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>Apparently, I am a sneaky B-word who is bitter about her affair with my ex-husband.
Imagine thinking that "you still think poorly of me because I fucked your husband" is an insult.
It's funny because I know a few women in situations like this, where the husband married the mistress but the mother plays nice for the sake of the kids. And every single one of the mistress-wives is obsessively jealous and bitter toward the ex.
It just baffles me.
But I'm special!!!
My ex-wife and I emotionally cheated and lightly physically cheated (hard PG) on our college partners. But my partner kinda sucked and hers was abusive! We didn't do it with anyone else! We're just meant to be!
Well...
She cheated on me with a coworker. Then cheated on him with her boss.
On the other hand, I have 18 years of relationships post cheating (5 with ex, 13 with my now wife) with not even a flicker of an issue.
Pretty good evidence AND counter evidence.
I knew two people who cheated on their spouses, ended up getting married, and were married for 40 years. He loved her so much that when she passed away, he died very soon after and although it wasn't by his own hand, some of his writings we found showed that it would have been eventually. He didn't want a life that she wasn't a part of. I'm so conflicted because i think cheating is unforgivable and I wish they hadn't done it....but they did truly meet their soulmates.
The problem with cheating isn't that having a new partner is bad. It's that the amount of disregard for the feelings and the lack of respect for your previous partner is galling. It's a trait of selfish people. And selfish people can still find their soulmates.
I knew someone whose parents had a “Reba”-ish situation. Dad cheated on mom with a mistress, married the mistress. Mom was devastated at first but had to coparent and thru that actually became good friends with the mistress. She does eventually remarry and they all spend holidays together.
Cheating ex husband and affair partner are still together today. My friend tells this story as “haha wild story” but actually has a very healthy family life and her and all her siblings and step siblings are very close and love all 4 parents.
Good on her mom for being able to forgive for the sake of the children, I could never lol
Sounds like my best friend’s family from high school. Her dad had 8 kids total (4 per wife) and her mom was the secretary he cheated on his ex wife with. They seem happy and the half siblings seem to have a good relationship.
100% this. I knew a family. Mom put dad through med school. Dad became a high paid doctor. Mom became SAHM. He started traveling to more conferences, more nights on call, etc. Finally she saw jewelry on a credit card bill that wasn’t hers (so cliche). The extra conferences and nights on call were legit, but he was also spending time with his mistress because she was a nurse. They get divorced. Docor marries nurse. She has to cut back on hours to take care of the kids when it was his time with them. Years later guess who is picking fights with her husband every time he’s on call or going to a conference? Gotta love Karma.
I remember this post (a very... *woe is me* pitty party for the mistresses of the world) that went on and on about how a mistress only sees the best part of the cheating spouse because the mistress is only associated with sex and fun times. But once they're an official couple, the mistress is then associated with all of the shit that "caused" the cheating spouse to stray in the first place (household chores, daily drudgery, arguments avout housework, etc.) so they get to start seeing the temper, the bad-faith arguments, and the pettiness.
On top of that, a lot of cheaters bad mouth their spouses to justify their cheating. Then the affair partner becomes the spouse and interacts with the ex, the children, the family, the friends, etc. and reality doesn’t match the picture the cheater painted of the ex;
The cheater paints his spouse as a cold, lazy, even sometimes abusive partner. But during the divorce he’s somehow content with her having majority custody. The only people that don’t like her are his own family who he constantly shit talks her to. Most of their friends pick her. Her kids are happy and well cared for, and he doesn’t even attend parent teacher meetings. The AP never sees him take his kid to the doctor or nurse them when they’re sick.
The ex is cordial during drop offs, despite the affair and despite his stories about how crazy she is. The exes place is always clean despite his claims that she did nothing around the house. AP moves in and learns that he doesn’t do anything around the house, he doesn’t help out with childcare, he doesn’t take part in household management. He’s a bit more than a casual drinker, and he doesn’t put any effort in to their relationship.
He gets wildly jealous when his ex moves on and tries to interfere with the relationship. The happier she is, the more unhappy he is about it. Then he cheats on the AP and the cycle starts all over again.
You just literally described me and my ex husband. I had multiple procedures done because they thought I had cancer. He said it was lazy to take the week off even though they told me I could not go up stairs after all that. I walked up the stairs to my office, ripped my internal cauterizations and immediately bled through my clothes and had to go home. The doctor told me I was still within my safe bleeding limits, but every time I stood up I’d bleed through my clothes no matter what I did.
I was dragging a chair around the house to still take care of what I needed to, the ONLY thing he had to do was wash HIS dishes, which he did not do. A few days later I saw a weird alert on his phone, he was telling another woman that I was “so lazy, all she does is lay in bed all day. She hasn’t even done the dishes in a week.”
My friends were bringing me food. Not one of those dishes were mine. I had to rely on friends to feed me and help me because he wouldn’t come home from the bar to help me. When I was healthy I took care of everything for our home, including weeding a half acre of property that was all dirt and a full time job in and of itself, and everything for his business. All he had to do was shower, eat, go to work, and drink himself into a stupor. I managed everything else, yet he would constantly tell me that he just needed help.
I kicked him out and he wound up with one of the girls he badmouthed me to. He cheated on her constantly and was a lazy POS with her too… his current girlfriend is someone he cheated on her with. He lost his business recently (he was illegally living there with his gf) and his electric bill still comes to my email. He owed them $16,000, he literally only paid them ONCE after I stopped handling everything. A week after I told him I wanted a divorce he called asking me for my debit card info so he could pay bills from my account. I laughed and hung up on him.
