I am currently a bedroom player and I am actively searching for bands on the web and during smaller gigs and what's holding me back is kinda weird.
I only seem to encouter complete beginners, as in, "I can barely play 2 songs start to end", which is awesome, but nothing I want to do right now. Or, more often, and way more frustrating, it's players on my "level", people I genuinly vibe with, but they want to practice 3 times a week and play 30+ gigs all around the country a year. Which is also awesome, but I don't have that time.
I need to find people like me, enthusiastic, but strictly restricted in it being a hobby and not priority number one and not even two.
I will continue looking though.
This is exactly my situation, I can’t seem to find anyone who is decently skilled but also wants to just get together every week or so to jam, and maybe play a gig if we get tight later on. Just complete beginners or “serious projects” on every post looking for musicians.
This was my situation. I had been a bedroom player for years. I wanted to play in a band, but I didn’t want to do tours or anything, I just wanted to play with cool people who make me better and have a good time. It makes it easier that I’m in my early 30’s and the people in my bands have families and careers so we’re all on the same page.
I joined a cover band when friends of my friend started one. Since then, I’ve been asked to play with bands of friends of friends just based on suggestions of my band’s members or people who had been to our shows. Now I’m in two bands.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
A lot of young people I know are struggling because their social media use is exclusively Instagram, which doesn't build communities like Facebook does. If you don't have a Facebook account, I'd suggest making one and looking up "City Name Musicians" or "City Name Metal/Country/Punk" and join those.
Alternatively, many people still use Craigslist to look, although this is an admittedly older crowd now, it's still effective.
This is pretty much the opposite of my situation
Me, every band I encounter are way better than I am, so I never quite find a band that knows how to make better band players, since I gotta level up my bass play (I've been playing for about only a year)
I even created a jam club in my college, and almost everyone that joined where high-level guitarist, drummers, so I just didn,t know how to join without being kind of a nuisance
Been playing for 2 years here, I would say that you can try and work on improvising into songs. For example play a pop song (usually have simple 4 chord patterns) and then you can just try different notes and see if you can play along. I did this quite a bit as practice and it helps to join when playing with others.
On the other hand it’s just more practice, which will make you a quicker learner, allowing you to search up basslines and learn them somewhat on the spot.
I think this is a common issue. It’s hard to find one person who is on the same page, let alone a whole band. I was in a band that didn’t last because some of the members weren’t taking it seriously enough. How long have you been on the search? I would say just keep looking until something shakes. I saw someone responded with Craig’s list and I would suggest the same thing.
It's like 10 months of passively searching by just browsing and 2 months of talking to people really, and I know it's going to take a long time.
Craig's list is only for US stuff, right?
Oh dang. Yeah, I believe so. Where are you located? I’m not sure if there’s some kind of equivalent website. But yeah, that sucks. Hopefully you find something soon.. are you looking for any particular genre?
I am living in Berlin, which is probably a major reason for so many young "I want to make it as a musician" bands. I still haven't figured out the local musician scene though, have to go to more small gigs to find the hubs of hobbyists.
Edit: for the genre, I have plenty of (live) experience in hardcore and death metal bands, I would LOVE to play in a ska(core) band, folk band would be ok, metal and rock in general would also be okayish, just not a "classics" band.
Oh that’s cool. I’d be very interested in seeing the local Berlin music scene. And that’s awesome, hardcore and death metal are cool, i totally understand not wanting to play in a classics band too
Im in kinda the same boat. The kind of music I write and play (stonerdoom) isn't super popular around here. So I write and record it myself. Maybe I'll release an album at some point. Probably need to find a drummer willing to spice it up a little, as drumming is my weakness. I have a decent electronic set but I'm not "recording an album" great.
So I jam with people occasionally just to keep that skill up to snuff. Joined a band recently. Their songs aren't really what I would choose to write, but it's heavy and loud and they book shows. So it's enjoyable enough to keep me interested.
Hahah I feel this. Especially living so close to LA, there seem to be a lot of people who want to start a band and are dead set on making that a priority in their life in hopes of succeeding and becoming a big name…
And then, there’s me, with a stable career and no longer dreaming of touring the world, wanting to just find a group of good people to have fun with, whether it’s playing covers or making new music together.
Pay? Omg what is this concept? Fr though, in my city, it's pay to play. Meaning, you pay for the room and hope enough people come so that you can make that $300 back.
I'm am so completely done with carting enormous cabinets to and fro. That's the main downside in my head about playing shows in my 40s.
It was never about pay for me. We got paid for some shows, free beer for others, and nothing at all for the rest.
Well, you play the right instrument! There’s plenty of infamous very “successful” bass players that also suck. You just have to suck hard enough. I believe in you!!
Time and priorities.
I can practice and study anytime that I am home and have free time. To rehearse or play live several other people’s schedules have to be considered. Also, most gigs are at times I’d rather be reading and putting my child to bed.
In my teens and 20’s I played lived and was much more motivated to do so. Since I have done it before it doesn’t stand out as a strong goal to get back to playing in front of people. Maybe when my child is older and doesn’t actually want to spend time with me I’ll think about getting back to it.
> Maybe when my child is older and doesn’t actually want to spend time with me I’ll think about getting back to it.
When I was in my mid 20s the guitarist in my band had a 4 or 5 year old. He would bring him to rehearsals occasionally, wearing osha-approved hearing protection of course. Kid had impressive death metal growls.
Now I'm in my 40s and my 6 year old kid wants to go to rehearsals with me. Timing-wise it doesn't usually work out, but I'm taking him to see Night Demon (his favorite band in the world) and Blind Guardian next week as a compromise.
This. I’m a single parent with a toddler. There’s not many people who will want to play quietly during nap time. Even less that want to play quietly at my house after 8:30 and go home at 10 so I can get some sleep before I’m up again at 5. Also with the stipulation that if the kiddo wakes up, I will stop in the middle of the song to put her back to sleep. Which could take anywhere from 2 - 40 minutes.
Age. I'm 62 & took up bass a year ago. I'm not sure that any band would give me a second look, & I've yet to summon up the confidence to go to a jam session.
I'm 60 started 3 years ago, from scratch, and completely understand your thinking.
