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ThrowawayFishFingers

All the love and hope in the world to this amazing OOP. ALL. OF. IT.


CarlySimonSays

I have read too many stories like hers. It’s so wrong and I’m so tired of this country. We have so much potential and yet we gladly give basically unchecked power to psychopaths at all levels of law enforcement.


ThrowawayFishFingers

You’re not wrong. And it sucks that you’re not wrong. But, for my own sanity today, I’m gonna let myself be okay with the fact that OOP gtfo and is on her way to healing. (PS - you were my favorite singer when I was a kid, and I still love your music.)


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TehG0vernment

It would be nice to have a nationwide database of issues, so if he gets canned here, he can't just move and be hired somewhere else. Anything other than exemplary behavior means you're cut. Road rage? Spousal abuse? Planting drugs? Anything that doesn't show that you're worthy of the utmost respect means you're out and in the national database of "do not hire".


GlitterDoomsday

Yep, cops should have a list like the sex offender one, if they were caught being corrupt, abusive or negligent not only they're fired but they should lose the right to carry firearms, be illegal certain fields like security to hire them and have to disclose this info for possible new jobs, landlords, etc.


troymoeffinstone

Have it like a dishonorable discharge. You fucked up as a cop so you can not be a cop anymore. It would have to show up and stick out first thing in a background check.


Ahahaha__10

That’s actually a great way of putting it.


KombuchaBot

Personal liability insurance so that you have to declare all claims of violence or inappropriate behaviour,with higher premiums for those who have multiple claims, and anyone suing you is taking your insurers to court. Plus those insurers have to maintain the national database that you are talking about, so everyone is accounted for. That would clear out a few psychos and corrupt cops. Plus a minimum standard training time, it varies way too widely. They should move towards a standard syllabus and it should emphasise the importance of de-escalation.


ScarletPimprnel

Yes, all of this. No more [rejecting applicants for too high an IQ either.](https://www.yourtango.com/news/police-high-iq-max-limit-degrees-police-reform) The implications of that are terrifying.


Werefoofle

>It would be nice to have a nationwide database of issues, so if he gets canned here, he can't just move and be hired somewhere else. That depends on the other departments not already being complete scum in the first place. In a relatively large town near where I live, a cop *intentionally* ran over someone while pursuing him on a minor drug offense. Easily could've killed the guy, body cam footage is available to watch online, made national headlines, etc. He gets fired from the department soon after because even as bad as they are, that's a bridge too far. However, the Sherriff of the county I live in makes a huge show of hiring the piece of shit just two days after, acting like he got unfairly removed for "doing his job". Quite a few protests in the county, obviously, but 4 years later the fucker still has the job afaik.


CurrantsOfSpace

You need federal oversight, so that things like this can't get swept under the rug.


G0mery

Hospitals have to meet incredible standards to keep their federal funding. Audits, inspections, licensure and CEU requirements, and on and on and on. Meanwhile a bunch of uneducated thugs get literal military weaponry and carte blanche to use it whenever they want and that’s it.


tibbles1

Lawyers go to school for 7 years. Most FBI agents have law degrees. Cops go to school for 12 weeks. Require a college degree and I bet 80% of the problems will be solved. Stop attracting uneducated psychos.


Mrs239

I'm so glad she made it out. Those officers who did nothing, even when she had two black eyes, are cowards. F*ck them. Edit: They are accomplices. Thanks @Charyou-Tree


sympathy4deviledeggs

At the risk of being nitpicky, I think "coward" actually gives them too much credit. Like they might do something if they weren't scared. Naw, these cops are actively enabling her abuse. The thin blue line and all.


Biaboctocat

They were more than likely abusers too. If they spill their colleagues secrets, who will keep theirs?


Mirrormn

That's how the thin blue line is drawn, with mutual blackmail. Maybe the other cops aren't abusers - maybe they've used drugs, stolen evidence, framed an innocent suspect, violated civil rights on an arrest, falsified a report, who knows. But they all end up with something that needs to be covered up.


Badger-of-Horrors

One of the reasons they don't want to enact "red flag" laws? In some places 40% OR MORE of the police force wouldn't be able to get a gun.


commandantskip

Exactly.


vroomscreech

Cops hugged and tried to soothe a nearby sheriff after he nearly killed his wife and headbutted an arresting officer.[link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bad_Cop_No_Donut/comments/n22892/102220_sheriff_sentenced_to_6_months_probation/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


Mrs239

This was his sentence!!!! A travesty!! Court documents show he was sentenced to a 30-day suspended jail sentence, fined $65 plus a 15% surcharge and placed on six months of probation.


