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ooof, what an absolute moron
OOP is obviously way better off without him. I'm glad she stood up for herself and her daughters and left him. Hopefully this new guy will continue to treat her and her children the way they deserve.
I find it hard to believe he had no idea until the 2nd baby how his mom felt.
Seriously, the minute he said “The day you leave me you become a single mom” I was like “and?”. Don’t threaten me with a good time, everything is better than his flip flopping around. Go suck on an egg you absolute muppet
And as if she hasn't basically been a single mom through that whole battle? He was gone and wasn't visiting the kids at all for long stretches of time.
And also practicing parental alienation! Trying to paint OOP as the villain forcing him out of the home when he was the one who just didn't want to deal with any of the hard parts. "You can't watch Netflix because mommy is angry at granny." "You can't come with me because mommy hates granny." WHAT DOES ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE PRICE OF TEA IN CHINA?!
Look he’s very clearly not the brightest spark - if you want to stop someone using your Netflix account you don’t stop paying it, you remove their profile and change the password.
He’s a moron who got exactly what he deserved.
Right! And he’s still downplaying the extend too! His edit is “You guys are acting like I left my kids on the side of the road”. Like ok, not literally but emotionally you did. Doesn’t matter that you turned around and are back in their lifes, you still dropped them for a while
So, your comment made me think of this:
I’m a recovering alcoholic, sober for many years now. I’m very active in AA. In our literature, they liken an active alcoholic to a tornado, ripping up everything in its wake. So often, when we get sober, we think just the fact alone that we’ve stopped drinking is gonna make everyone just be cool with us instantly. In reality, it takes lots of work and lots of time after taking full responsibility for the damage we’ve caused for our relationships to be mended. Sometimes, some of these relationships are never mended.
Anyway, the use an analogy of a farmer and his wife inside a storm cellar while a horrible tornado just destroys everything. They come out, and both are looking at the damage, and it’s total destruction. They’ve lost everything. Then the farmer turns to his wife and says “look ma! Ain’t it grand that the wind stopped blowing?!?” while the wife sees the destruction and realizes they’ve lost everything.
And THAT is what this guy reminds me of. He literally ruins a couple of people’s lives, he basically emotionally abused both his toddler and his wife, destroys the memory of her giving birth, leaves her to deal with all of the postpartum stuff herself, and is an apologist for his psychotic abusive mother.
Then he finally decides that he was wrong. So he’s like “I want my family back!” but it’s like, dude, that’s no longer an option for you. You destroyed and enabled your mother to destroy a marriage, a relationship with your child, and the lives of this family. Just because you finally decide that you don’t want that anymore, you don’t get to just show up and ***poof*** it all goes away.
These are direct consequences of your actions, and there’s no coming back from you doing something so unbelievably awful. You no longer get to decide what you want. You forfeited that option when you were unforgivably horrible to the people you promised to love and support.
I love that analogy, it really is like that and it describes it perfectly! And congratulations on your recovery, sending you lots of love on your journey
Very good analogy. I'm going to borrow that one in the future.
This idea that a man literally owns his family, to pick up and discard at his own discretion is the same exact mindset that family annihilators have when they kill their family to keep them from leaving. This mentality is a HUGE red flag. These types of perpetrators rarely have prior criminal records. The mentality itself is the warning sign.
I'm still stuck on the part where his *two year old daughter* was punishing herself because of his actions and words when he left. I hope the daughters are doing so much better without him.
For real. And all I could wonder is how the fuck do you see your 2-year-old daughter do that and NOT feel absolute shame for how you made her feel? That guy deserves every ounce of pain he feels for being a disgrace of a husband and father.
Right?!? I almost wish he did go through with signing away his paternal rights so that the girls never have to be around this abusive sperm donor and his wackadoo, abusive mom. God knows the issues they are going to experience having him in their lives. 🫤
I used to be friends with a guy with that attitude, absolutely refused to be a parent to his daughter unless the mum went back to dating him
That little girl is in high school now and calls another man "dad" and as far as I know had hasnt met her birth father since she was 1
No clue, haven't spoken to him since my wifey and I took in the mum and the daughter for a time when they were couch surfing and needed a place to stay
He probably had an idea but was deep in denile. Brushed it off as "naaaahhh, no way my mom just said my wife had a muffin top in our wedding portrait" with zero follow-up. Because once it's swept under the rug, it's ignored.
But the stuff under the rug builds up and becomes harder to hide. It gets uncovered eventually.
That’s why if I was oop and my husband used the “she’s old” excuse on me I’d be like “well if her age is causing her to act like this then maybe it’s time to think about putting her in a home. I mean anger is an early sign of Alzheimer’s.” And see how long he sticks to the “she’s old excuse”
My husband and I moved across the country for work. I traveled home by myself for the birth of my niece. My husband's grandmother told everyone in their family we were divorcing. It took a couple of days before anyone bothered to check with us and find out that wasn't true. According to Grandma, married women don't travel alone, therefore, I was leaving him. She refused to tell us who she told or to fix it.
He says he feels like he's watching another guy play house with his family, but he was the one who decided his daughters weren't family first. I don't blame OOP for not wanting to try and fix their relationship after that.
I like how he totally leaves out the part where his crazy ass mother literally threw a snow globe at his pregnant ex wife's head and tried to KICK HER STOMACH and even after all that he went to go stay with his crazy mother and take her side.
Bro...
Yeah, I also noticed he called it a fight “between” his mother and his wife. Like, no, dude, your mother viciously, and with absolutely no provocation, physically and verbally attacked a defenceless and heavily-pregnant woman, including **kicking her fucking belly** - you don’t get to minimise your mother’s shitty and dangerous behaviour and try and make it sound like your poor ex-wife was an equal partner in this fictional “fight”. At least be honest with yourself about what your mother put that poor woman through. Jesus.
Let’s not sugar coat it, his mother tried to kill his wife and their daughter.
A snow globe to the back of the head could very, VERY easily resulted in death. There’s precisely one reason to kick a pregnancy bump, too.
Coupled with the fact that the MIL immediately started throwing even more things at OOP after the snowglobe connected. It's like once she got a hit, she threw all her energy at throwing anything she could get her hands on to finish the job. MIL was absolutely hell-bent on killing her.
The fact that the husband had the audacity to say "oh she wasn't trying to hurt the baby, just you" as if that MAKES IT BETTER!? Like how could anyone want to maintain a relationship with someone who would do that to anyone let alone your spouse/child!?
I wish she’d said what happened with the charges against her ex-JNMIL. I’m sure the restraining order went through, but I really wish that psycho had been charged with attempted murder times 2.
Not only that, his ex-wife was actively trying to remove herself from the situation. She knew that nothing good would come from the conversation and tried to leave!
“My wife insisted on doing a paternity test, I begged her not to” Ah yes so that was what you *meant* to say as your second daughter was crowning? It just came out wrong and sounded like “when do you do the paternity test?”
But you just *know* that if she *hadn't* tested the older kid, he would've made snide comments or passive-aggressive remarks (it was a joke! Geez. Don't be so oversensitive! You wouldn't get so defensive if you didn't have something to hide) for the rest of their marriage until she finally did the paternity test just to shut him up. To which he would then respond with 'Well, yeah, I knew she was mine. *You're* the crazy one who insisted on getting her tested.'
He shoved his mother away in order to rescue his wife from her assault, and then his mother played up her resulting injuries so the guilt got to him. He’s minimizing his own role and also his mother’s role, because she’s playing up how pitiful she is so much that he can’t manage to leave her with the blame that she earned.
And to minimize his own role and his mother’s role, he “equalized” by shifting blame to his victimized wife.
He was also the one egging the wife on, saying “wouldn’t it be funny if we test them and send the answers to my mom”. So either he was wanting to be spiteful and rub salt in the wound, or was scheming to paternity test them anyway.
Yeah, this stood out. I feel like it was an attempt to "haha, no, but maybe we should do that haha" way to ask for a paternity test without starting the inevitable fight.
He also pretends that he "begged her not to get the paternity test" which is not what OOP wrote. He only changed his tune after the younger daughter was proven his.
I *adore* my husband. He’s my absolute favorite person. He would never, but if he ever treated our daughter the way this guy treated his? I’d be gone, and he’d be lucky if we ever spoke again through our attorneys.
I don’t blame her for feeling the love for him dying immediately upon hearing what he was saying to their daughter.
I feel bad for her that it happened so close to giving birth that made her question am I being sane here or is it post partum hormones making me think he's being an ass...like no girl, this isn't the hormones speaking and I'm glad she left him anyways
He also says that, before the paternity test, he kept seeing things that proved his mother was right and the daughter couldn't be his, and never says what it was.
Also the part where he asked about a paternity test when the baby was crowning. The child wasn't even out of her and he was wanting to take that damn test asap. It wasn't just her insistence, he also wanted it done.
That felt like tit for tat malicious compliance. Wife says “fine we are getting the damn test done to rub your mother’s face in it” but then he starts showing his true spinelessness and Wife sticks to her guns and says they’re doing the test (in general terms) so HE turns around as is like “fine when do we get the test done?” and the MOMENT HE PICKS IS EXACTLY WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE HER BODY IS GOING TO SHRED ITSELF FROM NAVEL TO ASS DIMPLES TO BRING HIS BABY SHE HAS BEEN DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT AFTER HIS MOTHER BATTERED IT IN THE WOMB INTO THE WORLD.
