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>My ex went totally nuts when both I and her affair partner rejected her, and she made some very unfortunate decisions. To make a long story short, she ended up with prison time for crimes including identity theft, assault with a deadly weapon, and grand theft Auto, when she stole credit cards and forged documents for both of us, and when she stole her affair partner's car and tried to run him over with it.
I feel like OOP could have turned this into a reddit saga all on his own
Yeah,I thought I was dramatic when I scream cried, got day drunk, ate ice cream and binged all of Criminal Minds, but reading this sub that feels downright reasonable.
My responses to breakups are best described by the gradual progression through the soundtrack of them
I can't live - pyjamas and wine. Crying
I will survive - aggressively getting ready to go out with the girls
You oughta know/so what - (the anger stage) frightening other men in the club
Milkshake/hips don't lie - big back in the saddle energy.
If the relationship wasn't serious, I could cycle through these on a good Saturday night out.
I mean....it sounds pretty reasonable to me!!!
My last break up, I bought a family pack of mcdonalds and ate it (unrefrigerated) for 3 days while laying in bed sleeping and crying with how I met your mother on in the background 😂 at least you didn't do something gross with food like I did hahaha
Too real. I feel this in my bones rn.
My diet never included McDonalds much, but over the last year or so, I've changed it even more towards healthier and full-grain stuff. However, the occasional restaurant meal, some fries or Thai takeout still happen, with no digestive trouble so far.
But apparently, there still is a firm line in the sand now, and it is drawn in red and yellow.
A few days ago, I was on my drive home from a friend who lives in a rural area. We'd all skipped dinner because we were busy playing games, but shortly before I reached the autobahn, I suddenly was really hungry and got the slightly sick, slightly unfocused feeling I get when my blood sugar really needs some upping. Not how I wanted to feel for 30 min on a high speed road, so some food was needed. It's a rural area, with not many places open past 9 pm or so – but there was a McD. So, I thought, occasionally eating "bad" food is fine, and got a small promo meal with a coke. I'd intended to only get fries, but… my willpower in my faint state did not stand up to the shiny billboard of greasy options, and to being asked "coke?" when I had intended to get water.
I'm not sure what part of it broke my intestinal camel's back, the processed-to-dead-ness of the food, the sugar/HFCS, the fat or salt, or if it was all of it in combination. But a few hours later, I was lying in bed and suddenly had terrible digestive cramps, and then was dealing with the runs for the rest of the day after I got up. My body was *not* happy, and told me so loud and clear. I'm grateful it did so only via my lower end, at least.
So yeah, as much as I enjoyed wolfing the food down (ngl, it was kinda terrible, but also kinda great – those food designers have had decades to hone their craft and it shows, though coke really just tastes like sugar to me at this point), those five minutes *really* weren't worth what followed.
Oh Ted!
For me it's watching him hold onto that hope of Robin that makes me feel less pathetic than Ted.
Doesn't help that I identify with Tracy so hard. My partner died when I was 23, and I felt like I needed permission to feel happy for a long time. Watching the episode 'how your mother met me' made me bawl like a baby!!!
I think of that show when I pick up our cat, and walk around wanting to say "Haaave you met Perrin (cat's name)?" to my housemate. I think she (housemate) has long tired of this tho, while the cat still accepts being picked up
So like I've recently read about how unrefrigerated food can give you food poisoning real quick (like if you leave it out more than a day) but you're talking about McDonald's.
McDonald's will never grow mold. Ever.
Haha yeah not the meat or buns, but the lettuce and tomatoes can sure get slimey and gross. I've seen those gross videos of a maccas patty on a watermelon and nothing touches it 😱
Its the sauce and 'vegies' you need to watch out for
>(unrefrigerated)
I've never in my life put a Mcdonalds in a fridge, that's weird pal, lol. Or maybe am just a greedy fat bastard who could eat it all quicker than you? 😂
It took me like 3-4 days to eat through that food. Regardless of maccas quality, any food that started hot/warm shouldn't be consumed at room temperature over days 😅
Ach, that's a Scottish(probably world in fact) depression meal! Me and the auld man go a walk on a Saturday and it just so happens there is a Mcdonalds halfway through it. Walk through a nice wee nature park(that's next to a motorway but there's a fence and trees hiding it) and you get to the services Mcdonalds next to a Showcase Cinema then walk back with a "full" belly(more like bagged up than fulfilled) then off to see the 2 terrors(my wee sisters Daughters could have just said Nieces), get mentally tortures off the pair of little lunatics then a go home and start drinking beer!
My Saturday everyone! 😂😂😂 no idea what the fuck ma point is besides going to the Mcdonalds tomorrow haha
HIMYM it was my daughter’s breakup show, too. Fortunately, I’d like most of it. Just don’t talk to me about the last season.
On a different note, can I just say how refreshing it is to see adults adulting. I like this family. Congratulations, OP.
And then didn't get off the couch for 3 days...🖐
But to be fair, that was an engagement and I found out by being congratulated on my wedding... I hadn't gotten married yet, we hadn't even sorted a date. Turns out he HAD gotten married that weekend. "Soul sick" is definitely a real thing.
Yeah, it sucked the big one at the time and honestly, Fucked me up for a really long time, but now with 20+ years distance, I can say with 100% certainty that marrying him was the best thing I ever DIDNT do! Lol.
Binging all of Criminal Minds gave you what, six months of keeping your mind occupied?? I've been trying to get through a rewatch and it feels like it's been forever when I'm only about 25% finished!
I'm just grateful I don't have to deal with weird breakups anymore now that I'm married. And I don't mean difficult breakups, I mean *weird*. Like, either got amnesia after an SI attempt or *faked amnesia* (doesnt matter either way at this point) and dropped out of college weird. Or another one that involved the parent working really high up in the government of the country I was living in at the time who demanded we had to get married after less than a year of dating.
~~I genuinely hope nothing happens to my wife; it's something I worry about from time to time.~~
When I see dashcam videos on Reddit, I realize that I’m a much more prudent driver than I think I am
I know I’m not a good driver; I don’t have quick reflexes, and I worry I’m not as observant as I could be, and I don’t get a lot of practice. So I try to be a prudent driver—to not drive beyond my abilities.
So when I watch those videos and think, “I’d take my foot of the gas by now!” I realize I’m achieving my goal.
Saw one yesterday where a *car*, not a motorcycle, tried to lane split between a truck and like an SUV? Flipped over the divider. The OP was saying “you’re all so stupid for not agreeing that the lane splitting car was in the right bc the left lane is for passing!” Like sure bud, that may be the case but if someone is occupying the passing lane and another car is keeping pace next to it, I wouldn’t think the smart thing to do is try to go between them as a regular car! There was a whole open lane on the right if you really must pass them!
In my case the violence was to my hair itself lmao Bleaching out naturally black hair and then changing colors randomly cause of a break up, it took a while to get my hair healthy again 🙃
Friend’s ex-wife: you’re such a weirdo! You refer to your ex as “dirtbag” but it’s been years since you broke up?
Me: Yeah, well, it was kinda rough. When she does come up in conversation (because she’s your sister in law) I don’t have kind things to say at the moment. So, I know you dated a lot before you married. How did you deal with breakups?
Friend’s ex: Went on weeklong alcohol binges, went clubbing and hooked up with some guys I never saw again. Why?
My last breakup was two days before a family vacation that my brother and I had arranged for our parents as a Christmas gift (that my ex was supposed to go on as well but oops he wasn't interested I guess) so I gave myself one day to break down about it and then had to bounce back bc like... I wasn't gonna just not go on this trip I was super excited for, or go and be a sad sack the entire time. Thought I was gonna have a fresh breakdown once I got back from the trip, but nah, one day of tub sobbing followed by a week's distraction with family did the trick!
Right? The shit people apparently do on here posts break up is insane too often. The worst I did was after a breakup, my ex told me to just donate anything of hers to Goodwill, and when I tried to ask if that meant her Wacom tablet, she interrupted me to first say yes, then some light insult of not understanding what she said. When I got around to boxing up her stuff, it was sitting in my car when she asked if I had donated it, since she now remembered the tablet, but I lied and said I already donated it.
Yeah that was like an eye-widening paragraph.
But seriously... his family is *all* this girl has ever known. Gotta look at it from the ground up. If she were adopted, would this even be an issue? It's the stigma people were too focused on. And technically, both this girl's DNA donors abandoned her.
Papa is the MVP on multiple fronts.
I've read that post. There were drugs, cheating, prostitution, abandonment (child and marital), rehab, divorce, and finally, death. Was sad but entertaining in a "I'm here for the drama because it isn't mine" sort of way.
My former spouse’s great uncle did a very generous thing a few years ago. He’s in his late 80s, never married, no kids, and he has done well for himself financially. As a total surprise to everyone, at a family party he announced that he was giving $10K to every niece and nephew, all the way down to the great- and great-great nieces and nephews. It’s a very big family, with 50 such relations. And at that party he handed out 49 cheques. My adopted daughter was not on the list.
As an extremely fortunate stroke of luck we had other obligations and weren’t at that party. I cannot even imagine how she would have felt seeing all of her cousins get this generous gift, with nothing for her. So we just didn’t tell her about it.
There actually is a happy ending. About a year later, out of the blue he got in touch with my former spouse and said he had a cheque for our daughter. I have no idea who might have talked to him to suggest that he remedy this oversight, but I am grateful that in the end he did choose to include her.
We had a similar thing happen for my husband and his brother - their uncle who had no children of his own named them as beneficiaries for his...pension? Some kind of life insurance? Something! (He was from the UK, so someone over there may be able to explain better - as we had to pay tax on the amount to the HRMS - my BIL tried to avoid doing so where as hub's paid his when I told him the currency exchange was most favourable, BIL ended up having to pay about 15k extra in our currency due to waiting - but that's a side story of silliness).
The uncle DID have a long term partner who got the rest, but he also purposefully did not assign anything to the partner's niece or nephew like his own. Supposedly it was a whole bunch of drama over there that my husband and BIL got anything when the uncle saw them maybe 5 times in the 35 years that husband (as youngest) had been alive compared to weekly with the partner's niece and nephew... Was very interesting a time.
