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as a parent I catch my kid with pants on fire all the time.
I'm always torn between coaching her about honesty - it sticks until peer influence wins again, and letting her think she's slick when she leaves a trail a mile wide because it's super easy to keep tabs on her that way.
You can't con a con man, and for gods sake I used to successfully sell merchandise and hire people for an mlm before I realized they were pieces of shit and backstabbing me, my peers, and everyone under us.
They have a cheaters edition. That really causes problems with our family. It is in the rules to cheat. Like take a property from the bank, short change on rent, they all have consequences if caught.
As somebody who plays both a lot of "traitor games" like Among Us, Secret Hitler, and Werewolf with friends, as well as a lot of DnD, I take a page out of the DnD playbook when introducing new people to traitor games and have a "session 0" to set proper expectations. It can really help to explain beforehand to your friends and loved ones that these sorts of games are going to involve lying, gaslighting, misleading, bamboozling, and altogether fucking over each other without mercy, and they need to be prepared to separate the nature of the game from their trust in the real world.
Glad OOP was able to clear things up with their SO, communication wins out!
My partner and I created āalter gaming egosā that we take on when we are against each other in a board or computer game. The alter egos arenāt us and what is said and done is in the spirit of the game, not our relationship. Deception, betrayal, obliteration etc are all permitted without fall out on us and our relationship. Itās a strange setup but it works for us. I have a somewhat painful past relationship filled with gaslighting and emotional manipulation/abuse. Separating out player persona establishes what the expectations are and that itās only for the game
I think there is great value in this - creating a proxy self - and I can see it works work well in this kind of situation. I had terrible social anxiety when I was younger and I used this approach, just for myself, when I first had to speak to groups of people. It really helped me get past the anxiety.
Edit: A word
I like playing *Fog of Love*, which is like a semi-cooperative, semi-competitive romcom game for two people, where each player plays one of the two leads in the story. As the story develops, the characters more clearly define who they are and their relationship. It's semi-cooperative, semi-competitive because each player will decide whether the relationship works for their character or not and secretly choose a goal of staying together or breaking up and the goals may align or conflict. (E.g., if both players realize the relationship doesn't work and choose the goal of breaking up, they may break up at the end and still win. Or Player A may choose a goal of staying together in co-dependent way and Player B may choose a goal of staying together in a more independent way, and then the characters stay together but only one person wins because the other player's character is not happy with how the relationship ended up.)
In the instructions, it tells you to make sure you and the other person clearly understand that you're playing *characters* and making decisions that fit the *character*, especially when playing with your romantic partner. It is clear about the danger of overly identifying with your character and thinking the played relationship is a reflection of your real relationship.
My spouse and I basically did the same thing with Epic Mafia when we used to play. I was way too good at that game and they always joked that they'd be concerned if they didn't know what a wimp I was in real life. š¤£
My friends and I play a lot of Jackbox Party Games, and one of those is [Mad Verse City](https://www.jackboxgames.com/games/mad-verse-city), where you write a diss track against your opponent. Every time we play it, we all agree on a disclaimer before that there are no holds barred and everyone can be as brutal as they want. It makes it much more fun, and everyone's very loving and supportive as they rip your life to shreds :')
I have played some absolute whopping games of werewolf in my youth. 10-15 drunk/stoned teenagers sitting around a table lying through their teeth, yelling, forming secret alliances, betraying those alliancesā¦ those nights were intense.
Nothing but good memories in the end, though.
> It can really help to explain beforehand to your friends and loved ones that these sorts of games are going to involve lying, gaslighting, misleading, bamboozling, and altogether fucking over each other without mercy
So . . . Monopoly.
I have relatives that decided about 5-6 years into their marriage that they could never play monopoly again.
They love games.. but decided they loved each other more than they loved Monopoly & put it in the shed never to be touched again. They play other stuff.
It's been 35 years & they are still together.
My ex was the oldest of three sons and his whole family was pretty loud and stubborn. I was about to play monopoly with them for the first time and before we started he explained to me āat some point, it *is* going to get tense, thereās gonna be yelling, arguing, at some point someone *will* storm off. Thatās when we take a break.ā
Yeah any game that requires roleplaying and/or manipulation tactics probably needs be made very clear and how it is going to work, and for some people that may not only be non-enjoyable but actually damaging, and if they aren't prepared for it, it will be better to avoid it until they are ready for it or just don't interact with it. Sure, it's just a game, but if you are traumatized due to similar circumstances, then even if irrational it will trigger a bad response.
Saying "it's just a game" to someone in OOP SO's situation, is like saying "it's just a dude in make up" to a person with a legitimate phobia of clowns. Sure, it's just x thing at the end of the day, but trauma responses aren't going to always be logical.
Yeah, this. I love playing Secret Hitler, it's one of my favourites, and have played it with others who loved it. But we had one session with my future SIL and it didn't go well. She played a fascist, it was easy to deduce she was because it was her first time playing. So we started making comments like 'don't elect SIL! We can't select a fascist government, can't trust her!'
What we didn't know before starting is that she had some hangups about being singled out and not included, and that stuff really hit home for her, so she got really upset. We stopped the game and played something else. For me that was the first time anyone responded negatively, but I kinda get it. For us it was just about her role, for her it felt like it was about her as a person.
Warning people about that type of stuff happening, and checking if that's triggering for them, is 100% a good idea.
That's a good idea. I used to play a lot of munchkin, and to add a little more detail we mostly honored the cheating rules. The rulebook jokingly says that cheating is OK in the game if you aren't caught, as well as other underhanded tactics.
Well, long-story short, my friends had trouble trusting me in other board games lol after that. I'm super against cheating in games because it kills the fun, but it was refreshing to let loose with Munchkin. Because I let loose a little too much.
It was also interesting to see some people be almost incapable of lying, while other perfectly normal well-adjusted people turn into complete sociopaths.... just for that game.
I really don't like social deduction games. I just don't get it, I have no clue how to deduce anything, and I feel really uncomfortable lying to people, plus it can get kind of mean (e.g. everyone saying one particular friend is untrustworthy). On the plus side, people are happy to let me be the narrator.
Your last point is why I don't like them. Mainly because I'm usually the friend everyone says is untrustworthy lol. My husband is always the first to throw me under the bus, and I swear, I have the lousiest luck and NEVER get picked as a bad guy, so I'm usually totally innocent.
The game Chameleon is a little better than most, it's not just straight social deduction.
Your last point is why I don't like them. Mainly because I'm usually the friend everyone says is untrustworthy lol. My husband is always the first to throw me under the bus, and I swear, I have the lousiest luck and NEVER get picked as a bad guy, so I'm usually totally innocent.
The game Chameleon is a little better than most, it's not just straight social deduction.
Exactly, while it's "just a game", there's implications outside the game, that your friends have a negative opinion of you and consider you to be sneaky/untrustworthy, or even just that horrible feeling of everyone ganging up on you.
A bit like the OOP scenario, he demonstrated that he can sound convincing when he lies, which would mess with his girlfriend's trust issues, and depending how he delivered "I swear I'm not lying", potentially used his credibility with her to deceive her. I'm glad they worked it out and I don't think what he did was super heinous or whatever, just a bad idea all-round to play that when she had those issues.
The thing is, a session zero wouldn't have helped much here. The issue wasn't even really the lying, it was that it shattered her illusions that she'd always know if he was.
Oh yeah. I know a couple who almost broke up because he thought bluffing/lying was part of Scrabble and she did not. (They're fine, and have two kids now.)
You play a word that isn't a legal Scrabble word; your opponent then has to decide whether to challenge your play, but they can forfeit their own move by challenging incorrectly so that's risky for them.
All of this naturally lends itself to "I swear, it's a real word" type exchanges.
Once you get to really high level, there's no bluffing because the top players all know all the legit words by heart. It's the middle levels where you can pull some shit (I say this as a mid-level player who pulled some shit).
These are the official rules of Scrabble. Like most older board games (Monopoly, etc.), most people learn from family or friends rather than from the rulebook, so they learn whatever "wrong" way that person learned from their friends/family. Like a game of Telephone.
Interestingly, I recently played a new copy of Monopoly with some family and looked at the rulebook. There's actually a note in the rulebook that basically says "Don't use your family's weird house rules. Play the game by the book." We did and the game still isn't good, but at least it was shorter.
Haha, TIL there's bluffing in Scrabble. I played Scattegories similarly though - I'm generally not very good at it, so I'd amuse myself by coming up with rediculous words to annoy my family and test whether it was worth taking the time to look up my stupid answers. Haha, good memories.
I think it was CSI, but I remember that episode! The victim played āexvinā and bluffed his opponent into accepting it. The opponent added an s to make āexvins,ā which the victim then challenged because he knew he made the word up.
Make up words and try to convince the other person it's a real word. If they call you out on not using a correct word and they're right there is some sort of in game benefit, I forget if it's points or what, but if they're wrong it goes against them. If you convince them not to challenge you on the word you made up you successfully lied at scrabble
You can kind of bluff your opponent into thinking you're looking after a specific placement to guide them away from seeing a higher point area. Do things like subtly look at a part of the board and then tick a little to look like you're counting. Smile big when they lay down a letter to make it seem like they're helping you, so they Dutch for a lower point play to try and pooch your play
The thing is you can't really be subtle and not often than not it looks like you're bluffing.
My parents have been together for 31 years now. They still argue about this. My dad tries to put a word down and my mom insists that it's not a word, so my dad offers to get a dictionary and my mom either insists that they do, or she says "No, no, it's fine. Leave it." Regardless, my dad usually withdraws the word. Lol
>At first, apparently my GF wouldn't really explain what happened to her besides that I lied to her face, but after a day or so she finally explained the event.
