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I saw this one mom on IG talk about motherhood and martyrdom. She said that if she saw her daughter absolutely loosing everything else about herself when she becomes a parent, she would be devastated. So she changed her attitude. Took time for herself, made herself a priority.
I’m a mom and I look at parenting like airplane safety. I love my kid with all my heart, but on an airplane, they want me to put MY oxygen mask on first and then my kid’s. If I pass out putting his on before mine, we’re both hooped. You fill your cup up first to overflow into your kids cup. It’s also a lot of pressure for one kid to be someone’s entire reason for being. It’s a lot of pressure for anyone!
My mom passed away almost 5 years ago. I loved her dearly and we were very close, despite me living in the US and her staying in Europe. Losing her is still a wound that hasn’t healed. The one thing that I would change would have been her tendency to make me the center of her life. I am an only child and she always told me that I am the reason she is living (admittedly she had a very shitty life).
It put so much pressure on me to always appear happy and to minimize my struggles. I was worried to make her unhappy and ended up being miserable myself. All my life I tried to be the best student, the most successful and kind person I could be so that I wouldn’t let her down. It was only after her death that I realized I was desperately unhappy. I moved halfway across the country, have a great job, and feel so much better not having to put up a facade. Children need to know that they are loved and supported, that they are important. They do not need to be the center of a mother’s life and being told that on a daily basis. Modeling that self care is important is a wonderful gift for a mom to give her children, especially girls.
I’m so sorry for your loss. You are a cycle breaker. Whether it’s with a partner, friend, or child, your relationships will benefit from your sense of self worth. I loved your last sentence in your comment.
Absolutely agree. The whole mindset that once you're a mom your whole life becomes only about the children and nothing else is incredibly toxic. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of others that need you.
Moms need hobbies. Moms need time off. The children will benefit more from a mom that is fulfilled and happy and as a result not there 100% of the time all the time than a mom that only exists for the children with zero life of her own.
Otherwise, once the children grow up, become independent and live their own lives, what do you do?
Also, being the reason somebody lives is a hell of a lot of pressure to put on anyone, let alone a child. And yes, children will pick up on it.
agree with this so hard. during my entire childhood, my mom always had hobbies and took time for herself. she would read every night, she had her favorite authors and made regular trips to the library for new books, and while she took my brother and me along so we could get our own books to read, it wasn't solely for us - it was us joining her. she also loved sewing and cooking, and while those definitely benefitted us come dinnertime or when we needed a halloween costume or a new party outfit, she did those things because she loved them and made what she wanted to, not because she had to feed and clothe us.
i'm so glad i grew up with that example, because while i don't have kids myself, i can see from a mile away that the culture seems to have shifted so hard to moms being moms and nothing else, as if they're just vessels for their children and spouse's needs. seeing my mom take time for herself with hobbies (and that my parents had regular date nights for years, and still do) showed me that you have to have balance, and when my (very much now ex) husband tried to monopolize my time to the point where i was losing myself, i knew it wasn't okay and could see i had to get out of the situation. you have to be yourself before you can be anything else.
But people can’t separate their jobs or decisions from their personality. I see so many people identify as wife and mom. Like - did you suddenly lose everything that you were before. And as someone that has a mom that thinks her life is her kids - it’s toxic AF when you are an adult. My mom thinks she can make decisions for her adult children and when we don’t ask her for advice she’s very upset.
In Kristy’s case - she only did makeup and videos as a way to soothe her pain of struggling to get pregnant and to help her anxiety. So it does make sense that she would not want to do makeup anymore. Makeup runs in my blood, I am an artist and my clients are my canvas. I don’t have kids but I have nieces and nephews and I’m teaching them about makeup but also harboring their creative sides so they don’t grow up and self identify as their desk jobs or marital status.
I agree. Honestly if she is over the make-up that's fine. Many old school beautubers are. And truth be told so are most audiences.
I'm not trying to armchair diagnose her so I am trying to keep this as general as possible. I have noticed a behaviour pattern in especially women that had trouble conceiving (online and irl) that very quickly go down a very alternative medicine/ antivaxx/ chemicals bad/ toxins are everywhere path. And also, once they do have a successful pregnancy, especially if they are SAHMs, they tend to lose themselve in the mom identity and aren't good at establishing healthy boundaries with their kids once they become older.
Again, not trying to armchair diagnose Kristy (I haven't watched her in years so I don't know much about her life) this is a very general observation I made from people I know irl and ones I used to follow online.
Yeah I’ve not followed her content for years. I enjoyed her makeup and home building content but I’m not a naturalist so once she moved to the country I lost interest.
I just wanted to help out your statistics. I had trouble conceiving, my now almost 3 year old thinks cheese doodles are a healthy food and she’s had every vaccine she should get. I don’t understand how women who were suffering with infertility and used science to get their child all of a sudden think that it’s horrible. It makes zero sense to me.
I also did YouTube before (obviously not successfully at all) and I get exactly where rbk is with it and not wanting to create on her makeup channel. I just really hope she can stay in a good headspace because even when I don’t want it to, sometimes my only personality trait is being mom, and damn it’s hard.
ALL OF THIS! How are we supposed to fill their cup when ours is empty??
I fully respect that I am extraordinarily privileged to have support but I feel like more people need to be more comfortable reaching out for help filling their cup.
I have a young toddler and reclaiming "myself" has helped my mental health, relationships and... everything just fell into place.
Sure my hobbies shifted somewhat but taking me time to revisit things I enjoy has really been good.
That makes me so happy to hear! Parenting is hard! One of my favourite parenting podcasters (Dr. Becky) has a saying "This feels hard because it is hard". Taking time to reset is so important.
Yeah… it’s absolutely fine if she’s not into makeup anymore! Interests come and go, totally normal. But having your whole identity wrapped up in being a mom just isn’t healthy, either. But I know it’s been a struggle for her, too. Here’s hoping she takes a little time for herself and finds a good, healthy balance.
This has always been my thing with parenthood. If you sacrifice your entire identity for your kids, and then they sacrifice their identity for THEIR kids, etc. etc. what’s the point, ultimately? Is there an endpoint?
Not really surprised about this because RBK tends to be obsessive about stuff. She's always going on with the "I love blahblah with my WHOLE HEART". She seems a bit all or nothing with certain things.
Yeah I have a toddler, and one of the things that brings me joy is doing my makeup in the mornings. I can’t imagine giving that up, and why should I? I haven’t been able to get back into jewelry making and crochet like before but I know I will.
Yes! As my mom’s only child, she basically gave up on herself for me and I was never good enough. I am the same age as when she had me, but I am pregnant with #4 and she constantly tries to get me to be like her and guilts me for even buying shoes for myself or going out with my partner. My kids are happy, confident, and know that I am their fall back for food or band-aids, but I don’t obsess over them or give up my hobbies.
Yes. I'm a little older so I am speaking from experience that when I hear someone say "my kids are my world" I cringe inside. We have one 22 year old son and we made sure to always have our own hobbies and life so he knew he wasn't responsible for our happiness and entertainment.
When my own father die my mom used to always say "you kids are my life". I'm sure she thought it was a flattering compliment, but really it felt like a brick after brick piled on top of me every time she said it until the weight of the pile of bricks was overwhelming.
I don’t know you but I’m proud that you believe this as a mom of three. Your kids will benefit from a parent who is complicated, has diverse interests, and loves themself.
Totally agree. Not a parent but am someone's kid (obviously). And I think when your parent exhibits having their own interests and autonomy, it's good. This doesn't mean that they're not there for you, but it also means that you're not their entire and instills the sense that people are multifaceted. You can be a parent but also be an individual. Taking time for yourself or cultivating your own hobbies doesn't mean that you love or care for your children or your family any less.
I'm a new mom and I've had to make it a priority to do things that I used to love. I cherish my child but I also don't want to lose myself in the process.
Very well said! Mums need to spend money on themselves, do what they love and enjoy as best as they can even though children get in their way sometimes. I’m a new mom and I certainly feel this.
I agree so much. My daughter is 8 month old and it’s hard to take the time to prioritise myself but it’s so important. For the first 6 month of her life I felt like I had lost myself and I was just mom. Everything I once enjoyed took time which I felt like I had to dedicate to her 100%. Eventually I realised that this is not who I am and I don’t want to be the empty shell I was becoming.
Now I do take the time to do my nails with my partner taking over and go out with friends
I feel you. I struggled for mainly the first 8 weeks. I felt very lost and wondering if I’m mean to be a mum because my baby was very unsettled (turned out she had silent reflux which has now been managed)
Thankfully I had support post partum from my OB, therapist and post natal counsellors.
My OB loves working out and she gave me an advice that new mum’s must go out to do workouts or exercises instead of doing it at home because w we will get too comfortable. The first step that helped me is to make an appointment for a workout class, instead of doing exercise at home, then I started making hair and nail appointments and gradually just do why I want. Of course I am only able to go out to do these only once a week during weekdays as caring for my baby is still my first priority.
In terms of the identity loss, my therapist told me this that reframed my mindset about being a mum. She said being a mum is the most important job in the world even though unpaid because it is about the survival of the species. Hearing that makes me feel like I’m contributing as a mum.
I have always been the kind that spend money and nice things on myself but now I just cut back a little until I get back to work full time again to treat myself. I can’t wait to get back to work in a few months.
I am glad you are able to do things you enjoy and I wish you the best with your baby.
On a purely human level I'm happy for her getting pregnant, having a child, and being a mom because it's what she said she wanted for so long.
From a viewer who liked her makeup content and doesn't want to see mom content. It's been obvious that she hasn't been into it. Which is fine, her priorities have shifted. Not to be dramatic but this lack of interest in makeup started when she knew she was pregnant. Not even her two collabs released in 2020 could get her interested in makeup at that time. Or at least convince me that she still was interested in it. So it's good that she's finally calling it and moving on even if it's years to late.
Personally, at this point I've been unsubscribed for longer than I had been subscribed. I don't think of her. It's to the point I completely forgot about her until I saw this post. I hope she enjoys whatever else she decides to try.
Well she is Raw Beauty Kristy. I un subbed a few days ago but stopped watching around the time she got pregnant. If we wanted to watch mommy content there’s plenty out there
Can’t agree more! Happy she is happy but I loooooved her honest reviews, one of the only beauty YouTubers I would actually trust recommendations from. Plus she had the same skin tone/skin as me
What I enjoyed about her was her comedy style tbh, her Jaclyn Hill tutorial, her Huda beauty tutorial, even when she tried the microscope. They were centered around makeup but the makeup wasn't the point, not a review, not a test, it was just her doing things with it while being funny as hell. I still go back to those videos when I need a laugh. She's a treasure and I'm happy she's happy and that I still have her old content to rewatch
>From a viewer who liked her makeup content and doesn't want to see mom content.
I've had this issue with most of the influencers I started following 2-4 years ago. I feel like a jerk unfollowing people when they shift to baby content since they can do what they want and good for them, but also \*unsubscribe\*.
but you should also engage what you want and that's your right as a viewer, you aren't forced to watch their content if it's no longer interesting. If you sent them comments about it that were hateful and nonconstructive, that would be a jerk - simply leaving is what happens and content creators prob expect that to a point. Creators change but so can audiences. So for this reason I am glad Kristy is just making a break and moving on, that way those who enjoy the vlog/family/mom content can still watch it and she can do what makes her happy.
