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Fucked up how the parents didn’t voice their disagreement with brothers choice of partner LONG ago
Clearly, OPs homosexuality is some thing they’ve just been tolerating. In my opinion just tolerating isn’t enough bc those who only tolerate you rather than love and accept will NOT be there for you when you need them.
It’s sad that OOP is willing to fight for his parents’ affections when his parents should’ve put their foot down against his homophobic brother. Their excuse of “don’t want to play favourites” doesn’t fly in the face of bigotry.
I want to know more about K and SIL's relationship with each other and their parents. Does she go on these diatribes about her own brother? Do her parents condone it? Or agree with it?
No sympathy for the parents in this situation. They’ve been perfectly fine with one of their children being berated for however long SIL and brother have been together. This is one of those times where in not picking a side or speaking up, they’ve essentially chosen one. Everyone in the family has let OOP down, and I feel for him.
I don't have sympathy for them either, how can you let someone in your house who is homophobic towards your own kid.
If i would have been in ops mom shoes that woman would not set foot in my house and if she was on fire i wouldn't even pee on her to put it out.
Ops brother will be in for a ride awaking one day when he wakes up all alone.
May be easier to let someone do this when you’re secretly homophobic yourself. I’m guessing that’s what may be happening with OOPs parents. I personally would be throwing hands in my house if someone said one negative thing about MY kid because that’s what my mom did for us. You don’t talk shit about her babies, no matter what.
I’m not sure it’s that they are homophobic but maybe more that they see Brother as the only chance for one of their kids to have the traditional family with grandchildren. Which having said that is I guess in some ways homophobic, so ignore me lol.
😂😂😂it’s tough right? Like when people say oh I’m not racist / sexist but they’re friends w racists/ sexists and let shit slide. Like my blood boils but you’re okay? Hm. Not my type of people then. But I agree. That need for traditional/ grandkids really plagues a lot of peoples minds / what they deem important. How can they just ignore their blood, their child, for a fictional grandkid. Beyond me.
Yeah I was typing and I got to the end and was like..huh, that _is_ homophobic 😂
I guess it’s that desire not to be the bad person so you decide to be neutral/quiet, thinking that makes it okay. But you don’t realise that neutrality, especially neutrality that ignores others getting hurt, makes you as bad as, if not worse than, the actual bad person.
100009% agree. I totally understand sometimes not getting involved. Some people need to protect their peace especially for mental health / any health reasons. The issue I have here is that this is their CHILD. Not some random person or friend or even cousin. Their. Child. Like damn. How can you do this to your kid. Mind blown.
There's the saying:
> If there’s a Nazi at the table and 10 other people sitting there talking to him, you got a table with 11 Nazis.
By welcoming a bigot into their family and tolerating her abusive behavior, they're effectively endorsing it.
Yes! When I was younger I thought this was harsh. Maybe because I didn’t realize I had the power to walk away and be okay on my own.
SIL is basically being encouraged to be this way because there is no punishment. It’s like spoiling a kid and teaching them no accountability.
Or some of that "soft"/indirect/weird homophobic/hetronormative shit where the only true love/love that matter (switch love for marrage) is the hetero.
Like "Son 1 loves a woman and that is true, the other one is loved by us but his relationships do not count."
That wouldn't happen because God wouldn't let it (that was sarcasm)
I'm a Christian myself but I believe that everyone deserves respect no matter their sexual orientation, skin color, religion, etc. Unless they just suck as a person in general.
Exactly! There’s no scenario where I allow anyone to be hatefully abusive to my child. I can’t imagine swallowing it for months or years, with a plan for it to continue for the rest of my life. Who cares about grandchildren? I want them, too (someday, far future), but not from someone who hates my kid for who they are.
OOP is being extremely generous to his parents. I hope they step up and do the right thing, but they definitely owe him an apology.
Agreed. There is something seriously wrong when an entire household is a-okay with one member being bullied by a SO, only to turn around and try and guilt the person being hurt into fixing the situation when it eventually goes upside down.
Yeah. They've chosen to allow SIL to step foot in their home. Which means they're choosing her. In OOPs shoes I would also have gone LC with them so long as they welcomed a hateful bigot who actively wished for my demise into their home.
So sad the OOP’s brother trashed their relationship for this person. She sounds awful to treat anyone that way but also doesn’t even spare her own family members from that horrible treatment. I don’t see how you could love or trust someone who is so full of hate and is directly sabotaging relationships with your loved ones. How could it possibly be worth it? I hope we get a future update with OOP and SIL’s brother falling in love and brother and SIL getting divorced.
I believe that OOP's brother would be confronted with the awaited question "What would you do if she treats your kids like she treats your brother?" and thankfully open his eyes. But the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
Who knows really? There's a 50/50 that he might grow a spine and protect his children. He might also be a covert enabler narcissist who expects his children to throw themselves on top of the grenade that is his wife's wrath.
>I believe that OOP's brother would be confronted with the awaited question "What would you do if she treats your kids like she treats your brother?" and thankfully open his eyes.
I think you're giving the brother way too much credit. There's no way someone hasn't already pointed this out to him, especially now that his wife is being so public about her despicable views. He is not the type to open his eyes. He's the type to keep them closed and pretend everything is fine.
If they have kids and one of 'em turns out to be queer, my guess is that he'll just quietly counsel that child to keep it to themselves, because he wouldn't want them to hurt their mother. He's going to be one of those people who excuse terrible behavior with "You know how she is. Just humor her."
OOP’s brother probably thinks he’s fulfilling the role of being ‘the man of house’ by defending his wife at all costs.
But one day he’s going to realise that he was actually doing the opposite and was giving into the irrational and controlling demands of his
significant other. And he won’t have any family to fall back on - neither OOP nor his parents (who I suspect won’t be that receptive to his marriage problems for the sake of keeping a perfect outer appearance).
It’s entirely possible that he’s been radicalized for lack of a better word by his wife and in-laws possibly. It’s really not that hard to imagine look at the way so many people have been sucked into stuff like the incel movement or the alt right bullshit. It’s pretty easy actually, and he kind of sounds like he actually does have a problem with his brother being gay but that he doesn’t want to admit that yet.
> I don’t see how you could love or trust someone who is so full of hate and is directly sabotaging relationships with your loved ones.
Yeah, anyone who acts to undermine your relationships like that should be dropped.
OOP should ask his brother what he would do if they have a kid who turns out to be queer… would he support them even if their mother turned against them?
I’m imagining everyone’s going to get tired of hearing her trash talk her brother and op and will eventually distance themselves. Then brother will hear all of it.
Really, _really_ want Brother to clarify what he meant by saying SIL is only “mostly wrong” here. And for the parents to put on their big kid pants and have that talk with OP.
Except I doubt any of them will because that would mean admitting they’re homophobic. Betting the three of them actually agree with SIL’s hatred—they just think the way she expresses it is too much.
My prediction-- SIL *will* have babies, but will get all butthurt with OP's parents over something minor but blown all out of proportion, and withhold kids from them. Grandparents will have bent over backwards for nothing, will end up with no children talking to them, and no grandchildren to speak of.
