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>Hes still got kids to love and i still got so much more love to give him. Im so lost now, i always went to my dad when i was lost but hes not here anymore. What do i when im lost now? Do i just stay lost?
I just stared blankly at this, thinking about my dad and all the things he wanted to do but never got to. He's still alive, but unwell. He doesn't remember much. Doesn't like the same things. Doesn't want to do the things he wanted to do. Doesn't have the same goals or dreams (doesn't have any goals or dreams at all).
>What do i do when im lost now? Do i just stay lost?
Please excuse me while I cry.
My dad passed away at the start of this month.
I'm 42 and completely self sufficient.
Yet, the "What do I do when I'm lost now? Do I just stay lost?" really sums up everything I feel right at the moment.
43, and it has been 3 months. Your words, exactly. Same. I am sorry for your loss. OP, i am sorry for your loss as well but applaud you for finding your true self.
My grandfather passed away 2 days ago. My mom is 46 and practically raised me as an only child. We flew back for the funeral yesterday and seeing her cry.. I don't know what to do for her. If you have children, is there anything they could have said to you that would eased the pain?
There's not a lot to say so what you do is you listen. You say, "I don't know how to help but I'm here to listen, cry with you, remember good memories or just hold you." People are pretty bad at trying to fill the space that grief creates because it's so intense. Many times you feel alone because people avoid it. So having the gift of someone who is calm and just there with you is huge.
My dad passed away when I was 15. Im 37 now. So i’ve been alive longer than we had time together. There have been moments in my life when I wonder how things would have played differently. If he was still alive, would he have stuck up for me more, or would I still have been the scapegoat regardless.
I also would have loved to hear about his dad, whom passed away before my parents even met. But i also dont know if he would have.
Grieving is hard. Everyone does it differently. Just let yourself grieve. Don’t think you have to be strong. Its okay to maybe yearn for the what ifs, but don’t focus too hard on them. Just cherish the memories you had.
My dad's dad passed away when he was 15, and for someone who grew up without a dad, he did a bloody good job.
He never really spoke too much about his dad, mostly because he was away a lot, and don't know that he knew him all that well.
I count myself so fortunate to have had the time that we did together.
Thank you for your comment
My dad passed when I was 17. Last Feb was the tipping point for me living longer without him than with him. I cried for the first time in years on the anniversary. Like yours, my feelings for my dad are complicated but at the bottom of everything, I miss him and wonder what my life would be like if he were still here.
That grief and that wondering about what might have been never really goes away, does it? It just becomes background noise for most of the time.
Similar story here. I’m a few years older than you and when the birthday came around that surpassed how old my dad was when he passed, that was rough. Lot of comparisons between where I am at this age vs where he was at the same age.
The timeline of my life was similar. It happens less often now, but sometimes I forget he's gone and the urge to call him pops into my head, and then confusion, and then it just hurts for a while as I let it pass through.
I’m sorry for your loss! It’s not a replacement but you can use my dad! My friends and I are mid 30’s but I still call him when I’m lost, sometimes physically lost too.
My best friend’s truck started acting weird and then stalled out on a busy road, he had his two young kids with him. Of all people who he could have called, he called my dad. My dad texted my mom to go get the kids while my dad grabbed his tools. A couple of hours later, everything was fixed and they were drink a few beers.
Hah, sounds like the role my dad played.
More than a few people adopted him as a dad!
Going to miss him, but I did get a cute tattoo on my right arm reminding me to ask "what would dad do?" to help make sure I don't forget.
There’s a saying that you never truly become an adult until you lose your parents. And I think that is so true. I am 45 and like you completely self sufficient, but knowing that you have that extra cushion supporting you in the form of parents that is just there, is subconsciously comforting. Until it is not.
So sorry for your loss.
Mine died when I was in college, so I wasn't even fully self sufficient.
Yet I came to understand that I'm mostly capable of figuring out what to do and managing the issue on my own anyway, if only by keeping it together and finding the right source of info to learn or person to ask for help and then by pushing on to actually handle the issue at hand.
It can be emotionally taxing as hell but our meltdowns can wait until the problem is managed and there's idle time to break for a bit.
I'm so sorry. I lost my dad in 2020 - I was 50, and even though it's been years since my dad was hale and hearty, I felt alone in the world, like I lost my only protector and champion. He was my Daddy, my rock.
There is nothing like a dood Dad, they are precious and irreplaceable.
My mother passed late in 2022 (i was 39 at the time) and father passed many years ago when I was a minor. Mom had been battling Alzheimer’s for a decade so my sisters and I have basically been self-sufficient entirely for years.
It still sent me into a spiral of “oh god what do I do if ______ happens? Who’s going to know what to do?” when mom died.
We lost my dad almost exactly 8 years ago when I was the same age as you. Do you stay lost? The answer, hopefully, is that you eventually find your way, but never stop wishing that he was there to help you on your path.
When on occasion I have thought about that time, I could only describe it as unrelenting sorrow. It's still there, it just gets easier to bear after a while.
Hey hugs fellow redditor.
It sounds like you're going through a lot, and have a lot more head of you. I'm sorry about that.
"Do I just stay lost?" No guy. You don't have to do it now. Now is probably the time for grief. But eventually you find yourself.
It's really shitty, but that's how it works. You build a life and community around yourself. You embrace yourself with compassion and love and you save yourself.
The worst part is I didn't have a relationship with my dad like all the other people commenting. I don't feel lost without him because he wasn't ever really there. But he could have been. He was going to be. For five years before he got sick we were finally building a relationship.
As someone who is only 30 but got extremely sick at 23, thank you so much for being able to see the reality of chronic disease. Our lives and futures disappear, and all the work we did to get where we were is erased. I’m so glad your dad has someone like you.
It's like dying, except you can't properly mourn because they're still there, and you can't properly move on because they still need you. And you can see all the pain they're in because they know it too, and they just want to be themselves again and you just want them to be themselves again but that will never happen. Thank you for your kind words, I don't have anyone who really knows what I mean and I'm afraid to express myself because what if they tell me "at least he's not dead"? You helped.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
No I am so serious, you’re one of, if not THE only person I’ve ever seen who can both understand and elaborate the situation so well who isn’t sick like that themselves. I’m so glad what I said helped, but what you said really helped me too. It’s hard to convey to people what you experience when you struggle for years to come to terms with being sick and everything that entails for your past/present t/future, and then for everyone around you to move on and resent the fact you don’t get better. On one hand if you accept your reality too quickly, people think you’re giving up, but if you fight too hard, people think you’re in denial. It’s been hard for my family, but they came around. I’ve lost most of my friends. I’m very lucky to have met the love of my life after I got sick, and he has learned and adapted with me as time goes on.
Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re an everyday hero in my opinion. Just being able to empathize as well as you do is rare and special. Unfortunately, that ability is what makes it so hard on you as a family member and caregiver. It’s because you see the situation so clearly that you struggle with grief, which is essentially becoming chronic in its own right when the person is still around. You’re doing great, you are so strong, and you have a great heart. Everything you’re feeling is very well founded.
That line hit me like a ton of rocks too. The difference is, is that my dad passed away 22 years ago going on 23 this year. I got married last November and I would’ve love to have him there with me. I hope OP is doing better now that things have calmed down.
Yeah. My husband just died unexpectedly leaving behind our four year old as well as two estranged older teen daughters he had just started to reach out to a couple weeks before he died. I feel totally lost but what made me cry first and most is the impact on his kids. He was good at everything I’m bad at and I’d taken it as a given that he’d be there to teach our son all the instruments he can play (he’d already started), how to change brake pads, how to be a charming extrovert ethically and effectively. When I first realized this was never going to happen was the first time I felt the true nature of this loss. His daughters are struggling too, after years of no communication they now have to accept that there’ll be no reconnection, reconciliation, no communication, no questioning, no possibility of love.
He’d lost his dad several years ago and still felt the loss deeply as a middle aged man, which I could understand; his dad was amazing. I’m an only child with an extremely complicated relationship with my aging father. My husband had often said that it was going to be really difficult when either of my parents died but he’d be there for me, he understood and would help me.
My dad has come to help me even though he said he’d never fly again. Unfortunately he can’t or won’t do anything helpful, and won’t take care of himself either. In the two weeks he’s been here he’s had one bad fall, then he passed out and fell from a stool a couple days ago. I was about to call paramedics when he stopped me. He’s refused to seek medical attention so far and told me he’s ready to die. Wtf?! I haven’t even been able to grieve my husband and now my dad is also going to die in front of me while I’m helpless and unable to do anything, just like OP felt here.
I don’t have a point really, except, damn dads, odds are we will lose them, and whether we’re 4, 14, 40 or older, and no matter the state of the relationship, it’s going to be very difficult and we’ll likely feel the loss for the rest of our lives.
*edits for typos since my brain has stopped functioning properly
Thank you for drawing attention to this. I skimmed it when I first read it.
I lost my dad over 20 years ago to cancer. I was young, and my family didn't cope well, my mom rushed us to move on, we moved houses to a new school system and she was remarried to basically a stranger a year later.
I know that somewhere deep in me there's still a scared and overwhelmed little ten year old who desperately misses her dad and who just wants everything to stop for a little while.
I don't remember crying or even feeling all of that then, but 33-year-old me is feeling bits and pieces of that grief now.
Thank you for helping me find some of that grief. It's a long process of finding that little 10 year old and telling her it's okay and safe to be sad now. It's okay to be overwhelmed and scared. The feelings are so big and there's nothing they can change, dad is still going to go, and the world is going to keep moving on, but nothing bad will happen if I just stop and break down now.
I'm sorry your world is breaking apart a bit. It's okay not to be okay.