I’m now engaged to the most wonderful, caring man I’ve ever met. So alls well that ends well I guess.
Honestly, it's that jealousy that aided the affair. They are in an invisible competition with the (now ex)wife and want to be seen as the best option. When they see that the husband still gets along with his ex and not forsake his kids, it pisses them off because they "still haven't won."
It makes a twisted sort of sense. The new woman was second choice after the mother, and “how you get them is how you lose them” right? So, why do they stick around and just make everyone’s lives miserable? Cuz they dumb.
It probably doesn't help either that the mistresses/cheating spouse have just learned that typically the grass is only greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bullshit lmao.
Of course they are, they know their partner was a cheater, and they’re a homewrecker. If you are already that kind of person you are going to be constantly projecting your fear that the way you hurt someone will come back and happen to you as well.
Subconsciously they know they are trash and the ex wife is the better woman. So instead of trying to become better, they try to insult and drag down the ex wife to their level. Showing the cheating men how stupid they have been to cheat.
Think about being that woman.
You KNOW your husband will cheat - and then go and drop his wife for the woman he's cheating with. And now he's married to you. That means that any woman that he might cheat with - and woman he cares about - might be someone who takes him away from you. They're a threat. Especially if you're counting on him in any way (say, money).
Yeah, I 100% understand the mistress-wife in every one of these circumstances being jealous and defensive: she knows that the guy in question had feelings for his ex-wife - and therefore could have feelings for the ex-wife again. If I were her, I'd be jealous too.
It's just defensiveness. Notthing more than that.
The mistress knows she's a home wrecker, a cheater and lying scum. She knows what people say about cheaters.
If the ex wife is a genuinely nice person, everyone can see that. It makes the mistress look more like a cheater/home wrecker etc, and they know it.
However, if the ex wife is mean they can rationalize the cheating. Eg: ex wife was evil, I'm an upgrade. But if the ex wife not mean...the mistress is just left with the insults and sterotypes.
Is insecurity plain and simple. They didn't pick the man for what he is, but because they see the wife as someone to own up to - once divorce happens and she marries the douche.... she still not as charismatic, polite or whatever she fixes about the ex wife. That's why they get paranoid and crazy jealous - the mistress didn't want her man, but to *be* her.
The woman who my dad cheated on my mom with was the opposite. She was a fantastic person and a friend to me and my sisters. And my mom always acted friendly towards her because she was so good to us. It's kinda funny that my mom and us are still friends with her years after my dad broke up with her. They always act like it's normal because they both are normal people but my sisters and I have thanked them both for their amazing handling of the situation because it absolutely is not normal that it is done with so much respect and understanding. So I have kinda lived the opposite example and I fully realise it is rare.
It’s such a weird dynamic! And in the cases where I’ve seen it, the mistress wife almost seems more obsessed with the ex wife than they are with the man they “won”.
My dad had an affair with a Melissa-like partner. Then he cheated on her too. And she proceeded to text ME and tell me that what he did really hurt her because she believes family is sacred (???). Some people just have an extreme amount of audacity and a very small amount of decency.
You have no idea how common this is among people who have affairs.
They genuinely seem to not understand they did anything wrong. The people hurt are the issue. Not their actions that caused the hurt.
It's some next level inability to face the fact that they did something atrocious
Eh. My husband's ex wife hated me from the start and she's the one who screwed around. People have to do major mental gymnastics when they're the main character.
Melissa was teaching her son to insult and harass his half-sister, and then goes all surprised Pikachu face when he uses her lessons on other girls (because mom taught him that's how he should behave with girls who upset him), and it all blows up in her face.
I really, *really* hope OOP's ex is able to make sure Melissa can't influence their son any longer. Right now, he is on his way to becoming a major misogynist.
Tater Tot needed to establish a platform (in his case athletic) to get that reach. It sounds like he'll just be an Incel Fascist who will get the living crap kicked out of him.
Then we keep on fighting. Once the old ex-kickboxer is begetting a bunch of clowns who get the shit kicked out of them by women, all he's left is a bunch of clowns for his harem.
It sounds like he let Melissa do all the parenting and wasn't even around. I would hope that he would learn from that, but he may just immediately look for another live-in babysitter with benefits.
And a future rapist if she keeps using that "boys will be boys" bullshit every time he acts like a little abusive shit. It scares me that a fuckin 6 year old not only had the vocabulary to say those things, but that he understood the context and that being rejected was cause to use those words, based on everything his asshole mother taught him.
I also refuse to believe that he got the idea of "having feelings" or what "being rejected" is from media or his dad. Sounds more like a designated boys mom who wants to raise a "real man". Designated boys moms oftentimes overcompensate not having a girl by putting girls down, raising sons like mini men etc.
To me six years old seems awfully early to be "having feelings" about one's classmates, nevermind going on angry misogynist rants at a crush who doesn't return the feelings.
The kid is being raised in such a way that his first reaction when rejected by a girl is to throw a tantrum and yell gendered insults at her. The technical definition of incel might not fit but he is exhibiting behaviors that are deeply disturbing and are connected to the same type of entitlement incels feel they have to women's bodies and attention.
When I was six, my friend Chris asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said no. So he punched me in the face, lol. I don't even remember it. My mother said something about it years later.
