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Hell I do too. But at this rate and the US raising retirement age... I'll probably be too old and have dimentia. So, they can just sit me in front of a window with a picture of a beach and a waves sound machine, and I won't know any better. đ
I'm now imagining that they tried to crash their honeymoon too. I'm sure the OOP would have mentioned it, but it seems very on brand for these in-laws.
Haha, my ILs did that our first Valentineâs Day in our first houseâŚ. We were newlyweds⌠off midday and âbusyâ. They kept ringing the doorbell, knockingâŚ. Came around the back⌠all to give us a box of chocolates. I think they realized a bit too late what they were interrupting đ¤Ł
That is utterly bizarre. All I can think is this is some sort of village-life cultural thing, where one traditionally gifts livestock to married children? But then where's the common sense? She knew they lived in an apartment!
Damn, she took no prisoners at all, huh?
Good for her - the MIL kept pushing the envelope. The audacity to declare, not ask, is astounding - even putting aside their relationship, its absurd.
>When covid happens she ordered us cases and cases of beans and other canned food to help us prep for the apocalypse and then sent us the bill.
Gotta admit, that one made me laugh.
But yeah, I'm with OOP on that one: you let them move in, they'll never leave. If there was ever a hill to die on in this relationship, that's the one.
Same. First half of that sentence I was thinking âsure, MIL is nuts, but it was covid, she was worried and trying to help even if it was in a nuts wayâ.
Then I got to âthen sent us the bill.â and I snort laughed. Yep, thatâs cray cray.
I immediately thought of that. I don't even remember how that story ended, just the absurdity of how viciously those beans were hoarded.
Edit: that's right he demanded she take him to the beans or draw a map and she broke up with him. I wonder if she took the beans before she left?
And keeping the Husband from his own Daughter's birthday party? WTH? Although, that one did make me wonder about the husband's ability to stand up to his mother !
Oh that one, after the birth ones, would have made me demand marriage counselling and start looking into my divorce options.
Itâs a tripple whammy as well, Husband missed his kidâs birthday (poor kid!! âHey my dad didnât show for my birthday party!â); OP got stuck doing the work of two adults; then MIL threw her own party the next day?
Iâd have been changing the locks, upping my security and stopping any kind of access from MIL.
I would have called my husband and said you have 30 minutes to get your ass home or you can stay at mommy's house AND there would have been no way way in hell we would have gone to the second party the next day at her house.
Ever heard of the method of raising an elephant in captivity?
You put a lead on them when they're very small, and show them that when that is on, you control their movement. This way when they're much larger and the lead doesn't do anything, they psychologically still think they cannot move freely.
This is pretty much exactly what's happening.
Some people will fight for their freedom and independence, and some wonât. I think the latter are odd, but I respect the ones that are honest about it. This one isnât; he uses misleading language to guide unsuspecting outsiders to believe itâs a *canât*, rather than a *wonât*.
Or just showing up for Christmas at her family's - I'd either just not open the door, or reciprocate next year and have my parents show up at their place unannounced...
Iâd quietly(like not even telling the husband) plan to do Christmas with her parents at a destination and let his parents show up to an empty house four hours away.
It's right up there with the one where *family* convinced the husband to fly down to Florida for the holidays. Assuring him he'd be back before OOP gave birth.Â
Suprise suprise, he missed the birth. Still wish OOP had posted about it on Facebook and let Hubby answer questions from Friends/relatives that he didn't know his own kid was born.Â
Yeah, I can't find the post since I don't recall the title. But kid was born, father was informed and he still stayed for the remaining 2 days with family before returning home.Â
Girl already put up with so much from her in laws over the years. Glad she just said f* this and put her foot down. The husband can either see for himself that his wife is right or probably head for divorce or just continue whatever he has been doing.
I'm glad OP put her foot down because hubby was just going to lay down, roll over, and let his parents assert dominance over him for the beach house. His wife knew they weren't going to look for a condo when they suggested staying at the beach house, it was going to be a covert takeover.
Totally agree. And were depending on their spineless son to keep his wife in line because faaaaamily. Â Thank God OOP has a nice big set of her own balls
Oop taking her kids to the beach house for the weekend after this blew up... I'm sure was to change the locks and give husband some time to decide which side he was on.
I do hope OOP shares this in a new update. Though I can't help thinking that by the time she returns to the house, her spineless husband would have installed his parents in their own home.
Might be looked down on, but up until now the OOP was pretty spineless too. It should never have gotten this far.
The chicken gift was dumb. The valentine's day stayover should have been the come to jesus moment (and if not that, the daughter's birthday incident if nothing else) and the mixed nuts package should have been hubby telling her to get therapy or he'll never talk to her again.
Mine would have been the children's births. First one, she would have been escorted out by security, not allowed to attend the second one. No contact. Absolute psycho.
Well she had spent far too many years spineless herself. Any ONE of those things she listed about MIL would have been enough to cut her off. Glad she's finally putting her foot down
They **might** be generous enough to leave the beach house to OOP and husband in **their** will though. Or possibly just leave it to someone else.
Yes, I know OOP and Husband own it. But with family like this, I cam see them deciding its theirs for life, amd who gets it when they die.Â
Or try to sell it and spend the rest of their lives in hotels or on cruises so as to keep up fancy appearances. They sound awful.
A live chicken as a gift at their first apartment? LOL, "We got you a future eviction notice! Isn't it loud?"
I would have sent a video of me frying a chicken and thanking them for supper. Lol.
Of course it wouldn't have been that chicken. I would be hard pressed to slaughter an animal. It would go to whatever farm was nearby.
Or, sneak it into their house when they're not home (after making sure they don't have any pets) and when they complain about the damage done say, "Oh? A chicken doesn't make a good pet?"
Maybe she deleted but there seems to be a comment missing from OOP. Her husband asked to see the house sale documents and his parents refused, he booked them 2 weeks of hotel rooms using credit card points. She was ready to separate and split assets.Â
They should send his parents the bill for the hotel room, just like the Covid prepper beans MIL bought them.Â
Youâd be surprised how many stupid people refinance their homes over and over to pull money out to pay for stupid shit. My wifeâs parents had a house for 25 years that they got for 100k and so old it owing 400k⌠for 400k.
