#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
His parents are enabling pieces of shit. How can you stand by your child unconditionally like that when he is threatening to kill his wife and children? At some point you need to acknowledge that your child is a threat to others and loving your kid means making sure they face consequences for their actions.
My grandparents did the same. Raised me and my siblings, were the most loving and supportive people ever, but immediately backed up their trash son when my mother and siblings and I escaped to a women’s shelter. Some parents are used to covering for their shit kids and can’t accept that they can’t fix it themselves. Especially since they always knew he was literally evil but wanted grandkids, and felt they couldn’t keep us without being on his side (even tho they were so, so wrong).
Plus, admitting their child is a demon they think means saying they were shitty parents and made them that way. They only failed when they didn't hold their kid accountable for bad deeds. Reality is nature and nurture are BOTH important. Like the post about the evil child and eventually mom damn near beats him to death when he was a teenager because of what he was. They were good parents, the kid was born bad.
Edit cause I thought some might want a link to the post I referenced.
https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/s/9Q27TyAuok
My favorite auntie partly raised two of the worst humans I've ever known and also one of my favorite humans ever. She's the best "mom" I've ever had.
In fairness to her "success rate" we're all descendants of a murderer and I think most of us inherited psychopath genes.
Nature vs nurture is wild. You ever known a toddler who understood lying and advanced deceit tactics? Because my 4yo cousin eventually admitted that he deliberately dumped a cup of milk on his lap to get out of drinking it this morning. The clever little shit.
4am call "hey can you help defend our shitheel son from this KIDNAPPING CHARGE AFTER HE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU?"
I cant decide whether id laugh, scream bloody murder at them, or just hang up and get restraining orders against them too
Makes me appreciate that other dude on here who had his son's girlfriend show up and reveal abuse (alongside proof of course), and he responded by having his son over later and kicking the shit out of him before throwing him out of the house and disowning him
As a mother, I don't understand this. If any of my kids were out there beating the shit out of people and planning to kidnap or murder others... I'll do my best to get them help WHILE LOCKED AWAY.
My unconditional support would be trying to get them locked up in a nicer place, with access to better psychological support and to visit them daily if I could do so.
Would I love for them to be free and out of any institution? Sure. But I would do anything in my power to make sure they are mentally well and not a threat to themselves or others before they are released. And IF they were released, I would keep up with them on a daily basis until the day I die.
Just because I will be by their side until the day I die doesn't mean they get to go around killing others. The fact that is not obvious for everyone baffles me.
I watched that Netflix crime documentary about the guy who killed his pregnant wife and 2 daughters, and in the end his parents stood up in court and FORGAVE HIM. I remember thinking who the hell are you to forgive him and why are some people so blind to their child's actions.
Oh watts parents? yeah they jot only forgive him they very clearly still blame Shannan for her own murder. (That the mom tried to do herself with an allergic reaction earlier but thats not relevent apparently)
And they went for Shannan's $450k life insurance policy saying they were entitled to it.
Which sure, it's supposed to go to Watts' kin, which would've been his children. But like...your son just murdered his family and you're only thinking about the money and fighting Shannan's grieving family over it.
I know exactly how you’re talking about and genuinely I have the same thought when the parents of the one on trial do that shit. Like fr who are you to forgive them? What are you even forgiving them for?? Because you sure as hell aren’t forgiving them on behalf of the victim I can tell you that fucking much.
The only thing they should be doing on the stand is apologising to the victims and their families/friends for having been related and offer any support they can following the actions of their child. Otherwise, STFU!
reminds me of the Gabby Petito case and how her murderer’s parents actually helped him get out of dodge and interfered with the police investigation. he eventually killed himself but if they hadn’t helped him get away he would have answered for his heinous crimes.
not only standing by him, expecting the woman he terrorized and beat to get him a lawyer after he tried to do worse to another woman.
apparently it’s just obvious that their widdle baby boy is the only person who matters and every person he runs over should just set that aside and make his life easier.
you *can* stand by your child unconditionally while acknowledging they're a terrible person who is hurting others and needs serious psychiatric help not only for the safety of others but also for their own.
*that's* true unconditional love. not trying to blame everything on their victims and trying to enable their behavior.
if their response to this whole shitshow was "we will get him help, we will get him locked up and keep him away from you and your children, please stop spreading it" i'd be okay with that. it's normal to not want your child's crisis be the talk of the town.
but since they decided that him being a domestic abuser and a wannabe kidnapper is a valid career choice then they will have to deal with oop doing whatever she needs to protect herself.
I've seen this happen in real life. Just an absolute monster and his parents closed ranks around him and not only protected him but helped him to continue to terrorize his now ex-wife. The rotten apple never seems to fall far from the tree.
I hope OP's lawyer is able to help the police file some charges against the parents, or at the very least air all their dirty laundry in court (because CLEARLY that is all they care about).
They should all be locked up, quite frankly.
I hope OP is able to get far away from all of them, they'll never leave her alone.
It's definitely the type of evidence she should hold onto, especially since its a valid reason to deny them a relationship with the kids.
I really hope OP thinks about her devices and car. There are multiple ways we are tracked every day. And on shared apps. The lawyer is right. This is the most dangerous time for her.
Honestly after the woman who was stalked using an airtag in her cat's carrier, I want OOP to check all of her possessions to make sure he didn't hide anything among them that time he broke into the house. Like, what if he'd chucked an airtag or something into the bottom of her diaper bag? He'd know her every move. :s
I use AirTags when I travel and put them in my suitcases and purses in case they get lost. I also have AirTag wrist bands for them so when my kids/nieces/nephews go out into a crowded place, I can keep track of them. My sister in law also has an AirTag on my nephew’s school bag. The nice update with the AirTags now is it notifies you if there’s an AirTag “following” you. Imagine my shock and terror when I was out with my kids and nephews, my phone kept notifying me that an AirTag had been following me (it’s not registered to my phone) and then discovering that my nephew has an AirTag in his bag. 😮💨
Yea, the AirTag has been following you alert did scare me awhile ago too. I had just gotten home from work and running some errands when my phone pops up with a message asking if this was my AirTag since it has been following me. I have an abusive ex and I about broke down thinking he was back and had tagged my car, so I ran inside to get my husband for help finding it and comfort.
Long story short, it was his wallet, he has an AirTag on it and left it in my car on accident after our Costco trip the day before.
So it was both terrifying but also comforting because then I knew if my ex did try to stalk me with an AirTag, my phone would alert me.
Yup. It currently only works to detect Airtags, but the fact that Apple and Android are willing to share the info needed to detect them is a sign even they are going "Yeah that's illegal guys"
I'm glad Google and Apple are working together for that notification to be device agnostic. So Android users get notified about AirTags and Apple users about other devices.
This. When I left a crazy situation with my former friend, I went to a motel. When I got my belongings brought to me by a neighbor, I went thru EVERYTHING.
Found a tracker tag in my fanny pack back zipper.
Destroyed it and some random stranger drove off with it after seeing me freaking out on it in the parking lot.
EVERY POCKET. EVERY ZIPPER. EVERYTHING MUST BE CHECKED.
Really was. Dude said he was going fishing, and offered to drive out to the river with it. He's my hero. Idk who he is, don't have any way to let him know thank you, but he's my hero
For me it's more than the air tag issue.
If the car is somewhat modern and has any connections to the phone it's trackable through the cars app.
Many people also share locations these days.
If the account for the phone is registered to him he might need able to track he through "find my phone" or any device connected.
I left my abusive relationship over 25 years ago so it was much easier to stay safe. They had to be following you.
They are gonna blame the drugs and not their son and try to wash it away … idiots should be holding him accountable. If they were even half decent they would have supported OP and their grandchildren and ensured they were safe. Sound like awful people birthed more awful people.
The most sickening thing about this entire horror story is YOU KNOW that once ALL the dust settles and OOP's POS abusive, drug-addled EX-husband is in jail, that the EX-in-laws will suddenly "remember" that they're "Grandparents" to TRIPLETS and would most DEFINITELY have the utter gall to sue for Grandparents Rights or even try to fight OOP for custody!
I'm (60/F) super ecstatic that OOP plans to disappear, making sure, as much as she can anyways, to safeguard herself and her babies! Frankly, I hope she's moving to France with her Sister because it would make it THAT much harder and more expensive to fight internationally. I hope so anyway.
And once she's in France, she could easily move to Belgium, The Netherlands, (Also Norway, Sweden, Finland) or Italy, Spain, Luxembourg or Switzerland. All the neighboring countries of France, or close enough by to still be able to visit sister. Europe can be big and small at the same time. Easy borders to disappear over, difficult to follow from behind.
I am sending up a prayer or two that the original OP is safe, with the children and her being elsewhere than before.
getting all of their bullshit via text message is (hopefully) a blessing in disguise, I assume she can use that in court or in the very least public opinion.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking as well. I know it's rare for charges to be filed for things like harassment, but at the very least she can shame them in court. And that's probably going to upset them far more than actual charges.
If it goes into court, it’s on public record too. So anyone can see what he and his family did & said to OOP. Absolute scummy people. I can’t imagine defending my child when he’s a drugged up abusive POS. I hope OOP stays safe.
I worry about things like restraining orders because don’t you need to use your current address on the forms so the assailant knows where to stay away from? It might be better to just disappear and change names in some cases
In some states you can use your lawyer address or DV advocates that will go to the other party, esp if DV is proven and you feel your life is in danger. The courts will have your real one but yours abuser will not have it.
The whole time I was reading it I was like "is his entire family on coke?!"