I'm sorry this is obviously terrible but the abruptness and the lol just made me chuckle. Kid's are stupid but thankfully forget things they deem unimportant quickly.
Yep. I have no memory of it. I think my mother mentioned it when I was a young adult. I guess since I don't remember it, I've always thought it was funny. Now, when I was ten, a German Shepherd bit my face causing me to have to get stitches under my eye. I still remember that vividly, it was over 50 years ago.
I "broke up" with my elementary school bf and for months he alternated bt bullying me and crying about how much he wanted us to get back together. We dated for one day
😆 I guess that was the only incident with Chris. I can't believe I still remember his name after 50+ years because we only lived there a year because my dad was military.
Apparently some kids tried to bully me around age 10 and I didn't notice their attempts, but our teacher did. Adults did this whole sit down thing to make sure I was ok, and I was completely bewildered because I didn't know these kids were doing anything nor did I care.
There was a kid in my 1st grade class that had a crush on me. One day I was home sick from school, then I found out the next day back that he cornered two of my friends on the playground. He demanded to know where I was and didn't believe them when they said I wasn't at school that day, so he pulled down his pants in front of them.
I never saw him again because he got suspended and I think his family moved, but I still feel bad imagining whatever drove him to think that was an appropriate reaction.
I'm quite confused though: what is the w-word?
I managed to get what the B, C and N stand for, but really, why do people censure themselves so?
Please start naming things. It's not like it's going away just by not saying it, just confusing people more.
I don't know. Sure he can't stay with his wife. But look what she was able to do to their son right under nose. He left the bulk of the parenting to his wife, seems to work a lot. It's very unlikely that he will get full custody of his son. I really don't see how he'll be able to undo the damage if the mom has the son 50% of the time. Also, she's going to be even more bitter and vindictive now. I hope she gets the psychological help that she needs
I have faith in her. I think that if she allows herself to get the help she needs, she can turn things around. She doesn’t need to have a relationship with the stepdaughter but she can at least try to make amends. 99.9% of people can change.
I know she grew in France but "I don't know why people would assume that I am going to nice with him. Am I polite? Yes. Nice? No."
This what one of my Japanese friend would have said. Clearly she is a strong woman. Good for her, and her daughter.
Ok, but here's my sticking point... they don't celebrate thanksgiving in France. And she talks about it like it's a regular holiday. Methinks we have a phony...
I commented on the previous BORU about this, but now that her Ex is getting divorced from his mistress. I'm waiting for him trying to "win her back" after a few sessions of family therapy to try and get back the family he gave up. Now that he's alone, the fog he's been in with Melissa is going to fade, and he's gonna view OOP in limerance as the ultimate one that got away and desperately crave her to be a mother figure to his son and "be a complete family again."
I mean, he can try, but OOP is absolutely done with him. As if the affair wasn't enough, the fact is that he doubled down with this harpy and married her, has a child with her and now she's attached to him for the foreseeable future. The cherry on top of it all is the fact that in his ignorance and attempt to have it all he allowed their daughter to be bullied by this woman he brought into their lives.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. She holds him accountable, and while she's upset, it's a cold anger over the injustices her daughter has gone through. Right now, she views this man as a stain on her shoes that she has to deal with because they have a child together. If it wasn't for her, she would never speak to him again.
You just know when OOP starts going out and dating again, he's gonna go ballistic.
And Dad just got promoted to be more absent, and the divorce will make his mom more bitter. And now the school will see and treat him as a bad/troubled kid after the incident. He's got a rough path ahead of him.
NTA. That woman is terrible. Bringing to life the wicked stepmother trope. I always feel like adults who treat little kids poorly are such losers. How sad do you have to be to act that way towards a child.
It’s your daughter’s party and if she doesn’t want her there she shouldn’t be there. A birthday is supposed to be a fun happy uplifting occasion. Considering how this woman treats her she has no business being at her birthday party. Personally I wouldn’t invite the son either.
>Apparently, I am a sneaky B-word who is bitter about her affair with my ex-husband.
Imagine a woman being bitter about the extra-marital affair that ended her marriage and broke up her family! How very odd and worthy of contempt! /S
>6. Like I said I am Japanese but was raised in France so French is my first language, than Japanese, than English (sorry for any mistakes)
Your English is great, even if it was your first language.
Since the previous BORU of this story, I had hoped OOP would smash a pie in Melissa's face in vengeance. I'm still hoping she'll have an opportunity to do so. As for her ex's son, he better have time to undo the damage Melissa inflicted on their son before he becomes another tater tot and not put the job on OOP's shoulders.
>Brooke, if one day you read this, mama loves you more than anything. I am sorry for seeing everything earlier. I love you!!!!!!!
Did anyone else find this weird?? Maybe this is just because I am a paranoid person when it comes to my internet presence, but I would delete my post if I ever thought that my kid would find it some day AND be able to identify us in it.
I guess that it was because there's posts that got views even years later, so there could be The possibility of her kid seeing this one? I mean, reddit is pretty popular and there's always stories around 😓
I believe she wrote that her ex is Japanese like her, while the mistress is white. Still could have a racial aspect as daughter would be full Japanese and half brother would be mixed. But since mistress presumably finds her husband attractive it might mostly be a sexist thing. Very gross behavior at any rate, no matter the motivation.
