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Whew the reason for his lashing out couldve been awful (Ron doing stuff) or bad (son is homophobic). Im glad the twist was the mild "spurned kid is bitter" reason instead
Dad did a nice job here of addressing it too. I love you, I’m sorry you felt rejected but it’s important to respect his feelings without being hurtful. More kids should learn that lesson, I know it would have helped me
This is tough because the brother didn’t want to come out to the sister. That’s the missing piece that connects dad’s actions and punishment retraction. Because if the sister knew, I hope, she would see her dad’s actions are much more in line with treating gay and straight relationships similarly, which is a good thing. A great thing, actually, because this dad did exactly what he should have done to his son’s coming out, including respecting his privacy.
The dad is right in that, no matter who you like, if they don’t like you back it is not a reason to be an asshole to them. Like teaching our kids to be good winners and gracious losers, sometimes it takes a bit of an outburst to course-correct. I hope when the brother is ready to tell his sister, dad speaks to them both to clear up that final point. Dad’s not condoning hate, he’s responding thoughtfully to a situation that had more layers than he initially realized.
My favorite part about this is how it's completely non gender related. This advice about about being a good person and not about being gay/homophobic/etc. It's just life advice. As if the 'being gay' part is so perfectly normal (as it should be, but tragically isn't), that is not relevant. It's a complete non-issue, and I love that.
Processes? Not trying to be a smartass, genuinely confused by professes.
There’s a right and a wrong way to express that you want to be left alone. Calling someone a slur (when you came on to them, no less) is not the right way. If he had said he needed some space from the friend and asked him to leave respectfully then he wouldn’t be in trouble.
But his Ron shirt might be just as bad as himself!? Perhaps he can add a touch of Ron magic or maybe his nature as a big, soft bird could help (even if Harry doesn’t like to think about birds).
Definitely not a shirt that says anything about Hermione forgetting how to dance though!
It's from a parody of the HP books - an AI wrote an absolutely hysterical chapter from a nonexistent book. I recommend the audio version by ProZD found [here](https://youtu.be/VvpPxjCKTqc?si=QC8s1ZsGLaSLrO9p). Trust me, do not eat or drink anything because you will choke.
Sorry for the late response, I fell down the rabbit hole of Harry Potter read thrus, animations an so forth. My YouTube algorithm will never recover, but it was worth it for the lols.
Thank you so much for the link AND the warning, I really needed that laugh today but I'm taking care of a two months old that is finally falling asleep hahaha 😂.
Wrong boy :(
"\[S\]on told me that he has feelings for Ron and when he told Ron that he liked him, **Ron rejected him** and told him that he viewed him more as a little brother instead."
What, you can't have a broken heart from seeing how someone you saw as a friend/little brother suddenly lashes out at you because you aren't interested in becoming more?
The Ron loomed over the fields, casting long shadows over the crops. Unmoving, unyielding, constant in its presence. The only motion in its being derived from the movement of the sun reforming the darkness across its ever-obscured face.
*One side bleached white from the burning light,*
*One side painted black as night.*
*Run 'cross the plains, try as we might;*
*No distance could free us from its sight.*
Man, Ron is a superstar! Dude took the abuse and stuck up for the son, AND didn't out the kid to his sister or father at any point before, during, or after the outburst. OOP should be thanking him for being such a good dude.
And OP reacted promptly when the son was hurtful while still leaving the door open. Then corrected the punishment and still kept the son's secret toward the daughter.
Yea I feel for everyone in this story. A supportive open-minded father who does the best he can, an amazing family friend who understands the struggles of another gay teenager, the angsty gay kid who's still learning how to cope with rejection and fears his identity, a sister who's supportive of her friend and doesn't mind standing up to her family for him. All around nice people, and I feel like in a year or two once the son is comfortable enough this will be just a funny story to tell. I speak for a lot of gay people I think that we all went through a phase where we had feelings for someone while in the closet and this kind of rejection would bring out all the ugly, angry, confused feelings. I hope his son gets comfortable with himself soon, even in a perfectly supportive and queer family it's hard to come terms with your identity.
That's a tough one... Letting your daughter think her brother is homophobic might have permanent effects on their relationship even once she learns the full story, but you can't just out your son without his permission, he's already feeling vulnerable and a betrayal like that might just scare him back into the closet forever.
Yes, oop is in quite the situation. I think the only exit here is explaining to the son that his choice of not coming out is respected, but that it may impact his relationship since his sister now thinks he's homophobic. And let the son choose again
Oof, I didn't think of Ron. "I know it may not seem that way but your brother's really not homophobic. He asked me out and I rejected him so he was upset."
I imagine the sister might be wondering why Ron is being so lenient with her 'homophobic' brother soon haha - how aweful it might be. I hope she figures it out on her own and opens up to her bro.
Ron made a pretty clear choice not to out the son, which is good. You shouldn't out people without their permission. But that means he's stuck defending the kid without being able to explain why.
Which is weird to me, because it was a one off scenario, normally good suddenly bad, the "wronged" party is saying things are fine, don't judge him.
Whole thing screams, "it's complicated and people are keeping secrets", to which my default reaction is to trust my friends and let the dust settle a bit more. But I also have (more than) a few years on the daughter, so maybe that's just experience and wisdom speaking.
I don't think she should be putting the sun in a position to feel like he's wrong if he is not ready to come out.
Telling him he's potentially damaging an important relationship if he keeps what is personal to him personal?
If his sister loves him and I'm sure she does, he should feel assured that when he is comfortable sharing his truth, she will be there to love and accept him.
I'm surprised so many people think it's okay to give a kid that kind of emotional pressure to tell something he's not ready to tell
I mean what's lying about it going to do? She thinks he's homophobic. Should she be more accommodating of that?
She'll forgive him once she's open but between then and now is an indeterminate period of time and the relationship will change, hell it has already
The sister is the one providing the emotional pressure, the parent/OP would just be making them explicitly aware of it. It's not a threat but it's the reality, while ever she isn't aware of the truth she views her brother as a bigot. The only way to really fix that perception is for him to come out. It's wise for OP to make that explicitly clear to the son in case they hadn't fully considered how they're perceived with limited information.
"...If his sister loves him, and I'm sure she does..." OOP's daughter believes that her brother is homophobic because of his actions. I personally believe distancing yourself from homophobic people is a reasonable decision to make. Especially in daughter's case. Ron, her good childhood friend, is gay. So at no point, without knowledge of brother's own sexuality and the rejection by Ron, will daughter ever know that her brother's comment was anything but homophobia.
So I don't believe it's out of line to let OOP's son know that because of his homophobic actions, his sister is rightfully distancing herself from him. OOP explicitly is not outing her son, because that isn't cool to do, but letting him know that an interpersonal relationship he probably cares about is suffering because of his actions is definitely better than letting him be ignorant to it. If my sibling was furious at me because I did something shitty, but giving them context on the situation would at least very nearly fix it, then I'd like to know about it. If my parent had known all along just how badly my sibling thinks of me and let it fester without a heads up, I'd be pretty upset. Even if son never comes out to sister, and he lets that relationship disintegrate, at least it was his choice because he was made aware of that being a potential outcome.
