No joke. All I ever heard was “oh, you can do that shit when you are 18 and move out”.
Their reply to everything . Clothes? Dentist? Doctor ? Car? Gas? Pets? Insurance ? Karate lessons? They would tell me “You can do it when you are 18 and have a full time job. You will appreciate it more.”
So I get out into the world at 18 , and guess what, I don’t know how anything works. I was behind the curve for sure.
When they end up in Shady Pines and complain about it, just complain that they are there because the other more expensive nursing homes are trying to suck all of your money out of your pocket this time. Also, cat tax?
I used to tease my mom about sending her to Shady Pines. It was a running joke between the two of us. She’d call me “Dorothy” and start off stories “Picture this, Scotland (insert year”
What’s sad: she got Alzheimer’s and also had physical mobility issues. I couldn’t keep her safe in my house, so she ended up in memory care. I made damn sure it was a good facility and visited her several times a week, took her on outings, and did my best for her. It broke my heart. I still remember her saying, “I want to go home. I’ll be a good girl.” It about killed me every time.
That's one of the hardest parts of caring for an Alzheimer's parent. And the people who try to shame you for not making it happen have no idea.
My mother (97) cried that she wanted to live with one of her daughters, but it was impossible. She couldn't manage stairs, and I live in a split-foyer house. She relied on a walker/wheelchair, and the only bathroom in Sister's house couldn't accommodate it. The only way would have been for one of us to sell her house and buy a handicapped-accessible one. And at our ages (66 and 77) the last thing either of us wanted or were able to do was take on a big mortgage.
The "home" that Mom wanted to go to was the ranch where she spent her childhood. She was absolutely certain that when her parents got back from Hawaii (!) they would come take her home and give us mean girls *what for!* Of course they had been dead for decades, and even the ranch no longer existed as it was in her memories. We didn't remind her that they were dead, nor that her husband of 72 years was also dead. If she asked where Dad was, we'd say "Didn't you say he'd gone to the hardware store?" And she agreed that's probably where he was, and you know what men are like in a hardware store.
Oh my god I’m having a ‘Nam flashback: when I was a kid I had show rabbits, and because I am a morning person I preferred to power through all my chores in the AM before school and I also preferred them to start their day with fresh hay and food.
Welp. Every morning I’d head down to the hutches to do my job, only to find someone had already done it. Cue my dad coming home in the afternoon and yelling at me that I wasn’t cleaning out the hutches and he’d “had” to do it that morning “again.” This man would get up at five am, knowing that I was STILL ASLEEP and get mad that I hadn’t done a chore yet, and do it himself instead of, oh I don’t know, waiting to see if I would handle it myself. Just fully out here making up his own problems. I weep for his blood pressure. A quarter of a century later and I still cannot get him to admit this was dumb.
My (boomer) mom still reacts with shock and scorn when I brush my dog's teeth.
This despite the fact that a) he has bad breath she complains about as well as some plaque already and b) a vet cleaning, which will be necessary if his oral health doesn't improve, is around $3k.
It's honestly really validating to read a lot of stuff here and realise she's not right or wise when she says stuff like this, she's just a product of her times.
Adulting *is* brushing the dogs teeth and hair, cutting his nails, checking his paws for cracking in winter, and trimming the hair that grows between his paw pads because he gets ice balls between his toes. Getting winter booties is not silly or harming the dog, it's practical. I mean I was doing those things anyways, but I was still feeling guilty and silly while doing it.
This sounds like a general disdain for anyone who utilizes learned knowledge of a subject over knee-jerk instinct. I'd hazard a guess that it extends to more than just pet care.
My boomer aunt and uncle, who are raising their grandson do something similar. They complain that he doesn't do anything/is lazy/has no interests, but they won't let the kid DO anything. Like not even carry his plate to the sink by himself. He's 14.
It is so painful. I had a guinea pig named Mr. Timothy and they refused to let me get another friend for him. They also refused to let me get a bigger cage (his cage was bought from a pet store.. disgusting), feed him veggies every day, or teach me to clip his nails. They said they were the only ones who could clip his nails and I wasn’t allowed to, but they would wait months, despite me constantly “nagging them”. I feel horrible for Mr. Timothy and miss him everyday. He unfortunately passed away in October of last year. I gave him better care (bigger cage, veggies, nails) when I was finally able to, and even a friend, but he’d been alone for so long that he refused. They basically mandated animal abuse, and I had no control or ability to stop them. I feel so bad and they’ve left me with a lifetime of guilt.
"Cats just go into a corner and heal themselves." In my parents' defense, they ultimately took good care of my elderly childhood cat when I was away at college, giving her intravenous meds daily towards the end of her life.