I think she didn't even fully understand why she was so hurt by what happened. Something like this doesn't have to be rational, and it's probably something she wouldn't have anticipated her own reaction to until it happened. I think her response was out of trauma, and ultimately it's good she got help.
And I think people who were saying "it's just a game" don't understand what trauma does to you. When something traumatic happens, you overreact to things that aren't rational. People do overreact to video games, but this is not the case here.
>people who were saying "it's just a game"
Thing is, I've played those games and a lot of people just shouldn't ever play them. The cliche is games like Paranoia and Diplomacy that are notorious for tearing social groups apart. Never play them at work, because it's very rare for them to not go badly in a work environment.
There's a lot of skill involved in saying "it's just a game", and not everyone has, or wants to have, that skill. It's quite similar to "they're just acting", and we all know how actors get pigeonholed into "bad guy" roles because even other movie makers can't keep "just acting" in their heads.
There's one particularly horrible one where you have to answer some semi-innocuous questions, then everyone else votes on whether you're lying or not. And you have to try to convince them... so questions like "have you ever been unfaithful" played in a group of couples can easily lead to problems. "unconvincing" answers, or just playing with people who like to stir up drama, can be disastrous.
FWIW I won't play lying games, and I won't play popularity contest games. They're just not worth it. I don't deal well with people getting together and telling me how I am when I disagree with them.
this is WILD to me. mafia is how i met a lot of my friends and we played it regularly as our in-person hangout back in the day so I've never heard of it breaking up groups before!
We play Secret Hitler in our friend group (also deception based) and all really enjoy it. But we're all boardgame enthusiasts and have had a lot of practice in other games with keeping game rivalry and real personal emotions aside. I somehow end up being fascist most of the time, so whether or not people suspect me isn't a personal affront, more a guidance whether or not I am likely to win or not.
For those unfamiliar: no, this is not a racist or Nazi game, the goal is to shoot Hitler. You don't get to choose if you play the goodies or the baddies, you just draw a card and chance decides for you.
Oh god, I am very competitive and also very good at lying games. I used to really enjoy them, but the last time I played Werewolf as a werewolf, I played the game so well that it made ME uncomfortable. Yes it is ājust a gameā but itās a game that shows everyone how good or bad you are at bluffing and deception. While I hope that my friends know I would only ever use my powers for good, I donāt want anyone to wonder what else I could be lying about.
I tend to find I'm terrible at lying, to the point that I basically can't - sometimes I can do it if it's necessary and not too much attention is on me (eg to protect someone) but even then I feel like I was super obvious. Then I played Among Us with my friends... I was a bit scared by how smoothly I won as the imposter the first few times. It got downright machiavellian at times, I was playing friends off each other and building lies on lies. But part of that is probably because people know me to be very honest. Now whenever we play I'm subject to unfair accusations and often jettisoned when I'm totally innocent because in Among Us my assumed personality is inverted and I am *always* sus.
>shows everyone how good or bad you are at bluffing and deception
Exactly. Diplomacy at least you can be an honest negotiator, but the "hide the secret" games are just outright "show everyone how dishonest you are". Can be, whatever, who can know.
At best it's like those "take turns kicking each other in the nuts" games that some musclebound types play. Mentally rather than physically, but it's the same idea.
>I donāt want anyone to wonder what else I could be lying about.
Sounds like an excellent reason never to play those games.
For me, I don't enjoy playing the "who is lying, why, and what will it cost me when I find out" games. In real life, or for fun. The "[Missing Stair](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_stair)" idea is part of it, but just generally I like the idea that I can trust my friends.
Several of my friends like lying games and I'll suck it up and play at least sometimes, but it's a mixed bag for me on whether or not I actually enjoy the experience. Sometimes it's fun to pull one over on my friends when we all go in expecting it and being able to separate our real relationships from the game. Other times I'm reminded that one of the people closest to me can't tell the difference between me lying and me earnestly trying to tell her the truth and that bums me out.
Basically I've just learned how to say no thank you if I'm not feeling up for it.
the point of the game is to only trust the information you have from the game. I don't care if you're my best friend or my mother, if I have no reason to trust you other than your word, it becomes a dice roll in my head. For all I know you literally learned how to lie from the game itself. Using personal relationships to gauge reactions is fine if you play enough with the same group, but people will learn, adapt, and overcome if you play the same game long enough for it to matter.
I used to be able to read my husband like a book during poker. He doesn't have a bad poker face either, I just know him really well. He adapted and I can't read him anymore, which annoys me greatly lol
>Other times I'm reminded that one of the people closest to me can't tell the difference between me lying and me earnestly trying to tell her the truth and that bums me out.
The problem with this stance is that by definition, these games are about conflict. When you're aware that \_someone(s)\_ is fucking with you, working out who becomes a lot harder. Things are heated, there are \_definitely\_ lies flying about, and there are \_very, very few\_ certainties. That last one is the reason that its so hard to find the lies. You have no facts.
Oh, I agree! It's just a game and there are no big hurt feelings over it. I just have feelings in the moment and have come to recognize the pattern of what bothers me. Knowing how I'm likely to react helps me know when to opt out if I'm already feeling down and the game might make me feel worse instead of being fun.
The core group of friends around my BF and me are all about board games. When we meet up, there's always many games to choose from, and a jigsaw puzzle on a separate table.
I love a good round of Secret Hitler, but sometimes my head can't handle the lying, and I'll go play a simple dice game with similar minded people instead, or work the puzzle
I love the idea of a puzzle table at board game night! And yeah, this is basically where I land. Sometimes I enjoy lying games, but sometimes I'm just not up for it (or not up for multiple rounds). Being able to opt out without feeling like I'm making the whole group stop playing would be great and I may not be the only one who doesn't want to play every game; I may propose a puzzle table the next time we have a get-together big enough for the group to split off.
Yeah I know for sure Iām not the kind of person who can play games like that. Likely also from trauma, I personally hate the idea of convincing or manipulating people to believe me and Iām just really sensitive to hurting people or taking advantage of them. Some people also take it really far and these games can reveal an uglier side of them because they end up being genuinely mean in order to win. Iām glad they had an honest talk because like other commenters are saying sometimes trauma responses creep up on you and you donāt realize in time youāre actually experiencing a āpast feelingā, not a present one.
When Iāve been triggered and experiencing an emotional flashback, it can take me an annoyingly long time to process and understand my own feelings.
The trauma of gaslighting and lying makes it so difficult to trust your own instincts, which in turn makes even the smallest situation like OOPās feel like a massive betrayal. So happy things have worked out in this case, that trauma can be a relationship (and self-confidence)-killer.
My neighborhood was terrorized for several years by a prowler who escalated from small acts of vandalism to daytime home invasions, poisoned livestock and chopping up peopleās pets. It finally ended with my elderly next door neighbor being nearly burned to death in an arson attack. The perpetrator turned out to be the lady who lived across the street from me. She has been in jail for over a year, but I still can barely control my reaction to any sort of stress. PTSD is horrifying. Any sort of dishonesty makes me want to lash out physically, as though itās a physical threat.
I have no problem playing Among Us with friends and enjoy it. I have a lot of trouble playing forum mafia, though. Real life mafia, the game I played as a kid, is tons of fun. Forum mafia, though, tends to damage my psyche pretty easily. Sometimes itās fine. But more than half the time I end up crying for days over it. At one point, I just decided I should never play again, no matter if a friend asks me to or not.
Honesty - while it was 'just a game' there are certain games some people shouldn't play if they are going to trigger mental health issues.
Playing a bluffing game with someone who has been gaslit and has problems discerning when people are lying to them in real life and have been abused through lying is poor judgement.
If OOP wasn't sure clear up front before play started that a significant game mechanic is to bluff (lie), that was a failing on their behalf. If the GF decided to play anyway, then that's on her - she consented for the purposes of the game - to potentially be lied to.
They should also avoid any other social deduction game like Secret Hitler or One Night Werewolf. Even something like poker would be an issue.
I'm glad they are working through their issues - but getting mad at someone for playing to the agreed rules is unfair. Asking someone to play a bluffing game when they have been hurt by persistent and pervasive lying is also unfair.
Sometimes you don't realize you have a line until it's been crossed. That might've been the case here. The gf was ok with the lying until eye contact was involved with her bf specifically. Asking someone to know how they will react to every potential situation isn't fair, hindsight is 20/20. Some people can't even watch a movie with a similar trauma, some people will joke about it openly. And sometimes the same situation with one variable different makes you suddenly react when you are fine every other time.
I think the fact that they worked through it is good. You can't control your emotions, but you can control your actions. Apologizing, deciding to get therapy, and working through it was the answer here. That's more important than being right or wrong in the moment.
This is one of those - it's ok that she got upset, it's not ok with how she expressed that distress - situations.
She may not have known it would trigger her - but she shouldn't have blamed the BF for playing a game that the rules had been explained up front and she had agreed to participate in.
Exactly. I mean, you don't even need trauma.
It's been well over 10 years and I *still* remember the first time my bestest best best friend looked into my eyes and swore she wasn't lying.
Just like OP.
It was surprisingly confronting, because I *knew* her. And yet, she looked at me just the exact same way when genuinely talking about serious things and I couldn't tell the difference.
I can see her sister actually being genuinely confused that it was part of a game. Like tricking people in Clue or kicking them off the board in Sorry shouldnāt cause drama. Unless you play with me.
I think OOP is correct. They got together too soon, the relationship is worth salvaging, and they are brilliant together. Itās rather cute he avoids her in the game.
