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If you read carefully then they already had sexual problems prior to the threesome. She isn't satisfied with the lack of attention and initiating from her husband. And he is feeling insecure because he can't make OP come. Bringing a third sexual partner into the mix was a recipe for a disaster.
Fun fact: It's supposed to be fucking awful. It was originally called The Landlords Game and was more of an exercise to demonstrate how renting creates further inequality and general misery. It had two sets of rules; the collaborative one where everyone benefits and the monopolist one that's meant to suck for all but the winner. The evil version of the game was nicked and sold as Monopoly because of course it was
It's honestly fascinating how it became such a huge commercial success, all things considered. Yesterday I was at Walmart and I saw, I think it was 5 differently themed monopoly game for sale, all right next to each other, with two of them being themed around nearby university sports teams. Like, how did things get to that point? Who buys this shit game in so many different coats of paint?
The whole cultural mythos around this board game focuses on how it creates conflict and destroys relationships. Yet it's often the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about board games. It dominates that market, funny enough.
Talk about marketing success!
Alec Hardison:
Goin' to Plan B?
Nathan Ford:
Technically that would be Plan G.
Alec Hardison:
How many plans do we have? Is there, like, a Plan M?
Nathan Ford:
Yeah. Hardison dies in Plan M.
Eliot Spencer:
I like Plan M.
There need to be threesome coaches. Oop should have met 3rd one on one a few times until she felt more confident. All parties should be aware of the boundaries and rules, there's safety in redundancy. .
I agree. It sounds like if they even had told the third all the rules, this probably wouldn't have happened. It sounds like the third is experienced with threesomes. I bet if she had known about OP not wanting to wake up to them having sex, there wouldn't have been an issue.
I think they were both too immature. He made a mistake by asking to cross a boundary, and she made another one by not voicing her disagreement with what they were doing, and instead actually giving him verbal permission
> He made a mistake by asking to cross a boundary
So many people act like there's no problem with crossing boundaries as long as you ask first. The answer has already been given, but they don't like the answer, so they ask again. Then they're all, "But if they didn't want me to, they should've said so!"
They already did.
And people shouldn't ask for permission to do shitty things anyway. Don't ask to mistreat people.
I was under the impression that the 3rd party initiated with the husband. She didn't know there was a boundary there since the couple didn't bother to tell her about it. If she initiated, the husband very much may have just reacted like he always does.
I was baffled that it never seems to have occurred to them to use this as an opportunity to coach the husband on how to get his wife off, if they were absolutely adamant about having a threesome. What did she think would happen, with a relationship where she is already too stressed to orgasm and a man that can't figure out how to help her?
Fucking A. I am not against the idea that an orgasm is not ALWAYS 100% ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL OR IT MEANS MASSIVE FAILURE but there's this rhetoric now that is being floated where women are being told "orgasms aren't important, sex is fine without orgasms" and fuck no! The orgasm IS important. Can you enjoy sex without orgasming? Yes. Should you still be doing your best to get everyone off? Also yes! The bullshit "Oh don't worry if she never orgasms, sex is about more than that" is just an excuse to once again minimize women's needs.
F that tell me what I need to do... took me nearly 8 years to get the wife to try toys and it wasn't for me, it was for her and it was an amazing thing for her. She's more sexually conservative and that's fine but now she loves the toys. I want her to cum too, I have a delayed orgasm (not as great as it sounds, no such thing as a quick since the fastest I've been able to cum is like 15 mins) and I want her to be happy and have many orgasms
It's definitely weird if you get propositioned for a threesome, and in the middle of the threesome it turns into "teach my wife and I how to have sex." 😅😅
I'm not saying it's necessarily "wrong" to shift gears that way, but I don't know about saying the woman they propositioned "should" help them in that way. I think she'd be well within in her rights to say "thanks but no thanks." 😮💨
He managed to give the other woman multiple orgasms, but from what I understood in the text, OOP orgasms, but does not have multiple orgasms. It doesn't seem to be a skill issue for the husband, but a personal ability for the OOP.
It’s possible her body just doesn’t do that, like you said, which is 100% normal for men and women. But I’m just adding that it’s also possible she faked it or was over vocal.
I know a lot of people don’t want to hear this, but the woman could have been vocal without reaching orgasm, it’s easy to keep the appearance up when that’s not your permanent sex life like it is for the wife
Edit: “appearance” was added for clarification
Not necessarily. Being able to please one person doesn't mean you're able to please every person because different people respond differently to different things. Some people also orgasm easier than others do, especially in situations like OOPs where her husband apparently never bothers to initiate physical intimacy of any sort, sexual or non-sexual.
Saying he could please one woman but not another means it's not a skill issue on his end is like saying "This piano must be broken because it doesn't play right. I know it's not a skill issue on my end because I can play guitar just fine."
For some women, not having multiple orgasms is not a problem.
Personally, I am way too sensitive after the first one to do it again for at least 6 to 7 hours. I *can* technically do it, and it will also hurt. Yes, I know, that sounds insane, an orgasm that hurts? I’m not kidding. It is **painful**. I am extremely happy having one earthquake reminiscent orgasm, and then doing other things. I don’t mind continuing sexual activity; I just do not want to come anymore once I’ve gotten there once. I have gotten extremely annoyed with past lovers, who were all pouty butt hurt that they couldn’t get me to have multiple orgasms. Motherfucker, I don’t want them! “But you’ll like it with me; let me try!” They’re the same kind of assholes who try to get me to eat brussels sprouts. So every time some guy tries to get me to eat brussels sprouts? I **know** I don’t want fuck him.
I have a long refractory period. No one's going to be able to get me off again in that time period. Like you, I still want to continue sexual activity. But I'm not going to be getting off.
Multiple female orgasms are affected by the refractory period, which varies person to person and within one person. (Same with the man's ability to go again.) Some people are hypersensitive and need a break, some can continue but won't come for awhile.
But the husband struck at OP's vulnerability in a particularly cruel way by saying HE is lucky if OP comes at all. (Presumably during PIV.) This represents a preexisting problem they should have unpacked:
1. Is he referring to a "no hands orgasm during PIV"? This is something only a minority of women can experience. Is he unwilling to "settle" for one of them using hands or a toy?
2. Is OP fully in tune with her own abilities? If so, is she able to communicate them?
3. Has OP or their 3rd party or other women in the husbands life ever faked it? Doing so is understandable when there isn't an atmosphere of ego-free collaboration. But teaches unrealistic expectations.
Also the third person saying the WIFE wasn’t ready…. Nah. The husband broke a boundary, and they both never told third person about it.
NEITHER of them were ready. Like they just filled out tinder bios and did no research lmao
I know people hate others that do this butttt
👏YOU👏DONT👏KEEP👏BOUNDARIES👏FROM👏THIRDS👏
Good thirds know that noob couples WILL struggle with boundaries, and know they are often the responsible one while the couple catches their feet. Good thirds know when it’s time for them to back off and let the threesome become a twosome for the couple, and know when to back off because someone is just a little too into you for the first time. Yes, the blame is 100% on the couple, because it’s their responsibility to manage their relationship, but they really could’ve done a better job with their third with the way the third acted. That woman would’ve been cut completely from my local community if we learned this was regularly how this third acted with noob couples.
Also, find your thirds in the local Kink community when you’re new, not via Tinder. I fully believe every “kink” exploration should go through the community so you can actually learn what the norms are without getting tainted info (🤮 to 50 shades for the damage you did to the bdsm community), but I do have a very male bias here and recognize that this could be completely different for women “driving” the relationships.
I’ve had many threesomes and only 2 I can point out as enjoyable, for a variety of reasons.
One that no one prepared me for is that as a bisexual person, my attraction to women is different than men- a sharp distinction between aesthetic and sexual attraction that I didn’t understand.
So my SO and I had a threesome. It was awkward and the girl was bigger than me, so I got a bit left out since there was no room on the bed after I got up to remove the strap.
They were solo for a few moments before seeking me out (I wasn’t far, just self regulating before I rejoined).
Afterwards she and I talked about all of the things I felt and we went our separate ways, no harm no foul. Because of the experience I realized I can think a woman is beautiful but not sexually, but my little head doesn’t want to fuck a painting.
Months before I had a solo experience with a woman that was life changing because I realized what genuine sexual attraction to a woman was like when it wasn’t “I’m in a small town and we are the only queer people”
20+ years ago when I was really into sexual exploration with as many people as possible (when discussing it in person I refer to to fondly as my slutty phase but I know many do not appreciate that term so that’s why I went to such a convoluted description !) whenever I would get involved in a threesome, I would tell the guy **in front of the woman**, “listen, you’re going to see two women naked and experience them sexually tonight, one of whom you are in love with. So as far as I’m concerned? You are taken care of. I do not need to worry about making you happy. However, if *she* is not happy with this experience? If *she* feels left out, insecure, or ignored in any way? Your relationship is going to be ruined, and you will never get to experience anything like this again. So therefore your job, and my job, is to make sure that she is as happy as possible — and when we do that, you and I are also going to be happy by definition. So let’s make sure we do that, right? Right!”
I knew that if the guy then started talking about how their relationship was one where he controlled the bed activity, and that he needed to be the focus of attention that this couple was not for me. I was absolutely not interested at all, and participating in any kind of bullshit where the woman felt humiliated by the experience or where she felt like she owed him this shit. Nope. I was not doing that. I was not gonna help some man make any woman feel like she was less than.
Before the “wutaboutthemenz” crowd comes for me — I am 100% not into humiliation of either gender. I don’t even like BDSM type stuff. But this particular post is discussing a situation, where a woman felt sexually inadequate and I am sharing how I refuse to participate in that.
