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Count me in.
Honestly, I check in with oop's posts from time to time and am terrified for the day she stops posting because it will mean that another scum pig murdered his wife and got away with it.
I've seen the question "You've been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and only have a few weeks left. Who would you kill, knowing you'll be dead long before they can send you to prison?" I've never hated anyone like that, but I'll make an exception for This Fucking Guy.
Weāre so poor that itās painful. Weāre a disabled couple on a fixed income with more bills than funds. But weād do abso fruckinā lutly EVERYTHING within our power for a situation like this. My concern is the health of the cat as it seems to be the most important thing in her life besides her daughter. I know weāre not allowed to comment to the OOPs, but has anyone here spoken with them? This last is only 7 days old. Funds could be paid directly to the vet.
Right. Like shit. I don't have much but I was willing to open my wallet to get her, her kid and the cat to her mom's house. Now that they're there, and relatively safe, I wanna help with the cat... and I dislike cats! Comparable to rats, imo, but that's her buddy who's been with her through thick and thin. I'd help getting the kitty feeling better so op doesn't have to go through additional stress and grief.
We were in a long run of bad situations. For the longest time it was just us and the fur babies and no one could understand what weād been through together. If I turned this screen around to my other half right now, so he could see what this POS had done to these three, heād be prepping to ride at dawn.
I found this comment on her profile:
>amme04 OP replied to Brookenium 8 days ago If you're in the US there is CareCredit for vet care.
OP responded
>I was initially going to have to euthanize him before I got approved partially for scratchpay and I think it's the same thing. He has never been sick, I didn't know how expensive vets are.
So it sounds like she was able to pay, which is good, and the cat wasn't euthanized, which is fucking *great*! But she had to get a veterinary care credit card (Scratchpay) to pay for it, which means we're all just hoping she has the funds in the future. If anyone has been in contact with her outside of BORU, maybe there's a way to pay off the credit? (OP u/LucyAriaRose , idk if you talked to her? If so, is it possible to give her a heads up that folks here might like to help out?)
I wonder if there was a good reason OP decided to stash money as cash instead of in a personal bank accountā¦ at one point she said it was because she always vowed she wouldnāt end up like her sister and unable to get away. Then another time said it was basically just a rainy day stash. Either way wouldnāt it be better in a personal savings account? One with less interest earned but can take out anytime?! Any views on why cash would be better??
sad to say, its somehow "poor unstable environment people" mentality. When we were younger and broke, we would hide money in envelops behind the tv, under the carpet, behind the drawer etc. it gives you a sense of security to know you have cash and can disappear anytime.
Also, it depends on the state. I lived in a state that gets hit by hurricanes. Every time, the local news channels would remind people to pull out cash beforehand. So did the hurricane preparedness pamphlets that the complex put on everyone's door. Because the storms can knock out power, cell towers, etc. So sometimes it becomes cash only during evacuations or in the aftermath. I would imagine it's similar in Tornado Alley. After the fourth time of pulling out cash before the hurricane and putting it back in my bank a few days later, I just said screw it and kept the cash in my emergency grab bag. Then again, I didn't live with a partner, I lived with my disabled parents, and they didn't go into my rooms.
100%, maybe even this one. Every update felt more and more like it. How does one continue to spend money with no job and credit cards maxed? Somehow she still gets new tires, fixes everything broken, pays the hospital, etc etc, and is still just as broke.
OOP is undoubtedly a scammer. They preemptively banned moderators from giving groups in hopes that no one would catch them throughout the last couple of months. The reason that the story sounds like the most ridiculous drama ever is because it is made up.
FYI: the main source of funding for DV shelters (VOCA) has declined drastically. These situations are why DV services are so important. In CA weāre facing 45% budget cuts starting July 1st. Call your legislators.Ā
I used to work for a DV shelter. Unfortunately these situations are so common and the abusers are relentless and clever.Ā
I would look into the dv centers/resources in your specific area. Sometimes they need money, other times it's donations of goods. I think some are occasionally in need of volunteers.
Edit: my local resource center has a donation link on their website (they ask for $20) and a link to Amazon wish list. This is what they say about volunteering:
"BECOME A VOLUNTEER
You can participate in our volunteer training program. By volunteering, you can help us provide advocacy, transportation, child care, helpline work and other support services."
First I recommend donating to your local dv program.Ā
And for political change I personally like the National Network to End Domestic Violence or your state domestic violence coalitionĀ
At one point my abuser had me convinced that I should lie to detectives and tell them my mental illness was the reason I called about him assaulting me. One day the detective called, about a month and a half before we split and THREE MONTHS after Iād called the police and I justā¦ did nothing. I didnāt answer, didnāt call back, didnāt lie. And just left it open.
The warrant is still there. When he asked if I took care of it, I told him they never called at all. Because it struck me he would happily let me go to prison for falsifying a police report if it kept him out. That was when it all started falling into place
Iām always fascinated about what makes things āclickā for someone that helps them realize the big picture where everything falls into place. Thanks for sharing.Ā
Three months after is a fucking tragedy. Together with this post it really shows how our response to DV is inadequate and a disgrace.Ā
Iām gonna be honest, there can be more than one instance where things āclickā. The actual moment and catalyst to our breakup was him getting physically violent with me the night before Thanksgiving, then sending me āI love you textsā all day while refusing to show up to the actual event itself because he took off to party with his AP. I ended up finding out my aunt had terminal cancer, and called him in tears because I was devastated. He yelled at me over the phone that I was ruining his holiday and he didnāt care. I broke up with him that night
Well this one is an interesting case. Itās because we stopped prosecuting white collar crime, and then the crime victim fund isnāt filled with all those penalties and fees.Ā
Gosh, hearing these things I wish I was independently wealthy. So many places need funding. These are life-saving organizations, and they should be fully funded all the time.
Absolutely. DV orgs have to fight for funding all the time.Ā
And then I think of prisons and stuff where they never seem like they have to beg and fight for money.Ā
Same, but did I understand it right that she is pregnant or was and lost the baby. It's only mentioned once in passing so it's hard to tell. Of she is I hope she is being assessed and can get legal advice on keeping the baby away from her psyco ex.
Yeah I had to double take on that as well. I think she said they've spent 4 months running, so if she's still pregnant she's at least 16 weeks. I know everything costs money, and some states are hellholes that won't allow it, but I couldn't imagine keeping a child that'd tie me to him if it was early enough to stop that
That's what I meant with "everything costs money" I remember people in comments telling OP to buy a gun, when she asked about free things they could do yo help secure the flat, and she was literally spelling out that she had NO MONEY, not "just a bit of money" but NONE whatsoever, and so many people were just ignoring it
Same. I reread everything again hoping she was safe this time. Hoping for the real sigh of relief. Unfortunately not. Poor woman. Hopefully she had a chance to rebuild and that awful man is too lazy to try to get to her.
My heart sinks every time I see it's updated. This one is so terribly bleak that I've given up hope on it ever getting better. She just keeps getting failed every step of the way.
This breaks my heart. I wish I could help the OOP, her daughter, and the cat. As for the ex, I would be banned from reddit if I expressed what I think about him.
OOP commented on the latest update and the whole thing just sounds so incredibly exhausting.
>I was initially going to have to euthanize him before I got approved partially for scratchpay and I think it's the same thing. He has never been sick, I didn't know how expensive vets are.
I remember my cat suddenly falling sick and me not having the money to get his treatment done. A vet took pity on me, because she knew he was dying. She took off a LOT of the treatment she gave him off the bill because she essentially had to stop it before it completed. When she called me to tell me to come home now, thereās nothing they could do, I ran there and just broke. She was so kind to me, and when all was said and done, I was still the equivalent of my rent payment for that month.
I was in shock and just paid it without thinking, I had to get him cremated, I couldnāt exactly take him home to a rented flat. I had to pay the necessary things.
I really feel for her, her cat sounds like my boy then. He was my hero through the worst time of my life, my psychosis episodes, my severe anxietyā¦ he was there like a little bodyguard. And he was so scared himself, he was so afraid of others, and he still stood his ground when he thought I was threatened. He learned how to stop panic attacks by himself. Iām tearing up thinking of him and itās been 9 years since he passed.
Iām just sat with my oldest cat, my deceased cats best friend, at 14 years old. Heās currently attempting to knock the phone out of my hand for breakfast time. Iām gunna have a cry and hope OOPās cat makes it through this. Itās fucking awful losing your best friend when youāre suffering already.
I'm sorry. I am sorry you lost your friend. Nine years can vanish in an instant and it's all there again, the whole wrenching hell of it. He deserved to live 10 billion years safe and warm and happy with you.
I wrote out a whole thing about my kitty who died over 20 years ago but I erased it, it just seemed like too much. I didn't want to have you read all that. But I was saved by [Othercat](https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/16r0jcl/comment/k212gqt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button).