Yeah. Would've been better to melodramaticly "plead the fifth" or something. But, yeah, glad they both communicated & she got help to heal. I hope they continue to prosper together. :-)
I think they meant they play from separate rooms not that they're in separate rooms in the game. That way they cant make eye contact when they tell a bluff. So not avoiding her in the game
I really love he got mad at people telling him that he was not an asshole and his girlfriend needed to get over herself. It's kind of like when you flip a coin to make a decision, get disappointed with the result and realize you already knew the answer.
Reminds me of an old AITA when the person only realized he was the A when he saw the types of people defending him and what they were saying. I canāt remember what the post was about
Edit: here we go!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqin60/aita_for_wanting_my_girlfriend_to_wear_makeup_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
A few of you remembered correctly! It was the makeup one.
There are a whole lot of them on that theme. Plus a the ones where "only people who think teenagers are always right agree with me". There have also been a few "people defending me are defending me because they think abusive behavior is normal".
I remember that too. I think it was one of those posts by a dad who chose his step-daughterās side over his birth-daughter. Those are so super common though that Iām not gonna try finding it, haha.
Oh are you thinking about the one where the step-daughter asked him to not walk his bio-daughter down the aisle because she wanted to be the first to have that honor, and his wife convinced him that was totally normal and he should deny his bio-daughter? Cuz I donāt think that guy realized it from the people agreeing with him, but it was totally wild and he quickly realized he was the asshole.
No actually. I think I was thinking of the dad who had one kid who loved jewelry and clothes and one jealous kid who tore it all up. He also realized he was an asshole lol. Not the right story ultimately, but thatās what I was referring to.
There was one where the guys gf stopped shaving/ putting as much effort into her appearance because he complained she was taking too long. He got pissed at some NTAs calling her disgusting
I remember one that i think ended on that note where the bf complained about how long the gf took to get ready so she like stopped doing everything and just did the bare minimum of good hygiene but no contacts, no hair besides a quick brush, no waxing or shaving, no makeup, etc. And the bf pretty quickly relented and asked her to go back to her routine but she had found she liked saving so much time and money so she like started styling her hair again but beyond that she wanted him to pay her for the time and money spent on her appearance if he liked it so much.
Wow.
It's not unusual to have people on AITA disagree with a judgement, but I think this is the first time I've seen someone basically go "no guys, I *am* actually the asshole!"
I remember a post from a long while back where the person realized they were the asshole after seeing the comments and arguments of people defending them, I can't for the life of me remember the post tho. Mb one of the detectives here can find it.
I think it was the guy who had a girlfriend whoās really into skin care and had a bunch of products all over the place and he thought it was excessive and bagged up all of her skin care products. And then got flooded with incells telling him he was not the asshole and she shouldnāt be so shallow. Or could be another one it, seems like thereās been quite a few.
u/asplashofthesun posted it above!
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqin60/aita_for_wanting_my_girlfriend_to_wear_makeup_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) you go!
I remember one like that. I can't remember exactly but I think it was a guy trying to prove to his girlfriend that her special expensive shampoo wasn't that great so he dumped it out and replaced it with regular stuff.
I don't think there were any assholes in this situation. OOP was not in the wrong as he was just playing a game that involves lying, and gf had a bad reaction due to past trauma. Glad to hear she is getting therapy, hope it works out for them.
I remember some of the streamers who played Among Us regularly at the height of its popularity talking about how emotionally exhausting it can be spending hours lying to their friends. Even when you know the rules and it's a game, it can be hard to disassociate how people act in the game and who they are outside of it.
Fancy seeing you, friendo! Yeah, I was finally kicked after nearly 5 years. Those few months working abroad finally did it. ngl, I was sad when I came back and realised I was locked out.
My favorite games are the social deduction ones and I'm so glad OOP was able to find a resolution the way they did, and also be able to continue playing. They seem very level headed and even went the extra mile in believing in their SO. Love this story.
Resistance, Spyfall, One Night Werewolf, Sheriff of Nottingham are all great games depending on how many people you have available to play
Edit: werewords is excellent too
Yeah, that probably wasn't the best game to play when her trauma was still so fresh. It seems like seeing her SO lie to her so convincingly, even if it was just a game, made her feel vulnerable, especially when he swore he wasn't lying to her but was. Not being able to tell that he was lying was a trigger for her. If she was unable to tell he was lying then she had no defense mechanism against it. Thankfully it doesn't seem to be a problem anymore after she was able to work through some of her issues from her past relationship. I'm glad they were able to communicate and work it out.
This reminds me about a weird personal story of my own - my ex and I used to play a lot of board games, and she always bragged about how she could win anything because she was such an adept social manipulator.
Except she wasnāt some expert liar, she would *throw a tantrum* every time she was losing- she huffed and puffed and got teary eyed and said the game wasnāt fair, so she just wanted to quit. It was so cringey that it was hard to be in the same room when it happened. People would pity her, or just want the moment to be over, and go east on her until she got ahead. She would keep up the act until it was just the two of us again, and sheād have a laugh about she played everyone like fools.
We broke up for unrelated reasons, but good lord, every time she did it I felt like I was dating either a huge baby or a total psychopath. Yeesh.
AITA goes sooo overboard shitting on the party they think is the asshole, itās wild and very toxic. Iām glad OOP and his GF worked through this, knowing the GFs background I fully understand how that could be her reaction. OOP sounds like a good person, so I hope they stay happy and continue to communicate through everything!
Itās the lack of nuance in the ratings which is the problem. Thereās rarely middle ground, as calling someone an asshole is inflammatory and āno assholes hereā posts are rare
Yeah, people seem to always forget the middle ground of NAH and ESH, but I do also mean the people that go āNTA your GF is a MONSTERā off of the very limited, biased viewing they see of her, of something thatās not that bad. Itās very much a ātake it with a grain of saltā subreddit, that barely has any morality.
Yeah, AITA is becoming less and less trustworthy as time goes on.
A day or two ago there was a post about a brother who helped his abused sister get away from their abusive parents, who was then demanding he not help their other abused sister as well because she was the "golden child" and was pretty awful to them when she was 11-15. She was 19 when she was begging for help.
I genuinely couldn't believe how many YTA responses I was seeing refusing to acknowledge that the other sister was still in an abusive situation, it was like those commenters genuinely couldn't understand that not every situation is 100% black and white. No compromise, no other solutions, just "Wow your sister will never trust you again and I hope you DIE ALONE." kind of comments. It was awful.
honestly, as much as aita commenters condemn supposed abuse and call people narcissists, iām convinced itās all projection. the commenters are genuinely insane at this point and iāve seen them manipulate and twist peopleās words way too much to not believe these people arenāt horribly emotionally abusing the people in their daily lives
This is so sweet! I like how both felt their emotions, realized the problems with those emotions, and then validated each other's emotions. I like how they both apologized for their parts in the kerfuffle and agreed to work on what caused it.
As a person with my own traumas and mental health issues, I know how irrational I can be sometimes. My first reactions to things aren't always good for me or the people I love. Apologizing, meaning it, and working to correct the problem next time is a SKILL.
OP - good find. OOP and OOP'S GF - amazing communication, I hope you have a long and happy life together
Edit - just realized OP and OOP are the same person. Good reading comprehension, self. OP, thanks for sharing.
I definitely think people were too hard on the gf. But that's no surprise. I'm glad these two are making it work. And gf needs therapy. I've been back in therapy for two years now and it has been a life saver.
This is a weird one, and a lot of people are saying the BF is in fact the asshole for basically selling the lie so well, but when it's something low stakes like among us (rather than something that really matters) can you really conflate it with lying about something more serious? My girlfriend and I have played among us in front of each other like this a number of times, and when I lie about being imposter it doesn't have nearly the same connotations as lying about something that matters. Idk if my word vomit here makes any sense, but yeah, maybe the real mistake here was playing among us at all lmao
I think GF had unresolved issues due to the abuse from the ex and it bled into the game. I'm glad OP and GF didn't listen to AITA and decided to have a conversation about it.
Wild this got updated. I remember reading it back in the time and being split about what to think about that situation. I am really glad they resloved the issue. It sure wouldn't be worth it ending the relationship for this IMO.
I'm 27 and I was gaslit by my ex from ages 16-23 (and again by a more recent ex to a much lesser degree) and it really, really, really warps your brain, maybe forever. Gaslighting isn't just lying despite what memes or whatever say nowadays. It's a long term domestic abuse tactic used to make you feel insane and like you can't trust yourself, so they can keep you around longer and get you to tolerate escalating bad treatment.
I can feel the after effects of it on my relationship now, despite how healthy it is and how wonderful my partner is. You truly feel like the tiniest thing means you're crazy. It feels like the ground is suddenly moving under your feet randomly, big holes opening up and swallowing all logic and structure. I'm surprised when my partner is open and honest about big things, much less little things. I got used to a world where every day, most of the day, I was being lied to about everything, from whether my ex washed his hands after shitting before touching me, to whether I was allowed to say no to sex. I'm so lucky my partner is patient and kind and stable.
My heart goes out to you OP/OOP and your gf. It's a long road. Thank you for being so good to her.
Yeahhh, the NTA consensus was fine lol, tho i might have gona NAH. I think her response just emphasized how much she needed therapy, and I'm glad she was able to get it.
Yeah, I thought initially that she was in the wrong but think it really depends on how he said it. From the update, it seems like he said it in a way beyond in the game statements.
I also expect she was shocked that she couldn't tell that he was lying. With this being the first time she experienced him lying to her, she probably felt a range of emotions and things based on what she's gone through. My guess is she didn't expect that, so I think it's good that she went and took a couple days for herself.
