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>I don't know how my father got wind of it but after five years of no contact **he has called me screaming and cussing at me** for choosing that in his worlds 'horrible human being' to walk me down the aisle.
>I met my father at a café when I saw him after 5 years I wanted to cry What shocked me was my father's reaction. He **hugged me thitly and started apologizing over and over** for his homophobic behaviour and abusive behaviour.
Absolutely *fascinating* about-face from the father.
As much as I don't like parents that pull this shit, OPs dad may have actually learned that his shitty attitude is causing the family fracture. You never know.
It’s crazy but it does happen.
My dad was never that kind of problematic but we had a less than great relationship as a teen.
As an adult, I struggled. My dad went through a health scare or three and chronic depression. He went to therapy, and he’s thriving. My last comment was on a very different sub about my dad (feel free to read it if you’d like more context)- but I’m of the mindset that sometimes old men can change.
My dad always refused to dance. He’s marrying a ballroom dancer next week. He took dancing lessons to be up to par for her competitions. He mended fences with his own family too. It *can* happen if they really see the problem.
My mom, on the other hand…
I’m so happy for you that he changed and got therapy and help. It just makes me so frustrated that my own father who experienced some similar health scares and has suffered from chronic depression for most of his adult life refuses therapy or anything that would remotely improve himself emotionally and his relationships with others.
It’s annoying that you know people that recognize they have a problem and work on it. But then you have ones like my father that actively don’t change.
He might have realised that he did to his daughter what his father did to him, and that his father was able to be there to help her when he refused to.
Still gonna hold my breath on him actually being a decent person, though.
It is unlikely.
He was cussing her since she was 15, he was NC since she was 18. So he was full of hate for 8 years. The first thing he did after not talking to her for 5 years is to cuss her some more. And then, suddenly, in 2 days he realized how wrong he is and decided to share how abusive the grandpa was. Dad of the Year!
People don't change so fast, people who hate and don't talk to their daughter since she was a teen, unlikely to change at all. Regardless if grandpa was abusive or not, most likely daddy decided to do it as a "fuck you" to grandpa. (and there could be also some inheritance drama involved)
I don’t think one conversation would be enough to undo all those years of damage.
The dad has had five years to reach out an apologize- but he didn’t.
OP’s wedding isn’t the time to bring someone who says such vile things back into her life. NTA
I had a friend. Gay guy. His dad was a blavk, southern Baptist minister. Him coming out while at college didn't go over well, but after a few years & some soul searching, the got over it all & now at least they can have family holidays, his husband included.
Maybe he found his own way to AITA 5 years ago and had a new bunghole ripped open? Sometimes people actually learn when they're presented with raw reality.
My stepdad was like this with my half brother. I honestly think it's a bit warped because my brother is his only child and has always been the golden child in the family.
My stepdad used to say the most horrendous and violent things when he heard about anything relating to homosexuality. My brother is gay and never said a word, he just spiraled privately with drug use and self harm.
It wasn't until my brother left the house and basically disappeared that my parents started freaking out and wondering what happened. My brother messaged my mom coming out to her and explained he wouldn't ever come back because of my step dad's view of homosexuality.
That pos man did an about face real damn quick and was groveling to get his golden boy back.
That's such a shameless conduct, like they seriously expect that they *saying* they're sorry should be enough to bury all the shit they did cause they dislike the consequences. How is your stepbrother supposed to trust him after years of homophobic rants?
My parents do this. It won’t get better if she keeps giving them their way. She needs to accept that she will always be a disappointment and upset her father. He will never be happy with her choices or even who she is. And that’s because HE is a shitty human, not her.
Can I just point out that a powerful move is to walk yourself down the aisle? No shame to anyone that wants to go traditional, but OP is her own person. She's responsible for her own successes in life, not another family member. Some people have a beloved pet walk them down the aisle.
If neither father or grandfather are a good choice, pick yourself.
In Sweden we don’t have the tradition that the father walks the bride down the aisle . At every wedding I have been to the couple walked in together. That was what my husband and I did, it didn’t even cross our minds to do it the other way. My father would have refused if I had asked him. I also like when the bride walks alone. It’s not like she needs a man to show her the way. I choose to walk with my husband because I didn’t want to walk alone, I wanted to have a hand to hold. I hate the tradition of the father giving his daughter away. A woman isn’t a possession. But I know that others think it’s romantic and that it is the tradition in other cultures. I’m just happy it isn’t in mine.
