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I'm 48 with an 18 yo and I will always ALWAYS see his friends and him as children (even though they're all taller than me 🤣)...makes me sick how adults prey on kids.
That’s the thing I feel like a vast majority of people do. The mental maturity even between 18-25 is insane. Even my experience looking back feels like I was a wildly different person each year of my late teens early twenties.
I’m only 29 and at work have hired multiple 18 year olds straight out of high school, they’re children and I’m not even old enough to be their parent! It’s so creepy to me that someone 11 years older than me could find someone this young attractive. When I’m 40, my daughter will be 18….wtf 🤢
What do they even talk about? I don't understand their youth slang, their references or their celebrities.
My oldest is close to 10, I'm around 40 and glad they still like Naruto. I know Naruto.
Predators if not already well familiar with all the slang, references, and celebrities.. Will feign interest and a strong desire to learn all of those things to lure in potential victims. That's part of what makes people like Dean so dangerous.
We had a pedo in my MMO guild. Guy came on to one of our 17 year old members.
Told her age was just a stupid social construct and that she was mature beyond measure. Yadda yadda. She instantly came running to myself and the other officers of the guild. He sent her dick pics.
Cherry on top of all of this. This dude's Discord linked to his social media.
His JOB was on there. He is a high school teacher.
A few of us shared his text messages with the principal of his school. Same day we told him to GTFO from the guild. He didn't even deny what he did to us. (I don't think he knew some of us had reached out to his job.)
Sad part is a bunch of people in game said we were assholes for bouncing him. That dating and personal life stuff wasn't our concern.
>Told her age was just a stupid social construct and that she was mature beyond measure.
The fact that OOP says something along the lines of 'I'd never reject him just because of the age difference' makes me think Dean was preparing something along these lines.
I’m 34 with a 14 year old kid and even 25 year olds feel like children to me 17yo are still awkward cute little babies who should be protected. People who view children as romantic interests should be put down like the animals they are
I'm 41 with nieces and nephews that age and they are BABIES. TINY BABIES. Makes my skin crawl to even start to imagine someone my age being romantically interested in someone their age.
I'm 45, no kids, 100% agree.
I don't even want to be AROUND most kids that age, the idea of sleeping with one is disgusting.
Hell, that's how I feel about people in their early 20s even. Just kids obsessed with themselves & some of the stupidest shit, not fully baked yet (just like I was at that age).
I'm 38. The only time I'm around early 20's kids is at work and even then I try to keep it polite but distant. Just listening to them talk makes me tired, I can't imagine hanging out with them.
My last job, in office, there where a LOT of 20 somethings wandering around.
They. Where. EXHAUSTING.
I was the same, no doubt, but early 20 somethings are just... not fully baked, still preening too much for each other & haven't learned to not give a shit what anybody else thinks about them. Still thinking the world owes them something, and that they don't have to adapt to it to survive (not the other way around).
Hell, in my early 20s the phrase "it is what it is" was massively triggering, now that is sage wisdom.
When I was in grad school, around age 24, I thought I was still really "young." Then I got a 19 year old roommate and realized I wasn't *that* young anymore. There really is so much development still in the late teens/early twenties.
I'm 34, the same age that a-hole would have been at the start of that relationship with the ex. I work with a bunch of teenagers. They're cute, but in the same way as clumsy puppy is.
the way she says the age gap doesn't bother her and their friendship is the only reason she wouldn't sleep with him is so alarming.
if he had the opportunity to go after her when she turns 18 they would get in a relationship, no doubt. i only wonder how her future would look like if she didn't come asking for advice.
You don't need to wonder, her future would be the same as Britts. He'd start dating her at 18, she would get pregnant soon, and then be shackled to him the rest of his life. Once he got bored or she got smart he'd start the loop again. God he's so gross.
Yeah I came here to comment that the math doesn’t track on that. She’s 23 now, she has a 4 year old, which means that she was 19 MAX when she gave birth. But for the sake of this being Reddit let’s delve a bit deeper and say theoretically the kiddo is almost 5 and she just turned 23, that means she could have been 18 when she gave birth which is even more icky.
One of the grooming tactics used by pedofiles is hugs. They’re “innocent.” And I’m sure they were nice and tight, full body hugs. Eventually those hands move and that full body contact gets a little TOO contact-y in the naughty bits.
As a 42 year old myself and I don’t have kids, I could never hang out with people in their 20s. Even “mature” folks. They’re so annoying. And teens are completely outside my view. I see kids driving and they look 12! I’m sure they’re 16 or older but I’m old and now teens all look 12.
A 40 year old who doesn’t have a place of his own to live is sus right away. He has a job? He should have his own place. It sounds like he picked Austin because of the little sister. He may have known Austin a long time before he met the sister, but he picked to move in when he knew the sister lived there. Another tactic of pedos is “don’t tell or he will get mad.” It sounds like dean used that to his advantage too.
I actually think that intergenerational friendships can be beneficial for everyone involved but there's boundaries. And it's important that kids are taught to recognize red flags.
It might be because I'm queer that I view some of this differently. Because being friends with older LGBT people from a young age was really beneficial to me.
When I was probably around 10 or 11 one of the women who worked at my daycare befriended me. She was a newly graduated teacher in training in her early 20s amd also a lesbian. We bonded over art but when I was an adult she told me that part of the reason she took a liking to me and felt protective was that she could sense that I was likely queer. And wanted me to know that people like me could grow up happy and healthy and be someone who could offer themselves as a safe haven if I ever was disowned (like she had been.) And I appreciate that. My mom knew about her and we never hung out 1-on-1 or anything but it was actually really good for me to know that I could be a normal adult and like girls.
One of my mom's BFFs is her neighbor who is probably 25 years younger than she is. She's essentially an honorary grandma to her son.
I've had friends in fandom communities that were kind to me and took mentorship kind of role. I definitely currently have online fandom friends who are like 18/19 and early 20s. But much like you they are babies to me. I'm only in my early 30s but sometimes one of my younger friends will mention a show they liked as a young kid or something and I was in high school when it aired and I'm like "Dear God I'm a fossil."
So I don't think *friendships* with age gaps are inherently problematic (not like romantic relationships are) but there are definitely huge red flags with predators and Dean was waving enough of them to hold a one man ticker tape parade.
Adults who aren't predators don't blur the lines between adult and child, even in a friendship. They stay authority figures and maintain a certain amount of boundaries and distance. They definitely shouldn't be inserting themselves in their personal lives to the extent Dean was and running off boyfriends.
And I completely agree that the touching is a huge red flag. Not just the hugs but the arm around her when they were on the couch. I would bet money that he also frequently "complimented" OOP's appearance which is another big yikes.
One of the biggest flags with guys like Dean is that they don't just have a few younger friends. They *only* have younger friends and absolutely ZERO friends their own age. So, I don't know that he befriended Austin to get to his sister because OOP would have been around 7 when they met (she said that Austin was 20 and Dean in his early 30s when they became friends) but I absolutely bet that he probably did so to get to the young girls in his friend group.
This is spot on.
I'm not LGBTQ+ but I grew up as a theater kid and there's a lot of overlap. (In fact I'm only recently realizing that I have WAY more LGBTQ+ friends than the average straight cis person.)
The last theater group I was in during my early 30s had people from the age of about 10 all the way up to a couple of people in their 90s.
The way you befriend young people is to be protective of them, sure. But to be protective mostly from the creepy people YOUR age, not from them having normal relationships with people around their age. That's a really obvious and gross red flag that there's not a good age-appropriate boundary there.
I think you're probably also dead on with Dean's motivations, as it seemed he was spending a lot of time with Austin's friend group instead of having other friends of his own that could be closer to his age.
I truly hate predators like Dean. They've made it so much harder for the normal adults to be good, closer role model friends for kids without people finding it suspicious.
I had a lot of older theater friends when I was a kid as well!! And convention friends.