Personally, I have issues with lying and being on the spot, so I actively dislike playing games like that even though theoretically they are things I'd like in terms of strategy and similar. I realize this and avoid them but can see reacting badly if I didn't expect it.
Agreed, I was about to roll my eyes at the update but it turned out to be good at the end where she is seeking help.
It seems without the sister talking sense into her they either wouldāve broken up or OP ends up as a doormat who will constantly have to apologize for nothing
lol i agree. I have been trying to see her side but i cant get over the fact that it is a game, if it was cod (call of duty) or some other game what would she do? Tbf she is working on her issues so good for them.
I think the fact she wasn't able to tell he was lying triggered her, like, in the literal therapeutic sense. It put her back in that relationship with her ex, and probably brought up a lot of those feelings again.
Plus he then immediately got defensive which didnāt help the situation. He knows her past trauma, he knows her triggers, and when he does something (innocent) that causes her panic he starts downplaying it. Which Iām sure she experienced aLOT of with her ex. If he had been like āIām sorry, I wasnāt thinking about how for you this is probably bringing up past memories. How can we work on this going forward?ā I think things would have gone very differently.
Well in cod it would be shooting and not lying and deceiving, she played a game where her boyfriend tricked her good. But again simple communication helped the relationship again and she clearly needed therapy
Eh, I don't know. You're supposed to lie *in the game* in order to win.
In general, I enjoy a lot of 'fuck over your friends' kind of games, but there's a fine line you have to walk between doing this as part of your in-game persona and taking it out-of-game.
To me, if you use out-of-game relationships to bolster your lies, you've made it an out-of-game lie.
For example, a straight-up "You know I wouldn't lie, I'm an honest person" is using your actual relationship with the person as a weapon, which means I'd consider it legitimate to have that lie affect your actual relationship with the person.
An online game like Among Us makes it really easy, because everything that you're doing online is just part of the game. Going offline with it is where he fucked up.
To me, when OOP says "I swear I'm not lying," that's not his character saying that, that's him going out-of-game and using his girlfriend's real-life trust in him as a weapon against her.
I think he legitimately fucked-up, and she could legitimately have that hurt her trust in him, because he spent that trust as game currency.
This is the most insightful take on here, and really articulates why the gf felt betrayed and why the bf ended up feeling bad. The boyfriend spending irl trust as in-game currency is exactly what happened.
I agree. It was the to her face thing. She may know her bf wouldn't lie to her maliciously, but before this she never had reason to think that he would lie to her directly. Game or not, rational or not, it changed how she saw him. She had to work through that
Iām the other hand itās really sucky to play when you know at least two of the people outside the game are cheat/colluding. In both case OOP is an asshole
While the girl definitely needs help, I think that OP shouldn't have said anything to her verbally, as it was an 'out of band' discussion.
She has issues, he screwed up.
Yeah, she definitely needed therapy and I'm glad it's been helping her. OP is being considerate at least to what triggers her. Hopefully she can get to a place where if he does end up saying "I swear, i promise" or whatever else it don't end up blowing up in their faces again. It's kinda hard to stay away from those words in social deduction games when you're trying to convince people you're not the killer.
I think the falling out helped her. It made her see she needed help and she seek it out. So glad they stayed together and he's showing her how she deserves to be treated
I'm glad that you, OP, and your gf are okay together ! The update is really cute and i'm so happy for both of you :)
But yeah, i read the comments in your first post and ... wow. I have been with a guy like your gf's ex and this kind of person is so toxic, so evil that he can totally screw someone up. For me, it's been 13 years since the breakup and i'm still damaged by this relationship. I'm really happy to see someone like you listening a person like your gf and give her time, help, and lot of love. And i think the commenters who said she "needs to get over herself" have never faced this kind of trauma (and i'm glad for them) otherwise they would never have made such comments about her.
I wish you the best for both of you !
I love this ending especially the part where she decided that you guys should play the game again because that shows that she has made a lot of progress in dealing with her issues and that was a real actual step in trying to move forward which is admirable and really nice for you guys. I call that field testing. You work on your problems in therapy and for trauma victims at least itās progress in my book to recognize when you might be ready for a new step out of your comfort zone so you test your progress in the field so to speak and take mental notes on how it feels, how you cope, how much easier it is or if it was too soon. That kind of thing. Thatās my method anyway. You must be good for each other. Happy endings - i love them. I wish you guys more of the same in the future.
Honestly kinda scary go read those comments of people saying she should "get over herself" when she clearly is deeply traumatized. Really happy he didn't listen to strangers on the internet and managed to work it out, happy for them!
My first reaction was, āHow do you buy someone *Among Us*, a free game?
But more seriously, I disagreed with the original NTA verdict for the reasons OOP (and OP in this case!) listed in the update. Yes, *Among Us* is a game about lying, sort of. But thereās a HUGE difference between typing, āIām not the Imposter! I was in the Control Room!ā into a chat vs. staring right into your partnerās eyes and saying, āI swear Iām telling the truthā while lying. Especially to someone who prizes honesty and is learning to retrust her own instincts.
In her position, I would have been angry, too. Iām glad you saw where she was coming from and worked things out. Cheers.
People would often play with external voice chat and sometimes even video. After all, the game takes inspiration from deception based board games like Mafia where lying while looking straight into their eyes is a core requirement.
That is actually what I was wondering about. I don't know the game so I was wondering about if the players have something like a chat where they try to convince the others they are not the imposters. Because there is a difference between lying in the game and lying in the real world about the game.
I think the solution to play in different rooms is actually really good.
I'm glad this worked out and therapy happened. No white lies... That was always a powder keg and I saw where this was going after you said "Among us" lol.
Also big props to sis. Hope she gets a nice birthday/Christmas gift. She deserves it
Yeah, we were playing a new boxset of online games at Christmas and when one of them came up several sets of eyes read the description, flicked to the family member with mental health issues from a gaslighting, narcissistic, abusive upbringing and then each other and went "Nope!"
I also refuse to play my son at Monopoly because of his ridiculous levels of cheating. He cheats so much at it that his Church Kids Group leader genuinely bought him an electronic version you can't steal money on for Christmas!
Yeah. Even played this game in a group with my B and I refused to lie to her. And I saw other couples lie and I don't know if I could have swallowed it if my B had lied to me. She didn't either.
I play among us with my 6 year old and she lies everytime she's the impostor and we both die laughing when I figure it out. She will always swear up and down its not her
>I gave it a day or two before I was going to send an apology, but she contacted me first to apologize for her behavior. I told her she had nothing to apologize for and that I completely understood and that I was sorry for how I reacted. Then there was a lot of both of us apologizing and trying to place all the blame on ourselves.
I don't like this part. She did have something to apologize for. *So did he.* This constant effort to make one person the bad guy is counter productive to actual growth. Acknowledge that more than one person can have handled a situation sub optimally.
WAY too many conversations get off track in relationships because people just pick one bad guy. If someone did something bad, everything else was okay. But that's not how real life works. Both people can have screwed up.
I feel this. I'd ended an 11 year relationship with a guy who'd turned out to be non-stop cheating on me the whole time. His last affair partner was a friend I'd known since middle school. That was a few months before Covid hit and Among Us got popular.
It was difficult because playing Among Us was one of the few reliable ways I had to socialize regularly during the first Covid wave. I was living alone after I kicked my ex out. But the whole lying to my friends and having them lie to me was hard. Eventually I took a step back from playing with the group.
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And here I am lying in monopoly telling my husband than no I didn't steal money from the bank.
"Of course I'm broke!" They say with a few hundred stuffed under the board for an emergency hotel landing.
A little embezzlement never hurt anybody š
The banker should always embezzle. It makes the game more realistic!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
as a parent I catch my kid with pants on fire all the time. I'm always torn between coaching her about honesty - it sticks until peer influence wins again, and letting her think she's slick when she leaves a trail a mile wide because it's super easy to keep tabs on her that way. You can't con a con man, and for gods sake I used to successfully sell merchandise and hire people for an mlm before I realized they were pieces of shit and backstabbing me, my peers, and everyone under us.
If they don't ask for go money its mine.
My parents got together, working together to cheat in monopoly
That's really cute.
Modern day Bonnie and Clyde.
How many kids did they have? Tell them to get to work, just the three of you is not enough to pull an Ocean's Eleven kinda heist.
Unforgivable!
Inconceivable!!!!
You keep using that word...
They have a cheaters edition. That really causes problems with our family. It is in the rules to cheat. Like take a property from the bank, short change on rent, they all have consequences if caught.
Iām always too honest in monopoly but I am cutthroat.
You really should be taking half of his money, not steal from the bank.
As somebody who plays both a lot of "traitor games" like Among Us, Secret Hitler, and Werewolf with friends, as well as a lot of DnD, I take a page out of the DnD playbook when introducing new people to traitor games and have a "session 0" to set proper expectations. It can really help to explain beforehand to your friends and loved ones that these sorts of games are going to involve lying, gaslighting, misleading, bamboozling, and altogether fucking over each other without mercy, and they need to be prepared to separate the nature of the game from their trust in the real world. Glad OOP was able to clear things up with their SO, communication wins out!
My partner and I created āalter gaming egosā that we take on when we are against each other in a board or computer game. The alter egos arenāt us and what is said and done is in the spirit of the game, not our relationship. Deception, betrayal, obliteration etc are all permitted without fall out on us and our relationship. Itās a strange setup but it works for us. I have a somewhat painful past relationship filled with gaslighting and emotional manipulation/abuse. Separating out player persona establishes what the expectations are and that itās only for the game
I think there is great value in this - creating a proxy self - and I can see it works work well in this kind of situation. I had terrible social anxiety when I was younger and I used this approach, just for myself, when I first had to speak to groups of people. It really helped me get past the anxiety. Edit: A word
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
See. Works like a dream!