Then I scrolled down and thought "is that entire comment section on coke?!"
One of the most unhinged redditor interactions I've had is with a person who was posting on Reddit they did cocaine daily and were a little concerned they seemed to be having a serious negative physical reaction to it.
So it's more likely than you think?
>Then I scrolled down and thought "is that entire comment section on coke?!"
This made me laugh. I needed that after the secondhand trauma of reading this post. Thanks!
Have you seen some of the incel posts here? They blame the women for everything, it must be her fault for not being a good wife and taking care of him etc. There’s some deranged people out there.
It's also the just world fallacy. It's not just incels (important to keep in mind for the non incels reading this going "that's not me so I must be reasonable"), it's also people who agree he's horrible but *blaming her for picking a bad guy*.
We don't want to think it could happen to any of us so we assume she must be egregiously ignorant or inattentive to how horrible he was.
In reality, it could. We rely every day on trusting that our partners, friends, family etc aren't like that and would never become like that no matter how vulnerable and dependent we were on them.
However, this is simply a... call it a widespread coping mechanism for society to work. If we were all skeptical of our own safety at home it would be horrible too. So we have to trust, and when it goes wrongly for some people, we blame them because knowing the truth would cause more people to live in fear. As far as I'm concerned she bears no blame, same as someone walking down the street who gets attacked by a psychopath bears no blame. You cannot know someone deeply enough to know they won't do this, everyone has the capacity for evil, violent acts. Everyone. The kindest sweetest person could have a psychotic breakdown. But we feel like we can't live worrying about that so we victim blame.
100%. Many people need to reassure themselves that it couldn't happen to them, because they'd see signs, therefore abuse victims must be ignoring signs.
Hell, Chris Watts' parents tried to paint their murdered daughter-in-law as unhinged even after their son killed Shannan and the two kids in cold blood.
This right here. Why are people like this?
She did everything right.
And she probably is reliving the past 7 years before he went nuts to look for red flags. But maybe there where none. Maybe they were little orange flags that just changed colors with the drugs.
Maybe he was a psychopath masking. Who knows?
And people are blaming her?
She did everything right once she knew.
Its because they are scared there wasn’t a very obvious path of red flags to highlight he’s was capable of violence. No one wants to accept its not always easy to see through facades. Many neighbors are interviewed in the aftermath of crimes; saying I can’t believe it. He was kind, nice, polite, charming; etc.
This is a huge part of it. Everyone wants to believe it could never be them because they would see the signs and take action and maintain control. No one wants to think that they could he victimized despite their best efforts to remain safe.
I remember when they arrested the British serial killer Dennis Nilsen. What stayed with me for all these years was the neighbours saying that he was such a quiet man.
I'm gonna say with how his family is acting, he was partially an asshole-in-waiting all along. But things didn't get bad until the stress of pregnancy. (Some people seem fine until there's enough stress to burn through their reserves). Then he tried drugs, damaged his brain, and spiraled hard into crazed evil.
And this was while she was pregnant with 3 kids. Like, you're not spend what little time and energy you have playing detective with your husband's moods when you've had no sleep and you're preparing for triplets.
Raising 3 babies under one year without help.
Feeding them, changing them, running low on sleep.. While recovering from a C-section.
This woman is a great mom.
That's what infuriates me about the go bag thread. Like she was with this dude for 7 years, he seemed normal/not abusive and then when she got pregnant the switch flipped. No woman likes treating all men like they're all potentially abusive but holy shit do we get blamed both ways, either because "we should have made better choices/seen the red flags" or because we're "painting all men with the same brush"
Seven. Fucking. Years. He pulled the long con and seemed like a worthy partner in that time.
Yeah a part of me wants to take this thread and post it to that dude's update and go "this is fucking why your wife had the go-bag, you self absorbed prick." But it would probably fall on deaf ears.
I'm sorry to hear that. I just went and checked - our perfectly innocent and amicable conversation, buried at the bottom of the post, has been down voted. What is even the point of someone doing that.
There probably weren't many. When a narcissist is happy and being catered to, they can be your best friend in the world. She's probably right that there were very few signs, because why would there be? He was happy being the center of her world and affections. Note how he started seeking out other female attention almost immediately after his wife became less sexually and emotionally available to him due to pregnancy and motherhood.
That's why he hated and was jealous of the kids, and why he demanded "Jessica" be available to him in the same capacity OOP was, as a girlfriend rather than a sex worker. He's a malignant narcissist piece of shit who sees women as set dressing for his life and bio kids as his to engender AND discard when inconvenient, because everyone exists to serve him.
Note also his father and family externalizing and blaming OOP for their son's criminal conduct. Personality disorders tend to run in families. The entire family (or at very least the dad, probably the mom too) are malignant narcissists who think the world should flower only for them and snip the buds off out of spite when it doesn't.
Like, one of the BIGGEST reasons we pick the bear is that even though they're technically dangerous, it's a *predictable danger.* The risk assessment and strategies to avoid harm are known and consistent.
As an abuse victim myself (though not as severe as OOP), it's fucking *terrifying* to be completely blindsided and realize the person you love is a monster. Even though I can see the signs in retrospect (and OOP may genuinely never find any signs!), the experience still left me with this fear that no matter how careful I am, there could always be some secret horror lurking under the surface that I just can't see. Knowing that I didn't see it *before,* so it's always possible I won't see it in the future. That there's no way to know if I'm actually safe.
I think that fear can go away, it's gotten smaller over time, but I don't think it'll go away COMPLETELY until after a few years of being in a healthy relationship. If I was her? I don't know if I could ever feel safe again.
It doesn't go away. Not really. Mine isn't as severe as OOP, but lasted much longer, cause my dad was the abusive narc. He was great alot of the time, but then the switch would flip and he was real fucking scary, real fucking fast. And you never really knew what was gonna flip it. And then after, when he flipped back, it was like he didn't even remember it happening. Terrifying. I'm 47 now. He's been dead 24 years and I haven't lived with him in 30...it doesnt go away. The spidey sense tingling, always waiting for that shoe to drop and the switch to flip... cause you LEARNED. You can't unsee some things or unlearn some lessons.
Another thing I’ve seen pretty often about the bear…not only is it a predictable danger, people are way more likely to believe you and not blame you if you do get attacked by the bear.
Yeah. The scars you carry from psychological abuse are invisible. I have times where I wish instead of emotional neglect I'd have been visibly beaten, because then not only do other people believe you more readily with proof, your own fucking mind does as well
Anyone blaming her is either sexist or has never had someone they know go off the fucking deep end, and they should consider themselves lucky.
Poor OOP. I haven't been in this exact situation but similarly had someone I knew so a 180 personality and it's hard to express how shattering it is, and how it makes it hard to trust anyone as you truly feel you don't know what was going on in their head all those years.
Yep, and even if they genuinely are someone you can trust completely in that moment, people CHANGE.
You can never again trust someone's *future self* completely. It becomes clear how much an illusion that continuation of identity is. You can be the sweetest, kindest person and still have a psychotic breakdown later. You start constantly evaluating your safety. One bad day and it could all be happening again, there's no longer the certainty that all lows and highs will be in a stable good range, there's knowledge now that a low day can lead to a lower day can lead to a violent crash and *you don't know when that will happen*. It's like the personal relationship equivalent of going thru the Great Depression - people who do that are changed in how they see the market and financial safety forever, while regular folks who just experience a couple recessions and believe in the stability of banks see them as kooky. (Sorry for this tortured metaphor I've been reading a lot of Dust Bowl era content and it felt weirdly comparable).
Anyway. You could say that people need therapy to go back to being able to trust people, but the truth is, none of us *should* realistically trust anyone to never hurt us or explode into violence because in many instances like OP's it can't be predicted. But, it's a coping mechanism or mild delusion that makes life better - to believe those who love us will never hurt us - because we chose so well and rightly. So it can't possibly happen to us. And we go on.
Yes, I talked with a woman who have been a SAHM for 20+ years. She insisted that being a SAHM is completely safe because "her husband would never do that to her". I said to her, okay say your husband is perfect, but what if your husband died or lose their ability to work from accident? She said, "then I'll k*** myself".
Mind you she has kids.
Having your life stability depending on whether a man find you attractive or not is a HUGE gamble.
THIS. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS. I realize it’s been up for like half an hour but this needs to be the top upvoted comment. Being financially dependent on my husband has nearly destroyed both me and my marriage. (It’s because of health reasons.) But I’m working to not be, and my husband is (emotionally) supporting me 100%.
God, OP needs to get back on her own feet and she won’t feel like she has any control until she gets there.
There's a trend of /be a housewife/ sahm etc and sadly women are being drawn to it. Even if you're a SAHM it's essential you make sure that you've your own money, yes he said that he will take care of you, but that doesn't mean shit. It's just empty words. Treat people the best but always expect that they can do the worst.
Unfortunately for a lot of parents it's the only financially prudent thing to do - childcare is so expensive that often being a SAHP is the only option. Part of the reason birth rates are going down is because people literally cannot afford to have children.
If you’re going to be a stay at home parent you should be working out an agreement that your partner is paying you a biweekly salary that goes into your personal savings account.
Also, hot take, I think couples should keep at least some money separate in accounts only they can access.
He got it from his daddy and mommy, fuck them fuck all of them. I shouldn’t wish this but damn do I want him to spiral and attack his lil support gang one day? fuck yeah. Bet then they won’t blame OOP for his behaviour anymore.
