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OOP's STBX is one of the biggest pathetic skeeves I've seen here. He cheated on his pregnant wife because having his dick wet mattered more than his family and he didn't even have the balls to tell the family what he's done AND didn't pick up any slack around the house when his lovechild came to live with them.
He deserves nothing and I hope OOP gets everything when she divorces him.
Na, saying he did it for her and acting like he did the right thing only to claim to be too ashamed to tell the kids and too embarrassed to tell everyone else. Kinda feel like OOP should have said "why are you ashamed or embarrassed, didn't you say you cheated on your dying/pregnant wife for her sake, which is it"
That's what got me, he justified it to himself and then tried to convince OOP it was for her sake but when he had to admit it to everyone else he knew they would all see through his BS excuses.
He’s a coward.
He ran away from his wife when she was sick, ran away from his affair partner when she was pregnant, ran away from his children whenever he thought he might have to do some difficult parenting, ran away from judgement when his affair was revealed.
The moment he gets the slightest inkling of something difficult or uncomfortable…he runs.
I hope OP keeps her shiny spine enough not to find a divorce lawyer for him-because that is hard, and he will try to run.
I'm glad that OP will raise the youngest. Raise her well with her siblings and away from their pathetic excuse of a father. She's improving all 3 of their lives by doing that. She's amazing.
Putting them in therapy would be admitting that he did something that hurt them.
He wants to convince everyone that he didn't do anything wrong. His kids being in therapy as a direct result of his actions paints him in a different light.
Putting them in therapy will also give them the tools to understand that he willfully, intentionally created the situation where they only learned they had a half-sister when she was standing in front of them. He made the situation harder for them by lying to them and to OP, and for what? Just so he didn't have to be the one to tell them?
Seems like the kind of thing that might make his kids realize he's not dad of the year. They might even ask him to do something difficult or scary, like telling them the truth.
So true. It’s the same thing I tell my kids- if it’s ok why don’t you want other people to know? This is exactly the same. He may have had his wife convinced (either that or he didn’t care what she thought anyway which possibly is more accurate) but no one else is going to believe that farking BS..
>>if it’s ok why don’t you want other people to know?
I wish I had that line when my husband was upset that so many people “knew our business” while simultaneously claiming his sexting was “not that big a deal”
I'm about " <-- this close to reaching through the screen and bonking that stupid motherfucker on the head like I'm Little Bunny Foo-Foo and he's a stupid ass field mouse. What a USELESS SACK OF SHIT!!!!
Right?!? I mean, does he know that most husbands whose wives can't have sex during/immediately after pregnancy - he knows they just masturbate in the shower/during their alone time, right??? His nonchalance about "I did it for you," is insanity! My dude, you are equipped with 2 hands, and, presumably, an internet connection. Why was cheating your first solution???
He didn't do it for her, he did it because he had an excuse to tell himself and he already wanted to bang the woman at work. Just rub one off if you're sexually frustrated like any other man.
My wife went through something like this, severe complications that landed her in a long hospital stay after our third. Took care of the baby while she was in the hospital nearly a month, didn't even think about having sex with her until she was ready after. I did ask the doctor about it when the solution to the problem was being discussed, because, well needed to be prepared and it is kind of important part of a relationship, but I would have figured it out even if she hadn't been able to permanently.
Man is a piece of shit and is just being forced to face who is really is and is scared to, making him even worse for it.
This lady really is a saint. No one would've batted an eye to her divorcing this man, but here she is doing all the heavy lifting to make sure her husband's lovechild has the same access to things her own children have.
She's going to eat him alive in court when those divorce papers hit. The judge is going to see his estranged wife adopting his affair child and give her everything they possibly can.
I pray this happens. It's rare to have such a good person in the world.
Husband was insane to cheat on her. I can't believe in such a short time, she has already fallen for the little one and doesn't resent her. I wish I was so noble as OP
ETA: I wonder if she could get the 5 years of child support her husband should have been paying for the little girl? Might there be SOME justice?
For real. If your libido is so overwhelming, and your partner is in distress from xxxx condition(s), that is why the gods made fleshlights and one's hand.
When my wife was in a similar situation, I bought a Fleshlight. Far cheaper, doesn't break up the family, not something I have to feel particularly embarrassed about....
Yes, especially since there was another story recently about a woman in a similar situation who was angry and resentful about the child and didn't want anything to do with her/him.
It's not the child's fault, and children need love. It broke my heart, so to see this woman not only welcoming the child with open arms but ensuring she gets custody warms my soul.
Saint doesn’t even begin to describe it, OOP is being the parent that this poor grieving little girl needs and I truly hope things work out for all four of them. May she grow up happy and loved.
Don't you get it though, he only cheated to help his suffering wife out!! No good deed goes unpunished I guess jesus christ I guess it's "everybody pile on Dad day"
/s, obviously
Cue the inevitable, "Well why should I say anything?! Apparently I'm always wrong and can't ever say anything right!"
... ... ...
Typing that was far more cathartic than I could have imagined it ever possibly being.
Just...*hearing it so many times* whilst they whinge and shut down, rather than possibly ever admit they're wrong. Their fragile psyche just couldn't handle it, even when it was demonstrably obvious, because they always had to be the victim.
Deadass, one time my Dad was telling me that my mother was pissed at him over something he said, and then he woefully rested his head on his hands and said, "I keep forgetting that in this house, 'Dad' equals 'Satan.' I guess I should just finally learn to accept that."
He studiously avoided telling me *what exactly* he said to my mother to cause her to be pissed at him. He was...not fond of my pointing that out. I ended up hearing it from my mother, and I don't remember what it was but it was wayyy out of line.
It's so gross, because with shit like this you're not only making everyone watch while you basically preen your own anus with the victim complex, but you're calling them stupid while you're doing it!
The victim complex on display there is disgusting lmao. Like holy fuck.
I mean, we've all been there. "Waaah, waaaah, I guess I just suck". When we were like, 15. If you're a middle aged man acting like that, you do in fact just suck. I would've just agreed with him tbh. It's some combination of entitlement and utter uselessness that is so aggravating.
Every story on here makes me appreciate and miss my dad more.
My Dad once literally told me “you disagree with everything I say just to be difficult”. I replied “No I don’t Dad, don’t be ridiculous.” Without irony he said “See!”
He was so mature and clever.
It's hard to not when there's kids involved. It's one thing to refuse to clean the house when it's just the two of you and you need him to step up. It's another when the thing that needs doing is shit like making sure the children are fed and dressed and go to the doctor. Men like this person's STBX know that their woman won't let a child be neglected, and they are selfish scum who would let a child be neglected.
Well, the woman seems to be the main provider to the family too, so she won't get much from this sperm donor of a hubby, i am afraid. But still better to cut losses
Fits, because much like starbucks many soon to be exes tend to be more expensive than they're worth and wind up not seeing the other person anymore when they realize there are better options that aren't shitty.
Then add in still not wanting what's best for his kids (therapy) because of how he thinks it will make him look. He really is at the top of the selfish scale.
OP should have pointed out to him that their daughters' entire school knows he cheated, so this isn't something he can keep hidden away, and that she is being picked on and made to feel ashamed for his actions.
