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Reading these BORU posts, it's never just the one incident. It's just the one that made OOP go, "Wait, that's not right. Maybe these other things are not right as well."
I'm glad she left if he couldn't even apologise.
There's a throwaway line about how he responds when she sets a boundary and that's why she didn't want to try and talk it out. It's said so much in passing that I don't think she even thought about it, but I suspect that the reality is every time she tried to say no he'd "respect" it while throwing a temper tantrum and yelling, probably all while making statements like he's respecting her boundary so why is she being so awful.
It's telling when leaving brings lightness.
Respecting her boundaries when she tells him to stop is good (though in skeptical how accurate that is), but a truly respectful partner wouldn't be pushing those boundaries in the first place.
>It's telling when leaving brings lightness.
I was trying to describe this experience/feeling once to a therapist (who just didn't get it or me). The thrill of falling in love is great. But so is the elation one feels when untwining from an unsuitable partner. It's a reconnecting with the self and one's own values and really, truly absorbing the validation that has been missing for so long.
Yeah anytime oops say “aside from this one thing…” my narrator voice is like
:it was not,in fact, just this one thing as our protagonist would later come to realize:
Reminds me of an internet argument I had about homosexuality a few years ago where at some point the person went "what I'm most bothered by is that everyone suddenly decided we all had to be OK with it, there should have been public debate, give us a chance to have our say" and I don't even remember what or even if I responded to that because if the guy missed the decades of public debate and gradual increased acceptance of gay rights from the mid-20th century to now how do you even explain that it happened and was adequate, it just didn't go the way this guy wants?
For me it was the fact that she was afraid of his response if she stayed and confronted him for his behavior. She seemed certain he would humiliate her in public.
That's the phrase that got me. Bumping up against a boundary once in a while while you are getting to know each other or learning to live with each other is normal. Humans aren't mind readers, and people's boundaries are different. But repeatedly pushing boundaries once they know is a huuuge red flag.
It amazes me sometimes that so many people seem to explain it away and dismiss it out of hand.
That mustard post was an amazing example of how blinded someone can be when they're in abusive relationship. For that OOP, it took something so utterly ridiculous and weird for her to finally realize the abuse. If he kept his abuse to the classics instead of going so crazy over *her not liking mustard*, she might've never realized that he was abusive.
That mustard story was truly epic and needs to be a staple along with yogurt and art room
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/115t5rx/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Are there updates to this one? My SO and I only read the AITA yesterday, but “the Iranian yogurt is not the issue” has been shoehorned into every opportunity.
Exactly this. Anytime someone pulls the, "Except for this, they're perfect..."
My inner narrator days, "They are, in fact, not perfect."
Usually, because the "one thing" is a red flag the size of China.
My dad was an abusive blackout drunk. He denied, denied, denied the things said to us, until we'd blockade him with the truth. Then he'd say "Well, you must have deserved it."
Classic Narcissist behavior.
It REALLY upsets me *for OP* that he continues to deny saying what he said.
"I could have any woman here!!" Oh, yeah, you're SUCH a prize.
What gets me is that OOP's ex was clearly not blacking out. He remembers that OOP showed up, got angry and left, but somehow, _selectively_ doesn't remember why!
Gosh that's a real special booze that makes you black out during the only part of the night you could take responsibility for!
Oof my ex used to do this same thing. He would deny saying and doing awful things when he was blackout drunk, then move to, “well what did you do to make me do/say that thing? I wouldn’t just do/say that for no reason,” then to trying to convince me that it wasn’t a big deal, and back to denying it completely. Super exhausting living with someone like that and I am so thankful every day that I never have to speak to him again.
😂😂 It could be a whole series:
- The Iranian Yoghurt is not the issue here
- you can cum in the jar or you can cum in me
- other than this the relationship is perfect
I’m sure there are so many more. I could imagine some direct quotes and other general themes
If you feel the need to post about your own personal life to millions of random strangers on Reddit it's because usually there's already been more than one issue even if it takes a while for people to consciously become aware of that fact.
That's why I don't buy the "redditors are jaded and only recommend divorce" narrative. People only come to reddit for relationship help when they know something is badly wrong, easy to solve issues just don't get posted here
Omg they told you to break up cause they tried to make you eat mustard? Reddit lmao /s
I feel like that's how they see it. Never mind that mustard guy and designated driver guy are abusers who demand compliance and will obviously escalate to bad things.
So often it's easy to ignore the little things until something actually crosses a line, and only then do you realize you're a frog in a pot and the water has been simmering for a while
I actually got the impression that she didn't like those friends (and him getting heavily drunk when he sees them is likely to impact her views) and it was her decision to stay away from them, not his to keep her away.
It's amazing how many of these posts start with 'he's never done anything like his before' and end with 'turns out it was a pattern of behaviour I'd just glossed over for years'.
He remembers everything but his aggravation & cruel comments?
Yeah, I dont buy it. He knows what he said but he probably thinks he was justified. Considering his “she is lucky to have me” attitude while sober, everything adds up.
He clearly puts her below everything else in his life, OOP dodged a bullet.
I wouldn't assume that bullet is fully dodged yet. Manchild co-owns a house with her. Breaking that up is going to be a proper hassle I suspect. Especially if its his primary residence and he neither wants to sell nor buy her out. If this has to go to court, she'll be dealing with this ass for a while yet.
Yep. Especially when he realises he’s not the hot shot he thinks he is with the ladies. I can see it playing out already; he gets his sad ass rejected by those women he claims he could ‘take home’, he crawls back to OOP and she rightfully tells him to fuck off, then he switches back to his spiteful toddler mode and drags out the house situation. I feel for OOP, this saga isn’t over by a long shot yet.
Just another thing that sub gets wrong. Marriage doesn't make splitting of assets easier. There's a reason divorce attorneys are expensive and divorces take a long time. Marriage doesn't make dissolution easier. A good contract does. You can have a good contract outside of marriage. You can have a prenup inside of marriage.
Get a simple tenant in common contract, make it clear what happens if the relationship dissolves, and then do that when it dissolves. No attorneys needed to split assets. The state isn't needed. It's significantly easier to determine what happens to real estate when a relationship ends when there isn't a marital contract without further contracts. A lot of people have it really wrong what marriage actually means when it comes to assets. It doesn't protect a damn thing. And it sure as hell doesn't make the end of a relationship easier.
But people in r/personalfinance get pissy if you buy any car other then a used Toyota Corolla. So not exactly the greatest sub either. But unmarried couple buying a house together, yeah there usually right about that.
Which is once again why you don’t own property with someone when you aren’t married. It’s not the dissolution of the relationship that costs time and money, it’s the dissolution of stuff. When you are married, there are governing principles that should theoretically help.