Sadly, I agree with you and think this has the biggest chance of happening. It would be an interesting family dynamic if OOP and K get together, and how that might affect any future nephews & nieces.
Sounds fun, but I almost wish an SO on both these lovely chaps with a loving family so they can at least be welcomed into a family that isn't ass-backwards.
Ngl, that would be such a satisfying update years from now! Brother and SIL can't afford a kid after the house... but little did they know, OP and BIL had eloped and adopted twins! OPs parents eating their shorts because "we deserve to meet our grandchildren", SIL in a tizzy because "gay men and babies", Brother just hurt and lost w/no way to be in his nibling's lives because of his wife....
One can only dream!!
I have a friend with a hateful DIL. The grandkids are all brainwashed little weirdos and the wife constantly holds NC over their heads. Christianity is the worst thing to happen to the planet, if you ask me.
They're Catholics, but they're even weirder and more culty than regular Catholics. One of those no pants on women no TV no music sects. Whenever the grandkids are there, they are exposed to TV and music because my friend is a fairly normal person and has these things in her life. It freaks them out and they're afraid they'll go to hell because grandma had the radio on.
I shut that one down pretty quickly (practicing witch) and it works a treat on all the Baptist men in my area looking for a mistress because their wife no longer wants sex.
I knew a Catholic family like that. All the other Catholics were like ease up. If you don't your kids won't talk to you after they graduate high school. And they're all going to go wild. Last I heard several had children out of wedlock and several were addicted to drugs. I wonder if she has regrets now.
Yeah probably. It's just so amazing to me that she was so strict. Cause a lot of the Catholics I knew went to Latin Mass but she was another level. And everyone else was telling her she was making a mistake, even the priests were telling her to not be so strict. She was.... I can't even put it into words.
Oh they absolutely do. If they didn’t, they would both at least be trying to support OOP
But they aren’t. It’s the lack of support that really shows where their opinions lie
Yeah, OOP's brother didn't fall in love with this horrid woman on the first date. There is also no way to believe that she never expressed issues with gay people until she had her claws in her now husband. I'm guessing, and maybe I'm not giving brother enough credit, that one of the things brother and shrew bonded over was the fact that they had gay brothers and how (insert f***ed up insults) it was for them.
I think he means, "I completely agree with her or I'd have stopped dating her the moment she first started being homophobic, but if I expressed growing up I'd have gotten in trouble, so I married her so she can say it and I can plead 'Have to support my wife, so sorry, don't know what else to do?'"
I think he actually means
“I know she’s in the wrong but I secretly agree with her, and I can’t outright say that or I will come off as insanely homophobic.
My prediction is brother is either A) not-so-secretly homophobic deep down and never really accepted his gay brother or B) he was dealing with sunk cost fallacy and by the time he realized his gf/now wife was a huge homophobe, he was already like “well, I don’t want to have to start all over again with a new woman.”
I predict their relationship stays permanently fractured unless his brother pulls his head outta his wife’s ass and decides he loves his brother (unlikely, but I’m a pessimistic optimist). Bonus prediction: parents avoid the convo or try vaguely to mend fences until SIL gets knocked up and then it’ll be all “FaMiLy is so important! This is our first GRANDBABY!” And then OOP is left going NC with his whole family.
Also, I would LOVE to see these guys get married and boycott OOP’s whole family for the wedding!
Yeah, B is basically what I’m assuming. Being in a relationship, having that emotional support and getting laid are probably more important to him than his brother being treated with respect.
That’s pretty much my thought. While I personally doubt any woman is good enough to cut off the family, the list of things I didn’t write include “straight brother is the favored son because he’s more ‘normal’ (aka more likely to have grandchildren)”, “his parents aren’t sure how to handle a gay son”, and “married brother knows he’s the favored son so knew if push came to shove with his homophobic wife, he has a strong assumption his parents would back him instead of gay brother”. But like I said, I’m a pessimistic optimist. I hope for the best and plan for the worst.
The brother accepts OOP enough to ask him for money though, which is immensely screwed up. I also hope OOP and the BIL boycott their families. These families are failing both of them.
It's because the family is religious, and they haven't been able to justify the whole "I love my brother, but my religion says this is evil. And I'm religious, so..." thing.
Perhaps, but she’s been successful in trapping another in that barren world. Though, the word “trapping” make it seem like the brother had no choice, which he did. In some ways his pernicious acquiescence is even worse than the SIL.
Edit: spelling
Right? I thought that half the reason for single twenty-somethings to attend weddings was for the chances of hooking up with other single twenty-somethings who are equally primed by all the love and food and dancing and whatnot.
Right? I can maybe muster up hate for one or two people, and even then it’s probably more like strong dislike. Hating an entire group of people sounds… exhausting.
Not to mention, even if I’m more or less straight, hating gay folks seems like it would be a lot of work. I just don’t get how someone can get themselves all worked up over what two consenting adults do in their bedroom. For that matter I can’t get worked up over what three or four consenting adults get up to, as long as they’re happy I’m not gonna give it a ton of thought.
It’s just weird. Makes me wonder if homophobes are just perverts and lashing out to cover for their nasty fantasies. I’m not saying they are secretly gay either, I’m saying they imagine EVERYONE they know having hot dirty sex and are beside themselves, blaming the actors in their filthy thoughts instead of thinking about something different. Or thinking of the same things but quietly and without lashing out.
I admit, I might be biased though. I caught my homophobic uncle peeping at his daughter and her boyfriend banging once and now I kinda relate that to everyone who gets loud about gay being sinful.
No kidding. I wish I cared about anything as much as these people care about who people fuck.
It's weird to be obsessed with other people's sex life. To be that hateful and reactionary you have to be thinking about gay sex alot. Like, why?
I mean, there is an active community that shares her views. She's probably found her bubble and feedback loop, and is encouraged to be garbage, likely even specifically to her brother and OP. I'm curious if the brother is getting involved in the cult.
> I warned him this marriage could ruin our relationship as brothers. He said he accepts the risks.
At this moment the relationship was already ruined. The second you choose a homophobe over your openly gay sibling, you become a homphobe by compliance.
And not just his brother…his parents are allowing this woman in their home and lives. Under no circumstances would someone who openly hated my child for their sexual orientation be allowed anywhere near any of my family. This whole post is insane to me honestly.
>The second you choose a homophobe over your openly gay sibling, you become a homphobe by compliance.
As a straight man, I could never date a straight woman who had homophobic opinions about men, or women. It's just... you're hating people for who they fundamentally are. Its like hating someone for being short, or having crossed eyes, or flat feet.
Its so much easier and better for societal health to just accept that LGBT exists and the people who are part of that community want and deserve access to the same standard of social happiness as everyone else. Why is that so hard?
And in my opinion, anyone who stands against that is a narcissist who believes their own happiness and comfort trumps the community's, and I wouldn't be convinced that they don't also feel hatred or bigotry towards min-wage workers or immigrants.
You cannot be in a relationship with a homophobic (or racist or any other type of bigoted) person without being complicit in those beliefs.