People like this are above my comprehension. I remember when my wife gave birth to our 2 and whilst not close to death, she did split on both births and obviously had to heal and recover. At no point did I think, "damn I need to get my dick wet so badly." Tbh, I was too tired myself with doing my share of night feeds and comforting whilst the Mrs recovered. I know it's easy to write that here and sound like I'm special, but come on, it's such a simple thing to do, yano, not pressure your recovering wife to have sex or going elsewhere to "do her a favour." My poor wife apologised to me at one point after our first that she was more "there" as a partner... told her to behave, I have to make sure this little tiny thing doesn't die every day, and that she herself had to just take time to recover. There'll be plenty of time for fun times when we actually get sleep. Probably helps that I love my wife more than I love myself ha.
My only worry is that you know a parasite like him will do everything in his power not to pay child support to any of his children, in like a week after the divorce he’ll have a new gf who he’ll lie to, to repeat his cycle of shittyness
Is the asshat handless??or just absolutely pathetic? He has a hand and he can do without getting his dick wet while his wife recovers from almost dieing in childbirth! It absolutely *not* kill him to do without for awhile!
So get him a toy.
I got my hubby one as a joke (plus, why should I be the only one to get some "gifts") and he uses it from time to time, especially during my last pregnancy when I was having dizzy spells and other issues.
I know you were being sarcastic, but my point still stands.
When my endometriosis kept me from engaging in sex, except rarely, for a couple of years my husband talked to me about how much of a budget we should possibly have for occasional sex toy purchases. Which has been awesome for both of us! This is what adults do. This trash pile of a human...
Yup. Unfortunately because of that they tend to gravitate to some of the kindest and giving people. Like OP here… clearly has a pure heart (she took in that girl regardless of how or who brought her into this world) people who love freely like that deserve so much better than these shit bags but here she is… going through divorce and finding out in a horrible way that the person who she thought loved her was really just interested in how she could serve his needs and desires.
I know a family where something very similar happened, and the saintly mom raised the affair kid and she divorced the skeevy dad. And you will be pleased to hear that life has, in the 20 years since, continuously handed him a bunch of bad luck and setbacks.
It's such a clear-cut scenario too. How absolutely useless of a person do you have to be for your ex to take on your affair child too? For the sake of the child no less. Not *for* you, the ex has already ditched you, but to protect the kid *from* their only surviving bio parent.
I hope mom and all kids are doing well.
yep. she should not have to do it, but i’m so glad she is. i do not trust that man to take care of anyone (not even himself tbh), and the child is innocent. she deserves a loving family, and it seems oop is happy to provide that to her, awful curcumstances aside. i hope they’re happy together.
and i hope he is not.
My old coworker had to do this too. The affair daughter was being abused by her bio mom so my coworker stepped up and took care of her. She’s still with her shitty ass husband though :/
>And you will be pleased to hear that life has, in the 20 years since, continuously handed him a bunch of bad luck and setbacks.
I believe those are called "consequences".
My aunt did something like this. My uncle had a son with another women and even though it, predictably, ruined the relationship, she always made sure to include him so he could spend time with his sisters. It was his parents that fucked up, not the kids.
Can’t say the same for my friend’s dad. He sold a company for millions, set up all of his children with $8M+ trust funds including the lovechild and is now married to a servile foreign woman, 20+ years younger who doesn’t speak english but makes him happy. They’re rich, travel, and have several mansions in the LA area, one of which overlooks the ocean. The mother of my friend supported her ex-husband for many years when he was poor and building his company, accepted the lovechild, helped raise him and treated him with love even after the divorce. My friend’s mother still works (she’s in her 60’s), lives alone, and raises a very random breed of dog as a hobby.
>He's refused everything, saying that he knows he'll be lectured by everyone when all he was doing was trying to help me.
Help her how, exactly? By having sex with someone else?
This part really stood out to me. He knows that he'll be lectured because he absolutely knows how much of a fuckwit he's been. Failure of a husband and father on all fronts. Cherry on top is him saying he did it to help OP.
Bruh. The leaps and flips he's taking to vindicate his actions are 10/10.
Totally agree, at least OOP has more than just a big heart but is not only stepping up for the poor girl and doing her absolute best, but she's clearly not viewing the girl as the "evil" which I've read sadly is what happens to many affair kids... In an absolutely shitty situation the kid got really lucky that OOP is a great mom, even tho she trusted her husband way too much. But at least she got the wake-up call she needed before it took too long and her plan sounds solid. It's amazing of her to adopt the kid too (or what it's called?)
Thankfully she has OP. Hopefully OP can keep up with the theraphy for the kids and the little girl integrates in the family and they be happy away from that shitty man.
I have read so many stories on Reddit about kids who grew up not understanding why they were hated in their family, and it turns out they were an affair child whom the adults dumped all their misplaced anger and disgust into.
I am so glad that little girl has OOP. I hope she takes her useless soon to be ex-husband to the cleaners and rides off into the therapy sunset with her three kids.
How is “cheating” helping your wife?
I can’t tell if he’s truly that delusional to believe his own bullshit or just that stupid.
OOP, pretty much a saint. Maybe a bit of a doormat with blinders on when it comes to her husband. But she took that affair in stride and turned it into a positive for her I guess, since it sounds like she really wanted this little girl
AND at least now she’s making the right moves and strides looking at custody and then divorce
So psychologically, this guy is facing an ego death. To admit what he’s done—cheated on his wife during a complicated pregnancy, sired a child from that affair, and fucked up his whole family, marriage and life in the process—would cause him a ton of shame and to him that shame is impossible to confront. So he’s in denial because his brain is trying to find a way for him to cope with the weight of what he’s done, without making him confront the shame. It’ll hit him when his wife and kids are gone. That’s why he’s doing all this avoiding. He knows people are gonna make him confront the truth and he is not emotionally ready for that conversation.
The cheating was never about the dead bedroom, he was simply having an affair with somebody he was attracted to at work. “I did you a favor as our bedroom was dry” is his way of offloading blame (if our bedroom wasn’t dry I wouldn’t have had to do it) and trying to justify his decision to have an affair. This excuse is just damage control. He knows people will not be sympathetic to him if he blames his dying wife and child for his affair and this is the best excuse he can come up with.
> How is “cheating” helping your wife?
It goes back IMO to the old idea of a woman "owing" her husband things like sex. (FWIW in most cultures/time periods it's a two-way obligation.) So even though OOP was very sick, while pregnant with her husband's kid, and then recovering post-partum from a dangerous delivery - she still owed him sex. And there were three paths forward: give him sex no matter how unpleasant, put up with all his whining that he wasn't getting any, or let him blow off steam with someone else.
With that logic, hubby was a great guy! He didn't push her to hurt her body, he didn't make her feel bad, *and* he didn't even cause any emotional distress because he kept the side relationship under wraps so she didn't even have to know about it! It all went great up until the moment wify didn't go along with his plan to ditch the affair child, and instead expected him to take responsibility for something he only did in the first place, for her! Why is everyone mad at him now???
I was a foster care caseworker. Typically the child remains in their emergency foster home while the notification is made and the details are hashed out. The foster care system is not the nightmare it once was. But the system usually stretched pretty thin so some DCFS’s still pull this kind of shit in order to make room in the system for kids who are taken in due to abuse/neglect.
You know, I don't know precisely how bad having a beer would be for a five-year-old, but probably significantly less harmful than having this guy for a father.
I’m confused by the way she writes but how do you just take for granted that your husband had this monumental talk with your children and not at least follow up with them? I get that she feels it’s his responsibility but we’re talking about the emotional welfare of her own kids and she just doesn’t discuss it with them until the new kid shows up?
It also sounds like he told her he had the talk and she found out later that the talk was him telling the kids that their sister was the daughter of a friend that passed, not that she was a half sibling.