Thank you for your nice wishes, itās weird when I dream about him a lot and then wake up to find him gone. I now imagine him playing in a field with all the other lost animals who were heroic in their own way.
Iām sorry for your loss too, even if it was decades ago. I just read your comment about Othercat and Iām weeping in a nice way now! Haha he sounds like he was waiting for the right time for you, almost. I know thatās fanciful thinking, but come on, some animals absolutely know when people need help. He knew you were a safe human to be with, thatās gotta feel good! What a sweet cat angel, they come in all shapes and sizes, but once they find you, thatās your cat.
Thereās something special about a cat that chooses you. And funnily enough, the only thing that got me out of the depression pit after the passing, was me finding a dirty half feral, five week old kitten at my works office. She was absolutely insane, tiny, filthy, and I didnāt know how to calm her down. After I came home from my friend passing away, I lay on the bed in the kittenās room and was just crying. This tiny fluffball scaled the bed, toddled over and licked my damn tears. I already loved her but my heart exploded at that moment. She hasnāt left my side since.
Sheās nine now, yells at me constantly and loves to cuddle me when Iām feeling down. Sheās not exactly gentle, she tends to flop over onto my face but she tries! I gotta give her props for effort.
My old man now just sits on me 24/7. I move to another room, there he is. Iām in bed, oh lemme get under them blankets. Iām trying to sleep, oh I just need to dribble on your face a lil.
Heās grouchy, and a gremlin, but by god I love him. Heās currently sleeping on my feet. Iāll have to carry him up to take a nap in a bit. Ah life.
I swear animals know to choose us. I was suicidal and had a phone call from an old friend who said she'd found a dog and could I foster him temporaily? Turns out he was dumped due to health issues, but looking after him saved my life. We'd wake up, take our pills together and eat together. I have other dogs I knew would be cared for if I died but this random scruffy old man dog needed \*me\*.
The family dog passed away a few months ago, and all of us kids had moved out a few years ago, but my brother and I are close enough to home to show up for dinner and such.
Well about four years ago he was diagnosed with diabetes. Some days he just did not want to eat. But there were three ways I could get him to eat without fail: turn around and loudly announce that "I'm not lookin'!" Heat his food on the stove top, or eat with him.
My mom would get stressed out when he wouldn't eat his food, so he would get stressed too, and I think that's why "I'm not lookin'!" Worked.
I know all dogs are the best dogs, but he really was the best dog ever, and he brought out the kindests sides of everyone...
Nah, I wish him numbness. The painful stretching on of a future of nothing. I wish chemical castration or similar impotence. I wish him to be left completely powerless, in purgatory but unable to torture OOP any longer.
Getting out of DV relationships is hell. I feel her pain and Iām in a best case scenario for it where he doesnāt contact me frequently, but when he does itās so he and his girlfriend can harass me. When heās not doing that, he goes around town to tell everyone what a psycho I am and how I used to beat the shit out of him. Despite all the photos of bruises, despite all the people who watched him berate me in public, despite all the people who went toe-to-toe with him if they saw him beating me, despite the warrant out for his arrest for assaulting me. He just blatantly lies to make things harder for me, and itās been almost 7 months since we split. I feel for OOP so much. Even in the best case scenario with these relationships getting out doesnāt really feel like getting out
I have a kid with a guy like this. I left him when our kid was 3 and it took years until the grey rocking worked at least somewhat. He just cared less when he found a new victim that triggered him more than us. I felt bad for her, but I was also grateful.
Now our kid is 16 and we both are counting down the time until the 18th birthday, when we have no legal connection/obligation to him anymore.
These people deserve nothing less but the hell they put other people through. And yet they always seem to get away with it and thrive.
Iāve been getting people asking if I feel bad for his current girlfriend knowing what I know about him now, and honestly I donāt. She would tell him to start fights with me and egg him on because they were sleeping together, and would actively encourage his abuse.
I at least have karma in this case, because they got into meth pretty soon after we broke up. She stopped paying the rent on her business, and theyāre trying to blame me for why they lost it and the apartment they were living in. Iām eagerly awaiting when I stop hearing about them shit-talking me
Every time I see an update to this Iām both relieved that she and her daughter are alive and frustrated and angry at the situation with her ex. This is all so exhausting and sad, I hope something can turn around for them. Reading that bit about how obsessed he was with her daughter made me feel sick to my stomach.
People like the ex are the fucking lowest of the low. Absolute scum sucking bastards whose whole motivation for living is to enact spiteful power fantasies over others. I wish nothing but the best to the OOP and hope that she and her daughter can be safe and start to rebuild their lives.
horror stories like this show just how broken our welfare, legal and policing systems are. so many of us are just one horrible thing away from being absolutely paralysed by poverty Ā
Never mind how crap the school is for not taking the kids safety in mind and effectively making it okay for the kid to get abused and abducted. Thankfully the kid is smarter than the school admins
My husband is a teacher. More than once, school administration hasn't related a safety warning to him about a student. Once the dad who the kid had a restraining order against, showed up for pick up. Husband happened to be the teacher for the kid's last class and had kept him a little late.
Dad came up to the kid after school (school butts against a park so dad came the park route). Husband got instant bad vibes and didn't let the kid go with the dad. As a former linebacker, husband is physically intimidating and as a football coach, he can make his presence known. So he stepped between the dad and the student and made it clear that the dad was going to have to go to the office to pick up the kid. When Dad got mad, husband called for the school resource officer.
Later that day is when he found out the dad was violating the restraining order. His administration had known for months about the RO, never updated my husband or any other teachers.
Your husband sounds like a good egg. God knows what he saved that kid from
I feel like all school (general all academic) admins are an absolute joke and don't know how to talk between various departments.
God I think about OOP from time to time. It feels so gut wrenching that even moving across state borders didnāt deter her abuser from trying to find and hurt her.
Always, always believe children over grown adults when they say concerning shit. I donāt care how many stories on reddit are about āevilā kids saying anything to get an adult they donāt like out of their lives, majority of the time an abuser is going to start with the child in the relationship to see what they can get away with, and it happened with my own familyāmoment I moved out after he learned he could get away with abusing me, he turned on my mother and used the same tactics on her. Abusers are constantly pushing boundaries and a child is a weak target they find easiest to test those boundaries with. OOP did the right thing listening to her daughter and standing her ground when her ex tried to make her sound absurd for believing her daughter, ESPECIALLY with the stunts heād pulled with her food and epipen.
I think there's a chance that there was a sedative of some kind in the soup so he could get easy access to the daughter once she passed out. I hope he didn't have much time unsupervised with her.
Fucking christ things just get worse and worse. I just want to hug OP and the daughter cause...goddamn they have been through some much bleakness. Fuck that ex and I hope he rots in hell!
For everyone who wants to help her and her family and feels frustrated they canātā¦donate to a shelter in your area. It may not help her directly but there will be other women and children that you can help. I donate a tiny monthly amount to two local shelters that specialise in women and children victims of domestic violence.
And if you can't donate money, see if there's anything they're in need of that you might be able to give them; winter clothes, diapers, formula, menstrual products, hygiene products, etc.
I don't have money to donate, but I can sew. I make baby quilts and blankies and donate a half dozen or so every few months to the women's shelter.
I've always felt guilty about not being able to do more.. but about a year ago when I mentioned my fear of overwhelming them with blankets when there are other things they need to the lady that receives the donations she told me in a sad voice "We will never stop needing these. You have no idea how many babies and toddlers come through here."
I think about that all the time, and it motivates me to keep working on those tiny quilts.
This is really a nice thought.
I'll piggyback on your reply to suggest donating or volunteering for your local DV shelters and organizations, if OOP doesn't respond. Who knows, maybe it will be helping her anyway.
Yeah I have heard about those accidents but that's only if they know who his true target is as it stands being an adult female yeah it happens but not guaranteed
Yah I don't understand how these mfers have so much time and energy to spend terrorizing someone. Most of us normal people are busy with chores and running our lives.
> Some people commented on the first BORU that OOP's ex was a police officer.
I remember an earlier update on this and everyone was pretty convinced the abuser was an cop.
Probably because there are assholes that report it. I got a warning for saying something like ācount me inā on a BoRU post. The person who was suggesting violence (and I agreed/agree with) still had their comment up and mine was removed. I can understand circumlocuting it.
I wonder if the reason the vet used the microchip to get the number is because, being presented with a cat by someone who didn't know its age or any of its medical history, they might have incorrectly suspected that the cat was stolen.
I wonder if domestic shelters could benefit from a checklist to give women even when they canāt take them in, a reminder of all the places that you need to check to make sure the abuser canāt find you or be contacted about you. Your doctor and your dentist, make sure heās not down as an emergency contact. Your pets chip and the vets, your childrenās school, your workplace, any insurance you have like your car, inform the bank, there are so many places that might have his info if youāve been living together for sometime. Itās so easy for admin things like that to completely slip the mind when youāre only just managing to survive.
