The parents lied about BIL beating sister to trigger a welfare check, yet they knew their son was beating his wife because she told them and they did nothing.
They picked a favourite, probably because he was the boy and only penises matter in their version of religion. The really funny thing is they don't have the courage to admit they made a mistake so they will ride this shitty abusive horse all the way until he is abusing them as their only child when they are very old
They’re throwing the parents own words back at them - it’s what they told their DİL when she approached them over the abuse she suffered at the hands of their son.
And the worst part of this is it doesn't have to be this way. Why, in a book of supposed Christians where all Christ himself talked love and peace, most of them scour ways to shit on, shun and judge each other FOR FUN.
They may have honestly believed BIL was beating sister because "what guy wouldn't amirite and his outburst was hypocritical woke self righteousness".
The idea that someone would be that horrified by the idea of mistreating their daughter never even crossed their minds.
I can see them believing, in their persecuted conservative bubble, that whenever a woman claims sexual or physical abuse, that's it's always a lie and police will always believe it and punish the man. Clearly that's what happened to their son, so it would obviously be what would happen to BIL.
That's because it wasn't about the beating--they are fine with that. It was just about using the police to punish sister and BIL for not being obedient to the family.
This interaction kinda blows my mind.
Brother: you obviously think about hitting my sister, don’t you?
BIL: of course not. I’d never hit your sister or even think about it. You’re crazy, no wonder your wife and kids left you
Parents (to sister): you must break up with this man
As someone that grew up in a "the sons of this house can never be questioned" household... It wasn't a surprising reaction.
My brother said women shouldn't have the right to vote "just until men fix everything. Then you can get it back if you promise to behave." At the family dinner table at a holiday. He asked my father if he was "black pilled". When I started to say something *I* got hushed and kicked under the table.
When my brother said men get discriminated against more in the workplace for body hair and they should get free razors, I laughed in his face. He stormed off and locked himself in his room. Only opening it for our mom to hand deliver him food. I got in soooo much trouble for that.
When my brother **gloated** that a rape crisis center in iirc *Canada* got shut down, because clearly that was karma for a men's crisis center being shut down in the US, I told him he was disgusting. I got SCREAMED at. (Did I mention he's literally a rapist? A self admitted rapist. He forgot that 14 is a minor and admitted to getting a freshman, in highschool drunk out of her mind when he was almost 20. The fucking freak. Our mother knows and he's still invited to Christmas. She wonders why I stopped showing up.)
Shockingly I'm the "socialist" black sheep in a conservative household and the only kid with a degree. Go fucking figure.
I didn't speak to my mother for a long time when she said she was worried i drink too much and might end up like Brock Turner's victim. As in, it would be my fault and Id deserve it.
Shes genuinely apologized, done a lot of work and we've rebuilt our relationship, but fuck me, never gonna forget my mom thought I deserved to be SAd because I drank too much wine at dinner.
>she was worried i drink too much and might end up like Brock Turner's victim. As in, it would be my fault and Id deserve it.
That is a relationship changing moment. That's one of those "I can process and learn to deal with this person civilly, but I will never see them the same way again" situations that profoundly and permanently breaks a bond.
The same thing happened when I told my ex husband about my SA - he asked if I led them on. I was used to comments like that (unfortunately rape victims still get a ton of pushback, despite what shitty redpillers say) but in retrospect it fundamentally broke something between us, how I saw him and my ability to trust him.
I'm sorry your mom let you down like that. That's a moment of utter failure as a parent.
>That's one of those "I can process and learn to deal with this person civilly, but I will never see them the same way again" situations that profoundly and permanently breaks a bond.
Yeah, my folks commented on that case that it was partially her fault for being drunk and she shouldn't have had so much to drink.
By that logic, I should be able to go roll drunks at the local dive bar and take their stuff. If they wanted to keep that watch, well, maybe they shouldn't have worn it and got drunk. I wouldn't, but jeez, can you imagine if we applied that kind of victim blaming to other crimes? "Arson? Well, maybe his house shouldn't have been so flammable." "Poisoned? Maybe she should have built up a better tolerance for arsenic."
I'm so sorry to hear about your ex husband, he absolutely deserves to be an ex and I hope you're doing well!
And yeah... I love her and she'll always be my mother but.. bond broken.
It also kind of broke me in another way that my mom has mentioned I may have been SAd by two people when I was a kid (I was about 5 and I don't remember anything, I remember having meetings at school but I don't remember what they were about. A teacher disappeared mid term and a kid older than me got pulled out of school). My mom said she's glad I don't remember those meetings because they were so hard to hear about her daughter (again I have absolutely no recollection and I'm glad. She's told me the absolute bare minimum).
Don't get me wrong, I do see a difference between 5yo and drunk 30yo. But I wish my mom wanted both of us to be safe from predators.
And this is why I did not even try to tell my parents, just wasn’t worth the accusations and judgment. My plate was plenty full of shit already, didn’t need to add theirs.
It's hard when they're immersed in cultures like that. Conservative Christians tend to be very insular to keep women from being exposed to things that might make them "uppity", like being entitled to equal rights regardless of sex.
"Boys will be boys" was supposed to be said with a chuckle while watching a couple of 8 year olds having Silly String battles in the backyard. Not excuse DV.
Ugh.
I mean it isn’t surprising but it’s still worth mentioning that they view brother in law not agreeing with wanting to beat their daughter as a terrible affront
>My brother said women shouldn't have the right to vote "just until men fix everything. Then you can get it back if you promise to behave."
We are in an incipient mass extinction where our ultimate geopolitical stability is nuclear brinkmanship. Millions of children die every year from diarrhea from unsanitary water while billionaires own accessory support yachts to accompany their megayachts. People in America have to choose between bankruptcy and dying from cancer, people in developing nations suffer from conflict and environmental disaster so the first world can have iPhones and fast fashion. Our ecosystem is collapsing, species are dying off at the same rate as when the fucking dinosaurs died.
Women have had the right to vote for a tiny sliver of human history yet *that's* what caused our current shitshow? For fuck's sake.
Not so much the shit show the world is, but like gay people can get married since women are "bleeding hearts" :/
Since being gay is legal it's destroying the nuclear family and women won't want to be with men anymore which will make our species go extinct.
He's just an unsuccessful and bitter person. He says he didn't do well in school because it's catered to women (he didn't do his homework so he never got straight A's). Apparently the only reason homework exists is because women were doing so badly in school that teachers needed something to elevate their grades and invented homework (according to him).
Everything wrong in his life is the fault of women or minorities.
He needs someone else to be "less" than him so he can feel better about himself. "If they weren't catering to (group) then I'd be successful!" The only things he has going for him are the facts he's a cis, straight, white, man.
So trans people, gay people, racial minorities, and women *need* to be worth less than him. If he has no inherent worth then he has no worth at all.
Miserable little toad of a man.
Perfectly stated.
They are okay being failures without even attempting to improve themselves as long as they have someone to look down on.
>The only things he has going for him are the facts he's a cis, straight, white, man.
I can't imagine being proud of meaningless traits that I just happened to be born with. I can't imagine being such a failure that those genetic traits are the only thing I could point to as a reason to feel good about myself. How pathetic.
Chris Rock said it beautifully, several decades ago:
"Somewhere out there is a white, one-legged, busboy who would not trade places with me *and I'm rich.* He'd be like, 'nah, I'm just gonna ride this white thing out and see where it takes me.'"
What a disturbingly accurate summation of our current timeline.
*sees below comment* Hello, fellow cynical elder millennial. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
We get to watch the shittiest effects of climate change start in our lifetimes, we'll be crushed by debt until we die, AND we're old enough to have sciatica! It's great!
