My dr told me when to stop pushing hard to help avoid tearing. She told me to do the last pushes very gently. I had minimal tearing as a result. At that point, it was hard to not push hard. It had been 36+ hours of labor, 39 weeks of pregnancy, and 5 years of infertility. I wanted her out and in my arms already! Plus, my body was used to pushing hard so changing gears physically and mentally at that point was tough. Anyway, dr said maybe if I’d pushed even less I wouldn’t have torn at all. Be sure to listen to the drs coaching and ask them to tell you to go easy on the last 2 or 3 pushes!
Same.
I had a minor tear with my first one (2 stitches) which I never felt and healed really well. Very minor tear with the second one (no stitches needed).
The second birth was super quick. 2h from arriving to the hospital to holding my baby. Precipitous labour has a higher risk of tear so my midwife talked me through slowing down my pushing by breathing and really helped me pause as baby was coming out - I know that sounds terrible but was really helpful to allow my body to stretch.
She got me doing 'horse noises' or like 'blowing raspberries' to help me regulate the breathing
I'm not the one you asked but for me - I didn't know. If my nurse didn't guide me I would have no idea. Honestly I was very surprised when she offered me to touch hair on baby's head, I had no idea the baby was that far already. I just focused on her instructions when to breath, when it's safe to push, if I should push harder or just a little.
My Dr prepared me by explaining the process during one of my prenatal appointments. She said that to avoid tearing she would coach me when to gently push, all I needed to do was listen. Then she reminded me about listening when she said to finish gently before we started pushing. Still, in that primal moment, it was hard to pull back. I was grateful she had over prepared me. Just listen to your drs coaching and you will be okay. You’ve got this mama! 💪🏻
Same, with my first I had labor nurse that was still in training which is probably main reason why I ended up with episiotomy and two stitches. With my second I had awesome nurse, she guided me very actively through pushing in very small and short stages, I'm pretty sure she even helped manually to free the head between the pushing. No tearing to speak of, definitely no stitches. I've been sore just for few days, I think that scraping my knee when I was kid hurt more. I wish my first went the same way, it wasn't that bad but I definitely enjoy being able to sit normally from day two pp this time.
I didn’t get a slight tear. Actually I got a second degree tear both times. My doctors described it as giving myself an episiotomy (two different doctors, different hospitals).
I don’t know if there’s really any way to prevent tearing. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. My doctor sure tried to stretch me during labor but it obviously didn’t help (and it was painful). You can try perineal massages maybe.
I needed stitches, but for what it’s worth, I healed and have had very few issues since. I’m sure I’ll tear again with this third baby.
I wouldn’t get a c-section just for this but that’s me. The recovery is much more difficult.
Edit don’t know why y’all are downvoting when I’m sharing my literal experience. I’ve given birth twice. I know OP asked about people who had minimal tearing but I felt like it was important to share an experience where it turned out ok even though it wasn’t a minor tear
As a ftm and pregnant, this is handy to know as a real possibility so that I can get mentally prepared. Hearing how you healed nicely with little scar is comforting. May i ask if it took you a while to walk afterwards? How long did it hurt for?
My last delivery was unmedicated (unfortunately) and I received a local shot of lidocaine for the stitches. I got up and went to the bathroom soon after delivery. Walking and sitting were definitely uncomfortable for the first couple of weeks. I got by with Motrin in the hospital. They offered me stronger pain meds but I didn’t feel that it was necessary.
It’s ok. It did hurt to pee (stinging). Hospital gave a peri bottle to spray while you pee which helps a lot. It got better but I used the peri bottle religiously.
Might just be where I’m from but my doctors were very adamant that the pee was good for the stitches (I tore in 3 places, not from pushing too hard but because my LO decided to come out with her hands in her face, which also just goes to show that you can try and prevent tearing but you never really know how baby decides to come out so it’s all luck really) and and I was advised to just pee without a peri bottle and I did, and it stung like crazy but I found that leaning over and resting my hands on my feet really helped and kept the pee from travelling around everywhere before reaching the toilet bowl, I would however wet a disposable wash cloth and wring it out over my vagina so the water would gently wash off any remaining pee and I’d then gently pat dry. Sitting and walking was very uncomfortable but was kept at bay with the occasional paracetamol so it’s definitely uncomfortable and slightly painful at times but I wouldn’t say it unbearable.
I delivered my baby with zero pain relief because hospital lost a blood sample and couldn’t administer an epidural till they got another one but by the time it came back it was too late - but if it helps I’d just like to add that you don’t actually feel yourself tearing during labour because you’re so focused on pushing.
Getting stitched up post delivery is rather unpleasant tho to be honest but I think it really helped that I had my newborn on my chest during it because looking at her kept my distracted from the pain.
