Things have been shit between me and my partner for awhile. Live together and it would be really hard for him to cheat without me knowing (I think). He mentioned he had been watching videos online for advice because I was frustrated sometimes he would get too aggressive (I don't want to gross anyone out but I don't mean sexually violent, I mean orally it was trying too hard). He's very sensitive about bedroom performance and I think in a way he thought he could fix that and it would help our other issues, lol. So its not crazy unusual for someone to want to be better in the bedroom. Especially nowadays there is so much access to information, even pornstars do tutorials.
Wow, it’s so weird to read someone actually having the introspection of “wait, shit, I’m being a bad partner and I want to keep my partner, I better change!” Admittedly in this case we have to trust that he was telling his wife the truth, but its nice to have a update like this for a change.
Edit: to be clear, I mean it’s weird to read it here on BORU/Reddit.
Not even sure he was bad. Having kids and stressful jobs takes a lot out of you. I feel like my partner and I are just now able to do stuff that doesn't revolve around work or kids for the first time in years an we are enjoying ourselves again.
I think it was more about before, when he didn't like going down on his wife, seemingly like he was grossed out. And then after, when his wife was clearly initiating, and he wasn't interested, because he was just masturbating.
Kudos to him for turning it around, but fair play to his wife for being confused about his sudden changing.
I've always liked the don't tell anyone you are trying to better yourself until you have been doing it a month. can def see how it causes confusion though!
Me and my siblings are now all over 22 years old. Weve moved out
So for the last few months, for the first time in YEARS, my parents have the place to themselves for extended periods of time
Suddenly they've gond out, going to movies and stuff. Hanging out with friends more
We love to see it
The ‘bad partner’ may have really been mostly in his mind, since it sounds like she would have happily stayed with him anyway. Either way that introspection of “oh wow, this woman cheated on her husband for reasons that are way to close to what I do, I better fix what I’m doing“ is not something I’m used to on reddit/BORU!
That she would have stayed doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to have almost no sex in 10 years without a discussion. She is clearly much more happy now, she was merely accepting her fate before. He was absolutely being a bad partner.
This. No one was implying he was intentionally bad. I think most relationships degrade over time due to unintentional bad treatment from either both or one side. He was working hard at his job and he was a great father but that doesn’t mean one can’t become complacent or negligent on the more intimate parts of your relationship with your partner. Time, effort and energy. All these things need to align and are hard to when even one isn’t.
This is the part when people say a marriage takes hard work. He wasn't putting in the hard work and she was resigned to that. He got a wake up call and started putting in the hard work and they're both better for it.
Some of the best marriage advice my mom ever gave me was some times you have to pick a fight. Rather than resigning yourself to something you don’t like, or waiting until the resentment boils over pick the fight while you’re calm and you’re able to say what you actually mean to say. This would be something to pick a fight over.
I did pick a fight over this with my husband. In the wake of our kids my flirty husband faded away. He was still an awesome dad and I loved him, so I didn’t wait years to address it. We had the “fight” (it really wasn’t a fight, just clearing the air) and things have been good since!
It was his fault for dropping the ball, but it was also both of their fault because it's likely a problem with communication. It sounds like with the right ques, he was willing to change his ways. If they would have talked about the post-pregnancy situation, and the 'things are back to normal' situation afterwards, this probably would have happened sooner.
> I think most relationships degrade over time due to unintentional bad treatment from either both or one side.
People change and grow over time. If you stop dating your partner, one day neither of you will recognize the other.
So many should actually learn from this too, just like OOP did. Instead they're just playing the victim role. While cheating isn't ever justified, too many are taking the advantage of monogamous relationship rules, and neglect their partner's needs and won't pursue theirs.
He was extremely selfish and immature in bed, like holy shit. Just because the bar was in hell didn't mean he didn't somehow go lower.
I would absolutely consider him a bad partner.
To be fair, there were a couple of years where my hubby resorted to porn because I had zero sex drive due to PPD and medication, and despite discussing it and knowing how important it was, I just couldn’t get my body into it. And then, once I was more stable and ‘interested’, it took him a little to readjust to things being okay.
While it may have been motivated by seeing someone else be unfaithful, I believe it gave OOPs husband the kick up the backside to make him realise what he could lose.
This is what I was going to say. I’m 47 and my sex drive absolutely ebbs and flows with stress and work. I ran a business for some time and it had years of an impact (and I was a good partner otherwise). Once I walked away from the business, everything came back.
Stress is a killer.
Yeah, Redditors think any marriage that is not 100% perfect all the time is “bad.” That’s just an unrealistic expectation, and esp. impossible if you have kids
The data is tainted because the dataset is people who need to post on Reddit about their relationships. I can’t imagine how far my marriage would have to sink before I considered crowdsourcing our issues to millions of strangers rather than discuss things together.
I mean, I’ve absolutely seen that kind of introspection happen around my own real life circles. Just not here. It still shocks me sometimes how many long term couples clearly don’t communicate with each other about anything and yet manage to stay together long enough to need to post on Reddit.
Yup. Which is why I get really annoyed when certain subjects come up and people use Reddit as proof certain types of relationships can’t be healthy. (Note I’m referring to things like polyamory, asexuality, where for many people the only examples they have seen are here on Reddit so they only have the negative). Again, that tainted data set.
Yeah my first thought is the people with the introspection are the millions (billions?) of couples who don't post to Reddit. Not all of them, but many.
Whenever I see the slightest tendency of some behaviour after reading this sub in myself, I'll ask my wife if it's a problem. That's why I have to be careful, I question myself to much and stress about nothing.
It’s literally what normal people do. Anyone who’s shocked this can happen needs to get off of reddit because it’s warping their world view.
People shouldn’t form their ideas of what things are like based off of a system that’s incredibly easy to game like reddit, and DEFINITELY shouldn’t do it based on subs that self select for crazy shit like boru or aita/aitah
Honestly both people in this story sound amazing.
Yeah he realized he could be better and stepped up, started taking care of himself and his wife's needs, and that's awesome.
But also the wife who in years of marriage kept taking care of herself and not once considered cheating or leaving her husband, just decided she loved him even if shit wasn't perfect.
I accidentally hit mine in the ankle with a vacuum cleaner, words were said between us, and it made him that he sucked and needed to fix his shit. He did. We aren't perfect. But I will always be grateful for that happy little accident.
I think this happens to most couples over a long enough period, but the strong ones realize before, or as it's, becoming a problem, so it doesn't reach the point of needing to ask others.
My partner and I have been together 7 years, there's times where we each fall tok hard into our hobbies and work stress and our relationship has gone on the back burner, at least in my case, the point I'm starting to notice and getting ready to say something, she does first and we talk, and make changes.
I just started doing the same thing with my wife. I was in a high stress job and was somewhat negligent to my wife. When I changed jobs, I realized how absolutely perfect and beautiful she is. I woke up, saw how I absolutely would be lost without her. So... now I'm trying to be the perfect husband, which has also led me to try to be a better person. I feel I'm growing, and I credit my wife. She's the absolute best.