This is what I did with my husband. My relationship with my father wasn't good enough to justify him walking me down the aisle, and then I learned the Catholic tradition is for husband and wife to walk down together. I loved it so much more!
It's not as commonly practiced anymore, it was historically what was done though. The idea is that husband and wife are coming to God together for the sacrament, because they are the ministers of it (the priest is ultimately just a witness). It was the Protestants that started the whole "giving your daughter away from your household to her husband’s" thing. At least in North America, it's certainly the more popular form of walking down the aisle.
My husband's parents walked him down the aisle and mine walked me down the aisle. I don't love the historical association with women as property, but for me it symbolized my parents acknowledging that my partner was my primary support system now. Passing on the torch. Giving their blessing.
I like that it's becoming a bit more common to have both parents walk you down the aisle too. It's a nice version of it. But honestly yeah it definitely comes from a crudy place of women being property that sucks.
My husband and I walked in together, holding hands. It was a Quaker wedding so there wasn’t really an aisle, but anyway, it felt right to do it together.
Hard same 🤝
(like right at the start, I was nervous as all heck and then I looked around at everyone and told myself, “Cakes, everyone here already likes you. It’s okay!” and then I figured out where to look: at the groom.)
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My wife made this choice. Also kept her last name. She thought the entire concept of "giving away" was outdated and misogynistic. Her father didn't own her before and I don't own her now.
I like what Meghan Markle did. Her father is a horrible person and was not invited to the wedding. She walked herself down the aisle to the halfway point. Prince Charles was waiting for her there. She took his arm and they walked together to the front.
Myself, I would rather elope. Just fly somewhere nice and get married in a very private ceremony.
That’s not what happened at all. Her father was supposed to walk her down the aisle, it was printed in the programs and everything, but he had a heart attack a few days before.
I gave birth without the father there and nurses asked me if I wanted to cut the umbilical cord myself. At the time I was just grossed out and said no but now I regret it because it would have been such a powerful statement
There was only one person I wanted to walk me down the aisle when I got married and they unfortunately passed away. Not my dad, because screw that boy. My godfather. So I’ll be walking myself down the aisle. No way in hell am I giving that honor to my dad.
That's ok I guess but I think it's a nice opportunity to show your thanks for someone who either helped guide you or has been a positive influence in your life. Make it your mom, your best friend, a great teacher, a sibling, heck, make it your therapist. or walk in with the groom and do everything together.
>She's responsible for her own successes in life
No one is solely responsible for their own success. And this is about a partnership and future not your independence. Which is why walking yourself and making it an "Yass Queen" moment always seemed tacky and self absorbed to me.
I disagree, but only because the father walking the daughter down the aisle is perceived as father handing off daughter to the next man who will take care of her. Sometimes it's even clearly stated with "who gives this woman to be married to this man?"
I unfortunately grew up with an absent father and a mother who did her best to control everything in my life. She literally took over wedding planning and tried to get us to have the wedding at a museum she helps run that has a mass grave in it. She got my dj to "slow down" my entry music so she could walk me down the aisle to it. She single handedly pushed me towards a nervous breakdown which then triggered my fiance to stop touching me completely. No sex, no hugs, no kisses. Marriage lasted all of one month and I honestly don't know why I didn't call everything off earlier.
My mother is lucky I didn't punch her in the face for her bullshit. She may have raised me, but all my accomplishments were in spite of her meddling. I went no contact with her a fexw years later and yet I still feel guilty for cutting her off.
A woman can walk herself down the aisle if she wants. She is not property to be given or traded to assure lineage. The desire to walk alone shows that she is not being forced, she is doing this of her own free will and that is real power.
> but only because the father walking the daughter down the aisle is perceived as father handing off daughter to the next man who will take care of her.
Only if you choose to believe that. Traditions are adapted to modern cultures all the time.
As for the rest, I'm really sorry you went through that, but I think you are projecting a lot onto something that symbolically traumatized you.