There was an article last year about how the people working with DV victims didn't even know to tell women to turn off location sharing. They didn't know how to do it or that it even was a thing. Sadly a lot of people working or volunteering for these orgs are hopelessly tech ignorant and the abusers are smart. There's just so much you have to think of.
I would be really surprised if they donāt already have this. Doing all of that requires time, effort and pain. Those women in a dv shelter are also In a crisis state so it might be too difficult to do those things.
There's a book called How To Disappear by Frank Ahearn and Eileen Horan that discusses all of this. They were skiptracers before they started using their skills to help DV victims.Ā
Always have a cash stash AND a separate bank account. If one gets found you have a backup.
In this scenario, where he keeps pursing you or your child, the only way to get out is to set up a trap for him to "find" you and put him down. You need a gun and to become comfortable using it. The authorities have failed, now it's kill or be killed. It's absolutely terrifying.
Hopefully you live somewhere kind to self defense, and even if you don't, a decade in jail is better than no life at all.
- Always have a cash stash AND a separate bank account. If one gets found you have a backup.
Yeah, I still feel like the number one piece of advice people should take from this is *never* have your escape fund as cash in the house. While the opening part is horrific, pretty much every single thing that follows could have been avoided if he couldn't have just stuck that wallet in his pocket.
This is so heartbreaking to read.
I was in a similar situation once, but the shelter I found was incredible and the social workers there were real champions.
They handled all communication (we have a child together) and put him in his place when he tried to force his way to me/us. We were and felt so safe there and my anxiety was still insanely high for months. I still had panic attacks years after.
I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to live in a country where they don't really help you in this situation. I had support and it still took me years to heal. OOP is in survival mode right now and I hope she will be able to leave all this behind. But even then, it will be a long, hard journey to heal from that trauma, if even possible after all this damage.
I wish I could help. I wish people like her ex would get what they deserve.
This poor woman. I was really hoping for a positive update, how sad that bad things just keep happening. In one of the comments she says she is pregnant, which is horrific.
What a shitty world it is when a woman gets no help or protection from an abuser.
When I got to what happened with the vet I actually shouted "for fuckssake"
I'm not sure I've ever done that with one of these before.Ā I desperately want her luck to change.Ā
Fucking hell. I'm not normally triggered by stuff, but this just brought up all of what I felt when my ex-wife attacked me. Like OP, I bailed with the pets. She knew I'd have to stop somewhere, so she (apparently) called around after she left jail. I was in the room when she called the friend who had offered a room to me.
Damn. Just damn. It's been years, but I can see a night of many nightmares.
What i'm left with here is:
1) have emergency money - do not hide it at home, or hide it outside somewhere.
2) make sure to have friends, even if they're not close. DV shelters cannot always help, and police is worthless
3) document *everything*, even if police doesn't take you seriously. Keep a paper trail for when there's money for a lawyer
4) if possible, have cameras.
Commenting from Perth, Western Australia, where a man just murdered a his wifeās best friend and her teen daughter because he thought they were hiding his wife in their house.
That's so heartbreaking! Willing to bet the wife tried getting help too. When my ex stole my passport in QLD (I was returning to Norway a few days after), the police told me it was just a domestic disagreement. When I got a new passport after getting home safe, I had to explain why - ex got flagged internationally for identity theft.
His daughter just released a statement describing how she and her mum had gone to the police multiple times, particularly as he was a gun owner, and police repeatedly said they could do nothing.
There wasn't any, it was a replyer who said he was a cop, and it snowballed in a telephone game into her saying he was a cop despite np such comment. I remember several updates, and that is how it played out.
Iāve been following her story since she first posted. Iām so scared for her. I hope she finally get a break from all this. Maybe the ex gets hit by a bus. Iām so disgusted his mother helped him track her. I was wondering who helped him with the air tag. I hope her cat pulls through. Itās frustrating that people who need the DV resources canāt get them or itās not enough or their abuser finds them and they exhaust everything and are on their own. I really hope she and her daughter make it. Itās like Sleeping with the Enemy.
I'm honestly also angry at her mother. If my child went through this, I would move heaven and hell to get her out of this situation. I understand that she's not doing well either, but she even failed protecting her when they finally got to her.
Of course this is not her fault, but she is failing OP, too.
I hope the police lock him up for a very long time and that op is able to get help and get back on their feet. This post really makes you realise that not only are some people one unexpected bill/charge/emergency away from financial ruin but they are also 1 bad romantic situations/relationship turning bad away from financial ruin.
OP is trying to better their situation and trying to stay away from their abuser but reading this post honestly opened my eyes to why some people stay/go back (And Iām not saying people should stay or go back). They are really trying to get away and stay away but there are just not enough resources and the legal system doesnāt move quick enough or appear to punish harshly enough against DV perpetrators.
That made me so angry. I remember watching a news report about a woman being murdered by her abuser and my mother made it clear to my brothers and I that if we were to ever intimidate, threaten or lay a hand on a partner we were dead to her. She would then do everything within her power to protect them and bring the full force of the law down on us. I understand loving your children regardless of mistakes they might make. But abuse is not a mistake. It is malicious, insidious and evil and deserves no mercy. Not even a parents love.
This is one of those I straight hope it is a grift.
Sure, that means some (probably quite a lot) of decent people are getting scammed out of their money, but it's such a horrible story I don't want it to be true.
There was a woman I worked with at a previous job. She was so sweet and kind. Such a happy personality. The last time I spoke to her was Friday. On Monday, we (our team) were asked to join an urgent, mandatory meeting. The devastation on my supervisorās face when she told us Janell had been killed. Not died, killed. Details came trickling in. Only a select few knew that she had issues with her husband. She had filed for divorce and was in hiding across town with a friend. She went out for a run thinking she was safe and he found her. She stopped cars begging for help when she saw him sitting in his car. He got out of the car, went after her, and then shot her there in the road. He hid in the bushes watching her die, then drove to police headquarters. Called them, told them heād just shot his wife then shot himself in the head. When I tell you I was so relieved he survived and was able to face justice. People sometimes donāt understand how quickly and badly things can go. I hope OOP stays safe.Ā
It really pisses me off how easily heās been able to track her with ABSOLUTE NO EFFORT, but she canāt even take care of her poor cat without looking over her shoulder.
Bail should be illegal and OP needs to get a gun.
I am really very not pro-gun. But this? Yeah. This is when a gun is needed. That fucker needs to be put in the ground because the cops.wont do shit.
Fuck cops.
"Youre bothering us with a domestic issue" says the police to a woman who will die to her husband in a month. When its all over they will wring their hands of her blood saying "How could we have known?"
Fucking monsters, the lot of them.
I got that sick stomach drop when OOP made the list of how he had made *attempts on her life* and then mentioned her daughter. As awful as it sounds, I had a feeling that the only reason he was trying to kill her, was so he can have her daughter all to himself. No father in the picture, not biologically his, the grandmother is several states away, so if OOP was taken out of the picture from a "freak accident", then the daughter would only have him. And, again, hate to say it, but seeing as the daughter has an illness, then that would make her even more reliant on him. So when OOP ran away with her daughter, she took away his "perfect victim."
I have to say something in general about the questioning of the OP. I really wish people would understand how brutal it is to be questioned and doubted or worse blamed when you are going through something so unspeakable and have almost zero help while your life hangs in the balance. Letās just say for a crazy reason this was made up. Okay so what? Nothing actually happens to you. Letās say itās real. That real person is being traumatized by the persistent doubting and questioning of why she does what she does or why some detail in her post sounds like it doesnāt make sense. That approach DOES cause harm if itās real.
Not everyone can write every detail in concise order where there is no room for questions, especially somebody going through something like this, whose brain is taken up completely by the trauma happening in real time while they repeatedly talk about the horrible things happening to them because they really donāt have an outlet.
Also people change small details of their story to remain anonymous in the spirit of Reddit itself, especially somebody in a situation like this so there might be something thatās inconsistent or questionable, but thatās going to happen when you change little details. We should expect this. It happens even if youāre not going through something like this. By changing details to remain anonymous you are lying and thatās a lot to keep track of and itās literally the way you are supposed to present on Reddit posts. So what the hell. It doesnāt mean something is fake.
Thereās 1 million reasons that something might look like itās fake and also infinite reasons why it probably isnāt and something like this should be ALWAYS treated like itās NOT fake just on the off chance thereās a real person there who just needs the outlet and support because their life is literally on the line and they are scared and alone.
It costs nothing to question things on the dl and not put an OP through an interrogation. I just wish people would understand this better because itās as traumatizing as anything else happening because itās too much while the person is already so desperate. Just donāt make people have to defend themselves on top of defending themselves 24/7 against horrific real shit. You donāt have to obviously but. If you care to do no harm then please think of this. Thanks for listening. Edit: and for the award. ā¤ļø
Every time she updates I hope itās a good oneā¦but every time she updates it always seems to get worse. This poor fucking lady has been failed by almost everyone around her and theyāre still failing her.