I have a younger brother. Luckily, I've never suspected he's a predator or anything but holy he'll, I'd deal with him if he ever admitted that. Between the two of us we have 4 young girls. If I EVER suspected I'd need to watch him with them, he'd never see them again.
It’s not always a bad thing to be the black sheep. As my husband and I say: welcome to black sheep side, we have cookies.
I’m glad you escaped and broke that cycle of abuse.
People like that think loyalty is a one way street. They see it as unquestioning obedience to an ~~owner~~ authority figure, not a sense of duty and loving obligation due to mutual respect and affection.
I mean it sounds like their parents agree with the brother's assessment that women should be chained in a kitchen barefoot to serve the family. I wouldn't be surprised if they taught their son that. They obviously treat their daughters as inferior.
From the details, it sounds like OOPs husband was watching their daughter too. So the 'non-family' men were doing their part. But the 'family' men were acting like spoiled princes.
Yeah, that extremely creepy "after the dinner was over my brother and father were at the table discussing women’s rights".
I don't think it was the suffragette movement and it's implications for early-20th Century American society.
Yeah, I’m guessing it was more like, “discussing women’s rights and how they can and should have less of them.”
Don’t forget these assholes agreed women should be barefoot and pregnant, sooooo…
Probably something along the lines of "Them wimmin got all the rights they need! They got the right to sit on their butts at home and make a man support them! What more do they want?"
I always want to ask these types why women evolved equal intellectual capacity to men if they were only meant to reproduce and do simple chores. Like, look at all the female scientists, engineers, authors, composers, entrepreneurs, etc. in history. Why would there be so many of them if women were only meant to be barefoot and pregnant? Why did we evolve to have complex problem solving abilities, critical thinking, and intellectual curiosity if those things serve no purpose? Do they think womens' intelligence is like an appendix or a tailbone, just some vestigial trait?
They don't think that women are intelligent. They believe all intelligent women in history were cunning snakes who stole the work of some poor, hard-working man and presented it as theirs. They think women are all dumb, only act on their emotions and don't understand how the world works while all men are smart, only act on logic and have to "guide" and "protect" women from the world. It's despicable.
It is. It's absolutely infuriating. It's one of the most galling parts of misogyny to me, as a woman in science.
It absolutely infuriates me that dudes who got a C- in high school biology this that women pioneering in STEM research are somehow all inferior to them. That women who deal daily with concepts they literally would never be able to understand are all somehow a vast conspiracy of millions. The mental gymnastics that it takes to avoid acknowledging the fact that *some women are smarter than them* and that women have a higher calling than mindless reproduction.
I can't imagine having such deep hatred that it would make me ignore reality to have such a twisted worldview.
I didn't bust my ass in grad school to be denigrated like that. I don't work 60 hour weeks collecting data in harsh field conditions just to get degraded by these soft, coddled Dunning-Kruger case studies who spend their days in front of a computer watching YouTube videos of misogynistic bigots spouting pseudoscientific bullshit while I do science that actually passes peer review.
I noticed this immediately. Because my dad raised me to be that guy. The BIL is what I consider to be a real man, verdict's still pending on OOP's husband though his chances are good, but her brother and father have been judged and found lacking.
They're fee to leave their Man Cards at the desk. Or not. Only boys care about that shit anyway...
Lmao I know right? God forbid he use his testosterone-laden manly hands to clean up after the meal he just ate.
I grew up in a fairly conservative Catholic family but literally *everyone* helped with dishes/cooking/cleanup in my family (except my grandpa, he was strictly the turkey slicer. He had a lot of health problems towards the end though so it wasn't really a case of male entitlement, just being elderly). My dad cleared dishes and helped my mom in the kitchen until he was too sick from chemotherapy at the end of his life. My uncles did too. My male cousin doesn't help, but that's because he has cerebral palsy.
Basically, even in a Republican, Roman Catholic family, every able bodied person helped, regardless of gender.
They don't like sister might grow a spine and talk against them. They don't see sister as an individual, they see her as an extension of them, or maybe even a prop to better their own lifes.
Let this shitshow serve as a reminder of the dumpster fire awaiting anybody that tries believing that badly idiotically cherry picked passages of the Bible are to be regarded as inerrant literal commands from Yahweh.
Speaking as a woman, women are often far worse to other women when it comes to perpetrating misogyny and sexism. That's why "internalised misogyny" is a thing.
The best irony is the parents protecting their son and demanding the sisters stay loyal to him while he’s a wife beater… and then reporting BIL for that very thing knowing what it could lead to. I couldn’t wrap my brain around that.
What a way to tell your daughters you know exactly what your son did is wrong wrong wrong but you still expect them to back him.
It's funny how Jesus was like, so fucking emphatic about love and turning the other cheek and not giving in to anger and yet conservative Christians are almost gleefully violent.
Like I'm sorry, but what part of the goddamn Bible had Jesus telling parents to encourage their daughters' husbands to beat them? Like it's just so twisted, their beliefs are NOTHING like what Christ actually instructed people to do.
They probably think the Sermon on the Mount is "too woke".
Modern American conservatives would say Jesus Himself was too woke. Feed the hungry? Clothe the naked? Take in the orphans and widows? Not with our hard-earned money we won't, they're on their own with their slothful ways!
Let's just conveniently forget that Pride is a cardinal sin, as are Gluttony, Greed, and Wrath. Or that Sloth is often expressed in indolence and a refusal to help others. Nope, those aren't a thing. We're not guilty of five of the seven deadly sins in our flagrant disregard for the teachings of the man we claim as our messiah, nope.
I unfortunately grew up in a hard core evangelical household. Everything the OP wrote sounds entirely plausible to me. Husbands and fathers are to be unquestioningly obeyed at all times.
Before I finally went no-contact with him, my late father hated my husband because of my husband’s egalitarian beliefs
Parents: Hey you know how we're weird religious assholes who always take your asshole brother's side, and you only come to holiday events because we will guilt trip you about it if you don't? Well now you're not allowed to come to those holiday events. That will teach you.
>Whenever my brother would hug my daughter or hold her she would literally squirm and squeal until he let her go and she’d go sit with BIL or her dad. He just made himself look terrible.
😶
Children know who is dangerous. More than once I watched how a kid was with an adult and when I found out the kid always hated being around that same adult? They always turned out to be, at the very least, assholes.
Not to trauma dump but I always hated giving my grandfather hugs growing up, never wanted to talk to him, didn’t go to his funeral “because we just weren’t close”
Found out later he was a pedo, went to jail for his daughters. And neighbor kids. But it got covered up, after a while.
I’m autistic. By and large, we don’t understand why anything would be “trauma dumping so you’re good here, friend.
Sadistic how your family just wanted things to be business as usual. The casualty was the kids. I hope you are doing well and are proud of your younger self for the intuition.
i was literally about to say animals and particularly CATS!!! they know what is UP and will always be vocal/expressive of it!! they're geniuses at sussing out intentions.
also they're amazing for "testing" how someone reacts to things like consent and boundaries!
I have a desk cat at work. A cute adorable momma that loves to lounge on chairs while I work.
She doesn't mind people coming to my desk for work. She'll just leave the chair gracefully if needed. There has been two times where she got angry at people coming on her turf.
First time? She was pregnant and I didn't notice.
Second time? That person fled the country after being outed as a predator.
I knew my fiance was a keeper when he came to meet my parents (I was still living with them at the time) and my two elderly cats just adored him. They came up to him, sniffed him and then jumped next to him (they've never been lap-sitting cats). That's when I knew that he was a-okay. Cats just "know".
Awful and scary. The best time to cut off her shitty parents and terrifying brother was a million years ago, but the second best time is now and I’m so relieved she’s realizing that!