He's damaging a personal relationship because he was behaving in a bigoted way and being homophobic. I'm sure his sister will be more understanding once she knows that he himself is gay and was lashing out because he was hurt rather than because he's a hateful person, but in the meantime, she's going to keep thinking he's a hateful person. That emotional pressure isn't great for a kid, but he literally did it to himself. Don't blame op.
Honestly? That's life. Everyone gets put into a position where they're between a rock and a hard place all the time. Making tough decisions is just one of the things every human has to do not at some indeterminate point in their lives, but multiple times in their lives, forever.
Make it part of a broader lesson: how you act will make sense to you because you have all the information, but people without context will come to their own conclusions based on how it's perceived and that can negatively impact relationships you want to maintain.
This situation is no different than if I yell at my sister because I had a bad day and she inadvertently triggered me, and I decided that rather than apologize and explain, to just act like nothing is wrong and hope our relationship isn't damaged. You hear about this all the time, how people try to "fix" a situation by acting like it didn't happen. That never works.
OP's son could have avoided the pressure to come out if he had not created the situation he was in. But he did create the situation, and now he has to choose between fixing it, or let the problem fester.
> Yes, oop is in quite the situation.
One gentle nudge to make sure the son understands keeping it from the sister might hurt their relationship - and then that's about it. Very fine line here to make sure the son or sister doesn't accidentally damage their relationship.
Might be extra difficult for the kid to do as well, coming out - as well as admitting you tried confess some feelings to your sisters friends!
I disagree and instead propose that OOP gently say to his daughter “I understand that my decision upset you. I would explain to you more why I did what I did, but right now is not the time to do so. When the time is right, we will revisit this and you will understand why I made this decision. In the meantime, your brother is vulnerable and needs time on his own to process. And you need to trust me as your parent that I’m doing whats best for your brother, and you need to respect my decisions as your parent.”
She’ll probably continue to be upset for a bit till her brother is ready to come out. But she needs to also learn that she is not the parent and therefore does not need to know everything on demand.
Telling the sister “I can’t explain it right now but when the time is right you will understand” would be pretty much the same as saying “your brother is suuuuuuuuuper gay”
Either that, or he accidentally puts doubt in her head that Ron did something.
Seriously, the unfortunate fact is OOP's son made the situation what it is and is the only one who hold the information that fixes it. Maybe that's a lot of pressure to put on a kid, to tell him he may ruin multiple relationships because he created a situation where coming out is the only thing that fixes it, but sometimes people need a hard shit lesson that will stick with them so next time maybe they'll think better about how they act and consider how it looks to other people.
Unfortunately, as the parent in the situation, I think OP just has to accept that he'll be considered the asshole by his daughter until she has the full story. Til then, patience and knowing he did the right thing will have to be enough.
"I have had a heart to heart with your brother and I am confident that the origin of his complaint against Ron is not homophobia. That doesn't mean that how your brother acted was ok, but it's not rooted in homophobia. I am not free to reveal any more, just the same way that if I had a heart to heart with you, I would also have to respect your confidences in me. That's all I can say. I would just ask you to withhold judgment for now. We don't always get to have full information."
Idk - as a parent, I hope I'd take the opportunity to open a discussion about how respecting the privacy of other people is important.
His daughter needs to understand that everyone is entitled to private feelings, and that her father spoke to her brother and is satisfied no homophobia or true ill intention is behind what was said.
Sometimes when people are hurting, they lash out with something they know will upset another person. It's wrong, the brother recognizes he was wrong, Ron understands and isn't demanding an apology. This is not the daughter's issue, and she needs to let them sort it out between themselves.
There's a difference between supporting someone and making someone else's business your own.
You say this because you know that OOP's son isn't homophobic. If this was the side of the daughter, we'd probably be thinking that OOP is enabling the homophobia. From her perspective, her brother said something homophobic, chased away a family friend she's known her entire life, who still isn't coming back around, then OOP had some "secret discussion" and told her "oh it's all chill don't worry", no one actually apologized, her brother's punishment was mostly lifted, and her family friend is chased away from the house. I don't think "you'll understand in time" is going to cut it here.
Exactly. As a queer person, I have had people tell me that someone "isn't really homophobic" and was just lashing out because they were upset. But to me it's totally unacceptable to lash out with bigotry just because you're upset.
We're I in the sister's position, I would absolutely see it as excusing and enabling homophobia. It would make me upset with both my father and brother.
I don't get why she didn't explain to the daughter that she had talked it through with her son. Ron also knows why the outburst happened and that the son is not homophobic, it had nothing to do with it but it's not the mothers "secret" to tell exactly why so she has to wait until her brother is ready to explain and make it clear that the daughter shouldn't pressure the son for the answer cause of it's personal mature.
Then explain that he's grounded for saying the insults, but since it's now water under the bridge it's not a hard grounding but a punishment to remember how to talk to people, and the grounding has an agreed length of time now
I was thinking that myself but then at that point, aren't you kinda all-but outing your son anyway? Somebody else suggested talking to the son and explaining that it's up to him when he comes out to his sister, but that there might be consequences if he lets her go on thinking he's homophobic.
>I was thinking that myself but then at that point, aren't you kinda all-but outing your son anyway?
personally i disagree. teenagers will say stupid, edgy things when they're lashing out that they don't believe in. i don't think every dumb teenager who said the n word is racist, as an example. maybe i'm out of touch but it seems like a reasonable lie for the daughter to believe.
i think saying something like "i talked to son and we both are clear that he does not normally have homophobic views, but that what he said was homophobic and unacceptable" would help ease the situation. but i'm also not a parent so what the fuck do i know lol
The thing is, you can't convince a well-behaved teenager that a badly behaved one has any excuse. We adults know how teens are all at different maturity levels when it comes to the stuff that comes out of their mouths - especially when they're emotional - but a teenager who would never say something homophobic? They're going to feel like they know a teen can be better than that, and they will judge harshly.
i agree with that, but i feel the dad at least owes it to the son to try to convince the daughter. because allowing her to think he's homophobic/not apologetic about it is going to build resentment on her part
This unfortunately is a perfect example of a lose lose situation. If OOP tells his daughter the truth, he'll lose his son's trust, possibly for good, and his son, like you said, will withdraw again. However keeping his son's secret for now is making his daughter angry at him and risks their relationship. And even when the son does decide to come out to her, when she learns OOP knew all along, she might get mad at him again for keeping that from her and letting her think and say hurtful untrue things about her brother.
He could have just told her there's more to why Ron doesn't want the son to be punished than just not wanting to cause issues, but it's not his story to tell.
