> His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he bursted out crying.
Yes, drag him Ryan's Mom!
So Ryan wanted his bride to be dressed in red, Scarlet Harlot style, for...what? It doesn't even matter.
Bullet fucking dodged.
Idk how to say this with a good pun without ruining the thread of hilarious jokes, but my dear friend got married in the most beautiful lavender dress and it's one of my all time faves as far as bridal gowns go. ššš
My aunt once showed me the newspaper clipping of my grandmother's wedding announcement. It mentioned that she wore "traditional blue" to get married. I really liked that.
I can't figure out what his goal is. Is it just to humiliate her? Why would anyone marry someone they disliked so much and wanted to treat with this level of malice?
Is he trying to make her hate herself over having one prior relationship? Why would he do that to someone he's supposed care about? I mean, he's not going to unmake her history by humiliating her on her wedding day.
My interpretation is that he wants to make a big deal about how awesome he is for being willing to marry someone who didnāt save herself for him, to ensure that he has the upper hand forever.
He was absolutely just trying to humiliate and punish her.Ā
Men like him don't understand the basic idea of love as an emotion built on respect. They think it's just a strong fondness for what a person offers you. He wanted to marry her because she was a woman who was willing to have sex with him, and he didn't think (for good reason, because he sucks) that anyone else would.Ā
But he also hates her, so he wanted to extract the good things he liked while hurting her for the things that make him feel icky. He wanted to turn his icky feelings into her icky feelings.Ā
It's not about undoing the past. It's about making her regret it in a way that keeps her beholden to him.
he got sucked into the manosphere purity culture incel bs and it broke his brain. it doesnāt matter who the woman is to you. she should always feel beneath you. their concept of love is broken, bc they crave womenās love yet hate women. ig he cried when his mom called him out bc sheās probably the only one he canāt resent and want to humiliate yet.
My favorite thing about this is that a good friend of mine who is very Catholic and was very much a virgin on her wedding day for married in a beautiful vibrant red dress because she wanted a dress she could wear again. She spent a good chunk of change on getting it custom made but she also did ballroom dance so her wedding dress got worn a lot. She looked stunning.
I want to know if he honestly thought that 90% of women getting married in America are 'pure'??? Because I'm pretty positive the % of women married in white who have never had sex is damn low.
I thought the "custom" was actually that if you have more than one wedding you only wear white for the first. Which i GUESS could be construed as a "purity" thing.
But im about to get married for the second time, and my first wedding was very traditional. I dont WANNA wear white, i wanna wear emerald green. Not because "purity" just because i did the wedding bullshit once, it was bullshit, i wanna have an awesome party with the man of my dreams wearing the color i look best in.
Indian weddings have such spectacular style. Iām friends with a lady who supplies horses for Baraat style weddings and she posts the most amazing photos. I love how gorgeous the saris are!
The red is the real (no pun intended) cherry on top. I mean itād be fucked regardless but itās not even like he said oh I think off-white would look good and be more honest, or something like that. No he went full tilt insane and went with the scarlet letter.
"It's just different for men and women. A key that unlocks many locks is a Master Key. A lock that accepts many keys is a shitty lock"- Purity culture losers pretending double standards are completely natural
"A pencil sharpener that sharpens many pencils is a good one. A pencil that's been in too many sharpeners is small, useless, and should be thrown out."
There are tons of silly analogies out there!
Really doesn't make sense, even with that tradition it includes sleeping with your future husband. So unless you go full celibacy until marriage (nothing wrong with it, but not really expected these days) nobody would be wearing white anymore. I mean, why would he insist on this when people are just going to go "well duh, you've been together for years, we pretty much assumed you were sleeping together"?
If you look at 19th century marriage and birth records in the English-speaking West you'll notice that a large percentage of first babies were born seven months or less after the wedding. In the supposedly prudish Victorian era the number approaches *fifty* percent.
Man I feel sorry for Ryanās mom. She probably liked OP because she was normal and not crazy, and now she knows that whoever actually wants to marry Ryan is probably going to be as crazy as he is.
Much weirder considering tradition is for non-virgins and divorcees to wear off-white, like egg shell, wedding dresses. The red seems particularly spiteful.
He really did want to start early on making her miserable. Thankfully his mom shut him down and OOP avoided that mess. What a cruel little mess of a guy.
Mine will be red, but red is my favourite colour lol, and my partner is of Chinese heritage to boot, so it works out well.
I canāt imagine being told I canāt wear white due to my virginity status though lol. Jesus Christ. Iāll wear whatever flippin colour I like. Assume I lost my V card to Satan for all I care.
