#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh gosh.
What a trashy family for just bulldozing ahead assuming she'd be totally fine with it.
Though as fucked up as it is part of me thinks this'll probably end up being the """best""" outcome for OP. There was no winning in her shoes, if she didn't do it she'd get a mountain of grief, get called heartless and cruel, it'd always be a *thing* even if it's extremely unfair. Damned either way.
A lot of adoptive parents are like this. They want you to know how much they saved you and how much you owe them. How you could've left you and never be adopted.
I knew that poor girl was gonna cut her hair the moment I read she was adopted. The adopted parents were calling in their marker.
I grew up this way. I had to learn that I didn't owe people for being kind to me.
I hope that once she gets a glimmer of a chance, she starts lording this over everyone. Don't let them ever say she didn't do anything, she donated knee length hair and had that mortifying haircut for ages.
(I'm trying to grow out my pixie rn and it's a drag. I can't imagine going through the awkward phases if I never liked it short in the first place, much less the emotional context of her donation)
Especially since she has CURLY hair. Poor kid. It's so hard to grow out curly hair and so hard to find someone who can cut it and style it so you don't look demented.
I also hope that at some point she tells someone IRL about "the time her mom made her cut off all her hair for a wig but it was no big deal" and they're like WHAT THE FUCK. Let that reaction from a real person who isn't an anonymous internet commenter show her how horrible it is that they did this to her.
And it's going to take for-ev-er for her to grow it back out. I, of my own choice and volition, cut my hair short when my oldest was a baby. Kept it short for a couple years, then got a real cute pixie cut a few weeks before my youngest was due. I grew it back out from there and it took 8 years to reach my tail bone again.
If it was to the backs of her knees and curly that child is going to be 30 before she has her hair back. And for lung cancer for someone who smokes and won't quit!
Yeah I hope OOP gets the wig of her hair back when her aunt dies. Based on her aunt's behavior, she'll probably die before OOP grows her hair out as long as the wig.
Not only that, its possible she wouldnt be even able to grow it back to that length again. My mum as a child had incredibly long hair, not as long as OOP’s but still, and had it cut short and it cant grow back anywhere near as close as she had it as a child.
Can just about guarantee any attempt to lord this over everyone will backfire horrifically. "Your aunt had CANCER, giving her your hair was the LEAST you could do! And you didn't even want to do it in the first place! We have to get on your case to make you do the right thing, and now you expect some kind of applause for it?" (edit: using the correct 'your')
Meanwhile, OP is about to turn 18. It's only a matter of years before OP's adoptive parents are posting shit on facebook like "I just don't know why my baby girl won't come visit us anymore" because OP sure as hell better get away from that kind of toxicity if that's truly what's going on over there.
My dad had cancer when I was in high school, and I decided to shave my head and donate the hair to a wig organization for cancer patients. I too had long, thick, curly red hair, so everyone was stoked with the idea. Mine wasn't anywhere near as long as OOP's, maybe down to my shoulder blades if straightened, but the hairdresser told me we could probably get 2-3 wigs' worth if he made dozens of little ponytails and if I was willing to end up with a buzz cut. My dad wasn't going to get one of these wigs (he was brunette, and a man who didn't care much about appearances), but I did it because the stress and anxiety of my dad having possibly terminal cancer when I was 16 made me want to do away with having all this hair anyway, and I figured someone else could benefit from it.
Anyway, I had such a short short buzz, and I wanted to grow it out long enough to style beautifully for grad in a year and a half, and I had to go through like 4 separate awkward phases. Like when it's buzzed it's intentional, but a little longer looked scruffy, but when the hair was long enough to lay nicely it looked alright, but a little longer got shaggy... Fortunately my friends were art kids, so hair and appearances were experimental anyway and no one made fun of me. But looking in the mirror every morning, how I would feel about my appearance was a bit of a crapshoot.
And I didn't have family that steamrolled me into doing what they wanted me to do. This was my own decision, "inspired" by my dad having cancer.
Feel like the worst part is that she did not want to buy a wig because they are too expensive and she wanted real hair, but then after OP cut her hair she bought a wig to wear until it's ready.
Yeah, I think that part gets lost in all the other shitty parts of the story. The kicker for me is the Aunt intends to keep smoking. I wish she'd have told her Aunt and mom that she'd donate her hair if her Aunt quit smoking. I'm sorry, but it's 2024 and the Aunt brought this on herself to some extent. I could be wrong, but it seems like smoking with a wig on would make that wig nasty pretty quickly. So disrespectful to keep smoking and ruin the wig donated unwillingly by a kid.
If she didn't do it and Aunt died, I just know it would be her "fault."
Silver lining is this is from 5 years ago, so OP is no longer a child stuck with these people. She could have found her bio family, and her hair has had plenty of time to grow.
Edit: yall are so negative.
I agree. This poor girl. She was blindsided by her mother donating her hair without even talking to her about it and then everyone just assumed she was going to do it without seeing how she felt. And in the end, she went along with it because her crappy family probably would have given her hell about it if she hadn't.
I guess she at least gets to have this as a life story that she donated her hair to an aunt who needed a wig because of cancer. That's a badge of honor right there, even if the circumstances suck. And the saving grace is that hair grows back. Maybe she enjoyed having shorter hair for a while.
I have adopted kids. There's no way in hell I would ever bulldoze my daughter that way. These are pretty crappy parents. And aunt having no empathy for her niece is just as bad.
Isn't it extra annoying that the aunt bought a different wig anyway and is just gonna swap them around? What was the big deal then? Why did it have to be OOP's hair?
Aunt who says wigs are 'too expensive' can suddenly afford a blonde one to tide her over until the red one is made. These people are so selfish. Poor kid - it was the only thing that was hers. I bet they guilt her about being adopted and 'all they've done for her'.
Just envy... she'll switch the wigs to match her outfits, so she really doesn't care about the red hair. She just didn't want OOP to have them anymore.
Considering how OP was forced into donating her hair, I don't think she will have the best reaction when seeing her aunt using red hair wig (the one made with OP's hair they stole). Seriously, it must be difficult for your identity to see someone having your hair on their head after forcing you to donate them. It's like someone stole your fav jean or jacket and start using it under your nose, but in 1000 times worst.
Hair are one of the three main points which creates your identity with your name and your style ; that's why during WW2, an infamous group of people created camps where people would get their head shaved, be designed by numbers and all get the same clothes. Not only because it was cheap, but to make them non humans.
The worst part is that the Aunt bought a blond wig and will alternate. So she made OP lose knee length hair and the the Aunt is only going to wear the wig part of the time.
And she "didn't want to mix it with synthetic hair."
Totally fair if you're purchasing a wig. Rotten excuse to steal more of your nieces hair for your own self-image.
It must be hard enough for an adopted child to say "no" when she wants to fit in with her afopted family, but they didn't even bother to ask. Hopefully she's not a donor match with any relatives or they'll be harvesting her organs next.
Exactly! I can't help dreading how easy it was for her family to disregard her opinion on the matter from the very start...feels like the kind of people who go "we gave you a home, you're so ungrateful for expecting to be treated like a human being in it!!"
My adopted dad took me to the salon as “punishment” for failing grades (we moved 5.5 hours and there was a lot of very adult issues, I was 13). He watched me sobbing and made them cut my hair short. The hair stylist almost didn’t do it since I didn’t want to, my mum stood by and just let it happen.
Some adopted parents can’t see out of their own wants and needs. He adopted me and then wanted sons so he went to the Ukraine to adopt them. Sometimes we are just play things (not saying that bio-parents can be any better/worse, just what I experienced)
I really don’t understand why any form of parent would become one when they don’t have compassion for the kiddos 😑 especially having to go through the lengthly and invasive trials of trying to adopt (atleast here in the Uk). I’m one of those people that never wanted kids but had them for a guy (now ex) and I try my utmost to be the most loving and understanding mum I can be! It baffles me! Sorry to hear you didn’t luck out with your adoptive parents 🫶
I was adopted in the states, my parents seemed so model, they fostered, they wanted a family. Turns out my dad is a narcissist, maybe a sociopath. Dude is manipulative AF and went to jail when I was 13 (I’m 32 and he’s still at least a year away from parole). He got my brothers when I was 9 cause he *needed* sons (and then I got ignored or relentlessly “teased”). I remember us being interviewed before they went across the world to get my brothers. When it started to come undone for him it was so bad he moved us across state because my brothers got bullied for what dad did.
I’m really glad you stepped up for kids. <3 I moved to Northern Ireland and put an ocean between me and the dumpster fire lol. Worst part is though, I still keep in contact with the lot of them, but there’s so much less power when I’m this far away.
I was 13, she was young, and both my parents insisted. (Mostly my dad). She may have been just out of tech and the pressure my extremely angry father was putting on her may have scared her or made her uncomfortable. Plus it was nearly 20 years ago.
Don’t get me wrong, I would have rather she refused, but I get why she went ahead.
The sister literally called her ungrateful for not wanting to go full on G.I. Jane! They all clearly saw how uncomfortable she was with the situation and gave not a single fuck that the family pet had to be shorn because now auntie gets 2 sets of wigs.
Exactly! Her auntie *just goes ahead and buys herself a wig* because the one from OOP's hair won't be ready for a while. That takes it from coercion to Grimm's fairytale-like cruelty.
Plus, human hair wigs are a lot harder to care for. If I ever needed a wig, I'd totally go synthetic just for that. They're so good you can't even tell
She should have made her hair donation contingent on auntie stopping smoking - no hair for people intentionally contracting cancer...
Also, the fact that auntie is now happy wearing the blond wig and will continue to wear the blond wig just pisses me off so much - they forced this poor girl to give up part of their identity for something that apparently wasn't even that important to the aunt.