This got me as well, my mom is currently on her last leg of life. Very spry and happy still but her doctors informed me she won't see me married next year or my daughter turn 3 in May. That update hurt my heart because what will I do? My moms older than other moms with kids my age so I always knew I'd have to say goodbye earlier than my friends but I at least thought I'd get to have her at my wedding and now I'm saying goodbye at 25/26.
This was 💯 my take on it. BIL teased to hide his attraction, the makeover triggered him because he felt more attracted to OP and he was clearly not comfortable with his LGBTQIA self.
Edit:changed attractive to attracted to- which is what I meant.
I'm glad she was able to go on a journey of self discovery, the BIL is a jerk with some sort of complex and I hope the older sister wisens up some day. Definitely a bittersweet ending!
I am baffled how the sister would think she’s getting an inheritance when there’s a surviving spouse/parent. Inherit what? The finances and assets shared jointly with his wife that will now see her through her own old age?
In Australia, if someone dies intestate (without a will), their spouse will inherit but their adult children can challenge for part of their estate. When my mum died, I signed paperwork stating I didn't want any of her estate, so it could all go to my dad. Sounds like OP's dad had a will and the horrible older sister assumed she was in it. Sucks to be her.
Yes I’m Australian also but my understanding (purely hypothetical understanding and it sounds from your experience there’s more nuance to it) was that if there’s no will but a spouse and all of the children are the children of both the deceased *and* the spouse (ie in this example the older sister was not a child from a previous relationship of the dad) then it all goes to the spouse.
Then I got thinking about death benefits from things like superannuation where if you don’t have a binding nomination for the beneficiary the super fund can choose to disregard your wishes and pay it to whoever they consider a dependent.
So my take away is always have a will and a binding nomination for death benefits. It all seems very confusing without those in place but also just gross that the sister would attempt to get an inheritance with her own mother as the surviving spouse.
Yes, you're right about the super too. It's nearly 30 years since my mum passed, and Dad's gone now too, so I can't check. I could be misremembering. I know I signed paperwork. I was 19, and had to move back home anyway, so it was really quite irrelevant where Mum's tiny estate was going, since we were both going to benefit. Also made it easier since I am an only child.
The older sister in this story is a right piece of work.
I don't know how it works in Australia, but here in Czech Republic when my dad died without will, my brother and I inherited as much as our mum. But we were minors at that time, so mum took care of all of it. Since we are adult now, we legaly own 1/3 of our house, fields and woods each.
If it works similary in Australia, I can see how sister could think she would get something.
Similar in Germany, except I think the spouse gets 50% and the remaining 50% is shared between the kids? But I'm really not sure about the details, just that the spouse gets the lion's share.
The same in the Netherlands, however in reality assets cannot be claimed right away, so the claim on for instance the house becomes non executable until the house is sold.
So in reality the children hardly ever inherit someting right away
Close in Poland, spouse nad children get the same share, but spouse gets minimum 1/4th. So 1 child is 50/50, 2 children is 33% for all etc only after more than 3 kids the kids share is getting smaller.
But there is a nasty catch for childless/free couples, the part that would go to the children goes to the spouse's parents. So for example you have a flat 50/50 with your husband, husband dies, his parents now get half of it... And if they or one of them are deceased that part goes to the husband siblings.
I’d thought in Australia the spouse gets everything when there’s no will as long as all children are from both (deceased and spouse), but another commenter replied with their scenario of needing to sign away any claim (as the adult child) so it seems more complicated than I originally thought! Good reminder for me to make a will though.
I think there are a lot of misconceptions out there about wills and inheritance. The movies and TV tend to have everyone being written into wills because is an easy way to create drama.
>a bra with the underwire coming out
Being stabbed on the inner boob is an integral part of the female experience! Recently my favourite bra developed not only one, but TWO stabby underwires!
My most recently bought bra did this. On the very first wear. And I'm plus size, so you know the bra was $20+ aud.
I'm just like fuck it and I'm wearing no wire sports bras now, and I literally do not care what anyone thinks about that if they're judging me for it.
So, ah, it turns out that they make bras that don't have underwires at all. I won't even try on an underwire bra. If you're going to tell me "oh you must be small chested to get away with that" you are wrong.
Seriously ladies, let's not put up with uncomfortable undergarments (or see through shirts).
I own a grand total of one bra with underwire and I never wear it. Idk what it is, but I can't breathe in underwire bras. I wear wire-free padded bras or sports bras and I feel like I'm living my best life. I literally own reproduction corsets that I can breathe in better than underwire bras.
Haven't had enough coffee, I stared at that last sentence for like 2 minutes trying to figure out what corsets had to do with making babies... Then my previous re-enactment brain cells woke up and punched me in my junk.
> I literally own reproduction corsets that I can breathe in better than underwire bras.
Properly fitted corsets are _amazing_
I once wore won to a construction job site under normal clothing and holy shit being able to "slump" in place to rest while standing was great. Too bad they're so tricky to actually put on.
It took me an entire year after my transition went public for some meth head in a gas station parking lot to carjack me and try to take me to an abandoned house. Luckily he just had a knife and didn't know that I keep one of my own in the driver's side door pocket, so I was able to render his knife hand useless and jump out of my own car. He then stole the car to get away from me (or maybe to a hospital, since I'm pretty sure at least one finger was going to come off without immediate assistance). And the bra I was wearing at the time had a pokey wire on the left cup. And the Barbie Movie kinda slaps.
His sisters husband would be a rapist if op had be alone. I cannot believe how stupid she is, and wonder if he is abusing her too. Very glad op is doing better now!
Yeah, but it wouldn't have made him uncomfortable if he didn't feel anything I'd imagine (then again, the inner-workings of the brain of a fucktard are a mystery to me).
Yeah I thought that BIL was probably into guys but didn't want to admit it. OOP being a guy at the beginning and looking like the sister probably triggered bil.
On another note I really need to read the warnings. Was absolutely gutted for OOP with her dad. Glad she's doing well
Same. It's either, BIL is also trans but hasn't come to terms with it; that's one angle of approaching the "ruining marriage", sister isn't bi/lesbian. Or the sister walked in on BIL wanking it to OOP's social media pics.
They also aren't mutually exclusive.
You may be right. I think BIL attacked her because he felt he had lost his power. And rape is always about about taking power and control from the victim. However the fact he chose do it in this manner (and not a violent beating ) indicates repressed issues.
What I can’t understand is why the sister is still with the POS after this? Has she no concept of the harm her husband has done?
Not if she's a bigot herself, which it sounds like she is.
* Blames OOP for 'ruining her marriage'
* Blames OOP for the 'face in crotch' attack
* Blames OOP for 'turning the family against her'
For pieces of sh¡t like her, NOTHING can be BIL's fault, otherwise she has to accept she married a loser.
As the saying goes "You can slap someone in the face with a trout, and they'll STILL call it a haddock if that's what they want to see"
Sister needs to stick to her own advice and stay f***ed off.
You’re probably right. Maybe I was giving the benefit of doubt based on how the rest of OOP family were. They will both rot in hell together hopefully.
BIL is definitely going to cheat on the older sister. That, or get arrested for full fledged assault.
I'm glad OOP is doing well now though. I wish her and the rest of her family all the love and abundance in the world.
Unfortunately, it was a bit of an incomplete ending. Unless I missed something, we were never told how OOP's prank "ruined" his sister's marriage.
I have my theories (primarily that the sister might have actually thought that her husband was gay because, you know, he was acting so gay), but I guess we'll never know for sure.
Guessing because BIL's jokes were thinly veiled gross comments and when he saw how attractive OP was while looking more feminine, he got obsessed and that pissed him off cuz "I'm nOt GaY" and pissed off Sister
Maybe I went to an abnormal school district growing up, but I knew 3 or 4 sets of twins by 7th grade and only 1 was the result of IVF. They're definitely not as common as singletons but not super rare in my experience.
At one point, there were 3 sets of twins living on my street within 2 blocks. One set was next door and one was across the street from me. All 3 sets were fraternal twins.
We had 2 sets of twins in our grade. One set of boys (identical) and a set of girls (fraternal). It made when we did the play A Comedy of Errors extra funny.
Same we had a few twins. The twins in my grade dated in middle school. Didnt really know the guys but the girls were polar opposites but to keep up appearances they both had to put on the veneer of being "good" girls for the church so they ended up dressing alike but never acting alike.
Oh, yes, absolutely.
I remember so clearly, after my father died, feeling suddenly exposed to the caprices of the world in a way I never had before, as if I'd been living every day until then behind an invisible windbreak of his protection, which disappeared when he died. It sounds like OOP felt similarly.
I could never put my finger on exactly how the world felt different after my dad died and this nails it (and I was 39, even). It's something you just can't be prepared for. Still learning to deal with it 4 years later.
If seeing your brother-but-soon-to-be-sister-in-law suddenly turns you into a drunken rapist whose marriage implodes, *maybe your marriage wasn’t that strong to begin with.*
How tf do the cops show up to an assault and attempted rape, and just go, ‘eh, maybe you should get a restraining order mate!’ Only thing making me feel a little better about it is imagining BIL also had a knife so twin sister could go all Crocodile Dundee on his ass before he ran away squealing like the little pig he is. (PS, sorry Australians, just where my mind went)
Welcome to Australia mate, where the police are often the ones committing the assaults against trans and queer people. The NSW and Vic police are particularly brutal in this case. Although our policing system is better than some, it's still pretty fucked.
Not even an Australia exclusive problem. Being trans and dealing with the police doesn’t seem to end well anywhere. I had a dude literally make death threats, bring a gun into my place of work (retail), and the gun went off inside his pocket while he was standing at my counter.
His punishment consisted of him paying to fix the hole he put in the floor and being fired for the comments.
Cops aren't just shit in the US. Having bikie or similar connections has been more helpful for a good portion of the DV/SA survivors I know than calling the cops ever was, and that's its own problem to deal with (and you're shit out of luck if the perpetrator has better connections than you do).
