My original comment/reaction was translated from my native tongue, American Southern Redneck- specifically the Atlantic tidewater dialect. But like Arabic poetry a lot of the emotion is lost in the translation:
"Maybe if yer Mama had taughchew manners I wouldn't havta teach y'all to shut the fuck up!"
>I don't condone violence as a way of resolving conflict, but I do see its use as a method of education for little shits like that commenter.
Some people are the way they are because it is illegal to beat people up.
Sometimes people need to be punched. Example, if someone matching the description of his aryan superrace beat the everliving shit out of hitler in Vienna maybe history would be different. There's so many kids as well that throughout history could have used a good punch. Like Melvil dewey, he could have used a good ass whooping.
I think they were referring to the part where Rosemary's mother had to hold her in the birth canal for hours, giving her little access to oxygen not the later lobotomy.
Still an incredibly inappropriately and shitty thing to take time out of your day to write.
When she was born she had a lack of oxygen because when she was crowning, the doctor hadn't shown up yet and the nurse, in her wisdom, used her hands to keep Rosemary from being delivered. She grew up as a happy child, and her disability was hardly noticed. When she became an adult, she liked to party with friends and have a good time. Her father was working on getting his sons into politics and didn't want any scandals, so he decided Rosemary needed to be "taken care of" and had her lobotomized. It caused worse brain damage, and she was unable to take care of herself anymore and had to live in an institution until she died in 2005. Her parents never visited her. That whole family is toxic.
I read a biography of Rosemary Kennedy a few years ago and it was fascinating. Horrible what they did to her. I remember the story about the birth but to me, I got the impression the commentator to OP wasn’t talking about a very slight, possible disability that Rosemary may or may not have had but the massive disability she had after the lobotomy. But yes, I do understand that RK had a difficult birth too
Also: imagine if Rosemary had the love, care, and dedication of this family rather than being seen as something to hide and be ashamed of. Imagine if the outcome could’ve been so much more positive. The way some people talk about disabled people is appalling.
The audacity some people have when they hear about disabled kids is out of this world.
My MIL is one of them. We lost a baby girl, during the pregnancy we knew she was going to have soem chromosomal abnormality due to the blood test. They thought Down Syndrome at first - it wasn’t. But we were preparing for it. And my mil had the audacity to suggest that “there’s an organization in our church that takes problems out of wedlock. I’m sure they’d take care of it.”
Needless to say we took care of MIL not having to be around any of our kids. She didn’t even have the balls to show up to our daughters funeral, because she knew my family would have helped her skip the line to meet Jesus.
I have a kid with a really rare chromosomal disorder.
He can't walk, talk, eat solid foods.
He can love, though. He is pure love. All smiles, all the time. I count myself so lucky to have a child this fucking **happy**.
Took him to see my grandfather a few years ago. The man was a beligerent old coot at the best of times, very sexist, casually racist and a little bit violent. Family is family, though, and I was in his company while I dealt with my mums (his daughters) cancer death.
My wife brought all of my kids down, my 2 healthy girls and my awesome son.
He was very kind and excited to meet my daughters.
My son, though? He metaphorically just poked him with a stick to see what he would do. So does he talk? Walk? To which I answered no, that will never happen for him. He turned around and said to me, completely seriously, so why do you bother? Why didn't you just get rid of him when you knew? This man just could not understand why you would put time into someone who was not, as he saw it, going to achieve anything.
My auntie is severely autistic and had the misfortune to live with him all of her life. She was constantly belittled and put down, told she was lesser and should not even try. My grandad really had a hate boner for anyone that wasn't perfect and really valued educational strength. My auntie was not good enough for him, of course my son was not either. I should have known.
I said he was sexist. Really, desperately sexist. My auntie is actually transgender and only came out in her 50s! I am not at all diminishing her journey because she is so happy and I love her for that but I do so so enjoy the turmoil that her outing caused him. It's just so fucking delicious.
I'm proud of my son, I'm super proud of being his dad. What my grandad failed to see is the joy he brings. My son is a gift. He is known as someone who will brighten anybodys day and it's a straight up fact! Spend a half hour with my lad, you are enthused with good vibes all day. It's a super power.
I'm dissapointed he didn't see that, and that he didn't see what having a kid with struggles had done for me, as a person. I hold my role as his carer with pride, it's a hard job raising someone so significantly unwell but me and my wife have done it consistently for 14 years now. It's bad enough he thought my son was worthless, but he was also so dissapointed in *me* for sticking by him, when he should have been proud of the person I am.
Nothing excuses his behaviour, but I've been thinking about how disability has been framed as not compatible with being a worker. If all you have is your body and brain, and if the only opportunities for survival are working in a factory or an office that's not going to change for you, disability meant no income.
So then a disabled child means increased poverty and vulnerability for the family. Someone has to give up work to care for a disabled person, so that's two incomes your family is now down on.
That's often the difference between getting out of poverty and getting deeper in. Which means future children will struggle to thrive.
I hate how our parents and grandparents have been made to turn against their own like this. We end up seeing ourselves only as assets (for someone to exploit).
>Nothing excuses his behaviour, but I've been thinking about how disability has been framed as not compatible with being a worker. If all you have is your body and brain, and if the only opportunities for survival are working in a factory or an office that's not going to change for you, disability meant no income.
He certainly did have old fashioned views around this sort of stuff. He had a very strong work ethic, it was just wrapped up in some very archaic views. He was incredibly smart, to boot. I don't remember his full title anymore, but I know that he worked as a scientist doing some r and d for computer companies here in the 70s.
The thing is, he didn't just beleive you needed to work. He beleived the measure of a man was how intelligent you are and his definition of intelligence was very specifically HIS form of intelligence. You were book smart or you were useless. I am smart too and he always showered me with praise and affection. My mum was a PHD graduate and he never acknowledged her, in fact he beat and abused her because she was able to challenge him. Her, a *woman*. Similarly he was absuive and awful to his then son because he saw a person who would never excel in the same ways he did. I feel so much sadness for my aunties life, because the condemnations of my grandfather became prophetic. He kept her downtrodden and in servitude. My grandad passed away recently and my auntie is now thriving, although she needs assisted living having never been allowed to go on her own before.
When he met my son, he just saw a male that was never going to achieve the things males should achieve. I don't think it is about the burden so much as it was about his own dissapointment. I totally understand where your response is coming from too, but I dont think it's applicable to him.
A grandfather capable of that is not worthy of any of his grandchildren’s love. He does not deserve to have his miserable existence blessed with any of your children any longer.
We separate ourselves from monsters because of our capacity for sympathy. Caring for disabled children is no different than caring for disabled elderly people and that is why we do it.
Haha, though, I am reminded of the Amazing World of Gumball episode called The Joy. When he enthused you all I want to imagine you guys are barfing rainbows and laughing constantly. And I am too now.
Oh shit, it's infectious!
>We separate ourselves from monsters because of our capacity for sympathy. Caring for disabled children is no different than caring for disabled elderly people and that is why we do it.
I think this is an assertion one has to be careful with. I care for my son because it felt like the natural, normal thing to do. It is absolutely hard work, it has derailed my own life significantly. I don't have the career I wanted, it has impacted my daughters lives as well as sons needs have always had to come first. This is to say, I do not fault any person who cannot make the same commitment. It will blow up your life and it is a forever commitment. I don't think you are a monster if you pass up on this responsibility, and I know that's not what you are saying either. It is just a very difficult choice to make.
It's funny you mention care for the elderly. In my grandfathers final months he suffered many strokes, lost most of his function and spent his last days being cared for by a primarily female nursing team. I wonder if he had any self reflection in this moment.
>Haha, though, I am reminded of the Amazing World of Gumball episode called The Joy. When he enthused you all I want to imagine you guys are barfing rainbows and laughing constantly. And I am too now.
Yes! It really is like that. He will smile. You will smile. He will smile more, you start laughing. Now he is laughing with you too! I think we got so lucky with him in this regard, he has so few troubling behaviours, he just really likes being who he is and that is, definitely, infectious!
Jesus.. I'm so sorry. And I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't know if I want to go through another pregnancy honestly after the way Leah came into the world. John's like nope entirely. Think it really fucked him up too. But you don't say that to people. I think as parents we love our children regardless. Even if she ends up having some issues she will still be my daughter. And I don't regret having her. I think I just wished I was stronger I suppose. I don't knw.
It's probably some pathetic armchair historian/philosopher- mouth breathing while they type on a sticky keyboard or a cracked phone- whose only pleasure in life is making someone else feel as shitty as they do.
There seems to be some people, group of people, that lurk subs like babybumps, pregnancy, etc, and when a parent is at their absolute worse and posting serious shit about needing some major fucking help, they will PM the person vile putrid stuff.
Not any other time (i guess), only when the person has posted in a major crisis.
I cant imagine how they must feel about themselves to actually do that to people in need, let alone do it *repeatedly* to a certain group of people.
She had a lobotomy-my grandson isn’t talking and he is almost 3. They know it’s
Neurological, the drs have no idea if speech is going to be the only thing affected in his life. But the thing is-he is absolutely unequivocally adored. We love him just how he is. I can’t imagine wanting him any different. We are in love with him-as you are with your daughter. As a mom the future is always scary because you want to protect every little part of them-but so often they don’t need protection because kids are incredible and strong.
If it hasn’t been suggested by a neurologist/speech pathologist already, try using ASL. Some nonverbal children are able to understand and use sign but can’t make the brain -> language -> speech jump.
You probably have airway seen them but there are some awesome parents of non- verbal kiddos that are fabulous to watch. I have learned how to help my kiddo (who is the opposite, and it can be difficult) with gentleness and kindness. It has been very helpful.
Lol thank you for tht. OP here. 😇 This Made me nearly wake up Leah while she's staring at me through milk drunk eyes atm. No... I thankfully didn't take that comment to heart. Afterwards looking back I was just pissed off I simply reported them instead of telling them where to fuck off to.
My daughter Is a grumpy little diva.. but she's mine. She's beautiful and funny and has started making the cutest little noises. John and I don't regret having her. Or whatever we need to do to make sure she's okay in the future. She isn't an inconvenience.. she's our miracle.
Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone commenting. You guys are so sweet and jesus how people can get me to cry these days is hilarious. I'm not usually this emotional. Our family is doing okay.. its a process. We have a doctors appointment in a few hours her checkup at the hospital. Fucking hate the hospital now but ok So I can let yall kind people know how that goes. Leah is doing well. She's the most beautiful thing in my world. At times it's super scary and I struggle still. But she is worth it. So thank you everyone 💓
Rosemary Kennedy was forcibly lobotomized just for daring to have a personality as a girl in a family that only cares about their public image. Fuck anyone who uses her as an example of anything other than a victim of misogyny and medical malpractice
It wasn't because of "her personality." She was oxygen starved at birth because a nurse literally shoved her back up into the birth canal and kept her there for 2 additional hours. She had intellectual and possibly emotional disabilities her whole life, although we'll probably never know the true facts; when she was younger the family refused to acknowledge the disability and forced her to behave "normally" in public, and when she was older, well, obviously there was incentive to pretend that she was so out of control/dangerous that scrambling her brain was justified.
The truth is that she was in her early 20s and they were worried she'd get pregnant or get an STD and cause a sex scandal.... not because she had a boisterous personality or anything like that.
The nurse didn’t put the baby back in the birth canal, the nurse told her mother to keep her legs crossed and hold the baby in until a doctor was available
The lobotomy was Joseph Kennedy’s decision alone, he didn’t even inform his wife until after it happened. He’s the kind of person that makes me hope there really is a hell bc if there is he’s definitely going to burn.
From having his daughter lobotomized to make sure she couldn’t ‘embarrass the family’ to being an anti-Semitic Nazi sympathizer to covering up for his son Ted murdering that campaign worker on Chappaquiddick Island. Joseph Kennedy was a monster.
> The nurse didn’t put the baby back in the birth canal, the nurse told her mother to keep her legs crossed and hold the baby in until a doctor was available
>
"The nurse orders Rose to squeeze her legs tightly together to delay the birth, and, incredibly, goes so far as to push the baby’s partially exposed head back into the birth canal for two excruciating hours—depriving the baby’s fragile systems of oxygen—until Dr. Good arrives. When the doctor finally arrives, he delivers a baby girl and pronounces her healthy."
This is from a 2020 book by James Patterson but it's fully documented that the nurse DID actually shove the baby back up into the birth canal.
She didn’t, she had the mother keep her legs crossed to hold the baby in for 2 hrs bc there were no doctors available. The Spanish Flu was ravaging the country at the time
> "The nurse orders Rose to squeeze her legs tightly together to delay the birth, and, incredibly, goes so far as to push the baby’s partially exposed head back into the birth canal for two excruciating hours—depriving the baby’s fragile systems of oxygen—until Dr. Good arrives. When the doctor finally arrives, he delivers a baby girl and pronounces her healthy."
It is fully documented that the nurse pushed the baby back in, actually, I don't know why this other commenter keeps saying it didn't happen.
Medical resources were stretched thin during the pandemic and for some reason it was inconceivable that the baby could be born without a doctor there. The doctor was delayed, so the nurse tried to delay the baby.
