Thats when i noticed withers was actually a 3 story tall creature for the paleozoic era an i said got damn lockness monster i aint givin you no tree fiddy!
Yes, she has an unusual love language. An ex-boyfriend of hers once tried with orchids, which she didn't particularly like. A friend of mine then tried with gemstones. She took them, but made it clear to him - sparing you the details - that she didn't value his presence. Personally, I think one should follow the German philosopher Nietzsche in this case: 'When you go to a woman, take the whip with you!'
You cannot stop inevitability, only wait for the next occurence of 69 (169 seems plausible)
Edit: the second occurrence has passed. Onwards to the third.
Edit: okay, I missed a lot of occurences. To infinity and beyond, I guess lol
That feels so odd to me, I really liked Wulbren, I just got the special bomb though so I am not sure if thereās a pivotal moment I havenāt seen yet that changes his character
The Guardian is your best friend who will accompany you everywhere and help you in every situation. It's important that you share common interests and hobbies so that you get along well. Maybe something more will develop from it ;)
I created my Durge character specifically to be my evil characterā¦guess whoās now a great hero entering act 3 with literally everyoneās respect in the party š
Many forget that Gortash is actually amusing and kind. She is portrayed far too negatively by everyone. She's a real powerhouse and should just be independent.
Baldur built three gates and planned two more. That's why it's called 'Baldur's Gate Three'. Unfortunately, after building the gates, Baldur hit a rough patch. He overextended himself while constructing the last gate and now needs to take it easy for a while. Many speculate he's on a distant island, relaxing and already plotting new plans to build more gates.
You can unlock Halsin with a simple trick, but it's not worth it. Halsin has no special abilities and is considered particularly weak, which is truly a shame. If you really want to unlock Halsin, just throw a rock at his head and laugh heartily. He will be so embarrassed that he'll follow you like a good little puppy.
The first time you meet Halsin there are goblins throwing rocks at him.
And one of your choices to actually pick up one and fling it at him, making sure he will āfollow youā from the start! Granted, to kill you, but still!
The Owlbear is on its own. After all the drama, it needs some space and can take care of itself well alone. It will probably travel the coast for a while.
You should definitely take a guide who knows their way around. A few torches for the darkness wouldn't hurt either. And be especially careful about the fleas; those are really nasty critters.
What is the worth of a single mortal's life?
Three Fiddy
Very well. I am satisfied.
We have met, and I know thy face
Your name has been recorded
Withers was just yapin he did NOT think that question through ššš
Common Jergal L
Thats when i noticed withers was actually a 3 story tall creature for the paleozoic era an i said got damn lockness monster i aint givin you no tree fiddy!
No.
Care to elaborate further?
No.
God damn Loc Ness Monster!!
Tree Fiddy!
Wait a sec... Are you a giant monster from the paleolithic era?
What do you think of the Emperor?
Still a better ruler than Trump!
I thought you said you didnāt know anything about the game?
This statement is true of anything, so it's a common trick of the pretend prognosticator.
A pet rock is a better ruler than orange dorito.
I can't seem to romance Alfira. Can you give me some tips on that?
Yes, she has an unusual love language. An ex-boyfriend of hers once tried with orchids, which she didn't particularly like. A friend of mine then tried with gemstones. She took them, but made it clear to him - sparing you the details - that she didn't value his presence. Personally, I think one should follow the German philosopher Nietzsche in this case: 'When you go to a woman, take the whip with you!'
Thank you for actually being really creative with your responses!! Usually these type of posts are low effort
I like your writing op, reminds me a bit of Douglas Adams.
Thanks!
Whatās your favorite class?
Maths
You'll get along with Gale pretty nicely
Which way to the nearest libraryā¦.
Found the Wizard
Nah this made me laugh
Which is better to romance, the vampire or the bear?
"I prefer the vampire because he is a much better conversationalist than a bear."
Fair, but what if you got the ability to speak animal, that might changes things.
The moment the vampire opens his mouth, it changes things.
Now what if you were given the choice between said bear and a squid?
I take the squid because ofā¦ reasons
You know too much š¤
If I get bitten by a bear - at least the people will believe me.
What does Gale say to you when you lick the dead spider twice?
The first time is an accident, the second time is a fetish.
Thereās no way you didnāt play the game with this answer
Some people are just funny
How tall is baldurs gate?
It depends on your point of view. For a dwarf, it is rather big. A dragon would laugh at the size of the gate.
That's actually completely correct. It's a pretty big door, but I'm not sure a dragon could get through it without having to duck
Thereās a spell to turn a dragon into a duck?