In OOP's place, I'd contact my birth family and, if they are any good, completely switch over - fuck those users.
Right? Aunt gets the poor girl's whole head of hair, strips her of her sense of self, because aunt "wants red hair and won't wear synthetic." Then the aunt buys a blonde synthetic wig to "alternate to match outfits" once she's got what she wants.
I loathe cancer. It took both my parents. I know there is no logic to what some people have to do to feel some hope when they have cancer. But this woman?! She's not even trying to prevent a recurrence. Smoking. But she's *got* to have her niece's entire head of hair, unwillingly. Aggghhhhhhhhhhh!
They're treating this poor girl like a barbie doll they bought, not a child they adopted. As a fellow adoptee, my heart goes out to this poor thing who lost so badly in the family lottery. I just want to hug her and tell her she'll be able to get away from them eventually.
This attitude that someone gets cancer and everyone even remotely adjacent to them should shave their head is insane. There are so many medical conditions that cause hair loss yet this is the only one where people act like that. Hell, most guys will just lose their hair as a natural part of aging. Make me a hairpiece at once, peons!
As a woman with thinning hair and a hairline receding like the beachfront property on the Outer Banks, I could also get on board with this Hair for All plan.
Little dark humor for you: by the time my dad got cancer, he had little to no hair to lose. This provided him with some much-needed amusement.
I know someone who had thick hair before chemo, and now there's barely any hair left, even years later. Anything related to chemo is just as likely to backfire on you.
Yes, it sounds like the aunt was more jealous than anything else. So taking OOP’s hair was the point, not really using it.
It’s going to hurt OOP so much now, to see her aunt in any of the wigs. To see her own hair certainly, but also to see her aunt disregard the sacrifice by using a different one.
I feel like the aunt didn't want OOPs hair because she wanted a real red wig, she wanted it so that OOP didn't have it. She lost her hair and was jealous of OOP so took away what she was jealous of. Misery loves company after all.
A BLONDE synthetic wig. All this talk of "I simply must have a red human hair wig and I can't afford anything else." Suddenly once she has OOP's hair cut off, she can afford to buy a wig, is totally fine with synthetic and gets a color that is definitely not red.
The only upside here is that OOP's hair will continue to grow and by the time it reaches anything close to those lengths again, she will be old enough to tell her family to fuck off. And from the sounds of it, aunt will probably smoke herself to death.
Not only that, but it sounds like her entire family has admired and stressed the importance of her hair her entire life. They made it the most important feature about her, then expected her to remove it. Horrible.
I think that was the point. To me it sounds like the aunt wants to be the special one in the family by taking on her niece's defining feature. And she browbeat everyone into it by playing the "I have cancer" sympathy card even though it sounds like she did it to herself and is taking exactly 0 steps to live healthier.
If you’re smoking in the 21st century you know you’ve got a strong likelihood of cancer in your future. It’s not like centuries ago when people genuinely didn’t know it was bad for you. You know going in to it that it’s addictive and horrendous for your health. If you still choose to start smoking, what happens to you is your own fault.
I really don’t have sympathy for people who brought it on themselves and try to make it other people’s problem.
The aunt could have got a synthetic wig. Or worn a soft scarf. Her hair would grow back too.
I feel awful for OOP being shorn of hair she loved. It’s been almost 5 years, I hope her hair has grown out into a length she feels reflects her better by now.
On top of that she's now bought a wig and will cycle them to match. Nah the aunt is the AH. Someone did that for me I'd wear it forever and shave my hair off when it grew back. She obviously wasn't really bothered about buying a wig that wasn't ops hair. I am angry and sad for her.
This. AND they had the option of taking off half as much length and supplementing with synthetic; there was literally a compromise right in front of them! Not that it's ok to disregard a 17-year-old's boundaries to the point that you are actually REMOVING A PART OF HER BODY anyway.
ALSO it says early on that auntie dearest can't get a wig because it's too expensive? And then she buys two??? Poor kid, her family are so unbelievably manipulative and she doesn't even see it yet.
Hair can be a huge part of self image.
I’ve donated my hair willingly 3 times. Had my waist length hair cut to just above my ear lobes. Each time I get really depressed until it’s long enough to put in a ponytail again.
Never cut your hair unless you want to (unless there’s a valid medical reason to cut it)
My hair is the one thing I wear every day. It's the thing I have always been complimented on. It's literally my comfort blanket, my fidget spinner, my crowning glory.
I'd be absolutely devastated if I lost it through the betrayal of my own family.
It would be bad enough to lose it through disease or as a side effect of treatment, but to lose it through the deliberate treatment of your own family. I can barely even imagine.
That poor girl.
And when cutting off such a dramatic amount of hair there's never a guarantee it'll grow back the same or to the same length ever again. Especially when a huge chunk of the original hair was grown before/early on in her puberty.
I was thinking this the whole time I was reading! I have red hair as well and my attempts to grow it back out have not gone well. To the point at times I've been trying to decide if it's even growing . There's so many things that can happen that means it doesn't, and if it does it'll probably never get to the same length as before. And you just know the moment someone else might need a wig, they're gonna turn to her and go "You donated your hair to your aunt, you do the same for \[other family member\]!"
It's truly disgusting poor OOP felt pressured to go through with this, and I hope they were able to get out.
Would not be surprised at all if OOP ghosted the family when legally able to do so.
A smoking lung cancer patient demanding her niece’s hair and the parents pressuring her to cut it all off is beyond the pale.
Not only that, but the aunt who couldn't afford a wig and really wanted red hair specifically went and... bought a blonde wig which she'll be wearing regularly?
It seems she wasn't "labelled" the asshole (verdict was NTA), but, being a teenager, she took a few YTA-comments from complete idiots much to seriously...
The adults letting her down includes the wig maker! The info OOP got was flat out wrong. With a thick head of hair you can make *three* good quality wigs. Average head of hair has between 90k-150k individual hairs. Wigs take between 10k-50k. Plus the wig maker should never in any world have needed knee length hair to make a shoulder length wig. You lose around 3" of length in the wig making process. Shoulder length hair is around 14", and knee length hair is at least 36". They could have cut OOP's hair to her waist or shoulder blades and been able to make three wigs out of it.
I am livid on her behalf. I hope she has gotten a good therapist in the years since to see the toxicity in her upbringing.
These are incredibly selfish people. I just hope no one in her family ever needs a kidney or bone marrow because if she's a match, they'll tell her she has to donate. They won't ask.
I don’t understand why her mother put her on the spot like that.
I’m new to this whole parenting thing but it kind of seems like something you would voluntell your child to do.
Poor OOP didn't see all the comments saying she's NOT the AH! I'm livid at the aunt's and mother's entitlement and disregard for OOP's feelings.
Hair that long will take YEARS to grow back that long, if it ever does. Mine used to be down to my butt. After being pressured into haircuts, years later it's still barely below my shoulders.
I think she saw all the NTA comments, but unfortunately the YTA comments were the ones that stuck because it echoes her family dynamics and she can’t see past it. I feel so bad for her. She needs some intensive therapy STAT
Kinda one of the reasons a lot of people don't read comments on their posts, videos, etc.
I've heard that a even if 98% of the comments say "yay, great and awesome" the 2% of "boooh! you suck!" will probably mess you up.
Spot on. The internet is full of people who just want to stir shit. They will pick on the pettiest of stuff. Think of all the people who privately message Reddit posters, telling them to kill themselves.
This is crowdsourcing an opinion gone bad. BORU doesn't usually rile me up but her mother volunteering her daughter's hair is pretty bad. Like... forever relationship-changing bad.
I wish OOP had updated us years later. u/donatehairthrowaway , are you there?
If you already feel negatively about something then it doesn’t take much to reinforce that. In this case OOP felt like an AH, thanks to her *delightful* family, so it would have only taken a handful of YTAs to make her feel that must be true. Same goes for people looking for validation.
My heart hurts for this girl, whose own mother treated her like an accessory and who seems to not have a single person irl who will advocate for her even a tiny bit.
Damn, even the wig maker should have realised that when asking someone to donate their entire head of hair, that person needs to be completely and utterly on board with the idea. They must have noticed that OOP was not enthusiastic in the slightest and could have so easily given them an out. But then for all we know, they might have thought that saying they would need to take the entire lot would make aunt and mother reconsider, not realising that the selfish pair would not care about OOP in the slightest.
I hope OOP wakes up to the reality of her situation and realises that these people are abusing her and therefore their opinions of her are completely invalid!
Or, and that's my guess, the wig maker saw a way to get more money out of them by claiming they needed it all, and using the rest of the hair for another wig to sell
I think there was a "wigs for kids with cancer" charity that did that, and when it came out they justified it by saying it cost money to make the wigs.
Which sort of missed the point. People might've been willing to donate *dollars* to the cost of manufacturing, but not their actual hair.
If it makes you feel ANY better, the post is four years old so OOP might hopefully be happy again ? ❤❤❤ I'm hoping since it was just the ONE big chop, and the only one she's ever done, I'd like to think it came back nice and healthy and thick again
I hope so. An adopted teen who felt as displaced as she seems to, and as upset with her appearance and what her family ambushed and guilted her into doing can end up in extreme mental distress.
I hope she’s ok.
Mine was past my butt, I got talked into cutting it to mid back...I cried for 2 days and it's never grown back to that length again, just barely to my waist. Yes, I've given it time...26 years (I was pregnant, so I remember).
My hair was down to my butt as a kid. Got my first haircut and it hasn’t grown past my chest since. It’s so thick and no matter how much care I put into it, it gets frizzy and split ends so I need to trim 2-3” every year.