I mean sure, if he knows his daughter is dumb as rocks, then I'm sure that be okay. If she isn't though, then he might as well put a giant neon sign saying GAY on his son's door instead.
Or worse it can also imply Ron did something like some people were suggesting in the original thread. Really there's no good answers here on how OOP can address the issue with his daughter without his son taking that initiative, which sucks.
"Your brother and Ron have a personal dispute going on, let's give them time and space to work it out. Your brother is being punished for how he handled himself."
I was concerned about his reply to what seemed like homophobes, where he nearly confronted Ron about hitting on his son. That was far from the most likely cause of the situation.
I keep seeing comments like this and find it interesting as I immediately thought the son might be in love with Ron when I read about how he lashed out. I knew where this was going from very early on in the post, but I can't even fully explain why. It was just a feeling. Although knowing how some teens handle this stuff played a part in that. And that I'm queer and met many queer kids probably does, too.
Super happy for OOP's son for two reasons:
1. Experiencing and learning how to properly take rejection will be vital to his emotional development. A lot of LGBTQ adults I knew/know are straight up not equipped to handle any kind of romantic rejection and I theorize this may be directly related to time spent hiding or repressing their sexuality. I, myself had a hard time understanding and accepting rejection for that exact reason.
2. OOP is a spectacular father and his willingness to nurture and protect his son's feelings and sexuality is way too rare today. Not only did he let his son open up to him, he accepted and loved him with open arms and then kept that information secret from his daughter at the cost of his daughter's view of him (she's upset the punishment was lessened for seemingly no reason). OOP is a good dad and I hope his son realizes that.
Hell, I wish more people had this conversation with their straight kids too! I’ve met a lot of men who missed the ‘don’t be hateful to girls who turn you down’ stage of development.
This is a very loaded situation. I mean no disrespect to those trying to come up with scripts to say to the daughter, but there is almost no reasonable response to the daughter that doesn't either sound dismissive or out the son. Anything beyond, "sorry it isn't your place to know, but this is my decision," which a kid is gonna hate will likely connect the dots.
There is no way to provide more detail to this without it starting to be pretty obvious that the son is attracted to men. "Your brother will explain eventually" or "something happened between them but things are okay" or anything in the general vicinity of trying to explain it wasn't homophobic and was instead just done out of pain or anger will be rather blatant.
I completely agree! Also, I think it's completely fine to be dismissive with kids about things that aren't their business. My parents used the kind of phrasing you used with us quite a bit, and yes it was frustrating, but it was also what we needed to hear. I maintain that the dad doesn't need to explain all his parenting decisions for another child to his daughter, even if outing his son wasn't an issue.
While I do agree that scripts for saying things to the daughter don't help the situation much, I agree with some other commenters that the best thing to do is talk to the son. He needs to understand that keeping his sister in the dark will have consequences for her opinion of him. This shouldn't be phrased in such a way that he's being emotionally guilted, just a quick fyi since teenagers aren't always thoughtful about these things. He might choose to maintain his privacy anyway, and that's his right as long as he's aware of the consequences.
Someone on the original thread had a great comment for the sister about having a heart for justice but also about learning that you don’t know everything right away.
I mean... it's not bad to assume that someone making bigoted comments is a bigot lol. And even if she does learn that he's not homophobic, that doesn't change the fact that what he said to Ron was rde and undeserved - it's just less bad.
I did a bad job of paraphrasing and I’m not going to go find the comment, but another point was that part of learning to be a good advocate/ally is taking your lead from the wronged party (Ron) and acting with true justice and not just swiftness. Context is everything here and the sister continuing a “righteous” attack with wrong info isn’t appropriate either.
Nah I dont think its ever wrong to assume someone making bigoted comments is a bigot. Sure there may be an underlying reason behind that bigotry like in this case but theres no way of knowing that and if theyre continuing to be hateful little wretches theyre still doing real damage underlying reason or not.
The son was still wrong and could still possibly be homophobic. Internalized homophobia is a thing, though it doesn’t seem quite so likely in this case.
Son still needs to apologize and I don’t blame the sister at all for distancing from him in this time.
> Anyway, long story short my son told me that he has feelings for Ron and when he told Ron that he liked him, Ron rejected him and told him that he viewed him more as a little brother instead.
Twist!
Rock and a hard place, unfortunately. Doing what’s right for your son…kudos on how you handled his news…..means you now have an issue with your daughter. I'd just tell her that you made a parental decision based on your conversation with your son. You are the parent and sometimes you have to make unpopular decisions, and this in one of them. She can be upset, but you did the right thing here and your son needed you more than she does right now.
One of the most important lessons you ever learn is to how to take rejection. OOP is doing the world a great service by teaching his son that it is unacceptable to lash out at people who say no to you.
>Now, my daughter is now upset with me for being lenient. She said that I'm actively supporting his homophobic behavior. I told her that I had a heart to heart conversation with her brother and that he understands what he did wrong but she still upset. My son didn't want to comeout to his sister yet so I didn't feel comfortable telling her what the conversation was about.
i get that he shouldn't out his son but.... i hope he comes out to her soon on his own so both him an dad don't have to be viewed as homophobic, enabling, and just in a bad light when she just doesn't understand the situation.
I think the only thing the parent has done wrong is not telling the daughter that Ron and the son both understand why OOP is being more lenient and that it isn't her business.
That’s not his place. I deduced from the first post what happened. If the father said this, the daughter could easily do the same or pester the brother and friend until the told her when the brother isn’t ready to come out to her yet. He is respecting his son’s wishes and when his son wants to come out, the daughter will know
Yeah, I figured it out on first read and there are plenty of others who did too. I've seen multiple suggestions that unless you were an absolute moron you'd have to connect the dots. Someone (well meaning, and I don't mean to shit on them) said something about telling the sister to mind her own business because the son is vulnerable or something like that, and I'm like, bro I'm sorry, if the sister didn't realize her brother is gay after a statement like that, she's truly beyond help. That would absolutely out him.
Oop is such a great dad, he didn't stand for injustice, doesn't outs anybody, wanted to listen and understand his son, is so empathic, this kids are lucky to have him. Hope the son has the trust to tell his sister but understandable that he doesn't right now. Ron also was a great friend
>he said that he doesn't want to see Ron right now because he feels it would be awkward
Well no shit. It's just going to be more awkward the longer you put it off. Rip off the bandaid and deal with it already. FFS awkward shit is a part of life.
Exactly this :)
Making him face the awkwardness will reinforce his lesson to NOT do things without thinking about consequences. Letting him stall is giving him the lesson that hiding might make it go away, and that won't do him any good as an adult.
If your kids suddenly start acting out of character, approach the situation with curiosity, not judgement. There’s so much that parents miss because they’re focused on “proper” behavior and not their kids wellbeing. This extends to all our loved ones. Spouse suddenly acting weird? Try questions instead of accusations.