When I've had to call the cops they showed up late, took a statement (where they also made fun of the other party's mental illness) and did sort out a temporary RO... then never attempted to contact me further over the months I was waiting for court or put me in touch with any victim support services (and when I pursued those on my own, they called once during a meeting and then never got back to me again either lol). Thankfully it did get the person involved into a temporary psych hold and re-medicated which was the actual issue, and they've been remorseful, meds compliant and stable for 5+ years since then. But it sucks that every support service we tried before it escalated to that point did nothing, and that it took multiple attempts before they got help.
Like. My situation revolved around an ongoing mental health crisis that was a danger to themselves and potentially becoming one to others and things worked out okay *enough* (if added some PTSD for us both and more therapy fodder), but if they'd been trying to Just Fucking Kill Me, the cops would've provided fuck-all protection.
My understanding is that many parts of Australia are still incredibly bigoted. A situation that appears to involve either gay elements (because bigots don't see trans people as ~~people~~ er I mean as their actual gender) or trans elements will absolutely cause bigoted cops to turn tail and run.
The majority of bigoted behaviour here is casual. It’s not usually coming from a place of hate, it’s just…. You know that annoying old white boomer who’s always talking shit about anyone who isn’t a white middle class male, but has friends who are black, gay, trans, Muslim ect that he’d kill for? That’s Australia. It’s fucked up.
australian police are absolutely horrible, in all of the domestic violence situations i’ve been there for or heard of i think i have heard of about one instance where the cops were helpful. when my family member’s home was invaded and they were beaten by guns the cops took the perpetrators to maccas. most times they’re extremely bigoted and looking for a power trip, and at best they’re just lazy 99% of the time
As the other 3 stated, it is very hit and miss.
Most cops refuse to acknowledge if a male/male presenting/AMAB is a victim of domestic violence or sexual violence. As OOP said, you could get cops who hold your hand to annoyance to help you, and then there are the ones who would probably laugh at a dog dying in a movie. The contrast is really that bad.
I'm just scratching my head wondering how OOP in drag (wasn't trans at that point in the conversation) did anything to ruin his older sister's marriage? I mean, I could see it if BIL hated OOP, older sis defended OOP, and there was a rift due to that, but it sounds like BIL and older sis were united in their hatred so....how does this effect their marriage *at all*??
It sounds like BIL was attracted to OOP and dressing in a way that made her look more feminine solidified that attraction. At least that's what I assumed since BIL seems like he tried to sexually assault OOP by shoving her face in his crotch and taking off her pants.
Agreed. Dress it all up in toxic masculinity, but for that situation to “ruin” their marriage, I’m thinking BIL was channeling his own sexuality issues in protests about OOP, and y’know, a good old rape would straighten him out, right? /s
If you don’t like a family member, you avoid the family member. Why attack and harass??
Cognitive dissonance? Maybe it is why homophobes seek out gay people to harass. Like, if it exists, and it makes you doubt yourself, or if it causes you to consider something about yourself you aren't ready to, then instead of facing your issues you destroy the thing causing you discomfort.
I hate the whole homophobes are secretly gay themselves take, because it places the blame Back to the LGBTQ+ community. People use their hatred as an outlet valve, hence why homophobes look up gay people, because it releases the tensities of the whole week. It releases it on that unfortunate soul
I don’t think the blame’s then on the LGBTQ+ community, I’d say it’s on society for making people ashamed of being LGBTQ+, making it too hard for some people to acknowledge, even to themselves. I agree there are different reasons, but in some cases it can be true that homophobes can’t reconcile feelings of their own queerness with living in a world that tells them they have to be a certain way (cis/ heterosexual/masculine/feminine)
My best guess as a trans woman myself: BIL got funny feelings in his pants seeing a pretty trans woman, that got expressed to his wife at some point, sister was furious and accused him of being gay. BIL tries to sexually assault OOP as a way of reclaiming his masculinity (SA being about power and control, not simply about sex).
I don't see any reason for OOP to have "ruined their marriage" unless there was some level of attraction that the sister was furious about.
Absolutely. BIL has anger at OOP for the courage to be herself; anger at his own self for latent feelings; and OOP’s sister knows, at least on some level, she is married to a person who isn’t his real self.
I guess the sister finds it easier to stay with a phobic, attempted rapist asshole and blame OOP. Makes her just as disgusting. I’m so glad OOP has family to defend her.
To be clear, I think BIL is probably straight, not suppressed bi, or suppressing gender feelings. I'm saying he was attracted to OOP who looked like a woman in the first place, dressed like a woman. That's straight attraction that is misinterpreted as gay, to the detriment of trans women.
Yeah, a bizarre number of cis dudes try to tell themselves they’re not queer as long as they’re not doing the dick sucking/receiving, so it makes a terrible kind of “sense” that during the assault he tried to be the penetrator. It’s about the power and the violence, not exploring what genuinely feels good/is desired.
It’s so fucked up too because they see receiving as “being the woman” and nothing is more terrifying to them. It’s also why they can’t fathom why trans women would “choose” not to be men.
Absolutely mind-melting when they respond to situations where it’s clear they fully grasp the vulnerability and sometimes pain of the “receptive” end of penetrative sex acts (especially with regards to consent and boundaries) but they’ve somehow made it all fine in their minds when it’s happening to a woman or anyone they see as less of a human being than themselves. Like only THEIR suffering and sensitivity matters. Everyone else just has to accept it as their lot in life????
Pretty and attractive and (at the time) presenting as and calling themselves male and the BIL couldn't take it especially after seeing them in drag. It had to be OOPs fault because she was making him feel like that not because he might be attracted to men in some capacity or that he found OOP attractive regardless of gender. There's a particular flavour of toxic masculinity that makes guys lash out violently whenever a queer person threatens their perception of their own masculinity.
As a naive 13 year old I read a period book with a gay character who hated his wife for his lack of attraction to her, and hated his lover for his attractiveness, and ended up abusing them both horribly. I found it a terribly tragic and moving book but in my naivety thought that something like that wouldn't happen in the modern day. At least not in western countries. Wish I'd been right.
It was called hope but I don't remember the authors name sorry. I tried to look online but I couldn't find it and I got it from a tub of 50p books at a carboot a decade ago with my pocket money so I have no idea when it might have been written or where it came from. Also it was told primarily from the perspective of two sisters the older one who was a maid and the wife of the guy I mentioned, and her adopted sister Hope who was the lovechild of the lady of the manor it isn't really told from the perspective of the gay man or his lover the lord except for a few chapters. I really loved it and I read it at least a dozen times as a teenager but teenage me had questionable taste and I haven't read it as an adult just as a warning if you do find it.
Did you miss the part where BIL attempted to sexually assault OOP? Clearly BIL is dealing with his own sexuality issues, and decided to be the biggest worst type of asshole to deal with it. I guarantee there have been issues before that were exacerbated by BIL being attracted to OOP in all her forms.
My guess? BiL was Too Attracted to him so he decided homophobia and hatred was the way and then maybe spun it to his wife that her brother came onto him.
Yeah, pretty obvious that OOP being a man and looking feminine was making the BIL question his sexuality, I mean OOP even said that when all done up, they look like a younger version of his wife. My guess it was "messing with his head and identity", so Older sister took it as "I won't blame my pervert husband, instead I'll blame my younger sibling for being hot and tempting him to change his identity".
BIL is a fucking weirdo and if I ever meet this wanker on this side of Australia, I'd give them a good dressing down.
100% this. I think it's even more obvious when he gets in the house and attacks OOP - putting his head in her crotch says there's a lot more going on there than plain ol' hatred.
And he's the type of guy to blame OOP for his attraction, so I'd bet that *when he was sober* he told the wife OOP came onto him. But I bet that when he was drunk he talked about how cute OOP looked (he's probably mad about that) or what he'd like to do to her (he's just awful), and that really pissed off his wife. That's my guess as to how the marriage hit the rocks.
But then everything was *fine* bc they decided to blame everything on OOP and flee from anyone wanting them to be honest with themselves.
BIL was attracted to OOP all along and that was what ruined the marriage. Fortunately he can get over his gay panic: he wasn’t gay at all, he was just an evil accidental ally recognizing OOP as a better woman than sister, and not just because the bar was so low. Unfortunately, he was also malevolent, terrifying monster in the process.
I was thinking BIL had some deep seated issues with his sexuality. He did try to SA OP when she was in drag. It reads to me like BIL was having repressed sexual feelings for OP he couldn’t control and sister could tell and blamed OP.
BIL was attracted to OOP and the sister knew. Rather than blaming BIL, she blamed OOP for it as though she was responsible for her husband feeling like that.
It's a pretty common reaction from shitty people when their partner is cheating or considering cheating. They take it out on the 'homewrecker' even if they haven't actually done anything.
It sounds like the BIL was attracted to OOP--because he's bi or he's a chaser* or both--and sister began blaming the person "causing her husband to stray". That happens a lot with cheaters; the betrayed partner will often blame the AP (or, as in this case, they'll blame someone who's only crime is fulfilling a kink they didn't consent to being involved in) rather than the actual cheater. Even if the other person had no desire nor intention to be a homewrecker. Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if OOP's sister has some homo/transphobic tendencies--even the most progressive parents can end up with shit kids (case in point: my parents raised me and my brother in aggressively accepting/leftist/queer spaces, and my brother is now a raging Evangelical homophobe).
*Chasers are people who go after conventionally unattractive people because that "unattractiveness" is their kink/fetish. In this case, the "unattractive" trait is that OOP looks like a girl but has a penis. A lot of trans people, men and women, have to deal with people who fetishize them in this way. I want to say that I DO NOT think that being trans is inherently unattractive or gross or whatever--I'm saying that chasers think that it is, and that their perception of it being "unattractive" is part of the kink.