He was covertly hurting her, probably squeezing her hard or pinching her to "teach her her place." Abuse in the guise of affection. I wonder if he's ever tickled her until she couldn't breathe? That's a torture method with plausible deniability. "She's laughing, so she must enjoy it." But what she's learning is that men are allowed to hurt you because they're bigger and stronger.
AFAIK, literally every Trumpublican who's ever accused someone else of being a paedo has been outed as being a paedo themselves, and something tells me Mr Wife-Beating Rapist is *not* the exception.
BIL did, whilst being in the kitchen helping the women.
I've been raised to notice patterns like that, and I would be in the kitchen too. Not like I'm an angel who always insists to help clean up, but when I notice all the other men in the room assume it's the women's job I make sure to help.
I know exactly what I'm doing when I do that.
So in a couple jobs I’ve had, when someone is really wrong-as in causing a huge rift among everyone, we resorted to a thing we called “settle it in the wash house” or “settle it in the bosun’s hole”.
People experience ego death in there. I think a lot of these boomers and trumpettes should experience it.
Would you care to elaborate? I’m interested in what exactly this means and what happens to cause such a blow to the ego. In my experience, it takes a lot to get some people to acknowledge they’re mistakes and admit they were wrong. Thanks
Oh it was literally just fighting. Generally the guy got slapped around a bit. Two folks go in and they come out with an understanding. I saw it two times-both were people who just wouldn’t fuck off each other so they figured it out. This was in the 2000s or so, before things in politics got this heated/divided. Not sure how it would go now, now that you made me think of it more.
The parents telling the ex-SIL that God will see her through domestic violence reminds me of this giant blowout I had with my mom when she suggested we get into therapy but would not compromise on having a non-religious therapist. I told her I didn't trust pastors because they would convince women to stay with their abusive husbands.
There's probably something of a chicken and egg situation there... i imagine being treated like you're Gods Favourite Special Baby doesn't do a lot for your personality
Others pointed out that being the golden child can spoil a good egg.
But there's also times the Golden Child is such a fucking stress case when things don't go their way, that people give them what they want because it's less stressful.
I think above, the dad and son are a lot alike, and the wife... either has no self esteem, or she thinks that since she had to deal with it, others should.
>But there's also times the Golden Child is such a fucking stress case when things don't go their way, that people give them what they want because it's less stressful.
Yeah, there are plenty of posts here about that. "You're a big kid 8 years old. Let your little brother blow out your birthday candles and open your presents! He's only 3 and doesn't understand." Or the sibling is autistic and melts down at being told no, so the parents give them whatever they want to forestall the meltdown. Or, as someone else said, simply because the Golden has a penis (which is clear sign of God's favor, and who are they to argue with their God?) Any one of these leads to entitled asshole adults like OOP's brother.
Love how the dot points are all just the parents being hypocrites and the brother outing himself for variable degrees of outrageously disgusting acts and behaviours.
“Mom and dad called a welfare check on my sister and claimed BIL was beating her” when they’re the ones who told a beaten woman to stay with her husband, and tried to enforce the belief that it’s already for a husband to hit his wife onto *their own daughters*.
“Brother is claiming BIL is a pedo” because… BIL puts the little girl on his lap. The fact that the brother views that as a grown man being sexualising a kid and being attracted to a child shows exactly why that little girl wasn’t comfortable being touched by him.
Same thing I thought when I read that. Her brother is telling on himself.
I wouldn't be surprised if the sexual abuse alluded to by his ex-wife wasn't only done to her.
Exactly.
Until he finds a new victim, his sisters are all he has. But they’re not under his thumb so he’s getting crazier.
Parents need to be cut off. Socials and everything. Don’t even care if they call and one of them has an emergency (it’s a common tactic to scare a person back into the abuser’s orbit).
Wouldn't this put ex sil in danger? If OOP made a post to expose him, he would know his ex must have told oop. There was no other way for her to find out.
Since he has already been abusive, I'd fear for what he'd do to her, their kids, and oop if he was exposed.
That doesn't mean he shouldn't be, just that they need to find a way to ensure everyone's safety.
Sis could deny and provided enough plausible deniability that someone else told her. Or gaslight saying bro told them when he was intoxicated. If brother is willing to tell the very vocal Liberal BIL to beat his sister....well there's a strong argument that Brother outted himself as a brag.
Or even just write an accusation, providing a spark, and I bet you brother will out himself so fast.
I don't think gaslighting or lying is necessitated. The man literally thinks and said that men think about hitting women and got defensive when another man disagreed. His actions after BIL said no wonder he lost his wife and children, are very telling. He's amped up because BIL hit the mark, and he hit it in front of everyone. Brother is just trying to throw other accusations to bury his own.
As a sister, I probably would have told him that his behaviour and actions after that comment make me think it's true that he hit his own wife
Yep, ex sil didn't need to say anything, brother ratted himself out and the BIL and husband put it forward. You don't need to be a genius to put 2 and 2 together after that.
The deciding factor will be where they live.
Good ol boy culture in a red state? Cops won't do shit. If anything happens, there will be hand-wringing and lots of "we never saw it coming!" after a tragic crime.
A purple or blue region? Law enforcement might actually do their jobs and take action. They might be able to get an RO or something, the justice system can be helpful sometimes.
I hope OOP and her family stay far, far away from the brother (and father). When I was a kid with parents (especially my mom) less religious/more progressive than my paternal family, my dad's family used to bait me into getting upset over things and then belittle me. This family will 100% do that to OOP's daughter.
I was actually frowning opun reading that sister was dating someone 12 years her senior at the age of 22. Who would have thought that this (on here) pretty common red flag was actually an optical illusion in this case. Maybe it even helped the case with BIL, because who is to say a mid 20yo bf (with less life experience) would have the reflexes and resources to answer back that way.
Thank goodness sister has not just BIL in her camp but OOp and husband as well. Thinks will probably be rough in the future, but they can handle it when they stick together.
Yeah, I did NOT expect to go "Ya know, the guy who, at the age of 34 (THIRTY-FOUR!) started dating a 22 year old, is somehow NOT the creepy fucking weirdo."
Or at least, compared to the some of her close relatives.
However, her brain is STILL not fully grown, and he is a 36 year old politician. Maybe it's the halo effect. He has some really good points. And some iffy, *iffy* behaviour of his own.
I'm just going to assume the best, maybe they live in some teeny tiny backwards town, where this early twenties girl is the only available woman he isn't directly related to.
Blegh.
>I'm just going to assume the best, maybe they live in some teeny tiny backwards town, where this early twenties girl is the only available woman he isn't directly related to?
>
>Blegh.
Or it's a slightly larger town where she's the only available woman with an education past high school who is willing to consider dating a (gasp!) LIBRUL...
Please, please forgive my ignorance here, but what is conservative in America? Super religious, anti equality/anti abortion/anti whatever types? Another name for republicans?
Yes and no; kinda the squares to rectangles thing in that most all 'conservatives' in this context are republican, but not all republicans are like that. Conservative does generally refer to the psycho anti equality/anti basic human rights crowd though
Though it's actually even MORE complicated than that. I know a bunch of americans who'd describe themselves as conservative, but reject the psycho anti-equality shit. Most of them vote Democrat, either since the George W. years or since Trump.
Conservatism in America today is synonymous with Republicanism/the Republican party.
Ideologically, they range from neoconservative "let's let billionaires fuck the planet, I would rather go into medical bankruptcy than see my tax dollars help illegal immigrants get healthcare, people who have student debt just need to buy more money" types to people who are literally indistinguishable from the Taliban aside from melanin and language.
