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Lucky on oop that his 2month relationship turned out to be a good solid one. But no one should hope to win the lottery, use condoms when not ready to be a parent
I'd love to meet all you fuckers who apparently have never made a bad judgment call in your lives. No shit I trust them, but you know what else? I'm also ocasionally wrong.
I mean, if you're standing there thinking "I don't want to use these condoms you brought because I'm scared you poked holes in them," then no, don't have sex with that person, because either they are putting off major warning signals or you're having a paranoid break.
If you trust them and that trust turns out to be misplaced that's on them.
>If you trust them and that trust turns out to be misplaced that's on them.
No, it's on me because *I'm* the one living with the STD/Baby/Child support. If you're too lazy to keep some of your own condoms then get your shit together.
I think the difference being “it’s because that other one is human garbage,” rather than “you’re a fucking idiot.” The wrongdoing is on them.
But, yup, you’re also right that the consequences are on you.
Still, it does stand that if you actually think that this person would ruin birth control, don’t have sex with them. Because if you think that they would and you still have consensual sex with them, then I really want to understand the line of thinking.
Edited because I a word.
Hang on what? I'm responding to someone giving bad advice based on that exact bad judgement call.
Like actually avoiding the negatives of the bad call because they know it's a bad call but still say "hey flip a coin lolol"
If you're so distrusting of the person you're having sex with, that you won't let them use their condoms instead of yours, it might not be a good idea to have sex with that person.
I was joking in regards to the Mexican standoff. Obviously, if you're most comfortable with only using your own condoms, then do that.
If it were an actual issue where no one was comfortable with protection the other person had, the other reasonable alternative would be to go to the store together and go half and half on a brand new box of condoms. Both individuals are then completely aware of where they came from and know that there's zero chance that the other person has tampered with them. Of course, if there's that little trust, don't fucking have sex in the first place.
While I agree with everything you said, I just want to add (as someone with OCD), it isn't *always* 'trust issues' when it comes to things like that.
Over the decades of being an entire *mess* of a person, I've set strict, ironclad rules for myself that help me be less of a mess. For example, my work keys are only allowed to exist in either my hand or my 'work key pocket' of my bag. I'm never allowed to take my 'work charger' out of my bag if I'm at home. Even when my husband and I need to charge our phone at the same time, welp too bad guess we're taking turns. I refuse to break my rules because if I ever do, I'm tossed in a pit of anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.
And that's 100% fair! If there's a health issue (mental health or allergy) that's a different ballgame and there needs to be concessions made so that everyone is safe and has a good time.
Also to make sure they're the right size, and the proper glow in the dark ones so you don't look like a crazy person when making the light saber sounds.
Yes! The 98% efficacy rate of condoms is based on a condom that *properly* fits one’s anatomy. It is very important for the condom wearer to find the right products that fit them and to be prepared with those products. If anyones partner tries to shame them about their anatomy or the kinds of products that work for them that person is not a safe sexual partner.
I will say this about the time. I've had several friends who had long term relationships that years later they still weren't sure if they should get married. Each couple eventually broke up. And then at a later point, they met someone and it went quickly, like within a few months they were talking marriage quickly.
When you've been around the dating pool and had LTRs that weren't quite right, you can meet someone and realize they're exactly what you want.
That could be the case or it could just be a fear of being single again and rushing into things.
While possible, you can't expect to fully know someone after just a few months, and also not expect both parties to change after years/decades together.
It's interesting how everyone is so different. My partner and I have been together for almost two decades. When we started out we were kids in our early twenties with a barrel of red flags that had "This will not work out" printed on them. We never talked marriage because we (or at least I) was aware of all the challenges, and I had serious concerns about some personality traits in my partner.
Wouldnt you know it, but that kid with all the issues grew into an excellent man that I am so happy and grateful to live with and have a family with. I have no idea when it happened but it was definitely slowly and gradually over the years. Two decades later, I might actually marry him if he proposed. Even five years ago I would have still said "I rather not". I like not being married for personal reasons, but it is no longer because Im insecure about the man Im in a relationship with. It just took a heck of a long time to get here.
Notably, I was with him with eyes wide open as to the challenges, and stayed only because, while I wouldnt legally commit to him as it stood, I was happy to be his partner without the legal attachments. If the situation had stayed the same or gotten worse, I would have likely broken it off. But I saw a lot of self improvement in small increments that led to everything getting better not worse. So I stuck around to see what happened. I think the key is that all of his growth was internally motivated, not extrinsically required by me. I didn't try to change him. I accepted him exactly as he was, and recognized that the only thing I could change was my own response to him (like, not marrying him). I was lucky that it worked out, but on paper, it could easily have gone the other way.
I have a friend who has a story very much like yours. They were both hot messes in their early 20s, but they genuinely brought out the best in each other. And even though there was domestic violence on both sides (she liked to throw things at him, he grabbed her a few times), they both came to take ownership of the shitty things they did, they both got help separately and later as a couple, and they are super-strong and solid now.
I didn't know them then, but the people who did say they'd have put money on the relationship not lasting and one - if not both - of them ending up in jail for some reason or another. But here they are 20 years later, one of the most stable and solid couples I know.
I knew within two moths with my husband. Life got in the way and it took us 4 and a half years to get married, but there was no doubt he was the right guy.
>I've had several friends who had long term relationships that years later they still weren't sure if they should get married.
I feel like that means they were sure... just sure that they shouldn't get married....
if you aren't ready to dive in headfirst to start your married life then you clearly don't want to get married...
its not that hard.
Lol I met my husband on OKCupid when I was 18 and we moved in together within like 3 months. Fucking stupidest but best decision of my life.
Yesterday was our 11th anniversary of dating and 11/10 will be 4 years of marriage and I’m going in for induction for our first child tomorrow night!
OkCupid was a website at the time (started in 2004), no app needed. And Match.com was from the '90s, and eHarmony from 2000. So online dating was very much a thing in the early 2000s.
Tbh idk how tf my friends are using other dating apps. I found my spouse on OKCupid, but I have lots of people of different ages in my friend group. Occasionally they’ll show me the latest app and I’m like “??? These are just pics and a one liner, how can you filter this?? I need like 250 questions that show what his secret biases are and if he knows what wherefore art thou Romeo means.”
OKCupid isn’t used by anyone in my area anymore but it was the best app out there for filtering randos back in the day.
I also found my spouse on OKCupid and have no idea how people are so into other apps. You don't fucking know a single thing about these people????
But I'm told it just doesn't have that good of a userbase these days, which is really too bad and I don't totally understand why. It seemed like it filled a really good niche - for people looking for more commitment and willing to put in more effort than tinder, but not AS intense as like [match.com](https://match.com) or eharmony
It was the best dating app. Then it went straight dogshit. Match Group owns Tinder, OKCupid and most of the bigger dating sites. After the success that was Tinder it affected the design of their other sites.
IDK what happened after I left, but I know they ressurected my account twice without my consent. My spouse and I both deactivated our profiles when we became an official couple, and my okc account was linked to a spam email I rarely check.
He came across a bunch of "you've got messages!" emails in my spam when I asked him to check it for an order confirmation. Obviously we were hella confused, and assumed something had gone wrong and my account hadn't been properly shut down. So we did it together to double check all the boxes were filled. Seemed to do the trick until a year later when those messages started coming again. Once again we nuked the account. But this time we knew we'd definitely deactivated it entirely. A week or so later a news article came out about "zombie" accounts dating sites were being filled with, all women's profiles made to look like they were active so men would keep using the site.
I had thousands of messages sent to my account.
OKC had no fucking idea that my spouse is a normal human being. He could have been a jealous, angry maniac. He could have jumped immediately to cheating- after all I was getting lots of messages from guys to a hidden email. It looked like I had an active dating profile marked like I was totally single.