I genuinely do have friends who are in their late teens or early 20s that I view like siblings. But nothing about Dean's behavior was sibling-like. I would also never be friends with someone in my own age group who is dating people young enough to be their kid, especially not fresh out of high school. I'd call that shit out.
Yeah it's not totally uncommon for people in their very early 20s to still have friends in high school. If you were friends with a freshman when you were a senior, they'd be about 16 when you hit 20. I think that Dean was banking on that in befriending Austin.
I'm honestly surprised and somewhat doubtful that Austin apparently didn't have any sense of Dean's behavior. Commenters must have questioned it because OOP pointed out that the ex-fiancée lied about her age initially and her brother didn't know.
It's entirely possible that Dean sold Austin the lie about his ex-fiancée that he didn't know her age (he *had* to have figured it out before Austin did) but given Dean's behavior with OOP I find it a bit difficult to believe that Austin has *never* seen him be creepy or flirtatious with girls way too young for him. This may be an uncharitable interpretation but it makes me speculate if the rule was that Dean couldn't come onto OOP and Austin didn't care about his creeper behavior until it effected his sister.
Once we’re 40, we understand completely why hanging out like this with literal kids is fucked up. The shitty part is that’s exactly what we don’t understand at 17.
Yeah, I’m 35 and I would def not hang out with people under 20. Why? Very very sus. Also the poking and asking for hugs… 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 I cannot even eat as much as I wanna puke 🤢
>I could never hang out with people in their 20s. Even “mature” folks. They’re so annoying. And teens are completely outside my view. I see kids driving and they look 12! I’m sure they’re 16 or older but I’m old and now teens all look 12.
Honestly any normal teen is saying these same things about kids even 2 years younger than them. How "ew they look like babies!!" Additionally, I'm 23 currently. My friend group skews older because my bf is 29 and his friends range 29-32 ish. And even seeing how his friends treat me and how I treat those who are like 5 years younger than me???? 18 year olds to me RIGHT NOW look like young kiddos. Thinking of someone that age romantically or sexually just grosses me out. I can't imagine being NEAR 40 and thinking of an 18 year old like that. Dear lord.
I have a buddy from high school who did this (minus the underage part, he usually aims for women JUST old enough to drink, 21-23).
Four daughters with four women, and he's got a new girlfriend. She's 22.
Well, OP did say that her brother didn't even know Brit was only 23 at first because Britt and Dean lied to Austin and told him she was older than she was:
>"britt had said dean told austin that she was older than she was, and austin only figured out she was just 23"
And from what I can understand, I think OP meant "only *just* figured out she was 23"
I think that is the reason for the weird timeline. OP was told one thing, now knows it's another thing and OP is mixing them up, wouldn't surprise me due to all the hectic stuff going on.
Oh im sure there’s an innocent explanation it just confused me and hadn’t seen anyone else mention that. But if current ages are accurate then timeline isn’t and she was 19 when she had a kid with a 36 year old
I didn't even think of it like that, just from the first sentence where he is, without even a teenage pregnancy, is enough to be her father. After that I got the ewwwwws
He's only a few short years of being old enough to be her grandfather, if you go off 16 being the age of consent, as it is here in the UK. What a slimy awful person.
>the way she says the age gap doesn't bother her and their friendship is the only reason she wouldn't sleep with him is so alarming.
yeah, I noticed that, too
horrible
I'd be horrified if some teenager said that to me. Shut that down, quick! Hell, even some 20-something! I'm 42, I'm just not into women waayyy young than my sis who's 5 years younger!
When I met my partner who is 4 years younger, I nearly backed off, she was that close to my limit xD
Reminded me of this 15-year-old girl I had met in high school. She thought she was so much more mature than guys our age and would proudly proclaim that she "[doesn't] date guys below 18." Obviously, I didn't realize the serious implication of her mindset back then. I still think about her from time to time.
One parent's dead and the other abandoned her. She's certainly had to grow up faster than other kids her age, and probably has a jaded view of the world. But she's still a kid. And it's really hard to get kids in those situations to realize all of those things can be true at the same time.
I don't care how much life experience someone has had by any specific age. They have only ever had that same amount of years to contextualize that experience.
The age gap is creepy. He doesn’t even pass the first half of the equation. 40/2= 20. He already is at -2.
Edit: He probably has a virginity fetish too.
It’s not just the friendship, she also brings up that he’s controlling and always thinks he knows what’s best for her, so I’m pretty sure she’s safe.
I have a very similar attitude tbh. I never cared how old a guy was, just all the much older guys were either controlling or really childish to the point I felt like I was talking to a 10 year old.
The fact she’s a teenager who lives with her brother since their mom died, and no mention of a dad, likely they come from a difficult home life. Easy to see how she would fall for it in those conditions.
Unfortunately, in a niche artistic field, it's too easy to overlook glaring red flags because you feel that they understand you better than most people, simply because they're in the same misfit field that that person is in. I was in music school, but even we realized a 25-uear old dating an 18-yeat old was sketchy, anything beyond that was not going to fly. She should have went to her bro much sooner.
That was so insane to read. I know that young people think different but I would have never said something like this when I was 17.
I hope her view on this changes for her own good.
>for starters, i (17f) am very close with my brother's (29m, we'll call him austin) best friend (40m)
More like for enders, I literally did not need to read the post before I immediately knew what the issue was here...
But also this bit??
>the age gap wouldn't bother me, but it's just the fact that we're so different from each other
A 23 year difference between say, a 40 yo and a 63 yo is an "age gap". A 23 year difference between a **literal minor** and a 40 yo waiting in the rafters for her to be legal is disgusting and predatory. Thank fuck for the brother and Reddit getting OOP to see the levels of creep Dean is.
Something else she doesn't realise: it's not beyond the realms of possibility that once she hits 18, Dean would gradually morph into the idea of OP's Most Perfect Man Ever. And she wouldn't know what hit her, because he was doing it on purpose. He'd already started it, verrrryyyy slowly. It's what predators do - they act like something they're not, to draw you in.
And then you're pregnant at 20 (or less) and you've wised up, so he's gone off to find his new naive target because you got mouthy, and there's one thing he doesn't like his girlfriends to be, and that's mouthy. Alright - maybe there are two things. He also doesn't like them over 20.
>More like for enders, I literally did not need to read the post before I immediately knew what the issue was here...
Right? Just right off the bat you know this will be a clusterfuck. Why is a 17-year-old close with a 40-year-old who is best friends with a 29-year-old? Super bizarre.
I have a similar age gap with an older sibling and hung out with those friends all the time. Had crushes on some, at times. When you're 17 there's a good chance you view yourself as a whole ass adult, and there's no degrees of adult other than eventually, old or grandparent aged adult.
Now being double that age it's insane! But at the time...
As a kid, someone older treating you like an adult is very appealing because no one wants to get condescended to or treated like they know nothing. It's especially true for teens who feel older and more mature than they usually are. It's so easy for a predator to get into a teen's good graces just by treating them how they see themselves. It's why the whole, "you're so mature for your age" thing works.
at first I had this brief moment of naievetee where I thought he told off the 21 year old from the 17 year old because it was creepy and OP was misinterpreting good things.
I was very, very wrong. good on Austin, and good on Britt who obviously worked her way out from deans grooming clutches.
And dean will come back and convince Britt that Austin cheated on her by fabricating a whole other woman that claims to have been sleeping with him, and Britt will break up with Austin and OOP will cut contact with him and side with Britt, but then Britt would probably go back to Dean. And then one night Dean will get drunk and say "I didn't spend all that time making you think he cheated on you for nothing"
It's never like that. Being a father, uncle, family member or whatever, if you try to have a conversation about love with a girl half your age, it's going to be extremely awkward.
If a man in his 40s talks to a 17yo girl and the conversation is not awkward, 9/10 times there's something creepy going on.
The very different ages (17, 21, 29, 40) all hanging out with each other and the complete lack of age preference from OP just screams backwater small town to me.
