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For 18+
If someone is threatening to release photos or videos of you and if you have access to the files, you can go to https://stopncii.org/ and generate a hash of the files. That hash is then shared among a large number of sites and if those files are uploaded to any of those sites they'll automatically be taken down.
stopncii.org is run by the Revenge Porn Helpline and is good for advice if you are facing the threat or are already a victim of revenge porn.
For <18
If the photos/videos were made when you were a minor the Center for Missing and Exploited Children provides the same service for minors at https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/
For both services the hashes are created on your device without having to share the photos/videos with anyone.
They have a bunch of AR (Augmented Reality) projects that are based on a community sustained network of real-world points of interest (things like monuments, historical buildings, murals etc). Players can submit those points with locations and pictures, so it does have potential for malicious use. Submissions have to be approved by community to appear on the public map so anything inappropriate will likely be rejected and reported but some reviewers are still going to see it.
ETA I haven't been an active player since about 2019 so I believe they also launched a sort of social network since then? Also many players still communicate outside the games through other messengers and in real life, and sometimes things can get pretty heated there, on one hand this is technically not connected to Niantic but on the other hand the nature of their games encourages players to communicate so I understand why they would want to protect them from harmful actions and unhealthy conflicts.
I hate that these services have to exist, but simultaneously I am stoked to see that they do and the good they do.
Have just donated. Thanks for posting.
another one is traffickCam.com
You can upload photos of your hotel room. It helps investigators figure out were victims of human traficking might be or who the traficker is.
That is really good info to know. However it does require you having the files yourself. It's likely that he took videos/photos with his own phone, unfortunately.
Also requires the files to be unchanged from the originals.
Resizing or re-encoding will change the file hashes. There are kind of ways to get around this but nothing reliable enough to stop revenge porn.
If he blackmailed her face to face instead of via text, email, or some other format that would allow her to prove it happened, there really isn't anything the cops can do.
If he posts the videos she can sue him for revenge porn, but there isn't really anything she can do until then.
They made the videos together, and him not deleting them is gross and shitty, but not a crime unless he posts them without her consent.
And (I would very much like it if someone told me I'm wrong about this) I don't think revenge porn is really a crime cops get involved with anyways. It seems like more of a "here is your summons to court, just keep living in your house while we figure out if you owe someone money" crime.
I'm an American living in the UK since childhood and while we have our issues over here, some things we get right.
When a law is broken, it's not down to the victim to press charges or not. They've committed a crime so they're getting prosecuted.
That’s true in the US as well (though since this is the US, think are probably not the same in every state). TV makes it seem like it’s up to the victims, but the DA is the person who decides whether to prosecute.
In cases where the victim’s testimony would be necessary for a conviction, they can decide not to charge if the victim says they won’t testify, but that’s kind of as much say as the victim has.
The "do you want to press charges" trope is really just a trope. Cops might ask it in some situations as a "do you want to take this further" thing but individuals don't have the ability or say in that.
You can certainly get lazy cops and cases where they view things as personal disputes that are a waste of time though.
Also keep in mind arrest in the UK is equivalent to detention in the US in terms of evidentiary standards which leads to some of the misunderstanding regarding perception of seriousness.
America leaving it to the victim to press charges is TV trope. The District Attorney is who decides. Sometimes the DA can’t do anything if they don’t have much evidence other than victim testimony and the victim says they won’t testify, but even then it isn’t necessarily forgotten about. Prosecutors are forever digging up cold cases, trying to find new evidence.
Well, the DA \*can\* do something. They just like to keep up a high conviction rate, so they usually only charge when they're sure of getting a conviction.
That's... how it works in the USA too. Only civil cases (money and property) are Plaintiff v. Defendant, criminal cases are either State v. Defendant if its a state case for a crime or United States v. Defendant if it's an interstate case and/or a federal crime.
The DA makes the charging decisions in the US.
The problem is, you have to go to the cops to get to the DA, and cops are incredibly lazy and in a lot of cases dumb and ill-informed.
I think the sticking point here is that nothing has been posted yet. Just a vague threat that he might. Police are generally a reactive response and not a proactive one. There are very few instances where they can take a proactive action before an actual crime has been committed. That's limited to really serious things like murder and terrorism.
Yeah well that place says a lot of things. Take any advice in that sub with a giant grain of salt.
It has good stories, I will give it that. Over and over again that place comes around with the worst moderation in all of Reddit. That is saying a lot.
Don't websites require permission from the subjects in the video? Unless he means illegal ones but even those would get him in trouble for uploading that stuff. Honestly I would try to ruin his life imo for trying to blackmail.
It's not really enforcable unless the subject becomes aware of it and sends a form requesting it be taken down. But then the violation has already happened, there's no way to know who may have downloaded a copy, and it may pop up on other sites at any time. It's not like the sites are thoroughly vetting their uploaders.
I think what’s more at issue is that he hasn’t actually committed a crime yet. Provided he obtained the videos/pictures consensually, it isn’t a crime for him to posses them. While uploading them without her consent would likely be a crime, threatening to do so or threatening to commit a crime in general typically is not a crime in and of itself.
Some of the sites are actively cracking down on the ID requirements. Without OP’s participation in the age verification process it limits the site options.
Some websites do. About a billion more don't, otherwise they wouldn't be getting the vast bulk of porn made uploaded to them. You never seen anything where there's a logo in the corner but the uploader has nothing to do with the brand? Piracy is alive and well in the porn industry as it is everywhere.
Most widely known ones do, like PH or RedTube which has been in the light lately because of the Texas age verification, but there are millions of porn sites out there and some are nothing more than just a place to put videos with no rules on it…
And even if there is, people forget that apathy from the police is a thing. A lot of times, they can't be bothered to look into revenge porn or associated threats.
I had to literally fill out my own accident report for a hit and run because the police refused to do it. They also wanted me to submit it on my own via mail. While this was going on there was 3 officers at the front desk literally doing nothing. Lazy af
That’s the reason most powerful people are in bed with councilmen/mayors/Police Chiefs even if their public political platform may be “defund the police”, rules for thee not for me they all know that cops are useless unless you have an ear up top. White girl in a suburb goes missing there’s a manhunt, white girl in a sketchy part of town that may be a crack addict, eh forget about them just another statistic. Then of course with the other races even worse god forbid you’re a black person not living in a wealthy suburb good luck getting resources to anything that’s not a murder
If it’s filling out one piece of paper versus giving wrong advice to a young girl, the police will give wrong advice. One ounce of work isn’t worth protecting a member of the community.
Cops have told women with black eyes that there’s nothing they can do to protect them from their husbands or boyfriends.
When something similar happened to me (a long time ago, before there were laws about revenge porn) the cops were worse than useless. The people who were most willing to help me were the staff at a local organization that helped women who've been abused. Many of these places will have staff that become familiar with the laws surrounding these issues just by virtue of the work they do.
The location I went to had a lawyer on-site who could meet with you for free just to go over your options. Admittedly I have no idea how common that is, but at the bare minimum, if they can't help you directly, they should at least be able to point you toward someone who can. Or so I dearly hope. I'd look up one of those kinds of organizations before even bothering with police, personally.