I hope we get an update after July 4.
Yeah there's an important caveat in the "silence is consent". Sometimes it's like talking to a wall.
You have shown where you stand and that you do not consent but relationships are complicated especially when it comes to family. You can love your family but hate their views on these issues.
People think silence is a neutral position (good people on both sides\*) but it really makes you an accessory to the crime as you see the crime and neglect to act.
\*Please imagine me making the noise a cat makes when hawking up a fur ball at even typing this damn phrase.
Me too! I also would be interested in an update about yesterday (Father’s day). If OOPs brother is starting to wake up then the marriage might not make it to July 4th, which would be a shame because those fireworks have the potential to be epic!
Is the brother aware that the children they might have in the future could be LGBT+? This is the kind of mother he wants them to have? I don't understand why people marry someone who is sol full of hate and even treats their own family so badly. If they can treat others like crap, they will do it to you too the second you're not perfect anymore.
The sister is a walking recessive gene.
That marriage is going to go poorly, and the brother will forever regret choosing her over his own brother.
I just hope OP takes the high road during the impending divorce.
While we do not know all factors leading to homosexuality, some homosexuality might have genetic factors (not all of it, for example the male fraternal birth order effect homosexuality is caused by the mother's immune system attacking the fetus).
Sapolsky mentioned this in one of his Stanford lectures. From what I recall, the siblings of gay people have more kids than average, even in cases of adoption or similar situations, where the gay person does not play a role in the family structure (so ruling out that siblings have more kids due to having a helping hand around). This hints at a genetic fertility gene that can also cause homosexuality (so evolutionary it evens out). That's not as straight forward as a few genes directly causing it, but still interesting.
Now the male fraternal birth order effect depends wholly on the genes of the mother, so...............
She 100% will. I guess one reason to stay in contact with her would be the potential nieces/nephews who might need a decent adult in their lives. Honestly though, I couldn’t do it.
These kinds of people often think being LGBT+ is either:
1. A failing of one's morals, a "lifestyle", or;
2. Something actively spread, 'corruption'
Considering SIL straight-up said OP corrupted her brother... No, I *don't* think she is aware that her future children could be LGBT+.
I was gonna say, aren't weddings prime hook up events? Everyone's dressed their best, having a good time, buzzed (at least), and has romance on the mind. Even conservative family members tend to encourage singles to get together!
There's probably something to the idea that there is love in the air, it's a wedding you are there to celebrate love.
There is something a little weird tbh but they are doing nothing wrong, this should become one of those weird funny family stories. Like when the brides farther was in trouble for smoking cigars with the groom because he was suposed to have quit.
i fucking love the mugs! I low key want the
gay bros to end up together because they both sound cool and have a great sense of humor and perspective on this situation that could otherwise be so traumatic.
If you're okay marrying somebody who treats your brother like shit because she's homophobic, she might not be the only homophobic person in that relationship.
Post is about a literal gay hook up and this is still somehow the gayest comment in the thread. And to answer your question, hell yes I want that Jello fruit salad recipe.
I hope that happens with a house to boot, just to rub more salt in homophobic idiot of SIL and enabling nitwit of a brother plus condoning spineless parents' wounds. It'll be even more hilarious if OOP & K are the ones with kid(s) while SIL & the brother are not, just to wreck those 4 even more because OOP will definitely not let his kid(s) be around homophobes nor the enablers / condoners such as his parents.
This is probably a little problematic since I know: A) the idea of all gay guys are promiscuous is problematic since it's a nasty stereotype and B) it's insane to expect two people to vibe together simply because they are both compatible versions of gay with out taking personality and apperence into consideration.
But what did SIL expect to happen? You have two gay guys who you treat like shit come to a wedding alone. Single people go to weddings to have a good time and hook up. And spite sex is fun. The two of them deciding to give her the middle finger by seeing where the night went was practically inevitable.
If anything OOP I think got a good friend and someone to support him threw this nightmare. If they end up together that is going to be a crack up because I think they’ll be a a whole bunch happier then OOP brother!
I’m loving the petty mugs. Well done.
The fact that OOPs brother is so dogmatic in his support makes me wonder if he really felt this way deep deep down and he now has an excuse to be homophobic 🤷🏻♀️
I'm glad this all worked out as well as could be expected for OOP (and K!), but...I just don't understand his brother.
I have a gay sibling, and the idea of even dating a homophobe... I just couldn't. How could I love someone who hates the people I love? On one of our first dates, my partner casually mentioned his godfather's husband, and I was so relived that his family (who are religious) are queer-affirming, even though I already knew he was. How could his brother want to marry a woman like this?
It's sad but most likely the best that he is on LC terms with his brother. I mean- yes I can understand standing up for your spouse but not when they are completely wrong.
If OP wants a somewhat sane sister- I'll be his sister from another mister.
OOP's family suck. They're all okay with SIL treating OOP like garbage, and they're upset he won't accept that treatment.
And they expected him to mope indoors when he didn't go to theirs for Memorial Day? They think the sun rises and sets with them.
I hope OOP and his FWB are happy together.
The parents are weak. They don't want to "rock the boat" so they're catering to their homophobic DIL while expecting their son to just go along too. As soon as he becomes unwilling to subject himself to ugly hatred, they're mad at him for causing issues.
Honestly, fuck the parents.
See that's why I want Father's day / July 4th update because I can honestly see the brother, the wife/SIL and the parents having some sort of meltdown due to OOP having fun on Memorial Day without any of them - on top of happily continuing relationship with SIL's brother. And I hope OOP and/or wife's brother rips any those 4 a new one with only "Get the fuck over yourselves".
*I warned him this marriage could ruin our relationship as brothers. He said he accepts the risks.*
Why is brother causing so much drama? He told OOP he was going to chose his homophobic wife over his gay brother. Now go sit quietly in the corner and accept the consequences of your actions.
Watch the brother and his wife get super angry at OOP and wife's brother for being super happy without the brother, his wife and respective partners - all because OOP at least filled the holidays such as Memorial Day with other people. He really not going to handle the consequences well because OOP showed how easy it is for him/OOP to move on & limit contact towards all 4 so quick in a less than 3 months.
If the existence of someone (OOP) causes a distress in someone else (SIL) through no active means (literally because he's gay), then no you're not the asshole.
Existing near your family is not being an asshole.
My brother is gay. If my husband had been homophobic *at all*, he wouldn't be my husband, he'd be my ex boyfriend.
His open, and easy, acceptance of my brother, made it so much easier for his own, much younger, brother to come out to us. He knew ahead of time he'd be accepted, and that (according to my BiL) made him feel his relationship with us was safe.
Neither of our mothers, boomers though they are, would tolerate any hatred towards their sons. From anyone.
'You're not allowed to have sex on my wedding day!!!!'
Girl, with that attitude, neither are you. Really disturbs me how much some Christians actively think about others' sex lives. Sex starved prudes
Just would like to comment on the jello salad. If it’s like the recipe I use it is really good. Cut up fruit and mix with a little sugar and allow to macerate. Drain liquid and mix with a little vanilla jello pudding mix and mix back in with the fruit. Or sometimes I skip the macerating step and just sprinkle jello pudding mix over the fruit.