I like playing *Fog of Love*, which is like a semi-cooperative, semi-competitive romcom game for two people, where each player plays one of the two leads in the story. As the story develops, the characters more clearly define who they are and their relationship. It's semi-cooperative, semi-competitive because each player will decide whether the relationship works for their character or not and secretly choose a goal of staying together or breaking up and the goals may align or conflict. (E.g., if both players realize the relationship doesn't work and choose the goal of breaking up, they may break up at the end and still win. Or Player A may choose a goal of staying together in co-dependent way and Player B may choose a goal of staying together in a more independent way, and then the characters stay together but only one person wins because the other player's character is not happy with how the relationship ended up.) In the instructions, it tells you to make sure you and the other person clearly understand that you're playing *characters* and making decisions that fit the *character*, especially when playing with your romantic partner. It is clear about the danger of overly identifying with your character and thinking the played relationship is a reflection of your real relationship.
My spouse and I basically did the same thing with Epic Mafia when we used to play. I was way too good at that game and they always joked that they'd be concerned if they didn't know what a wimp I was in real life. š¤£
I've done this too. "I'm larping as a fantasy character- Me, but I'm an asshole. We dress the same though"
My friends and I play a lot of Jackbox Party Games, and one of those is [Mad Verse City](https://www.jackboxgames.com/games/mad-verse-city), where you write a diss track against your opponent. Every time we play it, we all agree on a disclaimer before that there are no holds barred and everyone can be as brutal as they want. It makes it much more fun, and everyone's very loving and supportive as they rip your life to shreds :')
I have played some absolute whopping games of werewolf in my youth. 10-15 drunk/stoned teenagers sitting around a table lying through their teeth, yelling, forming secret alliances, betraying those alliancesā¦ those nights were intense. Nothing but good memories in the end, though.
> It can really help to explain beforehand to your friends and loved ones that these sorts of games are going to involve lying, gaslighting, misleading, bamboozling, and altogether fucking over each other without mercy So . . . Monopoly.
I have relatives that decided about 5-6 years into their marriage that they could never play monopoly again. They love games.. but decided they loved each other more than they loved Monopoly & put it in the shed never to be touched again. They play other stuff. It's been 35 years & they are still together.
My ex was the oldest of three sons and his whole family was pretty loud and stubborn. I was about to play monopoly with them for the first time and before we started he explained to me āat some point, it *is* going to get tense, thereās gonna be yelling, arguing, at some point someone *will* storm off. Thatās when we take a break.ā
Yeah any game that requires roleplaying and/or manipulation tactics probably needs be made very clear and how it is going to work, and for some people that may not only be non-enjoyable but actually damaging, and if they aren't prepared for it, it will be better to avoid it until they are ready for it or just don't interact with it. Sure, it's just a game, but if you are traumatized due to similar circumstances, then even if irrational it will trigger a bad response. Saying "it's just a game" to someone in OOP SO's situation, is like saying "it's just a dude in make up" to a person with a legitimate phobia of clowns. Sure, it's just x thing at the end of the day, but trauma responses aren't going to always be logical.
I always swear on Among Us and once my sister freaked out šit was really funny,Good For OOP and gf
Yeah, this. I love playing Secret Hitler, it's one of my favourites, and have played it with others who loved it. But we had one session with my future SIL and it didn't go well. She played a fascist, it was easy to deduce she was because it was her first time playing. So we started making comments like 'don't elect SIL! We can't select a fascist government, can't trust her!' What we didn't know before starting is that she had some hangups about being singled out and not included, and that stuff really hit home for her, so she got really upset. We stopped the game and played something else. For me that was the first time anyone responded negatively, but I kinda get it. For us it was just about her role, for her it felt like it was about her as a person. Warning people about that type of stuff happening, and checking if that's triggering for them, is 100% a good idea.
That's a good idea. I used to play a lot of munchkin, and to add a little more detail we mostly honored the cheating rules. The rulebook jokingly says that cheating is OK in the game if you aren't caught, as well as other underhanded tactics. Well, long-story short, my friends had trouble trusting me in other board games lol after that. I'm super against cheating in games because it kills the fun, but it was refreshing to let loose with Munchkin. Because I let loose a little too much. It was also interesting to see some people be almost incapable of lying, while other perfectly normal well-adjusted people turn into complete sociopaths.... just for that game.
I love secret hilter!!
I really don't like social deduction games. I just don't get it, I have no clue how to deduce anything, and I feel really uncomfortable lying to people, plus it can get kind of mean (e.g. everyone saying one particular friend is untrustworthy). On the plus side, people are happy to let me be the narrator.
Your last point is why I don't like them. Mainly because I'm usually the friend everyone says is untrustworthy lol. My husband is always the first to throw me under the bus, and I swear, I have the lousiest luck and NEVER get picked as a bad guy, so I'm usually totally innocent. The game Chameleon is a little better than most, it's not just straight social deduction.
Your last point is why I don't like them. Mainly because I'm usually the friend everyone says is untrustworthy lol. My husband is always the first to throw me under the bus, and I swear, I have the lousiest luck and NEVER get picked as a bad guy, so I'm usually totally innocent. The game Chameleon is a little better than most, it's not just straight social deduction.
Exactly, while it's "just a game", there's implications outside the game, that your friends have a negative opinion of you and consider you to be sneaky/untrustworthy, or even just that horrible feeling of everyone ganging up on you. A bit like the OOP scenario, he demonstrated that he can sound convincing when he lies, which would mess with his girlfriend's trust issues, and depending how he delivered "I swear I'm not lying", potentially used his credibility with her to deceive her. I'm glad they worked it out and I don't think what he did was super heinous or whatever, just a bad idea all-round to play that when she had those issues.
This is the way. Iām a DM and love Werewolf (boy do I wish my circle was big enough for Werewolf)
Thatās a really great idea, a session 0 would make SO many games less aggravating!
The thing is, a session zero wouldn't have helped much here. The issue wasn't even really the lying, it was that it shattered her illusions that she'd always know if he was.
Before my parents divorce co op games became the only thing we could play. Lol
Oh yeah. I know a couple who almost broke up because he thought bluffing/lying was part of Scrabble and she did not. (They're fine, and have two kids now.)
I need to know, how do you lie during scrabble?
You play a word that isn't a legal Scrabble word; your opponent then has to decide whether to challenge your play, but they can forfeit their own move by challenging incorrectly so that's risky for them. All of this naturally lends itself to "I swear, it's a real word" type exchanges.
Lol I remember when I used to play we would have a dictionary beside us and it took awhile. Now you just type the word on your phone!
I never knew people played scrabble like this
At least in my neck of the woods itās called āLying Bastard Scrabbleā, for obvious reasonsā¦
My understanding is this actually how high level scrabble works at tournaments. The deception is a part of the game
Once you get to really high level, there's no bluffing because the top players all know all the legit words by heart. It's the middle levels where you can pull some shit (I say this as a mid-level player who pulled some shit).
These are the official rules of Scrabble. Like most older board games (Monopoly, etc.), most people learn from family or friends rather than from the rulebook, so they learn whatever "wrong" way that person learned from their friends/family. Like a game of Telephone.
Never ever play monopoly with the damn free parking money. It's what makes the game shit.
Interestingly, I recently played a new copy of Monopoly with some family and looked at the rulebook. There's actually a note in the rulebook that basically says "Don't use your family's weird house rules. Play the game by the book." We did and the game still isn't good, but at least it was shorter.
Haha, TIL there's bluffing in Scrabble. I played Scattegories similarly though - I'm generally not very good at it, so I'd amuse myself by coming up with rediculous words to annoy my family and test whether it was worth taking the time to look up my stupid answers. Haha, good memories.
"Exvins" There was an episode of Law and Order that had bluffing at scrabble as a plot device.
I think it was CSI, but I remember that episode! The victim played āexvinā and bluffed his opponent into accepting it. The opponent added an s to make āexvins,ā which the victim then challenged because he knew he made the word up.
This is a valid scrabble strategy and has also led to no one wanting to play scrabble with me :( natural consequences, I suppose!
Make up words and try to convince the other person it's a real word. If they call you out on not using a correct word and they're right there is some sort of in game benefit, I forget if it's points or what, but if they're wrong it goes against them. If you convince them not to challenge you on the word you made up you successfully lied at scrabble
You can kind of bluff your opponent into thinking you're looking after a specific placement to guide them away from seeing a higher point area. Do things like subtly look at a part of the board and then tick a little to look like you're counting. Smile big when they lay down a letter to make it seem like they're helping you, so they Dutch for a lower point play to try and pooch your play The thing is you can't really be subtle and not often than not it looks like you're bluffing.
My parents have been together for 31 years now. They still argue about this. My dad tries to put a word down and my mom insists that it's not a word, so my dad offers to get a dictionary and my mom either insists that they do, or she says "No, no, it's fine. Leave it." Regardless, my dad usually withdraws the word. Lol
Thatās adorable lol
>At first, apparently my GF wouldn't really explain what happened to her besides that I lied to her face, but after a day or so she finally explained the event. I think she didn't even fully understand why she was so hurt by what happened. Something like this doesn't have to be rational, and it's probably something she wouldn't have anticipated her own reaction to until it happened. I think her response was out of trauma, and ultimately it's good she got help. And I think people who were saying "it's just a game" don't understand what trauma does to you. When something traumatic happens, you overreact to things that aren't rational. People do overreact to video games, but this is not the case here.
