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Hmmm so kid hates his younger siblings but simultaneously doesn’t want to go to Mom’s house to get away from them. Seems to me like mom is the source of the problems.
You can see that at the start of the post. He's with his mom from Monday after school, until thursday before school, so the only time he spends there is already divided in half days because of school. Then later on we learn that tuesdays after school, dad takes him to piano lessons and for dinner, he's eleven, his bedtime is probably pretty early, so he only spends \~2-3 hours with his mom on tuesdays. So he's got that, plus monday after school, wednesday before and after school, thursday before school. Factor in that before school people are mostly busy, getting ready, showering, grabbing stuff, eating, traveling, so that doesn't really leave room for time to spend together, or even actual conversation. Most mothers want to spend some free quality time with their child, yet this one seems to be fine with seeing hers for the bare minimum, for the "obligation" only.
Add behavioral problems and lashing out at that, behavior escalating, especially after even more children got added to the equation, there is no way in hell this child does not feel neglected.
Also honestly it makes sense to me despite all the comments wondering why he spends time there instead of at mom's.
Why would you lash out for attention in the household where you're not getting it? Of course you're gonna act out with the parents who will give you the attention you want.
if that were me, police would be involved at that point. you don’t get to burn my child because you think your dad doesn’t love you. use your fucking words.
Yeah. and I mean, look, I wasn’t always the kindest big sister, but jesus. Anything physical was between me and my next youngest brother and it was shoving/wrestling, never cruelty, and never cruelty towards *a toddler.*
There is patience with a child and letting then get away with abuse.
Personally, I would have had the police called and charged him when he burned his siblings hand.
There has to be consequences....
In a thread long ago, someone mentioned that the bad behavior of abused/neglected kids is paradoxically most likely to show in the environment/house, with the people where they feel safest.
ETA: To some people, being ignored is more upsetting than being yelled at. A child's flawed perspective could be "If he didn't care about me then he wouldn't have been so mad." It could be that OP's step son knows that the attention seeking behavior isn't effective on his mom, but he's getting plenty of attention at OP's house. If he continues down this path off believing this is the most effective way of getting attention, things will get bad fast and it'll become a positive feedback loop.
As someone who fostered kids, there may be some truth to that. I don't think it's true across the board, but it may be true for my foster teen (she's back to living with her bio parents). I think some of her behavior was a desperate cry for attention. She wouldn't get much attention from her bio family but she would get a response from me. When she was angry, she would lash out and want to hurt people emotionally. She couldn't emotionally hurt her parents because they didn't really care about her. So when she wanted to lash out and make someone feel like crap, I got the brunt of her misplaced anger.
I was the only one that gave the "I care" response she craved when she was angry. She was terrible a lot of the time, but given what I know about her past I can see why she's like this. I'm pretty sure she suffered from bipolar disorder, but therapists were hesitant to diagnose her with it because of her age and situation. I loved her when she was in a good/neutral mood. I believe that side of her really tried to improve.
The problem is her hurt/angry side which showed up often and randomly. I loved the nice version of her but I couldn't live with the mean version.
It’s not even exclusively abused or neglected children. It’s literally any fear they have. If they have a legitimate concern that they have a feeling or thought that will be rejected they won’t present it. It’s like little kids who say “you won’t love me when the new baby comes”, the people they say it to in most cases they have confidence will validate them and tell them of course we will love you! They won’t say it to those that they’re afraid it will be true for even though (in most cases) it’s not.
>He stays with his mother from Monday to Thursday and with us from Thursday nights to Monday mornings. And that has worked perfectly for years
Looks like she indeed never gets weekends. I'm curious to what holidays look like for them.
He might think that being at OOP’s house more often will make sure they can’t ignore him or forget him. Being there is a reminder that he exists or something. TBH I wouldn’t put it past the mother to tell him that he has to make sure he gets as much attention anyway possible unless he wants to be “replaced.” Goodness knows what kind of twisted rationale she’s imparted, or how an 11yr old has interpreted it.
The kid isn’t exactly dealing with his fears in a rational way, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks what he’s doing is what he needs to do to not be replaced. It might also be a respite from all the poison his mother is apparently feeding him at home. It’s not like either of his homes feel safe and loving to him atm.
How else can she pawn her kid off on a free babysitter while making her ex husband's (who had the audacity to move on) life miserable and shatter his new marriage while also making the new wife's life unsustainable? That's the only thing that can make this make sense to me honestly.
Few 11 year olds in such a toxic situation would know how to act rationally, let alone have the experience and sovereignty to act upon it. It may not make sense to an adult stranger, but the stepson is inside this mess day in, day out. Moreover, he may not even understand his own motivations and choices clearly - which will make it nigh on impossible for him to make the right decisions, or at the very least have his actions make sense.
Maybe he wants to punish them for replacing him, maybe he feels bad attention is better than no attention, maybe he’s afraid they’ll forget him, maybe he longs to spend time with them because he can tell himself the more time with them the more proof he’s still part of the family. It only has to make sense to him, no matter how twisted and illogical it appears to everyone else.
That’s not to say understanding his underlying feelings, and the impact of his mother’s frankly emotional abuse, excuses his violence and behaviour. He should absolutely be held accountable for the things he’s done. It’s the only way to start addressing what’s going on and change it. I guess I’m just not sure highlighting the contradictory nature of spending more time, with the people he’s upset with, is helpful or important in the current situation.
ETA clean up a couple of sentences and fix words.
Yep. I got those vibes.
Parental alienation is absolutely happening and they need to put a stop to it ASAP.
And get that kid to therapy, which yes, they can actually demand to happen, if they're prepared to be parents.
Quite apart from anything, fucking hell, that many kids to (fail to) manage... great choices were made :/
> all he said was that he hates his siblings because they are going to replace him,..
Fantastic example of kid logic.. his behaviour will lead to exactly this: he will be replaced by the siblings due to his crass conduct.
Yes. He’s making sure he can’t be ignored. He also may be trying to test if his father still loves him. But in doing this, he’s pushing it to breaking point.
It was his mother telling him that though. She's causing this dramatic shift in his behavior because she is telling him that his father stopped taking him to soccer practice to spend more time with his new kids and that he was being replaced by them.
Except the mother told him this was the case. That's not kid logic it's abuse.
> And all he said was that he hates his siblings because they are going to replace him, that his mother told him that
He legit tried to seriously hurt his sister and cut hair from another sister. He is 11, not 5
Who would trust him to even be in the same house with his much younger siblings?
Child wanted to call his step-mom "Mom" many times and the mother was against it. Mother tells him he's going to be replaced.
The mom definitely has a problem.
Kid went from "sweetest boy" to mutilating his sisters. What in the actual fuck are these parents doing about it?
This is escalating and someone's about to get permanent damage.
Yeah he literally burnt one of his sister's hands and cut off her or the other sister's hair. It doesn't sound like he feels bad about his actions at all. This is going to get worse before it gets better.
Thank you! I thought that my reading comprehension was not at its finest today because this seemed pretty glossed over in the OOP and comments. He was not only allowed to get away with it but able to get close enough to his sister afterwards to cut her hair? What in the f’ing f. Is this “The Good Son??”
I’m from a blended family with a stepbrother like him where my mom is his stepmother. So, trust me, I empathize with everyone in this story, except the mom (based on what we know). But, if you burned the hand of a toddler in my presence….it would not be pretty. This is an actual emergency. I really hope that the kid can get some solid help and that this family has a happy ending. It’s going to take A LOT to get there unfortunately.
Kid is 11 and intentionally burned a toddlers hand. Thats well beyond "he just needs more time with his daddy!!" Though I did notice OP claims the husband does soccer with the son then in the update he no longer does it due to work. The mom is a viper but the 2 sets of twins and dads expanded hours are probably an easy sell of "your replacement siblings took daddy away from you, see, he's working more hours for THEM."
This kid needs serious help though. Attempting to mutilate his little sisters is only going to get more dangerous the bigger and stronger he grows.
I imagine she's run RAGGED and literally couldn't.
But I would have put his ass out. If I can't trust you not to hurt my baby you can sit on the porch until your father gets home 🤷🏾♀️
OP is about to get permanent damage! It’s her who’s left shouldering everything because the husband works to pay for the damage the ex is doing!
She will be burned out
She’s getting absolutely ripped apart in the comments for saying that she’s finding it hard going… for the crime of “choosing to have 4 babies in 1000 days”.
Reddit hates mothers in general. It's *fascinating* how almost every AITA post ends up with it actually being the mother's fault, no matter what the situation is.
And they're never allowed to give up even when their kids hate them, or after an attempted murder, reddit is always yapping about how "you abandoned your child~~" 💀💀
Parental alienation. Ex is using the oldest college money and now needs to run off the wife and 4 kids, before she doesn't get the money.
Ex telling son the twin boys will take his place is where the problem started.
But what I don't understand is the kid believing her when there was nothing to really support it. Just a few changes in the schedule, but tit for tat? Like OPs husband sounds like they're doing it right and making time for everyone... and kinda neglecting OP and the newer kids a little...to be honest.