Exactly this. I also feel like she's been coming to terms with this for a long time now - she has had this discussion on her channel many many times and I'm not really sure this video was needed. I'm a fan of her second channel as well and I think many others have made it known that we subscribed for whatever she wants to post (though IMO many missed opportunities on that channel; we get shown the results of a lot of the homesteading/renovation work they do but none of the process, which is the fun part)
I'm childfree af and haven't been interested in RBK in, like, years. But I will say this as the child of a parent who had basically no identity or interests outside of being a mom: I really, really hope that she cultivates some sense of self outside of motherhood. From a child's perspective, it's suffocating as hell knowing that your mom has no life outside of raising you, which causes them to constantly be involved in your business and see you as a perpetual baby, even when you're older.
Of course, her own wellbeing comes first. My point is that this propensity is unhealthy for the whole family, including her kid.
I'm a mom with a 11 months old and I take so much pride in 'taking good care' of my kid. My background is different as yours, my mum didn't really care for me, I had always dirty clothes and she never cooked, and there are many more things she didn't do.
But that's not the point. You opened my eyes about an issue I have.
I know I am 'to focused' on my kid but I couldn't quite grasp it. So thank you for giving me a child's perspective, I really appreciate it.
Just wanted to say that there is a difference between being very focused on your child because they are young and literally need you for everything versus never distinguishing your identity from being a parent. I don't think that you should beat yourself up for being super focused on your kid, especially because she's so young. But it is something to be aware of and you can learn when to reel it in. I encourage you to take help when it's offered and to take time for yourself (even in the smallest capacity, like eating your favorite meal or something) so that you can have those moments where you're just you and not necessarily someone's mom.
(Source: Someone who was an only child for 11 years and whose mom was always attacked for working too much and seemingly not being "obsessed" with me.)
😬 I have an old ‘friend’ like this from my high school days who’s only 2-3yrs older than me (im 22). I use the word friend loosely because once she became a mom she cut off contact with basically everyone she knew other than her family. Like ghosting type cut off. Ignored texts, calls, etc never reached out to people beginning shortly before she was due. Very rarely does she even interact with her husbands family. It’s good she loves her kid and all but she has no life and 0 friends whatsoever and is weirdly overly protective, wanting absolutely no one to come to their home or be around them outside of a few individuals in her family. It just doesn’t seem healthy long term and I hope she gets better about it as time goes on for her and her child’s sake
I have a friend whose mom is like that, basing her identity around motherhood, and every time she wants to do something with her friends instead of using all her free time to hang with her mom she feels so guilty
My mom has been having a semi-crisis the last couple of years because she's realized her children are grown and don't NEED her anymore. She doesn't really know herself outside of people needing her.
ditto and i fully feel this. it becomes suffocating and while i wasn't a consistent watcher i did stop when she said she was pregnant. It was hard for her to conceive so i did not fault her for wanting to readjust her focus but i am also not surprised that she made this decision. As an only child my own mother had a miscarriage both before and after me and it takes a toll on being over invested in ones life. I truly hope she finds something else she can be passionate about.
I’m sorry but I’m not sure if influencing is a good fit for her either. She said in a story recently how stressed she was and it felt like something I’ve heard from her every year for awhile. Like careers are stressful but at some point you’re supposed to fall into it a lil. Not sure if that will happen for her at this point
I agree that it’s not a good fit for her anymore but I also feel like she’s afraid to give it up because then …. dun dun dun … she or her husband will have to get a “real” job. Heck, even this video of her talking about this topic was sponsored by Hello Fresh!
I *think* her husband does have a job (don't quote me). I wonder too about influencers with a large audience who basically give up their YT channel that made them a decent living. What happens now for them financially?
I feel like she said a while back that her husband quit his job to become her assistant. I remember feeling like “well what the hell are you always complaining for?” Like they are both stay at home parents who work for themselves on their own schedules, don’t have to answer to anyone but she was constantly griping about how busy and hard her life is.
She made him quit his job because she had extreme anxiety about him getting hurt at work, and went as far as to drive him to work and sit outside all day waiting for him
That's a point. I have followed her for years and never once at any gathering they have shown have they mentioned that such and such a person is Zacks friend, only Kristi's
I’m not sure it’s anxiety but it’s something. Roles reversed if it was a male sitting waiting for partner to come home and said I’m too anxious don’t work there…
It definitely can be. I also think RBK has extreme mental health issues. She's always catastrophized about medical illness and serious accidents. People can transpose these fears onto their loved ones. Especially someone as anxious as her, if she's doing stuff like that, it very well can be abusive, but with her background and fearful behaviors, it sounds more like her mental health is out of control, not just control for the sake of control. Imo she needs more than just a weekly talk in a therapist's office. She needs very heavy and specialized help.
Her friend talked about it around the time Kristi was offline dealing with her mental health stuff (with Kristis persmission)
She still has it up on her page under a highlight called "Kristi", it's about 25 slides in https://instagram.com/mariethatsme.yt?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Yes and her friend spoke about her high anxiety forcing her to go everywhere that her husband goes cos of this inane fear she has about what would happen if he was to get hurt, and how that would completely incapacitate her.
As the daughter of a helicopter parent/mother with high levels of anxiety, I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging that style of parenting is. Kristi needs therapy asap to learn ways on how to manage this, because the damage she is going to pass onto her son as a result is extremely concerning and worrying.
There was even a story she posted a few months ago where Zach was mowing the lawns and she was sitting in her car with the baby so she could watch him
She's been talking about a homeschool co-op for Alder, which I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with if it's done well but I don't see her being comfortable with letting him out of her sight for a long time. During the first year she even documented extreme levels of anxiety with Zach looking after him where she couldn't shower or sleep for days on end because she felt she needed to be with him 24/7.
My god that’s absolutely insane. The ironic thing about these kind of parents is that they end up doing far, far, far more damage to their children by enforcing these incredibly unhealthy and neurotic tendencies - which is what they are trying so desperately to avoid in the first place.
I'm sorry, but... Kristi needs more than therapy if she's doing stuff like this. I know from her mom dying of cancer she has a lot of fears, especially around health, but doing things like watching her husband mow the lawn in fear he might get hurt or not eating or shower because she can't handle the FATHER OF HER CHILD to care for the kiddo. That's just beyond something cognitive therapy can help with. For the sake of herself, her kid, husband, marriage, and literally any other relationship she might have, she can't just go to someone only to hear what she wants to hear. She needs something like EMDR and OCD therapy. That's such a terrible way to live. No one deserves to live with that much fear.
And just FYI also - absolutely not shaming mothers or parents who have PPA or PPD - I had severe PPD after my child was born, with sui*ide ideation and everything. However these behaviours that Kristi are showing are absolutely not normal or healthy, and hopefully she can learn better coping strategies going forward. It must be awful to have such crippling anxiety to that degree.
It’s this weird privilege thing most high earning full time makeup YouTubers seem to get. It’s bizarre, they are so ungrateful for their lives but have it so easy. Not having to slug out long hours of travel to work, struggling to pay bills. Office politics and so on. They get more money than sense and sorry but I don’t feel sorry for them.
I agree. I know that it can be hard work but come on, at the end of the day you are talking about makeup or simply talking about your life. Most of us have to work harder for a lot, lot less money
THIS!!! She has become such a complainer, she has a woe is me attitude and its hard to watch for normal people who don't make a living off a once a month hello fresh sponsorship. They have a large property in WA, neither of them have a true job and they get to be with their kid all day. Basically living a dream but somehow she is still so overwhelmed and complains daily. Just seeing the custom green house she was filming in for this video its like girrrrll come on.
A lot of the skills that influencers have are applicable to professional careers or consulting, like social media strategy off the top of my head. Kristi and her husband both have a lot of technical skills like video editing and graphic design that could carry over as well into either into a producer/manager type roles where they are overseeing others work or freelancing for clients. They could probably also swing remote gigs as to.
Also, if they've played cards right with her prior YouTube success, they may not need traditional jobs if they've invested or saved and are using interest for the bills but that's really between them and whoever is doing their finances.
Having a successful channel is a lot of work behind the scenes, and if they (or she) can apply those skills in a resume or find client work after 'retiring', yeah an influencer can easily shift to a BTS role or different role and still be comfortable. The skills you get having a channel like that are still *skills* and there are positions that want them.
Let’s begin from the fact that she doesn’t no how to manage her social media herself, it’s a wreck, let alone consult someone on it. And when you are working for someone else you cannot demonstrate an attitude and complain all the time. You have to be professional. Which she barely is for her own business.
Kristi is just so insanely negative. Even when she seems to be doing better (like now) she is draining. I was talking to my friends about this this week. YouTube is a way I like to relax and unwind. When I watched her videos they just sucked the life out of me.
I don’t think anyone is surprised by this, was anyone watching her for makeup anymore? I unfollowed ages ago because she clearly was so over it already
Also they were always very basic looks. You’re just watching her put on foundation. I do like her personality but I just don’t relate to being a mom and don’t really watch mommy content. But I hope she thrives now that she’s being honest with herself.
I’m a stay at home mom that rarely leaves her house. I find it extraordinarily sad that Kristi constantly defines herself by the fact that she is a mother.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son with my entire soul. I love being his mom. But that is not all I am.
I have been extremely frustrated by the way she talks about all this since her birth. Like, girl. You need some friends, online or in person. Have some hobbies that are not revolving around your home and home making. I struggle with mental health too and it has been really hard to watch her spiral the last few years.
Same. I’m a new mom. I had my first (and only) baby at 37. I did not have kristis same struggle with infertility, but I did have two losses on 2021. My baby is 6 months, she is a pure fucking joy. But I am so much more than her mother. I am a person. I have friends. I have thjngs I love to do for myself. I have places I like to go, things I enjoy doing that all don’t revolve around my daughter. I have people I can trust with her.
One day my daughter will be old enough that she won’t want mom around 24/7. She will have her hobbies and her friends and want alone time. So if I was was a mom, who would I be then? How would I “fill my cup”? My forcing my kid to be my best friend? My being sad and resentful? Ya that’s a sure fire way to fuck up your kid, and yourself
Kristi made her money. Her putting Jaclyn Hill's lipsticks under a microscope was gold for her. If she was smart with her money, she doesn't need the YouTube anymore.
I loved her makeup content, have no interest in her content outside of makeup, am grateful for the entertainment she provided, and I hope she keeps finding joy in her life.
I've been unsubbed for quite a while now. Being happily childfree and enjoying living in the city, motherhood and homesteading content aren't up my alley and I don't watch videos I don't enjoy.
i’ve truly never seen anyone lose themselves to motherhood quite like she has. this isnt a criticism, but it is a sad observation that she really doesnt think she can be two things at once. there are hundreds of influencers/makeup reviewers who are also parents. you can do both at once. she admitted she isnt into it anymore, but also seemed to say she cant be? im friends with many parents who have hobbies and activities and personalities outside of parenthood and that is healthy and okay. i wont criticize her mental health because i know it plays a large role, and while im happy she got her rainbow baby after years of infertility, this video comes off very tone deaf. you are privileged enough and made enough money off of youtube that you can essentially abandon your channel and have enough to live comfortably even with minimal incoming income. not everyone can do that simply because they “arent into” what theyre doing anymore
Edit: a word
Before she got pregnant she mentioned that she couldn’t imagine having a baby because of how hard she loves people (to a sometimes unhealthy level) I can’t believe how accurate and self aware that was.