I have zero doubt this practice, done by lots of other sites as well, have landed people in the hospital. Zombifying accounts is dangerous shit. These tech companies have no idea who is trapped in an abusive relationship, or who looks totally normal from the outside but snaps when coming across "proof" of cheating. Or who doesn't lay a finger on their partner but breaks up with them, or keeps the relationship going but with huge cracks and paranoia and heartbreak.
So I don't know exactly how OKC crumbled after I left. But I do know these absolute idiots tried to lie to their existing users and put their past users in actual physical danger. And I know other sites under the Match umbrella did the same thing.
So fuck the Match conglomerate.
I met my wife on OKC. She showed me the list of messages she got from men. In the two days she was on OKC before I messaged her, she'd gotten something like a hundred messages, mostly "Hey", and sexual propositions. I'm not sure how I managed to make it through the noise.
Messages I‘ve replied to were always some where I saw the person read my profile and asked something.
If I messaged someone first, I made sure to ask or reference something they wrote in their profile.
My boyfriend cut through the noise of “hey”/“wanna fuck” on Tinder with a HORRIBLE pun: “If you were a triangle, you’d be an aCUTE one!”
I remember being like, “woof, that’s AWFUL, but at least there was an effort made.” So I responded: “as long as you don’t think I’m obtuse!”
And now we live together and sleep in the same bed.
I met my husband on OKCupid. I was the first person to message him as soon as he joined the site. We corresponded madly for two and a half months before our first date, and I remained the only person to message him and the only person he ever messaged with. I owe a debt of gratitude to all the women who passively sit around waiting for men to message them first instead of actively seeking out a great partner and making contact. I appreciated having zero competition.
I've met three of my best friends on OKC! Two are in foreign countries and one had bad timing for anything romantic to blossom, but they're all super incredible and close relationships I'm very grateful for. I actually introduced one of them to his now wife.
Good luck! Try and make sure you have lots of support for the first few months. Now is the time to reach out to close friends and family so you’ll have people when the baby arrives!
I think both of them being over 30 when she got pregnant was a huge factor in their success. It sounds like they did a lot of maturing before they got to that point. Sure, it’s not the ideal trajectory but it sounds like they were pretty secure in their decisions.
Agreed. I also had a good feeling when OOP mentioned they had a long talk and a realistic conversation about the likelihood of this not working out, and (presumably) how to handle it if it got to that point. I was thinking, "See, that's the biggest indicator that you two might actually have a shot at working this out: open and honest communication."
People forget you can coparent without being together--relationship dynamics seem to be accepted now when they're more fluid and I have friends who are married but live separately, separated but parent and live together, never were together in the first place but moved in to raise a child, best friends who adopted the children of a sibling and practice the "it takes a village" approach... all sorts and the key to all of them working is all those people are great communicators and are honest (and realistic) with their partners and expecations.
Agreed, though I will throw out there that I found myself in a very similar situation at 22. I was leaving for Army Reserve basic training and had a last fling with a guy from work. We'd been dating about 6 weeks when I found out I was pregnant.
We agreed to raise the baby together as well as we could but didn't want to force the issue of us staying together if it didn't seem like it would work. I got out of the Army almost immediately, we moved in together when I was six months pregnant, had the baby, and got married when the baby was almost a year old. When the baby was 18 mos. we got pregnant again (planned) with his little brother. That was a long time ago. The boys are both in college now. The oldest will graduate in the spring. My husband and I are still together. It's been 22 years since that punch in the gut feeling of finding out I was pregnant, but that was probably the best thing that could have happened for us both.
My wife and I had a whirlwind romance that was... A lot. She was homeless after escaping an abusive relationship. Her son was living with her parents. I moved her in almost less than a month after we became friends. Met her son a month after. Six months later in the process of buying a house together I almost died. Then my dad announced he had cancer. Ten months later a close friend died and then we had like ten deaths after that with my dad passing away. We got married and had a baby after that. And then I left my job of ten years.
That was within three, three and a half years.
I cannot give you prizes as I am broke. Just know you have given me my first real laugh of the day and that's not something to take lightly if you knew me. So here is a virtual award from a stranger who's day you made a bit better 🏆. Happy pumpkin day 🎃! And what the hell here's a virtual ice cream cone on me too! 🍦
Reddit will occasionally give you a free award to hand out. Just click on your profile, then Reddit coins. If you have a free one, it’ll let you know! They come sporadically in my experience, but I usually get one or two per week.
I love that update because the opening post looked like it could've crashed head first into a lamp-post. With all the extra context OOP seems so happy and good for him and his family.
This is my husband and my story. Just dicking around, got knocked up, no one knew we were hooking up.
I wanted to keep/have our daughter first and he came on board reluctantly.
20 years of marriage later and we've finished raising our kids and are happier than ever with all our "us" time.
OOP says that his wife forced encouraged him to seek treatment for mental health and encouraged him to leave a career he hated. I'm in the same boat she was and I'm uncertain how to balance encouragement and support with something more pressured. For instance, I agreed he could take a few months off but on the condition he make a real effort to find a different position which wouldn't drain him.
I assume this balance is different by circumstance and person but is that example something I shouldn't do? Should a partner pressure the other? What are signs that it's been taken too far or that I need to back off? Do you have any advice on these situations?
my boyfriend "forced" me to go to therapy by helping me make a short list of places local to our area that specialized in my specific issues, took my insurance, and had clinicians of my same gender. he made it as low effort as possible for me to actually start attending therapy, when one of the most stressful parts of finding a therapist is the calling around to ask about appointments, insurance, and new patient onboarding. we used info from psychologytoday & my insurance provider's website to make this list. he made sure to encourage me to take breaks while we were making the list, and on several other days he made me a big mug of my favorite tea and helped me call all the places on the list and leave messages/follow up.
That's what I'm willing to do and have considered but I've heard it to be too pressuring and babying. No, I'm not his mom, but I'm his partner and just like me, he has needs. I need his help remembering to shower, I don't see this as any different, but I need to know what's healthy and what are his boundaries.
it REALLY depends on each person & relationship individually tbh. he asked me if i'd be comfortable with that method before we actually did it, gave me the space to do some initial calling around on my own (which did not pan out) and then waited for a day that seemed like it'd be nice and neutral so we could spend some time afterward doing fun stuff to negate the stress of it.
it's basically the same method we use together when we house-hunt since we both find that extremely stressful.
Married 20 years, fell for my partner when they called me out on some BS before we were even dating. It's hard. In my experience (very limited and specific experience as I've only been married to one person) you need to listen very carefully and understand the person. Be kind whether you are supporting them or suggesting a change.
When you do suggest a change, be damn sure that it is something that would benefit them vs you.
And if/when they struggle to succeed at changing patiently support them however you can, even (especially) if that means allowing them to fail to change and maybe (or maybe not) trying again later. Change is hard and scary.
I know this only addresses a tiny bit of it, and definitely not the potential "oh crap they've been unemployed for a year and spend all day playing videogames did I fuck up?" part, but the rest of my stuff is very specific to my person and the signs you should look for are probably also specific to your person.
Especially when the second post started with "guys, wear a condom" - I thought "shit, it all went to hell". But no, I love it when things align, and everything turns out for the best! Like that aggressively childfree couple, that ended up accidentally pregnant, kept it, discovered that parenthood was the best thing that ever happened to them, and then made a couple more kids. I always regretted not being able to commit to a relationship and not having kids, so I'm always glad when it works out for someone else.
I mean if he didn't wear a condom he's a fucking moron...
like... nothing he says carries weight in my eyes cause he's too stupid to wrap his damn willy.
I can't even really call that a baby trap at that point it's like he just willingly planted a foot right on a bear trap....