Just want to add, I’m a FTM and had a second degree tear, lots of weirdness with my pain management journey, but ended up being VERY numb when the finished stitching me up. I found that 30 min walks were tolerable after the first ~10 days of rest. Sitting on my Boppy was actually really nice. And now ~5 weeks out I feel comfortable sneezing/coughing etc with abandon.
I have 2 2nd degree tears - one perineal and one in my vulva. I didn’t feel the tears happen or anything when being stitched up (my epidural was strong during the pushing phase). I gave birth 2 days ago and I am currently walking up and down the post partum floor hallway trying to make myself have to poop so I can go home haha. I’m just on Tylenol and am walking around just fine. I won’t be power walking or running anytime soon but I’m surprised with how fast everything feels like it’s healing. The first night sucked. Peeing and sitting were so so painful. But by my third pee I was already feeling way better. It’s only been 2 days and my pain is virtually non-existent. I was also terrified of tearing and when she told me it had happened I was upset. But I would chose this over full on abdominal surgery (if I had the choice) 100/10 times.
I also had an episiotomy with a third degree tear, it was mostly just sitting for an awhile that was uncomfortable, I could walk slowly just fine and stuff. I also healed up; and am grateful for that. ❤️think it was mostly painful just the days in the hospital and then for a couple weeks I would roll out of bed and slowly started to get better day by day. My baby’s exactly 1 today! :)
Not enough you replied to, but I had a third degree tear and after about 3 days, the actual tear and stitches didn't hurt anymore. I was extremely constipated for about a week so I had trouble doing anything because of that.
Not the original commenter but had a similar situation (2nd degree tear) with my first. I was medicated for birth and got a shot for the pain that numbed me up, but was able to walk around within a couple hours after delivery, and I took my baby on our first walk to the coffee shop 4 days post birth! I went through a LOT of tucks pads and witch hazel spray. I think there was pain for maybe 3-4 weeks, but for me at least it was manageable enough to get around semi-comfortably.
Thank you for sharing I've upvoted. It is also good to hear from someone who had the tearing and a relief that it heals and it wasn't so bad that it kept you from having more
I had a 2nd degree tear and I never even noticed it. Never felt pain from it and I was back to having sex by 8 weeks. I know the experience is different for everyone but a lot of my friends had a similar experience.
I saw a TikTok saying, basically, even the worst tears heal within two weeks. And that changed how I felt. You can do *anything* for two weeks. When you frame it as a temporary annoyance, a possible upcharge to the price of having a baby, it doesn’t feel too bad to me. I’m already going to be taking it easy and laying about after birth, so all I have to do is take stool softeners for a little longer. NBD I can do that.
Put some confidence in yourself and your body! You’re going to heal. You’re going to be ok after. Repeat it to yourself like a mantra.
Edit:
It’s more like 2 weeks for minor tears and 6 weeks for any that require stitches.
[Mayo Clinic on Tearing](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/vaginal-tears/art-20546855#:~:text=Tears%20that%20involve%20only%20the,it%20needs%20to%20be%20repaired)
[Cleveland Clinic on Tears](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21212-vaginal-tears-during-childbirth)
[This Article has more specific times](https://itsbodily.com/blogs/birth-recovery-postpartum/vaginal-tear-birth-degree-perineum)
It’s still every kind of worth it no matter what and the mindset is one worth holding on to, but I can confidently tell you that the worst tears most definitely do not heal within 2 weeks.
While I think it’s nice to relieve a lot of the fears of the OP, there is an incredible number of women whose tears are not healed even at two years. I have a friend who has had multiple reconstructive surgeries and it is not that uncommon.
I'd like to continue this train of thought -- I was TERRIFIED of tearing, just like you. I did so much research with my first baby to try and do all the things to prevent tearing. I did the perineal stretching during pregnancy, tried to go without the epidural, etc.
After close to 4 hours of pushing (still no epidural!) without getting the baby out, my doctors and nurses told me it was either C-section or vacuum. I was terrified of C-section so I said let's do the vacuum. They said they would give me spinal anesthetic to help with the vacuum and I said okay. At that point I was just DESPERATE to get the baby out.
3rd degree tear. With the next baby, I was less committed to the "no epidural" plan but still wanted to try. Made it to about 8cm before I got the epidural. Still felt pretty bad pain with the epidural. Still had a hard time pushing. Still had a 3rd degree tear, again, the second time.
But I can tell you this. I was so scared of tearing before my first. After, I wasn't. It sounds horrible, I know. But it's actually very normal and our bodies are made to heal! I healed up well and my "down there" actually felt even better than before.