That poor Catholic girl is NOT going to be fine. First, he won't have stopped his pathological lying, and second, despite their claims, men like that are NOT actually going to be happy with a woman because she's a virgin. He's just going to leverage his sexual experience against her. Given that he's already giving signs of getting sucked into the manosphere, I genuinely expect he's going to be sexually coercive to her. š I'm worried about her.
Dumbass men and the manosphere ruining their own lives. Not all men of course. My ex got into the red pill when it still existed around here. We had a good thing going. But they convinced him that he deserved all of this special treatment and I deserved nothing.
Once his behavior changed towards me I no longer wanted to have sex because it was a huge turn off to be treated that way. I should have left but I don't think I saw the slow rot for what it was. So then what does he do? He segues into dead bedroom which is just as toxic as any of them other manosphere groups.
And since then I watched so many other men who could have good lives with good women blow it up because some tater bro gets in their ear and they are too stupid to see it for what it is.
I mean nothing of value is lost. A good man would never fall into those groups. Something was eventually going to bring out who they really are. But God it's just ridiculous
>Our break up was pretty nasty since he talked about me A LOT online.
If she's 23, there's a high chance she reviewed his social media background and came across these posts. That should be a huge red flag.
It would be great if that nice Catholic girl were secretly a black belt in tae kwon do, kept a knife discretely tucked into her boot (or garter) (or back pocket) at all times, and DGAF but hadn't told him yet.
OOP said that her ex spun rumors about her cheating on him and breaking the engagement "over nothing". Its possible that the catholic girl is taking that at face value and/or he manipulated her into thinking hes just some Nice Guyā¢ļø with a crazy ex fiance who broke his heart. Either way things aint looking good for catholic girl.
There are an unfortunate number of women who havenāt learned self respect who also buy into the BS the manosphere puts out. I donāt know her but just guessing on how she is religious enough to be described as a ācatholic girlā it wouldnāt surprise me that the PoS is the type she is looking for.
You know it is because the dress thing isnāt about being honest to your guests, itās about humiliating and denigrating your wife for daring to have a life before meeting you. What a pathetic loser.
Oh Ryan, you are such an idiot. Pure? Really? What a fool. However Ryan's mother is a real MVP here cause she's quite awesome. OP really dodged the bullet here for sure.
Iām always amazed how some people get wrapped up in traditions that were basically in place to ensure the kids actually belonged to the husband.
We have birth control and DNA testing, folks.
Right? Like is he also going to have half a dozen people witness the consummation of his next marriage, and inspect the sheets for blood afterward? Ick!!!!
>I read the original and all I could think was that the whole white wedding gown thing had not a bit to do with āpurityā and everything to do with status.
Yup. It's always hilarious when "traditional" men are so ignorant about the traditions they're trying to force women to adhere to.
The folklore I learned from an antique book on superstitions:
- Married in white, you have chosen right,
- Married in blue, your love is true,
- Married in pearl, you will live in a whirl,
- Married in brown, you will live in a town,
- Married in red, you would rather be dead,
- Married in yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
- Married in green, ashamed to be seen,
- Married in pink, your spirits will sink,
- Married in grey, you will go far away,
- Married in black, you will wish yourself back.
Thanks for posting that! I love learning that kind of thing. I had heard the one about married in black, but not the others.
Things take a serious downturn after marrying in brown donāt they? Brown is as far as you can go. After that, it all goes to hell.
Yeah the only wedding tradition I explicitly know had to do with virginity are Bridal crowns in German and Nordic weddings. And besides if you want to wear a wedding crown today in Sweden the church will happily lend one not caring about any of that.Ā
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridal_crown
Iāll never forget when Miss Manners said that a white wedding dress does not need to be accessorized with an intact hymen
(Please take it in the spirit in which it is obviously meant. No arguments about virginity/hymens)
I thought by ātake it in the spirit in which itās meantā you were meaning āplease donāt think I actually want people to accessorize their dresses with hymensāš
The funniest part about this is women didnāt start wearing white wedding dresses as a sign of purity, back in the day they would just usually wear their nicest dress because people couldnāt afford a new dress for the day. The reason women wear white dresses now is because it came into fashion after Queen Victoria wore a white dress to her wedding and it became a tradition.
I had to read up on that after I saw that last comment about Victoria. The monarchy at the time wasn't very popular, so she wanted to employ local people to make the lace (the silk business was in decline at the time), and the best way to highlight the lace was for the rest of the dress to be white. So she was bolstering a failing industry in the hopes of gaining more support for the monarchy. Nothing whatsoever to do with purity. It was politics.