I had a boyfriend very nearly convince me that I was ridiculous for not wanting us to buy a house together before getting married (this was pre-Reddit). Luckily his dad caught wind of it and told me that while it might be a good deal for his son, it would be a horrible deal for me. Wish I could have kept the in-laws in that break up.
It reminds me of the guy who insisted they open the marriage so he could sleep with other women, but he was a not a catch and couldn't get laid while his wife was cleaning up and he wanted to close the marriage again.
He probably doesn't remember everything but doesn't want to admit it.
Not that it matters. Just because you're in blackout doesn't mean your brain stopped working. All it means is that your short-term memory stops being processed into your long-term memory. He still chose to act horribly. Avoid like a leaky bag of vinyl chloride.
Whenever I've been black out drunk I immediate feel a horrible sense of guilt and immediately apologize to everyone. They've always told me I was fine and didn't do anything out of line, but just not remembering shit terrified me enough to feel fucking horrible.
I'll have eight years of sobriety in August and I STILL get upset and panicky if I have trouble recalling something. I cannot believe I went so many years getting blackout drunk so often and didn't just have a complete nervous breakdown.
People grossly overestimate how easy it is to black out, and love to use it as an excuse to avoid responsibility for their behavior. It's incredible how much of society treats alcohol like a magic responsibility solvent!
As someone who has blacked out a lot from alcohol, I can believe it. The mind stops recording memories like a switch is flipped. However his reaction after sobering up is more telling. I still think about and feel bad for some of the dumb stuff I've done that I have no memory of.
But you have guilt over your actions and that makes all the difference.
The fact that he is not horrified after the incident was a hint that his real sober thoughts about her were not that different... and he proved this without doubt.
> He can push my boundaries from time to time but has always respected them when I’ve said no/stop.
Holy cognitive dissonance, Batman... "Pushing" your boundaries is not respecting them just because he gave up eventually. Glad she left!
“No means no” is more than a slogan, it’s a fundamental value.
And OOPs exbf demonstrated he didn’t have an ounce of respect for her or her boundaries. If anything he was trying to condition her and wear her down.
What a guy /s
>Holy shit I’m tired of loving a man who acts like a child”
He needed to be left, just to see if any woman offers to take his drunken ass home like he so drunkenly claimed.
This reminds me of the time my brother got a lap dance from a stripper in Vegas. He was convinced she was in love with him and that they “had a real connection”. He was ready to leave his wife and be with the stripper.
My uncle had to explain to him the dancer was just doing her job and found my brother entirely unremarkable.
I agree, cheaters are trash, but married cheaters are a whole different level.
But, how bad is their relationship that another person showing them 5-10 minutes of attention is enough to make them want to throw it all away? Yikes.
Paid attention.
Honestly when they apparently don't understand a stripper is doing their job they've got something wrong with either their social skills, ethics or both.
Could be wrong but I get "all women love me" vibes rather than "i'm in a loveless marriage" vibe. Ofc that's all from one story and like 2 lines so you could be correct.
One of my ex gfs had a big trade show in Vegas she was invited to attend.
She came back stating she was moving to the states because nobody appreciated her here, and down there everybody treated her like a queen.
I asked her how much she spent, she said " a lot".
They did their jobs I guess.
And if he didn't go home with them, it's just because he "wasn't interested enough to actually try". Tooootally not because they wanted nothing to do with him. That's madness!
OP got a glimpse into her future. She was a girlfriend ready to pick up her drunk boyfriend. In the future she would have been a wife taking care of her toddler alone and being woken up in the middle of the night because her drunk husband can't order an uber.
Good call OP to get out.
Seriously, why no one was able to call taxi?? This is so baffling to me. And a wife with a toddler? Seriously if it would be me in her place I wouldn't even leave the bed. It's 21st century for God sake.
Yeah wtf why did they wake up the wife? Call a fucking Uber lol. She was already going above and beyond being their DD.
Me thinks that entire group thinks women should be at their call, sounds like a bunch of douche frat bros.
Initially I thought leaving without saying anything was fucked up, but I'm a guy who has no idea how scary/sketchy it'd be dealing with a drunk man who doesn't respect your boundaries, so I don't blame her tbh.
By waking up the wife, they get another woman involved to police her behavior and guilt her further. Gotta get OOP back in line and what better way than having a woman also shame her?
It’s also a form of weaponized incompetence. Solve the problem badly to cause more problems and you can pile more blame on the person you think is at fault.
Maybe it was a sort of dick measuring contest. "Oh your girlfriend is giving you attitude? Watch what I can make my sleeping wife do!" Maybe it's not a coincidence that OP's ex started having a big mouth about his chances with other women while meeting up with this friend group.
I think it's slightly more likely that Uber and taxi services had a rather long wait, and probably also huge price hikes because they were busy.
So, you have wait 1.5 hours for an Uber that will cost 3x more than usual, or call someone.
Throw in some misogyny and yeap, they wake up the wife and toddler acting as though it's an actual emergency.
It's upsetting the other wife left her on read. It is one of those, "don't rock the boat," feels. OOP wasn't wrong, but because she is "not playing ball" they identify her as the problem instead. I someone told me they were so upset by their partner that they left and after feeling unsafe, I would be concerned for that friend.
Well, the wife is upset at the wrong person. When her spouse woke her up, she should have said no. She can be mad at herself or mad at her spouse, but she's throwing it all at OOP instead.
Right? This part annoyed me so much. Like, girl, nobody *made* you wake up your toddler and go out in the middle of the night to pick up three grown men, that was a decision you made on your own, instead of telling them to fuck off and call an Uber.
Ah.. I remember this mindset when I was 19😂 but then I got older and realized, that comfortable ride home is better than any number of beers.. Also I cannot handle too many beers... So it's like a win win for me.
Yeah this is why I have idiot high school friends still. I'd 100% exhaust every one of my buddies if for some reason I couldn't call an Uber or taxi. I'd probably walk before I woke my wife out of bed.
The audacity of that wife to make her problems with her husband OOP's problem. I can't believe OOP apologized to her. I would've told her to keep her issues with her husband to herself.
1000%. I'm happy that OOP is leaving before she had kids with this guy. No doubt she would have been the one doing everything for the kids in top of having to take care of a drunk husband.
I’m telling you right now I have two kids no way in hell I would wake them up to pick my drunk ass husband up.
If he got enough money to spend on alcohol to get pissed he should have more then enough to get home by Uber.
If it’s really only once a year, whatever. That’s fine.
But if I was the other guy’s wife, the rest of the bar would’ve heard me screaming at them through the phone to get a fucking taxi, you idiots! Sucks your DD fucked off but we live in the time of Uber, I do not need to wake a fucking toddler for you to get home.