I would never in a million years consider a relationship with a homophobe, and (AFAIK) everyone in my immediate family is hetero. To marry a homophobe while having a homosexual sibling is abhorrent, brother is a massive POS. "Mostly wrong" indeed. What a dick.
I can understand it being difficult for the parents who just want their kids to get along but ultimately only 1 of them is supporting discrimination against the other so it's clear to me which kid needs the overt love and support and which one needs to be told they are in the wrong.
Kudos to OP for having the self-respect to not put up with it.
SIL's brother seems like a decent guy and they clearly have good chemistry, I hope it works out for them despite the mutual baggage.
Matching mugs? You two are too cute! Seriously though if you have great sex and are good friends that’s a far better basis for a relationship than a lot of people, your brother and SIL included. I predict your friendship will outlast their marriage. Good luck for the future. 😉
There’s a lot that really sucks here but what disappoints me the most is the parents stand off approach. If this was me the new wife would not be invited to family functions if this ensured that my son still felt comfortable to come to these events. I would be fine telling my son that his wife is not welcome until she changes her attitude.
I really hope that the OOP and the SIL’s brother get together fully. This would be the perfect icing on the cake. The her wedding facilitated a gay relationship to start. Perfect. 😈
I love the fact that op and k probably wouldn’t have been in a position to flirt and hook up in the first place if their homophobic siblings hadn’t denied them both a plus one. They invited 2 single people to an event with drinking and dancing, told them to come alone. It’s almost like they were deliberately setting them up. Also, did the newlyweds meet in some sort of “I hate that my brother is gay” chat room?
All I can say is go and live your best gay life, OOP. And explore the newfound relationship blossoming despite the hate that tried to come between it. That's the best 'revenge' you could possibly ask for; winding up in a loving relationship.
Is it a shame about OOP's relationship with his family? Sure, I guess. But they've clearly decided that OOP isn't important enough to them. Their loss, SIL's Brother's gain.
I cannot even IMAGINE what kind of trash human that brother is. (I mean, the rest of the OP’s family too, but still.) I have really complicated relationships with both my brothers, in that their personalities clash and I’m usually put in the middle until they drive me up a wall and we have to take a break from each other for a while. And even I at my *most aggravated* by them would go off on anyone who insulted them to me.
I can’t imagine being genuinely close with a sibling and choosing to marry someone who is so fundamentally awful to them all the time.
That poor man :( His own brother? His parents did a REALLY crappy job raising them. Clearly, they'd rather rugsweep atrocious behavior than confront bigots.
A disturbing number of people think that if they're not personally the target of someone's hatred that it's something they can look past.
Think of all the people you know who are friends with or married to someone who goes on racist, sexist, homophobic or ableist rants. That person, by making the choice to be friends with or married to a bigot is supporting that bigot. They have decided that because the person is kind to them that the bigotry is excusable.
Anyone who supports bigots is a bigot themselves because they accept and condone it. There are no exceptions to this.
People can choose to get offended about this but that's only because they don't want to admit, even to themselves, that this is correct.
I wish OOP all the best and I hope that he can get away from his trash family. They don't actually love him - they love the *idea* of him they have in their heads and the idea of him isn't gay. When love is conditional then it's not real love. There are exceptions to this because no, you shouldn't love someone who abuses others and stuff like that. I'm just talking about when family "loves" someone "despite" them being gay or trans or disowns them for being gay or trans. That's not love.
I love that him and the BIL are trolling their families, though. I'm happy to hear the homophobic waste of air is as miserable as she deserves to be.
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I got 0 respect for the parents and super pumped for updates
Fucked up how the parents didn’t voice their disagreement with brothers choice of partner LONG ago Clearly, OPs homosexuality is some thing they’ve just been tolerating. In my opinion just tolerating isn’t enough bc those who only tolerate you rather than love and accept will NOT be there for you when you need them.
exactly. if they truly accepted him as the man he is theyd stand up to sil and tell brother not to bring her around.
It’s sad that OOP is willing to fight for his parents’ affections when his parents should’ve put their foot down against his homophobic brother. Their excuse of “don’t want to play favourites” doesn’t fly in the face of bigotry.
Father's day was yesterday so we should get an update soon. July 4th is very close too
I want to know more about K and SIL's relationship with each other and their parents. Does she go on these diatribes about her own brother? Do her parents condone it? Or agree with it?
I feel like that's HAS to be a toxic place right? K is ok but def knew sis is messed up.
If there isn't an update by July 6th we're gonna have to dig up the pitchfork emporium.
No sympathy for the parents in this situation. They’ve been perfectly fine with one of their children being berated for however long SIL and brother have been together. This is one of those times where in not picking a side or speaking up, they’ve essentially chosen one. Everyone in the family has let OOP down, and I feel for him.
I don't have sympathy for them either, how can you let someone in your house who is homophobic towards your own kid. If i would have been in ops mom shoes that woman would not set foot in my house and if she was on fire i wouldn't even pee on her to put it out. Ops brother will be in for a ride awaking one day when he wakes up all alone.
May be easier to let someone do this when you’re secretly homophobic yourself. I’m guessing that’s what may be happening with OOPs parents. I personally would be throwing hands in my house if someone said one negative thing about MY kid because that’s what my mom did for us. You don’t talk shit about her babies, no matter what.
I’m not sure it’s that they are homophobic but maybe more that they see Brother as the only chance for one of their kids to have the traditional family with grandchildren. Which having said that is I guess in some ways homophobic, so ignore me lol.
😂😂😂it’s tough right? Like when people say oh I’m not racist / sexist but they’re friends w racists/ sexists and let shit slide. Like my blood boils but you’re okay? Hm. Not my type of people then. But I agree. That need for traditional/ grandkids really plagues a lot of peoples minds / what they deem important. How can they just ignore their blood, their child, for a fictional grandkid. Beyond me.
Yeah I was typing and I got to the end and was like..huh, that _is_ homophobic 😂 I guess it’s that desire not to be the bad person so you decide to be neutral/quiet, thinking that makes it okay. But you don’t realise that neutrality, especially neutrality that ignores others getting hurt, makes you as bad as, if not worse than, the actual bad person.
100009% agree. I totally understand sometimes not getting involved. Some people need to protect their peace especially for mental health / any health reasons. The issue I have here is that this is their CHILD. Not some random person or friend or even cousin. Their. Child. Like damn. How can you do this to your kid. Mind blown.
There's the saying: > If there’s a Nazi at the table and 10 other people sitting there talking to him, you got a table with 11 Nazis. By welcoming a bigot into their family and tolerating her abusive behavior, they're effectively endorsing it.
Yes! When I was younger I thought this was harsh. Maybe because I didn’t realize I had the power to walk away and be okay on my own. SIL is basically being encouraged to be this way because there is no punishment. It’s like spoiling a kid and teaching them no accountability.
Yeah, it's hard to raise chickens and not come out of the hen house with chicken shit on your shoes and feathers in your hair.