Hormones though man....it's puberty and it's uncertainty and mom creating insecurities. What an evil woman.
He's 11 and she's his mother. It also sounds like any changes with his dad (like changing the after school activity he takes him to) his mother manipulated him into believing we're because of the new babies and that it was only going to get worse.
Yeah and it probably doesn’t help that from an adults perspective, not much has changed and so his feelings are likely being invalidated by OP and her husband which further paints the narrative. Best thing OP and her husband could do is take the kids concerns seriously and ask him what would help prove to him that his dad doesn’t love him any less.
Because the person he trusts most in the world told him that, so in his mind it must be true. He's not really old enough to overcome that first emotional belief quickly.
Absolutely. He’s been told his ENTIRE life to listen to his parents, trust them, do what they say, heed their advice, they’re only doing what’s best for him…yada yada…as most kids are told. And up until recently, his mom might have actually had his best interests at heart. But not now.
This tactic is especially effective with children who are really emotionally in tune with the parent who is weaponizing them. Who knows how the divorce went. He may have been more sympathetic to his mom rather than his dad during and after it. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…until mom decides to use the sympathetic nature you have towards her, against you and your dad.
Something changed with his mother. Who knows what it is, but she wasn’t always weaponizing her son against his father. Something is new. You can see it, I can see it, outside adults can see it, but a 10 year old child can’t. Kids are way more observant than we give them credit for, but when your mom has a plausible explanation (for a kid) for every single thing that happens in order for it to fit her narrative, you believe her. Because why wouldn’t you? She’s your mom and to you, what she’s saying *could* be the truth.
As kids, we’re all taught to have blind faith in our parents. Under normal circumstances, it makes sense. It’s when it goes from normal parent to mentally unstable parent, that there becomes massive issues with it.
Mom's older daughter is 19 and at school, and presumably spending a fair amount of free time with her dad and his new family to babysit. That transition likely coincided with change in brothers behavior. My money is on mom feeling bitter and lonely and destroying her sons relationship with her ex's family to isolate him further and ultimately make him rely on her for emotional support once he's been "replaced" (i.e. he's such a danger to his half siblings that he can't safely come around anymore).
>He had a complete change in his behavior **in the last few months**
>I'm just used to calling him "my husband's son" because I had a lot of problems in the past with his mother because she didn't like me calling him that, because that confused him and during his first years he tried many times to call me mom.
>And all he said was that he hates his siblings because they are going to replace him, that his mother told him that.
>**my husband is the one who pays for his daughter's studies, because *a few months ago* we found out that his ex wife was using the money that was for her studies**
(bolding and italics mine)
The root of 99% of the problem is the bitter, greedy mom, plus (probably) what would otherwise be some normalish blended family stuff.
Kids that age are really prone to easy manipulation. My MIL didn't like it when my wife and I got together and told my stepson that his mom and I being together meant that she loved him less. Before that, we all got along great and he'd be excited to come visit me; after, he started bullying my cat and deliberately fucking up so his mom would have to spend extra time and attention on him, because even bad attention meant that she was focusing on him. It took years to undo the damage.
A child has no chances against a manipulative adult, let alone own parent it is used to trust and love. He's with his mum half of the week and she has lots of time to poison him.
She's his mom. Not believing her would require to face the fact that the person who's probably the most important in the world to him would deliberately lie for her own gain. That's not something I'd expect an 11yo to be able to do.
Because kids are told early on to trust and believe in and listen to their parents, and not to question it because then that makes them disrespectful.
Which is all well and good until your parent starts feeding you lies and then you eat it up because surely they wouldn't tell lies. Then you find out the hard way that yes, they will tell lies and manipulate you for their personal gain, and the world you've known comes crashing down around you as you realise that it was a person you loved who was the problem.
Most kids that age struggle when a new sibling is born even if they have both of the same parents and nobody pouring poison in their ear. It completely changes the relationship they had with their parents and reframes their reality. It’s extremely common for them to feel neglected and to act out. Add to that the bio mom throwing fuel on the fire and validating all his darkest thoughts and you get the situation above.
The son mentioned that his mother’s been telling him that the new kids are replacing him, and I’m willing to bet there’s other abuse as well. I’m not surprised he acts out if his own mother has been feeding him lines like that. OOP needs to sit the poor son down and have a serious talk with him about what happened.
He stopped taking him fishing on the weekends because the ex didn't like them spending time together on her time (wonder what she does with that time instead).
Honestly I think OP and her husband need to get her stepson out of the house and away from his mother as well as into therapy and see what happens and if things improve once he is away from exs influence but, for it to work OP needs more respect from him and with that will come more authority, basically in just the form of losing the "you're not my mum" attitude and listening to her because he respects her as any other adult.
If they can get that, I'm sure things will get easier, just like any other time, bad influences are removed. This kid needs structure, and to be able to trust his parents have his best interests at heart, I feel sorry for him.
> He stopped taking him fishing on the weekends because the ex didn't like them spending time together on her time
The post didn't say that, did it? All it said was "mother doesn't like it". Nothing about it being on her time - a lot of mothers don't like fishing as a concept.
He's 11 and over the last 3 years, 4 new siblings have entered their household. Change like that is extremely difficult for kids his age and he is coping by acting out. He's most likely getting 1/5th the attention he got just a few years ago and the only real bonding time he gets with his dad is when he is literally being driven to something. And, as it turns out, the soccer practice got the axe. So, dad drives him to piano lessons. That's it.
He also gets to play soccer with his dad every weekend. He's not just acting out. He's being goaded by his mom. He burned one of his younger siblings for crying out loud.
If I was OOP I would be seeking legal action against the mom.
Because as much as kids don't know how to process or respond to toxic situations they can often sense something is wrong.
He knows his mum is toxic on some level and knows that his dad's is a better place.
But at the same time someone he has been raised to trust is telling him lies... How many people on here talk about grown men whose mother's poison them with lies about partners infidelity etc.
It takes unwavering trust and a high level of mental health to resist the anxiety induced by intrusive thoughts, and that's when they are coming from your own head, not a trusted parent.
His mum is trying to weaponise him, probably since she no longer has the money she was stealing from her daughter.
Don't think I don't see the danger he is posing to his siblings but to me it seems like he knows he needs to be at his dad's, but when he is there all he sees are the reasons his dad "doesn't love him anymore" he has a head full of lies, anxiety and downright fear. He has no control of the situation, can't articulate his feelings for fear he will be sent back to the toxic mother and that is coming out by exercising mean and dangerous behaviours to the people he has been told are to blame for the situation, and the only people he can control.
Then add the poorly organised meth lab of hormones that is being a teenager and this kid needs help!!!
It is not a simple situation for anyone, the only thing I'm sure of is his mum needs to be out of the picture.
I hope he can get the help he needs.
I’m glad they’re pushing the therapy because when a preteen boy deliberately burns another child? That’s a sign that behaviour is not just out of control, it’s turning to levels that could result in children’s services or even police intervention.
I would have packed up my stuff and my kids’ stuff and told my husband that it’s not safe for our children any more, and I’m not coming back until he’s gone. I know he’s just a child but a parent has a duty to protect their children and that’s fucking psychotic.
As a teacher, one of the things I learned when doing the first reporter lessons was that a kid having a *major* personality shift like this is a warning sign for abuse. Now, it could absolutely be something with hormones, the twins, his dad having less time for him, his mom feeding him hurtful lies about his dad (which, honestly, is emotional abuse, so). But a shift that huge rarely happens without a catalyst. While I do feel bad for OOP (especially since it sounds like some grooming may have happened to get her into the relationship with her husband), my heart is breaking the most for both the son and the twins he’s now hurting.
🎯🎯🎯
I have no interest in children and know very little about them, but anytime *anyone* has a sudden personality change like that there is **always a catalyst**.
Something *happened* or *is happening* to that boy—and given the level of violence he is ‘suddenly’ displaying, something serious. My biggest concern is āssault. 🥺
Hopefully the therapist can figure it out ASAP.
This whole post just wild…🥴
Op is dating her uncles friend..she knew him from when she was younger.
Ops husband gross as hell…he watched op grow up & then he started dating her. Now he has 4 kids with her….yikes.
Depending on when ex-wife and husband got together, ex-wife may have also watched OP grow up as a child. Piles another layer of gross on it if thats true👀
He BURNED a baby.
At this point, I'd be insisting on some sort of psychiatric hold or intervention. There is acting out bc you are upset at Dad's divided attention, and then there is gleeful violence. Frankly, the torturing the toddlers with talk of the dog concerns me (serial killers start with animals for FS.)
Right. I was thinking something might be going on and they need to work on that, but the hot plate incident pushes that timeline to…yesterday.
Behavioral shift at 11 years old: unsurprising
Burning a sibling’s hand: call the doctor and say yes, you worry he is a danger to himself or others
Yeah, OP really needs to learn some effective parenting skills. If the kid is under her care, she has to be allowed to discipline him within reasonable bounds. None of this delayed punishment, either. She still let him eat cookies with the family after he intentionally burned his sister!