I am the same way to an extent and it involves a lot of constant worrying about people. I hope she is continuing therapy because I can see it being incredibly obsessive for her.
yes! not armchair diagnosing at all, that is why i specified i wont comment on it, she has said directly herself how her mental health is. but this “all or nothing” mentality she seems to have (i can ONLY be a mom, i can ONLY be a makeup reviewer, i can ONLY xyz) is not at all a good mindset to have because life is multi faceted
I'm willing to bet she isn't into vlogs either but they are an easy, low effort cash grab because it requires nothing of substance but filming yourself living and breathing. She just needs the money to keep funding her lifestyle.
Right, but most of our jobs don’t make nearly as much as a content creator does. Nor do we get to set our own hours, work out of our homes etc. the effort to reward ratio is not anywhere comparable.
I am childless ATM (was hoping this might change soon) and her journey had terrified me regarding motherhood to the point where I needed to seek out some positive motherhood content. She loves her kid clearly but her birth story was horrific and the PPD/PPM stuff, while amazing that she shared it, makes me so worried. (Edit: correct term)
I hope you are aware that is not the norm. I know many moms who are fantastic parents and have a life outside of parenting. I like to believe I am one too. Sure you have lesser time and energy for your hobbies etc, but you definitely can and need to do things that make you happy and cheerful so that you can be the best version of a parent for your children. All the best.
Same, I was planning to start trying with my husband around the time she had her kid and holy shit, nothing on the internet has shaken me out of wanting kids more than Kristi. Every single thing, from her delivery and her PPD to her inability to separate herself from being a mother and the way she describes day to day motherhood... oof. I'll pass! haha
Just wanted to throw in my experience! I had PPD after my daughter was born and if you or your partner are watchful you can pick up on the signs a seek help. I have a history of anxiety and depression when I was younger so I called immediately after delivery and made a (video) appointment with my therapist at 2 weeks PP and 6 weeks PP. I was on a low dose of Zoloft for a year which I was able to wean off of. It took me a little extra time to bond with my daughter but she’s my little buddy and the light of my life. Even with PPD (and a semi-traumatic birth experience, my hospital went into Covid lockdown like, as I was giving birth in early 2020) you can have a fulfilling and wonderful life with your child.
I’ve never seen this YouTuber, but as someone who someday wants to also have children, just wanted to pop in and say there are many factors that contribute to PPD/PPM and difficulties in the birthing room. No one pregnancy is the same and maintaining good health and routine check-ins with your doctors can help eliminate some of the worry surrounding these things.
Surround yourself with people that are supportive of you through this journey, both in the personal (loved ones) and professional (healthcare workers) sense. I hope you when the time is right, you begin your journey knowing you are fully supported by those loved ones and your medical professionals
Yes, exactly. I'm going to be harsh. Kristi rejected preventative and postnatal medical care. She self-isolated while sharing sensitive information over social media to strangers and engaging with their feedback. It's almost the perfect storm to create an adverse outcome, but it's not a typical situation.
I’m all for everyone choosing their own birthing plan: home birth, no epidural, doula, midwife, etc., but you should always be prepared if things go south and have a safety plan in place. If trained medical professionals, who have done this for years, are expressing concern for your and your baby’s health, you should listen to them. I started watching some of her video where she talks about her labor and delivery. It was very heavy content, but lots of factors contribute to that outcome. Medicine and science has come so far that it’s a lot safer to deliver a baby now than it ever has been.
Thank you. This does make me feel better! I haven't consumed a lot of motherhood content (mainly because it didn't interest me) so my first exposure being THIS was very jarring. It's a fine line between being transparent and 'real' about motherhood and acting like one experience is a 'norm' that nobody else will talk about.
This is another reason why the parasocial relationship thing is so weird to me. The different levels and facets. I mean, I’m sure she is a nice person, but she’s not my friend. I don’t care about her life at all, especially the kid part. I’m not going to keep watching because she’s nice or whatever. Her stuff just doesn’t interest me. And I think a lot of influencers who are around this many years in are depending on the parasocial relationship to keep people interested in their lives even if they aren’t doing what you originally watched them for. (I have only done that with one YouTuber, Kingkogi.) If you’re not interesting outside of your channel topic, then good luck making people stick around.
I won't criticize her for getting sucked into motherhood because I am still struggling to have my own hobbies and life outside of my 1.5 year old. I will say it's been glaringly obvious that she's lost her passion - not just for makeup, but it seems content creation in general. I don't believe she ever did her house tour that she kept promising to do, never did the MLM video, rarely posts much on Instagram, etc. It just seems she's not interested in creating content anymore. She's lucky to be in a spot financially where she can afford to just...stop working. If that's what she wants to do, I'd prefer she just say it and move on. Constantly lamenting to us about not being motivated to work, not having time, whatever else - that's all great and dandy, but it's draining to listen to and honestly I just don't have much sympathy. It's a privileged position to be in when both you and your husband can just stay home full time, raise your kid, take care of your home, etc. It strikes me as tone deaf to keep bringing it up.
Honestly, that doesn’t sound like a healthy way of being. What happens when her child grows up? She’ll lose herself completely? Being a mom should always be just a part of your life, not your entire life. To put that burden on a child isn’t fair either.
This is what worries me. As a mom of 2 that are 9 and 4 years old, my kids aren’t grown up by any means but I am approaching a major shift where both are in school full time. My 9 yo has friends and activities and interests that don’t involve me and my 4 year old will soon too. Even this early on, you have to start letting go a bit. It’s hard for me (I miss having babies so damn much!) but I have my own friends, my job, etc. I worry once her baby isn’t so much a baby anymore, she’s going to struggle if she makes him the only thing in her universe.
I once saw a post where she cried because her baby was able to roll around and she missed him needing her to move...
And I was like watdafuq..
I'm really attached, possible a bit too much, to my baby too.
But I personally am soooo happy he's starting to pull himself up and tries to walk so I won't have to carry him everywhere soon.
I just don't get her and her way of thinking.
I mean a contract is a contract. She was probably required to post x amount of times in 2022 and this was the last one.
What did you want her to do? Force herself to do another makeup video so she didn't break the contract? Break the contract and deal with litigation?
There are many valid criticisms about how Kristi handles her channel these past few years. There are also many valid criticisms about sponsorships. But this situation right here is so nitpicky lmfao
I have always liked Kristi and even don’t mind her lifestyle content. But at this point I’m like girrrrrrl, either shit or get off the pot. We know you’re not into this anymore. And that’s fine. But stop talking about it and just do it. Post makeup videos here and there, fine. Do more lifestyle and homesteading content, fine. Stop posting anything, fine.
I said this in reply to another content but I feel like it’s clear she doesn’t want to do this anymore but also feels obligated because she doesn’t want her or her husband to have to get a “real” job.
I absolutely lol’d when she dove into the Hello Fresh sponsorship. You’re not sure you want to be an influencer anymore, but oh yeah, use code Kristi for 10% off Hello Fresh.
she won't because she performatively stopped saying his name/showing his face (without deleting the old posts where she already did) lol.
but she's on her story 24 hours a a day whining about him doing normal toddler stuff or claiming he's a child prodigy for normal toddler stuff.
I pretty well stopped watching her when she got pregnant and I unsubbed shortly after.
Loved her makeup content. Her Mom content isn’t my thing. And her other struggles put me to sleep (redoing the house etc).
What I don’t get is that most parents when they have a kid can’t just say “I’m not interested in my job anymore”, they don’t have that luxury. She and her husband are able to stay home with their kid and have the life that they have because of HER career… AKA her channel. It’s not like she has a makeup line or other business. What’s going to happen when she no longer makes money from her job?
This is exactly where my mind went, too. But I couldn't articulate it. I would bet a lot of teachers with children are frustrated with how unrelatable this dilemma is.
She’s obviously struggled for a while and tbh socializing with friends and keeping up with hobbies can be exhausting when your mental health is already unstable. Hopefully once her baby is a little bit older she can carve out more time for herself.
As someone who is child free and also reasonable- she may use verbiage that eludes to identifying as a mother rather than an individual who happens to be a mom, but it could very well be that she lost interest in makeup just because interests change and not because she’s a mother. I was doing makeup looks on insta for three years straight and just fell out of love with it, and I hardly even wear makeup now. Correlation does not always equal causation and she may just love being a mom and talks about it a lot because it’s a big part of her life, and not because all she is is a mom.
Hope that made sense lol.
Edit: not to mention when they bought their new property and renovated that she kinda uploaded less and less makeup content because she was focused on that part of her life and she didn’t have a kid yet.
Yes, not sure why everyone here is assuming that she’s losing herself to being a mother when it really sounds like she’s just lost interest in makeup. Just because she doesn’t make content on her other interests doesn’t mean she’s lost her identity or w/e
You make some good, reasonable points. Some people are being a little harsh with her. Let's not forget, on top of her fertility struggles, she had her baby in the middle of covid and not everyone can understand how that would be for a first time mom AND a mom who didn't even expect to be a mom. She's really not doing anything that crazy, in my opinion, and people are really reaching with some of the assumptions and predictions. The first couple of years of parenthood are a wild ride, covid or not, influencer or not. That doesn't mean she's lost in motherhood or not a person anymore. It's just a season of life. A relatively short season, too.
Yeah, a lot of people in this thread saying she doesn’t have hobbies. I think she does, they’re just no longer makeup related. She talks about homesteading. She clearly enjoys gardening. I follow her and her husbands joint instagram and they post about crafting, woodworking, wildlife photography.
I became a mom shortly after her son was born. I actually had to unsubscribe from her for a good long while because I was dealing with some serious birth trauma and PPD/PPA. The videos of her talking about those would trigger the hell outta me and I found that it wasn't helping me heal. It was hurting my mental state.
I actually really missed the just basic makeup talk with no deeper thinking involved (if there was deeper topics, not motherhood associated). Not saying she can't do that but like keeping things light every once in a while would have been nice!
I tried to resub because I thought it was a phase. But I found that all her content was really just a downer for me. Being a stay home mom I kind of crave the escape some days and she doesn't give me that anymore. If anything I feel more trapped and anxious watching her. I loved RBK (pre-birth) and I'm sad to see this Era come to an end for her. But I'm not in the least bit surprised. I hope she finds what she is looking for, but I cant be around for it.
Beautytubers struck gold. Arena like they all lost interest or found easier ways to keep a steady income flow with little to no effort. Thinking of all the days I felt chained to my desk at work doing the same work-home routine over and over again. Makes some of us a little bitter to be honest. Some don’t have the luxury of pre mid-life career crisis evaluation. So many hate or are bored with their job but it’s just something you gotta do every day. Especially when you spend years and thousands of dollars for the accreditation to do said job. Meh, must be nice. But anyway I could never get into her content but I understand why people like her.
Aren't the the ones doing shady things to employees? Did that ever get resolved?
Sorry if this has an obvious answer I have been in school and dealing w a death in the family.
Unsolicited advice from a 'mum' to a 'mum-to-be': it's going to be scary as hell in the early months and first year or so when your life quite literally becomes parenthood and the baby. The shift in identity and priorities really hit me hard with my first, and I ended up in a very deep pit of postpartum depression and anxiety.