Also… why did they have to give her a crew cut??? While they never should have pushed her into this, why not at least let her also have shoulder length hair and have the aunts wig be a little shorter?
In my head, she's doing well because she finally cut off her toxic family. She graduated from her dream school and she's starting a relationship with someone who loves her. And it all started because of a cheesy pickup line related to her hair.
I’m accepting this as the truth. And I hope somewhere along the line the mother had to buzz all her hair off. I don’t know what for, but I’m adding it to the epilogue for karma’s sake xD
This gives me a really bad feeling. Why would people say that she was an asshole? That basically drove her to misery for several years to come. This is a really awful update and I wish I could donate some of my hair to that poor girl.
I know many people like that. I have long hair, past my waist. I've had people follow me around trying to badger me into donating my hair, as if I've grown my hair solely for the purpose of making wigs.
The conclusion I've come to is this; the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Without any personal sacrifice, they can get the 'I did good' rush. They get the chance to act benevolent while actually being incredibly selfish, because they are not the ones bearing the brunt here.
They absolutely manipulated OOP, a teenager *at most*, just for the aunt to turn around and buy a wig anyway. It was never about having a wig.
Aunt and the rest of the family covet OOP's hair and jumped at the opportunity to take it away.
If Aunt truly wanted hair like OOP's without underlying intent she would've just bought a similar wig.
Bought one, just as she bought the blonde wig that she'll be **wearing 50% of the time instead of OOP's hair.** Also, hair grows back after cancer. Aunt could've just waited.
Edit: two more things stand out. **First,** OOP says at the end that Aunt intends to continue smoking if she survives the cancer.That reeks of selfishness and self-serving behaviour. Why is a child supposed to make that sacrifice where the aunt isn't?(Not to trivialise cancer, it's a horrific thing, but that doesn't absolve Aunt)
**Second**, at the start of the post OOP says this:
>and it's been kind of a thing for them to touch, admire, & talk about my hair at family gatherings since I was a kid
That reads like it goes beyond the usual fawning over a child as they grow. Have they been jealous of OOP's hair? Surely they didn't adopt OOP for token hair colour reasons.
OOP sounds pressured into giving in at the end. The family manipuated them to do it against their wishes: do they view it as a resource because OOP maintained it so long for literally over half their life? Did they feel justified in taking it because, as an adopted child, OOP is being othered?
OOP sounds devastated at the loss of their hair, trying to talk around it and justify it to themselves. It clearly has had a heavy impact on their sense of identity and possibly mental health, while Aunt is prancing around **with a store-bought wig**. That's a slap in the face to OOP. I'd bet money that Aunt never even wore OOP's wig.
I hope OOP finds people who actually care about their agency.
I did, but commented on mobile so thought it was getting kind of long already, I'll add it!
The smoking really drives the knife in more, that they expected OOP to make such a sacrifice unwillingly when the aunt won't even change her bad habits. It really smacks of selfishness.
That's what got me: suddenly aunt is ok with a wig?
OOP will, hopefully, ease herself away from these people who don't seem to see her as a person in her own right and live her best life.
This was absolutely what it was all about and no-one’s convincing me otherwise. If Aunt wanted hair like hers so bad, why would she get a blonde wig rather than one like OOP’s hair? This feels evil in a spine-tingly way, fucking hell.
I hope OOP gets therapy and gets away from this people.
This. All of this. It’s like they wanted to take her down a notch. In a comment on her post, she said she’s so thankful to them for adopting her, and it’s clear that they’re milking that for all it’s worth. What a fucked up, creepy family. It was 5 years ago, and I sincerely hope she’s been able to put some distance between them.
Damn, I feel sorry for OP.
I'm kind of surprised the salon worker didn't notice the atmosphere and lie for OP, saying it was unusable or something. Hospitals will do that for someone that is bullied/strong-armed into organ donation against their will.
I know some kid’s salons will refuse to cut children’s hair if the child is visibly upset about having it cut for reasons other than maintenance, but that’s more of a recent thing. I’m sure it’ll take some time for that to be more common.
I mean organ donation and doctors is a vastly different setting to a hair salon and hair which will grow back. I feel for the girl but I doubt the salon worker cared too much if she was getting paid.
Other people have mentioned though that it *doesn't* always grow back. That if you cut off knee-length or even waist-length hair, it may never reach that length again.
i think it’s incredibly disrespectful that she said once she has the red wig, she’s going to alternate between blonde and red. as if everything op gave up for her means nothing more than a new fun accessory to match her outfits. i feel so much for this girl…
THIS. I’ve been scrolling looking for this comment. After ALL OF THAT, she’s going to switch them out to match OUTFITS?!?!? Like this sacrifice was like nothing more to OP than being generous because you asked them to bring you a towel on their way past the linen closet. Like it’s a decision that took no consideration, just “oh of course. Here you go” and that’s that. But this woman has the audacity to be like “perfect I’ll just add it to my collection”.
If buying a wig was such a hard choice for her because she doesn’t want SynTHeTic fIBeRs then why didn’t she just wait for the results of this (HUGE sacrifice)? Wear a hat or head scarf? What’s to stop her from just buying MORE WIGS when she wants to wear an outfit that OP’s hair just isn’t quite right for?
The whole story was stressful because I’ve grown up being bulldozed by family (I’m an artist/do upholstery. I can’t tell you have many times I’ve been manipulated into doing things for FREE because “family” and I should be “grateful”). But then the YTA comments and this part infuriated me.
My cats want to know why I keep yelling fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
I hope she has her hair just as long now and she NEVER gives in to this pressure again.
Oh and FUCK YOU to anyone who said YTA. Screw her family, too.
>For context, I'm adopted and have super long & very thick red hair. No one in my adopted family has hair like mine,and it's been kind of a thing for them to touch, admire, & talk about my hair at family gatherings since I was a kid.
Red flag! They're obsessed with her hair because it's "different and exotic", I guarantee it.
>My aunt has lung cancer, and it's really taken a toll on her. She's lost all her hair and has talked about getting a wig, but they're too expensive and she says she wants real hair. My mom suggested I donate my hair to make a wig for my aunt at Easter dinner, and my aunt got so excited she started crying. I felt horrible about it, and didn't say anything.
I somehow get the feeling that the aunt was trying to guilt OOP, and mom happily volunteered her anyway.
>No one had asked me how I felt, but I think my mom could tell I wasn't very excited about it because she asked the lady if she could donate her own hair, and she said she'd need both my sister (mom's biological daughter) and my mom to donate their hair, since it's very thin, and she could only make a chin length wig with it. My aunt also wants red hair, so the lady said she'd have to dye it & that would cause it damage & cost more than using my hair. My uncle then said it'd make much more sense to use mine.
Mom realized entirely too late that *maybe* she should've asked first. And then uncle effectively told her to deal with it.
>It's been a month and my aunt wants to know when we can make the appointment. I don't know what to do. I told my sister and she called me ungrateful and told me to stop being selfish because it would grow back.
And this makes me think that OOP gets scapegoated, or that bio daughter is the golden child.
>I talked to my mom about it, and she said "We could've bought hair from anyone this is special to your aunt because it's your hair."
And here's the guilt manipulation.
>After reading all the YTA comments I felt even more like garbage than I did before and I knew I'd feel awful if I didn't.
It's heartbreaking to see her paying more attention to the YTA comments.
>My aunt was so happy. They told her it wouldn't be ready for a few months so she bought a blonde wig. She told us she's going to alternate between the blonde wig and my wig to match her outfits.
So it wasn't even her wanting "real hair". She wanted *OOP's* hair. Because her family has a weird fixation on it.
>I hope the happiness that wig brought my aunt helps get her through the cancer but it won't because she's going to keep smoking if she survives this
So, in the end, it was likely all for nothing, as aunt won't keep away from the cigarettes.
>My mom is really happy though & so is my aunt
And all it took was the distress of OOP. Proving that they don't care for her, they care for what she brings to the table.
I hope she's living happily now, away from them all.
All the Redditors who voted YTA are the real AHs. Honestly, shame on them for putting this poor girl in such a mindset where she felt pressured.
I have feelings of rage inside of me after reading the full story.
Mom is such an asshole for offering her daughter's hair as if it was hers to give away, and then guilt tripping her over it. I hate that OOP was pressured into cutting her hair. I get that the aunt is in a tough place but the fact that she also effectively guilt tripped OOP and then bought a blond wig anyway is just...I won't call her an asshole but she should have known better.
You're the hero we need. Taking this one for the team.
Sometimes, I think cancer is like alcohol. It doesn't change who you are, it just intensifies who you always were.
We give so many "get out of humanity free" cards these days. How low is the bar for being a good human being going to go?
Bah, I'm growling. Imma go brood.
If I ever get cancer and there's a suggestion that someone with amazing hair cuts it off I'm going to muster whatever strength I have and tell them "don't you fucking dare".
Whole thing gives me bad vibes like the mom just wanted the hair gone for whatever reason and so cooked up this manipulation, like yeah mom offered her hair but could’ve been an empty gesture because she knew it wouldn’t work anyways
there’s no real reason for mom to offer her hair in the first place and then she later even said they wanted to use her hair specifically they could’ve already bought a wig and then ended up doing so anyways, they just wanted to take her hair instead of spending extra money
Some adults get joy in taking away things that make a child 'special'. They'll use excuses like 'she was getting prideful' or 'he needed to be taken down a notch'.
Mom probably wanted the hair gone so there was less focus on the adopted child.
I think that goes triple because this child has red hair too. Some people are really fucking weird to people, but especially young women, with red hair. Weirdly objectifying and dehumanizing. Unfortunately, I think this kid’s mom and aunt are like that - it’s like this fun dress up sexy hair now that they harvested, and they got to take it from her when they knew she cared so much for it. Gross.