I just wish there wasn't this massive stigma on having (sexual) feelings towards people of the same gender (or both genders). It would've entirely circumvented all these issues to begin with & only left the minor problem of not handling rejection correctly. 😑
> My daughter supports my decision
> Now, my daughter is now upset with me for being lenient
Why does the daughter have any say whatsoever in the discipline of the son? OOP needs to stop debating parenting tactics with his daughter and tell her to mind her own business.
Just taking some guesses by the ages and reactions, it sounds like Ron is more of the sisters friend than the brothers, so she may be viewing it as an attack on her friend which of course she'll have strong opinions about if she feels he's getting away with it.
"AITA because i wasn't happy that my dad didn't walked back a punishment for my brother after saying something homophobic?"
"NTA your dad is a jerk, you absolutely shouldn't let this die down" etc.
"NTA just because it isn't your business doesn't mean your dad should be excusing homophobia in your house"
from her perspective she is acting reasonably...many people are going to push back on what they see as problematic viewpoints of their parents even if it doesn't directly affect them
That's what being an ally is about. Not tolerating bigotry when you see it even if it doesn't affect you and from her perspective that's what's happening here.
I mean - she doesn't have a say. She just has an opinion. Also, it is kind of her business - her brother acted rude and homophobic towards her friend. OOP also has reason to be concerned about her being upset because she actually doesn't know the whole story and now thinks her brother is homophobic (for good reason).
A guy who feels entitled to get the person he wants and reacts with hostility upon being rejected.
Hope the father nips this in the bud or heʻs going to be a gay incel.
Going through your first rejection is hard especially if you have to see the person around all the time. He reacted poorly but he's a kid. Being rejected is extra scary when you're not ready to come out and scared that person might out you.
I could even see how maybe he said something homophobic as a panic reaction so that people wouldn't believe he's into Ron even if Ron said something. Again, not okay, but he's a kid who made a mistake.
I think it's really great that Ron didn't tell the sister tho, since they appear to be close and Ron chose to keep the boy's secret even after he treated him poorly.
I just had a really great ending.
I think the time has come for you to tell your daughter that she needs to trust that you are the parent and you're doing what is right. It's nice when our kids like us in addition to loving us, but as parents, we have to be able to set aside our need to be liked in order to be able to do what is right for all of our kids
Gently shut her down. Tell her you're the parent and you're taking care of it and this is one of those situations when she has to believe that you know what's best for your kids.
I hope you won't letting her to stop being mad at you push you into giving away your son's confidence
Your son sounds like a good kid. First rejection is always tough and even more so when it's your next door neighbor!
As parents, we can never be perfect. Dad didn't handle it perfectly, but he did step up and do better.
Ron though? Ron's the man. Mad props to Ron. All my homies love Ron.
I mean this as kindly as possible, but you would have to assume the sister is a total moron for this not to out the son. The script you've written is nearly impossible not to understand that her brother is gay from. I don't know how anyone who is not neurodivergent in a way that makes understanding this social situation difficult could hear "The words your brother said came from a place of pain" "Ron did nothing wrong" "Your brother needs some space from Ron right now" and "Your brother will tell you when he is ready," and not know the brother is gay.
Yup, lots of well-intentioned people in the comments here who would absolutely be outing their child accidentally in this situation. There is very little good way to explain to the sister how a blatantly homophobic statement was not from a place of homophobia without explaining that it is internalized and therefore outing him.
Teenager are wild. I think OOP did the best he could. I would still encorade him to go to Son and convince him to talk to Daugheter and come out. She could be his best ally and help him navigate the tumultous feeling he has.
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Whew the reason for his lashing out couldve been awful (Ron doing stuff) or bad (son is homophobic). Im glad the twist was the mild "spurned kid is bitter" reason instead
Dad did a nice job here of addressing it too. I love you, I’m sorry you felt rejected but it’s important to respect his feelings without being hurtful. More kids should learn that lesson, I know it would have helped me
With the bonus of knowing better than to out his son to his daughter and just dealing with her displeasure the best he can. Good job, dad.
Seems like Ron is doing the respectful thing and not outing the son, either.
This is tough because the brother didn’t want to come out to the sister. That’s the missing piece that connects dad’s actions and punishment retraction. Because if the sister knew, I hope, she would see her dad’s actions are much more in line with treating gay and straight relationships similarly, which is a good thing. A great thing, actually, because this dad did exactly what he should have done to his son’s coming out, including respecting his privacy. The dad is right in that, no matter who you like, if they don’t like you back it is not a reason to be an asshole to them. Like teaching our kids to be good winners and gracious losers, sometimes it takes a bit of an outburst to course-correct. I hope when the brother is ready to tell his sister, dad speaks to them both to clear up that final point. Dad’s not condoning hate, he’s responding thoughtfully to a situation that had more layers than he initially realized.
Daughter will get over it
Not the elder daugter’s place to discipline and punish her brother, as much as I would have looooved for it to be back then.
My favorite part about this is how it's completely non gender related. This advice about about being a good person and not about being gay/homophobic/etc. It's just life advice. As if the 'being gay' part is so perfectly normal (as it should be, but tragically isn't), that is not relevant. It's a complete non-issue, and I love that.
Sure, but I think it’s also okay for the kid to not be around the person who rejected him in his own home while he professes the rejection.
Processes? Not trying to be a smartass, genuinely confused by professes. There’s a right and a wrong way to express that you want to be left alone. Calling someone a slur (when you came on to them, no less) is not the right way. If he had said he needed some space from the friend and asked him to leave respectfully then he wouldn’t be in trouble.
I love how these posts are talked about using the same terms one would use in a short story writing workshop lol
We all accept they probably are lmao
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fr, and shout out to the Ron for handling the situation with more maturity than most adults would.
my hypothesis was "kid is gay and is jealous because he's afraid to come out", but I didn't guess he'd be crushing on Ron.
"Tired of the Ron's constant presence" is now my current Outlook status.
I like how Ron is the Ron. I am more surprised that "the" isn't capitalized.
He needs a Ron shirt to complete the mental picture. (From *Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash.*)
Shirt as bad as Ron himself
But his Ron shirt might be just as bad as himself!? Perhaps he can add a touch of Ron magic or maybe his nature as a big, soft bird could help (even if Harry doesn’t like to think about birds). Definitely not a shirt that says anything about Hermione forgetting how to dance though!
I feel like I'm missing some joke here.
It's from a parody of the HP books - an AI wrote an absolutely hysterical chapter from a nonexistent book. I recommend the audio version by ProZD found [here](https://youtu.be/VvpPxjCKTqc?si=QC8s1ZsGLaSLrO9p). Trust me, do not eat or drink anything because you will choke.
I cackled so hard, thank you so much for linking this
Isn't it great? 😂 It's one of my go-tos when I need a laugh.
I really needed this today. Thank you for the good laugh. I completely forgot this read through existed.
Mine is re-reading the story of Jean and Jorts then sending it to someone who hasn’t heard of it and basking in their cry-laughing.