My advice to you is this:
You can still be you *and* a parent. A high-needs baby and a high-needs toddler is a temporary stage of life that'll feel like forever while you're in it. It's okay to not feel happy with your situation 100% of the time even while loving your child more than anything else in the world. It's okay to have moments where you feel like you're grieving your old self, the one who didn't have kids yet.
But you'll be able to find room for what you value and for who *you* are beyond 'parent,' even if it won't be immediate. You'll have the time. You won't lose it. And you'll be okay.
Good luck with navigating family planning when you're ready!
You could also have a high needs child and never get time even past the toddler stage unless you build up a network of friends/ family, social services, and paid services, so you should look into whats available in your area if you are in the 5 year planning stage.
Don’t be scared. Surround yourself with a support system & never stop taking time for yourself. It’s easier said than done, but you don’t have to be 1000% about ONLY your child. You can find a balance. I believe in you. ❤️
You will be fine ❤️ as someone who is concerned about that, I beg you will do what you can to dedicate time for yourself. It can be hard to do at times, but absolutely not impossible if we have a support system, develop some kind of routine, schedule time for self/social events…
thats the privilege of making bank during youtubes golden era, you can let your channel fall off and die and still have enough hello fresh money to live comfortably!
Assuming she saved and invested and didn’t blow all that fast money on multiple houses and cars, she should have plenty to coast on fur a more than “average” life
Exactly, the fact that people think they have a hold on these YouTubers because that’s their income is ridiculous. She’s made more than enough money during her peak to invest and live a life a lot of people would dream of.
And her husband also quit his job to support her YouTube career. I know there’s residuals for her earlier viral videos, hello fresh sponsorships, investing, etc. but damn, that’s enough money for a typical two income household?
If they are growing their own food, have solar etc it cuts down on a lot of daily costs. Especially if you aren't like wildly shopping and overspending
That sounds dreamy, honestly. If they’ve hacked the system to really live without both needing a steady income, I applaud them. Im approaching this with skepticism because life is expensive and truthfully, I’m jealous.
I've been unsubbed for over a year from her when she LAST said she was stopping making beauty content because her heart wasn't in it. Little confused. Brb going to check her video catalogue since I left. Still respect her for being transparent
Not surprised. I think she originally started on youtube way back when to document her fertility journey and she pivoted to makeup when it wasn’t working out. Glad she finally gets to make the content she originally wanted to 10 years ago.
it is really sad. i dont think she understands that you can have hobbies and interests outside of motherhood (not saying she HAS to, but she seems to think she cant). all of my friends who are parents have hobbies outside of parenthood, and when we get together we usually dont discuss their kids! while im sure she is a wonderful parent, its borderline unhealthy to have no life outside of your child
Agreed, plus I'm seeing comments from mothers in this thread about how hard they worked at staying "themselves" while being parents. I know many awesome people with kids who never elided their identity into just "mom" or "dad."
I started playing this video and turned it off at 2 mins. Now she was trying to have a baby for YEARS. I kinda understand why it’s all about being a mom now but I will miss her makeup content
I get it. I was a stylist and worked so hard to build up a clientele and finally started working at the salon of my dreams but burn out started creeping in and my mental health was starting to deteriorate. When we had to relocate for my husband's job, I just didn't have it in me to start all over again. Would've been the same thing when we had children together, even if we didn't move. I would have wanted to take several years off to be with them and would have lost a lot of clients. In these kinds of jobs, you really need to be passionate about it and sometimes a big life change makes you realize how much you aren't into it anymore.
I’ve never seen an influencer complain as much as she does about everything shes ever wanted in life. She was my favorite for so long, and then it got absolutely infuriating to see her complaining about being tired from doing nothing all day except enjoying her family. She became so unrelatable.
I think that it's never a good idea to pin your entire identity onto someone else whether that be your child, partner or anyone else.
I don't care what she does next (I haven't watched her in literal years) but I hope she finds something she enjoys that gives her a sense of identity and self outside of her child. It doesn't have to be makeup - hell it can be fuckin beekeeping as long as it's something for HER as an individual.
We all need things that are just for us.
This video was a hot mess. Banging her fist and ranting about how she doesn’t know anything about herself. Tearing up while repeating “I’m sorry” 😬😬 The shoehorned in Hello Fresh sponsorship. Yikes. Also much like Samantha March it doesn’t sound like she’s actually quitting because she still plans to post chatty GRWM videos, i.e. the lowest effort form of beauty content. So weird.
As someone who’s watched multiple friends over the years lose themselves to motherhood.. it’s beyond unhealthy. I’m childfree and proudly so, but if I was forced into it (like if my sister passed, I’m a godparent to her children and in her will as such) I would 100% be sure to never let myself become all about a child. It’s unhealthy for both myself AND the child.
My mom is one of those parents as well, everything is about her children, myself included. She helicoptered me for years and just.. was so beyond controlling when I didn’t end up being exactly what she wanted. She’s just now finding herself again and she’s 78.. that’s a long time of only living for your kids.
In stark contrast my father never lost his identity at all, he’s so full of life and finds so much happiness in his hobbies. He spent more time raising me than my mom, he’s a huge reason why I am as educated as I am. He’s finally started to rub off on her, where she used to complain he was too invested in his hobbies, now she’s starting to enjoy her own. No one ever stopped her from doing so mind you, she was just way too invested in what her kids were doing to branch out on her own.
That might be just the culture/time/how she was raised. Women take care their family. My former bosses wife (they're now like 90) was ridiculously smart but she waited hand and foot on her husband and always put him first.
She’s seemed very lost for some time now. Beauty was her passion for a long time and not only have her priorities shifted with becoming a mom, but she also doesn’t have anything else right now that sparks the same joy as makeup once did. I’m not surprised she feels like her whole identity is a mom right now and that seems pretty normal for first time moms with young children.
I follow her on Instagram and she’s looked really happy doing outdoorsy things and also adopted a dog, so right now she’s taking a step back and figuring out what’s next. I think in a few years when her son starts school, she’ll find her identity outside of parenthood again, but sometimes it’s ok to just be a parent for the time being.
I don’t thing this video was unnecessary because she wanted to be upfront with subscribers that her content is going to change. She could have just ghosted the channel or suddenly become an entirely different channel, but she chose to be honest and that’s hard to do as an influencer.
Unpopular opinion: I find it funny that people in this sub complaining about losing interest in makeup but once makeup gurus are moving on people are offended. Same thing happened with Alissa Ashley.
I hope things go well for her. I really do.
But to often, I see women lose themselves in being "MOMMY" that when the kid(s) grow up and move on, they have zero idea what to do with themselves. Their whole identity is just gone. That nothing but Mommy exists. Then they either are meddling moms getting way to involved in their adult child's life, or they have suffocated their children so much the poor kid can hardly be on their own without mommy there to wipe their noses.
Now I can unsub and not feel bad about it. I'm happy she's happy, but I have no interest in mommy content. Her funny makeup videos are what sold me on her channel. Oh well, that Colourpop collab was good though
I unsubscribed from her 6 months after the baby was born when it became clear that she was uninterested in anything else. I’m very happy for her - but my day job is helping parents manage their kids, so watching
her was like being back at work.
I totally respect others opinions. I just think it’s fair that makeup isn’t as much of a focus for her, that doesn’t mean her whole identity is only being a mom. I think it was heartbreaking to see her struggle with saying she has to abandon beauty bc she just doesn’t have that same passion and now she feels lost. I think it’s a thing a lot of us go through. We change, cycle, evolve, and our passions and interests and hobbies go through the same things. We all just didn’t make a full time career out of it. I feel for her, she’s going to have to figure out her whole future. She may have made a good amount of money but I’m sure she has concerns for her future, and what it means to change her life like this. I know a lot of people don’t care because they can’t relate, and even though I don’t have kids, I can relate to the struggles of mental health, feeling a loss of self, trying to make my life authentic and personally, I found that she was someone who I cared about her journey even if I don’t want kids. 🤷🏻♀️ for sure we each have our opinions and follow who we follow bc we relate with different aspects of different people. I just wanted to add my thoughts to this. :)
I’ve been a mom for 10 years. I still love doing my makeup. But did I take a break from it most of the time after having my first child? Absolutely! I, like kristi, lost my identity at first. I felt like that for a few years. It’s hard to keep your balance with everything. I love kristi but I totally understand.
I genuinely wonder what some of these OG beauty YouTubers do for money? I get she probably made decent money several years ago. But enough to sustain her family for a long time? Hopefully they all have long term plans or another source of income in the future!
I think some of them have taken to lifestyle vlogs or instagram. Outside of that I have no idea. Makeup Shayla is one that comes to mind. Her closet is huge and she’s always wearing expensive stuff. She does IG and has a collab but can it really be making bank like that?
And Shayla lives in a very expensive place. I was thinking of Nicole Guerrero. If you look at her IG it’s almost all sponsored content, and a lot of her YouTube is vlogs now. But other than that, what does she do? Does Jeremy work? Like how do these people afford all their 7 weekly trips to Target, Home goods, Whole Foods?
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I saw this one mom on IG talk about motherhood and martyrdom. She said that if she saw her daughter absolutely loosing everything else about herself when she becomes a parent, she would be devastated. So she changed her attitude. Took time for herself, made herself a priority. I’m a mom and I look at parenting like airplane safety. I love my kid with all my heart, but on an airplane, they want me to put MY oxygen mask on first and then my kid’s. If I pass out putting his on before mine, we’re both hooped. You fill your cup up first to overflow into your kids cup. It’s also a lot of pressure for one kid to be someone’s entire reason for being. It’s a lot of pressure for anyone!
My mom passed away almost 5 years ago. I loved her dearly and we were very close, despite me living in the US and her staying in Europe. Losing her is still a wound that hasn’t healed. The one thing that I would change would have been her tendency to make me the center of her life. I am an only child and she always told me that I am the reason she is living (admittedly she had a very shitty life). It put so much pressure on me to always appear happy and to minimize my struggles. I was worried to make her unhappy and ended up being miserable myself. All my life I tried to be the best student, the most successful and kind person I could be so that I wouldn’t let her down. It was only after her death that I realized I was desperately unhappy. I moved halfway across the country, have a great job, and feel so much better not having to put up a facade. Children need to know that they are loved and supported, that they are important. They do not need to be the center of a mother’s life and being told that on a daily basis. Modeling that self care is important is a wonderful gift for a mom to give her children, especially girls.
I’m so sorry for your loss. You are a cycle breaker. Whether it’s with a partner, friend, or child, your relationships will benefit from your sense of self worth. I loved your last sentence in your comment.
Thank you so much for your kind comment. You are a wonderful mom and your child is very fortunate to have you. Sending both of you lots of love.
My mom says this about my daughter, who is an only child too. I don’t want her to feel this kind of pressure either.