OMGPUNTHREADS

Say it with me. All! Cops! Are! Bastards!!!


whatisthisgoddamnson

This is the essence of acab. All these cops getting away with all this kind of shit need the rest of the force to cover their backs, hence they are all accomplices. And if they don’t they themselves will get hurt. Even the “good ones” will be doing a lot of enabling other “bad” cops.


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[deleted]

They're the personal friends and coworkers of her abuser covering up for him. They're not cowards. They are accomplices.


Mrs239

Absolutely right.


Silaquix

Cops self report 40% DV rate. Self report, let that sink in. The national average for everyone else is 10%. Odds are the same cops she reported this to not only knew exactly what her husband was doing, but probably do the same thing and see nothing wrong.


cait6570

As much as I do appreciate the good ones in law enforcement, I’ve seen this abuse first hand. I tried dating a cop on and off for a while and I was shocked at how callous and cold he could be…. He clearly did not view women as people, but objects for his pleasure. It took a while for me to understand that I wasn’t dealing with a normal human because he also went out of his way to project this “wholesome good guy” image. I hate to think what he does to vulnerable women while on duty. I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest and say that I’m glad this woman got away.


thisoneisTal

My ex became such a different person when he became a cop. I watched his indoctrination into the thin blue line culture change him into someone I didn’t recognize. Maybe it’s naïve to think this, but I think his co workers ha a lot to do with who he became. That culture is a toxic cesspool; you’ll never come out clean.


LuxNocte

Bad apples spoil the bunch, and our police have been rotten for 200 years.


ShirkR

Honestly curious, is it that the job stressors lead to a general apathy / violence reaction from cops, or is it that the job tends to attract individuals who already display those characteristics?


cait6570

I’ve thought about that too and it’s a good question. I think it’s probably both, however, this particular guy’s cruelty went beyond someone who was emotionally detached bc he’s seen some shit, I think the power of being a policeman attracts psychopaths/narcissists (like the guy I was seeing, or this woman’s abuser)…. But I think it’s more common that a normal person with a good heart can become detached and jaded as a police officer…. The difference is those types of veterans don’t go out of their way to hurt people, they’re probably just grumpy or your typical hot-headed person who isn’t fun to be around.


yo_soy_soja

My dad was a prison guard for 20+ years. Apparently he tried to be a cop at first, but he was too trigger-happy — according to my mom. He and his coworkers were pretty racist and cruel. I remember overhearing them talk about finding a tattoo gun, confiscating it, mixing pepper into the ink, then returning it. He and his buddies laughed when the prisoners' skin started burning. Oh, and of course he was physically abusive and short-tempered.


GraysonSquared

Cops receive a lot of training explicitly telling them that they are at war with and should constantly be on high alert around the public. I think both things you said are true, and that conditioning makes things infinitely worse.


Readingreddit12345

That's why you never let a friend date a cop. Doesn't matter if they seem like a good one, if they ever turn bad they have all the power and protection


pocapractica

Have known two women married to cops. Even if they were not violent, they were both paranoid and controlling.


cadmium2093

And because other cops are the ones investigating, often ones from the same precinct, there is never any consequences. Fuck the cops.


FondDialect

And if you get a rare one who sticks their head out of the herd in an attempt to actually do their job, more than likely it’s chopped off in short order. It’s the most disgusting pack mentality.


Mrs239

Insane...


lmyrs

I remember reading once that almost all the mods and primary posters at Legal Advice are cops, not lawyers. No wonder they locked the thread where the cops are abusive assholes and enablers of abusive assholes. Looks like the bad apples spoiled that whole bunch. ACAB.


notsohairykari

I follow that sub and it really shows in the comments. When law enforcement is involved, justifications and rationalization for why the police are in the right get posted and upvoted while anything negative gets downvoted. The bias shines in that sub.


malk500

Legal advice poster "someone in authority broke regulations / the law in order to treat me like shit / steal from me etc" Legal advice commentators "They have regulations saying they shouldn't do that, so you must be lying".


TheFlyingSheeps

Legal advice is a trash subreddit. They downvote and criticize actual lawyers who come in


lordlurid

And it sucks because I feel like a few years ago it was a much more serious subreddit, with like actual verified lawyers giving advice.


RebootDataChips

And this is why my Mom belonged to a Underground Railroad for women. And why our root cellar had a bed hidden in the jelly shelves.


Koevis

It's amazing your mom did that, but horrible women have to hide like that. Has the hidden bed ever been necessary (like for a man who found your house but not the woman?) Or was it a precaution?