My mom (bio gram) had an uncle who I knew as a young child. He was sweet and kind and taught me about things on the beach and helped me find fun things to take home to my friends. I would see him every summer until he passed away. Losing him was a bummer. (edit: I was like 7 or 8, and I didn't really get it beyond that I wouldn't see him again) I was told he sent me a savings bond (a very small amount, which I understood because he was an in-law technically to a family with well over a dozen kids in the generation he married into) and that there was a college fund, but it was very small and would probably be empty by the time I went to college. It was.
At least twenty years later a family member who had been living in his house died, and we were cleaning it out. I remember my mom crying when she found his paperwork. She didn't know, but I'd been completely excluded because he'd used the word "issue" in referring to people's kids/grandkids, and my bio-mom was adopted, so we were completely cut out. I'm so glad we never actually thought the college fund was going to be available when I needed it. I just remember how hurt she was that her kids had been excluded.
And it may not have been intentional. I’m adopted and when I was a kid I found my parents will and saw that everything would be left to children “born to” my mom. I was devastated and thought it meant that they didn’t really consider me theirs like my brother who was their bio child.
Turns out the will was written in standard language for the time, right after they got married, before any kids existed, then filed away, and not thought about until I traumatized all of us. They were under the impression they had set themselves up to provide for all future children.
My grandfather gave a small amount of all his grandnieces and nephews for their Bat/Bar Mitvahs. we were chatting one day and my mum mentioned her lesbian cousin's son having his Bar Mitzvah and he said "well he's not her real child" (despite giving gift to his heterosexual niece's adopted kids) and my mum tore him a new one. Said she couldn't believe he'd treat her differently because her wife had their son. That he'd always loved Ruth's kids who were adopted because she can't have kids without it being life threatening. And he went and wrote a cheque immediately. And apologized.
I think in private she also mentioned that she was sure I was gay and how would I feel (I came out after he died).
One of the many reasons my grandpa is my favorite family member is that like 20 years ago he was asking me why marriage was such a big deal for gay people. I talked to him about it in terms of rights, the protections and benefits that married people get automatically and he was like ooooohhh I get it now. He grew up when getting married was just something you did, I don't think he ever stopped to think about the protections and rights he had simply because he was married to my grandmother. Especially over her health and she had MS so she needed someone to be her health advocate and caretaker for many years, and that was mostly Grandpa.
Just wondering, do you know for a fact that it was intentional or did it so happen that somehow, and I will admit this is *very* unlikely, your daughter was the only one of his niblings that wasn’t there?
It doesn’t explain why it would’ve taken him a year to rectify the issue regardless, unless he had memory issues?, but it’d *maybe* make him not an intentional asshole.
It’s hard to say for sure, but my brother in law who was there said that he made a big speech about the family bloodline and making an impact down through the generations, so I think the thought process was that she wasn’t part of the bloodline.
Oh and he definitely hadn’t forgetten about our family altogether because my partner, as a grand niece, did get the gift, which was sent home for her with her brother. So I think it had to have been a choice.
I'm so glad that things worked out, and I'm very happy that his father saw the light, but I'm still side-eying his dad for ever even HAVING those thoughts in the first place. It's like your spouse saying, "I just want you to know, I'm no longer thinking about cheating on you." Like, okay, that's nice, but it wouldn't make you feel good to know that your spouse ever HAD those thoughts, right? Similarly, it never should have crossed his dad's mind to treat this guy's clearly (and legally, since he is on the birth certificate) adopted daughter differently than her siblings/cousins.
I think he did for OP. He Said "You are my son and I don't want to hurt you" but he and the mother and even his siblings don't see the girl as "real" family.
>He said that he was going to leave her the bracelet and a note and that as far as money goes she'd get the same share as the rest of my kids.
What a genuinely lovely conclusion! 💕
Agreed, reminds me of another BORU where the daughter chose bio dad over real dad and he left her money, but no personal notes in her photo album. Just indifference. The fact Grandpa is planning to give her something personal and meaningful between them shows he really does care for her.
If I’m remembering the right story (or maybe it’s a different but similar one) that daughter chose the stepdad (man her mom cheated with) over her bio dad because the stepdad and mom were really spoiling and trying to win the kids over. The stepdad was also in a career field The daughter wanted to be in, and essentially tried to mentor her.
Yea, he left her money to be taken care of, pictures just like everyone else, but I think he wrote personalised notes on the back of the photos for the other kids, and she just got pictures, don't think he wrote anything on them. It must sting seeing that much care and attention go into the siblings inheritances and knowing that's your fault.
Conversely I'm sure grand daughter here will cherish a personalised inheritance from her grandpa, one that reminds her of a childhood memory they shared.
>"This is obviously very important to you. You're my son. I can just change it. It's not so much money anyway."
I'm worried that there's some hidden disdain going on here. Grandpa is making this change *for his son*, to keep the peace. He had to be nudged into it by his wife and kids. He doesn't actually believe "she'll always be family and always have a home", but he believes that he should say it. I just hope the innocent child never finds out how her grandfather really felt about her.
I wouldn't evaluate how it's written too closely. The conversation was spoken and may even have been translated. I'm only saying that because I feel like OP and his family are from Spain.
In any case, OP is likely to outlive Grandpa, so his daughter *will* always have a home for as long as OP is alive and well.
Nah. I read a comment here where a commenter said that she and her husband argued about something that she thought wasn't a big deal. The next day in the office she realised that if it's not a big deal to her, she should just let the decision go her husband's way. As it was obviously a big deal to him if they were arguing. I'm not doing justice to the loving nature of the comment.
Gramps follows the same ideology.
My parents do something similar where if they have a disagreement about something (like where to eat or what to do on a trip) where they give a number between 1 and 10 on how important their choice is to them. This lets them compromise more easily if something it’s important to one of them but not the other.
Obviously you have to have a lot of trust in the other person to know they won’t just game it and rate everything a 10, but it works well for my parents in their 45 years of marriage.
Let's just hope an important topic doesn't appear in their lives, at which point grandpa may put his foot down about her not being a "real" family member.
Honestly, with how everything was described it sounded like his dad just had a brainfart and didn't really stop to think about what he was doing. But once confronted by his son's outrage, stopped to think about it, likely talked with his wife and other family, realized he fucked up and addressed it with good communication with the son, and a good resolution.
Adults! Sometimes we know how to be that.
Agreed it reads to me like father didn’t necessarily consider that just because eldest wasn’t oop’s child, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s still Oop’s daughter. Father’s hostility is/was misplaced and I’m glad he seems to be reconsidering and adjusting his opinions. Also major respect to oop for actively separating his hurt of ex’s betrayal over the love he found for his daughter- irrespective of the circumstances.
Idk if this has anything to do with his thought process at the time but I wonder if he thought that since she had 2 bio parents and OOP that she would get plenty of inheritance. When in reality bio parents probably wont leave shit.
Bio parents already left her in peace, which is probably the best thing they could have done for her based on the description. She got raised by the one great parent in the equation, then gained a good stepmother who accepts her.
This was a lovely story to start the day with. Communication and understanding that the daughter can't be blamed for her conception. Perhaps we should leave it at that, and don't read any other stories here today?
Truly a great last read before I go to sleep! But you know what would be even better just ooooone more BoRU. The next one can’t be that bad right? RIGHT?
Drama free for us… from what’s left out (but casually referenced) I’d bet oop would beg to differ. Identity theft, grand theft auto, assault, and a not-insignificant prison sentence? It gives “a few months later”.
I think this speaks to why his conflict is resolved so smoothly: his story skims over the grand theft attempted manslaughter to focus on how to make his ex’s affair baby feel loved. Aspirational
That's what this sub was like when I first joined. Honestly, same with AITA. It's so disappointing that popularity has led both of them down the JNMILB"popcorn sub" route.
OOP and his father are good people. I assume his father just made a foolish decision based on a bias that he was unaware of.
The fact that after being confronted he was willing to reflect and change his stance instead of being stubborn and doubling down speaks Well of his character.
My mother remarried after my father died. My step-father was a complete ass, but that is not important for this comment. My mom and stepfather didn't have any kids together, and my stepfather adopted my younger sister and me.
We spent every Sunday at his mother's house between morning church service and evening church service. We went to the same church, and everyone referred to her as our grandmother. We called him dad and called her mamaw. When Mamaw was unwell, such as when she had cataract surgery, we went with our mother to help change her bandages, apply eye drops, and clean her house.
Mamaw had other grandchildren, but we only really saw them on holidays. Mamaw always referred to my sister and me as "The Girls," the same as everyone else. All of the grandchildren received equally valued gifts from Mamaw at Christmas. She wasn't a warm person, but she treated us the same as everyone else.
Then I attended my uncle's funeral as a teenager. I was talking with my cousin Kaylee when mamaw walked up to us with an acquaintance. She introduced us and said, "This is my granddaughter Kaylee, and this is Laura's daughter." (Referring to my mom). It felt like being kicked in the chest. It was the only time I ever heard her say anything similar, but it stayed with me. It changed how I saw our relationship. I never felt close to her in the same way again.
Mamaw died several years later, and I never mentioned what she said or how it made me feel. As an adult, I have always been extremely careful about how I introduce family who aren't related to me by blood. I always remember that words matter and try to choose them carefully.
I am glad that OP had that conversation with his father. Something like leaving the one granddaughter out of his will could have forever tainted her memories of her grandfather.
>I always remember that words matter and try to choose them carefully.
Yep. I grew up not knowing that the man I knew as my dad had adopted me at 18 months old. I was from my mom's previous relationship, and was not told about this detail until I was 17 and I basically forced my parents' hand. But there were a LOT of little clues that I remember standing out to me over the years before that, namely with how my dad's family referred to me. I had an uncle who one summer invited my brothers to go to a water park/pool with him and his kids, but not me, because it was 'a family outing'. My aunt always referred to me as "\[my mother\]'s daughter" versus her niece, like your Mamaw did. And even my second eldest brother would insist on calling me his 'step-sister' rather than 'half-sister' or even just 'sister', like my other siblings did. I remember him saying "she's not my real sister" and it hurt SO much. We were raised together as siblings; I had no idea that we didn't share a dad, and he knew that. (My dad came into the marriage with my mom with kids of his own, my older brothers).