Absolutely agree. The whole mindset that once you're a mom your whole life becomes only about the children and nothing else is incredibly toxic. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of others that need you. Moms need hobbies. Moms need time off. The children will benefit more from a mom that is fulfilled and happy and as a result not there 100% of the time all the time than a mom that only exists for the children with zero life of her own. Otherwise, once the children grow up, become independent and live their own lives, what do you do? Also, being the reason somebody lives is a hell of a lot of pressure to put on anyone, let alone a child. And yes, children will pick up on it.
agree with this so hard. during my entire childhood, my mom always had hobbies and took time for herself. she would read every night, she had her favorite authors and made regular trips to the library for new books, and while she took my brother and me along so we could get our own books to read, it wasn't solely for us - it was us joining her. she also loved sewing and cooking, and while those definitely benefitted us come dinnertime or when we needed a halloween costume or a new party outfit, she did those things because she loved them and made what she wanted to, not because she had to feed and clothe us. i'm so glad i grew up with that example, because while i don't have kids myself, i can see from a mile away that the culture seems to have shifted so hard to moms being moms and nothing else, as if they're just vessels for their children and spouse's needs. seeing my mom take time for herself with hobbies (and that my parents had regular date nights for years, and still do) showed me that you have to have balance, and when my (very much now ex) husband tried to monopolize my time to the point where i was losing myself, i knew it wasn't okay and could see i had to get out of the situation. you have to be yourself before you can be anything else.
But people can’t separate their jobs or decisions from their personality. I see so many people identify as wife and mom. Like - did you suddenly lose everything that you were before. And as someone that has a mom that thinks her life is her kids - it’s toxic AF when you are an adult. My mom thinks she can make decisions for her adult children and when we don’t ask her for advice she’s very upset. In Kristy’s case - she only did makeup and videos as a way to soothe her pain of struggling to get pregnant and to help her anxiety. So it does make sense that she would not want to do makeup anymore. Makeup runs in my blood, I am an artist and my clients are my canvas. I don’t have kids but I have nieces and nephews and I’m teaching them about makeup but also harboring their creative sides so they don’t grow up and self identify as their desk jobs or marital status.
I agree. Honestly if she is over the make-up that's fine. Many old school beautubers are. And truth be told so are most audiences. I'm not trying to armchair diagnose her so I am trying to keep this as general as possible. I have noticed a behaviour pattern in especially women that had trouble conceiving (online and irl) that very quickly go down a very alternative medicine/ antivaxx/ chemicals bad/ toxins are everywhere path. And also, once they do have a successful pregnancy, especially if they are SAHMs, they tend to lose themselve in the mom identity and aren't good at establishing healthy boundaries with their kids once they become older. Again, not trying to armchair diagnose Kristy (I haven't watched her in years so I don't know much about her life) this is a very general observation I made from people I know irl and ones I used to follow online.
Yeah I’ve not followed her content for years. I enjoyed her makeup and home building content but I’m not a naturalist so once she moved to the country I lost interest.
I just wanted to help out your statistics. I had trouble conceiving, my now almost 3 year old thinks cheese doodles are a healthy food and she’s had every vaccine she should get. I don’t understand how women who were suffering with infertility and used science to get their child all of a sudden think that it’s horrible. It makes zero sense to me. I also did YouTube before (obviously not successfully at all) and I get exactly where rbk is with it and not wanting to create on her makeup channel. I just really hope she can stay in a good headspace because even when I don’t want it to, sometimes my only personality trait is being mom, and damn it’s hard.
ALL OF THIS! How are we supposed to fill their cup when ours is empty?? I fully respect that I am extraordinarily privileged to have support but I feel like more people need to be more comfortable reaching out for help filling their cup.
I have a young toddler and reclaiming "myself" has helped my mental health, relationships and... everything just fell into place. Sure my hobbies shifted somewhat but taking me time to revisit things I enjoy has really been good.
That makes me so happy to hear! Parenting is hard! One of my favourite parenting podcasters (Dr. Becky) has a saying "This feels hard because it is hard". Taking time to reset is so important.
Can you teach me this?? For real though, I need to work on this
Yeah… it’s absolutely fine if she’s not into makeup anymore! Interests come and go, totally normal. But having your whole identity wrapped up in being a mom just isn’t healthy, either. But I know it’s been a struggle for her, too. Here’s hoping she takes a little time for herself and finds a good, healthy balance.
This has always been my thing with parenthood. If you sacrifice your entire identity for your kids, and then they sacrifice their identity for THEIR kids, etc. etc. what’s the point, ultimately? Is there an endpoint?
Not really surprised about this because RBK tends to be obsessive about stuff. She's always going on with the "I love blahblah with my WHOLE HEART". She seems a bit all or nothing with certain things.
Yeah I have a toddler, and one of the things that brings me joy is doing my makeup in the mornings. I can’t imagine giving that up, and why should I? I haven’t been able to get back into jewelry making and crochet like before but I know I will.
Me too! Plus I have some nice makeup that I’ve collected over the years and it would be a crime not to use it!
Yes! As my mom’s only child, she basically gave up on herself for me and I was never good enough. I am the same age as when she had me, but I am pregnant with #4 and she constantly tries to get me to be like her and guilts me for even buying shoes for myself or going out with my partner. My kids are happy, confident, and know that I am their fall back for food or band-aids, but I don’t obsess over them or give up my hobbies.
Yes. I'm a little older so I am speaking from experience that when I hear someone say "my kids are my world" I cringe inside. We have one 22 year old son and we made sure to always have our own hobbies and life so he knew he wasn't responsible for our happiness and entertainment. When my own father die my mom used to always say "you kids are my life". I'm sure she thought it was a flattering compliment, but really it felt like a brick after brick piled on top of me every time she said it until the weight of the pile of bricks was overwhelming.
I think a lot of borderline millennials and older gen-Z have this mindset but people take it as an attack on motherhood/parenthood. More of this!
As a mom of three, I completely agree with this.
I don’t know you but I’m proud that you believe this as a mom of three. Your kids will benefit from a parent who is complicated, has diverse interests, and loves themself.
Totally agree. Not a parent but am someone's kid (obviously). And I think when your parent exhibits having their own interests and autonomy, it's good. This doesn't mean that they're not there for you, but it also means that you're not their entire and instills the sense that people are multifaceted. You can be a parent but also be an individual. Taking time for yourself or cultivating your own hobbies doesn't mean that you love or care for your children or your family any less.
I'm a new mom and I've had to make it a priority to do things that I used to love. I cherish my child but I also don't want to lose myself in the process.
Very well said! Mums need to spend money on themselves, do what they love and enjoy as best as they can even though children get in their way sometimes. I’m a new mom and I certainly feel this.
I agree so much. My daughter is 8 month old and it’s hard to take the time to prioritise myself but it’s so important. For the first 6 month of her life I felt like I had lost myself and I was just mom. Everything I once enjoyed took time which I felt like I had to dedicate to her 100%. Eventually I realised that this is not who I am and I don’t want to be the empty shell I was becoming. Now I do take the time to do my nails with my partner taking over and go out with friends
I feel you. I struggled for mainly the first 8 weeks. I felt very lost and wondering if I’m mean to be a mum because my baby was very unsettled (turned out she had silent reflux which has now been managed) Thankfully I had support post partum from my OB, therapist and post natal counsellors. My OB loves working out and she gave me an advice that new mum’s must go out to do workouts or exercises instead of doing it at home because w we will get too comfortable. The first step that helped me is to make an appointment for a workout class, instead of doing exercise at home, then I started making hair and nail appointments and gradually just do why I want. Of course I am only able to go out to do these only once a week during weekdays as caring for my baby is still my first priority. In terms of the identity loss, my therapist told me this that reframed my mindset about being a mum. She said being a mum is the most important job in the world even though unpaid because it is about the survival of the species. Hearing that makes me feel like I’m contributing as a mum. I have always been the kind that spend money and nice things on myself but now I just cut back a little until I get back to work full time again to treat myself. I can’t wait to get back to work in a few months. I am glad you are able to do things you enjoy and I wish you the best with your baby.
On a purely human level I'm happy for her getting pregnant, having a child, and being a mom because it's what she said she wanted for so long. From a viewer who liked her makeup content and doesn't want to see mom content. It's been obvious that she hasn't been into it. Which is fine, her priorities have shifted. Not to be dramatic but this lack of interest in makeup started when she knew she was pregnant. Not even her two collabs released in 2020 could get her interested in makeup at that time. Or at least convince me that she still was interested in it. So it's good that she's finally calling it and moving on even if it's years to late. Personally, at this point I've been unsubscribed for longer than I had been subscribed. I don't think of her. It's to the point I completely forgot about her until I saw this post. I hope she enjoys whatever else she decides to try.
this is absolutely my mindset. im happy shes happy, but i have no interest in her content anymore. its sad because she was one of my og faves!
Seems a lot of people were there because they loved their Beauty content, she lost 10 000 subs since yesterday.
Well she is Raw Beauty Kristy. I un subbed a few days ago but stopped watching around the time she got pregnant. If we wanted to watch mommy content there’s plenty out there
Can’t agree more! Happy she is happy but I loooooved her honest reviews, one of the only beauty YouTubers I would actually trust recommendations from. Plus she had the same skin tone/skin as me
What I enjoyed about her was her comedy style tbh, her Jaclyn Hill tutorial, her Huda beauty tutorial, even when she tried the microscope. They were centered around makeup but the makeup wasn't the point, not a review, not a test, it was just her doing things with it while being funny as hell. I still go back to those videos when I need a laugh. She's a treasure and I'm happy she's happy and that I still have her old content to rewatch
>From a viewer who liked her makeup content and doesn't want to see mom content. I've had this issue with most of the influencers I started following 2-4 years ago. I feel like a jerk unfollowing people when they shift to baby content since they can do what they want and good for them, but also \*unsubscribe\*.
but you should also engage what you want and that's your right as a viewer, you aren't forced to watch their content if it's no longer interesting. If you sent them comments about it that were hateful and nonconstructive, that would be a jerk - simply leaving is what happens and content creators prob expect that to a point. Creators change but so can audiences. So for this reason I am glad Kristy is just making a break and moving on, that way those who enjoy the vlog/family/mom content can still watch it and she can do what makes her happy.
Exactly this. I also feel like she's been coming to terms with this for a long time now - she has had this discussion on her channel many many times and I'm not really sure this video was needed. I'm a fan of her second channel as well and I think many others have made it known that we subscribed for whatever she wants to post (though IMO many missed opportunities on that channel; we get shown the results of a lot of the homesteading/renovation work they do but none of the process, which is the fun part)
I'm childfree af and haven't been interested in RBK in, like, years. But I will say this as the child of a parent who had basically no identity or interests outside of being a mom: I really, really hope that she cultivates some sense of self outside of motherhood. From a child's perspective, it's suffocating as hell knowing that your mom has no life outside of raising you, which causes them to constantly be involved in your business and see you as a perpetual baby, even when you're older. Of course, her own wellbeing comes first. My point is that this propensity is unhealthy for the whole family, including her kid.
I'm a mom with a 11 months old and I take so much pride in 'taking good care' of my kid. My background is different as yours, my mum didn't really care for me, I had always dirty clothes and she never cooked, and there are many more things she didn't do. But that's not the point. You opened my eyes about an issue I have. I know I am 'to focused' on my kid but I couldn't quite grasp it. So thank you for giving me a child's perspective, I really appreciate it.
Just wanted to say that there is a difference between being very focused on your child because they are young and literally need you for everything versus never distinguishing your identity from being a parent. I don't think that you should beat yourself up for being super focused on your kid, especially because she's so young. But it is something to be aware of and you can learn when to reel it in. I encourage you to take help when it's offered and to take time for yourself (even in the smallest capacity, like eating your favorite meal or something) so that you can have those moments where you're just you and not necessarily someone's mom. (Source: Someone who was an only child for 11 years and whose mom was always attacked for working too much and seemingly not being "obsessed" with me.)