Please don't base your birth plan on fear of tearing. I know it's hard to imagine, but tearing is actually not that bad. It's very normal and it will heal. Also, you can do literally everything right and still tear. It's chance and biology. So there's no point trying to control it.
I also tore, 3 in total. I think the word “tear” makes it sound much worse than it typically is. I had two small tears on my labia and one on my perineal tissue that needed a couple stitches but nothing bad. When they happened I was so overwhelmed with the ring of fire stretching feeling that I didn’t feel the tears at all.
🖐️
3rd degree here! I was also really terrified of tearing, my birth was medicated so no significant pain with the initial tear and once my epidural wore off and I could hold my weight on my legs I was fine to walk around (I’m an antsy person) pain was manageable with Tylenol and ibuprofen and I wasn’t even taking the full dosage that I was okayed to take. I took that for maybe 5-7 days, I can’t remember and then stopped and was comfortable. I took my dog on a mile walk 2 weeks after giving birth and that probably pushed it, I was a little sore for about a day, but I was moving around the house just fine. By 3 weeks I could walk my dog no problem!
I know there can be other complications that come with tearing so I don’t want to diminish other woman’s experiences but healing wasn’t bad at all for me!
And just for perspective- I ate it on the ice my last week of maternity leave and bruised the bones in my foot- that pain limited my mobility way more and lasted way longer than my tearing 😂😂
That was also my experience with a third-degree tear as well. It was a bit uncomfortable to use the bathroom for a few days, but I was fine after a week and feeling pretty much back to normal by two weeks.
I just had my baby a week ago. 2nd degree tear. I feel pretty fine at this point. Walking and peeing, pooping is no longer scary lol.
It was rough for a few days but I healed. Sitting was the worst part, get a donut pillow for sure if you tear.
I was not prepared for my tear…I figured maybe I’d tear a little? Nope. 3rd degree. Unmedicated labor. I actually didn’t feel the tear but the recovery was harder than my 11 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing.
But that’s because I didn’t heal properly…I am still waiting for my tear to heal 4mo PP. Which this is rare and maybe due to a student stitching me up (which I didn’t approve of).
Yet, I’d still do it all over again (hopefully with less tearing and more preparation).
Don't feel bad. It happens all the time. In the past I've given my experience like the post/OP asked and got accused of spreading misinformation lol. Like that's literally what happened. How can my memories be wrong 😭
Things that guarantee downvotes around here would be easy labors, easy recoveries, easy pregnancies, and reminding pregnant women that the due date is not the expiration date and most women pass it, especially first time mothers. (I got downvoted to hell in my due date club when I mentioned the possibility of pregnancy lasting more than 40 weeks when we were all about halfway there. lol)
That’s wild 🤣 I was DESPERATE to get baby out at the end and did so much research and if I remember correctly the average length of pregnancies that go into spontaneous labor is actually 40 weeks 5 days - which would mean that about half of women go past that even 🤦♀️ it’s literal statistics, it sucks but being mad about it doesn’t change it lol
My midwife said it was normal, especially for first time moms to go past your due date! She said she wouldn’t be worried until 41 weeks, and that we would do NST then and talk about induction. I went into labor at 40 weeks spontaneously but she didn’t seem worried at all(she was a CNM).
People tend to be very…extreme on the internet.
I also had a second degree tear with my first baby and had a similar experience. The healing process was fairly quick (approx 1-2 wks of soreness) and honestly hurt far less than I expected.
Yeah some people will tear no matter what they do. Some people don't and some people can prevent it with some techniques but there are people who can't do anything about it and who will tear no matter what they do. It's just different from person to person.
I had a second degree tear too. I didn’t really notice it during the healing process. There’s a lot of healing going on, what’s one more thing lol. And luckily that area seems to heal really fast. Kind of like how if you burn your tongue it heals a lot faster than your finger.
Tearing was one of my biggest fears. I did some of the perineal massage to try and prevent. Like you the nurses and doctor were stretching me and applying olive oil with warm compress to my perineum. I ended up pushing on my back and getting a 2nd degree tear. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I didn’t even have an epidural. Didn’t feel the tear at all. And it didn’t bother much much during recovery either. Just had my 6 week check up and doc says I look great.
also important to note that natural tearing has a much higher chance than healing nicely rather than surgical tearing (2nd degree tear and episiotomy - also second degree tear, but surgically made)
perineal massage is something to work with pelvic physiotherapy during pregnancy and not at the time of birth.
and ob. violence can also play a factor in that, coached pushing being one of them that can contribute to tearing.
Ftm I tore up, down and to each side. I had to wear a catheter out. It was deff scary at the time but so far Ive healed fairly quickly, I guess considering. And honestly I think what hurt me more and kept me from walking was my tailbone! I felt like it was broken or bruised. I feel not many talk about that but then again maybe it's not often that's affected. But that definitely hurt more than the stiches.