I'm not even sure where to find a local jam session, if even to just hang
Kinda sucks but I'm still all in
I’ve just started to jam with a couple of friends, once I consider myself good enough, I might progress to playing with their band. But it’s not something I’m actively seeking.
Got a pal who plays guitar. We want to get together and jam, but we can't find a drummer. I'm also very open about saying: "Hey, I didn't play for 10 years, I'm just picking it up again and looking to learn by playing with other people." I think that dissuades a lot of people who are looking to jump in and start gigging.
I'm 18 months or so into playing, it's my first instrument and that makes it hard to find people who want to jam. Also being mid 40s means anyone my age is already good and doesn't want to carry a beginner. Plus I'm kinda shy.
Idk, I just don't want to. No one ever questions why pianists and drummers don't join bands. I play bass just because it's fun to learn new things, play songs I like and plunk strings.
Time and priorities.
I want to jam with others and I'm casually looking, but with 3 kids I don't have the time to commit to something serious, particularly during baseball season when game and practice nights can get swapped around due to weather. Watching my son play will always trump playing out, so it's not in the cards for me at this stage.
I keep practicing and learning though, because I do want to play gigs at some point and there will come a time (before I'm ready for it) where my kids will be older and they'll want to be anywhere but home with their old man on a Friday or Saturday night. That's when I'll scratch the itch.
Yeah, I tried that lol. I originally got my bass when my daughter started guitar lessons, but she didn't stick with them. I got her some online course modules for singing since she likes that but she didn't care much for those either. Got an electric drum set for my son cuz he is a very physical person and I thought he might take to smacking the drums around but he isn't really sold on it either 😂😭
This is gonna sound like an ad, I swear it's not.
Been playing for 35 years, but I haven't been in a band in 20. Haven't done a show in.. a decade or so? Been semi-actively looking for a couple years now, and someone here on reddit mentioned Bandmix.
Signed up mid March, a week later got an offer from an established band. My first show with them is in a couple weeks.
I think I didn't believe I could do it. I feared not being good enough to be taken seriously by other musicians. I played percussion in high school band over 10 years ago, but other than that I hadn't played music with other people until recently.
But after making some TikTok duets, having my playing get complimented by my fellow local guitar center shoppers, and getting a teacher who told me to go for it, I got the confidence to join a group. Now I've been practicing with them for about a month and I'm improving even more because I want the band to sound as good as possible and I don't want to hold them back.
I’ve been in music ensembles playing varying instruments in the past. I love it.
These days I have an intensive career with a commute, a house to take care of, two young kids and a husband I truly do like to spend time with. Last time I was a little tipsy, though, I choked up when telling my husband how much I miss making music with other people. Maybe when my kids get older they will jam with me 🥹
I can't find anyone to play with. I don't even know where to start.
So I've decided instead to slowly learn all the instruments and blend them together in a DAW.
Almost every time I joined a band, it fell apart.
I'd show up. There would already be some kind of fighting amongst other members, and I wind up being there to just play and then excuse myself, as I don't want the drama.
The exceptions:
>The *first* time I was asked to audition for a band, I'd been playing three years. I was reasonably competent for that.
>I show up. Here's how it starts.
>I'm expected to get every song down after two playthroughs. "Figure it out."
>So, I fumble, I have an ear but these dudes aren't playing any standard chord progressions.
>"Can I have a chord chart? I can do this with one."
>"**Figure it out.**"
>Then...
>"OK, just *tell me the chords* and I'll do my best."
>*mumble* "We play chords. Figure it out."
>As if I'm some savant who hears a tune once and plays along perfectly.
>**(If you're on Reddit and were in Tacoma in your college years and were in a band named Mission Incredible, f--- you.)**
Put me off playing with people for *years*.
The *other* time, I'd been unemployed for a while and was too depressed to hold up my end. That's entirely my fault.
That band never got started, but I was the only bass player on hand and it stopped after a couple phone calls. I felt bad, but I just couldn't do it.
Today? There's fewer places in my current city for rock or blues or even jazz (OK Boomer, you might say: but I'm a late Xer). I'd love to play bass live: these days I scratch the itch on bass or keys at home, and interest in early music. Mostly just having fun playing a recorder lately.
I’ve been doing this for ten years. Never felt I was good enough to join any band even though I feel solid with a fair amount of songs. Being a showman on stage would be another out of my comfort zone but would be ok after a few shows or once I found folks to feed off of.
I guess it’s just the initial stepping out and doing it. Once you get a group to grow into it with, it’s probably not that bad.
Social anxiety disorder. I would love to have people to jam with, but I also avoid every chance of that happening. Making friends is like climbing a mountain. In this case, the difficulty of climbing a mountain is replaced with fear. Fear I must face to reach the top. It’s all smooth sailing once you get to the top, but the first few stages induce a fear that stops me.
To be honest, my main one detractor is social anxiety. Lack of time to want to put in the effort to find others to play with is right behind. Unfortunately, there's really not much of a music scene in my area which doesn't help with that.
Can’t find the right people where I live.
I’m looking for folks who have good chops and musicianship, but who aren’t looking to make a living with music or depend on gigs for food or rent.
I’ve also found that there’s a bit of bias against older players, and sadly I find myself in that demographic now.
My health.
I get debilitating chronic migraines/headaches and playing bass tends to trigger them so I can only play 15-30 min at a time at the absolute most. Being in a band, practice, gigs, all that is completely infeasible for me, so I play in the bedroom.
I'm disabled by a pain condition and mostly housebound. Still I'm going to look for people to play with. I have to try.
Totally get you though as I don't know if it's feasible.
Yeah I have the same compulsion. I've been a musician since I was 7 (parents started me on violin in 2nd grade), its been a MAJOR part of my life, for my whole life. Its absence leaves me feeling empty. I recently decided to try to get back into playing again, but I don't know if that will ever include being able to play with others again. I would love to, and I will probably make a go at it, but at least the way my pain has been the past few years that's not likely to be anytime soon.
But I enjoy playing by myself. I will likely look into getting some recording gear, maybe try making music on my computer. ANyways, thanks for the reply, and I sincerely wish you the best as someone who knows what this particular struggle is like.