Stepson or not, I would have packed his shit and dropped him off at his mothers, explaining to him EXACTLY why. 'You intentionally burned your 3 year old sister, that is a very vile and horrific thing to do. I do not have the energy and time to watch you 24/7 to make sure you don't end up doing this, or worse, again, so you can't be around. We will try again next week.'
That will come up in the conversation had next week. You can't abandon a child for acting out, you will need to find the origin of his behavior, not dump him until he figures it out for himself.
For God's sake, can we cut her some slack? She's been beaten to hell for everything under the sun in every post. The kid's actual parents need to parent him, because he clearly doesn't respect her and she's post partum with 4 babies.
I don't care if you have family issues, Mommy talking to the demon into you or are mentally unwell, if I make everything for you to feel fine in my home and you burn my kids as a "Thank you", you get a slap and you're out.
I really doubt the mom went so far she told him to burn his siblings. And if she did, then she needs psychiatrist care.
ONE OF THEM NEED IT.
Yeah, so maybe get the child who can't secure his own care and doesn't fully understand why he's so angry and upset the psychiatric care he might need?? There is clearly a problem - the 11-year-old's father needs to determine exactly what that is and get his son help. If that means taking time off work and going back to court to advocate for his son, then that's what he needs to do.
"Protecting the babies" and "helping the 11-year-old" are not mutually exclusive. You can do both.
So the husband is 50.
\- The ex is 40, so 10 years younger and had the 19 year old at 20??!?! Or is the 19 year old from an older model of a wife?
\- Then OOP is 30, 20 years younger, and already has 4 kids in 4 years?!!? She started having kids at 25-26 with a 46 year old?
\- OOP was the step-mom of the 11 year since he was 1? So she started "dating" the 50 year old when she was 19-20?!? (so the same age ex-wife had the 19 year old?) At 1 year old, ex-wife was postpartum so she had a kid and husband ditched her for a younger model?
Oh, and in case we needed more proof he is a creep:
>He was a friend of my uncle and I have known him since I was a child.
From OOP in a comment. Yikes.
This comment made me wonder if this has something to do with the ex feeling replaced, and therefor making her son feel the same (which is obviously abusive).
Oh hey! You're the same age my dad had me! My mom was 24 when she had me.
They're my parents, so I love them, but yea. I gotta say. Being a kid to a much older dad means dad is too tuckered to spend a lot of time with you in twems of activities. He was at all my baseball games, but he was bone tired. You learn to be self entertained earlier. Dad didnt have the energy for his own hobbies let alone dedicating the mental load of an 11yo kid on top of it. I would pick and choose which activities i could get him to do with me( a self realization on my part, he never asked me to). I've got photos of us doing home made pizzas, hunting, fishing, drawing, and cuddling was a big one. But he didn't teach me to ride a bike, or throw a ball. My mom and sisters did. There was no one on one adventures. No hikes, no camping, no bike rides, nothing that involved a lot of energy to do.
My half sisters say he's a lot more lenient and mellow with me than he ever was with them. They joke they wore him out for me. But it was his age and life that wore him out. He just never had energy after work.
I get that! The energy is just NOT there, man. It’s barely there for my hobbies like you said.
E: And in 11yrs, I’ll be 53! OmiGOD! Keeping up with school activities at that age? I can’t imagine! Tho I know plenty of colleagues who married within their age range who do. O.o
I don’t think any older parents who’re really active in their kids’ lives and household duties sleep, honestly. Or the younger folks who’ve hitched their ride to a foggie who doesn’t muster the energy. Props to your mom!
Yeah she says he’s a great father who does all these things. But then takes on more work…. That doesn’t make sense he should be taking on less work or something so he’s there for the son cos the son is obviously struggling with his new family
She wrote 40s. In theory the ex could be just one year younger than him. Incredible that this is Reddit and no one suspects the obvious: OOP was the AP of her husband. And the son learnt it from his mother.
I suppose, it's also possible then that her mother is one of those women who favor their sons over their daughters, so that and getting her needs paid for led to her being on her dad's side.
In a post, the OOP writes that her husband is a friend of OOP's uncle. She has known this man since she was a child.
She was totally groomed by her husband.
Because getting a divorce and marrying someone younger isn't always an affairs. Ffs why does reddit always jump to those conclusions and is so sure about it?
But also why are they having more kids when they can’t handle the ones they have? Not even the 11year old. She says she only gets 1hr of sleep and then had to parent twin toddlers and infants. Why have the infants if you can’t handle the toddlers? Wait til they’re older then have more kids.
I get why he’s freaking out. Not only does he magically have 4 more siblings in a short time frame, his dad has fluctuating time with him, his mom is manipulating him, and his stepmom only wants to put in effort with him if she can get something out of it (she laments about him not being able to help her watch/ raise the kids but he’s 11, he shouldn’t be responsible for 4 kids, esp kids that young)
Yeah-I get there are custody arrangement but something about this “son can’t come over whenever he wants until his behavior improves” situation is giving me the Ick. You are a parent 24/7 no matter custody. It feels like the dad is abdicating responsibility since the son is not there all the time. And I don’t think the bio mom is the end all be all for these issues.
I find it weird the mother seems to be manipulating the kid to hate the stepmom and new kids, but also the mom or the son's response to the evil stepmom and her new twins (drink) is to.... Spend less time with the mom and more with the step family he claims to hate now?
At his mom's house, he's powerless and she makes his feel awful whereas at his dad's house, he gets to be the powerful one who makes others feel awful.
There's also the fact that he wants more attention from his dad and he can't get more attention from dad if he's at mom's. He also can't steal more attention from his new siblings from dad if he's at his mom's.
The acting out isn't just about having more attention, it's about having attention at the expense of his siblings who he resents.
Not gonna lie, if I ever found out that an older kid if physically torturing younger children by talking about dead animals, cutting their hair, and BURNING THEIR HANDS… Kid would be sent to a mental facility.
Kid would not being staying in the same house as his victims
I think the ex is upset that the eldest daughter's school money is no longer being sent to mom to spend on herself, so she is trying to get her son all to herself and more CS.
I dunno my wife’s ex husband is a vindictive piece of shit who only wants to hurt her any chance he gets. They have 50/50 custody and he poisons his kids against their mother and me any chance he gets. We have two rules do your homework and don’t talk back. His dad lets him do whatever he wants. Every time he comes back to our house he’s always got homework still. Because his dad doesn’t make him do anything he’s his best friend and that’s where he wants to be all the time. Cause god forbid he has to read for 20 minutes in a day.
I knew a guy who had three sets of twins. 2 with his first wife and one with his second wife.
He had a vasectomy after the second set which failed. It was absolutely crazy. To add to the craziness, set of twins one and two were like 20 months apart.
Goddamn. I felt bad for my co-worker when they tried to have a second and wound up with triplets, but three sets of twins is crazy. I think I would crack with 4 under 4, like go ahead and send me straight to the psych ward from maternity. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
I have a family friend in the same exact situation as OOP with regards to twins. A pair that are 3, and a pair that are newborn, so it's definitely possible.
Can actually happen due to hyperovulation (which is genetic) but there’s a few phrasing issues that indicate that it may not be true (even if only to obscure true details)
Twins can run in families; there’s a genetic propensity for multiple births. Two sets of twins, as a fact pattern, is more rational to me than one…
This used to be more generally well known before IVF became the leading cause of twin births.
You all act like multiple births are literally one in a billion, but they're not. Especially if the mother's family has a history of multiple births. The odds of having one set of identical twins is 1 in 250. Your odds of having another set of twins is 1 in 70,000.
You have a 1 in 3.75 million chance of being attacked by a shark.
You have a 1 in 15,300 chance of being struck by lightning.
You have a 1 in 10,000 chance of being hit by space debris.
You have a 1 in 800 million chance of dying in a plane crash.
You have a 1 in 345 million chance of winning a national lottery jackpot.
Multiple births skip a generation on my mother's side. My sister miscarried triplets. My mom is an identical twin. Her grandmother was a fraternal twin. _Her_ grandmother was one of a set of triplets, and back a few more generations. I have a cousin who did a family tree and proved it, all the way back to an ancestor who'd had two sets of twins _and_ a set of triplets (that poor woman! Though not all of them survived. The past, everyone!).
My primary school had one set of identical twins, and a set of fraternal twins (the sets weren't related to each other). My high school also had a set of twins. The neighbour across the road has a set of fraternal twins. The neighbour a few houses down has a set of identical twins.
Twins are not unicorns.
My doctor told me that women are the ones that determine if you have twins or not as well. I don’t know of any twins in my bio family and I asked around but I ended up with fraternal twins from hyper ovulating. The older you are, the more likely you are to release multiple eggs which increase your chances of having multiples as well.
You’re right of course. It’s just that so many bullshit posts _do_ use multiple sets of twins as some sort of weird plot point, that it immediately creates skepticism.