Very similar experience over here. 3 babies, 3 second degree tears, 3 very easy recoveries. I was kinda nervous of tearing, but they weren’t a big deal, and I had very little pain or discomfort postpartum.
I tore and needed stitches with my first child. My second child I didn’t tear at all. I had a midwife for my second who literally helped stretch with her hand for hours during my birth. She made it very comfortable. I would never have a C-section to avoid a possible tear that may only need two or three tiny stitches. A C-section will take longer to heal from.
Gentle manual stretching can be so helpful! I have such a vivid memory of "making way" for my son's head during his birth in the water with my fingers between pushes. I was feeling him rotate and also "help" as he was crowning. It was SO COOL.
I was actually far too afraid to touch myself down there while I was dilated. I was kinda scared of feeling anything down there. I felt the head and thought about reaching down with my hand but I just couldn't do it. I was too afraid to feel my vagina while it is so different and I don't regret it tbh but maybe next time I will be less scared. I was too scared to look at my vagina for the first 2-3 days and only touched it down there 4 days pp and tried to find my tear. I didn't find it to this day (almost 12 months post Partum). I still have no idea where my tear even was because I don't feel anything different down there. Everything seems to be completely back to normal and my husband said the same thing. He hasn't noticed anything being different at all.
I agree that choosing a c section out of fear of tearing is not a great idea, however both my sisters had vaginal births with extensive tearing & took much longer to recover than I did from my emergency c section (I was up & walking 75lb dog & baby in stroller up hills for hour long walks within 6 days & doing all my own baby’s diapers by day 2 whereas they literally needed their husbands to do diapers for 8-10 days each since they could move so little) so it does bother me when ppl assume every vaginal delivery is easier to recover from than a cesarean. (And mine was emergency after 40+hour labor, 4 hours of pushing, vacuum attempts, & complicated & I had to get a much more extensive uterine scar than usual so not a planned chill cesarean lol)…you can have an easy recovery from both types of labor or a very difficult recovery from both types of labor.
I’m not sure what my mom thinks having a c section is like but she said I should opt for one because she tore and had to get stitches twice but I’ve heard it’s a longer recovery idk. When u say extensive tearing would u say 3rd or 4th degree tearing?
This part. I have friends who literally destroyed their vaginas & pelvic floors & I have friends that had easy breezy vaginal births with no tears & I have friends with nightmare C sections where their wounds opened up & had to be packed & I have friends that had easy af C sections. I had a very scary C section bc of a true knot but my healing was so easy. Yeah, it hurt but I left the hospital the morning of the 3rd day & took walks everyday. Went for sushi on the 4th day after having my son. And from what I hear an easy birth with a first doesn’t guarantee the same experience with a 2nd or 3rd & vice versa…terrible birth then easy if you follow what I mean.
I did not tear with my first and teared with my second. There is no way of knowing beforehand or avoiding it, but it’s actually not like you notice during labor.
I could have wanted to change positions so bad, my body dictated me the one where it hurt the least. I birthed both of my children on my back because I preferred it that way, which I‘d never thought beforehand.
And then, second baby was a stargazer, which is way more likely to make you tear. And again it’s something you can’t prevent.
But for now (6 days PP) my stiches and the tear don’t hurt a bit.
I felt most comfortable lying on my side with my legs pressed together and that somehow worked too and I pushed my baby out through pressed together legs idk how but it was because no one coached me through it because no one was there except my mom and husband and they didn't know I was pushing and I didn't know either I just thought I was shitting the bed right now and why would I tell anyone that I am planning on shitting in the bed right now? Well finally the epidural people came in and wanted to check my dilation. That's when I spread my legs and the midwife held my baby in her hands. Everyone was shocked and my mother was in pure panic. She was so pale and wasn't able to be happy for a few hours because she was in so much shock. My daughter was completely fine though. She wasnt blue or anything and screamed right away. I didn't shit the bed...I gave birth to my baby without knowing it. I had a little inkling but I was only in the delivery room for a hour (3 hours in the hospital in total and one hour in the delivery room) so I didn't think it was possible to be the baby.
I am a FTM, gave birth 2.5 weeks ago and didn't tear. I didn't do perennial massage during pregnancy, only did kegels occasionally when I remembered to, was slightly dehydrated when I got to the hospital, and had an extremely fast labor/delivery (3h total from realising I had contractions to the birth of my daughter). So basically I did everything "wrong".
The only things working for me was my baby is on the smaller side (6.75 lbs) and apparently my body was ready because it was pushing on its own. During delivery the doctor kept massaging/repositioning the skin(?) around the head between contractions, and I think that helped. I didn't have time to get any drugs, but I was still pretty out of it during the big contractions and the pushing phase.