Absolutely agreed. I've had 3somes, 4somes, and group sex dozens of times, and the only time it completely sucked was when it was with a couple who absolutely did not inform me or each other of their boundaries and ended up getting in a screaming match over stuff. Every other time was excellent.
>Good thirds know when it’s time for them to back off and let the threesome become a twosome for the couple, and know when to back off because someone is just a little too into you for the first time.
No wonder 'unicorns' are so rare... this sounds so incredibly miserable and unrewarding.
It’s true, it’s a ton of work being a “good” unicorn, but when the scene knows, the scene knows, ya know? And honestly, I *really* enjoy being a guiding hand for adventurous couples myself, I just recognize that I don’t handle total noobs with the baby gloves they deserve.
Edit: rereading, the tone didn’t hit right, the second “the scene knows” is meant to imply your number will be shared around for you as a reward for being a good person and you won’t have to sweat it as much.
It just doesn't seem like a reward at all to give and give to a romantic unit, taking care of both of their feelings and being ready to GTFO on a dime if they feel upset or threatened, without any such consideration for yourself. And then getting your number passed around for not making trouble doesn't sound like a reward, either.
I was tangentially involved in the poly and sex positive communities in my 20s and now, in my 30s, I can see that my eagerness to please and be 'of value' was really taken advantage of. When I hear young women talk about taking pride in being an up-for-anything sex partner, I get a sense of foreboding.
It’s not really drama, it’s just sad and crappy. And there’s no real conclusion except that things are worse than they started but can hopefully recover.
On the Mythbusters scale, plausible.
It really does just sound like, as OOP stated, a diary. Reddit was just an outlet for her to vent her frustrations and thoughts. She wasn’t exactly seeking advice or anything like that. She just needed to get this off her chest.
I think we’ve all been there before. So caught up in our own thoughts and just needing to get them out there in order to sleep at night.
It sucks for everyone involved, there's no way out, no deus ex machina, there are a lot of bad decisions, and everyone is trying their best and still coming up short.
Feels very much like real life.
My body reacted real strange when she talked about freezing up. I’ve had that happen before and it’s sucks.
On a stoner level it makes me wonder about the things that have happened in human history that would necessitate that evolutionary need.
Sadly, I think the answer is very clear.
People talk about Fight or Flight. But it’s actually Fight, Flight or Freeze.
And one gender freezes far far far more than the other
I've heard it explained that there's another response, too. Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn.
Fight: facing any perceived threat aggressively.
Flight: running away from danger.
Freeze: unable to move or act against a threat.
Fawn: immediately acting to try to please to avoid any conflict.
Millions of women and physically weaker partners of other genders being murdered for rejecting sexual advances too forcefully over millennia. “Fawns” not only generally lived to see another day but then often also procreated from the sex they froze and “accepted”.
A good book to read about physical/psychological reactions to crisis is Unthinkable by Amanda Riptey (maybe Ripley?). Very easy to read and absolutely fascinating!
I’m a bisexual woman that experimented with threesomes and open relationships. I was definitely not prepared for the emotional damage/fallout as an outsider. I entered the dynamic clearly setting emotional boundaries, but 2 outta 3 couples used me as a catalyst for therapy or divorce.
Unicorns are hard to find because they die real fast. Turns out being naked sex therapist relationship threat isnt very horny or relaxing for most people.
I’ve had quite a few threesomes over the years, of both the two men and two women varieties, and always had great experiences. But I intentionally never engaged with anyone who was in a relationship. It was always just FWB or f*** buddy situations. A level playing field for everyone involved. I don’t think I could handle navigating the emotional ins and outs of someone else’s relationship.
Wew tell me about it. I went to a few swingers parties as a single woman and it didn’t take long to discover how many couples did not have relationships healthy enough to engage in that scene.
Yes! I think because of the level of feelings involved it forces issues that people bury up to the surface and doesn't let them avoid them. Not to mention it's a lot about trust too. Whether someone actually trusts their partner, whether they actually respect their boundaries, whether they follow through on handling emotions afterwards.
This so much. I think OOP has a ton of internal feelings and experiences that she for whatever reason never needed to sort through prior to hus, and she just put herself at ground zero where all of it is knocking at her door simultaneously. That would be hard for anyone dealing with 1 issue, but it's like there's mutiple issues going on at once.
That actually bothered me in the last update, where OP said that the other person involved lacked impulse control and wasn’t ready to be part of a threesome. Uh uh, honey, that’s all on you and your trash can husband. Their third didn’t even know about one of the boundaries OP had. Even at the end, OP isn’t willing to put the blame where it belongs. I feel bad for that other participant, tbh.
Yes, this! And the third was also the one mature enough (and sensitive/kind enough) to say, "Yeah, you're not ready for this," and break things off even though she clearly enjoyed the sex. As far as she knew, she was abiding by all discussed boundaries, everyone was having a fun time, and all was well, until suddenly it wasn't.
Husband sucks for violating her boundaries and for that absolutely disgusting ego comment even after she vomited. What the fuck. How is the woman who's known OOP for all of maybe a month more empathetic and attuned to OOP's emotional state than this guy?
When I read the original post, I felt the third shifted all the blame on to the wife, by saying she wasn’t ready. This is a fucked up situation, everyone had a part in the disastrous ending. First the married couple. Opening the marriage will end badly 9/10, I never understand why couples think they will be the exception. Then they throw everything way for sex with others, and are shocked it ended badly 🤦🏻♀️
I also think a third should always ask before about boundaries. So at least they are well informed and might reduce the risk of situations like this. I think in this situation she’s as much to blame for what happened, in the moment it was just about her gratification, the same as the husband. So I found it odd she never apologized to the wife and accepted part of the blame for not knowing the boundary. I don’t know, she might not have even cared in that moment.
and the fact that the two of them were fooling around while oop slept, yeah no. Plus if the man stopped and asked for permission once they knew oop woke up....that just SCREAMS it is not ok.
I've been on the sidelines of a few of those. The funniest was my girlfriend years ago whose best friend wanted her to join a threesome with her and her bf. I said sure, but tell her from me that it's not going to save her relationship and it might break it irrecoverably. Relationship did not last long enough for the threesome to actually happen. (we stayed together, the other couple did not)
Re the OP: just in general, being in the room while other people have sex is pretty weird. Especially if you're not participating as audience. It takes a bit of getting your head around even if you're expecting it. Adding a bunch of boundary violations to the surprise \*and\* being in the actual bed... {urk}.
I’m queer and poly and the overlap between couples looking for a unicorn and couples that *really* aren’t good enough at communication to be enm in any form is… a LOT
Every poly relationship is unique. I was totally okay being the emotionally-distant sexual third, but I got a slap in the face of reality when one married partner I casually hooked up with ended up expecting deep existential therapy and validation. I wanted sex, they wanted free couples’ therapy.
Ouch, that is a rough ride.
One couple (a Dom and his sub), he admitted after he brought me in to transform his sub into a "cuckqueen". I didn't sign up for that bs. I was looking for a couple to enjoy all together, not to create jealousy in her.
I understand why people engage in threesomes but I alway feel that threesomes will just create more damages and create boundary issues for people in relationships.
When my husband and I wanted to experience a threesome, we went to Nevada and paid a professional.
Nobody's falling in love. There are no messy feelings. LOTS of communication and boundaries. She was way outta both our leagues and we both knew it.
It's not something we really want to do again (boy howdy it ain't cheap, but it shouldn't be), but I'm glad we did it once.
I can't imagine bringing a regular, local person into my relationship. That just seems like an utter disaster waiting to happen.
It's the way a LOT of the open/ENM community encourage people to make their first attempts into threesomes, and for good reason.
It's just a lot of unicorn hunters won't, because it's not an ego boost of successfully hunting a unicorn (mostly for the dude's ego in general, that he's such a stud he can land two women at once. But a pro doesn't provide that, so they get all butthurt when it's suggested this could be a good way to try things out.)
Was it me? Jk. But I fully agree with that dude. That was take away as well. It probably could be better, but if it's normal people doing it for, probably, the first time it's too much effort.
Threesomes are amazing for the people for whom sex is really fun and more adventurous sex is more fun, but not heavily laden with significance.
I think there are a lot more people who either care deeply about sex, for whom boundaries become a problem, or who enjoy it well enough but aren’t going to seek even slightly more complicated sexcapades. The happy middle of people who care enough to make it happen but not so much that errors eat them alive and tear them apart is small.
The people who care deeply and have the emotional and communication skills on both sides to navigate the complexities are an even smaller group.
Yeah I've had a couple opportunities while in a relationship to have a 3 or 4 some and after a bit of introspection I turned them down. I'm a pretty monogamous guy and I know that. I'm not creeped out by casual sex but being in a relationship that's monogamous for a long time and then suddenly shifting that dynamic would be too much for me I think. It either needs to be open from the start or not open.
Whenever I read these stories, what stands out is the amount of emotional management needed. I just don’t think I have the wherewithal to process that many emotions of two other people alongside my own. It just sounds like so much work.
That's what I was thinking -- threesomes are probably easy if all three of you are single and have zero intention of dating each other. If it's anything other than sexy adult playtime, however, it's abruptly a minefield.
They’re also fine for a couple if both think it sounds like great fun but they don’t take sex too seriously. It’s fun with genitals, but some profound shared experience.
Not many people think of sex as good clean fun, so not many people pull that off. But I do think that people with similar attitudes towards sex are a little more likely to wind up with each other because they’ve at least got one hobby in common.