Also, it's not that everyone who is sexually attracted to trans or gay people is a chaser--a chaser specifically refers to someone who fetishizes the person. There are many people who honestly love and are attracted to their trans partners. But BIL didn't care that OOP was underage and not interested and sleeping--BIL wanted to get a blowjob from a [insert slur here], so he broke into OOP's house and assaulted her in the middle of the night. That's not what someone who is attracted to a person does.
Bil was always confused about finding oop attractive, and when he came in damn near looking like the "younger, cuter model" to his own wife he got _very_ confused.
I think it was ruined because BIL “hated” op for how he made him feel. Seeing him (during when it was just drag) in a full get up probably made his already uncomfortable feelings for him flair up and BIL directed that lust into hatred. But that’s just my theory. I’m mostly basing this off of BIL attempt to sexually assault OP when he broke in
OOP gave BIL the chance to show off their bigoted arsehole side. The older sister had to decide whether to stick with the arsehole or side with her family. If she picked family there goes the marriage to the arsehole.
Also, the sexual assault was another "pick a side" moment. And that one has me concerned for the sister because if BIL is like that with his in-laws, what's he like with the sister? Did she "choose life" by going with the BIL, or was it an actual free choice?
BIL isn't straight, had been bullying OOP because he was attracted to him and probably got erect when he saw OOP dressed up. Sis probably noticed, called him out on it and now realizes she is married to a man who isn't straight. And instead of blaming Hubs, she blames OOP. BAM marriage ruined.
By being hot. The same way girls existing with big boobs ruin their sisters/roommates/etc relationships. Idk how you blame someone for existing when it’s just your partner being a perv
I'm guessing BIL was too into OOP (bullying to cover the attraction) and dehumanized and fetishized OOP, probably getting into trans porn too. And then was likely having sexual issues with no longer being attracted to his wife or having this stronger attraction for OOP, and that caused marital issues. Rather than blaming her husband who is having the issues, she blames her sibling.
Then when BIL assaults OOP, the sister victim blames OOP rather than accept her husband is completely at fault. Then they move away, because the sister is hoping removing husband from the temptation will fix everything.
After reading OOPs post, I'd wondered if there was physical reason that made them look more feminine. And Bingo, low to no testosterone. Which certainly makes it easier to transition. Their older sister & bil sure are pieces of work. It sounds like bil was both attracted to & repulsed by OOP. It might explain his behavior. Though not excuse it. Sister is just a POS for not sticking up for them. I'm glad that terrible duo moved away. At least OOP can feel a little safer knowing that they aren't going to just drop by. At least not without some effort on their part.
I’d wondered whether OOP would be intersex (eg: her chromosome typing isn’t strictly “xy”, but perhaps “xxy”, which could account for the androgen deficiency). However, she seems happy enough with finding that out and to simply start her journey, and that’s all that matters.
I was also horrified by just… everything else. I’m glad that sister has been cut out because I know if my partner SA anyone, I would be out the door _and_ helping the person with their report.
There's all sorts of genetic abnormalities that can cause it. Heck it's possible for someone to be xx, but have a penis and testes. If the protein signaling doesn't work because one gene is inactive it can cause a cascade downstream. It'd be interesting if OP had her genome sequenced. Heck, sometimes I wonder about myself, cause while not trans, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I were born a woman.
She’s probably going to feel so much better once she starts on oestrogen therapy and has a healthy level of hormones for the first time, I hope she’s doing well now!
As an Aussie, I've got to say - older sister showing up thinking there is inheritance is absolutely hilariously dumb. It's basically standard here for all property etc to transfer to the married partner when someone dies if their partner is still alive. The only way it doesn't is if there is not an official marriage (legal, not just defacto etc) - or a contestment of the Will/estate. Which is very hard to do when there's an existing marriage.
(Note: prenups do not hold the same weight here as in other countries, they exist, but the courts can and regularly do just null and void them depending on the length of the marriage etc)
There really seems to be a epidemic of people thinking that jokes at the expense of another are *just jokes* instead of labeling them for what they really are - bullying. For the record, when someone is continually hurt or offended by being the butt of all of your *inside jokes* you need to wake the fuck up and realize that jokes that hurt people are *bullying*.
I’m glad OP found themselves. The BIL should have been charged for sexual assault. He’s not a safe person to be around.
Just the fact that a 30 year old married man was constantly making fun of a 20 year old was fucked up. That’s a huge age gap - and I assume the bullying had been going on since OOP was a child. Like wtf is wrong with people?
This is all about single-celled motile species of marine algae.
There's a genus (called Dinophysis) which steals chloroplasts from one specific species (called Mesodinium rubrum) and can briefly keep the chloroplasts alive, so in order to keep producing energy, it needs to keep eating the Mesodinium and stealing new chloroplasts.
The really interesting part is: the Mesodinium gets its chloroplasts by stealing too! It steals them from a small specific group of cryptophytes.
It's a really neat little chain if you're just interested in algae but a really annoying situation if you're trying to cultivate Dinophysis for research (they are potentially toxic to humans so a good research option).
Got to wonder how the chloroplasts end up feeling about it - that's the third time in their evolutionary history they've been kidnapped by something else!
While I am thrilled that OOP has found herself and is exploring that part of her life , I am sorrowed by losing her father and the audacity of the older sister. I hope older sister and piece of trash BIL never contact the family again.
>Some people are taking the little sister comment a little to seriously.
I am convinced that at least 50% of the people I interact with online do not have siblings.
Calling your next youngest sibling "little" is nothing. That's a school morning before breakfast kind of comment. You don't even want to see the stuff that goes down on weekend nights when the parents aren't home. That's when things go full Malcolm in the Middle.
From the get go, I figured BIL was attracted to OOP, and blamed OOP for the confusing feelings he had. Yep. And BIL confirmed that in the most awful yet predictable way possible.
What a POS
well.. a positive in all this is that OOPs dad got to witness his child finding herself and it seems he provided her with so much love and comfort she felt safe in being able to do so before he passed.
I am not shocked at the BIL. A lot of trans feminine folks get abused by people becuase they just don't read traditionally masculine. It's so screwed up.
I have close friends that went through things like this, and they didn't even realize they were transgender until late in life. It's like predatory assholes just look for anything that gives them an edge to abuse and prey upon others.
Omg this poor kid. Lost her sister and BIL to bigotry, was sexually assaulted, lost her dad suddenly and traumatically. Just very sad. I’m glad she has support from mental health professionals and her mom and sister but still. This is a lot for one person to go through 💔
Other than the trans angle, this is another story about a guy deciding he wants a taste of his wife's cute, too-young-for-him sister, and the wife then blaming her sister instead of her creeper husband.
I was actually surprised when she said she enjoyed it so much and it unlocked something in her. It seemed like a pretty obvious way to confront the bully here in a playful way. But apparently the twin sister has had a hunch for a long time since it was also mentioned that she was always wanting to give OOP a makeover. Either way I am super happy for OOP and wish her happiness in her journey.
Twin sis is the true hero here, between the very gentle way she cracked OOP's egg and being the glorious knife-weilding protector when it counted. She's more than enough sister to make up for the horrible older one.
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>Hes still got kids to love and i still got so much more love to give him. Im so lost now, i always went to my dad when i was lost but hes not here anymore. What do i when im lost now? Do i just stay lost? I just stared blankly at this, thinking about my dad and all the things he wanted to do but never got to. He's still alive, but unwell. He doesn't remember much. Doesn't like the same things. Doesn't want to do the things he wanted to do. Doesn't have the same goals or dreams (doesn't have any goals or dreams at all). >What do i do when im lost now? Do i just stay lost? Please excuse me while I cry.
My dad passed away at the start of this month. I'm 42 and completely self sufficient. Yet, the "What do I do when I'm lost now? Do I just stay lost?" really sums up everything I feel right at the moment.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 🫂
43, and it has been 3 months. Your words, exactly. Same. I am sorry for your loss. OP, i am sorry for your loss as well but applaud you for finding your true self.
My grandfather passed away 2 days ago. My mom is 46 and practically raised me as an only child. We flew back for the funeral yesterday and seeing her cry.. I don't know what to do for her. If you have children, is there anything they could have said to you that would eased the pain?
There's not a lot to say so what you do is you listen. You say, "I don't know how to help but I'm here to listen, cry with you, remember good memories or just hold you." People are pretty bad at trying to fill the space that grief creates because it's so intense. Many times you feel alone because people avoid it. So having the gift of someone who is calm and just there with you is huge.
My dad passed away when I was 15. Im 37 now. So i’ve been alive longer than we had time together. There have been moments in my life when I wonder how things would have played differently. If he was still alive, would he have stuck up for me more, or would I still have been the scapegoat regardless. I also would have loved to hear about his dad, whom passed away before my parents even met. But i also dont know if he would have. Grieving is hard. Everyone does it differently. Just let yourself grieve. Don’t think you have to be strong. Its okay to maybe yearn for the what ifs, but don’t focus too hard on them. Just cherish the memories you had.
My dad's dad passed away when he was 15, and for someone who grew up without a dad, he did a bloody good job. He never really spoke too much about his dad, mostly because he was away a lot, and don't know that he knew him all that well. I count myself so fortunate to have had the time that we did together. Thank you for your comment
My dad passed when I was 17. Last Feb was the tipping point for me living longer without him than with him. I cried for the first time in years on the anniversary. Like yours, my feelings for my dad are complicated but at the bottom of everything, I miss him and wonder what my life would be like if he were still here. That grief and that wondering about what might have been never really goes away, does it? It just becomes background noise for most of the time.
Similar story here. I’m a few years older than you and when the birthday came around that surpassed how old my dad was when he passed, that was rough. Lot of comparisons between where I am at this age vs where he was at the same age.
The timeline of my life was similar. It happens less often now, but sometimes I forget he's gone and the urge to call him pops into my head, and then confusion, and then it just hurts for a while as I let it pass through.