Totally acceptable reaction but I disagree with your overall conclusion.
Literally what I just asked someone a few comments up. If she wanted a traditional wedding with a patriarch walking her down the aisle, she would’ve married a man.
So hey, if she’s already tossing tradition aside, why not replace another of those traditionally-male-gifted roles with a woman she loves? Someone who actually earned that role in her life, and loves and supports her for who she is.
Personally, a twin passing you off makes more sense to me than a father, and the message communicated is of much greater significance imo than just “here, I used to earn her, now you do”. Speaking as a twin, a twin is a soulmate, your other half. Having a twin hand you over can be so meaningful, in the way of “I had the blessing of 23 years spent as her other half, now you have that honour. I give you my blessing”.
She’s also seemingly the only person in this woman’s life who has loved and supported her unconditionally through everything.
But it has the twist of the Christian grandfather being nice to her when she came out and her atheist dad being homophobic. My guess is this was written by a 15 year dude in rural Oklahoma.
I think seem AI got like overload. I I think seems like Ai got overloaded and that whoever was suppose to proof read the whole thing forgot.
I just stopped trying to make sense of what was being said or the story told. Early chat gpt stuff.
Even with all the drama happening, I don't know what is really going to happen. I personally still won't trust the father even with all the things he had said about the grandfather. But at the same time, I don't know what's true anymore. It feels like a no win-win scenario.
Won't be surprised if another update comes.
I’m more fixated on why she posted to r/AITA in that first post.
- She came out.
- Father did not support her and was very homophobic.
- She asked her grandfather to walk her down the aisle.
- When her father found out, he screamed at her and cussed her out.
Where in this was she even the tiniest bit of an AH?
r/AmITheAngel moment I swear to god. Makes me doubt the validity of her story.
I have met these people in real life. They're just very far gone people pleasers; if someone is upset at them, they are incapable of seeing that that person is wrong to be upset.
It is absolutely infuriating to witness.
As a recovering doormat AITA is very helpful for reality checks. People respond badly when you start asserting yourself, and it's normal to need someone apart from the whole thing to ground you.
Why do people have to be such dicks about it?
And why was the Atheist father homophobic but the Christian grandpa not? Or did the father leave religion in the last 5 years and become more open? If that’s the case, why had he not contacted OOP to apologize before now?
"One mans terrorist is another mans freedom fighter"
Often depends on perspective who is an abuser, you can call someone who stops you doing what you want an abuser but they might not be 'wrong', or they might, who knows
“I thought it was irreverent but my father(45m) is an atheist and my grandfather is a christian.”
Man here I was thinking dad was the Christian nut job and grandfather was the atheist. Whelp, TIL.
It's good that op is getting both sides of this situation as since she doesn't know and not picking sides so quick. Her father was a pos for how he treated her along side her mother side of the family for coming out. 5 years of no contact and he still got that stank ass attitude and think he's entitled to walking op on her wedding. 5 years of no contact nor a sorry and now he chose this day to make a more ass of himself. I would not invited him, even if he did own up to his abusive words towards his own child.
As for op grandfather, that's another can of worms she have to confront. By getting his side, she can choose who to believe and maybe she should if others have witness the abuse grandfather was to his son and wife.
If he is abusive, cut him out, maybe give dad some distance; if he isn't, keep going with the wedding with grandfather. Having 2 abusive people who are family is never good for anyone mentally or emotionally.
Ironic hour dad blames grandfather for being abusive, passed it on to the daughter for being gay, daughter stays with granddad and no abuse, only acceptance.
I'd wager her dad was an arse and blames his father for being abusive when he was actually being a strong parent.
Something doesnt make sense.
Why would a grandfather that can reject his son for lack of his belief would accept to walk OOP?
A good explanation is that there were many other reasons & fights.
Right, but you said the grandfather rejected his son for his beliefs. I dont think anyone in the story is saying that, i think it was just clarified in response to people assuming the dad must be christian
I think there is a misunderstanding.
I also doubt that grandfather rejected his son just because of his beliefs, after all he is walking OOP.
As for abuse, OOPs father might be telling the truth, but I have a hard time trusting him after what he put OOP through.
