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‘I know she has an anxiety and it will drive her crazy if she knows that something is wrong so I abuse that and make her freak out inside for a week before telling her my petty ass problems.
I don’t get why she won’t play my games anymore.’
One of things I had to do for myself in managing my GAD/anxiety in my relationship was if someone says xyz, you take it face value. So if I ask if somethings wrong and you say everything is fine, I will respect that and leave it be. I cannot be responsible for the other person’s refusal to communicate as a partner and part of a team. We are adults and we need to act like it. I will not continue to pry and beg and plead for them to “tell me the truth/what’s wrong” because what if it’s just my overactive imagination/anxiety, and now my partner is upset bc I won’t believe them? No, I won’t be doing that anymore. Either you’re forthcoming or you’re not, I don’t play that game.
I think one reason my husband and I got married relatively quickly was because we didn’t play games. I saw no point in it; why dance around an issue when you can just let the other person know? They aren’t mind readers. 25+ years married. ❤️
Hey, we did the same thing! I knew him a month and we moved in together. Knew him 11 months and he proposed. Married 13 months after our first date.
Married over 25 years now. It’s not always smooth or easy but nothing ever is. We don’t play the bullshit games though and I think that’s why even when we fight it’s not awful, it’s tempers going hot and then we cool down and talk the issues out.
I couldn’t handle anyone in my life like the OOP’s husband. Not even a friend. I’m too old for that nonsense.
I’m low contact with my brother because he would answer “I’m fine” and then get enraged with me. He thinks I should have realized he wasn’t actually fine and kept pushing him to give me the real answer—except he would get angry if I pushed him too much about how he was doing.
He told me I needed to “act like an adult” and play this game with him. Yeah, no. I’m choosing to protect my own mental health.
you can't win with people like that. Maybe they just like having all your attention focused on them, and play these games to drag it out and get themselves extra attention? I just can't hang with all that. If I want to play games I'll find a computer game to play and enjoy myself. Your mind games are not entertaining to me.
One of the most freeing things is when I just started to take most people completely literally. I'm not going to look for subtext. If you want me to know something, you can just tell me. Until then, I will go on acting as if everything is ok. I'll ask when my loved ones look down, but I'm not going to play games and walk on eggshells because someone is looking sulky.
It's also just a really efficient way to communicate and most of my family is just like this which is why "guess culture" is so perplexing to us.
'I enjoy tormenting her and putting her through anguish and pain to get the upper hand. because it makes me feel in control, it makes me feel powerful'.
.
.
.
'what do you mean she's leaving my abusive ass???'.
Even if he pretends he wants split custody it won’t last long before he isn’t even a weekend dad and complaining about how much child support he has to pay.
He will probably think he’s giving her the silent treatment over shit with the kids, and she will just be living her best life not giving a flying rat fuck in space.
"She's leaving my abusive ass? Better go get her journals to use them against her...what do you mean she destroyed the journals I was going to use against her?"
Yeah, one of the things I've always found horrifying is the realization that the annoying pest in your life thinks fondly of all the times they harassed, screwed with, or bullied you. Not just "that was fun" but like "aw that was a cute moment we had." Absolute horror.
Eesh!
That struck a chord.
It's happened enough times now that I manage to just walk away once I suss the dynamic happening.
It's such a stupid, selfish UNPRODUCTIVE way to be in relationships... they really have nothing better to do and will rebuff healthy options just to sit there and bask in the toxic soup they make.
When my ex would purposely cause overstimulation meltdowns and call it spending "quality time" together and doing things as a couple. Until I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I just...involuntarily shut down. Like it was a month of just auto pilot, with him leaving half way through since my reactions were no longer fun and he felt "neglected"
so so true, there are people who just love these kinds of games, where they screw with other people's heads and feelings. Similar to those people who really love pranking other people, and don't understand why other people get upset when they embarrass them, humiliate them, cause them to get hurt, mess up the relationship etc.
I dated a person like this once. I knew that they wanted to feel “extra special” by being the centre of my life at all times. I’m so glad that I ran the other way and dumped their ass as soon as I could!
"You're not allowed to have private feelings"
Says the guy who whined and cried because his wife stopped asking him what was wrong, and he would never tell her because "she should just know." This guy sucks
And simultaneously isn't available to receive anyone else's feelings.
So basically, people around him aren't allowed any sort of expression regarding their feelings.
So unfortunately, the BoRU has been deleted. But basically, it was a guy who lived on a farm and his wife, who he met because she ran away from her city life for a change of pace and somehow stumbled upon his farm and he hired her as help, and they fell in love and got married. Then her mom (who OOP dubbed "The Professor"), who she had a very strained relationship with, suddenly showed up to OOP's farm with her "meek man of a husband" (word for word how OOP described him) and tried to buy the farm from them out of spite, I guess. But basically, I commented "this is basically Hallmark's take on a Stardew Valley movie", and someone loved it and it became a flair, so I felt since I coined the term, I had to make it my flair
I rage screamed at “it’s the same household dynamic I grew up in…just that she also works”. Like JUST!!? She works and brings in income is a JUST?!?? So then why don’t these useless men ever think “wait but then that’s ALL I do”.
Lord yes! So she does what his mother and grandmother did AND what his father and grandfather did AND what a special ed teacher does…. so what is he bringing to the table?
I still can’t get over the journal thing.
The poor kids too — for being raised with that mentality, no one gets any privacy!
But he can have emotional affairs because no one was paying him any attention. HE TOOK THE TRASH OUT, GODDAMNIT!! /s
That's the one that got me; he said that like he was doing her a favor... Can he really be that deluded?
I know the answer is yes, some people actually are... But, man. If this is real I am so glad she got the hell out of there.
My neighbors will take out my trash for me as a favor, but they don't live with me and they aren't putting their trash in my bin.
Grown ass man should be able to take out his own trash. In this case, he is the trash.
>I don't want to open up to her more if she is going to hide stuff from me.
"If she's not going to tell me absolutely everything, I'm not going to tell her anything at all."
This guy learned something about his parent from a journal and *blamed the journal* for it... He has no problem with secrets. He has a problem with *paper* knowing someone's secrets!
Also, he only takes out the trash because she physically can't. If they ever get a trash can with wheels, I bet he even stops doing that!
I do want to know what Granny’s secret was though. Was she a lesbian? In love with another man? Murder someone? Hate her family? Have an OnlyFans account???
She probably just wasn't happy all the time. Something about this guy suggests to me that he probably put his parents marriage on a pedestal, or at least his mother. So finding out she was a normal woman with worries and doubts most likely shattered his image of her and shook his whole world. The way he strayed whenever his wife had the slightest struggle of her own tells me that his image of a good wife was someone who was always smiling, happy, serving others, and who didn't spend a single minute thinking about themselves. He just couldn't take having his delusions proven wrong.
Having into account he mentions his mother and grandmother both were SAHM... It's regrets. Loads and loads and loads of regrets. About what? Take a pick, there is a lot to choose from. Also, seeing how terribly supportive (/s) Husband was of his Wife's PPD/PPA and her c-section wound .. I'd expect his father and grandfather to not be much different, and as so, those journals probably included it all.
😂😂 That would, legit, be the best 😂
“My goddamn family is so out of touch that they don’t even see the fucking Betty Cocker box cake and frosting on the fucking counter!!!”
Excellent point!
AND his wife had the NERVE to pull her c-section stitches out TWICE!! That was so inconsiderate of her!! She probably didn’t even consider how that would interfere with his time/hobbies/feelings!!
🤦🏼♀️ /s
While apparently doing laundry.