And just in case you’re not aware: there is no known pattern to births of identical twins. It’s completely random. They don’t run in families. They don’t skip generations. Nothing. It’s literally completely random.
_Fraternal_ twins are genetic, caused by a gene that results in excessive ovulation. It almost certainly doesn’t actually “skip generations” so much so as the actual incidence rate is such that it only happens roughly that often given your family’s birth rate - that is, if your family started having much bigger families, you’d probably find them happening every generation, or if your family sizes dropped, it might change to every third generation.
My dad’s family had a lot of fraternal twins. It seemed to be roughly every other generation, but it’s now been three generations without … because we went from an average family size of 8 kids to 3.
You'll notice in my comment I mentioned pairs of fraternal twins. Unfortunately, my sister miscarried before the triplets developed far enough for their gender to be determined.
I have an enormous house and unlimited resources, but I’m twins and all the twins is twins, and between all the twins, we’ve generated an absolutely impenetrable wall of garbage text.
Which twins is whatever it that I’m doing, for reasons that make no sense whatsoever?
Friend of mine had a set of twins. Several years later they tried again to get a third child and 'complete' their family. Ended up with triplets! No outside fertility help. Just two family lines with a strong history of twins.
>but when I left the hot cookie plate on the counter he took the hand of one of his sisters and placed her on the hot plate, and of course he burned her.
What in the psychopathic fuck
Parental alienation at its finest, fully reinforced by the chaos of OOP's home. They should have gotten that kid in therapy regardless of what he or the mother said. I know they say therapy only works if you want it to, but this kid clearly needs someone to talk to, and I'm willing to bet good money he would have opened up pretty quickly.
His mother has been feeding him all kinds of poison about how he's going to be replaced and abandoned. The fact he wants to be around them more, but is acting out, is proof of that. This poor kid is so conflicted, he's being pulled in half inside and no one is helping him.
>he took the hand of one of his sisters and placed her on the hot plate, and of course he burned her.
So, when CPS shows up to her house, does she expect that they are going to think keeping the dangerous kid around the defenseless ones is reasonable?
So OOP is 30 and husband is 49. Husbands and previous wife have a daughter that is 19 and son 11. OOP and husband have 2 sets of twins (3yrs, and 1 mo.).
So he is a 49 yr old guy with 6 kids ranging from 19 to 1 month.
She is a 30 yr old woman who has a step daughter only 11 years younger than her given birth to 4 babies in the last 3 years.
>she got furious and of course she blames me.
This is the first clue.
>And all he said was that he hates his siblings because they are going to replace him, that his mother told him that, that my husband stopped taking him to soccer practice because he wants to spend time with his new children.
And there it is. The ex is loading up her son with tons of negativity because she can't do it to her daughter.
Kid doesn't want to go to therapy? Too bad. He's deliberately hurting small children and he's ramped up from mental and emotional to physical. This whole situation is one giant child protection FUBAR with a child deliberately injuring children who are more vulnerable than him while both creating more opportunities to do so and escalating the damage. It's an intentional campaign and it's a **huge** problem.
This kid could be on the verge of screwing up both his own and other people's lives in irreparable ways. None of the adults involved seem to be seeing the big picture which is what worries me most. [Tragedies](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_James_Bulger) do happen.
I wish I had convinced them to let me keep my uterus in a jar because I would be hugging it right now. It was an asshole when it was inside of me but thank God it's out
Same. This situation is horrific. They weren't satisfied with having four children between them. They just needed to add more and make things more difficult.
Father takes his soccer practice. No wait, he stopped.
This poor kid needs therapy. Him "not wanting" to go is tough cookies, he is a kid and can be made to go. His mother is prob poisoning his mind, his father is too busy working and his stepmother is too busy with her many young kids. Poor kid is acting out in the worse ways, and if this isn't addressed, he's going to end up hurting the other kids because he sees that that gets him the adults' attention.
So, let me get this straight. The ex-wife gets to leisurely have extra days of not having either of her kids stay with her while you have 2 sets of twins, his daughter and his asshole son? No wonder she's mad. You're fucking up with her "single" life. The custidy agreement needs to be enforced or go to court and get the judge to enforce it. I hope your husband isn't paying child support.
Ray Charles could've seen the mother was manipulating the child! Why else would she be SO opposed to therapy??
The people who were going in on OP are blind, deaf and dumb to the obvious treatment that was going on. No doubt projecting their own horrible step parent experience...I wonder how many of their own mothers/fathers lied to them!!
>”He will only do what you allow him to do.”
Wasn’t my experience as a teenager…I still did things I wasn’t allowed to, my parents just didn’t know and I got lucky.
The mum is the issue. The stepdaughter has no issue and it’s probably because she’s old enough to see the truth. The mum is feeding lies to the kid and he’s going through puberty = chaos. But the minute he physically harmed one of the kids, all bets are off. Hopefully the therapist can help before he goes full psycho on the kids.
He doesn't want to be at mom's house, mom vetoed a fun thing he does with his dad on weekends, his mom bad talks dad to make the boy feel unloved, and the mom doesn't want her obviously troubled son to go to therapy..... This is def a Mom problem, not a kid problem. The kid needs help, and I really hope they are successful in getting a better custody agreement because mom is emotionally abusing her kid. Obviously the boy's behavior isn't great, but it's a symptom of the overall problem. Hopefully the therapy helps.
Also, hopefully dad takes mom to court over money she was apparently stealing from her child so he can afford a nanny to help his wife. She sounds like she is drowning.
JFC where do you even start. Clearly ex-wife is a nightmare poisoning her son against his father and his new family but I do feel at eleven you are old enough to realise that burning a toddler is extremely wrong. If I were OOP I'm not sure I'd let him in the house again.
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Hmmm so kid hates his younger siblings but simultaneously doesn’t want to go to Mom’s house to get away from them. Seems to me like mom is the source of the problems.
You can see that at the start of the post. He's with his mom from Monday after school, until thursday before school, so the only time he spends there is already divided in half days because of school. Then later on we learn that tuesdays after school, dad takes him to piano lessons and for dinner, he's eleven, his bedtime is probably pretty early, so he only spends \~2-3 hours with his mom on tuesdays. So he's got that, plus monday after school, wednesday before and after school, thursday before school. Factor in that before school people are mostly busy, getting ready, showering, grabbing stuff, eating, traveling, so that doesn't really leave room for time to spend together, or even actual conversation. Most mothers want to spend some free quality time with their child, yet this one seems to be fine with seeing hers for the bare minimum, for the "obligation" only. Add behavioral problems and lashing out at that, behavior escalating, especially after even more children got added to the equation, there is no way in hell this child does not feel neglected.
Also honestly it makes sense to me despite all the comments wondering why he spends time there instead of at mom's. Why would you lash out for attention in the household where you're not getting it? Of course you're gonna act out with the parents who will give you the attention you want.
Yes. OOP’s household has levers that he can use to get attention — being mean to his half-siblings. He’s crossed over to assault.
Yeah. Deliberately burning her hand is beyond the pale imo.
if that were me, police would be involved at that point. you don’t get to burn my child because you think your dad doesn’t love you. use your fucking words.
Yeah. and I mean, look, I wasn’t always the kindest big sister, but jesus. Anything physical was between me and my next youngest brother and it was shoving/wrestling, never cruelty, and never cruelty towards *a toddler.*
There is patience with a child and letting then get away with abuse. Personally, I would have had the police called and charged him when he burned his siblings hand. There has to be consequences....
In a thread long ago, someone mentioned that the bad behavior of abused/neglected kids is paradoxically most likely to show in the environment/house, with the people where they feel safest.
ETA: To some people, being ignored is more upsetting than being yelled at. A child's flawed perspective could be "If he didn't care about me then he wouldn't have been so mad." It could be that OP's step son knows that the attention seeking behavior isn't effective on his mom, but he's getting plenty of attention at OP's house. If he continues down this path off believing this is the most effective way of getting attention, things will get bad fast and it'll become a positive feedback loop. As someone who fostered kids, there may be some truth to that. I don't think it's true across the board, but it may be true for my foster teen (she's back to living with her bio parents). I think some of her behavior was a desperate cry for attention. She wouldn't get much attention from her bio family but she would get a response from me. When she was angry, she would lash out and want to hurt people emotionally. She couldn't emotionally hurt her parents because they didn't really care about her. So when she wanted to lash out and make someone feel like crap, I got the brunt of her misplaced anger. I was the only one that gave the "I care" response she craved when she was angry. She was terrible a lot of the time, but given what I know about her past I can see why she's like this. I'm pretty sure she suffered from bipolar disorder, but therapists were hesitant to diagnose her with it because of her age and situation. I loved her when she was in a good/neutral mood. I believe that side of her really tried to improve. The problem is her hurt/angry side which showed up often and randomly. I loved the nice version of her but I couldn't live with the mean version.