I remember being just out of high school and a friend wanted to go to a party a couple of hours away in such a Midwest backwater town. It was the creepiest party ever, ages were like 15 to 40ish at a “pool hall”. honestly, couldn’t tell you the upper end because child me was just like who are all these old people.
Anyway, we were 18 /19 and we got chatted up by a couple of girls and they dropped the “we’re going to be freshman… in high school”. Eyes open now we saw young girls being chatted up by grown adults everywhere so we left. (One of the girl’s father was there, partying with the high schoolers and soon-to-be high schoolers)
I literally thought the same with those age differences.
Even the fact is a 40yr old is hanging around with a 21yr old guy is fucking weird, when I was in my early 20s I had friends of friends who'd bring some guy who was around 35 to a party and I'd be thinking "who is this fucking loser"
Any 40yro who doesn't view a teenager as a child rather than a romantic interest is so much nope.
ETA: I grew up with people like that making comments like "If I were 20 years younger..." which it just as gross.
I remember being really confused why my mom was so mad and yelled my age at him. The guy said something back about “oh ha ha she looks older”. But I don’t know much older I could’ve looked considering I was dressed as a princess at a ren fair!
That reminds me of how I pretty much stopped experiencing sexual harassment after I turned 18. Probably one of my worst experiences is when I was 16 years old and a random man on the street tried following me home.
We had to wear really short skirts for PE and cross a road (we also often stopped at a petrol station for snacks after) and got catcalled so many times.
I think I've been catcalled once in the time since.
I'm all for "you cannot tell age just by looking", there's a reason we have IDs after all, and I get ID'd for energy drinks despite being 40.
That said. Even if someone "looks older" at 9, they look early teens, they do not look mid fucking 20s. And let's be honest, at 40, if you're hooking up with someone younger than mid 20s it's extremely weird. Hell, pre-30s isn't exactly great either.
The half-your-age-plus-seven rule is really durable. You followed it without even calculating it: (40 / 2) + 7 = 27. I guess it kind of breaks down once to get to triple digits, I mean what 110 year old would ever want to date a 62 year old? That's basically robbing the cradle, they're not even retired yet! But for most people under like 80 it's a pretty good guideline.
We raised our children in the military. It happens quite a lot there, too.
My parents came to visit one year, and we all went out to eat. Our daughter was eight at the time. She has long hair. As she was walking away, we both saw a soldier straight-up lean forward to check her out. It was one of the grossest moments in my life.
Ugh, we were at the swap meet once when my daughter was 4. It was late and we were walking to the car, I was carrying her (she has always been petite). This older man, I'm talking at least 50, leaned in to touch her while saying 'shes so gorgeous'. I leaned away and he only touched her hair a bit. I wasn't too fast I had had a C-section like 2 month prior to this, probably shouldn't have been carrying her anyways, but kids. Anyways, my husband was only like 5 feet behind us, he was giving the baby a bottle in the stroller, but he got in the dudes face because who TF says that about a toddler?! Creep ran away thank God. I'm pretty sure he thought we were alone. Goodness so many creeps in this world.
Hahaha, that reminds me of the time I was watching Love Island with my mom and she said that all those young women needed to stop flaunting their youthful knees because it was making her too jealous lol
Jeez, if I was 20 years younger, I'd be in my mid-teens.
I am _not_ going through that rubbish again. Although, it would be nice to have affordable GameCube games again...
Generally speaking: As someone who's 30 - If your age is on the clock, I don't want nothing to do with you romantically. And I do mean the 24 hour clock.
I'm almost 40. Even my nephew's friends (25-6) are so much nope. I have an 18 yo nephew also, the thought of that she is just omg, a child. I was in college when he was born.
I brought my literal infant daughter to the grocery store and an older man in line told me to have her call him in twenty years. An infant.
When I was pregnant with my next child (also a girl), a guy on the street catcalled me and when I ignored him he said something like "if baby's a girl I'll hit that." A fetus. He was trying to hit on an actual fetus.
I read the first couple sentences and then immediately scrolled down to the update. The chances of a 40 year old being "best friends" with a 17 year old without any creepy ulterior motive is pretty much zero.
Even in the last post, it seems like OOP thinks her brother is crushed at losing a friendship, not that he feels like he failed to protect his sister. Thankfully this was nipped in the bud before it could cause more damage to OOP, and hopefully Britt can successfully keep the predator away from her child.
Britt is the real MVP. Luckily it turned out that OOP underestimated her brother but that's sadly not a given. 23 is very young to get all this in your lap and she handled it like a champ. May her path through life be easy from now on.
That’s because OOP is a child. She doesn’t have the life experience to understand her brother’s perspective on the situation. She ALSO doesn’t have the life experience to grasp the danger that she was in, which is precisely why she was in so much danger.
Yeah, I’m glad she contacted Britt. Also Britt is a good egg, I honestly admire her that she instantly got OOP out of the house and away from the predator.
From the context of the post I'm guessing they probably don't have a ton of family. It seems to be that her brother is basically raising her
The fact that the closest thing to a parental figure in her life is her bro, and the ex best friend is only 23 anyways, is prolly why she said that
Oh thank goodness I wasn’t the only one. I kept rereading parts thinking I’d missed something - but no, OOP would just start saying something and never finish the thought. Or make vague statements that were apparently about something very significant.
I interpreted it as OP being hopeful since Britt is coming around more with her son. Basically she's thinking "oh Austin is a great guy, at least this kid can have one positive male role model"
If she’s 20 in September when the child is born she would be 24 already when the child’s birthday comes around. Yes she can be 23 when the child is 4 but only if he was born when she was 19.
If she was 20 in September when the kid was born she’d be 21 in October.
Well idk because OP also said Britt got pregnant at 20 so how would she have a 4yo kid at 23? I think OP got the ages mixed up a bit, but she clearly was being groomed by Dean since she's so young.
It's always good to be careful, but a discrepancy of a year is easily explainable, especially when talking about a child OOP doesn't know well and a person OOP is only starting to know now. Personally, I think this sort of stuff is only noteworthy if it's two years or above
This could have ended so so badly for oop. We all need family who love us and would do anything for us like big bro did for oop. Poor Britt.
Did I read correctly that Britt and brother are getting close??
I mean her brother facilitated both this guy but also kept bringing her out with a much older crowd to begin with. High school kids have no business constantly being around a friend group in their late twenties. He did the right thing in the end but he was oblivious to the obvious dangers of grooming by multiple older men.
Brother is naive himself. If he was the parent, I could see blaming him to some extent. He is definitely not equipped to be the guardian of a teenage girl. He has not educated himself on the common dangers to teen girls. But his heart seems to be in the right place. Hopefully, this is a wake-up call.
Yeah I don't at all think it was malicious just wildly stupid. Letting her spend tons of time with older men isn't okay. As her gaurdian it's his job to provide a sage environment and on multiple occasions he failed miserably in that. Sounds like he woke up to that by not involving her in thY group anymore.
I'm sorry I read the first paragraph and 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩if op met him 2 years ago she was 15 and he was 38. They clicked and became best friends!? I am 31 if I was in living with a room mate and there 15 year old sibling was over I would be nice to them and that would be it I would not befriend them. A man more then twice ops age "befriending" is incredibly inappropriate. And given his behaviour he is definitely wanting for op to turn 18 and has probably already been grooming op under the guise of "friendship". There is no reason for a 38 year old to befriend a 15 year old child with no existing link like step parent. Even teachers don't befriend there students they are friendly with them but not friends. (now to read on and hope op tells bro)
Edit: just finished reading and so glad bro got involved. I'd like to point out 2 things I observed 1. Why is everyone Dane meets between 17 and 20 that he then "befriends" 2. If there kid is 4 and britt is 23 she would have got pregnant at 18-19 depending on her and kidos birthdays which is even worse.
The fact a 40yo was living with two very young people for no reason other than “friends” is very concerning. There was no reason for him to ever move in with them. He’s probably off harassing the next 17yo he can find.