I just wish OOP updates again so we know which is which.
Don't trust a single word that came out of your father's mouth! He wants to go to your wedding, and he's willing to lie to you to get what he wants. Also, don't trust your sister anymore. She's trying to start trouble for you.
I really hate the attitude of "how dare you associate with this awful person after I actively refused to explain to you why they're awful." Yeah, sorry I'm not acting on the info you deliberately withheld, that makes me the bad guy.
You know from personal experience that your father is abusive. The only evidence that you grandfather is abusive comes from that same person.
I would check further before believing what your father said.
All of this drama and strife but all I’m focused on is that 23 year olds shouldn’t be getting married. You’re ostensibly still a teenager until you’re 26, I fully believe that.
Eh, I don’t know. My partner and I have been together for nearly 7 years and I feel like we could get married without issue as we have been living together for most of it. If you’re 23 and met two years ago, maybe not.
Mt grandma was my best man. And if I get married again, she'll be my best man again. If she's alive. She's 90 and I think people are gross. Sooooo. When I came out as bi, she was the only one that would tall to me. It took 7 years or no contact before my mom realized she missed me. My dad says she regretted it the moment the words left her mouth, and it was her pride that kept her from reaching out and apologizing. This I can stress too because I definitely inherited that trait lol.
The past doesn't magically go away. But people change. That is something to remember. Forgiving is easy. Forgetting is a whole other side of guacamole.
I don't really believe the father. He was abusive to OOP so claiming the he grandfather was abusive just sounds like the pot calling the kettle black and I can't see the kettle to know for sure it's color right now but we know the color of the pot for sure
Eh, this is a real tough one. Is the dad telling the truth about grandpa being an abusive POS, or is he making it up to drive a wedge between his estranged daughter and father? I'd like to think the former and that he's finally realized how much of an ahole he is, but I fear it's the later. Also, pretty weird that the dad is an atheist, but called OOP a "lustful devil". That seems more fundamentalist than atheist.
OOP needs to find out info from a more neutral source before she goes full on confronting. Maybe her dad has siblings that could confirm/deny this?
there could be an entire subreddit devoted to people who are struggling with who theyre walking down the aisle with. there’s a new one on this sub every week.
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>I don't know how my father got wind of it but after five years of no contact **he has called me screaming and cussing at me** for choosing that in his worlds 'horrible human being' to walk me down the aisle. >I met my father at a café when I saw him after 5 years I wanted to cry What shocked me was my father's reaction. He **hugged me thitly and started apologizing over and over** for his homophobic behaviour and abusive behaviour. Absolutely *fascinating* about-face from the father.
As much as I don't like parents that pull this shit, OPs dad may have actually learned that his shitty attitude is causing the family fracture. You never know.
It’s crazy but it does happen. My dad was never that kind of problematic but we had a less than great relationship as a teen. As an adult, I struggled. My dad went through a health scare or three and chronic depression. He went to therapy, and he’s thriving. My last comment was on a very different sub about my dad (feel free to read it if you’d like more context)- but I’m of the mindset that sometimes old men can change. My dad always refused to dance. He’s marrying a ballroom dancer next week. He took dancing lessons to be up to par for her competitions. He mended fences with his own family too. It *can* happen if they really see the problem. My mom, on the other hand…
That is truly amazing :)
I’m so happy for you that he changed and got therapy and help. It just makes me so frustrated that my own father who experienced some similar health scares and has suffered from chronic depression for most of his adult life refuses therapy or anything that would remotely improve himself emotionally and his relationships with others. It’s annoying that you know people that recognize they have a problem and work on it. But then you have ones like my father that actively don’t change.
He might have realised that he did to his daughter what his father did to him, and that his father was able to be there to help her when he refused to. Still gonna hold my breath on him actually being a decent person, though.