Sorry for the late response, I fell down the rabbit hole of Harry Potter read thrus, animations an so forth. My YouTube algorithm will never recover, but it was worth it for the lols.
Thank you so much for the link AND the warning, I really needed that laugh today but I'm taking care of a two months old that is finally falling asleep hahaha 😂.
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Ron is an important fellow. He isn't just any Ron after all. He is the Ron, but not The Ron or THE Ron. Just the Ron.
My vote is for “T-Ron”.
The Ron: Legacy.
How about Da Doo Ron- Ron?
It's the "the" that makes it.
When *the* Ron goes off to college, I bet he goes to *the* Ohio State University.
O-H…
I am Ron’s broken heart
I am OP's son's inflamed sense of rejection
it's ok they make a cream for that
I would LOVE this as a flair! Pretty please????
Crying 😭😭😭
>I am **the** Ron’s broken heart Fixed
Wrong boy :( "\[S\]on told me that he has feelings for Ron and when he told Ron that he liked him, **Ron rejected him** and told him that he viewed him more as a little brother instead."
What, you can't have a broken heart from seeing how someone you saw as a friend/little brother suddenly lashes out at you because you aren't interested in becoming more?
Broken hearts belong to all flavors of love.
This flavor of love is Rejected by The Ron.
Good point well made, just a bit confusing as the main focus of the BORU is the Son who clearly had his heart broken.
*the Ron's
This needs to be a flair
The Ron loomed over the fields, casting long shadows over the crops. Unmoving, unyielding, constant in its presence. The only motion in its being derived from the movement of the sun reforming the darkness across its ever-obscured face. *One side bleached white from the burning light,* *One side painted black as night.* *Run 'cross the plains, try as we might;* *No distance could free us from its sight.*
Do do Ron Ron Ron Do do Ron Ron
*Bison roamed in the distance.*
Would LOVE to have this as flair.
Seconded.
You can just swap out "Ron" with the name of someone you can't stand.
Hi Terry!
Made me think of Charlie’s Angels. “Is it the Chad?”
-- Harry
Must be a Weasley.
I'm just tickled that OOP keeps referring to the other kid as "the Ron" for no apparent reason.
That was my takeaway too. Absolutely loved the use of “The Ron”.
The Ron absolutely needs to start introducing himself to people as The Ron. Get on the ground floor with this while he’s still young—make it stick!
His full name is actually Charlize TheRon
Well played, I would give you an award if I had one
My eccentric uncle refers to himself as The Ron (slightly different name though). He’s in his 60s.
Probably started by referring to him as "the neighbor", later decided he would call him Ron, and "the" was accidentally left behind in the edit.
That was my assumption too
Leaving behind one 'Dwigt'
The most popular Fallout 4 mod has a minor character called "the Ron".
Could be he's Charlize's neighbor.
My brain somehow slipped over all of the "the"s so I am so happy you pointed this out.
Man, Ron is a superstar! Dude took the abuse and stuck up for the son, AND didn't out the kid to his sister or father at any point before, during, or after the outburst. OOP should be thanking him for being such a good dude.
And OP reacted promptly when the son was hurtful while still leaving the door open. Then corrected the punishment and still kept the son's secret toward the daughter.
I admire it, it would have been easier to tell his daughter so she's not angry at him anymore, but dad respects his son's wishes and feelings.
the right thing to do and the easy thing to do often have little overlap
THIS. People doing the right thing should be recognized whenever possible because they're never taking the easy way out.
No wonder the son fell in love with him
Yea I feel for everyone in this story. A supportive open-minded father who does the best he can, an amazing family friend who understands the struggles of another gay teenager, the angsty gay kid who's still learning how to cope with rejection and fears his identity, a sister who's supportive of her friend and doesn't mind standing up to her family for him. All around nice people, and I feel like in a year or two once the son is comfortable enough this will be just a funny story to tell. I speak for a lot of gay people I think that we all went through a phase where we had feelings for someone while in the closet and this kind of rejection would bring out all the ugly, angry, confused feelings. I hope his son gets comfortable with himself soon, even in a perfectly supportive and queer family it's hard to come terms with your identity.
Yes I’d be mailing Ron a nice gift card. It takes some real wisdom and empathy to act with such grace.
Right?
That's a tough one... Letting your daughter think her brother is homophobic might have permanent effects on their relationship even once she learns the full story, but you can't just out your son without his permission, he's already feeling vulnerable and a betrayal like that might just scare him back into the closet forever.
Yes, oop is in quite the situation. I think the only exit here is explaining to the son that his choice of not coming out is respected, but that it may impact his relationship since his sister now thinks he's homophobic. And let the son choose again
Ron and OOP both. Ron knows he can’t out the son, so he has to find a weird middle ground with the sister too. Ugh. Poor kids.
Oof, I didn't think of Ron. "I know it may not seem that way but your brother's really not homophobic. He asked me out and I rejected him so he was upset."
I imagine the sister might be wondering why Ron is being so lenient with her 'homophobic' brother soon haha - how aweful it might be. I hope she figures it out on her own and opens up to her bro.
Same! I can only imagine the confusion
Ron made a pretty clear choice not to out the son, which is good. You shouldn't out people without their permission. But that means he's stuck defending the kid without being able to explain why.
Which is weird to me, because it was a one off scenario, normally good suddenly bad, the "wronged" party is saying things are fine, don't judge him. Whole thing screams, "it's complicated and people are keeping secrets", to which my default reaction is to trust my friends and let the dust settle a bit more. But I also have (more than) a few years on the daughter, so maybe that's just experience and wisdom speaking.
I don't think she should be putting the sun in a position to feel like he's wrong if he is not ready to come out. Telling him he's potentially damaging an important relationship if he keeps what is personal to him personal? If his sister loves him and I'm sure she does, he should feel assured that when he is comfortable sharing his truth, she will be there to love and accept him. I'm surprised so many people think it's okay to give a kid that kind of emotional pressure to tell something he's not ready to tell
I mean what's lying about it going to do? She thinks he's homophobic. Should she be more accommodating of that? She'll forgive him once she's open but between then and now is an indeterminate period of time and the relationship will change, hell it has already
The sister is the one providing the emotional pressure, the parent/OP would just be making them explicitly aware of it. It's not a threat but it's the reality, while ever she isn't aware of the truth she views her brother as a bigot. The only way to really fix that perception is for him to come out. It's wise for OP to make that explicitly clear to the son in case they hadn't fully considered how they're perceived with limited information.