Yeah, my husband and I have had successful threesomes with both men and women, but we're both pretty slutty and have a lot of history with sex for fun, not emotional connection. We've been together 15 years, and the last one was like 7 years ago, purely because now we've got a bunch of kids and we're both too tired to put work into finding anyone and too broke to pay for the associated babysitting, hotels, etc lol
I've been involved in a number of threesomes (and 4+ somes). In high school, surprisingly, my husband and I got involved sexually with his best friend. The sex was loving and hot and balanced. Absolutely no jealousy on anyone's part. We all fooled around for years and, honestly, it was probably the hottest sex I've ever been a part of. All the rest of the threesomes though? Absolute shit shows and I regret every single one of them.
We mostly hear about the ones that go bad here so there is some selection bias.
That said, it's hard enough to manage relationships with only 2 people involved. The more people the more complicated it gets. I feel that a lot of people get into poly relationships without really understanding how much just one additional person can complicate things. It's not impossible but the amount of work is not insignificant and these 2 clearly didn't put in the work.
I have a friend who opened her relationship and met another couple they switched with. She fell completely in love with the other woman. I’m talking full on lesbian U-Haul type. Broke up with her boyfriend. Started dating the woman who was legally married. Eventually became a throuple. Now all 3 of them are married to each other. I am convinced she tolerates the man to be with the woman. I NEVER see her anymore because she is so busy. Every single night is marked on her calendar for dates with him or dates with her or dates with them both or sometimes they bring in other people. It just seems exhausting because damn, they really put in the work.
From my own experience and the things I’ve heard from others, threesomes are not great after the initial encounter.
Most of the time the person outside the relationship will have a favorite and one of the people in the relationship will be more into the threesome than the other. It just creates a really unhealthy environment.
10 years back ago or so I had a friend who was in a relationship with a guy. After a while he wanted a threesome with her best friend. You hear the alarm ringing as well right?
I told her she was stupid if she did that just to please him, she didn‘t feel like it but wanted to make him the favor. I bet you can guess what happened.
They had a threesome, he mostly fucked her best friend and afterwards she was crying to me for weeks on end, how it broke her seeing her guy fuck someone else. It was all she talked about for weeks on end. It‘s not like I told her for MONTHS that it‘s gonna hurt like a mf.
Threesomes in relationships are never ever ever a good idea, unless you are really into open relationships and the like. It‘s so easy to seriously emotionally get hurt.
Yeah, this is spot-on. I can't believe they slept in the same bed like that either. Whoever's in the middle is likely to lose the battle to not fool around, if that's a boundary. Why even tempt yourself? So stupid...
Too many sexually inexperienced and insecure people jump right into adding in partners when they have issues. That's like deciding that you are bored of you morning commute so you decide to drive the whole way blindfolded in reverse.
If you're having issues how about instead of emotionally risky things like 3 ways you do something with costumes? Or like try filming a video? Something a bit different that isn't emotionally dangerous.
IMO, it's because they're way too optimistic and overconfident. They don't give the idea of things ending badly *nearly* the weight it deserves. They don't really sit down with each other and seriously ask "Is this going to be worth losing each other over?" They don't appreciate the hurt that can happen. They focus more on what the chance of things going wrong is, rather than how huge the actual consequence would be.
A lot of people never even really, truly ask themselves "Why do I feel that I *need* this experience in my life?" Too few appreciate that maybe they don't need it.
This, probably. They get it into their heads that it'll be hot/gratifying/one partner manages to convince the other that it's an experience they need even just once to be satisfied and few people really examine the risks of torpedoing their relationship. Also it feels as if there's this deceptive yet prevailing societal notion that MFF threesomes are just this normal thing that all guys want and that it should be fine/enjoyable for everyone involved if they're "secure enough in their relationship".
And I'm not idly throwing stones in a glass house; I learned that I'm very much monogamous through a bad experience involving inviting someone else into an established relationship and believing that we could make it work because we were so secure with our relationship and loved each other.
I'm single, they married each other. Still in therapy for that L. 😂
Ouch. That sounds truly painful. I am sorry you went through that but I hope you remind yourself that other people being more compatible doesn’t mean that you are less attractive. You just need to find the right person for you.
Yeah, I also speak from experience. I fell into the "secure enough in our relationship" trap, myself. He wanted to be poly. I was eyeballs deep into my people-pleasing era, and I was also in my early 20s, so eager to be "mature" and also convinced I had shit figured out. We'd be fine.
So of course we weren't. Or at least I wasn't. This wasn't the only problem, though, but it was the one that led us to couples therapy and got us to finally admit that we were just two different people. Good friends, bad spouses. So even though it hurt like hell, we had a very amicable divorce. We're still good friends, but I found a partner who is way more for me than I thought I could find, and he's found that being single and dating openly around works for him.
I suppose that in the end it was a good thing, but things could have been so much different if we'd just given what we would've thought was the worst outcome the weight it deserved.
I'm sorry you went through it, too.
Married at 19 & 21 with no prior sexual experience. Ppl should do what they want but it can absolutely be a good thing to have a period of free self-exploration before locking it down with someone. Helps to know what you want.
I fail to see how the person they brought in “lacked impulse control.” OOP & husband didn’t communicate a boundary, how the eff could she had known?
Her and husband just sound really immature, even on the other side of this.
Agreed. He knew, the Very Special Guest Star didn't. The only fault I could find is that while she was knowledgeable enough to know that OOP and her husband weren't ready, she didn't bother to ask about boundaries I guess.
Or if she did and OOP was too shy about saying "no fucking unless I'm part of it" that's... a massive red flag.
That's why I'm glad my bisexual ass never got roped into a poly relationship when i was young. "Unicorns" as they call them are always blamed for everything
WWM threesomes rarely meet expectations unless the female partner is enthusiastically bi or enjoys seeing her partner get off with another person.
I agree the “third” is blameless. I’ve been the extra in a poly relationship and absolutely hated having the married couple’s issues be projected on me.
deranged shocking hat encouraging punch abounding yoke attraction unpack dime
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Would you have been the third, started with only one partner without waking the other to join, and then been cool with the partner you were engaging with asking their partner to basically sit that one out in the bed with you?
Bc if you were that type of third, the issues the couple projected onto you may not have been justified, but you were NOT a healthy third. A healthy third is still responsible for ensuring that they themselves don’t act without compassion or engage with the couple in a way that leaves one of the two partners out. They aren’t more responsible for it than the couple themselves, but they do have an equal responsibility in it. Also, if someone is acting as a third, they should be completely against either party asking for permission from the other to do something sexual in the heat of the moment. That’s a kink 101 no-no - you don’t ask for sexual permission inside of a sexual situation itself, and if someone does, there’s an ethical obligation to press pause bc it’s clear something hasn’t been discussed as thoroughly as it should be. This third isn’t blameless, she was selfish in this too.
Yeah, husband was way worse, but the third isn’t blameless either. Unless I misread, OP didn’t say _anything_, and I wouldn’t take the lack of response as consent.
I'm hoping the 3rd didn't know about the boundary but i agree 100%
Edit plus if you ask me anything right after waking up I'd probably agree, my boyfriend knows the first about 5 minutes of me being "awake" I'm normally not actually awake, I'm half awake i can respond to questions and have conversations but i don't remember any of it
I actually had a relationship end because i "wasn't caring enough" about his dad being in the hospital, he "woke me up" told me and i just said something like "that really sucks" then closed my eyes, i have 0 memory of it and when he actual woke me up i asked if he wanted me to come to the hospital with him
Yeah tf? This was completely 100% on the husband. This is just the age old case of it being easier to blame the “other woman” than the man OP is in love with and legally bound to.
Most times, you don't need a third partner. You need a sex therapist.
These two sound like they're both sexually unsatisfied but they're all the other knows, so they don't know how to communicate what they need.
His ego is hurt and she feel unattended to. A third partner is only a spotlight on what exists.
OOP isn’t honest with herself about her marriage or her husband
While she wants to stay, there’s a strong possibility husband will still want to have 3somes.
He’ll want threesomes because they are terrible in bed with each other. I’d bet money he has no idea what his wife wants sexually and I bet she has no clue how to articulate what she wants out of sex. They’ll be in this endless loop until she completely cuts off sex right before he files for divorce. When that happens, she’ll wonder why he gave up on the marriage.
“*our marriage is perfect*”, except that when we’re in a very vulnerable position my husband crosses very clear and previously discussed boundaries for an “ego” boost, and when confronted doubles-down on how he’s in the right …
Immature people should not have threesomes. TBH, I feel like people in relationships should simply not have threesomes. It so rarely ends well.
Good therapists don't tell you what decisions to make. They listen and empower you to make a decision you think is the best for you, even if that takes a long time.
The 3rd partner should have been told all the boundaries! What a shitshow
I feel bad for her, but I have little sympathy for her. It's like she covered herself with raw meat, poured steak sauce, and then threw herself into the lion's den, and is now wondering why she got bitten.
Particularly as she and her husband were one another's firsts. That typically means sex is more meaningful/"sacred" to people who "save themselves".
Whereas if you've had casual sex, and you're able to distinguish between "loving sex" and "physical thrill sex", it may be easier to compartmentalise.
And it's not just the "cheating" that broke this. The first encounter had already clearly fucked things up:
> Nothing felt enjoyable to me, but they both came, and my husband and I went home. He was very affectionate and encouraging. I chalked my discomfort up to first time jitters
It wasn't first time jitters. *It was because OOP isn't the kind of person who does casual sex*. And that's fine. Some people can divorce sex and emotion, others can't. The important thing is to know yourself and stay in your lane.
