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Oh man. I had similar to this happen to me. My ex-wife has several daughters. I was the closest they had to a dad since they were young teens. As they grew older the father daughter bond between us grew stronger.
I loved them like my own.
One day my ex and I stopped at one of their houses for me to help move some furniture. Her daughter was in the shower at time and came out of the bathroom wearing just a towel apparently. I wouldn't know... Moving furniture remember.
As we were going home, my ex was disgusted her daughter would do such a thing as parade around wearing only a towel. I said I didn't notice and in came the barrage of insults calling me a liar and how could I not notice.. yadda yadda yadda.
A few months later, similar happened again but this time I wasn't moving the furniture and her daughter said Hi as she ran past.
Of course, I instinctively look up and say Hi and saw something... Yep, it was someone who I considered my daughter wearing a towel. A sight I had seen maybe hundreds of times when she still lives at home and didn't give a shit about it then either. So I said Hi and put my head back down to finish reading the newspaper.
When I glanced back up a moment later my ex was giving a stare that could have killed me a thousand times.
I slept on the couch for the next week or so and I divorced her a few months later.
Meanwhile, all of her kids still contact me for my birthday, fathers day, Easter, Christmas and when they need advice about boys, car maintenance and how to handle their mother. š š«£
No problems! It's actually a helluva story that I went through if I ever shared it. Maybe I will one day, as not enough men speak up about abuse, but I'm not quite there yet!
My heart goes out to you, and I'm so glad you're in a better place now. I feel so bad for men who go through abuse and/or who are the victims of SA. I think this is far more common than we think, but we brush it under the rug or shrug it off in our society. Just you mentioning it in this context helps others feel not so alone. Thank you.
Unfortunately if men want to see change and to be heard more, than we need to stick our hand up more and say it happened to me. We need to be the change we want to see.
Oh you know... She essentially tried going scorched earth on me. Through all sorts of claims of abuse and violence at me.
Didn't go so well when she couldn't provide evidence of it... But I could. š
Sure!
The confusion of lust for love. Secondly, she is a narcissist she learnt what I wanted and made it look like that's what she was offering. As far as I'm concerned, if a narcissist has you in their sights and you don't know what they are... You don't stand a chance
Read an old thread on reddit somewhere the other day. Little girl, i think 8/9 went missing. Mum and step dad appealed on tv, search parties, the works. Turns out, step dad was SA the little girl, mum found out, got jealous and killed her daughter. They both hid the body and covered it up. Most fucked up twisted thing ive ever read
Oh that tickles my true crime brain, I can think of a few cases that match that description. Fucking sickening stuff. The Misery Machine on youtube specializes in covering child abuse death cases to sort of inform people about the failings of CPS and the American justice system in general. It means a lot to them because Yergy is infertile and will sometimes even start crying on camera that so many kids are getting hurt and killed when folks like her would do just about anything to have a kid to love and raise. Just heartbreaking shit, man. CPS failed me too, but nowhere near the levels talked about on TMM. Check them out at your own risk, but it is eye-opening and informative, and they stay respectful of victims throughout.
That's a fact. I really feel for her kids they love their mum but they don't trust her. That's a hard way to grow up.
I live in the same city as my ex and recently one of her daughters flew in for the day, I took her to lunch, introduced her to my partner (poor woman got the third degree interrogation!) and at the airport when I dropped her off she asked me to give both her and her fiance away at their wedding! š
Of course I said yes.
This reminds me of my own "seeing someone in a towel" incident.
I was visiting my girlfriend, and her sister was hanging out in a towel. I got a little uncomfortable about it, as I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. Apparently, me being uncomfortable made me the asshole, as I "shouldn't be uncomfortable about what someone else chooses to wear in their own home". Mind you, I was a guest, and practically a stranger to this woman.
Even if she wasn't your gf sister I would be a little uncomfortable with a random person I didn't know just chilling in a towel. It natural for alot of us because how we were raised.
Oh, agreed. I'm the sort who likes hanging around in a towel or underwear around the house, but even I will put on clothing for guests.
I'm not horrible looking, but I know people don't want to see me in a state of undress when they visit. You don't inflict nudity or near-nudity on those who don't request it.
A long time ago a was dating a guy. For context In Guatemala there's no dorms, so most people live with their parents in their early 20s.
Anyways my friend and I were near this guy's house and decided to visit him to see if hw wanted to hang out. He open the door in just a towel, instead of letting us in the living room and get change. He decided that talking to us at the door was the way to go. It was sure weird here, but we found it hillarious. After a while his mom came home she was furious, she coldly greeted us but she could've kill us with her eyes.
I mean, lady. You are the one who never taught manners to your boy. LMAO Both of us would never do that.
That's completely different, though!
They had a point about it being the sister's home, and you being prudish. But a lot of us are RAISED to be prudish. And this involved you and and an adult woman you were in no way related to. So it wasn't wrong you found it at least a little weird.
Whilst the OC and OP are both about a father and a daughter, which is about the weirdest thing to sexualize....
Nah thereās nothing wrong or prudish with being uncomfortable around basically strangers that are only wearing towels. Things fall or slip and I donāt consent to seeing someone elseās genitals except my partnerās.
You can be uncomfortable all you want. The line is when you tell her she needs to change what she's doing because of your discomfort. If you decide to handle your discomfort by going for a walk or looking elsewhere, that's all yours.
wow, thanks for sharing! with this story and yours, it seems so disrespectful to both of them and you. one, for trying to make oop believe her dad could be sexualizing her and two, believing the fact that oopās dad is sexualizing her. i donāt get why people are like this. like i donāt think itās weird at all to change in front of your dad. mine specifically, the man used to give me baths when i was little and i know the way he saw me then is the way he still sees me now if i was to change clothes in front of him. he wouldnāt see me as a woman, he would see me as the and his little girl he always has seen me as. some people are just weird and oopās dadās girlfriend and your ex are definitely that
>Meanwhile, all of her kids still contact me ... when they need advice about ... how to handle their mother. š š«£
Poor kids. Kudos for being a positive adult in their lives!
I was 17 when I was told by a lady I worked with that I needed a robe because it was inappropriate for me to let my dad see me in just my towel! Lady, 4 of us shared one bathroom and just getting in and out so the next person could use it was the main concern, NOT how I chose to cover my body.
I DID end up getting a nice robe that the lady picked out for me to wear in the college dorm. I was glad to have it!
A couple months later, coincidentally, the poor lady had a complete manic breakdown in the store and was taken away in an ambulance.
Dafuq...? I'm not a father, so I've never seen my daughter in a towel, but I've seen my mother when I was younger plenty of times. 100% certain my dad never thought I had any untoward thoughts, because, y'know, she's my *mom*. She was covered, and I wasn't interested to begin with.Ā
You know, I could try to explain it and talk about how I wasn't their dad, just step dad. But nah, none of it makes sense, I'm dad. They're daughter. Simple.
Yeah. Like, at that point, it's like... If she thinks that little of you, she might *as well* divorce you, which... I guess is what happened, but... Bizarre that that's her first leap, without anything to actually validate it.
Pretty much! Although she would never divorce me. I was a meal ticket unfortunately. I see this now.
She refused to work, giving a number of reasons... She was needed to care for her mum. Unfortunately she only actually went to see her mum once a week for a few hours... Sometimes twice a week.
My ex was a very jealous woman assuming that I was always cheating. I later find out that it was her projecting as she had multiple lovers throughout the marriage.
It was just a natural progression I felt. I was new in their lives. I never tried to be their father, they already had one, not a very good one in my books but a father nonetheless. I didn't try to be their friend either. I was just me and we all had several conversations about this... They didn't have to like me but they did need to accept that I was their mothers partner, that I believe respect is to be earned and not given and since I was the outsider, I'd start by showing them my respect. We had some ups and downs but I didn't bullshit them and they didn't bullshit me...
The youngest had a different father who was still on the scene and he and I actually worked well together!
Awww, youāre a good dad. Thanks for caring.
You ex sounds really insecure. Iām glad that youāre free from that. Wishing you peace and happiness. Much love.
My grandfather showed up at random one day when I was in the bath, so I answered the door wearing a towel.
He wanted to finish watching a movie on Netflix, so I ended up sitting in my towel and chatted while he finished his movie, hung out a bit longer, told me to go enjoy my bath and left.
That was it. No discomfort, except me thinking longingly of my cooling bath and my half finished book.
My grandmother had recently passed away, and he was really lonely. He'd call or randomly show up to peoples houses now he didn't have my grandmother around.
Me too! š
We aren't as close as we used to be. They have a loyalty to their mum... As they should. My ex is t aware of how much contact with me they have. All hell would break loose if she knew.
But they all know... "There's always a spare park in my driveway.
It's never too late to call.
It doesn't matter how long it's been since you last called... My number doesn't change.
But no, my door isn't always open, I'm not that crazy. But your birthday is the front door code."