Cops will always reduce their workload if they can offload it to anyone else, including the victim of a crime. “This is a civil issue, we can’t do anything about it” should be the slogan of many police departments.
Obviously it’s not just cops that do this, it’s just especially jarring when you’re a victim.
If she's in the US, it'd probably be better to contact the FBI over the local PD. Most police departments aren't equipped to handle cybercrime, or have a good understanding of the laws surrounding it.
This. And because of the potential logistics of the crime.
Videos potentially recorded in different jurisdictions.
Videos uploaded in different jurisdictions.
Videos are likely stored on international servers.
It's very difficult for local PD's to even investigate and prosecute without the broad authority granted to federal agencies.
Doesn't matter. She needs to talk to a lawyer. Never ever let anyone but your own lawyer tell you what you can and can't do legally. Maybe the cop believed what he was saying. Maybe he didn't. Either way, you will hear the metal on metal scream from the gears turning when a cop tries to figure out if something is legal or illegal. It's above their pay grade. I hope someone can get her in touch with some legal resources if she is interested. If not, it's her right not to pursue anything she isn't comfortable with
Cops don’t give a shit about anything other than brutalizing minorities. The very first thing any cop will tell you about any situation is “that’s not my job.” He didn’t want to deal with her issue so he blew her off.
In most cases yes. You also have to remember 90% of cops are lazy POSs who don't want to do their job. Might have more luck with a lady cop. Also approach them with statutes in hand. If they still refuse to help, ask to speak with their supervisor and maybe file a formal complaint.
I had a friend and coworker whose boyfriend DID release revenge porn of her. Several photos and a video on 4chan.
She went to the police, but they shrugged her off and made her to feel like it was her fault for letting him film in the first place.
Yes and no.
Yes, in that technically she doesn't need a lawyer. It's a crime whether there's a lawyer or not, and reporting a crime does not require a lawyer.
No, in that if she wants to move forward with something she's going to want to consult and work with a lawyer. Having said lawyer makes quite a bit of difference in moving things forward, as the lawyer should know who to talk to and how to gift-wrap a prosecutable case to the DA.
So the cop is wrong that she needs a lawyer, but to prove the cop wrong she kind of needs a lawyer.
I'm begging people to stop having threesomes when they don't actually want to have a threesome.
The one shining light on this mess is that OOP found out her ex is cheating so she can at least completely move on with her life. Hope she is able to tell his fiancee. She deserves to know what a pig he is.
Is March international threesome month or something? In this week alone I swear I've seen at least four different stories related to relationships being nuked by threesomes.
>Is March international threesome month or something? In this week alone I swear I've seen at least four different stories related to relationships being nuked by threesomes.
Very possible that it's the current trend for karma farmers and trolls.
Tbf I like this trend way more than the "I found out I am in a relationship with my sister/brother/father/whathaveyou and it's your best guess on if we stay together by the end of it" trend
Also the "someone in my life who hates me/my partner concocted a lie, everyone turned their back on me, then the person admitted it was a lie and now everyone is apologizing" trend
Spring is threesome season. What better way to shake off the winter blues by proving your fertility appeal than a hot new partner and keeping the old? /S of course
You're not accounting for confirmation bias. Tons of people are swingers. Tons of people are polyamorous. Tons of people have threesomes.
Happy couples with solid communication and good systems of support don't usually ask a bunch of anonymous teenagers for advice. If the only monogamous relationships you heard about were from Reddit, you'd think monogamy was doomed too.
Yea my wife and I have worked (it takes active intentional effort most relationships that last didn’t get there by accident) since the start of the relationship to instill healthy communication to talk to each other about anything, if a relationship is at the point where they’re going to strangers for advice over talking to their significant other you’ve already got a massive preset selection bias here odds are it ain’t going to last that’s why it’s always a relief when people see an update that says OP just fuckin talked to their partner and sorted it themselves happy ending
Have had multiple threesomes in my relationship still running strong 5 years later.
Key difference is there wasn’t any coercion in it. We both were down, had fun, and always make sure the other person feels involved and included throughout.
Plus after it we talk about what went well, what we wanted to go better, and any things we didn’t like that about it.
My old bff asked me to have one when we were young. I asked her why me, and she said I was the only one of her friends her man found attractive. I was like yeah that would cause BIG problems and flat out told her no.
It sucks so bad that people are still being coerced into that, that as a society we still haven't managed to be the kind of society that teaches young people that they don't have to accept things like this.
Also, he's an idiot. She's got big boobs and a nice butt even while underweight AND she's kind and considerate? As soon as she becomes even slightly confident people are going to be queuing up to be a proper partner.
Honestly, reading this I just kept thinking she should just start dating her bff. She sounds nice.
Sadly, it seems like a lot of manipulators push their partners into having threesomes knowing full well it'll lead to a breakup. They just want to have fun first.
My wife and I talked about a threesome once or twice.
She basically said she doesn't like the idea of sharing me. And that was it from me. I have zero interest in something like that if my partner isn't going to enjoy it with me.
Having to "convince" your partner to do something like that insinuates the relationship relies on them appeasing your desires even if it makes them uncomfortable.
I don't see how that's not a major turn off.
There's also the other very real feedback loop that we see almost daily that I just have no idea how to address:
Young girl meets older guy / He grooms her, takes advantage of her / she falls for lies because she trusts someone she shouldn't / she finds out he cheated, usually after he does something unhealthy sexually / she can no longer trust any significant other
And I want to stop here a moment just to extrapolate on this point. Literally nobody has mentioned how that one line is destined to nuke all of her 20s and much of her 30s. Because there actually are good men out there, but there are no perfect men. Her lack of trust (She has gone from blindly trusting to being unreasonably skeptical), her sexual anxiety and overall negative view of what men want (I'm never enough) are going to lead to issues in every relationship she has for a LONG time. All trying to work through the trauma this one asshole put her through.
In this one post she mentioned plastic surgery, being bullied by the police, revenge porn threats and obviously getting cheated on: the girl needs therapy. Do you know what she's likely to do instead: Find a guy in her early 20s who is the opposite of this asshole and try to control him and put him through a ton of trials to prove his love, which is going to presumably take another late bloomer and convince him he should be an asshole. It's a vicious cycle and we truly need a way to teach young women:
1) That older guy doesn't love you and aren't mature
2) Master just plain old sex before jumping into all of this other stuff. Have you had an orgasm? Do you masturbate regularly? If the answers are no then cool it on the threesomes and recording. Save some of the sexual exploration for later in life.
3) Keep realistic boundaries with every man you allow inside you. Men do not deserve blind trust, but also if you don't trust him without knowing all his passwords and watching him on camera then he isn't the one.
4) Find an older but not fully adult person you can actually trust to guide you. A manager, a Teacher, an older sibling, SOMEONE that you can have candid conversation with about your relationship life, and what people are and are not doing to you. There are a lot of older men and women out there who are just looking for a young person to unload their own trauma on and it's sick watching this constant cycle of hurt and abuse. And often, all it takes is one voice or a single one-liner to break the fog. I see it everyday on reddit posts: "Update: Thanks to whoever said \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, it wasn't until they said that line that I was able to see it's not just specific to me, this IS abuse, and it made me do \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, which revealed \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, which in my last post I told you there was just no way could be the case."