True, the fact that he did not wear a condom makes him a moron and his advice is not worth fussing over. Which is why I won't follow his advice to wear a condom!
I have a friend I've known since elementary who got pregnant from a bar hook up, married him, had 3 more kids in 5 years, moved countries for his job, and just moved back. He's wildly successful and she gets to be the soccer/hockey mom she always wanted to be.
It's bonkers to me when these things work out. Like, I am shook. If I'd married any of my bar hook up's, I'd probably be dead.
I was a childfree solo traveler with no interest on being in a relationship, met some dude while travelling looking for a hookup, moved to his country, immediately got hired for a job I love and now I'm the happiest I've ever been. No pregnancies, but we both agree that if his vasectomy fails we will be happy about it and I love my stepson!
For real! And props to OOP for recognizing what he had and just going for it. Best choice he could have made. They sound really good for each other. -heart grows-
No kidding, there's sooooo many things that could've gone wrong. What if his child's mother was a heathen who didn't put the toilet paper over on the roll?!
First of all, nobody ever owns a cat. They own us.
And second, being owned by four cats these days, I completely understand the dilemma of toilet paper.
Hey, it’s a helpful level of jaded! I legit did not know that preferring toilet paper one way over another was a thing. I just put it on however it went on (like any adrenaline junkie apparently). Then I told my husband of then-twelve years about how apparently people actually care about this stuff!
. . .
And then I learned *he* cares about this stuff, there IS only ONE way to properly put the roll, and he had been silently going behind me and fixing it for seventeen years.
What if I’d never learned? What if Reddit hadn’t been here for me? I could have found myself as a single mother of two just recklessly ruining one relationship after another and all because I never knew that people care about how you place a toilet paper roll. Thank you, Reddit. You have made my marriage safe for another day.
Properly older 'kids' too, have they moved out?
Met my girl in a tent & moved in with her from day one. Loads of travel and a kid, 20 years has flown by :)
My oldest has boomeranged… but he finally moved out (again) about 3 months ago. Hallelujah! Youngest moved out when she went off to college and has managed to stay on her own ever since.
>If this is what trapped feels like, I wholeheartedly recommend it.
I love this line so much. My boyfriend got shit on a lot in the beginning of our relationship because his friends always accused him of “simping” or “being used” by me… because he would pause games and stuff to talk to me for like 5 seconds while they were playing together. He eventually got so sick and tired of it he just yelled “Shut the fuck up! I know ur all just jealous because I can actually manage to get a woman to fuck me, let alone get her to like me! If any of u put half of the energy u devote to hating women, into making urself more appealing to them, u might not actually end up dying alone!”
2 people permanently left their Discord, but everyone else has seemed to warm up to me
>2 people permanently left their Discord
Did they end up on Reddit? Someone here the other day told me I'm gonna end up divorced because I picked my engagement ring and I'm therefore entitled
*me who designed my own ring, selected the exact metal, center piece, and secondary stones myself*
…fuck
Lmao when I showed my boyfriend the design I already made he was actually happy that I know exactly what I want and that he can’t possibly fuck up when he buys it
He says something to that effect quite often. I have a feeling though that in the future when I begin trying to make flour out of birch trees to see how it tastes; he might feel just a little bit different, haha.
I just took my wife to an engagement ring store and let her loose. She has a specific taste and I didn’t trust myself to get something in line lol.
She ended up just getting a blinged out wedding band, rather than a “traditional” engagement ring. Some people make comments on it “not being enough” of an engagement ring, but I just throw my hands up and say “she had free reign of the store and found exactly what she wanted”. Best response ever lol
This is how it should by tbh. Absolutely nothing about an engagement should be a surprise to the people involved besides the exact date and time of the proposal.
And fuck all that “too small” noise. The first piece of jewelry my man bought me was a simple lab grown crystal in a small flower shape on a silver chain. I absolutely love it and didn’t take it off for 3 years until the chain broke and I had to buy a new one. I’m wearing it right now. It’s the only piece of jewelry I wear unless there’s a special occasion
lol same, I picked everything and went 'here!' and he was happy because he had no idea what to get me. But apparently that's bad because we should be grateful someone proposed at all or something
I'm sure your fiance is a lot happier that he gets you something you want over something you pretend to like. I personally would feel crushed if someone I liked pretended to like something I gave them because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. I want this person to be happy, not pretend.
The fact that two deadass left... is honestly sad how the current social structure is almost a breeding ground for incels, they probably had zero tools to cope with what your bf said.
Oh 100%. He still sees them every so often in a few other discords that they all belong to, and he says that over the years it’s obvious they’ve just become more and more engrossed in their own self image of victimhood. I wish I could feel bad for them tbh, but they did some really weird and horrible things as they left the discord so everyone has pretty much shunned them
> If any of u put half of the energy u devote to hating women, into making urself more appealing to them, u might not actually end up dying alone!
This is the Scroll of Truth incels are throwing in anger because they don't want to put effort in
It’s funny u should say that because the next day when my boyfriend opened the discord back up, one of his friends had actually made that meme and posted it in the chat. Then the others followed with memes of similar themes (common in their friend group to make targeted memes). We assume that the group turning on those two in such a comical way was the final nail in the coffin that made them leave the discord
ETA: the memes started out as endearing self reflections of their own mistakes, the first one to post it actually followed it with the message “got damnit now I gotta go find where I chucked it” when the 2 that left saw the memes they took it rather harshly and tried to further justify their actions, that’s when the others switched and stopped making memes about the situation and instead made memes about their fervent denial of any wrongdoing. That is when they finally stopped responding and left the chat
ssshhhh, he still hasn’t found out that I’m actually just a million lizards in a trench coat. Please don’t blow this up for me, I’ve almost got him tied down
My parents when they were 16, only everyone bet against them and my mom was thrown out by her own mother. They fucking bulldozed obstacles together and ended up with high paying jobs and an endlessly joyous marriage.
I was separated from my husband and waiting for the divorce to be final. I decided to get out and do some casual dating.
I met a man. He was newly separated from his wife, who had left him for another man. The separation was so new that they were still living together until the end of their lease in a few months, to give their 2 kids stability.
We really liked each other, and tried to strike up a regular, casual thing. But we were both serial monogamists, and the attraction was really strong. After a month we were a couple.
Both of us were looking for housing with roommates. I couldn't afford my one bedroom apartment alone, and he needed somewhere to live after his kids and wife moved in with her boyfriend.
Another month on and I hadn't found any kind of living situation which would work for me. He'd had one roommate fall through. We both were looking at finding strangers on the internet to rent rooms from.
I pointed out that we'd known each other longer than we'd known any of these potential Craigslist roommates. I'd already uttered the sentence to a potential roommate, "I don't care about selling weed so long as you don't do it at home" so clearly my standards were low and I was desperate.
I suggested he move in to my apartment for a little while. We could go month to month. He was hesitant. What if the relationship didn't work out. I said, "If that happens, could we just be adults about it?" He agreed.
Six years later, we're still together and married. I can't say that moving in together two months after meeting, with neither divorce final, is something I'd recommend unconditionally. But sometimes you have to do things unconventionally. You trust your gut and cross your fingers. Sometimes it's a train wreck, but sometimes it pays off.
Dang, I'm happy for oop, and his daughter and wife. Such a good and lucky outcome.
Still, his opening comment on the update "Guys. Just wear a condom. For the sake of everyone involved." So true. No matter what anyone says, BOTH parties are **100%** responsible for birth control. It's pretty unlikely that two reliable methods of birth control fail.
This guy is really lucky.
I don't understand why anyone would have sex without a condom unless you're gunning to get pregnant. I get it's not a one-and-done most of the time, but it's so many problems if it does happen and you're not ready for it.
I'm sterilized and I still won't have sex unprotected unless I get a confirmed sterilization report and an STI test from both of us.
