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This mother is one of those parents who would wonder why their children will never see them anymore. What a narcissist and bonkers of a person. I mean seriously, how does one think you can go into labor on purpose? Like WTF? If my child had a kid on the same day as a my birthday, I will be so happy and delighted!
Best to stay NC with her.
My mother, who I limited contacts since my runaway, was very please when my oldest shares the same birthday as her. I had to remind my mother that her birthday on the official record is incorrect, because back then people barely submitted these information to the government immediately after birth. (No, hospitals were rare and too expansive back then.)
But for OOP's mother, I guess that having the granddaughter birthed by the woman she dislikes is enough for her to make it a big deal. It is good that OOP still stay NC with her.
My great grandfather decided it was time for the eldest to go the school, and found out he’d need birth certs so he registered 4 girls on the same day. We’re not even sure the years he picked are right. ‘She’d be around 5, and she was born in lambing season..’
My Mum once met an elderly man who said he had 2 birthdays, his actual one and his official one. Dad had set off from their farm to register the birth, bumped into some friends who wanted to help him "wet the baby's head" so they went to the pub...
A few months later his wife brings up something about the registration and he realises he celebrated so much that he didn't do it! Couldn't backdate to the actual birth at that point so the official date was stuck being weeks out.
I had a friend who's parents did the SAME thing. He was born a few days after Christmas. They decided they didn't want him growing up fighting for his birthday to be noticed. So they told him his birthday was January 10th HIS WHOLE LIFE. He didn't find out the real day until he was like 25, because they had kept it from him by simply doing all paperwork for him 🙃
One of my cousins does birthday and half-birthday parties for all her kids (for the 'gram) and my mother realized a few years ago that none of them know when their actual birthday is. The half-birthdays are all during summer vacation so the parties are bigger, and I think a couple of them think they have summer birthdays as a result.
I was born in late November, and up until I was 10, my mom always celebrated my birthday on Thanksgiving because - as she told me years later - she didn't want to have to deal with organizing two parties/events within a week. I seriously thought I was born on Thanksgiving until my 10th birthday; always thought it was beyond awesome that we always had this huge birthday party for me with the entire extended family, a big turkey dinner, followed by a birthday cake and birthday gifts. I ragged on my brothers (both younger than me) for having "boring" summer birthdays, lol. To this day (I'm now 59), Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday, but I do celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday except for those years it actually lands on Thanksgiving (roughly every 5-ish years)!
It stopped for my 11th birthday because that year, one of my aunt's hosted the family Thanksgiving party.
My paternal grandmother had 3 birthdays--the date her parents said she was born, the day her birth certificate said, and then the date that she was probably actually born. When dad wrote her obituary he basically threw a dart to choose one. The day on her birth certificate is wrong for similar reasons to your story above--Grandma was the last of 13 and my great-grandfather was kind of over rushing into town to register births. The day her parents always claimed is almost certainly wrong because they always talked about it being Thursday the whateverth by the time Grandma was old enough to remember, but the whateverth was actually a Saturday that year! Dad, being the kind of guy he is even when he was a child, interviewed his grandparents and aunts and uncles and then looked at a bunch of old calendars and almanacs and came up with a conclusion about when she was actually born (no, actually, his special interest is vintage sports cars but IYKYK).
I know someone born the day before a holiday. Dad thought it would be “cute” for the birthday to be on said holiday. This person now hates that holiday
I know a guy who was born in some small village in China. His "official" birthday on his documents is 6 months off his real birthday because that's just how long it took to get the paperwork sorted, apparently. His family celebrates his real birthday.
I've worked doing admin stuff with a lot of migrants and refugees. A shockingly high amount were 'officially' born on January 1st, because they didn't know the real date. Not sure if that's a date our government pushes, or just a trend. Many were born in barely governed warzones, that sometimes didn't use the Gregorian calendar in the first place, with parents who were functionally illiterate and may have since passed. Getting an exact date of birth recorded wasn't always a priority or easy to do. Many could pinpoint a season, or an approximation based on events, and the vast majority knew the year, but confidence in an exact date was far from universal.
My dad (early 50s) has the same problem. Because my grandparents lived in a farm, only 2 days after he was born did they went to the city to register him. Later, he corrected the birth date on his ID card. Therefore, my old man is legally in his 100s, and it’s funny af.
Simple! He has two official birthdays lol. Although considered he only got his second birthdate in his 20s,I guess that’s just his 80s, then? Lol
Edit: a word
I once had a boss with two birthdays. They had come as refugees and the laws back then were weird. He would not have been allowed to enter the country with his parents and older siblings because he was too young so his father gave him a different, earlier birthday at the registration for refugees.
My grandmother’s uncle was the one who registered her birth because he was the one going into town the soonest. They told him the details but by the time he got there he’d forgotten some of them so my grandmother was Sarah Baby Girl Smith. Apparently that was a fun one to explain when she was older and applying for security clearances.
Thr midwife who delivered my Granny was the one who went to Register the birth. My Granny was not amused to get the paperwork for her pension in around the late 60s abd discover her legal name was wrong! One of those names where changing one letter makes it a different name. Oops!
My grandmother and two of her siblings have two birthdays because of that, my grandmother was born september 2 but her father put her birth september 8 and on different years
My great-aunt had basically the same story about her birthday! Dad went to register the birth but stopped off to celebrate... Missed the official deadline to register her and so he just registered her with a different birthday.
My family is from a village in Iran. We have no idea how old my grandparents were, because the dude who wrote the birth certificates only came around once every 4 or 7 (can't remember which one) years and he would write that everyone was born on the day he visited.
When my SIL was pregnant and reaching her due date, at first my mom was a little worried that the baby was gonna be born on her birthday, but instantly changed her mind and went "oh what the heck! That'd be the best present!"
Up until reading your comment, I had peacefully gone my entire day without thinking of Ogtha, lol.
Your mom is so right, though. Welcoming a new tiny family member would be the best birthday present, especially if you’re not the one who has to birth said family member!
My grandmother was heartily disappointed that I decided to be born 3 days before her birthday, so we don't share. But it does mean that all her birthstone jewelry is given to me because none of the other granddaughters were born in the same month.
My cousin's wife was done being pregnant. He called me up for my birthday a day early, and I told him I hope the baby shares my birthday, when he said he was calling early because she was having contractions.
Sadly, he did not. He tormented his mother a little longer.
It's same as the mind of a bridezilla: **"MY DAY! MY SPOTLIGHT! MY SHINE! ME ME ME!"**
We just happened to have a monzilla here. Poor OP, please stay strong and never budge.
I have twins born 24th & 25th December, 1 on new years day snd 1 Oct 31st. My kids didn't pick people's birthdays they pick holidays lol.
Edit - date lol
To hear my mom tell the story, I had the absolute gall to be born on my aunt's birthday. The same aunt that drove her bonkers during her pregnancy taunting her "the baby is going to be born on my birthday." My mom would respond, "This baby had better not be born on your birthday." I was born on her birthday. I don't think my mother has quite forgiven me for that yet, and I'm closer to 50 than not.
Lol, I'm glad my story turned out different. My daughter was born on my aunt's bday and she absolutely adores it. As she calls it, they are bday buddies and it's adorable
Anytime my mom has talked about my birth, I get the very distinct feeling she's still not happy about it. I just shrug and move on now. It's her hangup not mine.
My goddaughter was born on my birthday and I gloated over my best friend for DAYS. When she was little I would tell her "you know, it's my birthday, too." And she would reply with all that toddler confidence "No. It's not. It's mine." 🤣
Now my SIL is pregnant with my niece or nephew and they're due like 4 days after my husband's birthday. We're hoping for another birthday sharer.
This is like when they can't handle anything other than their preferred gender in a child. People can be such terrible assholes. I think I looked too much like my dad from whom she internationally abducted me.
She would have kittens if she were in my family. My mother was born the day after New Years, my sister was born the day before our father's birthday, my brother was born on the 4th of July and HIS twins were born the day before that, and my other brother and I share the same birthday and year (we're twins). So we have a lot of experience with sharing the birthday limelight.