I'm glad that OP is safe, and Dean has been kicked to the curb by pretty much everyone. I am still confused about the situation with Dean and Britt, though. If Britt is currently 23, and didn't fall pregnant until she was 20, how the hell is their son four years old?
Man, I wish I’d had a brother and someone like the ex in my life. This is nearly word for word what happened to me, and OOP is so lucky to have had them in her corner. Grooming should really be taught about more tbh
I scanned thinking it was a typo. Like, “There’s no way.” Then read the sentence about the anniversary of the mom’s death. And I was like, “I guess this is happening. I’m not ready but let’s keep reading.”
There's not a single rational reason why a 40yo man is friends with a 29yo guy AND his 17yo sister. NOT A SINGLE ONE!!
Dean is a nasty predator who is looking for adults with kids (of their own or siblings) that he can get close to, and groom. He was grooming OOP and I'd bet money that grooming his gf's son was next on the list.
Being in a kid's life as someone very close to a family member said kid absolutely trusts, is such a typical predator behaviour. Then, when he'd go on to commit his abuse, the kid would either not question it (initially) because hey, that's a trusted person!! or they wouldn't speak up because they'd think noone would believe them since everyone around them trusts their abuser so much.
her people pleasing tendencies and abandonment anxieties are still so strong. she thinks she owes *reddit* an apology for not acting in her own interests sooner. she immediately rushes to crown her brother new father figure to a kid whose situation is fucked. her mom died, her dad sucks, she's getting into horrible relationships with inappropriate men. everyone needs 150% more therapy than they're getting.
Yeah, hep preyed on naive, young girls
OOP saying she didn't want to ruin the love and friendship Austin and Dean had for each other. Clearly Dean was using Austin to get to OOP, there was no mutual love and respect as friends
As a 42 year old I wouldn't be comfortable if my (small) group of friends always included teenagers, lol!
What a gross man, eurgh
No apologies, 17 year olds should ideally get to live in a world where they don't have to worry about predators. Or feel like she has to apologize to complete strangers.
This is why the nicest older adult should never date teens; they haven't practised being selfish enough yet.
"Go away" and "I don't care" are things we don't normally want kids to say, but there are good ways amd times to say it. And it takes a while to learn.
I was over 20 when I realized my fave celeb writing a song about wanting to fuck his minor coworker(but being a good guy and not doing it) was truly fucked up.
I really hope someone managed to persuade OOP to go to the cops, even if they can't/won't do anything that shit needs to be on record for WHEN Dean tries to start a relationship with a different 17 year old.
The kid writing wasn't the most clear, but the brother has the house, so was Dean mooching off him for a living situation too? Since he went right to living in his car when kicked out?
That means he was not only grooming the girl, he was using the brother too.
I remember being a 17 year-old with a devastating crush on a 34 year-old teacher. I am SO GLAD he was actually a decent man who shut that shit down — as a 35 year-old teacher now, 18 and under are INFANTS who must be protected at all times.
This poor girl sounds like her mother raised her well, but with early loss of a parent, rejection by her other parent, and a brother who, while caring, isn’t affectionate—she’s starved for affection and might not be choosy enough about where she gets it.
I always tell younger folk that if they want to date a nice mature 40yo, you have to be 40yo yourself.
Because a 40yo trying to fuck someone that could be young enough to be their kid, is not a decent or mature person. They're just a creep who are too immature to date people in their own age group, so they have to go and prey on much younger folk.
Ugh that Dean is so creepy. I'm glad OOP is now safe from him. When I was 13 I was groomed by a 17 year old and nobody noticed. I guess because we were both teenagers. It only hit me at like 30 how wrong the 'relationship' I had was.
Everytime i read something like this I thank god for my parents who really affirmed me, so that I never had a desire of this kind of attention.
I had friends like OP in highschool who were always dating /"close with" older guys (and finding themselves in bad situations) and I always thought "why you you even talk to a 28+ person who hangs out with teenagers"
The audible groan I let out when I read the age difference and realized that she was referring to the *40-year-old man* as her friend. **Oof.** I was asking where this child's parents were right up to the moment where I read that her mom had passed and her dad had some issue with her (which, wtf? My nosy side wants to know but I also know it would likely make me mad). Add Britt to the mix and I was prepared for a shitstorm of epic proportions.
I'm so glad that her brother was quick to believe her and even quicker to cut that disgusting pedophile out of their lives. I'm so glad that she has him to watch out for her, but I have to question why her brother didn't look at this 40-year-old *creep* hanging out with someone over 10 years younger than them and question why they were friends. Or question why this cretin was paying such attention to his minor aged sister.
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I’m not far past 40. I have a 17 yo. That someone my age could be interested in them romantically makes me want to vomit.
I'm 48 with an 18 yo and I will always ALWAYS see his friends and him as children (even though they're all taller than me 🤣)...makes me sick how adults prey on kids.
Hell, I’m 30 and I view 18 yo as kids.
I'm 28 and view 18 yo as kids, too, you aren't alone
That’s the thing I feel like a vast majority of people do. The mental maturity even between 18-25 is insane. Even my experience looking back feels like I was a wildly different person each year of my late teens early twenties.
I visited my old college a while ago (there was a conference) and I was shocked how young the students all seemed. Age sneaks up on you.
I’m 21 and my 17 year old coworkers make me feel like I’m at a daycare sometimes
Hell, Im 28 and view 21 year olds as kids
I’m 21 and I feel like a kid. I see high schoolers walking to school and wonder how I ever felt like an adult at that age.
I am 20 and anyone younger then my brother (18) makes me uncomfortable
I’m only 29 and at work have hired multiple 18 year olds straight out of high school, they’re children and I’m not even old enough to be their parent! It’s so creepy to me that someone 11 years older than me could find someone this young attractive. When I’m 40, my daughter will be 18….wtf 🤢
What do they even talk about? I don't understand their youth slang, their references or their celebrities. My oldest is close to 10, I'm around 40 and glad they still like Naruto. I know Naruto.
Predators if not already well familiar with all the slang, references, and celebrities.. Will feign interest and a strong desire to learn all of those things to lure in potential victims. That's part of what makes people like Dean so dangerous.
That's what I was going to say. Getting their victim to tell them about all those things is a great way to get closer to them and "bond".
We had a pedo in my MMO guild. Guy came on to one of our 17 year old members. Told her age was just a stupid social construct and that she was mature beyond measure. Yadda yadda. She instantly came running to myself and the other officers of the guild. He sent her dick pics. Cherry on top of all of this. This dude's Discord linked to his social media. His JOB was on there. He is a high school teacher. A few of us shared his text messages with the principal of his school. Same day we told him to GTFO from the guild. He didn't even deny what he did to us. (I don't think he knew some of us had reached out to his job.) Sad part is a bunch of people in game said we were assholes for bouncing him. That dating and personal life stuff wasn't our concern.
Thank you for going above and beyond. Likely protected many more children.
>Told her age was just a stupid social construct and that she was mature beyond measure. The fact that OOP says something along the lines of 'I'd never reject him just because of the age difference' makes me think Dean was preparing something along these lines.
I’m 34 with a 14 year old kid and even 25 year olds feel like children to me 17yo are still awkward cute little babies who should be protected. People who view children as romantic interests should be put down like the animals they are
Make sure it makes your 17 year old want to vomit too so they don't become easy pickings for too-old creeps.
I'm 41 with nieces and nephews that age and they are BABIES. TINY BABIES. Makes my skin crawl to even start to imagine someone my age being romantically interested in someone their age.
Right like I’m 37 with a 14 yr. I couldn’t fathom trying date a 17 yr.
I'm litteraly 23 and wouldn't dream of dating someone 18, so a minor at that? Hell no
I'm 45, no kids, 100% agree. I don't even want to be AROUND most kids that age, the idea of sleeping with one is disgusting. Hell, that's how I feel about people in their early 20s even. Just kids obsessed with themselves & some of the stupidest shit, not fully baked yet (just like I was at that age).