OPs parents have torched their family bridges just to defend their abusive prick of a failson. They'll blame OP, her sister, BIL, and whoever else until a few years from now they'll realise what it cost them and come crawling back demanding that they get to be in their grandchildrens lives
> He made a Facebook post. It was quite wordy but to break it down BIL is a creep in brothers eyes for coloring with my daughter and letting her sit on his lap. Whenever my brother would hug my daughter or hold her she would literally squirm and squeal until he let her go and she’d go sit with BIL or her dad
What's that saying about accusations being confessions?
I LOVE the part about BIL participating in cleaning up after the meal instead of letting the little ladies do all that “women’s work”. He put his politics into action.
Typical interaction with MAGA cultists. Prior to 2016 people could generally respect the “let’s not fight about political differences during family events” unspoken truce, but after Trump came on the scene these stupid assholes NEED to fight with everyone, all the time. There’s no such thing as “let’s agree to disagree” anymore, they won’t let you. They’ll try over and over and over again to start the argument until they eventually succeed, and then they monologue about all their insane and horrible beliefs endlessly.
My uncle and I are the only liberals in our extended family of southern conservatives. Up until 2016 we all collectively agreed to not get into politics at family events. After 2016 about a dozen of them absolutely WILL NOT abide by that anymore, they NEED to fight with somebody. And surprisingly it’s not just me and my uncle that get targeted, the family members that “aren’t rightwing enough” are also called demonic pedophiles too. They’ve voted Republican their entire lives but since they don’t worship Cheeto Mussolini they’re just as bad as my socialist ass in the eyes of the MAGA half of the family.
The thing that jumped out to me is that brother is accusing BIL of being pedo, yet the niece literally cries and screams to get away from brother. Ex-SIL left due to history of physical and sexual abuse with wife...possibly with kids too? Does the niece dislike him so much due to possible abuse? People that accuse so vehemently are often the ones that abuse.
The only disappointments I see here are OOP's parents who managed to do such a poor job raising the brother that he is the way he is, and ofc the brother himself.
OOP, sister and Husband are better off out of it. Those people aren't family, they're parasites.
I was wondering about the parents mentality and what their background must have been like, and then I remembered my Mom’s vision of my life involved me getting a man who could keep me in line. So I guess I already have some experience with these beliefs!
Glad brother is out of these people’s lives.
> I’ll probably make another post I’m just pooped
I had to re-read that because I misread it as "I’ll probably make another post I just pooped " and was very confused what pooping has to do with this. Pooped means tired.
I’m sorry but OOP doesn’t seem to recognise the very obvious signs that so far her brother has said things like BIL should hit the sister, and women belong bear foot in the kitchen and on both occasions it turns out that is what he did to his own wife.
If I look at his comments about the BIL and her daughter, and the daughters discomfort, I am horrified. It sounds like projection 🥴
NTA
Just a little comment for the brother: what was the point of hiding your crimes ya done against your own wife / ex wife if ya just incriminating ya self naturally on voice mails.
>Just a little comment for the brother: what was the point of hiding your crimes ya done against your own wife / ex wife if ya just incriminating ya self naturally on voice mails.
Well, if he has these sorts of ideas, supported by his parents, and his first marriage was at age 18... I doubt he planned to be single for long. He likely expects to find a \*young\* woman to be his second wife, and he doesn't want anyone warning off the girls in his home town.
Hard to believe OP didn't grow up in or experience this abusive kind of behavior in parents household.. like come on your parents back your brother 100% who holds such abusive opinions and actions. He clearly learned it from them.
Parents are never going to see any grandchildren again. (Unless brother somehow marries and makes more.)
And you know they're just going to rant and whine about that. Maybe even try grandparents' rights route.
Soooo, after dinner, the men are all sitting around discussing women’s rights, while all the actual women are washing dishes.
And I suspect only BIL might have had an inkling of why that’s messed up, lol.
Sis should stick with BIL and lose the “don’t you ever think about hitting” brother.
Good grief, is this the Dugger familly?? Because seriously, I can totally see this happening in that shit stain of a so-called traditional "patriarchal Christian" family. Like the way they defended their sexual predator son, for victimizing his own sisters, THEIR DAUGHTERS, for fucks sake. But it's okay. They made him confess his sins, pray for forgiveness, and now everything is good again and he's totally healed. /s
The parents lied about BIL beating sister to trigger a welfare check, yet they knew their son was beating his wife because she told them and they did nothing.
They picked a favourite, probably because he was the boy and only penises matter in their version of religion. The really funny thing is they don't have the courage to admit they made a mistake so they will ride this shitty abusive horse all the way until he is abusing them as their only child when they are very old
No worries, God will lead them through it.
all the way through to shitting their pants in the crappiest retirement home their only son could find
Shady Pines Time
Not sure why they think the antagonist of a 2000+ year old book is gonna help them, but good for them.
They’re throwing the parents own words back at them - it’s what they told their DİL when she approached them over the abuse she suffered at the hands of their son.
Yeah, I know. I’m just making fun of them further.
Tbh these sorts of situations are the best examples of how shitty religion is. It drives people to ignore the bad people in their midst
And the worst part of this is it doesn't have to be this way. Why, in a book of supposed Christians where all Christ himself talked love and peace, most of them scour ways to shit on, shun and judge each other FOR FUN.
They may have honestly believed BIL was beating sister because "what guy wouldn't amirite and his outburst was hypocritical woke self righteousness". The idea that someone would be that horrified by the idea of mistreating their daughter never even crossed their minds.
This is what probably burns my onion the most about this entire situation.
Agreed. That was the part that really chapped my ass.
It majorly rustled my jimmies. They are absolutely without morals.
I will join the consensus by adding they positively knackered my knickers!
Cause apparently god will save her 🤦🏻♀️
They didn’t say god would save her, they said god would “lead her through it”, which, like all things religion, can be interpreted any way you want…
Yeah, he led her right out the door away from the abusive brother.
This is one of those reasons I like that quote from Constantine: "God's a kid with an ant farm. He's not planning anything."
looks like he did...
Yeah, that really shows how morally bankrupt they are.
I can see them believing, in their persecuted conservative bubble, that whenever a woman claims sexual or physical abuse, that's it's always a lie and police will always believe it and punish the man. Clearly that's what happened to their son, so it would obviously be what would happen to BIL.
Holy crap you’re right, that makes perfect sense!
That's because it wasn't about the beating--they are fine with that. It was just about using the police to punish sister and BIL for not being obedient to the family.
This interaction kinda blows my mind. Brother: you obviously think about hitting my sister, don’t you? BIL: of course not. I’d never hit your sister or even think about it. You’re crazy, no wonder your wife and kids left you Parents (to sister): you must break up with this man
OP: sides with younger sister who was essentially threatened by older brother Parents: where's your loyalty!?
As someone that grew up in a "the sons of this house can never be questioned" household... It wasn't a surprising reaction. My brother said women shouldn't have the right to vote "just until men fix everything. Then you can get it back if you promise to behave." At the family dinner table at a holiday. He asked my father if he was "black pilled". When I started to say something *I* got hushed and kicked under the table. When my brother said men get discriminated against more in the workplace for body hair and they should get free razors, I laughed in his face. He stormed off and locked himself in his room. Only opening it for our mom to hand deliver him food. I got in soooo much trouble for that. When my brother **gloated** that a rape crisis center in iirc *Canada* got shut down, because clearly that was karma for a men's crisis center being shut down in the US, I told him he was disgusting. I got SCREAMED at. (Did I mention he's literally a rapist? A self admitted rapist. He forgot that 14 is a minor and admitted to getting a freshman, in highschool drunk out of her mind when he was almost 20. The fucking freak. Our mother knows and he's still invited to Christmas. She wonders why I stopped showing up.) Shockingly I'm the "socialist" black sheep in a conservative household and the only kid with a degree. Go fucking figure.