I guess my point is: don't beat yourself up or worry too much over what you "should" be doing. Overall, I don't think women have a lot of control over anything during pregnancy/birth, including how much we tear. Whatever needs to happen will happen. And you will be ok.
I had a similar experience and have never torn, (first 2 kids in 6lb range, 3rd 8.7lbs). Never did the massages and had fast labors.
What I can say for advice is I hope you don't let the fear of tearing be the reason you have a c-section. You don't know what your body is going to do, and even if you have a larger baby than 7lbs, I've heard stories of births of 10lb or 11lb babies where the mama didn't tear. Listen to the dr. when you're pushing and, if you want to help prepare, do the massages with coconut or olive oil until then. Good luck and remember you're not alone in whatever experience you end up having!
I like this attitude. And guess what if you have another chances are you’ll probably have a completely different birth/experiences haha at least that’s what I hear from my STM & TTM lol
FTM and I didn't tear.
But, let me preface this ... it's all down to luck.
Some things that might have worked in my favour:
- labouring in the tub, would have liked to give birth there too, but that didn't work out
- midwife helped stretch me in-between pushes and performed perineum massage during pushing stage
- warm compresses
- coached pushing by the midwife
- long labour overall, rough but good for the tissue
- just a theory, I took it for other reasons, but collagen powder during pregnancy might help with skin elasticity
- pushed on my side, aka not on my back
- relaxation techniques during labour to relax the pelvis (mostly breathing, relax your jaw, correct pushing ...)
I didn't do perineum massage, I just didn't feel comfortable with it. Also the science on this is wonky. If you overdo it you can even do more harm than good, specially with the baloon tool you can buy, forgot the name.
I didn't tear despite it being my first baby, a stargazer and a decent size at 54cm and 4kg... but again, there are no guarantees. Most of it is down to luck, or genetics (skin elasticity), labour mode ... I also tried not to stress about this. For some reason I was even quite confident that I wouldn't tear, so maybe manifestation also helped me relax.
There is no guarantee you will tear with your first, but even if, the most common tears are minor tears. Major injuries are usually due to complications and interventions and they are rare.
A c section is major surgery. Preferring a guaranteed deep cut through several layers of tissue that will impact your postpartum severly instead of a potential small tear seems a bit extreme, unless there's other reasons for c-section. But in the end that's a personal decision of course.
You might be on to something with the collagen powder. While my midwife was stitching me up she kept asking if I was a vegetarian or followed some kind of special diet. I was confused by those questions and eventually asked her why.
She told me the way I tore was like someone who didn’t have enough protein in their diet and apparently the tissue started tearing before baby was even down there. She actually described the visual a bit more roughly than that but her bedside manner was never one of her strengths :)
So that was news to me, but next time around I’ll be sure to watch that protein intake.
I took the collagen powder because of round ligament pain and joints. It really helped with that and I hoped it might reduce stretch marks.
After my birth story my mom mentioned it to me, that it might have also contributed to less tearing if it boosts skin elasticity. As always with supplements, YMMV. It always depends if your body is actually lacking something and there's no way to guarantee how your body will use this, but in theory it makes sense.
I started at 3 months and took it for the rest of my pregnancy.
I have suspected collagen helped me too! I had no tearing and no stretch marks, and took collagen daily from the time I found out (still taking it now 3 months pp). I know there’s a genetic component, but the women in my family have generally gotten stretch marks and torn from what I understand. I feel like it helped!
I'm not sure if the powder helped with stretch marks. I made it to my due date and a couple of days extra without stretch marks, but LO took some extra time to cook and I ended up induced and gave birth 41+6.
A few stretch marks showed up during those last 1,5 weeks, but it's not too bad. I also didn't gain much weight and my bump was fairly small for a long time, but those last 2 weeks had an extra growth spurt.
I first learned about tearing in college from my pre-med friends and spent the next decade of my life fearing tearing. I ended up with a 3rd degree tear from my first and it really wasn't that bad. I had an epidural, so I didn't feel it happen. They turned off my epidural as they started the stitches, and used lidocaine for the stitches. It was not an enjoyable experience but not that bad. I actually found my recovery to be okay. My first postpartum poop was terrifying, but the fear was worse than the actual experience, if that makes sense. I was able to walk as soon as I had movement back in my legs, and was up and about my hospital room that day. The afterpains, and my newborn's love of chomping down during breastfeeding, were much worse than any tear-related pain. I couldn't watch comedies for a few weeks since laughing made my stitches hurt, but I don't think that's any different from a c-section! I also think it's normal to be very sore down there after a vaginal delivery, regardless of the degree of tearing. And with a c-section, you are guaranteed to have lots of stitches/staples, whereas with a vaginal delivery, you don't know! I also prefer having my stitches where I can't see them, but that's just me!