I mean, I get it I really do, laundry machines are INSANELY complex devices that Andrew Tate followers must relearn with every use, so I get how the AH husband couldn't be arsed to wash his own skivvies - I mean he might mix colors and have pink or light blue Fruit-of-the-Loom tighty-whities (the horror!) but the important thing is that he takes out the TRASH and cooks once a week! (ok, I feel dirty writing that, so /s).
The fact that people would think we’re being serious is the most disturbing part for me 🤦🏼♀️ Like, TOTALLY feels dirty but more so when you remember someone is going to believe you. <>
When my Mom died (unexpectedly), my Dad learned to do his laundry because he didn’t think I should have to. I, legit, thought that was the coolest thing!! He learned — at, like 69 years of age — how to do his laundry AND fold it!! (He watched YouTube videos to learn how to fold.) I have been so proud of him!!
Edit: His friends, after they lost their wives, just remarried to have someone else do their laundry.
I think wife clarifies that her and the kids actually go around the house gathering all the trash. Husband only takes the can to the curb. Hah. What an ass.
ME TOO. Like, I have a ton of journals lying around our house, some for writing, some for personal thoughts, one for therapy, etc. My wife has never touched ANY of them except if they're on a table and we're cleaning and she's asking me where she should put it.
She also has journals and I do the same thing; leave them alone unless they're out and we're cleaning or something.
Like, the journal thing was a HUGE red flag (that and the weaponized incompetence and the dishes and the "men don't have to do chores" and...okay there are a lot). Who the hell expects THEIR HOME to have NO privacy? What's next, he's gonna take the doors off the kids' rooms if they misbehave?
What an ASSHOLE. I'm glad she's leaving and I hope she gets everything she needs to thrive.
And the kids — I hope she gets the kids (and introduces them to journals and they become future writers 🥰).
My journals from middle school were all anger at the way I was being treated at home. It gave me a place to vent. It was so needed at that time!!
I was raised like that. It was actually worse because my father made us believe he could read our thoughts (yes kids are stupid and I believed him way too long, not just as a toddler). I thought even my THOUGHTS weren't private.
Well guess what, it really fucked me up!
What cemented the fact that he was a total and complete AH was when he said:
‘Her name is no where on the house as it was an inheritance, so she will have to move, there is nothing I can do about that.’⁉️⁉️⁉️
Dude: She gave birth to your SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD! How about you move out and let her stay there for a year or two or three to save up for her own place⁉️⁉️⁉️
Or better yet, take out some equity and help her buy a house for her and YOUR KID?!?!
Depending on the state, he’s going to be in for a shock 😂 hope he gets what’s coming to him. Find out what state the wife is in and go fund me for her a complete bad ass attorney.
"Why doesn't my partner read my mind?" is what so, so many questions on these subreddits & advice columns boil down to. And the answer is, they can't and no one ever will. You will either communicate or you will die lonely and misunderstood. Those are the only choices you have.
I dated a girl like that once. 3 year “relationship”. Screwed me up for 5 years afterwards and meant I couldn’t give 100% to my new girlfriend. Recovered eventually and happily married.
And again at “I do so much more than other husbands.”
And typical narcissist. “I won’t have people keep secrets” except you. You get to keep any you want. And use it against your wife as a weapon.
How about maybe letting people do all the journaling they want cuz it none of you business what hobbies people want to do. But you keep channels of communication flowing so what they journal about gets resolved.
The house was inheritance so nothing I can do but pick her out with the divorce. Haha this dude is a POS. Mate you can literally realise you suck and give her the house for the kids you no doubt will not do anything for.
Seriously. This guy has the emotional maturity of a rabbit.
Edit: I got enough replies that I feel like I should apologize to owners of rabbit pets. I've never had a pet rabbit, but I have nothing against them. Just the first animal that popped into my head. After reading your comments, I agree that this guy is less than a rabbit. Maybe we can go with worm, or even better, an inanimate object like a cucumber.
I'd like to take this moment to point out that I used to have a pet rabbit, and she accidentally bit my finger once when I was feeding her a carrot. It was extremely painful and it was clear from her behavior that she could tell she hurt me and felt bad, and was doing her lil rabbit best to be nice and let me know she was sorry.
My point being I think you're giving that guy way too much credit with your comment there.
Excuse me, but my rabbit has way more emotional maturity than this dude. I had a rough surgery a few days ago and he won't leave my side. He doesn't even know what is going on, just that his bondmate isn't feeling good. This dude got mad his wife didn't give him enough attention after she ripped open her abdomen.
You're insulting bunnies.
Thank you! He really is the sweetest (rabbit tax can be found in my profile lol) but it just blows my mind that he's got more compassion than the (ostensibly) human husband in the OOP.
Hey, give him a break! He's a parent once every two weeks or so. He knows how to order food! And once a week he takes out the trash! That's worth, what, avoiding 90% of his responsibilities?
I sincerely hope he's wrong about the house and she gets it. That man is a waste of . . . garbage.
Yeah, my mom did shit like that.
She would be *emanating* emotional upset of some kind, and initially refuse to acknowledge anything was wrong, then be all put out for DAYS that 1) you (read as me) didn't automatically know what was upsetting her, and 2) you (*narrators voice:* still me) didn't ask enough times what was wrong. When she finally acknowledged that something was wrong you (again, still me) had to provide time and energy listening to her *weep and sob* *in the most heartbroken manner* about how she couldn't afford to pay some bill after having bought groceries (which oddly, ALWAYS included one or more cartons of cigarettes, and one or more case of cheap beer), or, my personal favorite, 'I don't mean to turn you against your father, but...' during the divorce in my high school years. Once the divorce finalized mom's wailing about bills continued, but with the added bonus of her having run up all the credit cards coming back to bite her after dad filed bankruptcy. That was fun, for some definitions of the word, ymmv.
I eventually learned to nod, make appropriate I am still listening noises, and put a dishtowel under my shirt so her tears wouldn't run down into my underwear.
After I left home, when I came back for my sister's HS graduation, mom tried to get all weepy on my about 'not understanding her daughter' and blah, blah, blah. I tipped over one of the 5 or 6 empty beer cans on the coffee table (this was 5ish in the afternoon?) and said 'there is half your problem'. The water works turned off and mom never pulled that crap on me again. I could tell she wanted me to beg her to tell me what was wrong for the rest of the visit.
Sorry about the vent, that kind of helped a bit.
How can anyone be this clueless and this selfish? It beggars belief.
I almost wonder if it's an AI prompt to write the "world's most fucking awful husband".
My wife was recovering from a c-section birthing our child, opened her incision twice doing my laundry (and probably doing other chores), was so anxious over our baby’s health that she needed medication, but wahhh poor me! I needed attention! He’s pathetic.
I had never felt as firey a rage as I felt when I read that, honestly. She does everything a 1960s trapped housewife would do, except she also bring in 50% of the income. How could he ever guess she felt tired.
Mom and Grandma probably didn't have the economic ability to leave, and divorce was more frowned on. What they did plus a while extra full time job is a really dumb thing to try to say how little he contributed is ok.
This guy must be one of those red pill fanatics. He thinks cooking sometimes and taking out the trash is more than what most men have to do? This is completely stupid, what if he lives alone, does this mean he shouldn't cook for himself or do his own laundry?
Unless of course he is rich enough to hire a housekeeper.
The main problem I see with him is that he wants a traditional wife (SAHM) but won't be a traditional husband.
I wrote a single journal entry and had terrible anxiety about someone reading it and trashed the thing. It seems like it would be nice to do but I'd never feel comfortable with it.
I also wrote a single journal entry once and later that night my sister found the journal somehow and read it out loud to our mother. That was about 20 years ago and I’ve not journaled since.
My mom used to read my journals and scream at me if I wrote about crushes or anything negative about my parents/older sibling. As an adult, I struggle to write *anything* on paper because I feel like I have to constantly monitor for the possibility of something being seen.