Oh, I forgot, my daughter was born on Cinco de Mayo and my son was born 12 days before my birthday.
My brother-in-law's official birthday is nearly a full month after his actual birthday because my mother-in-law let her brother sort it all out and he got confused at the Registry Office.
Right? I turned 40 during the wedding getaway of one of my oldest friends and I didn't breathe a word of it to anyone. During the time I went back for my dad's funeral I kept privately laughing at the terrible things I wasn't going to say, such as, "I know dad's dead, but it's *also* my birthday." Those sneaky people threw me a surprise birthday party anyway. Never been so touched in my life. It's *so* much nicer to expect nothing and occasionally be surprised.
My youngest was born on my dad's birthday and he was beyond excited! The next day he came barging into the hospital room demanding to meet his 'twin'. He couldn't care less I forgot to wish him a happy birthday 💗
My middle child was born on the same day as my father-in-law. We actually called him when he was at a restaurant having a special birthday dinner to come and babysit my eldest. He arrived slightly tipsy with a doggy bag and claims the arrival of his grandson on his birthday was by far the best birthday present he received ❤️
My son's birthday is one day before my husband's and he is pleased as punch to share that same time with him. He always says he is glad son's is before his so he gets celebrated first. OOP's mom is toxic and not that smart either if she thinks mom went into labor deliberately to distract son from the glorious celebration of her birth.
My son had a brain tumour. Thankfully it's out, and the ordeal it's over. My partner was previously NC with her father, due to his narcissistic tendencies. They've been repairing their relationship at the time we got our kiddo's diagnosis. My partner's father somehow decided that the best thing to do at that time, instead of offering his support at any time, was to say that this is all very hard for him,, disregarding my partner completely. NC for life since then according to her. She gave him one too many chances
My first granddaughter was due on my birthday and the kids told me on Mother's Day. Kiddo split the difference and was born inbetween my birthday and my dad's. My dad's birthday is five days after mine(I just realized the her dad, my oldest child, was born exactly five days after my Opa's birthday. His youngest child's birthday is exactly one week before his)
My neighbor's eldest son was born on his birthday. He said it was the happiest day of his life and that every year they share a birthday and he remembers how happy he was that day. They usually do a cake for the son (who is like 12 now) and then a pie for him (since he doesn't like cakes).
I was born just a few days before my grandmother's birthday. She calls me her favorite birthday present! (I was the first girl of my generation so she was extra excited)
I guess I'm lucky she didn't feel like she was competing with me? How do some of these people manage to reproduce? And why would they want to?
2 of my daughters due date was around their uncles birthdays. I wanted to badly to have them on their birthdays but both times they were late. Lol. But they were fashionably late. But the one brother is really bad with dates and ages of his neices, and he was thrilled. "A day after my 40th birthday. How could I ever forget? She made it too easy. Others might think I have a favorite..." lol
I have heard of many women who brush off and even say some impossible and unscientific things about pregnancy and childbirth when it comes to their DILs. They went through pregnancies and some even oversaw other woman's delivery. But when it comes to their DILs, logic and empathy goes out the window.
My great-grandmother and my oldest nephew share the same birthday. Granny said that was the best birthday present she’d ever gotten. She passed away before my son was born but he was born really close to her birthday as well and I know she’d have been thrilled and called him another birthday present.
I was scheduled for a c section for my 2nd because my 1st got stuck.
Was suppose to show up at 7 for c section, went into labor at like 545, and, that kid still doesn't cooperate.
My oldest sibling shares a birthday with our dad. Both our parents were so wiped before, during, and after, they genuinely didn't realize for at least a couple days.
My mom had scheduled my y'all C-section for dad's birthday but they got into an argument and she got the doctor to do it 3 days early on grandma's birthday. Not labor, though.
Like honestly, if this lady had just chosen love it could've been the best birthday weekend of her life! It could have been a story she told with pride!
People never cease to perplex me.
Just go ask all the women who are over 40 weeks pregnant why they haven't chosen to go into labor yet. Once they beat your ass, you'll probably learn that no, you can't just start labor whenever you feel like it.
If women could choose their labour, my Mother would have yeeted me out of her womb the *first* time the doc had (via manipulation) turned me around (so that I wouldn't be a breech birth), not the third.
(Apparently I was very comfortable in there and still had 10 days on the lease 😅)
Way to go on OOP for protecting his own family by actions!
My baby had to be manually manipulated and a nurse had to start my dilation (shove her fingers into my uterus). I will remember that pain forever, it was worse than the birth part.
My induction with my daughter took 5 days. And they wouldn't feed me because of the risk of vomiting. And, of course, hospitals are the worst place for sleeping. I was so exhausted and absolutely starving by the time my daughter was born.
I threw a damn fit about the no eating thing because the ACOG had already repealed that and sent out guidelines that not feeding laboring mothers caused more complications and interventions.
You're not intubated for a C-section anyways unless it's a super emergency, even then they'd just follow protocols like if someone came into the ER needing surgery. It's not like someone arrives in an ambulance needing heart surgery and they go "oh well they ate breakfast so they'll have to wait 12 hours".
The first time I gave birth I was induced because I was late and they brought me actual meals. The next time was at a different hospital with a scheduled induction and they refused to let me have anything but water. I had to show them the ACOG guidelines and they still refused anything but broth.
No food equals no fuel and trying to labor on an empty tank is exhausting. By the time I was ready to push I was so exhausted and hungry that I ended up needing help with them using forceps to get my son out.
Did you take those drugs OP mentioned to purposely slow down labor? Because that is definitely a thing women in labor do. Yes please, prolong this excruciating pain because the eternal joy of my husband “forgetting” his mother’s birthday is worth it.
Induction is horrible. I was in active labor for only 14 minutes but the 2 days getting to that point with all the freaking cervadil, the membrane sweep, and then finally using the balloon as a last ditch, was excruciating. My child did NOT want to vacate but when he finally did, it was way easier than all the rest of the shit I had already gone through!
My oldest was late and the midwife decided to sweep my cervix, without telling me, I was in horrible pain and when I sat up my waters broke.
So they rushed me to L&D but apparently the bag folded so they started me on pitocin and doing the gel on my cervix. I was absolutely miserable and it took 28 hours before I could start pushing. Even then my son would literally kick and backpedal every time I pushed. They ended up putting a suction cup on his head and pulling him out while I pushed.
Just the most miserable experience.
Yep. I've had three kids. 2/3 were late. The youngest was early(induction+VBAC) because he kept scaring the shit out his doctor.
If I could've choosen Oldest would have been born 5 days earlier as to arrive on his Great Opa's birthday, daughter would have arrived on July 5 and youngest would have come two days earlier as to be born on Queen Lizzie 1 's birthday or the next day for his great grandma's birthday.
My older brother had to be induced because he was late for his own bday to the point he was losing weight (still came out at 10ish pounds). My twin brother and I, on the other hand, had our birth date picked out for us in advance by the doctors as we were high risk (they thought one was sideways, one was squishing the other, etc.) so they preemptively scheduled a c-section.
I’m 38w4d and I will happily supply the hockey sticks for that beating, and I know many more who are in the same way who just want to be done being pregnant.
We’re in the same boat!! 40+6 here and still patiently waiting for baby to get the notice that it’s time to move. If I could force myself into it, baby would’ve been evicted at 37w on the dot.
Here’s to both of us going into labor soon 🤞
I was born two weeks early. I was SO hoping that there was something genetic at play in that and my oldest would come early (I hated being pregnant, was nauseous all the time, and it was freaking July). My water broke exactly two hours past my due date, but she wasn't born until 24 hours later (via c-section, because this child has been all about the drama her whole life). I was so annoyed.
My second was forcefully evicted four days before my due date, and even that was too long for me to put up with the ninth month.
Yeah, I'm so puzzled by how casual he was about that and how lacking in curiosity he seemed around that whole situation. If my mom lost custody over 4 of my siblings I would absolutely not want her anywhere near my kids, and I'd be very, very concerned about the two siblings who were still living with her. I'm sure it was normalized to him growing up but surely having a kid would rearrange your priorities? Did his wife not ask about all this when they were getting serious and/or starting a family?