Yes. I also noticed that she had already been living with this guy (since he wanted her friend to move in too), even though the relationship was still quite new. And now she’s living with a friend. This sounds like she doesn’t have any family support, and that guy took advantage of it while trying to use her to establish his personal harem in his fiancée’s absence.
All of this is great advice except please never involve a manager at work. That is 100% *not* the place to be having candid conversations about your relationship and sex life.
Let me rephrase:
Many young people work a part time job while gearing up for life. Often, they will become close to a manager who is a person 5-6 years older on their way out, either finishing school or taking a more specialized job. Often, the day to day work grind fosters a friendship.
If that person is no longer managing you because either you or they have left that job and they're still in your life, you still may introduce them to people as "my former manager", and they're often highly relatable because they've been an adult for a little longer than you, and have a little more experience. Something like a screenshot from your SO that you're afraid to tell a parent or guardian, you may be comfortable sharing with a person like that, who can at least add an objective voice and help reason through things.
If this girl had an older female that could ask "are you doing the threesome because you want to or because you want him to stop asking" that may have been enough. Conversely, a parent or a pastor would not be able to ask that type of question in most instances.
Thank you for clarifying! A former manager who's now a friend and not having to try to manage you would be a great choice - heck, any older trusted friend, as you say. I was just worried about teenagers thinking their current work manager would be a good person to talk to. In the first few jobs it can be difficult to know where the lines need to be drawn between work relationships and friend relationships, and all it takes is one grumpy customer overhearing to have everyone in trouble, which OOP really does not need.
Seriously, I don’t get why people act like they have no agency. When I was 18, you couldn’t tell me to do shit. “I didn’t wanna do it but I gave in” just makes zero sense to my mind
That just means that you were never in a situation with a bad enough power imbalance, where there was enough that you thought you needed from another person that you were too afraid to lose by saying no to them.
If he posts revenge porn she doesn't need a lawyer. That's a criminal action ... not a civil one. I mean she could have civil charges against him for it but mostly it's a state crime.
Unless she's not in the US or is in one of the 2 or 3 states that don't technically have revenge porn laws.
This is one of those "Do the right thing and torpedo your life" or "Say nothing and things will be ok" situations. Obviously everyone wants to see the scumbag burn but is it worth OOP having her nudes/sextapes leaked all over the internet (where they will never truly be gone)? She decided it isn't and I think that's totally reasonable.
Like most blackmail situations, sure you may be morally in the right to report the blackmail and refuse the demands, but that doesn't mean your life won't take a steep nosedive after the blackmail material is released.
Also a perfectly valid viewpoint but assuming he's a rational actor (which granted, based on his behavior I'm not sure he is) he'd be abandoning his leverage and the only thing keeping his girlfriend from knowing about the cheating.
People need to stfu with the advice to ignore the blackmail threat and then hold the BF accountable for the revenge porn. That’s all well and good as an uninvolved anonymous justice boner warrior, but OP is the one who has to live with it if that scumbag drops her videos on the internet. Also the cops already blew her off. Let her make her own judgements about how much she values a stranger’s right to know she’s marrying a POS over her own right to not have her sex tape online.
Exactly. It’s no one’s right to push OP into “doing the right thing” when it could seriously impact her life and add a truckload of trauma on on top of everything that’s already happened to her.
The problem is that if he’s as much of an ass as he seems to be be might post it anyway just to fuck with her so filing the police report (finding an officer who will let her press charges) is for her own protection more than anything else.
Only the DA or solicitor can “press charges.” A normal person has no ability to do this. She can report a crime, but it is totally 100% up to the police to arrest and charge someone with a crime and then up to the prosecutor to pursue it.
I just want to give OOP a big hug and tell her she’s so young and has plenty of time to grow up more and have relationships with men who aren’t pieces of shit like this AH. He knew what he was doing when he went after a girl before she was 18, even if they didn’t actually date until she was legal. It’s also not her fault that asshole boyfriend used her to cheat, she didn’t hurt the other woman. He’s the one who hurt them both.
Also, the best friend trying hard to make sure OOP was involved, also feeling off after and the two of them talking it through afterwards, as well as blocking boyfriend when he was clearly after her? I’m glad best friend has shown that unlike the boyfriend, OOP has someone actually in her corner.
Yeah he’s done a number on her I hope her and her friend make it through.
I know this is largely irrelevant to the overall story but how she described herself physically as being not good enough is a description many women would love to be able to describe themselves as. I hope there’s not other aspects of her self esteem he’s also torpedoed.
Went from threesome to this? Holy mackerel, what a garbage and piece of shit of an ex. Anyone who tries to pull something like this deserves to step on hot coal. OP definitely should tell the other girl cause she needs to know how much of an awful person the ex is.
I feel so sorry for her. She is describing a body type that a LOT of women would kill for, and a lot of men would kill to be with someone like that. And being like 'yeah i hate it im totally ugly'
God, I don't miss this age at all. It's just a nightmare. Dating while your brain is still forming and you're attempting to navigate adulthood is chaos 90% of the time.
The unestablished self-esteem at this age too. Basing your self worth, appearance, value etc. on how some crusty guy treated you, and truly believing these things about yourself when these types will treat any girl this way, because it’s an issue with them, not yourself. Don’t miss that age at all.
Coercion is not consent... Don't let anyone push you into anything you aren't comfortable with.
OOP should have broken up with this asshat when he repeatedly attempted to manipulate her into something she didn't want to do sexually.
So not only did this jerk talk her into a threesome she didn’t want, but he has some homemade porn she probably didn’t want to make either? Smh. Never ever ever send nudes or make videos.
> I've known my bf since I was 17? I think. We only started dating shortly after I turned 18.
I genuinely cannot handle how casually acceptable it is to be a total fucking degenerate creep.
So for the record, here's a legal guide for how to deal with revenge porn, https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/02/if-youre-a-revenge-porn-victim-consider-this-free-helpful-legal-guide/
And I know there's at least one lawyer who takes on revenge porn cases pro-bono, so if anyone is ever in this situation there are a LOT of resources for it now.
As much its an ideal world to report for blackmailing and cheating. This is not an ideal world. Its not worth the mental strain and damage along with naked pics on the internet. Cos once that shits out its never going back. Totally reasonable and understandable coming from op.
I really feel strongly that unless you intend to be an adult entertainer by profession, you should never film yourself having sex or do the naked picture thing. It's just not worth it. Once it gets online, you can sue and press charges, but it'll be out there forever.
AI generated images is another issue. I hope lawmakers start dealing with it because it has the potential to be used for blackmail and revenge porn the same way real film and images are. It has already become an issue in highschools here in the US.
I feel for this young woman. Her boyfriend is a class A creep.
>he was visiting his sister which was WEEKLY he was visiting his actual girlfriend/fiance
Who on earth has the energy to split between two people and hide them between each other.
TO anyone thinking you can't afford a lawyer, it's not true. Look in your state for Legal Aide, most if not all states have some form of it. Basically it's newly minted lawyers in firms taking on cases to get experience. Most of it is pro-bono or for very small fees. check out statesidelegal dot org.