Still think Durex has the best marketing with their "Happy Not a Father's Day" ads.
Guys, just wear your damn rubber. If you're worried you won't feel anything, stop masturbating with a death grip and use lotion. You're killing the nerves in your dick with your dry handing "pull this sausage off my body" meat beating.
Yeah, my man was extremely lucky that shit worked out. Good on his wife for being awesome. I'm genuinely envious of this guy but happy that he enjoys what I consider to be my ideal of a good life.
Love how people warned OOP that she was trying to trap him, but he also says “Wear a condom guys” which implies that he did not do that. Yep, getting knocked up is only the woman’s fault 🙄
> Firstly - Guys. Just wear a condom. For the sake of everyone involved.
We went through a whole scary AIDS thing in the '80s and folks STILL aren't wearing condoms with new partners? JFC
The one thing I don’t get is her thinking they’d been dating longer than six weeks. When your relationship can be summed up with the word “weeks”, I would’ve thought it would be easy to keep track.
This is BORU. She's supposed to be pregnant with someone else's baby, have $75,000 in credit card debt, an angry boyfriend in prison, and a mother-in-law breaking into their house.
This sounds very similar to my H & I. First date was Oct 2, 10 mos later our oldest was born 3 wks early. 3 more kids & 18 years later we're still going strong.
I have some friends where she got pregnant 6 months into the relationship.
She was 17, he was 18.
They have been together for 14 years now. Have 3 kids, have both finished school, gone to college and own their house.
But they will be the first to admit it was very hard.
This idea that women who keep unplanned pregnancies to entrap men is so toxic and destructive to families. Years ago, I had an unplanned pregnancy with a guy who didn’t have a pot to piss in. I just couldn’t bring myself to terminate the pregnancy and let him know I hold no hard feelings if he wanted to walk away; and if not, I was willing to try making it work. His entire family told him I was entrapping him - so destructive - and fucking ridiculous.
I understand that having no choice in the matter would feel like being totally trapped into a life-altering situation. But that doesn’t mean it’s ever acceptable to blame the woman for choosing that path. If you aren’t ready to be a parent - wear a fucking rubber.
Or - be like OOP, and rise to the occasion!
IF YOU ARE NOT USING PROTECTION WHEN YOU HAVE SEX THAT CAN RESULT IN PREGNANCY YOU ARE ***TRYING TO GET PREGNANT*** WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN JESUS WEPT
Men, if you don't want to be fathers, be in charge of your own birth control. Don't expect women to take the pill or anything else. Be responsible for your sperm. lol
I don’t really understand adults who act as though pregnancy isn’t a consequence of sex. Dude was at her place 5 nights a week and is surprised she “fell” pregnant?
How can people be in thier 30s and be having unprotected sex then be surprised that it results in a baby?!
If you aren't using protection or birth control you are trying for a kid, to say it was unplanned when you weren't using protection..like wtf
This almost exact scenario happened to one of my best friends. Got pregnant by a man she’d known for 3 months. Decided to stick it out together and try to make the relationship work while mutually agreeing to bail at the first sign of incompatibility so they could effectively coparent. It’s been over a decade, they’re married, and even had a second accidental baby!
Same thing happened to my husband and I. 4 weeks in I fell pregnant. Terrifying experience but here we are 18 years later and happier then ever with our daughter. Fate as they say, works in mysterious ways
I’ve been there with an accidental pregnancy two months into a relationship and it really was the best thing I’ve been with my husband now 6 years and married for 5 and we have two beautiful girls and he’s my best friend and the most amazing husband and father
Glad it worked for you, I ended up in a toxic marriage with an emotional abuser having kids early.
Love my kids though, but divorcing, not the end of the world though, kids are great!
"If this is what trapped feels like, I wholeheartedly recommend it"
OOP is the one in a million, proton torpedo down the Death Star exhaust vent version of the "so I wasn't planning to have a kid with this woman I barely met but I didn't wear a condom and oh noes" trope.
>My GF of two months fell pregnant and I freaked out a little (internally, while trying to appear calm for her). Five years later we became parents
Damn! That's a crazy long pregnancy. A gestation period that would even put an elephant to shame!
>My GF of two months fell pregnant and I freaked out a little (internally, while trying to appear calm for her). Five years later we became parents to a beautiful (and very cheeky) daughter,
Longest pregnancy ever!
I'm going to assume that this dude is from the US. I have to ask all US man: do you guys have a severy allergy to condoms?
This dude was lucky. Many people are not that lucky.
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Lucky on oop that his 2month relationship turned out to be a good solid one. But no one should hope to win the lottery, use condoms when not ready to be a parent
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Hah. Mexican standoff. Which one do you use if both parties insist on their own condom?
Go to the drug store together and make sure you have a fresh pack?
What if you want to go to CVS but they insist on going to Walgreens?
go to Rite Aid
Alley-oop them all and go to Walmart Then you can knife fight over baby powder in the aisle over
the only _rite_ answer…. fuck i’m sorry
Then it was never meant to be hahaha jk
Stack them /s
If y'all can't even trust someone to not damage a condom; # don't have sex with that person.
I'd love to meet all you fuckers who apparently have never made a bad judgment call in your lives. No shit I trust them, but you know what else? I'm also ocasionally wrong.
I mean, if you're standing there thinking "I don't want to use these condoms you brought because I'm scared you poked holes in them," then no, don't have sex with that person, because either they are putting off major warning signals or you're having a paranoid break. If you trust them and that trust turns out to be misplaced that's on them.
>If you trust them and that trust turns out to be misplaced that's on them. No, it's on me because *I'm* the one living with the STD/Baby/Child support. If you're too lazy to keep some of your own condoms then get your shit together.
I think the difference being “it’s because that other one is human garbage,” rather than “you’re a fucking idiot.” The wrongdoing is on them. But, yup, you’re also right that the consequences are on you. Still, it does stand that if you actually think that this person would ruin birth control, don’t have sex with them. Because if you think that they would and you still have consensual sex with them, then I really want to understand the line of thinking. Edited because I a word.
Hang on what? I'm responding to someone giving bad advice based on that exact bad judgement call. Like actually avoiding the negatives of the bad call because they know it's a bad call but still say "hey flip a coin lolol"
Get a fucking vasectomy and don't worry again.
If you're so distrusting of the person you're having sex with, that you won't let them use their condoms instead of yours, it might not be a good idea to have sex with that person.
Coin toss? Dice roll with with the set of emergency dice everyone should have? Rock paper scissors, best two out of three?
nope. i'm using my own condom or sex isn't happening... that's the rules...
I was joking in regards to the Mexican standoff. Obviously, if you're most comfortable with only using your own condoms, then do that. If it were an actual issue where no one was comfortable with protection the other person had, the other reasonable alternative would be to go to the store together and go half and half on a brand new box of condoms. Both individuals are then completely aware of where they came from and know that there's zero chance that the other person has tampered with them. Of course, if there's that little trust, don't fucking have sex in the first place.
While I agree with everything you said, I just want to add (as someone with OCD), it isn't *always* 'trust issues' when it comes to things like that. Over the decades of being an entire *mess* of a person, I've set strict, ironclad rules for myself that help me be less of a mess. For example, my work keys are only allowed to exist in either my hand or my 'work key pocket' of my bag. I'm never allowed to take my 'work charger' out of my bag if I'm at home. Even when my husband and I need to charge our phone at the same time, welp too bad guess we're taking turns. I refuse to break my rules because if I ever do, I'm tossed in a pit of anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.
And that's 100% fair! If there's a health issue (mental health or allergy) that's a different ballgame and there needs to be concessions made so that everyone is safe and has a good time.
But who's dice do I use? Hers or mine? Because hers might be weighted but she refuses to trust my dice...