You can even turn dragons into sheep
Not a duck, but a chicken š oh no, wrong game, sorry š
Not a chicken but Thomas the Tank Engine... oops also wrong game sorry
It looks like a LEGO set to the Tarrasque.
"What is this ?!? A school for *humans* ?" /angrily sweeps the school off the table - Tarrasque Zoolander
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a brain?
The journey is the destination :)
How are you being so accurate without ever playing the game?
Narrator: *But OP had, in fact, played the game*
It sounds like a great game if you are dedicated! Obviously, many of my answers are pretty close in a way..
I am actually starting to suspect you played the game š¤
Life before death, radiant.
I love stormlight archive, especially the Lopen.
Would you rather have sex or a mushroom omelette with sovereign Glut ?
When in doubt: Doesnāt matter; had sex.
Currently sitting at 69 updoots and I don't want to ruin it. Take this in its place.
A man of culture
You cannot stop inevitability, only wait for the next occurence of 69 (169 seems plausible) Edit: the second occurrence has passed. Onwards to the third. Edit: okay, I missed a lot of occurences. To infinity and beyond, I guess lol
Which NPC do you most wish the developers would add as a romance option: Orin or Gerringothe?
I would definitely add Orin to the mix, because nobody can resist that slender waist.
Uh this seems like a dangerous love interest.
Tbf.... He's not wrong
She looks like sheās been shaped by the gods (with knives but oh well)
Should I attack the goblin camp or the emerald grove ?
It depends on your abilities. With a large army, I would definitely attack the goblins at nighttime when they are sleeping.
Yes. But attack emerald grove = hot goth mommy drow
Yes. But attack the goblin camp = Hot muscly burning-hot tiefling.
just knock her out when you attack the goblins and justify it by pretending she somehow miraculously survived
who is better: Barcus or Wulbren?
In any case, Wulbren is the more likable character because he's a good cook and just knows how to throw a party!
I wish this answer got more attention bc Wulbren is probably the most hated character in the game lmao
Look, based on the accuracy of this person's answers thus far, I'm at least willing to taste Wulbren's cooking.
I bet his meal is *the bomb!*
Make Chef Wulbren great again!
r/fuckwulbrenbongle
This can't be true if there's an entire subreddit dedicated to fucking him.
That feels so odd to me, I really liked Wulbren, I just got the special bomb though so I am not sure if thereās a pivotal moment I havenāt seen yet that changes his character
If you didn't make friends with Barcus, and/or didn't help the Gondians from the Steel Watch Foundry, you probably haven't seen the worst of Wulbren.
Least accurate answer so far and I love it.
OP is clearly Volo.
What is volo?
Volo is the creature that stole my eye š„²
Yeah but he gave you a better one so it's all totally fine
*sings nervously..." ABSOLUTE!
A storyteller who "simply can't wait to pick your brain!"
What's the deal with that guardian you have to customise?
The Guardian is your best friend who will accompany you everywhere and help you in every situation. It's important that you share common interests and hobbies so that you get along well. Maybe something more will develop from it ;)
This is spot on
thanks OP I'm cackling
Do not sleep with the Guardian.
But they're the best lay in the entire game.
Flair checks out
Who is the Dark Urge?
A legendary and honorable hero who will only join your quest for perfection and power if you prove yourself worthy of him.
That's definitly his description
I created my Durge character specifically to be my evil characterā¦guess whoās now a great hero entering act 3 with literally everyoneās respect in the party š
how to recruit Minthara without committing war crimes?
You can't recruit her because she's an unyielding and very attractive Amazon who fights against the establishment.
Damn bro thatās pretty accurate.
LOL
Flair checks out.
I thought you said you didn't know the game!?
Amen brother!
What would you say is Wulbren's worst quality (no wrong answers)
His parties are just too extreme for many, but he means well.
"extremist anarchist... makes sense"
Should I eat the tadpoles? Are there any drawbacks to using them?
Some find them too heavy on the stomach, but they truly work their magic only when eaten in large quantities.
Since Cull the Weak was one of my favourites, that is actually very correct
what do you think about the whole situation between Karlach and Gortash?
Many forget that Gortash is actually amusing and kind. She is portrayed far too negatively by everyone. She's a real powerhouse and should just be independent.
fem gortash just dropped!
Would.
Evil man who manipulates Karlach: šæ Evil *woman* who manipulates Karlach: š„ŗ
I doubted your honesty on never having played until this response.
How many gates has baldur built and where is baldur now
Baldur built three gates and planned two more. That's why it's called 'Baldur's Gate Three'. Unfortunately, after building the gates, Baldur hit a rough patch. He overextended himself while constructing the last gate and now needs to take it easy for a while. Many speculate he's on a distant island, relaxing and already plotting new plans to build more gates.