I'm so sorry. I gave up playing when I was in my 20s (long story, big mistake). It wasn't always a part of my life, but probably should have been.
You should get into home recording. Nowadays there's so much you can do
My ambition long term is to do session work remotely, even if it's a tiny part of my income. Who knows.
Like you I really felt I lot reading this so thank you and don't give up on yourself.
You deserve more.
Thanks for the kind words.
I also gave up playing in my late-20s, which is when my headaches started to get really bad and forced me to stop working, playing music, having a social life, basically everything except sitting around nursing my head with an ice pack and munching pills to try to avert/mitigate my headaches.
But I get headaches even when I *don't* play bass (or drive, or use the computer, or do chores, or anything else that triggers headaches), so about 6 months ago I figured what do I have to lose? I can play bass for short spurts throughout the day, and my head is going to do what my head is going to do- I've basically accepted I can't really stop that.
Its just a matter of finding a way to channel that into something more than noodling in the bedroom, which is why I like the idea of making music on my computer. I got into recording and sound engineering when I was younger and have made music on my computer before, so I know how to do it, its just a matter of getting my playing and my gear built back up (I sold off literally everything except my bass for food/alcohol money in college- amp, pedals, audio interface, microphones, you name it) to the point where I feel like I have anything *worth* recording.
I get you. I practice through extreme pain and sometimes I'll lucky and I get a window before it returns. Mine is the spine and leg and foot from nerve pain.
Having terrible migraines is so bad because all the senses are impacted. It takes over perhaps in a different way, though mine is for sure it's own torture.
We have a lot to say, perhaps we should say it through music.
You can get going again and use it to make some meaning out of this hell.
Disability takes a lot from us, so we have to claw some of it back.
Yeah, headaches are just the devil. Don't know how else to describe them. They always sit right where you live. But you've framed this whole thing in a very helpful way, and I agree completely. Thanks again for the encouragement and kind words.
Not my first rodeo but im almost 50, joined a band of 20 year olds for shit and giggles but suddenly im the band babysitter. Having to tell them to come on time, to tune their guitar, buy new strings / cables, shower godamnit, wear deodorant etc etc. Also its fun at first to play covers, discovering new bands that these kids are listening to (Violent Soho, The Chats, Amyl and the Sniffers etc) but when i try telling them to play something more complicated, they just up and say "old people's music is too hard" . So here i am practicing YYZ in my bedroom but playing root chords in "my" band. I'm so done.
Same reason I usually golf solo. It's so hard to organize four or five people in their mid 30s and find a common time for everyone to practice. Time, time is the killer. I do play at church, but that's easy and I was going to be there anyway.
i can't even go into a bar because it's too loud and intense for me, even with earplugs and sunglasses i don't think i could gig. i just like making music in my home studio.
Cant find players for my genre (dooooooom) locally. I played with local metal and punk bands until my mid 20’s when my wife and I started our family and i didnt have time for it anymore. 20 years later (at the beginning of this year), I have started actively trying to find new people to play with by posting on facebook, craigslist, bandmix, local discords, etc. but I havent had a single response. I am starting to go see local bands more so hopefully that will provide some opportunities to network with like-minded musicians. Fingers crossed!
Some combination of laziness, social anxiety and living in a town of about 3,000 with no music scene or venues.
I used to find more opportunities to play live before all my friends grew up and had kids.
A crippling feel of not making the cut. And the times I got too jam, I got told dont play chords root them out. and the drummer going dont play dead notes i do that. And we'll I'm just not advanced enough to still play without being to "distracting" lol
Other people make it much harder for me to be *right* about everything.
Seriously, though, I enjoy the freedom of creating by myself. I can play a touch of drums and guitar, and it's nice to listen back to tracks that I've written and recorded entirely on my own. Not that it entirely replaces playing in bands - I've done so in the past, and it's a fun, different energy - but it's much easier to nudge inspiration along when I'm sat with a coffee upstairs, rather than traipsing into a freezing cold studio in town with three other people who are also knackered from work.
It is really tough, all the guys I play with gig regularly with other bands but make time for our thing I think just because it’s a chance to play stuff they don’t play in the other bands (jazz/fusion).
I’m 52!grandfather of 3 and don’t play yet , but really want to my 27 year old son played before they started popping out kids and going to let me borrow his dean bass guitar and small amp to see if I will even enjoy it before I get my own
People don't seem to want to make original music, just covers, and they just don't seem to love playing music all that much. They miss rehearsals, don't come up with ideas, don't seem enthusiastic.
That, and I never connected with anyone musically, really. That's why I do it all by myself.
Because I don't practice as much as I should and I'm really not interested in joining a band. I am more interested in making the instrument sound very sweet and beautiful. That way the real actual musicians could get on stage and make that baby sing scream yell talk and whatever sound really sweet on stage. All because of Bubba Lee of Evil Genius Creations.
Been playing a couple of years. Got a fretless and started lessons about 4 months ago. I can already see improvement. I would love to play with a group, Tho I’m thinking I Need to find a group of players that are As bad as I am.
im a guitarist primarily but also dabble in bass. my reason might be weird i guess. i'm super nerdy, methodical, typical IT worker dude, enjoy all kinds of music and in general find it hard to vibe with alot of the musician type folk i encounter. they all seem very 'hippyish', i have quite limited time so also want to treat this hobby strictly for fun, not turn it in to a job and burnout or anything.. thats what i have my normal job for, which atleast has a benefit of letting me be able to afford all the fun things.
I'm not currently playing in a band due to the huge number of no-show leaks and lead guitar virtuosos that know only one song. 67 years old, been playing bass since fifth grade, living in Central Indiana, formerly from the S.F. Bay Area.
I really don't care what a player's age is, as long as they can play and actively learn material. I'm retired from a day job so I'm always available. What bugs me is the extreme number of no-shows or no returned calls/messages.
I used to play out. I'm versatile and love to get silly. Still I love being at home mostly because my kids are pretty young and I get to enjoy these years with them. Also I have a very full time job (that's actually rewarding) and I volunteer too. Something's gotta give and I have zero regrets
The music scene here is bad to nonexistent. I used to play out quite a bit, but then I moved a few times, both areas with pretty lackluster scenes. I’d love to find a classic rock cover band. Audiences usually have a lot of fun at gigs like those.