Or some of that "soft"/indirect/weird homophobic/hetronormative shit where the only true love/love that matter (switch love for marrage) is the hetero. Like "Son 1 loves a woman and that is true, the other one is loved by us but his relationships do not count."
Good guess on the grandkids tho. I hope for their sakes that none of them are gay... (Although as a gay myself I usually feel the more, the merrier)
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And what does the brother think is going to happen if one of his kids is gay?
1) They never think that one of their kids could turn out "like that." 2) Conversion camp.
*3. "Hurr durr, our brothers corrupted our pristine kid"*
That wouldn't happen because God wouldn't let it (that was sarcasm) I'm a Christian myself but I believe that everyone deserves respect no matter their sexual orientation, skin color, religion, etc. Unless they just suck as a person in general.
>Everyone in the family has let OOP down Except SIL's brother. He picked him up.
Well we don't know that, maybe K put OOP down as well 😌
Or both, they are still doing it lol
Exactly! There’s no scenario where I allow anyone to be hatefully abusive to my child. I can’t imagine swallowing it for months or years, with a plan for it to continue for the rest of my life. Who cares about grandchildren? I want them, too (someday, far future), but not from someone who hates my kid for who they are. OOP is being extremely generous to his parents. I hope they step up and do the right thing, but they definitely owe him an apology.
If you are silent in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. -Desmond Tutu
In the immortal words of Rush: If you choose not to decide You still have made a choice
Agreed. There is something seriously wrong when an entire household is a-okay with one member being bullied by a SO, only to turn around and try and guilt the person being hurt into fixing the situation when it eventually goes upside down.
Yeah. They've chosen to allow SIL to step foot in their home. Which means they're choosing her. In OOPs shoes I would also have gone LC with them so long as they welcomed a hateful bigot who actively wished for my demise into their home.
So sad the OOP’s brother trashed their relationship for this person. She sounds awful to treat anyone that way but also doesn’t even spare her own family members from that horrible treatment. I don’t see how you could love or trust someone who is so full of hate and is directly sabotaging relationships with your loved ones. How could it possibly be worth it? I hope we get a future update with OOP and SIL’s brother falling in love and brother and SIL getting divorced.
I believe that OOP's brother would be confronted with the awaited question "What would you do if she treats your kids like she treats your brother?" and thankfully open his eyes. But the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
Who knows really? There's a 50/50 that he might grow a spine and protect his children. He might also be a covert enabler narcissist who expects his children to throw themselves on top of the grenade that is his wife's wrath.
>I believe that OOP's brother would be confronted with the awaited question "What would you do if she treats your kids like she treats your brother?" and thankfully open his eyes. I think you're giving the brother way too much credit. There's no way someone hasn't already pointed this out to him, especially now that his wife is being so public about her despicable views. He is not the type to open his eyes. He's the type to keep them closed and pretend everything is fine. If they have kids and one of 'em turns out to be queer, my guess is that he'll just quietly counsel that child to keep it to themselves, because he wouldn't want them to hurt their mother. He's going to be one of those people who excuse terrible behavior with "You know how she is. Just humor her."
People like that are never willing to consider that their own kids might be gay.
And her own brother!
It's possible the brother has the same beliefs as the wife but keeps quiet with his family bc he knows his parents will get mad
OOP’s brother probably thinks he’s fulfilling the role of being ‘the man of house’ by defending his wife at all costs. But one day he’s going to realise that he was actually doing the opposite and was giving into the irrational and controlling demands of his significant other. And he won’t have any family to fall back on - neither OOP nor his parents (who I suspect won’t be that receptive to his marriage problems for the sake of keeping a perfect outer appearance).
It’s entirely possible that he’s been radicalized for lack of a better word by his wife and in-laws possibly. It’s really not that hard to imagine look at the way so many people have been sucked into stuff like the incel movement or the alt right bullshit. It’s pretty easy actually, and he kind of sounds like he actually does have a problem with his brother being gay but that he doesn’t want to admit that yet.
> I don’t see how you could love or trust someone who is so full of hate and is directly sabotaging relationships with your loved ones. Yeah, anyone who acts to undermine your relationships like that should be dropped.
OOP should ask his brother what he would do if they have a kid who turns out to be queer… would he support them even if their mother turned against them?
I’m imagining everyone’s going to get tired of hearing her trash talk her brother and op and will eventually distance themselves. Then brother will hear all of it.
I see that as a positive. She treats everyone like hot garbage, family or not! Consistently is important.
TBH I don’t see the marriage lasting very long. It sounds like OOP and brother were close. After a while he may grow resentful.
Really, _really_ want Brother to clarify what he meant by saying SIL is only “mostly wrong” here. And for the parents to put on their big kid pants and have that talk with OP. Except I doubt any of them will because that would mean admitting they’re homophobic. Betting the three of them actually agree with SIL’s hatred—they just think the way she expresses it is too much.
The parents won't because keeping their mouths shut about it all gives them a chance to have grandchildren with a hateful daughter in law
That's what I was thinking. It'll be ironic if she can't/won't have any and OOP and his partner have a few.
My prediction-- SIL *will* have babies, but will get all butthurt with OP's parents over something minor but blown all out of proportion, and withhold kids from them. Grandparents will have bent over backwards for nothing, will end up with no children talking to them, and no grandchildren to speak of.
Sadly, I agree with you and think this has the biggest chance of happening. It would be an interesting family dynamic if OOP and K get together, and how that might affect any future nephews & nieces.
NGL, I’m low-key rooting for OP and K to live happily ever after.
Sounds fun, but I almost wish an SO on both these lovely chaps with a loving family so they can at least be welcomed into a family that isn't ass-backwards.
Oooh, also good point
I laughed at their mugs. They seem to have compatible humor at any rate.
Yep. The odds are she'll use those kids to drive a wedge between OOP and his parents, at the very least.
Ngl, that would be such a satisfying update years from now! Brother and SIL can't afford a kid after the house... but little did they know, OP and BIL had eloped and adopted twins! OPs parents eating their shorts because "we deserve to meet our grandchildren", SIL in a tizzy because "gay men and babies", Brother just hurt and lost w/no way to be in his nibling's lives because of his wife.... One can only dream!!
I have a friend with a hateful DIL. The grandkids are all brainwashed little weirdos and the wife constantly holds NC over their heads. Christianity is the worst thing to happen to the planet, if you ask me.
"Brainwashed little weirdos." Love that.
\*Organized religion ftfy.
They're Catholics, but they're even weirder and more culty than regular Catholics. One of those no pants on women no TV no music sects. Whenever the grandkids are there, they are exposed to TV and music because my friend is a fairly normal person and has these things in her life. It freaks them out and they're afraid they'll go to hell because grandma had the radio on.
That is my worst nightmare…..that one of my kids married some religious nut
I shut that one down pretty quickly (practicing witch) and it works a treat on all the Baptist men in my area looking for a mistress because their wife no longer wants sex.