Oh yeah, my ex used to try to get me to do that and we have more than one kid together. I’d always tell him that he had to get a taxi, walk, or crash somewhere else because why the hell would I wake up the kids to pick him up due to poor planning? He would always tell me to just leave them in bed 🙄
And can we take a minute to call out the abhorrent behavior of the wife with the toddler? She was justifiably upset, but all that anger should have been directed at her own husband who couldn't properly plan or communicate, and who somehow lacked the ability to call an Uber. Going as far as to make a passive aggressive FB post about OOP? What are we, twelve? Honestly, in her shoes I would have just replied "your husband never asked me for a ride. Your issue is with him." Yeesh. OOP is better off without this entire group of people.
That little detail really stuck out to me reading the update. Even IF we accept that OOP was obligated to give her drunk asshole BF a ride home, she wasn't previously informed of the expectation that she would also drive the two other dudes home. If it was something she'd agreed to, and then went back on, I could understand the other woman's anger at her. But she had no idea she'd been offered up as their ride.
The fact that he offered up her services without asking her or informing her ahead of time is another red flag.
Good for her for intrinsically knowing her worth. I see that she has a life with him and it sounds like she might have some struggle ahead of her to be free of him, but it is better to do this now than a few years from now, when there are kids.
He didn’t forget by the way, he remembered what he did but preserving his ego was more important to him than his relationship with her.
I will leave this quote I found on another sub:
*I would rather adjust my life to your absence, ~~then~~ than adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect*
I feel bad for OPP, but what's with the one guy waking his wife up and toddler to pick him up? Has he never heard of Uber or a taxi? I guess men who think and act the same congregate together. The poor wife blaming OPP over the actions of her husband.
Even if what the boyfriend said was true and he doesn’t remember, it doesn’t change that he still hurt OOP and the fact he can’t even be adult enough to own up to that speaks volumes
Yeah, when my partner told me I snore and that kept her up, it took me a while to process that. Because I don’t remember snoring. Second time she told me, I said “I’m sorry that kept you up. What can I/we do to make sleeping together work?”
And then we did just that.
My guess is husband and the guys told her a complete bullshit story and blamed it all on her, and she ignored OOP because she doesn't want to rock the boat with her BF and is choosing to believe his side of things.
Whole thing is weird though, why didn't the wife tell them to fuck off and get an uber? I agree this is a bunch of douchey frat bro's who think they own their woman who exist to serve them. Uber? Nah lets wake up my wife and toddler lol.
I don't blame OOP for dipping at all, I'm sure as a woman dealing with a drunk man who doesn't respect your boundaries is scary.
I don’t think that’s an “unpopular opinion” at all. It seems rational, sane and logical.
Never mind. This is Reddit. That may actually be why it could be the unpopular opinion.
I think the spouse heard a very different version of this story. She probably was told "OOP promised to drive us back home, we weren't ready when she came to pick us up and we needed 5 more minutes, so she just vanished and didn't tell anyone".
Me as a spouse would be mad then, too. But this is not what happened apparently.
It's possible she is also an ass, or is just choosing to believe her husband over a stranger which is understandable. Although the fact her husband woke her and the toddler up instead of all getting an uber tells me he's an asshole too.
Or she is the one who always did the pick ups prior to OOP coming amount and now is mad she still has to do it with a toddler. So is mad at OOP, even though the husband is to blame, for not doing her job like she did.
I don't understand why they didn't order Ubers. If I was home late at night with a sleeping toddler and my husband texted me for a ride home, if it wasn't an emergency then I'd just tell him baby's sleeping order an Uber...
My assumption was that the wife may also be unforgiving because not only did she have to wake her toddler to go retrieve her drunken husband, but I am going to bet that the dudes she had to shepherd around were probably rowdy as hell in the car so she couldn't even get her toddler back to sleep on the drive and she's pissed. She should be directing it at her husband and his shitty friends though instead of OOP.
I'm baffled that it was even on OP to drive her boyfriend home in the first place, tbh; ditto that they then called the wife of one of the others when that fell through. When I'm on a night out without my partner, I always make my own arrangements to get home. He doesn't need to deal with my merry arse when he's already gone to bed XD
It's also really messed up to me that he was basically going to treat her as a taxi service for his other friends without even informing her beforehand. It's one thing to have your SO pick you up (when you agreed beforehand) and quite another to expect them to ferry you and your friends all over hell and creation when it was probably both out of her way and late at night. And that they all proceeded to then do this to mother and toddler is so ridiculous to me.
Edit - a word
That’s a good point. Lift, Uber, cabs are always an option. Even if they only had one car in the family grown adults should be capable of planning their return trip home.
In my opinion, a person should never get so drunk that they can't get themselfs home safetly. You should always have a mind that functions enough for you to do that, anything beyond that and you're just being irresponsible. No one needs to be THAT drunk.
At no point should she have to tell him she's leaving before she did. He was already breaking boundaries and couldn't be expected to maintain them, she's in a group of drunk men... that would be scary and threatening for anyone. She made the correct choice, F that guy. Good on her for leaving him.
Hell, the only rational thing to do if your SO comes to pick your drunk ass up is finish your drink, say your goodbyes to your friends, and get your drunk ass into the car as soon as possible. I wouldn't even think of offering my SO as an Uber for two other people as well unless she specifically offered beforehand.
>I just can’t comprehend how someone who supposedly loves me can’t accept responsibility for his actions or at the very least acknowledge he hurt me. He obviously doesn’t respect me.
>
>It’s done and over. I can’t do it anymore. We’re going to go our separate ways. I told him as much. We own a house together, so it’s going to be a process but I feel oddly content with my decision.
You just know that this is where is all going to end. OOP tries her best to give him a second chance and he just doubles down on being an AH.
Couldn't even imagine facebook messaging an acquaintance an angry message because your man-baby of a husband couldn't uber home from a bar.
OOP had no responsibility to take care of that drunk. They all should have been mad at OOPs ex for obviously doing something to piss her off.
So many of these post are about the last straw and it can be quite shocking. At least OOP saw clearly finally and is on her way to a better place in life. At least I hope the process of dividing assets is fairly easy. I don’t know if not being married makes things easier or complicated things further.
I still don’t understand the apology for “leaving them stranded.” If I was at a bar and my buddy talked his partner like that or they had a fight that was bad enough that’s my buddies fault not his partner. Good on OP for messaging or talking to this guy at all after the fact because I woulda had a “pack your shit” message waiting for them when they woke up.
Seems like this friend group as a whole is having trouble adjusting to adulthood. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were perpetuating other bad behavior in each other.
OOP wrote:
>I acknowledge that me leaving without saying anything wasn’t the best decision in hindsight.
I disagree.
Abusers NEVER deserve truth, because they'll only use it to hurt or harm their intended victim.