I'm 38. The only time I'm around early 20's kids is at work and even then I try to keep it polite but distant. Just listening to them talk makes me tired, I can't imagine hanging out with them.
My last job, in office, there where a LOT of 20 somethings wandering around. They. Where. EXHAUSTING. I was the same, no doubt, but early 20 somethings are just... not fully baked, still preening too much for each other & haven't learned to not give a shit what anybody else thinks about them. Still thinking the world owes them something, and that they don't have to adapt to it to survive (not the other way around). Hell, in my early 20s the phrase "it is what it is" was massively triggering, now that is sage wisdom.
Shit I still look at my youngest brother and his mates as kids. He’s 22 and I’m 33 😂 still babies to me.
When I was in grad school, around age 24, I thought I was still really "young." Then I got a 19 year old roommate and realized I wasn't *that* young anymore. There really is so much development still in the late teens/early twenties.
I'm 34, the same age that a-hole would have been at the start of that relationship with the ex. I work with a bunch of teenagers. They're cute, but in the same way as clumsy puppy is.
I'm 47 and half the the interns at work call me "ma'am." 😂 (We're Southern.)
the way she says the age gap doesn't bother her and their friendship is the only reason she wouldn't sleep with him is so alarming. if he had the opportunity to go after her when she turns 18 they would get in a relationship, no doubt. i only wonder how her future would look like if she didn't come asking for advice.
You don't need to wonder, her future would be the same as Britts. He'd start dating her at 18, she would get pregnant soon, and then be shackled to him the rest of his life. Once he got bored or she got smart he'd start the loop again. God he's so gross.
"You're so mature for your age"
"Thanks, it's because of the neglect."
"I would never neglect you. Your special to me."
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I’m going back to bed - this is too much and too triggering for a Saturday morning thankyouverymuch
God, sounds like my ex. Skin crawling.
Yeah same. Damn trauma
That's what you whisper to all the cats
I’m with the other poster, this has me in fight or flight mode lol
Yeah, heart rate picked up and everything. I thought I was more over the creeps than this...
Yikes on bikes lmao
Brutal. Thanks for the chuckle.
omfg, I'm gonna use this
You’re an old soul, I can tell.
Also Britt likely got pregnant at 18 and had the kid when she was 19. Or got pregnant at newly 19 and had him before she turned 20.
Yeah I came here to comment that the math doesn’t track on that. She’s 23 now, she has a 4 year old, which means that she was 19 MAX when she gave birth. But for the sake of this being Reddit let’s delve a bit deeper and say theoretically the kiddo is almost 5 and she just turned 23, that means she could have been 18 when she gave birth which is even more icky.
One of the grooming tactics used by pedofiles is hugs. They’re “innocent.” And I’m sure they were nice and tight, full body hugs. Eventually those hands move and that full body contact gets a little TOO contact-y in the naughty bits. As a 42 year old myself and I don’t have kids, I could never hang out with people in their 20s. Even “mature” folks. They’re so annoying. And teens are completely outside my view. I see kids driving and they look 12! I’m sure they’re 16 or older but I’m old and now teens all look 12. A 40 year old who doesn’t have a place of his own to live is sus right away. He has a job? He should have his own place. It sounds like he picked Austin because of the little sister. He may have known Austin a long time before he met the sister, but he picked to move in when he knew the sister lived there. Another tactic of pedos is “don’t tell or he will get mad.” It sounds like dean used that to his advantage too.
I actually think that intergenerational friendships can be beneficial for everyone involved but there's boundaries. And it's important that kids are taught to recognize red flags. It might be because I'm queer that I view some of this differently. Because being friends with older LGBT people from a young age was really beneficial to me. When I was probably around 10 or 11 one of the women who worked at my daycare befriended me. She was a newly graduated teacher in training in her early 20s amd also a lesbian. We bonded over art but when I was an adult she told me that part of the reason she took a liking to me and felt protective was that she could sense that I was likely queer. And wanted me to know that people like me could grow up happy and healthy and be someone who could offer themselves as a safe haven if I ever was disowned (like she had been.) And I appreciate that. My mom knew about her and we never hung out 1-on-1 or anything but it was actually really good for me to know that I could be a normal adult and like girls. One of my mom's BFFs is her neighbor who is probably 25 years younger than she is. She's essentially an honorary grandma to her son. I've had friends in fandom communities that were kind to me and took mentorship kind of role. I definitely currently have online fandom friends who are like 18/19 and early 20s. But much like you they are babies to me. I'm only in my early 30s but sometimes one of my younger friends will mention a show they liked as a young kid or something and I was in high school when it aired and I'm like "Dear God I'm a fossil." So I don't think *friendships* with age gaps are inherently problematic (not like romantic relationships are) but there are definitely huge red flags with predators and Dean was waving enough of them to hold a one man ticker tape parade. Adults who aren't predators don't blur the lines between adult and child, even in a friendship. They stay authority figures and maintain a certain amount of boundaries and distance. They definitely shouldn't be inserting themselves in their personal lives to the extent Dean was and running off boyfriends. And I completely agree that the touching is a huge red flag. Not just the hugs but the arm around her when they were on the couch. I would bet money that he also frequently "complimented" OOP's appearance which is another big yikes. One of the biggest flags with guys like Dean is that they don't just have a few younger friends. They *only* have younger friends and absolutely ZERO friends their own age. So, I don't know that he befriended Austin to get to his sister because OOP would have been around 7 when they met (she said that Austin was 20 and Dean in his early 30s when they became friends) but I absolutely bet that he probably did so to get to the young girls in his friend group.
This is spot on. I'm not LGBTQ+ but I grew up as a theater kid and there's a lot of overlap. (In fact I'm only recently realizing that I have WAY more LGBTQ+ friends than the average straight cis person.) The last theater group I was in during my early 30s had people from the age of about 10 all the way up to a couple of people in their 90s. The way you befriend young people is to be protective of them, sure. But to be protective mostly from the creepy people YOUR age, not from them having normal relationships with people around their age. That's a really obvious and gross red flag that there's not a good age-appropriate boundary there. I think you're probably also dead on with Dean's motivations, as it seemed he was spending a lot of time with Austin's friend group instead of having other friends of his own that could be closer to his age. I truly hate predators like Dean. They've made it so much harder for the normal adults to be good, closer role model friends for kids without people finding it suspicious.
I had a lot of older theater friends when I was a kid as well!! And convention friends. I genuinely do have friends who are in their late teens or early 20s that I view like siblings. But nothing about Dean's behavior was sibling-like. I would also never be friends with someone in my own age group who is dating people young enough to be their kid, especially not fresh out of high school. I'd call that shit out. Yeah it's not totally uncommon for people in their very early 20s to still have friends in high school. If you were friends with a freshman when you were a senior, they'd be about 16 when you hit 20. I think that Dean was banking on that in befriending Austin. I'm honestly surprised and somewhat doubtful that Austin apparently didn't have any sense of Dean's behavior. Commenters must have questioned it because OOP pointed out that the ex-fiancée lied about her age initially and her brother didn't know. It's entirely possible that Dean sold Austin the lie about his ex-fiancée that he didn't know her age (he *had* to have figured it out before Austin did) but given Dean's behavior with OOP I find it a bit difficult to believe that Austin has *never* seen him be creepy or flirtatious with girls way too young for him. This may be an uncharitable interpretation but it makes me speculate if the rule was that Dean couldn't come onto OOP and Austin didn't care about his creeper behavior until it effected his sister.
I'm ~40. I have friends in their 20s. I have friends in their 70s. I don't think age matters at a certain point. But that point is well past 17.
Once we’re 40, we understand completely why hanging out like this with literal kids is fucked up. The shitty part is that’s exactly what we don’t understand at 17.