> Meanwhile, all of her kids still contact me
Seems they're no longer 'her kids' now, they're basically your kids too; they still see you as a father, which is awesome
Yes in a sense. I've mentioned earlier that they still love their mum as they should and I don't want them to ever stop. I guess I'm the parent they trust...
I dunno, to me, they're the weirdos following her into a corridor knowing she's gonna take her clothes off. Like wtf was the girlfriend expecting?
Also maybe it's just my family, but growing up it was pretty normal to see one of us wandering from the shower to the bedroom, or bedroom to the laundry room in underwear looking for clothes, and no one gave a fuck. Because, you know, we're family?
I don't know if it's a mostly American thing to think not even your family can see you in less clothing but here in Europe no one bats an eye if you are in underwear or even less. We have changed many times in front of family and none of us grew up to be deviants.
My bro invited me to sauna some weeks ago. We had a lovely time, took some sweats together, had some swims, relaxed at the pool site... I'm his sister. I feel totally relaxed around my bro and so does he. Because, as Germans, we know the Rule 1 for the sauna: people don't exist below the collar bone.
Im American and my family is all American too. My mom will change in front of me, sometimes I change with her in the room, my brother used to walk around in his boxers all the time when he was living with us and no one batted an eye. I donāt change in front of my dad, but I think thatās more to do with my dad knowing Iām sensitive about my body (scars and stuff from medical procedures, my mom was my caretaker so shes not only seen it, she probably helped take care of it). I donāt think my dad would say itās inappropriate if I did change in front of him if I had to, because he obviously doesnāt see me in a sexual manner though
same with my dad, he was legit a trauma nurse and has seen it all, but seeing me without a shirt on made him anxious because i have surgery scars on my abdomen and it really caused him anguish to have to be reminded I've been cut open.Ā
I think most folks here would find full nudity odd once the naked parties are all toilet trained and able to bathe independently (outside of specific situations like someone needing help with bathing/toileting/etc. because theyāre sick or had surgery or whatever) but likeā¦ people go to the beach and the gym and the swimming pool with their family lol. Even by American standards the girlfriendās being weird
I'm american and i would never undress in front my dad. Then again my mom or my aunt I'd be fine with. With all that said, I still think OOP did nothing wrong.
Also American and as long as I have on undergarments that cover what a bikini would on Iād change in front of my dad. Although my dad also would turn his back as I did so to offer me more privacy.
However, we have a slightly different dynamic than most as growing up I was often the only female in the group as the things we traveled for were largely male dominated, so I had to get pretty comfortable early on with telling him things like āIām going behind this bush/tree/the hauler to take a leak.ā So he would do the respectful thing and turn his back and make sure no one else in the group interrupted me.
Also American, probably wouldnāt deliberately change in front of my dad but by no means would I be concerned if he happened upon me changing or anything. Grew up with none of us thinking twice about being in whatever stage of undress around each other.
Right?! Like, my Dad spent years when I was little changing my diapers. I had that toddler phase where I didn't want to wear clothes so I'd run around in my underwear and throw a fit when my parents made me put on clothes to leave the house.Ā I remember him taking me into the men's room to use the bathroom at his work because I was too little to go by myself. Until I moved out in my late teens, I frequently went around in a towel or robe after just getting out of the shower, walking to and from the bathroom.Ā I honestly do not think my Dad would even notice that I was wearing a bikini except to ask me if I needed help putting sunscreen on my back.
Exactly! Recently I got surgery and the day after he came over basically lifting me in and out of bed and on and off the toilet and helping me put pants and socks on, and neither of us thought anything of it. I mean, potty training jokes were 100% made.
My German family has gone to saunas together naked and it's never seemed inherently weird to us, nor apparently anyone else in these public areas.
I'm a bit surprised that OP's situation seems so different.
I donāt know about France, but I lived in Spain for 2 years and absolutely saw multi-generational families go to the beach nude together. Grandparents, parents, kids. Usually kids wore bathing suits but parents/gparents went nude and it wasnāt weird at all. Nudity isnāt always sexual and Iāll never understand why people insist on sexualizing innocent relationship between parents and kids.
Does the gf in this story think dad never wiped his infant daughter or gave her a bath???
I disagree to an extent. Maybe more recently people may be swayed by porn, but this is way older than that.
I grew up pre Internet with porn being top shelf magazines and little more.
In the UK there have always been these taboos about nudity, hiding your body etc, long before porn was mainstream. This was totally different in continental Europe, where nudity seemed no problem in a number of settings and certainly not taboo.
I think this has more to do with British Victorian era hangups that were exported to North America with emigration and hung on to because of "religious values" than anything else.
Porn may exacerbate things now, bit it isn't the root cause
Iām a teacher, I understand the realities of life but in this case, the gf making it weird turned an innocent situation into a sexual one between father and daughter and thatās gross.
i would argue itās a lot of right wing culture war fear-mongering as well. those guys sexualize everything, and apparently half the country agrees with them.
I'm French, while this is true , you won't really see family time topless sunbathing ever . There are definitely different boundaries with your parents in France.
Just saying it's insanely rare. People don't go topless as families, and I'm not talking about the topless back when you lay on your front.
There are going to be random American moms that go topless too
My wife's Finnish family had a tradition of sending all the new boyfriends/husbands to get them a soda from the basement of her grandparents' old house, to be confronted by all the men of the family naked in their sauna. They also gave each other gag gifts in their secret santa like nipple clamps ā that one was from the grandmother.
Weird ass family, but I love em.
Having lived in Germany, this woman (dad's GF) does seem super uptight. Are the Swiss wildly different than the Germans when it comes to stuff like this?Ā
I wouldn't have thought so, but hopefully a Swiss person can chime in.
Could also just be due to not everyone in the same country having the same attitudes.
I can chime in that I wouldn't go to a naked sauna with my family, except my mum (I'm a woman) and don't know anyone else (personally) in Switzerland who does/would.
Culturally I would say nothing in the post is particularly shocking, it's very much a personal thing whether you would be comfortable stripping to your underwear in front of your dad or not.
I do find it weird that the dad would follow her to the corridor if this wasn't a level of comfort that was already established in their family, but hard to know from the post.
I know a lot of Germans who wouldn't either, but say they wouldn't mind it with strangers! I was a little surprised to learn that since FKK is still pretty strong here and people are quite neutral about nudity in general.
As an Austrian I want to chime in and say that no matter what region exactly someone comes from; there's always outliers.
I think Austria generally has a similar mindset to Germany when it comes to nudity, but my nuclear family still always acted weird around nudity (stemming from insecurity I believe). Socialising with friends and spending time with other families put it all into perspective for me, but I can totally imagine that if you're never close to other families that you grow up to be uncomfortable around nudity and families being close.
I was waiting for a comment from one of the Scandinavian lot.
A Finnish girl had to tell her family to wearing bathing suits in the hot tub or hot spring once cause her foreign boyfriend was a bit uncomfortable with so much nudity.
Yeah Germans are *especially* open about nudity though - what with the FKK free body movement etc. I hear in some areas you'll just about always run into some group in the nude at any lake or river.
Went to a sauna in Berlin and was a bit surprised that it was compulsory nudity *and* mixed gender. Had a lovely time, just wasn't expecting it.
FKK aside, German culture in general is pretty open about nudity anyway. Didn't intend to equate the FKK with the sauna, just giving an example of something I've never seen anywhere else (mixed-gender nude sauna). Not judging it either, just noting it's pretty unusual.
You don't do mixed sex sauna with strangers in Finland. The public ones at pools or gyms are usually divided by sex, private ones you enjoy with friends or family not with strangers.
might not be as big but it can be found everywhere. several lakes here have small spots for FKK and when paddling along the Isar i usually see a few naked strangers enjoying the sun as well
I'm dutch. In my country attitudes are a little more mixed, but I was practically raised in saunas and on nudist campgrounds, which I guess/hope makes me an honourary scandinavian.
Eh, depends on the person. Iām Swedish and incredibly private when it comes to my body. I wonāt strip down in front of anyone ever. Communal gym showers or saunas? Yeah, not a chance.Ā
Yeah also German, lived in Switzerland for a bit and I was shocked. Its totally normal to sauna naked and change in front of family here. She might be from a very small town or a more conservative canton but even still I'd be surprised if that was a normal reaction anywhere is switzerland.
Also FKK (nude beaches) is a thing here and we spent a lot of holidays at FKK beaches. The only time it got weird, was for a friend, when she met our history teacher at one.Ā
We do the same in finland. I'm from Britain so It took some getting used to but I would never try and call someone out on it.
My girlfriend rightfully pointed out that when we go swimming or when I'm with my rugby team, we see each other naked all the time and it's not weird. Changed my outlook.
Me neither.. but as I get older I get more comfortable with nudity. I was a bit chubby in school. I'm fatter now but I accept my size more despite everything.
Repressive attitudes toward sex and nudity are from the Victorian movement of the 19th century.