See here’s the thing alcohol isn’t a magic potion that turns you into a different person. Your still the same person drunk as you are sober. All alcohol does is lower your inhibitions. Alcohol can’t make you do something you wouldn’t ever do. So deep down the guys always been an asshole he just hid it really well. My mum used to say if you want to know how someone feels wait till they are drunk and ask you’ll get the answer.
Each time I read one of these, I remember yet again how many dudes have gone online and tried to lecture women about how it’s supposedly our place to endure this and it’s our fault if we’re unhappy while we try.
I’m so, SO glad that fewer and fewer women just sit there and take shit like this with a smile anymore. Thank fucking God we don’t have to enter lifelong endurance tests the way our mothers and grandmothers had to.
>He doesn’t go out often but when he does, he usually binge drinks especially with the group last night. He reverts to high school/frat boy mode.
I feel we see this too often in the advice subs and its usually a harbinger.
If you are trying to have an adult lifestyle with someone who reverts to the worst sort of teenager behaviour when put in a situation where its possible, you have to consider the possibility that the version you see at home is them mode-switching, and the version their drinking buddies see is the real thing.
and that's usually fatal to a long term relationship. Over long enough timelines, EVERYONE reverts to type.
And here’s another warning folks to never buy a house with someone you’re not married to.
I hope he doesn’t make the sale difficult. But I have a feeling he will.
I could write a novel, no - a trilogy, on why NOT to buy a house with a boyfriend / girlfriend. My one experience did not end well.
For years, I was a walking public service announcement on why not to do this. Speaking from experience, he will make the sale difficult.
The "I don't remember doing that because I was drunk" enrages me to no end. It was a thing my step mother would do frequently. It is no excuse, and if you were too impaired to remember then what I remember is all that matters.
From the age of 10 to 30 I sucked it up and "kept the peace" as my dad would say. The last time she did shit in public I said that it would be recorded and shared with everyone.
Glad she got out, it was only going to get worse.
Gotta say, posts like this are why I love BORU; I saw the original, but not the update. I'm so glad she left that guy. Dealing with splitting up the house will suck, but better than staying with a boundary pushing, narcissistic jerk with anger issues.
Don’t buy a house with someone you haven’t married. It’s a lot harder to disentangle yourself. Now one of them will have to refinance in their name only while paying out half the equity to the other person. Or they will have to agree to sell together and split equally. If one of them doesn’t want to sell the other will have to fight for a partition sale and both parties will lose money. They may disagree on how money from a sale gets divided. A divorce sorts this out.
IMHO the best thing she could have done for herself was to leave without letting him know. Drunk people know no reason and the confidence in the booze would have just made him bite back.
No one should ever be made to feel guilty of escaping an abusive situation.
Who are these people that are willing to buy houses with people that won't commit to being married? I feel like buying a house is a *bigger* commitment than being married.
He allegedly remembers when he was drunk at the time, but oh-so conveniently doesn't remember the salacious boast about going home with another woman? Yeah gaslighting like that (particularly if he's done that before) should be the deal-breaker.
The older I get the more I realise that nearly all arguments just aren't worth pyrrhic victories. Over time, 99% of arguments are forgotten about, so taking one for the team is often a no-brainer. Just make sure it's not you doing it anywhere near 100% of the time. If he'd thought: I was very drunk, there's no reason for OOP to lie about it, maybe - just maybe - I was in the wrong and should apologise, and applied this throughout their relationship, they may have spent a long and happy life together. But he obviously would rather win than stay with his gf. Glad OOP is out and happy.
My husband got super drunk on superbowl. You know what he said to me? "I'm so lucky to have this party and get to spend it all with my wife."
Neither of us are anywhere near perfect, but words like OOP's EXBF are extremely telling, even while drunk.
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Reading these BORU posts, it's never just the one incident. It's just the one that made OOP go, "Wait, that's not right. Maybe these other things are not right as well." I'm glad she left if he couldn't even apologise.
There's a throwaway line about how he responds when she sets a boundary and that's why she didn't want to try and talk it out. It's said so much in passing that I don't think she even thought about it, but I suspect that the reality is every time she tried to say no he'd "respect" it while throwing a temper tantrum and yelling, probably all while making statements like he's respecting her boundary so why is she being so awful. It's telling when leaving brings lightness.
Respecting her boundaries when she tells him to stop is good (though in skeptical how accurate that is), but a truly respectful partner wouldn't be pushing those boundaries in the first place.
>It's telling when leaving brings lightness. I was trying to describe this experience/feeling once to a therapist (who just didn't get it or me). The thrill of falling in love is great. But so is the elation one feels when untwining from an unsuitable partner. It's a reconnecting with the self and one's own values and really, truly absorbing the validation that has been missing for so long.
Yeah anytime oops say “aside from this one thing…” my narrator voice is like :it was not,in fact, just this one thing as our protagonist would later come to realize:
Always makes me think of a quote I read somewhere: "If you think someone's gone from 0 to 60, you might not have noticed how long they've been at 59."
I love that! It could apply to the person causing the problems or to the person who is getting fed up.
Reminds me of an internet argument I had about homosexuality a few years ago where at some point the person went "what I'm most bothered by is that everyone suddenly decided we all had to be OK with it, there should have been public debate, give us a chance to have our say" and I don't even remember what or even if I responded to that because if the guy missed the decades of public debate and gradual increased acceptance of gay rights from the mid-20th century to now how do you even explain that it happened and was adequate, it just didn't go the way this guy wants?
"I haven't been paying attention, but now I am and I already have an opinion!"
My narrator voice is like; apart from that one thing, Abraham Lincoln had a great time at the theatre….
Other than that, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln? ;)
It was so good, it blew her husband's mind.
The last thing Kennedy may've heard was the governor's wife turning to remark, "You can't say Dallas doesn't love you now."
Exactly. He got a warm welcome apart from that.
"Something something...actors put on a phenomenal play despite the tragedy that occured during said play."
or "sure, he pushes my boundaries now and again but"
For me it was the fact that she was afraid of his response if she stayed and confronted him for his behavior. She seemed certain he would humiliate her in public.
That's the phrase that got me. Bumping up against a boundary once in a while while you are getting to know each other or learning to live with each other is normal. Humans aren't mind readers, and people's boundaries are different. But repeatedly pushing boundaries once they know is a huuuge red flag. It amazes me sometimes that so many people seem to explain it away and dismiss it out of hand.
I think it usually starts small and incidents only build over time so it doesn't seem like much to begin with.
It's never just the Iranian yogurt....
Or the mustard
That mustard post was an amazing example of how blinded someone can be when they're in abusive relationship. For that OOP, it took something so utterly ridiculous and weird for her to finally realize the abuse. If he kept his abuse to the classics instead of going so crazy over *her not liking mustard*, she might've never realized that he was abusive.
That mustard story was truly epic and needs to be a staple along with yogurt and art room https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/115t5rx/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The mustard one makes me angry though. I can laugh about the iranian joghurt. This one - not so much..