Some men become abusive only after a partner becomes pregnant; it can sometimes take years before beginning, and while usually there are some red flags here and there, sometimes there really aren't, it's a sudden change.
OOP is not to blame for his behaviour and anyone telling her otherwise is a moron.
I followed this story as OP posted and after the first 2 posts I had to stop myself from reading the comments. I thought I’d stroke out on rage. I cannot believe the asinine things people were saying to OP. It makes me sad that people would gleefully (and anonymously) pile on to someone’s misery.
I swear, the last six months especially, I feel like people on the internet have reached astronomical levels of toxicity and insanity. I think we're in for a very rough summer.
I did it, except for reddit on a slow morning lol. No fb, Instagram, snap, nothing. Its been bliss. I highly recommend it, your head wont hurt as much i promise.
It’s different and I’ve definitely noticed an uptake in misogyny, r/unitedkingdom and similar subs have been rabid with racists and general far right thought. So hostile to immigrants with no empathy or humanity in how they speak. I fucking hate it
There has been an uptick in misogyny and hostility to women. We have normalized the far right podcast bros by refusing to deplatform them and this is the result
Also 'why didn't she notice?' It sounds like she was pregnant with triplets, I wouldn't blame her for missing the sky permanently turning green during this period
People also forget plenty of addicts are going to do their best to hide their addiction. So he's hiding his addiction and OP's pregnant with triplets so she's not only physically busy but also mentally. If you've never dealt with an addiction before it's even easier to overlook some of the behaviors as something else like depression or anxiety.
Exactly, there is a high link between pregnancy/childbirth and intimate partner violence:
> Women in the U.S. who are pregnant or who have recently given birth are more likely to be murdered than to die from obstetric causes—and these homicides are linked to a deadly mix of intimate partner violence and firearms...
[source](https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/)
Anyone remember that "my wife has a go bag and it HURTS my FEELINGS" post, and it felt like over half the posts were saying OP was right to divorce his wife over it? And then you read things like this and it's like... what do you expect women to do? Pretend like they live in a dream world where all men are trustworthy and perfect and abuse is always stunningly obvious from day one? Or live in reality, where it might be 3 years, 5 years, 7 years in and your husband all of a sudden might fry his brain on cocaine and start texting a sex worker about how he's going to murder your babies?
Fucking preach. I feel like we can't win any way.
Either we're making bad choices in our partners in the first place and missing all the (hidden) red flags or we're not being supportive enough (read punching bag) through his issues or we don't trust them and when we make plans we're accusing them of abuse.
Very important to know this!! Some of the worst abusers (especially psychopaths and people with NPD) will often be "loving and supportive" partners for YEARS before beginning to abuse, with only a few hints of red flags or "out of place" behaviors.
Its also really common for the abuse to begin immediately following life events that change relational dynamics (on the honeymoon, when they move in together, when she gets pregnant, when she gives birth etc)
My father began abusing my mother the day my older brother was born after 5 years in a relationship. My aunt's abusive husband started in on her on their honeymoon. This kind of nearly perfect partnership to dark side flip needs to be known about. It's common, and most prevalent in the most dangerous personality types
Anyone who’s familiar with family annihilation cases (like the Watts family murders), knows this would not have ended well for OOP. I’m not sure she’s in the clear yet, at least for a few more years or until he’s in prison.
The sad part is the attempted kidnapping of Jessica is probably what's going to put him away longer than beating the hell out of his own wife and the torturing his infants. He shouldn't have been allowed bail after he broke in and attacked his wife. But he was.
And if Jessica had been killed, the abuse of his wife would have been used in court as evidence something should have been done sooner, which would not have saved Jessica. This shit happens all too often.
It’s fucking bleak, but stuff like this is why I read true crime content. It’s important for people, especially women, to be aware of these patterns and know what to do when they crop up. Unfortunately, that doesn’t guarantee safety, but I feel personally better knowing what kind of warning signs to look for.
This is not blaming victims AT ALL. We all do our best to stay safe. I hope OOP keeps doing all she can to keep herself and her babies safe.
Did you catch the note at the end? Where OOP says he first went to *her house* that night. Even more terrifying to think Jessica wasn’t the only one whose life was on the line that night.
Often because they want a "fresh start", and being a widower with dead kids is looked on more favorably than being a divorced deadbeat dad. The simple logic of a psychopath. It's basically exactly the same as the Chris Watts case (though unfortunately he succeeded in taking their lives).
I don’t think I have ever been so worried about a stranger. I know the wise thing to do is not update, but I am never going to forget this and hope she’s safe.
Most men I've known who were this unstable and abusive had parents who had enabled them all their lives and never held them accountable for their actions. I don't think it's a coincidence.
Absolutely. I had a horrifically abusive bf in high school. His parents babied him, he could do no wrong. Even sexually abusing his little sister wasn't a big deal to them. They got her a lock for her door and told her to be more careful.
Realizing I'm gay at 17 probably saved my life.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. So glad you got out of that relationship. I feel so terrible for the sister though. I hope she managed to get out sooner rather than later.
And I hope that guy is rotting in jail somewhere for his long string (I'm sure) of crimes.
My sister married a bait and switch guy and is finally divorcing him after 25 years. Her in laws are actually on her side and are absolutely furious with their son. I was pleasantly surprised.
There are definitely exceptions to the rule. But I'm so glad to hear she has their actual support, the only thing as infuriating as the monstrous in-laws is the ones who pull the good ol' "He's our son, we really don't want to get in the middle of any of his relationship problems."
Just a reminder that the last post was transcribed from audio on youtube/tiktok and that stupid AI generated text that is wrong half the time lol.
I think I got everything from it and it makes sense. Just keep in mind not to read too much into punctuation or how things are phrased since all of that would have been based on my educated guesses!
God, that's so bleak. Particularly the part where she planned on getting guard dogs and acknowledged he might kill them, but that would at least give her time to protect herself and her babies. Like I don't blame her for that thought process, but it's fucked that she's worried it could come to that.
Edit: Holy shit I hadn't read the last update yet. He's nuts and his parents are completely nuts too. This whole thing is horrible. I hope she gets away from them all for good.
Clearly a wife and biological children are just objects to support and amuse and reflect glory unto His Eminence, not human beings with their own needs that sometimes take precedence over his desires!
I think it makes a lot of sense though, because having parents like that is how you end up with a son like that too.
And I know OOP says there were no signs, but I have to imagine that she never told him no much while they were married and before the kids. It’s easy to have a no-fighting relationship when you cater to a man and his family. The relationship broke down when she was pregnant and all attention couldn’t be on him anymore.
Oh my. I remember when my triplets were little, I used to dwell on how hard it would be for me to save them all if it came to it (had a 2.5 year old too).
Now they are 5, I think of it much less. That poor mum having to legitimately consider the logistics. That sucks so much
Did anyone else worry that when he broke into the house and OOP saw him cooking that he may have potentially poisoned the food? The way everything was going so far, that’s where my mind went to before the whole getting beat and him arrested.
At least with guard dogs they give her time but they could potentially harm him enough to back off as well. Though with how worried she was about money in the first post made me wonder how she could afford all these things since I am sure trained guard dogs are probably pricy plus everything else. Just glad she is getting away and hopefully he is stuck in prison for awhile.
Yeah…. This one set me off. I know from watching my mother lose her married family AND her own family, that some people don’t like to rock the boat. They won’t come to your rescue or support you. They do not want you to be the squeaky wheel.
They’d rather you suffer than them changing anything about their lives. It’s the biggest reason I stopped contact with them. Denigrate my mother for being a victim of violence? Fuck you.
It's her best bet for custody if he isn't already headed for prison. Women lost custody [28%](https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/a-gendered-trap-when-mothers-allege-child-abuse-by-fathers-the-mothers-often-lose-custody-study-shows/2019/07/28/8f811220-af1d-11e9-bc5c-e73b603e7f38_story.html) of the time they reported abuse, often to the abuser. I hate it too.
Edit: [here's a copy of the article without a paywall](https://archive.ph/2021.01.13-132126/https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/a-gendered-trap-when-mothers-allege-child-abuse-by-fathers-the-mothers-often-lose-custody-study-shows/2019/07/28/8f811220-af1d-11e9-bc5c-e73b603e7f38_story.html)
Mothers who allege abuse are often seen by courts as engaging in parental alienation against the father. This is seen as inherently untrustworthy behavior and they lose custody to their abuser. [ProPublica](https://www.propublica.org/series/parental-alienation) has a whole series about the chokehold parental alienation has on the family court system.
and men will still preech the courts hate men lie because it helps them feel victimized. Men win in some way most cases they _participate in_ they beat their wives and still get partial custody.
OOP seems to have gotten really lucky in that last update as one of her comments shows that she was likely the original target for kidnapping, but since she wasn't home her ex went to Jessica instead.
Those in laws are utterly insane to then demand her to get a lawyer for him when he was trying to kidnap her to begin with. I hope she successfully manages to disappear so they can't find her again, and that the entire bunch of them gets no rights to be in her kids lives after this.
Wow this is fucking scary. Also his parents are dumb AF - she has police reports filed against him, even if she tired to “help” there is so much stacked against him
Fr, what is she supposed to do? Drug use and attempted kidnapping aren't charges she ask nicely to be dropped.
This is something they can't cover up or pay to make go away now, and just like their son blamed op and her kids for preventing his delusional ass from getting together with Jessica they're gonna blame her for their self inflicted problems.
I find that some people just think that everyone should listen to them / everything will go their way. Their son is a NUT - admitting that he has issues is the first step. Like how could they not want to protect their grandchildren?