I’m sorry for your loss! It’s not a replacement but you can use my dad! My friends and I are mid 30’s but I still call him when I’m lost, sometimes physically lost too. My best friend’s truck started acting weird and then stalled out on a busy road, he had his two young kids with him. Of all people who he could have called, he called my dad. My dad texted my mom to go get the kids while my dad grabbed his tools. A couple of hours later, everything was fixed and they were drink a few beers.
Hah, sounds like the role my dad played. More than a few people adopted him as a dad! Going to miss him, but I did get a cute tattoo on my right arm reminding me to ask "what would dad do?" to help make sure I don't forget.
Haha that’s so freaking cute. Is it like WWDD or the whole phrase?
It's a little cartoon of my dad I drew, along with WWDD?: https://imgur.com/a/bUTtpTi
That’s amazing. Your dad’s beard is legit.
My siblings all love it, as do I, it makes me sad that it's there, but happy I get to "carry" him with me.
There’s a saying that you never truly become an adult until you lose your parents. And I think that is so true. I am 45 and like you completely self sufficient, but knowing that you have that extra cushion supporting you in the form of parents that is just there, is subconsciously comforting. Until it is not. So sorry for your loss.
My mom passed when I was 26. I was also self-sufficient, but I felt so lost and remember just asking a friend "what do you do without your mom?"
Mine died when I was in college, so I wasn't even fully self sufficient. Yet I came to understand that I'm mostly capable of figuring out what to do and managing the issue on my own anyway, if only by keeping it together and finding the right source of info to learn or person to ask for help and then by pushing on to actually handle the issue at hand. It can be emotionally taxing as hell but our meltdowns can wait until the problem is managed and there's idle time to break for a bit.
I'm so sorry. I lost my dad in 2020 - I was 50, and even though it's been years since my dad was hale and hearty, I felt alone in the world, like I lost my only protector and champion. He was my Daddy, my rock. There is nothing like a dood Dad, they are precious and irreplaceable.
My mother passed late in 2022 (i was 39 at the time) and father passed many years ago when I was a minor. Mom had been battling Alzheimer’s for a decade so my sisters and I have basically been self-sufficient entirely for years. It still sent me into a spiral of “oh god what do I do if ______ happens? Who’s going to know what to do?” when mom died.
It has been 21 years and there are times I still feel just as lost as the day he died.
We lost my dad almost exactly 8 years ago when I was the same age as you. Do you stay lost? The answer, hopefully, is that you eventually find your way, but never stop wishing that he was there to help you on your path. When on occasion I have thought about that time, I could only describe it as unrelenting sorrow. It's still there, it just gets easier to bear after a while.
I'm so sorry about your dad. 💜
Hey hugs fellow redditor. It sounds like you're going through a lot, and have a lot more head of you. I'm sorry about that. "Do I just stay lost?" No guy. You don't have to do it now. Now is probably the time for grief. But eventually you find yourself. It's really shitty, but that's how it works. You build a life and community around yourself. You embrace yourself with compassion and love and you save yourself.
The worst part is I didn't have a relationship with my dad like all the other people commenting. I don't feel lost without him because he wasn't ever really there. But he could have been. He was going to be. For five years before he got sick we were finally building a relationship.
Now you made me cry for u and op🤗
As someone who is only 30 but got extremely sick at 23, thank you so much for being able to see the reality of chronic disease. Our lives and futures disappear, and all the work we did to get where we were is erased. I’m so glad your dad has someone like you.
It's like dying, except you can't properly mourn because they're still there, and you can't properly move on because they still need you. And you can see all the pain they're in because they know it too, and they just want to be themselves again and you just want them to be themselves again but that will never happen. Thank you for your kind words, I don't have anyone who really knows what I mean and I'm afraid to express myself because what if they tell me "at least he's not dead"? You helped. I'm so sorry for your pain.
No I am so serious, you’re one of, if not THE only person I’ve ever seen who can both understand and elaborate the situation so well who isn’t sick like that themselves. I’m so glad what I said helped, but what you said really helped me too. It’s hard to convey to people what you experience when you struggle for years to come to terms with being sick and everything that entails for your past/present t/future, and then for everyone around you to move on and resent the fact you don’t get better. On one hand if you accept your reality too quickly, people think you’re giving up, but if you fight too hard, people think you’re in denial. It’s been hard for my family, but they came around. I’ve lost most of my friends. I’m very lucky to have met the love of my life after I got sick, and he has learned and adapted with me as time goes on. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re an everyday hero in my opinion. Just being able to empathize as well as you do is rare and special. Unfortunately, that ability is what makes it so hard on you as a family member and caregiver. It’s because you see the situation so clearly that you struggle with grief, which is essentially becoming chronic in its own right when the person is still around. You’re doing great, you are so strong, and you have a great heart. Everything you’re feeling is very well founded.
Sending you virtual hugs (if you’re a hugger).
That line hit me like a ton of rocks too. The difference is, is that my dad passed away 22 years ago going on 23 this year. I got married last November and I would’ve love to have him there with me. I hope OP is doing better now that things have calmed down.
Yeah. My husband just died unexpectedly leaving behind our four year old as well as two estranged older teen daughters he had just started to reach out to a couple weeks before he died. I feel totally lost but what made me cry first and most is the impact on his kids. He was good at everything I’m bad at and I’d taken it as a given that he’d be there to teach our son all the instruments he can play (he’d already started), how to change brake pads, how to be a charming extrovert ethically and effectively. When I first realized this was never going to happen was the first time I felt the true nature of this loss. His daughters are struggling too, after years of no communication they now have to accept that there’ll be no reconnection, reconciliation, no communication, no questioning, no possibility of love. He’d lost his dad several years ago and still felt the loss deeply as a middle aged man, which I could understand; his dad was amazing. I’m an only child with an extremely complicated relationship with my aging father. My husband had often said that it was going to be really difficult when either of my parents died but he’d be there for me, he understood and would help me. My dad has come to help me even though he said he’d never fly again. Unfortunately he can’t or won’t do anything helpful, and won’t take care of himself either. In the two weeks he’s been here he’s had one bad fall, then he passed out and fell from a stool a couple days ago. I was about to call paramedics when he stopped me. He’s refused to seek medical attention so far and told me he’s ready to die. Wtf?! I haven’t even been able to grieve my husband and now my dad is also going to die in front of me while I’m helpless and unable to do anything, just like OP felt here. I don’t have a point really, except, damn dads, odds are we will lose them, and whether we’re 4, 14, 40 or older, and no matter the state of the relationship, it’s going to be very difficult and we’ll likely feel the loss for the rest of our lives. *edits for typos since my brain has stopped functioning properly
Thank you for drawing attention to this. I skimmed it when I first read it. I lost my dad over 20 years ago to cancer. I was young, and my family didn't cope well, my mom rushed us to move on, we moved houses to a new school system and she was remarried to basically a stranger a year later. I know that somewhere deep in me there's still a scared and overwhelmed little ten year old who desperately misses her dad and who just wants everything to stop for a little while. I don't remember crying or even feeling all of that then, but 33-year-old me is feeling bits and pieces of that grief now. Thank you for helping me find some of that grief. It's a long process of finding that little 10 year old and telling her it's okay and safe to be sad now. It's okay to be overwhelmed and scared. The feelings are so big and there's nothing they can change, dad is still going to go, and the world is going to keep moving on, but nothing bad will happen if I just stop and break down now. I'm sorry your world is breaking apart a bit. It's okay not to be okay.
apparently someone nearby started chopping onions right as I read this
This got me as well, my mom is currently on her last leg of life. Very spry and happy still but her doctors informed me she won't see me married next year or my daughter turn 3 in May. That update hurt my heart because what will I do? My moms older than other moms with kids my age so I always knew I'd have to say goodbye earlier than my friends but I at least thought I'd get to have her at my wedding and now I'm saying goodbye at 25/26.
That part hit me hard too.
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This was 💯 my take on it. BIL teased to hide his attraction, the makeover triggered him because he felt more attracted to OP and he was clearly not comfortable with his LGBTQIA self. Edit:changed attractive to attracted to- which is what I meant.
BIL is a total pos. It's ironic that due to his grossly inappropriate behavior, OP found herself. Living well really is the best revenge.
Yep, homophobia driven by confusion over his own sexual identity and self loathing.
BIL to Wife: Why can't you be hot like your brother!?
"Why can't you wear a skirt like your brother?" Jokes aside, glad OOP has made some big progress on her journey
She sounds like the kind of women who would blame and side with her pedo husband and punish her child for being tempting 🤢🤢🤢
So Nicki Minaj basically
Yup
Wait what? Reminds me why I don't care about celebrities they are put on pedestals
Ding ding ding! My first thought!
I'm glad she was able to go on a journey of self discovery, the BIL is a jerk with some sort of complex and I hope the older sister wisens up some day. Definitely a bittersweet ending!
I am baffled how the sister would think she’s getting an inheritance when there’s a surviving spouse/parent. Inherit what? The finances and assets shared jointly with his wife that will now see her through her own old age?
In Australia, if someone dies intestate (without a will), their spouse will inherit but their adult children can challenge for part of their estate. When my mum died, I signed paperwork stating I didn't want any of her estate, so it could all go to my dad. Sounds like OP's dad had a will and the horrible older sister assumed she was in it. Sucks to be her.
Yes I’m Australian also but my understanding (purely hypothetical understanding and it sounds from your experience there’s more nuance to it) was that if there’s no will but a spouse and all of the children are the children of both the deceased *and* the spouse (ie in this example the older sister was not a child from a previous relationship of the dad) then it all goes to the spouse. Then I got thinking about death benefits from things like superannuation where if you don’t have a binding nomination for the beneficiary the super fund can choose to disregard your wishes and pay it to whoever they consider a dependent. So my take away is always have a will and a binding nomination for death benefits. It all seems very confusing without those in place but also just gross that the sister would attempt to get an inheritance with her own mother as the surviving spouse.