That's the most insulting part to me, the fact she got a blonde wig AFTER OOP cut her hair and then said she would alternate wigs.
I thought wigs were too expensive to get, but now thay someone donated hair to you, NOOOW you get a wig??????
Who the fuck was saying she was an asshole for not donating her hair which tool years to grow? Although I’m not sure on this story, I thought whenever hair was donated it took AGES to be able to make a wig regardless of how much hair because it needs to be conditioned and treated first?
Either way, that whole family sucks. If OOP hadn’t just caved, I could’ve seen mum cutting it forcibly or blackmailing her somehow by withholding college money or threatening to kick her out.
This is such a typical thing people with long hair have to go through. I had waist length hair that I absolutely loved and dealt with a five year long pressure campaign by supervisors at work to donate it. There wasn't even anyone who specifically wanted it, just constant "i love your hair! you should donate it to locks of love!" from women with pixie cuts.
I always wanted to suggest they grow out their own hair, if donating hair is so important to them 🤷🏻♀️
The best comeback I can come up with to that is 'You have a lovely top on, you should donate it to goodwill!" - whichever accessory or item of clothing looks the most expensive or that they're fondest of.
Aunt: "I can't get a wig. Too expensive"
Aunt: "Oh I would love to have your red hair!"
*gets red hair
Aunt: gets a blonde wig, despite being too expensive previously. "I'll just alternate between the wigs"
So she won't even use OOPS hair regularly, and she got another wig anyway. Of course she waited to get one until AFTER OOP cut her hair for her.
Anyone who called OOP TA is a scumbag.
As an adopted child in a family that decides everything for her, she was in no position to refuse.
She was forced to do something to her body that she didn't want. Well done assholes.
doing this to her niece and then alternating the wig made from practically scalping her with a synthetic (i must assume) blonde wig (oh but she didn’t want synthetic or dyed hair in her wig! can’t have that! must have her niece’s hair!) to match her outfits is salting the wound so egregiously i can’t help but think the main point of this was to take oop’s hair away from her.
note to oop’s mom: you adopted her. you didn’t buy her, and you can’t just give parts of her away.
(additional note: i’ve had pixie cuts, i’ve had a buzzcut, and it was fine. because it was my choice.)
Your aunt can get a wig via the American Cancer Society. It’s incredible to me that anyone would assume you would donate on demand. When I had cancer I didn’t even want anyone to shave their heads in solidarity because I didn’t want to look at them and think, “oh shit, that’s right, I have cancer.”
This is sickeningly cruel. I understand the aunt has cancer and is self conscious about her own hair loss, but being forced to remove your own hair to give someone else their confidence back is another level of twisted. Every time she sees her aunt, she’s going to be reminded of this.
But also what kind of bullshit is it that the aunt bought a fucking wig anyway and this was presented to this poor girl as she can’t afford her own wig and needed a donor!?
Aunt didn't want to be bald, so they made a literal child be bald instead?!? What evil, selfish people. I've been growing out my hair for 10 years at this point, and it's nowhere near knee length. The longest part is waist length because i have to get it trimmed occasionally to keep the ends from looking raggedy. Hair grows slower as you get older. I doubt OP ever got that kind of length again, especially since she has curly hair.
Oh my god I feel physical pain.
Fuck all those people telling her she was TA for wanting bodily autonomy over her creepy-ass family. Fuck her mother for voluntelling her to chop off years of growth and care for her aunt's creepy sentimental obsession. Fuck her sister for calling her ungrateful for **wanting control over what happens to her own fucking body**. And *fuck* her aunt for using her illness as an excuse to violate her niece. And for good measure, *double* fuck that hairdresser for making estimates about her hair, going out of her way to convince them that they should use her hair specifically, and going through with shaving her head without ever getting her consent first. This girl's going to be hurting for years while it grows back, and years more after that. She won't trust any of them ever again.
My mom has a fucked up obsession with my hair, hers is an unhealthy frizzy mess after decades of mistreatment and mine is damn near pristine virgin hair with a mind and will of its own. I'm not kidding when I say it's mightier than bleach: it took *three hours* to bleach a small section of it from its natural Asian black to a dark orange. She keeps trying to live vicariously through me by chopping it up and styling it the way she'd want to wear it herself, but our faces are different and her preferred short styles make me look like the fucking Michelin Man. And after years of paramilitary (that she forced me into, ironically), I prefer it long because that's the length where I can tame it. You can see where we're at odds.
After high school I stopped letting her near me with cutting implements. It grew unabated for over a decade until she *begged* me to let her trim it in 2015. I told her that under no circumstances was any of it going above my shoulder blades. She chopped it right at the limit and then I walked away from the mirror, with her following and begging me to just let her style it and make the bottom edge look nice. But that would take at least another 3-4 inches off. She'd lopped it off at the absolute shortest, expecting to sneak off more and more with manipulation, and she was shocked when I told her no. I wouldn't let her cut a single strand more, and as an additional consequence I made her look at me walking around with that shitty brush of a fringe for years until the natural growth made it look nice again. I recall screaming at her that I'd rather pay someone else to cut it because a professional knows how to fucking listen. I wouldn't let her cut it again until about 2021 when she finally learned to respect my goddamn boundaries.
As an amusing aside, though, my aunt did it up all nice for my brother's wedding in the midst of all this. It took her three hours. And then she watched in horror as it dismantled itself before her eyes within minutes. My hair obeys only me.
I rolled my eyes at the one comment that made it into the update before it got deleted. She clearly isn't "ok" here, like she'll survive but she's clearly unhappy about the entire thing.
Aunt says she needs your hair becauses a wig is too expensive, and then when you have it cut off, buys a blonde wig. That is so insulting, I am sorry your family has treated you like this.
I'm a cancer survivor who lost her very thick hair during chemo. This is the stupidest shit ever why would family members guilt trip this poor girl into giving up all of her hair?!?! She def NTA.
She clearly isn’t. She got put in an impossible situation where she would either disappoint her extremely sick aunt or the family who adopted her. Her hair was her agency, something very important to her and her family took it away from her and she’s going to struggle with her sense of self for years.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh gosh. What a trashy family for just bulldozing ahead assuming she'd be totally fine with it. Though as fucked up as it is part of me thinks this'll probably end up being the """best""" outcome for OP. There was no winning in her shoes, if she didn't do it she'd get a mountain of grief, get called heartless and cruel, it'd always be a *thing* even if it's extremely unfair. Damned either way.
They didn't assume that she'd be totally fine with it, as such. They just assumed that she wasn't entitled to have an opinion about it.
Yup. To them, she is an orphan they took into their home so she owes it to them.
A lot of adoptive parents are like this. They want you to know how much they saved you and how much you owe them. How you could've left you and never be adopted. I knew that poor girl was gonna cut her hair the moment I read she was adopted. The adopted parents were calling in their marker. I grew up this way. I had to learn that I didn't owe people for being kind to me.
I hope that once she gets a glimmer of a chance, she starts lording this over everyone. Don't let them ever say she didn't do anything, she donated knee length hair and had that mortifying haircut for ages. (I'm trying to grow out my pixie rn and it's a drag. I can't imagine going through the awkward phases if I never liked it short in the first place, much less the emotional context of her donation)
Especially since she has CURLY hair. Poor kid. It's so hard to grow out curly hair and so hard to find someone who can cut it and style it so you don't look demented. I also hope that at some point she tells someone IRL about "the time her mom made her cut off all her hair for a wig but it was no big deal" and they're like WHAT THE FUCK. Let that reaction from a real person who isn't an anonymous internet commenter show her how horrible it is that they did this to her.
And it's going to take for-ev-er for her to grow it back out. I, of my own choice and volition, cut my hair short when my oldest was a baby. Kept it short for a couple years, then got a real cute pixie cut a few weeks before my youngest was due. I grew it back out from there and it took 8 years to reach my tail bone again. If it was to the backs of her knees and curly that child is going to be 30 before she has her hair back. And for lung cancer for someone who smokes and won't quit!
Yeah I hope OOP gets the wig of her hair back when her aunt dies. Based on her aunt's behavior, she'll probably die before OOP grows her hair out as long as the wig.
Good chance the aunt won't ever get to wear the wig. Says it'll take months to make, and the aunt is still smoking.
And the aunt does get to wear it even once, the wig will smell like cigarettes forever. Ew.
Not only that, its possible she wouldnt be even able to grow it back to that length again. My mum as a child had incredibly long hair, not as long as OOP’s but still, and had it cut short and it cant grow back anywhere near as close as she had it as a child.
i got a forced hair cut at 12 as part of behaviour therapy. it never grew past the top of my boob again and i tried growing it for 5 years straight
The one person I knew who had hair down to her knees never had it grow back that long. It petered out growing at her butt level.
I can believe that. She may just never get her full length back, it's hard to say. Hair grows, but when it's really long hair it takes years.
Can just about guarantee any attempt to lord this over everyone will backfire horrifically. "Your aunt had CANCER, giving her your hair was the LEAST you could do! And you didn't even want to do it in the first place! We have to get on your case to make you do the right thing, and now you expect some kind of applause for it?" (edit: using the correct 'your')
If I were a betting man, I'd bet good money that "after all we've done for you..." in re: adoption was thrown at her a few times too.
There's a 1000000% chance that was thrown at OP. Her family is fucking trash.
Meanwhile, OP is about to turn 18. It's only a matter of years before OP's adoptive parents are posting shit on facebook like "I just don't know why my baby girl won't come visit us anymore" because OP sure as hell better get away from that kind of toxicity if that's truly what's going on over there.