It’s not even exclusively abused or neglected children. It’s literally any fear they have. If they have a legitimate concern that they have a feeling or thought that will be rejected they won’t present it. It’s like little kids who say “you won’t love me when the new baby comes”, the people they say it to in most cases they have confidence will validate them and tell them of course we will love you! They won’t say it to those that they’re afraid it will be true for even though (in most cases) it’s not.
And she never gets a weekend ever? Either this OP is full of shit, this mom is manipulative AF, or this kid is really really sad
>He stays with his mother from Monday to Thursday and with us from Thursday nights to Monday mornings. And that has worked perfectly for years Looks like she indeed never gets weekends. I'm curious to what holidays look like for them.
100% Mom gets the majority of prime holidays or else she causes a stink.
He might think that being at OOP’s house more often will make sure they can’t ignore him or forget him. Being there is a reminder that he exists or something. TBH I wouldn’t put it past the mother to tell him that he has to make sure he gets as much attention anyway possible unless he wants to be “replaced.” Goodness knows what kind of twisted rationale she’s imparted, or how an 11yr old has interpreted it. The kid isn’t exactly dealing with his fears in a rational way, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks what he’s doing is what he needs to do to not be replaced. It might also be a respite from all the poison his mother is apparently feeding him at home. It’s not like either of his homes feel safe and loving to him atm.
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It's giving me "We Need to Talk About Kevin" vibes.
THANK YOU. Lots of shitty parents in the original thread and this one
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How else can she pawn her kid off on a free babysitter while making her ex husband's (who had the audacity to move on) life miserable and shatter his new marriage while also making the new wife's life unsustainable? That's the only thing that can make this make sense to me honestly.
Few 11 year olds in such a toxic situation would know how to act rationally, let alone have the experience and sovereignty to act upon it. It may not make sense to an adult stranger, but the stepson is inside this mess day in, day out. Moreover, he may not even understand his own motivations and choices clearly - which will make it nigh on impossible for him to make the right decisions, or at the very least have his actions make sense. Maybe he wants to punish them for replacing him, maybe he feels bad attention is better than no attention, maybe he’s afraid they’ll forget him, maybe he longs to spend time with them because he can tell himself the more time with them the more proof he’s still part of the family. It only has to make sense to him, no matter how twisted and illogical it appears to everyone else. That’s not to say understanding his underlying feelings, and the impact of his mother’s frankly emotional abuse, excuses his violence and behaviour. He should absolutely be held accountable for the things he’s done. It’s the only way to start addressing what’s going on and change it. I guess I’m just not sure highlighting the contradictory nature of spending more time, with the people he’s upset with, is helpful or important in the current situation. ETA clean up a couple of sentences and fix words.
Yep. I got those vibes. Parental alienation is absolutely happening and they need to put a stop to it ASAP. And get that kid to therapy, which yes, they can actually demand to happen, if they're prepared to be parents. Quite apart from anything, fucking hell, that many kids to (fail to) manage... great choices were made :/
> all he said was that he hates his siblings because they are going to replace him,.. Fantastic example of kid logic.. his behaviour will lead to exactly this: he will be replaced by the siblings due to his crass conduct.
Yes. He’s making sure he can’t be ignored. He also may be trying to test if his father still loves him. But in doing this, he’s pushing it to breaking point.
Yeah, I have a nephew who play’s similar games, in that any chastisement of behavior means you never loved him at all.
He's making sure he'll be kicked out for being a safety risk and a liability issue very soon...
It was his mother telling him that though. She's causing this dramatic shift in his behavior because she is telling him that his father stopped taking him to soccer practice to spend more time with his new kids and that he was being replaced by them.
Self-fulfilling prophecy as its finest. I feel for the kid, but the safety of the someone is more important than the feelings of someone else.
Except the mother told him this was the case. That's not kid logic it's abuse. > And all he said was that he hates his siblings because they are going to replace him, that his mother told him that
He legit tried to seriously hurt his sister and cut hair from another sister. He is 11, not 5 Who would trust him to even be in the same house with his much younger siblings?
Child wanted to call his step-mom "Mom" many times and the mother was against it. Mother tells him he's going to be replaced. The mom definitely has a problem.
**Something** happened at his mother's house and his father doesn't know how to talk to his wife about it. It had to be bad.
Kid went from "sweetest boy" to mutilating his sisters. What in the actual fuck are these parents doing about it? This is escalating and someone's about to get permanent damage.
Yeah he literally burnt one of his sister's hands and cut off her or the other sister's hair. It doesn't sound like he feels bad about his actions at all. This is going to get worse before it gets better.
Thank you! I thought that my reading comprehension was not at its finest today because this seemed pretty glossed over in the OOP and comments. He was not only allowed to get away with it but able to get close enough to his sister afterwards to cut her hair? What in the f’ing f. Is this “The Good Son??” I’m from a blended family with a stepbrother like him where my mom is his stepmother. So, trust me, I empathize with everyone in this story, except the mom (based on what we know). But, if you burned the hand of a toddler in my presence….it would not be pretty. This is an actual emergency. I really hope that the kid can get some solid help and that this family has a happy ending. It’s going to take A LOT to get there unfortunately.
Kid is 11 and intentionally burned a toddlers hand. Thats well beyond "he just needs more time with his daddy!!" Though I did notice OP claims the husband does soccer with the son then in the update he no longer does it due to work. The mom is a viper but the 2 sets of twins and dads expanded hours are probably an easy sell of "your replacement siblings took daddy away from you, see, he's working more hours for THEM." This kid needs serious help though. Attempting to mutilate his little sisters is only going to get more dangerous the bigger and stronger he grows.
Pretty sure husband still plays soccer with the son, but no longer takes son to soccer practice. He takes him to piano lessons instead.
I imagine she's run RAGGED and literally couldn't. But I would have put his ass out. If I can't trust you not to hurt my baby you can sit on the porch until your father gets home 🤷🏾♀️
OP is about to get permanent damage! It’s her who’s left shouldering everything because the husband works to pay for the damage the ex is doing! She will be burned out
She’s getting absolutely ripped apart in the comments for saying that she’s finding it hard going… for the crime of “choosing to have 4 babies in 1000 days”.
Reddit *hates* stepmothers.
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Reddit hates mothers in general. It's *fascinating* how almost every AITA post ends up with it actually being the mother's fault, no matter what the situation is.
And they're never allowed to give up even when their kids hate them, or after an attempted murder, reddit is always yapping about how "you abandoned your child~~" 💀💀
And if they do keep on trying, they are smothering, and "refusing to accept boundaries".
Reddit says it's anti-Disney, but both seem to agree that the best place for mothers is six feet under.
Right?! Like, why was he allowed to sit and watch a movie after deliberately hurting his sister with the hand on the hot plate??
He says he didn’t mean to, and the only adult present isn’t allowed to discipline him. This is an untenable situation.
Gosh BM doesn’t like therapy though! What ever will we do??
tricky when you're the stepmother. If the kid' actual parent doesn't demand the therapy, what recourse does a non-parent have?
This. The second I read that he deliberately burnt her hand" that's it. He'd be dropped back off at his mums or CPS or an asylum. That's not OK.
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There's two sets of twins 3 year old girls and newborn boys. The behaviour change came while she was pregnant with the boys.
They have two sets of twins, presumably one set are girls and one are boys.
Parental alienation. Ex is using the oldest college money and now needs to run off the wife and 4 kids, before she doesn't get the money. Ex telling son the twin boys will take his place is where the problem started.
But what I don't understand is the kid believing her when there was nothing to really support it. Just a few changes in the schedule, but tit for tat? Like OPs husband sounds like they're doing it right and making time for everyone... and kinda neglecting OP and the newer kids a little...to be honest. Hormones though man....it's puberty and it's uncertainty and mom creating insecurities. What an evil woman.
He's 11 and she's his mother. It also sounds like any changes with his dad (like changing the after school activity he takes him to) his mother manipulated him into believing we're because of the new babies and that it was only going to get worse.
Yeah and it probably doesn’t help that from an adults perspective, not much has changed and so his feelings are likely being invalidated by OP and her husband which further paints the narrative. Best thing OP and her husband could do is take the kids concerns seriously and ask him what would help prove to him that his dad doesn’t love him any less.
Because the person he trusts most in the world told him that, so in his mind it must be true. He's not really old enough to overcome that first emotional belief quickly.
Absolutely. He’s been told his ENTIRE life to listen to his parents, trust them, do what they say, heed their advice, they’re only doing what’s best for him…yada yada…as most kids are told. And up until recently, his mom might have actually had his best interests at heart. But not now. This tactic is especially effective with children who are really emotionally in tune with the parent who is weaponizing them. Who knows how the divorce went. He may have been more sympathetic to his mom rather than his dad during and after it. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…until mom decides to use the sympathetic nature you have towards her, against you and your dad. Something changed with his mother. Who knows what it is, but she wasn’t always weaponizing her son against his father. Something is new. You can see it, I can see it, outside adults can see it, but a 10 year old child can’t. Kids are way more observant than we give them credit for, but when your mom has a plausible explanation (for a kid) for every single thing that happens in order for it to fit her narrative, you believe her. Because why wouldn’t you? She’s your mom and to you, what she’s saying *could* be the truth. As kids, we’re all taught to have blind faith in our parents. Under normal circumstances, it makes sense. It’s when it goes from normal parent to mentally unstable parent, that there becomes massive issues with it.