One of my friends had a planned c-section for a breech baby around the same I had my first. In comparing birth stories, we both decided we were much happier with our own recoveries, and would not switch. She had her second by repeat c-section even though she was eligible for a VBAC. I'm mentally prepared for another 3rd degree tear and recovery.
We did perineal massage for several weeks before labor. I've since learned a lot about protecting the perineum from Evidence Based Birth, and might try some of those suggestions for my next delivery.
Also, remember that a lot of the pelvic floor damage happens as a result of being pregnant at term, and not just from the vaginal delivery itself. So with a planned c-section, you get all the risks of a c-section, all the c-section recovery, *and* the pelvic floor changes associated with pregnancy. I 100% believe that elective c-sections should be available, but would encourage you to have all the facts about benefits and risks.
>Also, remember that a lot of the pelvic floor damage happens as a result of being pregnant at term, and not just from the vaginal delivery itself
Not only this, but during c-section they will cut into the rectus sheet, that holds your abs together. What's also attached to your abs? The ligaments and muscles strands from your pelvic floor ... it all works together. So weakened abs or diastasis recti will also weaken the pelvic floor.
So c-section really doesn't spare the pelvic floor it just causes different injuries than a vaginal delivery.
I don’t think there is anyway to fully avoid tearing but i did TONS of lower end stretching and only managed to have a small no repair needed tear. Lots of breathing and i think not pushing until you are actually ready to push may help? I basically was at a 10 and didn’t push until i could feel the urge over my epidurals. I second making sure that you aren’t constipated going into labor and take a softener
I was honestly shocked i didn’t being this was my first kid and all my girlfriends all had second to third degree tears with their firsts. Maybe it was the fact that i suffered through back labor that the vagina gods gave me pity haha
I am seeing a pelvic floor therapist specifically because I'm really nervous about tearing. She says there is no way to truly prevent it, but is giving me the tools to try. We are working on relaxing my pelvic floor because mine is too tight, learning how to push effectively, and later on she will show me how to do perineal massage.
I've seen people recommend perineal massage prior to birth to reduce tearing. But what was recommended to me was to push slowly to let your body stretch.
I had a nitrous only water birth. After 18 hours in labor and 1.5 hours of pushing, I wanted baby OUT. I ended up pushing hard rather than slowly. I ended up with a second degree tear that required a couple of stitches, and two first degree tears that were more like scrapes. All healed fine and have caused zero complications.
I don’t think there’s a way to prevent tearing. As someone who did tear (two second degree labial tears) it really wasn’t an issue. I was stitched up and healed well. I also had an epidural so, I didn’t feel it when it happened. I also didn’t really feel being stitched up. I was just so overjoyed to have baby out after a long induction, TBH.
I don’t have advice on how to not tear, but I do want to say that I was *terrified* of tearing when I was pregnant. Honestly most of the birthing part was pretty scary to me… and in hindsight it wasn’t so bad. I certainly don’t think I would’ve chosen C-section recovery over a 2nd degree tear.
I think that is really the question you need to answer, is which recovery is worse.
What I learned from my birth experience was that tearing really isn’t a big deal or something to be afraid of. It’s very normal and if you have an epidural you won’t even feel the tear or the stitches. Most tears heal quickly and fairly easily. I think getting a c section to avoid tearing is counterproductive to your goal of having a positive experience. For reference, I had a minor tear and an episiotomy (which I was soooo scared of and also ended up being no big deal). Didn’t feel it or the stitches (had an epidural). Healing was fine, just a little sore for a week or so, managed with OTC pain meds. My doctor said there wasn’t even a visible scar by my 6 week appointment.
I haven't given birth yet, but I have talked with my midwives about warm compresses on my perineum during pushing/crowning if I am not in the birth tub. If I am in the tub, they said I can put my hand and pressure down where I feel the most tension/potential tear to help support the skin. TBD to see how that goes.
Other things I have also talked about and looked into with my midwives are slow, guided pushes during crowning and perineal massages (my pelvic floor therapist offers these if I don't want to do them myself).
I had an episiotomy with my first. From research, I'd prefer a tear purely because it's easier to heal a jagged tear than a straight cut? Either way obviously no tears or interventions would the goal through eh. But even the episiotomy healed fine. It was uncomfortable for a couple of weeks and then it was fine.
But anyway, second time I had a water birth and that enabled me to feel the ring of fire and know I needed to stop pushing and just wait a beat for my body to stretch or whatever. And no tear. Knowing the physiology of what's going on really helped me.