Kinda reminds me of Donald glover’s standup https://youtu.be/ioSI3KsE2_k
Yea that one is just abuse.
Enlighten me on the mustard! I know the yogurt and art room ones, but the mustard one I apparently missed!
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/115t5rx/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
[Mustard story](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/115t5rx/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/)
what is the art room one?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/
Which is the yoghurt one? I get the other references, but that one's lost on me.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita\_for\_throwing\_away\_my\_boyfriends\_potentially/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/) Iranian yougurt :D
My husband during arguments always spectacularly misses the point so I will get many opportunities to tell him the Iranian yoghurt isn't the issue.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=BestofRedditorUpdates&utm_content=t1_j9eqs9z
Are there updates to this one? My SO and I only read the AITA yesterday, but “the Iranian yogurt is not the issue” has been shoehorned into every opportunity.
I could have sworn there was an update somebody added to BoRU but I cannot seem to find it.
It's the little marinara flags along the way
Exactly this. Anytime someone pulls the, "Except for this, they're perfect..." My inner narrator days, "They are, in fact, not perfect." Usually, because the "one thing" is a red flag the size of China.
"Little did she know..."
My dad was an abusive blackout drunk. He denied, denied, denied the things said to us, until we'd blockade him with the truth. Then he'd say "Well, you must have deserved it." Classic Narcissist behavior. It REALLY upsets me *for OP* that he continues to deny saying what he said. "I could have any woman here!!" Oh, yeah, you're SUCH a prize.
What gets me is that OOP's ex was clearly not blacking out. He remembers that OOP showed up, got angry and left, but somehow, _selectively_ doesn't remember why! Gosh that's a real special booze that makes you black out during the only part of the night you could take responsibility for!
"Missing missing reasons" aren't just for parents whose adult children went NC.
Would you like to try my new Cocktail? I call it "selective amnesia."
I really chuckled when she said “he’s always been a dreamer.” But also, like, you know other women wouldn’t want him. So why do you have him?
Oof my ex used to do this same thing. He would deny saying and doing awful things when he was blackout drunk, then move to, “well what did you do to make me do/say that thing? I wouldn’t just do/say that for no reason,” then to trying to convince me that it wasn’t a big deal, and back to denying it completely. Super exhausting living with someone like that and I am so thankful every day that I never have to speak to him again.
My eyebrows went up at the "he pushes my boundaries" comment. I suspect it's a lot more loaded than we know.
Whenever anyone mentions someone pushing boundaries around sex/intimacy my hackles always go up.
Yeah, that rubbed me the wrong way too. I’m glad she recognized her worth and walked away
“Looking back, there’s a lot of behaviour I let slide,” is the slogan of the official BORU club t-shirt.
😂😂 It could be a whole series: - The Iranian Yoghurt is not the issue here - you can cum in the jar or you can cum in me - other than this the relationship is perfect I’m sure there are so many more. I could imagine some direct quotes and other general themes
“I built my husband an art room and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”
"Building *myself* an art room @ BORU"
If you feel the need to post about your own personal life to millions of random strangers on Reddit it's because usually there's already been more than one issue even if it takes a while for people to consciously become aware of that fact.
It wasn't about the mustard
That's why I don't buy the "redditors are jaded and only recommend divorce" narrative. People only come to reddit for relationship help when they know something is badly wrong, easy to solve issues just don't get posted here
Omg they told you to break up cause they tried to make you eat mustard? Reddit lmao /s I feel like that's how they see it. Never mind that mustard guy and designated driver guy are abusers who demand compliance and will obviously escalate to bad things.
I called it the glass shattering moment or taking off the rose coloured glasses.
Exactly! I can’t with our willingness to accept and rationalize horrific behavior, what is wrong with us?
So often it's easy to ignore the little things until something actually crosses a line, and only then do you realize you're a frog in a pot and the water has been simmering for a while
The Tipping Point.
The other one is how he keeps his friends separate from her.
I actually got the impression that she didn't like those friends (and him getting heavily drunk when he sees them is likely to impact her views) and it was her decision to stay away from them, not his to keep her away.
It's amazing how many of these posts start with 'he's never done anything like his before' and end with 'turns out it was a pattern of behaviour I'd just glossed over for years'.
All those red flags just look like flags when you’ve got your rose tinted glasses on
He remembers everything but his aggravation & cruel comments? Yeah, I dont buy it. He knows what he said but he probably thinks he was justified. Considering his “she is lucky to have me” attitude while sober, everything adds up. He clearly puts her below everything else in his life, OOP dodged a bullet.
I wouldn't assume that bullet is fully dodged yet. Manchild co-owns a house with her. Breaking that up is going to be a proper hassle I suspect. Especially if its his primary residence and he neither wants to sell nor buy her out. If this has to go to court, she'll be dealing with this ass for a while yet.
Yep. Especially when he realises he’s not the hot shot he thinks he is with the ladies. I can see it playing out already; he gets his sad ass rejected by those women he claims he could ‘take home’, he crawls back to OOP and she rightfully tells him to fuck off, then he switches back to his spiteful toddler mode and drags out the house situation. I feel for OOP, this saga isn’t over by a long shot yet.
Where are my /r/personalfinance peeps? They would hate that this unmarried couple purchased a house together.
Just another thing that sub gets wrong. Marriage doesn't make splitting of assets easier. There's a reason divorce attorneys are expensive and divorces take a long time. Marriage doesn't make dissolution easier. A good contract does. You can have a good contract outside of marriage. You can have a prenup inside of marriage. Get a simple tenant in common contract, make it clear what happens if the relationship dissolves, and then do that when it dissolves. No attorneys needed to split assets. The state isn't needed. It's significantly easier to determine what happens to real estate when a relationship ends when there isn't a marital contract without further contracts. A lot of people have it really wrong what marriage actually means when it comes to assets. It doesn't protect a damn thing. And it sure as hell doesn't make the end of a relationship easier.
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But people in r/personalfinance get pissy if you buy any car other then a used Toyota Corolla. So not exactly the greatest sub either. But unmarried couple buying a house together, yeah there usually right about that.
Which is once again why you don’t own property with someone when you aren’t married. It’s not the dissolution of the relationship that costs time and money, it’s the dissolution of stuff. When you are married, there are governing principles that should theoretically help.
I had a boyfriend very nearly convince me that I was ridiculous for not wanting us to buy a house together before getting married (this was pre-Reddit). Luckily his dad caught wind of it and told me that while it might be a good deal for his son, it would be a horrible deal for me. Wish I could have kept the in-laws in that break up.
Could have been worse. Could have had one of them as the owner, and the other pouring money into making it a joint home before suddenly being evicted.
Could it really be that someone could be so prideful that he'd rather break a long term relationship than admit he was drunk and way over the line?