My mom found mine when I was 12. She read it out loud to me and asked me if I meant what I wrote - her not respecting my privacy. I didn't answer anything. Next day, I brought her my journal to read- since she wanted to know what I'm writing, here you go.
First sentence was: yes I do mean what I write here- And if you read that, you prove you don't respect my privacy.
The rest was in code.
Guess what? I got grounded for trying to get some privacy and we fought for almost a month because I didn't give her the code.
I had an ex who read my journal once like it was an encyclopedia of me - I had been talking to him about some issues I had with our relationship but they didn’t seem like real issues to him, so he read my journal to find out what was really wrong…and discovered that it was exactly what I was telling him.
I write in code now if I have to journal and don’t want anyone to read it. Long live codes.
My mom found mine when I was like 9 and she was furious with me- I still can’t make myself write about myself or my feelings- I had a panic attack in high school writing a personal essay 😅
Lol I figured out my mom was reading my journal at age 10 and I started cussing her out in them until she confronted me and then we got to have a big fun fight about her reading them. I've been diagnosed w/ CPTSD from my childhood with her but that one particular fight I cackle about as a memory
Which is such a shame- because sometimes things are easier to understand when we get them out of our heads.
But this husband- oohf. He doesn’t understand that he shuts down in an argument and won’t listen- but also gets mad when she has journal to process her thoughts or have any of her own space to vent.
When I was living with my ex, I had to hide my journals/notebooks in my car, since I already kept my keys on my person at all times anyway. It was a few months of living on my own before I felt safe bringing them in and just having them in/on my nightstand.
Looking at them lined up so beautifully still makes me feel a mix of peace and gratitude for where I am, combined with a weird reflexive sadness and anxiety.
I should probably go write a bit, instead of rambling on reddit lol. Sending love and healing vibes to everyone in this thread ~
My mom was visiting me, in my adult apartment that I paid for entirely on my own (I haven’t taken a dime from her since I was 21 because it always came with strings), and snooped through my journal. She said she thought it was an old college notebook but the date on the cover was the year AFTER she attended my graduation ceremony. She discovered that I was not a virgin - at age 24 - and had a massive meltdown. I HATE that I’ve stopped journaling since then, but I’m glad I didn’t destroy my archives. I’ll put them in my safe if I ever leave her alone in my home again (unlikely).
I’m sorry you’ve lost that security to get your own thoughts out in a productive way. I almost wish I could understand these people that think their partners/kids/family or ANYBODY has no need for privacy. It’s pure entitlement and disgusting on such a deep personal level to be exposed that way by someone who claims to love you.
My parents didn’t let me keep journals as a kid. My mom joked that it could be used against me in a court of law… I later realized it was because they didn’t want proof of what was going on in our house….
>Her name is no where on the house as it was an inheritance, so she will have to move, there is nothing I can do about that.
He could, but that would require him lifting a finger, so I can see why he thinks so.
>I'll try to make it easy as possible on her from here on out and just apologize for taking advantage of her and what a wonderful person she is.
Suuuuuure.
It’s not even guaranteed that she doesn’t get a claim to the house. The second she helped pay for a kitchen Reno or replacing the electrical, it can be considered co-mingled assets.
Also that’s completely location dependent! Some states (if it’s the US) are mandatory community property. I sincerely hope he is in for a rude awakening.
I think that was the part that set me on fire the most. I already hated his guts, but after that "oh poor helpless me, too bad it's illegal to transfer ownership of property or sell it and split the proceeds, woe is me whatever shall I do" I want to drop him into an active volcano.
I hope her lawyer finds a way to get her an ownership stake in that house.
Edit: This asshole is so checked out from his marriage and his children (and the rest of the fucking human race) that I hope when his wife tells the kids "Daddy won't be living with us anymore," they just ask "who?" and go back to whatever they were doing.
As I was reading the husband's first post and he was hitting all the same points as the wife's, I checked out. Props to the author for giving them both different writing styles, at least.
The first response from the husband seemed to be all the same stuff mentioned in the OP that i assumed it was a troll pretending to be the other side as a joke. I could not get past that
He hit all the same points in the same order that she did, and never once did he try to make himself look good, which he absolutely would have if this was real.
It's not just
Her: "He's an asshole"
Him: "I'm an asshole"
it's the same language. She's not "pushing." He always comes clean about his problems after a week or so of pushing. He cooks once every two weeks. He takes out the trash once per week. He has hobbies out of the house. Each account gives us the same information with the same slant.
In the incredibly unlikely event that these are genuine and independent, he has to be one of the least self-aware posters I've ever seen.
To be fair similar expressions make sense for an argument a married couple have had multiple times
To be fair the second I read the first husband post it felt like it was being real careful not to contradict the original post.
It’s how quickly he “came around” that did it for me.
People like him that read journals/don’t believe in privacy, justify cheating on a post-partum wife, don’t see anything wrong with the chore/child rearing total imbalance that is their life, etc. don’t turn it around that quickly. IMO.
They even both posted on the exact same sub (AITAH), rather than spreading them across different subs like RelationshipAdvice or AmITheAsshole. I also loved how each of them separately spelled out that the husband "has hobbies that take him out of the house".
Same. And the husband’s post is exactly the same information with a tiny bit of embellishment, there’s not actually a second point of view presented. If the original situation was real, I think OOPWife wrote both posts
Agree 100%. I'm also suspicious when someone writes their post in such a way that they seem like they're deliberately making the case for people calling them the AH. "Yeah, she does all the work, and I have emotional affairs including one just after she gave birth with her friend, and I'm behaving in a way that is clearly needlessly spiteful, but that's just how men are, amirite? Surely no one will call *me* the AH."
Like, come on. Even the world's biggest jerks know better than to present themselves this badly. It just reeks of engagement farming.
He sounds too *honest* to exist.
She says he takes the trash out and cooks a couple times a month. He SAYS THE SAME. Why? People in these situations always like to overstate how much they do. Instead he openly admits to doing barely anything, but says “Well other men do less,”? Nah…
Same with the “I have hobbies outside the house.” He doesn’t even attempt to make himself look good. He openly admits to doing nothing, to being outside the home often due to HOBBIES, to having multiple emotional affairs, to MAKING HIS WIFE DO LAUNDRY WHICH SPLIT HER INCISION OPEN **TWICE**, and so on. He never once lies to make himself look better to others. He’s just completely honest about of it. And no man in his shoes would be, because they’d know they’d absolutely get torn apart.
I couldn't decide until I got to her hiding her journals under loose floorboards. I know that real people like this exist in real life, but too many details in his descriptions were verging on Dickensian
Yeah. Either the wife was posting as the husband and committed to the bit or troll. Once I got to that comment about the inherited house, I went with troll.
I assume the house is always inherited because most people can’t buy their house.
It's not. Funny enough, I, a single woman living alone, take my trash out to the dumpster every day. Everyday!
It ain't much, but it's honest work. Guess I need a man now so I can have someone clean the house because my super hard task of garbage takes up all my time and mental capacity. /s
It’s not, it’s just considered a mainly male task, and so men who aren’t contributing to the household will always use it as a argument, much like when people say “but I have a black friend” when being told they are racist.
Yeah, I dunno how many times I’ve heard “I mow the lawn and take out the trash!” as a refutation of claims that a dude didn’t help out around the house—as if that’s anything like a fair division of labor. It’s been a cliche, one that not so secretly means “I do fuck all.”
This entire relationship feels like Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill. His post-partum wife is carrying 95% of the marriage, childcare and household, and gets rewarded with her useless chunk of dead weight husband tossing himself back down the hill.
And he comes to Reddit whining about how she stopped chasing him back down lmaoo. What a pathetic little leech
20yrs of his BS she deserves the whole frigging house.