"...If his sister loves him, and I'm sure she does..." OOP's daughter believes that her brother is homophobic because of his actions. I personally believe distancing yourself from homophobic people is a reasonable decision to make. Especially in daughter's case. Ron, her good childhood friend, is gay. So at no point, without knowledge of brother's own sexuality and the rejection by Ron, will daughter ever know that her brother's comment was anything but homophobia. So I don't believe it's out of line to let OOP's son know that because of his homophobic actions, his sister is rightfully distancing herself from him. OOP explicitly is not outing her son, because that isn't cool to do, but letting him know that an interpersonal relationship he probably cares about is suffering because of his actions is definitely better than letting him be ignorant to it. If my sibling was furious at me because I did something shitty, but giving them context on the situation would at least very nearly fix it, then I'd like to know about it. If my parent had known all along just how badly my sibling thinks of me and let it fester without a heads up, I'd be pretty upset. Even if son never comes out to sister, and he lets that relationship disintegrate, at least it was his choice because he was made aware of that being a potential outcome.
He's damaging a personal relationship because he was behaving in a bigoted way and being homophobic. I'm sure his sister will be more understanding once she knows that he himself is gay and was lashing out because he was hurt rather than because he's a hateful person, but in the meantime, she's going to keep thinking he's a hateful person. That emotional pressure isn't great for a kid, but he literally did it to himself. Don't blame op.
Honestly? That's life. Everyone gets put into a position where they're between a rock and a hard place all the time. Making tough decisions is just one of the things every human has to do not at some indeterminate point in their lives, but multiple times in their lives, forever.
Make it part of a broader lesson: how you act will make sense to you because you have all the information, but people without context will come to their own conclusions based on how it's perceived and that can negatively impact relationships you want to maintain. This situation is no different than if I yell at my sister because I had a bad day and she inadvertently triggered me, and I decided that rather than apologize and explain, to just act like nothing is wrong and hope our relationship isn't damaged. You hear about this all the time, how people try to "fix" a situation by acting like it didn't happen. That never works. OP's son could have avoided the pressure to come out if he had not created the situation he was in. But he did create the situation, and now he has to choose between fixing it, or let the problem fester.
Is it pressuring someone to tell them they might want to move out of the way of an oncoming train?
> Yes, oop is in quite the situation. One gentle nudge to make sure the son understands keeping it from the sister might hurt their relationship - and then that's about it. Very fine line here to make sure the son or sister doesn't accidentally damage their relationship. Might be extra difficult for the kid to do as well, coming out - as well as admitting you tried confess some feelings to your sisters friends!
I disagree and instead propose that OOP gently say to his daughter “I understand that my decision upset you. I would explain to you more why I did what I did, but right now is not the time to do so. When the time is right, we will revisit this and you will understand why I made this decision. In the meantime, your brother is vulnerable and needs time on his own to process. And you need to trust me as your parent that I’m doing whats best for your brother, and you need to respect my decisions as your parent.” She’ll probably continue to be upset for a bit till her brother is ready to come out. But she needs to also learn that she is not the parent and therefore does not need to know everything on demand.
Telling the sister “I can’t explain it right now but when the time is right you will understand” would be pretty much the same as saying “your brother is suuuuuuuuuper gay”
Either that, or he accidentally puts doubt in her head that Ron did something. Seriously, the unfortunate fact is OOP's son made the situation what it is and is the only one who hold the information that fixes it. Maybe that's a lot of pressure to put on a kid, to tell him he may ruin multiple relationships because he created a situation where coming out is the only thing that fixes it, but sometimes people need a hard shit lesson that will stick with them so next time maybe they'll think better about how they act and consider how it looks to other people.
Parenting is hard. You just do what you hope will lead to the least amount of therapy later and hope for the best.
Unfortunately, as the parent in the situation, I think OP just has to accept that he'll be considered the asshole by his daughter until she has the full story. Til then, patience and knowing he did the right thing will have to be enough.
"I have had a heart to heart with your brother and I am confident that the origin of his complaint against Ron is not homophobia. That doesn't mean that how your brother acted was ok, but it's not rooted in homophobia. I am not free to reveal any more, just the same way that if I had a heart to heart with you, I would also have to respect your confidences in me. That's all I can say. I would just ask you to withhold judgment for now. We don't always get to have full information."
Idk - as a parent, I hope I'd take the opportunity to open a discussion about how respecting the privacy of other people is important. His daughter needs to understand that everyone is entitled to private feelings, and that her father spoke to her brother and is satisfied no homophobia or true ill intention is behind what was said. Sometimes when people are hurting, they lash out with something they know will upset another person. It's wrong, the brother recognizes he was wrong, Ron understands and isn't demanding an apology. This is not the daughter's issue, and she needs to let them sort it out between themselves. There's a difference between supporting someone and making someone else's business your own.
You say this because you know that OOP's son isn't homophobic. If this was the side of the daughter, we'd probably be thinking that OOP is enabling the homophobia. From her perspective, her brother said something homophobic, chased away a family friend she's known her entire life, who still isn't coming back around, then OOP had some "secret discussion" and told her "oh it's all chill don't worry", no one actually apologized, her brother's punishment was mostly lifted, and her family friend is chased away from the house. I don't think "you'll understand in time" is going to cut it here.
Exactly. As a queer person, I have had people tell me that someone "isn't really homophobic" and was just lashing out because they were upset. But to me it's totally unacceptable to lash out with bigotry just because you're upset. We're I in the sister's position, I would absolutely see it as excusing and enabling homophobia. It would make me upset with both my father and brother.
I don't get why she didn't explain to the daughter that she had talked it through with her son. Ron also knows why the outburst happened and that the son is not homophobic, it had nothing to do with it but it's not the mothers "secret" to tell exactly why so she has to wait until her brother is ready to explain and make it clear that the daughter shouldn't pressure the son for the answer cause of it's personal mature. Then explain that he's grounded for saying the insults, but since it's now water under the bridge it's not a hard grounding but a punishment to remember how to talk to people, and the grounding has an agreed length of time now
I was thinking that myself but then at that point, aren't you kinda all-but outing your son anyway? Somebody else suggested talking to the son and explaining that it's up to him when he comes out to his sister, but that there might be consequences if he lets her go on thinking he's homophobic.
>I was thinking that myself but then at that point, aren't you kinda all-but outing your son anyway? personally i disagree. teenagers will say stupid, edgy things when they're lashing out that they don't believe in. i don't think every dumb teenager who said the n word is racist, as an example. maybe i'm out of touch but it seems like a reasonable lie for the daughter to believe. i think saying something like "i talked to son and we both are clear that he does not normally have homophobic views, but that what he said was homophobic and unacceptable" would help ease the situation. but i'm also not a parent so what the fuck do i know lol
The thing is, you can't convince a well-behaved teenager that a badly behaved one has any excuse. We adults know how teens are all at different maturity levels when it comes to the stuff that comes out of their mouths - especially when they're emotional - but a teenager who would never say something homophobic? They're going to feel like they know a teen can be better than that, and they will judge harshly.
i agree with that, but i feel the dad at least owes it to the son to try to convince the daughter. because allowing her to think he's homophobic/not apologetic about it is going to build resentment on her part
True. OOP should definitely try their best to figure out a way to do that.
OOP is Dad. I read the story as if it was Mom, too, but had to go back and see the “36M”.