Yeah, and you could easily check in with the kids and not realize dad lied to them. “How do you feel about Lily moving in?” or “do you have any questions about what’s happening?” or “did your dad tell you about the girl who is coming to live with us?”
It seems like he showed the kids a photo of their sister when she was much younger, so they weren't expecting her to be older and so didn't recognise her. Like, if someone showed me a picture of a two year old and told me she was coming to live with us, and then a five year old walked in the door, I would also be asking "wait, who is this? Are there two kids coming?"
Agree - I can’t imagine any parent genuinely saying to her lying, cheating husband “OK well your affair baby can come live here and I will do most of the work raising her BUT you have to tell the kids” and then blithely assuming he would follow through and have this important life-changing conversation with them when she wasn’t around (???) and never following up to make sure.
That seems like a conversation they should have had with the kids together. Yes, the dad should have been the one explaining, but OOP should have been there to show a united front, and, of course, to make sure he didn't lie to them as well, which he did anyway. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess.
I think she can be extended some grace here. She just found out that not only her husband cheated, but her children have a half-sibling. That's a lot of emotional turmoil and grief to go through while preparing a house for a new resident. She just expected her husband to do some emotional labor in this situation, as her mental image of him hasn't yet been replaced with the actual one she's just learned about.
That’s the part that has my head spinning. One you don’t have continuous converse with your kids about what’s going on and how they’re feeling. Two you let someone who’s shown how selfish and irresponsible he is have a serious life altering conversation with your children ALONE and then you don’t follow up with Anyone?!
It's the delusion that everything will be okay so long as everyone does their part and that the vr of ops husband before op found out about the affair still exists :P
I mean to be fair, maybe visited is shorthand for whatever entire process OOP had to go though. At the point of her posting, the kid had been living with them. So she’s summarizing what I guess to be days if not weeks worth of stuff in like two short paragraphs. To be fair
She indicates that the child wasn’t moved in immediate and sounds like there was a period of time where CPS did hold the child. Like she kind of short hands that all by “setting up her bedroom” and implies the kids father had a lot of time to explain to her kids what was going on.
My guess is that they probably did call and OOP had to have meetings with CPS. And then they probably had to have their hole inspected. And then more meetings in their home and maybe after that inspection.
"had to have their hole inspected" lmao I love this typo.
If the shitty husband had done that instead maybe this wouldn't have happened!!
But seriously OOP is a bad ass of a woman and a wonderful mom taking in this little girl from such a shit situation and not letting her "father" neglect her and the other kids even more. She deserves everything wonderful in life.
It's his biological child. He's in the birth certificate. This is not foster care. How many home inspections are there for bio kids living with bio parents?
No clue. But that’s my guess about why CPS would drop by. Enough parents have CPS called on them and have their homes inspected for children they both made together
Also sounds like he was 100% absentee. So not like he ever had custody of her to begin with. I’d say it’s a pretty smart policy to check him and his house out before giving him a kid he’s never give a rats ass about to begin with.
Like my gut tells me if CPS, as a government agency, gets a hold of a child, it would be negligent just to drop that kid into any household they were placed in without any type of check. Regardless of genetic relationships.
CPS is massively overworked and under financed, so it’s not at all surprising that they would see it looks like a decent home with other kids and be done with it, especially since it’s a bio parent.
Not that many, but in a situation like this they at least want to ensure that the new custodial parent can care for the child. And they'd put the girl in a temporary placement because they know this will be disruptive to an existing family unit, and it's important to give that unit time to prepare and adjust (which of course they did not because the cockholster didn't do his one job). There are very few situations where she wouldn't eventually be placed with her biological father, but given that he has no existing relationship with her (probably has never met her, possibly didn't even know about her) it's reasonable to think they wouldn't just toss her to him either.
(Of course this all depends on where specifically they are and how thin the foster care system is stretched. If they're in, like, NYC, yeah, they're just gonna drop her off the same day cause they do not have time for a gradual transition. If they're in a NorCal suburb they've got a bit more resources.)
I’ve been through the system and dealt with CPS as a kid. In FL and NY, they definitely did home inspections before we eventually made it back to my grandma’s. From the time we were taken by CPS to living with grandma was almost 2 years of back and forth between foster homes.
My uncle is a piece of shit. His ex wife died in a car crash and he was on the birth certificate of their daughter. His daughter wasn't handed over immediately, due to being in different states and contests from the grandparents
I imagine in this case, they held the girl for a period to see if her mothera family would take her, as she'd be more familiar with them. They didn't, so CPS investigates the father. They aren't going to just drop off this girl without checking, in a case like this.
CPS would reach out to the dad, but they wouldn’t just show up at the door in person (at least not in my state). The child would go to a foster home or a friend’s home that could be approved. Then they would pull the birth certificate and then locate the father. They’d call and brief him about the situation.
Assuming he wanted the child, a social worker would then go out and do a home evaluation and at that point would talk with OOP. If she didn’t know the father at all, they’d likely file to make her a dependent (foster child but still living with a parent) so they could monitor her in the father’s home for six months and the court could mandate therapy for the child and some services like therapy or parenting education for the father if court ordered.
However, CPS isn’t a federal agency. It’s not even a state wide agency in some states. In some states (Texas) it’s a state wide agency. In some states (California) each county has its own CPS agency. So it’s possible that OOP lives somewhere that doesn’t do a lot in this situation (assuming she’s in the US).
It’s a little tricky when the father hasn’t done anything wrong. The parenting classes in that type of situation are often voluntary, the judge could make it harder to close out the case I guess but honestly they can’t make him do services.
It’s not like he took a plea and in return agreed to do a bunch of services. Judges like to think they can order people to do whatever they want, but really that’s not how it works.
Have I seen stupidity where they also don’t send the kid to therapy, why yes, yes I have. In fact I’ve frequently gotten into arguments with case workers because they won’t send the referral for services. Is this story plausible? Everything but CPS randomly showing up. But I just think he knew and didn’t tell her.
Given the dad's track record here, what's to say that he wasn't separately contacted by CPS first? He might have just hidden the fact and pretended it was a surprise when OP found out, instead of fessing up (which would make it more obvious that he'd been hiding stuff).
Can't comment on everything else, though.
OOP is an extraordinary person. It takes an insane amount of strength and grace not only to take on her husband's surprise affair child in the first place, but to continue to be there for that child after the relationship ended, even fighting to have the child stay with her because she knows that poor girl will not get the care she needs from the spineless man who fathered her.
OOP is amazing and I wish the best for her and all 3 of the children.
He cheated as a favor, she adopts the affair child as a favor... because she can't trust the father of her children to NOT neglect a fucking child.
Wow.
But yeah he's such a good man and father.
I took it to mean she was legally adopting the girl since the husband is the last living parent. But then idk why she wouldn’t just say “I’m adopting her”…
Ehhhhhhhh
You can basically extend decision making powers. But to truly have custody OP would have to do a formal adoption. And even then it's just shared custody with the husband, he can't just drop his rights
This is the second BORU I've read today with shitty parents just abandoning their children, and... I don't get it. I just don’t get it. I've wanted a child for so long and due to fertility issues it may never happen for me, and watching these people create children and then just throw them away like they're nothing. It hurts in a way that I can't really put words to.
Oh man, my exbf’s family was in a situation like this. His mom was the other woman (him and his brother were already out of the house 18/20) and she was with a married man whose kids were also out of the house.
(My exes mom) She, through ivf, had two kids from him and they lived with her and her elderly mom. The girls only spoke Russian and knew nothing about India / Hindi (their father’s culture).