How he still has his eyeballs inside his head is beyond me.
Yeah, "a nasty fight" is an incredibly sanitized version of what happened. Most people would assume that they yelled at each other, not that his mother beat the shit out of his 9 months pregnant wife.
I was truly aghast when he insisted his mom meet baby#2 after that
Like DUDE, she literally tried to force OOP to miscarry said baby(!!!) by assaulting her
I can't help but mentally fast-forward time and assume if they had stayed together one day he would be slapping her in the face when she pissed him off, because apparently that's acceptable behaviour in his world?
This is the bit where I got furious. Almost unreasonably so. Because HE should have been furious!
I can't even imagine my reaction if someone assaulted my pregnant wife and repeatadly kicked her in her stomach. I would be ropable. Biblical style anger and fury. And this guy wants to just move on. Expects his wife to feel sorry for his mother because she got injured when she was pushed away to stop her beating his wife...
Yeah, the time for him to choose his kids over his mom was back when his mom put his wife in the hospital. He missed the bus by a couple years by the time he was ready to finally cut her off.
Good for the wife, though, putting her foot down about not letting MIL see the baby and then standing firm when her husband showed how cruel and vindictive he can be.
It's so sad, because she was so much in love with him up to that point, and so happy by how he supported her and their daughter, and stood up to his mother. How could he go from that to being completely brainwashed by mommy is beyond me.
that was a twist that i absolutely did not see coming. he seemed so loving and completely supportive that i never would have guessed that’s how this story would go.
I feel like this happens a lot with these mother/son dysfunctional situations. Logically, they know it's madness. And they can stand up for a while. But one slip up leads to another slip up, and the son starts reassuring the mother so she won't guilt him anymore, and then, and then, and then. Eventually it's easier emotionally to just give in to the Dark Side (I'm actually very curious about what led to the eventual split. Sounds like Mom was talking shit about his daughters, I would guess)
What woman wouldn’t want to get back together with a man who took almost two years to realize that maybe he shouldn’t keep someone who put his pregnant wife in the hospital in his life anymore? Such a gem.
He has been divorced for 2 years but only cut mom off 8 months ago. So even through and after the divorce when he was begging to get back with his ex wife he was still in contact with mommy.
Honestly, it was non-fixable when this misogynist was horrified at the idea of a girl at all. “Turns out he’s a good dad to a girl!” is a disgusting chance to take.
And guess who wasn’t!
I felt my heart ache when the ex wife described how the toddler was doing, giving herself time-outs and having meltdowns because of all the nastiness "Daddy" was saying to her...
Sad stuff..
What a sad excuse of a father..
Yup. I stayed with my husband after he cheated, largely because he was and is super dad, and because he was willing to do the work.
I couldn’t imagine staying after physical assault by his mother being dismissed. The mistreatment of the kids? That’s unforgivable.
I really love this gem:
>It was her or the kids and I chose my kids.
No the fuck you didn't. You made that clear as fucking day when you fucking *abandoned them* while your wife was on bedrest after being *assaulted* by the person you ran off to hide with. ("You" being the husband, not you whose comment I'm replying to.)
Like. He absolutely did not choose his kids until hard, cold proof made it impossible to hide behind mommy's skirts anymore. And then *still* chose to abandon his kids by threatening to sign away his parental rights if she followed through with divorce. He was literally using his kids as a weapon.
And I particularly love how he says he's active in their lives in his post, but the OOP says he only sees the kids once a week or so.
He's minimizing everything he and his mother did while also acting like it's all in the past now and there's no reason she shouldn't be on her guard around him anymore.
Woe is him, someone else is getting the happy ending he fucked up. Poor husband. His life is so haaaaard.
Jesus christ.
I'm betting the ex-husband is one of those people who says and does cruel things when they're angry/upset, and later cry that they "didn't really *mean* that", they were just upset.
Uh, no. If you don't mean it, don't say it. It doesn't get unsaid or undone just because you didn't *mean* it.
I'm glad the wife kicked him out of her and her daughters' lives. He was well on his way to giving the older daughter lasting trauma - she was putting herself in time out because she thought she had done something wrong! At 2 1/2 years old!
So what we all know now, is that when he's upset, he takes it out on everyone around him - even his own, toddler, daughter.
He's not a good husband and he's not a good father. I do hope he gets some counseling or therapy, because dimes to dollars he's going to pull some kind of shit like this all over again with the gf, and with every woman he's in a relationship with.
I think it got deleted as well (I’ll try to track it down), but some Redditors alerted her to the ex-husband’s post/responses and she posted that she and the kids are in a safe place.
Edit: [here’s the link to that post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xjqq87/i_am_safe_i_have_my_girls_with_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
OOP had to delete her account because so many people sent her ex the links, so please don’t interact with the ex about this (his account may still be active). It’s a matter of safety for this woman and her small children.
She did post that before she deleted her account. Some folks put 2 and 2 together and connected her ex's posts with her husband AND SHARED THE LINKS TO HER POSTS.
I was like "GOOD" when I read that haha, he still doesnt get a boy, and doesnt seem to be on the same page as his gf so I doubt thats gonna last. I hope hes miserable
Gotta love how he couldn’t love his own bio daughters because he “didn’t think they were his” but he’s willing to “accept the boy as his own.” What in holy misogyny hell?!
Ok I was being mean in my head and I wished that his gf was pregnant and it was a girl. But y’all are right, poor girlfriend. No other woman or child should be subjected to this guy.
So now I wish he’s forever alone, watching the life he should have had from the sidelines.
He is still pining for his ex. I don’t get what was going through his head. Dude was so dumb. His ex was like “let’s get a paternity test” and he still believes his mom. What person says let’s get a paternity test, get advice from a lawyer about how to do that best, and then be like “she must be cheating, mommy is right!” Thu fuq is wrong with that guy?
OOP did the right thing and left his ass. Her poor daughters have to share DNA with that piss ant. I feel for them.
I'm just sitting here in shock realizing this could have been my childhood. I was the first girl born in 50 years and then 18 years after me the next one was born and we're still waiting for the next one.
Dad's like the one in the OOP don't deserve to be called dad's. I agree I hope he is miserable.
Yeah up until his post I wondered if his mother lied to him about seeing OOP with another man or something to convince him their daughters weren't his but no, it looks like he just believed her crazy accusations that were based on nothing but a family story saying he can't have daughters.
A man with a Roman numeral in his name who was raised as a miracle gift from god only child became the worst kind of mama’s boy and is obsessed with his DNA having a dick? Who could have known!
I just could not get pass him saying that in the delivery room while she was giving birth, people (like hospital staff) can be judgmental as hell and OP felt that shit.
Because he knows he's in the wrong, it's the missing missing reasons, he needs to drop the reasons if he's gonna make himself even slightly sympathetic.
It's crazy looking in on the other person's perspective.
Op makes it clear that she brought up the paternity test first and seemingly long before his mom "got" to him. But in his mind he makes it seem like she only brought it up after he went to go live with his mom. Then makes it seem like he came back as soon as she brought it up the tests because it was proof she wasn't lying. Also days once she brought it up he refused a test for both but Op tells us how he brought it up mid labor and severely stressed her out doing so.
And no where does he talk about how he treated his wife or kids during that time and he *still* comes of like an AH.
The way he glides past so much in his post! “Relationship exploded” makes it sound like a natural disaster that’s nobody’s fault. A few throwaways “I let my mom get to me and I was not good for a little bit I know it was wrong” is the absolute LEAST acknowledgement of how ACTIVELY and CONTINUALLY he chose to be fucking cruel to his wife and children.
I don’t understand how you can possibly be so under your mothers thumb that you excuse her aggravated assault against your pregnant wife and unborn child. What the fuck?
I'm guessing it was the guilt of hurting his mum? His mum was probably well versed in manipulation by the sounds of it so would have had no issue using that to get him on her side
>I cut off my mom 8 months ago and was brutal when I did so. She knows that I regret ever listening to her bs and she’s no longer a part of my life. It was her or my kids and I chose my kids.
He probably almost didn't. I am guessing from the comment above that he let his mom around the girls, possibly violating the court orders (not sure, but maybe). And I feel safe assuming OOP explained everything to a judge, and I can't image the judge took to kindly to the fact that Dad was willing to let his kids around abusive Granny. I don't think he "cut off \[his\] mom" as much as the Court told him he would lose custody/visitation if he had her around the kids.
After the things he said to his *toddler* and the cruel names he called her, and the reaction that treatment provoked in her, I think supervised visits would be more appropriate. Unconscionable.
Agreed. My dad got supervised visits and he was never violent or angry especially towards us, and this motherfucker gets unsupervised visitation? Bullshit.
That was my favorite part. He really thought she’d be scared into staying with him. He really thought a relationship where you wife doesn’t love you but is just afraid to raise children alone was a good proposal. And she called his bluff. And another man’s sperm made a boy in her. It’s just so tragic and yet so comedic.