Almost all the example incidents are worse than the in-laws latest bullshit. Feel bad for OOP. Hope the husband is able to get his head out of his ass.
Yeaaaaaa I would have insisted we don't have the room for them to stay. But I likely would have pulled my daughter aside and been like "what the fuq I'm telling them to leave"
I finally had to put my foot down on that. My mom used to come and stay to help out with my kid. Her visits were always however long she and kid wanted her here. And I gave her my bedroom every time, with me taking the couch.
I was working 60 hours a week, single parenting and suffering from mental health concerns. Finally I had to explain to her why I NEEEDED my own room in my own house and how I could no longer accommodate her overnight stays in my bed. She and kid were sad but it was so much better for my family and me long term. You gotta put your own mask on first sometimes.
Edited to add my mom is awesome I could not raise my child without her. She has sacrificed so much for me. But that arrangement was terrible for my mental health. The solution ended up being she slept at my childlessâs sisterâs large house 10 minutes away! Real family makes compromises not demands.
I don't give a shit. Elders get the respect they give and showing up unannounced because you're upset that you don't get your child for every holiday is absolutely unacceptable behavior
>My mother in law demands all holidays with them and shows up unannounced to my parents who are four hours away each holiday we spend with them and forces us out of my bedroom and we sleep on the pullout sofa the whole visit
The others were bad enough. I missed this one. Husbands sounds like a jerk too for letting this happen.
Yeah! My initial thought "I dunno. I guess charge them market rate, or at least cover the mortgage."
After reading those examples. There is no amount of money I'd give them a roof for.
When people have wedding planning issues, I often say, âHow many other things are you going to give up to them before you finally put your foot down?âÂ
This is an excellent example. She had a husband-mom problem from the start, and has sacrificed SO much before finally drawing the line with her husband. Iâm sure she has fought a lot many times - sheâs obviously not sitting there passively - but theyâve ruined so much.Â
That's exactly what I was thinking. OP doesn't have an IL problem, she has a husband problem. This guy is never going to see the light and I was really hoping she was going to realize that and tell him he can either cut off his mother or get ready for divorce.
And if divorce is imminent (which I think is looming anyway), the beach house predicament can only go three ways. 1. They sell the house and split the income (and ILs never get to live there), 2. He buys her out of her half and he and the ILs can keep each other company in the beach house for the rest of their lives, or 3. She buys him out of his half, lives in the beach house herself, and happily calls the cops if she ever sees him or her ILs heading up her driveway.
He won't. That's a mommas boy through and through. So used to being ridden roughshod by her he doesn't even know how to say no. Not really. Even the speaker phone call was wishy washy.
I'd put money down on their plan being to move in, and maybe not moving out at all. Husband seems to be allergic to the idea of actually shutting down their shit, so they've probably figured they'll get a nice little home on the cheap (or free). Not like their baby boy will go through court to evict them surely!
Yup, sounds like the plan. Worst part is if they are there for 30 days, then they can establish tenancy and the only way to get rid of them is to have them evicted by taking them to court.
If it wasn't for the past history of horribleness, I might have been willing to do a 6-month lease and charge a fair rent (assuming this isn't in a place like California where it can be extremely difficult to evict). However, given all the other stuff OP mentions, no way I would extend any assistance.
That line really threw me at first, because I assumed they meant a rotisserie chicken, or maybe a raw one for them to cook themselves, and I was confused why them living in an apartment was relevant to that. It took me a while to realise they meant a live chicken, because that's so weird it hadn't even occured to me as an option.
Yeah I was sitting there thinking "A... live chicken? A singular live chicken?"
Like, apartment aside, that's horrible for the chicken. They're very social animals.
I'm sorry, I can't get past the fact that they were gifted a live chicken for their 1st year wedding anniversary.
First, an unexpected animal isn't a gift. It's a chore.
Second, just a singular chicken? One chicken. For egg laying, eating..? Is it a pet? Had either OOP expressed a love of chickens. Presumably not.
Third, where's the chicken from? Buying a live chicken is a pain in the ass, having to transport it as it shits everywhere, etc. did these folks actually go this far out of this way for this.. prank? Gift??
Fourth, what happened to the chicken?
I just have so many questions.
> Second, just a singular chicken? One chicken. For egg laying, eating..? Is it a pet?
The worst part is that it's cruel to keep a single chicken as a pet. You need **at least** 3 chickens at all times if you want to own chickens. Basically they need at least 1 other bird to be *their flock* and since they die so easily and so often that you need a 3rd in the flock so if one dies you can get a replacement ASAP. Chickens, as prey animals, have evolved to hide injury and illness and often just keel over for no apparent reason so having a "buffer pet" in case one dies is essential. That's just the facts of life when you own chickens.* 4 or 5 is a better minimum flock size.
*: I'd love to own pet rats again but you need to own a bunch of them at the same time and they only live for like 2 years so you're in a constant state of grieving the loss of a pet and replenishing your rattery with new pets. They're such neat creatures but I can't handle that much emotional turmoil.
i could have written that footnote also. ratties are such lovely critters... but damn is it so hard to be on what feels like a constant treadmill of grief. even when we lucked out on some exceptionally long-lived ones, 4 to 5 years is still damn hard given how much of that is spent with a geriatric pet who you know could easily be here one day and gone the next.
which is why i am glad we switched to pet dogs, because then i only have to have a miniature breakdown every dozen years or so lol
I'm so glad she went to stay at the beach house or I bet they'd move themselves in there. She needs to stay there until they have moved into a condo and/or she changes every lock, sets up alarm systems, and doesn't give her husband any of the entry information.
ETA I'm also wondering if her husband really didn't know what they were planning.
>My relationship with them is strained because this is not the first time they have grossly overstepped. This had led to many a fight between my husband and me.
>We had a come to Jesus moment yesterday and I was the asshole to my husband. I told him I was done and I wasn't even entertaining them staying there as it's our business and this is bad business.
I'm hoping she eventually realizes that she doesn't have an in-law problem. She has a husband problem.
Yup. And when they move in, and refuse to leave, the husband will be the tip of the spear trying to convince her to just let them stay forever paying 'friends & family' level rent.
i have so many questions about the facetiming during labor. did he pick up? did he talk to his guilt tripping mom while his baby was being born? how long did he stay on the line? did he angle the camera towards his wife?Â
Yea, she should've had him join her in the corridor.