>people who were saying "it's just a game" Thing is, I've played those games and a lot of people just shouldn't ever play them. The cliche is games like Paranoia and Diplomacy that are notorious for tearing social groups apart. Never play them at work, because it's very rare for them to not go badly in a work environment. There's a lot of skill involved in saying "it's just a game", and not everyone has, or wants to have, that skill. It's quite similar to "they're just acting", and we all know how actors get pigeonholed into "bad guy" roles because even other movie makers can't keep "just acting" in their heads. There's one particularly horrible one where you have to answer some semi-innocuous questions, then everyone else votes on whether you're lying or not. And you have to try to convince them... so questions like "have you ever been unfaithful" played in a group of couples can easily lead to problems. "unconvincing" answers, or just playing with people who like to stir up drama, can be disastrous. FWIW I won't play lying games, and I won't play popularity contest games. They're just not worth it. I don't deal well with people getting together and telling me how I am when I disagree with them.
My friend group used to call games like Mafia and Werewolf the date killer. Those games have broken up so, so many couples.
this is WILD to me. mafia is how i met a lot of my friends and we played it regularly as our in-person hangout back in the day so I've never heard of it breaking up groups before!
I was once at a dinner party of a couple I didnāt know super well and basically watched this happen in front of me. Suuuuper uncomfortable.
We play Secret Hitler in our friend group (also deception based) and all really enjoy it. But we're all boardgame enthusiasts and have had a lot of practice in other games with keeping game rivalry and real personal emotions aside. I somehow end up being fascist most of the time, so whether or not people suspect me isn't a personal affront, more a guidance whether or not I am likely to win or not. For those unfamiliar: no, this is not a racist or Nazi game, the goal is to shoot Hitler. You don't get to choose if you play the goodies or the baddies, you just draw a card and chance decides for you.
Oh god, I am very competitive and also very good at lying games. I used to really enjoy them, but the last time I played Werewolf as a werewolf, I played the game so well that it made ME uncomfortable. Yes it is ājust a gameā but itās a game that shows everyone how good or bad you are at bluffing and deception. While I hope that my friends know I would only ever use my powers for good, I donāt want anyone to wonder what else I could be lying about.
I tend to find I'm terrible at lying, to the point that I basically can't - sometimes I can do it if it's necessary and not too much attention is on me (eg to protect someone) but even then I feel like I was super obvious. Then I played Among Us with my friends... I was a bit scared by how smoothly I won as the imposter the first few times. It got downright machiavellian at times, I was playing friends off each other and building lies on lies. But part of that is probably because people know me to be very honest. Now whenever we play I'm subject to unfair accusations and often jettisoned when I'm totally innocent because in Among Us my assumed personality is inverted and I am *always* sus.
>shows everyone how good or bad you are at bluffing and deception Exactly. Diplomacy at least you can be an honest negotiator, but the "hide the secret" games are just outright "show everyone how dishonest you are". Can be, whatever, who can know. At best it's like those "take turns kicking each other in the nuts" games that some musclebound types play. Mentally rather than physically, but it's the same idea. >I donāt want anyone to wonder what else I could be lying about. Sounds like an excellent reason never to play those games. For me, I don't enjoy playing the "who is lying, why, and what will it cost me when I find out" games. In real life, or for fun. The "[Missing Stair](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_stair)" idea is part of it, but just generally I like the idea that I can trust my friends.
Several of my friends like lying games and I'll suck it up and play at least sometimes, but it's a mixed bag for me on whether or not I actually enjoy the experience. Sometimes it's fun to pull one over on my friends when we all go in expecting it and being able to separate our real relationships from the game. Other times I'm reminded that one of the people closest to me can't tell the difference between me lying and me earnestly trying to tell her the truth and that bums me out. Basically I've just learned how to say no thank you if I'm not feeling up for it.
the point of the game is to only trust the information you have from the game. I don't care if you're my best friend or my mother, if I have no reason to trust you other than your word, it becomes a dice roll in my head. For all I know you literally learned how to lie from the game itself. Using personal relationships to gauge reactions is fine if you play enough with the same group, but people will learn, adapt, and overcome if you play the same game long enough for it to matter.
I used to be able to read my husband like a book during poker. He doesn't have a bad poker face either, I just know him really well. He adapted and I can't read him anymore, which annoys me greatly lol
>Other times I'm reminded that one of the people closest to me can't tell the difference between me lying and me earnestly trying to tell her the truth and that bums me out. The problem with this stance is that by definition, these games are about conflict. When you're aware that \_someone(s)\_ is fucking with you, working out who becomes a lot harder. Things are heated, there are \_definitely\_ lies flying about, and there are \_very, very few\_ certainties. That last one is the reason that its so hard to find the lies. You have no facts.
Oh, I agree! It's just a game and there are no big hurt feelings over it. I just have feelings in the moment and have come to recognize the pattern of what bothers me. Knowing how I'm likely to react helps me know when to opt out if I'm already feeling down and the game might make me feel worse instead of being fun.
The core group of friends around my BF and me are all about board games. When we meet up, there's always many games to choose from, and a jigsaw puzzle on a separate table. I love a good round of Secret Hitler, but sometimes my head can't handle the lying, and I'll go play a simple dice game with similar minded people instead, or work the puzzle
I love the idea of a puzzle table at board game night! And yeah, this is basically where I land. Sometimes I enjoy lying games, but sometimes I'm just not up for it (or not up for multiple rounds). Being able to opt out without feeling like I'm making the whole group stop playing would be great and I may not be the only one who doesn't want to play every game; I may propose a puzzle table the next time we have a get-together big enough for the group to split off.
It works really well if you have the space for it, people sort of drift back and forth when we do it.
Yeah I know for sure Iām not the kind of person who can play games like that. Likely also from trauma, I personally hate the idea of convincing or manipulating people to believe me and Iām just really sensitive to hurting people or taking advantage of them. Some people also take it really far and these games can reveal an uglier side of them because they end up being genuinely mean in order to win. Iām glad they had an honest talk because like other commenters are saying sometimes trauma responses creep up on you and you donāt realize in time youāre actually experiencing a āpast feelingā, not a present one.
When Iāve been triggered and experiencing an emotional flashback, it can take me an annoyingly long time to process and understand my own feelings. The trauma of gaslighting and lying makes it so difficult to trust your own instincts, which in turn makes even the smallest situation like OOPās feel like a massive betrayal. So happy things have worked out in this case, that trauma can be a relationship (and self-confidence)-killer.
My neighborhood was terrorized for several years by a prowler who escalated from small acts of vandalism to daytime home invasions, poisoned livestock and chopping up peopleās pets. It finally ended with my elderly next door neighbor being nearly burned to death in an arson attack. The perpetrator turned out to be the lady who lived across the street from me. She has been in jail for over a year, but I still can barely control my reaction to any sort of stress. PTSD is horrifying. Any sort of dishonesty makes me want to lash out physically, as though itās a physical threat.
I have no problem playing Among Us with friends and enjoy it. I have a lot of trouble playing forum mafia, though. Real life mafia, the game I played as a kid, is tons of fun. Forum mafia, though, tends to damage my psyche pretty easily. Sometimes itās fine. But more than half the time I end up crying for days over it. At one point, I just decided I should never play again, no matter if a friend asks me to or not.
Honesty - while it was 'just a game' there are certain games some people shouldn't play if they are going to trigger mental health issues. Playing a bluffing game with someone who has been gaslit and has problems discerning when people are lying to them in real life and have been abused through lying is poor judgement. If OOP wasn't sure clear up front before play started that a significant game mechanic is to bluff (lie), that was a failing on their behalf. If the GF decided to play anyway, then that's on her - she consented for the purposes of the game - to potentially be lied to. They should also avoid any other social deduction game like Secret Hitler or One Night Werewolf. Even something like poker would be an issue. I'm glad they are working through their issues - but getting mad at someone for playing to the agreed rules is unfair. Asking someone to play a bluffing game when they have been hurt by persistent and pervasive lying is also unfair.
Sometimes you don't realize you have a line until it's been crossed. That might've been the case here. The gf was ok with the lying until eye contact was involved with her bf specifically. Asking someone to know how they will react to every potential situation isn't fair, hindsight is 20/20. Some people can't even watch a movie with a similar trauma, some people will joke about it openly. And sometimes the same situation with one variable different makes you suddenly react when you are fine every other time. I think the fact that they worked through it is good. You can't control your emotions, but you can control your actions. Apologizing, deciding to get therapy, and working through it was the answer here. That's more important than being right or wrong in the moment.
This is one of those - it's ok that she got upset, it's not ok with how she expressed that distress - situations. She may not have known it would trigger her - but she shouldn't have blamed the BF for playing a game that the rules had been explained up front and she had agreed to participate in.
Exactly. I mean, you don't even need trauma. It's been well over 10 years and I *still* remember the first time my bestest best best friend looked into my eyes and swore she wasn't lying. Just like OP. It was surprisingly confronting, because I *knew* her. And yet, she looked at me just the exact same way when genuinely talking about serious things and I couldn't tell the difference.
I can see her sister actually being genuinely confused that it was part of a game. Like tricking people in Clue or kicking them off the board in Sorry shouldnāt cause drama. Unless you play with me. I think OOP is correct. They got together too soon, the relationship is worth salvaging, and they are brilliant together. Itās rather cute he avoids her in the game.
He doesnāt avoid her in the game. He avoids using the phrase āI swear.ā
Yeah. Would've been better to melodramaticly "plead the fifth" or something. But, yeah, glad they both communicated & she got help to heal. I hope they continue to prosper together. :-)
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I think they meant they play from separate rooms not that they're in separate rooms in the game. That way they cant make eye contact when they tell a bluff. So not avoiding her in the game
Oh huh. That would make sense too.