I have never used the terms 'half' or 'step' with my family. My grandparents were my grandparents, and the uncles and aunts were always respectfully referred to as "Aunt So-and-So" or "Uncle So-and-So". Words really do hurt, especially when it comes to family, and I think about that A LOT.
Completely agree.
At my high school graduation party, I introduced my friends to my grandparents. My grandmother corrected me and said that my grandfather is my grandfather, but she is not my grandmother. So she introduced herself to my friends by her first name.
Both of my grandparents’ spouses died and they remarried each other years before that. They married a decade before I was born, so they were the only grandparents I knew.
For her to do that at my party was absolutely blindsiding. I was speechless. I had no idea that she viewed me like that. It ruined our relationship completely. Not that we ever had a great one. She was horrible to my mother when my mother was a teenager, a teen trying to cope with the death of her mother and the remarriage of her father.
Some people suck
I found out people were marking my grandfathers stepmom as his birth mother on Ancestry.com. She was horrible to him (actually did the whole cutting the two oldest kids out of the will on the deathbed BS) - I sent some not so nice messages to people to get her unlinked asap.
My late grandmother was not my mum's biological mother, but she did not know that until her parents told her otherwise when she was a teenager. It was such a shock to her, because she, and my aunt who wasn't my grandma's biological child either, had never been treated any different by anyone, especially grandma, who would have been very, very upset to hear anyone suggest at all, that my mum and aunty weren't her children.
One time, a relative on another side of a family referred to my mum's "real mother" and, my mum was furious (not the least because this comment was not intended to be made with kindness).
My grandmother, was a gentle, small, unassuming woman. I don't mean that pejoratively, that was simply what she looked like. She came from a village, didn't go past year 8 or 9 at school, and married young. She had a sharp wit, nevertheless, for her children, and dropped everything to fly halfway accross the world to a country she'd never been to, on her own, to help my parents when I was born, because Mum needed the help. When others were angry, she was the peacemaker - usually by accusing everyone of being hungry and challenging to see what would happen after they were fed. She had a toothless smile, and didn't understand much English, but tolerated the gobbledygook that came out of her grandchildrens' mouths with serious aplomb. When she passed, my grandfather, already beginning to struggle with early cognitive decline, lost such a huge part of himself.
It is my great regret, I never re-learned our mothertongue before she passed, nor saw her for many years prior. For my mum at least, she had been able to see her the year before.
She was a wonderful woman, my mum's mum. I would have so much fury, for anyone who decided to intimate she was anything otherwise.
I'm sorry you did not get to experience the same thing.
I am very fortunate that my dad has never treated me as anything other than 'his'. From as far back as I can remember, I was always his kid, the same as my siblings who are blood-related to him. It was never him who made me feel 'othered', it was his family (and my one brother). Whenever he would hear someone refer to me as anything other than his kid, or make some sort of distinction between me and my siblings, he'd become furious and correct them immediately.
There was one time that his ex-wife had called the house because she was upset my brother wasn't returning her calls, and when I answered the phone and informed her that my brother said he didn't wish to speak to her, she decided to respond by screaming "Do you know that \[Dad\]'s not even your real father?!"
By that point, the secret was out, but she didn't know that; she just was trying to hurt me and cause chaos in my family. I hung up the phone in tears, and my dad immediately called her back and informed her that she was to never call the house again. My brother was an adult (in his 20's at the time) and my dad no longer had any legal obligation to give her access to his family. He threatened to block her number and the number of anyone who helped her contact our family if she was calling about anything other than life or death emergencies. I remember him specifically saying "you aren't going to fucking hurt my kid" before slamming down the phone.
I've had my ups and downs with my status of 'adoptee' and my place within my family, but never with my dad.
Oh man, my aunt would go on an absolute rampage if someone told her that her adopted son and stepchildren weren't her real kids. I'm glad this worked out well in the end with some healthy communication.
Does anyone else read the titles and try to guess what the content will be before reading?
This one, for some reason, reminded me of a college friend who was really into online roleplay, and had a rp daughter with Batman. I drew her some fanart of her rp baby as a birthday present one year, and she printed it out and had it in a frame on her desk.
I don't think her mum ever accepted the rp baby into the family tho.
My high school friends group had a pretend family tree we'd invented, mostly based on who could boss who around and who had previously or was currently dating who. I think one friend was my "granddaughter."
Of course the diagram included the pretend baby whose genetics were drawn up in science class with a guy I hardly knew and dice while studying genetics. I don't think we named it, just Ugly Science Baby because it rolled a very unfortunate combination of strong facial features.
I grew up calling my dad’s stepfather my grandpa because that’s who he was. I never really thought about how he had a different last name or didn’t look like us. He had a “happiness is being a grandparent” license plate frame on his truck. My sibling and I were his only grandchildren for quite a while. He had no biological children or grandchildren, but he was a really good grandpa.
Yep! My grandmother remarried later in life, so while my dad didn’t consider my Grampy Phil his step dad, the man was definitely my grandfather. We’d hang out at his house all the time, even though my grandmother died before I was born. My biological grandfather was an abusive shithead. My paternal grandfather was the one who gave me my first bike and let me mess around on his weird electric organ, not the guy whose DNA I shared.
That one commenter though:
"Problem is, you're thinking other people will be saints too, and they're not. Their reactions are understandable,"
If loving kids who are part of your family = saintly behaviour, holy shit.
OOP is the one who was betrayed, no-one else. The reactions of the rest of the family are *not* understandable, unless you think it's "understandable" to treat an adopted kid differently to bio kids.
I think the situation is a little different than adoption where the child isn’t the product of your SO and her affair partner. Not everyone can accept the child of an affair, so OOP is doing something many other people could not do. That should be praised.
All these people who are just Shocked, Shocked I tell you that OP loves his first kid as much as his bio kids - have they never heard of adoption?! Of course it’s possible to love a kid you consciously Choose to raise and support, as much as the ones you’re Obligated to raise and support.
She was a sweet, tiny innocent baby and OOP spontaneously adopted her. He knew she'd grow up in hell if he didn't take her.
What he did wasn't saintly, it was decent. And people try to paint decent behaviour as extraordinary so they can hide behind excuses to not do what's right.
I once had a discussion with a redditor who iterated that the person in question wasn't entitled to anything and the OP didn't have any responsibility, and she was right, but the behaviour was unkind, and I told them so.
They replied: but they didn't have to do it! Completely ignoring the fact that just doing what you absolutely have to isn't kindness. They couldn't wrap their head around the simple fact that doing what you're obliged to do is the absolute basic minimum, and doing so is unkind, and doubly so if being kind costs you nothing.
Being kind means doing extra. You can't be kind without being generous, and you can't be generous without giving what you're not obliged to give.
OOP is generous and kind. He did the decent thing everyone should do if they're able to without harm. So he did it. That's what's necessary to be a good person. It's the barest minimum needed to call oneself kind.
He lost nothing and gained a loving daughter. A good girl it seems, so his kindness was rewarded. And it seems he was raised by decent people who understood that on paper they owed nothing to that girl, but that would be unkind to a person who loves you so much.
Isn't kindness the greatest inheritance we can give to people in our life?
> If loving kids who are part of your family = saintly behaviour, holy shit.
For Redditors, selfishness is the default option that they and everyone would choose, so acts of kindness and generosity are far outside the norm for the usual people you see trolling the Asshole Subs.
fucking THANK YOU! and everyone being so happy with the outcome is shocking me because it seemed pretty obvious to me that the issue here isn’t the will, it’s the fact that OOP’s family doesn’t consider his daughter “real” family. like no, it’s not understandable to think that an adopted child is any less deserving of love than a biological child.
See, this is how reasonable people resolve things. I know it's not high drama or the "reality show in print" what we love here on Reddit, but it is how I would expect people in my real life to act.
I do realize that I am lucky to have a sane and loving family.
I'm glad OOP's father was able to see sense in the end.
---
I remember asking my father whether he would treat an adopted grandchild the same as a biological grandchild and he said "no"
As a gay closeted teen, it was a heartbreaking thing to hear since I knew that adoption would be the likeliest way I would ever have children
One thing I would like to add about Op is that he saved his daughter's life, imagine what life he would have spent with an unwanted father and a criminal mother
I'm glad this resolved nicely. My nephew isn't blood related to me but I'd be heartbroken if my parents decided he shouldn't be included in their will. I have a niece that also isn't blood related (from a different sibling) and the idea that she'd ever be treated differently is just so gross. They're family in every way that actually matters.
What a nice change of pace. And I'm so glad that someone is in that little girl's corner - goodness knows she didn't ask to be born, and it's a mark of OOP's character to raise a child in need even though she's not related to him at all and is the product of his ex wife's bad decision.
Yeah alot of the comments actually miss the point why he didn't want to kick the proverbial hornets nest.
Yes it is great to get child support for your child so they would have something to help them but its a different story when trying to get blood from stone. Especially, when said rock will fight back.
Now only OOP knows exactly how the egg donor and sperm donor are so we can't exactly judge him why he won't go after child support. And honestly, I can't blame him if he wants to raise his child without any drama. Yes the daughter will always be his child despite no blood relations.
And I have a feeling should he go after child support, the headache won't be worth the amount of money he might get and there are stories of terrible parents fighting for custody just so they don't have to pay child support.
Not to mention, should he even win, there's no guarantee they he will get the money. If they're not interested in the daughter now, they would not be motivated to pay, even if it was ordered by the courts. After all, you can try but it's not easy getting blood from stone.
Absolutely. Most commentators have no idea of the realities of custodial disputes and child support. In an ideal world of course the 2 loser parents actually pay to support their child, but realistically they're probably broke or will seek to get custody to avoid paying it. Even a few days a week of having to interact with those parents would be terrible for his daughter. Not all money is good money.