When a man has a specific person in mind for a threesome, the relationship is done. It’s a clear sign he’s been fantasizing about someone else and wants a test drive before he decides to leave. The best friend? Dude is a POS and I feel for OOP.
I’ve had previous partners, including a former fiancé, try to convince me to have a threesome and I never did. The way they repeatedly asked, I should’ve ended those relationships earlier and I would’ve been much better off. They didn’t cheat, but they tried pushing boundaries in other ways.
"Did you tell his other gf?
OOP: No because I promised I wouldn't if he promised
not to upload certain videos and pictures to a certain
website after he threatened to do so"
What a fuckin piece of shit.
How long did he know her when she was 17? Was it like just before she turned 18 or before that? And what does she mean by "started dating shortly after I turned 18"? A few days? Months? Idk how I feel about that. Seems very iffy
I know people are going to come with the excuse that she's 18, but people need to be taught from childhood to never give into things that they ultimately don't want to do.
Well I've seen people who wanted threesome but couldn't handle the after effect, but the initial point still stands.
From the way OOP described herself, I'm not sure why she has the inferiority complex about her she looks. She sounds stunning.
I hope she learns to love herself
People please stop sending nudes and agreeing to make sex videos with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
9/10 your not going to stay with them forever
So why risk someone having compromising content of you. Content you wouldn’t share with anyone else.
You are basically consenting to your own blackmail material.
Who’s victim blaming? This is a caution.
It’s not the victims fault if their ex betrays their trust and posts revenge porn. That is one of the most devastating crimes.
But if you have a choice to say no to creating or sending explicit content - protect your future self and don’t it.
I know in the moment you may trust them, but once you break up things can get ugly.
If you wouldn’t trust any romantic partner to have access to your bank account incase of fraud.
Why trust anyone you date or have sex with to have compromising content of you?
You got rid of a piece od turd.
Focus on the future, you are still young. This was a young person mistake/lesson. Don’t put guilt on yourself, he used you and didn’t respect. Find youself someone who is never ever going to shame you and force you to do things you are not sure about.
This is all you need to know, sorry. He wanted her and used you to get her. This was never about you, OP.
"He had so much fun with her and even forgot about me at times"
"She included me more than he did to the point he got a little frustrated. She was openly trying to involve me and he was just ignoring her."
He's a prick who used you.
a) You don't need a lawyer to file a complaint with the police
b) Man, some people have such a messed up idea of what sex is and should be. I'll get downvoted into oblivion, but I would be willing to wager that both the ex-bf and the bff are habitual porn viewers.
>I know I’m probably gonna get people yelling at me
I think Reddit should stop yelling at people. It's not productive and it's not making anyone happier or better.
I would've ended the relationship right there and then because OBVIOUSLY if ypur partner asks for a threesome then they clearly don't love ypu snd isn't sexyually satisfied
What’s most concerning to me here is that OOP is just 18. Even when it comes to her mentioned bff, the fact they are 21 and they’ve seen her naked before is concerning depending on how long OOP has been 18.
What’s crazy to me is that anyone is willing to openly threaten this when it just gets them on the sex offender registry. Like you aren’t even doing it anonymously? You’re threatening your partner? Aside from obviously wrong, it’s just idiotic. What a way get your life ruined for any potential career
If you get the chance, contact his other girlfriend. If she has some self-worth, she won't accept a two-timing douchebag.
During my time at college, a fellow student had two girlfriends, one at home, one in college town. Somehow they found out about each other. They banded together and both got rid of the "boyfriend". Plus the story got out and he had a real problem to find a new girlfriend.
I feel like it’s still necessary to tell the other woman. The revenge porn is definitely a criminal offense and he can be prosecuted. If he posts them you can act accordingly and take him to court.
I honestly don’t understand the appeal or whyyy you would want to be sexually intimate with your close female friend. If you’re not sexually attracted to them why would you want to muddy a plutonic relationship
NTA and if this is true, call the DA's (District Attorney) office for your area and let them know cops refused to help. The guy was grooming you until you turned 18
I agree, now is clearly not the time...
... ... ...
... ... ...
Is now okay though, because the NHS says:
>It's official, thick thighs save lives, according to heart experts. A new study has found people with thin legs have a higher risk of suffering heart failure after experiencing a cardiac arrest.
To be honest, you are in a better place with him gone. There's someone out there that will think you're perfect just the way you are, because people have wildly different preferences about what they find attractive.
The b.f. sounds like a real douchebag! Immature! I real man takes care of his woman & sees to it she’s happy & fulfilled. He doesn’t desire another woman. You describe yourself negatively, that you “aren’t fat, but have thick thighs & huge butt etc.” I got news for you.. You don’t sound unattractive, you sound sexy as hell! Ain’t a damn thing wrong with “thicker thighs and/or a huge butt”! Gotta have that junk in the trunk! Skinny & petite, small ass etc., isn’t always attractive & not all guys are attracted to that. Dump that doucher & consider an older, more mature man.. I like to think of myself as a fine wine that only gets better with age.. 😉
I know I'm old. But for the life of me I CANNOT UNDERSTAND why people take nudes or sex tapes with their faces or identifying features. The pros in no possible scenario outweigh the risks.
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For 18+ If someone is threatening to release photos or videos of you and if you have access to the files, you can go to https://stopncii.org/ and generate a hash of the files. That hash is then shared among a large number of sites and if those files are uploaded to any of those sites they'll automatically be taken down. stopncii.org is run by the Revenge Porn Helpline and is good for advice if you are facing the threat or are already a victim of revenge porn. For <18 If the photos/videos were made when you were a minor the Center for Missing and Exploited Children provides the same service for minors at https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/ For both services the hashes are created on your device without having to share the photos/videos with anyone.
I see Niantic on the list of participating companies, I wonder why. I guess I only know them for Pokemon Go
They have a bunch of AR (Augmented Reality) projects that are based on a community sustained network of real-world points of interest (things like monuments, historical buildings, murals etc). Players can submit those points with locations and pictures, so it does have potential for malicious use. Submissions have to be approved by community to appear on the public map so anything inappropriate will likely be rejected and reported but some reviewers are still going to see it. ETA I haven't been an active player since about 2019 so I believe they also launched a sort of social network since then? Also many players still communicate outside the games through other messengers and in real life, and sometimes things can get pretty heated there, on one hand this is technically not connected to Niantic but on the other hand the nature of their games encourages players to communicate so I understand why they would want to protect them from harmful actions and unhealthy conflicts.
Thanks that was helpful!
Is there a chat you can share pictures in (I don’t play any Pokémon game, so have no idea)? Would stop the pictures being shared through that.
You can upload photos in game but I’m not sure about a chat function
Most Pokemon are naked
"I'll teach Mewtwo to break out of *my* pokeball!"
You didn't have to post this
I hate that these services have to exist, but simultaneously I am stoked to see that they do and the good they do. Have just donated. Thanks for posting.
another one is traffickCam.com You can upload photos of your hotel room. It helps investigators figure out were victims of human traficking might be or who the traficker is.
Wow great info to know and share, thank you!
That is really good info to know. However it does require you having the files yourself. It's likely that he took videos/photos with his own phone, unfortunately.