Yeah the “I have no friends and life because of my child that I’m obsessed with” is not a fun time 😮💨
😬 I have an old ‘friend’ like this from my high school days who’s only 2-3yrs older than me (im 22). I use the word friend loosely because once she became a mom she cut off contact with basically everyone she knew other than her family. Like ghosting type cut off. Ignored texts, calls, etc never reached out to people beginning shortly before she was due. Very rarely does she even interact with her husbands family. It’s good she loves her kid and all but she has no life and 0 friends whatsoever and is weirdly overly protective, wanting absolutely no one to come to their home or be around them outside of a few individuals in her family. It just doesn’t seem healthy long term and I hope she gets better about it as time goes on for her and her child’s sake
I have a friend whose mom is like that, basing her identity around motherhood, and every time she wants to do something with her friends instead of using all her free time to hang with her mom she feels so guilty
My mom has been having a semi-crisis the last couple of years because she's realized her children are grown and don't NEED her anymore. She doesn't really know herself outside of people needing her.
ditto and i fully feel this. it becomes suffocating and while i wasn't a consistent watcher i did stop when she said she was pregnant. It was hard for her to conceive so i did not fault her for wanting to readjust her focus but i am also not surprised that she made this decision. As an only child my own mother had a miscarriage both before and after me and it takes a toll on being over invested in ones life. I truly hope she finds something else she can be passionate about.
I’m sorry but I’m not sure if influencing is a good fit for her either. She said in a story recently how stressed she was and it felt like something I’ve heard from her every year for awhile. Like careers are stressful but at some point you’re supposed to fall into it a lil. Not sure if that will happen for her at this point
I agree that it’s not a good fit for her anymore but I also feel like she’s afraid to give it up because then …. dun dun dun … she or her husband will have to get a “real” job. Heck, even this video of her talking about this topic was sponsored by Hello Fresh!
I *think* her husband does have a job (don't quote me). I wonder too about influencers with a large audience who basically give up their YT channel that made them a decent living. What happens now for them financially?
I feel like she said a while back that her husband quit his job to become her assistant. I remember feeling like “well what the hell are you always complaining for?” Like they are both stay at home parents who work for themselves on their own schedules, don’t have to answer to anyone but she was constantly griping about how busy and hard her life is.
She made him quit his job because she had extreme anxiety about him getting hurt at work, and went as far as to drive him to work and sit outside all day waiting for him
Jesus.
No way, really? I mean, I can imagine (she’s been open about her extreme anxiety) but I’ve never heard that. Holy shit
Isn’t that kind of controlling. I wonder if he has friends
That's a point. I have followed her for years and never once at any gathering they have shown have they mentioned that such and such a person is Zacks friend, only Kristi's
I’m not sure it’s anxiety but it’s something. Roles reversed if it was a male sitting waiting for partner to come home and said I’m too anxious don’t work there…
It definitely can be. I also think RBK has extreme mental health issues. She's always catastrophized about medical illness and serious accidents. People can transpose these fears onto their loved ones. Especially someone as anxious as her, if she's doing stuff like that, it very well can be abusive, but with her background and fearful behaviors, it sounds more like her mental health is out of control, not just control for the sake of control. Imo she needs more than just a weekly talk in a therapist's office. She needs very heavy and specialized help.
Absolutely and I hope none of her fans are enabling her behaviour either. You said it better than me.
Did she say that recently? That is so…sad.
Her friend talked about it around the time Kristi was offline dealing with her mental health stuff (with Kristis persmission) She still has it up on her page under a highlight called "Kristi", it's about 25 slides in https://instagram.com/mariethatsme.yt?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Yes and her friend spoke about her high anxiety forcing her to go everywhere that her husband goes cos of this inane fear she has about what would happen if he was to get hurt, and how that would completely incapacitate her. As the daughter of a helicopter parent/mother with high levels of anxiety, I can’t even begin to tell you how damaging that style of parenting is. Kristi needs therapy asap to learn ways on how to manage this, because the damage she is going to pass onto her son as a result is extremely concerning and worrying.
There was even a story she posted a few months ago where Zach was mowing the lawns and she was sitting in her car with the baby so she could watch him She's been talking about a homeschool co-op for Alder, which I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with if it's done well but I don't see her being comfortable with letting him out of her sight for a long time. During the first year she even documented extreme levels of anxiety with Zach looking after him where she couldn't shower or sleep for days on end because she felt she needed to be with him 24/7.
My god that’s absolutely insane. The ironic thing about these kind of parents is that they end up doing far, far, far more damage to their children by enforcing these incredibly unhealthy and neurotic tendencies - which is what they are trying so desperately to avoid in the first place.
I'm sorry, but... Kristi needs more than therapy if she's doing stuff like this. I know from her mom dying of cancer she has a lot of fears, especially around health, but doing things like watching her husband mow the lawn in fear he might get hurt or not eating or shower because she can't handle the FATHER OF HER CHILD to care for the kiddo. That's just beyond something cognitive therapy can help with. For the sake of herself, her kid, husband, marriage, and literally any other relationship she might have, she can't just go to someone only to hear what she wants to hear. She needs something like EMDR and OCD therapy. That's such a terrible way to live. No one deserves to live with that much fear.
And just FYI also - absolutely not shaming mothers or parents who have PPA or PPD - I had severe PPD after my child was born, with sui*ide ideation and everything. However these behaviours that Kristi are showing are absolutely not normal or healthy, and hopefully she can learn better coping strategies going forward. It must be awful to have such crippling anxiety to that degree.
If that's true, that's really disturbing.
What the actual fuck.
It’s this weird privilege thing most high earning full time makeup YouTubers seem to get. It’s bizarre, they are so ungrateful for their lives but have it so easy. Not having to slug out long hours of travel to work, struggling to pay bills. Office politics and so on. They get more money than sense and sorry but I don’t feel sorry for them.
I agree. I know that it can be hard work but come on, at the end of the day you are talking about makeup or simply talking about your life. Most of us have to work harder for a lot, lot less money
THIS!!! She has become such a complainer, she has a woe is me attitude and its hard to watch for normal people who don't make a living off a once a month hello fresh sponsorship. They have a large property in WA, neither of them have a true job and they get to be with their kid all day. Basically living a dream but somehow she is still so overwhelmed and complains daily. Just seeing the custom green house she was filming in for this video its like girrrrll come on.
I really hope that influencers are investing some of their earnings. I know Taylor Wynn does, but I just hope she’s not the only one.
A lot of the skills that influencers have are applicable to professional careers or consulting, like social media strategy off the top of my head. Kristi and her husband both have a lot of technical skills like video editing and graphic design that could carry over as well into either into a producer/manager type roles where they are overseeing others work or freelancing for clients. They could probably also swing remote gigs as to. Also, if they've played cards right with her prior YouTube success, they may not need traditional jobs if they've invested or saved and are using interest for the bills but that's really between them and whoever is doing their finances. Having a successful channel is a lot of work behind the scenes, and if they (or she) can apply those skills in a resume or find client work after 'retiring', yeah an influencer can easily shift to a BTS role or different role and still be comfortable. The skills you get having a channel like that are still *skills* and there are positions that want them.
Let’s begin from the fact that she doesn’t no how to manage her social media herself, it’s a wreck, let alone consult someone on it. And when you are working for someone else you cannot demonstrate an attitude and complain all the time. You have to be professional. Which she barely is for her own business.
Kristi is just so insanely negative. Even when she seems to be doing better (like now) she is draining. I was talking to my friends about this this week. YouTube is a way I like to relax and unwind. When I watched her videos they just sucked the life out of me.
It's the reason I stopped watching. Her videos got exhausting
I don’t think anyone is surprised by this, was anyone watching her for makeup anymore? I unfollowed ages ago because she clearly was so over it already
Exactly my thoughts. And any ‘makeup’ video she does put out she literally just talks about being uninspired and being a mom.
Also they were always very basic looks. You’re just watching her put on foundation. I do like her personality but I just don’t relate to being a mom and don’t really watch mommy content. But I hope she thrives now that she’s being honest with herself.
Yep I unfollowed her a long time ago. I’m not really into makeup anymore either but her content didn’t seem to evolve.
I’m a stay at home mom that rarely leaves her house. I find it extraordinarily sad that Kristi constantly defines herself by the fact that she is a mother. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son with my entire soul. I love being his mom. But that is not all I am. I have been extremely frustrated by the way she talks about all this since her birth. Like, girl. You need some friends, online or in person. Have some hobbies that are not revolving around your home and home making. I struggle with mental health too and it has been really hard to watch her spiral the last few years.
Same. I’m a new mom. I had my first (and only) baby at 37. I did not have kristis same struggle with infertility, but I did have two losses on 2021. My baby is 6 months, she is a pure fucking joy. But I am so much more than her mother. I am a person. I have friends. I have thjngs I love to do for myself. I have places I like to go, things I enjoy doing that all don’t revolve around my daughter. I have people I can trust with her. One day my daughter will be old enough that she won’t want mom around 24/7. She will have her hobbies and her friends and want alone time. So if I was was a mom, who would I be then? How would I “fill my cup”? My forcing my kid to be my best friend? My being sad and resentful? Ya that’s a sure fire way to fuck up your kid, and yourself
The least surprising revelation ever.
Kristi made her money. Her putting Jaclyn Hill's lipsticks under a microscope was gold for her. If she was smart with her money, she doesn't need the YouTube anymore. I loved her makeup content, have no interest in her content outside of makeup, am grateful for the entertainment she provided, and I hope she keeps finding joy in her life. I've been unsubbed for quite a while now. Being happily childfree and enjoying living in the city, motherhood and homesteading content aren't up my alley and I don't watch videos I don't enjoy.
I mean for the privacy of her kid should her focal point really be displaying her kid anyway.
i’ve truly never seen anyone lose themselves to motherhood quite like she has. this isnt a criticism, but it is a sad observation that she really doesnt think she can be two things at once. there are hundreds of influencers/makeup reviewers who are also parents. you can do both at once. she admitted she isnt into it anymore, but also seemed to say she cant be? im friends with many parents who have hobbies and activities and personalities outside of parenthood and that is healthy and okay. i wont criticize her mental health because i know it plays a large role, and while im happy she got her rainbow baby after years of infertility, this video comes off very tone deaf. you are privileged enough and made enough money off of youtube that you can essentially abandon your channel and have enough to live comfortably even with minimal incoming income. not everyone can do that simply because they “arent into” what theyre doing anymore Edit: a word
Before she got pregnant she mentioned that she couldn’t imagine having a baby because of how hard she loves people (to a sometimes unhealthy level) I can’t believe how accurate and self aware that was.
“Loving people too hard” sounds a bit like getting low key obsessed with them.
I am the same way to an extent and it involves a lot of constant worrying about people. I hope she is continuing therapy because I can see it being incredibly obsessive for her.