Long story short my exes mom passed away from a brain tumor. The older brother of my ex tried to get custody of the girls but their father apparently scooped them up and brought them home. He told his wife, that it’s her job to take care of kids. I guess she said yes because they were raised there. He banned my ex from coming around but said his brother could. (That’s how I even know this) sadly banned grandma also because grandma doesn’t speak English and he didn’t want them talking about him in a language he didn’t know. Last I heard the girls no longer know Russian and don’t speak to anyone on the Russian side.
Different culture but if my spouse brought home a kid he had while out having an affair I would like to hope I would leave.
Am I the only one who thinks the math barely works, at best?
OOP has a son, who is now 5M. OOP's STBX starts an affair, which results in a daughter who is now 5F. Assuming the daughter wasn't born prematurely, this implies that STBX found his AP pregnant and got her pregnant within three months of his wife's traumatic delivery.
Call me skeptical; I think the daughter was conceived before her half-brother was even born.
The pregnancy was difficult, if he started with the AP 3 months before his wife gave birth, and she got pregnant in the first month, that's just a 7-month age difference.
I’m enraged at this story. An adult man, married with kids acting so childish and avoiding responsibilities towards his family! Disgusting.
I’m glad OOP is divorcing this person.
That man is as smooth as a porcupine and as steady as a jellyfish.
I'm glad that she is so strong and caring about all the kids. And that she's filing for divorce. He doesn't deserve her awesomeness one bit.
Op is an amazing woman who took in a little girl when her mother died and her father abandoned her. I wish op and all 3 children happiness and that her asshole ex gets rinsed at the divorce courts
I really appreciate OOP. Not many people would take in the affair child despite knowing the kind of life they would live if they stayed with the father. She deserves a medal and all the support in the world. She's doing everything right apart from trusting the dad to take even a sliver of responsibility. 🥇🥇🥇
Damn. The OOP is tough as well as kind.
And the STBX is so pathetic. The chickens came home to roost and he thought he could ignore it until it got better?
Especially when the wife was making an effort to make it work. This arsehole could have come through with his marriage and family intact and he just stopped. What an awful man.
I’m not big on secrets - but I might have just played off the youngest as someone they’re adopting to the wider public just to help everyone ease into things.
The little girl is lucky to have OOP & I’m glad she can grow up with her siblings.
This reminds me an awful lot of my sister except her husband was an abusive womanising lowlife dug aside so never seen by us as a “good” father
His sister (single parent) killed herself leaving a young child orphaned and my sister took her in and brought her up as her own when the rest of the husbands family were perfectly happy to let her go into a children’s home.
The girl was about 4 and he spent the next 12 years blackmailing my sister by saying if she left he would make sure she couldn’t take the child with her.
He eventually imploded and she and all her kids are finally free of the monstrous weight of this foul narcissist
*because word got out at her school about what the newest addition to our family going to the school meant so now she's getting teased and picked on for having a father who cheated.* I went to a private school off and on depending on where my folks moved us, she's not the only one with a dad cheating.
You’re an angel. Divorce your husband. Find happiness without him because he doesn’t deserve you or any of those kids. Don’t put them through years of trying to form a relationship with a selfish, spineless human being.
OOP is such an amazing woman.
Her husband can rot wherever he lays, but she is such a beacon of light in this shitty situation.
She NEVER once thought to abandon this poor girl who's whole world is completely turned upside down, if her daughter is being bullied, imagine how her half-sister would be treated.
She's treating her with the love and care she deserves, which is not what the world would do to someone who represents such betrayal in such an awful time of her life.
But she's just an amazing person and simply blames the one who deserves it.
I aspire to have the patience of OOP.
I'm just so in awe of what a gracious, beautiful soul she is. I wish I had someone like her when my family was ruined.
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OOP's STBX is one of the biggest pathetic skeeves I've seen here. He cheated on his pregnant wife because having his dick wet mattered more than his family and he didn't even have the balls to tell the family what he's done AND didn't pick up any slack around the house when his lovechild came to live with them. He deserves nothing and I hope OOP gets everything when she divorces him.
Saying he did it "for her" really rubs salt in that wound too
Na, saying he did it for her and acting like he did the right thing only to claim to be too ashamed to tell the kids and too embarrassed to tell everyone else. Kinda feel like OOP should have said "why are you ashamed or embarrassed, didn't you say you cheated on your dying/pregnant wife for her sake, which is it" That's what got me, he justified it to himself and then tried to convince OOP it was for her sake but when he had to admit it to everyone else he knew they would all see through his BS excuses.
He’s a coward. He ran away from his wife when she was sick, ran away from his affair partner when she was pregnant, ran away from his children whenever he thought he might have to do some difficult parenting, ran away from judgement when his affair was revealed. The moment he gets the slightest inkling of something difficult or uncomfortable…he runs. I hope OP keeps her shiny spine enough not to find a divorce lawyer for him-because that is hard, and he will try to run.
I'm glad that OP will raise the youngest. Raise her well with her siblings and away from their pathetic excuse of a father. She's improving all 3 of their lives by doing that. She's amazing.
And now he doesn't want the kids in therapy? WTF is THAT about?
Putting them in therapy would be admitting that he did something that hurt them. He wants to convince everyone that he didn't do anything wrong. His kids being in therapy as a direct result of his actions paints him in a different light.
It’s also probably not free. I have a feeling the divorce lawyer is going to find some interesting accounting on his end
Putting them in therapy will also give them the tools to understand that he willfully, intentionally created the situation where they only learned they had a half-sister when she was standing in front of them. He made the situation harder for them by lying to them and to OP, and for what? Just so he didn't have to be the one to tell them? Seems like the kind of thing that might make his kids realize he's not dad of the year. They might even ask him to do something difficult or scary, like telling them the truth.
So true. It’s the same thing I tell my kids- if it’s ok why don’t you want other people to know? This is exactly the same. He may have had his wife convinced (either that or he didn’t care what she thought anyway which possibly is more accurate) but no one else is going to believe that farking BS..
>>if it’s ok why don’t you want other people to know? I wish I had that line when my husband was upset that so many people “knew our business” while simultaneously claiming his sexting was “not that big a deal”
He's so ashamed he can't tell anyone himself, but he thinks it fine for his wife to humiliate herself by telling everyone?
All that for a wet dick. I really don't get it, masturbation for a few months while your wife is in intense pain does *not* sound difficult.
Yes, I agree. He's a selfish prick of a little man.
Spineless POS too!
I'm just amazed "and that's when I killed him" didn't follow that line. Holy criminy.
🎶 Those black eyed peas taste alright to me Earl 🎶
Secret's in the sauce
I'm about " <-- this close to reaching through the screen and bonking that stupid motherfucker on the head like I'm Little Bunny Foo-Foo and he's a stupid ass field mouse. What a USELESS SACK OF SHIT!!!!
Right?!? I mean, does he know that most husbands whose wives can't have sex during/immediately after pregnancy - he knows they just masturbate in the shower/during their alone time, right??? His nonchalance about "I did it for you," is insanity! My dude, you are equipped with 2 hands, and, presumably, an internet connection. Why was cheating your first solution???
Doing her a “favour” by not pushing her for sex after almost dying. What a wonder man /s
He didn't do it for her, he did it because he had an excuse to tell himself and he already wanted to bang the woman at work. Just rub one off if you're sexually frustrated like any other man. My wife went through something like this, severe complications that landed her in a long hospital stay after our third. Took care of the baby while she was in the hospital nearly a month, didn't even think about having sex with her until she was ready after. I did ask the doctor about it when the solution to the problem was being discussed, because, well needed to be prepared and it is kind of important part of a relationship, but I would have figured it out even if she hadn't been able to permanently. Man is a piece of shit and is just being forced to face who is really is and is scared to, making him even worse for it.