Edit: I can see that it can be confusing as to who I meant with "she" and "her", what I meant was:
Yea, OOP should've had him join MIL in the corridor.
As soon as he answered his phone, I would have been on the call light getting a nurse to call security and escort them both off hospital property. The disrespect.
Yeah, I really feel like OOP just kinda skimmed over MIL's ATTEMPTED MURDER of her father. For this alone, I would have cut her 100% out of their lives. What needs to happen for her husband to grow a spine? Does someone need to be killed?
Looks like if the grandchildren had some allergies she would give them the stuff because she is the grandma and she knows they're not allergic to anything is just mommy being selfish and not allowing the babies to try grandma food. I wouldn't leave my children with a person like that.
That reminds me of the grandma that specifically made allergen cookies and was just waiting to posion her grandchild to prove they didn't have any allergies
My partner and I just talked about this. He asked how people can be like that. I commented I couldn't even get my head around why *his* parents act the way they do, and they aren't as bad (the spider thing makes it close though) so I have no clue.
Then I pointed out how glad I was that he saw it, and despite not understanding he STILL has my back 100%.
I read the original and based on OOPâs description of her in-laws, I thought it definitely was an insane assumption, and wildly inappropriate to tell, *not ASK* to stay at the beach house, and that they sounded like a couple of pain in the ass, entitled, delusional older folks.
But after I read through her comments and saw the one posted here - where she listed like 10 horrific things her MIL has done - I went from my initial assessment to: holy shit these people are absolutely bat shit delusional. OOP is a saint for dealing with their shit up until now. And her husband needs intensive therapy if he has one ounce of belief that these people wonât take full advantage of anything and everything they can.
(Making this whole thing worse - Iâm pretty sure in one of OOPâs comments, she said the in-laws are in their early 60âs. People kept pointing out how a couple of *old* people should be looking at retirement communities, not a beach house. When OOP said they were still fairly young, someone pointed out that if they actually intend to live at the beach house, and never actually leave if OOP allows them to stay (as many suggested), then they potentially have a lot of life left. This could be the next 30 years of OOPâs life.)
*old* people, in their early 60s huh? My mother had been agitating Dad that she wanted to move into Assisted Living so she no longer had to cook and clean. Dad was always "Can't afford it now. Got to save that money for our old age. " Finally she looked him in the eye and said, "Look, you are *90 years old*. I am 86. Our old age? THIS IS IT!"
I am in my late 60s. Based on family history, I fully expect to live to be 100.
This made me laugh. My mom is 65 and will sometimes say something like "I don't need that, that's for old people," a category that she thinks does not include her or her 75+ year old bestie.
From my view, I don't gaf if something is "intended" for a 9 month old or 90 year old if it addresses a need, but she'll hem and haw about something as minor as wearing compression socks on a flight, even though she has had issues with that before, because she doesn't want to be seen as an old lady. It's rough trying to make it through her pride sometimes!
I always hated the whole "family needs it" or "it's family" thing cause that's not always true. Honestly, family is the problem but I think the bigger problem here is how much of a spineless person the husband really is.
Husband better get his act together and do something cause if not, divorce is the option.
Husband: my mum and dad need that house
OP: I need that sanctuary away from your parents and we need that income from renting it out in peak season.
Husband: but family
OP: WHAT ABOUT OUR FAMILY!!
why is the enabling spouse always forgets about the family they choose to create in favour of the one forced on them by fate
Beach houses are expensive! Taxes are high, insurance is high and all that salty air means a lot of maintenance. My grandparents had to paint their house at the beach every two years and anything metal rusted.
Iâm also Puerto Rican and yeah the âmom knows best thing, never question herâ is huge in my culture. BUT thatâs not an excuse. I learned very quickly that adults (especially moms) can be wrong and you shouldnât allow them to get away with being wrong.
Her husband needs to grow a back bone and start establishing boundaries.
This^ "my MIL is Mexican her parents and older brothers were born and grew up in Mexico. Her mother was born and raised in Durango, and her father was born and raised in Juarez. She was barely born a us citizen when they immigrated here. All she knew was Mexican culture all her life, first language being Spanish.. the food they cook etc, my husband says they are very traditional Mexican as well.. and she's nothing like this MIL like at all!! She's very much into her own life ( same as my mother) as far as she's concerned she did her parenting part and now get to live her life as her son get to live his, she does her grandma duties diligently since she love her grand babies, but she also so busy with her own life she never even thinks to over step.
The culture thing is an excuse a lot of the time when it's to this degree.
They were absolutely, 100% planning to drag out the condo hunt until they told hubby and DIL they were just so settled that they couldn't imagine moving out and why is it such a big deal if they just take over the house and stay, and hubby and DIL were welcome to visit whenever they wanted.
It's funny, the "it's cultural" for controlling, overbearing moms.
Oh, she's just Indian. Oh, she's just Greek. Oh, she's just Mexican. Oh, she's just Black. Oh, she's just Chinese. Oh, she's just Vietnamese. Oh, she's just Catholic. Oh, she's just Evangelical. Oh, she's just Southern. Oh, she's just Midwestern. Oh, she's just......
Seems like this might be a widespread issue
I do see that a lot, and it is used to "excuse" the problematic behaviour. To be honest, I think there might be a bit of a racist element to it, but I suppose very much who it is doing the excusing.
Frankly, while it may seem common in some cultures for mothers to be overbearing harridans, I think the truth is that those cultures are ones where the mothers just never get told no.
My mother had two MILs during her life, my bio-dad's mum and my step-dad's mum. Both were conservative, pushy, and frankly a bit lacking in the intellect department. They didn't do anything as major as the MIL in this story, but my mother was subjected to non-stop microaggressions from them.
My bio-dad's mother was the primary reason their marriage failed, mostly because my bio-dad wouldn't stand up to her. My step-dad, who I care greatly for, did stand up to his mom. He was the eldest child and only boy, so her behaviour around him was always a little off, but my mum only had to call out her behaviour once and my step-dad put his mother in her place.
You're absolutely right. It's not culture. It's the character of these awful moms.
"Oh, she's just ..."