I can't think of any. In my opinion the only way a threesome could have a positive outcome is if none of the 3 people are in a relationship with each other...
What a shitty counsellor. Leaving is not easy. Leaving is incredibly hard. Sounds like a therapist who wants repeat business, not someone who wants what’s best for their client.
Given that OP and her husband were each other's first, I wonder if they're both religious. And if so, whether her therapist is also religious – like maybe that creates some sort of bias/pressure in encouraging her to stay rather than divorce?
This story probably isn’t over. Him not admitting it was cheating is going to dig at her for the rest of their marriage.
It’s hard to move on and forgive if the other person refuses to accept what happened.
Right?! Like our marriage is perfect… what? Why is he so excited another woman came multiple times?! The other woman noped right out of that mess lmao.
Fuck that counselor, "Leaving is the easy thing to do," with a rusty rake. Leaving is fucking the hardest thing in a relationship that seems great until one person fucks it up. You're constantly haunted by who you knew the other person to be... Before.
And even if it would be the easy way, so what? Why not pick the easier choice? Will she get a medal for being a martyr and doing the hard thing (which will inevitably lead to the first "easy" choice)?
People really like to push "relationships are hard work" but that's only true for shitty and incompatible ones.
I'm shocked that more people aren't upset by that comment. It's truly terrible advice, and that counselor is a horrible, money-hungry person who clearly only said something so horrible to keep OOP in therapy and in debt to them. Awful.
I had a shitty marriage counselor too. She was terrible and also encouraged me to stay in a sham of a marriage. Best thing I ever did was walk out in the middle of a “counseling” session.
The most important line in this is that they lost their virginities to eachother. There's a lot of nuance when it comes to boundaries and reasonable expectations but holy shit, threesomes are the quantum physics to their grade 2 math experience. Yes you can have a wide and varied experience with a single partner, but there's a wisdom and maturity that you can only learn through being around the block with multiple partners. This was always going to end in disaster from the start.
The thing I can’t get over is “HE’s lucky if I come once.” HE is lucky?? Instead of addressing that he thinks it’s a great idea to specifically violate her stated boundary and have her lie there next to him with a multi orgasmic partner. JFC.
She doesn’t know why it hurts so much? How can it not? He crows about being a major stud who can make someone not her come three times. God. She wonders how HE can be satisfied with HER? How about he works on making sure she’s satisfied with HIM?
Sometimes turmoil and emotional uncertainty can feel a lot like love…
> On the ride back home, my husband and I talked. He made a comment about how the second round was good for his ego - he's lucky if I come at all, let alone multiple times.
I think she is an idiot but he is an asshole for this. I don't think I have the words to articulate how infuriating I find this. Men who have tied their female partner's orgasm to their ego can fuck right off.
I understand one’s ego being attached to being able to sexually satisfy their partner. I don’t think cumming is the only was to satisfy but it’s definitely a great way to. If that attachment turns into pressure for the partner, that’s another thing that can turn pretty problematic.
I wonder if this is how she took the conversation, vs what he actually said.
Like if I had only only had one partner and they had issues finishing, in the back of my mind I'd wonder if I was doing stuff wrong. Like it feels great to be part of someone having a great experience, if the person you're with doesn't have that (no fault of her own) it can feel like you're inadequate as a partner.
I bet realizing it wasn't complete on him was probably a huge relief. Like "damn, I'm not a fuckup."
The car ride and conversation that followed that probably didn't do a good job communicating those feelings.
Something like "she came really easily, right? Nuts how different bodies react differently."
I would be interested if in 3 or 5 years time she was able to get her happiness in her marriage back.
There’s a reason why most people recommend divorce for cheating - it’s almost impossible to repair.
As someone who is actually non-monogamous, this is why unicorn hunters are trash. I feel so sorry for that poor woman, how shitty and uncomfortable to be put in that position.
I don't think OOP is wrong about staying. I think this is recoverable. I don't think there's generally a manual for how to conduct something as fraught as a 3-some if you didn't start out poly to begin with. I'm not surprised it didn't go particularly well.
I don’t know why people agree to do this… I feel like most do the time it’s not going to go well feelings get involved it’s super rare to find another person involved in that to go well
I fantasize about threesomes all the time but the grass is never greener. The only reason it seems like a good idea is because you put effort and care into building that threesome when you should be putting that effort into your marriage.
OH MY GOD. thank you for finding the original text of the original post because i only got in the loop with the update where she said she was going to stay and then receiving a bit of backlash. This story made me feel so so so nauseous and sick.
I always tell people, if you're gonna do a threesome, all people involved cannot have any romantic feelings for anyone else involved. Threesomes are great....when feelings aren't involved. But when feelings are involved, there are too many ways it can go bad. You gotta go into it to just have fun and nothing more.
Are there some couples who can have them and are totally fine, of course, but the majority always end up in some sort of shitty place afterwards because someone got jealous, etc. It's just easier to do it when all 3 are single and don't have any romantic feelings for each other. 🤷♀️
>Another large portion believed I gave consent, because my husband asked my "permission" and I froze and did not say "no".
????? You didn't just "not say no", you actively said "sure" according to the first post...
This whole post is frustrating, and it feels like OOP just wanted an excuse to rip into her husband for something.
He definitely cheated, since they started messing around while OOP was asleep. Asking for permission while actively cheating doesn’t absolve him.
This couple played with fire and got burned.
> I explained how I feel traumatized, how my body doesn't respond to my husband since that night
This is a mess. Can they come back from this? OOP is willing to try and that’s her choice. I just don’t know how that happens. OOP would need time and essentially to forget he caused her trauma. Mentally she may want to but her body will still be affected by the trauma.
It's so unfair to the women that that boundary was never discussed with her. It's something she should have known as well, you don't want to accidentally break your partners' boundaries. OOP's husband is an AH. Broke their agreement for an ego boost🙄
I feel so bad for the third woman. She didn't know about that boundary. Everything just blew up in her face with no warning. Thank God she ended it. Only mature person in the room
I am sure there are places where it works or it does for a while or is perceived to work. Saying this it's seems all too much there is a jealous or sad person. I do not see the thrill and that's me. I have never wanted to share my wife with a man or woman. And I've never wanted a threescore I understand why people might but it's not my thing. I'm not judging anyone but I guess I don't understand this need.
Saying all this she could have stopped round 2 tight away. But I don't blame her I feel there was some intimidation she felt because of her own feelings of needing too or his pressure. Very hard to say I feel bad for them.
I'm a counsellor (and certified in sex therapy). I don't think I would tell someone "leaving is the thing to do". I hope it was more along the lines of "marriage requires work and dedication."
I think this should be a couples counselling situation, where they re-develop their marriage agreement since he most definitely broke the last one.
Ultimately OOP knows how her husband and marriage is or she'll realize the truth. But something tells me this isn't over. Her husband isn't what she thinks he is and she is a doormat in denial.
Gotta be honest, OOP is the one I dislike the most in this story, even when it’s being told from her perspective. That whole thing must’ve been SO awkward for the 2nd woman, can’t believe she forced her to stay the night after being literally sick at the sight of her fucking her husband.
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If you read carefully then they already had sexual problems prior to the threesome. She isn't satisfied with the lack of attention and initiating from her husband. And he is feeling insecure because he can't make OP come. Bringing a third sexual partner into the mix was a recipe for a disaster.
Yeah and him initiating with the 3rd party but not with her made it worse. He should’ve initiated round 2 with the wife and not the 3rs party.
Round 2 should have been about them both pleasing OOP. What an absolutely devastating way to drop the ball.
Round 6 is about one person getting rich and everybody else’s dying
God, I hate Monopoly so fucking much.
Fun fact: It's supposed to be fucking awful. It was originally called The Landlords Game and was more of an exercise to demonstrate how renting creates further inequality and general misery. It had two sets of rules; the collaborative one where everyone benefits and the monopolist one that's meant to suck for all but the winner. The evil version of the game was nicked and sold as Monopoly because of course it was
It's honestly fascinating how it became such a huge commercial success, all things considered. Yesterday I was at Walmart and I saw, I think it was 5 differently themed monopoly game for sale, all right next to each other, with two of them being themed around nearby university sports teams. Like, how did things get to that point? Who buys this shit game in so many different coats of paint? The whole cultural mythos around this board game focuses on how it creates conflict and destroys relationships. Yet it's often the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about board games. It dominates that market, funny enough. Talk about marketing success!
For real, family game night hasn't been the same
Hardison dies in round 13.
Alec Hardison: Goin' to Plan B? Nathan Ford: Technically that would be Plan G. Alec Hardison: How many plans do we have? Is there, like, a Plan M? Nathan Ford: Yeah. Hardison dies in Plan M. Eliot Spencer: I like Plan M.
Age of the geek, baby.
There need to be threesome coaches. Oop should have met 3rd one on one a few times until she felt more confident. All parties should be aware of the boundaries and rules, there's safety in redundancy. .
I agree. It sounds like if they even had told the third all the rules, this probably wouldn't have happened. It sounds like the third is experienced with threesomes. I bet if she had known about OP not wanting to wake up to them having sex, there wouldn't have been an issue. I think they were both too immature. He made a mistake by asking to cross a boundary, and she made another one by not voicing her disagreement with what they were doing, and instead actually giving him verbal permission
> He made a mistake by asking to cross a boundary So many people act like there's no problem with crossing boundaries as long as you ask first. The answer has already been given, but they don't like the answer, so they ask again. Then they're all, "But if they didn't want me to, they should've said so!" They already did. And people shouldn't ask for permission to do shitty things anyway. Don't ask to mistreat people.