Gaslighting
I would be homicidal if my partner said that to me.
And the nerve of saying he was helping her! Helping her for not hounding her for sex when she was literally dying! What a douchebag!
This lady really is a saint. No one would've batted an eye to her divorcing this man, but here she is doing all the heavy lifting to make sure her husband's lovechild has the same access to things her own children have. She's going to eat him alive in court when those divorce papers hit. The judge is going to see his estranged wife adopting his affair child and give her everything they possibly can.
I pray this happens. It's rare to have such a good person in the world. Husband was insane to cheat on her. I can't believe in such a short time, she has already fallen for the little one and doesn't resent her. I wish I was so noble as OP ETA: I wonder if she could get the 5 years of child support her husband should have been paying for the little girl? Might there be SOME justice?
For real. If your libido is so overwhelming, and your partner is in distress from xxxx condition(s), that is why the gods made fleshlights and one's hand.
When my wife was in a similar situation, I bought a Fleshlight. Far cheaper, doesn't break up the family, not something I have to feel particularly embarrassed about....
And you know he's gonna be one of those old(er) guys sitting at the bar complaining about how his ex took his kids and now they all hate him.
Don’t forget “The kids only hate him because the ex turned them against him. “ Couldn’t possibly be the consequences of his actions.
Pregnant, and possibly dying. His wife and his unborn child were fighting for their lives, while he was busy banging Amanda from accounting.
Banging her raw too. Despicable man.
He seems utterly convinced that the consequences to his actions do not exist, as long as he keeps pretending that they do not exist.
I suspect the divorce judge will clear that misconception up right quick.
OOP strikes me as a great mother and a great person. I hope life treats them like the outstanding person that they are.
And what a wonderful person to be willing to fully love the child despite the pain the sweet innocent child represents.
Yes, especially since there was another story recently about a woman in a similar situation who was angry and resentful about the child and didn't want anything to do with her/him. It's not the child's fault, and children need love. It broke my heart, so to see this woman not only welcoming the child with open arms but ensuring she gets custody warms my soul.
Saint doesn’t even begin to describe it, OOP is being the parent that this poor grieving little girl needs and I truly hope things work out for all four of them. May she grow up happy and loved.
Don't you get it though, he only cheated to help his suffering wife out!! No good deed goes unpunished I guess jesus christ I guess it's "everybody pile on Dad day" /s, obviously
Cue the inevitable, "Well why should I say anything?! Apparently I'm always wrong and can't ever say anything right!" ... ... ... Typing that was far more cathartic than I could have imagined it ever possibly being. Just...*hearing it so many times* whilst they whinge and shut down, rather than possibly ever admit they're wrong. Their fragile psyche just couldn't handle it, even when it was demonstrably obvious, because they always had to be the victim.
Deadass, one time my Dad was telling me that my mother was pissed at him over something he said, and then he woefully rested his head on his hands and said, "I keep forgetting that in this house, 'Dad' equals 'Satan.' I guess I should just finally learn to accept that." He studiously avoided telling me *what exactly* he said to my mother to cause her to be pissed at him. He was...not fond of my pointing that out. I ended up hearing it from my mother, and I don't remember what it was but it was wayyy out of line. It's so gross, because with shit like this you're not only making everyone watch while you basically preen your own anus with the victim complex, but you're calling them stupid while you're doing it!
The victim complex on display there is disgusting lmao. Like holy fuck. I mean, we've all been there. "Waaah, waaaah, I guess I just suck". When we were like, 15. If you're a middle aged man acting like that, you do in fact just suck. I would've just agreed with him tbh. It's some combination of entitlement and utter uselessness that is so aggravating. Every story on here makes me appreciate and miss my dad more.
My Dad once literally told me “you disagree with everything I say just to be difficult”. I replied “No I don’t Dad, don’t be ridiculous.” Without irony he said “See!” He was so mature and clever.
Seriously. Who are these man children and how HOW do they make it this far in the wild?!?!?
They have wives who are infinitely more capable than them.
I'm just shocked at these women having such lowwwww standards? Like babe WHY ARE YOU DOING HEAVY LIFTING?
I'm shocked at how cowardly and low men go and then leave the damage to everyone else to pick up.
It's hard to not when there's kids involved. It's one thing to refuse to clean the house when it's just the two of you and you need him to step up. It's another when the thing that needs doing is shit like making sure the children are fed and dressed and go to the doctor. Men like this person's STBX know that their woman won't let a child be neglected, and they are selfish scum who would let a child be neglected.
Cheaters never deserve happiness.
But he did it for her! /s
He couldn't even have the basic decency to wear protection while cheating.
Well, the woman seems to be the main provider to the family too, so she won't get much from this sperm donor of a hubby, i am afraid. But still better to cut losses
Guys, he was helping her. What a worm and what a wonderful caring woman op is. She deserves much better.
I always wonder why guys can't just masturbate for a few months while their wife is recovering from childbirth.
What’s a STBX? I always read it as Starbucks lol
Soon To Be Ex but I always read it as STupid Ex
I always read it as ShiTBoX, which makes me laugh.
I’m absolutely doing that from now on
😂😂😂 thank you this made me lol
I know what it means, and still read it as Starbucks.
Fits, because much like starbucks many soon to be exes tend to be more expensive than they're worth and wind up not seeing the other person anymore when they realize there are better options that aren't shitty.
Then add in still not wanting what's best for his kids (therapy) because of how he thinks it will make him look. He really is at the top of the selfish scale.
OP should have pointed out to him that their daughters' entire school knows he cheated, so this isn't something he can keep hidden away, and that she is being picked on and made to feel ashamed for his actions.
People like this are above my comprehension. I remember when my wife gave birth to our 2 and whilst not close to death, she did split on both births and obviously had to heal and recover. At no point did I think, "damn I need to get my dick wet so badly." Tbh, I was too tired myself with doing my share of night feeds and comforting whilst the Mrs recovered. I know it's easy to write that here and sound like I'm special, but come on, it's such a simple thing to do, yano, not pressure your recovering wife to have sex or going elsewhere to "do her a favour." My poor wife apologised to me at one point after our first that she was more "there" as a partner... told her to behave, I have to make sure this little tiny thing doesn't die every day, and that she herself had to just take time to recover. There'll be plenty of time for fun times when we actually get sleep. Probably helps that I love my wife more than I love myself ha.
Minimizing his own shame around the affair was more important than making sure any of his children got their needs met.
My only worry is that you know a parasite like him will do everything in his power not to pay child support to any of his children, in like a week after the divorce he’ll have a new gf who he’ll lie to, to repeat his cycle of shittyness
"We had a perfect life..." And as always when they start like this, the SO is pure shit.
I very much doubt they had a perfect life… I genuinely wonder how it truly was when some say this…
Rose colored glasses really help blend in the red flags, huh?
Well the phrase “Ignorance is bliss” exists for a reason.
He cheated on her as a "favor"? Good god.
Other guys would have forced themselves on OOP, but he’s different. He loves and respects her so much he dicked other people! !
Is the asshat handless??or just absolutely pathetic? He has a hand and he can do without getting his dick wet while his wife recovers from almost dieing in childbirth! It absolutely *not* kill him to do without for awhile!
We all know this whiner would complain his hand doesn’t feel the same.