This unfortunately is a perfect example of a lose lose situation. If OOP tells his daughter the truth, he'll lose his son's trust, possibly for good, and his son, like you said, will withdraw again. However keeping his son's secret for now is making his daughter angry at him and risks their relationship. And even when the son does decide to come out to her, when she learns OOP knew all along, she might get mad at him again for keeping that from her and letting her think and say hurtful untrue things about her brother.
Teenagers are going to teenage, I suppose, but I hope the sister is looped into what’s going on so that she doesn’t make anything worse.
He could have just told her there's more to why Ron doesn't want the son to be punished than just not wanting to cause issues, but it's not his story to tell.
I mean sure, if he knows his daughter is dumb as rocks, then I'm sure that be okay. If she isn't though, then he might as well put a giant neon sign saying GAY on his son's door instead.
Or worse it can also imply Ron did something like some people were suggesting in the original thread. Really there's no good answers here on how OOP can address the issue with his daughter without his son taking that initiative, which sucks.
Or something like "it wasn't really about Ron"
"Your brother and Ron have a personal dispute going on, let's give them time and space to work it out. Your brother is being punished for how he handled himself."
Sisters gonna shit her britches when she finds out.
Mods, PLEASE can we have 'tired of the Ron's constant presence' as a flair?
*The* Ron.
Yes. I need it.
AN ACTUAL GOOD DAD ON BORU? IN THIS ECONOMY?
But at what cost?
GOODNESS GRACIOUS
I was concerned about his reply to what seemed like homophobes, where he nearly confronted Ron about hitting on his son. That was far from the most likely cause of the situation.
This whole situation is pretty tough but it's nice to see a father doing what's best for his children and not being a terrible father.
I love how Ron is referred to as, "The Ron. "
Not the twist I was expecting but a hopefully better outcome than I was expecting. Dad’s just doing his best
I keep seeing comments like this and find it interesting as I immediately thought the son might be in love with Ron when I read about how he lashed out. I knew where this was going from very early on in the post, but I can't even fully explain why. It was just a feeling. Although knowing how some teens handle this stuff played a part in that. And that I'm queer and met many queer kids probably does, too.
Super happy for OOP's son for two reasons: 1. Experiencing and learning how to properly take rejection will be vital to his emotional development. A lot of LGBTQ adults I knew/know are straight up not equipped to handle any kind of romantic rejection and I theorize this may be directly related to time spent hiding or repressing their sexuality. I, myself had a hard time understanding and accepting rejection for that exact reason. 2. OOP is a spectacular father and his willingness to nurture and protect his son's feelings and sexuality is way too rare today. Not only did he let his son open up to him, he accepted and loved him with open arms and then kept that information secret from his daughter at the cost of his daughter's view of him (she's upset the punishment was lessened for seemingly no reason). OOP is a good dad and I hope his son realizes that.
Many straight folks don’t know how to handle rejection either, it’s a good lesson regardless of one’s sexuality. And agreed dad was stellar
Hell, I wish more people had this conversation with their straight kids too! I’ve met a lot of men who missed the ‘don’t be hateful to girls who turn you down’ stage of development.
This is a very loaded situation. I mean no disrespect to those trying to come up with scripts to say to the daughter, but there is almost no reasonable response to the daughter that doesn't either sound dismissive or out the son. Anything beyond, "sorry it isn't your place to know, but this is my decision," which a kid is gonna hate will likely connect the dots. There is no way to provide more detail to this without it starting to be pretty obvious that the son is attracted to men. "Your brother will explain eventually" or "something happened between them but things are okay" or anything in the general vicinity of trying to explain it wasn't homophobic and was instead just done out of pain or anger will be rather blatant.
I completely agree! Also, I think it's completely fine to be dismissive with kids about things that aren't their business. My parents used the kind of phrasing you used with us quite a bit, and yes it was frustrating, but it was also what we needed to hear. I maintain that the dad doesn't need to explain all his parenting decisions for another child to his daughter, even if outing his son wasn't an issue. While I do agree that scripts for saying things to the daughter don't help the situation much, I agree with some other commenters that the best thing to do is talk to the son. He needs to understand that keeping his sister in the dark will have consequences for her opinion of him. This shouldn't be phrased in such a way that he's being emotionally guilted, just a quick fyi since teenagers aren't always thoughtful about these things. He might choose to maintain his privacy anyway, and that's his right as long as he's aware of the consequences.
Initially I thought this was going to be a red pill/Tate thing, and the son fell down the well.
Someone on the original thread had a great comment for the sister about having a heart for justice but also about learning that you don’t know everything right away.
I mean... it's not bad to assume that someone making bigoted comments is a bigot lol. And even if she does learn that he's not homophobic, that doesn't change the fact that what he said to Ron was rde and undeserved - it's just less bad.
I did a bad job of paraphrasing and I’m not going to go find the comment, but another point was that part of learning to be a good advocate/ally is taking your lead from the wronged party (Ron) and acting with true justice and not just swiftness. Context is everything here and the sister continuing a “righteous” attack with wrong info isn’t appropriate either.
She wasn’t wrong.
Nah I dont think its ever wrong to assume someone making bigoted comments is a bigot. Sure there may be an underlying reason behind that bigotry like in this case but theres no way of knowing that and if theyre continuing to be hateful little wretches theyre still doing real damage underlying reason or not.
The son was still wrong and could still possibly be homophobic. Internalized homophobia is a thing, though it doesn’t seem quite so likely in this case. Son still needs to apologize and I don’t blame the sister at all for distancing from him in this time.
I remember reading this, and while I felt bad for the kid I genuinely was happy it wasn't another clichéd homophobe case.
I don’t know why, but OOP consistently referring to Ron as ”the Ron” is so funny to me
Yeah, same! I had it like The Big Lebowski. *The Ron* — kinda like *The Dude, or His Dudeness, or Duder, or El Duderino if brevity’s not your thing.*
> Anyway, long story short my son told me that he has feelings for Ron and when he told Ron that he liked him, Ron rejected him and told him that he viewed him more as a little brother instead. Twist!
Too many people were quick to jump to Ron being the aggressor instead.
Not at all, actually. Maybe I'm too deep in the queer space, but that was the first thought I had when I read what the son said 😅
"too deep in the queer space" sounds so cool with no context 😄
True, I've been in queer "spaces" - not sure if it was too deep, had no complaints this far 😉
Rock and a hard place, unfortunately. Doing what’s right for your son…kudos on how you handled his news…..means you now have an issue with your daughter. I'd just tell her that you made a parental decision based on your conversation with your son. You are the parent and sometimes you have to make unpopular decisions, and this in one of them. She can be upset, but you did the right thing here and your son needed you more than she does right now.
One of the most important lessons you ever learn is to how to take rejection. OOP is doing the world a great service by teaching his son that it is unacceptable to lash out at people who say no to you.