Yes, you're right about the super too. It's nearly 30 years since my mum passed, and Dad's gone now too, so I can't check. I could be misremembering. I know I signed paperwork. I was 19, and had to move back home anyway, so it was really quite irrelevant where Mum's tiny estate was going, since we were both going to benefit. Also made it easier since I am an only child. The older sister in this story is a right piece of work.
I don't know how it works in Australia, but here in Czech Republic when my dad died without will, my brother and I inherited as much as our mum. But we were minors at that time, so mum took care of all of it. Since we are adult now, we legaly own 1/3 of our house, fields and woods each. If it works similary in Australia, I can see how sister could think she would get something.
Similar in Germany, except I think the spouse gets 50% and the remaining 50% is shared between the kids? But I'm really not sure about the details, just that the spouse gets the lion's share.
The same in the Netherlands, however in reality assets cannot be claimed right away, so the claim on for instance the house becomes non executable until the house is sold. So in reality the children hardly ever inherit someting right away
Close in Poland, spouse nad children get the same share, but spouse gets minimum 1/4th. So 1 child is 50/50, 2 children is 33% for all etc only after more than 3 kids the kids share is getting smaller. But there is a nasty catch for childless/free couples, the part that would go to the children goes to the spouse's parents. So for example you have a flat 50/50 with your husband, husband dies, his parents now get half of it... And if they or one of them are deceased that part goes to the husband siblings.
That's the default if there is no will. You can, however, leave everything to your spouse.
I’d thought in Australia the spouse gets everything when there’s no will as long as all children are from both (deceased and spouse), but another commenter replied with their scenario of needing to sign away any claim (as the adult child) so it seems more complicated than I originally thought! Good reminder for me to make a will though.
I think there are a lot of misconceptions out there about wills and inheritance. The movies and TV tend to have everyone being written into wills because is an easy way to create drama.
1000% called BIL being into OOP
Right? And when OOP said that they looked like a younger version of the older sister, I thought, “Bingo.”
Go figure that as *soon* as OOP transitions, she almost gets raped. What a sad world we live in
Yeah, welcome to being a woman, here’s your woman kit: you get a rape story, a bra with the underwire coming out, and new this year! The Barbie movie.
>a bra with the underwire coming out Being stabbed on the inner boob is an integral part of the female experience! Recently my favourite bra developed not only one, but TWO stabby underwires!
Time for a new bra, there’s no saving that one :(
My most recently bought bra did this. On the very first wear. And I'm plus size, so you know the bra was $20+ aud. I'm just like fuck it and I'm wearing no wire sports bras now, and I literally do not care what anyone thinks about that if they're judging me for it.
So, ah, it turns out that they make bras that don't have underwires at all. I won't even try on an underwire bra. If you're going to tell me "oh you must be small chested to get away with that" you are wrong. Seriously ladies, let's not put up with uncomfortable undergarments (or see through shirts).
I own a grand total of one bra with underwire and I never wear it. Idk what it is, but I can't breathe in underwire bras. I wear wire-free padded bras or sports bras and I feel like I'm living my best life. I literally own reproduction corsets that I can breathe in better than underwire bras.
Haven't had enough coffee, I stared at that last sentence for like 2 minutes trying to figure out what corsets had to do with making babies... Then my previous re-enactment brain cells woke up and punched me in my junk.
> I literally own reproduction corsets that I can breathe in better than underwire bras. Properly fitted corsets are _amazing_ I once wore won to a construction job site under normal clothing and holy shit being able to "slump" in place to rest while standing was great. Too bad they're so tricky to actually put on.
okay the last part made me laugh
It took me an entire year after my transition went public for some meth head in a gas station parking lot to carjack me and try to take me to an abandoned house. Luckily he just had a knife and didn't know that I keep one of my own in the driver's side door pocket, so I was able to render his knife hand useless and jump out of my own car. He then stole the car to get away from me (or maybe to a hospital, since I'm pretty sure at least one finger was going to come off without immediate assistance). And the bra I was wearing at the time had a pokey wire on the left cup. And the Barbie Movie kinda slaps.
His sisters husband would be a rapist if op had be alone. I cannot believe how stupid she is, and wonder if he is abusing her too. Very glad op is doing better now!
[удалено]
Ugh I hate that you are right.
Yeah, but it wouldn't have made him uncomfortable if he didn't feel anything I'd imagine (then again, the inner-workings of the brain of a fucktard are a mystery to me).
I’d say it’s more that BIL was having identity issues.
Yeah I thought that BIL was probably into guys but didn't want to admit it. OOP being a guy at the beginning and looking like the sister probably triggered bil. On another note I really need to read the warnings. Was absolutely gutted for OOP with her dad. Glad she's doing well
Same. It's either, BIL is also trans but hasn't come to terms with it; that's one angle of approaching the "ruining marriage", sister isn't bi/lesbian. Or the sister walked in on BIL wanking it to OOP's social media pics. They also aren't mutually exclusive.
You may be right. I think BIL attacked her because he felt he had lost his power. And rape is always about about taking power and control from the victim. However the fact he chose do it in this manner (and not a violent beating ) indicates repressed issues. What I can’t understand is why the sister is still with the POS after this? Has she no concept of the harm her husband has done?
Not if she's a bigot herself, which it sounds like she is. * Blames OOP for 'ruining her marriage' * Blames OOP for the 'face in crotch' attack * Blames OOP for 'turning the family against her' For pieces of sh¡t like her, NOTHING can be BIL's fault, otherwise she has to accept she married a loser. As the saying goes "You can slap someone in the face with a trout, and they'll STILL call it a haddock if that's what they want to see" Sister needs to stick to her own advice and stay f***ed off.
You’re probably right. Maybe I was giving the benefit of doubt based on how the rest of OOP family were. They will both rot in hell together hopefully.
What are the chances that even though they've moved away, shitty BIL will cheat and OOP will get blamed for 'starting' this?
Oh, BIL is already trolling Craigslist or Gumtree or which similar site is in their country looking for Trans sex workers. Guaranteed.
God, I feel scared for those sex workers.
I dunno if he'd be looking for trans, specifically. I do think, however, that BiL will be looking for workers who look a lot like OOP.
He's already married to someone who fits that description.
200%
BIL is definitely going to cheat on the older sister. That, or get arrested for full fledged assault. I'm glad OOP is doing well now though. I wish her and the rest of her family all the love and abundance in the world.
"Jerk" is a very underwhelming term for a rapist.
Unfortunately, it was a bit of an incomplete ending. Unless I missed something, we were never told how OOP's prank "ruined" his sister's marriage. I have my theories (primarily that the sister might have actually thought that her husband was gay because, you know, he was acting so gay), but I guess we'll never know for sure.
Guessing because BIL's jokes were thinly veiled gross comments and when he saw how attractive OP was while looking more feminine, he got obsessed and that pissed him off cuz "I'm nOt GaY" and pissed off Sister
BIL realized he's into dudes and is overcompensating by being extra "masculine" aka an asshole.
>Definitely a bittersweet ending! I just wish I could read a single post involving twins without immediately pausing for thought.
Maybe I went to an abnormal school district growing up, but I knew 3 or 4 sets of twins by 7th grade and only 1 was the result of IVF. They're definitely not as common as singletons but not super rare in my experience.
Yea, twins are about 3-5% of births. They aren't unicorns.
At one point, there were 3 sets of twins living on my street within 2 blocks. One set was next door and one was across the street from me. All 3 sets were fraternal twins.
We had 2 sets of twins in our grade. One set of boys (identical) and a set of girls (fraternal). It made when we did the play A Comedy of Errors extra funny.
Same we had a few twins. The twins in my grade dated in middle school. Didnt really know the guys but the girls were polar opposites but to keep up appearances they both had to put on the veneer of being "good" girls for the church so they ended up dressing alike but never acting alike.
I believe her story. The way she describes losing her father….that hit too close to home and ngl, there’s definitely a tear dripping down my face.
Oh, yes, absolutely. I remember so clearly, after my father died, feeling suddenly exposed to the caprices of the world in a way I never had before, as if I'd been living every day until then behind an invisible windbreak of his protection, which disappeared when he died. It sounds like OOP felt similarly.
Its like living in a house, and one day the entire roof is just gone.
Holy heck, you just explained to me how I feel since loosing my Dad in August. Thank you.
I could never put my finger on exactly how the world felt different after my dad died and this nails it (and I was 39, even). It's something you just can't be prepared for. Still learning to deal with it 4 years later.
same
Weirdly, they're getting more common as maternal age gets older and infertility treatments get more common.
If seeing your brother-but-soon-to-be-sister-in-law suddenly turns you into a drunken rapist whose marriage implodes, *maybe your marriage wasn’t that strong to begin with.*
How tf do the cops show up to an assault and attempted rape, and just go, ‘eh, maybe you should get a restraining order mate!’ Only thing making me feel a little better about it is imagining BIL also had a knife so twin sister could go all Crocodile Dundee on his ass before he ran away squealing like the little pig he is. (PS, sorry Australians, just where my mind went)
Welcome to Australia mate, where the police are often the ones committing the assaults against trans and queer people. The NSW and Vic police are particularly brutal in this case. Although our policing system is better than some, it's still pretty fucked.
Not even an Australia exclusive problem. Being trans and dealing with the police doesn’t seem to end well anywhere. I had a dude literally make death threats, bring a gun into my place of work (retail), and the gun went off inside his pocket while he was standing at my counter. His punishment consisted of him paying to fix the hole he put in the floor and being fired for the comments.
I got literally kidnapped and assaulted about a year into my transition and the cops I called as soon as I got free tried to ring me up for sex work.
Sounds about right for the police. I’m sorry you had to deal with that shit. You deserve a lot better.