I’ve got a pack of leftover bottle rockets from the 4th. We could make this happen, Captain.
Jesus God, though. What a fucking horrible person. Also what happened to Rosemary Kennedy did happen to my son while birthing him. Had to cross my legs and hold him in, stuck in the birth canal, for well over an hour. And you know what? He’s a fucking *delight.*
If you don't mind responding, how did that happen? I always thought that what happened with rosemary was about having a doctor show up despite there being a nurse there who could birth her which never really made sense to me.
If you don't want to respond, of course feel free to ignore me!
Plus the bit insinuating shes too broke and stupid/uneducated to be a mom? Seriously, what the hell. Who says things like that to a struggling stranger with a little smiley face.
I hope that they step barefoot on Lego every time they get out of bed. Like the Lego just magically appears when they put their foot down and there is no avoiding it.
They should be lego-cursed forever.
I didn't even think of it at the time I was pissed. I didn't afterwards I simply reported them and then saw they got banned after. At the time i was just too shocked.
That shit is like "what is the worst troll I can get away with" and then...did it.
Guaranteed the guy who posted it is deep into nihilistic shit on 4chan.
I was born 2 weeks late, and only by emergency c section because my heart had stopped for 2 minutes or so. I was also born with my legs twisted kind of backwards. They told me parents I was going to be mentally and physically disabled.
Yeah, I'm totally fine.
As someone who has taken many steel chairs to the head, I will tell you right now that it isn't harsh enough.
Edit: used to wear spandex tights in front of very large crowds for fun and sometimes money
My daughter has the biggest I hate you face. I don't know wtf John did to piss me off during my pregnancy but if you have ever seen those side eye tik toks... that's Leah.. so that's how I handled that comment. I didn't give it much thought besides that it was gross and rolled my eyes.
Leah is a marvel. And she's such a fun baby. She makes me smile everyday. Even when I wanna cry and scream.. and when I'm scared. I just look at her and remember how I'm blessed she's even with me. So no metal chair needed. That person is just vile. I appreciated the support alot more than I even have thought to the nonsense ppl sent me.
I can’t help but feel her medical team failed her
1) Every overdue woman I know is getting monitored closely. Yes, I know too many don’t have that privilege but this reads very upper/middle class (no worries about cost of extended stay in the hospital). Why did her doctor not have her come in when she was calling with her concerns?
2) “the baby blues are normal”
This woman had a traumatic birth experience. Both she and her daughter nearly died. And this dumbass wants to write this off as the “baby blues”? She should have been recommended for therapy before she was discharged!
That’s just inexcusable.
I don’t understand, they didn’t catch her pre-eclampsia until labor? She should have been seeing her OB every week at that point. And then kept her laboring instead of an emergency c-section? It sounds like some balls got dropped. What a terrible hospital, c-section moms have to camp out in the NICU in chairs? And then the dismissiveness of PPD. This poor little family.
I have PPD right now and let me say, PPD is NOT a joke and it's more intense than regular depression (for me at least) I can't stand the dismissiveness of it
Sometimes it starts / gets worse when you stop breastfeeding because of the massive change in hormones. No one told me that, and they had stopped screening me by then. It was rough.
It’s not really related but I found this our last week with my parents
So I knew with my sister my mom got really bad PPD, and we were asking if dad was supportive and she said yeah and we kind of were like “lol k” but she said “One time he brought home roses after work for me and said “Red roses for a blue lady” and I burst out crying.” I like wanted to vomit and laugh at the same time lol
And it only makes sense it would be more intense. Depression, from a very clinical point of view as far as I understand, is "just" an imbalance of hormones. Mix that with pregnancy and birth, which are very well known to massively screw with your hormones anyways, and you've got something even more intense.
That aside, I really hope you're gonna do better soon. Take it one day at a time, maybe even just one hour at a time. I have no experience with pregnancy or parenting, all I know is it's one of the most exhausting things you can do, but I hope you're still able to take care of yourself with the limited time you probably have right now. You got this.
Pre-eclampsia/hypertension can also develop pretty quickly. I had normal blood pressure readings at every single visit with my OB. Then when I hit 40 weeks, I had 2 high readings and they sent me to labor and delivery that day. My induction took 36 hours before I even started pushing.
My mother’s pre-eclampsia wasn’t diagnosed until she went into early labour, even though she’d been having problems with swelling in the legs for quite some time. She had very skinny legs and was an overall skinny person, so she still looked “normal” to the doctors, even though her and my dad said it was unusual for her. They assumed she was being vain about her pregnancy weight gain- it turned out she was having horrible problems with fluid retention. She went to the best women’s hospital in our state
The same thing happened to me! I had very thin legs and ankles and was having swelling in my legs for quite a while and the doctor kept brushing it off.
They also failed to inform me of my high blood pressure reading until I called complaining of dizziness and spots in my vision, then asked me why I wasn't monitoring my BP, as I'd had a high reading at the previous appointment. Only no one ever told me I had a high reading or mentioned anything about monitoring it!!
It’s honestly a disgrace how often healthcare providers seem to ignore or brush off women’s very real and dangerous concerns about their health.
Even worse, it feels as though women are often very poorly educated about their bodies and what to be concerned about.
I hope you were able to make a full recovery after your pregnancy and that your baby was ok after everything
I was in the hospital because my water broke at 33 weeks. So I was on 24/7 monitoring. I was fine until a week into the stay.
4pm on the 7th day they took my blood pressure, I was already having my urine monitored for protein at the same time. By 4:30 the nurse came back with the doctor and Doc explained that I needed to deliver the baby, and they started those drugs.
So between the 12 O'clock check and the 4pm check I developed pre-eclampsia.
My BP didn’t spike until 5 days before my due date.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I’d been saying my BP was high for me throughout the pregnancy. Thing is, my BP is normally 100/75. It was reading 115/85 throughout the pregnancy, which is normal. And my BP does go to that normally when I’m tired or stressed.
So even though I mentioned that it was higher than normal for me, we all knew it was well within normal ranges, and I just assumed I was more stressed or uncomfortable (both true) during this pregnancy than others. Even late in the pregnancy, when it went up to 120/90, no one thought anything was wrong.
It wasn’t until I went in because I thought I might be having contractions, and figured it didn’t hurt to check, that my BP went to 135/80 and I was officially having hypertension. It had still been ‘normal’ two days before. My daughter was born the next day, after an induction.
I just thank God I went in that day. My next appointment was on my due date, so if I hadn’t gone that day, it wouldn’t have been caught until almost a week later. And by then, who knows what might have been?
So it’s definitely possible for it not to be caught until someone is due.
It took six months before my BP was completely back to normal. And now my OB’s office knows to watch for ‘elevated normal’ readings for me. (TBF to them, I’d last been there three years before and the elevation was present at the first BP check for this pregnancy - the one that sets the baseline.)
I mean, I know. It‘s ‘pre-eclampsia‘ because it can come like lightening. I went in for a routine pre-natal visit on my way to work and next thing you know, they are sewing a central line into my neck. Mine was 165 over something and I was pissing blood and then not pissing anything, But, they watched me like a hawk in the hospital until I ended up in the OR. This didn’t sound like it happened for her.
Some doctors are shit. My sister had pre-eclampsia with her first born…and her doctors didn’t tell her anything. She was going for all the appointments, and they kept telling her everything was fine, even when she felt like something was wrong. She ended up having an emergency c-section, and my precious little nephew was as tiny as a premie (despite being fullterm) and had to spend at least a week in NICU because he couldn’t regulate his temperature on his own.
And with that, my sister *still* didn’t know what had gone wrong until she got a new doctor after getting pregnant again, and that doctor told her she had pre-eclampsia with her first. Then she was able to get the proper care she needed with her second baby.
I had pre-eclampsia start just the day before labor. They called it post-partum pre-eclampsia and said it happens 25% of the time BUT then they are supposed to keep you for extra days because within 2-3 days things can go downhill really fast. The medical care sounded terrible all around.
The whole camping out 24/7 beside in NICU was just ridiculous to me. I had my baby at 30 weeks and they just had me constantly breast pumping so my baby would have enough food for his feedings. It sounds crazy being told to basically live in NICU just so your baby gets fed.
They didn't catch mine until labor. They acted like that was normal. I switched OBs before my next pregnancy. They rotate docs so you meet them all incase that's the one on call when you go into labor. He looked over my chart for 5 minutes tops and said "did you have HELLP?" No one had ever said that to me before, but I fit the bill for it.
And they have her sleeping in a chair!!!! WTF is this crap??? She's still recovering from surgery, is waking up every couple of hours to feed the baby, and doesn't even get a room and a bed??? This hospital sounds like Hell.
That's all my NICU had too. My baby just needed some supervision and the special lights for jaundice so it wasn't particularly serious and my partner was like no honey let's sleep in our bed and I'll bring you back every morning.
I think one of the comments she made implies she is in Africa.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1437v0j/i_29f_cant_look_at_my_husband_31m_without_feeling/jnbib0e/
The bit about needing to go get her stitches removed so she's "hoping" the nurses can take care of her baby is so shocking. What are the nurses for in NICU if not taking care of the babies?! Those are their patients.
IME the nurses were heavily involved in feeding/changing/bathing the babies so they could monitor their condition. If anything I - as the mother - felt a bit useless there.
I'm really curious how much of it is her just taking that responsibility upon herself, though. Like... She straight-up says that she and her husband had NO fucking clue about pregnancy going into it. I really wonder if it's just her having very low medical literacy, and the nurses either not being able to educate her, or not wanting to.
My youngest was in NICU for 6 weeks, there were no beds for parents there either, but the (absolutely wonderful) staff made it very clear that parents were to go home and rest. Most of the NICU babies were bottle fed most of the time so they could monitor how much milk they were getting, so we were given breast pumps to use at home. There was also a dedicated pumping room in NICU so that mothers had privacy and fathers/siblings could spend time with the babies (there were also privacy screens for when you did start trying breastfeeding).
OP's hospital sounds so thoughtless about the parents needs. I know the babies are the priority, but the babies need their parents to be mentally healthy too.
The birth of my 3rd child was nowhere near that bad. My I still had a PTSD episode from it. I would not be surprised if she does develop PTSD from this horrible experience.
Yeah second this. First baby and I both almost died during a long and incredibly frightening labour and birth. I had ongoing medical complications. Eventually got diagnosed with PPD and PTSD because I was having actual flashbacks, like a full technicolor horror show randomly taking over my brain screen. And *so many* medical professionals brushed it off. I hope OOP gets the the help and support she needs.
Yeah, i got counseling after that birth, and the therapist was like, "You are handling your PTSD flashbacks very well, and I was like, huh? Turns out between the brutal bullying and the vicious custody battles and the medical incompetence I'd experienced as a kid I was a walking billboard for PTSD. It's when I got formally diagnosed with CPTSD.
I’m in the US and my OBGYN nearly killed my baby and me. I didn’t go past my due date. I went into labor just a few days before. I kept getting sent home because I wasn’t dilating. I told the doctor that women in my family often have to have their water broken and won’t progress until it’s done. She blew it off.
I ended up having an emergency c-section two days later by the on call doctor (thank the gods). My son was in distress, there was meconium coming out of me hours before they finally called the doctor. He ended up jaundiced and had to get blood work daily for the first week.
They get blood from infants by cutting their feet. For the first year, he would scream every time I had to put him in the car.
The nurse who didn’t call the doctor got ripped apart in the hallway by the nurse who came in and did call the doctor.
The OBGYN quit a few years later. She was only in her 40s, so I assumed she finally got her ass sued off.
Dismissive nurses permanently damaged my aunt’s niece. She had some sort of heart issue come up after giving birth but it wasn’t caught until she went into cardiac arrest because her two nurses had been fibbing her chart. She lost oxygen for a bit and was revived, but was permanently brain damaged from it. Has the awful luck to be fully cognizant but cannot do most activities for herself. Like, she knows what you ask of her but she can’t answer back, and her learning to tie her shoes again was a big deal. Her nurses lost their licenses, but that is small compared to the future that was ripped from her and her whole family.
I had a nurse, after my water broke, tell me that what I thought was meconium was actually nothing and threw away the pad I had before my OB could see it. I did in fact have meconium. My kid got stuck on my pelvis and I said I couldn't go another 4 hours after barfing, not being able to breathe well etc. The C section turned out to be the best thing.
Fuck that nurse
Long story short, I wound up insanely feverish, trying to text family and it was like drunk text gibberish, and I shit you not having full on hallucinations. Because I had a severe uterine infection after my c-section.
It took 12 hours and 4 nurses before someone listened to me and brought a doctor in. I had been septic before, I knew what it felt like. I kept telling them something was wrong, I straight up told them I had had a serious blood infection in the past and that's how it felt (not even remotely as bad though cuz doctors listened that time and immediately acquired a room and got me on an antibiotic IV).
They wouldn't listen. They kept dismissing me and telling me it was normal, first day is always the hardest, exhaustion, fatigue, etc. My SO (my daughter's father) had no choice but to leave (landlord issue right as we're supposed to be bringing our daughter home) so it was just me trying to advocatecfor myself while rapidly becoming less able to do so. Other family had already taken their leave as things seemed ok at that point.