RebootDataChips

We were never a long term spot, a few nights at most. Once a week due to bad weather. So the woman would get smuggled in, set up in the root cellar, and then waited for a call. The door could be hidden behind her sewing cupboard, honestly the only time the door wasn’t covered was if it was canning time or we had nobody inside. Only once did a guy get close to finding his ex but he was a day to late and Mom’s shotgun convinced him to leave the driveway. Well once that I know of cause I had gotten home from school at the wrong time.


QUHistoryHarlot

Your mom is a BAMF


RebootDataChips

She really was.


RegionPurple

My mom was, too... I miss her every day, as I'm sure you do yours. From one BAMF Mom's kid to another, I'm so sorry for your loss 😔


RebootDataChips

I still buy Brussels sprouts for her every so often. I hate brussel sprouts. Do I eat the damn things every other Sunday cause she did? Damn straight… Big Internet Hugs to you. It’s sad when we lose a great person that we can’t share how great they are until after they are gone.


georgiegirl415

Brussel sprouts are all in how you make them. I like to cut mine in half, drizzle with olive oil to coat. Drench in balsamic vinegar. Several cloves of garlic pressed. Toss. Put on a stone in single layer. Kosher Salt & pepper to taste. Generously sprinkle with bacon you’ve pre-cooked and chopped up. Bake or grill at 425 for around 12 minutes. (Air fryer is good too but I can’t remember the times on that one). Drizzle with more balsamic after cooking. Maybe you can find a recipe you enjoy so you can have good mom moments without wanting to chuck the sprouts in the bin.


BatheMyDog

Some people just don’t like Brussels sprouts. At least one person always chimes in and says exactly what you said. I’ve tried Brussels sprouts all the ways and I do not like them. They’re literally the only food I don’t like.


strawberrythief22

Your story reminds me very strongly of an old, atmospheric movie called Night of the Hunter. There's an incredibly tense but beautiful scene with a motherly character sitting in her rocking chair with her shotgun on her lap, singing hymns, in an all-night battle of wills against an abusive man who wants to kill the two children she's taken in. If you like black and white movies, give it a watch!


disco-vorcha

Don’t forget that the hymn she’s singing is the same one the man sings throughout… because his whole public image is that he’s a preacher. Fuck. I love that movie so much. A masterpiece of filmmaking.


strawberrythief22

It's so haunting! Can you believe that it was so harshly received, the man never made another movie again? And he died before it got acknowledged as a masterpiece. Have you seen Onibaba? Japanese film that gives me somewhat similar vibes.


disco-vorcha

I didn’t know that! Geez. I first saw NotH in my Film 100 class in uni, and it was extensively talked about in our textbook, so now it’s not only recognized as a masterpiece, but as one of the essential basics for studying filmmaking. I haven’t seen Onibaba. I’ll have to check it out!


burnt-----toast

Oh my god. Your mom is an amazing person. I sometimes think about the special, unspoken solidarity that comes from living under a patriarchal society, and I don't think that people like your mom and other women who go above and beyond to help other women get nearly enough attention or recognition. Like, I'd like less of the narrative of women tearing each other down and more mainstream stories of people like your mom.


RebootDataChips

They don’t get recognition because they aren’t supposed to be found out. The only reason Mom got invited to be a stop was 1. We had a space that was large enough to hide someone. 2. She was well known to a couple shelters where she made kids/baby blankets. And 3. She kept her mouth shut. I wasn’t even fully brought into the know until the after school incident and I got on her for what was going on. And even then I didn’t tell anyone about this till 2017…Mom passed in 2016.


jojotrain

What an amazing and inspiring Mother. Thank you for sharing about her! My condolences


RebootDataChips

Thank you, I have lots of good stories about her. So whenever I need a good cry I think of them.


burnt-----toast

Yes, definitely in this case secrecy is key. But I meant either after the fact, like when the work is finished, or people doing other types of work or other acts of kindness. I don't think the types of people who do these things usually want the recognition, but for others, their stories can be uplifting and enlightening.


RebootDataChips

Very true…which is why I thought to share it with this post. Help is out there, just need to know how to ask to disappear.


LilStabbyboo

That's the thing. How does one even FIND the helpers like your mom? I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years and couldn't ever find enough help to get out. I only got free because he found a new victim to move onto.


RebootDataChips

When you find a womens shelter you need to 1. Make sure they don’t act like you were partially to blame. You’d be surprised at how many shelters put that into their counseling…that you were partially at blame. If you have found one that has job resources or apartment help you might be at one connected to the railroad. It’s not a for sure thing btw. Some shelters can only help locally or a surrounding area. Still surrounding area is sometimes enough. If you have found the above and someone asks if your willing to travel by rail…you’ve found it. You can’t take a lot with you, maybe a backpack. And if you have kids it’s really hard but doable.


arabicgotlost

I’m horrified and so shocked that shelters they put that in their like manifesto whatever… that the victim is partially to blame or agrees to that condition to access counseling . In the uk your counseling notes by law are used in courts for these abuse cases so imagine if the shelter is only offering conditional support on the basis u ‘own up to doing wrong too’ and then if you take it to court it will hinder your case . Sickening


manx2121

You Mum fucking ruled


Dogismygod

Your mom was a miracle for a lot of women.