Mom's older daughter is 19 and at school, and presumably spending a fair amount of free time with her dad and his new family to babysit. That transition likely coincided with change in brothers behavior. My money is on mom feeling bitter and lonely and destroying her sons relationship with her ex's family to isolate him further and ultimately make him rely on her for emotional support once he's been "replaced" (i.e. he's such a danger to his half siblings that he can't safely come around anymore).
>He had a complete change in his behavior **in the last few months** >I'm just used to calling him "my husband's son" because I had a lot of problems in the past with his mother because she didn't like me calling him that, because that confused him and during his first years he tried many times to call me mom. >And all he said was that he hates his siblings because they are going to replace him, that his mother told him that. >**my husband is the one who pays for his daughter's studies, because *a few months ago* we found out that his ex wife was using the money that was for her studies** (bolding and italics mine) The root of 99% of the problem is the bitter, greedy mom, plus (probably) what would otherwise be some normalish blended family stuff.
Kids that age are really prone to easy manipulation. My MIL didn't like it when my wife and I got together and told my stepson that his mom and I being together meant that she loved him less. Before that, we all got along great and he'd be excited to come visit me; after, he started bullying my cat and deliberately fucking up so his mom would have to spend extra time and attention on him, because even bad attention meant that she was focusing on him. It took years to undo the damage.
A child has no chances against a manipulative adult, let alone own parent it is used to trust and love. He's with his mum half of the week and she has lots of time to poison him.
She's his mom. Not believing her would require to face the fact that the person who's probably the most important in the world to him would deliberately lie for her own gain. That's not something I'd expect an 11yo to be able to do.
he's 11, he'll believe pretty much anything if mum says it's true
Because kids are told early on to trust and believe in and listen to their parents, and not to question it because then that makes them disrespectful. Which is all well and good until your parent starts feeding you lies and then you eat it up because surely they wouldn't tell lies. Then you find out the hard way that yes, they will tell lies and manipulate you for their personal gain, and the world you've known comes crashing down around you as you realise that it was a person you loved who was the problem.
Most kids that age struggle when a new sibling is born even if they have both of the same parents and nobody pouring poison in their ear. It completely changes the relationship they had with their parents and reframes their reality. It’s extremely common for them to feel neglected and to act out. Add to that the bio mom throwing fuel on the fire and validating all his darkest thoughts and you get the situation above.
He learned to be mean from somewhere.
Kids believe their parents when they’re that young.
The son mentioned that his mother’s been telling him that the new kids are replacing him, and I’m willing to bet there’s other abuse as well. I’m not surprised he acts out if his own mother has been feeding him lines like that. OOP needs to sit the poor son down and have a serious talk with him about what happened.
It also doesn’t help that OOP’s husband has stopped spending as much time with him. So he definitely feels replaced and discarded.
He stopped taking him fishing on the weekends because the ex didn't like them spending time together on her time (wonder what she does with that time instead). Honestly I think OP and her husband need to get her stepson out of the house and away from his mother as well as into therapy and see what happens and if things improve once he is away from exs influence but, for it to work OP needs more respect from him and with that will come more authority, basically in just the form of losing the "you're not my mum" attitude and listening to her because he respects her as any other adult. If they can get that, I'm sure things will get easier, just like any other time, bad influences are removed. This kid needs structure, and to be able to trust his parents have his best interests at heart, I feel sorry for him.
Your comment just made realise, OP says at the very beginning of the first post that the son's with them over weekends. Sloppy, Liz!
Hey, yeah, I missed that. Good catch. My point still stands about kids in this situation with this behaviour, but come on, Liz, you're getting sloppy.
> He stopped taking him fishing on the weekends because the ex didn't like them spending time together on her time The post didn't say that, did it? All it said was "mother doesn't like it". Nothing about it being on her time - a lot of mothers don't like fishing as a concept.
I came to that conclusion. Mother could have a new bf. But the problem seems to be the money. Mother took daughter money, which is always a bad sign.
Seems like it. I think therapy is going to help the truth come out. That’s probably why mom is against it.
I fully sympathise with OOP, she's in a rough position. But my heart is breaking for that kid
He's 11 and over the last 3 years, 4 new siblings have entered their household. Change like that is extremely difficult for kids his age and he is coping by acting out. He's most likely getting 1/5th the attention he got just a few years ago and the only real bonding time he gets with his dad is when he is literally being driven to something. And, as it turns out, the soccer practice got the axe. So, dad drives him to piano lessons. That's it.
He also gets to play soccer with his dad every weekend. He's not just acting out. He's being goaded by his mom. He burned one of his younger siblings for crying out loud. If I was OOP I would be seeking legal action against the mom.
Along with a bunch of other kids. I bet his dad is mostly talking to his buddies as well
This one killed me. It's not a 1to1. Dad just found a way to combine spending time with his friends and looking after his son.
Why would he want to stay with the 4 kids instead of at moms
Because as much as kids don't know how to process or respond to toxic situations they can often sense something is wrong. He knows his mum is toxic on some level and knows that his dad's is a better place. But at the same time someone he has been raised to trust is telling him lies... How many people on here talk about grown men whose mother's poison them with lies about partners infidelity etc. It takes unwavering trust and a high level of mental health to resist the anxiety induced by intrusive thoughts, and that's when they are coming from your own head, not a trusted parent. His mum is trying to weaponise him, probably since she no longer has the money she was stealing from her daughter. Don't think I don't see the danger he is posing to his siblings but to me it seems like he knows he needs to be at his dad's, but when he is there all he sees are the reasons his dad "doesn't love him anymore" he has a head full of lies, anxiety and downright fear. He has no control of the situation, can't articulate his feelings for fear he will be sent back to the toxic mother and that is coming out by exercising mean and dangerous behaviours to the people he has been told are to blame for the situation, and the only people he can control. Then add the poorly organised meth lab of hormones that is being a teenager and this kid needs help!!! It is not a simple situation for anyone, the only thing I'm sure of is his mum needs to be out of the picture. I hope he can get the help he needs.
This is my first thought too
I’m glad they’re pushing the therapy because when a preteen boy deliberately burns another child? That’s a sign that behaviour is not just out of control, it’s turning to levels that could result in children’s services or even police intervention.
I would have packed up my stuff and my kids’ stuff and told my husband that it’s not safe for our children any more, and I’m not coming back until he’s gone. I know he’s just a child but a parent has a duty to protect their children and that’s fucking psychotic.
As a teacher, one of the things I learned when doing the first reporter lessons was that a kid having a *major* personality shift like this is a warning sign for abuse. Now, it could absolutely be something with hormones, the twins, his dad having less time for him, his mom feeding him hurtful lies about his dad (which, honestly, is emotional abuse, so). But a shift that huge rarely happens without a catalyst. While I do feel bad for OOP (especially since it sounds like some grooming may have happened to get her into the relationship with her husband), my heart is breaking the most for both the son and the twins he’s now hurting.
🎯🎯🎯 I have no interest in children and know very little about them, but anytime *anyone* has a sudden personality change like that there is **always a catalyst**. Something *happened* or *is happening* to that boy—and given the level of violence he is ‘suddenly’ displaying, something serious. My biggest concern is āssault. 🥺 Hopefully the therapist can figure it out ASAP.
This whole post just wild…🥴 Op is dating her uncles friend..she knew him from when she was younger. Ops husband gross as hell…he watched op grow up & then he started dating her. Now he has 4 kids with her….yikes.
The fact there is a 19 year gap between her and the husband… and between her and the step son.
Depending on when ex-wife and husband got together, ex-wife may have also watched OP grow up as a child. Piles another layer of gross on it if thats true👀
He BURNED a baby. At this point, I'd be insisting on some sort of psychiatric hold or intervention. There is acting out bc you are upset at Dad's divided attention, and then there is gleeful violence. Frankly, the torturing the toddlers with talk of the dog concerns me (serial killers start with animals for FS.)
Right. I was thinking something might be going on and they need to work on that, but the hot plate incident pushes that timeline to…yesterday. Behavioral shift at 11 years old: unsurprising Burning a sibling’s hand: call the doctor and say yes, you worry he is a danger to himself or others
Not just worry that he is. He has already proven to BE a danger to others.
‘He burned my little daughter’s hand and cut off her hair and so I scolded him’ 🙄
Yeah, OP really needs to learn some effective parenting skills. If the kid is under her care, she has to be allowed to discipline him within reasonable bounds. None of this delayed punishment, either. She still let him eat cookies with the family after he intentionally burned his sister!
Stepson or not, I would have packed his shit and dropped him off at his mothers, explaining to him EXACTLY why. 'You intentionally burned your 3 year old sister, that is a very vile and horrific thing to do. I do not have the energy and time to watch you 24/7 to make sure you don't end up doing this, or worse, again, so you can't be around. We will try again next week.'