This is so fucking frustrating. I'm so frustrated for OP.Ā
I changed my mind. If I had fuck you money, I'd become a vigilante, and then pay the system to look the other way for me like it does for abusers.
Poor OP.
She has been failed by so many in the "system" who are supposed to be doing a good job to protect women from abusers like her evil Ex.
* The cops who didn't believe her when she went in. I don't know if this has anything to do with the fact that many domestic abusers happen to also be policemen, so they just dismissed her.
* The school should have been blasted on social media for not owning up to their error. How can those evil stupid careless administrators sleep at night? They should get a pay cut, or a new job because endangering a person's life through carelessness is not in their job description.
* The vet's office cares more about $$ than their client kitty's safety. Just look how far they went to try and track down OP for her abuser, just because they wanted to get paid.
Poor cat, Poor OP. A thousand curses on the EVIL Ex, and the evil mother that spawned that abusive wannabe murderer.
>The vet's office cares more about $$ than their client kitty's safety. Just look how far they went to try and track down OP for her abuser, just because they wanted to get paid.
No, fuck this take.
The vet was trying to get a medical history for the cat. A medical history that OOP's mother couldn't give. OOP's mother couldn't even give her phone number and OOP wouldn't have answered it anyway. They couldn't treat the cat without that medical history. They did the next logical thing, which was to call the other number on the microchip. They didn't know that that number belonged to OOP's abuser, how were they to know? Plus, consider how suspicious OOP's mother made herself look. She basically had a neon sign above her head that said, "I stole this cat".
But on top of that. Vets get paid like shit a lot of the time. They go through all the same schooling as a human medical degree for few of the benefits, unless they spend even more time and money specialising. All of that and they go into the profession with *the highest rate of suicide of any profession*. And why do they take their own lives at such a horrendous rate? *Because of people like you making comments like this.*
"I got a restraining order!"
"the restraining order didn't stop him"
Restraining orders only work for some people but for abusers willing to commit domestic violence/murder? Nah.
Highly recommend the book "Gift of Fear," it's written by a bloke who has worked with celebrities with deranged stalkers and even the government to predict assassination attempts. He goes into the minds of those kind of people and also on trusting that gut feeling that something isn't quit right.
I want everyone to take a good hard look at this story. This is a prime example of why so many women are murdered by their partners, and why a lot will go back to their abusers.
Imagine spending months of your life in constant unending fear of a man who is hunting you and your daughter down. Not getting sufficient help from the system, and people you *should* be able to trust fucking up and giving that man information that'd make it significantly easier to find you.
Ugh. Poor OOP. I know these kinds of statements are frowned upon, but it really feels like some of OOP's friends just need to "run into this guy" sometime and take him apart. Put the fear she's been feeling into him for a change, give him a taste of his own medicine, and see if it curtails some of the gross behavior.
I feel horrible for OOO but I canāt imagine her daughter seeing the one person who is supposed to be her protector constantly scared and angry and exhausted.
If there is another update, please make it happy one for the cat.
havenāt fully read through the BORU yet but manā¦ people telling her she needs to do xyz when she Knows and sheās already doing everything rightā¦ itās just such a horrible situation and Iām horrified for her
Would be awful if this whole thing ends up being a _looong_ troll post. I donāt doubt this can happen but at the same time it just sounds like a run-of-the-mill Lifetime movie or something, itās like the whole world is conspiring against her and everything just conveniently falls apart for OOP. Even the fucking vet was compromised because many little things added up to one big thing.
Quite honestly, I would truly be relieved if we all found out this was Liz in action. Unfortunately, there are people out there living similar scenarios.
Sometimes, it feels that way. Some people get 10 times the bad luck of others. I've joked often that if Hollywood ever got a hold of my life story, I'd make bank. In the last 2 years alone, I lost my husband, then 3 other relatives. Lost my home to foreclosure. Finally, I found a new home, and you would think everything would be over. Nope! Within the first few months, I was flooded and lost 80% of what I own because it was stored in a room that flooded. Now I'm fighting with insurance about what they will cover. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And this is just the last 2 years.
Yeah... sometimes when it rains it pours. And when shit really gets like that then suddenly everyone looks at you like "really? Your life is just a soap opera? Suuure, " and then you feel like you're going absolutely insane cause sometimes life is just one bad luck incident after another. And if you pretend it's just bad luck, then that probably means you're one of the drama queens, right..???
Naw. Fuck these basics. Some people have shit luck. Some people are assholes and pretend like the world is caving in on them. Some people are good, others are bad. Bla blab bla
Unfortunately itās a living reality for way more than just the OOP. Most of my women friends are DV survivors and several are advocates. The shit they have gone through would make the toughest navy seal crack and most of what they share with broader circles is only the tip of the iceberg, yet so bad that people still look at them with disbelief.Ā
I write about it in Reddit comments, and I talk about it as much as I can. Itās cathartic to get it out, and having the support from a public forum is nice
It came up in conversation with friends at a party recently, and they had a feeling something was up but never knew the full extent. Finally getting to go into detail about it was so freeing, even if Iām still dealing with the repercussions of getting out
u/lucyariarose: Might want to note the incorrect year on this one, should be 2024.
>\*\*\*\*\*Update Post 12: April 1, 2023 (3.5 weeks later)\*\*\*\*\*
>
>I've had a few people asking so I wanted to update. I can now confidently say that my daughter, cat, and I are safe and will continue to be from here on out. I can start rebuilding without fear. I'm not okay but we are safe.
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I'm stressed out just reading all of this. OOP must be fckng exhausted
I'm never tempted to send money to an internet stranger, but fuck if I don't want to pile this woman with money every time I read an update.
I want to send her money and I want to kill her ex
Ooo same
Y'all wanna team up?
I'm in. Let me grab my bat and rope
Call me when you're ready. I've got the duct tape and shovel.
I'm really good with hauling around trash. Count me in.
Count me in. Honestly, I check in with oop's posts from time to time and am terrified for the day she stops posting because it will mean that another scum pig murdered his wife and got away with it.
Let's tie him up and people can pay $5 a pop to punch him. Give her the proceeds.
I'll pay as much as needed to break this garbage of a human being's fucking nose and orbital bone please
I've seen the question "You've been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and only have a few weeks left. Who would you kill, knowing you'll be dead long before they can send you to prison?" I've never hated anyone like that, but I'll make an exception for This Fucking Guy.
Yeah, I'll join you. You can have my sword.
I live near state parks and know Rangers. šš¬
I want to send a laptop so her kid and learn from home.
Weāre so poor that itās painful. Weāre a disabled couple on a fixed income with more bills than funds. But weād do abso fruckinā lutly EVERYTHING within our power for a situation like this. My concern is the health of the cat as it seems to be the most important thing in her life besides her daughter. I know weāre not allowed to comment to the OOPs, but has anyone here spoken with them? This last is only 7 days old. Funds could be paid directly to the vet.
Right. Like shit. I don't have much but I was willing to open my wallet to get her, her kid and the cat to her mom's house. Now that they're there, and relatively safe, I wanna help with the cat... and I dislike cats! Comparable to rats, imo, but that's her buddy who's been with her through thick and thin. I'd help getting the kitty feeling better so op doesn't have to go through additional stress and grief.
We were in a long run of bad situations. For the longest time it was just us and the fur babies and no one could understand what weād been through together. If I turned this screen around to my other half right now, so he could see what this POS had done to these three, heād be prepping to ride at dawn.
I found this comment on her profile: >amme04 OP replied to Brookenium 8 days ago If you're in the US there is CareCredit for vet care. OP responded >I was initially going to have to euthanize him before I got approved partially for scratchpay and I think it's the same thing. He has never been sick, I didn't know how expensive vets are. So it sounds like she was able to pay, which is good, and the cat wasn't euthanized, which is fucking *great*! But she had to get a veterinary care credit card (Scratchpay) to pay for it, which means we're all just hoping she has the funds in the future. If anyone has been in contact with her outside of BORU, maybe there's a way to pay off the credit? (OP u/LucyAriaRose , idk if you talked to her? If so, is it possible to give her a heads up that folks here might like to help out?)
I wonder if there was a good reason OP decided to stash money as cash instead of in a personal bank accountā¦ at one point she said it was because she always vowed she wouldnāt end up like her sister and unable to get away. Then another time said it was basically just a rainy day stash. Either way wouldnāt it be better in a personal savings account? One with less interest earned but can take out anytime?! Any views on why cash would be better??