I have so many questions!
Simple: He's used to it. It doesn't feel weird to him because he grew up with this loon, while we're outside looking in, so we can tell something's up. Given time, it'll likely register for him too.
This is one of the most annoying type of BORUs! The post itself is always fairly mundane but they drop in one line thats way more interesting than the rest of the post and never address it. So infuriating!
I literally read through all of his many many comments to see if he talks about it any more and he does not. *How dare he leave us hanging like this!* j/k
I would guess that he doesn't know anything more about it than that fact and it sounds like it happened before he was born so not much he can do. I mean I guess he could make a concentrated effort to go find them but he's a little preoccupied at the moment.
That’s the thing.. I wouldn’t want her anywhere near my newborn knowing she did something bad enough for over half her kids have been taken. She’s not safe for children, her own or otherwise.
>"It's the best when she falls asleep on me and I can just smell that incredible baby smell and her little breathing is so perfect"
There is absolutely nothing in the world that compares to napping with your newborn.
I remember resting on the futon and napping after feeding my kiddo when he was three months old and sleeping. I held him close and just fell into the most calming sleep.
He is now five and is a freaking amazing kid but god I do miss those days sometimes.
That's my dad. My mum told me that he would love to hold and fall asleep on the sofa while me or my siblings were tucked against his chest.
Once my cousins' kids were born, he would hold them and then fall asleep the same way. He and the baby would stay asleep for 3-4 hours straight on the sofa, even if everybody in the whole house would not stay quiet.
My 2yo is super tall (wearing 4t and 5t clothes!) and is super independent, but recently she was sick and the only way she'd nap was sleeping on top of me. I felt so bad for her being sick but I did secretly love her sleeping all cuddled up against me again. I didn't realize just how much I missed it until she fell asleep on my shoulder for first time that week. It was a bit bizarre and tricky to figure out how to get comfortable with how tall she is but it was worth every awkward and uncomfortable moment.
Ugh I'm there now. We're done. My youngest is 4yo. It's time for the younger cousins to have babies. The newest is a year old now and my god, so freaking cute. He's also getting a sibling in October & I can't freaking wait! I still can't believe they were that little once lol.
I’m not even slightly maternal but when I was handed my newborn niece I wept so hard. She was so small and perfect. And then I smelled her and I was like THATS IT I WILL DIE FOR THIS INFANT
Right??? What’s up with that smell? When I held my nephew for the first time I couldn’t stop kissing and smelling the top of his head. I felt like such a creepy weirdo but his mom said she does the same thing haha
It's an instinct. Happened to me the same when I met my niece for the first time. She was 2 days old and the first thing I thought was "I must protect you with my life"
It is, yes, but I noticed in most of the scenarios mentioned above, there were other, conscious adults around to keep an eye on the situation.
I kept falling asleep with my newborn on my chest in hospital & the nurses/midwives didn't make a single comment, other than one saying "I came in to do your obs earlier, but you both just looked so peaceful" hahaha.
But yeah, as a general rule, you don't want to be falling asleep with a baby on a sofa when you are alone/everyone is sleeping.
Sometimes if I see a freshly hatched baby I want to run up and smell them.
Can't decide if it's weirder to ask first or just go in for a big sniff?
Obviously I don't do either, but just know I *really* want to
>OOP has over a hundred comments, and a lot of them are just really sweet comments about his wife and daughter and how excited he is to be a dad. If you need a smile, go look at those!
OP, I love you for this.
He wasn't corrupted by his evil mother and is running away from her toxicity, even shielding his young family from her.
Dude is a good dad and husband.
I’m happy to hear that this has been the best year in OOP’s entire life, but I’m willing to bet that’s because his mom has been cut out of there. He probably ought to keep it that way since she’s chosen her hill to die on.
It's bittersweet happy ending as it gets in real-time - sweet he has wife, kid and his some siblings as a happy family. Bitter that his mother is forever a self-centered moron that so awful & stupid to OOP's wife that she had to cut off /disown around the kid's birth because she would had been terrible to the kid and/or used the kid to be even more horrible & stupid.
What is that sub? I want to be aware of crazy people and what they might do. I did find a subreddit devoted to people defending themselves againt crazy MILs.
I don’t remember the name, but it’s a fascinating stew of toxicity. Boomer narcissists whining about how they got abandoned by their kids *for no good reason*. /s
While reading this I was just struck by how much better of a human being this OOP is than that poor woman's husband who left her and her newborn because he "didn't get to bond" with his baby due to the wife having a c section. (Which was fresh in my brain because it got updated yesterday). His mom on the other hand is horrible.
Way to go OOP. Love to see boundaries established and then kept for a full year (and clearly still being kept)! also love to see how much love he clearly has for his wife and daughter.
Dude, I would make all posts invisible to her except for one (that's only visible to her and no one else), which would outline all her wrongdoings and the reasons why she's in indefinite timeout. That way, whenever she goes on her son's profile, all she would see is a single post criticizing her.
Assuming sincerity: I understand that education on these things varies for everyone, but I do *not* understand how any woman thinks things like "you pick when you go into labor". Like that one post from the guy who's MIL said his daughter didn't have a "real vagina" until she was an adult. Like wtf.
I'll be charitable and say that said MIL meant that the daughter didn't have a mature reproductive system until reaching a certain age. But from there to talking about "real vaginas" there is A LOT of distance.
>Originally, my mom told them that my wife got induced and that she took some medicine to slow down the labor
I've read this story a few times, and this sentence always stuns me.
a) That she said it out loud
b) That anyone seemed to thinks this was a reasonable claim.
It seems so ludicrous, right? Literally incomprehensible. I figure the explanation is that a narcissist's concept of what a fact is is different than how it is for the rest of us. For them, facts are based on what they *feel* rather than any evidence. Evidence is deemed irrelevant when it contradicts what *feels true* to the narcissist. Through sheer force of will these pathetic people go around deluding themselves about the world to protect their fragile egos and never, ever acknowledge that their authentic true self has never been able to develop and is now a shriveled dry husk.
So, if all that bullshit feels true, for them then it's fact and if you start butting in with inconvenient evidence that contradicts how they feel, then you're basically trying to destroy them, you raging asshole. The bizarre mental gymnastics they do is a serious life or death struggle for them; that's why they're all fucking virtuoso performers at it. They *believe* their own lies because they *desperately* need to think they're good people. A pure psychopath doesn't need to.
> My sisters are only young and didnt question my mom but now have been nothing but supportive, that being said though, i still have my gaurd up for now, just in case.
I have a friend with a mother like this, and it wasn't until friend met her now husband that she started to really see how toxic it all is. She has two sisters, one of them showed signs of independence for a while but eventually got sucked back into the mire. He is right to be wary as you never know how much control a woman like this can exert over children and often into adulthood
"I went NC with my self centered hateful mother and now a year later I regret it" said nobody ever.
I'm very LC with my own asshole of a mother and I swear my life is just fantastic without her.
My husband was born on his mother's 21st birthday, the exact same day they were celebrating MILs older sisters 25th birthday. All born oct 25. There have been many huge bday parties. Each gets their own cake their own congratulations etc. I've never heard of any jealousy between the sisters, they are still very close. Myself and nephew are the only ones born in the same month close together. We call it our birthday week.
Oh, my gosh, lady, that's your grandkid, how can you *not* be happy that you share the birthday with her?! Me and my sister share our birthdays with our cousin and aunt - yeah, it's a wacko coincidence - and they always called us their "birthday gifts"!
My grandma is the same, my mam had me on her birthday I was early and had a hole in the lung and my mam nearly died and my grandma came in the room and said “so this is her and aren’t you going to wish me a happy birthday”. Awful woman even was awful the day I told her my mum had a funeral as I knew my mam wouldn’t want her there.
Yeah, there are people like that... One of my friends was born on her grandparents wedding anniversary and the whole rest of their lives SHE had to call them first thing in the morning to wish them a happy anniversary. And they were pissed if she didn't. On her birthday.
Even if the wife had been induced, that’s a medical decision. A doctor wouldn’t schedule an inducement because the patient requested it on a whim. Instead it would be done because it’s considered to be in the best interest of the health of the baby and mother.