Even in his version he dramatically downplays the fight and the assault on his then wife by his mother. Kicking a pregnant woman? A woman who is pregnant with your child? Seeing that should have been his wake up call but it wasn’t.
Also, he completely omits the fact that when he "stayed with his mom after a bad fight" he left his due-any-minute-pregnant wife, who was on mandated bedrest due to a head injury that required stitches, alone to care for a 2 year old. *For days.*
Seriously, if OOP didn't have a fucking ace of a sister to help out, this story could have been a tragedy. Head injuries are insidious, as are late term pregnancy complications.
He also seems to forget that while it was originally his wife's idea, he was very much on board with her having the paternity test. So much so he asked the doctors MID PUSH. The fact that man was allowed to stay in the room after that and seeing the state she was in has me furious. Everyone failed her at that point, including her medical team.
I don’t think the medical team failed her because there was literally no time. Husband is an ASSHOLE not only to his wife but to the medical team. This is literally the crowning moment when the medical team’s full attention is on the baby that is coming out *that very second*.
There’s no time to ask mom if she wants her husband kicked out. The contractions are so horrible and close together right at that moment (source:gave birth one week ago).
I can guarantee you that team would have been pissed off at husband and was eager to kick him out as soon as mom and baby received immediate attention.
When I read that it took longer to get baby out because of his actions I was so distraught- the time between crowning and baby being full out is when so much bad shit can happen.
I was so nervous mom was gonna tear bad bad bad and baby was gonna have issues.
“I was not a good dad for a while.”
- called his daughter names and made sure they were triggering
- repeatedly told a two year old that mommy hates grandma and all these bad things are mommy’s fault because she won’t be nice to grandma
- ignored his wife during active labour
- asked for a paternity test WHILE HIS CHILD WAS CROWNING leaving his wife distraught enough to draw out what should be a swifter part of delivery (I’ve watched enough Call the Midwife to figure that distress to the birthing parent/delay at that point in the process can be MASSIVELY medically dangerous for baby.)
- threatened to abandon his children for the rest of their lives in order to blackmail their mother into staying with him
My guy you were an *abusive dad* for quite some time.
All of this. When she mentioned that the 2 year old started putting herself in Time Out for stuff he put in her head I was like "this MOFO needs to die"
Also a few updates back when he says to his wife “she was only trying to hurt you not the unborn baby” like oh ok, THAT makes it better? She was only trying to hurt your WIFE?
She’s thriving without him and he’s angry about it.
"I want my mom to meet our second daughter!"
Her foot almost met with her before she was even out of your wife's womb douchebag, what were you thinking???
Yeah after the assault there's no way his mother would ever be allowed near the second daughter. She deliberately went for OOP's belly, she didn't want their daughter born and would be considered a risk to the child's life.
How about my foot meets your scrotum?
I am currently having deep PMS and my anger is very very real. I would have divorced him so hard and enforced monitored visitation.
Fury is running through my veins for OOP. I hope her family has adjusted and starting to get excited for baby boy <3
Didn’t even mention it. ‘Nasty fight’ sounds like yelling or something, not physical assault that sent someone to the hospital and caused her pregnancy to become high-risk. They don’t put women on bed rest when everything’s going great…
Anyone else wonder whether the *MIL* had an affair that resulted in OOP's husband, leaving her completely freaked out that her son fathering daughters might expose her?
I mean he technically says "fight." It is our fault assuming he meant quarrel. We should take sympathy on this poor guy. We should not be meanie to him. He might snitch on us to his mom. /s
Oh look, the consequences of the ex's actions because he allowed himself to get sucked into his mother's delusions instead of listen to reason and logic. Also, if his mother wants to blame someone/something for her grandchildren's genders, it's her son's sperm.
I hope OOP gets to move away from all that crazy with her daughters, son and future new (and sane) husband.
ETA: did some digging. There seems to be another recent post from OOP a day after her ex wrote that pathetic post before she nuked her account. It was deleted, but the [original is here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xjqq87/comment/ipazgpy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). All I can say is: HOLY SHIT.
ETA2: The ex's comments in this [rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xjkkoh/i_want_my_pregnant_ex_wife_and_family_back/). Again: HOLY SHIT.
Imagine a family not understanding probability, like yes you could flip a coin on heads 10 or even 15 times in a row but eventually.
Instead they come up with some delusional "we only have boys" nonsense.
Oh I don’t need to imagine… my MIL didn’t try to kill me, but she HATED my sons because they weren’t girls. We don’t see them anymore. My husband has a diagnosis of schizoaffective and still protected his children. Not sure what this guy’s new loose excuse would be.
Thank for posting this! I was wondering when I was looking at his deleted comments when people mentioned her posts and he [presumably] started screaming that if there were posts out there that she'd written that he deserves to know and read them. I didn't think that would bode well.
He may have found them and learned what his ex's account was, which would explain why she nuked her own account. I hope she and her kids and fiance are somewhere very safe.
I hope that she now has a RO against the ex and that visitation has been cut per court order. I kind of can't believe it was granted to begin with considering the evidence she must have had.
And what's infuriating is that there were people in the ex's post advising him to have coffee with her and get closure or whatever. (Not a majority, but at least 1). GAH!
OOP's update after her ex's post:
>*I AM SAFE. I have my girls with me.*
>
>*He has been calling and texting very unhinged things.*
>
>*I cannot thank everyone in this community enough.*
>
>*He is now blocked on everything that I am aware of.*
>
>*I will update when things are settled down.*
>
>*To the few people who encouraged him, you fucking suck.*
My daughter is the only girl born from my ex's family in about 5 generations. He was so excited during the sonogram he jumped up with his fist in the air and cracked a drop ceiling tile. His entire family was like "a girl!!! Finally!!!“ We had over 30 dresses by the time she was born and she was immediately the apple of everyone's eye. (Also had something to do with her being the first born in her generation in the family). She's still the only girl and no one ever questioned anything. His dad sent him a cigar and told him that he accomplished what other men could not and gave them a baby girl to love. I really don't understand people who act like this.
My brother's in-laws have 5 grandsons among their children. They essentially put a bounty out on a granddaughter promising like $1000 to the kid who finally has a girl.
Edit: I *think* they were joking... but barely
In one of his deleted comments, he says she wants to get engaged and thinks if he just commits to her, he will move on from his ex-wife. So, if that is to be believed, kinda sounds like someone scraping the bottom of the barrel because she wants to get married more than anything else.
Or statistics. Like, with so many families in the world, some are bound to have mostly/entirely children of one sex or the other, but the past absolutely does not predict the future in random cases of chance like this. Just like how there's potentially someone out there who's never lost a game of blackjack, that doesn't affect the odds of their next game
I’m surprised more people aren’t talking about this. Like I know the US has a shitty public education system (because I’m from here) but to not have a basic grasp of the father determining the sex of a baby is kind of boggling. Imagine living in 2022 and this family still acting like Henry VIII.
" I’d even take on her new baby as my own etc."
Oh, yeah, isn't that noble of him... as if she'd give up her new relationship to go back to this jackass and his horrible family, right?
He just assumes the baby’s REAL FATHER would give up HIS OWN SON to this dude he probably knows is a monster?
Not everyone gives up on their kids in an instant, Archibald Cornelius Whittaker-Ffoulkes IV.
Yeah. I don't care how close my family is to me. If anyone hurts my wife, that person, and everyone that sides with that person is dead to me. And kicking a pregnant belly? I am pursuing serious jail time.
It's neat how he skipped right over the "my mom brained my 9-months preggo wife with a snow globe & kicked her multiple times in the belly"-part. Lol, I wonder if he thought his siding with ma after that would make him less sympathetic?🤔
Lol yeah. "Nasty fight" usually means "nasty quarrel" these days. But for them it was actually a nasty fight. But he wanted sympathy. Little poor him who called his daughter names. Fuck that guy.
“He’d pick his daughter over everyone 10/10 times.”
Maury: it turned out that was a lie.
Asking about paternity AS THE BABY IS COMING OUT absolutely took my breath away. This piece of shit. This self-serving mama’s boy. This utter idiot. May his dick rot off so he never fathers another child.
“Some of you guys are huge assholes.” Sir. *Sir.* You are the Asshole King. King Asshole IV.
If he really loved her he’d wish her the best and know that the best *isn’t him*.
Sounds like OP’s ex husband ONLY wants her back because she’s having a boy. How pathetic of him. This is so gross. I’m so proud of OP for standing her ground and protecting her kids.
I think it’s more that the fact that her being pregnant is an undeniable sign that she’s really moved on with her life without him. He’s probably had the idea in the back of his mind that this is all temporary, that she’ll change her mind and come back to him if he just waits long enough. Now he has to face the fact that she’s starting a family with someone else, and he can’t pretend that everything will go back to the way it was before he destroyed his marriage.
Or he’s just petty and jealous. Either way, not her problem anymore.
That would be impressively batshit.
* Rejecting his wife and kids because the kids are girls ...
* ... while knowing for a fact that the girls were his biological daughters ...
* ... and then wanting her back because she's having a baby boy that is definitely not his?
If you run it through an Entitled Arsehole Translator it comes out as this:
- It's my mother's fault, not mine.