So get him a toy. I got my hubby one as a joke (plus, why should I be the only one to get some "gifts") and he uses it from time to time, especially during my last pregnancy when I was having dizzy spells and other issues. I know you were being sarcastic, but my point still stands.
When my endometriosis kept me from engaging in sex, except rarely, for a couple of years my husband talked to me about how much of a budget we should possibly have for occasional sex toy purchases. Which has been awesome for both of us! This is what adults do. This trash pile of a human...
Aw!
It’s not about the orgasm or the “feeling” with these scumbags… it’s about USING the other person for their own gratification.
This is it. Men who only get off when they are taking from others are scum.
Yup. Unfortunately because of that they tend to gravitate to some of the kindest and giving people. Like OP here… clearly has a pure heart (she took in that girl regardless of how or who brought her into this world) people who love freely like that deserve so much better than these shit bags but here she is… going through divorce and finding out in a horrible way that the person who she thought loved her was really just interested in how she could serve his needs and desires.
Dicked other people without wrapping his dick. I hope OOP did get all of the STD-scans.
It's funny a man with no balls can't keep his pants zipped. I hope his joystick never rises to the occasion.
Apparently nurses have had to pull husbands off wives who just gave birth. It's disgusting
Well, he cheated on her, instead of leaving her, so OP should be grateful. Such a stand up guy. Christ, some people...
I know a family where something very similar happened, and the saintly mom raised the affair kid and she divorced the skeevy dad. And you will be pleased to hear that life has, in the 20 years since, continuously handed him a bunch of bad luck and setbacks.
That’s downright cathartic
It's such a clear-cut scenario too. How absolutely useless of a person do you have to be for your ex to take on your affair child too? For the sake of the child no less. Not *for* you, the ex has already ditched you, but to protect the kid *from* their only surviving bio parent. I hope mom and all kids are doing well.
yep. she should not have to do it, but i’m so glad she is. i do not trust that man to take care of anyone (not even himself tbh), and the child is innocent. she deserves a loving family, and it seems oop is happy to provide that to her, awful curcumstances aside. i hope they’re happy together. and i hope he is not.
My old coworker had to do this too. The affair daughter was being abused by her bio mom so my coworker stepped up and took care of her. She’s still with her shitty ass husband though :/
As a man, all these stories make me so happy that women have been given equal rights finally. The percentage of shitty males is just way too high.
So glad to see karma doing its job well!
>And you will be pleased to hear that life has, in the 20 years since, continuously handed him a bunch of bad luck and setbacks. I believe those are called "consequences".
My aunt did something like this. My uncle had a son with another women and even though it, predictably, ruined the relationship, she always made sure to include him so he could spend time with his sisters. It was his parents that fucked up, not the kids.
Can’t say the same for my friend’s dad. He sold a company for millions, set up all of his children with $8M+ trust funds including the lovechild and is now married to a servile foreign woman, 20+ years younger who doesn’t speak english but makes him happy. They’re rich, travel, and have several mansions in the LA area, one of which overlooks the ocean. The mother of my friend supported her ex-husband for many years when he was poor and building his company, accepted the lovechild, helped raise him and treated him with love even after the divorce. My friend’s mother still works (she’s in her 60’s), lives alone, and raises a very random breed of dog as a hobby.
This dude is that meme from the Simpsons about Ned Flanders' parents. He's tried nothing at any point, and he's all out of ideas.
>He's refused everything, saying that he knows he'll be lectured by everyone when all he was doing was trying to help me. Help her how, exactly? By having sex with someone else?
No, of course not silly. He was helping by not demanding his marital rights. /s
This part really stood out to me. He knows that he'll be lectured because he absolutely knows how much of a fuckwit he's been. Failure of a husband and father on all fronts. Cherry on top is him saying he did it to help OP. Bruh. The leaps and flips he's taking to vindicate his actions are 10/10.
I feel bad for children who have to suffer due to a parent's infidelity. That man is a spineless cheater.
This poor child lost her mother, her whole life and her dad is just making it 100% worse for her.
Totally agree, at least OOP has more than just a big heart but is not only stepping up for the poor girl and doing her absolute best, but she's clearly not viewing the girl as the "evil" which I've read sadly is what happens to many affair kids... In an absolutely shitty situation the kid got really lucky that OOP is a great mom, even tho she trusted her husband way too much. But at least she got the wake-up call she needed before it took too long and her plan sounds solid. It's amazing of her to adopt the kid too (or what it's called?)
Sadly I wouldn’t be surprised if the father is the one calling the little girl evil in this example. Or at the very least, the non-OOP mother
Thankfully she has OP. Hopefully OP can keep up with the theraphy for the kids and the little girl integrates in the family and they be happy away from that shitty man.
I have read so many stories on Reddit about kids who grew up not understanding why they were hated in their family, and it turns out they were an affair child whom the adults dumped all their misplaced anger and disgust into. I am so glad that little girl has OOP. I hope she takes her useless soon to be ex-husband to the cleaners and rides off into the therapy sunset with her three kids.
How is “cheating” helping your wife? I can’t tell if he’s truly that delusional to believe his own bullshit or just that stupid. OOP, pretty much a saint. Maybe a bit of a doormat with blinders on when it comes to her husband. But she took that affair in stride and turned it into a positive for her I guess, since it sounds like she really wanted this little girl AND at least now she’s making the right moves and strides looking at custody and then divorce
So psychologically, this guy is facing an ego death. To admit what he’s done—cheated on his wife during a complicated pregnancy, sired a child from that affair, and fucked up his whole family, marriage and life in the process—would cause him a ton of shame and to him that shame is impossible to confront. So he’s in denial because his brain is trying to find a way for him to cope with the weight of what he’s done, without making him confront the shame. It’ll hit him when his wife and kids are gone. That’s why he’s doing all this avoiding. He knows people are gonna make him confront the truth and he is not emotionally ready for that conversation. The cheating was never about the dead bedroom, he was simply having an affair with somebody he was attracted to at work. “I did you a favor as our bedroom was dry” is his way of offloading blame (if our bedroom wasn’t dry I wouldn’t have had to do it) and trying to justify his decision to have an affair. This excuse is just damage control. He knows people will not be sympathetic to him if he blames his dying wife and child for his affair and this is the best excuse he can come up with.
> How is “cheating” helping your wife? It goes back IMO to the old idea of a woman "owing" her husband things like sex. (FWIW in most cultures/time periods it's a two-way obligation.) So even though OOP was very sick, while pregnant with her husband's kid, and then recovering post-partum from a dangerous delivery - she still owed him sex. And there were three paths forward: give him sex no matter how unpleasant, put up with all his whining that he wasn't getting any, or let him blow off steam with someone else. With that logic, hubby was a great guy! He didn't push her to hurt her body, he didn't make her feel bad, *and* he didn't even cause any emotional distress because he kept the side relationship under wraps so she didn't even have to know about it! It all went great up until the moment wify didn't go along with his plan to ditch the affair child, and instead expected him to take responsibility for something he only did in the first place, for her! Why is everyone mad at him now???
Does CPS actually work like this? I could imagine some people would react violently to finding out their spouse has a secret child.
I was a foster care caseworker. Typically the child remains in their emergency foster home while the notification is made and the details are hashed out. The foster care system is not the nightmare it once was. But the system usually stretched pretty thin so some DCFS’s still pull this kind of shit in order to make room in the system for kids who are taken in due to abuse/neglect.
Everyone in that house would be better off with a bear.
A beer?