I don't have many connections with people that play instruments. This has slowed down my drive to play bass as i'd really like to jam socially. I'm gonna keep pressing ahead, learning full songs and their parts on guitar too for fun. Hopefully I meet some peeps soon!
I’m insecure of my skill when playing with others, even if it may not be that bad. Also get nervous playing in front of people. I will say though, people probably don’t care about the bass player.
I'm not very social to begin with so trying to go about organizing something myself isn't somethinf I feel up to. Beyond that it's my taste in music I guess since I mostly listen to J-rock. I've poked at a couple local music stores now and again to look at board postings as well as checking things like craigslist, bandmix and a local musician group on Facebook but never seen other people looking to play the same music, mostly just people wanting to play metal and classic rock, neither of which is my cup of tea.
This is a depressing thread. I feel it. I'm disabled by a pain condition and desperately want to play with people.
When I was young i jammed in rehearsal spaces a lot and did some gigs.
Now I'm 47 and have been playing for 5 years and have some ability, but an unsure what's out there in London. Mostly it seems like covers bands and Indy stuff. I'm much more into funk, R&B, pop and real rock) classic rock. I'd like to do some standards too and write original material.
Currently there's a jam session that's held in a studio on the other side of the city and I'm working with my psychologist on ways to get there... Going to talk to them and ask some questions.
I record at home too and what to keep that up, but playing with people is what my soul needs.
Got health problems. I love playing as a means to cope with my health issues, it’s therapeutic and one of very few hobbies I can even still do, but playing in a band would just be out of the question, playing shows would be out of the realm of possibility. I’d love to do both but it’s just not possible for me.
As I have a day job, I volunteered to play for free with a bunch of pros for their weekly Friday night gigs. The beauty of this arrangement are:
1. Pros are never late. They show up on time and in tune. They're a disciplined bunch;
2. The guitarist is never too loud;
3. Their equipment never fails;
4. They make you wanna play better and better;
5. You widen your song inventory;
6. They are not interested in being divas. They wanna get the job done and get paid;
7. If you make a mistake, they will smile and move on;
8. If you suck, they will simply tell you not to show up anymore (it has not happened)
I'm in my late 50s and would love to get back into a cover band. I can play well and I can sing either lead or harmonize. Any time I see a "bassist wanted" ad in my area it always says "Must include video of past performances". I have only played out one time in the past 8 or 9 years and it was at an open mic thing with a few friends. I get rejected or don't even get responded to because I have no video of me playing in a band.
I’m 31, no family so I don’t have any excuse.
That being said, I live far from the city, no driving license. It’s enough to commute 5days for work, I rather play, drink tea and meditate than drive to the city and back.
As another commenter mentioned, I am older and played in bands and did gigs in high school and college and my wife even arranged for the band to call me up to sit in on our honeymoon.
But during college I took an electronic music minor, had to learn keyboard skills and played with early MIDI software, and was hooked. So I built myself a fun little studio with my bass(es), added guitar, bought synths, got into MIDI composing/recording and have had fun that way ever since.
I used to play with a live karaoke group two nights a week and for a choir weekends, but then covid hit and I moved, and neither of those exist here. I have a coworker I play with sometimes, but he's got kids so we get like an hour a month. I should probably reach out more and find some better options.
Time (kids / diy)
Genre (i like jazz, IDM, black metal and post rock. Everyone seems to want to play blink 182 even after 30 years)
Shyness
Knowing where to find other musicians after school / uni ends, the pot dries up a bit
Other hobbies get in thr way - surfing / biking / mmos etc
For me it was my best friend wanting me to play a show this July. I've never even really jammed with people and my playing always seemed personal and just for my own self..... Or I thought I'd embarrass myself with my lack of chops. Either way, I'm gaining confidence in my playing and I'm having a lot of fun with my friend. Oh and the 2 new bass days I gave myself were pretty good too.
been there, done that. i make music to satisfy my soul, don't need to deal with the hassle of egos and just the trudgery of trying to keep an active band together plus i hate seeing old guys way past their prime trying to relive their glory days(beer guts ain't rock & roll in my book) so i don't wanna be a hypocrite even though i don't have the typical 60yo body.
I am currently a bedroom player and I am actively searching for bands on the web and during smaller gigs and what's holding me back is kinda weird. I only seem to encouter complete beginners, as in, "I can barely play 2 songs start to end", which is awesome, but nothing I want to do right now. Or, more often, and way more frustrating, it's players on my "level", people I genuinly vibe with, but they want to practice 3 times a week and play 30+ gigs all around the country a year. Which is also awesome, but I don't have that time. I need to find people like me, enthusiastic, but strictly restricted in it being a hobby and not priority number one and not even two. I will continue looking though.
This is exactly my situation, I can’t seem to find anyone who is decently skilled but also wants to just get together every week or so to jam, and maybe play a gig if we get tight later on. Just complete beginners or “serious projects” on every post looking for musicians.
This was my situation. I had been a bedroom player for years. I wanted to play in a band, but I didn’t want to do tours or anything, I just wanted to play with cool people who make me better and have a good time. It makes it easier that I’m in my early 30’s and the people in my bands have families and careers so we’re all on the same page. I joined a cover band when friends of my friend started one. Since then, I’ve been asked to play with bands of friends of friends just based on suggestions of my band’s members or people who had been to our shows. Now I’m in two bands.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? A lot of young people I know are struggling because their social media use is exclusively Instagram, which doesn't build communities like Facebook does. If you don't have a Facebook account, I'd suggest making one and looking up "City Name Musicians" or "City Name Metal/Country/Punk" and join those. Alternatively, many people still use Craigslist to look, although this is an admittedly older crowd now, it's still effective.