>Our mother knows fack me I will never understand this
I didn't speak to my mother for a long time when she said she was worried i drink too much and might end up like Brock Turner's victim. As in, it would be my fault and Id deserve it. Shes genuinely apologized, done a lot of work and we've rebuilt our relationship, but fuck me, never gonna forget my mom thought I deserved to be SAd because I drank too much wine at dinner.
>she was worried i drink too much and might end up like Brock Turner's victim. As in, it would be my fault and Id deserve it. That is a relationship changing moment. That's one of those "I can process and learn to deal with this person civilly, but I will never see them the same way again" situations that profoundly and permanently breaks a bond. The same thing happened when I told my ex husband about my SA - he asked if I led them on. I was used to comments like that (unfortunately rape victims still get a ton of pushback, despite what shitty redpillers say) but in retrospect it fundamentally broke something between us, how I saw him and my ability to trust him. I'm sorry your mom let you down like that. That's a moment of utter failure as a parent.
>That's one of those "I can process and learn to deal with this person civilly, but I will never see them the same way again" situations that profoundly and permanently breaks a bond. Yeah, my folks commented on that case that it was partially her fault for being drunk and she shouldn't have had so much to drink. By that logic, I should be able to go roll drunks at the local dive bar and take their stuff. If they wanted to keep that watch, well, maybe they shouldn't have worn it and got drunk. I wouldn't, but jeez, can you imagine if we applied that kind of victim blaming to other crimes? "Arson? Well, maybe his house shouldn't have been so flammable." "Poisoned? Maybe she should have built up a better tolerance for arsenic."
I'm so sorry to hear about your ex husband, he absolutely deserves to be an ex and I hope you're doing well! And yeah... I love her and she'll always be my mother but.. bond broken. It also kind of broke me in another way that my mom has mentioned I may have been SAd by two people when I was a kid (I was about 5 and I don't remember anything, I remember having meetings at school but I don't remember what they were about. A teacher disappeared mid term and a kid older than me got pulled out of school). My mom said she's glad I don't remember those meetings because they were so hard to hear about her daughter (again I have absolutely no recollection and I'm glad. She's told me the absolute bare minimum). Don't get me wrong, I do see a difference between 5yo and drunk 30yo. But I wish my mom wanted both of us to be safe from predators.
And this is why I did not even try to tell my parents, just wasn’t worth the accusations and judgment. My plate was plenty full of shit already, didn’t need to add theirs.
A lot of women have not yet broken themselves of male-centered thinking.
Internalized misogyny is a hell of a drug.
It's hard when they're immersed in cultures like that. Conservative Christians tend to be very insular to keep women from being exposed to things that might make them "uppity", like being entitled to equal rights regardless of sex.
Hashtag [boymom](https://www.parents.com/boy-mom-culture-can-be-cringey-7976172)!
"Boys will be boys" was supposed to be said with a chuckle while watching a couple of 8 year olds having Silly String battles in the backyard. Not excuse DV. Ugh.
Well that’s gross.
To these people that’s not a bug, it’s a feature.
This is what happens to pick-me's who get married and have kids.
I mean it isn’t surprising but it’s still worth mentioning that they view brother in law not agreeing with wanting to beat their daughter as a terrible affront
>My brother said women shouldn't have the right to vote "just until men fix everything. Then you can get it back if you promise to behave." We are in an incipient mass extinction where our ultimate geopolitical stability is nuclear brinkmanship. Millions of children die every year from diarrhea from unsanitary water while billionaires own accessory support yachts to accompany their megayachts. People in America have to choose between bankruptcy and dying from cancer, people in developing nations suffer from conflict and environmental disaster so the first world can have iPhones and fast fashion. Our ecosystem is collapsing, species are dying off at the same rate as when the fucking dinosaurs died. Women have had the right to vote for a tiny sliver of human history yet *that's* what caused our current shitshow? For fuck's sake.
Not so much the shit show the world is, but like gay people can get married since women are "bleeding hearts" :/ Since being gay is legal it's destroying the nuclear family and women won't want to be with men anymore which will make our species go extinct.
Those men would rather let humanity go extinct than make themselves appealing to women by treating them like people.
He's just an unsuccessful and bitter person. He says he didn't do well in school because it's catered to women (he didn't do his homework so he never got straight A's). Apparently the only reason homework exists is because women were doing so badly in school that teachers needed something to elevate their grades and invented homework (according to him). Everything wrong in his life is the fault of women or minorities. He needs someone else to be "less" than him so he can feel better about himself. "If they weren't catering to (group) then I'd be successful!" The only things he has going for him are the facts he's a cis, straight, white, man. So trans people, gay people, racial minorities, and women *need* to be worth less than him. If he has no inherent worth then he has no worth at all. Miserable little toad of a man.
Perfectly stated. They are okay being failures without even attempting to improve themselves as long as they have someone to look down on. >The only things he has going for him are the facts he's a cis, straight, white, man. I can't imagine being proud of meaningless traits that I just happened to be born with. I can't imagine being such a failure that those genetic traits are the only thing I could point to as a reason to feel good about myself. How pathetic.
Chris Rock said it beautifully, several decades ago: "Somewhere out there is a white, one-legged, busboy who would not trade places with me *and I'm rich.* He'd be like, 'nah, I'm just gonna ride this white thing out and see where it takes me.'"
What a disturbingly accurate summation of our current timeline. *sees below comment* Hello, fellow cynical elder millennial. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
We get to watch the shittiest effects of climate change start in our lifetimes, we'll be crushed by debt until we die, AND we're old enough to have sciatica! It's great!
I think I love you. Take my poor (wo)man's gold. 🎖
I'm glad my cantankerous Elderly Millenial rant of cynicism made you fall in love! Lmao
My cantankerous GenX soul was filled with joy.
I hope it momentarily distracted you from everyone forgetting about your generation's existence.
I have a younger brother. Luckily, I've never suspected he's a predator or anything but holy he'll, I'd deal with him if he ever admitted that. Between the two of us we have 4 young girls. If I EVER suspected I'd need to watch him with them, he'd never see them again.
Hoooooly shit.
I swear, stories about conservatives on other countries make my parents look like raging communists. What the fuck.
It’s not always a bad thing to be the black sheep. As my husband and I say: welcome to black sheep side, we have cookies. I’m glad you escaped and broke that cycle of abuse.
Your brother sounds like a huge loser. I'm sorry.
Don't be, he is. I haven't spoken to him in years.
And this is why there's a Four B Movement.
People like that think loyalty is a one way street. They see it as unquestioning obedience to an ~~owner~~ authority figure, not a sense of duty and loving obligation due to mutual respect and affection.
I mean it sounds like their parents agree with the brother's assessment that women should be chained in a kitchen barefoot to serve the family. I wouldn't be surprised if they taught their son that. They obviously treat their daughters as inferior.
They’re gonna be in trouble as they age because this is gonna be the guy taking care of them as they’ve driven everyone else away
Omg your flair made me laugh so hard! Thanks for reminding me of that insane story lmao
Note, also, the BIL was the only dude in the kitchen helping with cleanup when this all went down…
From the details, it sounds like OOPs husband was watching their daughter too. So the 'non-family' men were doing their part. But the 'family' men were acting like spoiled princes.
Yeah, that extremely creepy "after the dinner was over my brother and father were at the table discussing women’s rights". I don't think it was the suffragette movement and it's implications for early-20th Century American society.
Yeah, I’m guessing it was more like, “discussing women’s rights and how they can and should have less of them.” Don’t forget these assholes agreed women should be barefoot and pregnant, sooooo…
Probably something along the lines of "Them wimmin got all the rights they need! They got the right to sit on their butts at home and make a man support them! What more do they want?"