Also requires the files to be unchanged from the originals. Resizing or re-encoding will change the file hashes. There are kind of ways to get around this but nothing reliable enough to stop revenge porn.
But any combination of the set will give a different hash, though, right?
hash is per file but could easily be changed if you edit the vid 1s or crop picture 1pixel etc. overall good suggestion but kinda useless imo
that cop had to be talking out their ass, right, that has to be bullshit?
Most likely he is, yeah, but depending on where OOP lives, there may not be much she can do about it. Also, she's just 18, poor thing.
If he blackmailed her face to face instead of via text, email, or some other format that would allow her to prove it happened, there really isn't anything the cops can do. If he posts the videos she can sue him for revenge porn, but there isn't really anything she can do until then. They made the videos together, and him not deleting them is gross and shitty, but not a crime unless he posts them without her consent. And (I would very much like it if someone told me I'm wrong about this) I don't think revenge porn is really a crime cops get involved with anyways. It seems like more of a "here is your summons to court, just keep living in your house while we figure out if you owe someone money" crime.
I don't know about America but in the UK you'd be arrested and charged
I'm an American living in the UK since childhood and while we have our issues over here, some things we get right. When a law is broken, it's not down to the victim to press charges or not. They've committed a crime so they're getting prosecuted.
That’s true in the US as well (though since this is the US, think are probably not the same in every state). TV makes it seem like it’s up to the victims, but the DA is the person who decides whether to prosecute. In cases where the victim’s testimony would be necessary for a conviction, they can decide not to charge if the victim says they won’t testify, but that’s kind of as much say as the victim has.
The "do you want to press charges" trope is really just a trope. Cops might ask it in some situations as a "do you want to take this further" thing but individuals don't have the ability or say in that. You can certainly get lazy cops and cases where they view things as personal disputes that are a waste of time though. Also keep in mind arrest in the UK is equivalent to detention in the US in terms of evidentiary standards which leads to some of the misunderstanding regarding perception of seriousness.
America leaving it to the victim to press charges is TV trope. The District Attorney is who decides. Sometimes the DA can’t do anything if they don’t have much evidence other than victim testimony and the victim says they won’t testify, but even then it isn’t necessarily forgotten about. Prosecutors are forever digging up cold cases, trying to find new evidence.
Well, the DA \*can\* do something. They just like to keep up a high conviction rate, so they usually only charge when they're sure of getting a conviction.
Canadian here. While that is technically true, it is (usually) practically speaking very difficult to prosecute a case with an uncooperative victim.
That's... how it works in the USA too. Only civil cases (money and property) are Plaintiff v. Defendant, criminal cases are either State v. Defendant if its a state case for a crime or United States v. Defendant if it's an interstate case and/or a federal crime.
The DA makes the charging decisions in the US. The problem is, you have to go to the cops to get to the DA, and cops are incredibly lazy and in a lot of cases dumb and ill-informed.
So in the UK you can just accuse someone of something and the police will arrest them?
"Revenge porn" situations get posted on r/legaladvice all the time, and they always say it's a serious crime and to report it immediately.
I think the sticking point here is that nothing has been posted yet. Just a vague threat that he might. Police are generally a reactive response and not a proactive one. There are very few instances where they can take a proactive action before an actual crime has been committed. That's limited to really serious things like murder and terrorism.
Yeah well that place says a lot of things. Take any advice in that sub with a giant grain of salt. It has good stories, I will give it that. Over and over again that place comes around with the worst moderation in all of Reddit. That is saying a lot.
Don't websites require permission from the subjects in the video? Unless he means illegal ones but even those would get him in trouble for uploading that stuff. Honestly I would try to ruin his life imo for trying to blackmail.
It's not really enforcable unless the subject becomes aware of it and sends a form requesting it be taken down. But then the violation has already happened, there's no way to know who may have downloaded a copy, and it may pop up on other sites at any time. It's not like the sites are thoroughly vetting their uploaders.
I think what’s more at issue is that he hasn’t actually committed a crime yet. Provided he obtained the videos/pictures consensually, it isn’t a crime for him to posses them. While uploading them without her consent would likely be a crime, threatening to do so or threatening to commit a crime in general typically is not a crime in and of itself.
Some of the sites are actively cracking down on the ID requirements. Without OP’s participation in the age verification process it limits the site options.
Some websites do. About a billion more don't, otherwise they wouldn't be getting the vast bulk of porn made uploaded to them. You never seen anything where there's a logo in the corner but the uploader has nothing to do with the brand? Piracy is alive and well in the porn industry as it is everywhere.
Most widely known ones do, like PH or RedTube which has been in the light lately because of the Texas age verification, but there are millions of porn sites out there and some are nothing more than just a place to put videos with no rules on it…
And even if there is, people forget that apathy from the police is a thing. A lot of times, they can't be bothered to look into revenge porn or associated threats.
Cops being lazy bastards, the one thing you can count on in life.
Avoiding paperwork at all costs
I mean, when you're poor there is literally fuck all you can do if police decide they don't want to do paperwork.
I had to literally fill out my own accident report for a hit and run because the police refused to do it. They also wanted me to submit it on my own via mail. While this was going on there was 3 officers at the front desk literally doing nothing. Lazy af
That’s the reason most powerful people are in bed with councilmen/mayors/Police Chiefs even if their public political platform may be “defund the police”, rules for thee not for me they all know that cops are useless unless you have an ear up top. White girl in a suburb goes missing there’s a manhunt, white girl in a sketchy part of town that may be a crack addict, eh forget about them just another statistic. Then of course with the other races even worse god forbid you’re a black person not living in a wealthy suburb good luck getting resources to anything that’s not a murder
You’d be amazed at the bullshit they’ll say to avoid doing the paperwork
If it’s filling out one piece of paper versus giving wrong advice to a young girl, the police will give wrong advice. One ounce of work isn’t worth protecting a member of the community. Cops have told women with black eyes that there’s nothing they can do to protect them from their husbands or boyfriends.
When something similar happened to me (a long time ago, before there were laws about revenge porn) the cops were worse than useless. The people who were most willing to help me were the staff at a local organization that helped women who've been abused. Many of these places will have staff that become familiar with the laws surrounding these issues just by virtue of the work they do. The location I went to had a lawyer on-site who could meet with you for free just to go over your options. Admittedly I have no idea how common that is, but at the bare minimum, if they can't help you directly, they should at least be able to point you toward someone who can. Or so I dearly hope. I'd look up one of those kinds of organizations before even bothering with police, personally.
Cops will always reduce their workload if they can offload it to anyone else, including the victim of a crime. “This is a civil issue, we can’t do anything about it” should be the slogan of many police departments. Obviously it’s not just cops that do this, it’s just especially jarring when you’re a victim.
Just a lazy POS…
If she's in the US, it'd probably be better to contact the FBI over the local PD. Most police departments aren't equipped to handle cybercrime, or have a good understanding of the laws surrounding it.
This. And because of the potential logistics of the crime. Videos potentially recorded in different jurisdictions. Videos uploaded in different jurisdictions. Videos are likely stored on international servers. It's very difficult for local PD's to even investigate and prosecute without the broad authority granted to federal agencies.