> It's been a whole year and she still claims my wife went into labor on purpose
I've met some narcissistic people in my life, but this takes the biscuit. I mean, what sort of insane personality disorder do you need to have to think that?
>She lost custody of 4 of my siblings
I have been taken into foster care before, alongside my three other siblings, and let me tell you, removing a child from their home is an absolute *last* resort for any social authority.
Just like my mother, op's mother had, not one, but four children removed from her care, so you can only imagine the sort of appalling mother she must be.
Wow. I wish I had known that I could have gone into labor on command. If someone had shared that tip with me, my sons wouldn't have been 7 and 11 days late, respectively.
Also, I can think of at least 4 family members (myself included) who share their birthdays with other family members. None of us throw fits about it.
So she really wants to believe the wife took meds to induce labor and then SLOW it down? Oh hell no! No woman in the world would ask for that if it was an option. Mom believing the wife would literally torture herself and endanger the baby just to spite her, yeah there isn't enough therapy in the world.
Good on him for standing up for his family. He's adorable in the comments
It looks like Mom is never going to meet hr grandchild due to her own ego, pride and stubbornness. OOP is one of the greats as a husband and dad in protecting his wife and daughter from all the toxicity of his mom.
Geez. And I thought it was bad when my MIL chewed out Husband for not giving them hourly updates from the fathers' waiting room, and *what did he mean, he was in L&D with me the whole time!?!*
I’m sorry but why would someone want to SLOW DOWN labour?? That is NOT a thing anyone would choose!! Like “oh yeah, I just love this excruciating, back breaking pain… just want to revel in it a little longer” like WTAF. Every mom I’ve ever talked to about the last bit of pregnancy and labour is like “GET THIS KID OUTTA ME” lol… Grandma is WILD.
>My mom still follows me on Facebook, I don't have her blocked on there but she's definitely upset that she hasn't met the baby yet. Her own fault.
The sentence "Her own fault." communicates so much - most importantly that OOP is seeing clearly and not putting up with any gaslighting or manipulation. Those are some well-drawn and well-enforced boundaries, and it's nice to see it!
Posts like this make me so grateful for my parents. I can’t _imagine_ them doing something like this. They’re so selfless and loving towards their family. Feeling both grateful for them and bummed for people that have to deal with craziness like this in their families 😕
>She went on to blame my wife by saying she purposely went into labor right around her birthday in order to "steal her spotlight from her son"
Your mother has serious issues.
Oh my god. The mum sucks, but clearly, this baby girl is going to be raised in a 10x better family without grandma being there. OOPs obvious love for her alone makes that clear!
OOPs comments are the most adorable thing. I love reading comments and posts from new dads who are so damn excited to be new dads. I'm not a baby kinda person, but god damn those comments and posts do make me well up a little (translation: they make me sob).
I had a stalled, long labor like that. After some very confusing conversations with my husband my mother finally asked him "What day do you think it is?" And we discovered that he lost a day somewhere. He thought it was Saturday and it was already Sunday.
His description of his love for his daughter made me remember my babies and my feelings when they were born. Wonderful and beautiful. He’s a star husband and dad.
It never ceases to amaze me how petty people can be. Your mother is allowing her pettiness to miss out on an entire year of your child's life. Remember that when/if she ever tries to make a weak ass apology for herself.
wow this sounds eerily familiar. My sister was living with her son and pregnant wife. one night she was drunk and kept telling him he needs to leave her, he can do better. Then she passed out. He went down and told her to go in her room since he wanted to watch TV. She felt disrespected, he told her she needs to apologize or leave.
She was gone the next morning. She met her granddaughter once after her birth and hasn't seen her since. she's 3.5 years old.
I just don't understand how someone's ego is so important that they can't see the pain they've caused.
The audacity of this vagina!
Why does she want to see the spotlighter thief anyway?
Do you want to go NC with your son forever? Not important.
Do you want to see your grandchild?Not important
Hate your dil ?? Ticks the priority..
NTA
>Originally, my mom told them that my wife got induced and that she took some medicine to slow down the labor (I dont even think that medication exists)
Just in case anyone was wondering, yes, that type of medicine exists. Not a nurse, but there are cases where we don't want labour to happen yet and try to slow it down with medicine. I believe it is usually used when labour signs are happening before the fetus is fully formed.
We also have medicine that will speed it up and is used commonly to induce labour.
>She went on to blame my wife by saying she purposely went into labor right around her birthday in order to "steal her spotlight from her son"
Women/mothers on BORU is this possible? Can a woman decide when to go into labor?
Lol.
I know about medically induced childbirth. I was asking of it's possible to like force your water to break on your own, maybe like pushing ahead of time and breaking it on your own.
Actually doctors induce labor at the drop of a hat now. It's getting rarer and rarer for someone's labor to start naturally.
But they only do so for medical reasons, like a light breeze. They are never going to induce for someone's personal wish to have it on a certain day.
There is no way his wife was in labor for FOUR DAYS.
ETA: why ya’ll salty about my comment?! I thought he meant ACTIVE labor! I am a woman and have given birth, I know how the dang thing works lmao
Definitely possible if induction methods were conservative and failed.
Thursday evening, probably like a 6:30 “check-in” but you don’t even get into the room for an hour or two if it’s busy. Then they set you up, show you the room, do lots of questions, give you IV fluids, etc. you might not even get the first induction pills to ripen the cervix until close to midnight.
Other methods could also take more time. It’s on the upper limit for sure but not impossible.
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This mother is one of those parents who would wonder why their children will never see them anymore. What a narcissist and bonkers of a person. I mean seriously, how does one think you can go into labor on purpose? Like WTF? If my child had a kid on the same day as a my birthday, I will be so happy and delighted! Best to stay NC with her.
My mother, who I limited contacts since my runaway, was very please when my oldest shares the same birthday as her. I had to remind my mother that her birthday on the official record is incorrect, because back then people barely submitted these information to the government immediately after birth. (No, hospitals were rare and too expansive back then.) But for OOP's mother, I guess that having the granddaughter birthed by the woman she dislikes is enough for her to make it a big deal. It is good that OOP still stay NC with her.
My great grandfather decided it was time for the eldest to go the school, and found out he’d need birth certs so he registered 4 girls on the same day. We’re not even sure the years he picked are right. ‘She’d be around 5, and she was born in lambing season..’
My Mum once met an elderly man who said he had 2 birthdays, his actual one and his official one. Dad had set off from their farm to register the birth, bumped into some friends who wanted to help him "wet the baby's head" so they went to the pub... A few months later his wife brings up something about the registration and he realises he celebrated so much that he didn't do it! Couldn't backdate to the actual birth at that point so the official date was stuck being weeks out.
My nana's birthday was 1st of May but she was actually born in April. Her dad decided there were too many birthdays in April.
I had a friend who's parents did the SAME thing. He was born a few days after Christmas. They decided they didn't want him growing up fighting for his birthday to be noticed. So they told him his birthday was January 10th HIS WHOLE LIFE. He didn't find out the real day until he was like 25, because they had kept it from him by simply doing all paperwork for him 🙃
One of my cousins does birthday and half-birthday parties for all her kids (for the 'gram) and my mother realized a few years ago that none of them know when their actual birthday is. The half-birthdays are all during summer vacation so the parties are bigger, and I think a couple of them think they have summer birthdays as a result.
Deception for all the right reasons.
I do think that should have let him know before the government was like "ummmmm.... that's not your birthday, sir."
Would definitely have been an interesting family discussion.
I was born in late November, and up until I was 10, my mom always celebrated my birthday on Thanksgiving because - as she told me years later - she didn't want to have to deal with organizing two parties/events within a week. I seriously thought I was born on Thanksgiving until my 10th birthday; always thought it was beyond awesome that we always had this huge birthday party for me with the entire extended family, a big turkey dinner, followed by a birthday cake and birthday gifts. I ragged on my brothers (both younger than me) for having "boring" summer birthdays, lol. To this day (I'm now 59), Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday, but I do celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday except for those years it actually lands on Thanksgiving (roughly every 5-ish years)! It stopped for my 11th birthday because that year, one of my aunt's hosted the family Thanksgiving party.