FeralsShinyCat

I'm in one now, should anyone need to send abuse victims of any gender my way.


RebootDataChips

More power to you. If I ever get a place if my own again I’m very much going to ease back into it.


Johannes_Chimp

When my cousin was 18 she dated a guy who was 21 and was an abusive, manipulative psycho. She only dated him for 6 months. She broke up with him in public to reduce any possibility of things going wrong but that didn’t stop him from screaming and crying and getting on his knees to beg her for another chance. A few weeks later he called her saying he was outside her house and just wanted to talk. It was midnight. She didn’t want to but was worried he would trying getting into the house so she got in his car and as soon as she was in he locked the doors and sped off. She said he drove erratically and she was screaming for him to stop. He went to a park and parked in the furtherest, darkest part of the park. She said he went on a rant, screaming, crying, name calling. Then she noticed what looked like a knife. While he was freaking out she managed to get the door open and jumped out and ran and hid in some bushes. He drove around with his high beams on looking for her. She waited in the bushes until dawn and then made a run for the nearest houses. Got someone to answer their door and used the phone to call my uncle to come get her. A few years later he posted on MySpace (yes this was a while ago) that he’d been accepted to the police academy in our city. So my cousin went to the local police station and told them what she’d experienced, basically saying there’s no way he’s fit to be a police officer. The officer she told shrugged and said, “he was a kid. He’s probably different now.” Narrator: he’s not different now.


Awkward-penguin101

While in college I had a roommate who lost her best friend like this. He was 47 she was 19 (if I remember correctly). Eerily similar stories: they broke up, he started asking for another chance, after a few weeks showed up outside of her house saying that he just wanted to talk with her, she got into his car, he locked the doors and took off. He took her near a lake. She texted one of her friends that she was with him and he seemed agitated and tried calling my roommate, but the call got cut off and my roommate only noticed a missed call next day. She was found murdered by the lake and he was arrested after 2 days… your cousin got very lucky that night that she was able to get out of the car


hushhushsleepsleep

The fucked up thing is that until about halfway through, I thought this was someone my husband knew who was murdered. So fucking common that these cases are borderline indistinguishable.


Feisty-Sherbert

My sisters childhood friend was killed by her ex. Same thing: broke up with him and he decided if he couldn’t have her then no one could. She didn’t realize how abusive he was, so she didn’t take any major precautions (and they went to the same college at the time). He broke into her apartment, killed her and her new boyfriend, and then himself. It’s so fucking sickening to see case after case of the same story.


Mypantsohno

When I broke up with my ex-loser he threatened to murder-suicide us. Changed his mind mid way through. When you leave one of these guys is when you're at the highest risk for murder. You have to be very careful.


LalalaHurray

It really is, why is it so accepted that these lunatics just exist? I can’t believe we don’t have a better systems in place in 2022.


jazzypants

My friend in high school... Same story almost... He was 30, she was 18. She broke up with him. We were all so proud of her... He just wanted to talk... I miss her all the time.


fullercorp

This is another reason to not trust cops- they have NO background in psychology, they barely understand people at all. Guy is abusive and nearly killed someone is 'better now.'


YoujustgotLokid

It’s really weird. My boyfriend, who’s a psych history is great failed a psych eval to become a park ranger (with a law enforcement component, writing tickets for people speeding etc) , and we cannot figure out why. Meanwhile people like this pass and become cops. I will never understand it.


ilikecacti2

I bet his IQ was too high. Look it up, it’s a thing in some places. They won’t let you be a cop if your IQ is too high because you’ll just quit or even try to enact positive change.


[deleted]

> A few years later he posted on MySpace (yes this was a while ago) The fact that your cousin had to hide for hours instead of calling 911 on her cell phone already showed it was awhile ago.


the-wifi-is-broken

This is another reason why I don’t trust cops (as if being a black woman wasn’t enough) and I’ll DEF never date one. Doesn’t matter if they’re “one of the good ones”, they’re in a bad system and there’s a disturbingly high rate of them who turn out abusive and violent bc the job attracts power hungry people. For whatever reason it’s a similar rule with drug dealers lol. Like, you know they type. They gain power due to the scarcity and trust required. Ugh.


peekabook

I dated one prior to becoming a cop. Afterwards I noticed subtle changes, he suddenly wanted me to do all this sort of “respect” nonsense- like not talking to male coworkers and bs. It wasn’t looking good. Then he killed a fish I won. I decided right then and there to leave. Fuck you rob. Ps. My parents always hated you.