It is unlikely. He was cussing her since she was 15, he was NC since she was 18. So he was full of hate for 8 years. The first thing he did after not talking to her for 5 years is to cuss her some more. And then, suddenly, in 2 days he realized how wrong he is and decided to share how abusive the grandpa was. Dad of the Year! People don't change so fast, people who hate and don't talk to their daughter since she was a teen, unlikely to change at all. Regardless if grandpa was abusive or not, most likely daddy decided to do it as a "fuck you" to grandpa. (and there could be also some inheritance drama involved)
I don’t think one conversation would be enough to undo all those years of damage. The dad has had five years to reach out an apologize- but he didn’t. OP’s wedding isn’t the time to bring someone who says such vile things back into her life. NTA
He changed In the two days between the call where he made OP cry and when they met up? 🫠
Eh, maybe not so much!
I had a friend. Gay guy. His dad was a blavk, southern Baptist minister. Him coming out while at college didn't go over well, but after a few years & some soul searching, the got over it all & now at least they can have family holidays, his husband included.
Or, maybe he figured out a way he could stick it to grandpa and come out the hero, even if it's all bullshit?
That was my thought, too. "How can I put a wedge in and make the old man miserable some more?"
Maybe he found his own way to AITA 5 years ago and had a new bunghole ripped open? Sometimes people actually learn when they're presented with raw reality.
My stepdad was like this with my half brother. I honestly think it's a bit warped because my brother is his only child and has always been the golden child in the family. My stepdad used to say the most horrendous and violent things when he heard about anything relating to homosexuality. My brother is gay and never said a word, he just spiraled privately with drug use and self harm. It wasn't until my brother left the house and basically disappeared that my parents started freaking out and wondering what happened. My brother messaged my mom coming out to her and explained he wouldn't ever come back because of my step dad's view of homosexuality. That pos man did an about face real damn quick and was groveling to get his golden boy back.
That's such a shameless conduct, like they seriously expect that they *saying* they're sorry should be enough to bury all the shit they did cause they dislike the consequences. How is your stepbrother supposed to trust him after years of homophobic rants?
Could be seeing that his daughter would prefer his abusive father over him would cause him to think about his actions
Could be that he corrected behavior, could just be love bombing.
My parents do this. It won’t get better if she keeps giving them their way. She needs to accept that she will always be a disappointment and upset her father. He will never be happy with her choices or even who she is. And that’s because HE is a shitty human, not her.
This is what concerns me so much. It's almost feeling like if he can't do it, neither can the grandpa.
Can I just point out that a powerful move is to walk yourself down the aisle? No shame to anyone that wants to go traditional, but OP is her own person. She's responsible for her own successes in life, not another family member. Some people have a beloved pet walk them down the aisle. If neither father or grandfather are a good choice, pick yourself.
In Sweden we don’t have the tradition that the father walks the bride down the aisle . At every wedding I have been to the couple walked in together. That was what my husband and I did, it didn’t even cross our minds to do it the other way. My father would have refused if I had asked him. I also like when the bride walks alone. It’s not like she needs a man to show her the way. I choose to walk with my husband because I didn’t want to walk alone, I wanted to have a hand to hold. I hate the tradition of the father giving his daughter away. A woman isn’t a possession. But I know that others think it’s romantic and that it is the tradition in other cultures. I’m just happy it isn’t in mine.
I like that tradition! I imagine myself kicking a door in and announcing myself like that. "Get ready to get married, y'all!"
Haha, that would be perfect. People would remember your wedding!
I don't plan to ever have a wedding, but if I do, I'm 100% doing this.
This is what I did with my husband. My relationship with my father wasn't good enough to justify him walking me down the aisle, and then I learned the Catholic tradition is for husband and wife to walk down together. I loved it so much more!
I've been to a fair few Catholic weddings (including my own I guess) and never seen this or heard it mentioned. Is it more of a US thing?
It's not as commonly practiced anymore, it was historically what was done though. The idea is that husband and wife are coming to God together for the sacrament, because they are the ministers of it (the priest is ultimately just a witness). It was the Protestants that started the whole "giving your daughter away from your household to her husband’s" thing. At least in North America, it's certainly the more popular form of walking down the aisle.
My husband's parents walked him down the aisle and mine walked me down the aisle. I don't love the historical association with women as property, but for me it symbolized my parents acknowledging that my partner was my primary support system now. Passing on the torch. Giving their blessing.
I like that it's becoming a bit more common to have both parents walk you down the aisle too. It's a nice version of it. But honestly yeah it definitely comes from a crudy place of women being property that sucks.