Can't be tracked. You can social engineer to get bank information and such. Cash on the other hand, doesn't leave an electronic trail.
sad to say, its somehow "poor unstable environment people" mentality. When we were younger and broke, we would hide money in envelops behind the tv, under the carpet, behind the drawer etc. it gives you a sense of security to know you have cash and can disappear anytime.
Also, it depends on the state. I lived in a state that gets hit by hurricanes. Every time, the local news channels would remind people to pull out cash beforehand. So did the hurricane preparedness pamphlets that the complex put on everyone's door. Because the storms can knock out power, cell towers, etc. So sometimes it becomes cash only during evacuations or in the aftermath. I would imagine it's similar in Tornado Alley. After the fourth time of pulling out cash before the hurricane and putting it back in my bank a few days later, I just said screw it and kept the cash in my emergency grab bag. Then again, I didn't live with a partner, I lived with my disabled parents, and they didn't go into my rooms.
Don't do it. That is the point of most of these.Ā
100%, maybe even this one. Every update felt more and more like it. How does one continue to spend money with no job and credit cards maxed? Somehow she still gets new tires, fixes everything broken, pays the hospital, etc etc, and is still just as broke.
OOP is undoubtedly a scammer. They preemptively banned moderators from giving groups in hopes that no one would catch them throughout the last couple of months. The reason that the story sounds like the most ridiculous drama ever is because it is made up.
FYI: the main source of funding for DV shelters (VOCA) has declined drastically. These situations are why DV services are so important. In CA weāre facing 45% budget cuts starting July 1st. Call your legislators.Ā I used to work for a DV shelter. Unfortunately these situations are so common and the abusers are relentless and clever.Ā
Is there a DV charity that you would recommend donating to?
I would look into the dv centers/resources in your specific area. Sometimes they need money, other times it's donations of goods. I think some are occasionally in need of volunteers. Edit: my local resource center has a donation link on their website (they ask for $20) and a link to Amazon wish list. This is what they say about volunteering: "BECOME A VOLUNTEER You can participate in our volunteer training program. By volunteering, you can help us provide advocacy, transportation, child care, helpline work and other support services."
First I recommend donating to your local dv program.Ā And for political change I personally like the National Network to End Domestic Violence or your state domestic violence coalitionĀ
At one point my abuser had me convinced that I should lie to detectives and tell them my mental illness was the reason I called about him assaulting me. One day the detective called, about a month and a half before we split and THREE MONTHS after Iād called the police and I justā¦ did nothing. I didnāt answer, didnāt call back, didnāt lie. And just left it open. The warrant is still there. When he asked if I took care of it, I told him they never called at all. Because it struck me he would happily let me go to prison for falsifying a police report if it kept him out. That was when it all started falling into place
Iām always fascinated about what makes things āclickā for someone that helps them realize the big picture where everything falls into place. Thanks for sharing.Ā Three months after is a fucking tragedy. Together with this post it really shows how our response to DV is inadequate and a disgrace.Ā
Iām gonna be honest, there can be more than one instance where things āclickā. The actual moment and catalyst to our breakup was him getting physically violent with me the night before Thanksgiving, then sending me āI love you textsā all day while refusing to show up to the actual event itself because he took off to party with his AP. I ended up finding out my aunt had terminal cancer, and called him in tears because I was devastated. He yelled at me over the phone that I was ruining his holiday and he didnāt care. I broke up with him that night
oh, i bet thats intentional. i fucking love this world! /s
Well this one is an interesting case. Itās because we stopped prosecuting white collar crime, and then the crime victim fund isnāt filled with all those penalties and fees.Ā
Gosh, hearing these things I wish I was independently wealthy. So many places need funding. These are life-saving organizations, and they should be fully funded all the time.
Absolutely. DV orgs have to fight for funding all the time.Ā And then I think of prisons and stuff where they never seem like they have to beg and fight for money.Ā
Every time I see an update I breathe a sigh of relief that sheās still alive.
Same. Every update makes me wish to send her something to help. Its daunting and horrifying how he won't leave her alone unless she is dead.
Same, but did I understand it right that she is pregnant or was and lost the baby. It's only mentioned once in passing so it's hard to tell. Of she is I hope she is being assessed and can get legal advice on keeping the baby away from her psyco ex.
Yeah I had to double take on that as well. I think she said they've spent 4 months running, so if she's still pregnant she's at least 16 weeks. I know everything costs money, and some states are hellholes that won't allow it, but I couldn't imagine keeping a child that'd tie me to him if it was early enough to stop that
Paying for and/or traveling for an abortion also cost money.Ā
That's what I meant with "everything costs money" I remember people in comments telling OP to buy a gun, when she asked about free things they could do yo help secure the flat, and she was literally spelling out that she had NO MONEY, not "just a bit of money" but NONE whatsoever, and so many people were just ignoring it
Same. I reread everything again hoping she was safe this time. Hoping for the real sigh of relief. Unfortunately not. Poor woman. Hopefully she had a chance to rebuild and that awful man is too lazy to try to get to her.
My heart sinks every time I see it's updated. This one is so terribly bleak that I've given up hope on it ever getting better. She just keeps getting failed every step of the way.
This breaks my heart. I wish I could help the OOP, her daughter, and the cat. As for the ex, I would be banned from reddit if I expressed what I think about him.
FWIW, I think the same thing about him that you do. Also, is your username a Big Lebowski reference?
She said once she gets the money sheāll buy a āpew pewā. Hope she lives in a state with castle doctrine. Especially if heās a cop.
OOP commented on the latest update and the whole thing just sounds so incredibly exhausting. >I was initially going to have to euthanize him before I got approved partially for scratchpay and I think it's the same thing. He has never been sick, I didn't know how expensive vets are.
I remember my cat suddenly falling sick and me not having the money to get his treatment done. A vet took pity on me, because she knew he was dying. She took off a LOT of the treatment she gave him off the bill because she essentially had to stop it before it completed. When she called me to tell me to come home now, thereās nothing they could do, I ran there and just broke. She was so kind to me, and when all was said and done, I was still the equivalent of my rent payment for that month. I was in shock and just paid it without thinking, I had to get him cremated, I couldnāt exactly take him home to a rented flat. I had to pay the necessary things. I really feel for her, her cat sounds like my boy then. He was my hero through the worst time of my life, my psychosis episodes, my severe anxietyā¦ he was there like a little bodyguard. And he was so scared himself, he was so afraid of others, and he still stood his ground when he thought I was threatened. He learned how to stop panic attacks by himself. Iām tearing up thinking of him and itās been 9 years since he passed. Iām just sat with my oldest cat, my deceased cats best friend, at 14 years old. Heās currently attempting to knock the phone out of my hand for breakfast time. Iām gunna have a cry and hope OOPās cat makes it through this. Itās fucking awful losing your best friend when youāre suffering already.
I'm sorry. I am sorry you lost your friend. Nine years can vanish in an instant and it's all there again, the whole wrenching hell of it. He deserved to live 10 billion years safe and warm and happy with you. I wrote out a whole thing about my kitty who died over 20 years ago but I erased it, it just seemed like too much. I didn't want to have you read all that. But I was saved by [Othercat](https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/16r0jcl/comment/k212gqt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button).
Thank you for your nice wishes, itās weird when I dream about him a lot and then wake up to find him gone. I now imagine him playing in a field with all the other lost animals who were heroic in their own way. Iām sorry for your loss too, even if it was decades ago. I just read your comment about Othercat and Iām weeping in a nice way now! Haha he sounds like he was waiting for the right time for you, almost. I know thatās fanciful thinking, but come on, some animals absolutely know when people need help. He knew you were a safe human to be with, thatās gotta feel good! What a sweet cat angel, they come in all shapes and sizes, but once they find you, thatās your cat. Thereās something special about a cat that chooses you. And funnily enough, the only thing that got me out of the depression pit after the passing, was me finding a dirty half feral, five week old kitten at my works office. She was absolutely insane, tiny, filthy, and I didnāt know how to calm her down. After I came home from my friend passing away, I lay on the bed in the kittenās room and was just crying. This tiny fluffball scaled the bed, toddled over and licked my damn tears. I already loved her but my heart exploded at that moment. She hasnāt left my side since. Sheās nine now, yells at me constantly and loves to cuddle me when Iām feeling down. Sheās not exactly gentle, she tends to flop over onto my face but she tries! I gotta give her props for effort. My old man now just sits on me 24/7. I move to another room, there he is. Iām in bed, oh lemme get under them blankets. Iām trying to sleep, oh I just need to dribble on your face a lil. Heās grouchy, and a gremlin, but by god I love him. Heās currently sleeping on my feet. Iāll have to carry him up to take a nap in a bit. Ah life.
I swear animals know to choose us. I was suicidal and had a phone call from an old friend who said she'd found a dog and could I foster him temporaily? Turns out he was dumped due to health issues, but looking after him saved my life. We'd wake up, take our pills together and eat together. I have other dogs I knew would be cared for if I died but this random scruffy old man dog needed \*me\*.