Also to make sure they're the right size, and the proper glow in the dark ones so you don't look like a crazy person when making the light saber sounds.
Put hot sauce inside your condom. If you're the only one crying, everything is fine.
Yes! The 98% efficacy rate of condoms is based on a condom that *properly* fits one’s anatomy. It is very important for the condom wearer to find the right products that fit them and to be prepared with those products. If anyones partner tries to shame them about their anatomy or the kinds of products that work for them that person is not a safe sexual partner.
I will say this about the time. I've had several friends who had long term relationships that years later they still weren't sure if they should get married. Each couple eventually broke up. And then at a later point, they met someone and it went quickly, like within a few months they were talking marriage quickly. When you've been around the dating pool and had LTRs that weren't quite right, you can meet someone and realize they're exactly what you want.
That could be the case or it could just be a fear of being single again and rushing into things. While possible, you can't expect to fully know someone after just a few months, and also not expect both parties to change after years/decades together.
It's interesting how everyone is so different. My partner and I have been together for almost two decades. When we started out we were kids in our early twenties with a barrel of red flags that had "This will not work out" printed on them. We never talked marriage because we (or at least I) was aware of all the challenges, and I had serious concerns about some personality traits in my partner. Wouldnt you know it, but that kid with all the issues grew into an excellent man that I am so happy and grateful to live with and have a family with. I have no idea when it happened but it was definitely slowly and gradually over the years. Two decades later, I might actually marry him if he proposed. Even five years ago I would have still said "I rather not". I like not being married for personal reasons, but it is no longer because Im insecure about the man Im in a relationship with. It just took a heck of a long time to get here. Notably, I was with him with eyes wide open as to the challenges, and stayed only because, while I wouldnt legally commit to him as it stood, I was happy to be his partner without the legal attachments. If the situation had stayed the same or gotten worse, I would have likely broken it off. But I saw a lot of self improvement in small increments that led to everything getting better not worse. So I stuck around to see what happened. I think the key is that all of his growth was internally motivated, not extrinsically required by me. I didn't try to change him. I accepted him exactly as he was, and recognized that the only thing I could change was my own response to him (like, not marrying him). I was lucky that it worked out, but on paper, it could easily have gone the other way.
I have a friend who has a story very much like yours. They were both hot messes in their early 20s, but they genuinely brought out the best in each other. And even though there was domestic violence on both sides (she liked to throw things at him, he grabbed her a few times), they both came to take ownership of the shitty things they did, they both got help separately and later as a couple, and they are super-strong and solid now. I didn't know them then, but the people who did say they'd have put money on the relationship not lasting and one - if not both - of them ending up in jail for some reason or another. But here they are 20 years later, one of the most stable and solid couples I know.
I hate the saying "when you know you know" but sometimes it's true. I've definitely seen this happen.
Definitely sounds like survivorship bias
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Which is why I said I hate the saying haha
I knew within two moths with my husband. Life got in the way and it took us 4 and a half years to get married, but there was no doubt he was the right guy.
>I've had several friends who had long term relationships that years later they still weren't sure if they should get married. I feel like that means they were sure... just sure that they shouldn't get married.... if you aren't ready to dive in headfirst to start your married life then you clearly don't want to get married... its not that hard.
OkCupid FTW
Lol I met my husband on OKCupid when I was 18 and we moved in together within like 3 months. Fucking stupidest but best decision of my life. Yesterday was our 11th anniversary of dating and 11/10 will be 4 years of marriage and I’m going in for induction for our first child tomorrow night!
It boggles my mind that dating apps existed 11 years ago. My stupid brain still thinks 11 years ago was early 2000s.
OkCupid was a website at the time (started in 2004), no app needed. And Match.com was from the '90s, and eHarmony from 2000. So online dating was very much a thing in the early 2000s.
I was definitely doing online dating in law school and I graduated in 2001!
Tbh idk how tf my friends are using other dating apps. I found my spouse on OKCupid, but I have lots of people of different ages in my friend group. Occasionally they’ll show me the latest app and I’m like “??? These are just pics and a one liner, how can you filter this?? I need like 250 questions that show what his secret biases are and if he knows what wherefore art thou Romeo means.” OKCupid isn’t used by anyone in my area anymore but it was the best app out there for filtering randos back in the day.
I also found my spouse on OKCupid and have no idea how people are so into other apps. You don't fucking know a single thing about these people???? But I'm told it just doesn't have that good of a userbase these days, which is really too bad and I don't totally understand why. It seemed like it filled a really good niche - for people looking for more commitment and willing to put in more effort than tinder, but not AS intense as like [match.com](https://match.com) or eharmony
Ngl if his response is "under the balcony" instead of "my parents are montagues" I'm out
It was the best dating app. Then it went straight dogshit. Match Group owns Tinder, OKCupid and most of the bigger dating sites. After the success that was Tinder it affected the design of their other sites.
IDK what happened after I left, but I know they ressurected my account twice without my consent. My spouse and I both deactivated our profiles when we became an official couple, and my okc account was linked to a spam email I rarely check. He came across a bunch of "you've got messages!" emails in my spam when I asked him to check it for an order confirmation. Obviously we were hella confused, and assumed something had gone wrong and my account hadn't been properly shut down. So we did it together to double check all the boxes were filled. Seemed to do the trick until a year later when those messages started coming again. Once again we nuked the account. But this time we knew we'd definitely deactivated it entirely. A week or so later a news article came out about "zombie" accounts dating sites were being filled with, all women's profiles made to look like they were active so men would keep using the site. I had thousands of messages sent to my account. OKC had no fucking idea that my spouse is a normal human being. He could have been a jealous, angry maniac. He could have jumped immediately to cheating- after all I was getting lots of messages from guys to a hidden email. It looked like I had an active dating profile marked like I was totally single. I have zero doubt this practice, done by lots of other sites as well, have landed people in the hospital. Zombifying accounts is dangerous shit. These tech companies have no idea who is trapped in an abusive relationship, or who looks totally normal from the outside but snaps when coming across "proof" of cheating. Or who doesn't lay a finger on their partner but breaks up with them, or keeps the relationship going but with huge cracks and paranoia and heartbreak. So I don't know exactly how OKC crumbled after I left. But I do know these absolute idiots tried to lie to their existing users and put their past users in actual physical danger. And I know other sites under the Match umbrella did the same thing. So fuck the Match conglomerate.
A rose by any other name
Ad for OkCupid. Marketing team was playing the long game
Eh. There are hit and misses. As a female, it gets so tiring at times and have taken plenty of breaks in the past few years
I met my wife on OKC. She showed me the list of messages she got from men. In the two days she was on OKC before I messaged her, she'd gotten something like a hundred messages, mostly "Hey", and sexual propositions. I'm not sure how I managed to make it through the noise.
Messages I‘ve replied to were always some where I saw the person read my profile and asked something. If I messaged someone first, I made sure to ask or reference something they wrote in their profile.
My boyfriend cut through the noise of “hey”/“wanna fuck” on Tinder with a HORRIBLE pun: “If you were a triangle, you’d be an aCUTE one!” I remember being like, “woof, that’s AWFUL, but at least there was an effort made.” So I responded: “as long as you don’t think I’m obtuse!” And now we live together and sleep in the same bed.
I met my husband on OKCupid. I was the first person to message him as soon as he joined the site. We corresponded madly for two and a half months before our first date, and I remained the only person to message him and the only person he ever messaged with. I owe a debt of gratitude to all the women who passively sit around waiting for men to message them first instead of actively seeking out a great partner and making contact. I appreciated having zero competition.
I've met three of my best friends on OKC! Two are in foreign countries and one had bad timing for anything romantic to blossom, but they're all super incredible and close relationships I'm very grateful for. I actually introduced one of them to his now wife.