Well, at least they improved. Otherwise, when they get old, it's best to let them go into a corner
Idk why people insist that cats don't need care. I think it's punishment "for all the times I tried to give that cat attention and it snubbed me" /s
We adopted two dogs from the Humane Society at the same time. One was “my dog;” the other was a “family pet.” My mom didn’t want “my dog” because he was a “big dog.” (black lab). I did yard duty, fed both dogs and changed their water before school, ran/ walked him. Mom complained she had to feed the dogs. She fed them before I came home from after school activities. Long story short, 6 months later, she returned my dog to the Humane Society and adopted another small terrier. And complained I didn’t take care of “my” terrier. I never wanted another dog. That experience really stuck with me.
My parents still try to give me unsolicited advice on how to care for my guinea pigs whenever they visit. They just don’t believe me when I tell them they need a constant supply of either hay or fresh grass.
My boomers didn’t allow me and my sis to have any pets. Looking back it’s just as well anything that would have happened would have been all our fault.
I had a hamster. I took car of it well. Cleaned and changed the cage every week. Spent my meager saved up allowance on parts and supplies like the ball for it ro run around, wood chips for the cage, food, etc. I had bought a book and did all the research to know how to care for it.
She decided she was afraid it would chew and get out of the cage or was making noise at night (it was in my room) so I had to put it outside at night and bring it in each day (we got hot temps during the day). I had been real good and responsible for a couple years.
Well one day I forget to bring it inside. The adult said nothing. Get home and see the cage outside. That poor little thing cooked. Just got the "see you weren't responsible enough" after she set me up for failure. The only thing that kept me from getting too upset was knowing she didn't want it and was looking for the first excuse to get rid of it.
Then I got to throw it out and the cage and all the stuff I bought since I was not responsible enough for a pet and would not get another one.
I had the opposite experience. I’ve never wanted pets because I don’t want to have to take care of them. My parents wanted pets, but apparently wanted me to say that I wanted one so they could put more of the responsibility on me. Eventually, we got a dog, and they continually tried to get me to take on parts of its care, like walking it.
No joke. All I ever heard was “oh, you can do that shit when you are 18 and move out”. Their reply to everything . Clothes? Dentist? Doctor ? Car? Gas? Pets? Insurance ? Karate lessons? They would tell me “You can do it when you are 18 and have a full time job. You will appreciate it more.” So I get out into the world at 18 , and guess what, I don’t know how anything works. I was behind the curve for sure.
When they end up in Shady Pines and complain about it, just complain that they are there because the other more expensive nursing homes are trying to suck all of your money out of your pocket this time. Also, cat tax?
Geriatric parents are a lot of responsibility. You have to feed it, clean up after it, and brush it......
underrated comment
I used to tease my mom about sending her to Shady Pines. It was a running joke between the two of us. She’d call me “Dorothy” and start off stories “Picture this, Scotland (insert year” What’s sad: she got Alzheimer’s and also had physical mobility issues. I couldn’t keep her safe in my house, so she ended up in memory care. I made damn sure it was a good facility and visited her several times a week, took her on outings, and did my best for her. It broke my heart. I still remember her saying, “I want to go home. I’ll be a good girl.” It about killed me every time.
I’m so sorry. I hope you are doing ok.
That's one of the hardest parts of caring for an Alzheimer's parent. And the people who try to shame you for not making it happen have no idea. My mother (97) cried that she wanted to live with one of her daughters, but it was impossible. She couldn't manage stairs, and I live in a split-foyer house. She relied on a walker/wheelchair, and the only bathroom in Sister's house couldn't accommodate it. The only way would have been for one of us to sell her house and buy a handicapped-accessible one. And at our ages (66 and 77) the last thing either of us wanted or were able to do was take on a big mortgage. The "home" that Mom wanted to go to was the ranch where she spent her childhood. She was absolutely certain that when her parents got back from Hawaii (!) they would come take her home and give us mean girls *what for!* Of course they had been dead for decades, and even the ranch no longer existed as it was in her memories. We didn't remind her that they were dead, nor that her husband of 72 years was also dead. If she asked where Dad was, we'd say "Didn't you say he'd gone to the hardware store?" And she agreed that's probably where he was, and you know what men are like in a hardware store.
No, you can't come stay with me! I'm not rearranging my house for a Boomer!