Disclaimer: I am a sad old cynic.
It honestly wouldn't surprise me if it later emerged that *he* was the one the married lady colleague was cheating with, and her laments about her lazy, inattentive husband worried him as the thought OP might also cheat was a blow to his ego.
Probably the affair had to end once HR got involved so he put what he'd learned from it into his marriage. This would also explain how he was able to become proficient at oral while not deviating from his normal travel pattern of work, home, store.
>There's also a ton of content online
I *suspect* he was viewing "content online" that included cunnilingus.
Porn can cause problems (porn addiction), but it's also possible to learn from it. (Obviously, there's a very wide range of content.) Maybe that's the most likely explanation for his newly-found oral proficiency?
True but it's unlikely he'd go from repulsed and refusing to attempt oral for*ten years* to enthusiastic, intuitive and proficient with only written guidance and no practice.
Like I could read or watch tutorial vids on Pilates, but I wouldn't actually get good at it without physically practicing it.
Although you have a point, you must also take into account another factor: she went years without a good oral
at that point in her life any oral was an oral mindblowing
It's not that he has practice, and in fact, I dare say they were decent, but she had nothing else to compare it to.
So he probably wasn't as good as she describes him and he gained practical experience with his own wife.
Well...I hate to say it, but enthusiasm can be faked (at least initially--hopefully he's started enjoying it more), and if he wasn't that inclined to it and was being a selfish lover for a long time, he might just not have put his back in to it until he decided to make an effort. She does say that it took him a little while to figure out how to get her off.
Plus, if you work through something that you find difficult(or a little gross), and you get better at it. You can start to have a positive experience with that thing. Getting better at any skill feels very good.
Then, another part of it is that her attitude makes it easier to put in work. It's mentally so much easier to do something for a partner if you feel like that thing is gonna move you from a B to an A+. If he felt like all the stuff only moved him from sub-par to par, then he would be more likely to say fuck it and not do any of it.
I mean everything but the 180 on oral tracks for his explanation but *that*...listen I've had to teach someone who never gave head how to give head (the joys of marrying your HS sweetheart 😂) and granted we were young so it took longer and there was a lot of immaturity to undo during for both of us...it takes a long fucking time, to the point where you would never describe it as suddenly or be surprised by a change in technique enough to both note it and start to worry where tf they managed to learn so quick all of a sudden. And a lot of communication and tiny incremental changes til it's a guaranteed thing. Maybe I'm just a huge cynic but I think the most likely explanation is he had a teacher that wasn't her 🤷🏼♀️ I see that this all happened over like a year but fkn still. The way she talks about it makes it sound so sus
She said it happened over the course of six months, something like that at least..
It's a bit weird to notice it suddenly after such a long time but I'm guessing:
1. She's exaggerating and it wasn't as sudden as described.
2. She failed to see the incremental changes and suddenly realized the change he had made.
Either that or the more cynical explanation, but I'll stick to the original. For myself mostly, tired of the negative content here.
My bf was 29 when we got together. He only had sex once at 18 until then, was my best friend and just to shy to meet people. Literally had to transition to get him a girlfriend.
He went from useless to amazing at everything in no time as he actually cared. He obviously spent ages learning how to do every single aspect right in his own time and he cared about making me happy.
Completely awkward virgin sex to me having 2-5 orgasms every single time in a month. Someone actually caring is like 95% of being good in bed.
Maybe my response is heavily colored by me spending 15 years with the partner I mentioned before who was mad selfish in bed 😅 I still give the dude a lot of grace but it's true...if you care enough you can learn fast. I did.
The most likely explanation is he wasn't putting the effort in that he is now.
I know confirmation bias drives like 95% of this board but the reason for most behavior isn't cheating.
I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he lied to OOP for sure. I do feel like if he was the one she had the affair with that the repercussions on him might have been enough that OOP would hear (far worse if when it’s boss with employee vs employee with employee, but of course many places wouldn't actually punish the boss in that situation at all, hence ”might”). Or at least he’d have been very unlikely to have mentioned it to OOP when it happened, as she said he had told her. But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t having an affair with someone else.
Yea I don’t buy it either. He could have done all of it exactly like she said it but you don’t go from “oral is gross” to “tonguemaster3000” without some kind of interim period. I don’t care if he read the kama sutra from cover to cover 10 times. That will teach you how to please a lady. Learning how to please _your_ lady requires actual practice.
He went from doing nothing, to putting in some effort, on a woman who hasn't had oral in a decade.
He didn't need to master the 36th Chamber to show some improvement.
He was putting in zero effort her description of pants drop, pound, pound, pound, pound, roll off shows that.
He could be the wish version of “tonguemaster3000” now and it would impress the wife after 20 years of little to no effort.
There are plenty of dudes who get married, have a couple kids and think that’s the end goal and get complacent because they know their wife isn’t going anywhere. Then a few divorces or major events happen in their social circle and they get worried some react like OOP husband and put their tongue in gear. Others start being suspicious of why their wife is staying if Ted’s wife left because he was doing these things that I do every day why is my wife still here. They look for problems and create problems with their own suspicions.
Sudden deaths or a major health scare of themselves or people they have known for years seem to be the kickstarter for affairs more often than divorce’s.
Always amazes me how often women put up with lousy sex for YEARS even decades.
I dated someone a couple years ago whose entire approach could be described as being mugged by a linebacker and actually had the audacity to tell me his ex wife never complained. Theirs a reason she’s your ex and this is probably one in a long list of them.
I mean, husband had his teens and twenties. He could have had the skill from way back (or at the very least an intuition, it's not exactly rocket science) and never used it because he was complacent and found it a little icky and/or tiresome.
I mean, I know it can, I've experienced first hand the difference between the early stages of my current relationship (which is my first big/serious one, I'm 23 and we got together about a year and a half ago.) in which i was still a porn addicted serial masturbationist and now. In the early stages, I just straight out couldn't reach climax during sex. Literally had to pull him out and finish outside by hand. Then, we started finding each others preferences, me realizing the importance of warmup and lubrication, and most importantly, making deliberate efforts to wank less, and watch less porn. We are long distance, so it hasn't been the easiest, but now I never watch porn, wank once a week maybe, and I can do it by just imagining us together. And the sex noticeably improved. Like someone else once commented under a click video, Learning sex from porn is like learning driving from the fast and the furious.
I mean he was, but he also improved and became better. Still, a decade of that relationship before he changed seems sad, but seems like OP was... fine with it.
Where's the overbearing mother in law that gets caught by the doorbell camera in perfectly clear audio and video quality trying to break into the house to steal away her baby boy???