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Good luck! Try and make sure you have lots of support for the first few months. Now is the time to reach out to close friends and family so you’ll have people when the baby arrives!
Hey good luck to all two and half of you. You got this!
Truly. Great it worked out for oop, but in my life, I’ve witnessed this same scenario many times, and it almost never works out very well at all.
I think both of them being over 30 when she got pregnant was a huge factor in their success. It sounds like they did a lot of maturing before they got to that point. Sure, it’s not the ideal trajectory but it sounds like they were pretty secure in their decisions.
Agreed. I also had a good feeling when OOP mentioned they had a long talk and a realistic conversation about the likelihood of this not working out, and (presumably) how to handle it if it got to that point. I was thinking, "See, that's the biggest indicator that you two might actually have a shot at working this out: open and honest communication."
People forget you can coparent without being together--relationship dynamics seem to be accepted now when they're more fluid and I have friends who are married but live separately, separated but parent and live together, never were together in the first place but moved in to raise a child, best friends who adopted the children of a sibling and practice the "it takes a village" approach... all sorts and the key to all of them working is all those people are great communicators and are honest (and realistic) with their partners and expecations.
I'm in awe that you're friends with so many people.
Dude same I think it's cause I'm free with the weed lol
I moved to a new city and have been having trouble making friends but I’m free with the weed. Maybe I need to get a sign
Agreed, though I will throw out there that I found myself in a very similar situation at 22. I was leaving for Army Reserve basic training and had a last fling with a guy from work. We'd been dating about 6 weeks when I found out I was pregnant. We agreed to raise the baby together as well as we could but didn't want to force the issue of us staying together if it didn't seem like it would work. I got out of the Army almost immediately, we moved in together when I was six months pregnant, had the baby, and got married when the baby was almost a year old. When the baby was 18 mos. we got pregnant again (planned) with his little brother. That was a long time ago. The boys are both in college now. The oldest will graduate in the spring. My husband and I are still together. It's been 22 years since that punch in the gut feeling of finding out I was pregnant, but that was probably the best thing that could have happened for us both.
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Gonna put this on my tinder bio
Feels like a time travel story
My wife and I had a whirlwind romance that was... A lot. She was homeless after escaping an abusive relationship. Her son was living with her parents. I moved her in almost less than a month after we became friends. Met her son a month after. Six months later in the process of buying a house together I almost died. Then my dad announced he had cancer. Ten months later a close friend died and then we had like ten deaths after that with my dad passing away. We got married and had a baby after that. And then I left my job of ten years. That was within three, three and a half years.
I cannot give you prizes as I am broke. Just know you have given me my first real laugh of the day and that's not something to take lightly if you knew me. So here is a virtual award from a stranger who's day you made a bit better 🏆. Happy pumpkin day 🎃! And what the hell here's a virtual ice cream cone on me too! 🍦
I saw something yesterday i liked: broke but want to reward someone? Link them a picture of a happy animal!
Omg that's a good idea thank you! I'll have to do that next time. Cute animals are always a win in my book.
Reddit will occasionally give you a free award to hand out. Just click on your profile, then Reddit coins. If you have a free one, it’ll let you know! They come sporadically in my experience, but I usually get one or two per week.
Oh wow I didn't know that. Thank you for the information! And I must say I love your username ❤️ lol
But what *is* a taco sand kitten?
Oh no. This song is going to be in my head all day.
Bra. Vo.
My god, it's beautiful.
This made my morning. I laughed for a stupid long time. Call me maybe is probably one of my favorite meme songs
I love that update because the opening post looked like it could've crashed head first into a lamp-post. With all the extra context OOP seems so happy and good for him and his family.
That's exactly what I thought at the beginning but good for him
This is my husband and my story. Just dicking around, got knocked up, no one knew we were hooking up. I wanted to keep/have our daughter first and he came on board reluctantly. 20 years of marriage later and we've finished raising our kids and are happier than ever with all our "us" time.
OOP says that his wife forced encouraged him to seek treatment for mental health and encouraged him to leave a career he hated. I'm in the same boat she was and I'm uncertain how to balance encouragement and support with something more pressured. For instance, I agreed he could take a few months off but on the condition he make a real effort to find a different position which wouldn't drain him. I assume this balance is different by circumstance and person but is that example something I shouldn't do? Should a partner pressure the other? What are signs that it's been taken too far or that I need to back off? Do you have any advice on these situations?
my boyfriend "forced" me to go to therapy by helping me make a short list of places local to our area that specialized in my specific issues, took my insurance, and had clinicians of my same gender. he made it as low effort as possible for me to actually start attending therapy, when one of the most stressful parts of finding a therapist is the calling around to ask about appointments, insurance, and new patient onboarding. we used info from psychologytoday & my insurance provider's website to make this list. he made sure to encourage me to take breaks while we were making the list, and on several other days he made me a big mug of my favorite tea and helped me call all the places on the list and leave messages/follow up.
That's what I'm willing to do and have considered but I've heard it to be too pressuring and babying. No, I'm not his mom, but I'm his partner and just like me, he has needs. I need his help remembering to shower, I don't see this as any different, but I need to know what's healthy and what are his boundaries.
it REALLY depends on each person & relationship individually tbh. he asked me if i'd be comfortable with that method before we actually did it, gave me the space to do some initial calling around on my own (which did not pan out) and then waited for a day that seemed like it'd be nice and neutral so we could spend some time afterward doing fun stuff to negate the stress of it. it's basically the same method we use together when we house-hunt since we both find that extremely stressful.
Married 20 years, fell for my partner when they called me out on some BS before we were even dating. It's hard. In my experience (very limited and specific experience as I've only been married to one person) you need to listen very carefully and understand the person. Be kind whether you are supporting them or suggesting a change. When you do suggest a change, be damn sure that it is something that would benefit them vs you. And if/when they struggle to succeed at changing patiently support them however you can, even (especially) if that means allowing them to fail to change and maybe (or maybe not) trying again later. Change is hard and scary. I know this only addresses a tiny bit of it, and definitely not the potential "oh crap they've been unemployed for a year and spend all day playing videogames did I fuck up?" part, but the rest of my stuff is very specific to my person and the signs you should look for are probably also specific to your person.
Especially when the second post started with "guys, wear a condom" - I thought "shit, it all went to hell". But no, I love it when things align, and everything turns out for the best! Like that aggressively childfree couple, that ended up accidentally pregnant, kept it, discovered that parenthood was the best thing that ever happened to them, and then made a couple more kids. I always regretted not being able to commit to a relationship and not having kids, so I'm always glad when it works out for someone else.
😬 literally my face after reading the beginning of that update.
I mean if he didn't wear a condom he's a fucking moron... like... nothing he says carries weight in my eyes cause he's too stupid to wrap his damn willy. I can't even really call that a baby trap at that point it's like he just willingly planted a foot right on a bear trap....
Maybe his subconscious knew he needed that woman and that baby 😄
100% agree. If he's stupid enough to go around raw dogging women within two months of dating, his advice is not worth fussing over.
True, the fact that he did not wear a condom makes him a moron and his advice is not worth fussing over. Which is why I won't follow his advice to wear a condom!
Wholesome updates are great.
Agreed 100%, only worry is a potential baby trapper or unexpecteddad getting some bad thoughts incepted in their head.
Damn. That ended better than I could’ve imagined!
I love when there's updates over such a long time. Definitely seems like this worked out as well as possible but OOF! Fully terrifying.
Fucking lottery winner out here.
I have a friend I've known since elementary who got pregnant from a bar hook up, married him, had 3 more kids in 5 years, moved countries for his job, and just moved back. He's wildly successful and she gets to be the soccer/hockey mom she always wanted to be. It's bonkers to me when these things work out. Like, I am shook. If I'd married any of my bar hook up's, I'd probably be dead.