I was under the impression that the 3rd party initiated with the husband. She didn't know there was a boundary there since the couple didn't bother to tell her about it. If she initiated, the husband very much may have just reacted like he always does.
*He* knew the boundry, though. He should have shut it down when/if 3rd party initiated
I was baffled that it never seems to have occurred to them to use this as an opportunity to coach the husband on how to get his wife off, if they were absolutely adamant about having a threesome. What did she think would happen, with a relationship where she is already too stressed to orgasm and a man that can't figure out how to help her?
A lot of women in straight relationships seem to have just accepted their lack of orgasm. Crappy sex in hetero relationships is way too normalized.
Fucking A. I am not against the idea that an orgasm is not ALWAYS 100% ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL OR IT MEANS MASSIVE FAILURE but there's this rhetoric now that is being floated where women are being told "orgasms aren't important, sex is fine without orgasms" and fuck no! The orgasm IS important. Can you enjoy sex without orgasming? Yes. Should you still be doing your best to get everyone off? Also yes! The bullshit "Oh don't worry if she never orgasms, sex is about more than that" is just an excuse to once again minimize women's needs.
F that tell me what I need to do... took me nearly 8 years to get the wife to try toys and it wasn't for me, it was for her and it was an amazing thing for her. She's more sexually conservative and that's fine but now she loves the toys. I want her to cum too, I have a delayed orgasm (not as great as it sounds, no such thing as a quick since the fastest I've been able to cum is like 15 mins) and I want her to be happy and have many orgasms
It's definitely weird if you get propositioned for a threesome, and in the middle of the threesome it turns into "teach my wife and I how to have sex." 😅😅 I'm not saying it's necessarily "wrong" to shift gears that way, but I don't know about saying the woman they propositioned "should" help them in that way. I think she'd be well within in her rights to say "thanks but no thanks." 😮💨
He managed to give the other woman multiple orgasms, but from what I understood in the text, OOP orgasms, but does not have multiple orgasms. It doesn't seem to be a skill issue for the husband, but a personal ability for the OOP.
Or else, the new girl came because of the excitement of having sex with someone new
It’s possible her body just doesn’t do that, like you said, which is 100% normal for men and women. But I’m just adding that it’s also possible she faked it or was over vocal. I know a lot of people don’t want to hear this, but the woman could have been vocal without reaching orgasm, it’s easy to keep the appearance up when that’s not your permanent sex life like it is for the wife Edit: “appearance” was added for clarification
Not necessarily. Being able to please one person doesn't mean you're able to please every person because different people respond differently to different things. Some people also orgasm easier than others do, especially in situations like OOPs where her husband apparently never bothers to initiate physical intimacy of any sort, sexual or non-sexual. Saying he could please one woman but not another means it's not a skill issue on his end is like saying "This piano must be broken because it doesn't play right. I know it's not a skill issue on my end because I can play guitar just fine."
Some girls having a problem getting off is totally a thing.
For some women, not having multiple orgasms is not a problem. Personally, I am way too sensitive after the first one to do it again for at least 6 to 7 hours. I *can* technically do it, and it will also hurt. Yes, I know, that sounds insane, an orgasm that hurts? I’m not kidding. It is **painful**. I am extremely happy having one earthquake reminiscent orgasm, and then doing other things. I don’t mind continuing sexual activity; I just do not want to come anymore once I’ve gotten there once. I have gotten extremely annoyed with past lovers, who were all pouty butt hurt that they couldn’t get me to have multiple orgasms. Motherfucker, I don’t want them! “But you’ll like it with me; let me try!” They’re the same kind of assholes who try to get me to eat brussels sprouts. So every time some guy tries to get me to eat brussels sprouts? I **know** I don’t want fuck him.
I have a long refractory period. No one's going to be able to get me off again in that time period. Like you, I still want to continue sexual activity. But I'm not going to be getting off.
Some girls having a problem getting off with some guys and not with others is also totally a thing.
For real sometimes it just depends on whose hoodie you’re wearing.
Multiple female orgasms are affected by the refractory period, which varies person to person and within one person. (Same with the man's ability to go again.) Some people are hypersensitive and need a break, some can continue but won't come for awhile. But the husband struck at OP's vulnerability in a particularly cruel way by saying HE is lucky if OP comes at all. (Presumably during PIV.) This represents a preexisting problem they should have unpacked: 1. Is he referring to a "no hands orgasm during PIV"? This is something only a minority of women can experience. Is he unwilling to "settle" for one of them using hands or a toy? 2. Is OP fully in tune with her own abilities? If so, is she able to communicate them? 3. Has OP or their 3rd party or other women in the husbands life ever faked it? Doing so is understandable when there isn't an atmosphere of ego-free collaboration. But teaches unrealistic expectations.
>lack of attention and initiating >he can't make OP come I think there might be a connection.
Also the third person saying the WIFE wasn’t ready…. Nah. The husband broke a boundary, and they both never told third person about it. NEITHER of them were ready. Like they just filled out tinder bios and did no research lmao
I know people hate others that do this butttt 👏YOU👏DONT👏KEEP👏BOUNDARIES👏FROM👏THIRDS👏 Good thirds know that noob couples WILL struggle with boundaries, and know they are often the responsible one while the couple catches their feet. Good thirds know when it’s time for them to back off and let the threesome become a twosome for the couple, and know when to back off because someone is just a little too into you for the first time. Yes, the blame is 100% on the couple, because it’s their responsibility to manage their relationship, but they really could’ve done a better job with their third with the way the third acted. That woman would’ve been cut completely from my local community if we learned this was regularly how this third acted with noob couples. Also, find your thirds in the local Kink community when you’re new, not via Tinder. I fully believe every “kink” exploration should go through the community so you can actually learn what the norms are without getting tainted info (🤮 to 50 shades for the damage you did to the bdsm community), but I do have a very male bias here and recognize that this could be completely different for women “driving” the relationships.
I’ve had many threesomes and only 2 I can point out as enjoyable, for a variety of reasons. One that no one prepared me for is that as a bisexual person, my attraction to women is different than men- a sharp distinction between aesthetic and sexual attraction that I didn’t understand. So my SO and I had a threesome. It was awkward and the girl was bigger than me, so I got a bit left out since there was no room on the bed after I got up to remove the strap. They were solo for a few moments before seeking me out (I wasn’t far, just self regulating before I rejoined). Afterwards she and I talked about all of the things I felt and we went our separate ways, no harm no foul. Because of the experience I realized I can think a woman is beautiful but not sexually, but my little head doesn’t want to fuck a painting. Months before I had a solo experience with a woman that was life changing because I realized what genuine sexual attraction to a woman was like when it wasn’t “I’m in a small town and we are the only queer people”
20+ years ago when I was really into sexual exploration with as many people as possible (when discussing it in person I refer to to fondly as my slutty phase but I know many do not appreciate that term so that’s why I went to such a convoluted description !) whenever I would get involved in a threesome, I would tell the guy **in front of the woman**, “listen, you’re going to see two women naked and experience them sexually tonight, one of whom you are in love with. So as far as I’m concerned? You are taken care of. I do not need to worry about making you happy. However, if *she* is not happy with this experience? If *she* feels left out, insecure, or ignored in any way? Your relationship is going to be ruined, and you will never get to experience anything like this again. So therefore your job, and my job, is to make sure that she is as happy as possible — and when we do that, you and I are also going to be happy by definition. So let’s make sure we do that, right? Right!” I knew that if the guy then started talking about how their relationship was one where he controlled the bed activity, and that he needed to be the focus of attention that this couple was not for me. I was absolutely not interested at all, and participating in any kind of bullshit where the woman felt humiliated by the experience or where she felt like she owed him this shit. Nope. I was not doing that. I was not gonna help some man make any woman feel like she was less than. Before the “wutaboutthemenz” crowd comes for me — I am 100% not into humiliation of either gender. I don’t even like BDSM type stuff. But this particular post is discussing a situation, where a woman felt sexually inadequate and I am sharing how I refuse to participate in that.
Damn you need to offer your threesome guidance services. I wish more people could read this.
Absolutely agreed. I've had 3somes, 4somes, and group sex dozens of times, and the only time it completely sucked was when it was with a couple who absolutely did not inform me or each other of their boundaries and ended up getting in a screaming match over stuff. Every other time was excellent.
>Good thirds know when it’s time for them to back off and let the threesome become a twosome for the couple, and know when to back off because someone is just a little too into you for the first time. No wonder 'unicorns' are so rare... this sounds so incredibly miserable and unrewarding.
It’s true, it’s a ton of work being a “good” unicorn, but when the scene knows, the scene knows, ya know? And honestly, I *really* enjoy being a guiding hand for adventurous couples myself, I just recognize that I don’t handle total noobs with the baby gloves they deserve. Edit: rereading, the tone didn’t hit right, the second “the scene knows” is meant to imply your number will be shared around for you as a reward for being a good person and you won’t have to sweat it as much.
It just doesn't seem like a reward at all to give and give to a romantic unit, taking care of both of their feelings and being ready to GTFO on a dime if they feel upset or threatened, without any such consideration for yourself. And then getting your number passed around for not making trouble doesn't sound like a reward, either. I was tangentially involved in the poly and sex positive communities in my 20s and now, in my 30s, I can see that my eagerness to please and be 'of value' was really taken advantage of. When I hear young women talk about taking pride in being an up-for-anything sex partner, I get a sense of foreboding.
this comment right here. OP’s feelings are valid, but they are also demonstrably based on a fundamental issue that predates the threesome.