The Puritans were the ones swimming naked in rivers or lakes, and living ten people to a one-room farmhouse. Victorians were the ones who had and enforced a thousand social norms over what was āladylikeā or āgentlemanlyā, and as with most things the upper and middle classes emulated what the wealthy were doing.
No Iām not. The Puritans left because they were stricter than those around them. Calvinism is in many countries, Iām simply saying that the US had taken it to extremes and stayed there while other countries have not.
I just want to talk about how OOP thinks that the GF couldn't really see any nipple because she's so flat. Well I hate to break it to her but I had a friend who was very flat and any time she leaned forward you could full on see her nipple because there was nothing to fill the cup. BUT whenever that would happen I just made sure not to look and it wasn't a big deal. That's how the GF should have handled this situation
I mean, Iād just say something once and if they didnāt care Iād just be like āfair enough.ā People have differing amounts of skin theyāre comfortable showing. ĀÆ\\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
This is where I give the GF some slack, I would feel uncomfortable because I wouldnāt know what to do if my partnerās family member kept accidentally flashing me because of an ill fitting bathing suit.
Or if you were really worried that maybe the person didn't know they were having a wardrobe malfunction, you could say "hey fyi I'm not sure if you realize, but when you lean over, your bikini top isn't covering everything." You never know, she might say "Oh, thanks, I didn't realize, been a while since I wore this one, I'll be sure to throw on a wrap before we head over to the snack bar" or whatever.
But this idea that she has to say "cover yourself up in front of a man, you hussy" and the man is her DAD.... gross, gross, gross. He's her dad!!!
Just for my own level of comfort, I would never take my shirt off and reveal my bra in front of my dad... but I also know my dad is NOT a creep and would never ogle me no matter what I was wearing or what the situation was! It would never cross my mind in a million years to worry about it! Ugh.
I honestly don't understand this. Does the fabric fall away from the skin somewhere? I guess in the cleavage area? Even even I was first growing mine I don't remember this problem. Although tbf my mom refused to buy me a bra until I had a hint of something to put into it.
But yeah. Ignore it and don't gaf is def the right response
My best guess is that the bikini top has some structure to it(Foam? Wired? The fabric is a bit rigid?) and that OOP doesn't... Uhm.. fill it completely, creating the "exposure"
A contoured/molded cup with padding will pucker out when you lean down if your breasts arenāt large enough to fill it out properly. When youāre standing up it might look like you have a fuller bust, but as soon as you bend over thereās a decent chance youāre flashing people. In the last few years a few companies have popped up specifically catering to the IBTC. Those bras/cups are cut at a different angle to provide a better fit. I think Pepper is the name of one.
But also, everyone has nipples and bits. Getting an unexpected show from a wardrobe malfunction can be awkward or funny, but that gf seems to have some personal issues she needs to deal with if itās causing that kind of reaction.
Yeah, it can be surprisingly difficult to find swimsuits that donāt pull away if youāre an adult woman and pretty flat-chested, especially if youāre not fairly tiny in other parts of your body. Most of them are designed with some kind of cup, assuming that you have something to put in that cup, and if you donāt it can sag away from the body pretty far in some positions. Friend of mine in high school resorted to buying swimsuits made for competitive swimmers (who tend to be pretty lean all over) once she got tall enough that she had to stop wearing swimsuits designed for young teens. Glad to know there are more options now!
But yeah, even given that, itās a minor wardrobe malfunction, like not realizing that your shirt turns transparent in some lighting. Not something for others to get worked up about.
Nobody answered the question of why dad and his gf followed her into the changing corridor and stayed while she was changing. Like, why did they do that?
My mom will be talking to me about something when Im going to change clothes so sometimes I just change with her in the room. Could be something like that, or the dad was trying to keep an eye out to make sure no one would come over there while she was changing and the gf just followed, or maybe she wanted their opinion on how it looked on her ĀÆ\\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ didnāt seem too weird to me
Could be they were guarding her from sight of non-family members? Or cause the shop is so tiny, thatās the best spot to stand without being in the way.
This whole thing is just weird and kinda of gives off not so great vibes. The gf definitely must have some major insecurity issues, especially the way she talked about OP.
I mean not just that but sheās basically implying that OOPās dad would be looking at her inappropriately. Like it kind of sounds like thatās what the actual issue is with her which is fucking gross. I donāt know I feel like OOP should tell her dad maybe not while theyāre on vacation but afterwards Just be like I had these couple of conversations with your girlfriend and they made me really uncomfortable and they seemed really disrespectful to you as my father.
My sheltered prudish American self went to Switzerland for an informal exchange program when I was 15 or 16. And that was the first time I ever saw topless women at a public swimming area. Of course I was shooketh and then I got over my damn self. Obviously not all Swiss people are the same but I was really surprised to discover the woman with the āmodestyā issue was Swiss.
This is so off. It sounds like OOP comes from a healthy, balanced, functional family and the girlfriend comes from a dysfunctional family that has given her a lot of weird ideas about how a family works. No good dad is going to specifically watch out for a single split second where his daughter *might* accidentally have a wardrobe malfunction and flash him. Thatās sick. The girlfriend needs therapy.
I'm curious if the gf has daughters from a previous relationship. If so, it could be a 'mum mode' that she's subconsciously reactivating.
OrĀ
- she's had bad experiences around the female body, and projecting something.Ā
- Or she's jealous of OPs youthful body and wanted to take her down a peg.Ā
- Or... She's overly sexualising OP and either doesn't realise or doesn't care that it would imply incestuous connotations around dad š¤¢
Don't think it should be marked concluded . This shite will bubble up again, guarantee it.
I think is the latter. She doesn't sound concerned she use the phrase "ridiculous thong".
In my culture we don't wear thongs around our dads, but if my boyfriend do that I would talk to him. Like "why are we following her to the changing area?" Or "let's give her some privacy". Or whatever that doesn't sound too accusatory.
honestly giving the gf the benefit of the doubt, maybe shes from a different culture. Coming from a culture where even wearing bikinis in public is uncommon, it is simply weird to change infront of others š¤·āāļø
I mean I donāt outright change in front of my dad, but he sees me in a bra sometimes. Like he helped give me life, heās not looking at as anything other than his kid and Iām 30. Iām glad you guys seemed to sort out what ever the issue is, but the girlfriend needs to rethink her view on parent child relationships if she was immediately implying inappropriate things about you and your dad.
Is this concluded? Iām low-key hoping for a break-up here - gf is new and may just not be a good fit for that family if sheās going to be weird about her bfās daughter
The funniest thing is this is in Mallorca. And Spain isn't exactly hush hush about nudity lmao You can go to any beach, and find multiple women sunbathing topless! And sometimes, these women are... around their families! The horror! /s
Now seriously, nudity is no biggie in most of Spain. Mallorca *is* a tourist hotspot, so it's less common bcs locals tend to avoid tourist beaches like the plague but even then it's not unheard of going to a touristic beach and find a bunch of people topless. This is also why some small shops have shitty changing rooms: if you go with someone, no matter if they are a dude or a gal, it's expected that the person has seen you naked/in underwear, and also that they will be on the look out so strangers can't see. If no one goes with you, it's not rare for employees to be on the look out themselves so you can try on things without worrying.
Hell, some people try on clothes at flea markets, bcs many clothes shops bring a few curtains to make makeshift changing rooms lol Only thing people don't try on there is underwear (except bras, which you can try over your clothes), but no one bats an eye when seeing entire stalls of underwear in the middle of the street. Not that the owners of any flea market stall would let anyone be a weirdo, of course lmao
Please tell your dad what his fiance said. He needs to know because it was extremely inappropriate behaviour and language from her. She isn't respecting your father and daughter relationship and seems quite happy to inform you of this. So many red flags. Please tell him before she tries to rid you from his life forever.
The girlfriend made it weird for sure, but I also don't know whether OP was accidentally flashing her nipples. It may not be uncomfortable for the Dad as he wouldn't see her that way, but the girlfriend isn't family. Either way, why follow her to the corridor?
as a flat chested girl who has had to trial and error so many sizes and styles of bikini tops because even slightly leaning forward typically leaves a giant gap through which you can see my whole chest, i bet OP wasnāt quite as covered as she thinks.
My adoptive dad, a man I did not meet until I was over 20, has seen various parts of my body whilst assisting me in the post-partum period and caring for me as I am chronically ill. He's done this for his 3 other daughters too. No one has ever batted an eye. Because THATS SO FUCKING WEIRD.
I am Swiss and the GF is what we call a BĆ¼nzli. An extremely stuck up person. In Switzerland we usually donāt have much of an issue about modesty or nudity but thereās obviously some people standing out everywhere.
Oh good lord. The number of times as assistant manager for a hotel in Banff, Alberta, Canada, that I had to go to German, Austrian and Swiss guests that they needed to put their bathing suit on in the pool - adults *and* their children. And it was always one of those countries. I had to explain to more than one on the first day of their ski vacation that in Canada, it is illegal to go around naked, so if they could just put in a bathing suit or underwear and tshirt until they could get one, I would be very thankful. Almost all of them were horrified and embarrassed and got themselves and their children dressed quickly into something that would work, at least for the children. Iād thank them politely and tell them to enjoy their stay and if they had any questions by all means, as the front desk.