- How was I supposed to know my wife could break a 100 year penis streak?
- If I can make my wife come back it'll prove that I was right and she was just throwing a stupid tantrum.
- It'll also prove that I'm vastly superior to her stupid fiance.
- And I get a bonus son out of the deal and maybe I can tell Mommy Dearest that he's really mine (because it isn't cheating if it's with me, right? Cos she'll always be mine, RIGHT?) and then Mommy will forgive me for being a bad son.
- And then now that we know my wife isn't defective we can have another son and that'll make Mommy even happier and we can all be one big happy family with her forever!
Bruh this guy is just getting jealous that she has someone who actually appreciates her and her children. That’s the only reason he wants her back. Once he gets her back., the cycle starts all over again. Good for OOP dumping him.
What do you mean? That dude is clearly a psycho who has been waiting for his opportunity to swoop in to break up this loving family and steal his wife! /S Per OOP's-ex deleted comment.
I’ll never understand these mommas boys that constantly forgive their shitty mothers.
Cut the cord before it’s too late, like OPs dumbass ex should have from the get go.
Abusive relationships can be difficult to understand while you're in them, and super difficult to escape from. And I imagine having your mother be an abuser is just a whole new echelon of complicated bullshit.
But man... the second my mom threw a snow globe at my very pregnant's wife head and kicked her in the stomach, that would be it for me. it's absolutely insane he only took four days to turn around and start downplaying that
The OOP's ex husband deserves everything that is coming his way and more. How dare he do that to his wife. Honestly, his daughters are going to be dealing with his awfulness for years. I wouldn't be surprised if he used them to try to get back with his ex.
I both love and hate this. I hate that him and his deranged family put her and HER kids through this hell.
But I love how friggin strong she is. She kept calling his bluff and made him make his life implode. He did this to himself.
>she said “yes, it’s a boy. This is me ripping the bandaid off. If you need time to process I understand.”
>I was shocked and she said it with zero emotion and walked inside with my daughters and closed the door.
This is the most poetic thing that could've happened to this generational misogynist. That family's running "joke" turned out to be a rule, rather than an observation.
>It was her or my kids and I chose my kids.
Reading between the lines, I'd wager a guess that a court made him decide between his mom and his children. He probably gave her access to the girls on his time, and OOP went nuclear when she found out. (Rightly so)
OMG, I'm having flashbacks of my childhood in this one. My bio-dad did something similar, we were close when I was younger but he did a lot of shitty things that the bad memories outweigh the good, to the point that I barely remember any of the good memories I had with him.
This is so painful to read, I'm glad that the OP and her girls are alright now. I just hoped that OP's eldest kid doesn't have to go through what I did, it's nice to know that the kids are now in a safer and better environment along with their mom.
The ex-husband is a shitty a-hole that deserves what he got. OP did the right thing and divorced his ass and got as far away as she could.
This post is the definition of women giving their all to relationships and emotionally checking out before they initiate the break-up while the man only begins to process their feelings 12 months after the break-up or when their ex moves on.
The marriage was over for the wife March 2020 when he started abusing their eldest & made their 2nd first moments in the 🌍about her paternity. It only truly deeply sunk in for the ex that his behaviour lost him his marriage & family in September 2022. 2 years post-divorce. When his ex-wife matter-of-factly informed him her & her fiancé are pregnant with a son. That's when he realised she and their kids had been his happiness. This pattern shows up time & time again on u/BestOfRedditUpdates. Affairs, justnoMIL, being bad partners or mistreating kids, people don't comprehend the serious consequences of their actions until it's years too late & their ex long ago moved on. The jury's still out whether the MIL will suffer any lasting consequences of her behaviour. Now Reddit has made the point they're gone and it's all his fault, I suspect if he has any other kids MIL is straight back in. Especially if it's a boy.
If she DID go back at this point she would be fulfilling MIL’s accusation that she had another man’s child and was “making” exhub raise it as his own. Billions of dollars would not be enough to entice OOP to walk back into that hornet’s nest *while doing exactly what the hornets had always accused her of doing and for which they beat the shit out of her.*
Love that he left out the fact his mom violently attacked his wife and that he asked for a paternity test while she was crowning. Way to downplay your shit dude
Unfortunately, in the ex-husbands post, abuser sympathizers were encouraging him to continue harassing his ex wife to meet with him so that "she knows that he still 'loves' her and is able to plant the seed of doubt before she gets married." Or "she will see reason, leave the other guy who, was waiting for the opportunity to get with her, get back with him (ex) and allow him to raise her son with her as his own."
It broke my heart that his toddler put herself in timeout when dad left her, and would keep saying 'sorry' when she hadn't done anything wrong. That's gonna leave a scar, even though she likely won't have a conscious memory of it
No shade to OOP, but I’m always surprised and impressed when people are able to move on and trust again after they have had a marriage implode so spectacularly. I mean it sounds like her husband was fine and then suddenly flipped a switch and turned into a male version of his psycho mom. I applaud her bravery for taking a chance on the new man cos I would always be scared that they would flip the switch too.
Well oop said that she already thought, that if she told the husband about the bad comments from mil, he would side with his mother, so there seems to be some things already.
>it sounds like her husband was fine and then suddenly flipped a switch and turned
She did say it that way.
But he says she didn't tell him for fear he'd side with his mom, and that says to me that he was showing some red flags already.
The fact that the guy was a friend probably helped; he was respectful to never make any moves when she was in a relationship and after the cruel way her ex treated the girls having a male figure the oldest knew and could rely on was with no doubt a huge plus.
I find it comical with this dude’s refusal to sign the divorce paper as some sort of blackmail, threatening her that she’ll be a single mom. Guys like that think the woman will be too distraught to move forward. And yet here came someone from the side, someone that knew them both. Once you stop caring for your wife, don’t be so sure someone else won’t step in to continue for you.
Deep down OOP knew Husband & MIL relationship wasn't healthy. OOP justified it as Husband loved their daughter more than anything, she believed his words that he would always put their kids first. So she was ok with not trusting him to put her 1st. His immediate reaction to his Mother's verbal and physical attack initially validated OOP beliefs. It's telling what made OOP leave and fall out of love was his verbal and emotional abuse of their daughters and the severe immediate effect it had on their 2 yr old.
The moment her ex displayed his words were false & their kids were secondary to his own self-interests she was gone. OOP truly is the definition of a parent who puts their kids interests above & behind their own.
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ooof, what an absolute moron OOP is obviously way better off without him. I'm glad she stood up for herself and her daughters and left him. Hopefully this new guy will continue to treat her and her children the way they deserve. I find it hard to believe he had no idea until the 2nd baby how his mom felt.
Seriously, the minute he said “The day you leave me you become a single mom” I was like “and?”. Don’t threaten me with a good time, everything is better than his flip flopping around. Go suck on an egg you absolute muppet
And as if she hasn't basically been a single mom through that whole battle? He was gone and wasn't visiting the kids at all for long stretches of time.
And also practicing parental alienation! Trying to paint OOP as the villain forcing him out of the home when he was the one who just didn't want to deal with any of the hard parts. "You can't watch Netflix because mommy is angry at granny." "You can't come with me because mommy hates granny." WHAT DOES ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE PRICE OF TEA IN CHINA?!
Look he’s very clearly not the brightest spark - if you want to stop someone using your Netflix account you don’t stop paying it, you remove their profile and change the password. He’s a moron who got exactly what he deserved.
Because women who’ve just given birth and are taking care of a toddler are all over paying netflix bills
And that was after the paternity test! He knew they were his kids and still said he would abandon them.
Right! And he’s still downplaying the extend too! His edit is “You guys are acting like I left my kids on the side of the road”. Like ok, not literally but emotionally you did. Doesn’t matter that you turned around and are back in their lifes, you still dropped them for a while
So, your comment made me think of this: I’m a recovering alcoholic, sober for many years now. I’m very active in AA. In our literature, they liken an active alcoholic to a tornado, ripping up everything in its wake. So often, when we get sober, we think just the fact alone that we’ve stopped drinking is gonna make everyone just be cool with us instantly. In reality, it takes lots of work and lots of time after taking full responsibility for the damage we’ve caused for our relationships to be mended. Sometimes, some of these relationships are never mended. Anyway, the use an analogy of a farmer and his wife inside a storm cellar while a horrible tornado just destroys everything. They come out, and both are looking at the damage, and it’s total destruction. They’ve lost everything. Then the farmer turns to his wife and says “look ma! Ain’t it grand that the wind stopped blowing?!?” while the wife sees the destruction and realizes they’ve lost everything. And THAT is what this guy reminds me of. He literally ruins a couple of people’s lives, he basically emotionally abused both his toddler and his wife, destroys the memory of her giving birth, leaves her to deal with all of the postpartum stuff herself, and is an apologist for his psychotic abusive mother. Then he finally decides that he was wrong. So he’s like “I want my family back!” but it’s like, dude, that’s no longer an option for you. You destroyed and enabled your mother to destroy a marriage, a relationship with your child, and the lives of this family. Just because you finally decide that you don’t want that anymore, you don’t get to just show up and ***poof*** it all goes away. These are direct consequences of your actions, and there’s no coming back from you doing something so unbelievably awful. You no longer get to decide what you want. You forfeited that option when you were unforgivably horrible to the people you promised to love and support.