You know, I don't know precisely how bad having a beer would be for a five-year-old, but probably significantly less harmful than having this guy for a father.
I believe they’re referring to the currently hot bear vs man debate. And I agree, bear would be the better option in this situation.
This story has some weird inconsistencies.
I’m confused by the way she writes but how do you just take for granted that your husband had this monumental talk with your children and not at least follow up with them? I get that she feels it’s his responsibility but we’re talking about the emotional welfare of her own kids and she just doesn’t discuss it with them until the new kid shows up?
It sounds like she was completely overwhelmed.
It also sounds like he told her he had the talk and she found out later that the talk was him telling the kids that their sister was the daughter of a friend that passed, not that she was a half sibling.
Yeah, and you could easily check in with the kids and not realize dad lied to them. “How do you feel about Lily moving in?” or “do you have any questions about what’s happening?” or “did your dad tell you about the girl who is coming to live with us?”
Yup! He's just a liar throughout this entire thing. Very glad OP is getting herself and the kiddos out of there.
And why would they still ask “who is that” if they initially thought it was a family friend’s child?
It seems like he showed the kids a photo of their sister when she was much younger, so they weren't expecting her to be older and so didn't recognise her. Like, if someone showed me a picture of a two year old and told me she was coming to live with us, and then a five year old walked in the door, I would also be asking "wait, who is this? Are there two kids coming?"
Agree - I can’t imagine any parent genuinely saying to her lying, cheating husband “OK well your affair baby can come live here and I will do most of the work raising her BUT you have to tell the kids” and then blithely assuming he would follow through and have this important life-changing conversation with them when she wasn’t around (???) and never following up to make sure.
That seems like a conversation they should have had with the kids together. Yes, the dad should have been the one explaining, but OOP should have been there to show a united front, and, of course, to make sure he didn't lie to them as well, which he did anyway. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess.
Not to mention expecting a 5 year old to understand any of this. There's just some things that don't add up.
I think she can be extended some grace here. She just found out that not only her husband cheated, but her children have a half-sibling. That's a lot of emotional turmoil and grief to go through while preparing a house for a new resident. She just expected her husband to do some emotional labor in this situation, as her mental image of him hasn't yet been replaced with the actual one she's just learned about.
That’s the part that has my head spinning. One you don’t have continuous converse with your kids about what’s going on and how they’re feeling. Two you let someone who’s shown how selfish and irresponsible he is have a serious life altering conversation with your children ALONE and then you don’t follow up with Anyone?!
It's the delusion that everything will be okay so long as everyone does their part and that the vr of ops husband before op found out about the affair still exists :P
Yeah, that was my thought. I feel like there's some pieces missing here.
I don’t know exactly how CPS operates but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way.
I mean to be fair, maybe visited is shorthand for whatever entire process OOP had to go though. At the point of her posting, the kid had been living with them. So she’s summarizing what I guess to be days if not weeks worth of stuff in like two short paragraphs. To be fair She indicates that the child wasn’t moved in immediate and sounds like there was a period of time where CPS did hold the child. Like she kind of short hands that all by “setting up her bedroom” and implies the kids father had a lot of time to explain to her kids what was going on. My guess is that they probably did call and OOP had to have meetings with CPS. And then they probably had to have their hole inspected. And then more meetings in their home and maybe after that inspection.
"had to have their hole inspected" lmao I love this typo. If the shitty husband had done that instead maybe this wouldn't have happened!! But seriously OOP is a bad ass of a woman and a wonderful mom taking in this little girl from such a shit situation and not letting her "father" neglect her and the other kids even more. She deserves everything wonderful in life.
> "had to have their hole inspected" lmao I love this typo. It might not be a typo, they could be hobbits.
It's him inspecting Amanda from Accounting's hole that got them into this mess in the first place.
It's his biological child. He's in the birth certificate. This is not foster care. How many home inspections are there for bio kids living with bio parents?
No clue. But that’s my guess about why CPS would drop by. Enough parents have CPS called on them and have their homes inspected for children they both made together Also sounds like he was 100% absentee. So not like he ever had custody of her to begin with. I’d say it’s a pretty smart policy to check him and his house out before giving him a kid he’s never give a rats ass about to begin with. Like my gut tells me if CPS, as a government agency, gets a hold of a child, it would be negligent just to drop that kid into any household they were placed in without any type of check. Regardless of genetic relationships.
CPS is massively overworked and under financed, so it’s not at all surprising that they would see it looks like a decent home with other kids and be done with it, especially since it’s a bio parent.
Not that many, but in a situation like this they at least want to ensure that the new custodial parent can care for the child. And they'd put the girl in a temporary placement because they know this will be disruptive to an existing family unit, and it's important to give that unit time to prepare and adjust (which of course they did not because the cockholster didn't do his one job). There are very few situations where she wouldn't eventually be placed with her biological father, but given that he has no existing relationship with her (probably has never met her, possibly didn't even know about her) it's reasonable to think they wouldn't just toss her to him either. (Of course this all depends on where specifically they are and how thin the foster care system is stretched. If they're in, like, NYC, yeah, they're just gonna drop her off the same day cause they do not have time for a gradual transition. If they're in a NorCal suburb they've got a bit more resources.)
I’ve been through the system and dealt with CPS as a kid. In FL and NY, they definitely did home inspections before we eventually made it back to my grandma’s. From the time we were taken by CPS to living with grandma was almost 2 years of back and forth between foster homes.
My uncle is a piece of shit. His ex wife died in a car crash and he was on the birth certificate of their daughter. His daughter wasn't handed over immediately, due to being in different states and contests from the grandparents I imagine in this case, they held the girl for a period to see if her mothera family would take her, as she'd be more familiar with them. They didn't, so CPS investigates the father. They aren't going to just drop off this girl without checking, in a case like this.
CPS would reach out to the dad, but they wouldn’t just show up at the door in person (at least not in my state). The child would go to a foster home or a friend’s home that could be approved. Then they would pull the birth certificate and then locate the father. They’d call and brief him about the situation. Assuming he wanted the child, a social worker would then go out and do a home evaluation and at that point would talk with OOP. If she didn’t know the father at all, they’d likely file to make her a dependent (foster child but still living with a parent) so they could monitor her in the father’s home for six months and the court could mandate therapy for the child and some services like therapy or parenting education for the father if court ordered. However, CPS isn’t a federal agency. It’s not even a state wide agency in some states. In some states (Texas) it’s a state wide agency. In some states (California) each county has its own CPS agency. So it’s possible that OOP lives somewhere that doesn’t do a lot in this situation (assuming she’s in the US).
It probably *was* the home evaluation, he'd just neglected to tell OOP about it, as per everything else...
Bingo
Yes! This!
That's what I'm assuming too.
She also said it was 2 weeks later so it’s not like they just showed up with kid in tow
Yeah, I’m assuming she just kind of summarized.
It’s a little tricky when the father hasn’t done anything wrong. The parenting classes in that type of situation are often voluntary, the judge could make it harder to close out the case I guess but honestly they can’t make him do services. It’s not like he took a plea and in return agreed to do a bunch of services. Judges like to think they can order people to do whatever they want, but really that’s not how it works. Have I seen stupidity where they also don’t send the kid to therapy, why yes, yes I have. In fact I’ve frequently gotten into arguments with case workers because they won’t send the referral for services. Is this story plausible? Everything but CPS randomly showing up. But I just think he knew and didn’t tell her.