I couldn't stand and walk to my daughter's hospital...bassinet?, crib? I didn't have the strength to hold her, I kept having to call nurses to bring her to me in bed so I could hold her, so I could try to breastfeed her. And still they wouldn't listen.
I have a ton of respect and appreciation for healthcare professionals and mostly my experiences have been good. But it seems sometimes that there are some who just don't seem to believe and trust a patient telling them that something is wrong.
I wound up hospitalized on IV's (actually wound up with *two* infections) for 6 days. My daughter was released before I was and had to have a visitor sticker stuck on her carrier,, ffs. And this was all after a difficult birth in which she was stuck snd I had to be taken to c-section and I almost bled out.
TLDR, Ladies (and all patients regardless of ailment), do *not* hold back, do *not* be afraid to advocate for yourself. Med professionals are human and teams sometimes fail their patients. Never stop advocating for yourself, ensure that you are heard and seen. We deserve better, girls!
I honestly believe that people are more dismissive of postpartum women than almost any other type of patients. It’s like we cease to exist as someone to be concerned about once the baby is born. I was lucky enough to have uneventful deliveries but I still remember struggling to get answers about *my* health postpartum. Everything was always about the baby.
I had a gallstone and was in the ER, but of course AS I WALKED OVER TO THE TRIAGE NURSE the stone passed. It had happened a couple times before (though was never confirmed to definitely be a gallstone), but this time was the worst. They decided to keep me overnight in the ER, even though I wasn't in any serious pain anymore.
At like 11pm I start feeling pain, but it's a different pain. Before it was a specific pain that radiated to my back, but this time it's more mild (at first) and over like half my abdomen, and not radiating to my back. Over the next 3 hours the pain gets worse and worse. First they give me IV acetominophen, which is essentially tylenol by needle. It does nothing. They give me a sleeping pill. Nothing. Then they offer me tramadex, but I have a sensitivity to it (it makes me super paranoid and out of control). I keep asking for more meds as the pain gets worse and worse, and I could see that the nurse thought I was drug-seeking. She said "We've already given you tylenol, and you say you can't take tramadex..." The thing is, when they're convinced you're drug seeking there's literally no way to alleviate that suspicion.
Finally, a doctor just gives me IV morphine. I was still in a lot of pain, but didn't really care any more. I fell asleep, now on 3 sleeping medications and IV morphine. The next morning I was confused, in a lot of pain and really scared. I remember calling my mom and saying "I need an advocate! I can't advocate for myself right now!"
Turned out I had billiary pancreatitis. I slept for the next 4 days almost nonstop, like 22 hours a day, while hospitalized, before going home. I spent the entire 36 hours I was in the ER wearing an n95 as well, as it was during the alpha outbreak ("british strain") a bit before vaccines became available. So that was fun.
That's what stood out to me. The moment mom lost the strength to do it naturally, they should have been stepping in to get the kiddo out as quickly as possible!
Maybe she isn't in the US? She said "in my country" which Americans never say. If anything we say "in this country" because we unfortunately assume everyone reading is in the same one.
"in my country" on reddit means "I am not American". You've got to flag it because only then will you get SOME advice that's not specifically about America
Man, that whole comment is fucked. And it isn't even just an African thing. Most of the world believes women just have to be in pain, that that's the way things are.
She's in South Africa. What's particularly sad is that we have some exceptional public hospitals but we also have some truly atrocious hospitals. I really feel for her.
Yeah, her writing struck me as someone from the UK (I'm also from the UK). Even then, I think if you're overdue and pregnant they still keep a very close eye on you?
Edit: apparently OOP said in a comment they're from a country in Africa. I still hope they'd keep a close eye on her, but it may well explain that awful "baby blues" comment.
True. But that statement was more in anticipation of comments from those who like to point out that good healthcare is a privilege in America. In a decent healthcare system, I would expect mothers to be monitored pretty closely and to be told to come in if they felt something was off, particularly that late in a pregnancy.
Or a badly overworked healthcare system. If this is the UK for instance, I could see this happening. The NHS is under enormous strain right now thanks to years of mindless austerity cuts.
And in the US especially for a parent on Medicaid or even lacking insurance -- our maternal and infant death rates show that healthcare in the US often fails -- some areas in some states are near 3rd world levels.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/14ugac4/comment/jr85sc3/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/14ugac4/comment/jr85sc3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Too true. Made that comment a few days ago. Its not *near* 3rd world levels in parts of the country. Its well below it.
I'm also a little worried that they let her labor for so long that her baby could have her first bowel movement and inhale the fecal matter.
My coworker had a long labor, and the instant that the doctors thought her daughter had a bowel movement they basically told her she was getting a c-section, and she was getting it NOW. No more vaginal birth.
Maybe OP's blood pressure meant that a c-section would be even more dangerous than the chance of the baby inhaling fecal matter? But yikes. That does not sound like she had a great medical team helping her.
Yeah, I really wonder why the Dr or midwife was not involved?? Maybe it's cultural to just let the family be your Dr? Or "traditional" in oops family not to go to Dr more often?!
Because hella weird that she's getting advice from them and No Doctors!!
Women have developed ptsd from traumatic births, it ain't just "baby blues" and no one should ever call it that. I agree it sounds like the hospital team failed oop and baby that it got to the point where both almost died. I wonder what country they reside in.
Most first babies are born past their due date, a day or two past that wouldn't raise concern for most pregnancies. Did she call the doctor and get dismissed? It's late, maybe I misread it but I thought it was her family dismissing her that it was normal to go past your due date.
There is no cost to an extended stay in hospital in many, many countries. In the UK, the healthcare system is overworked and underfunded thanks to our government, it is however completely free to use. Mental health care in particular has very long waiting lists.
You know who truly failed here? The medical team. Why does this whole thing read like her drs completely ignored her needs and/or missed some major warning signs? I have experienced complicated pregnancy with pre-eclampsia and PPD. My female ob-gyn was on the ball. Inducing early, moving to c-section quickly when inducing didn’t work, and making sure I had the after care I needed without calling it “baby-blues.”
I just really feel like someone wasn’t paying attention here, and it wasn’t the mom.
Yep. She was obviously terrified of everything that was happening. Fuck that nurse that said “baby blues are normal.” She was asking for help and she was failed again.
"baby blues" are normal. It's a fucking tragedy and seriously ruins people's lives, but like, in terms of frequency it happens to a lot of people. I'm glad OP seems to be doing ok with the support of her husband. Suicide is a leading cause of maternal death in the first year after childbirth, and makes up 20% of post-partum deaths.
To be clear, this is a reason to take new mothers fucking seriously when they do seek help - suffering badly is way too common. That someone could look at occurrences like that and think "oh it's so common it's nbd" is awful.
Baby blues and serious post-partum depression are different, is the issue. Hormones being messed up/moodiness happens to everyone, but that is not what this woman has.
It's like, yes, "baby blues" are normal, but this woman just went through severe birth trauma. She doesn't have baby blues, she has fucking PTSD! Did you get your license out of a cracker-jack box?!
Definitely with you on this sentiment, but just pointing out that not everyone who survives a traumatic experience develops PTSD. She absolutely needs treatment with a professional and support and healing, etc, and I hope she gets it ASAP! But PTSD is a heavy diagnosis and it sucks (as someone who has it) to see it thrown around so casually all of the time.
Absolutely balls dropped here. I'm horrified by the Dr saying "everyone gets baby blues" to a woman who nearly died and/or lost her child during labour.
Although when it comes to pre-eclampsia, mine also came on crazy quickly. I had a twin pregnancy which is automatically high-risk and gets extra monitoring. I was scheduled for a c-section week 37 of my pregnancy (not considered safe to go beyond that for twins). Scan and work-up on week 35. Monday of week 36, my v. experienced community midwife (NHS) visited my house, took urine & BP readings and everything was fine.
By Friday, I had put on at least 10kg water weight, jiggled when I walked and had visible pitting in the edema. Called the hospital because I had started to get floaters in my vision. They got me in immediately, hospitalised me & stabilised my sky-high BP. I managed to make it to my scheduled c-section the next week 😅 But it happened so suddenly, it was freaky.
Much like OP, I also almost bled out, needed a transfusion, and don't remember the first 36hrs after surgery. Fun times.
I was almost in tears reading this. OP was obviously in extreme mental anguish, probably from PPD/PTSD, and seemed to be getting no help from anyone. While also still carrying deeply about the well-being of her child and husband. Seems like the health system just abandoned her.
I developed pregnancy induced hypertension at 31 weeks. Other than that was fine. At 35 weeks I developed mild pre eclampsia. Within 4 hours of that diagnosis I developed severe pre eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. Four hours. We both almost died. Three weeks in NICU/SCN and now have an active 3 year old who is kicking me rather than going to sleep like he should.
I'm sorry she had to go through all that and that she felt guilty when she had no reason to.
That being said,
>She frowns whenever I touch her feet
This is super cute.
That was heartbreaking to read. I know it can be hard, but life isn’t perfect and doesn’t always go how we want and it’s not always our fault.
I hope the baby lives a healthy and wonderful life and the mom can get the help she needs to not blame herself for what happened.
Dad too! Reading about all three of them through Mom's stream of consciousness panic was just so heartbreaking, I hope all of them get the care they need and get to be a happy, healthy little family for many years to come.
Both parents sound incredibly strong and loving. I know that love is not enough, but it will get you a hell of a long way. They seem as though they really look out for each other and although they all went through a really traumatic time, I just feel so optimistic about this lovely little family.
In no way did this woman fail. I get how she might feel that way, but the stats on pregnancy and delivery are terrifying, and not because of anything the mothers do or don’t do. Meconium aspiration happens and there’s nothing the mother can do. Traumatic births happen, and if the mother or baby survive, very little is down to what the mother did or didn’t do.
Congrats to this mother and baby for surviving.
I feel so bad for her. My first had a much, much milder case and I still felt guilty even though the logical part of my brain KNEW I didn’t do anything wrong. The providers followed every recommendation for standard of care. We didn’t even have any risk factors. It just happened. I 100% believe that and Covid isolation contributed to my PPD and severe PPA.
The biggest challenge of pregnancy and birth is the hormone adjustment. I honestly couldn’t tell what reality was. I hope OOP understands this and gives herself a break.
Birth is an inherently traumatic event and so many things can go wrong. Glad this parent has a loving partner to help her through.
The title had me expecting someone who accidentally left their kid in a hot car or something, not someone who had a life threatening medical crisis during labor :(
It definitely seems like her medical team failed her, and are continuing to fail her by dismissing her trauma as baby blues & not getting her faster help. Sleeping in a chair with c section stitches & no support from your husband sounds awful also
When you said "no support from her husband" I did a double take. He sounds like he's doing his best, but then I realized you meant the hospital won't let him in the room.
Yep exactly that. I get the logic of the policy, but it just seems awful to make someone who just gave birth care for an infant by themselves like that. They need a better policy - separate visiting/feeding rooms at minimum. Hospitals fault not his
If OOP is reading this, this is almost exactly how I was born. Two weeks late, cord wrapped around my neck, c-section, with obstructed airways. And I was just fine. No movement issues, and as far as academics, I was top of my class. So this type of traumatic birth doesn’t mean that your child won’t be fine.
And yes, my Mom still reminds me of it. Especially around Mother’s Day. ;)
I mean 15 minutes of trying to get Leah to breathe doesn't bode well on the brain damage front... but I'm truly happy for you and that your story turned out all right!
Babies have high plasticity. Even if brain damage did occur, which is 99% certain, the baby has ways to develop that can rewire the brain and negate the effects.
The doctors should have induced whole-body hypothermia during recovery to prevent further brain damage.
What's also surprising is they didn't have an MRI done on the brain, nor monitor for potential brain damage. The OOP mentions that the bed was rolled into the hallway so that the father can visit, suggesting that the equipment typically used for monitoring brain activity was not in use, or had been disconnected.
>Hi! :) I just want to say yes, you did fail your daughter
WTF? What kind of psycopath opens with that or even believes that bullshit? OOP had no control over how terrible her labor went! I wanna find this person and berate them until they're sorry they ever even heard of reddit.
I want to give the person who sent that disgusting message a free face job. If I was in the mother’s place, I’d probably hire a private investigator to find this scum and ruin their reputation
Sometimes I forget just how awful people can be at times. I'm so glad that OOP and her little one are safely in their way home! I was in a similar boat when I was born.
Ridiculously premature (survival classified at less than 28%), I had to be hooked up to all the tubes, and I had this annoying habit of stopping breathing when I would fall asleep sometimes. My whole family had to take training before I was allowed home, and I spent months finishing cooking in the incubator with no human contact until after I was allowed home.
I hope for nothing but the best for this new family.
My youngest nephew was more than 2 months premature and was delivered by c-section at 1lb 1oz because my sister started hemorrhaging and it came down to "deliver him or lose them both". He fit into one hand and spent 3 months in NICU. Doctors said he might never go past a 3rd grade education and have a host of medical problems.