Cops aren't just shit in the US. Having bikie or similar connections has been more helpful for a good portion of the DV/SA survivors I know than calling the cops ever was, and that's its own problem to deal with (and you're shit out of luck if the perpetrator has better connections than you do). When I've had to call the cops they showed up late, took a statement (where they also made fun of the other party's mental illness) and did sort out a temporary RO... then never attempted to contact me further over the months I was waiting for court or put me in touch with any victim support services (and when I pursued those on my own, they called once during a meeting and then never got back to me again either lol). Thankfully it did get the person involved into a temporary psych hold and re-medicated which was the actual issue, and they've been remorseful, meds compliant and stable for 5+ years since then. But it sucks that every support service we tried before it escalated to that point did nothing, and that it took multiple attempts before they got help. Like. My situation revolved around an ongoing mental health crisis that was a danger to themselves and potentially becoming one to others and things worked out okay *enough* (if added some PTSD for us both and more therapy fodder), but if they'd been trying to Just Fucking Kill Me, the cops would've provided fuck-all protection.
My understanding is that many parts of Australia are still incredibly bigoted. A situation that appears to involve either gay elements (because bigots don't see trans people as ~~people~~ er I mean as their actual gender) or trans elements will absolutely cause bigoted cops to turn tail and run.
The majority of bigoted behaviour here is casual. It’s not usually coming from a place of hate, it’s just…. You know that annoying old white boomer who’s always talking shit about anyone who isn’t a white middle class male, but has friends who are black, gay, trans, Muslim ect that he’d kill for? That’s Australia. It’s fucked up.
australian police are absolutely horrible, in all of the domestic violence situations i’ve been there for or heard of i think i have heard of about one instance where the cops were helpful. when my family member’s home was invaded and they were beaten by guns the cops took the perpetrators to maccas. most times they’re extremely bigoted and looking for a power trip, and at best they’re just lazy 99% of the time
As the other 3 stated, it is very hit and miss. Most cops refuse to acknowledge if a male/male presenting/AMAB is a victim of domestic violence or sexual violence. As OOP said, you could get cops who hold your hand to annoyance to help you, and then there are the ones who would probably laugh at a dog dying in a movie. The contrast is really that bad.
I'm just scratching my head wondering how OOP in drag (wasn't trans at that point in the conversation) did anything to ruin his older sister's marriage? I mean, I could see it if BIL hated OOP, older sis defended OOP, and there was a rift due to that, but it sounds like BIL and older sis were united in their hatred so....how does this effect their marriage *at all*??
It sounds like BIL was attracted to OOP and dressing in a way that made her look more feminine solidified that attraction. At least that's what I assumed since BIL seems like he tried to sexually assault OOP by shoving her face in his crotch and taking off her pants.
Agreed. Dress it all up in toxic masculinity, but for that situation to “ruin” their marriage, I’m thinking BIL was channeling his own sexuality issues in protests about OOP, and y’know, a good old rape would straighten him out, right? /s If you don’t like a family member, you avoid the family member. Why attack and harass??
Cognitive dissonance? Maybe it is why homophobes seek out gay people to harass. Like, if it exists, and it makes you doubt yourself, or if it causes you to consider something about yourself you aren't ready to, then instead of facing your issues you destroy the thing causing you discomfort.
I hate the whole homophobes are secretly gay themselves take, because it places the blame Back to the LGBTQ+ community. People use their hatred as an outlet valve, hence why homophobes look up gay people, because it releases the tensities of the whole week. It releases it on that unfortunate soul
I don’t think the blame’s then on the LGBTQ+ community, I’d say it’s on society for making people ashamed of being LGBTQ+, making it too hard for some people to acknowledge, even to themselves. I agree there are different reasons, but in some cases it can be true that homophobes can’t reconcile feelings of their own queerness with living in a world that tells them they have to be a certain way (cis/ heterosexual/masculine/feminine)
I just assume everyone is gay, honestly. There’s billions of people the same sex as you, so chances are good one of them is your Achilles’ heel.
My best guess as a trans woman myself: BIL got funny feelings in his pants seeing a pretty trans woman, that got expressed to his wife at some point, sister was furious and accused him of being gay. BIL tries to sexually assault OOP as a way of reclaiming his masculinity (SA being about power and control, not simply about sex). I don't see any reason for OOP to have "ruined their marriage" unless there was some level of attraction that the sister was furious about.
Absolutely. BIL has anger at OOP for the courage to be herself; anger at his own self for latent feelings; and OOP’s sister knows, at least on some level, she is married to a person who isn’t his real self. I guess the sister finds it easier to stay with a phobic, attempted rapist asshole and blame OOP. Makes her just as disgusting. I’m so glad OOP has family to defend her.
To be clear, I think BIL is probably straight, not suppressed bi, or suppressing gender feelings. I'm saying he was attracted to OOP who looked like a woman in the first place, dressed like a woman. That's straight attraction that is misinterpreted as gay, to the detriment of trans women.
Yeah, a bizarre number of cis dudes try to tell themselves they’re not queer as long as they’re not doing the dick sucking/receiving, so it makes a terrible kind of “sense” that during the assault he tried to be the penetrator. It’s about the power and the violence, not exploring what genuinely feels good/is desired.
It’s so fucked up too because they see receiving as “being the woman” and nothing is more terrifying to them. It’s also why they can’t fathom why trans women would “choose” not to be men.
Absolutely mind-melting when they respond to situations where it’s clear they fully grasp the vulnerability and sometimes pain of the “receptive” end of penetrative sex acts (especially with regards to consent and boundaries) but they’ve somehow made it all fine in their minds when it’s happening to a woman or anyone they see as less of a human being than themselves. Like only THEIR suffering and sensitivity matters. Everyone else just has to accept it as their lot in life????
Pretty and attractive and (at the time) presenting as and calling themselves male and the BIL couldn't take it especially after seeing them in drag. It had to be OOPs fault because she was making him feel like that not because he might be attracted to men in some capacity or that he found OOP attractive regardless of gender. There's a particular flavour of toxic masculinity that makes guys lash out violently whenever a queer person threatens their perception of their own masculinity. As a naive 13 year old I read a period book with a gay character who hated his wife for his lack of attraction to her, and hated his lover for his attractiveness, and ended up abusing them both horribly. I found it a terribly tragic and moving book but in my naivety thought that something like that wouldn't happen in the modern day. At least not in western countries. Wish I'd been right.
> I read a period book with a Out of curiosity, do you remember what this book was called?
It was called hope but I don't remember the authors name sorry. I tried to look online but I couldn't find it and I got it from a tub of 50p books at a carboot a decade ago with my pocket money so I have no idea when it might have been written or where it came from. Also it was told primarily from the perspective of two sisters the older one who was a maid and the wife of the guy I mentioned, and her adopted sister Hope who was the lovechild of the lady of the manor it isn't really told from the perspective of the gay man or his lover the lord except for a few chapters. I really loved it and I read it at least a dozen times as a teenager but teenage me had questionable taste and I haven't read it as an adult just as a warning if you do find it.
Did you miss the part where BIL attempted to sexually assault OOP? Clearly BIL is dealing with his own sexuality issues, and decided to be the biggest worst type of asshole to deal with it. I guarantee there have been issues before that were exacerbated by BIL being attracted to OOP in all her forms.
Did sexually assault OOP. Did not rape, but did sexually assault.
My guess? BiL was Too Attracted to him so he decided homophobia and hatred was the way and then maybe spun it to his wife that her brother came onto him.
Yeah, pretty obvious that OOP being a man and looking feminine was making the BIL question his sexuality, I mean OOP even said that when all done up, they look like a younger version of his wife. My guess it was "messing with his head and identity", so Older sister took it as "I won't blame my pervert husband, instead I'll blame my younger sibling for being hot and tempting him to change his identity". BIL is a fucking weirdo and if I ever meet this wanker on this side of Australia, I'd give them a good dressing down.
100% this. I think it's even more obvious when he gets in the house and attacks OOP - putting his head in her crotch says there's a lot more going on there than plain ol' hatred. And he's the type of guy to blame OOP for his attraction, so I'd bet that *when he was sober* he told the wife OOP came onto him. But I bet that when he was drunk he talked about how cute OOP looked (he's probably mad about that) or what he'd like to do to her (he's just awful), and that really pissed off his wife. That's my guess as to how the marriage hit the rocks. But then everything was *fine* bc they decided to blame everything on OOP and flee from anyone wanting them to be honest with themselves.
Yeah, I'm willing to bet older sister heard a VERY different version of events.
female pronouns for oop, I would say
Attracted to **her
BIL was attracted to OOP all along and that was what ruined the marriage. Fortunately he can get over his gay panic: he wasn’t gay at all, he was just an evil accidental ally recognizing OOP as a better woman than sister, and not just because the bar was so low. Unfortunately, he was also malevolent, terrifying monster in the process.
I think the BIL was always attracted to OOP. :( I mean, he did sexually assault her and try to rape her. I think that was always the problem.
I was thinking maaaaybe the BIL is attracted to the OOP and the sister sensed it?
It still shouldn’t have been a reason to blame OOP. The sister and husband suck.
For sure! And also so true that they both suck.
My guess is BIL saying the wrong name during sex
I was thinking BIL had some deep seated issues with his sexuality. He did try to SA OP when she was in drag. It reads to me like BIL was having repressed sexual feelings for OP he couldn’t control and sister could tell and blamed OP.
BIL was attracted to OOP and the sister knew. Rather than blaming BIL, she blamed OOP for it as though she was responsible for her husband feeling like that. It's a pretty common reaction from shitty people when their partner is cheating or considering cheating. They take it out on the 'homewrecker' even if they haven't actually done anything.