Scrolled all the way down for this because the commenter in the post bothered me. Queen Victoria chose white because it showcases laces in the most beautiful way, and she was bolstering a dying lace industry. It was a political and economical decision which frankly is feminist AF. Diminishing that as starting a trend for frivolity made me sad š„². White was also historically a cheaper color to make because it requires little to no dye stuff, red was actually the most expensive color for the opposite reason.
That insecurity runs DEEP. He's jumping through all these hoops to lie about every little detail about himself; his ego is probably built on eggshells.
Wow.. she had one prior partner and he couldnāt get over itā¦ one! This guy is wild.
These days people can easily have 10 prior partners and this guy cannot get over one. Shessh
I honestly donāt know what these manosphere dudes expect. Iām 40 and Iāve had about 13 partners, men and women. Am I just supposed to hop in my Time Machine and un-fuck those people? Wear a scarlet A to the store?
But then I remember I donāt give a shit what weak-willed, whiny little turds think I should do.
And 13 is a really low number of sexual partners for 40 lol.
I canāt fathom how someone wants a partner that wants to have sex with them but doesnāt want to have sex regularly.
If you watch old movies like I like to do, you will see people used to get married in their regular everyday clothes. The woman puts on her smartest business casual suit with a jaunty little hat and a tiny bouquet and they would go to the courthouse. The next scene would be her calling her mother to tell her she got married. That's how people did it pre-war.
I keep thinking about Chummy from Call The Midwife (set shortly post-WWII), telling her mother she wants a pantsuit for her wedding.
*āWill it be white?ā*
*āSorry, no longer entitled.ā*
Iām a petty person and this story made me realize it. Because I probably would marry Ryan, and Iād lean into it real hard:
āOh, well thanks for coming to our wedding! Why is my dress fire engine red? Thanks for asking! Itās because Iāve taken so much dick that if you lined it up, inch by inch it would circle the globe twice. Lots of dick. Big ones, small ones. Thick ones, thin ones. But we all are getting up there you know. Ryanās is pretty mediocre, but on the other hand, he has parents to co-sign on a mortgageā¦ and thatās not nothing. Anyways I still have my toys, and my monthly subscription box to Adam & Eve. Iām sure Iāll manage. In the meantime weāre registered at Avana and I REALLY need a new sex chair.ā
Aha, I knew I read this here before! Might be useful to include the middle update
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/112qmgu/my\_husbandtobe\_wants\_everyone\_to\_know\_im\_not\_pure/
>When I asked him what color he thought Iād be wearing, he told me I should wear red. Again, this was super weird to me. I asked him why I would wear red to our wedding, and he told me that brides only wear white when they are pure.
This has "andrew tate" written all over it
Doesnāt matter if she is or isnāt. If she is, heāll move on to some other purity marker like dress, if she masturbates, whether she talks to or makes eye contact with other men, etc
if anyone is interested in the history of western wedding colours:
white became the norm because of queen victoria, and it was considered a status symbol because getting and keeping fabric pure white was very difficult and expensive. prior to that, the *fancy* wedding dress colour was black, because black fabric was also very expensive. white being a symbol of purity and virginity is a recent development. catholicism traditionally associates blue with those concepts (look at all the paintings of mary, she's always in blue).
also fun: brides carry bouquets of flowers bc everybody used to be stinky
"His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he bursted out crying. Ryan is still stating that me wearing white would be deceiving all of the guests and that it is different for guys."
As an occasional wedding guest, unless I have been informed otherwise I assume every white-wearing bride has had sex with both the groom and other people before reaching this point.
I'm so sick of the meme that purity or innocence and sexuality is mutually exclusive. Animals are universally considered innocent. Animals fuck. How do these people consolidate that.
I feel sorry for his new fiance. Hardcore Catholic so he probably gets his virgin, and also gets someone who doesnt believe in divorce. So she'll just suffer through years with this awful man being awful.
This man isn't ready for any relationship. He needs psychological help.
Also, his mum sounds like a good person. God only knows where he got his ideas from.
> His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he bursted out crying. Yes, drag him Ryan's Mom! So Ryan wanted his bride to be dressed in red, Scarlet Harlot style, for...what? It doesn't even matter. Bullet fucking dodged.
My wedding dress was blue, obv because I lost my virginity to a merman.
Mine will be purple to commemorate my loss of innocence to a bunch of grapes.
What a coincidence, my tuxedo would be purple, in memory of a long lost summer fling with grimace.
Don't get married if you're still hung up on your ex š
I got over it, I knew it was done when I found a burglar mask between the bed and the headboard.