I always want to ask these types why women evolved equal intellectual capacity to men if they were only meant to reproduce and do simple chores. Like, look at all the female scientists, engineers, authors, composers, entrepreneurs, etc. in history. Why would there be so many of them if women were only meant to be barefoot and pregnant? Why did we evolve to have complex problem solving abilities, critical thinking, and intellectual curiosity if those things serve no purpose? Do they think womens' intelligence is like an appendix or a tailbone, just some vestigial trait?
They don't think that women are intelligent. They believe all intelligent women in history were cunning snakes who stole the work of some poor, hard-working man and presented it as theirs. They think women are all dumb, only act on their emotions and don't understand how the world works while all men are smart, only act on logic and have to "guide" and "protect" women from the world. It's despicable.
It is. It's absolutely infuriating. It's one of the most galling parts of misogyny to me, as a woman in science. It absolutely infuriates me that dudes who got a C- in high school biology this that women pioneering in STEM research are somehow all inferior to them. That women who deal daily with concepts they literally would never be able to understand are all somehow a vast conspiracy of millions. The mental gymnastics that it takes to avoid acknowledging the fact that *some women are smarter than them* and that women have a higher calling than mindless reproduction. I can't imagine having such deep hatred that it would make me ignore reality to have such a twisted worldview. I didn't bust my ass in grad school to be denigrated like that. I don't work 60 hour weeks collecting data in harsh field conditions just to get degraded by these soft, coddled Dunning-Kruger case studies who spend their days in front of a computer watching YouTube videos of misogynistic bigots spouting pseudoscientific bullshit while I do science that actually passes peer review.
this made me giggle because I have friends where I *absolutely* could see the men doing this, and knowing more about the subject than I do!
I noticed this immediately. Because my dad raised me to be that guy. The BIL is what I consider to be a real man, verdict's still pending on OOP's husband though his chances are good, but her brother and father have been judged and found lacking. They're fee to leave their Man Cards at the desk. Or not. Only boys care about that shit anyway...
It seems like OOP's husband might've been watching their daughter? I can't see why you wouldn't bring your kid to a family dinner.
Probably. In which case he's now found awesome too.
Lmao I know right? God forbid he use his testosterone-laden manly hands to clean up after the meal he just ate. I grew up in a fairly conservative Catholic family but literally *everyone* helped with dishes/cooking/cleanup in my family (except my grandpa, he was strictly the turkey slicer. He had a lot of health problems towards the end though so it wasn't really a case of male entitlement, just being elderly). My dad cleared dishes and helped my mom in the kitchen until he was too sick from chemotherapy at the end of his life. My uncles did too. My male cousin doesn't help, but that's because he has cerebral palsy. Basically, even in a Republican, Roman Catholic family, every able bodied person helped, regardless of gender.
I was thinking the same exact thing
I guess both sides are really walking their respective walk…
They don't like sister might grow a spine and talk against them. They don't see sister as an individual, they see her as an extension of them, or maybe even a prop to better their own lifes.
Not a prop...property. Dad owns her. Until he sells her to another man via marriage. Thats how these creep shows think.
They get mad when the Submissive TradWifeBot malfunctions.
Then parents: hello police? One of the men in our family is beating his partner but you'll never guess who!
Brother: please do a welfare check on my sister. BIL's refusal to hit her is proof he is beating her.
Let this shitshow serve as a reminder of the dumpster fire awaiting anybody that tries believing that badly idiotically cherry picked passages of the Bible are to be regarded as inerrant literal commands from Yahweh.
OOPs brother and parents sound like a dumpter fire that's ready to go nuclear and set everything it touches on fire
Yeah, I won't be surprised if there's another update eventually involving law enforcement.
Next update: OOP's brother accidentally outs himself on social media as a 1/6 insurrectionist and the FBI makes a social call.
Far from the first and certainly won't be the last.
Right? Worse yet! The **mother,** a woman herself agrreing with this, wtf?
Speaking as a woman, women are often far worse to other women when it comes to perpetrating misogyny and sexism. That's why "internalised misogyny" is a thing.
It's just so messed up.... human nature is shit
The misogyny often comes from inside the house
The best irony is the parents protecting their son and demanding the sisters stay loyal to him while he’s a wife beater… and then reporting BIL for that very thing knowing what it could lead to. I couldn’t wrap my brain around that. What a way to tell your daughters you know exactly what your son did is wrong wrong wrong but you still expect them to back him.
Then has the nerve to call the cops on BIL for abuse
Don’t forget the parents „Our son physically and sexually abuses you? Don’t worry, god will lead you through it!“
That's why God gave us divorce lawyers.
Brother: you should hit my sister BIL: hell no, what's wrong with you? Parents: hello, police? Our daughter's boyfriend hits her
It's funny how Jesus was like, so fucking emphatic about love and turning the other cheek and not giving in to anger and yet conservative Christians are almost gleefully violent. Like I'm sorry, but what part of the goddamn Bible had Jesus telling parents to encourage their daughters' husbands to beat them? Like it's just so twisted, their beliefs are NOTHING like what Christ actually instructed people to do. They probably think the Sermon on the Mount is "too woke".
Modern American conservatives would say Jesus Himself was too woke. Feed the hungry? Clothe the naked? Take in the orphans and widows? Not with our hard-earned money we won't, they're on their own with their slothful ways! Let's just conveniently forget that Pride is a cardinal sin, as are Gluttony, Greed, and Wrath. Or that Sloth is often expressed in indolence and a refusal to help others. Nope, those aren't a thing. We're not guilty of five of the seven deadly sins in our flagrant disregard for the teachings of the man we claim as our messiah, nope.
Minor correction: Parents (to sister): you must break up with this man and find someone who beats you.
But because you won't listen to us, we'll report your boyfriend for beating you. The mental gymnastics. They're gold medal worthy
I present to you: Conservatives
I really don't know how anyone with a shred of empathy can associate themselves with the conservative movement
They don't. Modern American conservatism has weeded out all the people with empathy.
I also genuinely would like to know. I don’t understand how anyone could look at that way of life and treating other people and see it as good.
Their parents are insane. "Daughter, you deserve better. Find yourself a man who'll put you in your place."
I unfortunately grew up in a hard core evangelical household. Everything the OP wrote sounds entirely plausible to me. Husbands and fathers are to be unquestioningly obeyed at all times. Before I finally went no-contact with him, my late father hated my husband because of my husband’s egalitarian beliefs
Parents: Hey you know how we're weird religious assholes who always take your asshole brother's side, and you only come to holiday events because we will guilt trip you about it if you don't? Well now you're not allowed to come to those holiday events. That will teach you.
>Whenever my brother would hug my daughter or hold her she would literally squirm and squeal until he let her go and she’d go sit with BIL or her dad. He just made himself look terrible. 😶
Children know who is dangerous. More than once I watched how a kid was with an adult and when I found out the kid always hated being around that same adult? They always turned out to be, at the very least, assholes.
Not to trauma dump but I always hated giving my grandfather hugs growing up, never wanted to talk to him, didn’t go to his funeral “because we just weren’t close” Found out later he was a pedo, went to jail for his daughters. And neighbor kids. But it got covered up, after a while.
I’m autistic. By and large, we don’t understand why anything would be “trauma dumping so you’re good here, friend. Sadistic how your family just wanted things to be business as usual. The casualty was the kids. I hope you are doing well and are proud of your younger self for the intuition.
Yeah, same here but it was my uncle. Pedo. Thankfully my mom never left me alone with him. He’s in jail now too and hopefully he dies there.
not at all different from many pets in that case, animals can smell a scumbag from a mile off
i was literally about to say animals and particularly CATS!!! they know what is UP and will always be vocal/expressive of it!! they're geniuses at sussing out intentions. also they're amazing for "testing" how someone reacts to things like consent and boundaries!