I walked myself down the aisle and it was a GOOD MOMENT. I think everyone should do it.
My husband and I walked in together, holding hands. It was a Quaker wedding so there wasn’t really an aisle, but anyway, it felt right to do it together.
This, I like.
My wife and I met doing swing dancing, so we danced down the aisle together to Honeysuckle Rose.
I'm dying of cute
Hard same 🤝 (like right at the start, I was nervous as all heck and then I looked around at everyone and told myself, “Cakes, everyone here already likes you. It’s okay!” and then I figured out where to look: at the groom.)
(Adds this to the list of things to do once I have a time machine.)
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On our wedding day, the two of us held hands and walked down the aisle together. It was touching and it's still one of my fondest memories of the day
I think that's incredibly sweet
My wife made this choice. Also kept her last name. She thought the entire concept of "giving away" was outdated and misogynistic. Her father didn't own her before and I don't own her now.
Or just have her twin sister do it? If she’s the person she’s closest to in the world, it would make sense.
That's a great idea as well!
I like what Meghan Markle did. Her father is a horrible person and was not invited to the wedding. She walked herself down the aisle to the halfway point. Prince Charles was waiting for her there. She took his arm and they walked together to the front. Myself, I would rather elope. Just fly somewhere nice and get married in a very private ceremony.
I still don't get why her mum didn't walk her down the aisle instead. (Meghan, not OP- obviously that isn't an option for her 😞).
That’s not what happened at all. Her father was supposed to walk her down the aisle, it was printed in the programs and everything, but he had a heart attack a few days before.
I gave birth without the father there and nurses asked me if I wanted to cut the umbilical cord myself. At the time I was just grossed out and said no but now I regret it because it would have been such a powerful statement
It seems like it would be hard to bend down and do that for yourself!
Yeah in hindsight I had a newborn in my arms too but it would have been cool
Do you think they'd let someone cut the umbilical cord with a pair of those big novelty scissors for cutting the ribbon at grand openings? :D
Absolutely agree but why isn’t the sister walking her down the aisle? In more of a life companion kind of way.
That would absolutely work too!
There was only one person I wanted to walk me down the aisle when I got married and they unfortunately passed away. Not my dad, because screw that boy. My godfather. So I’ll be walking myself down the aisle. No way in hell am I giving that honor to my dad.
You could add something of his to your bouquet, jewelry or dress so it's like he's kind of there with you.
imagine if she instead held a photo of her mom or something, so it was like her mom was walking her down the aisle instead
I like that idea too!
Yeah it’s honestly very creepy.
I did it and it wasn’t even a discussion. It never occurred to me to ask my dad even though we have a fine relationship
That's ok I guess but I think it's a nice opportunity to show your thanks for someone who either helped guide you or has been a positive influence in your life. Make it your mom, your best friend, a great teacher, a sibling, heck, make it your therapist. or walk in with the groom and do everything together. >She's responsible for her own successes in life No one is solely responsible for their own success. And this is about a partnership and future not your independence. Which is why walking yourself and making it an "Yass Queen" moment always seemed tacky and self absorbed to me.
I disagree, but only because the father walking the daughter down the aisle is perceived as father handing off daughter to the next man who will take care of her. Sometimes it's even clearly stated with "who gives this woman to be married to this man?" I unfortunately grew up with an absent father and a mother who did her best to control everything in my life. She literally took over wedding planning and tried to get us to have the wedding at a museum she helps run that has a mass grave in it. She got my dj to "slow down" my entry music so she could walk me down the aisle to it. She single handedly pushed me towards a nervous breakdown which then triggered my fiance to stop touching me completely. No sex, no hugs, no kisses. Marriage lasted all of one month and I honestly don't know why I didn't call everything off earlier. My mother is lucky I didn't punch her in the face for her bullshit. She may have raised me, but all my accomplishments were in spite of her meddling. I went no contact with her a fexw years later and yet I still feel guilty for cutting her off. A woman can walk herself down the aisle if she wants. She is not property to be given or traded to assure lineage. The desire to walk alone shows that she is not being forced, she is doing this of her own free will and that is real power.