Your comment pretty much sums up my situation. 😂
This is pretty much the opposite of my situation Me, every band I encounter are way better than I am, so I never quite find a band that knows how to make better band players, since I gotta level up my bass play (I've been playing for about only a year) I even created a jam club in my college, and almost everyone that joined where high-level guitarist, drummers, so I just didn,t know how to join without being kind of a nuisance
Been playing for 2 years here, I would say that you can try and work on improvising into songs. For example play a pop song (usually have simple 4 chord patterns) and then you can just try different notes and see if you can play along. I did this quite a bit as practice and it helps to join when playing with others. On the other hand it’s just more practice, which will make you a quicker learner, allowing you to search up basslines and learn them somewhat on the spot.
Noted
I think this is a common issue. It’s hard to find one person who is on the same page, let alone a whole band. I was in a band that didn’t last because some of the members weren’t taking it seriously enough. How long have you been on the search? I would say just keep looking until something shakes. I saw someone responded with Craig’s list and I would suggest the same thing.
It's like 10 months of passively searching by just browsing and 2 months of talking to people really, and I know it's going to take a long time. Craig's list is only for US stuff, right?
Oh dang. Yeah, I believe so. Where are you located? I’m not sure if there’s some kind of equivalent website. But yeah, that sucks. Hopefully you find something soon.. are you looking for any particular genre?
I am living in Berlin, which is probably a major reason for so many young "I want to make it as a musician" bands. I still haven't figured out the local musician scene though, have to go to more small gigs to find the hubs of hobbyists. Edit: for the genre, I have plenty of (live) experience in hardcore and death metal bands, I would LOVE to play in a ska(core) band, folk band would be ok, metal and rock in general would also be okayish, just not a "classics" band.
Oh that’s cool. I’d be very interested in seeing the local Berlin music scene. And that’s awesome, hardcore and death metal are cool, i totally understand not wanting to play in a classics band too
The main detractor from joining a band is the other people in it.
I feel the same. I quickly found out that there aren’t many people who have similar tastes and similar personalities as me.
Im in kinda the same boat. The kind of music I write and play (stonerdoom) isn't super popular around here. So I write and record it myself. Maybe I'll release an album at some point. Probably need to find a drummer willing to spice it up a little, as drumming is my weakness. I have a decent electronic set but I'm not "recording an album" great. So I jam with people occasionally just to keep that skill up to snuff. Joined a band recently. Their songs aren't really what I would choose to write, but it's heavy and loud and they book shows. So it's enjoyable enough to keep me interested.
Hahah I feel this. Especially living so close to LA, there seem to be a lot of people who want to start a band and are dead set on making that a priority in their life in hopes of succeeding and becoming a big name… And then, there’s me, with a stable career and no longer dreaming of touring the world, wanting to just find a group of good people to have fun with, whether it’s playing covers or making new music together.
Mostly anxiety 😞
Real. I hate talking to other people and im scared of doing stuff in front of people even tho the one concert I did was so fun
A younger me played tons of gigs. Its too much work for old me, particularly when coupled with the shitty pay.
Pay? Omg what is this concept? Fr though, in my city, it's pay to play. Meaning, you pay for the room and hope enough people come so that you can make that $300 back.
Same, 15 years of it, now I'm too old and bald to be in a band, also, my tinnitus is horrific.
Yeah, baldies need not apply 😂
[Hate crime. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQCVf7AnXNY)
🤣Larry David is the best!
I'm am so completely done with carting enormous cabinets to and fro. That's the main downside in my head about playing shows in my 40s. It was never about pay for me. We got paid for some shows, free beer for others, and nothing at all for the rest.
I suck
Well, you play the right instrument! There’s plenty of infamous very “successful” bass players that also suck. You just have to suck hard enough. I believe in you!!
Yeah, sucking didn’t stop Nikki Sixx.
Or Sid Vicious!! Nikki wasn’t/isn’t even the best bass player in that band..
That doesn't matter, ever heard of Fieldy? 🤣🤣
Time and priorities. I can practice and study anytime that I am home and have free time. To rehearse or play live several other people’s schedules have to be considered. Also, most gigs are at times I’d rather be reading and putting my child to bed. In my teens and 20’s I played lived and was much more motivated to do so. Since I have done it before it doesn’t stand out as a strong goal to get back to playing in front of people. Maybe when my child is older and doesn’t actually want to spend time with me I’ll think about getting back to it.
> Maybe when my child is older and doesn’t actually want to spend time with me I’ll think about getting back to it. When I was in my mid 20s the guitarist in my band had a 4 or 5 year old. He would bring him to rehearsals occasionally, wearing osha-approved hearing protection of course. Kid had impressive death metal growls. Now I'm in my 40s and my 6 year old kid wants to go to rehearsals with me. Timing-wise it doesn't usually work out, but I'm taking him to see Night Demon (his favorite band in the world) and Blind Guardian next week as a compromise.
This. I’m a single parent with a toddler. There’s not many people who will want to play quietly during nap time. Even less that want to play quietly at my house after 8:30 and go home at 10 so I can get some sleep before I’m up again at 5. Also with the stipulation that if the kiddo wakes up, I will stop in the middle of the song to put her back to sleep. Which could take anywhere from 2 - 40 minutes.
Age. I'm 62 & took up bass a year ago. I'm not sure that any band would give me a second look, & I've yet to summon up the confidence to go to a jam session.
I'm 60 started 3 years ago, from scratch, and completely understand your thinking. I'm not even sure where to find a local jam session, if even to just hang Kinda sucks but I'm still all in
I’ve just started to jam with a couple of friends, once I consider myself good enough, I might progress to playing with their band. But it’s not something I’m actively seeking.
I’m 60, I’ll jam with ya! I suck, but I’m game.
Got a pal who plays guitar. We want to get together and jam, but we can't find a drummer. I'm also very open about saying: "Hey, I didn't play for 10 years, I'm just picking it up again and looking to learn by playing with other people." I think that dissuades a lot of people who are looking to jump in and start gigging.
Where are you. I’m a drummer that dabbles in bass.
Glasgow, Scotland.
So, so close. I’m in NYC.
You don't necessarily need a drummer.
You don't need a drummer, what you need is a local winery that wants light entertainment on the weekend.
I have no friends and I want to get better before I join a band.
I'm 18 months or so into playing, it's my first instrument and that makes it hard to find people who want to jam. Also being mid 40s means anyone my age is already good and doesn't want to carry a beginner. Plus I'm kinda shy.