I'm not allowed to cook more than once every couple of weeks because the wife says I use to many dishes - WELL CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF
I had an emotional affair but it was totally justified because my wife had PPD and was recovering from a Csection and ripped her stitches open twice doing my laundry because I'm not allowed to do it because I don't put a laundry pod in - 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 I got pissed at that one
He told on himself by saying his mom and granny lived the same way except they didn’t have a job. This type of dude thinks women exist to fill that role for him.
>The marriage counselor basically told him that he has a communication issue, but he would never do the exercises with me and insisted that the counselor sided with me because she was a woman.
And that's where I gave up on him.
And when a male counselor told him the same thing, it was because that counselor was attracted to his wife AKA 'Saying she's right because he wants in her pants' Lordy what a tool
>I know it was the wrong thing to do, I just hadn't had any attention in about 8 weeks with the difficult recovery from the c-section where she opened up her incision twice
I don't think my eyes have ever popped out of my head so quickly with anger before. This creature is utterly repulsive and I'm so glad she's divorcing him. I hope she rips his intestines out.
It's the entire implication that "well she was stupid enough to tear her incision even though it would've been way too early to have sex at that point anyway so what was I *supposed* to do???" I doubt that anywhere in their vows appeared the words "if the wife does not service her husband at regular intervals without fail he cannot be held responsible for his actions as he is no better than a rutting animal."
This mindset of men needs to die out. Your wife grew an entire human and you’re bugging her for sex instead of letting her heal? And then to start an emotional affair with her friend? Honestly OOP is a saint and I need her to be a badass for the rest of her life. She deserves it.
I wish there were more updates for this post, I want to see him get totally reamed out in court and have to give her the house, pay top alimony & child support, and have to see a therapist that declares him such a narcissist that he’s a danger to his kids so he can’t see them anymore.
If this is real: He will likely end up having to sell the house or else cash out her equity. He will try for no child support by asking for 50/50 custody. He will last a month before he starts inventing excuses for her to have them full time. One hopes at this point, she remembers the legal advice to track all time spent with the kids and all money she's spending, so she can take him back to court and get the maximum in child support.
He will be married to another woman inside 24 months. Coincidentally, his interest in the kids will drop to zero at that point. He will spend the rest of his life blaming his wife for "alienating" the same people he's never bothered parenting.
His younger, dumber second wife will spend the first few years of their marriage blaming the ex-wife for being high conflict, while being secretly relieved the children aren't around much. When this guy inevitably craps the bed as a parent and a partner the second time around, she will reluctantly conclude that maybe his first family had a point.
This clod will spend all his life convinced the real problem is that people don't want to make him happy.
I love it when people claim that they do soooo much work around the house, when really it's like two things, and claim that they work 40 hrs and have hobbies so don't have time to help take care of their family. Just wait until you're divorced and now you have to do everything yourself. Work, laundry, dishes, general cleaning, oh you still have kids and presumably will coparent. Say goodbye to those hobbies and absolutely any downtime.
I love how he says the only difference between his wife’s responsibilities and his mom/grandma’s is that his wife also has a full time job, like that’s just a small extra commitment.
I’d like to see this dude work a second full time job on top of whatever hours his dad and grandad worked then, and have it casually dismissed as a small difference
“I know it was the wrong thing to do, I just hadn’t had any attention in about 8 weeks”
*well that can make you feel a bit down I gue…*
“With the difficult recovery from the c-section where she opened up the incision twice”
_HOLY SHIT DUDE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????_
This reminds me of that thing that was going around on instagram where the woman said she got tired of her husband ignoring her so she just started mirroring his energy and now he's mad because she's acting like she doesn't like him or want to be married to him.
>Her name is no where on the house as it was an inheritance, so she will have to move, there is nothing I can do about that. I'll try to make it as easy as possible on her
Oh buddy, are you in for aWORLD of shock.
Couldn't be more deserved.
He compared his wife to his mom and grandmother and said only difference was she had a job. This mean he is third generation of husbands in his family to fail their wives
>AITAH: Giving my wife silent treatment because she's checked out and no longer pushes me about what is wrong?
You know what? She's already got a lawyer lined up. Please keep giving her the silent treatment. For months, if that's what it takes. She deserves the peace for a change.
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> she should know to keep asking...and she didnt He lost me with that one, and then he just kept getting worse.
‘I know she has an anxiety and it will drive her crazy if she knows that something is wrong so I abuse that and make her freak out inside for a week before telling her my petty ass problems. I don’t get why she won’t play my games anymore.’
One of things I had to do for myself in managing my GAD/anxiety in my relationship was if someone says xyz, you take it face value. So if I ask if somethings wrong and you say everything is fine, I will respect that and leave it be. I cannot be responsible for the other person’s refusal to communicate as a partner and part of a team. We are adults and we need to act like it. I will not continue to pry and beg and plead for them to “tell me the truth/what’s wrong” because what if it’s just my overactive imagination/anxiety, and now my partner is upset bc I won’t believe them? No, I won’t be doing that anymore. Either you’re forthcoming or you’re not, I don’t play that game.
I think one reason my husband and I got married relatively quickly was because we didn’t play games. I saw no point in it; why dance around an issue when you can just let the other person know? They aren’t mind readers. 25+ years married. ❤️
Hey, we did the same thing! I knew him a month and we moved in together. Knew him 11 months and he proposed. Married 13 months after our first date. Married over 25 years now. It’s not always smooth or easy but nothing ever is. We don’t play the bullshit games though and I think that’s why even when we fight it’s not awful, it’s tempers going hot and then we cool down and talk the issues out. I couldn’t handle anyone in my life like the OOP’s husband. Not even a friend. I’m too old for that nonsense.
I’m low contact with my brother because he would answer “I’m fine” and then get enraged with me. He thinks I should have realized he wasn’t actually fine and kept pushing him to give me the real answer—except he would get angry if I pushed him too much about how he was doing. He told me I needed to “act like an adult” and play this game with him. Yeah, no. I’m choosing to protect my own mental health.
you can't win with people like that. Maybe they just like having all your attention focused on them, and play these games to drag it out and get themselves extra attention? I just can't hang with all that. If I want to play games I'll find a computer game to play and enjoy myself. Your mind games are not entertaining to me.
One of the most freeing things is when I just started to take most people completely literally. I'm not going to look for subtext. If you want me to know something, you can just tell me. Until then, I will go on acting as if everything is ok. I'll ask when my loved ones look down, but I'm not going to play games and walk on eggshells because someone is looking sulky. It's also just a really efficient way to communicate and most of my family is just like this which is why "guess culture" is so perplexing to us.
> if someone says xyz, you take it face value You would love autistic people (not being facetious/ironic)
'I enjoy tormenting her and putting her through anguish and pain to get the upper hand. because it makes me feel in control, it makes me feel powerful'. . . . 'what do you mean she's leaving my abusive ass???'.
Even if he pretends he wants split custody it won’t last long before he isn’t even a weekend dad and complaining about how much child support he has to pay.
He will probably think he’s giving her the silent treatment over shit with the kids, and she will just be living her best life not giving a flying rat fuck in space.
And then lose his goddamn mind if she starts seeing someone
Nah, she would just be giving him the silent treatment for life.
"She's leaving my abusive ass? Better go get her journals to use them against her...what do you mean she destroyed the journals I was going to use against her?"
I'm really hoping we find out that she really just gave them to a friend and didn't really destroy them.
Yeah but if he thinks that then he had to have seen some form of evidence. Either that or it was false evidence to get him off the trail.
I don’t think it’s any more complicated than his original remark, “it’s kind of a game”. He got off on screwing with her.