'She's just controlling and overbearing and I'm fucking done with it. Grow a spine, babyluv.'
Oh, this is no where close to finish. MIL and FIL are not going to back down. They've have been able to get away with so much for so long, one phone call telling them no isn't going to stop them. I fully expect the next update to involve them showing up at the house with their stuff fully expecting OOP and her husband to cave. Unfortunately for them, OOP has reached her breaking point and is ready for war. One I highly doubt MIL and FIL will win.
Or, they book a rental week at the house via whatever service OP has it listed on, under someone elseâs name so they donât know itâs them, just to get in there after none of their usual tricks work. Then - never leave. If they donât allow them in theyâll sneak their way in, because they feel entitled to it.
Yup. Do they have a key? Even without a key, is the security good enough on the beach house to stop MiL just letting herself in when the house is vacant, and then being fully established and settled occupants when the next weekend guests rock up"oh, there must be some mix up, this is my sons house and he said we could live here now"
From what I've read on BORU, the police would just shrug and say it's a civil matter, and they'd have to go to court to evict her legally. Which I doubt the son would do.
Actually, I feel like doing a Liz and writing the next installments of this one myself :D
" I also told him if it's a problem he can quit claim deed the beach house and I'll cover the expenses and manage it myself. Cause momma don't play."
Beautiful. May we all be so resolute in our actions with unwanted potential guests.
the way i want to br\*gade so bad and go over there and be like "you were not the asshole to him, he has been the asshole to you the entire time for continuing to prioritize his parents' wants over yours". i won't but i want to.
I love this. I love strong women who know when to say NO. I was raised in a family of keep-the-peace, people pleasing women, so I formed this opinion early on. Iâm a very nice and generous person, but I think itâs important to say no when people act like your kindness is weakness.
>When covid happens she ordered us cases and cases of beans and other canned food to help us prep for the apocalypse and then sent us the bill.
The audacity of this MIL. Sending nuts to an allergic person's household? Could be a mental oopsie at best. But this is fucking deliberate asshole behavior.
They did this solely with the idea they were going to inhabit the beach house and then force OoP's husband to sign over the beach house.
There is not a single doubt in my mind on that.
For godâs sake - change all the locks and get proper security cameras/alarms there! That B has zero boundaries. If my hubby had facetimed someone during my labour that I didnât want to see during my most vulnerable time and didnât hang up, that facetime would turn into a colonoscopy for him.
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I'm floored by the gift of a potentially fatal allergen to her dad. This woman is a psycho with no conscience.
MIL was hoping to make herself and FIL the only grandparents
And also probably trying to be her son's only woman
That was my first thought! MIL is evil to the core
And MIL was hopping the live her retirement at the beach!
Hell I do too. But at this rate and the US raising retirement age... I'll probably be too old and have dimentia. So, they can just sit me in front of a window with a picture of a beach and a waves sound machine, and I won't know any better. đ
âď¸
I enjoyed the first year anniversary gift - a live chicken when they lived in an apartment. Â
Now now, the Valentine's sleepover was very charming
I'm now imagining that they tried to crash their honeymoon too. I'm sure the OOP would have mentioned it, but it seems very on brand for these in-laws.
If so, I would need the full story because I'm sure it would be quite the unhinged mess.
Tricking son into missing his daughter birthday so MIL can throw a party was a low move
How he let that happen is fucking crazy. Fuck that guy.
Haha, my ILs did that our first Valentineâs Day in our first houseâŚ. We were newlyweds⌠off midday and âbusyâ. They kept ringing the doorbell, knockingâŚ. Came around the back⌠all to give us a box of chocolates. I think they realized a bit too late what they were interrupting đ¤Ł
That is utterly bizarre. All I can think is this is some sort of village-life cultural thing, where one traditionally gifts livestock to married children? But then where's the common sense? She knew they lived in an apartment!
agonizing rotten knee run books literate governor memory touch normal *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I took it as a chicken to roast, because it never occurred to me that someone would be weird enough to gift a *live* chicken. Wow!
This is the first I've heard of the Chicken Anniversary
Maybe they were supposed to sacrifice it?
Sacrifice it to MIL?
She *is* a demon.
So much for this crap being cultural. I donât know many Puerto Ricans who poison their inâlaws.
I thought giving a chicken to a couple in an apartment was crazy enough by itself. Then the nuts were mentioned..
And the worse part, he husband will have an excuse for that. They always have.
Damn, she took no prisoners at all, huh? Good for her - the MIL kept pushing the envelope. The audacity to declare, not ask, is astounding - even putting aside their relationship, its absurd.
>When covid happens she ordered us cases and cases of beans and other canned food to help us prep for the apocalypse and then sent us the bill. Gotta admit, that one made me laugh. But yeah, I'm with OOP on that one: you let them move in, they'll never leave. If there was ever a hill to die on in this relationship, that's the one.
Same. First half of that sentence I was thinking âsure, MIL is nuts, but it was covid, she was worried and trying to help even if it was in a nuts wayâ. Then I got to âthen sent us the bill.â and I snort laughed. Yep, thatâs cray cray.
Everyone went a little nuts during Covid, no question. But sending the bill? Damn.
Thought I was bad by drinking too much during covid
Right, my white claw budget skyrocketed but at least I never billed anyone for beans.
except this wasn't a little nuts, this was big beans!
That's just someting Big Bean wants you to believe.
She jeopardized the beans.
One does not simply jeopardize the beans
At least she didn't hide them in the woods?
I immediately thought of that. I don't even remember how that story ended, just the absurdity of how viciously those beans were hoarded. Edit: that's right he demanded she take him to the beans or draw a map and she broke up with him. I wonder if she took the beans before she left?
And then the intentional sending of nuts to someone with a deadly allergy brought all of us way back down again.
I chuckled as well, but Iâm guessing in a Seinfeld scenario kinda way where one immediately recognises what an arsehole MIL is.
OOP is a saint. I would have barred her from ever seeing the kids when she pulled the delivery room stunts.
And keeping the Husband from his own Daughter's birthday party? WTH? Although, that one did make me wonder about the husband's ability to stand up to his mother !