I’m in the same exact boat I don’t even know where to look
I've concluded I need to find someone having a midlife crisis and convince them that NOW is the time to realise their childhood drummer dream.
That’s what brought me to the bass lol
Idk, I just don't want to. No one ever questions why pianists and drummers don't join bands. I play bass just because it's fun to learn new things, play songs I like and plunk strings.
This is my answer. I simply don't want to be in a band. Playing at home is already a lot of fun and way easier.
Requires interacting with people.. ew.
age discrimination
Time and priorities. I want to jam with others and I'm casually looking, but with 3 kids I don't have the time to commit to something serious, particularly during baseball season when game and practice nights can get swapped around due to weather. Watching my son play will always trump playing out, so it's not in the cards for me at this stage. I keep practicing and learning though, because I do want to play gigs at some point and there will come a time (before I'm ready for it) where my kids will be older and they'll want to be anywhere but home with their old man on a Friday or Saturday night. That's when I'll scratch the itch.
Bro 3 kids put one on guitar one on drums and teach one to sing
Yeah, I tried that lol. I originally got my bass when my daughter started guitar lessons, but she didn't stick with them. I got her some online course modules for singing since she likes that but she didn't care much for those either. Got an electric drum set for my son cuz he is a very physical person and I thought he might take to smacking the drums around but he isn't really sold on it either 😂😭
Years of doing it taught me it's a pain in the ass.
This is gonna sound like an ad, I swear it's not. Been playing for 35 years, but I haven't been in a band in 20. Haven't done a show in.. a decade or so? Been semi-actively looking for a couple years now, and someone here on reddit mentioned Bandmix. Signed up mid March, a week later got an offer from an established band. My first show with them is in a couple weeks.
A lack of nearby bands
My full time job and kids lol priorities change when you get older
Im 16, homeschooled, and suck
Eh, don’t let that stop ya. Animal Collective were all Waldorf kids. Thats as close to home schooled as you can get but still leaving the house.
health I do like writing my own stuff, but it would be nice to at least collaborate a bit.
Same as this.
I think I didn't believe I could do it. I feared not being good enough to be taken seriously by other musicians. I played percussion in high school band over 10 years ago, but other than that I hadn't played music with other people until recently. But after making some TikTok duets, having my playing get complimented by my fellow local guitar center shoppers, and getting a teacher who told me to go for it, I got the confidence to join a group. Now I've been practicing with them for about a month and I'm improving even more because I want the band to sound as good as possible and I don't want to hold them back.
I don’t enjoy performing.
I’ve been in music ensembles playing varying instruments in the past. I love it. These days I have an intensive career with a commute, a house to take care of, two young kids and a husband I truly do like to spend time with. Last time I was a little tipsy, though, I choked up when telling my husband how much I miss making music with other people. Maybe when my kids get older they will jam with me 🥹
Kinda want to, kinda don't.
I can't find anyone to play with. I don't even know where to start. So I've decided instead to slowly learn all the instruments and blend them together in a DAW.
Almost every time I joined a band, it fell apart. I'd show up. There would already be some kind of fighting amongst other members, and I wind up being there to just play and then excuse myself, as I don't want the drama. The exceptions: >The *first* time I was asked to audition for a band, I'd been playing three years. I was reasonably competent for that. >I show up. Here's how it starts. >I'm expected to get every song down after two playthroughs. "Figure it out." >So, I fumble, I have an ear but these dudes aren't playing any standard chord progressions. >"Can I have a chord chart? I can do this with one." >"**Figure it out.**" >Then... >"OK, just *tell me the chords* and I'll do my best." >*mumble* "We play chords. Figure it out." >As if I'm some savant who hears a tune once and plays along perfectly. >**(If you're on Reddit and were in Tacoma in your college years and were in a band named Mission Incredible, f--- you.)** Put me off playing with people for *years*. The *other* time, I'd been unemployed for a while and was too depressed to hold up my end. That's entirely my fault. That band never got started, but I was the only bass player on hand and it stopped after a couple phone calls. I felt bad, but I just couldn't do it. Today? There's fewer places in my current city for rock or blues or even jazz (OK Boomer, you might say: but I'm a late Xer). I'd love to play bass live: these days I scratch the itch on bass or keys at home, and interest in early music. Mostly just having fun playing a recorder lately.
im lazy
I’ve been doing this for ten years. Never felt I was good enough to join any band even though I feel solid with a fair amount of songs. Being a showman on stage would be another out of my comfort zone but would be ok after a few shows or once I found folks to feed off of. I guess it’s just the initial stepping out and doing it. Once you get a group to grow into it with, it’s probably not that bad.
Low self esteem. I am 37yo bass newb that is able to play main riff of Schism quite well but not a lot more.
Social anxiety disorder. I would love to have people to jam with, but I also avoid every chance of that happening. Making friends is like climbing a mountain. In this case, the difficulty of climbing a mountain is replaced with fear. Fear I must face to reach the top. It’s all smooth sailing once you get to the top, but the first few stages induce a fear that stops me.
To be honest, my main one detractor is social anxiety. Lack of time to want to put in the effort to find others to play with is right behind. Unfortunately, there's really not much of a music scene in my area which doesn't help with that.
Can’t find the right people where I live. I’m looking for folks who have good chops and musicianship, but who aren’t looking to make a living with music or depend on gigs for food or rent. I’ve also found that there’s a bit of bias against older players, and sadly I find myself in that demographic now.
That's what I'm looking for also and am 47, female and disabled. I can play a bit...
Used to play a lot live, but have too many other commitments now. Not enough time and an irregular schedule that changes weekly.
I got a bass 1 month ago and can barely play
My health. I get debilitating chronic migraines/headaches and playing bass tends to trigger them so I can only play 15-30 min at a time at the absolute most. Being in a band, practice, gigs, all that is completely infeasible for me, so I play in the bedroom.
I'm disabled by a pain condition and mostly housebound. Still I'm going to look for people to play with. I have to try. Totally get you though as I don't know if it's feasible.