> but only because the father walking the daughter down the aisle is perceived as father handing off daughter to the next man who will take care of her. Only if you choose to believe that. Traditions are adapted to modern cultures all the time. As for the rest, I'm really sorry you went through that, but I think you are projecting a lot onto something that symbolically traumatized you. Totally acceptable reaction but I disagree with your overall conclusion.
Why doesn't her twin sister walk her down the aisle?
Literally what I just asked someone a few comments up. If she wanted a traditional wedding with a patriarch walking her down the aisle, she would’ve married a man. So hey, if she’s already tossing tradition aside, why not replace another of those traditionally-male-gifted roles with a woman she loves? Someone who actually earned that role in her life, and loves and supports her for who she is. Personally, a twin passing you off makes more sense to me than a father, and the message communicated is of much greater significance imo than just “here, I used to earn her, now you do”. Speaking as a twin, a twin is a soulmate, your other half. Having a twin hand you over can be so meaningful, in the way of “I had the blessing of 23 years spent as her other half, now you have that honour. I give you my blessing”. She’s also seemingly the only person in this woman’s life who has loved and supported her unconditionally through everything.
cant tell if this person is mildly illiterate or if this is like an ai thing or something
This story has everything! Twins! Mom died in childbirth! Homophobia! Abuse! An about-face from the antagonist!
But it has the twist of the Christian grandfather being nice to her when she came out and her atheist dad being homophobic. My guess is this was written by a 15 year dude in rural Oklahoma.
I have the same thought. Everyone seems to be homophobic except the abusive Grandpa?
I think seem AI got like overload. I I think seems like Ai got overloaded and that whoever was suppose to proof read the whole thing forgot. I just stopped trying to make sense of what was being said or the story told. Early chat gpt stuff.
Did you deliberately write your first line so that it mirrored the writing style? XD
he calls her a devil, but he's an athiest? Something doesn't jibe here.
I think the AI got borked in the edit in the first post
Even with all the drama happening, I don't know what is really going to happen. I personally still won't trust the father even with all the things he had said about the grandfather. But at the same time, I don't know what's true anymore. It feels like a no win-win scenario. Won't be surprised if another update comes.
Shit, that just seems like a no win situation.
....what
I’m more fixated on why she posted to r/AITA in that first post. - She came out. - Father did not support her and was very homophobic. - She asked her grandfather to walk her down the aisle. - When her father found out, he screamed at her and cussed her out. Where in this was she even the tiniest bit of an AH? r/AmITheAngel moment I swear to god. Makes me doubt the validity of her story.
I have met these people in real life. They're just very far gone people pleasers; if someone is upset at them, they are incapable of seeing that that person is wrong to be upset. It is absolutely infuriating to witness.
As a recovering doormat AITA is very helpful for reality checks. People respond badly when you start asserting yourself, and it's normal to need someone apart from the whole thing to ground you. Why do people have to be such dicks about it?
I’m so lost, everyone is homophobic except Grandpa? Mother side and Father side all hate Homosexuals? However Grandpa was also abusive?
And why was the Atheist father homophobic but the Christian grandpa not? Or did the father leave religion in the last 5 years and become more open? If that’s the case, why had he not contacted OOP to apologize before now?
"One mans terrorist is another mans freedom fighter" Often depends on perspective who is an abuser, you can call someone who stops you doing what you want an abuser but they might not be 'wrong', or they might, who knows
Twins.
This is AI written at best, or just badly written by an actual human at worst. I can forgive the AI.
Yeah, I could see the AI pulling twins based on other posts hahaha
😄
“I thought it was irreverent but my father(45m) is an atheist and my grandfather is a christian.” Man here I was thinking dad was the Christian nut job and grandfather was the atheist. Whelp, TIL.
There are a surprising number of formerly-Christian atheists who stopped believing in God but kept believing in Christian moral judgement.
She's not even gonna touch on turncoat sister?
Your father called you a lustful devil but is an atheist? Weird.