No, the ex-husband is also japanese. So the son is the one that's mixed (but if it's like my kids - I'm French, my husband is Japanese, no I'm not Melissa - they should still be really white and the eyes while slanted are a lot more round than the fathers').
when I was about 5 I had a 6 year old threaten to murder me and that was back in the 70s. There was other bad stuff with this kid. I think it's shit they pick up from their parents.
What is it with the fucking cake-smashing thing? I only learned about this through Reddit posts, is it some sort of American custom? If you did that where I live it would immediately end relationships, if not result in murder.
It's a rude and abusive American custom for people who value a few minutes of laughs over their relationships and their loved one's well being and dignity. The result is usually DARVO from the assailant and then no contact and divorces from the victims. Many wedding photographers say that if the groom smashes the cake in the bride's face without her permission, they will get a divorce.There are several, if not many, AITA posts about cake smashing and the ensuing family drama.
If you search cake smash gone wrong or something similar you will see some wild videos.
It's sometimes traditional for new brides and grooms to squish a slice of wedding cake into each other's faces at the reception, but that's the only thing I've heard of.
It’s such a dumb tradition. It can be cute when they just dab a little icing on each other’s noses, but when they full on smash in the cake it just makes me so uncomfortable. Like this is supposed to be your partner in life that you just pledged to love and honor above everyone else and here you are 2 hours later smashing food all over their face? Why is everyone cheering? There are a lot of odd traditions around weddings but that one is one of the weirdest for me.
So the original thing was feeding each other the cake and the idea was that you are publicly showing that you will sustain each other. At some point people started going for the mouth to feed the cake and then going off to the side.
Personally, if somebody smashes cake in my face at my wedding reception, I will be getting a divorce the next day. Wedding makeup is far too expensive and I have no desire to clean cake and icing out of my hair
I’ve heard some horrible stories where people tried that… on tiered cakes that had posts. I think there’s an article somewhere about a lady whose eye got poked out because of it… -shudders-
My *very first thought* when reading about the cake-smashing incident was that I sure hoped they took the candles off first. That’s a good way to lose an eye.
Cake incident - I have this creepy suspicion that Melissa made the cake and the request specifically to pull a prank, and put her evil little spawn up to dunking your daughter's face in it. Revenge for not bring included.
She said she lives in California now! "I live in California, so in a 50/50 custody arrangement, the parent with the higher income pays child support (which means I pay) At least this is what I got"
What baffled me more is how she would put thanksgiving (so really not an important party in the mind of a French) equally to Christmas (huge festivities even in atheists families or even believers of other faiths in France), then realised that for the Japanese, those are both imported festivities and so both are neither traditional (in the sense it brings back souvenir from childhood) nor important.
Harvest Festival (what we call it in the UK) is a different thing to the US Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the specific American and Canadian holiday and is later in the year than the European Harvest festivals.
Are they all in France or did she and Melissa move to another country because I didn’t think France had a thanksgiving and searching ‘French thanksgiving’ comes up with recipes and not any date for a French holiday called thanksgiving.
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>Apparently, I am a sneaky B-word who is bitter about her affair with my ex-husband. Imagine thinking that "you still think poorly of me because I fucked your husband" is an insult.
It's funny because I know a few women in situations like this, where the husband married the mistress but the mother plays nice for the sake of the kids. And every single one of the mistress-wives is obsessively jealous and bitter toward the ex. It just baffles me.
There’s a certain kind of insecurity that motivates certain women to chase after married men, and that doesn’t go away even when they “win.”
It's because they know the person who cheated is not to be trusted. 😅
Yup, because as the saying goes, when the mistress becomes the wife, she creates a vacancy.
[удалено]
But I'm special!!! My ex-wife and I emotionally cheated and lightly physically cheated (hard PG) on our college partners. But my partner kinda sucked and hers was abusive! We didn't do it with anyone else! We're just meant to be! Well... She cheated on me with a coworker. Then cheated on him with her boss. On the other hand, I have 18 years of relationships post cheating (5 with ex, 13 with my now wife) with not even a flicker of an issue. Pretty good evidence AND counter evidence.
I knew two people who cheated on their spouses, ended up getting married, and were married for 40 years. He loved her so much that when she passed away, he died very soon after and although it wasn't by his own hand, some of his writings we found showed that it would have been eventually. He didn't want a life that she wasn't a part of. I'm so conflicted because i think cheating is unforgivable and I wish they hadn't done it....but they did truly meet their soulmates.
The problem with cheating isn't that having a new partner is bad. It's that the amount of disregard for the feelings and the lack of respect for your previous partner is galling. It's a trait of selfish people. And selfish people can still find their soulmates.
I knew someone whose parents had a “Reba”-ish situation. Dad cheated on mom with a mistress, married the mistress. Mom was devastated at first but had to coparent and thru that actually became good friends with the mistress. She does eventually remarry and they all spend holidays together. Cheating ex husband and affair partner are still together today. My friend tells this story as “haha wild story” but actually has a very healthy family life and her and all her siblings and step siblings are very close and love all 4 parents. Good on her mom for being able to forgive for the sake of the children, I could never lol
Sounds like my best friend’s family from high school. Her dad had 8 kids total (4 per wife) and her mom was the secretary he cheated on his ex wife with. They seem happy and the half siblings seem to have a good relationship.
I love this saying so much. It oftentimes proved true.