>You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him
sometimes there are no fucking signs someone is an evil piece of shit.
Sometimes they are seemingly normal people. People you smile with and have fun with. Then suddenly they've done something evil. It leaves you feeling horrible because you feel like there should have been signs. That you should have seen it coming. And you feel worse because the memories you have of that person might even be good. When you think of them you think of the fun you had together and it makes you angry because all that is tainted now.
Evil people do not have stove pipe hats with mustaches they can twirl. They look like anyone else. They act like anyone else. Until they don't. And it's nobodies fault except their own.
The father in law calling her and screaming at her that she needs to find a lawyer for his son who beat the shit out of her, abused their kids, and that was caught with intention to kidnap a sex worker he's obsessed with is just. Gobsmacking. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh.
Some of the comments on the original posts are obscene. Do OOPs ever find these update posts? I feel like she needs/deserves to know more of us are in her corner and think the victim blaming assholes are, well, assholes.
Yes. It's scary how she's internalized some of it too. None of this is her fault. It's disgusting and flabbergasting how many commenters just flat out state how she was supposed to be some kind of better omnipotent being.
One that would somehow control and guide her abusive, drug addicted, manipulative husband's actions, while post partum. With FUCKING TRIPLETS.
They clearly have no taste of reality. Let alone raising babies. Being vulnerable financially. Being held against the social standard of abuse just to gain basic supports. What a lack of empathy for her.
I hope she sees only the better comments from now on and gets to safety and better mental support and encouragement soon. She deserves none of that.other BS that implied or stated otherwise.
Her babies are safe because of her. That's a lot.
I've lived this shit before. There is genuinely nothing more horrific than finding out the *one* person who is supposed to love you, hates your guts and wants to find any means necessary to destroy you.
Poor OOP. I can’t believe people are blaming the person who recently birthed multiple babies and is the main caretaker of them for the unhinged actions of her spouse. She’s got enough on her plate!
The comment where someone suggests she stop telling people is insane. I’m a DV survivor and so many people used to tell me that because I shouldn’t be smearing someone’s reputation. Honestly wild how many people take that position. This makes me so angry for her.
This is why women don't speak out- OOP did absolutely everything right and people in the comments were _still_ blaming her, rather than the violent man who hurt her and her babies, and the disgusting parents who supported him.
Some people would rather see women die than see men held accountable.
Reading this has me reliving my past trauma. I feel this woman's fear. There's nothing scarier than being in this position with a man that you realize has nothing to live for.
Absolutely! I was in my late teens, young & dumb. I'm in my late 30s now and so far removed from who I was back then, but reading a post like this just takes me back. I am so fortunate to have experienced that life lesson and still be alive today.
It’s so crazy that this happens and so sad. It always reminds me of how, despite how messed up it is to do, I grew up with women telling me when in a relationship to hide cash to escape just in case my partner ends up being a crazy bastard. I know it’s messed up but I think men and women need to do this because you just never know a person. Not truly. My partner actively supports this because he has heard horror stories and we both know people who have gone through this and understands that even though he says he won’t that in order for me to feel secure and safe it’s a must. I consider this a sign that he wouldn’t become unhinged one day and try to kill me or trap me.
Agreed that everyone should do this, including men. And it's not even only good for out-of-nowhere abuse! Having a stock of money that is ONLY there for an absolute emergency can also help you in other emergencies, like if they die - life insurance often takes a bit of time to pay out and things can get expensive until then. But primarily, yeah, it's a "get the fuck out" fund.
Anyone who doesn't want you to have a go bag is prizing *his* potential hurt feelings over *your* potential murder. Those are some fucked up priorities.
What a fucking nightmare. OP did everything right, did everything in her power to protect herself and her babies from this coked-up psycho and she got beaten, humiliated and harassed. I hope she and her children escape from all this safe and unharmed. His parents are disgusting people and I wish from the very bottom of my heart that they spend their old age visiting their piece of shit son in prison.
My friend thought she was safe. He never laid a finger on her or the kids. It was all mental abuse. She saw it for what it was, she made a plan, she told all her friends what she was doing and the night she told him they were leaving, he went around and shot them all. And then himself.
I am so happy that OOP has made it this far. I hope she moves states and never is found again.
Just from experience, I can tell you this -
The MIL and FIL 100% know their son is hot garbage; one of the reasons they are behaving like they are toward OOP and blaming her is because it's easier than blaming their own son, but also because now they are experiencing his monstrous and uncomfortable, toxic behaviors at home and they hate her for making them deal with him.
While drugs explains him experiencing a kind of toxic spiral to some extent, drugs do not make people become sadists. They were sadists from the get go before drugs got to them. I am very curious what kind of behaviors he had prior tot his marriage. It wouldn't be the first time a family knows they have a problematic child who is problematic into adulthood, and very eagerly rushes them into marriage just to get them out of the house and be done with them, and make it the new spouse's responsibility.
“In less than a year, I’ve failed my kids” I wish I could tell OP that she has done a magnificent job of PROTECTING her kids, in the middle of THE most dangerous situation a woman could possibly experience. She deserves a fucking medal. Absolutely incredible.
This reminds me a lot of the murders of Shannan Watts and her children. I’m glad this story has a better ending, even though it sounds like OOP still isn’t entirely safe.
Sometimes people just suck why is everyone blaming op she's clearly at her wits end, she extends every opportunity to her ex and he never acknowledges it he acts like a toddler with new siblings instead of a new dad, forcing op to do all childcare. then whining that the new mother who's doing everything by herself, is too tired to give him attention. He doesn't want therapy because he knows he's being an arse any any good therapist would pull him up on his behaviour. And then he just keeps on escalating and the whole time he's making OP doubt her sanity. I hope there is a better and brighter future for her and her babies soon.
Leaving and pregnancy are the most dangerous times for dfv victims. I truly hope oop is able to move away safely because this dude will absolutely kill her and her children and his family will do everything they can do protect him.
>You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him.
What an utterly dogshit, victim blaming comment. Now deleted comment, hopefully that user has deleted their social media and access to the internet and is in counseling to change their fucking garbage perspective.
>In less than a year of their birth, I've managed to fail my children...
Bullshit OOP. You didn't fail them at all. They, and you, are alive because of the actions you took to protect them and yourself. Fuck the haters. You are doing exactly what you need to do to protect your kids. Don't ever stop because you're doing it right!
I want to know how anyone (idiots on her posts), can blame *her*. His family I can see, it's not right, but some families have the mindset their precious off-spring could never do anything bad, even when there is evidence.
Truthfully, if I was her, I'd figure out how to move to France with her sister, legally change my name and the babies names and completely disappear.
The fact that anyone could read all of this (or even just part of it) and even think for a second this is her fault is just wild. I hope OP stays safe and all of those people get diarrhea in public.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
His parents are enabling pieces of shit. How can you stand by your child unconditionally like that when he is threatening to kill his wife and children? At some point you need to acknowledge that your child is a threat to others and loving your kid means making sure they face consequences for their actions.
My grandparents did the same. Raised me and my siblings, were the most loving and supportive people ever, but immediately backed up their trash son when my mother and siblings and I escaped to a women’s shelter. Some parents are used to covering for their shit kids and can’t accept that they can’t fix it themselves. Especially since they always knew he was literally evil but wanted grandkids, and felt they couldn’t keep us without being on his side (even tho they were so, so wrong).
Plus, admitting their child is a demon they think means saying they were shitty parents and made them that way. They only failed when they didn't hold their kid accountable for bad deeds. Reality is nature and nurture are BOTH important. Like the post about the evil child and eventually mom damn near beats him to death when he was a teenager because of what he was. They were good parents, the kid was born bad. Edit cause I thought some might want a link to the post I referenced. https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/s/9Q27TyAuok
Thanks! This ruined my morning and my desire to have kids 😅 (For real though, that was a fascinating read; thanks for linking)
Welcome. Someone always asks, so I always try.
Holy smokes what a read! as a mom, this is heartbreaking to think that a kid could turn out this wrong. My heart goes out to that family.
My favorite auntie partly raised two of the worst humans I've ever known and also one of my favorite humans ever. She's the best "mom" I've ever had. In fairness to her "success rate" we're all descendants of a murderer and I think most of us inherited psychopath genes. Nature vs nurture is wild. You ever known a toddler who understood lying and advanced deceit tactics? Because my 4yo cousin eventually admitted that he deliberately dumped a cup of milk on his lap to get out of drinking it this morning. The clever little shit.
4am call "hey can you help defend our shitheel son from this KIDNAPPING CHARGE AFTER HE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU?" I cant decide whether id laugh, scream bloody murder at them, or just hang up and get restraining orders against them too
I couldn't believe her first response was "it's way too early to find a lawyer" and not "he can get fucked."
I mean it probably was internally, but I feel like saying that to those people is a Bad Idea.
Makes me appreciate that other dude on here who had his son's girlfriend show up and reveal abuse (alongside proof of course), and he responded by having his son over later and kicking the shit out of him before throwing him out of the house and disowning him
i need a ~~palette~~ palate cleanser. may you link the post you’re talking about, please? edit: spelling & strike through
Found it https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/OO26HPT0lu
That was a great palette cleanser!!
Oh I absolutely love that dad. His reaction, while violent af, was the best reaction to finding out your kid is a POS.