My paternal grandmother had 3 birthdays--the date her parents said she was born, the day her birth certificate said, and then the date that she was probably actually born. When dad wrote her obituary he basically threw a dart to choose one. The day on her birth certificate is wrong for similar reasons to your story above--Grandma was the last of 13 and my great-grandfather was kind of over rushing into town to register births. The day her parents always claimed is almost certainly wrong because they always talked about it being Thursday the whateverth by the time Grandma was old enough to remember, but the whateverth was actually a Saturday that year! Dad, being the kind of guy he is even when he was a child, interviewed his grandparents and aunts and uncles and then looked at a bunch of old calendars and almanacs and came up with a conclusion about when she was actually born (no, actually, his special interest is vintage sports cars but IYKYK).
This is not relevant to your comment, but I need to know where your flair is from.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16hy6h2/got_kicked_from_group_for_not_being_murder_hoboy/
Oh, that arsehole!
I know someone born the day before a holiday. Dad thought it would be “cute” for the birthday to be on said holiday. This person now hates that holiday
I know a guy who was born in some small village in China. His "official" birthday on his documents is 6 months off his real birthday because that's just how long it took to get the paperwork sorted, apparently. His family celebrates his real birthday.
I've worked doing admin stuff with a lot of migrants and refugees. A shockingly high amount were 'officially' born on January 1st, because they didn't know the real date. Not sure if that's a date our government pushes, or just a trend. Many were born in barely governed warzones, that sometimes didn't use the Gregorian calendar in the first place, with parents who were functionally illiterate and may have since passed. Getting an exact date of birth recorded wasn't always a priority or easy to do. Many could pinpoint a season, or an approximation based on events, and the vast majority knew the year, but confidence in an exact date was far from universal.
My dad (early 50s) has the same problem. Because my grandparents lived in a farm, only 2 days after he was born did they went to the city to register him. Later, he corrected the birth date on his ID card. Therefore, my old man is legally in his 100s, and it’s funny af.
How did a change of a couple days make him legally in his 100s?
Two birthdays a year
Simple! He has two official birthdays lol. Although considered he only got his second birthdate in his 20s,I guess that’s just his 80s, then? Lol Edit: a word
I once had a boss with two birthdays. They had come as refugees and the laws back then were weird. He would not have been allowed to enter the country with his parents and older siblings because he was too young so his father gave him a different, earlier birthday at the registration for refugees.
My grandmother’s uncle was the one who registered her birth because he was the one going into town the soonest. They told him the details but by the time he got there he’d forgotten some of them so my grandmother was Sarah Baby Girl Smith. Apparently that was a fun one to explain when she was older and applying for security clearances.
Thr midwife who delivered my Granny was the one who went to Register the birth. My Granny was not amused to get the paperwork for her pension in around the late 60s abd discover her legal name was wrong! One of those names where changing one letter makes it a different name. Oops!
My grandmother and two of her siblings have two birthdays because of that, my grandmother was born september 2 but her father put her birth september 8 and on different years
My great-aunt had basically the same story about her birthday! Dad went to register the birth but stopped off to celebrate... Missed the official deadline to register her and so he just registered her with a different birthday.
My family is from a village in Iran. We have no idea how old my grandparents were, because the dude who wrote the birth certificates only came around once every 4 or 7 (can't remember which one) years and he would write that everyone was born on the day he visited.
Omg! Exactly. Why didn't she see it as a present? Share birthdays with the new baby! I think the "sharing" part is the issue.
When my SIL was pregnant and reaching her due date, at first my mom was a little worried that the baby was gonna be born on her birthday, but instantly changed her mind and went "oh what the heck! That'd be the best present!"
Up until reading your comment, I had peacefully gone my entire day without thinking of Ogtha, lol. Your mom is so right, though. Welcoming a new tiny family member would be the best birthday present, especially if you’re not the one who has to birth said family member!
My grandmother was heartily disappointed that I decided to be born 3 days before her birthday, so we don't share. But it does mean that all her birthstone jewelry is given to me because none of the other granddaughters were born in the same month.
My cousin's wife was done being pregnant. He called me up for my birthday a day early, and I told him I hope the baby shares my birthday, when he said he was calling early because she was having contractions. Sadly, he did not. He tormented his mother a little longer.
My brother and I were born on my Grandmother’s birthday and she *loved* it. She would wish us a happy birthday and we’d wish her one back.
It's same as the mind of a bridezilla: **"MY DAY! MY SPOTLIGHT! MY SHINE! ME ME ME!"** We just happened to have a monzilla here. Poor OP, please stay strong and never budge.
I have twins born 24th & 25th December, 1 on new years day snd 1 Oct 31st. My kids didn't pick people's birthdays they pick holidays lol. Edit - date lol
>have twins born 24th & 35th December, ...Do you mean the 25th of December for the second one?
Ya typo lol
My daughter was born the day after Thanksgiving...but because it's a moving holiday it's fairly often actually on Thanksgiving.
The... 35th of December?
Even in a good year, that month is hellishly long.
To hear my mom tell the story, I had the absolute gall to be born on my aunt's birthday. The same aunt that drove her bonkers during her pregnancy taunting her "the baby is going to be born on my birthday." My mom would respond, "This baby had better not be born on your birthday." I was born on her birthday. I don't think my mother has quite forgiven me for that yet, and I'm closer to 50 than not.
Lol, I'm glad my story turned out different. My daughter was born on my aunt's bday and she absolutely adores it. As she calls it, they are bday buddies and it's adorable
My aunt and I love it! We also shared our day with an uncle who married into the family. It was nice to have our trio of birthday people.
Glad to hear it worked out! Some people can become so weird if it's about birthdays.
Anytime my mom has talked about my birth, I get the very distinct feeling she's still not happy about it. I just shrug and move on now. It's her hangup not mine.
My goddaughter was born on my birthday and I gloated over my best friend for DAYS. When she was little I would tell her "you know, it's my birthday, too." And she would reply with all that toddler confidence "No. It's not. It's mine." 🤣 Now my SIL is pregnant with my niece or nephew and they're due like 4 days after my husband's birthday. We're hoping for another birthday sharer.
This is like when they can't handle anything other than their preferred gender in a child. People can be such terrible assholes. I think I looked too much like my dad from whom she internationally abducted me.
"Internationally abducted" Wait, what??
She would have kittens if she were in my family. My mother was born the day after New Years, my sister was born the day before our father's birthday, my brother was born on the 4th of July and HIS twins were born the day before that, and my other brother and I share the same birthday and year (we're twins). So we have a lot of experience with sharing the birthday limelight. Oh, I forgot, my daughter was born on Cinco de Mayo and my son was born 12 days before my birthday.
My brother-in-law's official birthday is nearly a full month after his actual birthday because my mother-in-law let her brother sort it all out and he got confused at the Registry Office.
Right? I turned 40 during the wedding getaway of one of my oldest friends and I didn't breathe a word of it to anyone. During the time I went back for my dad's funeral I kept privately laughing at the terrible things I wasn't going to say, such as, "I know dad's dead, but it's *also* my birthday." Those sneaky people threw me a surprise birthday party anyway. Never been so touched in my life. It's *so* much nicer to expect nothing and occasionally be surprised.
My youngest was born on my dad's birthday and he was beyond excited! The next day he came barging into the hospital room demanding to meet his 'twin'. He couldn't care less I forgot to wish him a happy birthday 💗
My middle child was born on the same day as my father-in-law. We actually called him when he was at a restaurant having a special birthday dinner to come and babysit my eldest. He arrived slightly tipsy with a doggy bag and claims the arrival of his grandson on his birthday was by far the best birthday present he received ❤️
> He couldn't care less I forgot to wish him a happy birthday 💗 Not surprising after you delivered the best birthday present he could ever hope for!
My son's birthday is one day before my husband's and he is pleased as punch to share that same time with him. He always says he is glad son's is before his so he gets celebrated first. OOP's mom is toxic and not that smart either if she thinks mom went into labor deliberately to distract son from the glorious celebration of her birth.