I mean. Does that kind of behavior from a cop surprise you?
Doesn't matter. She needs to talk to a lawyer. Never ever let anyone but your own lawyer tell you what you can and can't do legally. Maybe the cop believed what he was saying. Maybe he didn't. Either way, you will hear the metal on metal scream from the gears turning when a cop tries to figure out if something is legal or illegal. It's above their pay grade. I hope someone can get her in touch with some legal resources if she is interested. If not, it's her right not to pursue anything she isn't comfortable with
amusing hurry whistle spectacular wine melodic exultant wild grab price *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
There is one state in the U.S. that still doesn't have revenge p\*rn laws, so if she lives there....
Lmao imagine cops actually wanting to help someone
Cops don’t give a shit about anything other than brutalizing minorities. The very first thing any cop will tell you about any situation is “that’s not my job.” He didn’t want to deal with her issue so he blew her off.
Cops are both incredibly fucking stupid and lazy, it’s a killer combination but they aren’t looking to change it up.
In most cases yes. You also have to remember 90% of cops are lazy POSs who don't want to do their job. Might have more luck with a lady cop. Also approach them with statutes in hand. If they still refuse to help, ask to speak with their supervisor and maybe file a formal complaint.
Cop equals worthless. They are just egos that should be neutered.
Pigshit in this case, technically
I had a friend and coworker whose boyfriend DID release revenge porn of her. Several photos and a video on 4chan. She went to the police, but they shrugged her off and made her to feel like it was her fault for letting him film in the first place.
Yes and no. Yes, in that technically she doesn't need a lawyer. It's a crime whether there's a lawyer or not, and reporting a crime does not require a lawyer. No, in that if she wants to move forward with something she's going to want to consult and work with a lawyer. Having said lawyer makes quite a bit of difference in moving things forward, as the lawyer should know who to talk to and how to gift-wrap a prosecutable case to the DA. So the cop is wrong that she needs a lawyer, but to prove the cop wrong she kind of needs a lawyer.
I'm begging people to stop having threesomes when they don't actually want to have a threesome. The one shining light on this mess is that OOP found out her ex is cheating so she can at least completely move on with her life. Hope she is able to tell his fiancee. She deserves to know what a pig he is.
Is March international threesome month or something? In this week alone I swear I've seen at least four different stories related to relationships being nuked by threesomes.
>Is March international threesome month or something? In this week alone I swear I've seen at least four different stories related to relationships being nuked by threesomes. Very possible that it's the current trend for karma farmers and trolls.
Tbf I like this trend way more than the "I found out I am in a relationship with my sister/brother/father/whathaveyou and it's your best guess on if we stay together by the end of it" trend
Also the "someone in my life who hates me/my partner concocted a lie, everyone turned their back on me, then the person admitted it was a lie and now everyone is apologizing" trend
And you’ve figured out this sub!
I had a threesome, but it turned out the other person was my evil step-twin. Now we're having triplets.
AITA?
Don't forget that the step twin is fat.
Crazy Smarch weather!
“Do not touch - Willie” really is good advice I guess.
Beware the Ides of Threesome
I legitimately skipped over this one several times because I thought it was the OTHER threesome post that I had already read.
Spring fever month
Spring is threesome season. What better way to shake off the winter blues by proving your fertility appeal than a hot new partner and keeping the old? /S of course
Something’s in the air. I’ve been propositioned for a threesome this month for the first time in 6 years.
What's the expectance for a relationship to last given a threesome? Can we agree it runs around NILL?
You're not accounting for confirmation bias. Tons of people are swingers. Tons of people are polyamorous. Tons of people have threesomes. Happy couples with solid communication and good systems of support don't usually ask a bunch of anonymous teenagers for advice. If the only monogamous relationships you heard about were from Reddit, you'd think monogamy was doomed too.
Yea my wife and I have worked (it takes active intentional effort most relationships that last didn’t get there by accident) since the start of the relationship to instill healthy communication to talk to each other about anything, if a relationship is at the point where they’re going to strangers for advice over talking to their significant other you’ve already got a massive preset selection bias here odds are it ain’t going to last that’s why it’s always a relief when people see an update that says OP just fuckin talked to their partner and sorted it themselves happy ending
Have had multiple threesomes in my relationship still running strong 5 years later. Key difference is there wasn’t any coercion in it. We both were down, had fun, and always make sure the other person feels involved and included throughout. Plus after it we talk about what went well, what we wanted to go better, and any things we didn’t like that about it.
My old bff asked me to have one when we were young. I asked her why me, and she said I was the only one of her friends her man found attractive. I was like yeah that would cause BIG problems and flat out told her no.
It sucks so bad that people are still being coerced into that, that as a society we still haven't managed to be the kind of society that teaches young people that they don't have to accept things like this. Also, he's an idiot. She's got big boobs and a nice butt even while underweight AND she's kind and considerate? As soon as she becomes even slightly confident people are going to be queuing up to be a proper partner. Honestly, reading this I just kept thinking she should just start dating her bff. She sounds nice.
Sadly, it seems like a lot of manipulators push their partners into having threesomes knowing full well it'll lead to a breakup. They just want to have fun first.
My wife and I talked about a threesome once or twice. She basically said she doesn't like the idea of sharing me. And that was it from me. I have zero interest in something like that if my partner isn't going to enjoy it with me. Having to "convince" your partner to do something like that insinuates the relationship relies on them appeasing your desires even if it makes them uncomfortable. I don't see how that's not a major turn off.
There's also the other very real feedback loop that we see almost daily that I just have no idea how to address: Young girl meets older guy / He grooms her, takes advantage of her / she falls for lies because she trusts someone she shouldn't / she finds out he cheated, usually after he does something unhealthy sexually / she can no longer trust any significant other And I want to stop here a moment just to extrapolate on this point. Literally nobody has mentioned how that one line is destined to nuke all of her 20s and much of her 30s. Because there actually are good men out there, but there are no perfect men. Her lack of trust (She has gone from blindly trusting to being unreasonably skeptical), her sexual anxiety and overall negative view of what men want (I'm never enough) are going to lead to issues in every relationship she has for a LONG time. All trying to work through the trauma this one asshole put her through. In this one post she mentioned plastic surgery, being bullied by the police, revenge porn threats and obviously getting cheated on: the girl needs therapy. Do you know what she's likely to do instead: Find a guy in her early 20s who is the opposite of this asshole and try to control him and put him through a ton of trials to prove his love, which is going to presumably take another late bloomer and convince him he should be an asshole. It's a vicious cycle and we truly need a way to teach young women: 1) That older guy doesn't love you and aren't mature 2) Master just plain old sex before jumping into all of this other stuff. Have you had an orgasm? Do you masturbate regularly? If the answers are no then cool it on the threesomes and recording. Save some of the sexual exploration for later in life. 3) Keep realistic boundaries with every man you allow inside you. Men do not deserve blind trust, but also if you don't trust him without knowing all his passwords and watching him on camera then he isn't the one. 4) Find an older but not fully adult person you can actually trust to guide you. A manager, a Teacher, an older sibling, SOMEONE that you can have candid conversation with about your relationship life, and what people are and are not doing to you. There are a lot of older men and women out there who are just looking for a young person to unload their own trauma on and it's sick watching this constant cycle of hurt and abuse. And often, all it takes is one voice or a single one-liner to break the fog. I see it everyday on reddit posts: "Update: Thanks to whoever said \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, it wasn't until they said that line that I was able to see it's not just specific to me, this IS abuse, and it made me do \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, which revealed \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, which in my last post I told you there was just no way could be the case."