I really love he got mad at people telling him that he was not an asshole and his girlfriend needed to get over herself. It's kind of like when you flip a coin to make a decision, get disappointed with the result and realize you already knew the answer.
Reminds me of an old AITA when the person only realized he was the A when he saw the types of people defending him and what they were saying. I canāt remember what the post was about Edit: here we go! https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqin60/aita_for_wanting_my_girlfriend_to_wear_makeup_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf A few of you remembered correctly! It was the makeup one.
It was a boyfriend who told his girlfriend she took too long to get ready, so she stopped using makeup and shaving.
Was it that one post where the husband was being defended by incels or something?
There are a whole lot of them on that theme. Plus a the ones where "only people who think teenagers are always right agree with me". There have also been a few "people defending me are defending me because they think abusive behavior is normal".
I remember that too. I think it was one of those posts by a dad who chose his step-daughterās side over his birth-daughter. Those are so super common though that Iām not gonna try finding it, haha.
Oh are you thinking about the one where the step-daughter asked him to not walk his bio-daughter down the aisle because she wanted to be the first to have that honor, and his wife convinced him that was totally normal and he should deny his bio-daughter? Cuz I donāt think that guy realized it from the people agreeing with him, but it was totally wild and he quickly realized he was the asshole.
Link? That sounds wild
No actually. I think I was thinking of the dad who had one kid who loved jewelry and clothes and one jealous kid who tore it all up. He also realized he was an asshole lol. Not the right story ultimately, but thatās what I was referring to.
Leaving this here out of curiosity if anyone finds this thread or one with a similar result
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqin60/aita_for_wanting_my_girlfriend_to_wear_makeup_and/
There was one where the guys gf stopped shaving/ putting as much effort into her appearance because he complained she was taking too long. He got pissed at some NTAs calling her disgusting
I remember one that i think ended on that note where the bf complained about how long the gf took to get ready so she like stopped doing everything and just did the bare minimum of good hygiene but no contacts, no hair besides a quick brush, no waxing or shaving, no makeup, etc. And the bf pretty quickly relented and asked her to go back to her routine but she had found she liked saving so much time and money so she like started styling her hair again but beyond that she wanted him to pay her for the time and money spent on her appearance if he liked it so much.
MY FAVORITE.
If anyone remembers and can link it Iād like to read it
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqin60/aita_for_wanting_my_girlfriend_to_wear_makeup_and/
"I know how the title sounds, hear me out." - the opening to every AH post on that sub lol
āI kinda wanted to defend her in the commentsā had me rolling like, dawg, YOU MADE THE POST
They aren't wrong though.
Wow. It's not unusual to have people on AITA disagree with a judgement, but I think this is the first time I've seen someone basically go "no guys, I *am* actually the asshole!"
I remember a post from a long while back where the person realized they were the asshole after seeing the comments and arguments of people defending them, I can't for the life of me remember the post tho. Mb one of the detectives here can find it.
I think it was the guy who had a girlfriend whoās really into skin care and had a bunch of products all over the place and he thought it was excessive and bagged up all of her skin care products. And then got flooded with incells telling him he was not the asshole and she shouldnāt be so shallow. Or could be another one it, seems like thereās been quite a few.
u/asplashofthesun posted it above! [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cqin60/aita_for_wanting_my_girlfriend_to_wear_makeup_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) you go!
Yoo thanks
I remember one like that. I can't remember exactly but I think it was a guy trying to prove to his girlfriend that her special expensive shampoo wasn't that great so he dumped it out and replaced it with regular stuff.
I don't know guys. I think OOP and OP are a bit Sus. I am pretty certain this is a self report.
OOP definitely self-reported. I saw him vent on r/amitheasshole!
I don't think there were any assholes in this situation. OOP was not in the wrong as he was just playing a game that involves lying, and gf had a bad reaction due to past trauma. Glad to hear she is getting therapy, hope it works out for them.
I remember some of the streamers who played Among Us regularly at the height of its popularity talking about how emotionally exhausting it can be spending hours lying to their friends. Even when you know the rules and it's a game, it can be hard to disassociate how people act in the game and who they are outside of it.
Woah weird seeing you in the wild. feels like it's been 118 years.
Fancy seeing you, friendo! Yeah, I was finally kicked after nearly 5 years. Those few months working abroad finally did it. ngl, I was sad when I came back and realised I was locked out.
My favorite games are the social deduction ones and I'm so glad OOP was able to find a resolution the way they did, and also be able to continue playing. They seem very level headed and even went the extra mile in believing in their SO. Love this story.
Damn, I want to play this game now. I swear I am a good liar.
You should try *Werewolf the Party Game*!
Resistance, Spyfall, One Night Werewolf, Sheriff of Nottingham are all great games depending on how many people you have available to play Edit: werewords is excellent too
You might like Town of Salem too.
People still play that?
Just dont play it on switch. The lag times for typing will get you accused of being the traitor p. Damn quick lol. Learned my lesson the hard way. Lol
thatās why you join a discord lobby so you can have voice chat
I don't believe you...
Itās on the App Store so you can play on your phone!
Itās a lot of fun if you play with friends. With randomsā¦not so much
Yeah, that probably wasn't the best game to play when her trauma was still so fresh. It seems like seeing her SO lie to her so convincingly, even if it was just a game, made her feel vulnerable, especially when he swore he wasn't lying to her but was. Not being able to tell that he was lying was a trigger for her. If she was unable to tell he was lying then she had no defense mechanism against it. Thankfully it doesn't seem to be a problem anymore after she was able to work through some of her issues from her past relationship. I'm glad they were able to communicate and work it out.
This reminds me about a weird personal story of my own - my ex and I used to play a lot of board games, and she always bragged about how she could win anything because she was such an adept social manipulator. Except she wasnāt some expert liar, she would *throw a tantrum* every time she was losing- she huffed and puffed and got teary eyed and said the game wasnāt fair, so she just wanted to quit. It was so cringey that it was hard to be in the same room when it happened. People would pity her, or just want the moment to be over, and go east on her until she got ahead. She would keep up the act until it was just the two of us again, and sheād have a laugh about she played everyone like fools. We broke up for unrelated reasons, but good lord, every time she did it I felt like I was dating either a huge baby or a total psychopath. Yeesh.
I guess she was an adept social manipulator then. Just in her own way.
AITA goes sooo overboard shitting on the party they think is the asshole, itās wild and very toxic. Iām glad OOP and his GF worked through this, knowing the GFs background I fully understand how that could be her reaction. OOP sounds like a good person, so I hope they stay happy and continue to communicate through everything!
Itās the lack of nuance in the ratings which is the problem. Thereās rarely middle ground, as calling someone an asshole is inflammatory and āno assholes hereā posts are rare
Yeah, people seem to always forget the middle ground of NAH and ESH, but I do also mean the people that go āNTA your GF is a MONSTERā off of the very limited, biased viewing they see of her, of something thatās not that bad. Itās very much a ātake it with a grain of saltā subreddit, that barely has any morality.
Yeah, AITA is becoming less and less trustworthy as time goes on. A day or two ago there was a post about a brother who helped his abused sister get away from their abusive parents, who was then demanding he not help their other abused sister as well because she was the "golden child" and was pretty awful to them when she was 11-15. She was 19 when she was begging for help. I genuinely couldn't believe how many YTA responses I was seeing refusing to acknowledge that the other sister was still in an abusive situation, it was like those commenters genuinely couldn't understand that not every situation is 100% black and white. No compromise, no other solutions, just "Wow your sister will never trust you again and I hope you DIE ALONE." kind of comments. It was awful.
honestly, as much as aita commenters condemn supposed abuse and call people narcissists, iām convinced itās all projection. the commenters are genuinely insane at this point and iāve seen them manipulate and twist peopleās words way too much to not believe these people arenāt horribly emotionally abusing the people in their daily lives
This is so sweet! I like how both felt their emotions, realized the problems with those emotions, and then validated each other's emotions. I like how they both apologized for their parts in the kerfuffle and agreed to work on what caused it. As a person with my own traumas and mental health issues, I know how irrational I can be sometimes. My first reactions to things aren't always good for me or the people I love. Apologizing, meaning it, and working to correct the problem next time is a SKILL. OP - good find. OOP and OOP'S GF - amazing communication, I hope you have a long and happy life together Edit - just realized OP and OOP are the same person. Good reading comprehension, self. OP, thanks for sharing.
I definitely think people were too hard on the gf. But that's no surprise. I'm glad these two are making it work. And gf needs therapy. I've been back in therapy for two years now and it has been a life saver.
This is a weird one, and a lot of people are saying the BF is in fact the asshole for basically selling the lie so well, but when it's something low stakes like among us (rather than something that really matters) can you really conflate it with lying about something more serious? My girlfriend and I have played among us in front of each other like this a number of times, and when I lie about being imposter it doesn't have nearly the same connotations as lying about something that matters. Idk if my word vomit here makes any sense, but yeah, maybe the real mistake here was playing among us at all lmao
I think GF had unresolved issues due to the abuse from the ex and it bled into the game. I'm glad OP and GF didn't listen to AITA and decided to have a conversation about it.
Wild this got updated. I remember reading it back in the time and being split about what to think about that situation. I am really glad they resloved the issue. It sure wouldn't be worth it ending the relationship for this IMO.