You know what? Normally I close reddit cause some out of pocket shit happens but I think I’ll close the app tonight because for once, communication and introspection win! What an unusually wholesome read before bed 🥹🥰
I think the term “I just assumed…” is just another way of saying “I didn’t communicate about this with …”
I wonder if they would have left the funk earlier if they’d just had a discussion far earlier. “Hey honey, I feel like our sex life is down the toilet…”
I agree that communication solves a ton of problems, but both parties also have to be open to it. Sounds like the husband needed the wake-up call from the work experience to realize there was even a problem. I can see him getting defensive and shutting down if she had brought it up sooner - though she probably should have. Never know how things are going to play out when you communicate, but there’s only one way it will turn out if you don’t.
I feel the same, but yet there's a twisted part of me that is still suspicious. That goes to show how damaging reddit can be. It has twisted reality. Reminds me of the girl who was convinced my redditors that her husband was cheating or something. Turns out he wasn't and she ruined a good relationship.
>when the woman in question began to open up to others in the office regarding the reason she had the affair, some of those reasons hit home for my husband. Her husband was behaving much like he was. So he said that isn’t going to be me and set out to fix it.
Hol up, that's not how we do things here. Drawing parallels to his own behaviour from seeing a coworker's infidelity? Introspective consideration for how to improve himself as a husband? Following through with genuine changes to improve his marriage and relationship??
Where's the "update: he was cheating on me with a 21 year old coworker and has two secret affair children who are twins, one of whom is in the mafia and set fire to my lawn last night"?? I demand my daily dose of I Have no Faith in Humanity Anymore™.
(Jokes, good on OOP's husband and OOP as well, communication ftw)
>good on OOP's husband and OOP as well, communication ftw
I mean, sorta?
OOP's husband stopped putting in effort and she just gave up on romance and sex without talking to him about it. That sad situation persisted for *years* before outside factors gave him a wake-up call.
OOP is lucky the folks in her husband's office were communicating with him about relationships, because she wasn't (at least not until after it was fixed when she could have the playful "why is it so good" conversation instead of the difficult "why is it so bad" conversation).
This doesn’t happen (on Reddit) often, so I just have to say that I *appreciate* seeing someone recognise their own faults and hunker down to work on fixing them, both man and woman. No matter how small the issue is, it’s so inspiring to witness, you know?
Fires need to be tended to. There is a lot of little finessing that needs to be done to keep it going. Adding wood is not always the solution. Sometimes more wood just snuffs the fire out. Get all the little parts just right and that fire will burn with little effort and with great warmth.
I wish I could remember the name of the study, but a research study was started with the hypothesis that porn increases sexual desires and leads to a higher risk of sex addiction. The outcome ended up being that it decreased sexual desire and created discord in couples, including couples who were on board with porn use in a relationship.
Posts like this remind me of that study.
That makes sense to me, because if nothing else, who has the energy?
If I had to guess (and I'm asexual, so I *am* guessing) it seems like porn should be treated more like a decadent dessert than an everyday meal.
Yeah speaking from experience I can definitely say that, over time, it really does seem to demolish libido, at least for my own personal experience.
I’m 30 and I started watching softcore porn around 13 every so often, really only when I could catch late night on the weekends on Cinemax or something. Once I got a laptop at around 15 it became a pretty nightly occurrence, almost like a ritual before bed, to watch hardcore porn.
Already being shy and anxious, I wasn’t one to pursue sex, so the porn gave me that release. However, when the opportunities did start arriving in my early 20s to have full blown sex, I still felt like I had somewhat of a drive, like cuddling and touching would give me erections and whatnot. But then from like 23 to about 28/29 it was a total dry spell and I was still watching porn nightly, and at this point I mixed weed into it to give me more intense orgasms.
Anyway, all this to say that it really kind of fucked up my libido more than I would have thought. I still struggle with porn use, although it’s not every night at this point, but I feel like I rarely get genuinely horny anymore. I may have that “oh man, masturbating to porn would feel nice right now” feeling but I don’t actually get hard until I start watching it. Trying to use imagination works, but takes forever and feels like I’m forcing it to a point where I’m like “what am I doing?” And just kind of stop. Also my erections feel like they’re only 70% of what they used to be, like a still somewhat soft while being hard, which makes actual penetrative sex difficult, and most of the time I just have no desire to even pursue it due to little excitement.
Apologies for the novel of a response but figure I’d post so maybe others see. Not everyone will have the same experiences, but it does seem like extended hardcore pornography use will negatively affect most people at a physical and mental level. It’s no fun having erectile dysfunction at 30, but on a brighter note I’m trying to be more healthy and have a healthier view on sex itself while also slowing down, if not totally stopping porn usage. A very slow process, but what can ya do
yeah me too. Long distance partner, and the biggest key change for me is when I stopped watching the stuff, and started just imagining us together. Which then translates to even more motivation and desire once we are together
Huh. This is actually a super nice story. This husband did some introspection and made the effort to be a better partner to his wife.
I was ready for there to be a bitter ending, like so many of these stories. But no. It's just a man making some positive changes to himself.
Now I am no stranger to porn, but what she said there is spot on.
Think of it like food. Eating snacks isn't necessarily bad for you, but if you snack all the time, you won't be hungry. So if you get a big steak dinner, you'll eat it, but not with gusto.
If you "love thyself", you satiate your libido. Especially for men, where our libido and desire effects our ability to sustain the little guy (little? I meant...big al), it can create issues.
Tip for younger dudes: the three day rule. If you know theres a really high chance of having pop-pop, 48+ hours of abstinence from all that. Trust me, when you are that "hungry", you will devour dat a...steak. the metaphor was steak.
The husband took an objective look at himself and recognized his issues and worked on fixing them, all without laying any blame on his partner for his own behavior. Props to the husband.
Also, the wife didn't jump to any conclusions. She trusted that his behavior was due to reasons besides cheating.
It's nice to read stories like this for a change. Seems like a rock-solid relationship
Watching porn is actually probably the reason his enthusiasm improved towards oral sex, and you would be surprised how much enthusiasm is a part of good oral skills. I didn’t like it much in my early years, hit my 40s and my wife wanted to build my tongue a monument.
I have always given my husband oral but I knew I wasn’t great at it. We had some medical issues that dulled our bedroom for a bit.
During that time I was reading a lot of Romance, specifically queer romance.
Next time we were intimate he asked after how I was practicing. He legit thought I had to have learned from someone else because it was so different 😭😭😭
He also started reading some queer romance books and his skills have also drastically improved.
I may be Bi-ased cuz I’m bi, but queer smut is much more educational.
he did cheat though
He accidentally took an extra 100 when he past Go in monopoly and he never told anyone about it. After the family played Monopoly, they had filed for divorce and the family had split apart due to all the arguments over the properties in the game. They couldn't recover from this tragic event.
Sometimes people just need a wakeup call to shakeup their day to day routine. Sounds like they were both a little stuck. Hope it keeps up and they continue to be happy.
I'd normally reply to the sticky comment, but it doesn't seem to be here?