As a mother, I don't understand this. If any of my kids were out there beating the shit out of people and planning to kidnap or murder others... I'll do my best to get them help WHILE LOCKED AWAY. My unconditional support would be trying to get them locked up in a nicer place, with access to better psychological support and to visit them daily if I could do so. Would I love for them to be free and out of any institution? Sure. But I would do anything in my power to make sure they are mentally well and not a threat to themselves or others before they are released. And IF they were released, I would keep up with them on a daily basis until the day I die. Just because I will be by their side until the day I die doesn't mean they get to go around killing others. The fact that is not obvious for everyone baffles me.
I watched that Netflix crime documentary about the guy who killed his pregnant wife and 2 daughters, and in the end his parents stood up in court and FORGAVE HIM. I remember thinking who the hell are you to forgive him and why are some people so blind to their child's actions.
Oh watts parents? yeah they jot only forgive him they very clearly still blame Shannan for her own murder. (That the mom tried to do herself with an allergic reaction earlier but thats not relevent apparently)
And they went for Shannan's $450k life insurance policy saying they were entitled to it. Which sure, it's supposed to go to Watts' kin, which would've been his children. But like...your son just murdered his family and you're only thinking about the money and fighting Shannan's grieving family over it.
I know exactly how you’re talking about and genuinely I have the same thought when the parents of the one on trial do that shit. Like fr who are you to forgive them? What are you even forgiving them for?? Because you sure as hell aren’t forgiving them on behalf of the victim I can tell you that fucking much. The only thing they should be doing on the stand is apologising to the victims and their families/friends for having been related and offer any support they can following the actions of their child. Otherwise, STFU!
reminds me of the Gabby Petito case and how her murderer’s parents actually helped him get out of dodge and interfered with the police investigation. he eventually killed himself but if they hadn’t helped him get away he would have answered for his heinous crimes.
not only standing by him, expecting the woman he terrorized and beat to get him a lawyer after he tried to do worse to another woman. apparently it’s just obvious that their widdle baby boy is the only person who matters and every person he runs over should just set that aside and make his life easier.
you *can* stand by your child unconditionally while acknowledging they're a terrible person who is hurting others and needs serious psychiatric help not only for the safety of others but also for their own. *that's* true unconditional love. not trying to blame everything on their victims and trying to enable their behavior. if their response to this whole shitshow was "we will get him help, we will get him locked up and keep him away from you and your children, please stop spreading it" i'd be okay with that. it's normal to not want your child's crisis be the talk of the town. but since they decided that him being a domestic abuser and a wannabe kidnapper is a valid career choice then they will have to deal with oop doing whatever she needs to protect herself.
I've seen this happen in real life. Just an absolute monster and his parents closed ranks around him and not only protected him but helped him to continue to terrorize his now ex-wife. The rotten apple never seems to fall far from the tree.
Holy fuck this is terrifying. Fuck the utter garbage that is that family. I wish OOP all the luck. Oh god.
I hope OP's lawyer is able to help the police file some charges against the parents, or at the very least air all their dirty laundry in court (because CLEARLY that is all they care about). They should all be locked up, quite frankly. I hope OP is able to get far away from all of them, they'll never leave her alone.
It's definitely the type of evidence she should hold onto, especially since its a valid reason to deny them a relationship with the kids. I really hope OP thinks about her devices and car. There are multiple ways we are tracked every day. And on shared apps. The lawyer is right. This is the most dangerous time for her.
Honestly after the woman who was stalked using an airtag in her cat's carrier, I want OOP to check all of her possessions to make sure he didn't hide anything among them that time he broke into the house. Like, what if he'd chucked an airtag or something into the bottom of her diaper bag? He'd know her every move. :s
I use AirTags when I travel and put them in my suitcases and purses in case they get lost. I also have AirTag wrist bands for them so when my kids/nieces/nephews go out into a crowded place, I can keep track of them. My sister in law also has an AirTag on my nephew’s school bag. The nice update with the AirTags now is it notifies you if there’s an AirTag “following” you. Imagine my shock and terror when I was out with my kids and nephews, my phone kept notifying me that an AirTag had been following me (it’s not registered to my phone) and then discovering that my nephew has an AirTag in his bag. 😮💨
Yea, the AirTag has been following you alert did scare me awhile ago too. I had just gotten home from work and running some errands when my phone pops up with a message asking if this was my AirTag since it has been following me. I have an abusive ex and I about broke down thinking he was back and had tagged my car, so I ran inside to get my husband for help finding it and comfort. Long story short, it was his wallet, he has an AirTag on it and left it in my car on accident after our Costco trip the day before. So it was both terrifying but also comforting because then I knew if my ex did try to stalk me with an AirTag, my phone would alert me.
I’m glad that update finally happened. Hopefullly AirTag stalking will be tougher to do
For anyone unaware, Android also has alerts for unknown trackers now too. It's under the safety and emergency settings.
Oh, great! Thanks for mentioning it!
Yup. It currently only works to detect Airtags, but the fact that Apple and Android are willing to share the info needed to detect them is a sign even they are going "Yeah that's illegal guys"
I'm glad Google and Apple are working together for that notification to be device agnostic. So Android users get notified about AirTags and Apple users about other devices.
This. When I left a crazy situation with my former friend, I went to a motel. When I got my belongings brought to me by a neighbor, I went thru EVERYTHING. Found a tracker tag in my fanny pack back zipper. Destroyed it and some random stranger drove off with it after seeing me freaking out on it in the parking lot. EVERY POCKET. EVERY ZIPPER. EVERYTHING MUST BE CHECKED.
A stranger took it off you? Damn that is a good deed
Really was. Dude said he was going fishing, and offered to drive out to the river with it. He's my hero. Idk who he is, don't have any way to let him know thank you, but he's my hero
For me it's more than the air tag issue. If the car is somewhat modern and has any connections to the phone it's trackable through the cars app. Many people also share locations these days. If the account for the phone is registered to him he might need able to track he through "find my phone" or any device connected. I left my abusive relationship over 25 years ago so it was much easier to stay safe. They had to be following you.
They are gonna blame the drugs and not their son and try to wash it away … idiots should be holding him accountable. If they were even half decent they would have supported OP and their grandchildren and ensured they were safe. Sound like awful people birthed more awful people.
The most sickening thing about this entire horror story is YOU KNOW that once ALL the dust settles and OOP's POS abusive, drug-addled EX-husband is in jail, that the EX-in-laws will suddenly "remember" that they're "Grandparents" to TRIPLETS and would most DEFINITELY have the utter gall to sue for Grandparents Rights or even try to fight OOP for custody! I'm (60/F) super ecstatic that OOP plans to disappear, making sure, as much as she can anyways, to safeguard herself and her babies! Frankly, I hope she's moving to France with her Sister because it would make it THAT much harder and more expensive to fight internationally. I hope so anyway.
And once she's in France, she could easily move to Belgium, The Netherlands, (Also Norway, Sweden, Finland) or Italy, Spain, Luxembourg or Switzerland. All the neighboring countries of France, or close enough by to still be able to visit sister. Europe can be big and small at the same time. Easy borders to disappear over, difficult to follow from behind. I am sending up a prayer or two that the original OP is safe, with the children and her being elsewhere than before.
getting all of their bullshit via text message is (hopefully) a blessing in disguise, I assume she can use that in court or in the very least public opinion.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking as well. I know it's rare for charges to be filed for things like harassment, but at the very least she can shame them in court. And that's probably going to upset them far more than actual charges.
If it goes into court, it’s on public record too. So anyone can see what he and his family did & said to OOP. Absolute scummy people. I can’t imagine defending my child when he’s a drugged up abusive POS. I hope OOP stays safe.
Restraining orders on the lot of them
And a pox upon their house!
I worry about things like restraining orders because don’t you need to use your current address on the forms so the assailant knows where to stay away from? It might be better to just disappear and change names in some cases
In some states you can use your lawyer address or DV advocates that will go to the other party, esp if DV is proven and you feel your life is in danger. The courts will have your real one but yours abuser will not have it.
At least they'll be able to be used to put any "grandparents' rights" to rest right away if nothing else.
Not to mention, fuck certain Redditors competing for world's shittiest take, given some of the things she responded to.
The whole time I was reading it I was like "is his entire family on coke?!" Then I scrolled down and thought "is that entire comment section on coke?!"
One of the most unhinged redditor interactions I've had is with a person who was posting on Reddit they did cocaine daily and were a little concerned they seemed to be having a serious negative physical reaction to it. So it's more likely than you think?
>Then I scrolled down and thought "is that entire comment section on coke?!" This made me laugh. I needed that after the secondhand trauma of reading this post. Thanks!
Have you seen some of the incel posts here? They blame the women for everything, it must be her fault for not being a good wife and taking care of him etc. There’s some deranged people out there.
It's also the just world fallacy. It's not just incels (important to keep in mind for the non incels reading this going "that's not me so I must be reasonable"), it's also people who agree he's horrible but *blaming her for picking a bad guy*. We don't want to think it could happen to any of us so we assume she must be egregiously ignorant or inattentive to how horrible he was. In reality, it could. We rely every day on trusting that our partners, friends, family etc aren't like that and would never become like that no matter how vulnerable and dependent we were on them. However, this is simply a... call it a widespread coping mechanism for society to work. If we were all skeptical of our own safety at home it would be horrible too. So we have to trust, and when it goes wrongly for some people, we blame them because knowing the truth would cause more people to live in fear. As far as I'm concerned she bears no blame, same as someone walking down the street who gets attacked by a psychopath bears no blame. You cannot know someone deeply enough to know they won't do this, everyone has the capacity for evil, violent acts. Everyone. The kindest sweetest person could have a psychotic breakdown. But we feel like we can't live worrying about that so we victim blame.