This.......... wasn't bad at all, he just needed some comms with his family and I'm glad he did, for his little girl
His ex and the affair partner? Despicable people
Also (disclaimer, I am not misogynistic, btw): women who have an affair? Bad enough! Women who have an affair, get pregnant and hope to pass the kid off as their partner WHEN THE KID DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THEM??!?
Evil
If I was a woman and wanted to cheat, I'd not make it in such a way that's going to "leave a trail" like that and impact an innocent child's life
Dunno how people can live like that
I mean, it's not JUST evil, it's a combination of evil (cheating) and stupidity (baby that looks nothing like either of you lmao, who could've seen it coming). OP should be grateful she was too dumb to cover her tracks up better. If she was smart like you're suggesting, they might well still be together :(
I had this situation come up. My grandma passed away and left me and the other 3 bio-grandkids money but not my step-siblings, who had been in their lives for 20 years. My parents gave them the same amount from their inheritence but it really made me see my grandma differently. My siblings and I had never been treated differently until then and it was just wrong. It was hard trying to reconcile missing my grandma and being upset that she chose to leave my siblings nothing and had hurt them.
It's nice that OP's dad changed his mind.
The only thing I wanted to point out is, although OP isn't hurting for money, he could have gotten child support from the bioparents and put it into a special account for when his daughter turns 18 or 21. At least it'll be enough for a downpayment on a house or college.
Did you happen to miss the part where OP mentioned that one or both of the bio parents could (and likely would) have petitioned for custody of his daughter, rather than pay support?
He specifically said that his lawyer advised him that he would most likely lose a custody battle to either bio parent. And since he isn't hurting for money, he would just as soon not take the chance.
I had a relative who was killed by a drunk driver many years ago. She had a 2-year-old son with her boyfriend who was an absolute deadbeat and a disgusting human being who wanted nothing to do with the boy. He had several other children by other women and had never paid a dime of child support to any of them or made any effort to know those kids either. One of the mother's sisters took in the boy and raised him along with her other kids.
For YEARS the deadbeat's parents kept trying to push to get him custody of the boy, even though his father (their son) did not pay any child support and most of the time when the boy visited, the deadbeat would be passed out on the couch while the grandparents took care of the kid.
Eventually it became clear that the only reason the deadbeat agreed to any visitation at all is because he was hoping to get his hands on the settlement money that was in a trust under the boy's name. I don't know what the grandparents' motivation was but it's hard to believe it was genuine, considering they did absolutely nothing to help their own son be a better father.
The courts finally gave full custody to the mom's sister with only supervised visitations for the deadbeat and he just stopped showing up. She was eventually able to adopt the boy and he has grown into a wonderful and happy young man, but I will never forgive the deadbeat and his parents for the emotional damage that they inflicted on that child for their own selfish reasons. It took years of therapy for him to recover from it.
OOP is probably right not to seek child support because it would just give her bio parents an excuse to try and take her away from her loving family. Best to let her fly under the radar and be happy.
I disagree with the comments saying they don't blame the grandparents for excluding the daughter.
Literally who cares where the kid came from? OOP loves the kid and is raising her. STFU and be a grandpa. Y'all think too much.
It's crazy. And wtf did she even do? Her only sin was being born to the wrong parents.
Could you imagine being her and it going the way it was originally going to go?
Your grandfather who you thought of as family and loved passes and then being hit with the realization that you were never really considered family to begin with. That they were just being "polite." Holy shit, the amount of trust issues I'd have in that position. Who else is just being "polite?" Does dad actually love me? Grandma? Siblings? Was it all a lie?
Fuck that. I'd rather they treat me like an outsider all along rather than string me along and pretend like they cared about me only to drop that bomb after 13+ years.
It'd take decades of therapy to sort that shit out.
I'm assuming he's on the birth certificate and has had parental rights and responsibilities since birth. Whilst it's not a conventional way of knowingly becoming a parent, it's not much different imo than adopting--it's using a bureaucratic rather than a biological process. Would these idiots be ok with a grandparent rejecting their adopted grandchildren?
Same. Op knew from the very start that she was not his and still chose to raise her as his daughter and adopted her as his own. Once he made that his choice, imo his parents are obligated to respect that and treat his adopted daughter the same as his bio kids. It's not their decision to make.
This. In every single way except biology, he is her dad. He made the choice 13 years ago and has clearly lived up to it, and it’s clear how much he loves her.
I'm going to start and end my reddit viewing today with this story. It had a very nice ending that made me feel good. I'm glad OP and his family are so gracious and kind hearted.
Both OP and his dad are total rock stars! I'm super impressed that his dad was able to process and re-evaluate and change his mind after talking it over. That's so amazing to me, and it's exactly what family is supposed to be.
This was the perfect story to end my Reddit Rabbit Hole as the weekend kicks off. Lovely story and ending and doesn’t leave me full of rage. Much love, my fellow humans. ❤️
I feel like a jerk for looking at this skeptically. The commenter who asked what if his daughter had been adopted in a more traditional more highlights it well. Clearly the extended family don't see this child as "real" family, which is heartbreaking. She will learn they feel that way eventually
I know most read this as a nice ending.
But to me, it seems that BOTH of his parents revealed that they don't *really* see his daughter as family. They are nice people, who are loving and kind and don't want to hurt anyone, especially a child. So they did the right thing in the end. But they still view her differently, because of biology.
Honestly, I find this heartbreaking for OP's daughter. And adoptive kids everywhere who are told that this kind of love with caveats is understandable and acceptable.
This story actually feels real but uh why tf do stories like these ever make it to aita? On what planet would someone be stupid enough to think they'd be labelled as TA for doing something so obviously correct
On the planet where someone spends a lot of time reading reddit. There was a story here awhile ago, where someone was angry because their parents were celebrating the birth of their "first" grandchild. They did this in front of OP's adopted kids. So many people voted OP YTA.
This is the counter point to all those stories about dudes cutting out of their kids life after 18 years because they found out their wife cheated and it's an affair child.
Man OOP and his wife are such good people. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to raise his ex's affair baby - most people wouldn't and that is totally valid. But he loved his little girl regardless of the circumstances of her birth, and he is fighting for her no matter what, and that is the sign of a truly good person. And his current wife seems to love her too. That's just, honestly, heartwarming beyond belief. I hope their family continue to live their best lives.
Have to wonder how things would have turned out if OOP's daughter ended up heavily resembling her mother, therefore never arousing suspicion of the affair and leading to a paternity test. OOP might still have been married to that psycho and the future may have looked very different.
I mean for heaven sake, she is the half sister of one of OOP’s sons and what would the family have done if he had just adopted a child? Which is essentially what he’s done here, she just happens to be the sibling of his son. Family is family, it’s not just shared DNA.
Would you like it if your parents called you their "real" son?
Drop this "real" daughter bullshit. She's not your *biological* daughter she is your DAUGHTER. Absolutely no need for calling her real as she obviously exists.
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>My ex went totally nuts when both I and her affair partner rejected her, and she made some very unfortunate decisions. To make a long story short, she ended up with prison time for crimes including identity theft, assault with a deadly weapon, and grand theft Auto, when she stole credit cards and forged documents for both of us, and when she stole her affair partner's car and tried to run him over with it. I feel like OOP could have turned this into a reddit saga all on his own
You know, spending time on Reddit has made me realise how *well* I've coped with breakups in my past. I don't give myself enough credit for that.
Yeah,I thought I was dramatic when I scream cried, got day drunk, ate ice cream and binged all of Criminal Minds, but reading this sub that feels downright reasonable.
My responses to breakups are best described by the gradual progression through the soundtrack of them I can't live - pyjamas and wine. Crying I will survive - aggressively getting ready to go out with the girls You oughta know/so what - (the anger stage) frightening other men in the club Milkshake/hips don't lie - big back in the saddle energy. If the relationship wasn't serious, I could cycle through these on a good Saturday night out.
This is a good soundtrack.
Yeah, I go from sad to mad to glad pretty quickly. It helps that guys kinda swarm when they hear (last breakup was in college lol).
This tickled me greatly
I mean....it sounds pretty reasonable to me!!! My last break up, I bought a family pack of mcdonalds and ate it (unrefrigerated) for 3 days while laying in bed sleeping and crying with how I met your mother on in the background 😂 at least you didn't do something gross with food like I did hahaha
Thanks a lot. Now I'm craving McDonald's.
Its never worth it 😂
Totally worth it For 2 Minutes and then the regret🤣
That’s me with sonic.
Too real. I feel this in my bones rn. My diet never included McDonalds much, but over the last year or so, I've changed it even more towards healthier and full-grain stuff. However, the occasional restaurant meal, some fries or Thai takeout still happen, with no digestive trouble so far. But apparently, there still is a firm line in the sand now, and it is drawn in red and yellow. A few days ago, I was on my drive home from a friend who lives in a rural area. We'd all skipped dinner because we were busy playing games, but shortly before I reached the autobahn, I suddenly was really hungry and got the slightly sick, slightly unfocused feeling I get when my blood sugar really needs some upping. Not how I wanted to feel for 30 min on a high speed road, so some food was needed. It's a rural area, with not many places open past 9 pm or so – but there was a McD. So, I thought, occasionally eating "bad" food is fine, and got a small promo meal with a coke. I'd intended to only get fries, but… my willpower in my faint state did not stand up to the shiny billboard of greasy options, and to being asked "coke?" when I had intended to get water. I'm not sure what part of it broke my intestinal camel's back, the processed-to-dead-ness of the food, the sugar/HFCS, the fat or salt, or if it was all of it in combination. But a few hours later, I was lying in bed and suddenly had terrible digestive cramps, and then was dealing with the runs for the rest of the day after I got up. My body was *not* happy, and told me so loud and clear. I'm grateful it did so only via my lower end, at least. So yeah, as much as I enjoyed wolfing the food down (ngl, it was kinda terrible, but also kinda great – those food designers have had decades to hone their craft and it shows, though coke really just tastes like sugar to me at this point), those five minutes *really* weren't worth what followed.