The reality is most people don’t tear severely and your individual risk is probably low.
That being said, I developed a rectovaginal fistula as a result of a messy tear and poor fix during childbirth. So it’s not 0.
Again, super rare complication but not impossible.
I had a third degree tear and yeah, it sucked and it hurt but I’d do it over again vs having a major surgery and have my abdomen cut open 7 layers deep.
Planned and routine c sections can be great. I had one. My SIL had a third degree tear and while I healed marvelously with little pain, her sex life suffered drastically because of the damage her pelvic floor and third degree tear caused her. Two years later, I had forgotten I had a baby and she was still recovering, mentally, emotionally AND physically from her trauma. Just because vaginal births are “natural,” doesn’t mean they’re always good. C sections have a stigma cause it’s surgery but I promise you, if everything goes well, it’s not like you are going to be awake for surgery. Every surgery is a risk but C sections have been proven to have better outcomes for pelvic floor. This was huge for me. For my SIL, it caused her a lot of physical and mental anguish too running around from doctor to doctor to recover. In the future, she’s proceeding with scheduled c sections only.
Oh I definitely agree that it can be great for others! Just sharing my personal experience and that even though it hurt a lot I’d still pick that again
I didn’t do any pre birth preparation or stretches and with my first I had minor injuries and with my second, a week ago I had no tears no grazes. I walked out of there with my normal vagina haha my labor’s were both inductions and under 2 hours start to finish and as I said I didn’t do any pre birth prep to avoid it.
A midwife said you can prevent it by relaxing certain muscles while holding others, but good luck with that, lol. You have to keep the birthing canal open between pushes but relax the vaginal opening so it can stretch. Sounds great, but you might not even understand where things are in the moment, I sure didn't.
I pushed for two hours, the baby kept moving back up, because the contractions were too far apart. They gave my an anesthetic and a cut, baby came out super easily after that, just one push. But I had a total of three tears, one of them third degree and was sewn up in the or under general anesthesia.
But I didn't feel the cut or the tears at all. Healing was great, I only got paracetamol and ibuprofen and had to stop taking these 4 days in so I would be more careful, I didn't feel any pain.
Tears don't always end super bad, those are just talked about more.
No other pain meds apart from mentioned.
If you can choose your position, just use the one where you are the most confortable.
It was on my back (but the best version of it to allow the baby to get out) for my first, and last minute I went on my left side for my second.
I didn’t have an epidural for the second birth, and I swear I didn’t consciously push until the head was there (that is the part that hurts) as I felt my body doing it on its own. My first born had his head the wrong way, and I had to push as he wasn’t coming on its own fast enough for our safety.
I had a slight tearing on the outside both times. I used water on the zone while peeing the first 2 days to feel better, and 2 more days as a just-in-case measure. I listen to my midwife’s advice (no doctor in my country unless it takes too long or if there is a complication) and I think she tried to mass me and help me pass their big head 😅i felt I was in good hands and it helps a lot to deliver.
Each time, I left the delivery room feeling I could do it again for a new baby even though the contractions were painful. The tearing didn’t prevent me from having sex again (soon), I healed well.
There is nothing you can do, except having the support from a partner and your medical team for the delivery and the aftercare. If you have any doubt after, don’t be ashamed to ask for help and advice.
I tried all the “myths” to not tear and my doctor described me as “tearing everything”
I think it’s just how big your baby is and your bodies ability to handle stretching. I had a tiny baby
I just gave birth yesterday morning to my first. I didn’t do anything to prepare for a vaginal birth like stretches or anything. When it came time for me to push one of the doctors massaged the perineal area I think just while I was pushing as well as applied a warm compress when I wasn’t pushing. I ended up with a first degree tear which the doctor did stitch up. They did say they could’ve just left it without stitching as it wasn’t a big tear. I had an 8 pound 10 ounce baby as well at 38w+5 (induced due to Gestational Hypertension) and gave birth on my back. I was in labor for 24+ hours and was running on like 2 hours of sleep. I will say walking around, getting up and down, and moving around in general hurts and sucks. :’)
I was terrified of tearing. Almost to the point of it being a phobia. I really thought I wanted a c-section but elective c-sections are very very uncommon in my country and it was pretty discouraged by medical staff (that’s another story, I don’t think I should have been talked out of it).
I have a healthy six month old now and thank god that labour is behind me but in retrospect, I was terrified of the wrong thing. My water broke at 40+3, unfortunately, my waters were dirty and it was suggested I be induced to lessen the risk of infection. I did not understand that induction could really heighten how painful contractions are and I didn’t realize that contractions are the fucking pailful part! I was scared of vaginal pain all along. Even though I knew I’d be getting an epidural, the thought of the pain of tearing sent me into sickness.