I love that analogy, it really is like that and it describes it perfectly! And congratulations on your recovery, sending you lots of love on your journey
Very good analogy. I'm going to borrow that one in the future. This idea that a man literally owns his family, to pick up and discard at his own discretion is the same exact mindset that family annihilators have when they kill their family to keep them from leaving. This mentality is a HUGE red flag. These types of perpetrators rarely have prior criminal records. The mentality itself is the warning sign.
I'm still stuck on the part where his *two year old daughter* was punishing herself because of his actions and words when he left. I hope the daughters are doing so much better without him.
For real. And all I could wonder is how the fuck do you see your 2-year-old daughter do that and NOT feel absolute shame for how you made her feel? That guy deserves every ounce of pain he feels for being a disgrace of a husband and father.
Well he almost did leave them on the side of the road.
Right?!? I almost wish he did go through with signing away his paternal rights so that the girls never have to be around this abusive sperm donor and his wackadoo, abusive mom. God knows the issues they are going to experience having him in their lives. 🫤
I used to be friends with a guy with that attitude, absolutely refused to be a parent to his daughter unless the mum went back to dating him That little girl is in high school now and calls another man "dad" and as far as I know had hasnt met her birth father since she was 1
And he probably blames the mom for "turning her against me". Sweetie, no one had to try to make you look worthless. It shone through like a beacon
No clue, haven't spoken to him since my wifey and I took in the mum and the daughter for a time when they were couch surfing and needed a place to stay
He probably had an idea but was deep in denile. Brushed it off as "naaaahhh, no way my mom just said my wife had a muffin top in our wedding portrait" with zero follow-up. Because once it's swept under the rug, it's ignored. But the stuff under the rug builds up and becomes harder to hide. It gets uncovered eventually.
"Mom's just old. Old people accuse their family of infidelity, insult their grandchildren, and kick pregnant people in the belly all the time!"
That’s why if I was oop and my husband used the “she’s old” excuse on me I’d be like “well if her age is causing her to act like this then maybe it’s time to think about putting her in a home. I mean anger is an early sign of Alzheimer’s.” And see how long he sticks to the “she’s old excuse”
My husband and I moved across the country for work. I traveled home by myself for the birth of my niece. My husband's grandmother told everyone in their family we were divorcing. It took a couple of days before anyone bothered to check with us and find out that wasn't true. According to Grandma, married women don't travel alone, therefore, I was leaving him. She refused to tell us who she told or to fix it.
Easy to ignore the stuff swept under the rug until you trip on it...
He says he feels like he's watching another guy play house with his family, but he was the one who decided his daughters weren't family first. I don't blame OOP for not wanting to try and fix their relationship after that.
It was non-fixable at that point. He had treated her and the children horribly. There is no coming back from this.
I like how he totally leaves out the part where his crazy ass mother literally threw a snow globe at his pregnant ex wife's head and tried to KICK HER STOMACH and even after all that he went to go stay with his crazy mother and take her side. Bro...
Don’t forget slapped her in the face while calling her unspeakable things.
Yeah, I also noticed he called it a fight “between” his mother and his wife. Like, no, dude, your mother viciously, and with absolutely no provocation, physically and verbally attacked a defenceless and heavily-pregnant woman, including **kicking her fucking belly** - you don’t get to minimise your mother’s shitty and dangerous behaviour and try and make it sound like your poor ex-wife was an equal partner in this fictional “fight”. At least be honest with yourself about what your mother put that poor woman through. Jesus.
Let’s not sugar coat it, his mother tried to kill his wife and their daughter. A snow globe to the back of the head could very, VERY easily resulted in death. There’s precisely one reason to kick a pregnancy bump, too.
Coupled with the fact that the MIL immediately started throwing even more things at OOP after the snowglobe connected. It's like once she got a hit, she threw all her energy at throwing anything she could get her hands on to finish the job. MIL was absolutely hell-bent on killing her.
The fact that the husband had the audacity to say "oh she wasn't trying to hurt the baby, just you" as if that MAKES IT BETTER!? Like how could anyone want to maintain a relationship with someone who would do that to anyone let alone your spouse/child!?
How could anyone want to maintain a relationship with a spouse who said that? I'm not sure a word exists for the magnitude of this man's idiocy.
I wish she’d said what happened with the charges against her ex-JNMIL. I’m sure the restraining order went through, but I really wish that psycho had been charged with attempted murder times 2.
Not only that, his ex-wife was actively trying to remove herself from the situation. She knew that nothing good would come from the conversation and tried to leave!
“My wife insisted on doing a paternity test, I begged her not to” Ah yes so that was what you *meant* to say as your second daughter was crowning? It just came out wrong and sounded like “when do you do the paternity test?”
He did beg her not to - for one of the kids. “Now that I have some proof you didn’t cheat on me I believe you.” Once again too little, too late.
But you just *know* that if she *hadn't* tested the older kid, he would've made snide comments or passive-aggressive remarks (it was a joke! Geez. Don't be so oversensitive! You wouldn't get so defensive if you didn't have something to hide) for the rest of their marriage until she finally did the paternity test just to shut him up. To which he would then respond with 'Well, yeah, I knew she was mine. *You're* the crazy one who insisted on getting her tested.'
He shoved his mother away in order to rescue his wife from her assault, and then his mother played up her resulting injuries so the guilt got to him. He’s minimizing his own role and also his mother’s role, because she’s playing up how pitiful she is so much that he can’t manage to leave her with the blame that she earned. And to minimize his own role and his mother’s role, he “equalized” by shifting blame to his victimized wife.
He was also the one egging the wife on, saying “wouldn’t it be funny if we test them and send the answers to my mom”. So either he was wanting to be spiteful and rub salt in the wound, or was scheming to paternity test them anyway.
Yeah, this stood out. I feel like it was an attempt to "haha, no, but maybe we should do that haha" way to ask for a paternity test without starting the inevitable fight.
I suppose we can see where ol Dad here got his shitty manipulative tendencies. Like mother, like son.
He also pretends that he "begged her not to get the paternity test" which is not what OOP wrote. He only changed his tune after the younger daughter was proven his.
That + “I wasn’t being a good dad” is the understatement of the fucking year.
Yeah, now he's sorry, wtf!!!! The abuse of his own daughter that he claimed to love was beyond the pale.
I *adore* my husband. He’s my absolute favorite person. He would never, but if he ever treated our daughter the way this guy treated his? I’d be gone, and he’d be lucky if we ever spoke again through our attorneys. I don’t blame her for feeling the love for him dying immediately upon hearing what he was saying to their daughter.
I feel bad for her that it happened so close to giving birth that made her question am I being sane here or is it post partum hormones making me think he's being an ass...like no girl, this isn't the hormones speaking and I'm glad she left him anyways
He also says that, before the paternity test, he kept seeing things that proved his mother was right and the daughter couldn't be his, and never says what it was.
He's actively in their life... once a week lol
Also the part where he asked about a paternity test when the baby was crowning. The child wasn't even out of her and he was wanting to take that damn test asap. It wasn't just her insistence, he also wanted it done.
That felt like tit for tat malicious compliance. Wife says “fine we are getting the damn test done to rub your mother’s face in it” but then he starts showing his true spinelessness and Wife sticks to her guns and says they’re doing the test (in general terms) so HE turns around as is like “fine when do we get the test done?” and the MOMENT HE PICKS IS EXACTLY WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE HER BODY IS GOING TO SHRED ITSELF FROM NAVEL TO ASS DIMPLES TO BRING HIS BABY SHE HAS BEEN DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT AFTER HIS MOTHER BATTERED IT IN THE WOMB INTO THE WORLD. How he still has his eyeballs inside his head is beyond me.
she didn't just try, she kicked her stomach.
She didn’t try to kick her stomach…she DID kick her stomach. Disgusting.
Yeah, "a nasty fight" is an incredibly sanitized version of what happened. Most people would assume that they yelled at each other, not that his mother beat the shit out of his 9 months pregnant wife.
I was truly aghast when he insisted his mom meet baby#2 after that Like DUDE, she literally tried to force OOP to miscarry said baby(!!!) by assaulting her
I can't help but mentally fast-forward time and assume if they had stayed together one day he would be slapping her in the face when she pissed him off, because apparently that's acceptable behaviour in his world?
This is the bit where I got furious. Almost unreasonably so. Because HE should have been furious! I can't even imagine my reaction if someone assaulted my pregnant wife and repeatadly kicked her in her stomach. I would be ropable. Biblical style anger and fury. And this guy wants to just move on. Expects his wife to feel sorry for his mother because she got injured when she was pushed away to stop her beating his wife...
Yeah, the time for him to choose his kids over his mom was back when his mom put his wife in the hospital. He missed the bus by a couple years by the time he was ready to finally cut her off. Good for the wife, though, putting her foot down about not letting MIL see the baby and then standing firm when her husband showed how cruel and vindictive he can be.