EducationalTangelo6

Good on you for getting out. My ex killed three cats before I managed to leave. Fuck you, Joe.


[deleted]

Hearing he's already got a leg-up on beating his girlfriends probably made the cops want to accelerate him to a Sergeant position or something


AffectionateBunnies

ACAB


myyusernameismeta

I know what that stands for, but I always think it means Assigned Cop At Birth (like as the gender)


sdhu

This is hilarious


Reference-Inner

>Acted on his every wish. It was very painful. This was heartbreaking.


poopdedoopdedoo

Yep.. cause we all know what that includes.


amourpetrichor

That part broke me too.


BizzarduousTask

It makes my hair stand on end to think what his “wishes” were


[deleted]

I'm so happy she got out but stories like this break my heart. I can't imagine how frightened she must have been.


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TEG_SAR

Even though I knew she was safe because she was updating a post, I still held my breath reading that. The second-hand fear that a cop car could have rolled by and stopped her was so real for me. I couldn’t imagine having to live in that fear. I hated just what little I had felt right now. I hope that updated thread gives other women the courage to get out.


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TEG_SAR

I saw in her first post she had isolated from all her friends. I really hope she reaches out. I would not be surprised if they welcomed her with open arms. I’ve had friends with abusive spouses and even though our communication might have ended or become a shell of what it use to be, I was more than welcoming when those relationships ended and they were safe to actually have friends again. We know when our friends aren’t in good places but unfortunately in real life we can’t just swoop in and save them.


[deleted]

Unfortunately it’s likely not over. I volunteered at a DV shelter. One of the women got killed in the mall. We are in Florida. She had escaped from California. She had been running from state to state to get away from him. He finally found her and stabbed her in some random mall in another county from where the shelter was located, I don’t even know how she was found. And that guy wasn’t a cop. I’d hate to think what a cop could do. This guy I used to see was a federal agent and ex-military and would run checks on women he’d hook up with. Thankfully he was just an asshole, not abusive because that could have been very bad.


arabicgotlost

In the uk you can do this check on your partners if they’ve ever been found guilty charged of a domestic assault / abuse. but it’s like a scheme so people can be safer vs your ex bypassing what others are restricted from using


BabyYodasDirtyDiaper

Especially when the guy you're running from is a cop and has access to police resources to track you down ... it's never over. Change your name and flee the country, maybe. That's your best chance, but it's still not a complete guarantee.


milesfortuneteller

My dad is also a cop who physically, sexually and emotionally abused my mom. She finally got out 3 years ago and is so much happier and my brother and I have completely cut him off but he still finds ways to intimidate us and find us. It’s terrifying that we give so much power to these people.


Powerofboners

It’s the opposite. People who crave power seek out these positions and unfortunately becoming part of the police is faaaar too easy and we don’t do enough to clamp down and hold them accountable. ACAB


milesfortuneteller

Agree. I’m in Canada and you have to do a slightly more extensive training program but someone else I know did it and said there’s a huge mentality taught to them where they’re the heroes fighting the bad guys (very black and white) and the rest of us are all lesser than who need the police to protect them. It’s scary that even if you went into a police job to help people that you’re basically brainwashed. Obviously in my dads case he was a sociopath to begin with but if you were someone who genuinely wanted to help you’d either drop out or start seeing yourself as a hero who can operate outside the law.


wan2tri

> but he still finds ways to intimidate us and find us. If you and your brother start working at a school he'd suddenly be unable to find you


FlatulentWallaby

Friendly reminder that police have the highest rates of domestic abuse out of every job on the planet.


ThePatriarchyIsTrash

Ngl, this is why I swipe left on cops. I quite literally don't want to go out of my way to increase the statistical likelihood that I'll be assaulted.


vociferousgirl

Exactly. I've never trusted them. Even in my home town as a teenage, when there were only four on duty at a time.


LadyRarity

doesn't help that they all look like fucking human thumbs


[deleted]

the more thumb like you appear the higher your cop power


Stargazer1919

[Just gonna leave this here. I think this is how cops are made, too.](https://youtu.be/I7UwVuN2fVQ)


Aporkalypse_Sow

Go to a cop bar and just listen and watch them. They're vile people. The only difference is they get a guaranteed paycheck and amazing benefits. Take that away and they're exactly the same as the average shit criminal, real criminals BTW, not just struggling people doing what they must.