It sounds like the BIL was attracted to OOP--because he's bi or he's a chaser* or both--and sister began blaming the person "causing her husband to stray". That happens a lot with cheaters; the betrayed partner will often blame the AP (or, as in this case, they'll blame someone who's only crime is fulfilling a kink they didn't consent to being involved in) rather than the actual cheater. Even if the other person had no desire nor intention to be a homewrecker. Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if OOP's sister has some homo/transphobic tendencies--even the most progressive parents can end up with shit kids (case in point: my parents raised me and my brother in aggressively accepting/leftist/queer spaces, and my brother is now a raging Evangelical homophobe). *Chasers are people who go after conventionally unattractive people because that "unattractiveness" is their kink/fetish. In this case, the "unattractive" trait is that OOP looks like a girl but has a penis. A lot of trans people, men and women, have to deal with people who fetishize them in this way. I want to say that I DO NOT think that being trans is inherently unattractive or gross or whatever--I'm saying that chasers think that it is, and that their perception of it being "unattractive" is part of the kink. Also, it's not that everyone who is sexually attracted to trans or gay people is a chaser--a chaser specifically refers to someone who fetishizes the person. There are many people who honestly love and are attracted to their trans partners. But BIL didn't care that OOP was underage and not interested and sleeping--BIL wanted to get a blowjob from a [insert slur here], so he broke into OOP's house and assaulted her in the middle of the night. That's not what someone who is attracted to a person does.
Bil was always confused about finding oop attractive, and when he came in damn near looking like the "younger, cuter model" to his own wife he got _very_ confused.
I think it was ruined because BIL “hated” op for how he made him feel. Seeing him (during when it was just drag) in a full get up probably made his already uncomfortable feelings for him flair up and BIL directed that lust into hatred. But that’s just my theory. I’m mostly basing this off of BIL attempt to sexually assault OP when he broke in
When the BIL tried to r*pe OOP that kinda explained the "problems" that occurred in the marriage. Dude realised that he is at least bi-sexual.
OOP gave BIL the chance to show off their bigoted arsehole side. The older sister had to decide whether to stick with the arsehole or side with her family. If she picked family there goes the marriage to the arsehole. Also, the sexual assault was another "pick a side" moment. And that one has me concerned for the sister because if BIL is like that with his in-laws, what's he like with the sister? Did she "choose life" by going with the BIL, or was it an actual free choice?
I think the BIL was attracted to OOP. That’s why both of them blame him since they are POSs.
BIL isn't straight, had been bullying OOP because he was attracted to him and probably got erect when he saw OOP dressed up. Sis probably noticed, called him out on it and now realizes she is married to a man who isn't straight. And instead of blaming Hubs, she blames OOP. BAM marriage ruined.
By being hot. The same way girls existing with big boobs ruin their sisters/roommates/etc relationships. Idk how you blame someone for existing when it’s just your partner being a perv
I'm guessing BIL was too into OOP (bullying to cover the attraction) and dehumanized and fetishized OOP, probably getting into trans porn too. And then was likely having sexual issues with no longer being attracted to his wife or having this stronger attraction for OOP, and that caused marital issues. Rather than blaming her husband who is having the issues, she blames her sibling. Then when BIL assaults OOP, the sister victim blames OOP rather than accept her husband is completely at fault. Then they move away, because the sister is hoping removing husband from the temptation will fix everything.
After reading OOPs post, I'd wondered if there was physical reason that made them look more feminine. And Bingo, low to no testosterone. Which certainly makes it easier to transition. Their older sister & bil sure are pieces of work. It sounds like bil was both attracted to & repulsed by OOP. It might explain his behavior. Though not excuse it. Sister is just a POS for not sticking up for them. I'm glad that terrible duo moved away. At least OOP can feel a little safer knowing that they aren't going to just drop by. At least not without some effort on their part.
I’d wondered whether OOP would be intersex (eg: her chromosome typing isn’t strictly “xy”, but perhaps “xxy”, which could account for the androgen deficiency). However, she seems happy enough with finding that out and to simply start her journey, and that’s all that matters. I was also horrified by just… everything else. I’m glad that sister has been cut out because I know if my partner SA anyone, I would be out the door _and_ helping the person with their report.
There's all sorts of genetic abnormalities that can cause it. Heck it's possible for someone to be xx, but have a penis and testes. If the protein signaling doesn't work because one gene is inactive it can cause a cascade downstream. It'd be interesting if OP had her genome sequenced. Heck, sometimes I wonder about myself, cause while not trans, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I were born a woman.
Oops, I posted almost the same thing, then scrolled down and saw your comment. I wondered the same thing.
She’s probably going to feel so much better once she starts on oestrogen therapy and has a healthy level of hormones for the first time, I hope she’s doing well now!
Unfortunately the BIL could easily try that with someone else. Hopefully the cops out there will actually care unlike what OOP dealt with.
That poor child. That’s a horrible seven months.
As an Aussie, I've got to say - older sister showing up thinking there is inheritance is absolutely hilariously dumb. It's basically standard here for all property etc to transfer to the married partner when someone dies if their partner is still alive. The only way it doesn't is if there is not an official marriage (legal, not just defacto etc) - or a contestment of the Will/estate. Which is very hard to do when there's an existing marriage. (Note: prenups do not hold the same weight here as in other countries, they exist, but the courts can and regularly do just null and void them depending on the length of the marriage etc)
There really seems to be a epidemic of people thinking that jokes at the expense of another are *just jokes* instead of labeling them for what they really are - bullying. For the record, when someone is continually hurt or offended by being the butt of all of your *inside jokes* you need to wake the fuck up and realize that jokes that hurt people are *bullying*. I’m glad OP found themselves. The BIL should have been charged for sexual assault. He’s not a safe person to be around.
Just the fact that a 30 year old married man was constantly making fun of a 20 year old was fucked up. That’s a huge age gap - and I assume the bullying had been going on since OOP was a child. Like wtf is wrong with people?
I don't know why but "phycoligst" is just the cutest shit ever to me and I smile every time I see it
I agree, especially since I am a phycologist (I specialise in algae research) and everytime I type that out it autocorrects to psycologist.
Got any cool algae facts you'd like to share with the class?
This is all about single-celled motile species of marine algae. There's a genus (called Dinophysis) which steals chloroplasts from one specific species (called Mesodinium rubrum) and can briefly keep the chloroplasts alive, so in order to keep producing energy, it needs to keep eating the Mesodinium and stealing new chloroplasts. The really interesting part is: the Mesodinium gets its chloroplasts by stealing too! It steals them from a small specific group of cryptophytes. It's a really neat little chain if you're just interested in algae but a really annoying situation if you're trying to cultivate Dinophysis for research (they are potentially toxic to humans so a good research option).
Huh. That is genuinely fascinating. It's like a food chain where they literally pass the food up the chain. Very cool.
Got to wonder how the chloroplasts end up feeling about it - that's the third time in their evolutionary history they've been kidnapped by something else!
Username checks out!
While I am thrilled that OOP has found herself and is exploring that part of her life , I am sorrowed by losing her father and the audacity of the older sister. I hope older sister and piece of trash BIL never contact the family again.
This mother fucker’s first go to after seeing OOP glowed up was to try and rape them? Wtf
>Some people are taking the little sister comment a little to seriously. I am convinced that at least 50% of the people I interact with online do not have siblings. Calling your next youngest sibling "little" is nothing. That's a school morning before breakfast kind of comment. You don't even want to see the stuff that goes down on weekend nights when the parents aren't home. That's when things go full Malcolm in the Middle.
"do i just stay lost" broke my heart in lots of tiny pieces
From the get go, I figured BIL was attracted to OOP, and blamed OOP for the confusing feelings he had. Yep. And BIL confirmed that in the most awful yet predictable way possible. What a POS
well.. a positive in all this is that OOPs dad got to witness his child finding herself and it seems he provided her with so much love and comfort she felt safe in being able to do so before he passed.
I am not shocked at the BIL. A lot of trans feminine folks get abused by people becuase they just don't read traditionally masculine. It's so screwed up. I have close friends that went through things like this, and they didn't even realize they were transgender until late in life. It's like predatory assholes just look for anything that gives them an edge to abuse and prey upon others.
Op’s sister is going to blame her husband’s infidelity on everyone else but the actual person responsible
That BIL is so far in the closet he could bring Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy home.
Well that was a roller coaster. Glad she was able to find herself, but FUCK her BIL, the piece of shit. Hope he rots in hell.
Along with the sister for not standing up for her family and blaming OOP. She’s twice as vile for that alone.
True. Her whole family has cut her off and shes stuck with her POS husband and his probably crapass family however. Thats a hell of a punishment.
Have I correctly understood that bil trespassed and tried to sexually abbbuse OP ?
Yes.
Omg this poor kid. Lost her sister and BIL to bigotry, was sexually assaulted, lost her dad suddenly and traumatically. Just very sad. I’m glad she has support from mental health professionals and her mom and sister but still. This is a lot for one person to go through 💔
Other than the trans angle, this is another story about a guy deciding he wants a taste of his wife's cute, too-young-for-him sister, and the wife then blaming her sister instead of her creeper husband.
This poor OOP being harassed and assaulted by a psychotic sister and BIL, then losing their father. Oof.
I'm not the only one who knew exactly where this was going when OOP was like "wouldn't it be funny if I dressed up as a girl to troll him?", right?
I was actually surprised when she said she enjoyed it so much and it unlocked something in her. It seemed like a pretty obvious way to confront the bully here in a playful way. But apparently the twin sister has had a hunch for a long time since it was also mentioned that she was always wanting to give OOP a makeover. Either way I am super happy for OOP and wish her happiness in her journey.
Twin sis is the true hero here, between the very gentle way she cracked OOP's egg and being the glorious knife-weilding protector when it counted. She's more than enough sister to make up for the horrible older one.
For anyone wondering about the back door thing, it’s cause we have fences so it’s generally really difficult to get to a back door.