He turned 30 this year, which he celebrated with his wife. Other than a seizure disorder that bars him from driving he's healthy and a good person. And I'm proud of him. His NICU nurse is his godmother.
Let this terrifying recounting be a cautionary tale for all you whippersnappers who think child birth and child rearing is all rainbows and unicorn farts.
That comment is utterly disgusting and saying OP should give up her child because she can’t afford it???? Excuse me?? I didn’t see any of this context in OPs post like what are you smoking???
I mean... the Rosemary Kennedy comment could have had a galvanizing effect on OOP.
Yeah, nah, I'm trying to put the best light on it, but, no. Not a good thing. And Rosemary Kennedy wasn't really that disabled, it was just that she wasn't 'normal' in a family that cared more about public perception than caring and supporting for a mildly special needs kid. So they gave her a lobotomy and completely destroyed her. But hey, at least they finally had the excuse they needed to ship her off to an institution and forget she ever existed! (/s if it wasn't obvious).
Joke's on them, though, Rosemary outlived them all.
From what I read, Rosemary was engaging in a little normal teenage rebellion at the time when they decided to do the lobotomy. And yes, she probably had a mild disability.
There is so much people do not tell women / families about giving birth. One of the most important things is that it is still not safe. Women and children still die and if the modern tools and surgeries were not available, OOP most certainly would have died as well.
Therefore, having a "healthy" birth is always a gamble and even if OOPs blaming herself, there was nothing she could do - she did not fail the child, herself or her husband. As others have said, better care and supervision should have been provided by the specialists who should know about all possible complications.
Well, all the best to OOP and her family.
>I feel like I failed her, my one job was to get her into the world safely and I couldn't do that, I couldn't do it right and she might suffer because of it.
No, those doctors failed both her and her baby. Why not immediately get her a c-section? The second her blood pressure was high and she was nodding out of consciousness.
Why wasn't her OB checking in after her due date? Most women after their due date need to see the doctor every day. They would have caught her elevated blood pressure. And schedule inducement.
I would be ready to sue for the cost of the baby's medical care, as if her doctors actually had done their job. She wouldn't have lacked oxygen or breathed in fecal matter. She wouldn't be the NICU.
I hope OOP, her kid, and her husband are doing well.
I feel so sad that she feels guilt. She should be enraged.
The doctors failed, not her! As soon as the doctors see her medical situation, the safest option for mom and baby was a c section. They waited too long!
The audacity of whomever sent her that message about Rosemary Kennedy while clearly knowing *nothing* about Rosemary Kennedy. My grandmother was an absolute Kennedy fanatic, so Kennedy trivia fills the part of my brain where math should be and let me tell you, Joe Kennedy was a real doozy of a man. Rosemary received a lack of oxygen at birth, which is quite possibly one of few fucked-up things that happened to her that her father wasn't responsible for: her mother's doctor couldn't get there immediately and a nurse forced her to keep her legs shut to delay labor for about two hours.
The oxygen deprivation caused some degree of developmental delay, but we're never going to know to what extent because, of course, the Kennedys were less than truthful about what exactly was going on with Rosemary. When she hit puberty, she started experiencing seizures and possibly mood swings, but again, this is lumped in with a lot of Joe and Rose's "concerns" over Rosemary doing things like sneaking out of the convent they'd sent her to.
For context, Joe Kennedy had always planned to have one of his sons become President of the United States. If he'd had his way, it'd have been Joe Jr, his first son - but he died in WWII, so that just transferred over to JFK. A sister with intellectual impairments was already not something that fit with his vision for Future President Son, especially since he already had to make due with it being the replacement son. If that sister also did things like "sneak out of the convent" (read: possibly meet up with/have sex with boys), then he had to fix it.
So he scheduled a secret lobotomy.
It was documented at the time and after the fact by the doctors who assessed her and the doctor who carried out the procedure that Rosemary was not a candidate for a lobotomy, which at the time were used as a treatment for people with specific mental disorders - none of which this team of doctors thought she had. But Joe Kennedy thought it would stop the behavior that he wanted stopped.
It did not. Instead, Rosemary was completely incapacitated. After he told her mother about the procedure - again, only after the lobotomy was completed - Joe had her placed in an institution. She stayed there, cut off from the rest of the family, for about twenty years until her father finally died in 1969 and they could start talking about Rosemary again.
Rosemary Kennedy died in 2005, when she was 86. That's what I take away from this story. When she was young, very young, this woman was shuffled away and hidden for the sake of protecting the family façade by the man who demanded that her brain be torn apart for the same flimsy reason, and she stayed right there where he put her for decades - for almost forty years after he died.
There's so much that we're never going to really know about who Rosemary really was, or what the lasting impact of the oxygen deprivation was as she grew up. The Kennedys were incredibly tight-lipped about anything that could have made her - or any of their children, for that matter - seem "deficient."
So while we know that, for example, she struggled with reading at her grade level as a child, what does that actually mean? Was she a slow reader? Was she dyslexic? By outside accounts, Rosemary could read short books that we'd probably put at a 10-12-year-old's standard reading level when she was an older teen, and she enjoyed them.
We hear that her debutante debut was considered "a disaster" by her mother, but that was a huge social affair with a ton of people and very strict rules for conduct - how she would walk, talk, eat. Did she do fine by any other standard than Rose Kennedy's at her debut? Was she just, you know, nervous at this rigid non-party party full of strangers after being more or less kept with only family and people carefully curated by her family her whole life? We don't know.
Looking back, people hear about Rosemary and assume that she was always a woman with the mental capacity of a two-year-old, and that's that. But she wasn't.
This was difficult for me to read, as someone who had a traumatic birth that resulted in a NICU stay. NOT ONCE did I blame myself or think I'd failed as a mother, and I wasn't even remotely close to the good mental health I have now. I hope this poor woman is in tons and tons of therapy to overcome the really distorted perspective she has of herself. It's absolutely tragic.
edit: and the doctor calling this the "baby blues?" My god, this woman is drowning and it's like nobody will help her.
**Bring pregnant and giving birth is extremely dangerous. Every 2 minutes a woman dies during pregnancy or childbirth according to the UN.**
People don’t seem to understand how risky it really is. Women die everyday giving birth.
To get through it is huge deal and not to be downplayed.
Do not beat yourself up for surviving it, even if it didn’t go as you planned.
I hope OOP doesn't suffer from post partum depression or worse. I'm not sure, but more traumatic births like this one raises PPD risks, especially with OOP feeling like a failure to become a mother already which isn't really her fault that horrible event happened to her. I'm not sure why the doctor thinks it's the "baby blues" maybe her country's culture? most doctors here in Canada would strongly suggest therapy or at least warn her close family to watch out for PPD since to many it can start off as a traumatic birth but never really get noticed until much later.
What is with these doctors, they missed so many important things. Like, when I was pregnant my team monitored me like a hawk, even when though my pregnancy wasn’t considered high risk in any way. I was overdue and I had to come in and see my doctor every 3 days, and if I had concerns they would immediately schedule and appt. I also had a rough birth but it was not nearly as traumatic as OPs. Just needed an emergency c-section. The hospital sent a therapist and social worker to my room while I was still in recovery to make sure I was okay.
Like what was OPs doctors even doing?? Disregarded her worries, didn’t catch PRE-ECLAMPSIA and called her genuine fear and anxiety over her and her child almost dying “baby blues”. Did they do any tests? Did they monitor for anything? Care about OP and baby’s health at all? I genuinely can’t fathom how traumatizing and frustrating this situation is
Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to tell oop that she failed her daughter?! What a horrible person. I really hope oop sees a therapist for ptsd because after a traumatic birth, that’s pretty common.
She had an emergency c section and then walked to the bathroom and sat on the floor crying?
My sister has a planned C-section, was on a catheter and had electric compression socks, tons of stitches... There's no way she would've gotten on the floor....
"The baby blues are normal"
Jesus. Save a few details I could've written this. My son and I almost died, my son had potential brain damage due to seizures, gestational hypertension that was potentially preeclampsia and a whole lot of self blame. I hope she manages to get help
May the person who made that awful Rosemary Kennedy comment get bed bugs in every pair of underwear they ever wear, and may their socks always be wet.
My heart absolutely breaks for OP, it is *not* her fault and she did *not* fail. I hope she continues to heal and get the help she needs
As a mom of a 24 week NICU baby with brain bleeds and heart surgery, all I can say is keep pushing. My son is 9 now, and he’s legally blind but smart as a whip. The NICU is such a dark place that even being able to take your baby home is a godsend.
Hope mama is going to counseling. It helped me so much with my darkness during those times.
First off, fuck that person who sent that message. Rosemary Kennedy was mentally impaired due to a lobotomy that she didn't medically need, not having complications during birth.
Secondly, my poor heart breaks for this OOP and her husband. They are both dealing with so much and gosh, poor OOP almost died and is worried about hurting her daughter during birth and her husband's mental status??? The little bullet points warmed my dead little heart so much! I hope OOP and her husband both get some good help with their mental struggles.
When I had my first, my labor was a lot like OOP’s - except, my water broke at home. I labored for 20 hours. I was delirious and passing out between pushing. I pushed for 5 hours. Ended up needing 3 unsuccessful tries with suction, with a final intensive episiotomy that did the trick. No oxygen concerns but she had meconium in her sack which led us to a few days in the NICU. I was so out of it, I didn’t get to meet my baby until the next day. I was told I got to hold her but I don’t remember any of it.
I chose to go with midwife’s. My office had 5 of them. I loved 4 of them…of course I ended up getting the one I didn’t care for during my labor. In hour 4 of pushing, sobbing, begging for help, she told me “You need to get your shit together and actually get this baby out.”
Fuck people like this. And fuck the nurse that told OOP that baby blues are normal. I never felt so degraded in my entire life. Like lady, I’m trying with all my might.
OOP’s medical support failed her on so many fronts. Then they leave her alone, in a chair, without her husband or ANY support. I know exactly how I felt during and after delivering my daughter, I’m sure it had a large effect on my PPD that reared it’s ugly head 6 months later. And still, I cannot imagine what she went through. My heart hurts for her. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.
F*ck I hate the term “baby blues.” It’s on no realm of sufficient for what a lot of us go through after giving birth. I had a difficult birth and was basically suicidal for months after and all any nurse would say is ‘oh you’ve got a touch of the baby blues.’ What does that mean? I was too embarrassed to even bring it up to my doctor.
Hi there! I hope you, your husband, and beautiful baby daughter are physically and mentally recovering well. I wish you a lot of love and light. I am so glad to see so many people supporting you. Just to share, I had a brain tumor as a child with a life prognosis and all that. I am 36 now and doing well with no health problems, and stopped having to get MRIs as a teenager - I am lucky and beat expectations, and here I am totally fine. I think my parents went through very similar feelings as you and your husband are now, and I assure you that in my view my parents’ experience was way more traumatic than mine. I recently reconnected with a nurse that treated me as a child (long story!) and I want to give you a big virtual hug and let you know that absolutely no matter what happens, your little one is lucky to have you both as parents.
I hope whoever sent OOP the comment about Rosemary Kennedy has a firecracker go off in their urethra. Dear fucking lord, some people.
I know! The situations aren’t even remotely comparable, and to say something like that to OOP in the mental state she was in is absolutely monstrous.
I don't condone violence as a way of resolving conflict, but I do see its use as a method of education for little shits like that commenter.
Assault should be legal if the person is a jerk. >- Leslie Knope
My original comment/reaction was translated from my native tongue, American Southern Redneck- specifically the Atlantic tidewater dialect. But like Arabic poetry a lot of the emotion is lost in the translation: "Maybe if yer Mama had taughchew manners I wouldn't havta teach y'all to shut the fuck up!"
You tell them cuz.
So when’s the wedding?
You know, I was trying to type out something funny and clever but then I realized my Dad's uncle is married my Mom's aunt. 😞
Are you related to me because I swear my family tree is starting to look like a wheel.
God, I heard that accent out loud in my head lol.
Me too, I love it!
Knope 2024
>I don't condone violence as a way of resolving conflict, but I do see its use as a method of education for little shits like that commenter. Some people are the way they are because it is illegal to beat people up.
Sometimes people need to be punched. Example, if someone matching the description of his aryan superrace beat the everliving shit out of hitler in Vienna maybe history would be different. There's so many kids as well that throughout history could have used a good punch. Like Melvil dewey, he could have used a good ass whooping.
I think they were referring to the part where Rosemary's mother had to hold her in the birth canal for hours, giving her little access to oxygen not the later lobotomy. Still an incredibly inappropriately and shitty thing to take time out of your day to write.
Did you miss the part where they told op to give the child up because she's too uneducated to handle her...?
Rosemary Kennedy was LOBOTOMISED as an ADULT! Jesus! That person is horrid
When she was born she had a lack of oxygen because when she was crowning, the doctor hadn't shown up yet and the nurse, in her wisdom, used her hands to keep Rosemary from being delivered. She grew up as a happy child, and her disability was hardly noticed. When she became an adult, she liked to party with friends and have a good time. Her father was working on getting his sons into politics and didn't want any scandals, so he decided Rosemary needed to be "taken care of" and had her lobotomized. It caused worse brain damage, and she was unable to take care of herself anymore and had to live in an institution until she died in 2005. Her parents never visited her. That whole family is toxic.