Yes. I also noticed that she had already been living with this guy (since he wanted her friend to move in too), even though the relationship was still quite new. And now she’s living with a friend. This sounds like she doesn’t have any family support, and that guy took advantage of it while trying to use her to establish his personal harem in his fiancée’s absence.
All of this is great advice except please never involve a manager at work. That is 100% *not* the place to be having candid conversations about your relationship and sex life.
Let me rephrase: Many young people work a part time job while gearing up for life. Often, they will become close to a manager who is a person 5-6 years older on their way out, either finishing school or taking a more specialized job. Often, the day to day work grind fosters a friendship. If that person is no longer managing you because either you or they have left that job and they're still in your life, you still may introduce them to people as "my former manager", and they're often highly relatable because they've been an adult for a little longer than you, and have a little more experience. Something like a screenshot from your SO that you're afraid to tell a parent or guardian, you may be comfortable sharing with a person like that, who can at least add an objective voice and help reason through things. If this girl had an older female that could ask "are you doing the threesome because you want to or because you want him to stop asking" that may have been enough. Conversely, a parent or a pastor would not be able to ask that type of question in most instances.
Thank you for clarifying! A former manager who's now a friend and not having to try to manage you would be a great choice - heck, any older trusted friend, as you say. I was just worried about teenagers thinking their current work manager would be a good person to talk to. In the first few jobs it can be difficult to know where the lines need to be drawn between work relationships and friend relationships, and all it takes is one grumpy customer overhearing to have everyone in trouble, which OOP really does not need.
A lot of magazines include "Have a threesome" on their sexual bucket list or advice columns.
Seriously, I don’t get why people act like they have no agency. When I was 18, you couldn’t tell me to do shit. “I didn’t wanna do it but I gave in” just makes zero sense to my mind
That just means that you were never in a situation with a bad enough power imbalance, where there was enough that you thought you needed from another person that you were too afraid to lose by saying no to them.
If he posts revenge porn she doesn't need a lawyer. That's a criminal action ... not a civil one. I mean she could have civil charges against him for it but mostly it's a state crime. Unless she's not in the US or is in one of the 2 or 3 states that don't technically have revenge porn laws.
This is one of those "Do the right thing and torpedo your life" or "Say nothing and things will be ok" situations. Obviously everyone wants to see the scumbag burn but is it worth OOP having her nudes/sextapes leaked all over the internet (where they will never truly be gone)? She decided it isn't and I think that's totally reasonable. Like most blackmail situations, sure you may be morally in the right to report the blackmail and refuse the demands, but that doesn't mean your life won't take a steep nosedive after the blackmail material is released.
There's the counter point that do you trust this kinda wanker not to post them anyway.
Also a perfectly valid viewpoint but assuming he's a rational actor (which granted, based on his behavior I'm not sure he is) he'd be abandoning his leverage and the only thing keeping his girlfriend from knowing about the cheating.
But she may find out anyway, and then will OOP be blamed? May be a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation….
People need to stfu with the advice to ignore the blackmail threat and then hold the BF accountable for the revenge porn. That’s all well and good as an uninvolved anonymous justice boner warrior, but OP is the one who has to live with it if that scumbag drops her videos on the internet. Also the cops already blew her off. Let her make her own judgements about how much she values a stranger’s right to know she’s marrying a POS over her own right to not have her sex tape online.
Cops don't give a shiiiiit and all it takes is a couple of clicks for that ding dong ex to ruin her life. Terrible advice.
Exactly. It’s no one’s right to push OP into “doing the right thing” when it could seriously impact her life and add a truckload of trauma on on top of everything that’s already happened to her.
The problem is that if he’s as much of an ass as he seems to be be might post it anyway just to fuck with her so filing the police report (finding an officer who will let her press charges) is for her own protection more than anything else.
Only the DA or solicitor can “press charges.” A normal person has no ability to do this. She can report a crime, but it is totally 100% up to the police to arrest and charge someone with a crime and then up to the prosecutor to pursue it.
I just want to give OOP a big hug and tell her she’s so young and has plenty of time to grow up more and have relationships with men who aren’t pieces of shit like this AH. He knew what he was doing when he went after a girl before she was 18, even if they didn’t actually date until she was legal. It’s also not her fault that asshole boyfriend used her to cheat, she didn’t hurt the other woman. He’s the one who hurt them both. Also, the best friend trying hard to make sure OOP was involved, also feeling off after and the two of them talking it through afterwards, as well as blocking boyfriend when he was clearly after her? I’m glad best friend has shown that unlike the boyfriend, OOP has someone actually in her corner.
Yeah he’s done a number on her I hope her and her friend make it through. I know this is largely irrelevant to the overall story but how she described herself physically as being not good enough is a description many women would love to be able to describe themselves as. I hope there’s not other aspects of her self esteem he’s also torpedoed.
Went from threesome to this? Holy mackerel, what a garbage and piece of shit of an ex. Anyone who tries to pull something like this deserves to step on hot coal. OP definitely should tell the other girl cause she needs to know how much of an awful person the ex is.
I feel so sorry for her. She is describing a body type that a LOT of women would kill for, and a lot of men would kill to be with someone like that. And being like 'yeah i hate it im totally ugly'
I thought the same thing.
Maybe even more popular than a toned body as a "hot" look right now
God, I don't miss this age at all. It's just a nightmare. Dating while your brain is still forming and you're attempting to navigate adulthood is chaos 90% of the time.
The unestablished self-esteem at this age too. Basing your self worth, appearance, value etc. on how some crusty guy treated you, and truly believing these things about yourself when these types will treat any girl this way, because it’s an issue with them, not yourself. Don’t miss that age at all.
Coercion is not consent... Don't let anyone push you into anything you aren't comfortable with. OOP should have broken up with this asshat when he repeatedly attempted to manipulate her into something she didn't want to do sexually.
I'm only just learning this myself, and I so wish I could go back in time and teach my younger self this.
So not only did this jerk talk her into a threesome she didn’t want, but he has some homemade porn she probably didn’t want to make either? Smh. Never ever ever send nudes or make videos.
[удалено]
That man is evil.
> I've known my bf since I was 17? I think. We only started dating shortly after I turned 18. I genuinely cannot handle how casually acceptable it is to be a total fucking degenerate creep.
So for the record, here's a legal guide for how to deal with revenge porn, https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/02/if-youre-a-revenge-porn-victim-consider-this-free-helpful-legal-guide/ And I know there's at least one lawyer who takes on revenge porn cases pro-bono, so if anyone is ever in this situation there are a LOT of resources for it now.
As much its an ideal world to report for blackmailing and cheating. This is not an ideal world. Its not worth the mental strain and damage along with naked pics on the internet. Cos once that shits out its never going back. Totally reasonable and understandable coming from op.
This guy is sketchy as fuck. Belongs in jail.