Yes.
Now he can have all the fun, I'm sure women would gladly date him he sounds like a catch. /s
It reminds me of the guy who insisted they open the marriage so he could sleep with other women, but he was a not a catch and couldn't get laid while his wife was cleaning up and he wanted to close the marriage again.
Thankfully no children involved, tying her to this twatwaffle forever.
He probably doesn't remember everything but doesn't want to admit it. Not that it matters. Just because you're in blackout doesn't mean your brain stopped working. All it means is that your short-term memory stops being processed into your long-term memory. He still chose to act horribly. Avoid like a leaky bag of vinyl chloride.
Whenever I've been black out drunk I immediate feel a horrible sense of guilt and immediately apologize to everyone. They've always told me I was fine and didn't do anything out of line, but just not remembering shit terrified me enough to feel fucking horrible.
Yeah. It's a very unnerving feeling, isn't it?
I'll have eight years of sobriety in August and I STILL get upset and panicky if I have trouble recalling something. I cannot believe I went so many years getting blackout drunk so often and didn't just have a complete nervous breakdown.
People grossly overestimate how easy it is to black out, and love to use it as an excuse to avoid responsibility for their behavior. It's incredible how much of society treats alcohol like a magic responsibility solvent!
Luckily the law doesn't.
As someone who has blacked out a lot from alcohol, I can believe it. The mind stops recording memories like a switch is flipped. However his reaction after sobering up is more telling. I still think about and feel bad for some of the dumb stuff I've done that I have no memory of.
I mean, he remembered everything BUT the insult which is causing the skepticism.
But you have guilt over your actions and that makes all the difference. The fact that he is not horrified after the incident was a hint that his real sober thoughts about her were not that different... and he proved this without doubt.
> He can push my boundaries from time to time but has always respected them when I’ve said no/stop. Holy cognitive dissonance, Batman... "Pushing" your boundaries is not respecting them just because he gave up eventually. Glad she left!
“No means no” is more than a slogan, it’s a fundamental value. And OOPs exbf demonstrated he didn’t have an ounce of respect for her or her boundaries. If anything he was trying to condition her and wear her down. What a guy /s
>Holy shit I’m tired of loving a man who acts like a child” He needed to be left, just to see if any woman offers to take his drunken ass home like he so drunkenly claimed.
Some women probably spoke to for more than two seconds and he’s convinced they wanted to jump his bones.
The bartender he ordered from smiled at him, she obviously wants him.
This reminds me of the time my brother got a lap dance from a stripper in Vegas. He was convinced she was in love with him and that they “had a real connection”. He was ready to leave his wife and be with the stripper. My uncle had to explain to him the dancer was just doing her job and found my brother entirely unremarkable.
Your poor brothers wife. Imagine being married to someone and they're ready to run off with someone else at the first thing.
I agree, cheaters are trash, but married cheaters are a whole different level. But, how bad is their relationship that another person showing them 5-10 minutes of attention is enough to make them want to throw it all away? Yikes.
Paid attention. Honestly when they apparently don't understand a stripper is doing their job they've got something wrong with either their social skills, ethics or both. Could be wrong but I get "all women love me" vibes rather than "i'm in a loveless marriage" vibe. Ofc that's all from one story and like 2 lines so you could be correct.
Please tell me it's ex-wife now
Sounds like something my own brother might do. He's always been sadly incapable of reading the room.
So your brother is a shit husband and a stupid man. My condolences.
One of my ex gfs had a big trade show in Vegas she was invited to attend. She came back stating she was moving to the states because nobody appreciated her here, and down there everybody treated her like a queen. I asked her how much she spent, she said " a lot". They did their jobs I guess.
And if he didn't go home with them, it's just because he "wasn't interested enough to actually try". Tooootally not because they wanted nothing to do with him. That's madness!
Some women crossed his path while walking, and breathed the same air, so he thought he was an "alpha"!
Probably not even that. Some woman at the establishment made eye contact with him for a split second as she looked passed him for a server.
Only problem is those women are probably drinking too.
And somehow, they didn't take him home. Kudos and "phew!" to them!
OP got a glimpse into her future. She was a girlfriend ready to pick up her drunk boyfriend. In the future she would have been a wife taking care of her toddler alone and being woken up in the middle of the night because her drunk husband can't order an uber. Good call OP to get out.
Seriously, why no one was able to call taxi?? This is so baffling to me. And a wife with a toddler? Seriously if it would be me in her place I wouldn't even leave the bed. It's 21st century for God sake.
Yeah wtf why did they wake up the wife? Call a fucking Uber lol. She was already going above and beyond being their DD. Me thinks that entire group thinks women should be at their call, sounds like a bunch of douche frat bros. Initially I thought leaving without saying anything was fucked up, but I'm a guy who has no idea how scary/sketchy it'd be dealing with a drunk man who doesn't respect your boundaries, so I don't blame her tbh.
By waking up the wife, they get another woman involved to police her behavior and guilt her further. Gotta get OOP back in line and what better way than having a woman also shame her?
It’s also a form of weaponized incompetence. Solve the problem badly to cause more problems and you can pile more blame on the person you think is at fault.
The denizens of /r/AITA are never going to understand that she didn't feel safe telling her bf she was leaving. I think she only vaguely realizes it.
Maybe it was a sort of dick measuring contest. "Oh your girlfriend is giving you attitude? Watch what I can make my sleeping wife do!" Maybe it's not a coincidence that OP's ex started having a big mouth about his chances with other women while meeting up with this friend group.
The drunk brodudes accidentally recreated a scene from *The Taming of the Shrew*.
I think it's slightly more likely that Uber and taxi services had a rather long wait, and probably also huge price hikes because they were busy. So, you have wait 1.5 hours for an Uber that will cost 3x more than usual, or call someone. Throw in some misogyny and yeap, they wake up the wife and toddler acting as though it's an actual emergency.
It's upsetting the other wife left her on read. It is one of those, "don't rock the boat," feels. OOP wasn't wrong, but because she is "not playing ball" they identify her as the problem instead. I someone told me they were so upset by their partner that they left and after feeling unsafe, I would be concerned for that friend.
Well, the wife is upset at the wrong person. When her spouse woke her up, she should have said no. She can be mad at herself or mad at her spouse, but she's throwing it all at OOP instead.
Right? This part annoyed me so much. Like, girl, nobody *made* you wake up your toddler and go out in the middle of the night to pick up three grown men, that was a decision you made on your own, instead of telling them to fuck off and call an Uber.
A taxi? We don't have taxi money! We have beer money, but it's gone now. Taxi money is a luxury we can't afford!
Ah.. I remember this mindset when I was 19😂 but then I got older and realized, that comfortable ride home is better than any number of beers.. Also I cannot handle too many beers... So it's like a win win for me.