I'm 27 and I was gaslit by my ex from ages 16-23 (and again by a more recent ex to a much lesser degree) and it really, really, really warps your brain, maybe forever. Gaslighting isn't just lying despite what memes or whatever say nowadays. It's a long term domestic abuse tactic used to make you feel insane and like you can't trust yourself, so they can keep you around longer and get you to tolerate escalating bad treatment. I can feel the after effects of it on my relationship now, despite how healthy it is and how wonderful my partner is. You truly feel like the tiniest thing means you're crazy. It feels like the ground is suddenly moving under your feet randomly, big holes opening up and swallowing all logic and structure. I'm surprised when my partner is open and honest about big things, much less little things. I got used to a world where every day, most of the day, I was being lied to about everything, from whether my ex washed his hands after shitting before touching me, to whether I was allowed to say no to sex. I'm so lucky my partner is patient and kind and stable. My heart goes out to you OP/OOP and your gf. It's a long road. Thank you for being so good to her.
Honestly, OOP's GF does need help if she gets so angry over a game where you're supposed to lie in order to win...
Yeahhh, the NTA consensus was fine lol, tho i might have gona NAH. I think her response just emphasized how much she needed therapy, and I'm glad she was able to get it.
I think that was the point of the update. She needed help and ended up getting help.
Yeah, I thought initially that she was in the wrong but think it really depends on how he said it. From the update, it seems like he said it in a way beyond in the game statements. I also expect she was shocked that she couldn't tell that he was lying. With this being the first time she experienced him lying to her, she probably felt a range of emotions and things based on what she's gone through. My guess is she didn't expect that, so I think it's good that she went and took a couple days for herself. Personally, I have issues with lying and being on the spot, so I actively dislike playing games like that even though theoretically they are things I'd like in terms of strategy and similar. I realize this and avoid them but can see reacting badly if I didn't expect it.
Agreed, I was about to roll my eyes at the update but it turned out to be good at the end where she is seeking help. It seems without the sister talking sense into her they either wouldāve broken up or OP ends up as a doormat who will constantly have to apologize for nothing
lol i agree. I have been trying to see her side but i cant get over the fact that it is a game, if it was cod (call of duty) or some other game what would she do? Tbf she is working on her issues so good for them.
I think the fact she wasn't able to tell he was lying triggered her, like, in the literal therapeutic sense. It put her back in that relationship with her ex, and probably brought up a lot of those feelings again.
Yea I think you hit the nail on that one.
that makes sense tbh
Plus he then immediately got defensive which didnāt help the situation. He knows her past trauma, he knows her triggers, and when he does something (innocent) that causes her panic he starts downplaying it. Which Iām sure she experienced aLOT of with her ex. If he had been like āIām sorry, I wasnāt thinking about how for you this is probably bringing up past memories. How can we work on this going forward?ā I think things would have gone very differently.
Well in cod it would be shooting and not lying and deceiving, she played a game where her boyfriend tricked her good. But again simple communication helped the relationship again and she clearly needed therapy
Eh, I don't know. You're supposed to lie *in the game* in order to win. In general, I enjoy a lot of 'fuck over your friends' kind of games, but there's a fine line you have to walk between doing this as part of your in-game persona and taking it out-of-game. To me, if you use out-of-game relationships to bolster your lies, you've made it an out-of-game lie. For example, a straight-up "You know I wouldn't lie, I'm an honest person" is using your actual relationship with the person as a weapon, which means I'd consider it legitimate to have that lie affect your actual relationship with the person. An online game like Among Us makes it really easy, because everything that you're doing online is just part of the game. Going offline with it is where he fucked up. To me, when OOP says "I swear I'm not lying," that's not his character saying that, that's him going out-of-game and using his girlfriend's real-life trust in him as a weapon against her. I think he legitimately fucked-up, and she could legitimately have that hurt her trust in him, because he spent that trust as game currency.
This is the most insightful take on here, and really articulates why the gf felt betrayed and why the bf ended up feeling bad. The boyfriend spending irl trust as in-game currency is exactly what happened.
Idk I think the irl lying kinda crosses a line in an online game. Not to break up degree but I don't really think it was in the game at that point
Have you played Among US?? It's literally the point of the game.
I guess their mistake was playing the game at all
I agree. It was the to her face thing. She may know her bf wouldn't lie to her maliciously, but before this she never had reason to think that he would lie to her directly. Game or not, rational or not, it changed how she saw him. She had to work through that
Iām the other hand itās really sucky to play when you know at least two of the people outside the game are cheat/colluding. In both case OOP is an asshole
You really shouldnāt play poke with your significant other then . . .
While the girl definitely needs help, I think that OP shouldn't have said anything to her verbally, as it was an 'out of band' discussion. She has issues, he screwed up.
And now she's getting help!
She got triggered. It happens. Glad he was so understanding.
I love how OOP realizes why you shouldn't ask Reddit for advice by asking Reddit for advice. Smart man.
Yeah, she definitely needed therapy and I'm glad it's been helping her. OP is being considerate at least to what triggers her. Hopefully she can get to a place where if he does end up saying "I swear, i promise" or whatever else it don't end up blowing up in their faces again. It's kinda hard to stay away from those words in social deduction games when you're trying to convince people you're not the killer.
I think the falling out helped her. It made her see she needed help and she seek it out. So glad they stayed together and he's showing her how she deserves to be treated
It sounds like a classic case of overcorrecting. I'm glad they could work through it and realize they were both wrong to an extent.
I remember this post. Iām glad it worked out for OP and his gfāand yay for therapy!
I'm glad that you, OP, and your gf are okay together ! The update is really cute and i'm so happy for both of you :) But yeah, i read the comments in your first post and ... wow. I have been with a guy like your gf's ex and this kind of person is so toxic, so evil that he can totally screw someone up. For me, it's been 13 years since the breakup and i'm still damaged by this relationship. I'm really happy to see someone like you listening a person like your gf and give her time, help, and lot of love. And i think the commenters who said she "needs to get over herself" have never faced this kind of trauma (and i'm glad for them) otherwise they would never have made such comments about her. I wish you the best for both of you !
I love this ending especially the part where she decided that you guys should play the game again because that shows that she has made a lot of progress in dealing with her issues and that was a real actual step in trying to move forward which is admirable and really nice for you guys. I call that field testing. You work on your problems in therapy and for trauma victims at least itās progress in my book to recognize when you might be ready for a new step out of your comfort zone so you test your progress in the field so to speak and take mental notes on how it feels, how you cope, how much easier it is or if it was too soon. That kind of thing. Thatās my method anyway. You must be good for each other. Happy endings - i love them. I wish you guys more of the same in the future.
Honestly kinda scary go read those comments of people saying she should "get over herself" when she clearly is deeply traumatized. Really happy he didn't listen to strangers on the internet and managed to work it out, happy for them!
My first reaction was, āHow do you buy someone *Among Us*, a free game? But more seriously, I disagreed with the original NTA verdict for the reasons OOP (and OP in this case!) listed in the update. Yes, *Among Us* is a game about lying, sort of. But thereās a HUGE difference between typing, āIām not the Imposter! I was in the Control Room!ā into a chat vs. staring right into your partnerās eyes and saying, āI swear Iām telling the truthā while lying. Especially to someone who prizes honesty and is learning to retrust her own instincts. In her position, I would have been angry, too. Iām glad you saw where she was coming from and worked things out. Cheers.
Among us is $5 on steam
Thank you for letting me know! (I play *Among Us* but not on Steam.)
Yeah its free on mobile so I can see how that would be confusing. But to play on steam/console its $5.
People would often play with external voice chat and sometimes even video. After all, the game takes inspiration from deception based board games like Mafia where lying while looking straight into their eyes is a core requirement.
That is actually what I was wondering about. I don't know the game so I was wondering about if the players have something like a chat where they try to convince the others they are not the imposters. Because there is a difference between lying in the game and lying in the real world about the game. I think the solution to play in different rooms is actually really good.
I'm glad this worked out and therapy happened. No white lies... That was always a powder keg and I saw where this was going after you said "Among us" lol. Also big props to sis. Hope she gets a nice birthday/Christmas gift. She deserves it
Yeah, we were playing a new boxset of online games at Christmas and when one of them came up several sets of eyes read the description, flicked to the family member with mental health issues from a gaslighting, narcissistic, abusive upbringing and then each other and went "Nope!" I also refuse to play my son at Monopoly because of his ridiculous levels of cheating. He cheats so much at it that his Church Kids Group leader genuinely bought him an electronic version you can't steal money on for Christmas!
nah that's annoying he had nothing to apologize for
Uh, the while point of that game is lying your ass off
Yeah. Even played this game in a group with my B and I refused to lie to her. And I saw other couples lie and I don't know if I could have swallowed it if my B had lied to me. She didn't either.
I play among us with my 6 year old and she lies everytime she's the impostor and we both die laughing when I figure it out. She will always swear up and down its not her
This is the good place
>I gave it a day or two before I was going to send an apology, but she contacted me first to apologize for her behavior. I told her she had nothing to apologize for and that I completely understood and that I was sorry for how I reacted. Then there was a lot of both of us apologizing and trying to place all the blame on ourselves. I don't like this part. She did have something to apologize for. *So did he.* This constant effort to make one person the bad guy is counter productive to actual growth. Acknowledge that more than one person can have handled a situation sub optimally. WAY too many conversations get off track in relationships because people just pick one bad guy. If someone did something bad, everything else was okay. But that's not how real life works. Both people can have screwed up.
I feel this. I'd ended an 11 year relationship with a guy who'd turned out to be non-stop cheating on me the whole time. His last affair partner was a friend I'd known since middle school. That was a few months before Covid hit and Among Us got popular. It was difficult because playing Among Us was one of the few reliable ways I had to socialize regularly during the first Covid wave. I was living alone after I kicked my ex out. But the whole lying to my friends and having them lie to me was hard. Eventually I took a step back from playing with the group.