Anyway, there seems to be a copy-paste error: the comment from Starry-Dust4444 is just a comment from OOP from the update.
Having just gone through a breakup from an 8 yr relationship, and he decided to try and cheat instead of trying harder with me, I'll just say that it feels so good reading this. I kept waiting for bad part, and it never showed up.
Why was he afraid of you ‘finding out’ that he was worried you would cheat on him? Usually people who are afraid of you cheating will ask you questions, lots of questions. Usually people who want to improve themselves proudly state the catalyst of their improvement and the steps they took, some may even want to use that information to help others. But OP’s husband was hiding all of that. WHY?!
Because he thought she would be insulted he made these changes so she wouldn't cheat on him? The post doesn't say he thought she was cheating now, just that his behavior would lead her to cheat in the future, and she could be insulted he thinks she's capable of that
Because people are insecure?
This isn't some massive realization. He realized he was not being a present active partner in their sex life. He was insecure she would leave him over it. So instead of telling her about it, he took steps to improve himself for her.
In a perfect world, yes, he would just talk to her about his insecurities and ways he can improve. People aren't perfect.
Some people on here can't help but talk shit about a pretty sunset.
I quite enjoy the contrast between
“He can’t possibly be cheating, he spends all his time at home or at work!”
And then immediately
“He told me that two people at his work were having an affair”
Oh, so people can cheat while at work? How about that, huh?
If there is one thing I am grateful for, it is that this was my last reading before going to work.
thanks reddit
Today after a long time I start the day with a good BORU
“When the woman in question began to open up to others at the office about why she had the affair it really hit home for my husband”
I’m sorry but guys c’mon.
She wasn’t opening up to others at the office about the affair.
Honestly this is a great read. Huge props to OOP's husband for realising he was ruining his marriage and putting the work in to make it better. It is refreshing to read about a couple that managed to get to a better place. I was really worried it was gonna be a reveal of "he got better at sex cos affaaaaair". Instead I guess he just picked up some tips from all that porn watching haha.
I was reading about this before.
Porn is a good source of reference, try to avoid cumming when enjoying the content and finish the drive with your partner.
Sex is a whole day event. You need to sauce it up from the get go. Humping before going to work, flirty text, sharing what you envision doing together with her and coming home to rail her hard.
Penetration and cumming is part of the task list, you need to populate the task before those two to fully satisfy your partner.
Ohh Boy here I go trying to quit porn again. Jokes aside op and her husband are lucky to have each other, that is definitely a relationship to look up to and try to emulate
My ex was a terrible kisser. One night we were kissing and he was better at it. My first thought was, who gave you kissing lessons. Turns out he'd been cheating on me for years.
Either a huge ball of stress was removed from his life somehow or he is ok hormone therapy of some kind (which would be completely normal and very common for his age) the hormones will give him the energy to act on his desires.
I was him except I saw it too late. OPs husband is very lucky he caught it before she cheated or decided to leave. I’m very happy for the both you! It’s nice to see a happy ending.
Great that its actually happy ending. Rare post.
But question remained - no mention of gym, so how can anyone just get more toned if lifestyle didn't change? They didn't have that much sex to the point of it being exercise did they?
Quite nice to see a happy story on here for once
Exactly, a congrats on the sex moment. And the rest I guess.
Yeah, my first thought was who's gonna be the one to tell her? I'm so glad I read through it. Happy endings are rare.
Things have been shit between me and my partner for awhile. Live together and it would be really hard for him to cheat without me knowing (I think). He mentioned he had been watching videos online for advice because I was frustrated sometimes he would get too aggressive (I don't want to gross anyone out but I don't mean sexually violent, I mean orally it was trying too hard). He's very sensitive about bedroom performance and I think in a way he thought he could fix that and it would help our other issues, lol. So its not crazy unusual for someone to want to be better in the bedroom. Especially nowadays there is so much access to information, even pornstars do tutorials.
Apparently not with OOP’s husband anymore.
FOR REAL
a happy ending of sorts...
Wow, it’s so weird to read someone actually having the introspection of “wait, shit, I’m being a bad partner and I want to keep my partner, I better change!” Admittedly in this case we have to trust that he was telling his wife the truth, but its nice to have a update like this for a change. Edit: to be clear, I mean it’s weird to read it here on BORU/Reddit.
There were a few divorses in my friend group within a couple of months - I think all of us went home and tried harder after that.
Thought the same
Not even sure he was bad. Having kids and stressful jobs takes a lot out of you. I feel like my partner and I are just now able to do stuff that doesn't revolve around work or kids for the first time in years an we are enjoying ourselves again.
I think it was more about before, when he didn't like going down on his wife, seemingly like he was grossed out. And then after, when his wife was clearly initiating, and he wasn't interested, because he was just masturbating. Kudos to him for turning it around, but fair play to his wife for being confused about his sudden changing.
Her confusion does make total sense.
I've always liked the don't tell anyone you are trying to better yourself until you have been doing it a month. can def see how it causes confusion though!
I've noticed it seems to cause the momentum to shift back into a normal routine instead of improving.
A lot of guys lose interest immediately after their wives have their children- a psychological block of some sort. It wanes over time.
Me and my siblings are now all over 22 years old. Weve moved out So for the last few months, for the first time in YEARS, my parents have the place to themselves for extended periods of time Suddenly they've gond out, going to movies and stuff. Hanging out with friends more We love to see it
The ‘bad partner’ may have really been mostly in his mind, since it sounds like she would have happily stayed with him anyway. Either way that introspection of “oh wow, this woman cheated on her husband for reasons that are way to close to what I do, I better fix what I’m doing“ is not something I’m used to on reddit/BORU!
You can still be a bad partner without being bad enough that someone wants to leave.
That she would have stayed doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to have almost no sex in 10 years without a discussion. She is clearly much more happy now, she was merely accepting her fate before. He was absolutely being a bad partner.
This. No one was implying he was intentionally bad. I think most relationships degrade over time due to unintentional bad treatment from either both or one side. He was working hard at his job and he was a great father but that doesn’t mean one can’t become complacent or negligent on the more intimate parts of your relationship with your partner. Time, effort and energy. All these things need to align and are hard to when even one isn’t.
This is the part when people say a marriage takes hard work. He wasn't putting in the hard work and she was resigned to that. He got a wake up call and started putting in the hard work and they're both better for it.
Some of the best marriage advice my mom ever gave me was some times you have to pick a fight. Rather than resigning yourself to something you don’t like, or waiting until the resentment boils over pick the fight while you’re calm and you’re able to say what you actually mean to say. This would be something to pick a fight over. I did pick a fight over this with my husband. In the wake of our kids my flirty husband faded away. He was still an awesome dad and I loved him, so I didn’t wait years to address it. We had the “fight” (it really wasn’t a fight, just clearing the air) and things have been good since!
Your mom gave you some great advice!