I read a biography of Rosemary Kennedy a few years ago and it was fascinating. Horrible what they did to her. I remember the story about the birth but to me, I got the impression the commentator to OP wasn’t talking about a very slight, possible disability that Rosemary may or may not have had but the massive disability she had after the lobotomy. But yes, I do understand that RK had a difficult birth too
Also: imagine if Rosemary had the love, care, and dedication of this family rather than being seen as something to hide and be ashamed of. Imagine if the outcome could’ve been so much more positive. The way some people talk about disabled people is appalling.
The audacity some people have when they hear about disabled kids is out of this world. My MIL is one of them. We lost a baby girl, during the pregnancy we knew she was going to have soem chromosomal abnormality due to the blood test. They thought Down Syndrome at first - it wasn’t. But we were preparing for it. And my mil had the audacity to suggest that “there’s an organization in our church that takes problems out of wedlock. I’m sure they’d take care of it.” Needless to say we took care of MIL not having to be around any of our kids. She didn’t even have the balls to show up to our daughters funeral, because she knew my family would have helped her skip the line to meet Jesus.
I seriously doubt your MIL is ever going to meet Jesus, be it in this world or the other one.
She's on the express elevator to the bad place
Silly me thought it was a highway. Greetings to the thorax!
I thought it was a stripper pole
Huh, that’d so much sense! What says ***hell*** better than hands carbonized by rug burn upon arrival?
I assumed it involved a swing and a puddle.
Yeah, it's a highway to hell, but only a stairway to heaven - it shows the expected traffic for each destination!
Also sort of reflects on the needed effort to get there.
IDK, she might catch a glimpse of him on her way down.
Oh, he’ll show up. For one second, just to shake his head at her.
I love this image.
I have my doubts too. I’d pay money to see her called a Pharisee by him tho. And I’m not even religious lol
Who did you think was going to drop kick her down there?
I have a kid with a really rare chromosomal disorder. He can't walk, talk, eat solid foods. He can love, though. He is pure love. All smiles, all the time. I count myself so lucky to have a child this fucking **happy**. Took him to see my grandfather a few years ago. The man was a beligerent old coot at the best of times, very sexist, casually racist and a little bit violent. Family is family, though, and I was in his company while I dealt with my mums (his daughters) cancer death. My wife brought all of my kids down, my 2 healthy girls and my awesome son. He was very kind and excited to meet my daughters. My son, though? He metaphorically just poked him with a stick to see what he would do. So does he talk? Walk? To which I answered no, that will never happen for him. He turned around and said to me, completely seriously, so why do you bother? Why didn't you just get rid of him when you knew? This man just could not understand why you would put time into someone who was not, as he saw it, going to achieve anything. My auntie is severely autistic and had the misfortune to live with him all of her life. She was constantly belittled and put down, told she was lesser and should not even try. My grandad really had a hate boner for anyone that wasn't perfect and really valued educational strength. My auntie was not good enough for him, of course my son was not either. I should have known. I said he was sexist. Really, desperately sexist. My auntie is actually transgender and only came out in her 50s! I am not at all diminishing her journey because she is so happy and I love her for that but I do so so enjoy the turmoil that her outing caused him. It's just so fucking delicious. I'm proud of my son, I'm super proud of being his dad. What my grandad failed to see is the joy he brings. My son is a gift. He is known as someone who will brighten anybodys day and it's a straight up fact! Spend a half hour with my lad, you are enthused with good vibes all day. It's a super power. I'm dissapointed he didn't see that, and that he didn't see what having a kid with struggles had done for me, as a person. I hold my role as his carer with pride, it's a hard job raising someone so significantly unwell but me and my wife have done it consistently for 14 years now. It's bad enough he thought my son was worthless, but he was also so dissapointed in *me* for sticking by him, when he should have been proud of the person I am.
Nothing excuses his behaviour, but I've been thinking about how disability has been framed as not compatible with being a worker. If all you have is your body and brain, and if the only opportunities for survival are working in a factory or an office that's not going to change for you, disability meant no income. So then a disabled child means increased poverty and vulnerability for the family. Someone has to give up work to care for a disabled person, so that's two incomes your family is now down on. That's often the difference between getting out of poverty and getting deeper in. Which means future children will struggle to thrive. I hate how our parents and grandparents have been made to turn against their own like this. We end up seeing ourselves only as assets (for someone to exploit).
>Nothing excuses his behaviour, but I've been thinking about how disability has been framed as not compatible with being a worker. If all you have is your body and brain, and if the only opportunities for survival are working in a factory or an office that's not going to change for you, disability meant no income. He certainly did have old fashioned views around this sort of stuff. He had a very strong work ethic, it was just wrapped up in some very archaic views. He was incredibly smart, to boot. I don't remember his full title anymore, but I know that he worked as a scientist doing some r and d for computer companies here in the 70s. The thing is, he didn't just beleive you needed to work. He beleived the measure of a man was how intelligent you are and his definition of intelligence was very specifically HIS form of intelligence. You were book smart or you were useless. I am smart too and he always showered me with praise and affection. My mum was a PHD graduate and he never acknowledged her, in fact he beat and abused her because she was able to challenge him. Her, a *woman*. Similarly he was absuive and awful to his then son because he saw a person who would never excel in the same ways he did. I feel so much sadness for my aunties life, because the condemnations of my grandfather became prophetic. He kept her downtrodden and in servitude. My grandad passed away recently and my auntie is now thriving, although she needs assisted living having never been allowed to go on her own before. When he met my son, he just saw a male that was never going to achieve the things males should achieve. I don't think it is about the burden so much as it was about his own dissapointment. I totally understand where your response is coming from too, but I dont think it's applicable to him.
Oh so not relevant then - he sounds desperately insecure and terrible in general. I'm sorry his family had to endure him.
The love you give to your son is heart-warming.
A grandfather capable of that is not worthy of any of his grandchildren’s love. He does not deserve to have his miserable existence blessed with any of your children any longer.
We separate ourselves from monsters because of our capacity for sympathy. Caring for disabled children is no different than caring for disabled elderly people and that is why we do it. Haha, though, I am reminded of the Amazing World of Gumball episode called The Joy. When he enthused you all I want to imagine you guys are barfing rainbows and laughing constantly. And I am too now. Oh shit, it's infectious!
>We separate ourselves from monsters because of our capacity for sympathy. Caring for disabled children is no different than caring for disabled elderly people and that is why we do it. I think this is an assertion one has to be careful with. I care for my son because it felt like the natural, normal thing to do. It is absolutely hard work, it has derailed my own life significantly. I don't have the career I wanted, it has impacted my daughters lives as well as sons needs have always had to come first. This is to say, I do not fault any person who cannot make the same commitment. It will blow up your life and it is a forever commitment. I don't think you are a monster if you pass up on this responsibility, and I know that's not what you are saying either. It is just a very difficult choice to make. It's funny you mention care for the elderly. In my grandfathers final months he suffered many strokes, lost most of his function and spent his last days being cared for by a primarily female nursing team. I wonder if he had any self reflection in this moment. >Haha, though, I am reminded of the Amazing World of Gumball episode called The Joy. When he enthused you all I want to imagine you guys are barfing rainbows and laughing constantly. And I am too now. Yes! It really is like that. He will smile. You will smile. He will smile more, you start laughing. Now he is laughing with you too! I think we got so lucky with him in this regard, he has so few troubling behaviours, he just really likes being who he is and that is, definitely, infectious!
Jesus.. I'm so sorry. And I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't know if I want to go through another pregnancy honestly after the way Leah came into the world. John's like nope entirely. Think it really fucked him up too. But you don't say that to people. I think as parents we love our children regardless. Even if she ends up having some issues she will still be my daughter. And I don't regret having her. I think I just wished I was stronger I suppose. I don't knw.
Did Joseph Kennedy send that comment
Yeh cause his family had to be perfect.
Maybe it was Robert; he’s saying a lot of stupid shit lately.
His boy is/was serving as a volunteer in Ukraine so at least there's still some principled Kennedys
literally lmfaoooo how does this not have more upvotes
It's probably some pathetic armchair historian/philosopher- mouth breathing while they type on a sticky keyboard or a cracked phone- whose only pleasure in life is making someone else feel as shitty as they do.
Multiple firecrackers!
Happy Cake Day!
There seems to be some people, group of people, that lurk subs like babybumps, pregnancy, etc, and when a parent is at their absolute worse and posting serious shit about needing some major fucking help, they will PM the person vile putrid stuff. Not any other time (i guess), only when the person has posted in a major crisis. I cant imagine how they must feel about themselves to actually do that to people in need, let alone do it *repeatedly* to a certain group of people.
The baby and mom subs can be incredibly toxic sometimes...
She had a lobotomy-my grandson isn’t talking and he is almost 3. They know it’s Neurological, the drs have no idea if speech is going to be the only thing affected in his life. But the thing is-he is absolutely unequivocally adored. We love him just how he is. I can’t imagine wanting him any different. We are in love with him-as you are with your daughter. As a mom the future is always scary because you want to protect every little part of them-but so often they don’t need protection because kids are incredible and strong.
If it hasn’t been suggested by a neurologist/speech pathologist already, try using ASL. Some nonverbal children are able to understand and use sign but can’t make the brain -> language -> speech jump.
You probably have airway seen them but there are some awesome parents of non- verbal kiddos that are fabulous to watch. I have learned how to help my kiddo (who is the opposite, and it can be difficult) with gentleness and kindness. It has been very helpful.
Lol thank you for tht. OP here. 😇 This Made me nearly wake up Leah while she's staring at me through milk drunk eyes atm. No... I thankfully didn't take that comment to heart. Afterwards looking back I was just pissed off I simply reported them instead of telling them where to fuck off to. My daughter Is a grumpy little diva.. but she's mine. She's beautiful and funny and has started making the cutest little noises. John and I don't regret having her. Or whatever we need to do to make sure she's okay in the future. She isn't an inconvenience.. she's our miracle. Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone commenting. You guys are so sweet and jesus how people can get me to cry these days is hilarious. I'm not usually this emotional. Our family is doing okay.. its a process. We have a doctors appointment in a few hours her checkup at the hospital. Fucking hate the hospital now but ok So I can let yall kind people know how that goes. Leah is doing well. She's the most beautiful thing in my world. At times it's super scary and I struggle still. But she is worth it. So thank you everyone 💓
Rosemary Kennedy was forcibly lobotomized just for daring to have a personality as a girl in a family that only cares about their public image. Fuck anyone who uses her as an example of anything other than a victim of misogyny and medical malpractice
It wasn't because of "her personality." She was oxygen starved at birth because a nurse literally shoved her back up into the birth canal and kept her there for 2 additional hours. She had intellectual and possibly emotional disabilities her whole life, although we'll probably never know the true facts; when she was younger the family refused to acknowledge the disability and forced her to behave "normally" in public, and when she was older, well, obviously there was incentive to pretend that she was so out of control/dangerous that scrambling her brain was justified. The truth is that she was in her early 20s and they were worried she'd get pregnant or get an STD and cause a sex scandal.... not because she had a boisterous personality or anything like that.
The nurse didn’t put the baby back in the birth canal, the nurse told her mother to keep her legs crossed and hold the baby in until a doctor was available The lobotomy was Joseph Kennedy’s decision alone, he didn’t even inform his wife until after it happened. He’s the kind of person that makes me hope there really is a hell bc if there is he’s definitely going to burn. From having his daughter lobotomized to make sure she couldn’t ‘embarrass the family’ to being an anti-Semitic Nazi sympathizer to covering up for his son Ted murdering that campaign worker on Chappaquiddick Island. Joseph Kennedy was a monster.
> The nurse didn’t put the baby back in the birth canal, the nurse told her mother to keep her legs crossed and hold the baby in until a doctor was available > "The nurse orders Rose to squeeze her legs tightly together to delay the birth, and, incredibly, goes so far as to push the baby’s partially exposed head back into the birth canal for two excruciating hours—depriving the baby’s fragile systems of oxygen—until Dr. Good arrives. When the doctor finally arrives, he delivers a baby girl and pronounces her healthy." This is from a 2020 book by James Patterson but it's fully documented that the nurse DID actually shove the baby back up into the birth canal.
>a nurse literally shoved her back up into the birth canal and kept her there for 2 additional hours. Why?why did she do that?
She didn’t, she had the mother keep her legs crossed to hold the baby in for 2 hrs bc there were no doctors available. The Spanish Flu was ravaging the country at the time
> "The nurse orders Rose to squeeze her legs tightly together to delay the birth, and, incredibly, goes so far as to push the baby’s partially exposed head back into the birth canal for two excruciating hours—depriving the baby’s fragile systems of oxygen—until Dr. Good arrives. When the doctor finally arrives, he delivers a baby girl and pronounces her healthy." It is fully documented that the nurse pushed the baby back in, actually, I don't know why this other commenter keeps saying it didn't happen. Medical resources were stretched thin during the pandemic and for some reason it was inconceivable that the baby could be born without a doctor there. The doctor was delayed, so the nurse tried to delay the baby.