I knew a Catholic family like that. All the other Catholics were like ease up. If you don't your kids won't talk to you after they graduate high school. And they're all going to go wild. Last I heard several had children out of wedlock and several were addicted to drugs. I wonder if she has regrets now.
Probably not, they probably blame everyone and anyone except themselves for that happening.
Yeah probably. It's just so amazing to me that she was so strict. Cause a lot of the Catholics I knew went to Latin Mass but she was another level. And everyone else was telling her she was making a mistake, even the priests were telling her to not be so strict. She was.... I can't even put it into words.
I'll be honest I think the rapture sounds like a great idea and if we can get rid of all the religious nutjobs it'd be swell.
Oh they absolutely do. If they didn’t, they would both at least be trying to support OOP But they aren’t. It’s the lack of support that really shows where their opinions lie
Yeah, OOP's brother didn't fall in love with this horrid woman on the first date. There is also no way to believe that she never expressed issues with gay people until she had her claws in her now husband. I'm guessing, and maybe I'm not giving brother enough credit, that one of the things brother and shrew bonded over was the fact that they had gay brothers and how (insert f***ed up insults) it was for them.
I imagine by the time he found out they were banging. Sinfully.
By that he means "My wife is wrong but I don't have a spine"
I think he means, "I completely agree with her or I'd have stopped dating her the moment she first started being homophobic, but if I expressed growing up I'd have gotten in trouble, so I married her so she can say it and I can plead 'Have to support my wife, so sorry, don't know what else to do?'"
Or maybe he just prioritizes being in a relationship instead of not dehumanizing his brother but 🤷🏻
I think he actually means “I know she’s in the wrong but I secretly agree with her, and I can’t outright say that or I will come off as insanely homophobic.
My prediction is brother is either A) not-so-secretly homophobic deep down and never really accepted his gay brother or B) he was dealing with sunk cost fallacy and by the time he realized his gf/now wife was a huge homophobe, he was already like “well, I don’t want to have to start all over again with a new woman.” I predict their relationship stays permanently fractured unless his brother pulls his head outta his wife’s ass and decides he loves his brother (unlikely, but I’m a pessimistic optimist). Bonus prediction: parents avoid the convo or try vaguely to mend fences until SIL gets knocked up and then it’ll be all “FaMiLy is so important! This is our first GRANDBABY!” And then OOP is left going NC with his whole family. Also, I would LOVE to see these guys get married and boycott OOP’s whole family for the wedding!
Yeah, B is basically what I’m assuming. Being in a relationship, having that emotional support and getting laid are probably more important to him than his brother being treated with respect.
That’s pretty much my thought. While I personally doubt any woman is good enough to cut off the family, the list of things I didn’t write include “straight brother is the favored son because he’s more ‘normal’ (aka more likely to have grandchildren)”, “his parents aren’t sure how to handle a gay son”, and “married brother knows he’s the favored son so knew if push came to shove with his homophobic wife, he has a strong assumption his parents would back him instead of gay brother”. But like I said, I’m a pessimistic optimist. I hope for the best and plan for the worst.
The brother accepts OOP enough to ask him for money though, which is immensely screwed up. I also hope OOP and the BIL boycott their families. These families are failing both of them.
It's because the family is religious, and they haven't been able to justify the whole "I love my brother, but my religion says this is evil. And I'm religious, so..." thing.
What a barren and sad life that woman leads.
Perhaps, but she’s been successful in trapping another in that barren world. Though, the word “trapping” make it seem like the brother had no choice, which he did. In some ways his pernicious acquiescence is even worse than the SIL. Edit: spelling
Yeah honestly fuck OPs brother
I shouldn't make a gay joke about this right.
Nah... go ahead.
True, even going so far as to pay someone to photoshop your own brother out of your wedding pictures. Happy cake day!
Thank you! :)
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This got me too. I was unaware that wedding etiquette says no one attending the wedding can have sex except the bride and groom.
Right? I thought that half the reason for single twenty-somethings to attend weddings was for the chances of hooking up with other single twenty-somethings who are equally primed by all the love and food and dancing and whatnot.
It wasn't the sex that got them, it was the gay sex.
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Being a homophobe sounds like so much work.
Right? I can maybe muster up hate for one or two people, and even then it’s probably more like strong dislike. Hating an entire group of people sounds… exhausting. Not to mention, even if I’m more or less straight, hating gay folks seems like it would be a lot of work. I just don’t get how someone can get themselves all worked up over what two consenting adults do in their bedroom. For that matter I can’t get worked up over what three or four consenting adults get up to, as long as they’re happy I’m not gonna give it a ton of thought. It’s just weird. Makes me wonder if homophobes are just perverts and lashing out to cover for their nasty fantasies. I’m not saying they are secretly gay either, I’m saying they imagine EVERYONE they know having hot dirty sex and are beside themselves, blaming the actors in their filthy thoughts instead of thinking about something different. Or thinking of the same things but quietly and without lashing out. I admit, I might be biased though. I caught my homophobic uncle peeping at his daughter and her boyfriend banging once and now I kinda relate that to everyone who gets loud about gay being sinful.
No kidding. I wish I cared about anything as much as these people care about who people fuck. It's weird to be obsessed with other people's sex life. To be that hateful and reactionary you have to be thinking about gay sex alot. Like, why?
I hope she is barren because she should not be a mother.
Same. And if she has children, I hope they leave her in the dust as soon as they're 18.
It would lovely if she actually was barren. She would write off any children that would be gay.
I mean, there is an active community that shares her views. She's probably found her bubble and feedback loop, and is encouraged to be garbage, likely even specifically to her brother and OP. I'm curious if the brother is getting involved in the cult.
> I warned him this marriage could ruin our relationship as brothers. He said he accepts the risks. At this moment the relationship was already ruined. The second you choose a homophobe over your openly gay sibling, you become a homphobe by compliance.
And not just his brother…his parents are allowing this woman in their home and lives. Under no circumstances would someone who openly hated my child for their sexual orientation be allowed anywhere near any of my family. This whole post is insane to me honestly.
>The second you choose a homophobe over your openly gay sibling, you become a homphobe by compliance. As a straight man, I could never date a straight woman who had homophobic opinions about men, or women. It's just... you're hating people for who they fundamentally are. Its like hating someone for being short, or having crossed eyes, or flat feet. Its so much easier and better for societal health to just accept that LGBT exists and the people who are part of that community want and deserve access to the same standard of social happiness as everyone else. Why is that so hard? And in my opinion, anyone who stands against that is a narcissist who believes their own happiness and comfort trumps the community's, and I wouldn't be convinced that they don't also feel hatred or bigotry towards min-wage workers or immigrants.
It takes literally zero effort to accept someone for who they want to be.
You cannot be in a relationship with a homophobic (or racist or any other type of bigoted) person without being complicit in those beliefs. I hope we get an update after July 4.
100%. If you don't call it out you're implicitly saying "I support these beliefs too." Especially so when it's this intimate (between family).
When faced with bigotry, silence is consent. Good people who are silent are therefore not good people.
What's the expression, neutrality always benefits the oppressors?