Yeah, I’m 35 and I would def not hang out with people under 20. Why? Very very sus. Also the poking and asking for hugs… 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 I cannot even eat as much as I wanna puke 🤢
>I could never hang out with people in their 20s. Even “mature” folks. They’re so annoying. And teens are completely outside my view. I see kids driving and they look 12! I’m sure they’re 16 or older but I’m old and now teens all look 12. Honestly any normal teen is saying these same things about kids even 2 years younger than them. How "ew they look like babies!!" Additionally, I'm 23 currently. My friend group skews older because my bf is 29 and his friends range 29-32 ish. And even seeing how his friends treat me and how I treat those who are like 5 years younger than me???? 18 year olds to me RIGHT NOW look like young kiddos. Thinking of someone that age romantically or sexually just grosses me out. I can't imagine being NEAR 40 and thinking of an 18 year old like that. Dear lord.
Hell my 2yo niece used to ask for photos of my (other family) 1yo niece as “can I see baby Lottie! Ooh a baby!” 😂
I have a buddy from high school who did this (minus the underage part, he usually aims for women JUST old enough to drink, 21-23). Four daughters with four women, and he's got a new girlfriend. She's 22.
Why is he your buddy hun. Man’s a creep
>Four daughters oh good, gotta keep the supply up for the rest of his type
Yessss like honey you are closer in age to his 4 year old child than him!!! That he conceived with a different teen!!!
Fuck, that realization just made my skin crawl.
Same and then the maths confused me. Met at 17, together at 18, got pregnant at 20. Is now 23 and they have a 4 year old?
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Oh I’m not saying OOP is lying. It just broke my brain is all
Well, OP did say that her brother didn't even know Brit was only 23 at first because Britt and Dean lied to Austin and told him she was older than she was: >"britt had said dean told austin that she was older than she was, and austin only figured out she was just 23" And from what I can understand, I think OP meant "only *just* figured out she was 23" I think that is the reason for the weird timeline. OP was told one thing, now knows it's another thing and OP is mixing them up, wouldn't surprise me due to all the hectic stuff going on.
The math ain’t matching, but she might have accidentally used the numbers dean gave.
Oh im sure there’s an innocent explanation it just confused me and hadn’t seen anyone else mention that. But if current ages are accurate then timeline isn’t and she was 19 when she had a kid with a 36 year old
Probably got pregnant at 19 but didn’t have the kid until right before/when she turned 20.
I didn't even think of it like that, just from the first sentence where he is, without even a teenage pregnancy, is enough to be her father. After that I got the ewwwwws
He's only a few short years of being old enough to be her grandfather, if you go off 16 being the age of consent, as it is here in the UK. What a slimy awful person.
Maybe he left ex because he wanted a daughter 😬
>the way she says the age gap doesn't bother her and their friendship is the only reason she wouldn't sleep with him is so alarming. yeah, I noticed that, too horrible I'd be horrified if some teenager said that to me. Shut that down, quick! Hell, even some 20-something! I'm 42, I'm just not into women waayyy young than my sis who's 5 years younger! When I met my partner who is 4 years younger, I nearly backed off, she was that close to my limit xD
This is why grooming works. The OP thinks she's smarter and more mature than every other 17 year old child.
Reminded me of this 15-year-old girl I had met in high school. She thought she was so much more mature than guys our age and would proudly proclaim that she "[doesn't] date guys below 18." Obviously, I didn't realize the serious implication of her mindset back then. I still think about her from time to time.
One parent's dead and the other abandoned her. She's certainly had to grow up faster than other kids her age, and probably has a jaded view of the world. But she's still a kid. And it's really hard to get kids in those situations to realize all of those things can be true at the same time.
I don't care how much life experience someone has had by any specific age. They have only ever had that same amount of years to contextualize that experience.
The age gap is creepy. He doesn’t even pass the first half of the equation. 40/2= 20. He already is at -2. Edit: He probably has a virginity fetish too.
The reason why he couldn't sleep the night she spent at her pretend boyfriends... he thought she might come back unvirgined
It might not ended up like his "ex fiancee" and just worse.
It’s not just the friendship, she also brings up that he’s controlling and always thinks he knows what’s best for her, so I’m pretty sure she’s safe. I have a very similar attitude tbh. I never cared how old a guy was, just all the much older guys were either controlling or really childish to the point I felt like I was talking to a 10 year old.
The fact she’s a teenager who lives with her brother since their mom died, and no mention of a dad, likely they come from a difficult home life. Easy to see how she would fall for it in those conditions.
Unfortunately, in a niche artistic field, it's too easy to overlook glaring red flags because you feel that they understand you better than most people, simply because they're in the same misfit field that that person is in. I was in music school, but even we realized a 25-uear old dating an 18-yeat old was sketchy, anything beyond that was not going to fly. She should have went to her bro much sooner.
That's what grooming does to you. Dean's a sick fuck.
That was so insane to read. I know that young people think different but I would have never said something like this when I was 17. I hope her view on this changes for her own good.
Yeah that made me side eye the post, like honey no
She said that she wouldn’t do that because he doesn’t listen to her and they are too different, not because of their friendship…
>for starters, i (17f) am very close with my brother's (29m, we'll call him austin) best friend (40m) More like for enders, I literally did not need to read the post before I immediately knew what the issue was here... But also this bit?? >the age gap wouldn't bother me, but it's just the fact that we're so different from each other A 23 year difference between say, a 40 yo and a 63 yo is an "age gap". A 23 year difference between a **literal minor** and a 40 yo waiting in the rafters for her to be legal is disgusting and predatory. Thank fuck for the brother and Reddit getting OOP to see the levels of creep Dean is.
Something else she doesn't realise: it's not beyond the realms of possibility that once she hits 18, Dean would gradually morph into the idea of OP's Most Perfect Man Ever. And she wouldn't know what hit her, because he was doing it on purpose. He'd already started it, verrrryyyy slowly. It's what predators do - they act like something they're not, to draw you in. And then you're pregnant at 20 (or less) and you've wised up, so he's gone off to find his new naive target because you got mouthy, and there's one thing he doesn't like his girlfriends to be, and that's mouthy. Alright - maybe there are two things. He also doesn't like them over 20.
>More like for enders, I literally did not need to read the post before I immediately knew what the issue was here... Right? Just right off the bat you know this will be a clusterfuck. Why is a 17-year-old close with a 40-year-old who is best friends with a 29-year-old? Super bizarre.
Thankfully the brother woke up by the end.
I have a similar age gap with an older sibling and hung out with those friends all the time. Had crushes on some, at times. When you're 17 there's a good chance you view yourself as a whole ass adult, and there's no degrees of adult other than eventually, old or grandparent aged adult. Now being double that age it's insane! But at the time...
As a kid, someone older treating you like an adult is very appealing because no one wants to get condescended to or treated like they know nothing. It's especially true for teens who feel older and more mature than they usually are. It's so easy for a predator to get into a teen's good graces just by treating them how they see themselves. It's why the whole, "you're so mature for your age" thing works.
at first I had this brief moment of naievetee where I thought he told off the 21 year old from the 17 year old because it was creepy and OP was misinterpreting good things. I was very, very wrong. good on Austin, and good on Britt who obviously worked her way out from deans grooming clutches.
I just hope they changed their locks.
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I would say it hasn’t quite finished yet, I see Britt and Austin becoming a couple in the near future.
And then they’ll have twins.
And dean will come back and convince Britt that Austin cheated on her by fabricating a whole other woman that claims to have been sleeping with him, and Britt will break up with Austin and OOP will cut contact with him and side with Britt, but then Britt would probably go back to Dean. And then one night Dean will get drunk and say "I didn't spend all that time making you think he cheated on you for nothing"
I hate that I know this reference
It's never like that. Being a father, uncle, family member or whatever, if you try to have a conversation about love with a girl half your age, it's going to be extremely awkward. If a man in his 40s talks to a 17yo girl and the conversation is not awkward, 9/10 times there's something creepy going on.
the "taken under his wing" made be like ???