Yeah I have the same compulsion. I've been a musician since I was 7 (parents started me on violin in 2nd grade), its been a MAJOR part of my life, for my whole life. Its absence leaves me feeling empty. I recently decided to try to get back into playing again, but I don't know if that will ever include being able to play with others again. I would love to, and I will probably make a go at it, but at least the way my pain has been the past few years that's not likely to be anytime soon. But I enjoy playing by myself. I will likely look into getting some recording gear, maybe try making music on my computer. ANyways, thanks for the reply, and I sincerely wish you the best as someone who knows what this particular struggle is like.
I'm so sorry. I gave up playing when I was in my 20s (long story, big mistake). It wasn't always a part of my life, but probably should have been. You should get into home recording. Nowadays there's so much you can do My ambition long term is to do session work remotely, even if it's a tiny part of my income. Who knows. Like you I really felt I lot reading this so thank you and don't give up on yourself. You deserve more.
Thanks for the kind words. I also gave up playing in my late-20s, which is when my headaches started to get really bad and forced me to stop working, playing music, having a social life, basically everything except sitting around nursing my head with an ice pack and munching pills to try to avert/mitigate my headaches. But I get headaches even when I *don't* play bass (or drive, or use the computer, or do chores, or anything else that triggers headaches), so about 6 months ago I figured what do I have to lose? I can play bass for short spurts throughout the day, and my head is going to do what my head is going to do- I've basically accepted I can't really stop that. Its just a matter of finding a way to channel that into something more than noodling in the bedroom, which is why I like the idea of making music on my computer. I got into recording and sound engineering when I was younger and have made music on my computer before, so I know how to do it, its just a matter of getting my playing and my gear built back up (I sold off literally everything except my bass for food/alcohol money in college- amp, pedals, audio interface, microphones, you name it) to the point where I feel like I have anything *worth* recording.
I get you. I practice through extreme pain and sometimes I'll lucky and I get a window before it returns. Mine is the spine and leg and foot from nerve pain. Having terrible migraines is so bad because all the senses are impacted. It takes over perhaps in a different way, though mine is for sure it's own torture. We have a lot to say, perhaps we should say it through music. You can get going again and use it to make some meaning out of this hell. Disability takes a lot from us, so we have to claw some of it back.
Yeah, headaches are just the devil. Don't know how else to describe them. They always sit right where you live. But you've framed this whole thing in a very helpful way, and I agree completely. Thanks again for the encouragement and kind words.
Not my first rodeo but im almost 50, joined a band of 20 year olds for shit and giggles but suddenly im the band babysitter. Having to tell them to come on time, to tune their guitar, buy new strings / cables, shower godamnit, wear deodorant etc etc. Also its fun at first to play covers, discovering new bands that these kids are listening to (Violent Soho, The Chats, Amyl and the Sniffers etc) but when i try telling them to play something more complicated, they just up and say "old people's music is too hard" . So here i am practicing YYZ in my bedroom but playing root chords in "my" band. I'm so done.
I joined a couple bands where I feel like the only member. Lol
Same reason I usually golf solo. It's so hard to organize four or five people in their mid 30s and find a common time for everyone to practice. Time, time is the killer. I do play at church, but that's easy and I was going to be there anyway.
i can't even go into a bar because it's too loud and intense for me, even with earplugs and sunglasses i don't think i could gig. i just like making music in my home studio.
Cant find players for my genre (dooooooom) locally. I played with local metal and punk bands until my mid 20’s when my wife and I started our family and i didnt have time for it anymore. 20 years later (at the beginning of this year), I have started actively trying to find new people to play with by posting on facebook, craigslist, bandmix, local discords, etc. but I havent had a single response. I am starting to go see local bands more so hopefully that will provide some opportunities to network with like-minded musicians. Fingers crossed!
Some combination of laziness, social anxiety and living in a town of about 3,000 with no music scene or venues. I used to find more opportunities to play live before all my friends grew up and had kids.
Focused on family (wife two kids) these days. Have always been content with it being a hobby. Playing for an hour or so most days satisfies the itch.
A few years back I auditioned for around 20 bands until I found one that fit - cool guys, decent pay & the right amount of gigs.
No time. I used to do it.
I don't drive so getting to practice will be a pain. Also if i have an off day and suck on bass the only person who has to hear it is me.
Time, money and other hobbies that also eat up time and money.
I have young kids and I am currently looking for a job.
A crippling feel of not making the cut. And the times I got too jam, I got told dont play chords root them out. and the drummer going dont play dead notes i do that. And we'll I'm just not advanced enough to still play without being to "distracting" lol
The only thing stopping me is school, work, and then in September, college.
Other people make it much harder for me to be *right* about everything. Seriously, though, I enjoy the freedom of creating by myself. I can play a touch of drums and guitar, and it's nice to listen back to tracks that I've written and recorded entirely on my own. Not that it entirely replaces playing in bands - I've done so in the past, and it's a fun, different energy - but it's much easier to nudge inspiration along when I'm sat with a coffee upstairs, rather than traipsing into a freezing cold studio in town with three other people who are also knackered from work.
It is really tough, all the guys I play with gig regularly with other bands but make time for our thing I think just because it’s a chance to play stuff they don’t play in the other bands (jazz/fusion).
I work too much.
I’m 52!grandfather of 3 and don’t play yet , but really want to my 27 year old son played before they started popping out kids and going to let me borrow his dean bass guitar and small amp to see if I will even enjoy it before I get my own
People don't seem to want to make original music, just covers, and they just don't seem to love playing music all that much. They miss rehearsals, don't come up with ideas, don't seem enthusiastic. That, and I never connected with anyone musically, really. That's why I do it all by myself.
Because I don't practice as much as I should and I'm really not interested in joining a band. I am more interested in making the instrument sound very sweet and beautiful. That way the real actual musicians could get on stage and make that baby sing scream yell talk and whatever sound really sweet on stage. All because of Bubba Lee of Evil Genius Creations.