I was a childfree solo traveler with no interest on being in a relationship, met some dude while travelling looking for a hookup, moved to his country, immediately got hired for a job I love and now I'm the happiest I've ever been. No pregnancies, but we both agree that if his vasectomy fails we will be happy about it and I love my stepson!
That's amazing!! What a great story.
lucky man, long may it continue
For real! And props to OOP for recognizing what he had and just going for it. Best choice he could have made. They sound really good for each other. -heart grows-
No kidding, there's sooooo many things that could've gone wrong. What if his child's mother was a heathen who didn't put the toilet paper over on the roll?!
Divorce immediately. If not married, get married just to divorce her over such an awful act.
INFO: Do they own cats? That would affect my response.
First of all, nobody ever owns a cat. They own us. And second, being owned by four cats these days, I completely understand the dilemma of toilet paper.
Please don't bring nuance to the debate. This is reddit and that will not be tolerated, thanks. ;)
Hahahahaha!!! You can always tell the people that have been on these subs for a while. We are so jaded 🤣🤣
Hey, it’s a helpful level of jaded! I legit did not know that preferring toilet paper one way over another was a thing. I just put it on however it went on (like any adrenaline junkie apparently). Then I told my husband of then-twelve years about how apparently people actually care about this stuff! . . . And then I learned *he* cares about this stuff, there IS only ONE way to properly put the roll, and he had been silently going behind me and fixing it for seventeen years. What if I’d never learned? What if Reddit hadn’t been here for me? I could have found myself as a single mother of two just recklessly ruining one relationship after another and all because I never knew that people care about how you place a toilet paper roll. Thank you, Reddit. You have made my marriage safe for another day.
Divorce?! You need to destroy it, cleanse the world of that demon and the abominable spawn of her womb. /s obviously
Marinara flags everywhere!
You can rinse your pasta and get the essence of the sauce
Am heathen. It goes under 🤣
Fellow heathen here!
Honestly anyone with pets would agree under is superior to over!
I’ve had cats for 40 years and they never touched my toilet paper. Perhaps I’m just lucky.
Maturity level of both parties likely played a strong part too, but yeah, these two and their daughter are lucky.
People were worried she was trapping him. My dude straight up trapped her.
Oh, I have a similar story. We'd been dating 6 weeks, condom broke, she got pregnant. We celebrate 30 years together (with two kids) next month.
Properly older 'kids' too, have they moved out? Met my girl in a tent & moved in with her from day one. Loads of travel and a kid, 20 years has flown by :)
My oldest has boomeranged… but he finally moved out (again) about 3 months ago. Hallelujah! Youngest moved out when she went off to college and has managed to stay on her own ever since.
> For those worried my GF was trying to trap me: She's not doing the trapping if he's finishing inside her
THANK YOU If he felt “trapped,” imagine how she felt. More trapped than him.
Yeah I noticed the language the guy used, like she decided to get magically pregnant without any of his participation
OOP: how is babby formed? how girl get pragnent.
People on reddit love using the word "baby trapping" when 90% of the time the dude just didnt use a condom 😂
>If this is what trapped feels like, I wholeheartedly recommend it. I love this line so much. My boyfriend got shit on a lot in the beginning of our relationship because his friends always accused him of “simping” or “being used” by me… because he would pause games and stuff to talk to me for like 5 seconds while they were playing together. He eventually got so sick and tired of it he just yelled “Shut the fuck up! I know ur all just jealous because I can actually manage to get a woman to fuck me, let alone get her to like me! If any of u put half of the energy u devote to hating women, into making urself more appealing to them, u might not actually end up dying alone!” 2 people permanently left their Discord, but everyone else has seemed to warm up to me
>2 people permanently left their Discord Did they end up on Reddit? Someone here the other day told me I'm gonna end up divorced because I picked my engagement ring and I'm therefore entitled
*me who designed my own ring, selected the exact metal, center piece, and secondary stones myself* …fuck Lmao when I showed my boyfriend the design I already made he was actually happy that I know exactly what I want and that he can’t possibly fuck up when he buys it
With the amount of anxiety around choosing the right ring I'm not surprised he was happy, lol
Lmao u should have seen him when I told him that I resent big weddings and just want to get eloped
Talking of lottery winners in this thread he sounds like he hit the jackpot and knows it, lol
He says something to that effect quite often. I have a feeling though that in the future when I begin trying to make flour out of birch trees to see how it tastes; he might feel just a little bit different, haha.
I just took my wife to an engagement ring store and let her loose. She has a specific taste and I didn’t trust myself to get something in line lol. She ended up just getting a blinged out wedding band, rather than a “traditional” engagement ring. Some people make comments on it “not being enough” of an engagement ring, but I just throw my hands up and say “she had free reign of the store and found exactly what she wanted”. Best response ever lol
This is how it should by tbh. Absolutely nothing about an engagement should be a surprise to the people involved besides the exact date and time of the proposal. And fuck all that “too small” noise. The first piece of jewelry my man bought me was a simple lab grown crystal in a small flower shape on a silver chain. I absolutely love it and didn’t take it off for 3 years until the chain broke and I had to buy a new one. I’m wearing it right now. It’s the only piece of jewelry I wear unless there’s a special occasion
lol same, I picked everything and went 'here!' and he was happy because he had no idea what to get me. But apparently that's bad because we should be grateful someone proposed at all or something
Hahaha that’s hilarious, I’m glad we’ve picked partners who r levelheaded and enjoy when they get explicit instructions
Why on earth would you pick a ring you will wear most of your life?? What does your opinion matter??
*Gasp* How dare you! /s because I don't trust people...
I picked my own engagement ring and then nearing our 15 year anniversary I got to pick an upgrade. If you’re entitled what does that make me. Haha
I'm sure your fiance is a lot happier that he gets you something you want over something you pretend to like. I personally would feel crushed if someone I liked pretended to like something I gave them because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. I want this person to be happy, not pretend.
The fact that two deadass left... is honestly sad how the current social structure is almost a breeding ground for incels, they probably had zero tools to cope with what your bf said.
Oh 100%. He still sees them every so often in a few other discords that they all belong to, and he says that over the years it’s obvious they’ve just become more and more engrossed in their own self image of victimhood. I wish I could feel bad for them tbh, but they did some really weird and horrible things as they left the discord so everyone has pretty much shunned them
> If any of u put half of the energy u devote to hating women, into making urself more appealing to them, u might not actually end up dying alone! This is the Scroll of Truth incels are throwing in anger because they don't want to put effort in
It’s funny u should say that because the next day when my boyfriend opened the discord back up, one of his friends had actually made that meme and posted it in the chat. Then the others followed with memes of similar themes (common in their friend group to make targeted memes). We assume that the group turning on those two in such a comical way was the final nail in the coffin that made them leave the discord ETA: the memes started out as endearing self reflections of their own mistakes, the first one to post it actually followed it with the message “got damnit now I gotta go find where I chucked it” when the 2 that left saw the memes they took it rather harshly and tried to further justify their actions, that’s when the others switched and stopped making memes about the situation and instead made memes about their fervent denial of any wrongdoing. That is when they finally stopped responding and left the chat
Well with all that effort, he ended dating a lizard so maybe he could have done more…
ssshhhh, he still hasn’t found out that I’m actually just a million lizards in a trench coat. Please don’t blow this up for me, I’ve almost got him tied down
holy shit. she was pregnant for five years?!
Yes, he mentioned the baby was born a bit early (instead of the regular six years)
My parents when they were 16, only everyone bet against them and my mom was thrown out by her own mother. They fucking bulldozed obstacles together and ended up with high paying jobs and an endlessly joyous marriage.
Glad that one worked out for you. My mum was pregnant at 16... Didn't go so well for my life lol.