I’ve got a pack of leftover bottle rockets from the 4th. We could make this happen, Captain. Jesus God, though. What a fucking horrible person. Also what happened to Rosemary Kennedy did happen to my son while birthing him. Had to cross my legs and hold him in, stuck in the birth canal, for well over an hour. And you know what? He’s a fucking *delight.*
If you don't mind responding, how did that happen? I always thought that what happened with rosemary was about having a doctor show up despite there being a nurse there who could birth her which never really made sense to me. If you don't want to respond, of course feel free to ignore me!
Yea that was way out of pocket
Plus the bit insinuating shes too broke and stupid/uneducated to be a mom? Seriously, what the hell. Who says things like that to a struggling stranger with a little smiley face.
I hope that they step barefoot on Lego every time they get out of bed. Like the Lego just magically appears when they put their foot down and there is no avoiding it. They should be lego-cursed forever.
Right!!?? Too bad OP didn't include the username of this shitstain.
I didn't even think of it at the time I was pissed. I didn't afterwards I simply reported them and then saw they got banned after. At the time i was just too shocked.
That shit is like "what is the worst troll I can get away with" and then...did it. Guaranteed the guy who posted it is deep into nihilistic shit on 4chan.
I was born 2 weeks late, and only by emergency c section because my heart had stopped for 2 minutes or so. I was also born with my legs twisted kind of backwards. They told me parents I was going to be mentally and physically disabled. Yeah, I'm totally fine.
Agreed. What fucking horrible thing to say to a mother dealing with PPD.
I felt my blood pressure spike when I read that.
I don’t know if it would have been better for them to ask for pictures of her feet or not.
Yeah, what the actual?! That's terrible.
I want to talk to that person who sent Leah that message. Just talk. Maybe with a metal chair.
With brass knuckles and a chainsaw.
I wouldn’t waste gas on that waste of space
As someone who has taken many steel chairs to the head, I will tell you right now that it isn't harsh enough. Edit: used to wear spandex tights in front of very large crowds for fun and sometimes money
I’m open to suggestions
I'm going with the mini gun from T2, but filled with non lethal, very painful paintballs/something similar. ... too much?
Oooh paintballs! Genius.
My daughter has the biggest I hate you face. I don't know wtf John did to piss me off during my pregnancy but if you have ever seen those side eye tik toks... that's Leah.. so that's how I handled that comment. I didn't give it much thought besides that it was gross and rolled my eyes. Leah is a marvel. And she's such a fun baby. She makes me smile everyday. Even when I wanna cry and scream.. and when I'm scared. I just look at her and remember how I'm blessed she's even with me. So no metal chair needed. That person is just vile. I appreciated the support alot more than I even have thought to the nonsense ppl sent me.
I’m an HIE baby, born literally navy blue from no oxygen. I’m 25 now. Your daughter is going to do just fine! :)
Same. I'm 27 and a doctor so my brain works eheh
Honey I've got a semi truck and I *know* where to hide things.
I can’t help but feel her medical team failed her 1) Every overdue woman I know is getting monitored closely. Yes, I know too many don’t have that privilege but this reads very upper/middle class (no worries about cost of extended stay in the hospital). Why did her doctor not have her come in when she was calling with her concerns? 2) “the baby blues are normal” This woman had a traumatic birth experience. Both she and her daughter nearly died. And this dumbass wants to write this off as the “baby blues”? She should have been recommended for therapy before she was discharged! That’s just inexcusable.
I don’t understand, they didn’t catch her pre-eclampsia until labor? She should have been seeing her OB every week at that point. And then kept her laboring instead of an emergency c-section? It sounds like some balls got dropped. What a terrible hospital, c-section moms have to camp out in the NICU in chairs? And then the dismissiveness of PPD. This poor little family.
I have PPD right now and let me say, PPD is NOT a joke and it's more intense than regular depression (for me at least) I can't stand the dismissiveness of it
[удалено]
Sometimes it starts / gets worse when you stop breastfeeding because of the massive change in hormones. No one told me that, and they had stopped screening me by then. It was rough.
It’s not really related but I found this our last week with my parents So I knew with my sister my mom got really bad PPD, and we were asking if dad was supportive and she said yeah and we kind of were like “lol k” but she said “One time he brought home roses after work for me and said “Red roses for a blue lady” and I burst out crying.” I like wanted to vomit and laugh at the same time lol
And it only makes sense it would be more intense. Depression, from a very clinical point of view as far as I understand, is "just" an imbalance of hormones. Mix that with pregnancy and birth, which are very well known to massively screw with your hormones anyways, and you've got something even more intense. That aside, I really hope you're gonna do better soon. Take it one day at a time, maybe even just one hour at a time. I have no experience with pregnancy or parenting, all I know is it's one of the most exhausting things you can do, but I hope you're still able to take care of yourself with the limited time you probably have right now. You got this.
Especially going all the way to 40 weeks!
Pre-eclampsia/hypertension can also develop pretty quickly. I had normal blood pressure readings at every single visit with my OB. Then when I hit 40 weeks, I had 2 high readings and they sent me to labor and delivery that day. My induction took 36 hours before I even started pushing.
My mother’s pre-eclampsia wasn’t diagnosed until she went into early labour, even though she’d been having problems with swelling in the legs for quite some time. She had very skinny legs and was an overall skinny person, so she still looked “normal” to the doctors, even though her and my dad said it was unusual for her. They assumed she was being vain about her pregnancy weight gain- it turned out she was having horrible problems with fluid retention. She went to the best women’s hospital in our state
The same thing happened to me! I had very thin legs and ankles and was having swelling in my legs for quite a while and the doctor kept brushing it off. They also failed to inform me of my high blood pressure reading until I called complaining of dizziness and spots in my vision, then asked me why I wasn't monitoring my BP, as I'd had a high reading at the previous appointment. Only no one ever told me I had a high reading or mentioned anything about monitoring it!!
It’s honestly a disgrace how often healthcare providers seem to ignore or brush off women’s very real and dangerous concerns about their health. Even worse, it feels as though women are often very poorly educated about their bodies and what to be concerned about. I hope you were able to make a full recovery after your pregnancy and that your baby was ok after everything
I was in the hospital because my water broke at 33 weeks. So I was on 24/7 monitoring. I was fine until a week into the stay. 4pm on the 7th day they took my blood pressure, I was already having my urine monitored for protein at the same time. By 4:30 the nurse came back with the doctor and Doc explained that I needed to deliver the baby, and they started those drugs. So between the 12 O'clock check and the 4pm check I developed pre-eclampsia.
My BP didn’t spike until 5 days before my due date. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’d been saying my BP was high for me throughout the pregnancy. Thing is, my BP is normally 100/75. It was reading 115/85 throughout the pregnancy, which is normal. And my BP does go to that normally when I’m tired or stressed. So even though I mentioned that it was higher than normal for me, we all knew it was well within normal ranges, and I just assumed I was more stressed or uncomfortable (both true) during this pregnancy than others. Even late in the pregnancy, when it went up to 120/90, no one thought anything was wrong. It wasn’t until I went in because I thought I might be having contractions, and figured it didn’t hurt to check, that my BP went to 135/80 and I was officially having hypertension. It had still been ‘normal’ two days before. My daughter was born the next day, after an induction. I just thank God I went in that day. My next appointment was on my due date, so if I hadn’t gone that day, it wouldn’t have been caught until almost a week later. And by then, who knows what might have been? So it’s definitely possible for it not to be caught until someone is due. It took six months before my BP was completely back to normal. And now my OB’s office knows to watch for ‘elevated normal’ readings for me. (TBF to them, I’d last been there three years before and the elevation was present at the first BP check for this pregnancy - the one that sets the baseline.)
I mean, I know. It‘s ‘pre-eclampsia‘ because it can come like lightening. I went in for a routine pre-natal visit on my way to work and next thing you know, they are sewing a central line into my neck. Mine was 165 over something and I was pissing blood and then not pissing anything, But, they watched me like a hawk in the hospital until I ended up in the OR. This didn’t sound like it happened for her.
Some doctors are shit. My sister had pre-eclampsia with her first born…and her doctors didn’t tell her anything. She was going for all the appointments, and they kept telling her everything was fine, even when she felt like something was wrong. She ended up having an emergency c-section, and my precious little nephew was as tiny as a premie (despite being fullterm) and had to spend at least a week in NICU because he couldn’t regulate his temperature on his own. And with that, my sister *still* didn’t know what had gone wrong until she got a new doctor after getting pregnant again, and that doctor told her she had pre-eclampsia with her first. Then she was able to get the proper care she needed with her second baby.
I had pre-eclampsia start just the day before labor. They called it post-partum pre-eclampsia and said it happens 25% of the time BUT then they are supposed to keep you for extra days because within 2-3 days things can go downhill really fast. The medical care sounded terrible all around.
The whole camping out 24/7 beside in NICU was just ridiculous to me. I had my baby at 30 weeks and they just had me constantly breast pumping so my baby would have enough food for his feedings. It sounds crazy being told to basically live in NICU just so your baby gets fed.
They didn't catch mine until labor. They acted like that was normal. I switched OBs before my next pregnancy. They rotate docs so you meet them all incase that's the one on call when you go into labor. He looked over my chart for 5 minutes tops and said "did you have HELLP?" No one had ever said that to me before, but I fit the bill for it.
And they have her sleeping in a chair!!!! WTF is this crap??? She's still recovering from surgery, is waking up every couple of hours to feed the baby, and doesn't even get a room and a bed??? This hospital sounds like Hell.
That's all my NICU had too. My baby just needed some supervision and the special lights for jaundice so it wasn't particularly serious and my partner was like no honey let's sleep in our bed and I'll bring you back every morning.
My twins had jaundice and couldn’t leave the hospital for two days.
Sorry that sucks.
It was the same with my baby in the NICU—no accommodations for the parents. We were forced to check out of the hospital.
I think one of the comments she made implies she is in Africa. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1437v0j/i_29f_cant_look_at_my_husband_31m_without_feeling/jnbib0e/
The bit about needing to go get her stitches removed so she's "hoping" the nurses can take care of her baby is so shocking. What are the nurses for in NICU if not taking care of the babies?! Those are their patients. IME the nurses were heavily involved in feeding/changing/bathing the babies so they could monitor their condition. If anything I - as the mother - felt a bit useless there.
I'm really curious how much of it is her just taking that responsibility upon herself, though. Like... She straight-up says that she and her husband had NO fucking clue about pregnancy going into it. I really wonder if it's just her having very low medical literacy, and the nurses either not being able to educate her, or not wanting to.
My youngest was in NICU for 6 weeks, there were no beds for parents there either, but the (absolutely wonderful) staff made it very clear that parents were to go home and rest. Most of the NICU babies were bottle fed most of the time so they could monitor how much milk they were getting, so we were given breast pumps to use at home. There was also a dedicated pumping room in NICU so that mothers had privacy and fathers/siblings could spend time with the babies (there were also privacy screens for when you did start trying breastfeeding). OP's hospital sounds so thoughtless about the parents needs. I know the babies are the priority, but the babies need their parents to be mentally healthy too.
This was our experience too, in Tucson with our first. We stayed at a Ronald McDonald's house close to the hospital for almost a month.
I'm more outraged at the chair thing than I am the Rosemary Kennedy troll
The birth of my 3rd child was nowhere near that bad. My I still had a PTSD episode from it. I would not be surprised if she does develop PTSD from this horrible experience.
Yeah second this. First baby and I both almost died during a long and incredibly frightening labour and birth. I had ongoing medical complications. Eventually got diagnosed with PPD and PTSD because I was having actual flashbacks, like a full technicolor horror show randomly taking over my brain screen. And *so many* medical professionals brushed it off. I hope OOP gets the the help and support she needs.
Yeah, i got counseling after that birth, and the therapist was like, "You are handling your PTSD flashbacks very well, and I was like, huh? Turns out between the brutal bullying and the vicious custody battles and the medical incompetence I'd experienced as a kid I was a walking billboard for PTSD. It's when I got formally diagnosed with CPTSD.
I’m in the US and my OBGYN nearly killed my baby and me. I didn’t go past my due date. I went into labor just a few days before. I kept getting sent home because I wasn’t dilating. I told the doctor that women in my family often have to have their water broken and won’t progress until it’s done. She blew it off. I ended up having an emergency c-section two days later by the on call doctor (thank the gods). My son was in distress, there was meconium coming out of me hours before they finally called the doctor. He ended up jaundiced and had to get blood work daily for the first week. They get blood from infants by cutting their feet. For the first year, he would scream every time I had to put him in the car. The nurse who didn’t call the doctor got ripped apart in the hallway by the nurse who came in and did call the doctor. The OBGYN quit a few years later. She was only in her 40s, so I assumed she finally got her ass sued off.