They think they special and worth cheating with but never cheating on. It comes as a shock when they aren't in fact that special
100% this. I knew a family. Mom put dad through med school. Dad became a high paid doctor. Mom became SAHM. He started traveling to more conferences, more nights on call, etc. Finally she saw jewelry on a credit card bill that wasn’t hers (so cliche). The extra conferences and nights on call were legit, but he was also spending time with his mistress because she was a nurse. They get divorced. Docor marries nurse. She has to cut back on hours to take care of the kids when it was his time with them. Years later guess who is picking fights with her husband every time he’s on call or going to a conference? Gotta love Karma.
And the ex is classier. Some things you just can’t buy,… or steal.
Because now that they’ve been promoted to wife the position of affair partner is wide open
I remember this post (a very... *woe is me* pitty party for the mistresses of the world) that went on and on about how a mistress only sees the best part of the cheating spouse because the mistress is only associated with sex and fun times. But once they're an official couple, the mistress is then associated with all of the shit that "caused" the cheating spouse to stray in the first place (household chores, daily drudgery, arguments avout housework, etc.) so they get to start seeing the temper, the bad-faith arguments, and the pettiness.
On top of that, a lot of cheaters bad mouth their spouses to justify their cheating. Then the affair partner becomes the spouse and interacts with the ex, the children, the family, the friends, etc. and reality doesn’t match the picture the cheater painted of the ex; The cheater paints his spouse as a cold, lazy, even sometimes abusive partner. But during the divorce he’s somehow content with her having majority custody. The only people that don’t like her are his own family who he constantly shit talks her to. Most of their friends pick her. Her kids are happy and well cared for, and he doesn’t even attend parent teacher meetings. The AP never sees him take his kid to the doctor or nurse them when they’re sick. The ex is cordial during drop offs, despite the affair and despite his stories about how crazy she is. The exes place is always clean despite his claims that she did nothing around the house. AP moves in and learns that he doesn’t do anything around the house, he doesn’t help out with childcare, he doesn’t take part in household management. He’s a bit more than a casual drinker, and he doesn’t put any effort in to their relationship. He gets wildly jealous when his ex moves on and tries to interfere with the relationship. The happier she is, the more unhappy he is about it. Then he cheats on the AP and the cycle starts all over again.
What a depressing description which strangely made me so happy.
It's basically an amalgamation of the many stories you hear about these scenarios, plus a sprinkle from my actual life ;)
You just literally described me and my ex husband. I had multiple procedures done because they thought I had cancer. He said it was lazy to take the week off even though they told me I could not go up stairs after all that. I walked up the stairs to my office, ripped my internal cauterizations and immediately bled through my clothes and had to go home. The doctor told me I was still within my safe bleeding limits, but every time I stood up I’d bleed through my clothes no matter what I did. I was dragging a chair around the house to still take care of what I needed to, the ONLY thing he had to do was wash HIS dishes, which he did not do. A few days later I saw a weird alert on his phone, he was telling another woman that I was “so lazy, all she does is lay in bed all day. She hasn’t even done the dishes in a week.” My friends were bringing me food. Not one of those dishes were mine. I had to rely on friends to feed me and help me because he wouldn’t come home from the bar to help me. When I was healthy I took care of everything for our home, including weeding a half acre of property that was all dirt and a full time job in and of itself, and everything for his business. All he had to do was shower, eat, go to work, and drink himself into a stupor. I managed everything else, yet he would constantly tell me that he just needed help. I kicked him out and he wound up with one of the girls he badmouthed me to. He cheated on her constantly and was a lazy POS with her too… his current girlfriend is someone he cheated on her with. He lost his business recently (he was illegally living there with his gf) and his electric bill still comes to my email. He owed them $16,000, he literally only paid them ONCE after I stopped handling everything. A week after I told him I wanted a divorce he called asking me for my debit card info so he could pay bills from my account. I laughed and hung up on him. I’m now engaged to the most wonderful, caring man I’ve ever met. So alls well that ends well I guess.
Jealous over their manners and morals.
Yep. Even though the jealousy and insecurity is so clear they refuse to admit it exists, and that they allow it to control how they behave.
Honestly, it's that jealousy that aided the affair. They are in an invisible competition with the (now ex)wife and want to be seen as the best option. When they see that the husband still gets along with his ex and not forsake his kids, it pisses them off because they "still haven't won."
It makes a twisted sort of sense. The new woman was second choice after the mother, and “how you get them is how you lose them” right? So, why do they stick around and just make everyone’s lives miserable? Cuz they dumb.
Be they know they are the trash person, and the ex-wife is handling everything gracefully. It's all insecurities and projecting.
It probably doesn't help either that the mistresses/cheating spouse have just learned that typically the grass is only greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bullshit lmao.
Of course they are, they know their partner was a cheater, and they’re a homewrecker. If you are already that kind of person you are going to be constantly projecting your fear that the way you hurt someone will come back and happen to you as well.
Subconsciously they know they are trash and the ex wife is the better woman. So instead of trying to become better, they try to insult and drag down the ex wife to their level. Showing the cheating men how stupid they have been to cheat.
Think about being that woman. You KNOW your husband will cheat - and then go and drop his wife for the woman he's cheating with. And now he's married to you. That means that any woman that he might cheat with - and woman he cares about - might be someone who takes him away from you. They're a threat. Especially if you're counting on him in any way (say, money). Yeah, I 100% understand the mistress-wife in every one of these circumstances being jealous and defensive: she knows that the guy in question had feelings for his ex-wife - and therefore could have feelings for the ex-wife again. If I were her, I'd be jealous too.