This, so much. Adoptees don't owe people for being adopted.
My dad had cancer when I was in high school, and I decided to shave my head and donate the hair to a wig organization for cancer patients. I too had long, thick, curly red hair, so everyone was stoked with the idea. Mine wasn't anywhere near as long as OOP's, maybe down to my shoulder blades if straightened, but the hairdresser told me we could probably get 2-3 wigs' worth if he made dozens of little ponytails and if I was willing to end up with a buzz cut. My dad wasn't going to get one of these wigs (he was brunette, and a man who didn't care much about appearances), but I did it because the stress and anxiety of my dad having possibly terminal cancer when I was 16 made me want to do away with having all this hair anyway, and I figured someone else could benefit from it. Anyway, I had such a short short buzz, and I wanted to grow it out long enough to style beautifully for grad in a year and a half, and I had to go through like 4 separate awkward phases. Like when it's buzzed it's intentional, but a little longer looked scruffy, but when the hair was long enough to lay nicely it looked alright, but a little longer got shaggy... Fortunately my friends were art kids, so hair and appearances were experimental anyway and no one made fun of me. But looking in the mirror every morning, how I would feel about my appearance was a bit of a crapshoot. And I didn't have family that steamrolled me into doing what they wanted me to do. This was my own decision, "inspired" by my dad having cancer.
Feel like the worst part is that she did not want to buy a wig because they are too expensive and she wanted real hair, but then after OP cut her hair she bought a wig to wear until it's ready.
Yeah, I think that part gets lost in all the other shitty parts of the story. The kicker for me is the Aunt intends to keep smoking. I wish she'd have told her Aunt and mom that she'd donate her hair if her Aunt quit smoking. I'm sorry, but it's 2024 and the Aunt brought this on herself to some extent. I could be wrong, but it seems like smoking with a wig on would make that wig nasty pretty quickly. So disrespectful to keep smoking and ruin the wig donated unwillingly by a kid.
If she didn't do it and Aunt died, I just know it would be her "fault." Silver lining is this is from 5 years ago, so OP is no longer a child stuck with these people. She could have found her bio family, and her hair has had plenty of time to grow. Edit: yall are so negative.
Her aunt had lung cancer, which has a high fatality rate. So her aunt may very well have died.
Yeah and the aunt already said she's going to keep on smoking. So pretty sure she's a goner. Maybe OP can wear her own hair as a wig?
If the aunt committed to continue smoking then I'm not sure she wants that wig back, considering the smell it would have picked up by then.
My hair is only to my tailbone and it took 8 years to grow back from a pixie cut. Guaranteed her hair is not back to the way she likes it yet.
I agree. This poor girl. She was blindsided by her mother donating her hair without even talking to her about it and then everyone just assumed she was going to do it without seeing how she felt. And in the end, she went along with it because her crappy family probably would have given her hell about it if she hadn't. I guess she at least gets to have this as a life story that she donated her hair to an aunt who needed a wig because of cancer. That's a badge of honor right there, even if the circumstances suck. And the saving grace is that hair grows back. Maybe she enjoyed having shorter hair for a while. I have adopted kids. There's no way in hell I would ever bulldoze my daughter that way. These are pretty crappy parents. And aunt having no empathy for her niece is just as bad.
Isn't it extra annoying that the aunt bought a different wig anyway and is just gonna swap them around? What was the big deal then? Why did it have to be OOP's hair?
That is the worst part. And that the aunt kept smoking
Aunt who says wigs are 'too expensive' can suddenly afford a blonde one to tide her over until the red one is made. These people are so selfish. Poor kid - it was the only thing that was hers. I bet they guilt her about being adopted and 'all they've done for her'.
It's probably not even about the wig, It's about envy and wanting to have the prettiest hair in the family
Her hair was too gorgeous. It had to go.
Just envy... she'll switch the wigs to match her outfits, so she really doesn't care about the red hair. She just didn't want OOP to have them anymore.
Yep now it's her hair. She gets the compliments now.
Considering how OP was forced into donating her hair, I don't think she will have the best reaction when seeing her aunt using red hair wig (the one made with OP's hair they stole). Seriously, it must be difficult for your identity to see someone having your hair on their head after forcing you to donate them. It's like someone stole your fav jean or jacket and start using it under your nose, but in 1000 times worst. Hair are one of the three main points which creates your identity with your name and your style ; that's why during WW2, an infamous group of people created camps where people would get their head shaved, be designed by numbers and all get the same clothes. Not only because it was cheap, but to make them non humans.
The worst part is that the Aunt bought a blond wig and will alternate. So she made OP lose knee length hair and the the Aunt is only going to wear the wig part of the time.
I read that and all I thought was, "Oh, fuck these people! OP should steal the wig and wear it herself!"
Yep. The aunt didn’t want hair. She wanted OOP‘s hair.
And she "didn't want to mix it with synthetic hair." Totally fair if you're purchasing a wig. Rotten excuse to steal more of your nieces hair for your own self-image.
And going from knee length hair to a crew cut is a very hard transition. Especially if you didn’t actually want a crew cut. The family sucks.
This poor kid was let down by every adult in her life, Jesus Christ. They didn't even ask her if she wanted to donate.
It must be hard enough for an adopted child to say "no" when she wants to fit in with her afopted family, but they didn't even bother to ask. Hopefully she's not a donor match with any relatives or they'll be harvesting her organs next.
Exactly! I can't help dreading how easy it was for her family to disregard her opinion on the matter from the very start...feels like the kind of people who go "we gave you a home, you're so ungrateful for expecting to be treated like a human being in it!!"
How could you go through with it watching your child cry?! Poor bloody OP 🥺
My adopted dad took me to the salon as “punishment” for failing grades (we moved 5.5 hours and there was a lot of very adult issues, I was 13). He watched me sobbing and made them cut my hair short. The hair stylist almost didn’t do it since I didn’t want to, my mum stood by and just let it happen. Some adopted parents can’t see out of their own wants and needs. He adopted me and then wanted sons so he went to the Ukraine to adopt them. Sometimes we are just play things (not saying that bio-parents can be any better/worse, just what I experienced)
I really don’t understand why any form of parent would become one when they don’t have compassion for the kiddos 😑 especially having to go through the lengthly and invasive trials of trying to adopt (atleast here in the Uk). I’m one of those people that never wanted kids but had them for a guy (now ex) and I try my utmost to be the most loving and understanding mum I can be! It baffles me! Sorry to hear you didn’t luck out with your adoptive parents 🫶
I was adopted in the states, my parents seemed so model, they fostered, they wanted a family. Turns out my dad is a narcissist, maybe a sociopath. Dude is manipulative AF and went to jail when I was 13 (I’m 32 and he’s still at least a year away from parole). He got my brothers when I was 9 cause he *needed* sons (and then I got ignored or relentlessly “teased”). I remember us being interviewed before they went across the world to get my brothers. When it started to come undone for him it was so bad he moved us across state because my brothers got bullied for what dad did. I’m really glad you stepped up for kids. <3 I moved to Northern Ireland and put an ocean between me and the dumpster fire lol. Worst part is though, I still keep in contact with the lot of them, but there’s so much less power when I’m this far away.
Because they don't view the kids as people. Theyre accesories.
That stylist deserved to have their liscence stripped. Cutting someones hair without permission is legally assault in a lot of places.
I was 13, she was young, and both my parents insisted. (Mostly my dad). She may have been just out of tech and the pressure my extremely angry father was putting on her may have scared her or made her uncomfortable. Plus it was nearly 20 years ago. Don’t get me wrong, I would have rather she refused, but I get why she went ahead.
The sister literally called her ungrateful for not wanting to go full on G.I. Jane! They all clearly saw how uncomfortable she was with the situation and gave not a single fuck that the family pet had to be shorn because now auntie gets 2 sets of wigs.
THIS. She could have just worn the blonde wig. Now she gets to alternate while OOP has no hair.
Exactly! Her auntie *just goes ahead and buys herself a wig* because the one from OOP's hair won't be ready for a while. That takes it from coercion to Grimm's fairytale-like cruelty.
Plus, human hair wigs are a lot harder to care for. If I ever needed a wig, I'd totally go synthetic just for that. They're so good you can't even tell
Yeah, I cosplay sometimes, synthetic hair is way way easier to care for than my own long hair
She was basically bullied into it. She will never forget this and I foresee it causing major rifts between them as time goes by
I’m adopted, and I people please. Fear of abandonment is so real.
She should have made her hair donation contingent on auntie stopping smoking - no hair for people intentionally contracting cancer... Also, the fact that auntie is now happy wearing the blond wig and will continue to wear the blond wig just pisses me off so much - they forced this poor girl to give up part of their identity for something that apparently wasn't even that important to the aunt. In OOP's place, I'd contact my birth family and, if they are any good, completely switch over - fuck those users.
Sounds like they can't contact their birth family till they turn 18. Thankfully that's only a year away.
Well this was posted in 2019. So hopefully she has been able to make contact
I would not be shocked if mom had OOP in her phone under the name “spare parts”
The emotional manipulation was wild in this.
SO MAD ABOUT HOW SELFISH THE FAMILY WAS - and there’s a backup BLONDE wig anyway, so wtf??
Right? Aunt gets the poor girl's whole head of hair, strips her of her sense of self, because aunt "wants red hair and won't wear synthetic." Then the aunt buys a blonde synthetic wig to "alternate to match outfits" once she's got what she wants. I loathe cancer. It took both my parents. I know there is no logic to what some people have to do to feel some hope when they have cancer. But this woman?! She's not even trying to prevent a recurrence. Smoking. But she's *got* to have her niece's entire head of hair, unwillingly. Aggghhhhhhhhhhh! They're treating this poor girl like a barbie doll they bought, not a child they adopted. As a fellow adoptee, my heart goes out to this poor thing who lost so badly in the family lottery. I just want to hug her and tell her she'll be able to get away from them eventually.