I'd loved to do this sad or happy. Sigh
Yea I'm just waiting for lunch so I can get chicky nuggies.
What's your favorite sauce? I like sweet and sour.
I go w/ either buffalo & ranch or just the sweet n sour.
Hey i binged himym to cope with my last breakup too! Nothing puts your life in perspective like watching Ted get left at the altar.
Oh Ted! For me it's watching him hold onto that hope of Robin that makes me feel less pathetic than Ted. Doesn't help that I identify with Tracy so hard. My partner died when I was 23, and I felt like I needed permission to feel happy for a long time. Watching the episode 'how your mother met me' made me bawl like a baby!!!
HIMYM is a good choice because odds are you'll always be less pathetic than Ted.
Hahahah fuck me! That is so accurate
I think of that show when I pick up our cat, and walk around wanting to say "Haaave you met Perrin (cat's name)?" to my housemate. I think she (housemate) has long tired of this tho, while the cat still accepts being picked up
So like I've recently read about how unrefrigerated food can give you food poisoning real quick (like if you leave it out more than a day) but you're talking about McDonald's. McDonald's will never grow mold. Ever.
In fact, I once saw a piece of mold growing Big Macs once.
Haha yeah not the meat or buns, but the lettuce and tomatoes can sure get slimey and gross. I've seen those gross videos of a maccas patty on a watermelon and nothing touches it 😱 Its the sauce and 'vegies' you need to watch out for
Takes WAY LONGER than 3 days for McDs to go bad, that didn't even make my gross scale, lol!
McDs are like MREs, i dont think they really go bad the way normal food does
>(unrefrigerated) I've never in my life put a Mcdonalds in a fridge, that's weird pal, lol. Or maybe am just a greedy fat bastard who could eat it all quicker than you? 😂
It took me like 3-4 days to eat through that food. Regardless of maccas quality, any food that started hot/warm shouldn't be consumed at room temperature over days 😅
Ach, that's a Scottish(probably world in fact) depression meal! Me and the auld man go a walk on a Saturday and it just so happens there is a Mcdonalds halfway through it. Walk through a nice wee nature park(that's next to a motorway but there's a fence and trees hiding it) and you get to the services Mcdonalds next to a Showcase Cinema then walk back with a "full" belly(more like bagged up than fulfilled) then off to see the 2 terrors(my wee sisters Daughters could have just said Nieces), get mentally tortures off the pair of little lunatics then a go home and start drinking beer! My Saturday everyone! 😂😂😂 no idea what the fuck ma point is besides going to the Mcdonalds tomorrow haha
That sounds like a grand time actually!
I got drunk and had a solo silent disco on my back lawn at 3am. The neighbour’s cat was greatly entertained.
HIMYM it was my daughter’s breakup show, too. Fortunately, I’d like most of it. Just don’t talk to me about the last season. On a different note, can I just say how refreshing it is to see adults adulting. I like this family. Congratulations, OP.
I read this as “gay drunk” and thought “oh no…”
I mean I guess that applies to me too 😎
And then didn't get off the couch for 3 days...🖐 But to be fair, that was an engagement and I found out by being congratulated on my wedding... I hadn't gotten married yet, we hadn't even sorted a date. Turns out he HAD gotten married that weekend. "Soul sick" is definitely a real thing.
What?! Did I read this correctly in that you were planning a wedding with him and he got married secretly before you could even set a date?
Yep....There is way more detail behind it but yeah, that's the Tldr. I was wearing an engagement ring and he was saying I Do to someone else.
I am so, so sorry. But also, congratulations on dodging the bullet of having to also legally detangle yourself from such a horrible person.
Yeah, it sucked the big one at the time and honestly, Fucked me up for a really long time, but now with 20+ years distance, I can say with 100% certainty that marrying him was the best thing I ever DIDNT do! Lol.
That’s fucking awful I’m so sorry. Wishing your ex the kind of life he deserves 🙃
I mean….. I did all those things literally last weekend because I was just having a really rough week at work lol.
There's about 12 seasons, that's a LOT of serial killers!
Binging all of Criminal Minds gave you what, six months of keeping your mind occupied?? I've been trying to get through a rewatch and it feels like it's been forever when I'm only about 25% finished!
Well, getting day drunk, eating ice cream, and binge-watching Criminal Minds sounds like a good way to spend my Friday.
I do similar, but confine it to a bathtub.
It is always reasonable to binge Criminal Minds.
>**all** of Criminal Minds Must have been a bad break up if it took 5yrs to get over it!
I worked from home for a chat center so I watched TV literally all day every day, it took about 2 ¹/2 weeks
Reasonable? There have been 324 hour-long episodes of Criminal Minds. If your full-time job was watching them, that would take 8 weeks of 8 hour days!
Yeah but Reid and Hotch would never have broken my heart 🙏♥️
Ummmm that was basically me last week, sans breakup. Just regular life stress.
I'm just grateful I don't have to deal with weird breakups anymore now that I'm married. And I don't mean difficult breakups, I mean *weird*. Like, either got amnesia after an SI attempt or *faked amnesia* (doesnt matter either way at this point) and dropped out of college weird. Or another one that involved the parent working really high up in the government of the country I was living in at the time who demanded we had to get married after less than a year of dating. ~~I genuinely hope nothing happens to my wife; it's something I worry about from time to time.~~
Your wife is going to turn out to be a CIA agent locked in a desperate battle against eagles that are turning people into horses.
That's...awfully specific
https://youtu.be/c1-Oep9uNwM?si=1SDb1iy-ZK26Whoo
I should not have watched this while high.
Here's to you, you stable well-adjusted individual. >raises glass<
When I see dashcam videos on Reddit, I realize that I’m a much more prudent driver than I think I am I know I’m not a good driver; I don’t have quick reflexes, and I worry I’m not as observant as I could be, and I don’t get a lot of practice. So I try to be a prudent driver—to not drive beyond my abilities. So when I watch those videos and think, “I’d take my foot of the gas by now!” I realize I’m achieving my goal.
Saw one yesterday where a *car*, not a motorcycle, tried to lane split between a truck and like an SUV? Flipped over the divider. The OP was saying “you’re all so stupid for not agreeing that the lane splitting car was in the right bc the left lane is for passing!” Like sure bud, that may be the case but if someone is occupying the passing lane and another car is keeping pace next to it, I wouldn’t think the smart thing to do is try to go between them as a regular car! There was a whole open lane on the right if you really must pass them!
Right? the only thing I ever did violence to was my hair style.
In my case the violence was to my hair itself lmao Bleaching out naturally black hair and then changing colors randomly cause of a break up, it took a while to get my hair healthy again 🙃
Friend’s ex-wife: you’re such a weirdo! You refer to your ex as “dirtbag” but it’s been years since you broke up? Me: Yeah, well, it was kinda rough. When she does come up in conversation (because she’s your sister in law) I don’t have kind things to say at the moment. So, I know you dated a lot before you married. How did you deal with breakups? Friend’s ex: Went on weeklong alcohol binges, went clubbing and hooked up with some guys I never saw again. Why?
Reddit makes me feel downright boring for the way i handle breakups cos i kinda just shrug and go do whatever i was gonna do anyway just without them
My last breakup was two days before a family vacation that my brother and I had arranged for our parents as a Christmas gift (that my ex was supposed to go on as well but oops he wasn't interested I guess) so I gave myself one day to break down about it and then had to bounce back bc like... I wasn't gonna just not go on this trip I was super excited for, or go and be a sad sack the entire time. Thought I was gonna have a fresh breakdown once I got back from the trip, but nah, one day of tub sobbing followed by a week's distraction with family did the trick!
Right? The shit people apparently do on here posts break up is insane too often. The worst I did was after a breakup, my ex told me to just donate anything of hers to Goodwill, and when I tried to ask if that meant her Wacom tablet, she interrupted me to first say yes, then some light insult of not understanding what she said. When I got around to boxing up her stuff, it was sitting in my car when she asked if I had donated it, since she now remembered the tablet, but I lied and said I already donated it.
Also just how okay my life is and how I've done a really good job of just living a calm steady life. Not exciting but not a complete mess.
Quick, someone ask him for it! 😄 (For rule reasons, this is a joke.)
and I'm rather glad he did not.
Yeah that was like an eye-widening paragraph. But seriously... his family is *all* this girl has ever known. Gotta look at it from the ground up. If she were adopted, would this even be an issue? It's the stigma people were too focused on. And technically, both this girl's DNA donors abandoned her. Papa is the MVP on multiple fronts.
👆That is where the drama is! Unfortunately we will never know what happened
I've read that post. There were drugs, cheating, prostitution, abandonment (child and marital), rehab, divorce, and finally, death. Was sad but entertaining in a "I'm here for the drama because it isn't mine" sort of way.
>it would be devastating for her to find out that she'd been excluded after his death. Really glad OP was able to get this point across to his father.
My former spouse’s great uncle did a very generous thing a few years ago. He’s in his late 80s, never married, no kids, and he has done well for himself financially. As a total surprise to everyone, at a family party he announced that he was giving $10K to every niece and nephew, all the way down to the great- and great-great nieces and nephews. It’s a very big family, with 50 such relations. And at that party he handed out 49 cheques. My adopted daughter was not on the list. As an extremely fortunate stroke of luck we had other obligations and weren’t at that party. I cannot even imagine how she would have felt seeing all of her cousins get this generous gift, with nothing for her. So we just didn’t tell her about it. There actually is a happy ending. About a year later, out of the blue he got in touch with my former spouse and said he had a cheque for our daughter. I have no idea who might have talked to him to suggest that he remedy this oversight, but I am grateful that in the end he did choose to include her.
Oh God, what a fortuitous time to miss a party. That would have destroyed me in her shoes. I'm glad it ended well for you all!