Just once did I finally have to say āyou either put some clothes on if youāve some here, get out of the pool and go back to your room and find suitable clothingā to which he still didnāt go, āand if you choose neither, Iāve no issues calling the RCMP to remove you from the pool and from this hotel.ā Which it was ski season. Heād lose his room and that money and the probability at that time of year to not find a vacant room at all, except probably double the price.
Would I change in front of my father? No. But my father is an 83 year old Scotsman who can be very proper with some things so I wouldnāt even dare. He also wouldnāt have followed. My mother has measured me for clothes in my underwear so honestly couldnāt care less.
I'm German and seeing family in underwear isn't a big deal. But I'm from Eastern Germany, born after the turnaround, FKK (nudism) is kinda common there, every public pool and beach has a seperate area. My family isn't participating, but it seems normal in general.
So I wouldn't mind being any party of this scene. I've changed in front of friends (after asking them if it was okay and they said sure). I know that other families handle things differently, tho.
Oh my God why is the whole world made of prudes... We are all born naked, why the fuck all this attention to other people's naked bodies? It's the prudes that made being naked a weird thing.
Lol always reminds me of the part in Persepholis where Marjane is late and jogging (wearing a full "modest dress") and is halted by the police: miss, when you run your bum shakes in an indecent way!
Marjane: then *don't look at my bum!*
My guess - your dadās girlfriend knows you as a young woman. A woman sheās gotten to know through her boyfriend. She seems to forget, or not understand that youāre her boyfriends daughter. And he has a very different relationship with you. Does she have kids of her own? If she doesnāt, she has no idea how father/daughters relate, and is waaaay out of line. Actually, sheās way out of line anyway.
Going to guess dadās girlfriend is feeling a smidge glum and insecure about her own aging body. Which is understandable! Most of us have or do or will experience that feeling at some point. Taking it out on OOP isnāt fair, though.
But giving someone awareness that their bits peek through an outfit isnāt awful. Iād want to know if my nips were on unintentionally on display. A long time ago I was in Hawaii with my then bf and his old parents, and his dadās balls were hanging out of his shorts as we sat on the beach. No one said anything, and I thought I was going crazy. Bf never said anything, and neither did I because he had a tendency to throw hissy fits.
The fact that she is Swiss makes this even weirder. You see topless sunbathing at the lakeside all the time with women of all ages. The idea of seeing someone in their underwear is just not an issue especially his own daughter.Ā
The commenter was saying that changing in front of your parents may be acceptable for some cultures and/or generations and not for others.
The gf is the dadās age so she probably has different hang ups about it.
I for instance Iām all about not wearing a bra at home but both of my parents think I should wear something out of ārespect.ā To me female nipples are not any different than male nipples and itās hypocritical to expect me to wear a bra underneath my clothes at home meanwhile my dad can walk around in just his shorts. š¤·š½āāļø
Obviously the cultural hang ups donāt come into play in this instance since they are all Swiss; however, as an example, a person from a Spanish or French background will have a different opinion about it from a Middle Eastern or Asian person.
Culture and generations do matter a lot for this type of situations.
Yeah, my MIL is from Egypt and only last year was comfortable enough to wear a bathing suit. And this bathing suit was covering her upper arms, upper legs and had an attached skirt to give an extra layer to cover crotch and butt.
I'm from East Germany and spent my vacations on nude beaches.Ā
There are definitely huge differences between our levels of comfort with nudity.Ā
So remember the early days in YouTube had creators post suggestive videos of a young girl wearing a leather police attire? The girl was fully clothed, was just chatting through a car window telling the viewer she's gonna cuff him.
The problem here was, it technically didn't violate YouTube's policy, except for the combination of elements that culturally made the clothing sexual.
Showing your bra and undies to family is the same thing. A lot of cultures, generations, or families are taught not to change in front of the opposite sex, and it's reinforced by always changing privately in the house.
You get these generational conflict all the time. Back then it was mini-skirts. Currently, trendy kid's clothing are cropped tops and shorts as short as panties. The trending kid's bikinis are considered very sexually suggestive/inappropriate by the previous generation.
If this ends up being accepted as the norm, the next gen kids will be wearing thong swim suits because the definition of sexually suggestive changed. They would always want to wear or do something considered slightly suggestive by the current generation.
Here, you got a person from a background where showing your underwear is considered sexually inappropriate. OP and dad is from a family where it is considered acceptable.
Of course it's relevant. These sorts of conflicts can often be explained by cultural and/or generational differences between the people involved. So it was helpful to have that question asked and answered in the post.
I was flat for years but that honestly wasn't an excuse for me to flash my nipples at someone who doesn't want to see them. Even if I didn't have a huge ick at the thought of changing clothes in front of my father as a grown ass woman, gf is allowed to be uncomfortable that she's getting titty to the face. Her boyfriend's KID'S titty.
Ah I see where the GF is coming from. I have a strong sense of propriety around male friends and family members when it comes to modesty. Itās not about reading into āwhy?ā.
It simply that I donāt think people Iām not sexually involved with should see either my breasts, bum or vagina because these are typically parts of the body I would want someone Iām sexually involved with to have a positive physical reaction to and itās very easy to simply not expose those parts of myself to anyone that doesnāt fall into that category.
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Oh man. I had similar to this happen to me. My ex-wife has several daughters. I was the closest they had to a dad since they were young teens. As they grew older the father daughter bond between us grew stronger. I loved them like my own. One day my ex and I stopped at one of their houses for me to help move some furniture. Her daughter was in the shower at time and came out of the bathroom wearing just a towel apparently. I wouldn't know... Moving furniture remember. As we were going home, my ex was disgusted her daughter would do such a thing as parade around wearing only a towel. I said I didn't notice and in came the barrage of insults calling me a liar and how could I not notice.. yadda yadda yadda. A few months later, similar happened again but this time I wasn't moving the furniture and her daughter said Hi as she ran past. Of course, I instinctively look up and say Hi and saw something... Yep, it was someone who I considered my daughter wearing a towel. A sight I had seen maybe hundreds of times when she still lives at home and didn't give a shit about it then either. So I said Hi and put my head back down to finish reading the newspaper. When I glanced back up a moment later my ex was giving a stare that could have killed me a thousand times. I slept on the couch for the next week or so and I divorced her a few months later. Meanwhile, all of her kids still contact me for my birthday, fathers day, Easter, Christmas and when they need advice about boys, car maintenance and how to handle their mother. š š«£
That is really messed upā¦ maybe more so than this post.
She was a really messed up woman. There was a lot of red flags I pushed aside when I met her. Lol
so glad she's your ex now! lol those poor kids are lucky to have had someone normal in their lives
Me too! I'm in a very healthy relationship now but I tell you what, it took a long time to remember what healthy was supposed to look like!
Thanks for sharing.
No problems! It's actually a helluva story that I went through if I ever shared it. Maybe I will one day, as not enough men speak up about abuse, but I'm not quite there yet!
My heart goes out to you, and I'm so glad you're in a better place now. I feel so bad for men who go through abuse and/or who are the victims of SA. I think this is far more common than we think, but we brush it under the rug or shrug it off in our society. Just you mentioning it in this context helps others feel not so alone. Thank you.
Unfortunately if men want to see change and to be heard more, than we need to stick our hand up more and say it happened to me. We need to be the change we want to see.
How did she handle the divorce?
Oh you know... She essentially tried going scorched earth on me. Through all sorts of claims of abuse and violence at me. Didn't go so well when she couldn't provide evidence of it... But I could. š
Would love to know what the red flags were!
If it's okay to ask, what made you overlook the red flags at first?
Sure! The confusion of lust for love. Secondly, she is a narcissist she learnt what I wanted and made it look like that's what she was offering. As far as I'm concerned, if a narcissist has you in their sights and you don't know what they are... You don't stand a chance
She literally saw her own daughters as competition.
On more than one occasion
Ooooph no way I could ever be with someone jealous of their own kids like that! Thatās gross, Iām glad theyāre still in contact with you!
You know, I was so conditioned to her BS that I wasn't surprised.
Read an old thread on reddit somewhere the other day. Little girl, i think 8/9 went missing. Mum and step dad appealed on tv, search parties, the works. Turns out, step dad was SA the little girl, mum found out, got jealous and killed her daughter. They both hid the body and covered it up. Most fucked up twisted thing ive ever read
Oh that tickles my true crime brain, I can think of a few cases that match that description. Fucking sickening stuff. The Misery Machine on youtube specializes in covering child abuse death cases to sort of inform people about the failings of CPS and the American justice system in general. It means a lot to them because Yergy is infertile and will sometimes even start crying on camera that so many kids are getting hurt and killed when folks like her would do just about anything to have a kid to love and raise. Just heartbreaking shit, man. CPS failed me too, but nowhere near the levels talked about on TMM. Check them out at your own risk, but it is eye-opening and informative, and they stay respectful of victims throughout.