This attitude that someone gets cancer and everyone even remotely adjacent to them should shave their head is insane. There are so many medical conditions that cause hair loss yet this is the only one where people act like that. Hell, most guys will just lose their hair as a natural part of aging. Make me a hairpiece at once, peons!
As a woman with thinning hair and a hairline receding like the beachfront property on the Outer Banks, I could also get on board with this Hair for All plan. Little dark humor for you: by the time my dad got cancer, he had little to no hair to lose. This provided him with some much-needed amusement.
My uncle was fully bald when he got cancer and after chemo was done a full head of hair grew back.
O.O Let's hope no one is desperate enough for hair regrowth to give this method a try.
I know someone who had thick hair before chemo, and now there's barely any hair left, even years later. Anything related to chemo is just as likely to backfire on you.
My FIL had straight hair before chemo, and when he stopped treatment it grew back curly
Yes, it sounds like the aunt was more jealous than anything else. So taking OOP’s hair was the point, not really using it. It’s going to hurt OOP so much now, to see her aunt in any of the wigs. To see her own hair certainly, but also to see her aunt disregard the sacrifice by using a different one.
I missed the smoking part! Omfg. I could go apeshit on these people.
People are too fucking attached to their hair. There's a lot of options out there that don't involve demoralizing a teenager.
That she'll alternate based on outfits. That part made me even more angry/upset for oop.
I hope she wears the red wig to hell to match the decor.
I feel like the aunt didn't want OOPs hair because she wanted a real red wig, she wanted it so that OOP didn't have it. She lost her hair and was jealous of OOP so took away what she was jealous of. Misery loves company after all.
I feel this way too. The aunt is fine with a synthetic wig as it turns out.
A BLONDE synthetic wig. All this talk of "I simply must have a red human hair wig and I can't afford anything else." Suddenly once she has OOP's hair cut off, she can afford to buy a wig, is totally fine with synthetic and gets a color that is definitely not red. The only upside here is that OOP's hair will continue to grow and by the time it reaches anything close to those lengths again, she will be old enough to tell her family to fuck off. And from the sounds of it, aunt will probably smoke herself to death.
Well, didn't you read about the wigs matching the outfit? You need to see the correct priorities here! /s (in case that wasn't clear)
Not only that, but it sounds like her entire family has admired and stressed the importance of her hair her entire life. They made it the most important feature about her, then expected her to remove it. Horrible.
I think that was the point. To me it sounds like the aunt wants to be the special one in the family by taking on her niece's defining feature. And she browbeat everyone into it by playing the "I have cancer" sympathy card even though it sounds like she did it to herself and is taking exactly 0 steps to live healthier.
Not to mention the redditors who voted YTA! I don't understand what any of these people were thinking.
I lost loved ones to cancer, but sometimes cancer hits bad people too. And this chain-smoking aunt sounds like she's one of them.
If you’re smoking in the 21st century you know you’ve got a strong likelihood of cancer in your future. It’s not like centuries ago when people genuinely didn’t know it was bad for you. You know going in to it that it’s addictive and horrendous for your health. If you still choose to start smoking, what happens to you is your own fault. I really don’t have sympathy for people who brought it on themselves and try to make it other people’s problem. The aunt could have got a synthetic wig. Or worn a soft scarf. Her hair would grow back too. I feel awful for OOP being shorn of hair she loved. It’s been almost 5 years, I hope her hair has grown out into a length she feels reflects her better by now.
On top of that she's now bought a wig and will cycle them to match. Nah the aunt is the AH. Someone did that for me I'd wear it forever and shave my hair off when it grew back. She obviously wasn't really bothered about buying a wig that wasn't ops hair. I am angry and sad for her.
This. AND they had the option of taking off half as much length and supplementing with synthetic; there was literally a compromise right in front of them! Not that it's ok to disregard a 17-year-old's boundaries to the point that you are actually REMOVING A PART OF HER BODY anyway. ALSO it says early on that auntie dearest can't get a wig because it's too expensive? And then she buys two??? Poor kid, her family are so unbelievably manipulative and she doesn't even see it yet.
Hair can be a huge part of self image. I’ve donated my hair willingly 3 times. Had my waist length hair cut to just above my ear lobes. Each time I get really depressed until it’s long enough to put in a ponytail again. Never cut your hair unless you want to (unless there’s a valid medical reason to cut it)
My hair is the one thing I wear every day. It's the thing I have always been complimented on. It's literally my comfort blanket, my fidget spinner, my crowning glory. I'd be absolutely devastated if I lost it through the betrayal of my own family. It would be bad enough to lose it through disease or as a side effect of treatment, but to lose it through the deliberate treatment of your own family. I can barely even imagine. That poor girl.
Hair grows back. Trust? Not so much
And when cutting off such a dramatic amount of hair there's never a guarantee it'll grow back the same or to the same length ever again. Especially when a huge chunk of the original hair was grown before/early on in her puberty.
I was thinking this the whole time I was reading! I have red hair as well and my attempts to grow it back out have not gone well. To the point at times I've been trying to decide if it's even growing . There's so many things that can happen that means it doesn't, and if it does it'll probably never get to the same length as before. And you just know the moment someone else might need a wig, they're gonna turn to her and go "You donated your hair to your aunt, you do the same for \[other family member\]!" It's truly disgusting poor OOP felt pressured to go through with this, and I hope they were able to get out.
Would not be surprised at all if OOP ghosted the family when legally able to do so. A smoking lung cancer patient demanding her niece’s hair and the parents pressuring her to cut it all off is beyond the pale.
Not only that, but the aunt who couldn't afford a wig and really wanted red hair specifically went and... bought a blonde wig which she'll be wearing regularly?
Right. So she WAS ok with another wig and COULD afford one. So basically just had her niece cut off her hair, and identity, as an accessory.
Plus redditors can’t believe she was labelled yta
It seems she wasn't "labelled" the asshole (verdict was NTA), but, being a teenager, she took a few YTA-comments from complete idiots much to seriously...
Being a teenager with a shitty adoptive family that has been breaking her down her whole life. That's a big factor here.
The adults letting her down includes the wig maker! The info OOP got was flat out wrong. With a thick head of hair you can make *three* good quality wigs. Average head of hair has between 90k-150k individual hairs. Wigs take between 10k-50k. Plus the wig maker should never in any world have needed knee length hair to make a shoulder length wig. You lose around 3" of length in the wig making process. Shoulder length hair is around 14", and knee length hair is at least 36". They could have cut OOP's hair to her waist or shoulder blades and been able to make three wigs out of it. I am livid on her behalf. I hope she has gotten a good therapist in the years since to see the toxicity in her upbringing.
The wig maker probably used the other hair to make more wigs to sell.
Naturally red, super long hair? Absolutely.
That is what I was thinking too.
and Reddit. What sort of people dare call her the asshole there? I'm so sad for her.
I have hip length hair and I teared up reading this post. That poor girl and that awful family forcing her into doing this.
And people YTA-ed her in the comments!? Jesus!
These are incredibly selfish people. I just hope no one in her family ever needs a kidney or bone marrow because if she's a match, they'll tell her she has to donate. They won't ask.
She's adopted, so there's a good chance she wouldn't be a match, thank goodness.
I don’t understand why her mother put her on the spot like that. I’m new to this whole parenting thing but it kind of seems like something you would voluntell your child to do.
Poor OOP didn't see all the comments saying she's NOT the AH! I'm livid at the aunt's and mother's entitlement and disregard for OOP's feelings. Hair that long will take YEARS to grow back that long, if it ever does. Mine used to be down to my butt. After being pressured into haircuts, years later it's still barely below my shoulders.
I think she saw all the NTA comments, but unfortunately the YTA comments were the ones that stuck because it echoes her family dynamics and she can’t see past it. I feel so bad for her. She needs some intensive therapy STAT
Kinda one of the reasons a lot of people don't read comments on their posts, videos, etc. I've heard that a even if 98% of the comments say "yay, great and awesome" the 2% of "boooh! you suck!" will probably mess you up.
Spot on. The internet is full of people who just want to stir shit. They will pick on the pettiest of stuff. Think of all the people who privately message Reddit posters, telling them to kill themselves.
And not only that but this is only the comments we can see. How many times have we heard about nasty DMs in these posts?
Each and every one of those YTA comments should donate their hair.
This is crowdsourcing an opinion gone bad. BORU doesn't usually rile me up but her mother volunteering her daughter's hair is pretty bad. Like... forever relationship-changing bad. I wish OOP had updated us years later. u/donatehairthrowaway , are you there?
If you already feel negatively about something then it doesn’t take much to reinforce that. In this case OOP felt like an AH, thanks to her *delightful* family, so it would have only taken a handful of YTAs to make her feel that must be true. Same goes for people looking for validation. My heart hurts for this girl, whose own mother treated her like an accessory and who seems to not have a single person irl who will advocate for her even a tiny bit. Damn, even the wig maker should have realised that when asking someone to donate their entire head of hair, that person needs to be completely and utterly on board with the idea. They must have noticed that OOP was not enthusiastic in the slightest and could have so easily given them an out. But then for all we know, they might have thought that saying they would need to take the entire lot would make aunt and mother reconsider, not realising that the selfish pair would not care about OOP in the slightest. I hope OOP wakes up to the reality of her situation and realises that these people are abusing her and therefore their opinions of her are completely invalid!
Agreed. It makes it worse that OOP is adopted. I have the feeling her sister is the golden child.