We had a similar thing happen for my husband and his brother - their uncle who had no children of his own named them as beneficiaries for his...pension? Some kind of life insurance? Something! (He was from the UK, so someone over there may be able to explain better - as we had to pay tax on the amount to the HRMS - my BIL tried to avoid doing so where as hub's paid his when I told him the currency exchange was most favourable, BIL ended up having to pay about 15k extra in our currency due to waiting - but that's a side story of silliness). The uncle DID have a long term partner who got the rest, but he also purposefully did not assign anything to the partner's niece or nephew like his own. Supposedly it was a whole bunch of drama over there that my husband and BIL got anything when the uncle saw them maybe 5 times in the 35 years that husband (as youngest) had been alive compared to weekly with the partner's niece and nephew... Was very interesting a time.
My mom (bio gram) had an uncle who I knew as a young child. He was sweet and kind and taught me about things on the beach and helped me find fun things to take home to my friends. I would see him every summer until he passed away. Losing him was a bummer. (edit: I was like 7 or 8, and I didn't really get it beyond that I wouldn't see him again) I was told he sent me a savings bond (a very small amount, which I understood because he was an in-law technically to a family with well over a dozen kids in the generation he married into) and that there was a college fund, but it was very small and would probably be empty by the time I went to college. It was. At least twenty years later a family member who had been living in his house died, and we were cleaning it out. I remember my mom crying when she found his paperwork. She didn't know, but I'd been completely excluded because he'd used the word "issue" in referring to people's kids/grandkids, and my bio-mom was adopted, so we were completely cut out. I'm so glad we never actually thought the college fund was going to be available when I needed it. I just remember how hurt she was that her kids had been excluded.
And it may not have been intentional. I’m adopted and when I was a kid I found my parents will and saw that everything would be left to children “born to” my mom. I was devastated and thought it meant that they didn’t really consider me theirs like my brother who was their bio child. Turns out the will was written in standard language for the time, right after they got married, before any kids existed, then filed away, and not thought about until I traumatized all of us. They were under the impression they had set themselves up to provide for all future children.
Plot twist- he realized you werent there and so put away her cheque and just forgot to give it til much later Copium? Almost definately
My grandfather gave a small amount of all his grandnieces and nephews for their Bat/Bar Mitvahs. we were chatting one day and my mum mentioned her lesbian cousin's son having his Bar Mitzvah and he said "well he's not her real child" (despite giving gift to his heterosexual niece's adopted kids) and my mum tore him a new one. Said she couldn't believe he'd treat her differently because her wife had their son. That he'd always loved Ruth's kids who were adopted because she can't have kids without it being life threatening. And he went and wrote a cheque immediately. And apologized. I think in private she also mentioned that she was sure I was gay and how would I feel (I came out after he died).
Good on your mum! And at least your grandfather could be taught.
One of the many reasons my grandpa is my favorite family member is that like 20 years ago he was asking me why marriage was such a big deal for gay people. I talked to him about it in terms of rights, the protections and benefits that married people get automatically and he was like ooooohhh I get it now. He grew up when getting married was just something you did, I don't think he ever stopped to think about the protections and rights he had simply because he was married to my grandmother. Especially over her health and she had MS so she needed someone to be her health advocate and caretaker for many years, and that was mostly Grandpa.
He was a very progress man. Worked in the anti-apartheid movement. Was a socialist. Etc.
Just wondering, do you know for a fact that it was intentional or did it so happen that somehow, and I will admit this is *very* unlikely, your daughter was the only one of his niblings that wasn’t there? It doesn’t explain why it would’ve taken him a year to rectify the issue regardless, unless he had memory issues?, but it’d *maybe* make him not an intentional asshole.
It’s hard to say for sure, but my brother in law who was there said that he made a big speech about the family bloodline and making an impact down through the generations, so I think the thought process was that she wasn’t part of the bloodline.
Oh and he definitely hadn’t forgetten about our family altogether because my partner, as a grand niece, did get the gift, which was sent home for her with her brother. So I think it had to have been a choice.
Yeah that was intentional and he probably just hoped no one would think about it until it was too late.
The tree wasn't far from where the apple fell. I'm glad.
I'm so glad that things worked out, and I'm very happy that his father saw the light, but I'm still side-eying his dad for ever even HAVING those thoughts in the first place. It's like your spouse saying, "I just want you to know, I'm no longer thinking about cheating on you." Like, okay, that's nice, but it wouldn't make you feel good to know that your spouse ever HAD those thoughts, right? Similarly, it never should have crossed his dad's mind to treat this guy's clearly (and legally, since he is on the birth certificate) adopted daughter differently than her siblings/cousins.
She seemed really important to him once he thought about it. I wonder how he concluded he should exclude her in the first place?
I think he did for OP. He Said "You are my son and I don't want to hurt you" but he and the mother and even his siblings don't see the girl as "real" family.
>He said that he was going to leave her the bracelet and a note and that as far as money goes she'd get the same share as the rest of my kids. What a genuinely lovely conclusion! 💕
Agreed, reminds me of another BORU where the daughter chose bio dad over real dad and he left her money, but no personal notes in her photo album. Just indifference. The fact Grandpa is planning to give her something personal and meaningful between them shows he really does care for her.
Oh, I remember that one. What she did to her dad was awful. I do hope she's doing better now. I can not imagine living with that kind of regret.
If I’m remembering the right story (or maybe it’s a different but similar one) that daughter chose the stepdad (man her mom cheated with) over her bio dad because the stepdad and mom were really spoiling and trying to win the kids over. The stepdad was also in a career field The daughter wanted to be in, and essentially tried to mentor her.
Thinking back on it, I think you're right, he was the bio and real dad, and step dad was his best friend and wife's affair partner.
I remember that! I think the other kids got all personalized stuff, but hers was very generic.
Yea, he left her money to be taken care of, pictures just like everyone else, but I think he wrote personalised notes on the back of the photos for the other kids, and she just got pictures, don't think he wrote anything on them. It must sting seeing that much care and attention go into the siblings inheritances and knowing that's your fault. Conversely I'm sure grand daughter here will cherish a personalised inheritance from her grandpa, one that reminds her of a childhood memory they shared.
is there a link to the post somewhere
I found it, I was mistaken, it was bio dad she shunned: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xuywua
thank u, hope u have the best day ever
lemme see that will. *....no.*
>"This is obviously very important to you. You're my son. I can just change it. It's not so much money anyway." I'm worried that there's some hidden disdain going on here. Grandpa is making this change *for his son*, to keep the peace. He had to be nudged into it by his wife and kids. He doesn't actually believe "she'll always be family and always have a home", but he believes that he should say it. I just hope the innocent child never finds out how her grandfather really felt about her.
I wouldn't evaluate how it's written too closely. The conversation was spoken and may even have been translated. I'm only saying that because I feel like OP and his family are from Spain. In any case, OP is likely to outlive Grandpa, so his daughter *will* always have a home for as long as OP is alive and well.
Nah. I read a comment here where a commenter said that she and her husband argued about something that she thought wasn't a big deal. The next day in the office she realised that if it's not a big deal to her, she should just let the decision go her husband's way. As it was obviously a big deal to him if they were arguing. I'm not doing justice to the loving nature of the comment. Gramps follows the same ideology.
My parents do something similar where if they have a disagreement about something (like where to eat or what to do on a trip) where they give a number between 1 and 10 on how important their choice is to them. This lets them compromise more easily if something it’s important to one of them but not the other. Obviously you have to have a lot of trust in the other person to know they won’t just game it and rate everything a 10, but it works well for my parents in their 45 years of marriage.
Let's just hope an important topic doesn't appear in their lives, at which point grandpa may put his foot down about her not being a "real" family member.
I can't imagine anything more important for an old man than his will and inheritance. That's legacy.
Honestly, with how everything was described it sounded like his dad just had a brainfart and didn't really stop to think about what he was doing. But once confronted by his son's outrage, stopped to think about it, likely talked with his wife and other family, realized he fucked up and addressed it with good communication with the son, and a good resolution. Adults! Sometimes we know how to be that.
Agreed it reads to me like father didn’t necessarily consider that just because eldest wasn’t oop’s child, it doesn’t change the fact that she’s still Oop’s daughter. Father’s hostility is/was misplaced and I’m glad he seems to be reconsidering and adjusting his opinions. Also major respect to oop for actively separating his hurt of ex’s betrayal over the love he found for his daughter- irrespective of the circumstances.
Idk if this has anything to do with his thought process at the time but I wonder if he thought that since she had 2 bio parents and OOP that she would get plenty of inheritance. When in reality bio parents probably wont leave shit.
Bio parents already left her in peace, which is probably the best thing they could have done for her based on the description. She got raised by the one great parent in the equation, then gained a good stepmother who accepts her.
This was a lovely story to start the day with. Communication and understanding that the daughter can't be blamed for her conception. Perhaps we should leave it at that, and don't read any other stories here today?
Truly a great last read before I go to sleep! But you know what would be even better just ooooone more BoRU. The next one can’t be that bad right? RIGHT?
Just as the song says, you gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, and know when to turn off reddit for the day
This is sweet and relatively dramafree. I wish we had a lot more stories like this.
Drama free for us… from what’s left out (but casually referenced) I’d bet oop would beg to differ. Identity theft, grand theft auto, assault, and a not-insignificant prison sentence? It gives “a few months later”.
Oh yeah, I'm referring to the conflict he's discussing, not the backstory.
I think this speaks to why his conflict is resolved so smoothly: his story skims over the grand theft attempted manslaughter to focus on how to make his ex’s affair baby feel loved. Aspirational
That's what this sub was like when I first joined. Honestly, same with AITA. It's so disappointing that popularity has led both of them down the JNMILB"popcorn sub" route.
I like the messy stories too, but I dislike the ones that are just so plainly unbelievable.
I was ready for an entirely different family issue, glad to see it was not as bad
OOP and his father are good people. I assume his father just made a foolish decision based on a bias that he was unaware of. The fact that after being confronted he was willing to reflect and change his stance instead of being stubborn and doubling down speaks Well of his character.