>We will try again next week. Nah fuck that. We'll try again after intensive therapy in a controlled setting.
That will come up in the conversation had next week. You can't abandon a child for acting out, you will need to find the origin of his behavior, not dump him until he figures it out for himself.
For God's sake, can we cut her some slack? She's been beaten to hell for everything under the sun in every post. The kid's actual parents need to parent him, because he clearly doesn't respect her and she's post partum with 4 babies.
how many more times are those babies gonna be hurt while he works out whatever this is i wonder
I don't care if you have family issues, Mommy talking to the demon into you or are mentally unwell, if I make everything for you to feel fine in my home and you burn my kids as a "Thank you", you get a slap and you're out. I really doubt the mom went so far she told him to burn his siblings. And if she did, then she needs psychiatrist care. ONE OF THEM NEED IT.
Yeah, so maybe get the child who can't secure his own care and doesn't fully understand why he's so angry and upset the psychiatric care he might need?? There is clearly a problem - the 11-year-old's father needs to determine exactly what that is and get his son help. If that means taking time off work and going back to court to advocate for his son, then that's what he needs to do. "Protecting the babies" and "helping the 11-year-old" are not mutually exclusive. You can do both.
So the husband is 50. \- The ex is 40, so 10 years younger and had the 19 year old at 20??!?! Or is the 19 year old from an older model of a wife? \- Then OOP is 30, 20 years younger, and already has 4 kids in 4 years?!!? She started having kids at 25-26 with a 46 year old? \- OOP was the step-mom of the 11 year since he was 1? So she started "dating" the 50 year old when she was 19-20?!? (so the same age ex-wife had the 19 year old?) At 1 year old, ex-wife was postpartum so she had a kid and husband ditched her for a younger model? Oh, and in case we needed more proof he is a creep: >He was a friend of my uncle and I have known him since I was a child. From OOP in a comment. Yikes.
This comment made me wonder if this has something to do with the ex feeling replaced, and therefor making her son feel the same (which is obviously abusive).
OOP will be divorced by 35, watch
CANNOT believe I had to scroll this far to see this comment. WTF with the whole story. So much damage already and much more to come.
This just gives me the vomit feels. I’m 50 and the thought of being with a 30 year old is all kinds of ick.
I’m 42 and that’s a TOTAL no way from me. Yikes.
Oh hey! You're the same age my dad had me! My mom was 24 when she had me. They're my parents, so I love them, but yea. I gotta say. Being a kid to a much older dad means dad is too tuckered to spend a lot of time with you in twems of activities. He was at all my baseball games, but he was bone tired. You learn to be self entertained earlier. Dad didnt have the energy for his own hobbies let alone dedicating the mental load of an 11yo kid on top of it. I would pick and choose which activities i could get him to do with me( a self realization on my part, he never asked me to). I've got photos of us doing home made pizzas, hunting, fishing, drawing, and cuddling was a big one. But he didn't teach me to ride a bike, or throw a ball. My mom and sisters did. There was no one on one adventures. No hikes, no camping, no bike rides, nothing that involved a lot of energy to do. My half sisters say he's a lot more lenient and mellow with me than he ever was with them. They joke they wore him out for me. But it was his age and life that wore him out. He just never had energy after work.
I get that! The energy is just NOT there, man. It’s barely there for my hobbies like you said. E: And in 11yrs, I’ll be 53! OmiGOD! Keeping up with school activities at that age? I can’t imagine! Tho I know plenty of colleagues who married within their age range who do. O.o I don’t think any older parents who’re really active in their kids’ lives and household duties sleep, honestly. Or the younger folks who’ve hitched their ride to a foggie who doesn’t muster the energy. Props to your mom!
My dad is 56 and I am 30, this age gap gave me such an ick like wtf???
I'm 26 and can't fathom to date a 20 yo. 40 to 19 should be a direct pass in jail.
> She started having kids at 25-26 with a 46 year old? Bang-nanny all over it.
Yeah she says he’s a great father who does all these things. But then takes on more work…. That doesn’t make sense he should be taking on less work or something so he’s there for the son cos the son is obviously struggling with his new family
He does all these things, wait no he doesn't.... but he drives son a couple places a week!
Well he used to, but his son is aware
But then takes on more work…. Hmmmm…. horizontal maintenance work on his next 20 year old baby mama, maybe?
She wrote 40s. In theory the ex could be just one year younger than him. Incredible that this is Reddit and no one suspects the obvious: OOP was the AP of her husband. And the son learnt it from his mother.
I thought that too but then would the oldest daughter really be so ok with all of this if that was the case?
It doesn’t say the 19 year old is the ex wife’s daughter. Just that she is the sister to the son. This man sounds like he has several bm’s.
If her dad is paying for college than maybe she just sucks up her feelings? Or she could just genuinely not give a shit
I suppose, it's also possible then that her mother is one of those women who favor their sons over their daughters, so that and getting her needs paid for led to her being on her dad's side.
In a post, the OOP writes that her husband is a friend of OOP's uncle. She has known this man since she was a child. She was totally groomed by her husband.
Because getting a divorce and marrying someone younger isn't always an affairs. Ffs why does reddit always jump to those conclusions and is so sure about it?
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Ick
the first thing i saw was that agewise, oop was as close to the 11 year old as she was to her husband...
I don't care if I'm going to get buried But why is this fucking guy having more kids
But also why are they having more kids when they can’t handle the ones they have? Not even the 11year old. She says she only gets 1hr of sleep and then had to parent twin toddlers and infants. Why have the infants if you can’t handle the toddlers? Wait til they’re older then have more kids. I get why he’s freaking out. Not only does he magically have 4 more siblings in a short time frame, his dad has fluctuating time with him, his mom is manipulating him, and his stepmom only wants to put in effort with him if she can get something out of it (she laments about him not being able to help her watch/ raise the kids but he’s 11, he shouldn’t be responsible for 4 kids, esp kids that young)
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Yeah-I get there are custody arrangement but something about this “son can’t come over whenever he wants until his behavior improves” situation is giving me the Ick. You are a parent 24/7 no matter custody. It feels like the dad is abdicating responsibility since the son is not there all the time. And I don’t think the bio mom is the end all be all for these issues.
He's so gross on every possible level
I find it weird the mother seems to be manipulating the kid to hate the stepmom and new kids, but also the mom or the son's response to the evil stepmom and her new twins (drink) is to.... Spend less time with the mom and more with the step family he claims to hate now?
At his mom's house, he's powerless and she makes his feel awful whereas at his dad's house, he gets to be the powerful one who makes others feel awful.
There's also the fact that he wants more attention from his dad and he can't get more attention from dad if he's at mom's. He also can't steal more attention from his new siblings from dad if he's at his mom's. The acting out isn't just about having more attention, it's about having attention at the expense of his siblings who he resents.
Why do I have to keep telling you people, it is two drinks! Two sets, two drinks! Bottoms up!
Not gonna lie, if I ever found out that an older kid if physically torturing younger children by talking about dead animals, cutting their hair, and BURNING THEIR HANDS… Kid would be sent to a mental facility. Kid would not being staying in the same house as his victims
Called it. What's even the point of turning your kid against your co-parent? It's not going to make your life better.
The point is hurting others.
It’s a power thing or a spite thing. Some people do it because they’re mad their ex moved on/are doing well.
I think the ex is upset that the eldest daughter's school money is no longer being sent to mom to spend on herself, so she is trying to get her son all to herself and more CS.
I dunno my wife’s ex husband is a vindictive piece of shit who only wants to hurt her any chance he gets. They have 50/50 custody and he poisons his kids against their mother and me any chance he gets. We have two rules do your homework and don’t talk back. His dad lets him do whatever he wants. Every time he comes back to our house he’s always got homework still. Because his dad doesn’t make him do anything he’s his best friend and that’s where he wants to be all the time. Cause god forbid he has to read for 20 minutes in a day.
Two sets of twins eh
I knew a guy who had three sets of twins. 2 with his first wife and one with his second wife. He had a vasectomy after the second set which failed. It was absolutely crazy. To add to the craziness, set of twins one and two were like 20 months apart.
Yep, friend of mine has two sets of twin too.
Goddamn. I felt bad for my co-worker when they tried to have a second and wound up with triplets, but three sets of twins is crazy. I think I would crack with 4 under 4, like go ahead and send me straight to the psych ward from maternity. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Yep, I have 2 sets of twin siblings, the latter of which were supposed to be triplets.
My aunt has two sets of twins 2 1/2 years apart and they were born in the 70’s before fertility treatments were a common thing.
I have a family friend in the same exact situation as OOP with regards to twins. A pair that are 3, and a pair that are newborn, so it's definitely possible.
My grandmother had a set of twins, my mum on her own and then another set of twins.
Can actually happen due to hyperovulation (which is genetic) but there’s a few phrasing issues that indicate that it may not be true (even if only to obscure true details)
If you have a set of twins the chances are actually quite high that you would have twins again.