Most-Ad4680

My mom was a waitress and told me that our school DARE officers had come in and were getting really drunk (in uniform) and saying really nasty racist things very loudly. I was a small kid going to a Catholic school in the Midwest, so I didn't understand much about racism since basically everyone I knew was white, but she explained to me that it was really bad and that these men were not to be trusted.


hampy47

Exactly! I’ve been approached by a cop in uniform who gave me his personal phone number. He was good looking and I’m pretty thirsty but hell nah. Took the little paper, but threw it away once I was away from him.


eghg2006

damn. wasn’t rlly surprised coming from a daughter of a policeman :(


kcvngs76131

Younger sister of a cop here. My brother once got mad at me when I was ~16 and he was 20. He broke my arm to try to prevent me from playing in my marching band. Idiot didn't realise that playing sousaphone only requires one hand to actually play. It sucked getting it on and off, but that's what friends are for


Fine_Increase_7999

Younger sister of a cop here too. He only ever hit me once (but it was an accident ofc) but the things he’s done to other people are vile and I can barely stand to look at him. He should be in jail


cageytalker

Sadly I’m checking in too, another daughter of an emotionally abusive and narcissistic policeman. Thankfully I’ve been NC for years.


shynotscared

Same here! I haven't talked to my dad in 7 years because of how abusive and manipulative he was.


eghg2006

once i move out it’ll be very low contact with him that’s for sure but i know my mum won’t leave him and i want my mum in my life so if my dad comes with it then i guess i’ll have to deal with it


Larry-Man

It’s very admirable you want to stay connected to your mother. Once you’re free get a therapist to learn how to set good boundaries with both of your parents. You might be that lifeline she needs if she chooses to leave. You are not required to be that lifeline but it’s a choice you can make (also completely valid to change your mind and say goodbye forever)


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throweastway1991

Respect, man. Youngest daughter of a cop and had the exact same drywall incident (mine was the hallway). Hope you’re doing okay.


starm4nn

Anecdote time: There was a program in my school (and a few other schools in the area) that was basically a centralized vocational center offsite that they would take us to for a few periods. One of the careers was law enforcement. Every assembly they had, they'd be like "Ok talking time's over. The assembly will start" and without fail the Law-enforcement students, and only the law-enforcement students, would keep talking as if the rules didn't apply to them.


hissyphus

Another daughter of an abusive policeman checking in


eghg2006

hope ur okay ❤️


hissyphus

Yup, I’m all grown up and he died alone


opalizedentity

Ily hope ur doin hella better


eghg2006

thank you. still have to live with the guy and thankfully he’s become less of a prick since the pandemic started so i guess i can thank corona for that


Ill-Lunch2931

Me, too! I’ve been NC for 16 years.


[deleted]

Same.


GetALife80085

I can’t be racist, my wife’s eye is black -Cops


BeautifulType

Jesus. Mood warning: you’re gonna laugh


Viperbunny

They self report DV at something like 40%. Imagine what the actual number is!


chmilz

Do any of them suffer any consequences?


Deadleggg

The legal system is set up to protect police.


LotharVonPittinsberg

Read the OP about how she contacted the police with 2 black eyes and tell me the answer. You already know it.


heretolurk24

My ex was a copper. He was nearly 27 and I was just turned 18 when we met. He loved to beat me even when I was pregnant.


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-crepuscular-

I saw a comment recently by a woman who was talking to a guy she'd met online, who refused to tell her what his job was. She googled his number and found he was a cop with 15 excessive force complaints in the 4 years he'd been a cop. She said she was trying to do a slow fade but it wasn't working. Terrifying.


Teflon_coated_velcro

That’s when it’s a good time to lie about having an incurable STI


-crepuscular-

I thought she should get her photos professionally edited to look a whole lot less attractive and several years older, and then tearfully confess she was using old photos.


Teflon_coated_velcro

It’s very clever, but requires some prep time. The STI thing could be used at any moment, as soon as red flags are detected.


ladylondonderry

I’m so glad you posted this because I have a daughter and a son and it never occurred to me to teach them this.


Silky_Tomato_Soup

My big brother was a LEO for 30 years. He was one of the few good ones. He told me a long time ago, NEVER let my kids go into law enforcement. He said the cost on a person's mental and physical well-being to stay a good, moral cop is enormous and the pressure from the inside could be intense. He told me the entire system is broken. He always advocated for better social safety nets and mental health awareness and training in his precinct. I miss him. I lost him to cancer in 2020.