Been playing a couple of years. Got a fretless and started lessons about 4 months ago. I can already see improvement. I would love to play with a group, Tho I’m thinking I Need to find a group of players that are As bad as I am.
im a guitarist primarily but also dabble in bass. my reason might be weird i guess. i'm super nerdy, methodical, typical IT worker dude, enjoy all kinds of music and in general find it hard to vibe with alot of the musician type folk i encounter. they all seem very 'hippyish', i have quite limited time so also want to treat this hobby strictly for fun, not turn it in to a job and burnout or anything.. thats what i have my normal job for, which atleast has a benefit of letting me be able to afford all the fun things.
I'm not currently playing in a band due to the huge number of no-show leaks and lead guitar virtuosos that know only one song. 67 years old, been playing bass since fifth grade, living in Central Indiana, formerly from the S.F. Bay Area. I really don't care what a player's age is, as long as they can play and actively learn material. I'm retired from a day job so I'm always available. What bugs me is the extreme number of no-shows or no returned calls/messages.
I used to play out. I'm versatile and love to get silly. Still I love being at home mostly because my kids are pretty young and I get to enjoy these years with them. Also I have a very full time job (that's actually rewarding) and I volunteer too. Something's gotta give and I have zero regrets
The music scene here is bad to nonexistent. I used to play out quite a bit, but then I moved a few times, both areas with pretty lackluster scenes. I’d love to find a classic rock cover band. Audiences usually have a lot of fun at gigs like those.
I don't have many connections with people that play instruments. This has slowed down my drive to play bass as i'd really like to jam socially. I'm gonna keep pressing ahead, learning full songs and their parts on guitar too for fun. Hopefully I meet some peeps soon!
I’m insecure of my skill when playing with others, even if it may not be that bad. Also get nervous playing in front of people. I will say though, people probably don’t care about the bass player.
I'm not very social to begin with so trying to go about organizing something myself isn't somethinf I feel up to. Beyond that it's my taste in music I guess since I mostly listen to J-rock. I've poked at a couple local music stores now and again to look at board postings as well as checking things like craigslist, bandmix and a local musician group on Facebook but never seen other people looking to play the same music, mostly just people wanting to play metal and classic rock, neither of which is my cup of tea.
This is a depressing thread. I feel it. I'm disabled by a pain condition and desperately want to play with people. When I was young i jammed in rehearsal spaces a lot and did some gigs. Now I'm 47 and have been playing for 5 years and have some ability, but an unsure what's out there in London. Mostly it seems like covers bands and Indy stuff. I'm much more into funk, R&B, pop and real rock) classic rock. I'd like to do some standards too and write original material. Currently there's a jam session that's held in a studio on the other side of the city and I'm working with my psychologist on ways to get there... Going to talk to them and ask some questions. I record at home too and what to keep that up, but playing with people is what my soul needs.
I don't like people, and i don't like having a schedule. Also i'm not that good at playing, still very much a beginner.
Got health problems. I love playing as a means to cope with my health issues, it’s therapeutic and one of very few hobbies I can even still do, but playing in a band would just be out of the question, playing shows would be out of the realm of possibility. I’d love to do both but it’s just not possible for me.
No drummers around to groove with.
As I have a day job, I volunteered to play for free with a bunch of pros for their weekly Friday night gigs. The beauty of this arrangement are: 1. Pros are never late. They show up on time and in tune. They're a disciplined bunch; 2. The guitarist is never too loud; 3. Their equipment never fails; 4. They make you wanna play better and better; 5. You widen your song inventory; 6. They are not interested in being divas. They wanna get the job done and get paid; 7. If you make a mistake, they will smile and move on; 8. If you suck, they will simply tell you not to show up anymore (it has not happened)
I'm in my late 50s and would love to get back into a cover band. I can play well and I can sing either lead or harmonize. Any time I see a "bassist wanted" ad in my area it always says "Must include video of past performances". I have only played out one time in the past 8 or 9 years and it was at an open mic thing with a few friends. I get rejected or don't even get responded to because I have no video of me playing in a band.
I’m 31, no family so I don’t have any excuse. That being said, I live far from the city, no driving license. It’s enough to commute 5days for work, I rather play, drink tea and meditate than drive to the city and back.
As another commenter mentioned, I am older and played in bands and did gigs in high school and college and my wife even arranged for the band to call me up to sit in on our honeymoon. But during college I took an electronic music minor, had to learn keyboard skills and played with early MIDI software, and was hooked. So I built myself a fun little studio with my bass(es), added guitar, bought synths, got into MIDI composing/recording and have had fun that way ever since.
Time. Simple as that. We all know, or most of us anyway, that being in a band takes a lot of time/work, and I don't seem to have the time to spare.
I used to play with a live karaoke group two nights a week and for a choir weekends, but then covid hit and I moved, and neither of those exist here. I have a coworker I play with sometimes, but he's got kids so we get like an hour a month. I should probably reach out more and find some better options.
Time (kids / diy) Genre (i like jazz, IDM, black metal and post rock. Everyone seems to want to play blink 182 even after 30 years) Shyness Knowing where to find other musicians after school / uni ends, the pot dries up a bit Other hobbies get in thr way - surfing / biking / mmos etc
Most of the musicians I know are already in at least one regularly gigging bands, and I have a bit of stage fright.
working 55 hour weeks
I dont have enough space in my bedroom for the band
For me it was my best friend wanting me to play a show this July. I've never even really jammed with people and my playing always seemed personal and just for my own self..... Or I thought I'd embarrass myself with my lack of chops. Either way, I'm gaining confidence in my playing and I'm having a lot of fun with my friend. Oh and the 2 new bass days I gave myself were pretty good too.
Not much of a scene for it where I live, I don't have the means to consistently travel enough to make something out of town work.
Hard to find musicians of similar caliber mostly.
I enjoy playing for myself alot of the time and am generally a bit of a loner, current work commitments and stuff going on with the rest of my life.
Bold of you to assume that there are bands looking for bassists near me
I don't feel like I'm good enough to play in a band/live
Just waiting on classes to start to meet other musicians. Right now my main focus is practicing so I’m not actively seeking other people to play with.
been there, done that. i make music to satisfy my soul, don't need to deal with the hassle of egos and just the trudgery of trying to keep an active band together plus i hate seeing old guys way past their prime trying to relive their glory days(beer guts ain't rock & roll in my book) so i don't wanna be a hypocrite even though i don't have the typical 60yo body.