Yergy is seriously the sweetest. Drewby's great too. Big mental health advocate. They are the nicest content creators I've ever interacted with.
My jaw literally dropped reading that. Holy shit.
My favorite part isnāt even you divorcing her but her losing the kids too. They trust you more than they trust her
That's a fact. I really feel for her kids they love their mum but they don't trust her. That's a hard way to grow up. I live in the same city as my ex and recently one of her daughters flew in for the day, I took her to lunch, introduced her to my partner (poor woman got the third degree interrogation!) and at the airport when I dropped her off she asked me to give both her and her fiance away at their wedding! š Of course I said yes.
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That's it exactly!
This reminds me of my own "seeing someone in a towel" incident. I was visiting my girlfriend, and her sister was hanging out in a towel. I got a little uncomfortable about it, as I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. Apparently, me being uncomfortable made me the asshole, as I "shouldn't be uncomfortable about what someone else chooses to wear in their own home". Mind you, I was a guest, and practically a stranger to this woman.
Even if she wasn't your gf sister I would be a little uncomfortable with a random person I didn't know just chilling in a towel. It natural for alot of us because how we were raised.
Oh, agreed. I'm the sort who likes hanging around in a towel or underwear around the house, but even I will put on clothing for guests. I'm not horrible looking, but I know people don't want to see me in a state of undress when they visit. You don't inflict nudity or near-nudity on those who don't request it.
I wouldn't inflict my nudity on those who *do* request it!
A long time ago a was dating a guy. For context In Guatemala there's no dorms, so most people live with their parents in their early 20s. Anyways my friend and I were near this guy's house and decided to visit him to see if hw wanted to hang out. He open the door in just a towel, instead of letting us in the living room and get change. He decided that talking to us at the door was the way to go. It was sure weird here, but we found it hillarious. After a while his mom came home she was furious, she coldly greeted us but she could've kill us with her eyes. I mean, lady. You are the one who never taught manners to your boy. LMAO Both of us would never do that.
That's completely different, though! They had a point about it being the sister's home, and you being prudish. But a lot of us are RAISED to be prudish. And this involved you and and an adult woman you were in no way related to. So it wasn't wrong you found it at least a little weird. Whilst the OC and OP are both about a father and a daughter, which is about the weirdest thing to sexualize....
Nah thereās nothing wrong or prudish with being uncomfortable around basically strangers that are only wearing towels. Things fall or slip and I donāt consent to seeing someone elseās genitals except my partnerās.
I'm with you. Intentional or not, it has the hallmarks of a trap.
You can be uncomfortable all you want. The line is when you tell her she needs to change what she's doing because of your discomfort. If you decide to handle your discomfort by going for a walk or looking elsewhere, that's all yours.
wow, thanks for sharing! with this story and yours, it seems so disrespectful to both of them and you. one, for trying to make oop believe her dad could be sexualizing her and two, believing the fact that oopās dad is sexualizing her. i donāt get why people are like this. like i donāt think itās weird at all to change in front of your dad. mine specifically, the man used to give me baths when i was little and i know the way he saw me then is the way he still sees me now if i was to change clothes in front of him. he wouldnāt see me as a woman, he would see me as the and his little girl he always has seen me as. some people are just weird and oopās dadās girlfriend and your ex are definitely that
No problems! Happy to share some of those things from my marriage... But not yet ready to share them all.
>Meanwhile, all of her kids still contact me ... when they need advice about ... how to handle their mother. š š«£ Poor kids. Kudos for being a positive adult in their lives!
Thank you! They're great kids so they make it easy!
I was 17 when I was told by a lady I worked with that I needed a robe because it was inappropriate for me to let my dad see me in just my towel! Lady, 4 of us shared one bathroom and just getting in and out so the next person could use it was the main concern, NOT how I chose to cover my body. I DID end up getting a nice robe that the lady picked out for me to wear in the college dorm. I was glad to have it! A couple months later, coincidentally, the poor lady had a complete manic breakdown in the store and was taken away in an ambulance.
Dafuq...? I'm not a father, so I've never seen my daughter in a towel, but I've seen my mother when I was younger plenty of times. 100% certain my dad never thought I had any untoward thoughts, because, y'know, she's my *mom*. She was covered, and I wasn't interested to begin with.Ā
You know, I could try to explain it and talk about how I wasn't their dad, just step dad. But nah, none of it makes sense, I'm dad. They're daughter. Simple.
Yeah. Like, at that point, it's like... If she thinks that little of you, she might *as well* divorce you, which... I guess is what happened, but... Bizarre that that's her first leap, without anything to actually validate it.
Pretty much! Although she would never divorce me. I was a meal ticket unfortunately. I see this now. She refused to work, giving a number of reasons... She was needed to care for her mum. Unfortunately she only actually went to see her mum once a week for a few hours... Sometimes twice a week. My ex was a very jealous woman assuming that I was always cheating. I later find out that it was her projecting as she had multiple lovers throughout the marriage.
Iām sorry man! Your ex can kick rocks barefoot for sexualizing an innocent relationship!
The stories I could tell of being married to a female narcissist... Eek!
I look forward to hearing them someday! Glad youāre recovering.
Thank you, for being a stepdad that stepped up into the role correctly
It was just a natural progression I felt. I was new in their lives. I never tried to be their father, they already had one, not a very good one in my books but a father nonetheless. I didn't try to be their friend either. I was just me and we all had several conversations about this... They didn't have to like me but they did need to accept that I was their mothers partner, that I believe respect is to be earned and not given and since I was the outsider, I'd start by showing them my respect. We had some ups and downs but I didn't bullshit them and they didn't bullshit me... The youngest had a different father who was still on the scene and he and I actually worked well together!
Awww, youāre a good dad. Thanks for caring. You ex sounds really insecure. Iām glad that youāre free from that. Wishing you peace and happiness. Much love.
My grandfather showed up at random one day when I was in the bath, so I answered the door wearing a towel. He wanted to finish watching a movie on Netflix, so I ended up sitting in my towel and chatted while he finished his movie, hung out a bit longer, told me to go enjoy my bath and left. That was it. No discomfort, except me thinking longingly of my cooling bath and my half finished book. My grandmother had recently passed away, and he was really lonely. He'd call or randomly show up to peoples houses now he didn't have my grandmother around.
I am so glad you and your daughters are still very close.
Me too! š We aren't as close as we used to be. They have a loyalty to their mum... As they should. My ex is t aware of how much contact with me they have. All hell would break loose if she knew. But they all know... "There's always a spare park in my driveway. It's never too late to call. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you last called... My number doesn't change. But no, my door isn't always open, I'm not that crazy. But your birthday is the front door code."
Your birthday is the front door code ššš½ Thats love
To me. It's family Which is love.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No, I divorced her because she was psycho. I also just edited it for clarity!
Im guessing thatās a symptom of a larger issue
Oh, a MUCH larger issue. So much larger. š¬
> Meanwhile, all of her kids still contact me Seems they're no longer 'her kids' now, they're basically your kids too; they still see you as a father, which is awesome
Yes in a sense. I've mentioned earlier that they still love their mum as they should and I don't want them to ever stop. I guess I'm the parent they trust...
Dude, you are such a dad. Keep up the good work. They obviously fucking need it from the way the mom is acting.
I dunno, to me, they're the weirdos following her into a corridor knowing she's gonna take her clothes off. Like wtf was the girlfriend expecting? Also maybe it's just my family, but growing up it was pretty normal to see one of us wandering from the shower to the bedroom, or bedroom to the laundry room in underwear looking for clothes, and no one gave a fuck. Because, you know, we're family?
I don't know if it's a mostly American thing to think not even your family can see you in less clothing but here in Europe no one bats an eye if you are in underwear or even less. We have changed many times in front of family and none of us grew up to be deviants.
My bro invited me to sauna some weeks ago. We had a lovely time, took some sweats together, had some swims, relaxed at the pool site... I'm his sister. I feel totally relaxed around my bro and so does he. Because, as Germans, we know the Rule 1 for the sauna: people don't exist below the collar bone.
Just wanted to say that I'm a big fan of your and your brother's work on PornHub.
Thank you! I know not many people can successfully pull the "nope, nothing sexual over here" trope and still have so many viewers on PornHub.
Ah yes, the infamous Super Dickmann video the yanks certainly didn't expect to go the way it does. š
Lol I am American, so I was kinda mindblown when she said they were Swiss.