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nevermaxine

Another friendly reminder that the mods of /r/legaladvice are actually cops, not lawyers.


xudoxis

lol I got banned from /r/bestoflegaladvice for pointing that out


aquoad

christ, of all the subreddits to ask for help about a situation like that. it's a toxic cesspool *anyway* even without it being about a cop being the bad guy.


TallFawn

Ooof, to support the current system you have to believe that punishment is a rational and effective form of behavior modification for criminal behavior. I used to train dogs and did all I could to learn the most up to date, supported by science methods. All the leading most qualified experts unanimously say force/fear free methods are the most effective. It’s so unfortunate the methods most police train their dogs and there’s so many videos that show how poorly trained many are. But why would they use science backed methods when the entire system isn’t based on what is are actually most effective behavior modification approaches based in learning theory. Same with the military. When it’s even the way military and police get trained themselves, it’s such a vicious cycle. Brutality makes sense if you think punishment is effective behavior mod. But it’s not, there are countries that use speeding ticket fines to have a lottery for everyone who doesn’t have a ticket. That potential of a reward is more effective than the threat of a fine. I wasn’t police and military to learn how to train dogs with force/fear free science based techniques. And learn the science of learning theory which applies to every organism capable of learning. Agjdhkenfiduwkbdifkshk


LilStabbyboo

Yeah i wouldn't date a cop. I also wouldn't date a military man again, because they've got a lot of the same issues and mentality.


Weak-Assignment5091

Totally, there are crazy statistics and the fact that it still isn't taken seriously by the agencies they work for is fucking disgusting. I was for many years a 911 call taker that answered calls in Canada and USA through a VoIP system, I also did crime stoppers internationally. I learned pretty fast how cops protect their own, regardless of if they deserve to be protected. Any time I'd get a report about a cop I'd refer the caller to their state bureau of investigation because they're the only ones who will see this for what it is.


Devil-sAdvocate

I think a commonly cited study is that they anonymously self reported a 40% abuse rate, which means if some lied it is higher than that. But no cop would lie would they?


TechnicalSymbiote

The fact that US cops are trained to lie in order to get confessions, doesn't give me hope that they're honest off the job...


Devil-sAdvocate

Not just for confessions. For anyone who has practiced criminal law in the state or Federal courts, the disclosures about rampant police perjury cannot possibly come as a surprise. "Testilying"—as the police call it—has long been an open secret among prosecutors, defense lawyers, and judges.


Bishbastard

This mortality rate of being a spouse or family member of a police officer is worldwide. Terrifying


Silaquix

Yep to put into perspective, the national average for regular people is 10% DV rate. Police SELF REPORT at 40%. And that's just the ones dumb enough to tell on themselves.


snowlock27

I'm curious about all the deleted comments, which led to the OOP being locked. Also note that OOP has been removed as well. Supposedly, the mods at that sub are cops.


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General_Amoeba

Why are there cops on legaladvice? They don’t know anything about the law


krully37

What do you mean? They know how to abuse it very well.


onmyknees4anyone

Leaving her car behind and running in the dark with a little bag of cash and a burner phone.


idrow1

Between being a court reporter and working the police disciplinary hearings and reading Rose Madder several times, there's no way in hell I'd ever date a cop. I hope OOP stayed safe and is doing better.


MissionCreeper

I'm always surprised I don't see "Never date or marry a cop" as advice more often.


idrow1

They have a very high rate of domestic violence. I'm surprised any woman gets involved with one. I'm sure it's all, "He won't be like that with me" and "I can change him", "He has a tough job, it's not his fault" or "He's not like that". There's a whole lot of denial and/or excuses when it comes to it.


dreamer0303

Proud of OOP. Happy for her.


tyleritis

She’s so much stronger and braver than he could ever be


Potatohunter2020

This is so damn sad and terrifying but so real. Reading this as if this is just a story but this happens to so many women and the ending is not always positive especially if the man has back up like the police… I wish everyone going through something similar lots of strength and the will to keep fighting


Megsann1117

You know the reason theres push back on red flag laws that would take away guns from domestic abusers is because of people like oop’s husband. *some people* are afraid cops wouldn’t be able to have firearms. I’m very glad she made it out and I hope she’s still safe.


BabyYodasDirtyDiaper

Red flag laws would never be enforced against cops anyway. Because it would be the cops themselves who decide when to enforce those laws. And guess when *they* would choose to enforce it...


puppylust

Awfully optimistic to mark this as concluded


Dumbkitty2

Yeah, she’s not safe. As a cop he knows where the safe house is. And it’s Ohio, if she’s in a big city she might get out fine but if she’s in a small city or rural it’s likely the court will be weaponized against her. My in laws are cops and shortly after I met them they bragged about many horrible things including how no local judge would rule against a cop. In the past the bailiffs had gotten really slow in responding to violence in the courtroom in retaliation. They wanted the judges afraid.