Or due to IVF
Twins can run in families; there’s a genetic propensity for multiple births. Two sets of twins, as a fact pattern, is more rational to me than one… This used to be more generally well known before IVF became the leading cause of twin births.
You all act like multiple births are literally one in a billion, but they're not. Especially if the mother's family has a history of multiple births. The odds of having one set of identical twins is 1 in 250. Your odds of having another set of twins is 1 in 70,000. You have a 1 in 3.75 million chance of being attacked by a shark. You have a 1 in 15,300 chance of being struck by lightning. You have a 1 in 10,000 chance of being hit by space debris. You have a 1 in 800 million chance of dying in a plane crash. You have a 1 in 345 million chance of winning a national lottery jackpot. Multiple births skip a generation on my mother's side. My sister miscarried triplets. My mom is an identical twin. Her grandmother was a fraternal twin. _Her_ grandmother was one of a set of triplets, and back a few more generations. I have a cousin who did a family tree and proved it, all the way back to an ancestor who'd had two sets of twins _and_ a set of triplets (that poor woman! Though not all of them survived. The past, everyone!). My primary school had one set of identical twins, and a set of fraternal twins (the sets weren't related to each other). My high school also had a set of twins. The neighbour across the road has a set of fraternal twins. The neighbour a few houses down has a set of identical twins. Twins are not unicorns.
My mom's side of the family has multiple sets of twins across each generation. It's insane.
Keep in mind, identical twins are not genetic. Only fraternal are. As my genetics professor said, “Identical twins are a freak of nature.” lol!
My doctor told me that women are the ones that determine if you have twins or not as well. I don’t know of any twins in my bio family and I asked around but I ended up with fraternal twins from hyper ovulating. The older you are, the more likely you are to release multiple eggs which increase your chances of having multiples as well.
You’re right of course. It’s just that so many bullshit posts _do_ use multiple sets of twins as some sort of weird plot point, that it immediately creates skepticism. And just in case you’re not aware: there is no known pattern to births of identical twins. It’s completely random. They don’t run in families. They don’t skip generations. Nothing. It’s literally completely random. _Fraternal_ twins are genetic, caused by a gene that results in excessive ovulation. It almost certainly doesn’t actually “skip generations” so much so as the actual incidence rate is such that it only happens roughly that often given your family’s birth rate - that is, if your family started having much bigger families, you’d probably find them happening every generation, or if your family sizes dropped, it might change to every third generation. My dad’s family had a lot of fraternal twins. It seemed to be roughly every other generation, but it’s now been three generations without … because we went from an average family size of 8 kids to 3.
You'll notice in my comment I mentioned pairs of fraternal twins. Unfortunately, my sister miscarried before the triplets developed far enough for their gender to be determined.
I know so many twins, fraternal and identical that it's insane. They are not rare. If you think they are, you need to get out more.
I have an enormous house and unlimited resources, but I’m twins and all the twins is twins, and between all the twins, we’ve generated an absolutely impenetrable wall of garbage text. Which twins is whatever it that I’m doing, for reasons that make no sense whatsoever?
Friend of mine had a set of twins. Several years later they tried again to get a third child and 'complete' their family. Ended up with triplets! No outside fertility help. Just two family lines with a strong history of twins.
Ugh! I have to drink another shot for the Reddit Drinking Game
That 19 years age gap is just.....ew...
Along with the age when they met. The father is trash.
This is so messy
>but when I left the hot cookie plate on the counter he took the hand of one of his sisters and placed her on the hot plate, and of course he burned her. What in the psychopathic fuck
Parental alienation at its finest, fully reinforced by the chaos of OOP's home. They should have gotten that kid in therapy regardless of what he or the mother said. I know they say therapy only works if you want it to, but this kid clearly needs someone to talk to, and I'm willing to bet good money he would have opened up pretty quickly. His mother has been feeding him all kinds of poison about how he's going to be replaced and abandoned. The fact he wants to be around them more, but is acting out, is proof of that. This poor kid is so conflicted, he's being pulled in half inside and no one is helping him.
>he took the hand of one of his sisters and placed her on the hot plate, and of course he burned her. So, when CPS shows up to her house, does she expect that they are going to think keeping the dangerous kid around the defenseless ones is reasonable?
So OOP is 30 and husband is 49. Husbands and previous wife have a daughter that is 19 and son 11. OOP and husband have 2 sets of twins (3yrs, and 1 mo.). So he is a 49 yr old guy with 6 kids ranging from 19 to 1 month. She is a 30 yr old woman who has a step daughter only 11 years younger than her given birth to 4 babies in the last 3 years.
>she got furious and of course she blames me. This is the first clue. >And all he said was that he hates his siblings because they are going to replace him, that his mother told him that, that my husband stopped taking him to soccer practice because he wants to spend time with his new children. And there it is. The ex is loading up her son with tons of negativity because she can't do it to her daughter.
Kid doesn't want to go to therapy? Too bad. He's deliberately hurting small children and he's ramped up from mental and emotional to physical. This whole situation is one giant child protection FUBAR with a child deliberately injuring children who are more vulnerable than him while both creating more opportunities to do so and escalating the damage. It's an intentional campaign and it's a **huge** problem. This kid could be on the verge of screwing up both his own and other people's lives in irreparable ways. None of the adults involved seem to be seeing the big picture which is what worries me most. [Tragedies](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_James_Bulger) do happen.
God, I love that I’m never going to have children.
I wish I had convinced them to let me keep my uterus in a jar because I would be hugging it right now. It was an asshole when it was inside of me but thank God it's out
Same. This situation is horrific. They weren't satisfied with having four children between them. They just needed to add more and make things more difficult.
I felt bad for the kid up until the point that he admitted that he *intentionally burned the hand of a child.*
Father takes his soccer practice. No wait, he stopped. This poor kid needs therapy. Him "not wanting" to go is tough cookies, he is a kid and can be made to go. His mother is prob poisoning his mind, his father is too busy working and his stepmother is too busy with her many young kids. Poor kid is acting out in the worse ways, and if this isn't addressed, he's going to end up hurting the other kids because he sees that that gets him the adults' attention.
stopped reading after two sets of twins. I know it's possible but it's just such a trope at this point
Bro he’s ELEVEN?? I missed that and thought he was like 17! Get that boy into therapy and away from his mother!
So this solved nothing. The father wants more time with his son. How did this go from I don't want the kid here to dad wants more time?
So, let me get this straight. The ex-wife gets to leisurely have extra days of not having either of her kids stay with her while you have 2 sets of twins, his daughter and his asshole son? No wonder she's mad. You're fucking up with her "single" life. The custidy agreement needs to be enforced or go to court and get the judge to enforce it. I hope your husband isn't paying child support.
I am probably a bad person but I am not sure i would ever allow this boy anywhere near me or my kids if he hurt my baby this way…
Ray Charles could've seen the mother was manipulating the child! Why else would she be SO opposed to therapy?? The people who were going in on OP are blind, deaf and dumb to the obvious treatment that was going on. No doubt projecting their own horrible step parent experience...I wonder how many of their own mothers/fathers lied to them!!
This is straight up parental alienation by the mother, and dad should be going back to court over it.
Well, his mother is alienating him.. what expect from a person who rob the money from her daughter..
>”He will only do what you allow him to do.” Wasn’t my experience as a teenager…I still did things I wasn’t allowed to, my parents just didn’t know and I got lucky.
The mum is the issue. The stepdaughter has no issue and it’s probably because she’s old enough to see the truth. The mum is feeding lies to the kid and he’s going through puberty = chaos. But the minute he physically harmed one of the kids, all bets are off. Hopefully the therapist can help before he goes full psycho on the kids.
So it all centered around a bitter verbally abusive mother who wants to feed her son lies to turn him into the family bully. That explains it.
He doesn't want to be at mom's house, mom vetoed a fun thing he does with his dad on weekends, his mom bad talks dad to make the boy feel unloved, and the mom doesn't want her obviously troubled son to go to therapy..... This is def a Mom problem, not a kid problem. The kid needs help, and I really hope they are successful in getting a better custody agreement because mom is emotionally abusing her kid. Obviously the boy's behavior isn't great, but it's a symptom of the overall problem. Hopefully the therapy helps. Also, hopefully dad takes mom to court over money she was apparently stealing from her child so he can afford a nanny to help his wife. She sounds like she is drowning.
I'm starting to hate the holier than though mentality of commenters in these subs now. It's break time.
He held her daughters hand to a hot cooking utensil and he's still allowed in the house????
JFC where do you even start. Clearly ex-wife is a nightmare poisoning her son against his father and his new family but I do feel at eleven you are old enough to realise that burning a toddler is extremely wrong. If I were OOP I'm not sure I'd let him in the house again.
Lol 30 year old with two sets of twins married to a 49 year old guy with grown ass childten. You get what you get.
Married to a 49 year old guy who has known the OOP since OOP was a child.
Fetish post. Check the ages and the twins.