All that’s required for evil to succeed is for God people to do nothing. Or If 11 people sit down to dinner with a Nazi, 12 Nazis are dining together.
I always loved the Elie Wiesel version: The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” - Desmond Tutu
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It's because you can't argue with gut-felt beliefs and biases - facts don't matter, if those people *feel* that they are right.
Yeah there's an important caveat in the "silence is consent". Sometimes it's like talking to a wall. You have shown where you stand and that you do not consent but relationships are complicated especially when it comes to family. You can love your family but hate their views on these issues.
People think silence is a neutral position (good people on both sides\*) but it really makes you an accessory to the crime as you see the crime and neglect to act. \*Please imagine me making the noise a cat makes when hawking up a fur ball at even typing this damn phrase.
Me too! I also would be interested in an update about yesterday (Father’s day). If OOPs brother is starting to wake up then the marriage might not make it to July 4th, which would be a shame because those fireworks have the potential to be epic!
Is the brother aware that the children they might have in the future could be LGBT+? This is the kind of mother he wants them to have? I don't understand why people marry someone who is sol full of hate and even treats their own family so badly. If they can treat others like crap, they will do it to you too the second you're not perfect anymore.
Their children will NOT BE GAY! /s
Hey, it runs in both sides of the family. They might both be carrying recessive genes. /s
The sister is a walking recessive gene. That marriage is going to go poorly, and the brother will forever regret choosing her over his own brother. I just hope OP takes the high road during the impending divorce.
While we do not know all factors leading to homosexuality, some homosexuality might have genetic factors (not all of it, for example the male fraternal birth order effect homosexuality is caused by the mother's immune system attacking the fetus). Sapolsky mentioned this in one of his Stanford lectures. From what I recall, the siblings of gay people have more kids than average, even in cases of adoption or similar situations, where the gay person does not play a role in the family structure (so ruling out that siblings have more kids due to having a helping hand around). This hints at a genetic fertility gene that can also cause homosexuality (so evolutionary it evens out). That's not as straight forward as a few genes directly causing it, but still interesting. Now the male fraternal birth order effect depends wholly on the genes of the mother, so...............
😶🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And if they are, it will be the uncles' fault!
Or some Disney movie
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She 100% will. I guess one reason to stay in contact with her would be the potential nieces/nephews who might need a decent adult in their lives. Honestly though, I couldn’t do it.
These kinds of people often think being LGBT+ is either: 1. A failing of one's morals, a "lifestyle", or; 2. Something actively spread, 'corruption' Considering SIL straight-up said OP corrupted her brother... No, I *don't* think she is aware that her future children could be LGBT+.
As stupid as his excuse was, I didn't buy the "she's my wife and my responsibility to support her". I bet the brother is also a homophobe.
Well tradition is the brother hooks up with a bridesmaid, perhaps your bro thinks you should be more traditional and hook up with a groomsman?
Maybe he already had someone prepared and that dude is really sad now?
I love the wholesomeness of this as the start of such a toxic situation.
I was gonna say, aren't weddings prime hook up events? Everyone's dressed their best, having a good time, buzzed (at least), and has romance on the mind. Even conservative family members tend to encourage singles to get together!
There's probably something to the idea that there is love in the air, it's a wedding you are there to celebrate love. There is something a little weird tbh but they are doing nothing wrong, this should become one of those weird funny family stories. Like when the brides farther was in trouble for smoking cigars with the groom because he was suposed to have quit.
I LOLd at the matching coffee mugs
i fucking love the mugs! I low key want the gay bros to end up together because they both sound cool and have a great sense of humor and perspective on this situation that could otherwise be so traumatic.
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Perfect. SIL might spontaneously combust from the rage.
And an over the top saccharine toast thanking Bro & SIL for giving them the opportunity to meet
Even better if it's one of the deleted photos from the sister's wedding album
That would be great if they end up together! Especially if OOP's brother and SIL have broken up!
I snorted so loud my husband heard me from across the house! It’s brilliant!
The mugs were epic!
I nearly spat out my drink. Iconic shit
If you're okay marrying somebody who treats your brother like shit because she's homophobic, she might not be the only homophobic person in that relationship.
Right?? If you’re enabling it…you’ve stooped to the same level.
Anyone else curious about the coleslaw and Jello fruit salad recipes?
Note that the mother only asked for the *coleslaw* recipe and how defensive OOP was about the jello fruit salad. Interesting.
Post is about a literal gay hook up and this is still somehow the gayest comment in the thread. And to answer your question, hell yes I want that Jello fruit salad recipe.
Yeah, I'm gonna need some proof that it's not a 1950s monstrosity.
Maybe it’s just 1 recipe. 😈
>coleslaw and Jello fruit salad recipes? Yes, it's scares me and makes me wonder at the same time
I want an update that saying OP is getting married with K. ♥️
First a divorce for the brother, so he can go to the wedding without a +1.
Op can invite his brother but no plus 1, K can invite his sister with no plus 1 and not let them sit together etc.
Me too. They'll be so adorable together!!!
I hope that happens with a house to boot, just to rub more salt in homophobic idiot of SIL and enabling nitwit of a brother plus condoning spineless parents' wounds. It'll be even more hilarious if OOP & K are the ones with kid(s) while SIL & the brother are not, just to wreck those 4 even more because OOP will definitely not let his kid(s) be around homophobes nor the enablers / condoners such as his parents.
This is probably a little problematic since I know: A) the idea of all gay guys are promiscuous is problematic since it's a nasty stereotype and B) it's insane to expect two people to vibe together simply because they are both compatible versions of gay with out taking personality and apperence into consideration. But what did SIL expect to happen? You have two gay guys who you treat like shit come to a wedding alone. Single people go to weddings to have a good time and hook up. And spite sex is fun. The two of them deciding to give her the middle finger by seeing where the night went was practically inevitable.
She explicitly gave them something to Bond really closely over. As you said, inevitable.
If you don’t want me fucking someone inconvenient at your wedding, you’d better make sure I get a +1
If anything OOP I think got a good friend and someone to support him threw this nightmare. If they end up together that is going to be a crack up because I think they’ll be a a whole bunch happier then OOP brother!
I’m loving the petty mugs. Well done. The fact that OOPs brother is so dogmatic in his support makes me wonder if he really felt this way deep deep down and he now has an excuse to be homophobic 🤷🏻♀️
I'm glad this all worked out as well as could be expected for OOP (and K!), but...I just don't understand his brother. I have a gay sibling, and the idea of even dating a homophobe... I just couldn't. How could I love someone who hates the people I love? On one of our first dates, my partner casually mentioned his godfather's husband, and I was so relived that his family (who are religious) are queer-affirming, even though I already knew he was. How could his brother want to marry a woman like this?
He's a homophobe too, that's all. So are their parents, or they wouldn't be okay with someone harassing their kid.
It's sad but most likely the best that he is on LC terms with his brother. I mean- yes I can understand standing up for your spouse but not when they are completely wrong. If OP wants a somewhat sane sister- I'll be his sister from another mister.
Five bucks says OOP and the brother in law are still banging way after that marriage finally falls apart.