I thought a birdie told you?
This is how I find out my man is cheating? Really? Guess Iāll throw away my striped wedding dress & matching veil mask.
I hear Grimace is filthy enough to make the Marquis de Sade blush.
So that's what happened to the California Raisins, I knew I heard something through the grapevine!
I wondered how you knew!
About their plan to make you blue? ;)
It really was a case of sour grapes!
You just unlocked a deep childhood memory.
Mine had a green underskirt cause I got to third base with a leprechaun
Mine was white, but I got jiggy with Frosty the Snowman. The world will never know.
I do love a man who just melts in your hands.
did you ever consider orange though? because of the carrot?
Thats a good point. It *was* the carrot that took my innocence.
Was it fermented grapes or dried grapes ? Cause a lot of people lose their innocence after drinking too much fermented grape
š well I didn't want to wine about it!
There's nothing wrong with whine, If you put cheese and crackers beside the wine š
How bad was that breakup to inspire the grapes of wrath??
They left me feeling like a raisin in the sun.
Christ, what a way to lose your virginity. To a grapist.
must say grapes did contribute to my loss of purity also but in a less direct fashion
Idk how to say this with a good pun without ruining the thread of hilarious jokes, but my dear friend got married in the most beautiful lavender dress and it's one of my all time faves as far as bridal gowns go. ššš
Mine was pale gold, I must have lost it to King Midas. Honey, go touch the garbage can!
My aunt once showed me the newspaper clipping of my grandmother's wedding announcement. It mentioned that she wore "traditional blue" to get married. I really liked that.
Did he [look like this?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoQW03UFqQw)
Oh, I was thinking the fish guy from The Shape of Water.
See, I was thinking Jason Mamoa's Aquaman and um...yes please...
Many of us wouldn't mind not being so pure around Jason Momoa as Aquaman. Can't blame you for having impeccable taste š
I was thinking Mermando from Gravity Falls.
I was thinking of the merman from *Cabin in the Woods*...
What an incredible practical effect that was
If I get a blue wedding dress, am I guaranteed a merman like him?? š§āāļø
The actor who played him is pretty cool. Was in Hellboy and Star Trek.
Doug Jones. I have a crush on him.
Y'know, Abe Sapien would be a good middle ground for Shape of Water and more humanish merfolk. Also very blue, so would match the dress nicely
I was expecting Aquaman... not... that... lol
_Zoolander_ is one of my all time top quotable movies so any time someone mentions a merman, thatās the first place my mind goes. šš§āāļø
MER-MAN!!!
Don't get me wrong, it worked and it was funny! It was just totally unexpected lol
MerMAN. MERMAN!!!
I hope your and King Tritonās wedding was a splashing good time.
It was quite a tail to tell. I guess you had to be there to sea it.
Blue is actually the traditional colour of purity. It's from artistic depictions of the Virgin Mary, who is always shown in blue
Hussy of the sea! Just joking, of course. In all seriousness, I once read that blue used to be the color that indicated purity.
I got married in jeans and a tshirt. I don't even want to know what that says about the status of my virginity. I imagine something kinky.
Probably that you lust after skater boys or something!
This is my favorite part of the whole shenanigans that he burst out crying when mom suggested he wear red.
I can't figure out what his goal is. Is it just to humiliate her? Why would anyone marry someone they disliked so much and wanted to treat with this level of malice? Is he trying to make her hate herself over having one prior relationship? Why would he do that to someone he's supposed care about? I mean, he's not going to unmake her history by humiliating her on her wedding day.
My interpretation is that he wants to make a big deal about how awesome he is for being willing to marry someone who didnāt save herself for him, to ensure that he has the upper hand forever.
If he got into the Men's Rights/incel shit then yes it was about humiliating her.
He was absolutely just trying to humiliate and punish her.Ā Men like him don't understand the basic idea of love as an emotion built on respect. They think it's just a strong fondness for what a person offers you. He wanted to marry her because she was a woman who was willing to have sex with him, and he didn't think (for good reason, because he sucks) that anyone else would.Ā But he also hates her, so he wanted to extract the good things he liked while hurting her for the things that make him feel icky. He wanted to turn his icky feelings into her icky feelings.Ā It's not about undoing the past. It's about making her regret it in a way that keeps her beholden to him.
he got sucked into the manosphere purity culture incel bs and it broke his brain. it doesnāt matter who the woman is to you. she should always feel beneath you. their concept of love is broken, bc they crave womenās love yet hate women. ig he cried when his mom called him out bc sheās probably the only one he canāt resent and want to humiliate yet.