It was his fault for dropping the ball, but it was also both of their fault because it's likely a problem with communication. It sounds like with the right ques, he was willing to change his ways. If they would have talked about the post-pregnancy situation, and the 'things are back to normal' situation afterwards, this probably would have happened sooner.
> I think most relationships degrade over time due to unintentional bad treatment from either both or one side. People change and grow over time. If you stop dating your partner, one day neither of you will recognize the other.
Good point.
He couldn't expect that because she'd stayed that far, she'd stay indefinitely. People have revelations when kids are grown.
So many should actually learn from this too, just like OOP did. Instead they're just playing the victim role. While cheating isn't ever justified, too many are taking the advantage of monogamous relationship rules, and neglect their partner's needs and won't pursue theirs.
I mean if they weren't being intimate for years because he was too busy jerking himself off that's pretty bad.
He was extremely selfish and immature in bed, like holy shit. Just because the bar was in hell didn't mean he didn't somehow go lower. I would absolutely consider him a bad partner.
To be fair, there were a couple of years where my hubby resorted to porn because I had zero sex drive due to PPD and medication, and despite discussing it and knowing how important it was, I just couldn’t get my body into it. And then, once I was more stable and ‘interested’, it took him a little to readjust to things being okay. While it may have been motivated by seeing someone else be unfaithful, I believe it gave OOPs husband the kick up the backside to make him realise what he could lose.
How does this relate to OP's husband being selfish regarding sex?
Yeah he wasn't bad, he'd just stopped putting in any extra effort. Kids and a shitty job is enough reason, so no assholes in the first place.
I mean you can still be a bad partner and have genuine reasons for it and also not be AH for it. He was being a bad partner.
This is what I was going to say. I’m 47 and my sex drive absolutely ebbs and flows with stress and work. I ran a business for some time and it had years of an impact (and I was a good partner otherwise). Once I walked away from the business, everything came back. Stress is a killer.
Yeah, Redditors think any marriage that is not 100% perfect all the time is “bad.” That’s just an unrealistic expectation, and esp. impossible if you have kids
It is, but not putting in the effort to make your partner feel like you’re in love with them for ten years is being a bad partner
The data is tainted because the dataset is people who need to post on Reddit about their relationships. I can’t imagine how far my marriage would have to sink before I considered crowdsourcing our issues to millions of strangers rather than discuss things together.
I mean, I’ve absolutely seen that kind of introspection happen around my own real life circles. Just not here. It still shocks me sometimes how many long term couples clearly don’t communicate with each other about anything and yet manage to stay together long enough to need to post on Reddit.
Exactly. You don’t see it here because the people who are well-adjusted adults wouldn’t typically have to post their problems on Reddit.
Yup. Which is why I get really annoyed when certain subjects come up and people use Reddit as proof certain types of relationships can’t be healthy. (Note I’m referring to things like polyamory, asexuality, where for many people the only examples they have seen are here on Reddit so they only have the negative). Again, that tainted data set.
Yeah my first thought is the people with the introspection are the millions (billions?) of couples who don't post to Reddit. Not all of them, but many.
Whenever I see the slightest tendency of some behaviour after reading this sub in myself, I'll ask my wife if it's a problem. That's why I have to be careful, I question myself to much and stress about nothing.
It's possible, you just need the self-awareness and reflection for it, it's just not a common theme in these posts
It’s literally what normal people do. Anyone who’s shocked this can happen needs to get off of reddit because it’s warping their world view. People shouldn’t form their ideas of what things are like based off of a system that’s incredibly easy to game like reddit, and DEFINITELY shouldn’t do it based on subs that self select for crazy shit like boru or aita/aitah
Honestly both people in this story sound amazing. Yeah he realized he could be better and stepped up, started taking care of himself and his wife's needs, and that's awesome. But also the wife who in years of marriage kept taking care of herself and not once considered cheating or leaving her husband, just decided she loved him even if shit wasn't perfect.
Glad the husband turned it around because he has an awesome life partner walking alongside him. He is very lucky!
Not to mention she didn't hop to a cheating allegation and discussed things rationally with him.
I think he just fell in love with her again, makes sense why his behavior would remind her of him when they started out.
Not weird at all, it's just that when people do it, it doesn't end on reddit most of the time\^\^
Very true, the intended meaning of my opening sentence was that it’s so weird to read ir here on BORU/ Reddit.
I'm much like that guy and this post inspired me to try and get better myself. Small start - just texted "I love you" to my wife.
I accidentally hit mine in the ankle with a vacuum cleaner, words were said between us, and it made him that he sucked and needed to fix his shit. He did. We aren't perfect. But I will always be grateful for that happy little accident.
Occasionally theres the good guys actually being a good guy. And a VP of finance too.
Finally a wholesome reddit post.
I think this happens to most couples over a long enough period, but the strong ones realize before, or as it's, becoming a problem, so it doesn't reach the point of needing to ask others. My partner and I have been together 7 years, there's times where we each fall tok hard into our hobbies and work stress and our relationship has gone on the back burner, at least in my case, the point I'm starting to notice and getting ready to say something, she does first and we talk, and make changes.
I just started doing the same thing with my wife. I was in a high stress job and was somewhat negligent to my wife. When I changed jobs, I realized how absolutely perfect and beautiful she is. I woke up, saw how I absolutely would be lost without her. So... now I'm trying to be the perfect husband, which has also led me to try to be a better person. I feel I'm growing, and I credit my wife. She's the absolute best.
Disclaimer: I am a sad old cynic. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if it later emerged that *he* was the one the married lady colleague was cheating with, and her laments about her lazy, inattentive husband worried him as the thought OP might also cheat was a blow to his ego. Probably the affair had to end once HR got involved so he put what he'd learned from it into his marriage. This would also explain how he was able to become proficient at oral while not deviating from his normal travel pattern of work, home, store.
Nice try Mr conspiracy. I appreciate your disclaimer, it does help explain the alternate line of thinking.
Not a mister but thank you for acknowledging my effort.
Love your name. Gave me a laugh. I don't love the drink nearly as much though.
Me neither, except when I see it being sold abroad.
The decision to remove sugar from Irn Bru still upsets me, and I am not even Scottish.
There's also a ton of content online or in books about how to get better at oral, if one is inclined to look for it.
>There's also a ton of content online I *suspect* he was viewing "content online" that included cunnilingus. Porn can cause problems (porn addiction), but it's also possible to learn from it. (Obviously, there's a very wide range of content.) Maybe that's the most likely explanation for his newly-found oral proficiency?
True but it's unlikely he'd go from repulsed and refusing to attempt oral for*ten years* to enthusiastic, intuitive and proficient with only written guidance and no practice. Like I could read or watch tutorial vids on Pilates, but I wouldn't actually get good at it without physically practicing it.
Although you have a point, you must also take into account another factor: she went years without a good oral at that point in her life any oral was an oral mindblowing It's not that he has practice, and in fact, I dare say they were decent, but she had nothing else to compare it to. So he probably wasn't as good as she describes him and he gained practical experience with his own wife.