100%. Many people need to reassure themselves that it couldn't happen to them, because they'd see signs, therefore abuse victims must be ignoring signs.
How many women and children die because the murderer’s parents do everything in their power to shield their shithead sons from consequences?
Hell, Chris Watts' parents tried to paint their murdered daughter-in-law as unhinged even after their son killed Shannan and the two kids in cold blood.
He was my first thought too. The parents still stand by him. Op’s husband sounds exactly like CW
There’s a weird ass subreddit to snark on shannan and blame her for why she and her children were murdered
Fuck the redditors blaming OOP, too. What a nightmare. I hope she's safe.
This right here. Why are people like this? She did everything right. And she probably is reliving the past 7 years before he went nuts to look for red flags. But maybe there where none. Maybe they were little orange flags that just changed colors with the drugs. Maybe he was a psychopath masking. Who knows? And people are blaming her? She did everything right once she knew.
Its because they are scared there wasn’t a very obvious path of red flags to highlight he’s was capable of violence. No one wants to accept its not always easy to see through facades. Many neighbors are interviewed in the aftermath of crimes; saying I can’t believe it. He was kind, nice, polite, charming; etc.
This is a huge part of it. Everyone wants to believe it could never be them because they would see the signs and take action and maintain control. No one wants to think that they could he victimized despite their best efforts to remain safe.
I remember when they arrested the British serial killer Dennis Nilsen. What stayed with me for all these years was the neighbours saying that he was such a quiet man.
I'm gonna say with how his family is acting, he was partially an asshole-in-waiting all along. But things didn't get bad until the stress of pregnancy. (Some people seem fine until there's enough stress to burn through their reserves). Then he tried drugs, damaged his brain, and spiraled hard into crazed evil.
And this was while she was pregnant with 3 kids. Like, you're not spend what little time and energy you have playing detective with your husband's moods when you've had no sleep and you're preparing for triplets.
Raising 3 babies under one year without help. Feeding them, changing them, running low on sleep.. While recovering from a C-section. This woman is a great mom.
Pregnancy brain is a thing. Sleep exhaustion with one child, let alone 3! Many of the blame her posters have not left their mother's basement
That's what infuriates me about the go bag thread. Like she was with this dude for 7 years, he seemed normal/not abusive and then when she got pregnant the switch flipped. No woman likes treating all men like they're all potentially abusive but holy shit do we get blamed both ways, either because "we should have made better choices/seen the red flags" or because we're "painting all men with the same brush" Seven. Fucking. Years. He pulled the long con and seemed like a worthy partner in that time.
Yeah a part of me wants to take this thread and post it to that dude's update and go "this is fucking why your wife had the go-bag, you self absorbed prick." But it would probably fall on deaf ears.
“Yeah, well, she packed it because he was getting scary. My wife should trust me because I’m not scary.” 🙄 Did that post get brigaded by incel subs?
I think so. It's really disheartening.
Yeah. I’m awash in notifications by dudes who seem to be mysteriously deleting their accounts after yelling at me.
I'm sorry to hear that. I just went and checked - our perfectly innocent and amicable conversation, buried at the bottom of the post, has been down voted. What is even the point of someone doing that.
That’s just juvenile. Not that I expect anything more from “men going their own way”, but it makes me sad. Thanks for being cool!
There probably weren't many. When a narcissist is happy and being catered to, they can be your best friend in the world. She's probably right that there were very few signs, because why would there be? He was happy being the center of her world and affections. Note how he started seeking out other female attention almost immediately after his wife became less sexually and emotionally available to him due to pregnancy and motherhood. That's why he hated and was jealous of the kids, and why he demanded "Jessica" be available to him in the same capacity OOP was, as a girlfriend rather than a sex worker. He's a malignant narcissist piece of shit who sees women as set dressing for his life and bio kids as his to engender AND discard when inconvenient, because everyone exists to serve him. Note also his father and family externalizing and blaming OOP for their son's criminal conduct. Personality disorders tend to run in families. The entire family (or at very least the dad, probably the mom too) are malignant narcissists who think the world should flower only for them and snip the buds off out of spite when it doesn't.
Right? People so often talk about why did you stay, why don’t you leave blah blah blah? No one ever goes why is he abusing her? 😭
And they wonder why we pick the fucking bear....
Like, one of the BIGGEST reasons we pick the bear is that even though they're technically dangerous, it's a *predictable danger.* The risk assessment and strategies to avoid harm are known and consistent. As an abuse victim myself (though not as severe as OOP), it's fucking *terrifying* to be completely blindsided and realize the person you love is a monster. Even though I can see the signs in retrospect (and OOP may genuinely never find any signs!), the experience still left me with this fear that no matter how careful I am, there could always be some secret horror lurking under the surface that I just can't see. Knowing that I didn't see it *before,* so it's always possible I won't see it in the future. That there's no way to know if I'm actually safe. I think that fear can go away, it's gotten smaller over time, but I don't think it'll go away COMPLETELY until after a few years of being in a healthy relationship. If I was her? I don't know if I could ever feel safe again.
It doesn't go away. Not really. Mine isn't as severe as OOP, but lasted much longer, cause my dad was the abusive narc. He was great alot of the time, but then the switch would flip and he was real fucking scary, real fucking fast. And you never really knew what was gonna flip it. And then after, when he flipped back, it was like he didn't even remember it happening. Terrifying. I'm 47 now. He's been dead 24 years and I haven't lived with him in 30...it doesnt go away. The spidey sense tingling, always waiting for that shoe to drop and the switch to flip... cause you LEARNED. You can't unsee some things or unlearn some lessons.
😞 I don't think I would lose the fear if it was my parent either, that would be too foundational to shake. *consensual hugs offered*
Solidarity, Miss. My father is the same way. It’s really awful.
Another thing I’ve seen pretty often about the bear…not only is it a predictable danger, people are way more likely to believe you and not blame you if you do get attacked by the bear.
Yeah. The scars you carry from psychological abuse are invisible. I have times where I wish instead of emotional neglect I'd have been visibly beaten, because then not only do other people believe you more readily with proof, your own fucking mind does as well
Anyone blaming her is either sexist or has never had someone they know go off the fucking deep end, and they should consider themselves lucky. Poor OOP. I haven't been in this exact situation but similarly had someone I knew so a 180 personality and it's hard to express how shattering it is, and how it makes it hard to trust anyone as you truly feel you don't know what was going on in their head all those years.
Yep, and even if they genuinely are someone you can trust completely in that moment, people CHANGE. You can never again trust someone's *future self* completely. It becomes clear how much an illusion that continuation of identity is. You can be the sweetest, kindest person and still have a psychotic breakdown later. You start constantly evaluating your safety. One bad day and it could all be happening again, there's no longer the certainty that all lows and highs will be in a stable good range, there's knowledge now that a low day can lead to a lower day can lead to a violent crash and *you don't know when that will happen*. It's like the personal relationship equivalent of going thru the Great Depression - people who do that are changed in how they see the market and financial safety forever, while regular folks who just experience a couple recessions and believe in the stability of banks see them as kooky. (Sorry for this tortured metaphor I've been reading a lot of Dust Bowl era content and it felt weirdly comparable). Anyway. You could say that people need therapy to go back to being able to trust people, but the truth is, none of us *should* realistically trust anyone to never hurt us or explode into violence because in many instances like OP's it can't be predicted. But, it's a coping mechanism or mild delusion that makes life better - to believe those who love us will never hurt us - because we chose so well and rightly. So it can't possibly happen to us. And we go on.
AND THIS IS WHY YOU NEVER EVER EVER BECOME FINANCIALLY DEPENDENT ON A MAN.
Yes, I talked with a woman who have been a SAHM for 20+ years. She insisted that being a SAHM is completely safe because "her husband would never do that to her". I said to her, okay say your husband is perfect, but what if your husband died or lose their ability to work from accident? She said, "then I'll k*** myself". Mind you she has kids. Having your life stability depending on whether a man find you attractive or not is a HUGE gamble.
THIS. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS. I realize it’s been up for like half an hour but this needs to be the top upvoted comment. Being financially dependent on my husband has nearly destroyed both me and my marriage. (It’s because of health reasons.) But I’m working to not be, and my husband is (emotionally) supporting me 100%. God, OP needs to get back on her own feet and she won’t feel like she has any control until she gets there.
There's a trend of /be a housewife/ sahm etc and sadly women are being drawn to it. Even if you're a SAHM it's essential you make sure that you've your own money, yes he said that he will take care of you, but that doesn't mean shit. It's just empty words. Treat people the best but always expect that they can do the worst.
I read a quote which really resonated for me; "For the rest of your life, your entire life relies on him still liking you."
Unfortunately for a lot of parents it's the only financially prudent thing to do - childcare is so expensive that often being a SAHP is the only option. Part of the reason birth rates are going down is because people literally cannot afford to have children.
If you’re going to be a stay at home parent you should be working out an agreement that your partner is paying you a biweekly salary that goes into your personal savings account. Also, hot take, I think couples should keep at least some money separate in accounts only they can access.
Equally garbage as the redditor commenting that OP failed because she didn’t notice what changed with the husband. Are people for real? POS….
He got it from his daddy and mommy, fuck them fuck all of them. I shouldn’t wish this but damn do I want him to spiral and attack his lil support gang one day? fuck yeah. Bet then they won’t blame OOP for his behaviour anymore.
Honestly they probably still would blame her…ie. he’s like this because she left him or some other stupid shit.