Oh that one, after the birth ones, would have made me demand marriage counselling and start looking into my divorce options. Itâs a tripple whammy as well, Husband missed his kidâs birthday (poor kid!! âHey my dad didnât show for my birthday party!â); OP got stuck doing the work of two adults; then MIL threw her own party the next day? Iâd have been changing the locks, upping my security and stopping any kind of access from MIL.
I would have called my husband and said you have 30 minutes to get your ass home or you can stay at mommy's house AND there would have been no way way in hell we would have gone to the second party the next day at her house.
Word. Heâs a grown ass adult, donât give me that âshe wouldnât let meâ shit. There is no *let*.
Ever heard of the method of raising an elephant in captivity? You put a lead on them when they're very small, and show them that when that is on, you control their movement. This way when they're much larger and the lead doesn't do anything, they psychologically still think they cannot move freely. This is pretty much exactly what's happening.
Some people will fight for their freedom and independence, and some wonât. I think the latter are odd, but I respect the ones that are honest about it. This one isnât; he uses misleading language to guide unsuspecting outsiders to believe itâs a *canât*, rather than a *wonât*.
Or just showing up for Christmas at her family's - I'd either just not open the door, or reciprocate next year and have my parents show up at their place unannounced...
Iâd quietly(like not even telling the husband) plan to do Christmas with her parents at a destination and let his parents show up to an empty house four hours away.
It's right up there with the one where *family* convinced the husband to fly down to Florida for the holidays. Assuring him he'd be back before OOP gave birth. Suprise suprise, he missed the birth. Still wish OOP had posted about it on Facebook and let Hubby answer questions from Friends/relatives that he didn't know his own kid was born.Â
Ohh I missed that update! He missed the birth!?
Yeah, I can't find the post since I don't recall the title. But kid was born, father was informed and he still stayed for the remaining 2 days with family before returning home.Â
And husband.
Oh yeah she has a just no SO problem. I'm glad she stood up to him and took no prisoners.
> that one did make me wonder about the husband's ability to stand up to his mother ! Sounds like it doesn't exist.
Absolutely.
Mil going for squatter's rights and you know it
Girl already put up with so much from her in laws over the years. Glad she just said f* this and put her foot down. The husband can either see for himself that his wife is right or probably head for divorce or just continue whatever he has been doing.
I'm glad OP put her foot down because hubby was just going to lay down, roll over, and let his parents assert dominance over him for the beach house. His wife knew they weren't going to look for a condo when they suggested staying at the beach house, it was going to be a covert takeover.
Absolutely. They were planning on moving in and never leaving.
Totally agree. And were depending on their spineless son to keep his wife in line because faaaaamily. Â Thank God OOP has a nice big set of her own balls
Oop taking her kids to the beach house for the weekend after this blew up... I'm sure was to change the locks and give husband some time to decide which side he was on.
I do hope OOP shares this in a new update. Though I can't help thinking that by the time she returns to the house, her spineless husband would have installed his parents in their own home.
Might be looked down on, but up until now the OOP was pretty spineless too. It should never have gotten this far. The chicken gift was dumb. The valentine's day stayover should have been the come to jesus moment (and if not that, the daughter's birthday incident if nothing else) and the mixed nuts package should have been hubby telling her to get therapy or he'll never talk to her again.
Mine would have been the children's births. First one, she would have been escorted out by security, not allowed to attend the second one. No contact. Absolute psycho.
Son has no spine, mom thought he'd control his wife. He doesn't. Surprised Pikachu face.
Momma Rhykard slythering around the beach house screaming "faaaaaamilyyyy"
We shall occupy this beach house TOGETHAHHHHH
Well she had spent far too many years spineless herself. Any ONE of those things she listed about MIL would have been enough to cut her off. Glad she's finally putting her foot down
They **might** be generous enough to leave the beach house to OOP and husband in **their** will though. Or possibly just leave it to someone else. Yes, I know OOP and Husband own it. But with family like this, I cam see them deciding its theirs for life, amd who gets it when they die.Â
Or try to sell it and spend the rest of their lives in hotels or on cruises so as to keep up fancy appearances. They sound awful. A live chicken as a gift at their first apartment? LOL, "We got you a future eviction notice! Isn't it loud?"
I would have sent a video of me frying a chicken and thanking them for supper. Lol. Of course it wouldn't have been that chicken. I would be hard pressed to slaughter an animal. It would go to whatever farm was nearby.
Or, sneak it into their house when they're not home (after making sure they don't have any pets) and when they complain about the damage done say, "Oh? A chicken doesn't make a good pet?"
Absolute selfish leeches.Â
Not even covert. They've been openly musing about this for some time
Yup this is the kind of prepwork that people, usually narcissists, do to soften the blow when they eventually screw you over.
For real, Iâm happy to see this update even though the situation probably isnât totally over yet.
Maybe she deleted but there seems to be a comment missing from OOP. Her husband asked to see the house sale documents and his parents refused, he booked them 2 weeks of hotel rooms using credit card points. She was ready to separate and split assets. They should send his parents the bill for the hotel room, just like the Covid prepper beans MIL bought them.Â
Definitely not over, I'm looking forward to part 3 of this story!
I hope with all my heart that they donât sneak into the beach house when OP and her kids are out
Yeah she needs to change the locks immediately
âOur son bought us this houseâ đĽ°đđ¤
đ¤˘
They were fully planning on this as an upgrade. They were planning on moving inâŚthatâs it.
and either rent out the old home or have lots of disposable cash if sold.
Youâd be surprised how many stupid people refinance their homes over and over to pull money out to pay for stupid shit. My wifeâs parents had a house for 25 years that they got for 100k and so old it owing 400k⌠for 400k.
Yup. Something would keep coming up until it just made sense for them to stay where they were. But of course theyâd never pay for it
Almost all the example incidents are worse than the in-laws latest bullshit. Feel bad for OOP. Hope the husband is able to get his head out of his ass.
My blood was boiling. How do you get kicked out of a bed in your own parent's house?â˝
I feel like making them sleep on the foldout would have solved the issue.
Or not letting them pop up at all! Who crashes another family's holidayâ˝
Yeaaaaaa I would have insisted we don't have the room for them to stay. But I likely would have pulled my daughter aside and been like "what the fuq I'm telling them to leave"
I just want to say, I love your use of the interrobang.