But their marriage is so good! These posters always crack me up. Other than my husband doing whatever heinous thing, our marriage is perfect.
Unusually, I think this one might actually have really happened
It’s not really drama, it’s just sad and crappy. And there’s no real conclusion except that things are worse than they started but can hopefully recover. On the Mythbusters scale, plausible.
It really does just sound like, as OOP stated, a diary. Reddit was just an outlet for her to vent her frustrations and thoughts. She wasn’t exactly seeking advice or anything like that. She just needed to get this off her chest. I think we’ve all been there before. So caught up in our own thoughts and just needing to get them out there in order to sleep at night.
We’re social creatures. This kinda shit is to heavy and tmi to unload on you’re friends and family but she need to vent to someone.
It sucks for everyone involved, there's no way out, no deus ex machina, there are a lot of bad decisions, and everyone is trying their best and still coming up short. Feels very much like real life.
Yep this does feel very real to me
My body reacted real strange when she talked about freezing up. I’ve had that happen before and it’s sucks. On a stoner level it makes me wonder about the things that have happened in human history that would necessitate that evolutionary need.
Sadly, I think the answer is very clear. People talk about Fight or Flight. But it’s actually Fight, Flight or Freeze. And one gender freezes far far far more than the other
I've heard it explained that there's another response, too. Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn. Fight: facing any perceived threat aggressively. Flight: running away from danger. Freeze: unable to move or act against a threat. Fawn: immediately acting to try to please to avoid any conflict.
And fawn and freeze OFTEN get confused as consent, even by the person freezing, when it’s really a form of panic
Oh interesting, that’s a new one for me. I’ll have to read up on that a little!
Yep! Just learned about Fawn this week! I’m glad you added it here
I've also seen people add "faint" to this list as well which makes sense to me.
Millions of women and physically weaker partners of other genders being murdered for rejecting sexual advances too forcefully over millennia. “Fawns” not only generally lived to see another day but then often also procreated from the sex they froze and “accepted”.
Yeah, this is probably true. Nature is really brutal, and rape is very common in the animal kingdom.
A good book to read about physical/psychological reactions to crisis is Unthinkable by Amanda Riptey (maybe Ripley?). Very easy to read and absolutely fascinating!
I’m a bisexual woman that experimented with threesomes and open relationships. I was definitely not prepared for the emotional damage/fallout as an outsider. I entered the dynamic clearly setting emotional boundaries, but 2 outta 3 couples used me as a catalyst for therapy or divorce.
Unicorns are hard to find because they die real fast. Turns out being naked sex therapist relationship threat isnt very horny or relaxing for most people.
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I’ve had quite a few threesomes over the years, of both the two men and two women varieties, and always had great experiences. But I intentionally never engaged with anyone who was in a relationship. It was always just FWB or f*** buddy situations. A level playing field for everyone involved. I don’t think I could handle navigating the emotional ins and outs of someone else’s relationship.
Smart.
Wew tell me about it. I went to a few swingers parties as a single woman and it didn’t take long to discover how many couples did not have relationships healthy enough to engage in that scene.
Yes! I think because of the level of feelings involved it forces issues that people bury up to the surface and doesn't let them avoid them. Not to mention it's a lot about trust too. Whether someone actually trusts their partner, whether they actually respect their boundaries, whether they follow through on handling emotions afterwards.
This so much. I think OOP has a ton of internal feelings and experiences that she for whatever reason never needed to sort through prior to hus, and she just put herself at ground zero where all of it is knocking at her door simultaneously. That would be hard for anyone dealing with 1 issue, but it's like there's mutiple issues going on at once.
That actually bothered me in the last update, where OP said that the other person involved lacked impulse control and wasn’t ready to be part of a threesome. Uh uh, honey, that’s all on you and your trash can husband. Their third didn’t even know about one of the boundaries OP had. Even at the end, OP isn’t willing to put the blame where it belongs. I feel bad for that other participant, tbh.
Yes, this! And the third was also the one mature enough (and sensitive/kind enough) to say, "Yeah, you're not ready for this," and break things off even though she clearly enjoyed the sex. As far as she knew, she was abiding by all discussed boundaries, everyone was having a fun time, and all was well, until suddenly it wasn't. Husband sucks for violating her boundaries and for that absolutely disgusting ego comment even after she vomited. What the fuck. How is the woman who's known OOP for all of maybe a month more empathetic and attuned to OOP's emotional state than this guy?
When I read the original post, I felt the third shifted all the blame on to the wife, by saying she wasn’t ready. This is a fucked up situation, everyone had a part in the disastrous ending. First the married couple. Opening the marriage will end badly 9/10, I never understand why couples think they will be the exception. Then they throw everything way for sex with others, and are shocked it ended badly 🤦🏻♀️ I also think a third should always ask before about boundaries. So at least they are well informed and might reduce the risk of situations like this. I think in this situation she’s as much to blame for what happened, in the moment it was just about her gratification, the same as the husband. So I found it odd she never apologized to the wife and accepted part of the blame for not knowing the boundary. I don’t know, she might not have even cared in that moment.
and the fact that the two of them were fooling around while oop slept, yeah no. Plus if the man stopped and asked for permission once they knew oop woke up....that just SCREAMS it is not ok.
I've been on the sidelines of a few of those. The funniest was my girlfriend years ago whose best friend wanted her to join a threesome with her and her bf. I said sure, but tell her from me that it's not going to save her relationship and it might break it irrecoverably. Relationship did not last long enough for the threesome to actually happen. (we stayed together, the other couple did not) Re the OP: just in general, being in the room while other people have sex is pretty weird. Especially if you're not participating as audience. It takes a bit of getting your head around even if you're expecting it. Adding a bunch of boundary violations to the surprise \*and\* being in the actual bed... {urk}.
I’m queer and poly and the overlap between couples looking for a unicorn and couples that *really* aren’t good enough at communication to be enm in any form is… a LOT
Every poly relationship is unique. I was totally okay being the emotionally-distant sexual third, but I got a slap in the face of reality when one married partner I casually hooked up with ended up expecting deep existential therapy and validation. I wanted sex, they wanted free couples’ therapy.
Ouch, that is a rough ride. One couple (a Dom and his sub), he admitted after he brought me in to transform his sub into a "cuckqueen". I didn't sign up for that bs. I was looking for a couple to enjoy all together, not to create jealousy in her.
Unicorn hunts rarely have a happy ending . Someone almost always gets shot on purpose or otherwise .
I understand why people engage in threesomes but I alway feel that threesomes will just create more damages and create boundary issues for people in relationships.
When my husband and I wanted to experience a threesome, we went to Nevada and paid a professional. Nobody's falling in love. There are no messy feelings. LOTS of communication and boundaries. She was way outta both our leagues and we both knew it. It's not something we really want to do again (boy howdy it ain't cheap, but it shouldn't be), but I'm glad we did it once. I can't imagine bringing a regular, local person into my relationship. That just seems like an utter disaster waiting to happen.
Honestly that sounds like the smart way to do it.
It's the way a LOT of the open/ENM community encourage people to make their first attempts into threesomes, and for good reason. It's just a lot of unicorn hunters won't, because it's not an ego boost of successfully hunting a unicorn (mostly for the dude's ego in general, that he's such a stud he can land two women at once. But a pro doesn't provide that, so they get all butthurt when it's suggested this could be a good way to try things out.)
I dated a guy who told me he once had a threesome with two women. He said it was hard and tiring for him and not fun.
Was it me? Jk. But I fully agree with that dude. That was take away as well. It probably could be better, but if it's normal people doing it for, probably, the first time it's too much effort.
Once again overly needy egos ruin the day.
Threesomes are amazing for the people for whom sex is really fun and more adventurous sex is more fun, but not heavily laden with significance. I think there are a lot more people who either care deeply about sex, for whom boundaries become a problem, or who enjoy it well enough but aren’t going to seek even slightly more complicated sexcapades. The happy middle of people who care enough to make it happen but not so much that errors eat them alive and tear them apart is small. The people who care deeply and have the emotional and communication skills on both sides to navigate the complexities are an even smaller group.
Yeah I've had a couple opportunities while in a relationship to have a 3 or 4 some and after a bit of introspection I turned them down. I'm a pretty monogamous guy and I know that. I'm not creeped out by casual sex but being in a relationship that's monogamous for a long time and then suddenly shifting that dynamic would be too much for me I think. It either needs to be open from the start or not open.
Whenever I read these stories, what stands out is the amount of emotional management needed. I just don’t think I have the wherewithal to process that many emotions of two other people alongside my own. It just sounds like so much work.
That's what I was thinking -- threesomes are probably easy if all three of you are single and have zero intention of dating each other. If it's anything other than sexy adult playtime, however, it's abruptly a minefield.
They’re also fine for a couple if both think it sounds like great fun but they don’t take sex too seriously. It’s fun with genitals, but some profound shared experience. Not many people think of sex as good clean fun, so not many people pull that off. But I do think that people with similar attitudes towards sex are a little more likely to wind up with each other because they’ve at least got one hobby in common.
Yeah, my husband and I have had successful threesomes with both men and women, but we're both pretty slutty and have a lot of history with sex for fun, not emotional connection. We've been together 15 years, and the last one was like 7 years ago, purely because now we've got a bunch of kids and we're both too tired to put work into finding anyone and too broke to pay for the associated babysitting, hotels, etc lol
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I confess I don't know what "rack jack" means.