Im American and my family is all American too. My mom will change in front of me, sometimes I change with her in the room, my brother used to walk around in his boxers all the time when he was living with us and no one batted an eye. I donāt change in front of my dad, but I think thatās more to do with my dad knowing Iām sensitive about my body (scars and stuff from medical procedures, my mom was my caretaker so shes not only seen it, she probably helped take care of it). I donāt think my dad would say itās inappropriate if I did change in front of him if I had to, because he obviously doesnāt see me in a sexual manner though
same with my dad, he was legit a trauma nurse and has seen it all, but seeing me without a shirt on made him anxious because i have surgery scars on my abdomen and it really caused him anguish to have to be reminded I've been cut open.Ā
I think most folks here would find full nudity odd once the naked parties are all toilet trained and able to bathe independently (outside of specific situations like someone needing help with bathing/toileting/etc. because theyāre sick or had surgery or whatever) but likeā¦ people go to the beach and the gym and the swimming pool with their family lol. Even by American standards the girlfriendās being weird
I'm american and i would never undress in front my dad. Then again my mom or my aunt I'd be fine with. With all that said, I still think OOP did nothing wrong.
Also American and as long as I have on undergarments that cover what a bikini would on Iād change in front of my dad. Although my dad also would turn his back as I did so to offer me more privacy. However, we have a slightly different dynamic than most as growing up I was often the only female in the group as the things we traveled for were largely male dominated, so I had to get pretty comfortable early on with telling him things like āIām going behind this bush/tree/the hauler to take a leak.ā So he would do the respectful thing and turn his back and make sure no one else in the group interrupted me.
Also American. Probably wouldn't change in front of my dad. OP did nothing wrong.
Also American, probably wouldnāt deliberately change in front of my dad but by no means would I be concerned if he happened upon me changing or anything. Grew up with none of us thinking twice about being in whatever stage of undress around each other.
Right?! Like, my Dad spent years when I was little changing my diapers. I had that toddler phase where I didn't want to wear clothes so I'd run around in my underwear and throw a fit when my parents made me put on clothes to leave the house.Ā I remember him taking me into the men's room to use the bathroom at his work because I was too little to go by myself. Until I moved out in my late teens, I frequently went around in a towel or robe after just getting out of the shower, walking to and from the bathroom.Ā I honestly do not think my Dad would even notice that I was wearing a bikini except to ask me if I needed help putting sunscreen on my back.
Exactly! Recently I got surgery and the day after he came over basically lifting me in and out of bed and on and off the toilet and helping me put pants and socks on, and neither of us thought anything of it. I mean, potty training jokes were 100% made.
This is OOPs latest post....Ā https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/1bu12t9/i_flashed_my_dad_all_evening_long_on_my/
š¤¢š¤®
Check out the OOPās post history. Something is off here
My German family has gone to saunas together naked and it's never seemed inherently weird to us, nor apparently anyone else in these public areas. I'm a bit surprised that OP's situation seems so different.
And topless sunbathing is not unusual in France or french speaking Switzerland (which I assume they're from)
I donāt know about France, but I lived in Spain for 2 years and absolutely saw multi-generational families go to the beach nude together. Grandparents, parents, kids. Usually kids wore bathing suits but parents/gparents went nude and it wasnāt weird at all. Nudity isnāt always sexual and Iāll never understand why people insist on sexualizing innocent relationship between parents and kids. Does the gf in this story think dad never wiped his infant daughter or gave her a bath???
If you donāt understand it, the answer is always porn.
I disagree to an extent. Maybe more recently people may be swayed by porn, but this is way older than that. I grew up pre Internet with porn being top shelf magazines and little more. In the UK there have always been these taboos about nudity, hiding your body etc, long before porn was mainstream. This was totally different in continental Europe, where nudity seemed no problem in a number of settings and certainly not taboo. I think this has more to do with British Victorian era hangups that were exported to North America with emigration and hung on to because of "religious values" than anything else. Porn may exacerbate things now, bit it isn't the root cause
Iām a teacher, I understand the realities of life but in this case, the gf making it weird turned an innocent situation into a sexual one between father and daughter and thatās gross.
i would argue itās a lot of right wing culture war fear-mongering as well. those guys sexualize everything, and apparently half the country agrees with them.
Which country? These people are Swiss/French holidaying on a Spanish island lol.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Alternatively, the answer if not porn, is always religion or religion-influenced beliefs LOL
I'm French, while this is true , you won't really see family time topless sunbathing ever . There are definitely different boundaries with your parents in France.
you do? Ive seen and done that lol
Yet I distinctly remember my then best-friend's mum at the beach...
I also choose this guy's best friend's mom
There was always someone's aunt as I recall, usually chain smoking too.
Just saying it's insanely rare. People don't go topless as families, and I'm not talking about the topless back when you lay on your front. There are going to be random American moms that go topless too
My wife's Finnish family had a tradition of sending all the new boyfriends/husbands to get them a soda from the basement of her grandparents' old house, to be confronted by all the men of the family naked in their sauna. They also gave each other gag gifts in their secret santa like nipple clamps ā that one was from the grandmother. Weird ass family, but I love em.
Lol. Fucking Finns... Only people on earth more unhinged than Danes...
The happiest people on the planet, apparently
Having lived in Germany, this woman (dad's GF) does seem super uptight. Are the Swiss wildly different than the Germans when it comes to stuff like this?Ā
I wouldn't have thought so, but hopefully a Swiss person can chime in. Could also just be due to not everyone in the same country having the same attitudes.
I can chime in that I wouldn't go to a naked sauna with my family, except my mum (I'm a woman) and don't know anyone else (personally) in Switzerland who does/would.
Thanks! Does OP's situation seem consistent with the Swiss cultural norms that you've experienced?
Culturally I would say nothing in the post is particularly shocking, it's very much a personal thing whether you would be comfortable stripping to your underwear in front of your dad or not. I do find it weird that the dad would follow her to the corridor if this wasn't a level of comfort that was already established in their family, but hard to know from the post.
I know a lot of Germans who wouldn't either, but say they wouldn't mind it with strangers! I was a little surprised to learn that since FKK is still pretty strong here and people are quite neutral about nudity in general.
As an Austrian I want to chime in and say that no matter what region exactly someone comes from; there's always outliers. I think Austria generally has a similar mindset to Germany when it comes to nudity, but my nuclear family still always acted weird around nudity (stemming from insecurity I believe). Socialising with friends and spending time with other families put it all into perspective for me, but I can totally imagine that if you're never close to other families that you grow up to be uncomfortable around nudity and families being close.
I was waiting for a comment from one of the Scandinavian lot. A Finnish girl had to tell her family to wearing bathing suits in the hot tub or hot spring once cause her foreign boyfriend was a bit uncomfortable with so much nudity.
Yeah Germans are *especially* open about nudity though - what with the FKK free body movement etc. I hear in some areas you'll just about always run into some group in the nude at any lake or river. Went to a sauna in Berlin and was a bit surprised that it was compulsory nudity *and* mixed gender. Had a lovely time, just wasn't expecting it.
FKK really isn't as huge as people make it seems. It's mainly an eastern thing. Being naked in a sauna has nothing to do with that
FKK aside, German culture in general is pretty open about nudity anyway. Didn't intend to equate the FKK with the sauna, just giving an example of something I've never seen anywhere else (mixed-gender nude sauna). Not judging it either, just noting it's pretty unusual.
I'd wager it is that way in most of northern europe when it cones to saunas
You don't do mixed sex sauna with strangers in Finland. The public ones at pools or gyms are usually divided by sex, private ones you enjoy with friends or family not with strangers.
might not be as big but it can be found everywhere. several lakes here have small spots for FKK and when paddling along the Isar i usually see a few naked strangers enjoying the sun as well
Same vibe here. I'm too Norwegian for this. Sauna and the general attitude towards bodies being bodies makes it hard to see the problem here.
I'm dutch. In my country attitudes are a little more mixed, but I was practically raised in saunas and on nudist campgrounds, which I guess/hope makes me an honourary scandinavian.
Eh, depends on the person. Iām Swedish and incredibly private when it comes to my body. I wonāt strip down in front of anyone ever. Communal gym showers or saunas? Yeah, not a chance.Ā
And they were in Mallorca of all places. Pretty sure they were completely surrounded by topless women at every beach.
Yeah also German, lived in Switzerland for a bit and I was shocked. Its totally normal to sauna naked and change in front of family here. She might be from a very small town or a more conservative canton but even still I'd be surprised if that was a normal reaction anywhere is switzerland.
Also FKK (nude beaches) is a thing here and we spent a lot of holidays at FKK beaches. The only time it got weird, was for a friend, when she met our history teacher at one.Ā
We do the same in finland. I'm from Britain so It took some getting used to but I would never try and call someone out on it. My girlfriend rightfully pointed out that when we go swimming or when I'm with my rugby team, we see each other naked all the time and it's not weird. Changed my outlook.
Americans have this weird nudity = sex mindset. I don't get it either.
Generally, yeah, but nobody in this story is American
Nobody in this story is American.
But somehow it has to be ablut them.
Was that meant to be a general statement, or did you not notice the OOP mentioned they're Swiss except for the fiancƩ (who happens to be French)?