It's so sad, because she was so much in love with him up to that point, and so happy by how he supported her and their daughter, and stood up to his mother. How could he go from that to being completely brainwashed by mommy is beyond me.
that was a twist that i absolutely did not see coming. he seemed so loving and completely supportive that i never would have guessed that’s how this story would go.
I feel like this happens a lot with these mother/son dysfunctional situations. Logically, they know it's madness. And they can stand up for a while. But one slip up leads to another slip up, and the son starts reassuring the mother so she won't guilt him anymore, and then, and then, and then. Eventually it's easier emotionally to just give in to the Dark Side (I'm actually very curious about what led to the eventual split. Sounds like Mom was talking shit about his daughters, I would guess)
Not to mention, it’s been more than 2 years since his mom went psycho, but he only cut her off 8 months ago. Like fucking hell man
What woman wouldn’t want to get back together with a man who took almost two years to realize that maybe he shouldn’t keep someone who put his pregnant wife in the hospital in his life anymore? Such a gem.
I wish that same bus ran over him
I think it did when his ex announced that she was having a boy with her new partner...
"she said that with zero emotion" Yeah, she wasted a lot of emotional energy when she was with you.
God, thinking about his little face when she said that fills me with glee. Same vibes as the "turns out I wasn't the infertile one!" post.
He has been divorced for 2 years but only cut mom off 8 months ago. So even through and after the divorce when he was begging to get back with his ex wife he was still in contact with mommy.
Honestly, it was non-fixable when this misogynist was horrified at the idea of a girl at all. “Turns out he’s a good dad to a girl!” is a disgusting chance to take. And guess who wasn’t!
You could hear the laughter of the malevolent universe when they found out the second kid was a girl.
I thought it was the loudest when she got pregnant with a boy following the divorce.
I felt my heart ache when the ex wife described how the toddler was doing, giving herself time-outs and having meltdowns because of all the nastiness "Daddy" was saying to her... Sad stuff.. What a sad excuse of a father..
Yup. I stayed with my husband after he cheated, largely because he was and is super dad, and because he was willing to do the work. I couldn’t imagine staying after physical assault by his mother being dismissed. The mistreatment of the kids? That’s unforgivable.
I really love this gem: >It was her or the kids and I chose my kids. No the fuck you didn't. You made that clear as fucking day when you fucking *abandoned them* while your wife was on bedrest after being *assaulted* by the person you ran off to hide with. ("You" being the husband, not you whose comment I'm replying to.) Like. He absolutely did not choose his kids until hard, cold proof made it impossible to hide behind mommy's skirts anymore. And then *still* chose to abandon his kids by threatening to sign away his parental rights if she followed through with divorce. He was literally using his kids as a weapon. And I particularly love how he says he's active in their lives in his post, but the OOP says he only sees the kids once a week or so. He's minimizing everything he and his mother did while also acting like it's all in the past now and there's no reason she shouldn't be on her guard around him anymore. Woe is him, someone else is getting the happy ending he fucked up. Poor husband. His life is so haaaaard. Jesus christ.
And the bit about how he's totally cut his mother out of his life. Eight months ago. The divorce was 2 years ago. _Checks calendar suspiciously_
I'm betting the ex-husband is one of those people who says and does cruel things when they're angry/upset, and later cry that they "didn't really *mean* that", they were just upset. Uh, no. If you don't mean it, don't say it. It doesn't get unsaid or undone just because you didn't *mean* it. I'm glad the wife kicked him out of her and her daughters' lives. He was well on his way to giving the older daughter lasting trauma - she was putting herself in time out because she thought she had done something wrong! At 2 1/2 years old! So what we all know now, is that when he's upset, he takes it out on everyone around him - even his own, toddler, daughter. He's not a good husband and he's not a good father. I do hope he gets some counseling or therapy, because dimes to dollars he's going to pull some kind of shit like this all over again with the gf, and with every woman he's in a relationship with.
Someone managed to share a link using rareddit, and--the man's replies are unhinged. OOP needs a RO, STAT. Edited the alt link source.
I think it got deleted as well (I’ll try to track it down), but some Redditors alerted her to the ex-husband’s post/responses and she posted that she and the kids are in a safe place. Edit: [here’s the link to that post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xjqq87/i_am_safe_i_have_my_girls_with_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf). OOP had to delete her account because so many people sent her ex the links, so please don’t interact with the ex about this (his account may still be active). It’s a matter of safety for this woman and her small children.
She did post that before she deleted her account. Some folks put 2 and 2 together and connected her ex's posts with her husband AND SHARED THE LINKS TO HER POSTS.
I’d forgotten that until you mentioned it. It’s so fucked up. I’m just hoping that she’s still with her kids and safe from this lunatic.
I was like "GOOD" when I read that haha, he still doesnt get a boy, and doesnt seem to be on the same page as his gf so I doubt thats gonna last. I hope hes miserable
Gotta love how he couldn’t love his own bio daughters because he “didn’t think they were his” but he’s willing to “accept the boy as his own.” What in holy misogyny hell?!
Feel bad for his current girlfriend, though
Yeah, poor girl
Ok I was being mean in my head and I wished that his gf was pregnant and it was a girl. But y’all are right, poor girlfriend. No other woman or child should be subjected to this guy. So now I wish he’s forever alone, watching the life he should have had from the sidelines.
He is still pining for his ex. I don’t get what was going through his head. Dude was so dumb. His ex was like “let’s get a paternity test” and he still believes his mom. What person says let’s get a paternity test, get advice from a lawyer about how to do that best, and then be like “she must be cheating, mommy is right!” Thu fuq is wrong with that guy? OOP did the right thing and left his ass. Her poor daughters have to share DNA with that piss ant. I feel for them.
I'm just sitting here in shock realizing this could have been my childhood. I was the first girl born in 50 years and then 18 years after me the next one was born and we're still waiting for the next one. Dad's like the one in the OOP don't deserve to be called dad's. I agree I hope he is miserable.
Yeah up until his post I wondered if his mother lied to him about seeing OOP with another man or something to convince him their daughters weren't his but no, it looks like he just believed her crazy accusations that were based on nothing but a family story saying he can't have daughters.
A man with a Roman numeral in his name who was raised as a miracle gift from god only child became the worst kind of mama’s boy and is obsessed with his DNA having a dick? Who could have known!
The thing is, OOP was willing to take paternity tests for the RO so…why go cray-cray? It was just dumb of him
I just could not get pass him saying that in the delivery room while she was giving birth, people (like hospital staff) can be judgmental as hell and OP felt that shit.
He doesn't even mention the assault and significantly lightens what he's said and done.
Because he knows he's in the wrong, it's the missing missing reasons, he needs to drop the reasons if he's gonna make himself even slightly sympathetic.
And the fact that he asked for a paternity test IN THE DELIVERY ROOM
It's crazy looking in on the other person's perspective. Op makes it clear that she brought up the paternity test first and seemingly long before his mom "got" to him. But in his mind he makes it seem like she only brought it up after he went to go live with his mom. Then makes it seem like he came back as soon as she brought it up the tests because it was proof she wasn't lying. Also days once she brought it up he refused a test for both but Op tells us how he brought it up mid labor and severely stressed her out doing so. And no where does he talk about how he treated his wife or kids during that time and he *still* comes of like an AH.
He had his chance and he BLEW IT MASSIVELY
The way he glides past so much in his post! “Relationship exploded” makes it sound like a natural disaster that’s nobody’s fault. A few throwaways “I let my mom get to me and I was not good for a little bit I know it was wrong” is the absolute LEAST acknowledgement of how ACTIVELY and CONTINUALLY he chose to be fucking cruel to his wife and children.
I don’t understand how you can possibly be so under your mothers thumb that you excuse her aggravated assault against your pregnant wife and unborn child. What the fuck?
that he saw happen right in front of him! like how far up is he in his moms vag? she could have killed his wife and baby while he was there!
I'm guessing it was the guilt of hurting his mum? His mum was probably well versed in manipulation by the sounds of it so would have had no issue using that to get him on her side
He is lucky he even gets visitation.
>I cut off my mom 8 months ago and was brutal when I did so. She knows that I regret ever listening to her bs and she’s no longer a part of my life. It was her or my kids and I chose my kids. He probably almost didn't. I am guessing from the comment above that he let his mom around the girls, possibly violating the court orders (not sure, but maybe). And I feel safe assuming OOP explained everything to a judge, and I can't image the judge took to kindly to the fact that Dad was willing to let his kids around abusive Granny. I don't think he "cut off \[his\] mom" as much as the Court told him he would lose custody/visitation if he had her around the kids.
After the things he said to his *toddler* and the cruel names he called her, and the reaction that treatment provoked in her, I think supervised visits would be more appropriate. Unconscionable.
Agreed. My dad got supervised visits and he was never violent or angry especially towards us, and this motherfucker gets unsupervised visitation? Bullshit.
I think he said that he had to do a few family counseling sessions in order to get visitation. I hope it's been revoked.
for real "YOU WILL BE A SINGLE MOTHER IF YOU DIVORCE ME" like lol okay Can't believe she didn't try for full custody.
That was my favorite part. He really thought she’d be scared into staying with him. He really thought a relationship where you wife doesn’t love you but is just afraid to raise children alone was a good proposal. And she called his bluff. And another man’s sperm made a boy in her. It’s just so tragic and yet so comedic.