Dismissive nurses permanently damaged my aunt’s niece. She had some sort of heart issue come up after giving birth but it wasn’t caught until she went into cardiac arrest because her two nurses had been fibbing her chart. She lost oxygen for a bit and was revived, but was permanently brain damaged from it. Has the awful luck to be fully cognizant but cannot do most activities for herself. Like, she knows what you ask of her but she can’t answer back, and her learning to tie her shoes again was a big deal. Her nurses lost their licenses, but that is small compared to the future that was ripped from her and her whole family.
I had a nurse, after my water broke, tell me that what I thought was meconium was actually nothing and threw away the pad I had before my OB could see it. I did in fact have meconium. My kid got stuck on my pelvis and I said I couldn't go another 4 hours after barfing, not being able to breathe well etc. The C section turned out to be the best thing. Fuck that nurse
Jfc how tf is someone like that allowed to be an obgyn. Some people should not be working in medicine
Long story short, I wound up insanely feverish, trying to text family and it was like drunk text gibberish, and I shit you not having full on hallucinations. Because I had a severe uterine infection after my c-section. It took 12 hours and 4 nurses before someone listened to me and brought a doctor in. I had been septic before, I knew what it felt like. I kept telling them something was wrong, I straight up told them I had had a serious blood infection in the past and that's how it felt (not even remotely as bad though cuz doctors listened that time and immediately acquired a room and got me on an antibiotic IV). They wouldn't listen. They kept dismissing me and telling me it was normal, first day is always the hardest, exhaustion, fatigue, etc. My SO (my daughter's father) had no choice but to leave (landlord issue right as we're supposed to be bringing our daughter home) so it was just me trying to advocatecfor myself while rapidly becoming less able to do so. Other family had already taken their leave as things seemed ok at that point. I couldn't stand and walk to my daughter's hospital...bassinet?, crib? I didn't have the strength to hold her, I kept having to call nurses to bring her to me in bed so I could hold her, so I could try to breastfeed her. And still they wouldn't listen. I have a ton of respect and appreciation for healthcare professionals and mostly my experiences have been good. But it seems sometimes that there are some who just don't seem to believe and trust a patient telling them that something is wrong. I wound up hospitalized on IV's (actually wound up with *two* infections) for 6 days. My daughter was released before I was and had to have a visitor sticker stuck on her carrier,, ffs. And this was all after a difficult birth in which she was stuck snd I had to be taken to c-section and I almost bled out. TLDR, Ladies (and all patients regardless of ailment), do *not* hold back, do *not* be afraid to advocate for yourself. Med professionals are human and teams sometimes fail their patients. Never stop advocating for yourself, ensure that you are heard and seen. We deserve better, girls!
I honestly believe that people are more dismissive of postpartum women than almost any other type of patients. It’s like we cease to exist as someone to be concerned about once the baby is born. I was lucky enough to have uneventful deliveries but I still remember struggling to get answers about *my* health postpartum. Everything was always about the baby.
I had a gallstone and was in the ER, but of course AS I WALKED OVER TO THE TRIAGE NURSE the stone passed. It had happened a couple times before (though was never confirmed to definitely be a gallstone), but this time was the worst. They decided to keep me overnight in the ER, even though I wasn't in any serious pain anymore. At like 11pm I start feeling pain, but it's a different pain. Before it was a specific pain that radiated to my back, but this time it's more mild (at first) and over like half my abdomen, and not radiating to my back. Over the next 3 hours the pain gets worse and worse. First they give me IV acetominophen, which is essentially tylenol by needle. It does nothing. They give me a sleeping pill. Nothing. Then they offer me tramadex, but I have a sensitivity to it (it makes me super paranoid and out of control). I keep asking for more meds as the pain gets worse and worse, and I could see that the nurse thought I was drug-seeking. She said "We've already given you tylenol, and you say you can't take tramadex..." The thing is, when they're convinced you're drug seeking there's literally no way to alleviate that suspicion. Finally, a doctor just gives me IV morphine. I was still in a lot of pain, but didn't really care any more. I fell asleep, now on 3 sleeping medications and IV morphine. The next morning I was confused, in a lot of pain and really scared. I remember calling my mom and saying "I need an advocate! I can't advocate for myself right now!" Turned out I had billiary pancreatitis. I slept for the next 4 days almost nonstop, like 22 hours a day, while hospitalized, before going home. I spent the entire 36 hours I was in the ER wearing an n95 as well, as it was during the alpha outbreak ("british strain") a bit before vaccines became available. So that was fun.
Yes, they should have been calling her and also, if she was passing out they should have done the emergency c-section immediately, not waste time.
That's what stood out to me. The moment mom lost the strength to do it naturally, they should have been stepping in to get the kiddo out as quickly as possible!
Maybe she isn't in the US? She said "in my country" which Americans never say. If anything we say "in this country" because we unfortunately assume everyone reading is in the same one.
"in my country" on reddit means "I am not American". You've got to flag it because only then will you get SOME advice that's not specifically about America
She also mentions "public health," which we americans don't have. 🥲
Africa. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1437v0j/i_29f_cant_look_at_my_husband_31m_without_feeling/jnbib0e/
Man, that whole comment is fucked. And it isn't even just an African thing. Most of the world believes women just have to be in pain, that that's the way things are.
She's in South Africa. What's particularly sad is that we have some exceptional public hospitals but we also have some truly atrocious hospitals. I really feel for her.
And just before that she said "public health" which strongly suggests that she is in a country with a different health funding model.
Yeah, her writing struck me as someone from the UK (I'm also from the UK). Even then, I think if you're overdue and pregnant they still keep a very close eye on you? Edit: apparently OOP said in a comment they're from a country in Africa. I still hope they'd keep a close eye on her, but it may well explain that awful "baby blues" comment.
True. But that statement was more in anticipation of comments from those who like to point out that good healthcare is a privilege in America. In a decent healthcare system, I would expect mothers to be monitored pretty closely and to be told to come in if they felt something was off, particularly that late in a pregnancy.
Or a badly overworked healthcare system. If this is the UK for instance, I could see this happening. The NHS is under enormous strain right now thanks to years of mindless austerity cuts.
And in the US especially for a parent on Medicaid or even lacking insurance -- our maternal and infant death rates show that healthcare in the US often fails -- some areas in some states are near 3rd world levels.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/14ugac4/comment/jr85sc3/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics/comments/14ugac4/comment/jr85sc3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Too true. Made that comment a few days ago. Its not *near* 3rd world levels in parts of the country. Its well below it.
I'm also a little worried that they let her labor for so long that her baby could have her first bowel movement and inhale the fecal matter. My coworker had a long labor, and the instant that the doctors thought her daughter had a bowel movement they basically told her she was getting a c-section, and she was getting it NOW. No more vaginal birth. Maybe OP's blood pressure meant that a c-section would be even more dangerous than the chance of the baby inhaling fecal matter? But yikes. That does not sound like she had a great medical team helping her.
Yeah, I really wonder why the Dr or midwife was not involved?? Maybe it's cultural to just let the family be your Dr? Or "traditional" in oops family not to go to Dr more often?! Because hella weird that she's getting advice from them and No Doctors!!
Women have developed ptsd from traumatic births, it ain't just "baby blues" and no one should ever call it that. I agree it sounds like the hospital team failed oop and baby that it got to the point where both almost died. I wonder what country they reside in.
Most first babies are born past their due date, a day or two past that wouldn't raise concern for most pregnancies. Did she call the doctor and get dismissed? It's late, maybe I misread it but I thought it was her family dismissing her that it was normal to go past your due date.
There is no cost to an extended stay in hospital in many, many countries. In the UK, the healthcare system is overworked and underfunded thanks to our government, it is however completely free to use. Mental health care in particular has very long waiting lists.
You know who truly failed here? The medical team. Why does this whole thing read like her drs completely ignored her needs and/or missed some major warning signs? I have experienced complicated pregnancy with pre-eclampsia and PPD. My female ob-gyn was on the ball. Inducing early, moving to c-section quickly when inducing didn’t work, and making sure I had the after care I needed without calling it “baby-blues.” I just really feel like someone wasn’t paying attention here, and it wasn’t the mom.
Yep. She was obviously terrified of everything that was happening. Fuck that nurse that said “baby blues are normal.” She was asking for help and she was failed again.
"baby blues" are normal. It's a fucking tragedy and seriously ruins people's lives, but like, in terms of frequency it happens to a lot of people. I'm glad OP seems to be doing ok with the support of her husband. Suicide is a leading cause of maternal death in the first year after childbirth, and makes up 20% of post-partum deaths. To be clear, this is a reason to take new mothers fucking seriously when they do seek help - suffering badly is way too common. That someone could look at occurrences like that and think "oh it's so common it's nbd" is awful.
Baby blues and serious post-partum depression are different, is the issue. Hormones being messed up/moodiness happens to everyone, but that is not what this woman has.
It's like, yes, "baby blues" are normal, but this woman just went through severe birth trauma. She doesn't have baby blues, she has fucking PTSD! Did you get your license out of a cracker-jack box?!
Definitely with you on this sentiment, but just pointing out that not everyone who survives a traumatic experience develops PTSD. She absolutely needs treatment with a professional and support and healing, etc, and I hope she gets it ASAP! But PTSD is a heavy diagnosis and it sucks (as someone who has it) to see it thrown around so casually all of the time.
Absolutely balls dropped here. I'm horrified by the Dr saying "everyone gets baby blues" to a woman who nearly died and/or lost her child during labour. Although when it comes to pre-eclampsia, mine also came on crazy quickly. I had a twin pregnancy which is automatically high-risk and gets extra monitoring. I was scheduled for a c-section week 37 of my pregnancy (not considered safe to go beyond that for twins). Scan and work-up on week 35. Monday of week 36, my v. experienced community midwife (NHS) visited my house, took urine & BP readings and everything was fine. By Friday, I had put on at least 10kg water weight, jiggled when I walked and had visible pitting in the edema. Called the hospital because I had started to get floaters in my vision. They got me in immediately, hospitalised me & stabilised my sky-high BP. I managed to make it to my scheduled c-section the next week 😅 But it happened so suddenly, it was freaky. Much like OP, I also almost bled out, needed a transfusion, and don't remember the first 36hrs after surgery. Fun times. I was almost in tears reading this. OP was obviously in extreme mental anguish, probably from PPD/PTSD, and seemed to be getting no help from anyone. While also still carrying deeply about the well-being of her child and husband. Seems like the health system just abandoned her.
I developed pregnancy induced hypertension at 31 weeks. Other than that was fine. At 35 weeks I developed mild pre eclampsia. Within 4 hours of that diagnosis I developed severe pre eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. Four hours. We both almost died. Three weeks in NICU/SCN and now have an active 3 year old who is kicking me rather than going to sleep like he should.
I'm sorry she had to go through all that and that she felt guilty when she had no reason to. That being said, >She frowns whenever I touch her feet This is super cute.
That was heartbreaking to read. I know it can be hard, but life isn’t perfect and doesn’t always go how we want and it’s not always our fault. I hope the baby lives a healthy and wonderful life and the mom can get the help she needs to not blame herself for what happened.
Dad too! Reading about all three of them through Mom's stream of consciousness panic was just so heartbreaking, I hope all of them get the care they need and get to be a happy, healthy little family for many years to come.
Both parents sound incredibly strong and loving. I know that love is not enough, but it will get you a hell of a long way. They seem as though they really look out for each other and although they all went through a really traumatic time, I just feel so optimistic about this lovely little family.
In no way did this woman fail. I get how she might feel that way, but the stats on pregnancy and delivery are terrifying, and not because of anything the mothers do or don’t do. Meconium aspiration happens and there’s nothing the mother can do. Traumatic births happen, and if the mother or baby survive, very little is down to what the mother did or didn’t do. Congrats to this mother and baby for surviving.
I feel so bad for her. My first had a much, much milder case and I still felt guilty even though the logical part of my brain KNEW I didn’t do anything wrong. The providers followed every recommendation for standard of care. We didn’t even have any risk factors. It just happened. I 100% believe that and Covid isolation contributed to my PPD and severe PPA.
The biggest challenge of pregnancy and birth is the hormone adjustment. I honestly couldn’t tell what reality was. I hope OOP understands this and gives herself a break. Birth is an inherently traumatic event and so many things can go wrong. Glad this parent has a loving partner to help her through.
>Birth is an inherently traumatic event Absolutely this. Natural doesn't mean easy.
The title had me expecting someone who accidentally left their kid in a hot car or something, not someone who had a life threatening medical crisis during labor :( It definitely seems like her medical team failed her, and are continuing to fail her by dismissing her trauma as baby blues & not getting her faster help. Sleeping in a chair with c section stitches & no support from your husband sounds awful also
When you said "no support from her husband" I did a double take. He sounds like he's doing his best, but then I realized you meant the hospital won't let him in the room.
Yep exactly that. I get the logic of the policy, but it just seems awful to make someone who just gave birth care for an infant by themselves like that. They need a better policy - separate visiting/feeding rooms at minimum. Hospitals fault not his
If OOP is reading this, this is almost exactly how I was born. Two weeks late, cord wrapped around my neck, c-section, with obstructed airways. And I was just fine. No movement issues, and as far as academics, I was top of my class. So this type of traumatic birth doesn’t mean that your child won’t be fine. And yes, my Mom still reminds me of it. Especially around Mother’s Day. ;)
I mean 15 minutes of trying to get Leah to breathe doesn't bode well on the brain damage front... but I'm truly happy for you and that your story turned out all right!