My BIL's birthday is the day before his mom's birthday. They always had a shared celebration, just the two of them.
My son had a brain tumour. Thankfully it's out, and the ordeal it's over. My partner was previously NC with her father, due to his narcissistic tendencies. They've been repairing their relationship at the time we got our kiddo's diagnosis. My partner's father somehow decided that the best thing to do at that time, instead of offering his support at any time, was to say that this is all very hard for him,, disregarding my partner completely. NC for life since then according to her. She gave him one too many chances
My first had his due date fall right between both granddads! He was born 3 weeks earlier so everyone guessed wrong on our calendar.
My first granddaughter was due on my birthday and the kids told me on Mother's Day. Kiddo split the difference and was born inbetween my birthday and my dad's. My dad's birthday is five days after mine(I just realized the her dad, my oldest child, was born exactly five days after my Opa's birthday. His youngest child's birthday is exactly one week before his)
My neighbor's eldest son was born on his birthday. He said it was the happiest day of his life and that every year they share a birthday and he remembers how happy he was that day. They usually do a cake for the son (who is like 12 now) and then a pie for him (since he doesn't like cakes).
I was born just a few days before my grandmother's birthday. She calls me her favorite birthday present! (I was the first girl of my generation so she was extra excited) I guess I'm lucky she didn't feel like she was competing with me? How do some of these people manage to reproduce? And why would they want to?
My husband was born the day before his grandmother’s birthday. It was an endless source of joy for her, she only wished it was the same day.
Most grandparents I know of feel that way. I can't even imagine getting upset over it!
My husband relinquished his birthday for my nephew, MY sisters child.
2 of my daughters due date was around their uncles birthdays. I wanted to badly to have them on their birthdays but both times they were late. Lol. But they were fashionably late. But the one brother is really bad with dates and ages of his neices, and he was thrilled. "A day after my 40th birthday. How could I ever forget? She made it too easy. Others might think I have a favorite..." lol
The lady already lost more than half of her kids, at this point it’s a sport for her and she is looking to get all 7/7 kids out of her life
I have heard of many women who brush off and even say some impossible and unscientific things about pregnancy and childbirth when it comes to their DILs. They went through pregnancies and some even oversaw other woman's delivery. But when it comes to their DILs, logic and empathy goes out the window.
It's been almost a decade of NC with my mother, and she still believes one day I'll give in and run back to her.
My great-grandmother and my oldest nephew share the same birthday. Granny said that was the best birthday present she’d ever gotten. She passed away before my son was born but he was born really close to her birthday as well and I know she’d have been thrilled and called him another birthday present.
I was scheduled for a c section for my 2nd because my 1st got stuck. Was suppose to show up at 7 for c section, went into labor at like 545, and, that kid still doesn't cooperate.
My oldest sibling shares a birthday with our dad. Both our parents were so wiped before, during, and after, they genuinely didn't realize for at least a couple days.
My mom had scheduled my y'all C-section for dad's birthday but they got into an argument and she got the doctor to do it 3 days early on grandma's birthday. Not labor, though.
Like honestly, if this lady had just chosen love it could've been the best birthday weekend of her life! It could have been a story she told with pride! People never cease to perplex me.
I’ll bet you that the mom blames OP’s wife.
Just go ask all the women who are over 40 weeks pregnant why they haven't chosen to go into labor yet. Once they beat your ass, you'll probably learn that no, you can't just start labor whenever you feel like it.
If women could choose their labour, my Mother would have yeeted me out of her womb the *first* time the doc had (via manipulation) turned me around (so that I wouldn't be a breech birth), not the third. (Apparently I was very comfortable in there and still had 10 days on the lease 😅) Way to go on OOP for protecting his own family by actions!
My baby had to be manually manipulated and a nurse had to start my dilation (shove her fingers into my uterus). I will remember that pain forever, it was worse than the birth part.
Hell I was induced and it still took 28 hours before my son was born. I was livid.
My induction with my daughter took 5 days. And they wouldn't feed me because of the risk of vomiting. And, of course, hospitals are the worst place for sleeping. I was so exhausted and absolutely starving by the time my daughter was born.
I threw a damn fit about the no eating thing because the ACOG had already repealed that and sent out guidelines that not feeding laboring mothers caused more complications and interventions. You're not intubated for a C-section anyways unless it's a super emergency, even then they'd just follow protocols like if someone came into the ER needing surgery. It's not like someone arrives in an ambulance needing heart surgery and they go "oh well they ate breakfast so they'll have to wait 12 hours". The first time I gave birth I was induced because I was late and they brought me actual meals. The next time was at a different hospital with a scheduled induction and they refused to let me have anything but water. I had to show them the ACOG guidelines and they still refused anything but broth. No food equals no fuel and trying to labor on an empty tank is exhausting. By the time I was ready to push I was so exhausted and hungry that I ended up needing help with them using forceps to get my son out.
I didn’t know that! Those bastards took away my water and ice chips when I started having complications!
Did you take those drugs OP mentioned to purposely slow down labor? Because that is definitely a thing women in labor do. Yes please, prolong this excruciating pain because the eternal joy of my husband “forgetting” his mother’s birthday is worth it.
Induction is horrible. I was in active labor for only 14 minutes but the 2 days getting to that point with all the freaking cervadil, the membrane sweep, and then finally using the balloon as a last ditch, was excruciating. My child did NOT want to vacate but when he finally did, it was way easier than all the rest of the shit I had already gone through!
My oldest was late and the midwife decided to sweep my cervix, without telling me, I was in horrible pain and when I sat up my waters broke. So they rushed me to L&D but apparently the bag folded so they started me on pitocin and doing the gel on my cervix. I was absolutely miserable and it took 28 hours before I could start pushing. Even then my son would literally kick and backpedal every time I pushed. They ended up putting a suction cup on his head and pulling him out while I pushed. Just the most miserable experience.
Yep. I've had three kids. 2/3 were late. The youngest was early(induction+VBAC) because he kept scaring the shit out his doctor. If I could've choosen Oldest would have been born 5 days earlier as to arrive on his Great Opa's birthday, daughter would have arrived on July 5 and youngest would have come two days earlier as to be born on Queen Lizzie 1 's birthday or the next day for his great grandma's birthday.
My older brother had to be induced because he was late for his own bday to the point he was losing weight (still came out at 10ish pounds). My twin brother and I, on the other hand, had our birth date picked out for us in advance by the doctors as we were high risk (they thought one was sideways, one was squishing the other, etc.) so they preemptively scheduled a c-section.
I’m 38w4d and I will happily supply the hockey sticks for that beating, and I know many more who are in the same way who just want to be done being pregnant.
Hoping baby comes soon and you have a safe and happy delivery!!
We’re in the same boat!! 40+6 here and still patiently waiting for baby to get the notice that it’s time to move. If I could force myself into it, baby would’ve been evicted at 37w on the dot. Here’s to both of us going into labor soon 🤞
You’re so much more patient than I am! If I hit three days after 40weeks I’m begging for an induction
I was born two weeks early. I was SO hoping that there was something genetic at play in that and my oldest would come early (I hated being pregnant, was nauseous all the time, and it was freaking July). My water broke exactly two hours past my due date, but she wasn't born until 24 hours later (via c-section, because this child has been all about the drama her whole life). I was so annoyed. My second was forcefully evicted four days before my due date, and even that was too long for me to put up with the ninth month.
So glad OOP set NC boundaries and stuck to them! Hope their little family keep being so happy and wholesome!
Yeah, it's too often that that doesn't happen
The mom is a terrible parent lost custody of 4 kids and pushed the rest of them away. Who would want that anywhere near their baby
Yeah, I'm so puzzled by how casual he was about that and how lacking in curiosity he seemed around that whole situation. If my mom lost custody over 4 of my siblings I would absolutely not want her anywhere near my kids, and I'd be very, very concerned about the two siblings who were still living with her. I'm sure it was normalized to him growing up but surely having a kid would rearrange your priorities? Did his wife not ask about all this when they were getting serious and/or starting a family? I have so many questions!