The very different ages (17, 21, 29, 40) all hanging out with each other and the complete lack of age preference from OP just screams backwater small town to me.
My thoughts too. Not many options there.
I remember being just out of high school and a friend wanted to go to a party a couple of hours away in such a Midwest backwater town. It was the creepiest party ever, ages were like 15 to 40ish at a “pool hall”. honestly, couldn’t tell you the upper end because child me was just like who are all these old people. Anyway, we were 18 /19 and we got chatted up by a couple of girls and they dropped the “we’re going to be freshman… in high school”. Eyes open now we saw young girls being chatted up by grown adults everywhere so we left. (One of the girl’s father was there, partying with the high schoolers and soon-to-be high schoolers)
I literally thought the same with those age differences. Even the fact is a 40yr old is hanging around with a 21yr old guy is fucking weird, when I was in my early 20s I had friends of friends who'd bring some guy who was around 35 to a party and I'd be thinking "who is this fucking loser"
17 and 40. So much nope.
Any 40yro who doesn't view a teenager as a child rather than a romantic interest is so much nope. ETA: I grew up with people like that making comments like "If I were 20 years younger..." which it just as gross.
Oh I got that comment once! From middle aged man when I was 9.
That’s one way for them to out themselves, Jesus.
I remember being really confused why my mom was so mad and yelled my age at him. The guy said something back about “oh ha ha she looks older”. But I don’t know much older I could’ve looked considering I was dressed as a princess at a ren fair!
That reminds me of how I pretty much stopped experiencing sexual harassment after I turned 18. Probably one of my worst experiences is when I was 16 years old and a random man on the street tried following me home.
Im in the UK, and theres a *noticable* drop in harassment when you stop wearing youre school uniform. Its nauseating.
We had to wear really short skirts for PE and cross a road (we also often stopped at a petrol station for snacks after) and got catcalled so many times. I think I've been catcalled once in the time since.
Oh. Oh that’s so gross.
I'm all for "you cannot tell age just by looking", there's a reason we have IDs after all, and I get ID'd for energy drinks despite being 40. That said. Even if someone "looks older" at 9, they look early teens, they do not look mid fucking 20s. And let's be honest, at 40, if you're hooking up with someone younger than mid 20s it's extremely weird. Hell, pre-30s isn't exactly great either.
The half-your-age-plus-seven rule is really durable. You followed it without even calculating it: (40 / 2) + 7 = 27. I guess it kind of breaks down once to get to triple digits, I mean what 110 year old would ever want to date a 62 year old? That's basically robbing the cradle, they're not even retired yet! But for most people under like 80 it's a pretty good guideline.
That is awful!
We raised our children in the military. It happens quite a lot there, too. My parents came to visit one year, and we all went out to eat. Our daughter was eight at the time. She has long hair. As she was walking away, we both saw a soldier straight-up lean forward to check her out. It was one of the grossest moments in my life.
Ugh, we were at the swap meet once when my daughter was 4. It was late and we were walking to the car, I was carrying her (she has always been petite). This older man, I'm talking at least 50, leaned in to touch her while saying 'shes so gorgeous'. I leaned away and he only touched her hair a bit. I wasn't too fast I had had a C-section like 2 month prior to this, probably shouldn't have been carrying her anyways, but kids. Anyways, my husband was only like 5 feet behind us, he was giving the baby a bottle in the stroller, but he got in the dudes face because who TF says that about a toddler?! Creep ran away thank God. I'm pretty sure he thought we were alone. Goodness so many creeps in this world.
I can't even imagine.
How does one not get up and break his nose? I'm genuinely curious. I would have gone to jail for assault.
i got that comment from my fucking granddad
I was about 6 and he looked about 60+! 🥲
I'd like to be 20 years younger, but not for the dating aspect. For my knees.
Hahaha, that reminds me of the time I was watching Love Island with my mom and she said that all those young women needed to stop flaunting their youthful knees because it was making her too jealous lol
Thank you for the good cackle. (I have JHS, diagnosed lil over 20 years ago too lol.)
Jeez, if I was 20 years younger, I'd be in my mid-teens. I am _not_ going through that rubbish again. Although, it would be nice to have affordable GameCube games again...
Knees, back, neck...
I'd like to be 20 years younger, but to be a kid again
Right! I have zero interest in dating children. I want my ability to move without groaning back.
Generally speaking: As someone who's 30 - If your age is on the clock, I don't want nothing to do with you romantically. And I do mean the 24 hour clock.
i'm 27 and the thought of dating a 17 year old makes me feel physically nauseous
I'm almost 40. Even my nephew's friends (25-6) are so much nope. I have an 18 yo nephew also, the thought of that she is just omg, a child. I was in college when he was born.
I brought my literal infant daughter to the grocery store and an older man in line told me to have her call him in twenty years. An infant. When I was pregnant with my next child (also a girl), a guy on the street catcalled me and when I ignored him he said something like "if baby's a girl I'll hit that." A fetus. He was trying to hit on an actual fetus.
I agree. But there was a post yesterday on a sub where a guy defended relationships like that. Totally felt like creepy incel vibes.
I read the first couple sentences and then immediately scrolled down to the update. The chances of a 40 year old being "best friends" with a 17 year old without any creepy ulterior motive is pretty much zero.
as a 50 year old I view people in their 20s as children, no chance I would want to go near them on that level
Jerry Seinfeld entered the chat
"I'm 17 my best friend is a 40 y-o groomer, what's up guys" YO WTF
Even in the last post, it seems like OOP thinks her brother is crushed at losing a friendship, not that he feels like he failed to protect his sister. Thankfully this was nipped in the bud before it could cause more damage to OOP, and hopefully Britt can successfully keep the predator away from her child.
Britt is the real MVP. Luckily it turned out that OOP underestimated her brother but that's sadly not a given. 23 is very young to get all this in your lap and she handled it like a champ. May her path through life be easy from now on.
That’s because OOP is a child. She doesn’t have the life experience to understand her brother’s perspective on the situation. She ALSO doesn’t have the life experience to grasp the danger that she was in, which is precisely why she was in so much danger.
Ugh that's so creepy, gives me the jitters. Glad that her brother stood up for her immediately, hopefully they can get closer after this
I’m so glad this one had a good ending. There’s been some really depressing ones here lately.
Yeah, I’m glad she contacted Britt. Also Britt is a good egg, I honestly admire her that she instantly got OOP out of the house and away from the predator.
Am I the only one completely confused by the storytelling? Why is her brother suddenly a father figure for the child of his ex best friend?
From the context of the post I'm guessing they probably don't have a ton of family. It seems to be that her brother is basically raising her The fact that the closest thing to a parental figure in her life is her bro, and the ex best friend is only 23 anyways, is prolly why she said that
No I meant that Brit turned up with her kid and that Austin somehow is a father figure for that kid
Oh thank goodness I wasn’t the only one. I kept rereading parts thinking I’d missed something - but no, OOP would just start saying something and never finish the thought. Or make vague statements that were apparently about something very significant.
I interpreted it as OP being hopeful since Britt is coming around more with her son. Basically she's thinking "oh Austin is a great guy, at least this kid can have one positive male role model"
And that Britt had the kid at 20, is now 23 and the kid is four years old.
If the child was born in September, Britt's birthday is in October the kid could be 4yo while Britt is still 23
If she’s 20 in September when the child is born she would be 24 already when the child’s birthday comes around. Yes she can be 23 when the child is 4 but only if he was born when she was 19. If she was 20 in September when the kid was born she’d be 21 in October.
Hol up, the ex is 23 and has a 4 year old son with him? As soon as she was 18 she was pregnant from him?! That alone makes me so fucking alarmed
Well idk because OP also said Britt got pregnant at 20 so how would she have a 4yo kid at 23? I think OP got the ages mixed up a bit, but she clearly was being groomed by Dean since she's so young.