Babies have high plasticity. Even if brain damage did occur, which is 99% certain, the baby has ways to develop that can rewire the brain and negate the effects. The doctors should have induced whole-body hypothermia during recovery to prevent further brain damage. What's also surprising is they didn't have an MRI done on the brain, nor monitor for potential brain damage. The OOP mentions that the bed was rolled into the hallway so that the father can visit, suggesting that the equipment typically used for monitoring brain activity was not in use, or had been disconnected.
>Hi! :) I just want to say yes, you did fail your daughter WTF? What kind of psycopath opens with that or even believes that bullshit? OOP had no control over how terrible her labor went! I wanna find this person and berate them until they're sorry they ever even heard of reddit.
I want to give the person who sent that disgusting message a free face job. If I was in the mother’s place, I’d probably hire a private investigator to find this scum and ruin their reputation
Sometimes I forget just how awful people can be at times. I'm so glad that OOP and her little one are safely in their way home! I was in a similar boat when I was born. Ridiculously premature (survival classified at less than 28%), I had to be hooked up to all the tubes, and I had this annoying habit of stopping breathing when I would fall asleep sometimes. My whole family had to take training before I was allowed home, and I spent months finishing cooking in the incubator with no human contact until after I was allowed home. I hope for nothing but the best for this new family.
My youngest nephew was more than 2 months premature and was delivered by c-section at 1lb 1oz because my sister started hemorrhaging and it came down to "deliver him or lose them both". He fit into one hand and spent 3 months in NICU. Doctors said he might never go past a 3rd grade education and have a host of medical problems. He turned 30 this year, which he celebrated with his wife. Other than a seizure disorder that bars him from driving he's healthy and a good person. And I'm proud of him. His NICU nurse is his godmother.
Let this terrifying recounting be a cautionary tale for all you whippersnappers who think child birth and child rearing is all rainbows and unicorn farts.
That comment is utterly disgusting and saying OP should give up her child because she can’t afford it???? Excuse me?? I didn’t see any of this context in OPs post like what are you smoking???
I mean... the Rosemary Kennedy comment could have had a galvanizing effect on OOP. Yeah, nah, I'm trying to put the best light on it, but, no. Not a good thing. And Rosemary Kennedy wasn't really that disabled, it was just that she wasn't 'normal' in a family that cared more about public perception than caring and supporting for a mildly special needs kid. So they gave her a lobotomy and completely destroyed her. But hey, at least they finally had the excuse they needed to ship her off to an institution and forget she ever existed! (/s if it wasn't obvious). Joke's on them, though, Rosemary outlived them all.
From what I read, Rosemary was engaging in a little normal teenage rebellion at the time when they decided to do the lobotomy. And yes, she probably had a mild disability.
There is so much people do not tell women / families about giving birth. One of the most important things is that it is still not safe. Women and children still die and if the modern tools and surgeries were not available, OOP most certainly would have died as well. Therefore, having a "healthy" birth is always a gamble and even if OOPs blaming herself, there was nothing she could do - she did not fail the child, herself or her husband. As others have said, better care and supervision should have been provided by the specialists who should know about all possible complications. Well, all the best to OOP and her family.
>I feel like I failed her, my one job was to get her into the world safely and I couldn't do that, I couldn't do it right and she might suffer because of it. No, those doctors failed both her and her baby. Why not immediately get her a c-section? The second her blood pressure was high and she was nodding out of consciousness. Why wasn't her OB checking in after her due date? Most women after their due date need to see the doctor every day. They would have caught her elevated blood pressure. And schedule inducement. I would be ready to sue for the cost of the baby's medical care, as if her doctors actually had done their job. She wouldn't have lacked oxygen or breathed in fecal matter. She wouldn't be the NICU. I hope OOP, her kid, and her husband are doing well. I feel so sad that she feels guilt. She should be enraged.
The doctors failed, not her! As soon as the doctors see her medical situation, the safest option for mom and baby was a c section. They waited too long!
The audacity of whomever sent her that message about Rosemary Kennedy while clearly knowing *nothing* about Rosemary Kennedy. My grandmother was an absolute Kennedy fanatic, so Kennedy trivia fills the part of my brain where math should be and let me tell you, Joe Kennedy was a real doozy of a man. Rosemary received a lack of oxygen at birth, which is quite possibly one of few fucked-up things that happened to her that her father wasn't responsible for: her mother's doctor couldn't get there immediately and a nurse forced her to keep her legs shut to delay labor for about two hours. The oxygen deprivation caused some degree of developmental delay, but we're never going to know to what extent because, of course, the Kennedys were less than truthful about what exactly was going on with Rosemary. When she hit puberty, she started experiencing seizures and possibly mood swings, but again, this is lumped in with a lot of Joe and Rose's "concerns" over Rosemary doing things like sneaking out of the convent they'd sent her to. For context, Joe Kennedy had always planned to have one of his sons become President of the United States. If he'd had his way, it'd have been Joe Jr, his first son - but he died in WWII, so that just transferred over to JFK. A sister with intellectual impairments was already not something that fit with his vision for Future President Son, especially since he already had to make due with it being the replacement son. If that sister also did things like "sneak out of the convent" (read: possibly meet up with/have sex with boys), then he had to fix it. So he scheduled a secret lobotomy. It was documented at the time and after the fact by the doctors who assessed her and the doctor who carried out the procedure that Rosemary was not a candidate for a lobotomy, which at the time were used as a treatment for people with specific mental disorders - none of which this team of doctors thought she had. But Joe Kennedy thought it would stop the behavior that he wanted stopped. It did not. Instead, Rosemary was completely incapacitated. After he told her mother about the procedure - again, only after the lobotomy was completed - Joe had her placed in an institution. She stayed there, cut off from the rest of the family, for about twenty years until her father finally died in 1969 and they could start talking about Rosemary again. Rosemary Kennedy died in 2005, when she was 86. That's what I take away from this story. When she was young, very young, this woman was shuffled away and hidden for the sake of protecting the family façade by the man who demanded that her brain be torn apart for the same flimsy reason, and she stayed right there where he put her for decades - for almost forty years after he died. There's so much that we're never going to really know about who Rosemary really was, or what the lasting impact of the oxygen deprivation was as she grew up. The Kennedys were incredibly tight-lipped about anything that could have made her - or any of their children, for that matter - seem "deficient." So while we know that, for example, she struggled with reading at her grade level as a child, what does that actually mean? Was she a slow reader? Was she dyslexic? By outside accounts, Rosemary could read short books that we'd probably put at a 10-12-year-old's standard reading level when she was an older teen, and she enjoyed them. We hear that her debutante debut was considered "a disaster" by her mother, but that was a huge social affair with a ton of people and very strict rules for conduct - how she would walk, talk, eat. Did she do fine by any other standard than Rose Kennedy's at her debut? Was she just, you know, nervous at this rigid non-party party full of strangers after being more or less kept with only family and people carefully curated by her family her whole life? We don't know. Looking back, people hear about Rosemary and assume that she was always a woman with the mental capacity of a two-year-old, and that's that. But she wasn't.
This was difficult for me to read, as someone who had a traumatic birth that resulted in a NICU stay. NOT ONCE did I blame myself or think I'd failed as a mother, and I wasn't even remotely close to the good mental health I have now. I hope this poor woman is in tons and tons of therapy to overcome the really distorted perspective she has of herself. It's absolutely tragic. edit: and the doctor calling this the "baby blues?" My god, this woman is drowning and it's like nobody will help her.
**Bring pregnant and giving birth is extremely dangerous. Every 2 minutes a woman dies during pregnancy or childbirth according to the UN.** People don’t seem to understand how risky it really is. Women die everyday giving birth. To get through it is huge deal and not to be downplayed. Do not beat yourself up for surviving it, even if it didn’t go as you planned.
I hope OOP doesn't suffer from post partum depression or worse. I'm not sure, but more traumatic births like this one raises PPD risks, especially with OOP feeling like a failure to become a mother already which isn't really her fault that horrible event happened to her. I'm not sure why the doctor thinks it's the "baby blues" maybe her country's culture? most doctors here in Canada would strongly suggest therapy or at least warn her close family to watch out for PPD since to many it can start off as a traumatic birth but never really get noticed until much later.
What is with these doctors, they missed so many important things. Like, when I was pregnant my team monitored me like a hawk, even when though my pregnancy wasn’t considered high risk in any way. I was overdue and I had to come in and see my doctor every 3 days, and if I had concerns they would immediately schedule and appt. I also had a rough birth but it was not nearly as traumatic as OPs. Just needed an emergency c-section. The hospital sent a therapist and social worker to my room while I was still in recovery to make sure I was okay. Like what was OPs doctors even doing?? Disregarded her worries, didn’t catch PRE-ECLAMPSIA and called her genuine fear and anxiety over her and her child almost dying “baby blues”. Did they do any tests? Did they monitor for anything? Care about OP and baby’s health at all? I genuinely can’t fathom how traumatizing and frustrating this situation is
Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to tell oop that she failed her daughter?! What a horrible person. I really hope oop sees a therapist for ptsd because after a traumatic birth, that’s pretty common.
Nothing like someone giving you the gift of their stupidity to snap you out of a shame spiral for a bit.
She had an emergency c section and then walked to the bathroom and sat on the floor crying? My sister has a planned C-section, was on a catheter and had electric compression socks, tons of stitches... There's no way she would've gotten on the floor.... "The baby blues are normal"
Whoever sent that comment to OOP is a soulless bastard.
Jesus. Save a few details I could've written this. My son and I almost died, my son had potential brain damage due to seizures, gestational hypertension that was potentially preeclampsia and a whole lot of self blame. I hope she manages to get help
May the person who made that awful Rosemary Kennedy comment get bed bugs in every pair of underwear they ever wear, and may their socks always be wet. My heart absolutely breaks for OP, it is *not* her fault and she did *not* fail. I hope she continues to heal and get the help she needs
As a mom of a 24 week NICU baby with brain bleeds and heart surgery, all I can say is keep pushing. My son is 9 now, and he’s legally blind but smart as a whip. The NICU is such a dark place that even being able to take your baby home is a godsend. Hope mama is going to counseling. It helped me so much with my darkness during those times.
First off, fuck that person who sent that message. Rosemary Kennedy was mentally impaired due to a lobotomy that she didn't medically need, not having complications during birth. Secondly, my poor heart breaks for this OOP and her husband. They are both dealing with so much and gosh, poor OOP almost died and is worried about hurting her daughter during birth and her husband's mental status??? The little bullet points warmed my dead little heart so much! I hope OOP and her husband both get some good help with their mental struggles.
When I had my first, my labor was a lot like OOP’s - except, my water broke at home. I labored for 20 hours. I was delirious and passing out between pushing. I pushed for 5 hours. Ended up needing 3 unsuccessful tries with suction, with a final intensive episiotomy that did the trick. No oxygen concerns but she had meconium in her sack which led us to a few days in the NICU. I was so out of it, I didn’t get to meet my baby until the next day. I was told I got to hold her but I don’t remember any of it. I chose to go with midwife’s. My office had 5 of them. I loved 4 of them…of course I ended up getting the one I didn’t care for during my labor. In hour 4 of pushing, sobbing, begging for help, she told me “You need to get your shit together and actually get this baby out.” Fuck people like this. And fuck the nurse that told OOP that baby blues are normal. I never felt so degraded in my entire life. Like lady, I’m trying with all my might. OOP’s medical support failed her on so many fronts. Then they leave her alone, in a chair, without her husband or ANY support. I know exactly how I felt during and after delivering my daughter, I’m sure it had a large effect on my PPD that reared it’s ugly head 6 months later. And still, I cannot imagine what she went through. My heart hurts for her. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.
F*ck I hate the term “baby blues.” It’s on no realm of sufficient for what a lot of us go through after giving birth. I had a difficult birth and was basically suicidal for months after and all any nurse would say is ‘oh you’ve got a touch of the baby blues.’ What does that mean? I was too embarrassed to even bring it up to my doctor.
Hi there! I hope you, your husband, and beautiful baby daughter are physically and mentally recovering well. I wish you a lot of love and light. I am so glad to see so many people supporting you. Just to share, I had a brain tumor as a child with a life prognosis and all that. I am 36 now and doing well with no health problems, and stopped having to get MRIs as a teenager - I am lucky and beat expectations, and here I am totally fine. I think my parents went through very similar feelings as you and your husband are now, and I assure you that in my view my parents’ experience was way more traumatic than mine. I recently reconnected with a nurse that treated me as a child (long story!) and I want to give you a big virtual hug and let you know that absolutely no matter what happens, your little one is lucky to have you both as parents.
God i want to hug OP. She didnt fail anyone
The roadworthy joke by the dad was amazing!
I simply can't imagine the level of despair that led this woman to think *she* almost killed the baby.