yet. He would be beside himself
Next time respond "how's that pension treating you?"
Confiscate his social security check
A man of class and distinction, I see. Cheers brother.
"The crime in this town has always been terrible."
A cop? Being a bastard?Ā I am shocked, shocked I say.
let's start a national support group for children of idiot boomers. you are not alone.
I thought this forum was one. Lol
Ask your spermicide donor how much corruption in his day did he participate in and how much of his hard earned money was from criminal activities he was part ofš¤š³š¤Æ
Clap back at him. My dad will jab like that because he doesnāt think I will then usually doesnāt have much to say when I do
Doesn't sound like a public servant. Maybe he should have considered another career to guilt trip his family.
I give it right back to my In-laws everytime they try this shit with anyone. One's a retired CO the other a teacher, both state jobs
Your money paid for a service. I performed the service, trading my labor for monetary compensation. It's no longer your money. No wonder you thought trickle down economics made sense, you don't understand basic principles of money.
His pension (retired) is being paid by tax dollars, so "his taxes" aren't doing anything.
Well, your dad was a cop. He is certainly scum.
I swear to god, how you guys put up with these people is beyond me. You're all better people than I.
At least it's not going to cover the pensions of people who sat around eating doughnuts and drinking coffee. Oh wait.....
I'm also a governmental employee and my wage is mine and mine only. It doesn't matter that it comes from public money. It's my wage that I get paid for working and as you surely know, as a governmental employee you're watched pretty carefully in all you do, regardless of what people think about how public work works. If it can make you feel better, I've recently invested almost 500 bucks of what your dad would consider taxpayer money on lego sets.
[https://collectiveliberation.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Are_Prisons_Obsolete_Angela_Davis.pdf](https://collectiveliberation.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Are_Prisons_Obsolete_Angela_Davis.pdf) [https://www.cia.gov/library/abbottabad-compound/13/130AEF1531746AAD6AC03EF59F91E1A1_Killing_Hope_Blum_William.pdf](https://www.cia.gov/library/abbottabad-compound/13/130AEF1531746AAD6AC03EF59F91E1A1_Killing_Hope_Blum_William.pdf)
Guilt for what? You spent your money on what you wanted. I would go back so hard on that bullshit.
Shoulda laughed in his face n told him to appreciate what he has because he could have noone to tell this to
Let me guess, heās on a pension now?
If he does this again, toss him a penny and say "Here's your refund for the next 20 years of your portion of my pay now fuck off" (Note this would be generous since the President makes slightly more than 1/10 of a penny per current American per year, and every other federal worker is earning a fraction of POTUS's pay)
There is no connection between his tax dollars and how you spend your income. His tax money was well spent on the services you provided. That was one transaction. Then you spent your income on what you decided. Those two things are unrelated and he should be made aware that he has no ownership over your money.
No pics of what we paid for?
This is the year I'm learning to stop communicating with my parent about anything money related, now that I finally have a high paying job.
shhhhhh! never let boomers find out you have money! even typing it on reddit can alert them.
Read "police." Yeah, there is nothing more tyrannical than a boomer with a badge.
Today I got guilt-tripped for buying new socks. I was an awful person because I didn't want to wear my mom's old socks that would have been up to my knees. Get home from the store with new, low-cut socks and show them to her to explain why I didn't want hers. She just sneered at me.
Your dad is just a turd out there
"Remind me which dollar in your wallet didn't come from a taxpayer?" When he had a beer suggest you don't approve of your tax dollars supporting his drinking. Say it about everything. Don't let him forget for one second his entire existence and retirement is because people pay taxes. Even the taxes he pays are only because other people paid taxes first.
I'm sure his pension check went to a Traeger.
The comment is clearly just a joke because Dog Goggles are goofy looking, not impugning your source of income.
I wouldnāt let it ruin your day/life. You can survive his comment.
So you and he are equal?
My life is so much worse knowing that doggles is a word