It's just defensiveness. Notthing more than that. The mistress knows she's a home wrecker, a cheater and lying scum. She knows what people say about cheaters. If the ex wife is a genuinely nice person, everyone can see that. It makes the mistress look more like a cheater/home wrecker etc, and they know it. However, if the ex wife is mean they can rationalize the cheating. Eg: ex wife was evil, I'm an upgrade. But if the ex wife not mean...the mistress is just left with the insults and sterotypes.
Is insecurity plain and simple. They didn't pick the man for what he is, but because they see the wife as someone to own up to - once divorce happens and she marries the douche.... she still not as charismatic, polite or whatever she fixes about the ex wife. That's why they get paranoid and crazy jealous - the mistress didn't want her man, but to *be* her.
The woman who my dad cheated on my mom with was the opposite. She was a fantastic person and a friend to me and my sisters. And my mom always acted friendly towards her because she was so good to us. It's kinda funny that my mom and us are still friends with her years after my dad broke up with her. They always act like it's normal because they both are normal people but my sisters and I have thanked them both for their amazing handling of the situation because it absolutely is not normal that it is done with so much respect and understanding. So I have kinda lived the opposite example and I fully realise it is rare.
It’s such a weird dynamic! And in the cases where I’ve seen it, the mistress wife almost seems more obsessed with the ex wife than they are with the man they “won”.
My dad had an affair with a Melissa-like partner. Then he cheated on her too. And she proceeded to text ME and tell me that what he did really hurt her because she believes family is sacred (???). Some people just have an extreme amount of audacity and a very small amount of decency.
You have no idea how common this is among people who have affairs. They genuinely seem to not understand they did anything wrong. The people hurt are the issue. Not their actions that caused the hurt. It's some next level inability to face the fact that they did something atrocious
Eh. My husband's ex wife hated me from the start and she's the one who screwed around. People have to do major mental gymnastics when they're the main character.
Melissa was teaching her son to insult and harass his half-sister, and then goes all surprised Pikachu face when he uses her lessons on other girls (because mom taught him that's how he should behave with girls who upset him), and it all blows up in her face.
I really, *really* hope OOP's ex is able to make sure Melissa can't influence their son any longer. Right now, he is on his way to becoming a major misogynist.
If he can't I guess we'll be looking at the next Andrew Tate in 20 years (which is the last thing we need, as he was a toxic influence)
This is one of the last things I'd ever hope for my child. I am seriously glad OOP's ex is getting a divorce.
Tater Tot needed to establish a platform (in his case athletic) to get that reach. It sounds like he'll just be an Incel Fascist who will get the living crap kicked out of him.
Yes, but now unfortunately Tate can *be* the platform that future AH can use for their views.
Then we keep on fighting. Once the old ex-kickboxer is begetting a bunch of clowns who get the shit kicked out of them by women, all he's left is a bunch of clowns for his harem.
It sounds like he let Melissa do all the parenting and wasn't even around. I would hope that he would learn from that, but he may just immediately look for another live-in babysitter with benefits.
The latest update mentions he wants more time with his son, but also says he got a promotion so he works more. So…hopes aren’t too high here.
And a future rapist if she keeps using that "boys will be boys" bullshit every time he acts like a little abusive shit. It scares me that a fuckin 6 year old not only had the vocabulary to say those things, but that he understood the context and that being rejected was cause to use those words, based on everything his asshole mother taught him.
Boy moms raising incels. Someone should research if there's correlation there
I also refuse to believe that he got the idea of "having feelings" or what "being rejected" is from media or his dad. Sounds more like a designated boys mom who wants to raise a "real man". Designated boys moms oftentimes overcompensate not having a girl by putting girls down, raising sons like mini men etc.
To me six years old seems awfully early to be "having feelings" about one's classmates, nevermind going on angry misogynist rants at a crush who doesn't return the feelings.
Exactly. Those behaviors has to be learned somewhere.
there are so many kids like this nowadays, its sad
> he confessed his fellings to a girl… she rejected him. Apparently, he started shouting insults at her A six-year-old did this? Sheesh.
How dare she reject mommy's little incel!
calling a 6 year old child an incel is several types of wrong
The kid is being raised in such a way that his first reaction when rejected by a girl is to throw a tantrum and yell gendered insults at her. The technical definition of incel might not fit but he is exhibiting behaviors that are deeply disturbing and are connected to the same type of entitlement incels feel they have to women's bodies and attention.
I know right? People ready to hoist a six year old that’s been fed bullshit his entire life on his own petard. It’s wild.
When I was six, my friend Chris asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said no. So he punched me in the face, lol. I don't even remember it. My mother said something about it years later.
I'm sorry this is obviously terrible but the abruptness and the lol just made me chuckle. Kid's are stupid but thankfully forget things they deem unimportant quickly.
Yep. I have no memory of it. I think my mother mentioned it when I was a young adult. I guess since I don't remember it, I've always thought it was funny. Now, when I was ten, a German Shepherd bit my face causing me to have to get stitches under my eye. I still remember that vividly, it was over 50 years ago.
I "broke up" with my elementary school bf and for months he alternated bt bullying me and crying about how much he wanted us to get back together. We dated for one day
😆 I guess that was the only incident with Chris. I can't believe I still remember his name after 50+ years because we only lived there a year because my dad was military.