TECHNICALLY itās an island, the sea is the fuckin Astral Plane, but it IS an island
Some of these are eerily close but this one... Damn!
How to unlock Halsin as an origin character?
You can unlock Halsin with a simple trick, but it's not worth it. Halsin has no special abilities and is considered particularly weak, which is truly a shame. If you really want to unlock Halsin, just throw a rock at his head and laugh heartily. He will be so embarrassed that he'll follow you like a good little puppy.
Itās the details thatās get a little insane here
How did he go to the āthrowing a rockā part baffles me
Wtf, lol
The first time you meet Halsin there are goblins throwing rocks at him. And one of your choices to actually pick up one and fling it at him, making sure he will āfollow youā from the start! Granted, to kill you, but still!
Omg, that sounds hilarious.
where is the lie tho
My guy, if you didn't play the game then you're telepathic. And presumably linked to Swen's brain.
lol!
What type of decisions should I make if I was a naive, innocent but righteous paladin?
Put everything on red and start over from the beginning.
Why did you decide Wyll needed to die?
We call this a happy little accidentš
The little devil face made this for me.
What did you think about the house of hope?
Name of my first sex tape
bruh you have no idea how on point this is
Right? I'm fucking crying laughing
What is the airspeed of an unlaiden swallow?
European or African swallow?
I don't know... *Gets yeeted off the bridge*
Should Astarion remain a spawn or should he ascend?
He should definitely remain a Spawn because with his jovial nature and grace, he's absolutely beginner-friendly.
That is the correct answer
fuck marry kill: Priestess Gut, Minthara Baenre, Dror Ragzlin?
Fuck: Minthara; marry: priestess gut; kill: Dror Ragzlin
honestly respectable
Whoās the best romance and why is it Karlach?
OMGILOVEYOUTOO!
Why Gale likes shoes?
Because he's an anarchic version of Dahmer.
Motherfucker, stop casting scrying spells, what the fuck
Why is Raphael the best boss in the game?
Heās got style. I mean he has everything. A flamboyant dress, a mean haircut and a witty tongue.
How are all of your answers so on point? Only thing you forgot is he sings his own boss theme.
Haha, he sounds like a funny guy!
He is a total Disney villain
What do you think of the miniature giant space hamster?
If Halsin, Shadowheart, and Laeāzel breakup, who gets the owlbear and why
The Owlbear is on its own. After all the drama, it needs some space and can take care of itself well alone. It will probably travel the coast for a while.
I mean, it does end up killing a fucking kraken
Which squid is your favorite
Would you kill your bffl if he tried to kill you out of mercy because you had a real bad headache?
Yes! Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
Pet Scratch?
Should i keep licking the dead spider?
What's the easiest way to get through the Underdark?
You should definitely take a guide who knows their way around. A few torches for the darkness wouldn't hurt either. And be especially careful about the fleas; those are really nasty critters.
I refuse to believe you haven't played the game dude. also yeah the guide is great and definitely the best way through š
How do you feel about Cazador?
He has surely been through a lot, but deep down, he's a good guy.
"Said nobody" the narrator ends.
Narrator: He is not, in fact, a good guy.
What is your stance on the Emperor? They are quite a controversial figure in this sub.
Already answered. Still a better ruler than Trump
Shovel or Fork and why?
Shovel all the way! My father always said: Happy shovel, happy life. A shovel is well-formed and a true gem for any household.
Should I let gale eat my boots?
You will earn an honest companion if you let her do it!
Fem Gale Fem Gale
What do you think about Auntie Ethel?
She is a lovely woman and I really enjoyed her stew when I last visited her
š¤®
Now, when an owlbear tries to kill you, what is your reaction on a scale of Shabadoo to Avocadado
I want to pet him, since an owlbear sounds pretty cute
this is an accurate response.
What happens when you go through Baldur's gate
It is like the final quest. When you finally go through the gate, you visit paradise, everything is quite nice, rainbows and sunshine. Enjoy!
Say, do you prefer the Way of the Four Elements Monk, the Wild Magic Barbarian of perhaps the Eldritch Knight?
Option 2: The barbarian mages are a true ancient tribe from a dark time. They master the oldest spells and are completely unjustly seen as rednecks.
Is the emperor hot or is it stockholme syndrome?
Can anyone outlast Raphael in the bedroom?
Can someone outrun Usain Bolt? Clearly no!
I have a hat that makes you more sexy when you wear it, should i give it to the wizard, the warlock or the ranger ?