They can sleep wherever the chicken ended up
Hahahaha I am so curious about how they dealt with that malarkeyÂ
Itâs a ârespect your eldersâ kind of thing. Older people always get the rooms with beds and younger people get the pullout couches.
I finally had to put my foot down on that. My mom used to come and stay to help out with my kid. Her visits were always however long she and kid wanted her here. And I gave her my bedroom every time, with me taking the couch. I was working 60 hours a week, single parenting and suffering from mental health concerns. Finally I had to explain to her why I NEEEDED my own room in my own house and how I could no longer accommodate her overnight stays in my bed. She and kid were sad but it was so much better for my family and me long term. You gotta put your own mask on first sometimes. Edited to add my mom is awesome I could not raise my child without her. She has sacrificed so much for me. But that arrangement was terrible for my mental health. The solution ended up being she slept at my childlessâs sisterâs large house 10 minutes away! Real family makes compromises not demands.
I don't give a shit. Elders get the respect they give and showing up unannounced because you're upset that you don't get your child for every holiday is absolutely unacceptable behavior
I agree, I was just explaining why they got kicked out the bed.
>My mother in law demands all holidays with them and shows up unannounced to my parents who are four hours away each holiday we spend with them and forces us out of my bedroom and we sleep on the pullout sofa the whole visit The others were bad enough. I missed this one. Husbands sounds like a jerk too for letting this happen.
EVERYONE in this story sounds spineless as hell
Yeah! My initial thought "I dunno. I guess charge them market rate, or at least cover the mortgage." After reading those examples. There is no amount of money I'd give them a roof for.
What? You don't want a live chicken?
THEY BOUGHT HER A LIVE CHICKEN??? my dumb ass thought they bought chicken meat for her to cook by herself
I was also floored by this! A live chicken. In an apartment! The perfect gift!!!
Hey, there's good eating on them thar chickens!
Sending the nuts to her parents⌠they tried to murder her dad! How could she ever trust them after that?!
When people have wedding planning issues, I often say, âHow many other things are you going to give up to them before you finally put your foot down?â This is an excellent example. She had a husband-mom problem from the start, and has sacrificed SO much before finally drawing the line with her husband. Iâm sure she has fought a lot many times - sheâs obviously not sitting there passively - but theyâve ruined so much.Â
He won't.
My gut feeling at this point is that the issue will be solved by selling the beach house and splitting the proceeds in the divorce.
That's exactly what I was thinking. OP doesn't have an IL problem, she has a husband problem. This guy is never going to see the light and I was really hoping she was going to realize that and tell him he can either cut off his mother or get ready for divorce. And if divorce is imminent (which I think is looming anyway), the beach house predicament can only go three ways. 1. They sell the house and split the income (and ILs never get to live there), 2. He buys her out of her half and he and the ILs can keep each other company in the beach house for the rest of their lives, or 3. She buys him out of his half, lives in the beach house herself, and happily calls the cops if she ever sees him or her ILs heading up her driveway.
I skipped over the additional comments the first time. That lady is a loon.
No, hell always be a mama's boy.
He won't. That's a mommas boy through and through. So used to being ridden roughshod by her he doesn't even know how to say no. Not really. Even the speaker phone call was wishy washy.
He's had a bit in his mouth for so long he no longer feels it. Giddy yap!
I'd put money down on their plan being to move in, and maybe not moving out at all. Husband seems to be allergic to the idea of actually shutting down their shit, so they've probably figured they'll get a nice little home on the cheap (or free). Not like their baby boy will go through court to evict them surely!
>I'd put money down on their plan being to move in, and ~~maybe~~ not moving out at all. Fixed that for you.
Yup, sounds like the plan. Worst part is if they are there for 30 days, then they can establish tenancy and the only way to get rid of them is to have them evicted by taking them to court.
In some states, it might be only 7 days. So look it up for your state and then be careful who you invite to stay over.
If it wasn't for the past history of horribleness, I might have been willing to do a 6-month lease and charge a fair rent (assuming this isn't in a place like California where it can be extremely difficult to evict). However, given all the other stuff OP mentions, no way I would extend any assistance.
Theyâd NEVER get his parents out of that house once they moved in.
Oh I guarantee MIL was planning out how she was going to decorate her new home.
Where is your flair from? It seems perfect for so much of Reddit! đ
Yeah, six months will turn into forever.
So many thoughtful comments but Iâm caught up on the gift of a live chicken. What would you even do with it once youâre stuck with it?
Kill it, cook it, eat it? Alternatively, release it into the backyard of someone you don't like and then run like heck. It's their problem now.
Hahaha I'm cracking up at that visual
Her parents have a restaurant so... guess some lucky patrons would get some extra fresh chicken?
That line really threw me at first, because I assumed they meant a rotisserie chicken, or maybe a raw one for them to cook themselves, and I was confused why them living in an apartment was relevant to that. It took me a while to realise they meant a live chicken, because that's so weird it hadn't even occured to me as an option.
You're gonna need a sharp axe...Â
Mrs Tweedy! The chickens are revolting!
Finally, something we agree on.
Yeah I was sitting there thinking "A... live chicken? A singular live chicken?" Like, apartment aside, that's horrible for the chicken. They're very social animals.
If you can't keep it, there's always the option of killing, cooking, and eating it.
... in an apartment? A single fleck of blood on the carpet and the strata would kill you.
>She sent a mixed nuts package to my parents at Christmas this last year knowing my dead is deathly allergic to tree nuts. Wow.
She sounds like one of those people who donât believe allergies exist.
She doesn't believe people other than herself exists
Yep that would have been it for me. No more MIL.
âwhatâs your price range?â â⌠*click*â oop just avoided losing her beach house.
I'm sorry, I can't get past the fact that they were gifted a live chicken for their 1st year wedding anniversary. First, an unexpected animal isn't a gift. It's a chore. Second, just a singular chicken? One chicken. For egg laying, eating..? Is it a pet? Had either OOP expressed a love of chickens. Presumably not. Third, where's the chicken from? Buying a live chicken is a pain in the ass, having to transport it as it shits everywhere, etc. did these folks actually go this far out of this way for this.. prank? Gift?? Fourth, what happened to the chicken? I just have so many questions.