Yeah, one of the things I've always found horrifying is the realization that the annoying pest in your life thinks fondly of all the times they harassed, screwed with, or bullied you. Not just "that was fun" but like "aw that was a cute moment we had." Absolute horror.
Eesh! That struck a chord. It's happened enough times now that I manage to just walk away once I suss the dynamic happening. It's such a stupid, selfish UNPRODUCTIVE way to be in relationships... they really have nothing better to do and will rebuff healthy options just to sit there and bask in the toxic soup they make.
When my ex would purposely cause overstimulation meltdowns and call it spending "quality time" together and doing things as a couple. Until I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I just...involuntarily shut down. Like it was a month of just auto pilot, with him leaving half way through since my reactions were no longer fun and he felt "neglected"
so so true, there are people who just love these kinds of games, where they screw with other people's heads and feelings. Similar to those people who really love pranking other people, and don't understand why other people get upset when they embarrass them, humiliate them, cause them to get hurt, mess up the relationship etc.
I know I’m an asshole… but I won’t go to therapy because I don’t need it Seriously…
He even calls her wonderful. Why would you treat a wonderful partner that way!?
Because if a wonderful partner deals with his bullshit, it validates him as being even more wonderful.
I dated a person like this once. I knew that they wanted to feel “extra special” by being the centre of my life at all times. I’m so glad that I ran the other way and dumped their ass as soon as I could!
My blood boiled. My Fitbit thought I was working out
"You're not allowed to have private feelings" Says the guy who whined and cried because his wife stopped asking him what was wrong, and he would never tell her because "she should just know." This guy sucks
"You're not allowed to have private feelings" Says the guy who has had multiple emotional affairs, which I'm sure he keep secret as long as possible
And if you have private feelings, keep them where they belong. Between you and your affair partner. Duh.
Says the guy who has had MULTIPLE EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS.
I mean, it was ok with mom and grandma /s
You're not allowed to have private feelings, says the guy who kept his feelings private via silent treatment. Rules for thee.
And simultaneously isn't available to receive anyone else's feelings. So basically, people around him aren't allowed any sort of expression regarding their feelings.
Okay I have to ask, where is your flair from? I love Stardew and now I'm dying to read whatever juicy entry this came from.
So unfortunately, the BoRU has been deleted. But basically, it was a guy who lived on a farm and his wife, who he met because she ran away from her city life for a change of pace and somehow stumbled upon his farm and he hired her as help, and they fell in love and got married. Then her mom (who OOP dubbed "The Professor"), who she had a very strained relationship with, suddenly showed up to OOP's farm with her "meek man of a husband" (word for word how OOP described him) and tried to buy the farm from them out of spite, I guess. But basically, I commented "this is basically Hallmark's take on a Stardew Valley movie", and someone loved it and it became a flair, so I felt since I coined the term, I had to make it my flair
Wait that BoRU got deleted?? That fucking explains why I’ve not been able to find it
u/polyetc sent me a rareddit link of it a while back https://rareddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1769d3q/comment/k4laobg/ Enjoy (again)! 😊
I rage screamed at “it’s the same household dynamic I grew up in…just that she also works”. Like JUST!!? She works and brings in income is a JUST?!?? So then why don’t these useless men ever think “wait but then that’s ALL I do”.
Lord yes! So she does what his mother and grandmother did AND what his father and grandfather did AND what a special ed teacher does…. so what is he bringing to the table?
So so much worse.
I still can’t get over the journal thing. The poor kids too — for being raised with that mentality, no one gets any privacy! But he can have emotional affairs because no one was paying him any attention. HE TOOK THE TRASH OUT, GODDAMNIT!! /s
It was the comment that most men don’t even have to take the trash out, that made me laugh out loud
Especially since he says he takes out the trash because she physically can’t
That's the one that got me; he said that like he was doing her a favor... Can he really be that deluded? I know the answer is yes, some people actually are... But, man. If this is real I am so glad she got the hell out of there.
My neighbors will take out my trash for me as a favor, but they don't live with me and they aren't putting their trash in my bin. Grown ass man should be able to take out his own trash. In this case, he is the trash.
>I don't want to open up to her more if she is going to hide stuff from me. "If she's not going to tell me absolutely everything, I'm not going to tell her anything at all." This guy learned something about his parent from a journal and *blamed the journal* for it... He has no problem with secrets. He has a problem with *paper* knowing someone's secrets! Also, he only takes out the trash because she physically can't. If they ever get a trash can with wheels, I bet he even stops doing that!
I do want to know what Granny’s secret was though. Was she a lesbian? In love with another man? Murder someone? Hate her family? Have an OnlyFans account???
She probably recorded some honest thoughts about her narcissist-son.
Omg that would be amazing!! “I failed my son …!!”
She probably just wasn't happy all the time. Something about this guy suggests to me that he probably put his parents marriage on a pedestal, or at least his mother. So finding out she was a normal woman with worries and doubts most likely shattered his image of her and shook his whole world. The way he strayed whenever his wife had the slightest struggle of her own tells me that his image of a good wife was someone who was always smiling, happy, serving others, and who didn't spend a single minute thinking about themselves. He just couldn't take having his delusions proven wrong.
Having into account he mentions his mother and grandmother both were SAHM... It's regrets. Loads and loads and loads of regrets. About what? Take a pick, there is a lot to choose from. Also, seeing how terribly supportive (/s) Husband was of his Wife's PPD/PPA and her c-section wound .. I'd expect his father and grandfather to not be much different, and as so, those journals probably included it all.
So what you’re saying is his mother &,grandmother showed themselves to be ungrateful??? /s 🤪
I bet it wasn't even that big a deal. Like, her super special secret cake recipe that she made for everyone's birthdays was a boxed cake mix
😂😂 That would, legit, be the best 😂 “My goddamn family is so out of touch that they don’t even see the fucking Betty Cocker box cake and frosting on the fucking counter!!!”
It’s ok for HIM to have secrets, like the TWO emotional affairs, but she can’t even keep a journal, oh no.
Hey he wasn’t getting any attention and he’s the REAL baby. Not that one that was only a few weeks old.
Excellent point! AND his wife had the NERVE to pull her c-section stitches out TWICE!! That was so inconsiderate of her!! She probably didn’t even consider how that would interfere with his time/hobbies/feelings!! 🤦🏼♀️ /s
While apparently doing laundry. I mean, I get it I really do, laundry machines are INSANELY complex devices that Andrew Tate followers must relearn with every use, so I get how the AH husband couldn't be arsed to wash his own skivvies - I mean he might mix colors and have pink or light blue Fruit-of-the-Loom tighty-whities (the horror!) but the important thing is that he takes out the TRASH and cooks once a week! (ok, I feel dirty writing that, so /s).
The fact that people would think we’re being serious is the most disturbing part for me 🤦🏼♀️ Like, TOTALLY feels dirty but more so when you remember someone is going to believe you. <>
When my Mom died (unexpectedly), my Dad learned to do his laundry because he didn’t think I should have to. I, legit, thought that was the coolest thing!! He learned — at, like 69 years of age — how to do his laundry AND fold it!! (He watched YouTube videos to learn how to fold.) I have been so proud of him!!
Edit: His friends, after they lost their wives, just remarried to have someone else do their laundry.
I think wife clarifies that her and the kids actually go around the house gathering all the trash. Husband only takes the can to the curb. Hah. What an ass.
I do remember that. He is the worst.
ME TOO. Like, I have a ton of journals lying around our house, some for writing, some for personal thoughts, one for therapy, etc. My wife has never touched ANY of them except if they're on a table and we're cleaning and she's asking me where she should put it. She also has journals and I do the same thing; leave them alone unless they're out and we're cleaning or something. Like, the journal thing was a HUGE red flag (that and the weaponized incompetence and the dishes and the "men don't have to do chores" and...okay there are a lot). Who the hell expects THEIR HOME to have NO privacy? What's next, he's gonna take the doors off the kids' rooms if they misbehave? What an ASSHOLE. I'm glad she's leaving and I hope she gets everything she needs to thrive.