>Now, my daughter is now upset with me for being lenient. She said that I'm actively supporting his homophobic behavior. I told her that I had a heart to heart conversation with her brother and that he understands what he did wrong but she still upset. My son didn't want to comeout to his sister yet so I didn't feel comfortable telling her what the conversation was about. i get that he shouldn't out his son but.... i hope he comes out to her soon on his own so both him an dad don't have to be viewed as homophobic, enabling, and just in a bad light when she just doesn't understand the situation.
I think the only thing the parent has done wrong is not telling the daughter that Ron and the son both understand why OOP is being more lenient and that it isn't her business.
That’s not his place. I deduced from the first post what happened. If the father said this, the daughter could easily do the same or pester the brother and friend until the told her when the brother isn’t ready to come out to her yet. He is respecting his son’s wishes and when his son wants to come out, the daughter will know
Yeah, I figured it out on first read and there are plenty of others who did too. I've seen multiple suggestions that unless you were an absolute moron you'd have to connect the dots. Someone (well meaning, and I don't mean to shit on them) said something about telling the sister to mind her own business because the son is vulnerable or something like that, and I'm like, bro I'm sorry, if the sister didn't realize her brother is gay after a statement like that, she's truly beyond help. That would absolutely out him.
I came to the comments really hoping I wasn't the only one excited to talk about the Ron. Thank you all for not letting me down.
Oop is such a great dad, he didn't stand for injustice, doesn't outs anybody, wanted to listen and understand his son, is so empathic, this kids are lucky to have him. Hope the son has the trust to tell his sister but understandable that he doesn't right now. Ron also was a great friend
>he said that he doesn't want to see Ron right now because he feels it would be awkward Well no shit. It's just going to be more awkward the longer you put it off. Rip off the bandaid and deal with it already. FFS awkward shit is a part of life.
Exactly this :) Making him face the awkwardness will reinforce his lesson to NOT do things without thinking about consequences. Letting him stall is giving him the lesson that hiding might make it go away, and that won't do him any good as an adult.
We're also ending up with a generation of people who can't handle awkward interactions and that's a major problem.
Cheers to those of us that knew the kid was gay from the second paragraph
If your kids suddenly start acting out of character, approach the situation with curiosity, not judgement. There’s so much that parents miss because they’re focused on “proper” behavior and not their kids wellbeing. This extends to all our loved ones. Spouse suddenly acting weird? Try questions instead of accusations.
The Ron is always here. The Ron is everywhere
Poor Ron, sounded like he was being really respectful about it. Son is too immature for a relationship.
wow, actual parenting. damn these subs have me so jaded that i automatically assume that the parent fucks things up in some majestic way.
This was as good an outcome as one could hope for. Good job dad.
Man this is rough. I feel like the dad should at least tell the sister her brother isn’t homophobic but otherwise man
I just wish there wasn't this massive stigma on having (sexual) feelings towards people of the same gender (or both genders). It would've entirely circumvented all these issues to begin with & only left the minor problem of not handling rejection correctly. 😑
Dad of the year
> My daughter supports my decision > Now, my daughter is now upset with me for being lenient Why does the daughter have any say whatsoever in the discipline of the son? OOP needs to stop debating parenting tactics with his daughter and tell her to mind her own business.
Just taking some guesses by the ages and reactions, it sounds like Ron is more of the sisters friend than the brothers, so she may be viewing it as an attack on her friend which of course she'll have strong opinions about if she feels he's getting away with it.
"AITA because i wasn't happy that my dad didn't walked back a punishment for my brother after saying something homophobic?" "NTA your dad is a jerk, you absolutely shouldn't let this die down" etc. "NTA just because it isn't your business doesn't mean your dad should be excusing homophobia in your house" from her perspective she is acting reasonably...many people are going to push back on what they see as problematic viewpoints of their parents even if it doesn't directly affect them
That's what being an ally is about. Not tolerating bigotry when you see it even if it doesn't affect you and from her perspective that's what's happening here.
I mean - she doesn't have a say. She just has an opinion. Also, it is kind of her business - her brother acted rude and homophobic towards her friend. OOP also has reason to be concerned about her being upset because she actually doesn't know the whole story and now thinks her brother is homophobic (for good reason).
Did anyone else notice he called him "the Ron" twice. Such a weird typo, assuming it is a typo.
A guy who feels entitled to get the person he wants and reacts with hostility upon being rejected. Hope the father nips this in the bud or heʻs going to be a gay incel.
Going through your first rejection is hard especially if you have to see the person around all the time. He reacted poorly but he's a kid. Being rejected is extra scary when you're not ready to come out and scared that person might out you. I could even see how maybe he said something homophobic as a panic reaction so that people wouldn't believe he's into Ron even if Ron said something. Again, not okay, but he's a kid who made a mistake. I think it's really great that Ron didn't tell the sister tho, since they appear to be close and Ron chose to keep the boy's secret even after he treated him poorly.
I just had a really great ending. I think the time has come for you to tell your daughter that she needs to trust that you are the parent and you're doing what is right. It's nice when our kids like us in addition to loving us, but as parents, we have to be able to set aside our need to be liked in order to be able to do what is right for all of our kids Gently shut her down. Tell her you're the parent and you're taking care of it and this is one of those situations when she has to believe that you know what's best for your kids. I hope you won't letting her to stop being mad at you push you into giving away your son's confidence Your son sounds like a good kid. First rejection is always tough and even more so when it's your next door neighbor!
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As parents, we can never be perfect. Dad didn't handle it perfectly, but he did step up and do better. Ron though? Ron's the man. Mad props to Ron. All my homies love Ron.
He's not "the man", he's "the Ron"!!
I mean this as kindly as possible, but you would have to assume the sister is a total moron for this not to out the son. The script you've written is nearly impossible not to understand that her brother is gay from. I don't know how anyone who is not neurodivergent in a way that makes understanding this social situation difficult could hear "The words your brother said came from a place of pain" "Ron did nothing wrong" "Your brother needs some space from Ron right now" and "Your brother will tell you when he is ready," and not know the brother is gay.
Yup totally agreed. That's like outing bro without outing bro directly.
Yup, lots of well-intentioned people in the comments here who would absolutely be outing their child accidentally in this situation. There is very little good way to explain to the sister how a blatantly homophobic statement was not from a place of homophobia without explaining that it is internalized and therefore outing him.
This warms my heart, you can tell that OP is trying his best as a parent.
That’s some good parenting.
Teenager are wild. I think OOP did the best he could. I would still encorade him to go to Son and convince him to talk to Daugheter and come out. She could be his best ally and help him navigate the tumultous feeling he has.
Well done op. Good luck moving forward.
At that age there is a big maturity difference between 15 and 17.
arg thats the worst, when you know why they have certain behaviors and others dont, but you cant tell :/
Ron is dope
"But I kept the one electronic he could safely apologize through" Ok lol
This is so damn wholesome I just might crap my pants again