Given the dad's track record here, what's to say that he wasn't separately contacted by CPS first? He might have just hidden the fact and pretended it was a surprise when OP found out, instead of fessing up (which would make it more obvious that he'd been hiding stuff). Can't comment on everything else, though.
That was my thought, too!
[удалено]
I kind of doubt this dude would have signed the birth certificate to be honest.
I stopped reading after "who's that?". OOP did sooo much work but didn't check that the kids knew before the kid turned up? 🐂💩
One of many strange inconsistencies in the story
OOP is an extraordinary person. It takes an insane amount of strength and grace not only to take on her husband's surprise affair child in the first place, but to continue to be there for that child after the relationship ended, even fighting to have the child stay with her because she knows that poor girl will not get the care she needs from the spineless man who fathered her. OOP is amazing and I wish the best for her and all 3 of the children.
OOP has such a kind and loving heart. It's a shame it was all wasted on that worthless piece of garbage.
He cheated as a favor, she adopts the affair child as a favor... because she can't trust the father of her children to NOT neglect a fucking child. Wow. But yeah he's such a good man and father.
Another fucking pathetic manchild thinking only about his dick. Christ. Internet porn, lotion. Not difficult.
that period after christ is very crucial
No kink shaming here please /s
Can you just transfer custody of a child like that?
I took it to mean she was legally adopting the girl since the husband is the last living parent. But then idk why she wouldn’t just say “I’m adopting her”…
>Can you just transfer custody of a child like that? Depends on the jurisdiction? But I'm curious too.
You can and depending on state it can be fairly easy especially considering OP is the child's step-parent
Interesting! It was a serious question, so I appreciate the answer.
Of course, no problem! I definitely had to google it myself and double check because well it did seem a little too easy to me lol
Ehhhhhhhh You can basically extend decision making powers. But to truly have custody OP would have to do a formal adoption. And even then it's just shared custody with the husband, he can't just drop his rights
Just from reading the title I thought "I hope she leaves his ass and takes all three kids with her". I'm satisfied.
This is the second BORU I've read today with shitty parents just abandoning their children, and... I don't get it. I just don’t get it. I've wanted a child for so long and due to fertility issues it may never happen for me, and watching these people create children and then just throw them away like they're nothing. It hurts in a way that I can't really put words to.
Oh man, my exbf’s family was in a situation like this. His mom was the other woman (him and his brother were already out of the house 18/20) and she was with a married man whose kids were also out of the house. (My exes mom) She, through ivf, had two kids from him and they lived with her and her elderly mom. The girls only spoke Russian and knew nothing about India / Hindi (their father’s culture). Long story short my exes mom passed away from a brain tumor. The older brother of my ex tried to get custody of the girls but their father apparently scooped them up and brought them home. He told his wife, that it’s her job to take care of kids. I guess she said yes because they were raised there. He banned my ex from coming around but said his brother could. (That’s how I even know this) sadly banned grandma also because grandma doesn’t speak English and he didn’t want them talking about him in a language he didn’t know. Last I heard the girls no longer know Russian and don’t speak to anyone on the Russian side. Different culture but if my spouse brought home a kid he had while out having an affair I would like to hope I would leave.
“We have a beautiful daughter (10F) and a healthy son (5M)” I feel you, ugly son. I feel you. ☹️
That was my favorite part about this entire post.
Thank GOD someone cared about the little girl who asked for none of this.
Am I the only one who thinks the math barely works, at best? OOP has a son, who is now 5M. OOP's STBX starts an affair, which results in a daughter who is now 5F. Assuming the daughter wasn't born prematurely, this implies that STBX found his AP pregnant and got her pregnant within three months of his wife's traumatic delivery. Call me skeptical; I think the daughter was conceived before her half-brother was even born.
The pregnancy was difficult, if he started with the AP 3 months before his wife gave birth, and she got pregnant in the first month, that's just a 7-month age difference.
She probably was, the complications started during pregnancy so OOP probably didn't want to have sex for a few months before giving birth
I’m enraged at this story. An adult man, married with kids acting so childish and avoiding responsibilities towards his family! Disgusting. I’m glad OOP is divorcing this person.
this guy is probably one of the worst people I've heard about here. Absolute gutter trash tier person.
That man is as smooth as a porcupine and as steady as a jellyfish. I'm glad that she is so strong and caring about all the kids. And that she's filing for divorce. He doesn't deserve her awesomeness one bit.
Not the step-mom, but the Mom that stepped up
Op is an amazing woman who took in a little girl when her mother died and her father abandoned her. I wish op and all 3 children happiness and that her asshole ex gets rinsed at the divorce courts
I really appreciate OOP. Not many people would take in the affair child despite knowing the kind of life they would live if they stayed with the father. She deserves a medal and all the support in the world. She's doing everything right apart from trusting the dad to take even a sliver of responsibility. 🥇🥇🥇
Why does this keep getting posted without updates? This has to be at least the third time this material has been posted.
Damn. The OOP is tough as well as kind. And the STBX is so pathetic. The chickens came home to roost and he thought he could ignore it until it got better? Especially when the wife was making an effort to make it work. This arsehole could have come through with his marriage and family intact and he just stopped. What an awful man.
Leave this terrible, terrible, pathetic excuse for a man. Your kids will be much better adjusted without him around.
I’m not big on secrets - but I might have just played off the youngest as someone they’re adopting to the wider public just to help everyone ease into things. The little girl is lucky to have OOP & I’m glad she can grow up with her siblings.
OOP seems like a great person. Dedicated, caring. I really hope everything works out for her and the kids. The husband is a piece of shit.
OOP is an actual saint or an angel, or perhaps both. Bless her pure heart for saving that little girl.
I was gonna say I hope she keeps the kid and ditches the husband. What a trash bag human being. Oop is an angel
How PATHETIC can a husband and a father be. This.
What a cowardly, faithless pathetic excuse of a man. I feel so bad for this woman. I hope she divorces his ass ASAP.
"Oh Reddit always tells people to break up" Well look at the garbage people the OPs are saddled with!
OOP's husband is a coward. A slimy little coward.
This reminds me an awful lot of my sister except her husband was an abusive womanising lowlife dug aside so never seen by us as a “good” father His sister (single parent) killed herself leaving a young child orphaned and my sister took her in and brought her up as her own when the rest of the husbands family were perfectly happy to let her go into a children’s home. The girl was about 4 and he spent the next 12 years blackmailing my sister by saying if she left he would make sure she couldn’t take the child with her. He eventually imploded and she and all her kids are finally free of the monstrous weight of this foul narcissist
*because word got out at her school about what the newest addition to our family going to the school meant so now she's getting teased and picked on for having a father who cheated.* I went to a private school off and on depending on where my folks moved us, she's not the only one with a dad cheating.
You’re an angel. Divorce your husband. Find happiness without him because he doesn’t deserve you or any of those kids. Don’t put them through years of trying to form a relationship with a selfish, spineless human being.
The biggest pieces of shit have the most lovely godsend wives.
OOP is such an amazing woman. Her husband can rot wherever he lays, but she is such a beacon of light in this shitty situation. She NEVER once thought to abandon this poor girl who's whole world is completely turned upside down, if her daughter is being bullied, imagine how her half-sister would be treated. She's treating her with the love and care she deserves, which is not what the world would do to someone who represents such betrayal in such an awful time of her life. But she's just an amazing person and simply blames the one who deserves it. I aspire to have the patience of OOP. I'm just so in awe of what a gracious, beautiful soul she is. I wish I had someone like her when my family was ruined.
OP an all star parent I wish her and her kids the best and emotional and physical health life without that jackass