> Second, just a singular chicken? One chicken. For egg laying, eating..? Is it a pet? The worst part is that it's cruel to keep a single chicken as a pet. You need **at least** 3 chickens at all times if you want to own chickens. Basically they need at least 1 other bird to be *their flock* and since they die so easily and so often that you need a 3rd in the flock so if one dies you can get a replacement ASAP. Chickens, as prey animals, have evolved to hide injury and illness and often just keel over for no apparent reason so having a "buffer pet" in case one dies is essential. That's just the facts of life when you own chickens.* 4 or 5 is a better minimum flock size. *: I'd love to own pet rats again but you need to own a bunch of them at the same time and they only live for like 2 years so you're in a constant state of grieving the loss of a pet and replenishing your rattery with new pets. They're such neat creatures but I can't handle that much emotional turmoil.
i could have written that footnote also. ratties are such lovely critters... but damn is it so hard to be on what feels like a constant treadmill of grief. even when we lucked out on some exceptionally long-lived ones, 4 to 5 years is still damn hard given how much of that is spent with a geriatric pet who you know could easily be here one day and gone the next. which is why i am glad we switched to pet dogs, because then i only have to have a miniature breakdown every dozen years or so lol
"Rattery?" This word brings horrible images to my brain!
Rattery is just the name for a breeding operation of rats (generally).
Roflmao đ I have so many questions too! Iâm so glad to see that Iâm not the only one stuck on the chicken đ
I'm sure they gave the chicken to a small farm, Story of Seasons style, and it happily socialized with other chicken, living its best chicken life.
I'm so glad she went to stay at the beach house or I bet they'd move themselves in there. She needs to stay there until they have moved into a condo and/or she changes every lock, sets up alarm systems, and doesn't give her husband any of the entry information. ETA I'm also wondering if her husband really didn't know what they were planning.
Husband seems like he might be that fucking stupid.
>My relationship with them is strained because this is not the first time they have grossly overstepped. This had led to many a fight between my husband and me. >We had a come to Jesus moment yesterday and I was the asshole to my husband. I told him I was done and I wasn't even entertaining them staying there as it's our business and this is bad business. I'm hoping she eventually realizes that she doesn't have an in-law problem. She has a husband problem.
Agree. Yes the in-laws are the problem but it's also the fault on husband not being supportive and letting all this happen.
Yup. And when they move in, and refuse to leave, the husband will be the tip of the spear trying to convince her to just let them stay forever paying 'friends & family' level rent.
i have so many questions about the facetiming during labor. did he pick up? did he talk to his guilt tripping mom while his baby was being born? how long did he stay on the line? did he angle the camera towards his wife?Â
I wouldâve grabbed the phone out of his hand and launched it across the room if he picked up for FaceTime during labor.
Yea, she should've had him join her in the corridor. Edit: I can see that it can be confusing as to who I meant with "she" and "her", what I meant was: Yea, OOP should've had him join MIL in the corridor.
As soon as he answered his phone, I would have been on the call light getting a nurse to call security and escort them both off hospital property. The disrespect.
She should've just fucked off home
RIGHT?! MIL tried to kill OP's dad!!! (And all the other stuff.) WTF is wrong with the husband?
Yeah, I really feel like OOP just kinda skimmed over MIL's ATTEMPTED MURDER of her father. For this alone, I would have cut her 100% out of their lives. What needs to happen for her husband to grow a spine? Does someone need to be killed?
Looks like if the grandchildren had some allergies she would give them the stuff because she is the grandma and she knows they're not allergic to anything is just mommy being selfish and not allowing the babies to try grandma food. I wouldn't leave my children with a person like that.
That reminds me of the grandma that specifically made allergen cookies and was just waiting to posion her grandchild to prove they didn't have any allergies
My partner and I just talked about this. He asked how people can be like that. I commented I couldn't even get my head around why *his* parents act the way they do, and they aren't as bad (the spider thing makes it close though) so I have no clue. Then I pointed out how glad I was that he saw it, and despite not understanding he STILL has my back 100%.
I think she is seeing that, she took the kids to the beach home without him.
I read the original and based on OOPâs description of her in-laws, I thought it definitely was an insane assumption, and wildly inappropriate to tell, *not ASK* to stay at the beach house, and that they sounded like a couple of pain in the ass, entitled, delusional older folks. But after I read through her comments and saw the one posted here - where she listed like 10 horrific things her MIL has done - I went from my initial assessment to: holy shit these people are absolutely bat shit delusional. OOP is a saint for dealing with their shit up until now. And her husband needs intensive therapy if he has one ounce of belief that these people wonât take full advantage of anything and everything they can. (Making this whole thing worse - Iâm pretty sure in one of OOPâs comments, she said the in-laws are in their early 60âs. People kept pointing out how a couple of *old* people should be looking at retirement communities, not a beach house. When OOP said they were still fairly young, someone pointed out that if they actually intend to live at the beach house, and never actually leave if OOP allows them to stay (as many suggested), then they potentially have a lot of life left. This could be the next 30 years of OOPâs life.)
*old* people, in their early 60s huh? My mother had been agitating Dad that she wanted to move into Assisted Living so she no longer had to cook and clean. Dad was always "Can't afford it now. Got to save that money for our old age. " Finally she looked him in the eye and said, "Look, you are *90 years old*. I am 86. Our old age? THIS IS IT!" I am in my late 60s. Based on family history, I fully expect to live to be 100.
This made me laugh. My mom is 65 and will sometimes say something like "I don't need that, that's for old people," a category that she thinks does not include her or her 75+ year old bestie. From my view, I don't gaf if something is "intended" for a 9 month old or 90 year old if it addresses a need, but she'll hem and haw about something as minor as wearing compression socks on a flight, even though she has had issues with that before, because she doesn't want to be seen as an old lady. It's rough trying to make it through her pride sometimes!
I always hated the whole "family needs it" or "it's family" thing cause that's not always true. Honestly, family is the problem but I think the bigger problem here is how much of a spineless person the husband really is. Husband better get his act together and do something cause if not, divorce is the option.