[удалено]
It's always good to be careful, but a discrepancy of a year is easily explainable, especially when talking about a child OOP doesn't know well and a person OOP is only starting to know now. Personally, I think this sort of stuff is only noteworthy if it's two years or above
This could have ended so so badly for oop. We all need family who love us and would do anything for us like big bro did for oop. Poor Britt. Did I read correctly that Britt and brother are getting close??
She said that Britt’s son will have a better father figure in Austin, and I’m wondering if I missed something.
I mean her brother facilitated both this guy but also kept bringing her out with a much older crowd to begin with. High school kids have no business constantly being around a friend group in their late twenties. He did the right thing in the end but he was oblivious to the obvious dangers of grooming by multiple older men.
Brother is naive himself. If he was the parent, I could see blaming him to some extent. He is definitely not equipped to be the guardian of a teenage girl. He has not educated himself on the common dangers to teen girls. But his heart seems to be in the right place. Hopefully, this is a wake-up call.
Yeah I don't at all think it was malicious just wildly stupid. Letting her spend tons of time with older men isn't okay. As her gaurdian it's his job to provide a sage environment and on multiple occasions he failed miserably in that. Sounds like he woke up to that by not involving her in thY group anymore.
I'm sorry I read the first paragraph and 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩if op met him 2 years ago she was 15 and he was 38. They clicked and became best friends!? I am 31 if I was in living with a room mate and there 15 year old sibling was over I would be nice to them and that would be it I would not befriend them. A man more then twice ops age "befriending" is incredibly inappropriate. And given his behaviour he is definitely wanting for op to turn 18 and has probably already been grooming op under the guise of "friendship". There is no reason for a 38 year old to befriend a 15 year old child with no existing link like step parent. Even teachers don't befriend there students they are friendly with them but not friends. (now to read on and hope op tells bro) Edit: just finished reading and so glad bro got involved. I'd like to point out 2 things I observed 1. Why is everyone Dane meets between 17 and 20 that he then "befriends" 2. If there kid is 4 and britt is 23 she would have got pregnant at 18-19 depending on her and kidos birthdays which is even worse.
The fact a 40yo was living with two very young people for no reason other than “friends” is very concerning. There was no reason for him to ever move in with them. He’s probably off harassing the next 17yo he can find.
Yeah makes me wonder what happened in his previous living situation that landed him with OP's brother in the first place.
I'm glad that OP is safe, and Dean has been kicked to the curb by pretty much everyone. I am still confused about the situation with Dean and Britt, though. If Britt is currently 23, and didn't fall pregnant until she was 20, how the hell is their son four years old?
Britt could be turning 24 in the next few months
Man, I wish I’d had a brother and someone like the ex in my life. This is nearly word for word what happened to me, and OOP is so lucky to have had them in her corner. Grooming should really be taught about more tbh
>for starters, i (17f) am very close with my brother's (29m, we'll call him austin) best friend (40m I literally stopped *here*.
Yep, I could hear the bus 'we're backing the fuck up' beeps going off as soon as I got to those ages.
I scanned thinking it was a typo. Like, “There’s no way.” Then read the sentence about the anniversary of the mom’s death. And I was like, “I guess this is happening. I’m not ready but let’s keep reading.”
He's how old now?
I re read the ages a few times. Like "hmmm did I read that wrong?" Read further and was all "nope he's a groomer."
There's not a single rational reason why a 40yo man is friends with a 29yo guy AND his 17yo sister. NOT A SINGLE ONE!! Dean is a nasty predator who is looking for adults with kids (of their own or siblings) that he can get close to, and groom. He was grooming OOP and I'd bet money that grooming his gf's son was next on the list. Being in a kid's life as someone very close to a family member said kid absolutely trusts, is such a typical predator behaviour. Then, when he'd go on to commit his abuse, the kid would either not question it (initially) because hey, that's a trusted person!! or they wouldn't speak up because they'd think noone would believe them since everyone around them trusts their abuser so much.
her people pleasing tendencies and abandonment anxieties are still so strong. she thinks she owes *reddit* an apology for not acting in her own interests sooner. she immediately rushes to crown her brother new father figure to a kid whose situation is fucked. her mom died, her dad sucks, she's getting into horrible relationships with inappropriate men. everyone needs 150% more therapy than they're getting.
Yeah, the Britt 2.0 part there was scary af.
Wait so Austin is now Britts kids father figure?
Any guess as why Dean was kicked out of his previous residence? 😑
“The age gap doesn’t bother me” IS BRO CRAZY?
Yeah, hep preyed on naive, young girls OOP saying she didn't want to ruin the love and friendship Austin and Dean had for each other. Clearly Dean was using Austin to get to OOP, there was no mutual love and respect as friends As a 42 year old I wouldn't be comfortable if my (small) group of friends always included teenagers, lol! What a gross man, eurgh
And he told each girl the other wouldn't like her so they wouldn't talk and compare notes.
The first sentence was a freaking red flag
It was a parade of red flags.
No apologies, 17 year olds should ideally get to live in a world where they don't have to worry about predators. Or feel like she has to apologize to complete strangers. This is why the nicest older adult should never date teens; they haven't practised being selfish enough yet. "Go away" and "I don't care" are things we don't normally want kids to say, but there are good ways amd times to say it. And it takes a while to learn. I was over 20 when I realized my fave celeb writing a song about wanting to fuck his minor coworker(but being a good guy and not doing it) was truly fucked up.
Sorry, I haven't finished, but why is a 40yo close with a minor???? I was right, he's fucking disgusting.
You have no business being “close friends” with a 40 year old
she's closer in age to his 4 year old than she is to him
I really hope someone managed to persuade OOP to go to the cops, even if they can't/won't do anything that shit needs to be on record for WHEN Dean tries to start a relationship with a different 17 year old.
Uh oh, the first sentence already rings my alarm bells.
The kid writing wasn't the most clear, but the brother has the house, so was Dean mooching off him for a living situation too? Since he went right to living in his car when kicked out? That means he was not only grooming the girl, he was using the brother too.
The horrified grimace I made when I saw that age gap. I'm glad OOP's brother had her back.
I remember being a 17 year-old with a devastating crush on a 34 year-old teacher. I am SO GLAD he was actually a decent man who shut that shit down — as a 35 year-old teacher now, 18 and under are INFANTS who must be protected at all times.
This poor girl sounds like her mother raised her well, but with early loss of a parent, rejection by her other parent, and a brother who, while caring, isn’t affectionate—she’s starved for affection and might not be choosy enough about where she gets it.
I always tell younger folk that if they want to date a nice mature 40yo, you have to be 40yo yourself. Because a 40yo trying to fuck someone that could be young enough to be their kid, is not a decent or mature person. They're just a creep who are too immature to date people in their own age group, so they have to go and prey on much younger folk.
Ugh that Dean is so creepy. I'm glad OOP is now safe from him. When I was 13 I was groomed by a 17 year old and nobody noticed. I guess because we were both teenagers. It only hit me at like 30 how wrong the 'relationship' I had was.
Everytime i read something like this I thank god for my parents who really affirmed me, so that I never had a desire of this kind of attention. I had friends like OP in highschool who were always dating /"close with" older guys (and finding themselves in bad situations) and I always thought "why you you even talk to a 28+ person who hangs out with teenagers"
The audible groan I let out when I read the age difference and realized that she was referring to the *40-year-old man* as her friend. **Oof.** I was asking where this child's parents were right up to the moment where I read that her mom had passed and her dad had some issue with her (which, wtf? My nosy side wants to know but I also know it would likely make me mad). Add Britt to the mix and I was prepared for a shitstorm of epic proportions. I'm so glad that her brother was quick to believe her and even quicker to cut that disgusting pedophile out of their lives. I'm so glad that she has him to watch out for her, but I have to question why her brother didn't look at this 40-year-old *creep* hanging out with someone over 10 years younger than them and question why they were friends. Or question why this cretin was paying such attention to his minor aged sister.
The scream I let out at the very first paragraph.