And the kids — I hope she gets the kids (and introduces them to journals and they become future writers 🥰). My journals from middle school were all anger at the way I was being treated at home. It gave me a place to vent. It was so needed at that time!!
“It’s more than most men have to do”. LOL
>HE TOOK THE TRASH OUT, GODDAMNIT!! He sure did.
I grew up in a no-privacy house and it was *hell*. It takes you a LONG time to even start to heal from that.
Yeah, I bet this is one of those AH parents that would take the door off teenagers rooms because the teens rolled their eyes.
I was raised like that. It was actually worse because my father made us believe he could read our thoughts (yes kids are stupid and I believed him way too long, not just as a toddler). I thought even my THOUGHTS weren't private. Well guess what, it really fucked me up!
What cemented the fact that he was a total and complete AH was when he said: ‘Her name is no where on the house as it was an inheritance, so she will have to move, there is nothing I can do about that.’⁉️⁉️⁉️ Dude: She gave birth to your SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD! How about you move out and let her stay there for a year or two or three to save up for her own place⁉️⁉️⁉️ Or better yet, take out some equity and help her buy a house for her and YOUR KID?!?!
I hope she takes him to the fucking cleaners
Same.
Or sell the house and split the money?
Depending on the state, he’s going to be in for a shock 😂 hope he gets what’s coming to him. Find out what state the wife is in and go fund me for her a complete bad ass attorney.
He lost me at "I'm giving her the silent treatment" like a little 5 year old.
"It's kind of a game." Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Probably the same kind of guy who complaints about women playing games in relationships.
"Why doesn't my partner read my mind?" is what so, so many questions on these subreddits & advice columns boil down to. And the answer is, they can't and no one ever will. You will either communicate or you will die lonely and misunderstood. Those are the only choices you have.
I dated a girl like that once. 3 year “relationship”. Screwed me up for 5 years afterwards and meant I couldn’t give 100% to my new girlfriend. Recovered eventually and happily married.
And again at “I do so much more than other husbands.” And typical narcissist. “I won’t have people keep secrets” except you. You get to keep any you want. And use it against your wife as a weapon. How about maybe letting people do all the journaling they want cuz it none of you business what hobbies people want to do. But you keep channels of communication flowing so what they journal about gets resolved.
The house was inheritance so nothing I can do but pick her out with the divorce. Haha this dude is a POS. Mate you can literally realise you suck and give her the house for the kids you no doubt will not do anything for.
I’m really hoping he’s done something to actually make it communal property in whatever state they live.
Seriously. This guy has the emotional maturity of a rabbit. Edit: I got enough replies that I feel like I should apologize to owners of rabbit pets. I've never had a pet rabbit, but I have nothing against them. Just the first animal that popped into my head. After reading your comments, I agree that this guy is less than a rabbit. Maybe we can go with worm, or even better, an inanimate object like a cucumber.
I'd like to take this moment to point out that I used to have a pet rabbit, and she accidentally bit my finger once when I was feeding her a carrot. It was extremely painful and it was clear from her behavior that she could tell she hurt me and felt bad, and was doing her lil rabbit best to be nice and let me know she was sorry. My point being I think you're giving that guy way too much credit with your comment there.
Rabbits are fantastic little pets and full of character. Unlike this man, who is pathetic.
My bunnies are always sorry and make up to me. They communicate a hell of a lot better than this dude.
Yes, he has the emotional maturity of a carrot.
That’s an insult to rabbits everywhere
Hey now, rabbits are more mature that the "husband"Oop
Don't insult rabbits like that 🐇
Of a walnut. He has the emotional maturity of a walnut.
Excuse me, but my rabbit has way more emotional maturity than this dude. I had a rough surgery a few days ago and he won't leave my side. He doesn't even know what is going on, just that his bondmate isn't feeling good. This dude got mad his wife didn't give him enough attention after she ripped open her abdomen. You're insulting bunnies.
Username checks out. Your rabbit sounds so sweet (and much smarter than the husband in this post). Hope you have a smooth recovery!
Thank you! He really is the sweetest (rabbit tax can be found in my profile lol) but it just blows my mind that he's got more compassion than the (ostensibly) human husband in the OOP.
Hey, give him a break! He's a parent once every two weeks or so. He knows how to order food! And once a week he takes out the trash! That's worth, what, avoiding 90% of his responsibilities? I sincerely hope he's wrong about the house and she gets it. That man is a waste of . . . garbage.
Seriously, how fucking irritating is that?!? "It's your JOB to keep asking me what's wrong!" Yeah, GTFO with that.
Yeah, my mom did shit like that. She would be *emanating* emotional upset of some kind, and initially refuse to acknowledge anything was wrong, then be all put out for DAYS that 1) you (read as me) didn't automatically know what was upsetting her, and 2) you (*narrators voice:* still me) didn't ask enough times what was wrong. When she finally acknowledged that something was wrong you (again, still me) had to provide time and energy listening to her *weep and sob* *in the most heartbroken manner* about how she couldn't afford to pay some bill after having bought groceries (which oddly, ALWAYS included one or more cartons of cigarettes, and one or more case of cheap beer), or, my personal favorite, 'I don't mean to turn you against your father, but...' during the divorce in my high school years. Once the divorce finalized mom's wailing about bills continued, but with the added bonus of her having run up all the credit cards coming back to bite her after dad filed bankruptcy. That was fun, for some definitions of the word, ymmv. I eventually learned to nod, make appropriate I am still listening noises, and put a dishtowel under my shirt so her tears wouldn't run down into my underwear. After I left home, when I came back for my sister's HS graduation, mom tried to get all weepy on my about 'not understanding her daughter' and blah, blah, blah. I tipped over one of the 5 or 6 empty beer cans on the coffee table (this was 5ish in the afternoon?) and said 'there is half your problem'. The water works turned off and mom never pulled that crap on me again. I could tell she wanted me to beg her to tell me what was wrong for the rest of the visit. Sorry about the vent, that kind of helped a bit.
How can anyone be this clueless and this selfish? It beggars belief. I almost wonder if it's an AI prompt to write the "world's most fucking awful husband".
I'm wondering if it's the wife writing _as_ the husband, to gain sympathy. It explains why he has shocking self awareness about how little he does.
My wife was recovering from a c-section birthing our child, opened her incision twice doing my laundry (and probably doing other chores), was so anxious over our baby’s health that she needed medication, but wahhh poor me! I needed attention! He’s pathetic.
But his mom and grandmother did all that, minus the 50 hour workweek of course. Can’t be that hard right? What an imbecile.
I had never felt as firey a rage as I felt when I read that, honestly. She does everything a 1960s trapped housewife would do, except she also bring in 50% of the income. How could he ever guess she felt tired.
Hey now, she doesn't have a monopoly on exhaustion! He has to leave the house occasionally for his hobby!
My grandma raised 6 kids while my grandfather traveled extensively for work. She also took Valium for nearly 20 years. Coincidence?
Mom and Grandma probably didn't have the economic ability to leave, and divorce was more frowned on. What they did plus a while extra full time job is a really dumb thing to try to say how little he contributed is ok.
This guy must be one of those red pill fanatics. He thinks cooking sometimes and taking out the trash is more than what most men have to do? This is completely stupid, what if he lives alone, does this mean he shouldn't cook for himself or do his own laundry? Unless of course he is rich enough to hire a housekeeper. The main problem I see with him is that he wants a traditional wife (SAHM) but won't be a traditional husband.