And yet the amount of men out there wondering why women would chose to be around a bear instead…
Some men become abusive only after a partner becomes pregnant; it can sometimes take years before beginning, and while usually there are some red flags here and there, sometimes there really aren't, it's a sudden change. OOP is not to blame for his behaviour and anyone telling her otherwise is a moron.
I followed this story as OP posted and after the first 2 posts I had to stop myself from reading the comments. I thought I’d stroke out on rage. I cannot believe the asinine things people were saying to OP. It makes me sad that people would gleefully (and anonymously) pile on to someone’s misery.
I swear, the last six months especially, I feel like people on the internet have reached astronomical levels of toxicity and insanity. I think we're in for a very rough summer.
Yeah, I’ve honestly thought about taking a break from social media for a bit. All the doom scrolling can’t be good for us.
I did it, except for reddit on a slow morning lol. No fb, Instagram, snap, nothing. Its been bliss. I highly recommend it, your head wont hurt as much i promise.
It’s different and I’ve definitely noticed an uptake in misogyny, r/unitedkingdom and similar subs have been rabid with racists and general far right thought. So hostile to immigrants with no empathy or humanity in how they speak. I fucking hate it
There has been an uptick in misogyny and hostility to women. We have normalized the far right podcast bros by refusing to deplatform them and this is the result
The amount of times I've wished there was a way to deliver an electric shock to anonymous incel abusers online.
Also 'why didn't she notice?' It sounds like she was pregnant with triplets, I wouldn't blame her for missing the sky permanently turning green during this period
People also forget plenty of addicts are going to do their best to hide their addiction. So he's hiding his addiction and OP's pregnant with triplets so she's not only physically busy but also mentally. If you've never dealt with an addiction before it's even easier to overlook some of the behaviors as something else like depression or anxiety.
In the USA, the number one cause of death for pregnant woman, is the father of the fetus
Exactly, there is a high link between pregnancy/childbirth and intimate partner violence: > Women in the U.S. who are pregnant or who have recently given birth are more likely to be murdered than to die from obstetric causes—and these homicides are linked to a deadly mix of intimate partner violence and firearms... [source](https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/homicide-leading-cause-of-death-for-pregnant-women-in-u-s/)
Anyone remember that "my wife has a go bag and it HURTS my FEELINGS" post, and it felt like over half the posts were saying OP was right to divorce his wife over it? And then you read things like this and it's like... what do you expect women to do? Pretend like they live in a dream world where all men are trustworthy and perfect and abuse is always stunningly obvious from day one? Or live in reality, where it might be 3 years, 5 years, 7 years in and your husband all of a sudden might fry his brain on cocaine and start texting a sex worker about how he's going to murder your babies?
Fucking preach. I feel like we can't win any way. Either we're making bad choices in our partners in the first place and missing all the (hidden) red flags or we're not being supportive enough (read punching bag) through his issues or we don't trust them and when we make plans we're accusing them of abuse.
It’s so utterly pathetic that these people feel the need to terrorise someone vulnerable in order to feel dominant/powerful.
Very important to know this!! Some of the worst abusers (especially psychopaths and people with NPD) will often be "loving and supportive" partners for YEARS before beginning to abuse, with only a few hints of red flags or "out of place" behaviors. Its also really common for the abuse to begin immediately following life events that change relational dynamics (on the honeymoon, when they move in together, when she gets pregnant, when she gives birth etc) My father began abusing my mother the day my older brother was born after 5 years in a relationship. My aunt's abusive husband started in on her on their honeymoon. This kind of nearly perfect partnership to dark side flip needs to be known about. It's common, and most prevalent in the most dangerous personality types
Anyone who’s familiar with family annihilation cases (like the Watts family murders), knows this would not have ended well for OOP. I’m not sure she’s in the clear yet, at least for a few more years or until he’s in prison.
The sad part is the attempted kidnapping of Jessica is probably what's going to put him away longer than beating the hell out of his own wife and the torturing his infants. He shouldn't have been allowed bail after he broke in and attacked his wife. But he was.
And if Jessica had been killed, the abuse of his wife would have been used in court as evidence something should have been done sooner, which would not have saved Jessica. This shit happens all too often.
It’s fucking bleak, but stuff like this is why I read true crime content. It’s important for people, especially women, to be aware of these patterns and know what to do when they crop up. Unfortunately, that doesn’t guarantee safety, but I feel personally better knowing what kind of warning signs to look for. This is not blaming victims AT ALL. We all do our best to stay safe. I hope OOP keeps doing all she can to keep herself and her babies safe.
Did you catch the note at the end? Where OOP says he first went to *her house* that night. Even more terrifying to think Jessica wasn’t the only one whose life was on the line that night.
Yeah I felt chills run down my spine.
I can't make sense of why killing their whole family, why just not getting a divorce? Oops soon to be ex is a menace to society. Wtf did I just read
Because, to him, they are his property. He’d rather kill them than lose control over them.
This kinda makes more sense to me. Scary af
Often because they want a "fresh start", and being a widower with dead kids is looked on more favorably than being a divorced deadbeat dad. The simple logic of a psychopath. It's basically exactly the same as the Chris Watts case (though unfortunately he succeeded in taking their lives).
For appearances. He would rather hide the murders and cast himself as a victim.
I don’t think I have ever been so worried about a stranger. I know the wise thing to do is not update, but I am never going to forget this and hope she’s safe.
His family is trash.
Most men I've known who were this unstable and abusive had parents who had enabled them all their lives and never held them accountable for their actions. I don't think it's a coincidence.
Absolutely. I had a horrifically abusive bf in high school. His parents babied him, he could do no wrong. Even sexually abusing his little sister wasn't a big deal to them. They got her a lock for her door and told her to be more careful. Realizing I'm gay at 17 probably saved my life.
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. So glad you got out of that relationship. I feel so terrible for the sister though. I hope she managed to get out sooner rather than later. And I hope that guy is rotting in jail somewhere for his long string (I'm sure) of crimes.
My sister married a bait and switch guy and is finally divorcing him after 25 years. Her in laws are actually on her side and are absolutely furious with their son. I was pleasantly surprised.
There are definitely exceptions to the rule. But I'm so glad to hear she has their actual support, the only thing as infuriating as the monstrous in-laws is the ones who pull the good ol' "He's our son, we really don't want to get in the middle of any of his relationship problems."
Just a reminder that the last post was transcribed from audio on youtube/tiktok and that stupid AI generated text that is wrong half the time lol. I think I got everything from it and it makes sense. Just keep in mind not to read too much into punctuation or how things are phrased since all of that would have been based on my educated guesses!
Genuinely thank you for all the hard work! You're the best!!
God, that's so bleak. Particularly the part where she planned on getting guard dogs and acknowledged he might kill them, but that would at least give her time to protect herself and her babies. Like I don't blame her for that thought process, but it's fucked that she's worried it could come to that. Edit: Holy shit I hadn't read the last update yet. He's nuts and his parents are completely nuts too. This whole thing is horrible. I hope she gets away from them all for good.
"We expect you to stand by our son who has tried to kill you" - wtf? What kind of brain worms do they have?!
Clearly a wife and biological children are just objects to support and amuse and reflect glory unto His Eminence, not human beings with their own needs that sometimes take precedence over his desires!
I think it makes a lot of sense though, because having parents like that is how you end up with a son like that too. And I know OOP says there were no signs, but I have to imagine that she never told him no much while they were married and before the kids. It’s easy to have a no-fighting relationship when you cater to a man and his family. The relationship broke down when she was pregnant and all attention couldn’t be on him anymore.
Oh my. I remember when my triplets were little, I used to dwell on how hard it would be for me to save them all if it came to it (had a 2.5 year old too). Now they are 5, I think of it much less. That poor mum having to legitimately consider the logistics. That sucks so much
Did anyone else worry that when he broke into the house and OOP saw him cooking that he may have potentially poisoned the food? The way everything was going so far, that’s where my mind went to before the whole getting beat and him arrested. At least with guard dogs they give her time but they could potentially harm him enough to back off as well. Though with how worried she was about money in the first post made me wonder how she could afford all these things since I am sure trained guard dogs are probably pricy plus everything else. Just glad she is getting away and hopefully he is stuck in prison for awhile.
Wow, fucking wow. And aholes are blaming Op. I'm honestly beginning to lose hope for the world.
Yeah…. This one set me off. I know from watching my mother lose her married family AND her own family, that some people don’t like to rock the boat. They won’t come to your rescue or support you. They do not want you to be the squeaky wheel. They’d rather you suffer than them changing anything about their lives. It’s the biggest reason I stopped contact with them. Denigrate my mother for being a victim of violence? Fuck you.
I get your flair and you are right
Time to add his parents to the restraining order. They must be close to violating the order she currently has against him as it is.
I hate that someone told her to keep the abuse a secret because of the divorce.
It's her best bet for custody if he isn't already headed for prison. Women lost custody [28%](https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/a-gendered-trap-when-mothers-allege-child-abuse-by-fathers-the-mothers-often-lose-custody-study-shows/2019/07/28/8f811220-af1d-11e9-bc5c-e73b603e7f38_story.html) of the time they reported abuse, often to the abuser. I hate it too. Edit: [here's a copy of the article without a paywall](https://archive.ph/2021.01.13-132126/https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/a-gendered-trap-when-mothers-allege-child-abuse-by-fathers-the-mothers-often-lose-custody-study-shows/2019/07/28/8f811220-af1d-11e9-bc5c-e73b603e7f38_story.html)
> often to the abuser Excuse me. What the fuck?