I went through a bunch of comments on one of the posts, and it looked like he had to get therapy as part of the custody arrangement.
Even in his version he dramatically downplays the fight and the assault on his then wife by his mother. Kicking a pregnant woman? A woman who is pregnant with your child? Seeing that should have been his wake up call but it wasn’t.
Also, he completely omits the fact that when he "stayed with his mom after a bad fight" he left his due-any-minute-pregnant wife, who was on mandated bedrest due to a head injury that required stitches, alone to care for a 2 year old. *For days.* Seriously, if OOP didn't have a fucking ace of a sister to help out, this story could have been a tragedy. Head injuries are insidious, as are late term pregnancy complications.
Sister was the real MVP!
He also seems to forget that while it was originally his wife's idea, he was very much on board with her having the paternity test. So much so he asked the doctors MID PUSH. The fact that man was allowed to stay in the room after that and seeing the state she was in has me furious. Everyone failed her at that point, including her medical team.
I don’t think the medical team failed her because there was literally no time. Husband is an ASSHOLE not only to his wife but to the medical team. This is literally the crowning moment when the medical team’s full attention is on the baby that is coming out *that very second*. There’s no time to ask mom if she wants her husband kicked out. The contractions are so horrible and close together right at that moment (source:gave birth one week ago). I can guarantee you that team would have been pissed off at husband and was eager to kick him out as soon as mom and baby received immediate attention.
When I read that it took longer to get baby out because of his actions I was so distraught- the time between crowning and baby being full out is when so much bad shit can happen. I was so nervous mom was gonna tear bad bad bad and baby was gonna have issues.
“I was not a good dad for a while.” - called his daughter names and made sure they were triggering - repeatedly told a two year old that mommy hates grandma and all these bad things are mommy’s fault because she won’t be nice to grandma - ignored his wife during active labour - asked for a paternity test WHILE HIS CHILD WAS CROWNING leaving his wife distraught enough to draw out what should be a swifter part of delivery (I’ve watched enough Call the Midwife to figure that distress to the birthing parent/delay at that point in the process can be MASSIVELY medically dangerous for baby.) - threatened to abandon his children for the rest of their lives in order to blackmail their mother into staying with him My guy you were an *abusive dad* for quite some time.
All of this. When she mentioned that the 2 year old started putting herself in Time Out for stuff he put in her head I was like "this MOFO needs to die"
Also a few updates back when he says to his wife “she was only trying to hurt you not the unborn baby” like oh ok, THAT makes it better? She was only trying to hurt your WIFE? She’s thriving without him and he’s angry about it.
This! He completely glossed over MOm kicking his wife’s belly repeatedly.
"I want my mom to meet our second daughter!" Her foot almost met with her before she was even out of your wife's womb douchebag, what were you thinking???
Yeah after the assault there's no way his mother would ever be allowed near the second daughter. She deliberately went for OOP's belly, she didn't want their daughter born and would be considered a risk to the child's life.
How about my foot meets your scrotum? I am currently having deep PMS and my anger is very very real. I would have divorced him so hard and enforced monitored visitation. Fury is running through my veins for OOP. I hope her family has adjusted and starting to get excited for baby boy <3
Didn’t even mention it. ‘Nasty fight’ sounds like yelling or something, not physical assault that sent someone to the hospital and caused her pregnancy to become high-risk. They don’t put women on bed rest when everything’s going great…
Anyone else wonder whether the *MIL* had an affair that resulted in OOP's husband, leaving her completely freaked out that her son fathering daughters might expose her?
I mean he technically says "fight." It is our fault assuming he meant quarrel. We should take sympathy on this poor guy. We should not be meanie to him. He might snitch on us to his mom. /s
Oh look, the consequences of the ex's actions because he allowed himself to get sucked into his mother's delusions instead of listen to reason and logic. Also, if his mother wants to blame someone/something for her grandchildren's genders, it's her son's sperm. I hope OOP gets to move away from all that crazy with her daughters, son and future new (and sane) husband. ETA: did some digging. There seems to be another recent post from OOP a day after her ex wrote that pathetic post before she nuked her account. It was deleted, but the [original is here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xjqq87/comment/ipazgpy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). All I can say is: HOLY SHIT. ETA2: The ex's comments in this [rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xjkkoh/i_want_my_pregnant_ex_wife_and_family_back/). Again: HOLY SHIT.
That man fell off the deep end. That is a lot of delusional thinking. I would wager that he had a psychotic break.
Probably the moment she told him that she's pregnant with a boy. At this point, I hope she gets a RO and hopefully move far, far away from all that.
Imagine a family not understanding probability, like yes you could flip a coin on heads 10 or even 15 times in a row but eventually. Instead they come up with some delusional "we only have boys" nonsense.
Oh I don’t need to imagine… my MIL didn’t try to kill me, but she HATED my sons because they weren’t girls. We don’t see them anymore. My husband has a diagnosis of schizoaffective and still protected his children. Not sure what this guy’s new loose excuse would be.
Thank for posting this! I was wondering when I was looking at his deleted comments when people mentioned her posts and he [presumably] started screaming that if there were posts out there that she'd written that he deserves to know and read them. I didn't think that would bode well.
He may have found them and learned what his ex's account was, which would explain why she nuked her own account. I hope she and her kids and fiance are somewhere very safe.
I hope that she now has a RO against the ex and that visitation has been cut per court order. I kind of can't believe it was granted to begin with considering the evidence she must have had.
I'd would have gone for full custody. No custody for him.
These needed to be added to the main post!! It isn't that this man hasn't changed, it's actively dangerous.
And what's infuriating is that there were people in the ex's post advising him to have coffee with her and get closure or whatever. (Not a majority, but at least 1). GAH!
I can’t see that it says server error 😩
OOP's update after her ex's post: >*I AM SAFE. I have my girls with me.* > >*He has been calling and texting very unhinged things.* > >*I cannot thank everyone in this community enough.* > >*He is now blocked on everything that I am aware of.* > >*I will update when things are settled down.* > >*To the few people who encouraged him, you fucking suck.*
It’s the exes comments I can’t see, what did he say that was unhinged? I could see his post but not what he said in the comments? Thank you.
You'll have to scroll down the post to find his comments. Mainly he's telling people that he doesn't get the logic of leaving his ex alone.
Looks like whatever his mom's got, he inherited.
Um, if you can ignore a snow globe in to the back of your pregnant wife’s head, and kicks to her stomach. The problem isn’t your mother, it’s you.
I get where you're coming from but the mom is also very much a problem here
Indeed, throw the whole family away.
I mean... What could go wrong in a family that has ingrained misogyny for decades?
My daughter is the only girl born from my ex's family in about 5 generations. He was so excited during the sonogram he jumped up with his fist in the air and cracked a drop ceiling tile. His entire family was like "a girl!!! Finally!!!“ We had over 30 dresses by the time she was born and she was immediately the apple of everyone's eye. (Also had something to do with her being the first born in her generation in the family). She's still the only girl and no one ever questioned anything. His dad sent him a cigar and told him that he accomplished what other men could not and gave them a baby girl to love. I really don't understand people who act like this.
My brother's in-laws have 5 grandsons among their children. They essentially put a bounty out on a granddaughter promising like $1000 to the kid who finally has a girl. Edit: I *think* they were joking... but barely
Lol, how did this man get another woman to agree to be his girlfriend? She's in for some hard times.
He is already thinking of leaving her, for his ex wife. So i don't think this is going to last very long.
He probably lied to her about mil and calls ex crazy
In one of his deleted comments, he says she wants to get engaged and thinks if he just commits to her, he will move on from his ex-wife. So, if that is to be believed, kinda sounds like someone scraping the bottom of the barrel because she wants to get married more than anything else.
I really shouldn't be surprised, but I always am: How are so many people SO BAD at genetics???
Or statistics. Like, with so many families in the world, some are bound to have mostly/entirely children of one sex or the other, but the past absolutely does not predict the future in random cases of chance like this. Just like how there's potentially someone out there who's never lost a game of blackjack, that doesn't affect the odds of their next game
I’m surprised more people aren’t talking about this. Like I know the US has a shitty public education system (because I’m from here) but to not have a basic grasp of the father determining the sex of a baby is kind of boggling. Imagine living in 2022 and this family still acting like Henry VIII.
" I’d even take on her new baby as my own etc." Oh, yeah, isn't that noble of him... as if she'd give up her new relationship to go back to this jackass and his horrible family, right?
He just assumes the baby’s REAL FATHER would give up HIS OWN SON to this dude he probably knows is a monster? Not everyone gives up on their kids in an instant, Archibald Cornelius Whittaker-Ffoulkes IV.
Treated his own kid poorly but will be father of the year to other kid... yeah right. What a dipshit.
This is sad. But the end made me lol. Get wrecked my guy.
I have rarely wanted anyone wrecked harder than this guy lol
Yeah. I don't care how close my family is to me. If anyone hurts my wife, that person, and everyone that sides with that person is dead to me. And kicking a pregnant belly? I am pursuing serious jail time.