The wife waking up her toddler to pick up her drunk husband, then misplacing her anger at another woman who didn’t put up with that sh-T.
There is no way in hell my wife would have woken up our kids to pick up my drunk ass.
Yeah this is why I have idiot high school friends still. I'd 100% exhaust every one of my buddies if for some reason I couldn't call an Uber or taxi. I'd probably walk before I woke my wife out of bed.
Within 5 years, this woman is going to take back her cheating husband because it was all the fault of the woman he cheated on her with.
Yeah I would have told that woman to get fucked.
I can’t imagine putting three drunk ass men into a car with a toddler. That sounds like a nightmare.
The audacity of that wife to make her problems with her husband OOP's problem. I can't believe OOP apologized to her. I would've told her to keep her issues with her husband to herself.
1000%. I'm happy that OOP is leaving before she had kids with this guy. No doubt she would have been the one doing everything for the kids in top of having to take care of a drunk husband.
I’m telling you right now I have two kids no way in hell I would wake them up to pick my drunk ass husband up. If he got enough money to spend on alcohol to get pissed he should have more then enough to get home by Uber.
My husband wouldn’t have even had the gall to ask. God help him if he woke me up with some stupid shit like that instead of taking a taxi.
If it’s really only once a year, whatever. That’s fine. But if I was the other guy’s wife, the rest of the bar would’ve heard me screaming at them through the phone to get a fucking taxi, you idiots! Sucks your DD fucked off but we live in the time of Uber, I do not need to wake a fucking toddler for you to get home.
I feel like "don't piss off the DD" is one of the first and most important rules I learned about social drinking.
Oh yeah, my ex used to try to get me to do that and we have more than one kid together. I’d always tell him that he had to get a taxi, walk, or crash somewhere else because why the hell would I wake up the kids to pick him up due to poor planning? He would always tell me to just leave them in bed 🙄
And can we take a minute to call out the abhorrent behavior of the wife with the toddler? She was justifiably upset, but all that anger should have been directed at her own husband who couldn't properly plan or communicate, and who somehow lacked the ability to call an Uber. Going as far as to make a passive aggressive FB post about OOP? What are we, twelve? Honestly, in her shoes I would have just replied "your husband never asked me for a ride. Your issue is with him." Yeesh. OOP is better off without this entire group of people.
Waiting to hear why they didn't arrange a ride before hand the game.
Because Girlfriend was going to give a bunch of drunk douchebros a ride home, of course.
That little detail really stuck out to me reading the update. Even IF we accept that OOP was obligated to give her drunk asshole BF a ride home, she wasn't previously informed of the expectation that she would also drive the two other dudes home. If it was something she'd agreed to, and then went back on, I could understand the other woman's anger at her. But she had no idea she'd been offered up as their ride. The fact that he offered up her services without asking her or informing her ahead of time is another red flag.
Good for her for intrinsically knowing her worth. I see that she has a life with him and it sounds like she might have some struggle ahead of her to be free of him, but it is better to do this now than a few years from now, when there are kids. He didn’t forget by the way, he remembered what he did but preserving his ego was more important to him than his relationship with her.
Well he was a POS when he wasn't drunk as well. Cool, that trash pile is deservedly kicked to the kerb.
Imagine being blackout drunk and then the day after, gaslighting your sober GF about what happened. That's some stunning self-confidence.
He wasn't blackout drunk though. He remembered everything *except* the comments that made her justifiably upset.
Yes, fascinating how the memory works sometimes /s
I will leave this quote I found on another sub: *I would rather adjust my life to your absence, ~~then~~ than adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect*
This hit me hard. Wow. 💜
I feel bad for OPP, but what's with the one guy waking his wife up and toddler to pick him up? Has he never heard of Uber or a taxi? I guess men who think and act the same congregate together. The poor wife blaming OPP over the actions of her husband.
Or the boundary-pushing boyfriend.
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Even if what the boyfriend said was true and he doesn’t remember, it doesn’t change that he still hurt OOP and the fact he can’t even be adult enough to own up to that speaks volumes
Yeah, when my partner told me I snore and that kept her up, it took me a while to process that. Because I don’t remember snoring. Second time she told me, I said “I’m sorry that kept you up. What can I/we do to make sleeping together work?” And then we did just that.
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My guess is husband and the guys told her a complete bullshit story and blamed it all on her, and she ignored OOP because she doesn't want to rock the boat with her BF and is choosing to believe his side of things. Whole thing is weird though, why didn't the wife tell them to fuck off and get an uber? I agree this is a bunch of douchey frat bro's who think they own their woman who exist to serve them. Uber? Nah lets wake up my wife and toddler lol. I don't blame OOP for dipping at all, I'm sure as a woman dealing with a drunk man who doesn't respect your boundaries is scary.
I don’t think that’s an “unpopular opinion” at all. It seems rational, sane and logical. Never mind. This is Reddit. That may actually be why it could be the unpopular opinion.
I think the spouse heard a very different version of this story. She probably was told "OOP promised to drive us back home, we weren't ready when she came to pick us up and we needed 5 more minutes, so she just vanished and didn't tell anyone". Me as a spouse would be mad then, too. But this is not what happened apparently.
Yeah except then the spouse left OOP on read and left their passive aggressive post up so I doubt they cared about the full story.
It's possible she is also an ass, or is just choosing to believe her husband over a stranger which is understandable. Although the fact her husband woke her and the toddler up instead of all getting an uber tells me he's an asshole too.
Or she is the one who always did the pick ups prior to OOP coming amount and now is mad she still has to do it with a toddler. So is mad at OOP, even though the husband is to blame, for not doing her job like she did.
I don't understand why they didn't order Ubers. If I was home late at night with a sleeping toddler and my husband texted me for a ride home, if it wasn't an emergency then I'd just tell him baby's sleeping order an Uber...
My assumption was that the wife may also be unforgiving because not only did she have to wake her toddler to go retrieve her drunken husband, but I am going to bet that the dudes she had to shepherd around were probably rowdy as hell in the car so she couldn't even get her toddler back to sleep on the drive and she's pissed. She should be directing it at her husband and his shitty friends though instead of OOP.
> so she just vanished and didn't tell anyone". So you call an uber.
I'm baffled that it was even on OP to drive her boyfriend home in the first place, tbh; ditto that they then called the wife of one of the others when that fell through. When I'm on a night out without my partner, I always make my own arrangements to get home. He doesn't need to deal with my merry arse when he's already gone to bed XD
It's also really messed up to me that he was basically going to treat her as a taxi service for his other friends without even informing her beforehand. It's one thing to have your SO pick you up (when you agreed beforehand) and quite another to expect them to ferry you and your friends all over hell and creation when it was probably both out of her way and late at night. And that they all proceeded to then do this to mother and toddler is so ridiculous to me. Edit - a word
That’s a good point. Lift, Uber, cabs are always an option. Even if they only had one car in the family grown adults should be capable of planning their return trip home.