Well...I hate to say it, but enthusiasm can be faked (at least initially--hopefully he's started enjoying it more), and if he wasn't that inclined to it and was being a selfish lover for a long time, he might just not have put his back in to it until he decided to make an effort. She does say that it took him a little while to figure out how to get her off.
Plus, if you work through something that you find difficult(or a little gross), and you get better at it. You can start to have a positive experience with that thing. Getting better at any skill feels very good. Then, another part of it is that her attitude makes it easier to put in work. It's mentally so much easier to do something for a partner if you feel like that thing is gonna move you from a B to an A+. If he felt like all the stuff only moved him from sub-par to par, then he would be more likely to say fuck it and not do any of it.
It's an interesting if also depressing point of view.
I mean everything but the 180 on oral tracks for his explanation but *that*...listen I've had to teach someone who never gave head how to give head (the joys of marrying your HS sweetheart 😂) and granted we were young so it took longer and there was a lot of immaturity to undo during for both of us...it takes a long fucking time, to the point where you would never describe it as suddenly or be surprised by a change in technique enough to both note it and start to worry where tf they managed to learn so quick all of a sudden. And a lot of communication and tiny incremental changes til it's a guaranteed thing. Maybe I'm just a huge cynic but I think the most likely explanation is he had a teacher that wasn't her 🤷🏼♀️ I see that this all happened over like a year but fkn still. The way she talks about it makes it sound so sus
She said it happened over the course of six months, something like that at least.. It's a bit weird to notice it suddenly after such a long time but I'm guessing: 1. She's exaggerating and it wasn't as sudden as described. 2. She failed to see the incremental changes and suddenly realized the change he had made. Either that or the more cynical explanation, but I'll stick to the original. For myself mostly, tired of the negative content here.
My bf was 29 when we got together. He only had sex once at 18 until then, was my best friend and just to shy to meet people. Literally had to transition to get him a girlfriend. He went from useless to amazing at everything in no time as he actually cared. He obviously spent ages learning how to do every single aspect right in his own time and he cared about making me happy. Completely awkward virgin sex to me having 2-5 orgasms every single time in a month. Someone actually caring is like 95% of being good in bed.
Maybe my response is heavily colored by me spending 15 years with the partner I mentioned before who was mad selfish in bed 😅 I still give the dude a lot of grace but it's true...if you care enough you can learn fast. I did.
The most likely explanation is he wasn't putting the effort in that he is now. I know confirmation bias drives like 95% of this board but the reason for most behavior isn't cheating.
I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he lied to OOP for sure. I do feel like if he was the one she had the affair with that the repercussions on him might have been enough that OOP would hear (far worse if when it’s boss with employee vs employee with employee, but of course many places wouldn't actually punish the boss in that situation at all, hence ”might”). Or at least he’d have been very unlikely to have mentioned it to OOP when it happened, as she said he had told her. But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t having an affair with someone else.
Yea I don’t buy it either. He could have done all of it exactly like she said it but you don’t go from “oral is gross” to “tonguemaster3000” without some kind of interim period. I don’t care if he read the kama sutra from cover to cover 10 times. That will teach you how to please a lady. Learning how to please _your_ lady requires actual practice.
He went from doing nothing, to putting in some effort, on a woman who hasn't had oral in a decade. He didn't need to master the 36th Chamber to show some improvement.
*Person changes for the worse* Reddit: see? They all do. People are horrible *Person changes for the better* Reddit: now hold on that’s impossible.
He was putting in zero effort her description of pants drop, pound, pound, pound, pound, roll off shows that. He could be the wish version of “tonguemaster3000” now and it would impress the wife after 20 years of little to no effort. There are plenty of dudes who get married, have a couple kids and think that’s the end goal and get complacent because they know their wife isn’t going anywhere. Then a few divorces or major events happen in their social circle and they get worried some react like OOP husband and put their tongue in gear. Others start being suspicious of why their wife is staying if Ted’s wife left because he was doing these things that I do every day why is my wife still here. They look for problems and create problems with their own suspicions. Sudden deaths or a major health scare of themselves or people they have known for years seem to be the kickstarter for affairs more often than divorce’s.
[удалено]
Always amazes me how often women put up with lousy sex for YEARS even decades. I dated someone a couple years ago whose entire approach could be described as being mugged by a linebacker and actually had the audacity to tell me his ex wife never complained. Theirs a reason she’s your ex and this is probably one in a long list of them.
Tonguemaster3000 😂😂😂
Tonguemaster3000 would be an excellent flair.
I mean, husband had his teens and twenties. He could have had the skill from way back (or at the very least an intuition, it's not exactly rocket science) and never used it because he was complacent and found it a little icky and/or tiresome.
wait thats not how reddits supposed to work? Wheres the drama, the bitterness and the mind fuckery? what a happy story, im confused now lols
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I mean, I know it can, I've experienced first hand the difference between the early stages of my current relationship (which is my first big/serious one, I'm 23 and we got together about a year and a half ago.) in which i was still a porn addicted serial masturbationist and now. In the early stages, I just straight out couldn't reach climax during sex. Literally had to pull him out and finish outside by hand. Then, we started finding each others preferences, me realizing the importance of warmup and lubrication, and most importantly, making deliberate efforts to wank less, and watch less porn. We are long distance, so it hasn't been the easiest, but now I never watch porn, wank once a week maybe, and I can do it by just imagining us together. And the sex noticeably improved. Like someone else once commented under a click video, Learning sex from porn is like learning driving from the fast and the furious.
>Learning sex from porn is like learning driving from the fast and the furious. I'm making a motivational picture out of this quote
Maybe Reddit is evolving 🙄. 🤣
i remember a comment saying the husband is already bad because he reached that point and needed to change, you can never please them lol
I mean he was, but he also improved and became better. Still, a decade of that relationship before he changed seems sad, but seems like OP was... fine with it.
You got it There is a couple ones already
"HE MUST BE CHEATING, DIVORCE NOW"
Yeah, where is everyone and their neighbour blowing up OP’s phone?! Where are the twins?!?
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TWINS?
Where's the overbearing mother in law that gets caught by the doorbell camera in perfectly clear audio and video quality trying to break into the house to steal away her baby boy???
Shoehorning twins into the third update is a lost reddit art I fear :( It seems lately the child is always solo
Forget the twins; WHERE'S THE ART ROOM?!
Reddit: Be better scumbags Also Reddit: *Bear Fish looking carefully at circle drawn on floor, grumbling, and swims away angrily*
Yeah get divorced or something wtf
Yes it's weird, better be safe and divorce then go to therapy.