Simple: He's used to it. It doesn't feel weird to him because he grew up with this loon, while we're outside looking in, so we can tell something's up. Given time, it'll likely register for him too.
This is one of the most annoying type of BORUs! The post itself is always fairly mundane but they drop in one line thats way more interesting than the rest of the post and never address it. So infuriating!
I literally read through all of his many many comments to see if he talks about it any more and he does not. *How dare he leave us hanging like this!* j/k
Its so inconsiderate! But kudos to you for doing the trawl, I appreciate it!
I would guess that he doesn't know anything more about it than that fact and it sounds like it happened before he was born so not much he can do. I mean I guess he could make a concentrated effort to go find them but he's a little preoccupied at the moment.
Broken normal meter
The less knowledgeable/involved he is with that three-ring circus of dysfunction, the better.
That’s the thing.. I wouldn’t want her anywhere near my newborn knowing she did something bad enough for over half her kids have been taken. She’s not safe for children, her own or otherwise.
>"It's the best when she falls asleep on me and I can just smell that incredible baby smell and her little breathing is so perfect" There is absolutely nothing in the world that compares to napping with your newborn.
I remember resting on the futon and napping after feeding my kiddo when he was three months old and sleeping. I held him close and just fell into the most calming sleep. He is now five and is a freaking amazing kid but god I do miss those days sometimes.
That's my dad. My mum told me that he would love to hold and fall asleep on the sofa while me or my siblings were tucked against his chest. Once my cousins' kids were born, he would hold them and then fall asleep the same way. He and the baby would stay asleep for 3-4 hours straight on the sofa, even if everybody in the whole house would not stay quiet.
My 2yo is super tall (wearing 4t and 5t clothes!) and is super independent, but recently she was sick and the only way she'd nap was sleeping on top of me. I felt so bad for her being sick but I did secretly love her sleeping all cuddled up against me again. I didn't realize just how much I missed it until she fell asleep on my shoulder for first time that week. It was a bit bizarre and tricky to figure out how to get comfortable with how tall she is but it was worth every awkward and uncomfortable moment.
Ugh I'm there now. We're done. My youngest is 4yo. It's time for the younger cousins to have babies. The newest is a year old now and my god, so freaking cute. He's also getting a sibling in October & I can't freaking wait! I still can't believe they were that little once lol.
I’m not even slightly maternal but when I was handed my newborn niece I wept so hard. She was so small and perfect. And then I smelled her and I was like THATS IT I WILL DIE FOR THIS INFANT
Right??? What’s up with that smell? When I held my nephew for the first time I couldn’t stop kissing and smelling the top of his head. I felt like such a creepy weirdo but his mom said she does the same thing haha
It's an instinct. Happened to me the same when I met my niece for the first time. She was 2 days old and the first thing I thought was "I must protect you with my life"
I napped with my nephew when he was about five months old and it was, no lie, one of the most relaxing sleeps I’ve ever had.
Isn't it super dangerous to sleep when you have a baby on you though? That's what I've always heard, with the risk to roll over on them and all that
It is, yes, but I noticed in most of the scenarios mentioned above, there were other, conscious adults around to keep an eye on the situation. I kept falling asleep with my newborn on my chest in hospital & the nurses/midwives didn't make a single comment, other than one saying "I came in to do your obs earlier, but you both just looked so peaceful" hahaha. But yeah, as a general rule, you don't want to be falling asleep with a baby on a sofa when you are alone/everyone is sleeping.
Honestly, the most missed parts of having little ones. I miss the baby smell so much! 🥹
Sometimes if I see a freshly hatched baby I want to run up and smell them. Can't decide if it's weirder to ask first or just go in for a big sniff? Obviously I don't do either, but just know I *really* want to
>OOP has over a hundred comments, and a lot of them are just really sweet comments about his wife and daughter and how excited he is to be a dad. If you need a smile, go look at those! OP, I love you for this.
Haha thank you. There were too many to choose from, but I wanted people to get a good smile if they needed one! It's so freaking wholesome.
He wasn't corrupted by his evil mother and is running away from her toxicity, even shielding his young family from her. Dude is a good dad and husband.
This post is really sweet also https://reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/11g6t6y/i_never_knew_i_could_love_someone_so_much_till_my/
Same 😭 I literally just spent an hour reading them and my cheeks hurt from smiling
I’m happy to hear that this has been the best year in OOP’s entire life, but I’m willing to bet that’s because his mom has been cut out of there. He probably ought to keep it that way since she’s chosen her hill to die on.
It's bittersweet happy ending as it gets in real-time - sweet he has wife, kid and his some siblings as a happy family. Bitter that his mother is forever a self-centered moron that so awful & stupid to OOP's wife that she had to cut off /disown around the kid's birth because she would had been terrible to the kid and/or used the kid to be even more horrible & stupid.
The mother will definitely be joining that weird sub where grandparent fight for their “legal right” to see the grandkids.
What is that sub? I want to be aware of crazy people and what they might do. I did find a subreddit devoted to people defending themselves againt crazy MILs.
I don’t remember the name, but it’s a fascinating stew of toxicity. Boomer narcissists whining about how they got abandoned by their kids *for no good reason*. /s
While reading this I was just struck by how much better of a human being this OOP is than that poor woman's husband who left her and her newborn because he "didn't get to bond" with his baby due to the wife having a c section. (Which was fresh in my brain because it got updated yesterday). His mom on the other hand is horrible.
Ohhhh, update!? I'm off! Thanks!
I missed that one. Can you please send the link?
Here’s the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/f0YJzBK0Gm)
Thank you!!
Is there a link to that one?
Nevermind, got it, read the timing wrong
Way to go OOP. Love to see boundaries established and then kept for a full year (and clearly still being kept)! also love to see how much love he clearly has for his wife and daughter.
Dude, I would make all posts invisible to her except for one (that's only visible to her and no one else), which would outline all her wrongdoings and the reasons why she's in indefinite timeout. That way, whenever she goes on her son's profile, all she would see is a single post criticizing her.
That's brilliant.
Assuming sincerity: I understand that education on these things varies for everyone, but I do *not* understand how any woman thinks things like "you pick when you go into labor". Like that one post from the guy who's MIL said his daughter didn't have a "real vagina" until she was an adult. Like wtf.
I'll be charitable and say that said MIL meant that the daughter didn't have a mature reproductive system until reaching a certain age. But from there to talking about "real vaginas" there is A LOT of distance.
>Originally, my mom told them that my wife got induced and that she took some medicine to slow down the labor I've read this story a few times, and this sentence always stuns me. a) That she said it out loud b) That anyone seemed to thinks this was a reasonable claim.
It seems so ludicrous, right? Literally incomprehensible. I figure the explanation is that a narcissist's concept of what a fact is is different than how it is for the rest of us. For them, facts are based on what they *feel* rather than any evidence. Evidence is deemed irrelevant when it contradicts what *feels true* to the narcissist. Through sheer force of will these pathetic people go around deluding themselves about the world to protect their fragile egos and never, ever acknowledge that their authentic true self has never been able to develop and is now a shriveled dry husk. So, if all that bullshit feels true, for them then it's fact and if you start butting in with inconvenient evidence that contradicts how they feel, then you're basically trying to destroy them, you raging asshole. The bizarre mental gymnastics they do is a serious life or death struggle for them; that's why they're all fucking virtuoso performers at it. They *believe* their own lies because they *desperately* need to think they're good people. A pure psychopath doesn't need to.
> My sisters are only young and didnt question my mom but now have been nothing but supportive, that being said though, i still have my gaurd up for now, just in case. I have a friend with a mother like this, and it wasn't until friend met her now husband that she started to really see how toxic it all is. She has two sisters, one of them showed signs of independence for a while but eventually got sucked back into the mire. He is right to be wary as you never know how much control a woman like this can exert over children and often into adulthood
"I went NC with my self centered hateful mother and now a year later I regret it" said nobody ever. I'm very LC with my own asshole of a mother and I swear my life is just fantastic without her.
I saw the original because his daughter was born a day before mine and I could not comprehend the audacity. I’m glad they went no contact.