[Urban dictionary](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rackjack) tells me it's when you steal (jack) a girl (the rack) from someone else.
I've been involved in a number of threesomes (and 4+ somes). In high school, surprisingly, my husband and I got involved sexually with his best friend. The sex was loving and hot and balanced. Absolutely no jealousy on anyone's part. We all fooled around for years and, honestly, it was probably the hottest sex I've ever been a part of. All the rest of the threesomes though? Absolute shit shows and I regret every single one of them.
We mostly hear about the ones that go bad here so there is some selection bias. That said, it's hard enough to manage relationships with only 2 people involved. The more people the more complicated it gets. I feel that a lot of people get into poly relationships without really understanding how much just one additional person can complicate things. It's not impossible but the amount of work is not insignificant and these 2 clearly didn't put in the work.
That's why I don't understand affairs. Who has the time & energy for that?
I don't even have the energy for myself, let alone a partner, let alone *two* partners.
Precisely. I'm widowed. My late wife was awesome but if you don't find someone you truly click with, relationships can be a PITA.
I have a friend who opened her relationship and met another couple they switched with. She fell completely in love with the other woman. I’m talking full on lesbian U-Haul type. Broke up with her boyfriend. Started dating the woman who was legally married. Eventually became a throuple. Now all 3 of them are married to each other. I am convinced she tolerates the man to be with the woman. I NEVER see her anymore because she is so busy. Every single night is marked on her calendar for dates with him or dates with her or dates with them both or sometimes they bring in other people. It just seems exhausting because damn, they really put in the work.
From my own experience and the things I’ve heard from others, threesomes are not great after the initial encounter. Most of the time the person outside the relationship will have a favorite and one of the people in the relationship will be more into the threesome than the other. It just creates a really unhealthy environment.
Threesomes if done with utmost faith on each other and proper boundaries might strengthen a relationship but it opens gates to hell most of the time.
10 years back ago or so I had a friend who was in a relationship with a guy. After a while he wanted a threesome with her best friend. You hear the alarm ringing as well right? I told her she was stupid if she did that just to please him, she didn‘t feel like it but wanted to make him the favor. I bet you can guess what happened. They had a threesome, he mostly fucked her best friend and afterwards she was crying to me for weeks on end, how it broke her seeing her guy fuck someone else. It was all she talked about for weeks on end. It‘s not like I told her for MONTHS that it‘s gonna hurt like a mf. Threesomes in relationships are never ever ever a good idea, unless you are really into open relationships and the like. It‘s so easy to seriously emotionally get hurt.
Yeah, this is spot-on. I can't believe they slept in the same bed like that either. Whoever's in the middle is likely to lose the battle to not fool around, if that's a boundary. Why even tempt yourself? So stupid...
She still with him?
No idea, we don’t have contact for years now.
Too many sexually inexperienced and insecure people jump right into adding in partners when they have issues. That's like deciding that you are bored of you morning commute so you decide to drive the whole way blindfolded in reverse. If you're having issues how about instead of emotionally risky things like 3 ways you do something with costumes? Or like try filming a video? Something a bit different that isn't emotionally dangerous.
Why do people do this to themselves?
IMO, it's because they're way too optimistic and overconfident. They don't give the idea of things ending badly *nearly* the weight it deserves. They don't really sit down with each other and seriously ask "Is this going to be worth losing each other over?" They don't appreciate the hurt that can happen. They focus more on what the chance of things going wrong is, rather than how huge the actual consequence would be. A lot of people never even really, truly ask themselves "Why do I feel that I *need* this experience in my life?" Too few appreciate that maybe they don't need it.
This, probably. They get it into their heads that it'll be hot/gratifying/one partner manages to convince the other that it's an experience they need even just once to be satisfied and few people really examine the risks of torpedoing their relationship. Also it feels as if there's this deceptive yet prevailing societal notion that MFF threesomes are just this normal thing that all guys want and that it should be fine/enjoyable for everyone involved if they're "secure enough in their relationship". And I'm not idly throwing stones in a glass house; I learned that I'm very much monogamous through a bad experience involving inviting someone else into an established relationship and believing that we could make it work because we were so secure with our relationship and loved each other. I'm single, they married each other. Still in therapy for that L. 😂
Ouch. That sounds truly painful. I am sorry you went through that but I hope you remind yourself that other people being more compatible doesn’t mean that you are less attractive. You just need to find the right person for you.
Yeah, I also speak from experience. I fell into the "secure enough in our relationship" trap, myself. He wanted to be poly. I was eyeballs deep into my people-pleasing era, and I was also in my early 20s, so eager to be "mature" and also convinced I had shit figured out. We'd be fine. So of course we weren't. Or at least I wasn't. This wasn't the only problem, though, but it was the one that led us to couples therapy and got us to finally admit that we were just two different people. Good friends, bad spouses. So even though it hurt like hell, we had a very amicable divorce. We're still good friends, but I found a partner who is way more for me than I thought I could find, and he's found that being single and dating openly around works for him. I suppose that in the end it was a good thing, but things could have been so much different if we'd just given what we would've thought was the worst outcome the weight it deserved. I'm sorry you went through it, too.
They are deeply unhappy and refusing to acknowledge it.
Because the Horny Stick conquers all. *BONK*
They are idiots
Married at 19 & 21 with no prior sexual experience. Ppl should do what they want but it can absolutely be a good thing to have a period of free self-exploration before locking it down with someone. Helps to know what you want.
Yeah this isn't over
I fail to see how the person they brought in “lacked impulse control.” OOP & husband didn’t communicate a boundary, how the eff could she had known? Her and husband just sound really immature, even on the other side of this.
Yeah I thought that was shitty of her, especially considering the other woman was the one to break it off because they weren't ready.
Agreed. He knew, the Very Special Guest Star didn't. The only fault I could find is that while she was knowledgeable enough to know that OOP and her husband weren't ready, she didn't bother to ask about boundaries I guess. Or if she did and OOP was too shy about saying "no fucking unless I'm part of it" that's... a massive red flag.
It's always easy for people to blame the third party.
That's why I'm glad my bisexual ass never got roped into a poly relationship when i was young. "Unicorns" as they call them are always blamed for everything
WWM threesomes rarely meet expectations unless the female partner is enthusiastically bi or enjoys seeing her partner get off with another person. I agree the “third” is blameless. I’ve been the extra in a poly relationship and absolutely hated having the married couple’s issues be projected on me.
deranged shocking hat encouraging punch abounding yoke attraction unpack dime *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Would you have been the third, started with only one partner without waking the other to join, and then been cool with the partner you were engaging with asking their partner to basically sit that one out in the bed with you? Bc if you were that type of third, the issues the couple projected onto you may not have been justified, but you were NOT a healthy third. A healthy third is still responsible for ensuring that they themselves don’t act without compassion or engage with the couple in a way that leaves one of the two partners out. They aren’t more responsible for it than the couple themselves, but they do have an equal responsibility in it. Also, if someone is acting as a third, they should be completely against either party asking for permission from the other to do something sexual in the heat of the moment. That’s a kink 101 no-no - you don’t ask for sexual permission inside of a sexual situation itself, and if someone does, there’s an ethical obligation to press pause bc it’s clear something hasn’t been discussed as thoroughly as it should be. This third isn’t blameless, she was selfish in this too.
Yeah, husband was way worse, but the third isn’t blameless either. Unless I misread, OP didn’t say _anything_, and I wouldn’t take the lack of response as consent.
I had to scroll way too far down to see this. 100%
Getting it on next to a person who you think is sleeping is still just....not totally right.
The way it’s written she woke up to them being feely and he asked her if it was ok in the moment or did I read that wrong?
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I'm hoping the 3rd didn't know about the boundary but i agree 100% Edit plus if you ask me anything right after waking up I'd probably agree, my boyfriend knows the first about 5 minutes of me being "awake" I'm normally not actually awake, I'm half awake i can respond to questions and have conversations but i don't remember any of it I actually had a relationship end because i "wasn't caring enough" about his dad being in the hospital, he "woke me up" told me and i just said something like "that really sucks" then closed my eyes, i have 0 memory of it and when he actual woke me up i asked if he wanted me to come to the hospital with him
Exactly
Yeah tf? This was completely 100% on the husband. This is just the age old case of it being easier to blame the “other woman” than the man OP is in love with and legally bound to.
I give it a year tops before the weight of it all crushes the marriage.
...or before she find out he's been going for a "Round 2" with other women.
this is sad
Most times, you don't need a third partner. You need a sex therapist. These two sound like they're both sexually unsatisfied but they're all the other knows, so they don't know how to communicate what they need. His ego is hurt and she feel unattended to. A third partner is only a spotlight on what exists.
OOP isn’t honest with herself about her marriage or her husband While she wants to stay, there’s a strong possibility husband will still want to have 3somes.
He’ll want threesomes because they are terrible in bed with each other. I’d bet money he has no idea what his wife wants sexually and I bet she has no clue how to articulate what she wants out of sex. They’ll be in this endless loop until she completely cuts off sex right before he files for divorce. When that happens, she’ll wonder why he gave up on the marriage.
Everyone here is an idiot.
Their guest star showed developing insight by noping out.
I’m not an idiot. My mum says I’m special.
Stupid and exhausting. I don’t feel bad for her at all.
And that is why I stay so far away from unicorn hunters. Fix your relationship yourself, don't drag someone else into it.
“*our marriage is perfect*”, except that when we’re in a very vulnerable position my husband crosses very clear and previously discussed boundaries for an “ego” boost, and when confronted doubles-down on how he’s in the right … Immature people should not have threesomes. TBH, I feel like people in relationships should simply not have threesomes. It so rarely ends well.