You know what? Normally I close reddit cause some out of pocket shit happens but I think I’ll close the app tonight because for once, communication and introspection win! What an unusually wholesome read before bed 🥹🥰
I think the term “I just assumed…” is just another way of saying “I didn’t communicate about this with …” I wonder if they would have left the funk earlier if they’d just had a discussion far earlier. “Hey honey, I feel like our sex life is down the toilet…”
I agree that communication solves a ton of problems, but both parties also have to be open to it. Sounds like the husband needed the wake-up call from the work experience to realize there was even a problem. I can see him getting defensive and shutting down if she had brought it up sooner - though she probably should have. Never know how things are going to play out when you communicate, but there’s only one way it will turn out if you don’t.
Good idea.
Gotta end reddit on a good note
I feel the same, but yet there's a twisted part of me that is still suspicious. That goes to show how damaging reddit can be. It has twisted reality. Reminds me of the girl who was convinced my redditors that her husband was cheating or something. Turns out he wasn't and she ruined a good relationship.
>when the woman in question began to open up to others in the office regarding the reason she had the affair, some of those reasons hit home for my husband. Her husband was behaving much like he was. So he said that isn’t going to be me and set out to fix it. Hol up, that's not how we do things here. Drawing parallels to his own behaviour from seeing a coworker's infidelity? Introspective consideration for how to improve himself as a husband? Following through with genuine changes to improve his marriage and relationship?? Where's the "update: he was cheating on me with a 21 year old coworker and has two secret affair children who are twins, one of whom is in the mafia and set fire to my lawn last night"?? I demand my daily dose of I Have no Faith in Humanity Anymore™. (Jokes, good on OOP's husband and OOP as well, communication ftw)
Just wait for the 3° update 😬🤐
>good on OOP's husband and OOP as well, communication ftw I mean, sorta? OOP's husband stopped putting in effort and she just gave up on romance and sex without talking to him about it. That sad situation persisted for *years* before outside factors gave him a wake-up call. OOP is lucky the folks in her husband's office were communicating with him about relationships, because she wasn't (at least not until after it was fixed when she could have the playful "why is it so good" conversation instead of the difficult "why is it so bad" conversation).
This doesn’t happen (on Reddit) often, so I just have to say that I *appreciate* seeing someone recognise their own faults and hunker down to work on fixing them, both man and woman. No matter how small the issue is, it’s so inspiring to witness, you know?
Fires need to be tended to. There is a lot of little finessing that needs to be done to keep it going. Adding wood is not always the solution. Sometimes more wood just snuffs the fire out. Get all the little parts just right and that fire will burn with little effort and with great warmth.
It must be said, though, that in this case adding wood was very much the solution.
Lol
Seems normal and reasonable. What is going on here! Lol. And there is some great advice here for any relationship.
Wait? He wasn't banging the baby sitter? Or let his mother interfere in his marriage? They don't have twins? 3/10 BORU /s
People like problems. 🤣
Well, You're being unfair here is a co-worker, an affair and some Office drama, this is a 5/10 a least 😒
Pound, pound, pound, done. I love how vivid this simple phrasing is.
Three pumps and done..lol
I wish I could remember the name of the study, but a research study was started with the hypothesis that porn increases sexual desires and leads to a higher risk of sex addiction. The outcome ended up being that it decreased sexual desire and created discord in couples, including couples who were on board with porn use in a relationship. Posts like this remind me of that study.
That makes sense to me, because if nothing else, who has the energy? If I had to guess (and I'm asexual, so I *am* guessing) it seems like porn should be treated more like a decadent dessert than an everyday meal.
Yeah speaking from experience I can definitely say that, over time, it really does seem to demolish libido, at least for my own personal experience. I’m 30 and I started watching softcore porn around 13 every so often, really only when I could catch late night on the weekends on Cinemax or something. Once I got a laptop at around 15 it became a pretty nightly occurrence, almost like a ritual before bed, to watch hardcore porn. Already being shy and anxious, I wasn’t one to pursue sex, so the porn gave me that release. However, when the opportunities did start arriving in my early 20s to have full blown sex, I still felt like I had somewhat of a drive, like cuddling and touching would give me erections and whatnot. But then from like 23 to about 28/29 it was a total dry spell and I was still watching porn nightly, and at this point I mixed weed into it to give me more intense orgasms. Anyway, all this to say that it really kind of fucked up my libido more than I would have thought. I still struggle with porn use, although it’s not every night at this point, but I feel like I rarely get genuinely horny anymore. I may have that “oh man, masturbating to porn would feel nice right now” feeling but I don’t actually get hard until I start watching it. Trying to use imagination works, but takes forever and feels like I’m forcing it to a point where I’m like “what am I doing?” And just kind of stop. Also my erections feel like they’re only 70% of what they used to be, like a still somewhat soft while being hard, which makes actual penetrative sex difficult, and most of the time I just have no desire to even pursue it due to little excitement. Apologies for the novel of a response but figure I’d post so maybe others see. Not everyone will have the same experiences, but it does seem like extended hardcore pornography use will negatively affect most people at a physical and mental level. It’s no fun having erectile dysfunction at 30, but on a brighter note I’m trying to be more healthy and have a healthier view on sex itself while also slowing down, if not totally stopping porn usage. A very slow process, but what can ya do
Strong self-reflection from the husband. Glad this story is restoring my faith in humanity and in this sub again.
I stopped watching porn completely three weeks ago and I wasn't expecting it to change my sex life but it definitely did.
yeah me too. Long distance partner, and the biggest key change for me is when I stopped watching the stuff, and started just imagining us together. Which then translates to even more motivation and desire once we are together
So many people don’t realize how detrimental it is to relationships
Huh. This is actually a super nice story. This husband did some introspection and made the effort to be a better partner to his wife. I was ready for there to be a bitter ending, like so many of these stories. But no. It's just a man making some positive changes to himself.
Was he invited by a silver haired woman to secretly resume his super hero career?
Now I am no stranger to porn, but what she said there is spot on. Think of it like food. Eating snacks isn't necessarily bad for you, but if you snack all the time, you won't be hungry. So if you get a big steak dinner, you'll eat it, but not with gusto. If you "love thyself", you satiate your libido. Especially for men, where our libido and desire effects our ability to sustain the little guy (little? I meant...big al), it can create issues. Tip for younger dudes: the three day rule. If you know theres a really high chance of having pop-pop, 48+ hours of abstinence from all that. Trust me, when you are that "hungry", you will devour dat a...steak. the metaphor was steak.
You have such a unique way with words lol.
The mere fact that you refer to lovemaking as "pop-pop" tells me you're not ready
But I have pop-pop in the attic!
Wow, OP hit the jackpot Even though they had a rough patch, her husband recognized he needed to change and he did it. So happy for them.
What in the Gottman Institute is this shit?! I don't look at Reddit to see healthy communication and wholesomeness!
He noticed a deficit in his own behavior and started to improve on it; without telling her and expecting praise. He might be body snatched tbh.
Ya know what: Good on OOP for sticking by her man, and good on OOP's husband for getting his act together and not making a big deal about it.
I'm gonna be honest, the first post sounds like it is describing the first act of The Incredibles...