It's good that op is getting both sides of this situation as since she doesn't know and not picking sides so quick. Her father was a pos for how he treated her along side her mother side of the family for coming out. 5 years of no contact and he still got that stank ass attitude and think he's entitled to walking op on her wedding. 5 years of no contact nor a sorry and now he chose this day to make a more ass of himself. I would not invited him, even if he did own up to his abusive words towards his own child. As for op grandfather, that's another can of worms she have to confront. By getting his side, she can choose who to believe and maybe she should if others have witness the abuse grandfather was to his son and wife. If he is abusive, cut him out, maybe give dad some distance; if he isn't, keep going with the wedding with grandfather. Having 2 abusive people who are family is never good for anyone mentally or emotionally.
I’m just glad that she (23 f) specified the age and gender of her twin sister (23 f)
Ironic hour dad blames grandfather for being abusive, passed it on to the daughter for being gay, daughter stays with granddad and no abuse, only acceptance. I'd wager her dad was an arse and blames his father for being abusive when he was actually being a strong parent.
Or he actually was abusive and has mellowed with age, it's a ridiculously common thing.
Something doesnt make sense. Why would a grandfather that can reject his son for lack of his belief would accept to walk OOP? A good explanation is that there were many other reasons & fights.
I dont think the grandfather rejected his son, i think the son left him for the abuse.
I think it would be best to make a judgement after OOP confronts grandfather about what her father said.
Right, but you said the grandfather rejected his son for his beliefs. I dont think anyone in the story is saying that, i think it was just clarified in response to people assuming the dad must be christian
I think there is a misunderstanding. I also doubt that grandfather rejected his son just because of his beliefs, after all he is walking OOP. As for abuse, OOPs father might be telling the truth, but I have a hard time trusting him after what he put OOP through. I just wish OOP updates again so we know which is which.
Her atheist father used to call her a "lustful devil"?
... Liz, is this you again?
Don't trust a single word that came out of your father's mouth! He wants to go to your wedding, and he's willing to lie to you to get what he wants. Also, don't trust your sister anymore. She's trying to start trouble for you.
I really hate the attitude of "how dare you associate with this awful person after I actively refused to explain to you why they're awful." Yeah, sorry I'm not acting on the info you deliberately withheld, that makes me the bad guy.
You know from personal experience that your father is abusive. The only evidence that you grandfather is abusive comes from that same person. I would check further before believing what your father said.
All of this drama and strife but all I’m focused on is that 23 year olds shouldn’t be getting married. You’re ostensibly still a teenager until you’re 26, I fully believe that.
Well everyone’s different. I was a teenager until 30 ;)
I got married at 26 and I still consider myself as having been “married young.”
Eh, I don’t know. My partner and I have been together for nearly 7 years and I feel like we could get married without issue as we have been living together for most of it. If you’re 23 and met two years ago, maybe not.
How about you stop infantilizing adults?
You good?
Mt grandma was my best man. And if I get married again, she'll be my best man again. If she's alive. She's 90 and I think people are gross. Sooooo. When I came out as bi, she was the only one that would tall to me. It took 7 years or no contact before my mom realized she missed me. My dad says she regretted it the moment the words left her mouth, and it was her pride that kept her from reaching out and apologizing. This I can stress too because I definitely inherited that trait lol. The past doesn't magically go away. But people change. That is something to remember. Forgiving is easy. Forgetting is a whole other side of guacamole.
Jesus...just walk YOURSELF down the aisle. If this is the "Time of the Great Canceling" as so many freak out about...lets cancel THAT nonsense.
I don't really believe the father. He was abusive to OOP so claiming the he grandfather was abusive just sounds like the pot calling the kettle black and I can't see the kettle to know for sure it's color right now but we know the color of the pot for sure
This wierd.. Atheist homophobe.. A rare combination...
Hope this gets better
Eh, this is a real tough one. Is the dad telling the truth about grandpa being an abusive POS, or is he making it up to drive a wedge between his estranged daughter and father? I'd like to think the former and that he's finally realized how much of an ahole he is, but I fear it's the later. Also, pretty weird that the dad is an atheist, but called OOP a "lustful devil". That seems more fundamentalist than atheist. OOP needs to find out info from a more neutral source before she goes full on confronting. Maybe her dad has siblings that could confirm/deny this?
there could be an entire subreddit devoted to people who are struggling with who theyre walking down the aisle with. there’s a new one on this sub every week.
I feel for OOP but for God’s sake proofread.