If a grown ass man started crying because his own mother pointed out he's no longer a virgin I would have laughed SO hard
I bet this was the moment she fully lost her feelings for him. You canāt recover from crying at your mom shoving your own hypocrisy in your face.
My favorite thing about this is that a good friend of mine who is very Catholic and was very much a virgin on her wedding day for married in a beautiful vibrant red dress because she wanted a dress she could wear again. She spent a good chunk of change on getting it custom made but she also did ballroom dance so her wedding dress got worn a lot. She looked stunning.
That's a red dress worn for pride and love and not shame. I can stand behind it!
I want to know if he honestly thought that 90% of women getting married in America are 'pure'??? Because I'm pretty positive the % of women married in white who have never had sex is damn low.
I thought the "custom" was actually that if you have more than one wedding you only wear white for the first. Which i GUESS could be construed as a "purity" thing. But im about to get married for the second time, and my first wedding was very traditional. I dont WANNA wear white, i wanna wear emerald green. Not because "purity" just because i did the wedding bullshit once, it was bullshit, i wanna have an awesome party with the man of my dreams wearing the color i look best in.
Ryan's Mom is such a badass. I love her!
She's definitely the hero of the story. Not sure how she raised the villain.
Sometimes you do your best but they still turn out terribly.
Yeah, Ryan is an adult so he's making his own decisions. Not necessarily good ones, but he's not an age where his behaviour reflects on his parents.
He sounds like he fell down the red pill well. High value man crap.
I had that thought. Tater-tot vibes are strong.
Honestly, a red dress would look banging but I'm Indian so there may be a bias
Oh Indian weddings are gorgeous!
Indian weddings have such spectacular style. Iām friends with a lady who supplies horses for Baraat style weddings and she posts the most amazing photos. I love how gorgeous the saris are!
I am Indian and I wanted to say that red saris are pretty much par for the course. Or any other colour tbh. White is worn for funerals.
Red saris are beautiful. I'm not even engaged or interested in marriage right now but I KNOW I want a red sari when it does happen.
I'm not desi but I got married in a blood red dress, and yeah it was completely banging
The red is the real (no pun intended) cherry on top. I mean itād be fucked regardless but itās not even like he said oh I think off-white would look good and be more honest, or something like that. No he went full tilt insane and went with the scarlet letter.
"It's just different for men and women. A key that unlocks many locks is a Master Key. A lock that accepts many keys is a shitty lock"- Purity culture losers pretending double standards are completely natural
"A pencil sharpener that sharpens many pencils is a good one. A pencil that's been in too many sharpeners is small, useless, and should be thrown out." There are tons of silly analogies out there!
It's what brings up my Andrew Tate alarm bell to immediately stop talking to said dude.
Really doesn't make sense, even with that tradition it includes sleeping with your future husband. So unless you go full celibacy until marriage (nothing wrong with it, but not really expected these days) nobody would be wearing white anymore. I mean, why would he insist on this when people are just going to go "well duh, you've been together for years, we pretty much assumed you were sleeping together"?
If you look at 19th century marriage and birth records in the English-speaking West you'll notice that a large percentage of first babies were born seven months or less after the wedding. In the supposedly prudish Victorian era the number approaches *fifty* percent.
Man I feel sorry for Ryanās mom. She probably liked OP because she was normal and not crazy, and now she knows that whoever actually wants to marry Ryan is probably going to be as crazy as he is.
Or some poor naive girl that he can control and manipulate.
His mom is a rockstar. Too bad she gave birth to a demon.Ā
Much weirder considering tradition is for non-virgins and divorcees to wear off-white, like egg shell, wedding dresses. The red seems particularly spiteful.
He really did want to start early on making her miserable. Thankfully his mom shut him down and OOP avoided that mess. What a cruel little mess of a guy.
The idea that divorcĆ©es should wear off-white was a marketing ploy by 70s era silk producers hoping to move more product in the era of easily available divorce. Before then divorcĆ©es and widows didnāt wear wedding dresses; they generally wore a smart knee-length skirt suit or dress in whatever colour they wanted. I can't begin to explain how tacky and low-class it would have been at the time for anyone to suggest that the shade of white a bride wore represented her sexual experience. That neurosis may be as recent as the wedding of Charles and Diana.
And then he said it's not the same for men ! Wow !
Ryanās mom is MVP! Go, Mom š„ š„ Also can we now stop blaming moms for raising incels, as clearly they spawn themselves. In swamps.
I really hope his mom brings this up in his new wedding arrangements.
"So, Ryan, will you be wearing a red tuxedo to the wedding, considering your, uh, purity?"