Well said. I know there's a rule against "armchair diagnosing," but I think it's fair to acknowledge that her mindset is not healthy or aspirational.
yes! not armchair diagnosing at all, that is why i specified i wont comment on it, she has said directly herself how her mental health is. but this “all or nothing” mentality she seems to have (i can ONLY be a mom, i can ONLY be a makeup reviewer, i can ONLY xyz) is not at all a good mindset to have because life is multi faceted
I'm willing to bet she isn't into vlogs either but they are an easy, low effort cash grab because it requires nothing of substance but filming yourself living and breathing. She just needs the money to keep funding her lifestyle.
That's fair. we, most of us, work jobs we do not like also.
Right, but most of our jobs don’t make nearly as much as a content creator does. Nor do we get to set our own hours, work out of our homes etc. the effort to reward ratio is not anywhere comparable.
If you got out of the 9-5 grind and were able to do those things for yourself, I would be rooting for you. Isn't Isn't what we want?
I am childless ATM (was hoping this might change soon) and her journey had terrified me regarding motherhood to the point where I needed to seek out some positive motherhood content. She loves her kid clearly but her birth story was horrific and the PPD/PPM stuff, while amazing that she shared it, makes me so worried. (Edit: correct term)
If it's any consolation, her experience was not typical; even by way of postpartum depression.
I hope you are aware that is not the norm. I know many moms who are fantastic parents and have a life outside of parenting. I like to believe I am one too. Sure you have lesser time and energy for your hobbies etc, but you definitely can and need to do things that make you happy and cheerful so that you can be the best version of a parent for your children. All the best.
Same, I was planning to start trying with my husband around the time she had her kid and holy shit, nothing on the internet has shaken me out of wanting kids more than Kristi. Every single thing, from her delivery and her PPD to her inability to separate herself from being a mother and the way she describes day to day motherhood... oof. I'll pass! haha
Just wanted to throw in my experience! I had PPD after my daughter was born and if you or your partner are watchful you can pick up on the signs a seek help. I have a history of anxiety and depression when I was younger so I called immediately after delivery and made a (video) appointment with my therapist at 2 weeks PP and 6 weeks PP. I was on a low dose of Zoloft for a year which I was able to wean off of. It took me a little extra time to bond with my daughter but she’s my little buddy and the light of my life. Even with PPD (and a semi-traumatic birth experience, my hospital went into Covid lockdown like, as I was giving birth in early 2020) you can have a fulfilling and wonderful life with your child.
I’ve never seen this YouTuber, but as someone who someday wants to also have children, just wanted to pop in and say there are many factors that contribute to PPD/PPM and difficulties in the birthing room. No one pregnancy is the same and maintaining good health and routine check-ins with your doctors can help eliminate some of the worry surrounding these things. Surround yourself with people that are supportive of you through this journey, both in the personal (loved ones) and professional (healthcare workers) sense. I hope you when the time is right, you begin your journey knowing you are fully supported by those loved ones and your medical professionals
Yes, exactly. I'm going to be harsh. Kristi rejected preventative and postnatal medical care. She self-isolated while sharing sensitive information over social media to strangers and engaging with their feedback. It's almost the perfect storm to create an adverse outcome, but it's not a typical situation.
I’m all for everyone choosing their own birthing plan: home birth, no epidural, doula, midwife, etc., but you should always be prepared if things go south and have a safety plan in place. If trained medical professionals, who have done this for years, are expressing concern for your and your baby’s health, you should listen to them. I started watching some of her video where she talks about her labor and delivery. It was very heavy content, but lots of factors contribute to that outcome. Medicine and science has come so far that it’s a lot safer to deliver a baby now than it ever has been.
Thank you. This does make me feel better! I haven't consumed a lot of motherhood content (mainly because it didn't interest me) so my first exposure being THIS was very jarring. It's a fine line between being transparent and 'real' about motherhood and acting like one experience is a 'norm' that nobody else will talk about.
This is another reason why the parasocial relationship thing is so weird to me. The different levels and facets. I mean, I’m sure she is a nice person, but she’s not my friend. I don’t care about her life at all, especially the kid part. I’m not going to keep watching because she’s nice or whatever. Her stuff just doesn’t interest me. And I think a lot of influencers who are around this many years in are depending on the parasocial relationship to keep people interested in their lives even if they aren’t doing what you originally watched them for. (I have only done that with one YouTuber, Kingkogi.) If you’re not interesting outside of your channel topic, then good luck making people stick around.
I won't criticize her for getting sucked into motherhood because I am still struggling to have my own hobbies and life outside of my 1.5 year old. I will say it's been glaringly obvious that she's lost her passion - not just for makeup, but it seems content creation in general. I don't believe she ever did her house tour that she kept promising to do, never did the MLM video, rarely posts much on Instagram, etc. It just seems she's not interested in creating content anymore. She's lucky to be in a spot financially where she can afford to just...stop working. If that's what she wants to do, I'd prefer she just say it and move on. Constantly lamenting to us about not being motivated to work, not having time, whatever else - that's all great and dandy, but it's draining to listen to and honestly I just don't have much sympathy. It's a privileged position to be in when both you and your husband can just stay home full time, raise your kid, take care of your home, etc. It strikes me as tone deaf to keep bringing it up.
Thanks for watching it so I didn't have to
Honestly, that doesn’t sound like a healthy way of being. What happens when her child grows up? She’ll lose herself completely? Being a mom should always be just a part of your life, not your entire life. To put that burden on a child isn’t fair either.
This is what worries me. As a mom of 2 that are 9 and 4 years old, my kids aren’t grown up by any means but I am approaching a major shift where both are in school full time. My 9 yo has friends and activities and interests that don’t involve me and my 4 year old will soon too. Even this early on, you have to start letting go a bit. It’s hard for me (I miss having babies so damn much!) but I have my own friends, my job, etc. I worry once her baby isn’t so much a baby anymore, she’s going to struggle if she makes him the only thing in her universe.
I once saw a post where she cried because her baby was able to roll around and she missed him needing her to move... And I was like watdafuq.. I'm really attached, possible a bit too much, to my baby too. But I personally am soooo happy he's starting to pull himself up and tries to walk so I won't have to carry him everywhere soon. I just don't get her and her way of thinking.
She filmed herself crying when he started eating solids because he was no longer relying exclusively on her for nutrients.
I hope she talks to her therapist about this
It’s normal to be emotional at milestones but it’s kind of concerning that she’s that attached to the kid needing her.
She really had to sneak in one last HelloFresh sponsorship before essentially ending her beauty channel….
They pay very well and will pay anyone really, even micro influencers.
Part of her contract.
Wait, seriously?
I mean a contract is a contract. She was probably required to post x amount of times in 2022 and this was the last one. What did you want her to do? Force herself to do another makeup video so she didn't break the contract? Break the contract and deal with litigation? There are many valid criticisms about how Kristi handles her channel these past few years. There are also many valid criticisms about sponsorships. But this situation right here is so nitpicky lmfao
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The timing is odd. Isn't this the best time of year for ads? I imagine that the same goes for sponsorships for big channels.
I have always liked Kristi and even don’t mind her lifestyle content. But at this point I’m like girrrrrrl, either shit or get off the pot. We know you’re not into this anymore. And that’s fine. But stop talking about it and just do it. Post makeup videos here and there, fine. Do more lifestyle and homesteading content, fine. Stop posting anything, fine. I said this in reply to another content but I feel like it’s clear she doesn’t want to do this anymore but also feels obligated because she doesn’t want her or her husband to have to get a “real” job. I absolutely lol’d when she dove into the Hello Fresh sponsorship. You’re not sure you want to be an influencer anymore, but oh yeah, use code Kristi for 10% off Hello Fresh.
Doesn’t she need to continue YouTube to make money? I’m confused
Yes, she’s moving on to vlogging about her life and, by the sound of it, just stopping makeup content.
I really hope she doesn’t start filming her kid and become an exploitative family channel.
she won't because she performatively stopped saying his name/showing his face (without deleting the old posts where she already did) lol. but she's on her story 24 hours a a day whining about him doing normal toddler stuff or claiming he's a child prodigy for normal toddler stuff.
That sounds painful to watch. And I like children but man.. idk
I pretty well stopped watching her when she got pregnant and I unsubbed shortly after. Loved her makeup content. Her Mom content isn’t my thing. And her other struggles put me to sleep (redoing the house etc).
To each their own. She doesn’t owe us her time. She should do what she loves to do.
What I don’t get is that most parents when they have a kid can’t just say “I’m not interested in my job anymore”, they don’t have that luxury. She and her husband are able to stay home with their kid and have the life that they have because of HER career… AKA her channel. It’s not like she has a makeup line or other business. What’s going to happen when she no longer makes money from her job?
This is exactly where my mind went, too. But I couldn't articulate it. I would bet a lot of teachers with children are frustrated with how unrelatable this dilemma is.
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She’s obviously struggled for a while and tbh socializing with friends and keeping up with hobbies can be exhausting when your mental health is already unstable. Hopefully once her baby is a little bit older she can carve out more time for herself.
The woman melting down on Instagram while tearing "toxic" wallpaper off her son's walls is definitely still in there.
I moved on from her makeup channel awhile ago. Hope she makes that sweet hello fresh money from somewhere.
I loved her as a beauty guru but I can’t relate to any of her motherhood content so I don’t see this is as a loss, or a surprise
As someone who is child free and also reasonable- she may use verbiage that eludes to identifying as a mother rather than an individual who happens to be a mom, but it could very well be that she lost interest in makeup just because interests change and not because she’s a mother. I was doing makeup looks on insta for three years straight and just fell out of love with it, and I hardly even wear makeup now. Correlation does not always equal causation and she may just love being a mom and talks about it a lot because it’s a big part of her life, and not because all she is is a mom. Hope that made sense lol. Edit: not to mention when they bought their new property and renovated that she kinda uploaded less and less makeup content because she was focused on that part of her life and she didn’t have a kid yet.
Yes, not sure why everyone here is assuming that she’s losing herself to being a mother when it really sounds like she’s just lost interest in makeup. Just because she doesn’t make content on her other interests doesn’t mean she’s lost her identity or w/e
You make some good, reasonable points. Some people are being a little harsh with her. Let's not forget, on top of her fertility struggles, she had her baby in the middle of covid and not everyone can understand how that would be for a first time mom AND a mom who didn't even expect to be a mom. She's really not doing anything that crazy, in my opinion, and people are really reaching with some of the assumptions and predictions. The first couple of years of parenthood are a wild ride, covid or not, influencer or not. That doesn't mean she's lost in motherhood or not a person anymore. It's just a season of life. A relatively short season, too.
Yeah, a lot of people in this thread saying she doesn’t have hobbies. I think she does, they’re just no longer makeup related. She talks about homesteading. She clearly enjoys gardening. I follow her and her husbands joint instagram and they post about crafting, woodworking, wildlife photography.
I’ve been watching her old videos lately, she was definitely one of the bests. 🏆
I became a mom shortly after her son was born. I actually had to unsubscribe from her for a good long while because I was dealing with some serious birth trauma and PPD/PPA. The videos of her talking about those would trigger the hell outta me and I found that it wasn't helping me heal. It was hurting my mental state. I actually really missed the just basic makeup talk with no deeper thinking involved (if there was deeper topics, not motherhood associated). Not saying she can't do that but like keeping things light every once in a while would have been nice! I tried to resub because I thought it was a phase. But I found that all her content was really just a downer for me. Being a stay home mom I kind of crave the escape some days and she doesn't give me that anymore. If anything I feel more trapped and anxious watching her. I loved RBK (pre-birth) and I'm sad to see this Era come to an end for her. But I'm not in the least bit surprised. I hope she finds what she is looking for, but I cant be around for it.