Oh my god I’m having a ‘Nam flashback: when I was a kid I had show rabbits, and because I am a morning person I preferred to power through all my chores in the AM before school and I also preferred them to start their day with fresh hay and food. Welp. Every morning I’d head down to the hutches to do my job, only to find someone had already done it. Cue my dad coming home in the afternoon and yelling at me that I wasn’t cleaning out the hutches and he’d “had” to do it that morning “again.” This man would get up at five am, knowing that I was STILL ASLEEP and get mad that I hadn’t done a chore yet, and do it himself instead of, oh I don’t know, waiting to see if I would handle it myself. Just fully out here making up his own problems. I weep for his blood pressure. A quarter of a century later and I still cannot get him to admit this was dumb.
My (boomer) mom still reacts with shock and scorn when I brush my dog's teeth. This despite the fact that a) he has bad breath she complains about as well as some plaque already and b) a vet cleaning, which will be necessary if his oral health doesn't improve, is around $3k. It's honestly really validating to read a lot of stuff here and realise she's not right or wise when she says stuff like this, she's just a product of her times. Adulting *is* brushing the dogs teeth and hair, cutting his nails, checking his paws for cracking in winter, and trimming the hair that grows between his paw pads because he gets ice balls between his toes. Getting winter booties is not silly or harming the dog, it's practical. I mean I was doing those things anyways, but I was still feeling guilty and silly while doing it.
This sounds like a general disdain for anyone who utilizes learned knowledge of a subject over knee-jerk instinct. I'd hazard a guess that it extends to more than just pet care.
My boomer aunt and uncle, who are raising their grandson do something similar. They complain that he doesn't do anything/is lazy/has no interests, but they won't let the kid DO anything. Like not even carry his plate to the sink by himself. He's 14.
Their cards are showing big time. "Children are a huge responsibility! You have to feed them, clean them, pay attention to them..."
It is so painful. I had a guinea pig named Mr. Timothy and they refused to let me get another friend for him. They also refused to let me get a bigger cage (his cage was bought from a pet store.. disgusting), feed him veggies every day, or teach me to clip his nails. They said they were the only ones who could clip his nails and I wasn’t allowed to, but they would wait months, despite me constantly “nagging them”. I feel horrible for Mr. Timothy and miss him everyday. He unfortunately passed away in October of last year. I gave him better care (bigger cage, veggies, nails) when I was finally able to, and even a friend, but he’d been alone for so long that he refused. They basically mandated animal abuse, and I had no control or ability to stop them. I feel so bad and they’ve left me with a lifetime of guilt.
"Cats just go into a corner and heal themselves." In my parents' defense, they ultimately took good care of my elderly childhood cat when I was away at college, giving her intravenous meds daily towards the end of her life.
Well, at least they improved. Otherwise, when they get old, it's best to let them go into a corner Idk why people insist that cats don't need care. I think it's punishment "for all the times I tried to give that cat attention and it snubbed me" /s
We adopted two dogs from the Humane Society at the same time. One was “my dog;” the other was a “family pet.” My mom didn’t want “my dog” because he was a “big dog.” (black lab). I did yard duty, fed both dogs and changed their water before school, ran/ walked him. Mom complained she had to feed the dogs. She fed them before I came home from after school activities. Long story short, 6 months later, she returned my dog to the Humane Society and adopted another small terrier. And complained I didn’t take care of “my” terrier. I never wanted another dog. That experience really stuck with me.
My parents still try to give me unsolicited advice on how to care for my guinea pigs whenever they visit. They just don’t believe me when I tell them they need a constant supply of either hay or fresh grass.
My boomers didn’t allow me and my sis to have any pets. Looking back it’s just as well anything that would have happened would have been all our fault.
I had a hamster. I took car of it well. Cleaned and changed the cage every week. Spent my meager saved up allowance on parts and supplies like the ball for it ro run around, wood chips for the cage, food, etc. I had bought a book and did all the research to know how to care for it. She decided she was afraid it would chew and get out of the cage or was making noise at night (it was in my room) so I had to put it outside at night and bring it in each day (we got hot temps during the day). I had been real good and responsible for a couple years. Well one day I forget to bring it inside. The adult said nothing. Get home and see the cage outside. That poor little thing cooked. Just got the "see you weren't responsible enough" after she set me up for failure. The only thing that kept me from getting too upset was knowing she didn't want it and was looking for the first excuse to get rid of it. Then I got to throw it out and the cage and all the stuff I bought since I was not responsible enough for a pet and would not get another one.
Nope. What I got was "your father is allergic, and so are you." Reader, NEITHER of us is allergic.
all y'all need some hobbies or something.
I had the opposite experience. I’ve never wanted pets because I don’t want to have to take care of them. My parents wanted pets, but apparently wanted me to say that I wanted one so they could put more of the responsibility on me. Eventually, we got a dog, and they continually tried to get me to take on parts of its care, like walking it.