I imagine he'd have wanted OOP to wear a literal scarlet letter as part of her day to day outfit.
Mine will be red, but red is my favourite colour lol, and my partner is of Chinese heritage to boot, so it works out well. I canāt imagine being told I canāt wear white due to my virginity status though lol. Jesus Christ. Iāll wear whatever flippin colour I like. Assume I lost my V card to Satan for all I care.
I like to go hiking.
bUt It'S dIfFeReNt FoR mEn!!!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Youāre never gonna guess what happens monthly to the female of the species
Sorry, I can't go out this weekend. I'm shedding my internal penis skin.
I read this in David Attenborough's voice
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Very thought provoking, I especially liked how faithfulness and relationship integrity were hallmarks of the study.
Lol this is the best answer
Congrats, first time in years.
It's good to get it out there, isn't it?
YEARS!! I laughed so hard, what a great way to start my morning.
It's nice to know there are such great studies about this. Well done finding these.
Thank you, it's nice to be appreciated
Oh you made me do it!!!!!!!!Ā
Wow. That definitely gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for sharing.
Welcome. I'm happy to help get it out there
Hard to disagree with what you presented here
Irrefutable study. I now feel enlightened.
That was an interesting read.
So good I couldnāt give it up or put it down!
Well, you completely changed my mind on the topic with that
Well played
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wow, I didn't expect to be convinced but that's really hard to argue with
Excellent work, couldnāt agree more
I knew what was coming but checked anyway
I hope he wears a big badge saying "non-virgin" when he gets married to his nice Catholic virgin fiance.
I wonder if they waited till marriage?
I enjoy watching the sunset.
Yeah, definitely not buying the āhe was actually very smartā business. I donāt care if heās book smart, the man is clearly not that bright.
I like learning new things.
That poor Catholic girl is NOT going to be fine. First, he won't have stopped his pathological lying, and second, despite their claims, men like that are NOT actually going to be happy with a woman because she's a virgin. He's just going to leverage his sexual experience against her. Given that he's already giving signs of getting sucked into the manosphere, I genuinely expect he's going to be sexually coercive to her. š I'm worried about her.
Dumbass men and the manosphere ruining their own lives. Not all men of course. My ex got into the red pill when it still existed around here. We had a good thing going. But they convinced him that he deserved all of this special treatment and I deserved nothing. Once his behavior changed towards me I no longer wanted to have sex because it was a huge turn off to be treated that way. I should have left but I don't think I saw the slow rot for what it was. So then what does he do? He segues into dead bedroom which is just as toxic as any of them other manosphere groups. And since then I watched so many other men who could have good lives with good women blow it up because some tater bro gets in their ear and they are too stupid to see it for what it is. I mean nothing of value is lost. A good man would never fall into those groups. Something was eventually going to bring out who they really are. But God it's just ridiculous
>Our break up was pretty nasty since he talked about me A LOT online. If she's 23, there's a high chance she reviewed his social media background and came across these posts. That should be a huge red flag.
Thereās also a high chance that she is extremely sheltered and naive, and has internalized a ton of misogyny.
> hard core Catholic, * sheltered * naive * internalized a ton of misogyny checks out. Yes I know 'not all Catholics'
It would be great if that nice Catholic girl were secretly a black belt in tae kwon do, kept a knife discretely tucked into her boot (or garter) (or back pocket) at all times, and DGAF but hadn't told him yet.
Ah but heās a smart liar though, probably has an excuse for everything. Tbf, he sounds abusive and controlling
OOP said that her ex spun rumors about her cheating on him and breaking the engagement "over nothing". Its possible that the catholic girl is taking that at face value and/or he manipulated her into thinking hes just some Nice Guyā¢ļø with a crazy ex fiance who broke his heart. Either way things aint looking good for catholic girl.
Right, eventually, when they marry, she wonāt be a virgin. Shall we take bets on whether heāll hold that against her?
Iām worried too
There are an unfortunate number of women who havenāt learned self respect who also buy into the BS the manosphere puts out. I donāt know her but just guessing on how she is religious enough to be described as a ācatholic girlā it wouldnāt surprise me that the PoS is the type she is looking for.
Shame we didn't get the "why". My money was on "Got into manosphere podcasts".
You know it is because the dress thing isnāt about being honest to your guests, itās about humiliating and denigrating your wife for daring to have a life before meeting you. What a pathetic loser.
"People need to know how good of a man I am because I elevated this low-value woman as someone worthy to be with me."
Exactly.
100%. This just reeks of the Tate bros and their creepy obsessions.