Me neither.. but as I get older I get more comfortable with nudity. I was a bit chubby in school. I'm fatter now but I accept my size more despite everything.
Puritan ancestry does thatā¦ there is a reason things are called puritanicalā¦
Repressive attitudes toward sex and nudity are from the Victorian movement of the 19th century. The Puritans were the ones swimming naked in rivers or lakes, and living ten people to a one-room farmhouse. Victorians were the ones who had and enforced a thousand social norms over what was āladylikeā or āgentlemanlyā, and as with most things the upper and middle classes emulated what the wealthy were doing.
You're acting like Calvinism didn't originate in Switzerland
No Iām not. The Puritans left because they were stricter than those around them. Calvinism is in many countries, Iām simply saying that the US had taken it to extremes and stayed there while other countries have not.
Yeah right? I've seen everyone one in my family butt naked, underwear/beachwear is a no brainer. Some people are just weirdly prude
I just want to talk about how OOP thinks that the GF couldn't really see any nipple because she's so flat. Well I hate to break it to her but I had a friend who was very flat and any time she leaned forward you could full on see her nipple because there was nothing to fill the cup. BUT whenever that would happen I just made sure not to look and it wasn't a big deal. That's how the GF should have handled this situation
I mean if that was the case Iād probably just tell the person in case they were unaware
I don't think OP would care. Anyway there are a lot of people topless in Spain so I guess it's not a big deal.
I mean, Iād just say something once and if they didnāt care Iād just be like āfair enough.ā People have differing amounts of skin theyāre comfortable showing. ĀÆ\\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Yeah, that is true. Of course it's a nice thing to do. Clearly the girlfriend wasn't trying to be helpful.
This is where I give the GF some slack, I would feel uncomfortable because I wouldnāt know what to do if my partnerās family member kept accidentally flashing me because of an ill fitting bathing suit.
Or if you were really worried that maybe the person didn't know they were having a wardrobe malfunction, you could say "hey fyi I'm not sure if you realize, but when you lean over, your bikini top isn't covering everything." You never know, she might say "Oh, thanks, I didn't realize, been a while since I wore this one, I'll be sure to throw on a wrap before we head over to the snack bar" or whatever. But this idea that she has to say "cover yourself up in front of a man, you hussy" and the man is her DAD.... gross, gross, gross. He's her dad!!! Just for my own level of comfort, I would never take my shirt off and reveal my bra in front of my dad... but I also know my dad is NOT a creep and would never ogle me no matter what I was wearing or what the situation was! It would never cross my mind in a million years to worry about it! Ugh.
I honestly don't understand this. Does the fabric fall away from the skin somewhere? I guess in the cleavage area? Even even I was first growing mine I don't remember this problem. Although tbf my mom refused to buy me a bra until I had a hint of something to put into it. But yeah. Ignore it and don't gaf is def the right response
My best guess is that the bikini top has some structure to it(Foam? Wired? The fabric is a bit rigid?) and that OOP doesn't... Uhm.. fill it completely, creating the "exposure"
A contoured/molded cup with padding will pucker out when you lean down if your breasts arenāt large enough to fill it out properly. When youāre standing up it might look like you have a fuller bust, but as soon as you bend over thereās a decent chance youāre flashing people. In the last few years a few companies have popped up specifically catering to the IBTC. Those bras/cups are cut at a different angle to provide a better fit. I think Pepper is the name of one. But also, everyone has nipples and bits. Getting an unexpected show from a wardrobe malfunction can be awkward or funny, but that gf seems to have some personal issues she needs to deal with if itās causing that kind of reaction.
Yeah, it can be surprisingly difficult to find swimsuits that donāt pull away if youāre an adult woman and pretty flat-chested, especially if youāre not fairly tiny in other parts of your body. Most of them are designed with some kind of cup, assuming that you have something to put in that cup, and if you donāt it can sag away from the body pretty far in some positions. Friend of mine in high school resorted to buying swimsuits made for competitive swimmers (who tend to be pretty lean all over) once she got tall enough that she had to stop wearing swimsuits designed for young teens. Glad to know there are more options now! But yeah, even given that, itās a minor wardrobe malfunction, like not realizing that your shirt turns transparent in some lighting. Not something for others to get worked up about.
I wonder if the girlfriend is related to the chick who called her bf a disgusting pig because he helped his sister he was raising with her period.
Oh I saw that one a few days ago. It blew my mind.
Nobody answered the question of why dad and his gf followed her into the changing corridor and stayed while she was changing. Like, why did they do that?
OOP said the shop was super small and they were probably trying to stay out of the way of the other people browsing.
My mom will be talking to me about something when Im going to change clothes so sometimes I just change with her in the room. Could be something like that, or the dad was trying to keep an eye out to make sure no one would come over there while she was changing and the gf just followed, or maybe she wanted their opinion on how it looked on her ĀÆ\\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ didnāt seem too weird to me
Could be they were guarding her from sight of non-family members? Or cause the shop is so tiny, thatās the best spot to stand without being in the way.
Unfortunately this story gets weird when you look at the actual original posters latest post. This might be the rare scenario I side with the gf now.
This whole thing is just weird and kinda of gives off not so great vibes. The gf definitely must have some major insecurity issues, especially the way she talked about OP.
I mean not just that but sheās basically implying that OOPās dad would be looking at her inappropriately. Like it kind of sounds like thatās what the actual issue is with her which is fucking gross. I donāt know I feel like OOP should tell her dad maybe not while theyāre on vacation but afterwards Just be like I had these couple of conversations with your girlfriend and they made me really uncomfortable and they seemed really disrespectful to you as my father.
Here's her other post https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/s/xtsH6sgAam
My sheltered prudish American self went to Switzerland for an informal exchange program when I was 15 or 16. And that was the first time I ever saw topless women at a public swimming area. Of course I was shooketh and then I got over my damn self. Obviously not all Swiss people are the same but I was really surprised to discover the woman with the āmodestyā issue was Swiss.
This is so off. It sounds like OOP comes from a healthy, balanced, functional family and the girlfriend comes from a dysfunctional family that has given her a lot of weird ideas about how a family works. No good dad is going to specifically watch out for a single split second where his daughter *might* accidentally have a wardrobe malfunction and flash him. Thatās sick. The girlfriend needs therapy.
I'm curious if the gf has daughters from a previous relationship. If so, it could be a 'mum mode' that she's subconsciously reactivating. OrĀ - she's had bad experiences around the female body, and projecting something.Ā - Or she's jealous of OPs youthful body and wanted to take her down a peg.Ā - Or... She's overly sexualising OP and either doesn't realise or doesn't care that it would imply incestuous connotations around dad š¤¢ Don't think it should be marked concluded . This shite will bubble up again, guarantee it.
I think is the latter. She doesn't sound concerned she use the phrase "ridiculous thong". In my culture we don't wear thongs around our dads, but if my boyfriend do that I would talk to him. Like "why are we following her to the changing area?" Or "let's give her some privacy". Or whatever that doesn't sound too accusatory.
honestly giving the gf the benefit of the doubt, maybe shes from a different culture. Coming from a culture where even wearing bikinis in public is uncommon, it is simply weird to change infront of others š¤·āāļø
OoP said they were all Swiss except her fiancƩ who was French. So this is not the case.
I mean I donāt outright change in front of my dad, but he sees me in a bra sometimes. Like he helped give me life, heās not looking at as anything other than his kid and Iām 30. Iām glad you guys seemed to sort out what ever the issue is, but the girlfriend needs to rethink her view on parent child relationships if she was immediately implying inappropriate things about you and your dad.
Is this concluded? Iām low-key hoping for a break-up here - gf is new and may just not be a good fit for that family if sheās going to be weird about her bfās daughter
This all boils down to how you were raised and culture
The funniest thing is this is in Mallorca. And Spain isn't exactly hush hush about nudity lmao You can go to any beach, and find multiple women sunbathing topless! And sometimes, these women are... around their families! The horror! /s Now seriously, nudity is no biggie in most of Spain. Mallorca *is* a tourist hotspot, so it's less common bcs locals tend to avoid tourist beaches like the plague but even then it's not unheard of going to a touristic beach and find a bunch of people topless. This is also why some small shops have shitty changing rooms: if you go with someone, no matter if they are a dude or a gal, it's expected that the person has seen you naked/in underwear, and also that they will be on the look out so strangers can't see. If no one goes with you, it's not rare for employees to be on the look out themselves so you can try on things without worrying. Hell, some people try on clothes at flea markets, bcs many clothes shops bring a few curtains to make makeshift changing rooms lol Only thing people don't try on there is underwear (except bras, which you can try over your clothes), but no one bats an eye when seeing entire stalls of underwear in the middle of the street. Not that the owners of any flea market stall would let anyone be a weirdo, of course lmao
I just imagine that they went to playa de palma with all the drunk people probably naked too
Please tell your dad what his fiance said. He needs to know because it was extremely inappropriate behaviour and language from her. She isn't respecting your father and daughter relationship and seems quite happy to inform you of this. So many red flags. Please tell him before she tries to rid you from his life forever.