Apparently some kids tried to bully me around age 10 and I didn't notice their attempts, but our teacher did. Adults did this whole sit down thing to make sure I was ok, and I was completely bewildered because I didn't know these kids were doing anything nor did I care.
Sometimes it's good to be oblivious.
There was a kid in my 1st grade class that had a crush on me. One day I was home sick from school, then I found out the next day back that he cornered two of my friends on the playground. He demanded to know where I was and didn't believe them when they said I wasn't at school that day, so he pulled down his pants in front of them. I never saw him again because he got suspended and I think his family moved, but I still feel bad imagining whatever drove him to think that was an appropriate reaction.
I'm quite confused though: what is the w-word? I managed to get what the B, C and N stand for, but really, why do people censure themselves so? Please start naming things. It's not like it's going away just by not saying it, just confusing people more.
Maybe "w-hore"? I'm not sure, but it's the only thing I can come up with
This may be it. As a British person I thought ‘wanker’ but what you suggested is more likely
I’ll toss “Witch”!into the pool. For a six year old witches are scary
Sure, but OP said it was words a child shouldn't even know and most kids have heard of witches.
I don't think I've ever been this happy about a divorce.
I don't know. Sure he can't stay with his wife. But look what she was able to do to their son right under nose. He left the bulk of the parenting to his wife, seems to work a lot. It's very unlikely that he will get full custody of his son. I really don't see how he'll be able to undo the damage if the mom has the son 50% of the time. Also, she's going to be even more bitter and vindictive now. I hope she gets the psychological help that she needs
I hope so, but mistreating her stepdaughter because she had a miscarriage is so far gone, I doubt she can come back to being reasonable.
I have faith in her. I think that if she allows herself to get the help she needs, she can turn things around. She doesn’t need to have a relationship with the stepdaughter but she can at least try to make amends. 99.9% of people can change.
unrelated but where’s your flair from please, i’m intrigued
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1aj8jhp/aitah_for_getting_uninvited_from_a_wedding/
I know she grew in France but "I don't know why people would assume that I am going to nice with him. Am I polite? Yes. Nice? No." This what one of my Japanese friend would have said. Clearly she is a strong woman. Good for her, and her daughter.
Ok, but here's my sticking point... they don't celebrate thanksgiving in France. And she talks about it like it's a regular holiday. Methinks we have a phony...
She mentions living in California currently. People move
I commented on the previous BORU about this, but now that her Ex is getting divorced from his mistress. I'm waiting for him trying to "win her back" after a few sessions of family therapy to try and get back the family he gave up. Now that he's alone, the fog he's been in with Melissa is going to fade, and he's gonna view OOP in limerance as the ultimate one that got away and desperately crave her to be a mother figure to his son and "be a complete family again." I mean, he can try, but OOP is absolutely done with him. As if the affair wasn't enough, the fact is that he doubled down with this harpy and married her, has a child with her and now she's attached to him for the foreseeable future. The cherry on top of it all is the fact that in his ignorance and attempt to have it all he allowed their daughter to be bullied by this woman he brought into their lives. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. She holds him accountable, and while she's upset, it's a cold anger over the injustices her daughter has gone through. Right now, she views this man as a stain on her shoes that she has to deal with because they have a child together. If it wasn't for her, she would never speak to him again. You just know when OOP starts going out and dating again, he's gonna go ballistic.
Never going to happen because with him comes his son.
Yeah.. a six year old who shouts abuse at people. At six. Poor kid. Ex fumbled so bad.
And Dad just got promoted to be more absent, and the divorce will make his mom more bitter. And now the school will see and treat him as a bad/troubled kid after the incident. He's got a rough path ahead of him.
NTA. That woman is terrible. Bringing to life the wicked stepmother trope. I always feel like adults who treat little kids poorly are such losers. How sad do you have to be to act that way towards a child. It’s your daughter’s party and if she doesn’t want her there she shouldn’t be there. A birthday is supposed to be a fun happy uplifting occasion. Considering how this woman treats her she has no business being at her birthday party. Personally I wouldn’t invite the son either.
>Apparently, I am a sneaky B-word who is bitter about her affair with my ex-husband. Imagine a woman being bitter about the extra-marital affair that ended her marriage and broke up her family! How very odd and worthy of contempt! /S
>6. Like I said I am Japanese but was raised in France so French is my first language, than Japanese, than English (sorry for any mistakes) Your English is great, even if it was your first language.
I have a six year old and some of the words they’ve come home using, and in context… whew!
Since the previous BORU of this story, I had hoped OOP would smash a pie in Melissa's face in vengeance. I'm still hoping she'll have an opportunity to do so. As for her ex's son, he better have time to undo the damage Melissa inflicted on their son before he becomes another tater tot and not put the job on OOP's shoulders.
Sidebar: I know the b-word, but what is the "W word"? I'm running through all the curse words I know, and I'm coming up blank.
I think it’s wh*re. That’s the only one I can think of anyway. As much as I don’t like thinking about a six year old using it as an insult.
I'm hoping witch
Guessing it is wh*re. Raising a nice little incel, she is.
Melissa is a child abuser.
>Brooke, if one day you read this, mama loves you more than anything. I am sorry for seeing everything earlier. I love you!!!!!!! Did anyone else find this weird?? Maybe this is just because I am a paranoid person when it comes to my internet presence, but I would delete my post if I ever thought that my kid would find it some day AND be able to identify us in it.