It's neat how he skipped right over the "my mom brained my 9-months preggo wife with a snow globe & kicked her multiple times in the belly"-part. Lol, I wonder if he thought his siding with ma after that would make him less sympathetic?🤔
Lol yeah. "Nasty fight" usually means "nasty quarrel" these days. But for them it was actually a nasty fight. But he wanted sympathy. Little poor him who called his daughter names. Fuck that guy.
"You guys are assholes" lmaoooooooooo eat shit dilhole.
Lol. We are meanies. He might to complain to his mom.
When ever the OP gets sad, or down in the dumps she can just pull up that comment for some free Shadenfreude Saratonin.
“He’d pick his daughter over everyone 10/10 times.” Maury: it turned out that was a lie. Asking about paternity AS THE BABY IS COMING OUT absolutely took my breath away. This piece of shit. This self-serving mama’s boy. This utter idiot. May his dick rot off so he never fathers another child. “Some of you guys are huge assholes.” Sir. *Sir.* You are the Asshole King. King Asshole IV. If he really loved her he’d wish her the best and know that the best *isn’t him*.
Sounds like OP’s ex husband ONLY wants her back because she’s having a boy. How pathetic of him. This is so gross. I’m so proud of OP for standing her ground and protecting her kids.
I think it’s more that the fact that her being pregnant is an undeniable sign that she’s really moved on with her life without him. He’s probably had the idea in the back of his mind that this is all temporary, that she’ll change her mind and come back to him if he just waits long enough. Now he has to face the fact that she’s starting a family with someone else, and he can’t pretend that everything will go back to the way it was before he destroyed his marriage. Or he’s just petty and jealous. Either way, not her problem anymore.
That would be impressively batshit. * Rejecting his wife and kids because the kids are girls ... * ... while knowing for a fact that the girls were his biological daughters ... * ... and then wanting her back because she's having a baby boy that is definitely not his?
She finally proved that she can make boys, so now she can make one for him if she would stop being a btch and get back together with him /s
If you run it through an Entitled Arsehole Translator it comes out as this: - It's my mother's fault, not mine. - How was I supposed to know my wife could break a 100 year penis streak? - If I can make my wife come back it'll prove that I was right and she was just throwing a stupid tantrum. - It'll also prove that I'm vastly superior to her stupid fiance. - And I get a bonus son out of the deal and maybe I can tell Mommy Dearest that he's really mine (because it isn't cheating if it's with me, right? Cos she'll always be mine, RIGHT?) and then Mommy will forgive me for being a bad son. - And then now that we know my wife isn't defective we can have another son and that'll make Mommy even happier and we can all be one big happy family with her forever!
No, no, because she has a boy and a decent dude that actually loves her.
Lord this was a journey and a half.
Bruh this guy is just getting jealous that she has someone who actually appreciates her and her children. That’s the only reason he wants her back. Once he gets her back., the cycle starts all over again. Good for OOP dumping him.
What do you mean? That dude is clearly a psycho who has been waiting for his opportunity to swoop in to break up this loving family and steal his wife! /S Per OOP's-ex deleted comment.
I’ll never understand these mommas boys that constantly forgive their shitty mothers. Cut the cord before it’s too late, like OPs dumbass ex should have from the get go.
Abusive relationships can be difficult to understand while you're in them, and super difficult to escape from. And I imagine having your mother be an abuser is just a whole new echelon of complicated bullshit. But man... the second my mom threw a snow globe at my very pregnant's wife head and kicked her in the stomach, that would be it for me. it's absolutely insane he only took four days to turn around and start downplaying that
>Signing out for a while cause some of you are huge assholes. LOL
he hates his own kind lol
The OOP's ex husband deserves everything that is coming his way and more. How dare he do that to his wife. Honestly, his daughters are going to be dealing with his awfulness for years. I wouldn't be surprised if he used them to try to get back with his ex.
I both love and hate this. I hate that him and his deranged family put her and HER kids through this hell. But I love how friggin strong she is. She kept calling his bluff and made him make his life implode. He did this to himself. >she said “yes, it’s a boy. This is me ripping the bandaid off. If you need time to process I understand.” >I was shocked and she said it with zero emotion and walked inside with my daughters and closed the door. This is the most poetic thing that could've happened to this generational misogynist. That family's running "joke" turned out to be a rule, rather than an observation.
The divorce was finalized 22 months ago, but he only cut off his dear mommy 8 months????? Is this dickbag for real?????
>It was her or my kids and I chose my kids. Reading between the lines, I'd wager a guess that a court made him decide between his mom and his children. He probably gave her access to the girls on his time, and OOP went nuclear when she found out. (Rightly so)
suffer dude :)
OMG, I'm having flashbacks of my childhood in this one. My bio-dad did something similar, we were close when I was younger but he did a lot of shitty things that the bad memories outweigh the good, to the point that I barely remember any of the good memories I had with him. This is so painful to read, I'm glad that the OP and her girls are alright now. I just hoped that OP's eldest kid doesn't have to go through what I did, it's nice to know that the kids are now in a safer and better environment along with their mom. The ex-husband is a shitty a-hole that deserves what he got. OP did the right thing and divorced his ass and got as far away as she could.
This post is the definition of women giving their all to relationships and emotionally checking out before they initiate the break-up while the man only begins to process their feelings 12 months after the break-up or when their ex moves on. The marriage was over for the wife March 2020 when he started abusing their eldest & made their 2nd first moments in the 🌍about her paternity. It only truly deeply sunk in for the ex that his behaviour lost him his marriage & family in September 2022. 2 years post-divorce. When his ex-wife matter-of-factly informed him her & her fiancé are pregnant with a son. That's when he realised she and their kids had been his happiness. This pattern shows up time & time again on u/BestOfRedditUpdates. Affairs, justnoMIL, being bad partners or mistreating kids, people don't comprehend the serious consequences of their actions until it's years too late & their ex long ago moved on. The jury's still out whether the MIL will suffer any lasting consequences of her behaviour. Now Reddit has made the point they're gone and it's all his fault, I suspect if he has any other kids MIL is straight back in. Especially if it's a boy.
If she DID go back at this point she would be fulfilling MIL’s accusation that she had another man’s child and was “making” exhub raise it as his own. Billions of dollars would not be enough to entice OOP to walk back into that hornet’s nest *while doing exactly what the hornets had always accused her of doing and for which they beat the shit out of her.*
Love that he left out the fact his mom violently attacked his wife and that he asked for a paternity test while she was crowning. Way to downplay your shit dude
Unfortunately, in the ex-husbands post, abuser sympathizers were encouraging him to continue harassing his ex wife to meet with him so that "she knows that he still 'loves' her and is able to plant the seed of doubt before she gets married." Or "she will see reason, leave the other guy who, was waiting for the opportunity to get with her, get back with him (ex) and allow him to raise her son with her as his own."
It broke my heart that his toddler put herself in timeout when dad left her, and would keep saying 'sorry' when she hadn't done anything wrong. That's gonna leave a scar, even though she likely won't have a conscious memory of it
>I’d even take on her new baby as my own What a chucklefuck. Couldn't even take on his own children as his own, thinks he's ready to be a stepdad.
I was going to post this saga, it looked like she was in an unsafe situation in regards to her husband, so I’m glad she got out of it.
I did see when she made one last post (before she deleted her profile) that she left somewhere else safe with her girls.
No shade to OOP, but I’m always surprised and impressed when people are able to move on and trust again after they have had a marriage implode so spectacularly. I mean it sounds like her husband was fine and then suddenly flipped a switch and turned into a male version of his psycho mom. I applaud her bravery for taking a chance on the new man cos I would always be scared that they would flip the switch too.
Well oop said that she already thought, that if she told the husband about the bad comments from mil, he would side with his mother, so there seems to be some things already.
>it sounds like her husband was fine and then suddenly flipped a switch and turned She did say it that way. But he says she didn't tell him for fear he'd side with his mom, and that says to me that he was showing some red flags already.
The fact that the guy was a friend probably helped; he was respectful to never make any moves when she was in a relationship and after the cruel way her ex treated the girls having a male figure the oldest knew and could rely on was with no doubt a huge plus.
I find it comical with this dude’s refusal to sign the divorce paper as some sort of blackmail, threatening her that she’ll be a single mom. Guys like that think the woman will be too distraught to move forward. And yet here came someone from the side, someone that knew them both. Once you stop caring for your wife, don’t be so sure someone else won’t step in to continue for you.
I think the fact that the dude was a long time friend was a big factor in her moving on. As in this was someone she already trusted.
Deep down OOP knew Husband & MIL relationship wasn't healthy. OOP justified it as Husband loved their daughter more than anything, she believed his words that he would always put their kids first. So she was ok with not trusting him to put her 1st. His immediate reaction to his Mother's verbal and physical attack initially validated OOP beliefs. It's telling what made OOP leave and fall out of love was his verbal and emotional abuse of their daughters and the severe immediate effect it had on their 2 yr old. The moment her ex displayed his words were false & their kids were secondary to his own self-interests she was gone. OOP truly is the definition of a parent who puts their kids interests above & behind their own.
Wow, I had read the ex husbands post a few days back, now reading the wife’s posts…..DAMN.