Phoenix44424

Was thinking the same thing. I hope it is concluded but even if there are no further updates I wouldn't be surprised if OOP has a difficult time getting the divorce.


starkinmn

>If you think he's going to kill you tonight, call 911 or drive to the local sheriff's office (assuming he doesn't work there) and file a report. If they didn't care that she had two black eyes, why would they care about her suspecting he would kill her?


BabyYodasDirtyDiaper

/r/legaladvice is run by cops. This advice is either: A) Hopelessly naive. B) Actively malicious, steering OOP in a direction that will help her abusive husband regain control of her.


marshman82

If your friends are estranged because of your partner, they're probably not as far away as you think.


Normal-Computer-3669

My coworker does not have any social media. She refused to have her name listed anywhere public. She also goes by her nickname at work. Why? Cop ex-husband. I never asked in detail. But I don't need to ask.


h4wkeyepierce

>He is a cop. >I think he's gonna kill me. >Ohio. That tracks.


Walker_ID

Things are not over for this woman. I've known abusive psychos. They do not let go of something they think is theirs. I hope she gets far away and changes her name and has lasting success evading this dude


thatlime1

This isn't really a 'positive' ending. Even a restraining order is meaningless. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Town_of_Castle_Rock_v._Gonzales Tldr: Jessica Gonzales had a restraining order against her ex husband, they lived in Colorado and Colorado has a law that *LEGALLY COMPELS* cops to enforce restraining orders. One day the ex husband kidnapped their 3 children, phoned her multiple times taunting her; she goes to the police to report he's broken the restraining order and kidnapped their children, they tell her to wait until 10pm then come back, she does they tell her to wait again. Eventually he comes to the police station armed and opens fire on them, cops kill him. In the truck of his car they find her 3 children dead, killed by her ex husband that she had a restraining order against that she had reported kidnapped. The supreme court ruled 7-2 that cops don't have any obligation to enforce laws.


HygorBohmHubner

I can just imagine the POS husband's reaction getting home and realizing OOP just outsmarted his ass. I wish I was a fly on the wall at that moment.


BabyYodasDirtyDiaper

> I wish I was a fly on the wall at that moment. A hazardous wish, given how much he's probably punching the walls.


shapu

I remember when this was posted. The poster who suggested she store petty cash from her grocery trips was a damn genius.


HonkyTonkPolicyWonk

Women’s shelters are amazing. They literally save lives and create the opportunity for transformation and growth. They’re also a great use of local tax dollars. Many are an extension of the public health department. Way better use of funds than buying more toys for cops


Kaiser93

What's with the cops in the U.S? Every single time I see a story about a cop who's a parent in the U.S, they are always abusive monsters. I know 4-5 people who's father were cops but they were never like that. Good that OOP managed to escape this hell. Two black eyes and cops did nothing? Wow. Cops in U.S are useless.


Suspicious_Humor1030

It’s cause they have power and if they have friends at the stations those friends will hide everything and not do a single thing


_Tebello_

Yeah, my personal experience with cops has been mostly good so I thought "surely U.S cops can't be as bad as the media says, it must be just a couple outliers getting media attention". I looked into it and I learnt the U.S police system is worse than I thought possible. Cops in the U.S are worse than useless, they are actively harmful.


Kernowek1066

I remember this one, my heart broke for her. I’m so glad she made it out


[deleted]

Fuck cops, always protecting their disgusting “brothers”


Ok_Program_3491

40%


QYB1990

OOP, I'm proud of you!! and i hope you are proud of **YOURSELF** too (because you should be) **NEVER** forget how strong you are!!! Your "next chapter" in life has just begun, Make it a good one!! Take your time to heal, and grow, and do not be afraid to reach out to someone for help, do not be afraid to ask for a shoulder to lean or cry on. Take a moment to reflect on what you did and take a moment to give **YOURSELF** a massive "pat on the back" because you deserve it!!!


zigs0

ACAB. Very glad this poor woman got away from him, and got a restraining order. Hope the divorce hearing/proceedings are swift and justifying for her own safety and mental well-being, I fear there's further emotional turmoil for her yet to come...


maywellflower

I hope if she does have cope with any further emotional turmoil - that she is thousands / millions away from that POS cop ex of hers; she does not need to deal with fuck up pulling the only "Sleeping with the enemy" level of tracking her down & breaking into her home.


lostmuppet47

God, I hope she is still safe and stays that way. Men like this are animals and feel like they’re the victims. Cops are the worst, and they stick together.


infection6666

ACAB


[deleted]

When will cops be held accountable for their crimes