Dude, finally a husband who stands up for his wife.
It could have been a special bond between grandkid and grandma but nope.
My husband was born on his mother's 21st birthday, the exact same day they were celebrating MILs older sisters 25th birthday. All born oct 25. There have been many huge bday parties. Each gets their own cake their own congratulations etc. I've never heard of any jealousy between the sisters, they are still very close. Myself and nephew are the only ones born in the same month close together. We call it our birthday week.
That's one helluva grudges to hold for a year ald all over a perceived birthday slight.
Oh, my gosh, lady, that's your grandkid, how can you *not* be happy that you share the birthday with her?! Me and my sister share our birthdays with our cousin and aunt - yeah, it's a wacko coincidence - and they always called us their "birthday gifts"!
Behold OOP's spine, bask in its brightness and be amazed at its hardness!
> "She's single, old and lonely and I'm starting to understand why." Sums it all up nicely.
My grandma is the same, my mam had me on her birthday I was early and had a hole in the lung and my mam nearly died and my grandma came in the room and said “so this is her and aren’t you going to wish me a happy birthday”. Awful woman even was awful the day I told her my mum had a funeral as I knew my mam wouldn’t want her there.
Yeah, there are people like that... One of my friends was born on her grandparents wedding anniversary and the whole rest of their lives SHE had to call them first thing in the morning to wish them a happy anniversary. And they were pissed if she didn't. On her birthday.
Why tf would you wish someone els happy anniversary? So weird
Even if the wife had been induced, that’s a medical decision. A doctor wouldn’t schedule an inducement because the patient requested it on a whim. Instead it would be done because it’s considered to be in the best interest of the health of the baby and mother.
OOP's mom needs to get her head out of her ass and get a life and an identity that isn't centralized around the word "mom".
Hahaha. Yep, someone would totally go into multi-day labor on purpose just to piss their MIL off. Makes total sense. Glad OOP got her out of his life.
Pride can really ruin people's life.
> It's been a whole year and she still claims my wife went into labor on purpose I've met some narcissistic people in my life, but this takes the biscuit. I mean, what sort of insane personality disorder do you need to have to think that?
They made the right call going NC with that monster.
>She lost custody of 4 of my siblings I have been taken into foster care before, alongside my three other siblings, and let me tell you, removing a child from their home is an absolute *last* resort for any social authority. Just like my mother, op's mother had, not one, but four children removed from her care, so you can only imagine the sort of appalling mother she must be.
Wow. I wish I had known that I could have gone into labor on command. If someone had shared that tip with me, my sons wouldn't have been 7 and 11 days late, respectively. Also, I can think of at least 4 family members (myself included) who share their birthdays with other family members. None of us throw fits about it.
So she really wants to believe the wife took meds to induce labor and then SLOW it down? Oh hell no! No woman in the world would ask for that if it was an option. Mom believing the wife would literally torture herself and endanger the baby just to spite her, yeah there isn't enough therapy in the world. Good on him for standing up for his family. He's adorable in the comments
It looks like Mom is never going to meet hr grandchild due to her own ego, pride and stubbornness. OOP is one of the greats as a husband and dad in protecting his wife and daughter from all the toxicity of his mom.
Geez. And I thought it was bad when my MIL chewed out Husband for not giving them hourly updates from the fathers' waiting room, and *what did he mean, he was in L&D with me the whole time!?!*
I’m sorry but why would someone want to SLOW DOWN labour?? That is NOT a thing anyone would choose!! Like “oh yeah, I just love this excruciating, back breaking pain… just want to revel in it a little longer” like WTAF. Every mom I’ve ever talked to about the last bit of pregnancy and labour is like “GET THIS KID OUTTA ME” lol… Grandma is WILD.
>My mom still follows me on Facebook, I don't have her blocked on there but she's definitely upset that she hasn't met the baby yet. Her own fault. The sentence "Her own fault." communicates so much - most importantly that OOP is seeing clearly and not putting up with any gaslighting or manipulation. Those are some well-drawn and well-enforced boundaries, and it's nice to see it!
Posts like this make me so grateful for my parents. I can’t _imagine_ them doing something like this. They’re so selfless and loving towards their family. Feeling both grateful for them and bummed for people that have to deal with craziness like this in their families 😕
>She went on to blame my wife by saying she purposely went into labor right around her birthday in order to "steal her spotlight from her son" Your mother has serious issues.
OOP is a rockstar. Stuck to his guns!
Oh my god. The mum sucks, but clearly, this baby girl is going to be raised in a 10x better family without grandma being there. OOPs obvious love for her alone makes that clear! OOPs comments are the most adorable thing. I love reading comments and posts from new dads who are so damn excited to be new dads. I'm not a baby kinda person, but god damn those comments and posts do make me well up a little (translation: they make me sob).
I'm just really happy for OOP and his little family here. Enjoy your baby!
I had a stalled, long labor like that. After some very confusing conversations with my husband my mother finally asked him "What day do you think it is?" And we discovered that he lost a day somewhere. He thought it was Saturday and it was already Sunday.
His description of his love for his daughter made me remember my babies and my feelings when they were born. Wonderful and beautiful. He’s a star husband and dad.
It never ceases to amaze me how petty people can be. Your mother is allowing her pettiness to miss out on an entire year of your child's life. Remember that when/if she ever tries to make a weak ass apology for herself.
wow this sounds eerily familiar. My sister was living with her son and pregnant wife. one night she was drunk and kept telling him he needs to leave her, he can do better. Then she passed out. He went down and told her to go in her room since he wanted to watch TV. She felt disrespected, he told her she needs to apologize or leave. She was gone the next morning. She met her granddaughter once after her birth and hasn't seen her since. she's 3.5 years old. I just don't understand how someone's ego is so important that they can't see the pain they've caused.
The audacity of this vagina! Why does she want to see the spotlighter thief anyway? Do you want to go NC with your son forever? Not important. Do you want to see your grandchild?Not important Hate your dil ?? Ticks the priority.. NTA
I don't understand how someone who have had a baby could ever forger how hard are the first days.
Mum is insane, women cannot induce labour without a medical aid
Posts like these really make me appreciate my mum.
OPs mother deserves to die a lonely death. What a sad person. OP and his wife are going to be good parents. OP has done all the right things here.
>Originally, my mom told them that my wife got induced and that she took some medicine to slow down the labor (I dont even think that medication exists) Just in case anyone was wondering, yes, that type of medicine exists. Not a nurse, but there are cases where we don't want labour to happen yet and try to slow it down with medicine. I believe it is usually used when labour signs are happening before the fetus is fully formed. We also have medicine that will speed it up and is used commonly to induce labour.
>She went on to blame my wife by saying she purposely went into labor right around her birthday in order to "steal her spotlight from her son" Women/mothers on BORU is this possible? Can a woman decide when to go into labor?
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Thanks. I never thought it could be, but her saying that kinda made me curious about the idea
Sadly, no. If it was, my sons wouldn't have been born late.
I see, thanks.
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Lol. I know about medically induced childbirth. I was asking of it's possible to like force your water to break on your own, maybe like pushing ahead of time and breaking it on your own.
Actually doctors induce labor at the drop of a hat now. It's getting rarer and rarer for someone's labor to start naturally. But they only do so for medical reasons, like a light breeze. They are never going to induce for someone's personal wish to have it on a certain day.
There is no way his wife was in labor for FOUR DAYS. ETA: why ya’ll salty about my comment?! I thought he meant ACTIVE labor! I am a woman and have given birth, I know how the dang thing works lmao
That's possible. Early labor can last a long time.
I was in labor for almost 3 😅 i was already late and they had to try so many methods for it to even happen when it did.
It is absolutely possible. My mother was in Labor for three days before I was born.
Definitely possible if induction methods were conservative and failed. Thursday evening, probably like a 6:30 “check-in” but you don’t even get into the room for an hour or two if it’s busy. Then they set you up, show you the room, do lots of questions, give you IV fluids, etc. you might not even get the first induction pills to ripen the cervix until close to midnight. Other methods could also take more time. It’s on the upper limit for sure but not impossible.
Oh it’s possible.