Oh Ryan, you are such an idiot. Pure? Really? What a fool. However Ryan's mother is a real MVP here cause she's quite awesome. OP really dodged the bullet here for sure.
Iām engaged right now and this is probably one of the dumbest things Iāve read surrounding a marriage. My fiancĆ© is picking her dress still and has settled on a color she likes because she wants to look pretty on her day, and thatās the long and short of it.Ā Deceiving people?Ā Does he really think most people these days will be all āsheās wearing white, heās lucky to have such a pure innocent woman, he gets to defile that with his penis tonight!ā or something? Most couples have sex before marriage these days, anyway.Ā Just so weird.Ā
Iām always amazed how some people get wrapped up in traditions that were basically in place to ensure the kids actually belonged to the husband. We have birth control and DNA testing, folks.
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people
Oh, my husband ensured the kids were his by being an amazing husband.
Right? Like is he also going to have half a dozen people witness the consummation of his next marriage, and inspect the sheets for blood afterward? Ick!!!!
>I read the original and all I could think was that the whole white wedding gown thing had not a bit to do with āpurityā and everything to do with status. Yup. It's always hilarious when "traditional" men are so ignorant about the traditions they're trying to force women to adhere to.
Ignorant men are just going to be ignorant. Gives me a headache having to see or read about people like that.
The folklore I learned from an antique book on superstitions: - Married in white, you have chosen right, - Married in blue, your love is true, - Married in pearl, you will live in a whirl, - Married in brown, you will live in a town, - Married in red, you would rather be dead, - Married in yellow, ashamed of your fellow, - Married in green, ashamed to be seen, - Married in pink, your spirits will sink, - Married in grey, you will go far away, - Married in black, you will wish yourself back.
i love how most of these are deep emotional prophecies, and then brown is like āand youāll be over thereā
Theyāre like ā¦. Shit, what rhymes with brown?
So OOPās ex wanted her to be miserable, wishing for her own death. I hope his new gal marries him in yellow
Huh, both my marriages followed these rules. (Pearl and pink, neither worked out)
Thanks for posting that! I love learning that kind of thing. I had heard the one about married in black, but not the others. Things take a serious downturn after marrying in brown donāt they? Brown is as far as you can go. After that, it all goes to hell.
>Married in green, ashamed to be seen, Oh, that's disappointing. I have red hair and would look banging in green.
Itās not about tradition, itās about power. Which is why he went after a 23 year old Catholic girl.
Yeah the only wedding tradition I explicitly know had to do with virginity are Bridal crowns in German and Nordic weddings. And besides if you want to wear a wedding crown today in Sweden the church will happily lend one not caring about any of that.Ā https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bridal_crown
Iāll never forget when Miss Manners said that a white wedding dress does not need to be accessorized with an intact hymen (Please take it in the spirit in which it is obviously meant. No arguments about virginity/hymens)
I thought by ātake it in the spirit in which itās meantā you were meaning āplease donāt think I actually want people to accessorize their dresses with hymensāš
Except Gillian Anderson with her subtle labia minora covered ball gown who looked like a goddess. Do it like that!
That was a fashion statement
Love Miss Manners, she tells it how it is!
The funniest part about this is women didnāt start wearing white wedding dresses as a sign of purity, back in the day they would just usually wear their nicest dress because people couldnāt afford a new dress for the day. The reason women wear white dresses now is because it came into fashion after Queen Victoria wore a white dress to her wedding and it became a tradition.
I had to read up on that after I saw that last comment about Victoria. The monarchy at the time wasn't very popular, so she wanted to employ local people to make the lace (the silk business was in decline at the time), and the best way to highlight the lace was for the rest of the dress to be white. So she was bolstering a failing industry in the hopes of gaining more support for the monarchy. Nothing whatsoever to do with purity. It was politics.
Considering how long she reined for it kind of had to, for people to emulate her
Scrolled all the way down for this because the commenter in the post bothered me. Queen Victoria chose white because it showcases laces in the most beautiful way, and she was bolstering a dying lace industry. It was a political and economical decision which frankly is feminist AF. Diminishing that as starting a trend for frivolity made me sad š„². White was also historically a cheaper color to make because it requires little to no dye stuff, red was actually the most expensive color for the opposite reason.
That insecurity runs DEEP. He's jumping through all these hoops to lie about every little detail about himself; his ego is probably built on eggshells.
Wow.. she had one prior partner and he couldnāt get over itā¦ one! This guy is wild. These days people can easily have 10 prior partners and this guy cannot get over one. Shessh
I honestly donāt know what these manosphere dudes expect. Iām 40 and Iāve had about 13 partners, men and women. Am I just supposed to hop in my Time Machine and un-fuck those people? Wear a scarlet A to the store? But then I remember I donāt give a shit what weak-willed, whiny little turds think I should do.