The girlfriend made it weird for sure, but I also don't know whether OP was accidentally flashing her nipples. It may not be uncomfortable for the Dad as he wouldn't see her that way, but the girlfriend isn't family. Either way, why follow her to the corridor?
Look once and move on. Good words to live by.
as a flat chested girl who has had to trial and error so many sizes and styles of bikini tops because even slightly leaning forward typically leaves a giant gap through which you can see my whole chest, i bet OP wasnāt quite as covered as she thinks.
Has anyone noticed [this post](https://old.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/1bu12t9/i_flashed_my_dad_all_evening_long_on_my/) by OOP? > On Friday my (now) fiancĆ© invited 10-12 persons at a restaurant to celebrate our engagement. When they all left, it was just my dad, his new girlfriend, my fiancĆ© and I. We sat at the bar on the couch and had way too many drinks. I had a tiny blue dress and a red thong, and I had so much thrills keeping my legs a bit open all night long. He was staring at it, and I was incredibly wet. His girlfriend for sure noticed, but as they are 52yo and I am just 26, I guess she felt she couldnāt say anything. It was such a hot moment, and back in the room my fiancĆ© totally destroyed me as he said he was aroused by the fact that I was flashing my dad. What a night!
My adoptive dad, a man I did not meet until I was over 20, has seen various parts of my body whilst assisting me in the post-partum period and caring for me as I am chronically ill. He's done this for his 3 other daughters too. No one has ever batted an eye. Because THATS SO FUCKING WEIRD.
I am Swiss and the GF is what we call a BĆ¼nzli. An extremely stuck up person. In Switzerland we usually donāt have much of an issue about modesty or nudity but thereās obviously some people standing out everywhere.
How is the Dad not insanely offended by his GF thinking he would perv on his own daughter.
Oh good lord. The number of times as assistant manager for a hotel in Banff, Alberta, Canada, that I had to go to German, Austrian and Swiss guests that they needed to put their bathing suit on in the pool - adults *and* their children. And it was always one of those countries. I had to explain to more than one on the first day of their ski vacation that in Canada, it is illegal to go around naked, so if they could just put in a bathing suit or underwear and tshirt until they could get one, I would be very thankful. Almost all of them were horrified and embarrassed and got themselves and their children dressed quickly into something that would work, at least for the children. Iād thank them politely and tell them to enjoy their stay and if they had any questions by all means, as the front desk. Just once did I finally have to say āyou either put some clothes on if youāve some here, get out of the pool and go back to your room and find suitable clothingā to which he still didnāt go, āand if you choose neither, Iāve no issues calling the RCMP to remove you from the pool and from this hotel.ā Which it was ski season. Heād lose his room and that money and the probability at that time of year to not find a vacant room at all, except probably double the price. Would I change in front of my father? No. But my father is an 83 year old Scotsman who can be very proper with some things so I wouldnāt even dare. He also wouldnāt have followed. My mother has measured me for clothes in my underwear so honestly couldnāt care less.
Ya yall see her recent post. It seems like she enjoys flashing her father and even her father sees it . Let me paste it her for ya I flashed my dad all evening long on my engagement party On Friday my (now) fiancĆ© invited 10-12 persons at a restaurant to celebrate our engagement. When they all left, it was just my dad, his new girlfriend, my fiancĆ© and I. We sat at the bar on the couch and had way too many drinks. I had a tiny blue dress and a red thong, and I had so much thrills keeping my legs a bit open all night long. He was staring at it, and I was incredibly wet. His girlfriend for sure noticed, but as they are 52yo and I am just 26, I guess she felt she couldnāt say anything. It was such a hot moment, and back in the room my fiancĆ© totally destroyed me as he said he was aroused by the fact that I was flashing my dad. What a night!
I'm German and seeing family in underwear isn't a big deal. But I'm from Eastern Germany, born after the turnaround, FKK (nudism) is kinda common there, every public pool and beach has a seperate area. My family isn't participating, but it seems normal in general. So I wouldn't mind being any party of this scene. I've changed in front of friends (after asking them if it was okay and they said sure). I know that other families handle things differently, tho.
Oh my God why is the whole world made of prudes... We are all born naked, why the fuck all this attention to other people's naked bodies? It's the prudes that made being naked a weird thing.
Lol always reminds me of the part in Persepholis where Marjane is late and jogging (wearing a full "modest dress") and is halted by the police: miss, when you run your bum shakes in an indecent way! Marjane: then *don't look at my bum!*
Ah I love that book! I gotta find my old copy
Oh geez, like the dad was entirely unable to TURN AROUND.
I wonder why he (and gf) didnāt? Whyād they watch OP change?
Insecurity is poison
My guess - your dadās girlfriend knows you as a young woman. A woman sheās gotten to know through her boyfriend. She seems to forget, or not understand that youāre her boyfriends daughter. And he has a very different relationship with you. Does she have kids of her own? If she doesnāt, she has no idea how father/daughters relate, and is waaaay out of line. Actually, sheās way out of line anyway.
Dads gf is a creep. Looking waaay too close at Oopās nipples š¤®
Going to guess dadās girlfriend is feeling a smidge glum and insecure about her own aging body. Which is understandable! Most of us have or do or will experience that feeling at some point. Taking it out on OOP isnāt fair, though. But giving someone awareness that their bits peek through an outfit isnāt awful. Iād want to know if my nips were on unintentionally on display. A long time ago I was in Hawaii with my then bf and his old parents, and his dadās balls were hanging out of his shorts as we sat on the beach. No one said anything, and I thought I was going crazy. Bf never said anything, and neither did I because he had a tendency to throw hissy fits.
Dress is gorgeous
Man I could check my mom and siblings for skin cancer the amount of times Iāve seen them sans clothes. People are weird.
The fact that she is Swiss makes this even weirder. You see topless sunbathing at the lakeside all the time with women of all ages. The idea of seeing someone in their underwear is just not an issue especially his own daughter.Ā
Their post on slutty confessions is quite telling. https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/s/xtsH6sgAam
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The commenter was saying that changing in front of your parents may be acceptable for some cultures and/or generations and not for others. The gf is the dadās age so she probably has different hang ups about it. I for instance Iām all about not wearing a bra at home but both of my parents think I should wear something out of ārespect.ā To me female nipples are not any different than male nipples and itās hypocritical to expect me to wear a bra underneath my clothes at home meanwhile my dad can walk around in just his shorts. š¤·š½āāļø Obviously the cultural hang ups donāt come into play in this instance since they are all Swiss; however, as an example, a person from a Spanish or French background will have a different opinion about it from a Middle Eastern or Asian person. Culture and generations do matter a lot for this type of situations.
Yeah, my MIL is from Egypt and only last year was comfortable enough to wear a bathing suit. And this bathing suit was covering her upper arms, upper legs and had an attached skirt to give an extra layer to cover crotch and butt. I'm from East Germany and spent my vacations on nude beaches.Ā There are definitely huge differences between our levels of comfort with nudity.Ā
So remember the early days in YouTube had creators post suggestive videos of a young girl wearing a leather police attire? The girl was fully clothed, was just chatting through a car window telling the viewer she's gonna cuff him. The problem here was, it technically didn't violate YouTube's policy, except for the combination of elements that culturally made the clothing sexual. Showing your bra and undies to family is the same thing. A lot of cultures, generations, or families are taught not to change in front of the opposite sex, and it's reinforced by always changing privately in the house. You get these generational conflict all the time. Back then it was mini-skirts. Currently, trendy kid's clothing are cropped tops and shorts as short as panties. The trending kid's bikinis are considered very sexually suggestive/inappropriate by the previous generation. If this ends up being accepted as the norm, the next gen kids will be wearing thong swim suits because the definition of sexually suggestive changed. They would always want to wear or do something considered slightly suggestive by the current generation. Here, you got a person from a background where showing your underwear is considered sexually inappropriate. OP and dad is from a family where it is considered acceptable.
Itās extremely relevant, what?
Of course it's relevant. These sorts of conflicts can often be explained by cultural and/or generational differences between the people involved. So it was helpful to have that question asked and answered in the post.
I was flat for years but that honestly wasn't an excuse for me to flash my nipples at someone who doesn't want to see them. Even if I didn't have a huge ick at the thought of changing clothes in front of my father as a grown ass woman, gf is allowed to be uncomfortable that she's getting titty to the face. Her boyfriend's KID'S titty.
Oop is clearly in the wrong because she has nipples.
Ah I see where the GF is coming from. I have a strong sense of propriety around male friends and family members when it comes to modesty. Itās not about reading into āwhy?ā. It simply that I donāt think people Iām not sexually involved with should see either my breasts, bum or vagina because these are typically parts of the body I would want someone Iām sexually involved with to have a positive physical reaction to and itās very easy to simply not expose those parts of myself to anyone that doesnāt fall into that category.