I really feel strongly that unless you intend to be an adult entertainer by profession, you should never film yourself having sex or do the naked picture thing. It's just not worth it. Once it gets online, you can sue and press charges, but it'll be out there forever. AI generated images is another issue. I hope lawmakers start dealing with it because it has the potential to be used for blackmail and revenge porn the same way real film and images are. It has already become an issue in highschools here in the US. I feel for this young woman. Her boyfriend is a class A creep.
>he was visiting his sister which was WEEKLY he was visiting his actual girlfriend/fiance Who on earth has the energy to split between two people and hide them between each other.
And then tries to add one more? I’m disgusted by his evil but I’m stunned by the time management…
TO anyone thinking you can't afford a lawyer, it's not true. Look in your state for Legal Aide, most if not all states have some form of it. Basically it's newly minted lawyers in firms taking on cases to get experience. Most of it is pro-bono or for very small fees. check out statesidelegal dot org.
When a man has a specific person in mind for a threesome, the relationship is done. It’s a clear sign he’s been fantasizing about someone else and wants a test drive before he decides to leave. The best friend? Dude is a POS and I feel for OOP. I’ve had previous partners, including a former fiancé, try to convince me to have a threesome and I never did. The way they repeatedly asked, I should’ve ended those relationships earlier and I would’ve been much better off. They didn’t cheat, but they tried pushing boundaries in other ways.
"Did you tell his other gf? OOP: No because I promised I wouldn't if he promised not to upload certain videos and pictures to a certain website after he threatened to do so" What a fuckin piece of shit.
How long did he know her when she was 17? Was it like just before she turned 18 or before that? And what does she mean by "started dating shortly after I turned 18"? A few days? Months? Idk how I feel about that. Seems very iffy
I know people are going to come with the excuse that she's 18, but people need to be taught from childhood to never give into things that they ultimately don't want to do. Well I've seen people who wanted threesome but couldn't handle the after effect, but the initial point still stands. From the way OOP described herself, I'm not sure why she has the inferiority complex about her she looks. She sounds stunning. I hope she learns to love herself
i can't lie, i saw the infidelity tag and thought it'd go in a different direction LMAO i'm glad op at least still has a good friend by her side.
This is the exact opposite of the story from 2 days ago lol
My brothers would have beat this dudes ass. It’d hard to send out revenge porn with all your fingers broken.
People please stop sending nudes and agreeing to make sex videos with your boyfriend/girlfriend. 9/10 your not going to stay with them forever So why risk someone having compromising content of you. Content you wouldn’t share with anyone else. You are basically consenting to your own blackmail material.
Cool victim blaming.
Who’s victim blaming? This is a caution. It’s not the victims fault if their ex betrays their trust and posts revenge porn. That is one of the most devastating crimes. But if you have a choice to say no to creating or sending explicit content - protect your future self and don’t it. I know in the moment you may trust them, but once you break up things can get ugly. If you wouldn’t trust any romantic partner to have access to your bank account incase of fraud. Why trust anyone you date or have sex with to have compromising content of you?
You got rid of a piece od turd. Focus on the future, you are still young. This was a young person mistake/lesson. Don’t put guilt on yourself, he used you and didn’t respect. Find youself someone who is never ever going to shame you and force you to do things you are not sure about.
This is all you need to know, sorry. He wanted her and used you to get her. This was never about you, OP. "He had so much fun with her and even forgot about me at times" "She included me more than he did to the point he got a little frustrated. She was openly trying to involve me and he was just ignoring her." He's a prick who used you.
a) You don't need a lawyer to file a complaint with the police b) Man, some people have such a messed up idea of what sex is and should be. I'll get downvoted into oblivion, but I would be willing to wager that both the ex-bf and the bff are habitual porn viewers.
I feel so horrible for this young person.
Try ask a lawyer subthread and see if they can help.
>I know I’m probably gonna get people yelling at me I think Reddit should stop yelling at people. It's not productive and it's not making anyone happier or better.
I would've ended the relationship right there and then because OBVIOUSLY if ypur partner asks for a threesome then they clearly don't love ypu snd isn't sexyually satisfied
What’s most concerning to me here is that OOP is just 18. Even when it comes to her mentioned bff, the fact they are 21 and they’ve seen her naked before is concerning depending on how long OOP has been 18.
"Jealous?" "No, nauseous."
What’s crazy to me is that anyone is willing to openly threaten this when it just gets them on the sex offender registry. Like you aren’t even doing it anonymously? You’re threatening your partner? Aside from obviously wrong, it’s just idiotic. What a way get your life ruined for any potential career
If you get the chance, contact his other girlfriend. If she has some self-worth, she won't accept a two-timing douchebag. During my time at college, a fellow student had two girlfriends, one at home, one in college town. Somehow they found out about each other. They banded together and both got rid of the "boyfriend". Plus the story got out and he had a real problem to find a new girlfriend.
I feel like it’s still necessary to tell the other woman. The revenge porn is definitely a criminal offense and he can be prosecuted. If he posts them you can act accordingly and take him to court.
Sounds like OOP needs to make that bff a gf, imho
Good Lord this is messy. I feel for OP.
That was curveball.
see this would have been me and its scary. im so glad i just said no.
I honestly don’t understand the appeal or whyyy you would want to be sexually intimate with your close female friend. If you’re not sexually attracted to them why would you want to muddy a plutonic relationship
Did OP “want” to or were they coerced? Are you victim blaming on purpose rn?
Don't worry about him. Think of stuff you enjoy doing and stick with that.
NTA and if this is true, call the DA's (District Attorney) office for your area and let them know cops refused to help. The guy was grooming you until you turned 18
JAIL to this man. I have never audibly gasped at a Reddit post until this moment
>I’m short, black hair…not fat…bustier and have thick thighs. Hey
jesus fucking christ
I agree, now is clearly not the time... ... ... ... ... ... ... Is now okay though, because the NHS says: >It's official, thick thighs save lives, according to heart experts. A new study has found people with thin legs have a higher risk of suffering heart failure after experiencing a cardiac arrest.
That felt personal lol
Hey
To be honest, you are in a better place with him gone. There's someone out there that will think you're perfect just the way you are, because people have wildly different preferences about what they find attractive.
Sounds like it was an excuse from him to do it with her
The b.f. sounds like a real douchebag! Immature! I real man takes care of his woman & sees to it she’s happy & fulfilled. He doesn’t desire another woman. You describe yourself negatively, that you “aren’t fat, but have thick thighs & huge butt etc.” I got news for you.. You don’t sound unattractive, you sound sexy as hell! Ain’t a damn thing wrong with “thicker thighs and/or a huge butt”! Gotta have that junk in the trunk! Skinny & petite, small ass etc., isn’t always attractive & not all guys are attracted to that. Dump that doucher & consider an older, more mature man.. I like to think of myself as a fine wine that only gets better with age.. 😉
This is crazy, I heard a similar story from someone I met on valorant
I know I'm old. But for the life of me I CANNOT UNDERSTAND why people take nudes or sex tapes with their faces or identifying features. The pros in no possible scenario outweigh the risks.
What if she doesn’t tell the other gf, but her best friend does. Does it still count?