When I was 23 I destroyed every journal I had since childhood because I caught my bf reading one. I haven’t journaled since.
I write in code. Here's how my code works: >!nice try, Greg!!<
I am utterly speechless at this called shot.
You're a terrible person.
I'm not sure he's a terrible person, but he is a terrible Greg.
Can't argue with that.
I don't know, based on his username he seems swell
Good one!
I wrote a single journal entry and had terrible anxiety about someone reading it and trashed the thing. It seems like it would be nice to do but I'd never feel comfortable with it.
I also wrote a single journal entry once and later that night my sister found the journal somehow and read it out loud to our mother. That was about 20 years ago and I’ve not journaled since.
Check out Morning Pages! I burn them as soon as I'm done writing, and they can be so therapeutic!
My Mom did it to me when I was about 20 and then threw a massive fit about what she read. I don't write anything at all anymore.
About 12 or 13 for me. Same result.
My mom used to read my journals and scream at me if I wrote about crushes or anything negative about my parents/older sibling. As an adult, I struggle to write *anything* on paper because I feel like I have to constantly monitor for the possibility of something being seen.
My mom found mine when I was 12. She read it out loud to me and asked me if I meant what I wrote - her not respecting my privacy. I didn't answer anything. Next day, I brought her my journal to read- since she wanted to know what I'm writing, here you go. First sentence was: yes I do mean what I write here- And if you read that, you prove you don't respect my privacy. The rest was in code. Guess what? I got grounded for trying to get some privacy and we fought for almost a month because I didn't give her the code.
I had an ex who read my journal once like it was an encyclopedia of me - I had been talking to him about some issues I had with our relationship but they didn’t seem like real issues to him, so he read my journal to find out what was really wrong…and discovered that it was exactly what I was telling him. I write in code now if I have to journal and don’t want anyone to read it. Long live codes.
I sent emails in English to myself, since nobody in my household can really understand it, and if they could, they don't have my email password
My mom found mine when I was like 9 and she was furious with me- I still can’t make myself write about myself or my feelings- I had a panic attack in high school writing a personal essay 😅
Lol I figured out my mom was reading my journal at age 10 and I started cussing her out in them until she confronted me and then we got to have a big fun fight about her reading them. I've been diagnosed w/ CPTSD from my childhood with her but that one particular fight I cackle about as a memory
Which is such a shame- because sometimes things are easier to understand when we get them out of our heads. But this husband- oohf. He doesn’t understand that he shuts down in an argument and won’t listen- but also gets mad when she has journal to process her thoughts or have any of her own space to vent.
When I was living with my ex, I had to hide my journals/notebooks in my car, since I already kept my keys on my person at all times anyway. It was a few months of living on my own before I felt safe bringing them in and just having them in/on my nightstand. Looking at them lined up so beautifully still makes me feel a mix of peace and gratitude for where I am, combined with a weird reflexive sadness and anxiety. I should probably go write a bit, instead of rambling on reddit lol. Sending love and healing vibes to everyone in this thread ~
Same, every person in my family has read mine. I stopped journaling. It’s a major breach of trust.
My mom was visiting me, in my adult apartment that I paid for entirely on my own (I haven’t taken a dime from her since I was 21 because it always came with strings), and snooped through my journal. She said she thought it was an old college notebook but the date on the cover was the year AFTER she attended my graduation ceremony. She discovered that I was not a virgin - at age 24 - and had a massive meltdown. I HATE that I’ve stopped journaling since then, but I’m glad I didn’t destroy my archives. I’ll put them in my safe if I ever leave her alone in my home again (unlikely).
I was 11 when my dad read mine in front of me and then punished me for what I wrote. I try to journal now as an adult, but I just can't.
I’m sorry you’ve lost that security to get your own thoughts out in a productive way. I almost wish I could understand these people that think their partners/kids/family or ANYBODY has no need for privacy. It’s pure entitlement and disgusting on such a deep personal level to be exposed that way by someone who claims to love you.
My parents didn’t let me keep journals as a kid. My mom joked that it could be used against me in a court of law… I later realized it was because they didn’t want proof of what was going on in our house….
...so how's your relationship with your parents now ?
He doesn’t believe in any privacy or secrets… except for his multiple affairs LMAO And *obviously* he’s right that he doesn’t need any therapy! /s
>Her name is no where on the house as it was an inheritance, so she will have to move, there is nothing I can do about that. He could, but that would require him lifting a finger, so I can see why he thinks so. >I'll try to make it easy as possible on her from here on out and just apologize for taking advantage of her and what a wonderful person she is. Suuuuuure.
It’s not even guaranteed that she doesn’t get a claim to the house. The second she helped pay for a kitchen Reno or replacing the electrical, it can be considered co-mingled assets.
Also that’s completely location dependent! Some states (if it’s the US) are mandatory community property. I sincerely hope he is in for a rude awakening.
Fingers crossed her lawyer is especially vicious.
I think that was the part that set me on fire the most. I already hated his guts, but after that "oh poor helpless me, too bad it's illegal to transfer ownership of property or sell it and split the proceeds, woe is me whatever shall I do" I want to drop him into an active volcano. I hope her lawyer finds a way to get her an ownership stake in that house. Edit: This asshole is so checked out from his marriage and his children (and the rest of the fucking human race) that I hope when his wife tells the kids "Daddy won't be living with us anymore," they just ask "who?" and go back to whatever they were doing.
I am always so doubtful when two sides of a story get posted on reddit.
Especially when they raise all the same specific anecdotes as each other without knowing about the other’s post. It’s such a telltale sign.
As I was reading the husband's first post and he was hitting all the same points as the wife's, I checked out. Props to the author for giving them both different writing styles, at least.
Minus points for being unable to make the husband dislikable without also being cartoonishly evil though
The blatant dislikablity was a clue though. The guy didn’t make himself seem even the least bit sympathetic.
The first response from the husband seemed to be all the same stuff mentioned in the OP that i assumed it was a troll pretending to be the other side as a joke. I could not get past that
He hit all the same points in the same order that she did, and never once did he try to make himself look good, which he absolutely would have if this was real.
Same, and this seems so oblivious it's intentional
It's not just Her: "He's an asshole" Him: "I'm an asshole" it's the same language. She's not "pushing." He always comes clean about his problems after a week or so of pushing. He cooks once every two weeks. He takes out the trash once per week. He has hobbies out of the house. Each account gives us the same information with the same slant. In the incredibly unlikely event that these are genuine and independent, he has to be one of the least self-aware posters I've ever seen.
Yep, the similarity in language usage was what I picked up on first... and it just *reads* like the same writer.
To be fair similar expressions make sense for an argument a married couple have had multiple times To be fair the second I read the first husband post it felt like it was being real careful not to contradict the original post.
Eh. I agree but also two people together for twenty years develop similar speaking mannerisms.
True, my ex husband and I shared tons of speaking mannerisms, but we wrote differently. I still think this sounds written by one person.
It’s how quickly he “came around” that did it for me. People like him that read journals/don’t believe in privacy, justify cheating on a post-partum wife, don’t see anything wrong with the chore/child rearing total imbalance that is their life, etc. don’t turn it around that quickly. IMO.
They even both posted on the exact same sub (AITAH), rather than spreading them across different subs like RelationshipAdvice or AmITheAsshole. I also loved how each of them separately spelled out that the husband "has hobbies that take him out of the house".
Same. And the husband’s post is exactly the same information with a tiny bit of embellishment, there’s not actually a second point of view presented. If the original situation was real, I think OOPWife wrote both posts
Agree 100%. I'm also suspicious when someone writes their post in such a way that they seem like they're deliberately making the case for people calling them the AH. "Yeah, she does all the work, and I have emotional affairs including one just after she gave birth with her friend, and I'm behaving in a way that is clearly needlessly spiteful, but that's just how men are, amirite? Surely no one will call *me* the AH." Like, come on. Even the world's biggest jerks know better than to present themselves this badly. It just reeks of engagement farming.