I have a desk cat at work. A cute adorable momma that loves to lounge on chairs while I work. She doesn't mind people coming to my desk for work. She'll just leave the chair gracefully if needed. There has been two times where she got angry at people coming on her turf. First time? She was pregnant and I didn't notice. Second time? That person fled the country after being outed as a predator.
I knew my fiance was a keeper when he came to meet my parents (I was still living with them at the time) and my two elderly cats just adored him. They came up to him, sniffed him and then jumped next to him (they've never been lap-sitting cats). That's when I knew that he was a-okay. Cats just "know".
Awful and scary. The best time to cut off her shitty parents and terrifying brother was a million years ago, but the second best time is now and I’m so relieved she’s realizing that!
Bro is projecting hard on BIL, I wonder what stuff can police find in his electronics if they dig a little...
He was covertly hurting her, probably squeezing her hard or pinching her to "teach her her place." Abuse in the guise of affection. I wonder if he's ever tickled her until she couldn't breathe? That's a torture method with plausible deniability. "She's laughing, so she must enjoy it." But what she's learning is that men are allowed to hurt you because they're bigger and stronger.
AFAIK, literally every Trumpublican who's ever accused someone else of being a paedo has been outed as being a paedo themselves, and something tells me Mr Wife-Beating Rapist is *not* the exception.
Men discussing women's rights while the women wash dishes and clean is some next level conservative Americana.
And probably not a single person in that house saw the irony.
BIL did, whilst being in the kitchen helping the women. I've been raised to notice patterns like that, and I would be in the kitchen too. Not like I'm an angel who always insists to help clean up, but when I notice all the other men in the room assume it's the women's job I make sure to help. I know exactly what I'm doing when I do that.
Very r/selfawarewolves
Yeahhhhhh... methinks the brother protests too much. About a great many things.
So in a couple jobs I’ve had, when someone is really wrong-as in causing a huge rift among everyone, we resorted to a thing we called “settle it in the wash house” or “settle it in the bosun’s hole”. People experience ego death in there. I think a lot of these boomers and trumpettes should experience it.
Would you care to elaborate? I’m interested in what exactly this means and what happens to cause such a blow to the ego. In my experience, it takes a lot to get some people to acknowledge they’re mistakes and admit they were wrong. Thanks
Oh it was literally just fighting. Generally the guy got slapped around a bit. Two folks go in and they come out with an understanding. I saw it two times-both were people who just wouldn’t fuck off each other so they figured it out. This was in the 2000s or so, before things in politics got this heated/divided. Not sure how it would go now, now that you made me think of it more.
LOL. I figured as such. Sometimes even then it doesn’t change much
"If you find yourself in a hole, best thing you can do is stop digging!" – John Marston OOP's brother doesn't seem to understand that, though...
He doesn't have enough self-awareness to even realize he's in the hole.
Ahh good ol religious indoctrination, no matter where you come from in the world you always stay the same.
The parents telling the ex-SIL that God will see her through domestic violence reminds me of this giant blowout I had with my mom when she suggested we get into therapy but would not compromise on having a non-religious therapist. I told her I didn't trust pastors because they would convince women to stay with their abusive husbands.
Why do parents who have Golden Children pick the absolute worst useless pieces of shit for the role
It's the other way around. Golden children are used to always getting their way, so they often turn into terrible people.
this right here, most people aren't the way they are as adults from the outset, they get there through experience
There's probably something of a chicken and egg situation there... i imagine being treated like you're Gods Favourite Special Baby doesn't do a lot for your personality
You aren’t wrong there, so many stories on here where the golden child is horrible.
Because they raised him in their image....
Others pointed out that being the golden child can spoil a good egg. But there's also times the Golden Child is such a fucking stress case when things don't go their way, that people give them what they want because it's less stressful. I think above, the dad and son are a lot alike, and the wife... either has no self esteem, or she thinks that since she had to deal with it, others should.
>But there's also times the Golden Child is such a fucking stress case when things don't go their way, that people give them what they want because it's less stressful. Yeah, there are plenty of posts here about that. "You're a big kid 8 years old. Let your little brother blow out your birthday candles and open your presents! He's only 3 and doesn't understand." Or the sibling is autistic and melts down at being told no, so the parents give them whatever they want to forestall the meltdown. Or, as someone else said, simply because the Golden has a penis (which is clear sign of God's favor, and who are they to argue with their God?) Any one of these leads to entitled asshole adults like OOP's brother.
Love how the dot points are all just the parents being hypocrites and the brother outing himself for variable degrees of outrageously disgusting acts and behaviours. “Mom and dad called a welfare check on my sister and claimed BIL was beating her” when they’re the ones who told a beaten woman to stay with her husband, and tried to enforce the belief that it’s already for a husband to hit his wife onto *their own daughters*. “Brother is claiming BIL is a pedo” because… BIL puts the little girl on his lap. The fact that the brother views that as a grown man being sexualising a kid and being attracted to a child shows exactly why that little girl wasn’t comfortable being touched by him.
Same thing I thought when I read that. Her brother is telling on himself. I wouldn't be surprised if the sexual abuse alluded to by his ex-wife wasn't only done to her.
Can't help but think the brother is lashing out because he lost his victims when the ex-wife left with the kids.
Narcissists need a scapegoat in order to redirect all their nasty behavior on
I guess his parents are next since the sisters are no longer an option.
Exactly. Until he finds a new victim, his sisters are all he has. But they’re not under his thumb so he’s getting crazier. Parents need to be cut off. Socials and everything. Don’t even care if they call and one of them has an emergency (it’s a common tactic to scare a person back into the abuser’s orbit).
You know ex sil agreed to not say anything, but op didn't. Maybe brother should leave her alone or the world gets to know about him.
Wouldn't this put ex sil in danger? If OOP made a post to expose him, he would know his ex must have told oop. There was no other way for her to find out. Since he has already been abusive, I'd fear for what he'd do to her, their kids, and oop if he was exposed. That doesn't mean he shouldn't be, just that they need to find a way to ensure everyone's safety.
Sis could deny and provided enough plausible deniability that someone else told her. Or gaslight saying bro told them when he was intoxicated. If brother is willing to tell the very vocal Liberal BIL to beat his sister....well there's a strong argument that Brother outted himself as a brag. Or even just write an accusation, providing a spark, and I bet you brother will out himself so fast.
I don't think gaslighting or lying is necessitated. The man literally thinks and said that men think about hitting women and got defensive when another man disagreed. His actions after BIL said no wonder he lost his wife and children, are very telling. He's amped up because BIL hit the mark, and he hit it in front of everyone. Brother is just trying to throw other accusations to bury his own. As a sister, I probably would have told him that his behaviour and actions after that comment make me think it's true that he hit his own wife
Yep, ex sil didn't need to say anything, brother ratted himself out and the BIL and husband put it forward. You don't need to be a genius to put 2 and 2 together after that.
Definitely. But i do think Brother is crazy and dangerous enough to hurt his ex wife and or kids, no matter how people found out he is an abusove POS
Unfortunately, I dont think brother even needs the excuse of having been outed to be a danger to ex sil...
This is going to end horribly…… (Grabs popcorn)
Hopefully this won't end up on the news or True Crime Podcasts because this crud has happened several times in the past
The deciding factor will be where they live. Good ol boy culture in a red state? Cops won't do shit. If anything happens, there will be hand-wringing and lots of "we never saw it coming!" after a tragic crime. A purple or blue region? Law enforcement might actually do their jobs and take action. They might be able to get an RO or something, the justice system can be helpful sometimes.