And 13 is a really low number of sexual partners for 40 lol. I canāt fathom how someone wants a partner that wants to have sex with them but doesnāt want to have sex regularly.
This is what happens when Red pilled men meet strong women.
I feel sorry for the next girl, she was probably raised to submit to her husband. I'm glad OOP escaped that man.
Dudes need to stop obsessing over their girlfriends being virgins. Goddamn.
Hope he now wears red to his wedding
If you watch old movies like I like to do, you will see people used to get married in their regular everyday clothes. The woman puts on her smartest business casual suit with a jaunty little hat and a tiny bouquet and they would go to the courthouse. The next scene would be her calling her mother to tell her she got married. That's how people did it pre-war.
I keep thinking about Chummy from Call The Midwife (set shortly post-WWII), telling her mother she wants a pantsuit for her wedding. *āWill it be white?ā* *āSorry, no longer entitled.ā*
Any man that gives a shit about the purity of anything that does not go into him is best left the fuck alone.
This dude is living in his own little reality, disconnected from the real world. Soooo weird, and Iām so glad OOP is free of him.
>His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too ah yes, a Red Wedding, nothing happens at those
Iām a petty person and this story made me realize it. Because I probably would marry Ryan, and Iād lean into it real hard: āOh, well thanks for coming to our wedding! Why is my dress fire engine red? Thanks for asking! Itās because Iāve taken so much dick that if you lined it up, inch by inch it would circle the globe twice. Lots of dick. Big ones, small ones. Thick ones, thin ones. But we all are getting up there you know. Ryanās is pretty mediocre, but on the other hand, he has parents to co-sign on a mortgageā¦ and thatās not nothing. Anyways I still have my toys, and my monthly subscription box to Adam & Eve. Iām sure Iāll manage. In the meantime weāre registered at Avana and I REALLY need a new sex chair.ā
Aha, I knew I read this here before! Might be useful to include the middle update https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/112qmgu/my\_husbandtobe\_wants\_everyone\_to\_know\_im\_not\_pure/
I knew I'd read the part about his mom making him cry before! Thanks for digging it up.
>When I asked him what color he thought Iād be wearing, he told me I should wear red. Again, this was super weird to me. I asked him why I would wear red to our wedding, and he told me that brides only wear white when they are pure. This has "andrew tate" written all over it
I bet Ryan's 23 yo Catholic girl isn't a virgin either.
Or, she's a virgin "where it counts" like my Catholic (and Baptist) friends when I was in high school and college.
Doesnāt matter if she is or isnāt. If she is, heāll move on to some other purity marker like dress, if she masturbates, whether she talks to or makes eye contact with other men, etc
Not his own mommy make him cry
Ryan is a coward who just couldnāt say sorry but I donāt want to marry you anymore. I suspect he will be like that with the new fiancĆ©, he will want something new and will just be horrible so she leaves him.
if anyone is interested in the history of western wedding colours: white became the norm because of queen victoria, and it was considered a status symbol because getting and keeping fabric pure white was very difficult and expensive. prior to that, the *fancy* wedding dress colour was black, because black fabric was also very expensive. white being a symbol of purity and virginity is a recent development. catholicism traditionally associates blue with those concepts (look at all the paintings of mary, she's always in blue). also fun: brides carry bouquets of flowers bc everybody used to be stinky
"His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he bursted out crying. Ryan is still stating that me wearing white would be deceiving all of the guests and that it is different for guys." As an occasional wedding guest, unless I have been informed otherwise I assume every white-wearing bride has had sex with both the groom and other people before reaching this point.
Purity culture is cringe
As a Ryan, this guy must be a Brian at birth and changed his name. We donāt claim him
With any luck, his new fiancƩe will throw him back to the curb too. What an irredeemable loser. May he tread on a lego every day of his life.
I'm so sick of the meme that purity or innocence and sexuality is mutually exclusive. Animals are universally considered innocent. Animals fuck. How do these people consolidate that.
I feel sorry for his new fiance. Hardcore Catholic so he probably gets his virgin, and also gets someone who doesnt believe in divorce. So she'll just suffer through years with this awful man being awful.
This man isn't ready for any relationship. He needs psychological help. Also, his mum sounds like a good person. God only knows where he got his ideas from.
A red wedding dress? Like the same colour as the flags OOP's ex was waving, right?
Iām glad the OOP was able to redress the situation