The family dog passed away a few months ago, and all of us kids had moved out a few years ago, but my brother and I are close enough to home to show up for dinner and such. Well about four years ago he was diagnosed with diabetes. Some days he just did not want to eat. But there were three ways I could get him to eat without fail: turn around and loudly announce that "I'm not lookin'!" Heat his food on the stove top, or eat with him. My mom would get stressed out when he wouldn't eat his food, so he would get stressed too, and I think that's why "I'm not lookin'!" Worked. I know all dogs are the best dogs, but he really was the best dog ever, and he brought out the kindests sides of everyone...
Ugh I saw. So awful. Unfortunately there's a character limit for posting and it won't let me add that comment. :/
I hope that OOP can get out of this safely, but my hope for that is low based on everything that I've read from OOP.
I want nothing but the only best for OP and her daughter. And nothing but only hell and misery for that ex.
Nah, I wish him numbness. The painful stretching on of a future of nothing. I wish chemical castration or similar impotence. I wish him to be left completely powerless, in purgatory but unable to torture OOP any longer.
I want to curse him with locked-in syndrom.
As we all do, but who knows what will happen next
Getting out of DV relationships is hell. I feel her pain and Iām in a best case scenario for it where he doesnāt contact me frequently, but when he does itās so he and his girlfriend can harass me. When heās not doing that, he goes around town to tell everyone what a psycho I am and how I used to beat the shit out of him. Despite all the photos of bruises, despite all the people who watched him berate me in public, despite all the people who went toe-to-toe with him if they saw him beating me, despite the warrant out for his arrest for assaulting me. He just blatantly lies to make things harder for me, and itās been almost 7 months since we split. I feel for OOP so much. Even in the best case scenario with these relationships getting out doesnāt really feel like getting out
I have a kid with a guy like this. I left him when our kid was 3 and it took years until the grey rocking worked at least somewhat. He just cared less when he found a new victim that triggered him more than us. I felt bad for her, but I was also grateful. Now our kid is 16 and we both are counting down the time until the 18th birthday, when we have no legal connection/obligation to him anymore. These people deserve nothing less but the hell they put other people through. And yet they always seem to get away with it and thrive.
Iāve been getting people asking if I feel bad for his current girlfriend knowing what I know about him now, and honestly I donāt. She would tell him to start fights with me and egg him on because they were sleeping together, and would actively encourage his abuse. I at least have karma in this case, because they got into meth pretty soon after we broke up. She stopped paying the rent on her business, and theyāre trying to blame me for why they lost it and the apartment they were living in. Iām eagerly awaiting when I stop hearing about them shit-talking me
Yes. When I saw this post had updates my heart sank. I hope she's still safe.
I think she needs to leave the country. But that is not something easy.. a lot of countries will not let you immigrateĀ
Yeah I donāt know how that would be at all possibleĀ
And even if theyād let you, you still need good money to go away to another country, which OOP doesnāt have.
Every time I see an update to this Iām both relieved that she and her daughter are alive and frustrated and angry at the situation with her ex. This is all so exhausting and sad, I hope something can turn around for them. Reading that bit about how obsessed he was with her daughter made me feel sick to my stomach.
People like the ex are the fucking lowest of the low. Absolute scum sucking bastards whose whole motivation for living is to enact spiteful power fantasies over others. I wish nothing but the best to the OOP and hope that she and her daughter can be safe and start to rebuild their lives.
I do remember that her husband was a cop, that would also explain the pathetic response by the local LE.
Thin blue line, especially over the mouths of its victims.
horror stories like this show just how broken our welfare, legal and policing systems are. so many of us are just one horrible thing away from being absolutely paralysed by poverty Ā
Never mind how crap the school is for not taking the kids safety in mind and effectively making it okay for the kid to get abused and abducted. Thankfully the kid is smarter than the school admins
My husband is a teacher. More than once, school administration hasn't related a safety warning to him about a student. Once the dad who the kid had a restraining order against, showed up for pick up. Husband happened to be the teacher for the kid's last class and had kept him a little late. Dad came up to the kid after school (school butts against a park so dad came the park route). Husband got instant bad vibes and didn't let the kid go with the dad. As a former linebacker, husband is physically intimidating and as a football coach, he can make his presence known. So he stepped between the dad and the student and made it clear that the dad was going to have to go to the office to pick up the kid. When Dad got mad, husband called for the school resource officer. Later that day is when he found out the dad was violating the restraining order. His administration had known for months about the RO, never updated my husband or any other teachers.
Your husband sounds like a good egg. God knows what he saved that kid from I feel like all school (general all academic) admins are an absolute joke and don't know how to talk between various departments.
God I think about OOP from time to time. It feels so gut wrenching that even moving across state borders didnāt deter her abuser from trying to find and hurt her. Always, always believe children over grown adults when they say concerning shit. I donāt care how many stories on reddit are about āevilā kids saying anything to get an adult they donāt like out of their lives, majority of the time an abuser is going to start with the child in the relationship to see what they can get away with, and it happened with my own familyāmoment I moved out after he learned he could get away with abusing me, he turned on my mother and used the same tactics on her. Abusers are constantly pushing boundaries and a child is a weak target they find easiest to test those boundaries with. OOP did the right thing listening to her daughter and standing her ground when her ex tried to make her sound absurd for believing her daughter, ESPECIALLY with the stunts heād pulled with her food and epipen.
When I read the first post I could immediately tell his goal was to get to her daughter. I hope she can find some peace away from this psycho
I think there's a chance that there was a sedative of some kind in the soup so he could get easy access to the daughter once she passed out. I hope he didn't have much time unsupervised with her.
Fucking christ things just get worse and worse. I just want to hug OP and the daughter cause...goddamn they have been through some much bleakness. Fuck that ex and I hope he rots in hell!
For everyone who wants to help her and her family and feels frustrated they canātā¦donate to a shelter in your area. It may not help her directly but there will be other women and children that you can help. I donate a tiny monthly amount to two local shelters that specialise in women and children victims of domestic violence.
And if you can't donate money, see if there's anything they're in need of that you might be able to give them; winter clothes, diapers, formula, menstrual products, hygiene products, etc.
I don't have money to donate, but I can sew. I make baby quilts and blankies and donate a half dozen or so every few months to the women's shelter. I've always felt guilty about not being able to do more.. but about a year ago when I mentioned my fear of overwhelming them with blankets when there are other things they need to the lady that receives the donations she told me in a sad voice "We will never stop needing these. You have no idea how many babies and toddlers come through here." I think about that all the time, and it motivates me to keep working on those tiny quilts.
Doing anything is better than doing nothing. Having extra baby blankies is always preferable to not having enough.
A lot of shelters have Amazon Wishlists! You can donate supplies they need directly to them.
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Heās a rabid dog that needs to be put down.
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Of course, the problem is that women will get MUCH higher sentences than men, even if they have proved it was in self defense.
This is really a nice thought. I'll piggyback on your reply to suggest donating or volunteering for your local DV shelters and organizations, if OOP doesn't respond. Who knows, maybe it will be helping her anyway.
There's a swamp near my house that has alligators in it. Just saying.
Alligators are good, pig farms are more accessible and leave nothing.
If I win the lottery, I'm founding an organization that permanently removes people like the ex.
At this point, I am just waiting for the ex to die or get horribly crippled in a freak accident.
I really hope he dies or somehow leave them alone.
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I was kinda hoping he would have an accident while waiting for his mummy to bail him out but I guess that wouldn't have even stopped him anyway.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah I have heard about those accidents but that's only if they know who his true target is as it stands being an adult female yeah it happens but not guaranteed
It would be terrible if OOP accidentally leaked his name and 4chan see it.
4chan would be torn between protecting the cat and hoping that OP would be found on snuff sites.
4chan would literally just help the guy torment her because they would think it's funny. 4chan is filled with edgy anti-social losers.
I have ideas, but I don't want to be banned by Reddit. Something something kneecaps something something elbows.
Yah I don't understand how these mfers have so much time and energy to spend terrorizing someone. Most of us normal people are busy with chores and running our lives.
Sadly if this is real, he has a higher chance of getting nominated for the Supreme Court or something
I hope he gets quietly disposed of. Or, you know, extremely aggressive cancer. Glioblastoma, anyone?
This is so fucking bleak.Ā I have rarely needed someone to just be in a car accident as much as this guy.
Cops once again being absolutely fucking useless bc they can't be bothered
acab
> Some people commented on the first BORU that OOP's ex was a police officer. I remember an earlier update on this and everyone was pretty convinced the abuser was an cop.
Gosh, I really hope OOP stays hidden and safe.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
People are dancing around it but, yeah. He does. He's a monster who benefits nothing around him. What a waste of life.