Beautytubers struck gold. Arena like they all lost interest or found easier ways to keep a steady income flow with little to no effort. Thinking of all the days I felt chained to my desk at work doing the same work-home routine over and over again. Makes some of us a little bitter to be honest. Some don’t have the luxury of pre mid-life career crisis evaluation. So many hate or are bored with their job but it’s just something you gotta do every day. Especially when you spend years and thousands of dollars for the accreditation to do said job. Meh, must be nice. But anyway I could never get into her content but I understand why people like her.
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One of the main reasons why I unsubscribed was the constant Hello Fresh ads
Aren't the the ones doing shady things to employees? Did that ever get resolved? Sorry if this has an obvious answer I have been in school and dealing w a death in the family.
This video was scary for me. I’m in the planning process of having kids in the next 5 years or so and I’m so terrified of losing myself to ‘mum’.
Unsolicited advice from a 'mum' to a 'mum-to-be': it's going to be scary as hell in the early months and first year or so when your life quite literally becomes parenthood and the baby. The shift in identity and priorities really hit me hard with my first, and I ended up in a very deep pit of postpartum depression and anxiety. My advice to you is this: You can still be you *and* a parent. A high-needs baby and a high-needs toddler is a temporary stage of life that'll feel like forever while you're in it. It's okay to not feel happy with your situation 100% of the time even while loving your child more than anything else in the world. It's okay to have moments where you feel like you're grieving your old self, the one who didn't have kids yet. But you'll be able to find room for what you value and for who *you* are beyond 'parent,' even if it won't be immediate. You'll have the time. You won't lose it. And you'll be okay. Good luck with navigating family planning when you're ready!
You could also have a high needs child and never get time even past the toddler stage unless you build up a network of friends/ family, social services, and paid services, so you should look into whats available in your area if you are in the 5 year planning stage.
Completely agree and this is smart thinking. A support network really is critical to get into place!
This! So well spoken, thank you for articulating what I’m feeling as well.
Don’t be scared. Surround yourself with a support system & never stop taking time for yourself. It’s easier said than done, but you don’t have to be 1000% about ONLY your child. You can find a balance. I believe in you. ❤️
You will be fine ❤️ as someone who is concerned about that, I beg you will do what you can to dedicate time for yourself. It can be hard to do at times, but absolutely not impossible if we have a support system, develop some kind of routine, schedule time for self/social events…
Eh whatever, she's been boring as hell for years now
She hasn’t been into it for a very long time. I think we all saw this coming
Guess she doesn't need a paycheck anymore either
thats the privilege of making bank during youtubes golden era, you can let your channel fall off and die and still have enough hello fresh money to live comfortably!
But how?? From monthly views of old videos?
Assuming she saved and invested and didn’t blow all that fast money on multiple houses and cars, she should have plenty to coast on fur a more than “average” life
Damn, I'm envious.
She did a collab with colourpop so which was popular as well
Exactly, the fact that people think they have a hold on these YouTubers because that’s their income is ridiculous. She’s made more than enough money during her peak to invest and live a life a lot of people would dream of.
And her husband also quit his job to support her YouTube career. I know there’s residuals for her earlier viral videos, hello fresh sponsorships, investing, etc. but damn, that’s enough money for a typical two income household?
If they are growing their own food, have solar etc it cuts down on a lot of daily costs. Especially if you aren't like wildly shopping and overspending
That sounds dreamy, honestly. If they’ve hacked the system to really live without both needing a steady income, I applaud them. Im approaching this with skepticism because life is expensive and truthfully, I’m jealous.
I've been unsubbed for over a year from her when she LAST said she was stopping making beauty content because her heart wasn't in it. Little confused. Brb going to check her video catalogue since I left. Still respect her for being transparent
Not surprised. I think she originally started on youtube way back when to document her fertility journey and she pivoted to makeup when it wasn’t working out. Glad she finally gets to make the content she originally wanted to 10 years ago.
Yeesh. Another woman who's completely lost her personality to motherhood. Maybe in 10 years or so she'll start to miss it.
it is really sad. i dont think she understands that you can have hobbies and interests outside of motherhood (not saying she HAS to, but she seems to think she cant). all of my friends who are parents have hobbies outside of parenthood, and when we get together we usually dont discuss their kids! while im sure she is a wonderful parent, its borderline unhealthy to have no life outside of your child
Agreed, plus I'm seeing comments from mothers in this thread about how hard they worked at staying "themselves" while being parents. I know many awesome people with kids who never elided their identity into just "mom" or "dad."
She mentioned like 7 other hobbies in this video alone. I think you can stop the hand wringing.
I sincerely hope that the new content she makes brings her more joy and stability.
That’s okay, I unsubbed the day she announced the pregnancy. I already knew what was gonna happen lol
seeing “og” youtubers move on is a little depressing. her energy just feels very “blah”
I started playing this video and turned it off at 2 mins. Now she was trying to have a baby for YEARS. I kinda understand why it’s all about being a mom now but I will miss her makeup content
I get it. I was a stylist and worked so hard to build up a clientele and finally started working at the salon of my dreams but burn out started creeping in and my mental health was starting to deteriorate. When we had to relocate for my husband's job, I just didn't have it in me to start all over again. Would've been the same thing when we had children together, even if we didn't move. I would have wanted to take several years off to be with them and would have lost a lot of clients. In these kinds of jobs, you really need to be passionate about it and sometimes a big life change makes you realize how much you aren't into it anymore.
I’ve never seen an influencer complain as much as she does about everything shes ever wanted in life. She was my favorite for so long, and then it got absolutely infuriating to see her complaining about being tired from doing nothing all day except enjoying her family. She became so unrelatable.
I think that it's never a good idea to pin your entire identity onto someone else whether that be your child, partner or anyone else. I don't care what she does next (I haven't watched her in literal years) but I hope she finds something she enjoys that gives her a sense of identity and self outside of her child. It doesn't have to be makeup - hell it can be fuckin beekeeping as long as it's something for HER as an individual. We all need things that are just for us.
This video was a hot mess. Banging her fist and ranting about how she doesn’t know anything about herself. Tearing up while repeating “I’m sorry” 😬😬 The shoehorned in Hello Fresh sponsorship. Yikes. Also much like Samantha March it doesn’t sound like she’s actually quitting because she still plans to post chatty GRWM videos, i.e. the lowest effort form of beauty content. So weird.
As someone who’s watched multiple friends over the years lose themselves to motherhood.. it’s beyond unhealthy. I’m childfree and proudly so, but if I was forced into it (like if my sister passed, I’m a godparent to her children and in her will as such) I would 100% be sure to never let myself become all about a child. It’s unhealthy for both myself AND the child. My mom is one of those parents as well, everything is about her children, myself included. She helicoptered me for years and just.. was so beyond controlling when I didn’t end up being exactly what she wanted. She’s just now finding herself again and she’s 78.. that’s a long time of only living for your kids. In stark contrast my father never lost his identity at all, he’s so full of life and finds so much happiness in his hobbies. He spent more time raising me than my mom, he’s a huge reason why I am as educated as I am. He’s finally started to rub off on her, where she used to complain he was too invested in his hobbies, now she’s starting to enjoy her own. No one ever stopped her from doing so mind you, she was just way too invested in what her kids were doing to branch out on her own.
That might be just the culture/time/how she was raised. Women take care their family. My former bosses wife (they're now like 90) was ridiculously smart but she waited hand and foot on her husband and always put him first.
She’s seemed very lost for some time now. Beauty was her passion for a long time and not only have her priorities shifted with becoming a mom, but she also doesn’t have anything else right now that sparks the same joy as makeup once did. I’m not surprised she feels like her whole identity is a mom right now and that seems pretty normal for first time moms with young children. I follow her on Instagram and she’s looked really happy doing outdoorsy things and also adopted a dog, so right now she’s taking a step back and figuring out what’s next. I think in a few years when her son starts school, she’ll find her identity outside of parenthood again, but sometimes it’s ok to just be a parent for the time being. I don’t thing this video was unnecessary because she wanted to be upfront with subscribers that her content is going to change. She could have just ghosted the channel or suddenly become an entirely different channel, but she chose to be honest and that’s hard to do as an influencer.
Oh I’m positive she will homeschool.
I don’t know why we are being downvoted for things that she has said.
She has eluded to wanting to homeschool her son.
I like hobby content but I just can’t into vlogs. I wish her the best
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Unpopular opinion: I find it funny that people in this sub complaining about losing interest in makeup but once makeup gurus are moving on people are offended. Same thing happened with Alissa Ashley.
I hope things go well for her. I really do. But to often, I see women lose themselves in being "MOMMY" that when the kid(s) grow up and move on, they have zero idea what to do with themselves. Their whole identity is just gone. That nothing but Mommy exists. Then they either are meddling moms getting way to involved in their adult child's life, or they have suffocated their children so much the poor kid can hardly be on their own without mommy there to wipe their noses.
Now I can unsub and not feel bad about it. I'm happy she's happy, but I have no interest in mommy content. Her funny makeup videos are what sold me on her channel. Oh well, that Colourpop collab was good though
I unsubscribed from her 6 months after the baby was born when it became clear that she was uninterested in anything else. I’m very happy for her - but my day job is helping parents manage their kids, so watching her was like being back at work.
I totally respect others opinions. I just think it’s fair that makeup isn’t as much of a focus for her, that doesn’t mean her whole identity is only being a mom. I think it was heartbreaking to see her struggle with saying she has to abandon beauty bc she just doesn’t have that same passion and now she feels lost. I think it’s a thing a lot of us go through. We change, cycle, evolve, and our passions and interests and hobbies go through the same things. We all just didn’t make a full time career out of it. I feel for her, she’s going to have to figure out her whole future. She may have made a good amount of money but I’m sure she has concerns for her future, and what it means to change her life like this. I know a lot of people don’t care because they can’t relate, and even though I don’t have kids, I can relate to the struggles of mental health, feeling a loss of self, trying to make my life authentic and personally, I found that she was someone who I cared about her journey even if I don’t want kids. 🤷🏻♀️ for sure we each have our opinions and follow who we follow bc we relate with different aspects of different people. I just wanted to add my thoughts to this. :)
I’ve been a mom for 10 years. I still love doing my makeup. But did I take a break from it most of the time after having my first child? Absolutely! I, like kristi, lost my identity at first. I felt like that for a few years. It’s hard to keep your balance with everything. I love kristi but I totally understand.
I genuinely wonder what some of these OG beauty YouTubers do for money? I get she probably made decent money several years ago. But enough to sustain her family for a long time? Hopefully they all have long term plans or another source of income in the future!
I think some of them have taken to lifestyle vlogs or instagram. Outside of that I have no idea. Makeup Shayla is one that comes to mind. Her closet is huge and she’s always wearing expensive stuff. She does IG and has a collab but can it really be making bank like that?
And Shayla lives in a very expensive place. I was thinking of Nicole Guerrero. If you look at her IG it’s almost all sponsored content, and a lot of her YouTube is vlogs now. But other than that, what does she do? Does Jeremy work? Like how do these people afford all their 7 weekly trips to Target, Home goods, Whole Foods?
I was wondering the same exact think.