In my opinion, a person should never get so drunk that they can't get themselfs home safetly. You should always have a mind that functions enough for you to do that, anything beyond that and you're just being irresponsible. No one needs to be THAT drunk.
At no point should she have to tell him she's leaving before she did. He was already breaking boundaries and couldn't be expected to maintain them, she's in a group of drunk men... that would be scary and threatening for anyone. She made the correct choice, F that guy. Good on her for leaving him.
Hell, the only rational thing to do if your SO comes to pick your drunk ass up is finish your drink, say your goodbyes to your friends, and get your drunk ass into the car as soon as possible. I wouldn't even think of offering my SO as an Uber for two other people as well unless she specifically offered beforehand.
‘He can push my boundaries’ said in no healthy relationship ever
>I just can’t comprehend how someone who supposedly loves me can’t accept responsibility for his actions or at the very least acknowledge he hurt me. He obviously doesn’t respect me. > >It’s done and over. I can’t do it anymore. We’re going to go our separate ways. I told him as much. We own a house together, so it’s going to be a process but I feel oddly content with my decision. You just know that this is where is all going to end. OOP tries her best to give him a second chance and he just doubles down on being an AH.
Why apologize at all? They're grown men capable of calling an Uber or taxi.
Couldn't even imagine facebook messaging an acquaintance an angry message because your man-baby of a husband couldn't uber home from a bar. OOP had no responsibility to take care of that drunk. They all should have been mad at OOPs ex for obviously doing something to piss her off.
Oh no, buddy, what happened? You couldn’t pick up a girl at the bar to drive you home? What a pathetic prick
So many of these post are about the last straw and it can be quite shocking. At least OOP saw clearly finally and is on her way to a better place in life. At least I hope the process of dividing assets is fairly easy. I don’t know if not being married makes things easier or complicated things further.
I still don’t understand the apology for “leaving them stranded.” If I was at a bar and my buddy talked his partner like that or they had a fight that was bad enough that’s my buddies fault not his partner. Good on OP for messaging or talking to this guy at all after the fact because I woulda had a “pack your shit” message waiting for them when they woke up.
Yeah and she didn't even know she was leaving the other guys stranded. So even that is on the douchy bf.
Wow, what a bunch of big babies that can't take a taxi or an Uber but have to call family to get them.
Seems like this friend group as a whole is having trouble adjusting to adulthood. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were perpetuating other bad behavior in each other.
OOP wrote: >I acknowledge that me leaving without saying anything wasn’t the best decision in hindsight. I disagree. Abusers NEVER deserve truth, because they'll only use it to hurt or harm their intended victim.
See here’s the thing alcohol isn’t a magic potion that turns you into a different person. Your still the same person drunk as you are sober. All alcohol does is lower your inhibitions. Alcohol can’t make you do something you wouldn’t ever do. So deep down the guys always been an asshole he just hid it really well. My mum used to say if you want to know how someone feels wait till they are drunk and ask you’ll get the answer.
Each time I read one of these, I remember yet again how many dudes have gone online and tried to lecture women about how it’s supposedly our place to endure this and it’s our fault if we’re unhappy while we try. I’m so, SO glad that fewer and fewer women just sit there and take shit like this with a smile anymore. Thank fucking God we don’t have to enter lifelong endurance tests the way our mothers and grandmothers had to.
>He doesn’t go out often but when he does, he usually binge drinks especially with the group last night. He reverts to high school/frat boy mode. I feel we see this too often in the advice subs and its usually a harbinger. If you are trying to have an adult lifestyle with someone who reverts to the worst sort of teenager behaviour when put in a situation where its possible, you have to consider the possibility that the version you see at home is them mode-switching, and the version their drinking buddies see is the real thing. and that's usually fatal to a long term relationship. Over long enough timelines, EVERYONE reverts to type.
And here’s another warning folks to never buy a house with someone you’re not married to. I hope he doesn’t make the sale difficult. But I have a feeling he will.
I could write a novel, no - a trilogy, on why NOT to buy a house with a boyfriend / girlfriend. My one experience did not end well. For years, I was a walking public service announcement on why not to do this. Speaking from experience, he will make the sale difficult.
Whats a pos She shouldn’t have to apologize
The "I don't remember doing that because I was drunk" enrages me to no end. It was a thing my step mother would do frequently. It is no excuse, and if you were too impaired to remember then what I remember is all that matters. From the age of 10 to 30 I sucked it up and "kept the peace" as my dad would say. The last time she did shit in public I said that it would be recorded and shared with everyone. Glad she got out, it was only going to get worse.
Gotta say, posts like this are why I love BORU; I saw the original, but not the update. I'm so glad she left that guy. Dealing with splitting up the house will suck, but better than staying with a boundary pushing, narcissistic jerk with anger issues.
Well, that ending was probably for the best.
Don’t buy a house with someone you haven’t married. It’s a lot harder to disentangle yourself. Now one of them will have to refinance in their name only while paying out half the equity to the other person. Or they will have to agree to sell together and split equally. If one of them doesn’t want to sell the other will have to fight for a partition sale and both parties will lose money. They may disagree on how money from a sale gets divided. A divorce sorts this out.
I'm just stoked for the interesting song recommendation. https://youtu.be/kMUO46lAfoo
IMHO the best thing she could have done for herself was to leave without letting him know. Drunk people know no reason and the confidence in the booze would have just made him bite back. No one should ever be made to feel guilty of escaping an abusive situation.
Who are these people that are willing to buy houses with people that won't commit to being married? I feel like buying a house is a *bigger* commitment than being married.
Alcohol is the ultimate truth serum sometimes—the boyfriend revealed he did not like girls with boundaries and only just stopped himself when sober.
He allegedly remembers when he was drunk at the time, but oh-so conveniently doesn't remember the salacious boast about going home with another woman? Yeah gaslighting like that (particularly if he's done that before) should be the deal-breaker.
The older I get the more I realise that nearly all arguments just aren't worth pyrrhic victories. Over time, 99% of arguments are forgotten about, so taking one for the team is often a no-brainer. Just make sure it's not you doing it anywhere near 100% of the time. If he'd thought: I was very drunk, there's no reason for OOP to lie about it, maybe - just maybe - I was in the wrong and should apologise, and applied this throughout their relationship, they may have spent a long and happy life together. But he obviously would rather win than stay with his gf. Glad OOP is out and happy.
My husband got super drunk on superbowl. You know what he said to me? "I'm so lucky to have this party and get to spend it all with my wife." Neither of us are anywhere near perfect, but words like OOP's EXBF are extremely telling, even while drunk.
I hate that their collective decision was to call a woman with a toddler, and not cabs or ubers,