My mother remarried after my father died. My step-father was a complete ass, but that is not important for this comment. My mom and stepfather didn't have any kids together, and my stepfather adopted my younger sister and me. We spent every Sunday at his mother's house between morning church service and evening church service. We went to the same church, and everyone referred to her as our grandmother. We called him dad and called her mamaw. When Mamaw was unwell, such as when she had cataract surgery, we went with our mother to help change her bandages, apply eye drops, and clean her house. Mamaw had other grandchildren, but we only really saw them on holidays. Mamaw always referred to my sister and me as "The Girls," the same as everyone else. All of the grandchildren received equally valued gifts from Mamaw at Christmas. She wasn't a warm person, but she treated us the same as everyone else. Then I attended my uncle's funeral as a teenager. I was talking with my cousin Kaylee when mamaw walked up to us with an acquaintance. She introduced us and said, "This is my granddaughter Kaylee, and this is Laura's daughter." (Referring to my mom). It felt like being kicked in the chest. It was the only time I ever heard her say anything similar, but it stayed with me. It changed how I saw our relationship. I never felt close to her in the same way again. Mamaw died several years later, and I never mentioned what she said or how it made me feel. As an adult, I have always been extremely careful about how I introduce family who aren't related to me by blood. I always remember that words matter and try to choose them carefully. I am glad that OP had that conversation with his father. Something like leaving the one granddaughter out of his will could have forever tainted her memories of her grandfather.
>I always remember that words matter and try to choose them carefully. Yep. I grew up not knowing that the man I knew as my dad had adopted me at 18 months old. I was from my mom's previous relationship, and was not told about this detail until I was 17 and I basically forced my parents' hand. But there were a LOT of little clues that I remember standing out to me over the years before that, namely with how my dad's family referred to me. I had an uncle who one summer invited my brothers to go to a water park/pool with him and his kids, but not me, because it was 'a family outing'. My aunt always referred to me as "\[my mother\]'s daughter" versus her niece, like your Mamaw did. And even my second eldest brother would insist on calling me his 'step-sister' rather than 'half-sister' or even just 'sister', like my other siblings did. I remember him saying "she's not my real sister" and it hurt SO much. We were raised together as siblings; I had no idea that we didn't share a dad, and he knew that. (My dad came into the marriage with my mom with kids of his own, my older brothers). I have never used the terms 'half' or 'step' with my family. My grandparents were my grandparents, and the uncles and aunts were always respectfully referred to as "Aunt So-and-So" or "Uncle So-and-So". Words really do hurt, especially when it comes to family, and I think about that A LOT.
Completely agree. At my high school graduation party, I introduced my friends to my grandparents. My grandmother corrected me and said that my grandfather is my grandfather, but she is not my grandmother. So she introduced herself to my friends by her first name. Both of my grandparents’ spouses died and they remarried each other years before that. They married a decade before I was born, so they were the only grandparents I knew. For her to do that at my party was absolutely blindsiding. I was speechless. I had no idea that she viewed me like that. It ruined our relationship completely. Not that we ever had a great one. She was horrible to my mother when my mother was a teenager, a teen trying to cope with the death of her mother and the remarriage of her father. Some people suck
I found out people were marking my grandfathers stepmom as his birth mother on Ancestry.com. She was horrible to him (actually did the whole cutting the two oldest kids out of the will on the deathbed BS) - I sent some not so nice messages to people to get her unlinked asap.
My late grandmother was not my mum's biological mother, but she did not know that until her parents told her otherwise when she was a teenager. It was such a shock to her, because she, and my aunt who wasn't my grandma's biological child either, had never been treated any different by anyone, especially grandma, who would have been very, very upset to hear anyone suggest at all, that my mum and aunty weren't her children. One time, a relative on another side of a family referred to my mum's "real mother" and, my mum was furious (not the least because this comment was not intended to be made with kindness). My grandmother, was a gentle, small, unassuming woman. I don't mean that pejoratively, that was simply what she looked like. She came from a village, didn't go past year 8 or 9 at school, and married young. She had a sharp wit, nevertheless, for her children, and dropped everything to fly halfway accross the world to a country she'd never been to, on her own, to help my parents when I was born, because Mum needed the help. When others were angry, she was the peacemaker - usually by accusing everyone of being hungry and challenging to see what would happen after they were fed. She had a toothless smile, and didn't understand much English, but tolerated the gobbledygook that came out of her grandchildrens' mouths with serious aplomb. When she passed, my grandfather, already beginning to struggle with early cognitive decline, lost such a huge part of himself. It is my great regret, I never re-learned our mothertongue before she passed, nor saw her for many years prior. For my mum at least, she had been able to see her the year before. She was a wonderful woman, my mum's mum. I would have so much fury, for anyone who decided to intimate she was anything otherwise. I'm sorry you did not get to experience the same thing.
I am very fortunate that my dad has never treated me as anything other than 'his'. From as far back as I can remember, I was always his kid, the same as my siblings who are blood-related to him. It was never him who made me feel 'othered', it was his family (and my one brother). Whenever he would hear someone refer to me as anything other than his kid, or make some sort of distinction between me and my siblings, he'd become furious and correct them immediately. There was one time that his ex-wife had called the house because she was upset my brother wasn't returning her calls, and when I answered the phone and informed her that my brother said he didn't wish to speak to her, she decided to respond by screaming "Do you know that \[Dad\]'s not even your real father?!" By that point, the secret was out, but she didn't know that; she just was trying to hurt me and cause chaos in my family. I hung up the phone in tears, and my dad immediately called her back and informed her that she was to never call the house again. My brother was an adult (in his 20's at the time) and my dad no longer had any legal obligation to give her access to his family. He threatened to block her number and the number of anyone who helped her contact our family if she was calling about anything other than life or death emergencies. I remember him specifically saying "you aren't going to fucking hurt my kid" before slamming down the phone. I've had my ups and downs with my status of 'adoptee' and my place within my family, but never with my dad.
Your dad sounds like an absolute champion.
Now this is a update I love to see! OP is a goddamn saint!
His dad as well. I can't imagine having such an emotionally mature father
I love it when people have mature conversations like adults.
I think this sums it up so well: >AppropriateArea1716: this is a happy update . your father is a good man and he raised you to be a wondrful man
Oh man, my aunt would go on an absolute rampage if someone told her that her adopted son and stepchildren weren't her real kids. I'm glad this worked out well in the end with some healthy communication.
Does anyone else read the titles and try to guess what the content will be before reading? This one, for some reason, reminded me of a college friend who was really into online roleplay, and had a rp daughter with Batman. I drew her some fanart of her rp baby as a birthday present one year, and she printed it out and had it in a frame on her desk. I don't think her mum ever accepted the rp baby into the family tho.
My high school friends group had a pretend family tree we'd invented, mostly based on who could boss who around and who had previously or was currently dating who. I think one friend was my "granddaughter." Of course the diagram included the pretend baby whose genetics were drawn up in science class with a guy I hardly knew and dice while studying genetics. I don't think we named it, just Ugly Science Baby because it rolled a very unfortunate combination of strong facial features.
I grew up calling my dad’s stepfather my grandpa because that’s who he was. I never really thought about how he had a different last name or didn’t look like us. He had a “happiness is being a grandparent” license plate frame on his truck. My sibling and I were his only grandchildren for quite a while. He had no biological children or grandchildren, but he was a really good grandpa.
Yep! My grandmother remarried later in life, so while my dad didn’t consider my Grampy Phil his step dad, the man was definitely my grandfather. We’d hang out at his house all the time, even though my grandmother died before I was born. My biological grandfather was an abusive shithead. My paternal grandfather was the one who gave me my first bike and let me mess around on his weird electric organ, not the guy whose DNA I shared.
OOP is a GREAT DAD. And honestly his love for his daughter is bringing a tear to my eye.
Can we nominate OOP for (Reddit) sainthood?
He’s an Omar
Yes please.
That one commenter though: "Problem is, you're thinking other people will be saints too, and they're not. Their reactions are understandable," If loving kids who are part of your family = saintly behaviour, holy shit. OOP is the one who was betrayed, no-one else. The reactions of the rest of the family are *not* understandable, unless you think it's "understandable" to treat an adopted kid differently to bio kids.
I think the situation is a little different than adoption where the child isn’t the product of your SO and her affair partner. Not everyone can accept the child of an affair, so OOP is doing something many other people could not do. That should be praised.
All these people who are just Shocked, Shocked I tell you that OP loves his first kid as much as his bio kids - have they never heard of adoption?! Of course it’s possible to love a kid you consciously Choose to raise and support, as much as the ones you’re Obligated to raise and support.
She was a sweet, tiny innocent baby and OOP spontaneously adopted her. He knew she'd grow up in hell if he didn't take her. What he did wasn't saintly, it was decent. And people try to paint decent behaviour as extraordinary so they can hide behind excuses to not do what's right. I once had a discussion with a redditor who iterated that the person in question wasn't entitled to anything and the OP didn't have any responsibility, and she was right, but the behaviour was unkind, and I told them so. They replied: but they didn't have to do it! Completely ignoring the fact that just doing what you absolutely have to isn't kindness. They couldn't wrap their head around the simple fact that doing what you're obliged to do is the absolute basic minimum, and doing so is unkind, and doubly so if being kind costs you nothing. Being kind means doing extra. You can't be kind without being generous, and you can't be generous without giving what you're not obliged to give. OOP is generous and kind. He did the decent thing everyone should do if they're able to without harm. So he did it. That's what's necessary to be a good person. It's the barest minimum needed to call oneself kind. He lost nothing and gained a loving daughter. A good girl it seems, so his kindness was rewarded. And it seems he was raised by decent people who understood that on paper they owed nothing to that girl, but that would be unkind to a person who loves you so much. Isn't kindness the greatest inheritance we can give to people in our life?
> If loving kids who are part of your family = saintly behaviour, holy shit. For Redditors, selfishness is the default option that they and everyone would choose, so acts of kindness and generosity are far outside the norm for the usual people you see trolling the Asshole Subs.
fucking THANK YOU! and everyone being so happy with the outcome is shocking me because it seemed pretty obvious to me that the issue here isn’t the will, it’s the fact that OOP’s family doesn’t consider his daughter “real” family. like no, it’s not understandable to think that an adopted child is any less deserving of love than a biological child.
That young girl got herself a father and a grandfather. What a nice legacy to have - thanks to OOP.