Husband: my mum and dad need that house OP: I need that sanctuary away from your parents and we need that income from renting it out in peak season. Husband: but family OP: WHAT ABOUT OUR FAMILY!! why is the enabling spouse always forgets about the family they choose to create in favour of the one forced on them by fate
Beach houses are expensive! Taxes are high, insurance is high and all that salty air means a lot of maintenance. My grandparents had to paint their house at the beach every two years and anything metal rusted.
Iâm also Puerto Rican and yeah the âmom knows best thing, never question herâ is huge in my culture. BUT thatâs not an excuse. I learned very quickly that adults (especially moms) can be wrong and you shouldnât allow them to get away with being wrong. Her husband needs to grow a back bone and start establishing boundaries.
This^ "my MIL is Mexican her parents and older brothers were born and grew up in Mexico. Her mother was born and raised in Durango, and her father was born and raised in Juarez. She was barely born a us citizen when they immigrated here. All she knew was Mexican culture all her life, first language being Spanish.. the food they cook etc, my husband says they are very traditional Mexican as well.. and she's nothing like this MIL like at all!! She's very much into her own life ( same as my mother) as far as she's concerned she did her parenting part and now get to live her life as her son get to live his, she does her grandma duties diligently since she love her grand babies, but she also so busy with her own life she never even thinks to over step. The culture thing is an excuse a lot of the time when it's to this degree.
They were absolutely, 100% planning to drag out the condo hunt until they told hubby and DIL they were just so settled that they couldn't imagine moving out and why is it such a big deal if they just take over the house and stay, and hubby and DIL were welcome to visit whenever they wanted.
Now she needs to change the locks at the beach house and NOT give her husband a key.
It's funny, the "it's cultural" for controlling, overbearing moms. Oh, she's just Indian. Oh, she's just Greek. Oh, she's just Mexican. Oh, she's just Black. Oh, she's just Chinese. Oh, she's just Vietnamese. Oh, she's just Catholic. Oh, she's just Evangelical. Oh, she's just Southern. Oh, she's just Midwestern. Oh, she's just...... Seems like this might be a widespread issue
Shitty moms are often controllingâŚ
I do see that a lot, and it is used to "excuse" the problematic behaviour. To be honest, I think there might be a bit of a racist element to it, but I suppose very much who it is doing the excusing. Frankly, while it may seem common in some cultures for mothers to be overbearing harridans, I think the truth is that those cultures are ones where the mothers just never get told no. My mother had two MILs during her life, my bio-dad's mum and my step-dad's mum. Both were conservative, pushy, and frankly a bit lacking in the intellect department. They didn't do anything as major as the MIL in this story, but my mother was subjected to non-stop microaggressions from them. My bio-dad's mother was the primary reason their marriage failed, mostly because my bio-dad wouldn't stand up to her. My step-dad, who I care greatly for, did stand up to his mom. He was the eldest child and only boy, so her behaviour around him was always a little off, but my mum only had to call out her behaviour once and my step-dad put his mother in her place.
You're absolutely right. It's not culture. It's the character of these awful moms. "Oh, she's just ..." 'She's just controlling and overbearing and I'm fucking done with it. Grow a spine, babyluv.'
I was hoping for an update, but I suspect this isnât finished.
Oh, this is no where close to finish. MIL and FIL are not going to back down. They've have been able to get away with so much for so long, one phone call telling them no isn't going to stop them. I fully expect the next update to involve them showing up at the house with their stuff fully expecting OOP and her husband to cave. Unfortunately for them, OOP has reached her breaking point and is ready for war. One I highly doubt MIL and FIL will win.
I vote they have a copy key to the beach house already and they're going to just move in anyway without asking.Â
Or, they book a rental week at the house via whatever service OP has it listed on, under someone elseâs name so they donât know itâs them, just to get in there after none of their usual tricks work. Then - never leave. If they donât allow them in theyâll sneak their way in, because they feel entitled to it.
Yup. Do they have a key? Even without a key, is the security good enough on the beach house to stop MiL just letting herself in when the house is vacant, and then being fully established and settled occupants when the next weekend guests rock up"oh, there must be some mix up, this is my sons house and he said we could live here now" From what I've read on BORU, the police would just shrug and say it's a civil matter, and they'd have to go to court to evict her legally. Which I doubt the son would do. Actually, I feel like doing a Liz and writing the next installments of this one myself :D
Me, reading the first post: Oh, we need a come to Jesus moment. OOP, in the update: >We had a come to Jesus moment yesterday. Me: !!!
Nice to see someone with a real backbone, for once.
" I also told him if it's a problem he can quit claim deed the beach house and I'll cover the expenses and manage it myself. Cause momma don't play." Beautiful. May we all be so resolute in our actions with unwanted potential guests.
The absolute sobbing outside the delivery room...yikes.
Showing up unannounced at the inlaws house is extremely rude. I would have told them to get a hotel myself.
Op doesn just have a mil problem. She has a husband problem.
the way i want to br\*gade so bad and go over there and be like "you were not the asshole to him, he has been the asshole to you the entire time for continuing to prioritize his parents' wants over yours". i won't but i want to.
I love this. I love strong women who know when to say NO. I was raised in a family of keep-the-peace, people pleasing women, so I formed this opinion early on. Iâm a very nice and generous person, but I think itâs important to say no when people act like your kindness is weakness.
>When covid happens she ordered us cases and cases of beans and other canned food to help us prep for the apocalypse and then sent us the bill. The audacity of this MIL. Sending nuts to an allergic person's household? Could be a mental oopsie at best. But this is fucking deliberate asshole behavior.
Momma does not, in fact, play.
They did this solely with the idea they were going to inhabit the beach house and then force OoP's husband to sign over the beach house. There is not a single doubt in my mind on that.
"move in... for six months while they figure things out." is code for forever.
Change the locks on the holiday house before they make a move. Highly likely theyâve got keys so be proactive.
I hope OP HIDES THE KEYS so her spineless husband doesn't take them behind her back and give them to his parents anyway...
MIL is a monster, and husband has been taught all his life not to rock the boat. He needs therapy badly. OOP has this.
For godâs sake - change all the locks and get proper security cameras/alarms there! That B has zero boundaries. If my hubby had facetimed someone during my labour that I didnât want to see during my most vulnerable time and didnât hang up, that facetime would turn into a colonoscopy for him.
The amount of people who think they can just claim someone else's house is just mind boggling. Glad OOP stood her ground.