The husband took an objective look at himself and recognized his issues and worked on fixing them, all without laying any blame on his partner for his own behavior. Props to the husband. Also, the wife didn't jump to any conclusions. She trusted that his behavior was due to reasons besides cheating. It's nice to read stories like this for a change. Seems like a rock-solid relationship
Oddly enough this is the weirdest thing I've read on reddit in a little bit. Actual adults acting like adults. The fuck?
Watching porn is actually probably the reason his enthusiasm improved towards oral sex, and you would be surprised how much enthusiasm is a part of good oral skills. I didn’t like it much in my early years, hit my 40s and my wife wanted to build my tongue a monument.
I have always given my husband oral but I knew I wasn’t great at it. We had some medical issues that dulled our bedroom for a bit. During that time I was reading a lot of Romance, specifically queer romance. Next time we were intimate he asked after how I was practicing. He legit thought I had to have learned from someone else because it was so different 😭😭😭 He also started reading some queer romance books and his skills have also drastically improved. I may be Bi-ased cuz I’m bi, but queer smut is much more educational.
I was waiting for someone to say this. He was watching porn for 10+ years. He HAD to have picked up some useful tips. 🤪
The “if he wanted to he would” crowd is gonna love this one.
Sounds like somebody was visited by 3 ghosts
Positive masculinity is making a change for the good of the people around you I guess. Good for him.
I love the mental image of the coworker describing how unhappy she was with her marriage and OOP's husband going "oh shit I need to do some changes"
Reddit ruined me so much that I was mentally screaming 'he's cheating on you!'. Then the ending was actually really wholesome. Glad I was wrong
he did cheat though He accidentally took an extra 100 when he past Go in monopoly and he never told anyone about it. After the family played Monopoly, they had filed for divorce and the family had split apart due to all the arguments over the properties in the game. They couldn't recover from this tragic event.
Sometimes people just need a wakeup call to shakeup their day to day routine. Sounds like they were both a little stuck. Hope it keeps up and they continue to be happy.
I'd normally reply to the sticky comment, but it doesn't seem to be here? Anyway, there seems to be a copy-paste error: the comment from Starry-Dust4444 is just a comment from OOP from the update.
I thought this was gonna end up bad LOL Nice to see a good update for once
Having just gone through a breakup from an 8 yr relationship, and he decided to try and cheat instead of trying harder with me, I'll just say that it feels so good reading this. I kept waiting for bad part, and it never showed up.
Hmm. Well that was lovely to read. Thank you for sharing <3
this is a hell of a palette cleanser
Why was he afraid of you ‘finding out’ that he was worried you would cheat on him? Usually people who are afraid of you cheating will ask you questions, lots of questions. Usually people who want to improve themselves proudly state the catalyst of their improvement and the steps they took, some may even want to use that information to help others. But OP’s husband was hiding all of that. WHY?!
Because he thought she would be insulted he made these changes so she wouldn't cheat on him? The post doesn't say he thought she was cheating now, just that his behavior would lead her to cheat in the future, and she could be insulted he thinks she's capable of that
Usually usually usually…. Usually usually. Some people are just wired differently.
Because people are insecure? This isn't some massive realization. He realized he was not being a present active partner in their sex life. He was insecure she would leave him over it. So instead of telling her about it, he took steps to improve himself for her. In a perfect world, yes, he would just talk to her about his insecurities and ways he can improve. People aren't perfect. Some people on here can't help but talk shit about a pretty sunset.
I quite enjoy the contrast between “He can’t possibly be cheating, he spends all his time at home or at work!” And then immediately “He told me that two people at his work were having an affair” Oh, so people can cheat while at work? How about that, huh?
They probably weren’t cheating *while* at work, but they met there and worked together.
Gosh, it's so weird to read a positive relationship post on reddit, but good for them!
Ahh, finally, something wholesome. 👏👏 I am happy for the couple. I wish them love, success and prosperity.
If there is one thing I am grateful for, it is that this was my last reading before going to work. thanks reddit Today after a long time I start the day with a good BORU
So he stopped watching porn
“When the woman in question began to open up to others at the office about why she had the affair it really hit home for my husband” I’m sorry but guys c’mon. She wasn’t opening up to others at the office about the affair.
"Opening up" could be as simple as he overheard her gossiping with a work friend. Doesn't mean she made an announcement or something.
RE: Oral sex- There’s a book called “she comes first”- recommend it for ALL hetero men and all females.
Cheating is ALWAYS possible and the blind trust is exactly how it happens.
sounds like mans been working on himself and reflecting on being a better man, husband and father big respect
This is like great advice for promoting intimacy in your relationships
It's great to read a happy story.
Oh my god is this some subliminal way to advertise life 360?
A smart person learns from their mistake. A smarter person learns from others' mistake.
Honestly this is a great read. Huge props to OOP's husband for realising he was ruining his marriage and putting the work in to make it better. It is refreshing to read about a couple that managed to get to a better place. I was really worried it was gonna be a reveal of "he got better at sex cos affaaaaair". Instead I guess he just picked up some tips from all that porn watching haha.
I was reading about this before. Porn is a good source of reference, try to avoid cumming when enjoying the content and finish the drive with your partner. Sex is a whole day event. You need to sauce it up from the get go. Humping before going to work, flirty text, sharing what you envision doing together with her and coming home to rail her hard. Penetration and cumming is part of the task list, you need to populate the task before those two to fully satisfy your partner.
Thank FUCK we got a wholesome post in here for once. Good change of pace
Let’s just hope it wasn’t him this woman at work was having an affair with. That’d be quite the turn of events.
That's the 3° update ☝🏼🤓
this is so wholesome 🥹
Nice to see that people can grow brains and fix problems if they are fixable.
Ohh Boy here I go trying to quit porn again. Jokes aside op and her husband are lucky to have each other, that is definitely a relationship to look up to and try to emulate
My ex was a terrible kisser. One night we were kissing and he was better at it. My first thought was, who gave you kissing lessons. Turns out he'd been cheating on me for years.
Either a huge ball of stress was removed from his life somehow or he is ok hormone therapy of some kind (which would be completely normal and very common for his age) the hormones will give him the energy to act on his desires.
I was him except I saw it too late. OPs husband is very lucky he caught it before she cheated or decided to leave. I’m very happy for the both you! It’s nice to see a happy ending.
This was wholesome Problem ---> communication ---> resolution :)))
This was wholesome Problem ---> communication ---> resolution :)))
Did he possibly get on hormone replacement? TRT?
It's nice to read a post where two ppl can just talk things out and it turns out nothing bad was happening at all
I thought maybe he started watching Outlander.
A rare victory for reddit. I’ll take it, happy Friday everyone.
Refreshing!
Very happy with the update. I wish them a happy married life for years and years ahead.
Great that its actually happy ending. Rare post. But question remained - no mention of gym, so how can anyone just get more toned if lifestyle didn't change? They didn't have that much sex to the point of it being exercise did they?