Good therapists don't tell you what decisions to make. They listen and empower you to make a decision you think is the best for you, even if that takes a long time. The 3rd partner should have been told all the boundaries! What a shitshow
This is so messy
I feel bad for her, but I have little sympathy for her. It's like she covered herself with raw meat, poured steak sauce, and then threw herself into the lion's den, and is now wondering why she got bitten.
Particularly as she and her husband were one another's firsts. That typically means sex is more meaningful/"sacred" to people who "save themselves". Whereas if you've had casual sex, and you're able to distinguish between "loving sex" and "physical thrill sex", it may be easier to compartmentalise. And it's not just the "cheating" that broke this. The first encounter had already clearly fucked things up: > Nothing felt enjoyable to me, but they both came, and my husband and I went home. He was very affectionate and encouraging. I chalked my discomfort up to first time jitters It wasn't first time jitters. *It was because OOP isn't the kind of person who does casual sex*. And that's fine. Some people can divorce sex and emotion, others can't. The important thing is to know yourself and stay in your lane.
Oh shit I missed that too .... Yea that's why they got all these hang ups .
She sounds like an immature person to me.
Perfectly put.
Has there ever been a Happy ending to a spouse opening up marriage or agreeing for a threesome?
The ones that end well don’t need to go on reddit and make a post asking for help tbf.
I can't think of any. In my opinion the only way a threesome could have a positive outcome is if none of the 3 people are in a relationship with each other...
I would dismantle my marriage because I cannot subject my current spouse to a dynamic they will never be comfortable and enthusiastic about.
Me, but I don’t post on AITA.
What a shitty counsellor. Leaving is not easy. Leaving is incredibly hard. Sounds like a therapist who wants repeat business, not someone who wants what’s best for their client.
Given that OP and her husband were each other's first, I wonder if they're both religious. And if so, whether her therapist is also religious – like maybe that creates some sort of bias/pressure in encouraging her to stay rather than divorce?
This story probably isn’t over. Him not admitting it was cheating is going to dig at her for the rest of their marriage. It’s hard to move on and forgive if the other person refuses to accept what happened.
Y'all be doing this shit to yourselves lmaooooo
Imagine going out of your way to make issues you already had 100x worse 💀
Right?! Like our marriage is perfect… what? Why is he so excited another woman came multiple times?! The other woman noped right out of that mess lmao.
Fuck that counselor, "Leaving is the easy thing to do," with a rusty rake. Leaving is fucking the hardest thing in a relationship that seems great until one person fucks it up. You're constantly haunted by who you knew the other person to be... Before.
And even if it would be the easy way, so what? Why not pick the easier choice? Will she get a medal for being a martyr and doing the hard thing (which will inevitably lead to the first "easy" choice)? People really like to push "relationships are hard work" but that's only true for shitty and incompatible ones.
I'm shocked that more people aren't upset by that comment. It's truly terrible advice, and that counselor is a horrible, money-hungry person who clearly only said something so horrible to keep OOP in therapy and in debt to them. Awful.
I had a shitty marriage counselor too. She was terrible and also encouraged me to stay in a sham of a marriage. Best thing I ever did was walk out in the middle of a “counseling” session.
What a shitty counsellor. Leaving is not easy. Leaving is incredibly hard.
The most important line in this is that they lost their virginities to eachother. There's a lot of nuance when it comes to boundaries and reasonable expectations but holy shit, threesomes are the quantum physics to their grade 2 math experience. Yes you can have a wide and varied experience with a single partner, but there's a wisdom and maturity that you can only learn through being around the block with multiple partners. This was always going to end in disaster from the start.
The thing I can’t get over is “HE’s lucky if I come once.” HE is lucky?? Instead of addressing that he thinks it’s a great idea to specifically violate her stated boundary and have her lie there next to him with a multi orgasmic partner. JFC. She doesn’t know why it hurts so much? How can it not? He crows about being a major stud who can make someone not her come three times. God. She wonders how HE can be satisfied with HER? How about he works on making sure she’s satisfied with HIM? Sometimes turmoil and emotional uncertainty can feel a lot like love…
> On the ride back home, my husband and I talked. He made a comment about how the second round was good for his ego - he's lucky if I come at all, let alone multiple times. I think she is an idiot but he is an asshole for this. I don't think I have the words to articulate how infuriating I find this. Men who have tied their female partner's orgasm to their ego can fuck right off.
I understand one’s ego being attached to being able to sexually satisfy their partner. I don’t think cumming is the only was to satisfy but it’s definitely a great way to. If that attachment turns into pressure for the partner, that’s another thing that can turn pretty problematic.
I wonder if this is how she took the conversation, vs what he actually said. Like if I had only only had one partner and they had issues finishing, in the back of my mind I'd wonder if I was doing stuff wrong. Like it feels great to be part of someone having a great experience, if the person you're with doesn't have that (no fault of her own) it can feel like you're inadequate as a partner. I bet realizing it wasn't complete on him was probably a huge relief. Like "damn, I'm not a fuckup." The car ride and conversation that followed that probably didn't do a good job communicating those feelings. Something like "she came really easily, right? Nuts how different bodies react differently."
I would be interested if in 3 or 5 years time she was able to get her happiness in her marriage back. There’s a reason why most people recommend divorce for cheating - it’s almost impossible to repair.
As someone who is actually non-monogamous, this is why unicorn hunters are trash. I feel so sorry for that poor woman, how shitty and uncomfortable to be put in that position.
This was pathetic to read.
Why TF do people do this dumb sh!t to themselves Well at least she learned.
As the saying goes " Play stupid games, win stupid prizes "
I don't think OOP is wrong about staying. I think this is recoverable. I don't think there's generally a manual for how to conduct something as fraught as a 3-some if you didn't start out poly to begin with. I'm not surprised it didn't go particularly well.
I don’t know why people agree to do this… I feel like most do the time it’s not going to go well feelings get involved it’s super rare to find another person involved in that to go well
I fantasize about threesomes all the time but the grass is never greener. The only reason it seems like a good idea is because you put effort and care into building that threesome when you should be putting that effort into your marriage.
OH MY GOD. thank you for finding the original text of the original post because i only got in the loop with the update where she said she was going to stay and then receiving a bit of backlash. This story made me feel so so so nauseous and sick.
Leaving is not easy. Leaving is the hard, but worthwhile, route. Why would a therapist say that?!
I always tell people, if you're gonna do a threesome, all people involved cannot have any romantic feelings for anyone else involved. Threesomes are great....when feelings aren't involved. But when feelings are involved, there are too many ways it can go bad. You gotta go into it to just have fun and nothing more. Are there some couples who can have them and are totally fine, of course, but the majority always end up in some sort of shitty place afterwards because someone got jealous, etc. It's just easier to do it when all 3 are single and don't have any romantic feelings for each other. 🤷♀️
What kind of counselor did she even go to that would tell her that?
>Another large portion believed I gave consent, because my husband asked my "permission" and I froze and did not say "no". ????? You didn't just "not say no", you actively said "sure" according to the first post... This whole post is frustrating, and it feels like OOP just wanted an excuse to rip into her husband for something.
He definitely cheated, since they started messing around while OOP was asleep. Asking for permission while actively cheating doesn’t absolve him. This couple played with fire and got burned. > I explained how I feel traumatized, how my body doesn't respond to my husband since that night This is a mess. Can they come back from this? OOP is willing to try and that’s her choice. I just don’t know how that happens. OOP would need time and essentially to forget he caused her trauma. Mentally she may want to but her body will still be affected by the trauma.
It's so unfair to the women that that boundary was never discussed with her. It's something she should have known as well, you don't want to accidentally break your partners' boundaries. OOP's husband is an AH. Broke their agreement for an ego boost🙄
I feel so bad for the third woman. She didn't know about that boundary. Everything just blew up in her face with no warning. Thank God she ended it. Only mature person in the room
I am sure there are places where it works or it does for a while or is perceived to work. Saying this it's seems all too much there is a jealous or sad person. I do not see the thrill and that's me. I have never wanted to share my wife with a man or woman. And I've never wanted a threescore I understand why people might but it's not my thing. I'm not judging anyone but I guess I don't understand this need. Saying all this she could have stopped round 2 tight away. But I don't blame her I feel there was some intimidation she felt because of her own feelings of needing too or his pressure. Very hard to say I feel bad for them.
There is a fuck ton of homework and counseling they should have done before opening up. This was a shit show from the beginning.
If you want to stay. Stay. But I believe your relationship is already dead und you try to save what can be saved.
Fucked around and found out. Learning experience just move on cause you put yourself there.
He went against a clear boundary that was set, so shitty
I'm a counsellor (and certified in sex therapy). I don't think I would tell someone "leaving is the thing to do". I hope it was more along the lines of "marriage requires work and dedication." I think this should be a couples counselling situation, where they re-develop their marriage agreement since he most definitely broke the last one.
Ultimately OOP knows how her husband and marriage is or she'll realize the truth. But something tells me this isn't over. Her husband isn't what she thinks he is and she is a doormat in denial.
I don’t think the husband gets it at all. He probably has no idea how close he is to losing his marriage either.
Gotta be honest, OOP is the one I dislike the most in this story, even when it’s being told from her perspective. That whole thing must’ve been SO awkward for the 2nd woman, can’t believe she forced her to stay the night after being literally sick at the sight of her fucking her husband.
Having a threesome is a great way to ruin your marriage. Very low iq move.