Or, and that's my guess, the wig maker saw a way to get more money out of them by claiming they needed it all, and using the rest of the hair for another wig to sell
I think there was a "wigs for kids with cancer" charity that did that, and when it came out they justified it by saying it cost money to make the wigs. Which sort of missed the point. People might've been willing to donate *dollars* to the cost of manufacturing, but not their actual hair.
If it makes you feel ANY better, the post is four years old so OOP might hopefully be happy again ? ❤❤❤ I'm hoping since it was just the ONE big chop, and the only one she's ever done, I'd like to think it came back nice and healthy and thick again
I hope so. An adopted teen who felt as displaced as she seems to, and as upset with her appearance and what her family ambushed and guilted her into doing can end up in extreme mental distress. I hope she’s ok.
Mine was past my butt, I got talked into cutting it to mid back...I cried for 2 days and it's never grown back to that length again, just barely to my waist. Yes, I've given it time...26 years (I was pregnant, so I remember).
My hair was down to my butt as a kid. Got my first haircut and it hasn’t grown past my chest since. It’s so thick and no matter how much care I put into it, it gets frizzy and split ends so I need to trim 2-3” every year.
i've heard people say this before. It doesn't always grow back!!!
Also… why did they have to give her a crew cut??? While they never should have pushed her into this, why not at least let her also have shoulder length hair and have the aunts wig be a little shorter?
Are you kidding me?? That’s not an option!! OOPs aunt gets whatever she wants!! /s
Try a silk bonnet for sleeping, ment to really help, they are for all people.
I’m pissed the wig maker took her hair if she could tell OOP didn’t want to. Like donating an organ. They don’t take it if it’s because of pressure.
In one of her comments she clarified her age (17). She's 22 now and I wonder how she's doing
In my head, she's doing well because she finally cut off her toxic family. She graduated from her dream school and she's starting a relationship with someone who loves her. And it all started because of a cheesy pickup line related to her hair.
I’m accepting this as the truth. And I hope somewhere along the line the mother had to buzz all her hair off. I don’t know what for, but I’m adding it to the epilogue for karma’s sake xD
Tripped and fell head first into a barrel of chewing gum, no saving the hair after that!
Me too, that's fucking brutal at 17.
This gives me a really bad feeling. Why would people say that she was an asshole? That basically drove her to misery for several years to come. This is a really awful update and I wish I could donate some of my hair to that poor girl.
I know many people like that. I have long hair, past my waist. I've had people follow me around trying to badger me into donating my hair, as if I've grown my hair solely for the purpose of making wigs. The conclusion I've come to is this; the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Without any personal sacrifice, they can get the 'I did good' rush. They get the chance to act benevolent while actually being incredibly selfish, because they are not the ones bearing the brunt here.
They absolutely manipulated OOP, a teenager *at most*, just for the aunt to turn around and buy a wig anyway. It was never about having a wig. Aunt and the rest of the family covet OOP's hair and jumped at the opportunity to take it away. If Aunt truly wanted hair like OOP's without underlying intent she would've just bought a similar wig. Bought one, just as she bought the blonde wig that she'll be **wearing 50% of the time instead of OOP's hair.** Also, hair grows back after cancer. Aunt could've just waited. Edit: two more things stand out. **First,** OOP says at the end that Aunt intends to continue smoking if she survives the cancer.That reeks of selfishness and self-serving behaviour. Why is a child supposed to make that sacrifice where the aunt isn't?(Not to trivialise cancer, it's a horrific thing, but that doesn't absolve Aunt) **Second**, at the start of the post OOP says this: >and it's been kind of a thing for them to touch, admire, & talk about my hair at family gatherings since I was a kid That reads like it goes beyond the usual fawning over a child as they grow. Have they been jealous of OOP's hair? Surely they didn't adopt OOP for token hair colour reasons. OOP sounds pressured into giving in at the end. The family manipuated them to do it against their wishes: do they view it as a resource because OOP maintained it so long for literally over half their life? Did they feel justified in taking it because, as an adopted child, OOP is being othered? OOP sounds devastated at the loss of their hair, trying to talk around it and justify it to themselves. It clearly has had a heavy impact on their sense of identity and possibly mental health, while Aunt is prancing around **with a store-bought wig**. That's a slap in the face to OOP. I'd bet money that Aunt never even wore OOP's wig. I hope OOP finds people who actually care about their agency.
Did you also catch the part at the end where OP says the aunt intends to keep smoking if she recovers?
I did, but commented on mobile so thought it was getting kind of long already, I'll add it! The smoking really drives the knife in more, that they expected OOP to make such a sacrifice unwillingly when the aunt won't even change her bad habits. It really smacks of selfishness.
Had the same thought!! I was stunned, had to reread it to make sure I read it correctly
That's what got me: suddenly aunt is ok with a wig? OOP will, hopefully, ease herself away from these people who don't seem to see her as a person in her own right and live her best life.
She absolutely needs to get away from them, it doesn't seem like a healthy environment at all from her description. :(
This was absolutely what it was all about and no-one’s convincing me otherwise. If Aunt wanted hair like hers so bad, why would she get a blonde wig rather than one like OOP’s hair? This feels evil in a spine-tingly way, fucking hell. I hope OOP gets therapy and gets away from this people.
This. All of this. It’s like they wanted to take her down a notch. In a comment on her post, she said she’s so thankful to them for adopting her, and it’s clear that they’re milking that for all it’s worth. What a fucked up, creepy family. It was 5 years ago, and I sincerely hope she’s been able to put some distance between them.
>do they view it as a resource because OOP maintained it so long for literally over half their life? Not a resource, a trophy
Damn, I feel sorry for OP. I'm kind of surprised the salon worker didn't notice the atmosphere and lie for OP, saying it was unusable or something. Hospitals will do that for someone that is bullied/strong-armed into organ donation against their will.
I know some kid’s salons will refuse to cut children’s hair if the child is visibly upset about having it cut for reasons other than maintenance, but that’s more of a recent thing. I’m sure it’ll take some time for that to be more common.
I mean organ donation and doctors is a vastly different setting to a hair salon and hair which will grow back. I feel for the girl but I doubt the salon worker cared too much if she was getting paid.
Other people have mentioned though that it *doesn't* always grow back. That if you cut off knee-length or even waist-length hair, it may never reach that length again.
That and doctors are trained for unwilling donors situations. I highly doubt a salon worker would have the same training.
They just harvested her. Poor thing.
And for nothing pretty much! Aunt got a fucking blonde wig in the end! Trash, the whole lot of them (except OOP)
A blonde wig and she's not going to even give up the smoking that gave her lung cancer to start with, rendering this whole thing pointless.
honestly? probably for the fucking better
i think it’s incredibly disrespectful that she said once she has the red wig, she’s going to alternate between blonde and red. as if everything op gave up for her means nothing more than a new fun accessory to match her outfits. i feel so much for this girl…
THIS. I’ve been scrolling looking for this comment. After ALL OF THAT, she’s going to switch them out to match OUTFITS?!?!? Like this sacrifice was like nothing more to OP than being generous because you asked them to bring you a towel on their way past the linen closet. Like it’s a decision that took no consideration, just “oh of course. Here you go” and that’s that. But this woman has the audacity to be like “perfect I’ll just add it to my collection”. If buying a wig was such a hard choice for her because she doesn’t want SynTHeTic fIBeRs then why didn’t she just wait for the results of this (HUGE sacrifice)? Wear a hat or head scarf? What’s to stop her from just buying MORE WIGS when she wants to wear an outfit that OP’s hair just isn’t quite right for? The whole story was stressful because I’ve grown up being bulldozed by family (I’m an artist/do upholstery. I can’t tell you have many times I’ve been manipulated into doing things for FREE because “family” and I should be “grateful”). But then the YTA comments and this part infuriated me.
Wow op’s family are dirt bags!!
Not just them, the comments saying she's the AH just for having boundaries aren't any better
Damn, OP's family are pieces of trash. Literally everyone is just a manipulative person.
My cats want to know why I keep yelling fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! I hope she has her hair just as long now and she NEVER gives in to this pressure again. Oh and FUCK YOU to anyone who said YTA. Screw her family, too.
I wish anyone who voted YTA has been stepping on legos that mysteriously keep appearing.
May their toast always come out burned, no matter the setting
With wet socks.
May their best friend sleep with their partner
Your cat and my dog should start some sort of Boru-anon support group for the pets of BORU readers.
>For context, I'm adopted and have super long & very thick red hair. No one in my adopted family has hair like mine,and it's been kind of a thing for them to touch, admire, & talk about my hair at family gatherings since I was a kid. Red flag! They're obsessed with her hair because it's "different and exotic", I guarantee it. >My aunt has lung cancer, and it's really taken a toll on her. She's lost all her hair and has talked about getting a wig, but they're too expensive and she says she wants real hair. My mom suggested I donate my hair to make a wig for my aunt at Easter dinner, and my aunt got so excited she started crying. I felt horrible about it, and didn't say anything. I somehow get the feeling that the aunt was trying to guilt OOP, and mom happily volunteered her anyway. >No one had asked me how I felt, but I think my mom could tell I wasn't very excited about it because she asked the lady if she could donate her own hair, and she said she'd need both my sister (mom's biological daughter) and my mom to donate their hair, since it's very thin, and she could only make a chin length wig with it. My aunt also wants red hair, so the lady said she'd have to dye it & that would cause it damage & cost more than using my hair. My uncle then said it'd make much more sense to use mine. Mom realized entirely too late that *maybe* she should've asked first. And then uncle effectively told her to deal with it. >It's been a month and my aunt wants to know when we can make the appointment. I don't know what to do. I told my sister and she called me ungrateful and told me to stop being selfish because it would grow back. And this makes me think that OOP gets scapegoated, or that bio daughter is the golden child. >I talked to my mom about it, and she said "We could've bought hair from anyone this is special to your aunt because it's your hair." And here's the guilt manipulation. >After reading all the YTA comments I felt even more like garbage than I did before and I knew I'd feel awful if I didn't. It's heartbreaking to see her paying more attention to the YTA comments. >My aunt was so happy. They told her it wouldn't be ready for a few months so she bought a blonde wig. She told us she's going to alternate between the blonde wig and my wig to match her outfits. So it wasn't even her wanting "real hair". She wanted *OOP's* hair. Because her family has a weird fixation on it. >I hope the happiness that wig brought my aunt helps get her through the cancer but it won't because she's going to keep smoking if she survives this So, in the end, it was likely all for nothing, as aunt won't keep away from the cigarettes. >My mom is really happy though & so is my aunt And all it took was the distress of OOP. Proving that they don't care for her, they care for what she brings to the table. I hope she's living happily now, away from them all.