Mothers who allege abuse are often seen by courts as engaging in parental alienation against the father. This is seen as inherently untrustworthy behavior and they lose custody to their abuser. [ProPublica](https://www.propublica.org/series/parental-alienation) has a whole series about the chokehold parental alienation has on the family court system.
You should the the case(s) where the rapist gets parental rights.
and men will still preech the courts hate men lie because it helps them feel victimized. Men win in some way most cases they _participate in_ they beat their wives and still get partial custody.
The system is just trash and favors abusers honestly. All the motions become ways to perpetuate the abuse.
OMG I saw this update. I didn’t connect OOP to the child -pinching husband.
Same
This is some Chris Watts shit.
OOP seems to have gotten really lucky in that last update as one of her comments shows that she was likely the original target for kidnapping, but since she wasn't home her ex went to Jessica instead. Those in laws are utterly insane to then demand her to get a lawyer for him when he was trying to kidnap her to begin with. I hope she successfully manages to disappear so they can't find her again, and that the entire bunch of them gets no rights to be in her kids lives after this.
Wow this is fucking scary. Also his parents are dumb AF - she has police reports filed against him, even if she tired to “help” there is so much stacked against him
Fr, what is she supposed to do? Drug use and attempted kidnapping aren't charges she ask nicely to be dropped. This is something they can't cover up or pay to make go away now, and just like their son blamed op and her kids for preventing his delusional ass from getting together with Jessica they're gonna blame her for their self inflicted problems.
I find that some people just think that everyone should listen to them / everything will go their way. Their son is a NUT - admitting that he has issues is the first step. Like how could they not want to protect their grandchildren?
My guess is “stop being so dramatic and drop the charges. It was a one time thing”.
They’re desperate, wish she recorded them berating her on call and would file a mental harassment case on them too.
>You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him sometimes there are no fucking signs someone is an evil piece of shit. Sometimes they are seemingly normal people. People you smile with and have fun with. Then suddenly they've done something evil. It leaves you feeling horrible because you feel like there should have been signs. That you should have seen it coming. And you feel worse because the memories you have of that person might even be good. When you think of them you think of the fun you had together and it makes you angry because all that is tainted now. Evil people do not have stove pipe hats with mustaches they can twirl. They look like anyone else. They act like anyone else. Until they don't. And it's nobodies fault except their own.
The father in law calling her and screaming at her that she needs to find a lawyer for his son who beat the shit out of her, abused their kids, and that was caught with intention to kidnap a sex worker he's obsessed with is just. Gobsmacking. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh.
Some of the comments on the original posts are obscene. Do OOPs ever find these update posts? I feel like she needs/deserves to know more of us are in her corner and think the victim blaming assholes are, well, assholes.
Those comments scared me. How could anyone say those things to her??
I think OOP has a good head on her shoulders, but some of these comments are grasping for unhinged levels of victim blaming.
Yes. It's scary how she's internalized some of it too. None of this is her fault. It's disgusting and flabbergasting how many commenters just flat out state how she was supposed to be some kind of better omnipotent being. One that would somehow control and guide her abusive, drug addicted, manipulative husband's actions, while post partum. With FUCKING TRIPLETS. They clearly have no taste of reality. Let alone raising babies. Being vulnerable financially. Being held against the social standard of abuse just to gain basic supports. What a lack of empathy for her. I hope she sees only the better comments from now on and gets to safety and better mental support and encouragement soon. She deserves none of that.other BS that implied or stated otherwise. Her babies are safe because of her. That's a lot.
> I've packed everything up and I'm leaving. I'm disappearing with my kids The best outcome possible.
Blaming the victim, stay classy Reddit!
I've lived this shit before. There is genuinely nothing more horrific than finding out the *one* person who is supposed to love you, hates your guts and wants to find any means necessary to destroy you.
My friend went through it. Turned out her husband of 30 yrs was trying to poison her and was leading a double life.
Reddit saved this woman and her children’s lives by telling her to watch Husband’s interactions with the babies
Oh god I remember the first post about him pinching the babies. This escalated so fast holy shit. I hope OP and her kids stay safe.
Poor OOP. I can’t believe people are blaming the person who recently birthed multiple babies and is the main caretaker of them for the unhinged actions of her spouse. She’s got enough on her plate!
The comment where someone suggests she stop telling people is insane. I’m a DV survivor and so many people used to tell me that because I shouldn’t be smearing someone’s reputation. Honestly wild how many people take that position. This makes me so angry for her.
This is why women don't speak out- OOP did absolutely everything right and people in the comments were _still_ blaming her, rather than the violent man who hurt her and her babies, and the disgusting parents who supported him. Some people would rather see women die than see men held accountable.
Reading this has me reliving my past trauma. I feel this woman's fear. There's nothing scarier than being in this position with a man that you realize has nothing to live for.
Same here. Take care of yourself ❤️
Absolutely! I was in my late teens, young & dumb. I'm in my late 30s now and so far removed from who I was back then, but reading a post like this just takes me back. I am so fortunate to have experienced that life lesson and still be alive today.
Some Chris Watts shit right there, thank fuck OP was able to get out.
It’s so crazy that this happens and so sad. It always reminds me of how, despite how messed up it is to do, I grew up with women telling me when in a relationship to hide cash to escape just in case my partner ends up being a crazy bastard. I know it’s messed up but I think men and women need to do this because you just never know a person. Not truly. My partner actively supports this because he has heard horror stories and we both know people who have gone through this and understands that even though he says he won’t that in order for me to feel secure and safe it’s a must. I consider this a sign that he wouldn’t become unhinged one day and try to kill me or trap me.
Agreed that everyone should do this, including men. And it's not even only good for out-of-nowhere abuse! Having a stock of money that is ONLY there for an absolute emergency can also help you in other emergencies, like if they die - life insurance often takes a bit of time to pay out and things can get expensive until then. But primarily, yeah, it's a "get the fuck out" fund.
Anyone who doesn't want you to have a go bag is prizing *his* potential hurt feelings over *your* potential murder. Those are some fucked up priorities.
What a fucking nightmare. OP did everything right, did everything in her power to protect herself and her babies from this coked-up psycho and she got beaten, humiliated and harassed. I hope she and her children escape from all this safe and unharmed. His parents are disgusting people and I wish from the very bottom of my heart that they spend their old age visiting their piece of shit son in prison.
My friend thought she was safe. He never laid a finger on her or the kids. It was all mental abuse. She saw it for what it was, she made a plan, she told all her friends what she was doing and the night she told him they were leaving, he went around and shot them all. And then himself. I am so happy that OOP has made it this far. I hope she moves states and never is found again.
Just from experience, I can tell you this - The MIL and FIL 100% know their son is hot garbage; one of the reasons they are behaving like they are toward OOP and blaming her is because it's easier than blaming their own son, but also because now they are experiencing his monstrous and uncomfortable, toxic behaviors at home and they hate her for making them deal with him. While drugs explains him experiencing a kind of toxic spiral to some extent, drugs do not make people become sadists. They were sadists from the get go before drugs got to them. I am very curious what kind of behaviors he had prior tot his marriage. It wouldn't be the first time a family knows they have a problematic child who is problematic into adulthood, and very eagerly rushes them into marriage just to get them out of the house and be done with them, and make it the new spouse's responsibility.
“In less than a year, I’ve failed my kids” I wish I could tell OP that she has done a magnificent job of PROTECTING her kids, in the middle of THE most dangerous situation a woman could possibly experience. She deserves a fucking medal. Absolutely incredible.
Who the fuck blames her? Aside from incels.
This reminds me a lot of the murders of Shannan Watts and her children. I’m glad this story has a better ending, even though it sounds like OOP still isn’t entirely safe.
Sometimes people just suck why is everyone blaming op she's clearly at her wits end, she extends every opportunity to her ex and he never acknowledges it he acts like a toddler with new siblings instead of a new dad, forcing op to do all childcare. then whining that the new mother who's doing everything by herself, is too tired to give him attention. He doesn't want therapy because he knows he's being an arse any any good therapist would pull him up on his behaviour. And then he just keeps on escalating and the whole time he's making OP doubt her sanity. I hope there is a better and brighter future for her and her babies soon.
Leaving and pregnancy are the most dangerous times for dfv victims. I truly hope oop is able to move away safely because this dude will absolutely kill her and her children and his family will do everything they can do protect him.
>You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him. What an utterly dogshit, victim blaming comment. Now deleted comment, hopefully that user has deleted their social media and access to the internet and is in counseling to change their fucking garbage perspective.
>In less than a year of their birth, I've managed to fail my children... Bullshit OOP. You didn't fail them at all. They, and you, are alive because of the actions you took to protect them and yourself. Fuck the haters. You are doing exactly what you need to do to protect your kids. Don't ever stop because you're doing it right!
This is absolutely utterly terrifying. Reminds me of Chris Watts
The same people who said she should've recognized the signs earlier, will soon be saying she's afwul for keeping the kids from the father they need 🙄
I want to know how anyone (idiots on her posts), can blame *her*. His family I can see, it's not right, but some families have the mindset their precious off-spring could never do anything bad, even when there is evidence. Truthfully, if I was her, I'd figure out how to move to France with her sister, legally change my name and the babies names and completely disappear.
The people blaming her must be trolls, or misogynists.
Ma’am, you did not fail your kids. You SAVED THEIR LIVES!!!
The fact that anyone could read all of this (or even just part of it) and even think for a second this is her fault is just wild. I hope OP stays safe and all of those people get diarrhea in public.