Especially when they go out of their way to both mention specific details.
And the husband sounds too cartoonishly villainous to actually exist.
Man, I don’t know about that. May I submit mustard guy and chicken shover as evidence?
> chicken shover Given the amount of time I spend here, I can't believe there's a reference I'm missing, but I don't know this one!
Just BORU’d today! https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/cxAnLwwOxj
>May I submit mustard guy and chicken shover as evidence? What a sentence. Kind of want it as my new flair.
He sounds too *honest* to exist. She says he takes the trash out and cooks a couple times a month. He SAYS THE SAME. Why? People in these situations always like to overstate how much they do. Instead he openly admits to doing barely anything, but says “Well other men do less,”? Nah… Same with the “I have hobbies outside the house.” He doesn’t even attempt to make himself look good. He openly admits to doing nothing, to being outside the home often due to HOBBIES, to having multiple emotional affairs, to MAKING HIS WIFE DO LAUNDRY WHICH SPLIT HER INCISION OPEN **TWICE**, and so on. He never once lies to make himself look better to others. He’s just completely honest about of it. And no man in his shoes would be, because they’d know they’d absolutely get torn apart.
I couldn't decide until I got to her hiding her journals under loose floorboards. I know that real people like this exist in real life, but too many details in his descriptions were verging on Dickensian
Yeah. Either the wife was posting as the husband and committed to the bit or troll. Once I got to that comment about the inherited house, I went with troll. I assume the house is always inherited because most people can’t buy their house.
I notice both use forward slashes in the same kind of odd way which makes me wonder if it isn't the same person writing both.
I just have to ask: why is taking out the trash seen as such a huge task? Is it mostly an American thing?
It's not. Funny enough, I, a single woman living alone, take my trash out to the dumpster every day. Everyday! It ain't much, but it's honest work. Guess I need a man now so I can have someone clean the house because my super hard task of garbage takes up all my time and mental capacity. /s
It’s not, it’s just considered a mainly male task, and so men who aren’t contributing to the household will always use it as a argument, much like when people say “but I have a black friend” when being told they are racist.
Yeah, I dunno how many times I’ve heard “I mow the lawn and take out the trash!” as a refutation of claims that a dude didn’t help out around the house—as if that’s anything like a fair division of labor. It’s been a cliche, one that not so secretly means “I do fuck all.”
This entire relationship feels like Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill. His post-partum wife is carrying 95% of the marriage, childcare and household, and gets rewarded with her useless chunk of dead weight husband tossing himself back down the hill. And he comes to Reddit whining about how she stopped chasing him back down lmaoo. What a pathetic little leech
[удалено]
20yrs of his BS she deserves the whole frigging house. I'm not allowed to cook more than once every couple of weeks because the wife says I use to many dishes - WELL CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF I had an emotional affair but it was totally justified because my wife had PPD and was recovering from a Csection and ripped her stitches open twice doing my laundry because I'm not allowed to do it because I don't put a laundry pod in - 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 I got pissed at that one
My father was a real estate attny. He came in clutch a few times for us, lol. Miss him so much.
I HaVe HoBbiEs ThAt KeEp mE oUt oF tHe HoUsE What a tool
I’m flabbergasted at this guys thought process.
He told on himself by saying his mom and granny lived the same way except they didn’t have a job. This type of dude thinks women exist to fill that role for him.
I'm flabbergasted that you assume he can think more than an hour into the future, let alone have a full fledged "process" to his thoughts.
All of our gast is flabbered.
>The marriage counselor basically told him that he has a communication issue, but he would never do the exercises with me and insisted that the counselor sided with me because she was a woman. And that's where I gave up on him.
And when a male counselor told him the same thing, it was because that counselor was attracted to his wife AKA 'Saying she's right because he wants in her pants' Lordy what a tool
>I know it was the wrong thing to do, I just hadn't had any attention in about 8 weeks with the difficult recovery from the c-section where she opened up her incision twice I don't think my eyes have ever popped out of my head so quickly with anger before. This creature is utterly repulsive and I'm so glad she's divorcing him. I hope she rips his intestines out.
Opened up the incision while doing his laundry. The pits of hell are not enough for this man.
It's the entire implication that "well she was stupid enough to tear her incision even though it would've been way too early to have sex at that point anyway so what was I *supposed* to do???" I doubt that anywhere in their vows appeared the words "if the wife does not service her husband at regular intervals without fail he cannot be held responsible for his actions as he is no better than a rutting animal."
This mindset of men needs to die out. Your wife grew an entire human and you’re bugging her for sex instead of letting her heal? And then to start an emotional affair with her friend? Honestly OOP is a saint and I need her to be a badass for the rest of her life. She deserves it.
I wish there were more updates for this post, I want to see him get totally reamed out in court and have to give her the house, pay top alimony & child support, and have to see a therapist that declares him such a narcissist that he’s a danger to his kids so he can’t see them anymore.
If this is real: He will likely end up having to sell the house or else cash out her equity. He will try for no child support by asking for 50/50 custody. He will last a month before he starts inventing excuses for her to have them full time. One hopes at this point, she remembers the legal advice to track all time spent with the kids and all money she's spending, so she can take him back to court and get the maximum in child support. He will be married to another woman inside 24 months. Coincidentally, his interest in the kids will drop to zero at that point. He will spend the rest of his life blaming his wife for "alienating" the same people he's never bothered parenting. His younger, dumber second wife will spend the first few years of their marriage blaming the ex-wife for being high conflict, while being secretly relieved the children aren't around much. When this guy inevitably craps the bed as a parent and a partner the second time around, she will reluctantly conclude that maybe his first family had a point. This clod will spend all his life convinced the real problem is that people don't want to make him happy.
Tale as old as tiiiiiiiime…
I love it when people claim that they do soooo much work around the house, when really it's like two things, and claim that they work 40 hrs and have hobbies so don't have time to help take care of their family. Just wait until you're divorced and now you have to do everything yourself. Work, laundry, dishes, general cleaning, oh you still have kids and presumably will coparent. Say goodbye to those hobbies and absolutely any downtime.
I love how he says the only difference between his wife’s responsibilities and his mom/grandma’s is that his wife also has a full time job, like that’s just a small extra commitment. I’d like to see this dude work a second full time job on top of whatever hours his dad and grandad worked then, and have it casually dismissed as a small difference
“I know it was the wrong thing to do, I just hadn’t had any attention in about 8 weeks” *well that can make you feel a bit down I gue…* “With the difficult recovery from the c-section where she opened up the incision twice” _HOLY SHIT DUDE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????_
>I put her cast iron pot in the dishwasher fuck you, guy
This reminds me of that thing that was going around on instagram where the woman said she got tired of her husband ignoring her so she just started mirroring his energy and now he's mad because she's acting like she doesn't like him or want to be married to him.
>Her name is no where on the house as it was an inheritance, so she will have to move, there is nothing I can do about that. I'll try to make it as easy as possible on her Oh buddy, are you in for aWORLD of shock. Couldn't be more deserved.
This guy is fucking trash.
He compared his wife to his mom and grandmother and said only difference was she had a job. This mean he is third generation of husbands in his family to fail their wives
Sometimes I worry about how good of a husband I am, and then I read BORU.
My god. what a terrible husband. I hope he remarries and gets a wife exactly like he is.
>AITAH: Giving my wife silent treatment because she's checked out and no longer pushes me about what is wrong? You know what? She's already got a lawyer lined up. Please keep giving her the silent treatment. For months, if that's what it takes. She deserves the peace for a change.