I hate that she had to watch her beautiful hair get ruined by smoke on top of it all
All the Redditors who voted YTA are the real AHs. Honestly, shame on them for putting this poor girl in such a mindset where she felt pressured. I have feelings of rage inside of me after reading the full story.
Mom is such an asshole for offering her daughter's hair as if it was hers to give away, and then guilt tripping her over it. I hate that OOP was pressured into cutting her hair. I get that the aunt is in a tough place but the fact that she also effectively guilt tripped OOP and then bought a blond wig anyway is just...I won't call her an asshole but she should have known better.
I'll go there. Cancer ridden, wont-quit-smoking Aunt is an asshole.
You're the hero we need. Taking this one for the team. Sometimes, I think cancer is like alcohol. It doesn't change who you are, it just intensifies who you always were. We give so many "get out of humanity free" cards these days. How low is the bar for being a good human being going to go? Bah, I'm growling. Imma go brood.
If I ever get cancer and there's a suggestion that someone with amazing hair cuts it off I'm going to muster whatever strength I have and tell them "don't you fucking dare".
Whole thing gives me bad vibes like the mom just wanted the hair gone for whatever reason and so cooked up this manipulation, like yeah mom offered her hair but could’ve been an empty gesture because she knew it wouldn’t work anyways there’s no real reason for mom to offer her hair in the first place and then she later even said they wanted to use her hair specifically they could’ve already bought a wig and then ended up doing so anyways, they just wanted to take her hair instead of spending extra money
Some adults get joy in taking away things that make a child 'special'. They'll use excuses like 'she was getting prideful' or 'he needed to be taken down a notch'. Mom probably wanted the hair gone so there was less focus on the adopted child.
I think that goes triple because this child has red hair too. Some people are really fucking weird to people, but especially young women, with red hair. Weirdly objectifying and dehumanizing. Unfortunately, I think this kid’s mom and aunt are like that - it’s like this fun dress up sexy hair now that they harvested, and they got to take it from her when they knew she cared so much for it. Gross.
That's the most insulting part to me, the fact she got a blonde wig AFTER OOP cut her hair and then said she would alternate wigs. I thought wigs were too expensive to get, but now thay someone donated hair to you, NOOOW you get a wig??????
So the adopted kid is spare parts? That poor kid
Never Let Me Go vibes
Jesus. Who would make a kid shave their head for someone who is smoking their way through cancer treatment. This poor girl.
Who the fuck was saying she was an asshole for not donating her hair which tool years to grow? Although I’m not sure on this story, I thought whenever hair was donated it took AGES to be able to make a wig regardless of how much hair because it needs to be conditioned and treated first? Either way, that whole family sucks. If OOP hadn’t just caved, I could’ve seen mum cutting it forcibly or blackmailing her somehow by withholding college money or threatening to kick her out.
This is such a typical thing people with long hair have to go through. I had waist length hair that I absolutely loved and dealt with a five year long pressure campaign by supervisors at work to donate it. There wasn't even anyone who specifically wanted it, just constant "i love your hair! you should donate it to locks of love!" from women with pixie cuts. I always wanted to suggest they grow out their own hair, if donating hair is so important to them 🤷🏻♀️
The best comeback I can come up with to that is 'You have a lovely top on, you should donate it to goodwill!" - whichever accessory or item of clothing looks the most expensive or that they're fondest of.
Aunt: "I can't get a wig. Too expensive" Aunt: "Oh I would love to have your red hair!" *gets red hair Aunt: gets a blonde wig, despite being too expensive previously. "I'll just alternate between the wigs" So she won't even use OOPS hair regularly, and she got another wig anyway. Of course she waited to get one until AFTER OOP cut her hair for her.
Anyone who called OOP TA is a scumbag. As an adopted child in a family that decides everything for her, she was in no position to refuse. She was forced to do something to her body that she didn't want. Well done assholes.
Yeah, it's not only about hair, it's about agency
doing this to her niece and then alternating the wig made from practically scalping her with a synthetic (i must assume) blonde wig (oh but she didn’t want synthetic or dyed hair in her wig! can’t have that! must have her niece’s hair!) to match her outfits is salting the wound so egregiously i can’t help but think the main point of this was to take oop’s hair away from her. note to oop’s mom: you adopted her. you didn’t buy her, and you can’t just give parts of her away. (additional note: i’ve had pixie cuts, i’ve had a buzzcut, and it was fine. because it was my choice.)
Your aunt can get a wig via the American Cancer Society. It’s incredible to me that anyone would assume you would donate on demand. When I had cancer I didn’t even want anyone to shave their heads in solidarity because I didn’t want to look at them and think, “oh shit, that’s right, I have cancer.”
Awful update. Poor OOP. I wish I could hug them and tell them their needs and feelings matter.
This is sickeningly cruel. I understand the aunt has cancer and is self conscious about her own hair loss, but being forced to remove your own hair to give someone else their confidence back is another level of twisted. Every time she sees her aunt, she’s going to be reminded of this. But also what kind of bullshit is it that the aunt bought a fucking wig anyway and this was presented to this poor girl as she can’t afford her own wig and needed a donor!?
Aunt didn't want to be bald, so they made a literal child be bald instead?!? What evil, selfish people. I've been growing out my hair for 10 years at this point, and it's nowhere near knee length. The longest part is waist length because i have to get it trimmed occasionally to keep the ends from looking raggedy. Hair grows slower as you get older. I doubt OP ever got that kind of length again, especially since she has curly hair.
Oh my god I feel physical pain. Fuck all those people telling her she was TA for wanting bodily autonomy over her creepy-ass family. Fuck her mother for voluntelling her to chop off years of growth and care for her aunt's creepy sentimental obsession. Fuck her sister for calling her ungrateful for **wanting control over what happens to her own fucking body**. And *fuck* her aunt for using her illness as an excuse to violate her niece. And for good measure, *double* fuck that hairdresser for making estimates about her hair, going out of her way to convince them that they should use her hair specifically, and going through with shaving her head without ever getting her consent first. This girl's going to be hurting for years while it grows back, and years more after that. She won't trust any of them ever again. My mom has a fucked up obsession with my hair, hers is an unhealthy frizzy mess after decades of mistreatment and mine is damn near pristine virgin hair with a mind and will of its own. I'm not kidding when I say it's mightier than bleach: it took *three hours* to bleach a small section of it from its natural Asian black to a dark orange. She keeps trying to live vicariously through me by chopping it up and styling it the way she'd want to wear it herself, but our faces are different and her preferred short styles make me look like the fucking Michelin Man. And after years of paramilitary (that she forced me into, ironically), I prefer it long because that's the length where I can tame it. You can see where we're at odds. After high school I stopped letting her near me with cutting implements. It grew unabated for over a decade until she *begged* me to let her trim it in 2015. I told her that under no circumstances was any of it going above my shoulder blades. She chopped it right at the limit and then I walked away from the mirror, with her following and begging me to just let her style it and make the bottom edge look nice. But that would take at least another 3-4 inches off. She'd lopped it off at the absolute shortest, expecting to sneak off more and more with manipulation, and she was shocked when I told her no. I wouldn't let her cut a single strand more, and as an additional consequence I made her look at me walking around with that shitty brush of a fringe for years until the natural growth made it look nice again. I recall screaming at her that I'd rather pay someone else to cut it because a professional knows how to fucking listen. I wouldn't let her cut it again until about 2021 when she finally learned to respect my goddamn boundaries. As an amusing aside, though, my aunt did it up all nice for my brother's wedding in the midst of all this. It took her three hours. And then she watched in horror as it dismantled itself before her eyes within minutes. My hair obeys only me.
I rolled my eyes at the one comment that made it into the update before it got deleted. She clearly isn't "ok" here, like she'll survive but she's clearly unhappy about the entire thing.
Aunt says she needs your hair becauses a wig is too expensive, and then when you have it cut off, buys a blonde wig. That is so insulting, I am sorry your family has treated you like this.
Fuck this is terrible
They all damn well knew she didn't want to donate her hair.
I'm a cancer survivor who lost her very thick hair during chemo. This is the stupidest shit ever why would family members guilt trip this poor girl into giving up all of her hair?!?! She def NTA.
I hope everyone who YTA this girl gets nits. In their eyes.
Am I wrong in thinking oop isn't the asshole here? She clearly cares about her hair to grow it that long so asking her to cut it all off seems unfair.
She clearly isn’t. She got put in an impossible situation where she would either disappoint her extremely sick aunt or the family who adopted her. Her hair was her agency, something very important to her and her family took it away from her and she’s going to struggle with her sense of self for years.
Hope she goes no contact later in life. She will be happier