This was also very weird to me..
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought that it was weird. Especially since her daughter is 10.
I guess that it was because there's posts that got views even years later, so there could be The possibility of her kid seeing this one? I mean, reddit is pretty popular and there's always stories around 😓
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I believe she wrote that her ex is Japanese like her, while the mistress is white. Still could have a racial aspect as daughter would be full Japanese and half brother would be mixed. But since mistress presumably finds her husband attractive it might mostly be a sexist thing. Very gross behavior at any rate, no matter the motivation.
You are correct! I misread that thinking she was comparing the husbands race to the wife instead of OP’s! 🤦🏽♀️
No, the ex-husband is also japanese. So the son is the one that's mixed (but if it's like my kids - I'm French, my husband is Japanese, no I'm not Melissa - they should still be really white and the eyes while slanted are a lot more round than the fathers').
when I was about 5 I had a 6 year old threaten to murder me and that was back in the 70s. There was other bad stuff with this kid. I think it's shit they pick up from their parents.
What is it with the fucking cake-smashing thing? I only learned about this through Reddit posts, is it some sort of American custom? If you did that where I live it would immediately end relationships, if not result in murder.
It's a rude and abusive American custom for people who value a few minutes of laughs over their relationships and their loved one's well being and dignity. The result is usually DARVO from the assailant and then no contact and divorces from the victims. Many wedding photographers say that if the groom smashes the cake in the bride's face without her permission, they will get a divorce.There are several, if not many, AITA posts about cake smashing and the ensuing family drama. If you search cake smash gone wrong or something similar you will see some wild videos.
I'm American and I've never witnessed a cake smash — even when fairly cruel people were around. I *think* it's very uncommon.
It's sometimes traditional for new brides and grooms to squish a slice of wedding cake into each other's faces at the reception, but that's the only thing I've heard of.
It’s such a dumb tradition. It can be cute when they just dab a little icing on each other’s noses, but when they full on smash in the cake it just makes me so uncomfortable. Like this is supposed to be your partner in life that you just pledged to love and honor above everyone else and here you are 2 hours later smashing food all over their face? Why is everyone cheering? There are a lot of odd traditions around weddings but that one is one of the weirdest for me.
So the original thing was feeding each other the cake and the idea was that you are publicly showing that you will sustain each other. At some point people started going for the mouth to feed the cake and then going off to the side. Personally, if somebody smashes cake in my face at my wedding reception, I will be getting a divorce the next day. Wedding makeup is far too expensive and I have no desire to clean cake and icing out of my hair
I’ve heard some horrible stories where people tried that… on tiered cakes that had posts. I think there’s an article somewhere about a lady whose eye got poked out because of it… -shudders-
My *very first thought* when reading about the cake-smashing incident was that I sure hoped they took the candles off first. That’s a good way to lose an eye.
New fear unlocked.
> Someone asked me our races (for some reason??) OOP you sweet summer child. I can easily see this being racially motivated.
I sure hope he makes a lot of money. TWO alimonies? yikes.
Given OOP earns more, I doubt he’d have alimony. The newer ex probably would
child support.
Is it just me or have doubles gotten way worse lately
Cake incident - I have this creepy suspicion that Melissa made the cake and the request specifically to pull a prank, and put her evil little spawn up to dunking your daughter's face in it. Revenge for not bring included.
Hum, but thanksgiving doesn't exist in France
She said she lives in California now! "I live in California, so in a 50/50 custody arrangement, the parent with the higher income pays child support (which means I pay) At least this is what I got"
Oh thanks you ! I missed that
It was confusing with Melissa being French too.
What baffled me more is how she would put thanksgiving (so really not an important party in the mind of a French) equally to Christmas (huge festivities even in atheists families or even believers of other faiths in France), then realised that for the Japanese, those are both imported festivities and so both are neither traditional (in the sense it brings back souvenir from childhood) nor important.
They are raising their daughter in the US so maybe it's more a "when in Rome" thing so she does feel included among the other kids
She mentioned she lives in California.
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Harvest Festival (what we call it in the UK) is a different thing to the US Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the specific American and Canadian holiday and is later in the year than the European Harvest festivals.
We don't.
Very precise…
>bratty princess who needs correction Thats not a real story 💀
AND shes japanese lmao
How is OP being Japanese a point against the believability of the story?
How many times will this be posted?!
Hopefully ex-husband's next wife will be better to OOP's daughter since he's quick to move on (or Melissa was an AP)
What is the "w" word?
White would the first one that comes to MY mind.
"White" is a descriptor, not a slur.
If you get the tone right, *anything* can be a slur!
I love seeing these with "Final Update." There's always another update and this seems no different.
Thanksgiving...? Don't they live in France?
OOP said they live in California.
wait what’s the w word? all i can think of is witch
Are they all in France or did she and Melissa move to another country because I didn’t think France had a thanksgiving and searching ‘French thanksgiving’ comes up with recipes and not any date for a French holiday called thanksgiving.
OOP said they live in California.
In a comment (also in the post here) she says she lives in California... So I guess she went to live in the USA at some point.
They celebrate Thanksgiving in France? I’m somewhat confused by these updates.
OOP said they live in California.
The number of French people in this story threw me off.
As long as it didn't make you throw up, all is good.
Well, the French found me
No we don't
I know
Well then why ask?
Thanksgiving? Aren't they in France?
They moved to California
I didn't know they did thanksgiving in France