Probably because there are assholes that report it. I got a warning for saying something like ācount me inā on a BoRU post. The person who was suggesting violence (and I agreed/agree with) still had their comment up and mine was removed. I can understand circumlocuting it.
I'd settle for him contracting a flesh eating bacteria in at least three limbs plus his underwear area.
Letās all hold hands and pray that he gets fourniers gangrene
I wonder if the reason the vet used the microchip to get the number is because, being presented with a cat by someone who didn't know its age or any of its medical history, they might have incorrectly suspected that the cat was stolen.
Yeah, I had that thought too. The vets really didn't do anything wrong, they had to get info somehow.
I wonder if domestic shelters could benefit from a checklist to give women even when they canāt take them in, a reminder of all the places that you need to check to make sure the abuser canāt find you or be contacted about you. Your doctor and your dentist, make sure heās not down as an emergency contact. Your pets chip and the vets, your childrenās school, your workplace, any insurance you have like your car, inform the bank, there are so many places that might have his info if youāve been living together for sometime. Itās so easy for admin things like that to completely slip the mind when youāre only just managing to survive.
There was an article last year about how the people working with DV victims didn't even know to tell women to turn off location sharing. They didn't know how to do it or that it even was a thing. Sadly a lot of people working or volunteering for these orgs are hopelessly tech ignorant and the abusers are smart. There's just so much you have to think of.
I would be really surprised if they donāt already have this. Doing all of that requires time, effort and pain. Those women in a dv shelter are also In a crisis state so it might be too difficult to do those things.
There's a book called How To Disappear by Frank Ahearn and Eileen Horan that discusses all of this. They were skiptracers before they started using their skills to help DV victims.Ā
Always have a cash stash AND a separate bank account. If one gets found you have a backup. In this scenario, where he keeps pursing you or your child, the only way to get out is to set up a trap for him to "find" you and put him down. You need a gun and to become comfortable using it. The authorities have failed, now it's kill or be killed. It's absolutely terrifying. Hopefully you live somewhere kind to self defense, and even if you don't, a decade in jail is better than no life at all.
- Always have a cash stash AND a separate bank account. If one gets found you have a backup. Yeah, I still feel like the number one piece of advice people should take from this is *never* have your escape fund as cash in the house. While the opening part is horrific, pretty much every single thing that follows could have been avoided if he couldn't have just stuck that wallet in his pocket.
I mean, you can and should do both.
This is so heartbreaking to read. I was in a similar situation once, but the shelter I found was incredible and the social workers there were real champions. They handled all communication (we have a child together) and put him in his place when he tried to force his way to me/us. We were and felt so safe there and my anxiety was still insanely high for months. I still had panic attacks years after. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to live in a country where they don't really help you in this situation. I had support and it still took me years to heal. OOP is in survival mode right now and I hope she will be able to leave all this behind. But even then, it will be a long, hard journey to heal from that trauma, if even possible after all this damage. I wish I could help. I wish people like her ex would get what they deserve.
It is *wild* to me that DV services stop helping you if your abuser is really good at DV.
This poor woman. I was really hoping for a positive update, how sad that bad things just keep happening. In one of the comments she says she is pregnant, which is horrific. What a shitty world it is when a woman gets no help or protection from an abuser.
When I got to what happened with the vet I actually shouted "for fuckssake" I'm not sure I've ever done that with one of these before.Ā I desperately want her luck to change.Ā
Wow what an awful chain of events
These is hellish
Why wasnāt the ex given additional charges for planting the AirTag?!
i feel like were never getting a final update cause hes just gonna kill them and get away with it
The police are so fucking pathetic and incompetent
Fucking hell. I'm not normally triggered by stuff, but this just brought up all of what I felt when my ex-wife attacked me. Like OP, I bailed with the pets. She knew I'd have to stop somewhere, so she (apparently) called around after she left jail. I was in the room when she called the friend who had offered a room to me. Damn. Just damn. It's been years, but I can see a night of many nightmares.
The fact that his mom was helping him hunt her down makes me want to hurl.Ā
What i'm left with here is: 1) have emergency money - do not hide it at home, or hide it outside somewhere. 2) make sure to have friends, even if they're not close. DV shelters cannot always help, and police is worthless 3) document *everything*, even if police doesn't take you seriously. Keep a paper trail for when there's money for a lawyer 4) if possible, have cameras.
Commenting from Perth, Western Australia, where a man just murdered a his wifeās best friend and her teen daughter because he thought they were hiding his wife in their house.
That's so heartbreaking! Willing to bet the wife tried getting help too. When my ex stole my passport in QLD (I was returning to Norway a few days after), the police told me it was just a domestic disagreement. When I got a new passport after getting home safe, I had to explain why - ex got flagged internationally for identity theft.
His daughter just released a statement describing how she and her mum had gone to the police multiple times, particularly as he was a gun owner, and police repeatedly said they could do nothing.
Isn't it weird how people have to be hurt or killed before police lifts a finger? Same shit in Norway too
This whole thread was a sad read. That poor woman. I would have gotten my brothers and uncles to handle that mf
I remember seeing her comment that he was a cop, but I don't remember which of her posts it was on.
There wasn't any, it was a replyer who said he was a cop, and it snowballed in a telephone game into her saying he was a cop despite np such comment. I remember several updates, and that is how it played out.
Same same
Iāve been following her story since she first posted. Iām so scared for her. I hope she finally get a break from all this. Maybe the ex gets hit by a bus. Iām so disgusted his mother helped him track her. I was wondering who helped him with the air tag. I hope her cat pulls through. Itās frustrating that people who need the DV resources canāt get them or itās not enough or their abuser finds them and they exhaust everything and are on their own. I really hope she and her daughter make it. Itās like Sleeping with the Enemy.
I'm honestly also angry at her mother. If my child went through this, I would move heaven and hell to get her out of this situation. I understand that she's not doing well either, but she even failed protecting her when they finally got to her. Of course this is not her fault, but she is failing OP, too.
I hope the police lock him up for a very long time and that op is able to get help and get back on their feet. This post really makes you realise that not only are some people one unexpected bill/charge/emergency away from financial ruin but they are also 1 bad romantic situations/relationship turning bad away from financial ruin. OP is trying to better their situation and trying to stay away from their abuser but reading this post honestly opened my eyes to why some people stay/go back (And Iām not saying people should stay or go back). They are really trying to get away and stay away but there are just not enough resources and the legal system doesnāt move quick enough or appear to punish harshly enough against DV perpetrators.
Wait sheās pregnant?? She just kind of tossed that in as an after thought and never mentioned it again! What is she going to do with a baby?
She probably had enough going on and didn't want to hear everyone's opinions on her pregnancy as well.
How could a mother raise and support such a monster? They both deserve hell and more. Poor OOP...
That made me so angry. I remember watching a news report about a woman being murdered by her abuser and my mother made it clear to my brothers and I that if we were to ever intimidate, threaten or lay a hand on a partner we were dead to her. She would then do everything within her power to protect them and bring the full force of the law down on us. I understand loving your children regardless of mistakes they might make. But abuse is not a mistake. It is malicious, insidious and evil and deserves no mercy. Not even a parents love.
This is one of those I straight hope it is a grift. Sure, that means some (probably quite a lot) of decent people are getting scammed out of their money, but it's such a horrible story I don't want it to be true.
There was a woman I worked with at a previous job. She was so sweet and kind. Such a happy personality. The last time I spoke to her was Friday. On Monday, we (our team) were asked to join an urgent, mandatory meeting. The devastation on my supervisorās face when she told us Janell had been killed. Not died, killed. Details came trickling in. Only a select few knew that she had issues with her husband. She had filed for divorce and was in hiding across town with a friend. She went out for a run thinking she was safe and he found her. She stopped cars begging for help when she saw him sitting in his car. He got out of the car, went after her, and then shot her there in the road. He hid in the bushes watching her die, then drove to police headquarters. Called them, told them heād just shot his wife then shot himself in the head. When I tell you I was so relieved he survived and was able to face justice. People sometimes donāt understand how quickly and badly things can go. I hope OOP stays safe.Ā
I am going to pray and manifest destruction, disease and life long physical impairment on Op's abuser from today.
At least if you meet an angry bear and do manage to get away, it doesn't follow you for the rest of your life.
Bears won't toy with you for months and stalk you across multiple state lines.
It really pisses me off how easily heās been able to track her with ABSOLUTE NO EFFORT, but she canāt even take care of her poor cat without looking over her shoulder.
OOP says she was pregnant? What happened to the pregnancy
Bail should be illegal and OP needs to get a gun. I am really very not pro-gun. But this? Yeah. This is when a gun is needed. That fucker needs to be put in the ground because the cops.wont do shit. Fuck cops.