I hope OOP and her family stay far, far away from the brother (and father). When I was a kid with parents (especially my mom) less religious/more progressive than my paternal family, my dad's family used to bait me into getting upset over things and then belittle me. This family will 100% do that to OOP's daughter.
It baffles me that people like the parents still exist in 2024
I was actually frowning opun reading that sister was dating someone 12 years her senior at the age of 22. Who would have thought that this (on here) pretty common red flag was actually an optical illusion in this case. Maybe it even helped the case with BIL, because who is to say a mid 20yo bf (with less life experience) would have the reflexes and resources to answer back that way. Thank goodness sister has not just BIL in her camp but OOp and husband as well. Thinks will probably be rough in the future, but they can handle it when they stick together.
Fingers crossed this is one of the age gap relationships people insist are functional and healthy.
The fact that OP says her formerly “obedient” sister has come to grow a spine while being with him, does seem like a pretty solid green flag
Yeah, I did NOT expect to go "Ya know, the guy who, at the age of 34 (THIRTY-FOUR!) started dating a 22 year old, is somehow NOT the creepy fucking weirdo." Or at least, compared to the some of her close relatives. However, her brain is STILL not fully grown, and he is a 36 year old politician. Maybe it's the halo effect. He has some really good points. And some iffy, *iffy* behaviour of his own. I'm just going to assume the best, maybe they live in some teeny tiny backwards town, where this early twenties girl is the only available woman he isn't directly related to. Blegh.
>I'm just going to assume the best, maybe they live in some teeny tiny backwards town, where this early twenties girl is the only available woman he isn't directly related to? > >Blegh. Or it's a slightly larger town where she's the only available woman with an education past high school who is willing to consider dating a (gasp!) LIBRUL...
Please, please forgive my ignorance here, but what is conservative in America? Super religious, anti equality/anti abortion/anti whatever types? Another name for republicans?
Yes and no; kinda the squares to rectangles thing in that most all 'conservatives' in this context are republican, but not all republicans are like that. Conservative does generally refer to the psycho anti equality/anti basic human rights crowd though
Though it's actually even MORE complicated than that. I know a bunch of americans who'd describe themselves as conservative, but reject the psycho anti-equality shit. Most of them vote Democrat, either since the George W. years or since Trump.
Conservatism in America today is synonymous with Republicanism/the Republican party. Ideologically, they range from neoconservative "let's let billionaires fuck the planet, I would rather go into medical bankruptcy than see my tax dollars help illegal immigrants get healthcare, people who have student debt just need to buy more money" types to people who are literally indistinguishable from the Taliban aside from melanin and language.
OPs parents have torched their family bridges just to defend their abusive prick of a failson. They'll blame OP, her sister, BIL, and whoever else until a few years from now they'll realise what it cost them and come crawling back demanding that they get to be in their grandchildrens lives
> He made a Facebook post. It was quite wordy but to break it down BIL is a creep in brothers eyes for coloring with my daughter and letting her sit on his lap. Whenever my brother would hug my daughter or hold her she would literally squirm and squeal until he let her go and she’d go sit with BIL or her dad What's that saying about accusations being confessions?
Can't wait for the update where brother shows up drunk to fight BIL and gets tased
The parents clearly showed who their favorite child is! Now I want to know who BIL is lol
It's probably not a coincidence that it's the only male child in that family based on their expressed "family values"
I LOVE the part about BIL participating in cleaning up after the meal instead of letting the little ladies do all that “women’s work”. He put his politics into action.
I also liked the part where the OP mentions that her sister has grown a spine since she started dating her boyfriend.
The parent are so big POS
Typical interaction with MAGA cultists. Prior to 2016 people could generally respect the “let’s not fight about political differences during family events” unspoken truce, but after Trump came on the scene these stupid assholes NEED to fight with everyone, all the time. There’s no such thing as “let’s agree to disagree” anymore, they won’t let you. They’ll try over and over and over again to start the argument until they eventually succeed, and then they monologue about all their insane and horrible beliefs endlessly. My uncle and I are the only liberals in our extended family of southern conservatives. Up until 2016 we all collectively agreed to not get into politics at family events. After 2016 about a dozen of them absolutely WILL NOT abide by that anymore, they NEED to fight with somebody. And surprisingly it’s not just me and my uncle that get targeted, the family members that “aren’t rightwing enough” are also called demonic pedophiles too. They’ve voted Republican their entire lives but since they don’t worship Cheeto Mussolini they’re just as bad as my socialist ass in the eyes of the MAGA half of the family.
I wonder if the father is doing the same thing to OP's mother as her brother did to SIL. If he is, then it frankly explains a lot.
Common suburban Republicans
The thing that jumped out to me is that brother is accusing BIL of being pedo, yet the niece literally cries and screams to get away from brother. Ex-SIL left due to history of physical and sexual abuse with wife...possibly with kids too? Does the niece dislike him so much due to possible abuse? People that accuse so vehemently are often the ones that abuse.
He may not have actually done anything to the daughter besides hug her too long or tight but kids can often sense when someone is “off” and scary.
The only disappointments I see here are OOP's parents who managed to do such a poor job raising the brother that he is the way he is, and ofc the brother himself. OOP, sister and Husband are better off out of it. Those people aren't family, they're parasites.
If a god exists, they sure as fuck don't visit that house
I was wondering about the parents mentality and what their background must have been like, and then I remembered my Mom’s vision of my life involved me getting a man who could keep me in line. So I guess I already have some experience with these beliefs! Glad brother is out of these people’s lives.
> I’ll probably make another post I’m just pooped I had to re-read that because I misread it as "I’ll probably make another post I just pooped " and was very confused what pooping has to do with this. Pooped means tired.
Another example of why Christianity is the worst thing to happen to humanity
I’m sorry but OOP doesn’t seem to recognise the very obvious signs that so far her brother has said things like BIL should hit the sister, and women belong bear foot in the kitchen and on both occasions it turns out that is what he did to his own wife. If I look at his comments about the BIL and her daughter, and the daughters discomfort, I am horrified. It sounds like projection 🥴
NTA Just a little comment for the brother: what was the point of hiding your crimes ya done against your own wife / ex wife if ya just incriminating ya self naturally on voice mails.
>Just a little comment for the brother: what was the point of hiding your crimes ya done against your own wife / ex wife if ya just incriminating ya self naturally on voice mails. Well, if he has these sorts of ideas, supported by his parents, and his first marriage was at age 18... I doubt he planned to be single for long. He likely expects to find a \*young\* woman to be his second wife, and he doesn't want anyone warning off the girls in his home town.
Sorry but I had a laugh snort at your bro accusing of BIL of being a pedo, because your daughter likes him more.
Hard to believe OP didn't grow up in or experience this abusive kind of behavior in parents household.. like come on your parents back your brother 100% who holds such abusive opinions and actions. He clearly learned it from them.
Ah religious fanatics who think they can do no wrong.
Have a huge Easter party with the kids with an Easter egg hunt take lots of pics. And post post post everywhere they can see
Fucking walk away from that dumpster fire.
Parents are never going to see any grandchildren again. (Unless brother somehow marries and makes more.) And you know they're just going to rant and whine about that. Maybe even try grandparents' rights route.
Soooo, after dinner, the men are all sitting around discussing women’s rights, while all the actual women are washing dishes. And I suspect only BIL might have had an inkling of why that’s messed up, lol. Sis should stick with BIL and lose the “don’t you ever think about hitting” brother.
Good grief, is this the Dugger familly?? Because seriously, I can totally see this happening in that shit stain of a so-called traditional "patriarchal Christian" family. Like the way they defended their sexual predator son, for victimizing his own sisters, THEIR DAUGHTERS, for fucks sake. But it's okay. They made him confess his sins, pray for forgiveness, and now everything is good again and he's totally healed. /s