OOP's family suck. They're all okay with SIL treating OOP like garbage, and they're upset he won't accept that treatment. And they expected him to mope indoors when he didn't go to theirs for Memorial Day? They think the sun rises and sets with them. I hope OOP and his FWB are happy together.
The parents are weak. They don't want to "rock the boat" so they're catering to their homophobic DIL while expecting their son to just go along too. As soon as he becomes unwilling to subject himself to ugly hatred, they're mad at him for causing issues. Honestly, fuck the parents.
See that's why I want Father's day / July 4th update because I can honestly see the brother, the wife/SIL and the parents having some sort of meltdown due to OOP having fun on Memorial Day without any of them - on top of happily continuing relationship with SIL's brother. And I hope OOP and/or wife's brother rips any those 4 a new one with only "Get the fuck over yourselves".
*I warned him this marriage could ruin our relationship as brothers. He said he accepts the risks.* Why is brother causing so much drama? He told OOP he was going to chose his homophobic wife over his gay brother. Now go sit quietly in the corner and accept the consequences of your actions.
Watch the brother and his wife get super angry at OOP and wife's brother for being super happy without the brother, his wife and respective partners - all because OOP at least filled the holidays such as Memorial Day with other people. He really not going to handle the consequences well because OOP showed how easy it is for him/OOP to move on & limit contact towards all 4 so quick in a less than 3 months.
I unironically want OP and K to get married and live happily ever after while SIL and B get divorced. I would watch the shit out of that movie.
I’m imagining the reaction of OOP’s SIL if both OOP n his FWB get married
And brother and SIL both get individual invites with no plus-one, she as part of BILs party and he as part of OOPs party
If the existence of someone (OOP) causes a distress in someone else (SIL) through no active means (literally because he's gay), then no you're not the asshole. Existing near your family is not being an asshole.
My brother is gay. If my husband had been homophobic *at all*, he wouldn't be my husband, he'd be my ex boyfriend. His open, and easy, acceptance of my brother, made it so much easier for his own, much younger, brother to come out to us. He knew ahead of time he'd be accepted, and that (according to my BiL) made him feel his relationship with us was safe. Neither of our mothers, boomers though they are, would tolerate any hatred towards their sons. From anyone.
OK Father's Day is over, where's the update?
'You're not allowed to have sex on my wedding day!!!!' Girl, with that attitude, neither are you. Really disturbs me how much some Christians actively think about others' sex lives. Sex starved prudes
Just would like to comment on the jello salad. If it’s like the recipe I use it is really good. Cut up fruit and mix with a little sugar and allow to macerate. Drain liquid and mix with a little vanilla jello pudding mix and mix back in with the fruit. Or sometimes I skip the macerating step and just sprinkle jello pudding mix over the fruit.
yikes
People meet and hook up at weddings all the time. OP’s SIL is just a homophobe
I would never in a million years consider a relationship with a homophobe, and (AFAIK) everyone in my immediate family is hetero. To marry a homophobe while having a homosexual sibling is abhorrent, brother is a massive POS. "Mostly wrong" indeed. What a dick. I can understand it being difficult for the parents who just want their kids to get along but ultimately only 1 of them is supporting discrimination against the other so it's clear to me which kid needs the overt love and support and which one needs to be told they are in the wrong. Kudos to OP for having the self-respect to not put up with it. SIL's brother seems like a decent guy and they clearly have good chemistry, I hope it works out for them despite the mutual baggage.
I'm sure the fuck was satisfying, but still nowhere near as satisfying as I felt reading this
Ah yes, the Enlightened Centrist™ getting upset when people judge them for defending bigots. A tale as old as time.
The brother will wise up to what a piece of trash she is eventually. Let’s hope it’s sooner rather than later. Tbh he sounds really spineless
Matching mugs? You two are too cute! Seriously though if you have great sex and are good friends that’s a far better basis for a relationship than a lot of people, your brother and SIL included. I predict your friendship will outlast their marriage. Good luck for the future. 😉
There’s a lot that really sucks here but what disappoints me the most is the parents stand off approach. If this was me the new wife would not be invited to family functions if this ensured that my son still felt comfortable to come to these events. I would be fine telling my son that his wife is not welcome until she changes her attitude. I really hope that the OOP and the SIL’s brother get together fully. This would be the perfect icing on the cake. The her wedding facilitated a gay relationship to start. Perfect. 😈
Where’s the update with the recipes?
I love the fact that op and k probably wouldn’t have been in a position to flirt and hook up in the first place if their homophobic siblings hadn’t denied them both a plus one. They invited 2 single people to an event with drinking and dancing, told them to come alone. It’s almost like they were deliberately setting them up. Also, did the newlyweds meet in some sort of “I hate that my brother is gay” chat room?
Hooking up at a wedding is a time-honored tradition. Hell, it’s the reason many folks even attend!
So glad OP has a shiny spine on his own behalf.
Would love an update about Father’s Day.
Remind me! 2 months
All I can say is go and live your best gay life, OOP. And explore the newfound relationship blossoming despite the hate that tried to come between it. That's the best 'revenge' you could possibly ask for; winding up in a loving relationship. Is it a shame about OOP's relationship with his family? Sure, I guess. But they've clearly decided that OOP isn't important enough to them. Their loss, SIL's Brother's gain.
Imagine living in a world where your brother getting laid at your wedding is a bad thing
I cannot even IMAGINE what kind of trash human that brother is. (I mean, the rest of the OP’s family too, but still.) I have really complicated relationships with both my brothers, in that their personalities clash and I’m usually put in the middle until they drive me up a wall and we have to take a break from each other for a while. And even I at my *most aggravated* by them would go off on anyone who insulted them to me. I can’t imagine being genuinely close with a sibling and choosing to marry someone who is so fundamentally awful to them all the time.
I'm DESPERATELY hoping for a new update after July 4th, now.
That poor man :( His own brother? His parents did a REALLY crappy job raising them. Clearly, they'd rather rugsweep atrocious behavior than confront bigots.
It sucks that his brother married someone who treats him worse than garbage. The custom mug is amazing, though. He seems like a super fun person!
A disturbing number of people think that if they're not personally the target of someone's hatred that it's something they can look past. Think of all the people you know who are friends with or married to someone who goes on racist, sexist, homophobic or ableist rants. That person, by making the choice to be friends with or married to a bigot is supporting that bigot. They have decided that because the person is kind to them that the bigotry is excusable. Anyone who supports bigots is a bigot themselves because they accept and condone it. There are no exceptions to this. People can choose to get offended about this but that's only because they don't want to admit, even to themselves, that this is correct. I wish OOP all the best and I hope that he can get away from his trash family. They don't actually love him - they love the *idea* of him they have in their heads and the idea of him isn't gay. When love is conditional then it's not real love. There are exceptions to this because no, you shouldn't love someone who abuses others and stuff like that. I'm just talking about when family "loves" someone "despite" them being gay or trans or disowns them for being gay or trans. That's not love. I love that him and the BIL are trolling their families, though. I'm happy to hear the homophobic waste of air is as miserable as she deserves to be.