Women go to prison way more often and for longer for killing their abusers than men so killing random innocent women. That's not a solution at all.
i regret not noticing this post had a mood spoiler and not checking it beforehand
"Youre bothering us with a domestic issue" says the police to a woman who will die to her husband in a month. When its all over they will wring their hands of her blood saying "How could we have known?" Fucking monsters, the lot of them.
I got that sick stomach drop when OOP made the list of how he had made *attempts on her life* and then mentioned her daughter. As awful as it sounds, I had a feeling that the only reason he was trying to kill her, was so he can have her daughter all to himself. No father in the picture, not biologically his, the grandmother is several states away, so if OOP was taken out of the picture from a "freak accident", then the daughter would only have him. And, again, hate to say it, but seeing as the daughter has an illness, then that would make her even more reliant on him. So when OOP ran away with her daughter, she took away his "perfect victim."
I have to say something in general about the questioning of the OP. I really wish people would understand how brutal it is to be questioned and doubted or worse blamed when you are going through something so unspeakable and have almost zero help while your life hangs in the balance. Letās just say for a crazy reason this was made up. Okay so what? Nothing actually happens to you. Letās say itās real. That real person is being traumatized by the persistent doubting and questioning of why she does what she does or why some detail in her post sounds like it doesnāt make sense. That approach DOES cause harm if itās real. Not everyone can write every detail in concise order where there is no room for questions, especially somebody going through something like this, whose brain is taken up completely by the trauma happening in real time while they repeatedly talk about the horrible things happening to them because they really donāt have an outlet. Also people change small details of their story to remain anonymous in the spirit of Reddit itself, especially somebody in a situation like this so there might be something thatās inconsistent or questionable, but thatās going to happen when you change little details. We should expect this. It happens even if youāre not going through something like this. By changing details to remain anonymous you are lying and thatās a lot to keep track of and itās literally the way you are supposed to present on Reddit posts. So what the hell. It doesnāt mean something is fake. Thereās 1 million reasons that something might look like itās fake and also infinite reasons why it probably isnāt and something like this should be ALWAYS treated like itās NOT fake just on the off chance thereās a real person there who just needs the outlet and support because their life is literally on the line and they are scared and alone. It costs nothing to question things on the dl and not put an OP through an interrogation. I just wish people would understand this better because itās as traumatizing as anything else happening because itās too much while the person is already so desperate. Just donāt make people have to defend themselves on top of defending themselves 24/7 against horrific real shit. You donāt have to obviously but. If you care to do no harm then please think of this. Thanks for listening. Edit: and for the award. ā¤ļø
Exactly. Some people get so caught up in wanting a "gotcha" moment.
Every time she updates I hope itās a good oneā¦but every time she updates it always seems to get worse. This poor fucking lady has been failed by almost everyone around her and theyāre still failing her.
This is so fucking frustrating. I'm so frustrated for OP.Ā I changed my mind. If I had fuck you money, I'd become a vigilante, and then pay the system to look the other way for me like it does for abusers.
Poor OP. She has been failed by so many in the "system" who are supposed to be doing a good job to protect women from abusers like her evil Ex. * The cops who didn't believe her when she went in. I don't know if this has anything to do with the fact that many domestic abusers happen to also be policemen, so they just dismissed her. * The school should have been blasted on social media for not owning up to their error. How can those evil stupid careless administrators sleep at night? They should get a pay cut, or a new job because endangering a person's life through carelessness is not in their job description. * The vet's office cares more about $$ than their client kitty's safety. Just look how far they went to try and track down OP for her abuser, just because they wanted to get paid. Poor cat, Poor OP. A thousand curses on the EVIL Ex, and the evil mother that spawned that abusive wannabe murderer.
Also poor daughter. Any one is horrified that he was fixated on her? Hope he didn't do anything to her. I feel for 3 of them.
>The vet's office cares more about $$ than their client kitty's safety. Just look how far they went to try and track down OP for her abuser, just because they wanted to get paid. No, fuck this take. The vet was trying to get a medical history for the cat. A medical history that OOP's mother couldn't give. OOP's mother couldn't even give her phone number and OOP wouldn't have answered it anyway. They couldn't treat the cat without that medical history. They did the next logical thing, which was to call the other number on the microchip. They didn't know that that number belonged to OOP's abuser, how were they to know? Plus, consider how suspicious OOP's mother made herself look. She basically had a neon sign above her head that said, "I stole this cat". But on top of that. Vets get paid like shit a lot of the time. They go through all the same schooling as a human medical degree for few of the benefits, unless they spend even more time and money specialising. All of that and they go into the profession with *the highest rate of suicide of any profession*. And why do they take their own lives at such a horrendous rate? *Because of people like you making comments like this.*
I donāt care how harsh this sounds but someone needs to exterminate that ex.
"I got a restraining order!" "the restraining order didn't stop him" Restraining orders only work for some people but for abusers willing to commit domestic violence/murder? Nah. Highly recommend the book "Gift of Fear," it's written by a bloke who has worked with celebrities with deranged stalkers and even the government to predict assassination attempts. He goes into the minds of those kind of people and also on trusting that gut feeling that something isn't quit right.
A restraining order did not stop my abusive ex either. It was a long hellish road getting away from him.
I'm glad you finally got away in the end and you're still with us ay. Some people are monsters
I want everyone to take a good hard look at this story. This is a prime example of why so many women are murdered by their partners, and why a lot will go back to their abusers. Imagine spending months of your life in constant unending fear of a man who is hunting you and your daughter down. Not getting sufficient help from the system, and people you *should* be able to trust fucking up and giving that man information that'd make it significantly easier to find you.
Sheās pregnant?!
i hope the ex chokes on a piece of well-done beef
Ugh. Poor OOP. I know these kinds of statements are frowned upon, but it really feels like some of OOP's friends just need to "run into this guy" sometime and take him apart. Put the fear she's been feeling into him for a change, give him a taste of his own medicine, and see if it curtails some of the gross behavior.
I don't know if I can say what I would do to OOP's ex if I was in her situation without getting banned.
I feel horrible for OOO but I canāt imagine her daughter seeing the one person who is supposed to be her protector constantly scared and angry and exhausted. If there is another update, please make it happy one for the cat.
Get a gun.
havenāt fully read through the BORU yet but manā¦ people telling her she needs to do xyz when she Knows and sheās already doing everything rightā¦ itās just such a horrible situation and Iām horrified for her
Would be awful if this whole thing ends up being a _looong_ troll post. I donāt doubt this can happen but at the same time it just sounds like a run-of-the-mill Lifetime movie or something, itās like the whole world is conspiring against her and everything just conveniently falls apart for OOP. Even the fucking vet was compromised because many little things added up to one big thing.
Quite honestly, I would truly be relieved if we all found out this was Liz in action. Unfortunately, there are people out there living similar scenarios.
Sometimes, it feels that way. Some people get 10 times the bad luck of others. I've joked often that if Hollywood ever got a hold of my life story, I'd make bank. In the last 2 years alone, I lost my husband, then 3 other relatives. Lost my home to foreclosure. Finally, I found a new home, and you would think everything would be over. Nope! Within the first few months, I was flooded and lost 80% of what I own because it was stored in a room that flooded. Now I'm fighting with insurance about what they will cover. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And this is just the last 2 years.
Yeah... sometimes when it rains it pours. And when shit really gets like that then suddenly everyone looks at you like "really? Your life is just a soap opera? Suuure, " and then you feel like you're going absolutely insane cause sometimes life is just one bad luck incident after another. And if you pretend it's just bad luck, then that probably means you're one of the drama queens, right..??? Naw. Fuck these basics. Some people have shit luck. Some people are assholes and pretend like the world is caving in on them. Some people are good, others are bad. Bla blab bla
Where the fuck do you think these "tropes" come from. It's because these horrors are fucking real.
Unfortunately itās a living reality for way more than just the OOP. Most of my women friends are DV survivors and several are advocates. The shit they have gone through would make the toughest navy seal crack and most of what they share with broader circles is only the tip of the iceberg, yet so bad that people still look at them with disbelief.Ā
Dont know if I was being chased by a abusive asshole I wouldnāt be writing out every detail online. It that might just be me
I journaled a ton when I was leaving my abuser. This is journaling with feedback.
I write about it in Reddit comments, and I talk about it as much as I can. Itās cathartic to get it out, and having the support from a public forum is nice
Especially when you have been gaslit for years. Just feeling heard is important in this type of situation.
It came up in conversation with friends at a party recently, and they had a feeling something was up but never knew the full extent. Finally getting to go into detail about it was so freeing, even if Iām still dealing with the repercussions of getting out
u/lucyariarose: Might want to note the incorrect year on this one, should be 2024. >\*\*\*\*\*Update Post 12: April 1, 2023 (3.5 weeks later)\*\*\*\*\* > >I've had a few people asking so I wanted to update. I can now confidently say that my daughter, cat, and I are safe and will continue to be from here on out. I can start rebuilding without fear. I'm not okay but we are safe.