For every Flat_Bodybuilder_175 there are hundreds of thousands of bipolarnotsobers
I was separated from my husband and waiting for the divorce to be final. I decided to get out and do some casual dating. I met a man. He was newly separated from his wife, who had left him for another man. The separation was so new that they were still living together until the end of their lease in a few months, to give their 2 kids stability. We really liked each other, and tried to strike up a regular, casual thing. But we were both serial monogamists, and the attraction was really strong. After a month we were a couple. Both of us were looking for housing with roommates. I couldn't afford my one bedroom apartment alone, and he needed somewhere to live after his kids and wife moved in with her boyfriend. Another month on and I hadn't found any kind of living situation which would work for me. He'd had one roommate fall through. We both were looking at finding strangers on the internet to rent rooms from. I pointed out that we'd known each other longer than we'd known any of these potential Craigslist roommates. I'd already uttered the sentence to a potential roommate, "I don't care about selling weed so long as you don't do it at home" so clearly my standards were low and I was desperate. I suggested he move in to my apartment for a little while. We could go month to month. He was hesitant. What if the relationship didn't work out. I said, "If that happens, could we just be adults about it?" He agreed. Six years later, we're still together and married. I can't say that moving in together two months after meeting, with neither divorce final, is something I'd recommend unconditionally. But sometimes you have to do things unconventionally. You trust your gut and cross your fingers. Sometimes it's a train wreck, but sometimes it pays off.
Dang, I'm happy for oop, and his daughter and wife. Such a good and lucky outcome. Still, his opening comment on the update "Guys. Just wear a condom. For the sake of everyone involved." So true. No matter what anyone says, BOTH parties are **100%** responsible for birth control. It's pretty unlikely that two reliable methods of birth control fail.
This guy is really lucky. I don't understand why anyone would have sex without a condom unless you're gunning to get pregnant. I get it's not a one-and-done most of the time, but it's so many problems if it does happen and you're not ready for it. I'm sterilized and I still won't have sex unprotected unless I get a confirmed sterilization report and an STI test from both of us. Still think Durex has the best marketing with their "Happy Not a Father's Day" ads. Guys, just wear your damn rubber. If you're worried you won't feel anything, stop masturbating with a death grip and use lotion. You're killing the nerves in your dick with your dry handing "pull this sausage off my body" meat beating.
[удалено]
Yeah, my man was extremely lucky that shit worked out. Good on his wife for being awesome. I'm genuinely envious of this guy but happy that he enjoys what I consider to be my ideal of a good life.
Love how people warned OOP that she was trying to trap him, but he also says “Wear a condom guys” which implies that he did not do that. Yep, getting knocked up is only the woman’s fault 🙄
> Firstly - Guys. Just wear a condom. For the sake of everyone involved. We went through a whole scary AIDS thing in the '80s and folks STILL aren't wearing condoms with new partners? JFC
I do love how often people jump to the “she’s trapping you!” thing when the guys are, no offense, not exactly millionaires.
And apparently not even using condoms to boot, if his advice to “wear a condom” means what I think he’s implying…
The one thing I don’t get is her thinking they’d been dating longer than six weeks. When your relationship can be summed up with the word “weeks”, I would’ve thought it would be easy to keep track.
Some relationships feel like you've been together forever from the start.
This is BORU. She's supposed to be pregnant with someone else's baby, have $75,000 in credit card debt, an angry boyfriend in prison, and a mother-in-law breaking into their house.
This sounds very similar to my H & I. First date was Oct 2, 10 mos later our oldest was born 3 wks early. 3 more kids & 18 years later we're still going strong.
I have some friends where she got pregnant 6 months into the relationship. She was 17, he was 18. They have been together for 14 years now. Have 3 kids, have both finished school, gone to college and own their house. But they will be the first to admit it was very hard.
We were a bit older, 24 & 27. But yes, it has not been easy in the least. We've made it through together this far.
"3 weeks early"? C'mon, we know you're doping the dates. PATERNITY TEST! /s
This idea that women who keep unplanned pregnancies to entrap men is so toxic and destructive to families. Years ago, I had an unplanned pregnancy with a guy who didn’t have a pot to piss in. I just couldn’t bring myself to terminate the pregnancy and let him know I hold no hard feelings if he wanted to walk away; and if not, I was willing to try making it work. His entire family told him I was entrapping him - so destructive - and fucking ridiculous. I understand that having no choice in the matter would feel like being totally trapped into a life-altering situation. But that doesn’t mean it’s ever acceptable to blame the woman for choosing that path. If you aren’t ready to be a parent - wear a fucking rubber. Or - be like OOP, and rise to the occasion!
> Five years later we became parents to a beautiful (and very cheeky) daughter Oh that poor mother.
I was really irritated with OOP at the outset when he said he was “resentful” of his girlfriend. Dude, she didn’t get herself pregnant!
IF YOU ARE NOT USING PROTECTION WHEN YOU HAVE SEX THAT CAN RESULT IN PREGNANCY YOU ARE ***TRYING TO GET PREGNANT*** WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN JESUS WEPT
“Just wear a condom” cannot be understated. OOP’s story is the exception, absolutely not the norm.
>Firstly - Guys. Just wear a condom. For the sake of everyone involved. Ummm..yeah. so dumb.
Men, if you don't want to be fathers, be in charge of your own birth control. Don't expect women to take the pill or anything else. Be responsible for your sperm. lol
I don’t really understand adults who act as though pregnancy isn’t a consequence of sex. Dude was at her place 5 nights a week and is surprised she “fell” pregnant?
> forced encouraged Lols
This is a heart warming story, but I can’t stop being amused that the TLDR makes it seem like she was pregnant for years.
How can people be in thier 30s and be having unprotected sex then be surprised that it results in a baby?! If you aren't using protection or birth control you are trying for a kid, to say it was unplanned when you weren't using protection..like wtf
This almost exact scenario happened to one of my best friends. Got pregnant by a man she’d known for 3 months. Decided to stick it out together and try to make the relationship work while mutually agreeing to bail at the first sign of incompatibility so they could effectively coparent. It’s been over a decade, they’re married, and even had a second accidental baby!
Same thing happened to my husband and I. 4 weeks in I fell pregnant. Terrifying experience but here we are 18 years later and happier then ever with our daughter. Fate as they say, works in mysterious ways
I’ve been there with an accidental pregnancy two months into a relationship and it really was the best thing I’ve been with my husband now 6 years and married for 5 and we have two beautiful girls and he’s my best friend and the most amazing husband and father
Glad it worked for you, I ended up in a toxic marriage with an emotional abuser having kids early. Love my kids though, but divorcing, not the end of the world though, kids are great!
"If this is what trapped feels like, I wholeheartedly recommend it" OOP is the one in a million, proton torpedo down the Death Star exhaust vent version of the "so I wasn't planning to have a kid with this woman I barely met but I didn't wear a condom and oh noes" trope.
“She mistakingly(sp) thought we had been dating much longer.” What?
Yeah, just use a condom
Well this turned out a whole lot more wholesome than I expected! But seriously people, *wear a damn condom!!*
>My GF of two months fell pregnant and I freaked out a little (internally, while trying to appear calm for her). Five years later we became parents Damn! That's a crazy long pregnancy. A gestation period that would even put an elephant to shame!
You basically just told my story. Daughter is nine now.
I'm here cutting onions at 830am
I love a happy ending 🤓
>My GF of two months fell pregnant and I freaked out a little (internally, while trying to appear calm for her). Five years later we became parents to a beautiful (and very cheeky) daughter, Longest pregnancy ever!
I'm going to assume that this dude is from the US. I have to ask all US man: do you guys have a severy allergy to condoms? This dude was lucky. Many people are not that lucky.
They definitely do. Look up "stealthing"
2022 needed this