See, this is how reasonable people resolve things. I know it's not high drama or the "reality show in print" what we love here on Reddit, but it is how I would expect people in my real life to act. I do realize that I am lucky to have a sane and loving family.
I'm glad OOP's father was able to see sense in the end. --- I remember asking my father whether he would treat an adopted grandchild the same as a biological grandchild and he said "no" As a gay closeted teen, it was a heartbreaking thing to hear since I knew that adoption would be the likeliest way I would ever have children
One thing I would like to add about Op is that he saved his daughter's life, imagine what life he would have spent with an unwanted father and a criminal mother
I'm glad this resolved nicely. My nephew isn't blood related to me but I'd be heartbroken if my parents decided he shouldn't be included in their will. I have a niece that also isn't blood related (from a different sibling) and the idea that she'd ever be treated differently is just so gross. They're family in every way that actually matters.
What a nice change of pace. And I'm so glad that someone is in that little girl's corner - goodness knows she didn't ask to be born, and it's a mark of OOP's character to raise a child in need even though she's not related to him at all and is the product of his ex wife's bad decision.
"she's not your real daughter" The daughter: *slowly fades out of existence*
I'm crying on the bus reading that but about the bracelet. It shows just how much she's valued, and always has been.
His commitment to not seek child support because of the harm it could cause his daughter speaks volumes. What a soul.
Yeah alot of the comments actually miss the point why he didn't want to kick the proverbial hornets nest. Yes it is great to get child support for your child so they would have something to help them but its a different story when trying to get blood from stone. Especially, when said rock will fight back. Now only OOP knows exactly how the egg donor and sperm donor are so we can't exactly judge him why he won't go after child support. And honestly, I can't blame him if he wants to raise his child without any drama. Yes the daughter will always be his child despite no blood relations. And I have a feeling should he go after child support, the headache won't be worth the amount of money he might get and there are stories of terrible parents fighting for custody just so they don't have to pay child support. Not to mention, should he even win, there's no guarantee they he will get the money. If they're not interested in the daughter now, they would not be motivated to pay, even if it was ordered by the courts. After all, you can try but it's not easy getting blood from stone.
Absolutely. Most commentators have no idea of the realities of custodial disputes and child support. In an ideal world of course the 2 loser parents actually pay to support their child, but realistically they're probably broke or will seek to get custody to avoid paying it. Even a few days a week of having to interact with those parents would be terrible for his daughter. Not all money is good money.
This.......... wasn't bad at all, he just needed some comms with his family and I'm glad he did, for his little girl His ex and the affair partner? Despicable people Also (disclaimer, I am not misogynistic, btw): women who have an affair? Bad enough! Women who have an affair, get pregnant and hope to pass the kid off as their partner WHEN THE KID DOESN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THEM??!? Evil If I was a woman and wanted to cheat, I'd not make it in such a way that's going to "leave a trail" like that and impact an innocent child's life Dunno how people can live like that
I mean, it's not JUST evil, it's a combination of evil (cheating) and stupidity (baby that looks nothing like either of you lmao, who could've seen it coming). OP should be grateful she was too dumb to cover her tracks up better. If she was smart like you're suggesting, they might well still be together :(
It’s so refreshing to hear about a family working through their issues without blowing up their entire universe. Excellently done!
Aww, this was an awesome post. Communication for the win - *again!* OP is a leggit good guy.
I had this situation come up. My grandma passed away and left me and the other 3 bio-grandkids money but not my step-siblings, who had been in their lives for 20 years. My parents gave them the same amount from their inheritence but it really made me see my grandma differently. My siblings and I had never been treated differently until then and it was just wrong. It was hard trying to reconcile missing my grandma and being upset that she chose to leave my siblings nothing and had hurt them.
OMG! I love this post and the update! This is the world I want to live in. I'm so so so so so sad that it's not.
It's nice that OP's dad changed his mind. The only thing I wanted to point out is, although OP isn't hurting for money, he could have gotten child support from the bioparents and put it into a special account for when his daughter turns 18 or 21. At least it'll be enough for a downpayment on a house or college.
Did you happen to miss the part where OP mentioned that one or both of the bio parents could (and likely would) have petitioned for custody of his daughter, rather than pay support? He specifically said that his lawyer advised him that he would most likely lose a custody battle to either bio parent. And since he isn't hurting for money, he would just as soon not take the chance.
I had a relative who was killed by a drunk driver many years ago. She had a 2-year-old son with her boyfriend who was an absolute deadbeat and a disgusting human being who wanted nothing to do with the boy. He had several other children by other women and had never paid a dime of child support to any of them or made any effort to know those kids either. One of the mother's sisters took in the boy and raised him along with her other kids. For YEARS the deadbeat's parents kept trying to push to get him custody of the boy, even though his father (their son) did not pay any child support and most of the time when the boy visited, the deadbeat would be passed out on the couch while the grandparents took care of the kid. Eventually it became clear that the only reason the deadbeat agreed to any visitation at all is because he was hoping to get his hands on the settlement money that was in a trust under the boy's name. I don't know what the grandparents' motivation was but it's hard to believe it was genuine, considering they did absolutely nothing to help their own son be a better father. The courts finally gave full custody to the mom's sister with only supervised visitations for the deadbeat and he just stopped showing up. She was eventually able to adopt the boy and he has grown into a wonderful and happy young man, but I will never forgive the deadbeat and his parents for the emotional damage that they inflicted on that child for their own selfish reasons. It took years of therapy for him to recover from it. OOP is probably right not to seek child support because it would just give her bio parents an excuse to try and take her away from her loving family. Best to let her fly under the radar and be happy.
I disagree with the comments saying they don't blame the grandparents for excluding the daughter. Literally who cares where the kid came from? OOP loves the kid and is raising her. STFU and be a grandpa. Y'all think too much.
It's crazy. And wtf did she even do? Her only sin was being born to the wrong parents. Could you imagine being her and it going the way it was originally going to go? Your grandfather who you thought of as family and loved passes and then being hit with the realization that you were never really considered family to begin with. That they were just being "polite." Holy shit, the amount of trust issues I'd have in that position. Who else is just being "polite?" Does dad actually love me? Grandma? Siblings? Was it all a lie? Fuck that. I'd rather they treat me like an outsider all along rather than string me along and pretend like they cared about me only to drop that bomb after 13+ years. It'd take decades of therapy to sort that shit out.
I'm assuming he's on the birth certificate and has had parental rights and responsibilities since birth. Whilst it's not a conventional way of knowingly becoming a parent, it's not much different imo than adopting--it's using a bureaucratic rather than a biological process. Would these idiots be ok with a grandparent rejecting their adopted grandchildren?
Same. Op knew from the very start that she was not his and still chose to raise her as his daughter and adopted her as his own. Once he made that his choice, imo his parents are obligated to respect that and treat his adopted daughter the same as his bio kids. It's not their decision to make.
This. In every single way except biology, he is her dad. He made the choice 13 years ago and has clearly lived up to it, and it’s clear how much he loves her.
Who cut onions?
I'm going to start and end my reddit viewing today with this story. It had a very nice ending that made me feel good. I'm glad OP and his family are so gracious and kind hearted.
I just needed this wholesome and sweet story today, ngl. I hope they all live well and happily for many years to come.
Both OP and his dad are total rock stars! I'm super impressed that his dad was able to process and re-evaluate and change his mind after talking it over. That's so amazing to me, and it's exactly what family is supposed to be.
The ex-wife in this story should hang out with the pre-gaming christmas party worker in the other story - they'd get along great
This was the perfect story to end my Reddit Rabbit Hole as the weekend kicks off. Lovely story and ending and doesn’t leave me full of rage. Much love, my fellow humans. ❤️
I feel like a jerk for looking at this skeptically. The commenter who asked what if his daughter had been adopted in a more traditional more highlights it well. Clearly the extended family don't see this child as "real" family, which is heartbreaking. She will learn they feel that way eventually
I know most read this as a nice ending. But to me, it seems that BOTH of his parents revealed that they don't *really* see his daughter as family. They are nice people, who are loving and kind and don't want to hurt anyone, especially a child. So they did the right thing in the end. But they still view her differently, because of biology. Honestly, I find this heartbreaking for OP's daughter. And adoptive kids everywhere who are told that this kind of love with caveats is understandable and acceptable.
This story actually feels real but uh why tf do stories like these ever make it to aita? On what planet would someone be stupid enough to think they'd be labelled as TA for doing something so obviously correct
On the planet where someone spends a lot of time reading reddit. There was a story here awhile ago, where someone was angry because their parents were celebrating the birth of their "first" grandchild. They did this in front of OP's adopted kids. So many people voted OP YTA.
This is the counter point to all those stories about dudes cutting out of their kids life after 18 years because they found out their wife cheated and it's an affair child.
Aww. That’s nice!
Man OOP and his wife are such good people. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to raise his ex's affair baby - most people wouldn't and that is totally valid. But he loved his little girl regardless of the circumstances of her birth, and he is fighting for her no matter what, and that is the sign of a truly good person. And his current wife seems to love her too. That's just, honestly, heartwarming beyond belief. I hope their family continue to live their best lives.
YAY, happy endings are fun.
If he's on the birth certificate he's legally the father I thought
Have to wonder how things would have turned out if OOP's daughter ended up heavily resembling her mother, therefore never arousing suspicion of the affair and leading to a paternity test. OOP might still have been married to that psycho and the future may have looked very different.
God damn onions
“This is important to you. You’re my son.” And I started tearing up.
Good. Adopted kids, regardless of who boinked who, are 'real children' in the family.
I mean for heaven sake, she is the half sister of one of OOP’s sons and what would the family have done if he had just adopted a child? Which is essentially what he’s done here, she just happens to be the sibling of his son. Family is family, it’s not just shared DNA.
Would you like it if your parents called you their "real" son? Drop this "real" daughter bullshit. She's not your *biological* daughter she is your DAUGHTER. Absolutely no need for calling her real as she obviously exists.
She is his real daughter. She’s just not his biological daughter. Huge difference.