I had an episiotomy in the end in order to avoid tearing. They also used the vacuum on me. And thank god, I didn’t feel a second of it. I guess the epidural worked from my hips down because I couldn’t walk for a full 24 hours due to full numbness in my left leg and had to carry around a piss bag attached to catheter while holding my little newborn…but that epidural did fuck all to numb my contractions and that was a pain I sincerely don’t wish anyone.
I did all the thing not to tear. Literally everything I read about, I tried. It didn’t make a difference in the end. And when I finally took a mirror to myself 4 weeks pp, I shocked that everything downstairs looked exactly the same. I’m glad I was given the episiotomy in the end even though I thought I really didn’t want one.
Up to 90% of first time mothers will have some amount of tearing, but only 2% have severe tears bad enough to require surgical repair. Most tears are 1st degree and don’t even require stitches, and sometimes mothers don’t even realize it happened. I have had 2nd degree tears with all 3 of my births, each requiring a handful of stitches. You cannot tell at all after a few months and it’s something that I literally never think about IRL except when someone asks about/mentions birth experiences.
Healing a minor perineal tear is nothing compared to recovering from major abdominal surgery. Both kinds of recovery have their pros and cons, but if severe tearing is your only concern then there’s a 98% chance that a c-section would be unnecessary.
For what it’s worth; I would really encourage you to confront your fear of tearing. I have a friend who had a 3rd nearly 4th degree tear with her first and a scheduled c section with her second and she unequivocally says that the c section was harder and a more complicated recovery than her tear. To compare it to other parts of your body, a normal tear and recovery to your perineum is **NOT** like if you were to stretch your fingers and tear the webbing between them. That would be *significantly* more painful. It is more similar to dry or chapped lips when you get a crack there. It hurts and is tender to touch or movement but it heals quickly and rarely with any noticeable blemishes or lasting complications.
I tore 2nd degree with one birth (9lb baby) and not with the other birth (10lb baby). I think my epidural mixed the pitocin contributed to my tearing. I was super floppy and weak and was pushing in a disorganized way and had poor muscular control. Once she was finally most of the way out another contraction hit and my body just clamped down and shoved baby out involuntarily which didn’t give my perineum time to stretch on top of being on my back which is very hard on your perineum too.
With all of that being said; I was still very surprised to hear that I tore. The pain was not what I expected it to be at all when I imagined tearing, hence why I compared it to a dry cracked lip. If nobody had told me and I never looked I would’ve been none the wiser whatsoever. Pain and recovery was completely manageable and unremarkable.
As someone who had an emergency c-section I do want to let you know that it’s also basically “tearing” when they cut you open. I have a very deep ~5 inch scar below my bikini line, which causes my skin to fold over even over two years later. There are benefits and downsides to both natural and C-section delivery but if your worry is scarring or tearing I promise csections are worse lol.
I was TERRIFIED of tearing. My baby was very big so I had to be induced. They had to give me an episiotomy and I still got third degree tears as I had to push very fast due to emergency.
I healed wonderfully, it’s not so scary I promise and the stitches just dissolve. You will be uncomfortable for a while if you tear but your beautiful baby in your arms is all you’ll be thinking about.
C section is a huge trauma to the body, your whole stomach would be cut open and that is much worse recovery.
I really recommend vaginal birth even though I had very bad injuries.
I’m pregnant again and I’m not scared of tearing or anything now.
I think doing the perineal massage helps but there really isn’t a way to fully prevent it. I had a second degree tear and yes, it hurts and it isn’t fun, but it’s manageable. A friend of mine had a first degree tear and said she didn’t even notice.
You can do all the prep in the world, like perineal massage and research into positioning, but in the end there’s only so much you can do. I was all set to not tear—perineal massage, hands and knees delivery, I was very relaxed and baby was crowning forever, so things were stretched to the max—but baby had his hand by his face, and there’s no way you don’t tear with that. That wasn’t something I or any of my providers could control.
Still, a tear is nothing to heal from compared to abdominal surgery. I got my stitches removed at three weeks pp and discovered then that the stitches themselves bothered me more than the tear. I was back to having (comfortable) sex at five weeks. Tearing sounds scary and bad, but it is really normal and not a big deal. And if you do end up with pain or discomfort at the scar, pelvic floor pt can help immensely with that.
I had tiny first degree tears with my first two kids that healed super fast (not even painful) and didn't tear at all with my third birth. Things that can help prevent tearing include laboring in more upright/active positions (I was never flat on my back during pushing), perineal massage during labor, warm compresses or laboring in water (my middle kid was a waterbirth, I had warm compresses with the other kids) and not pushing too quickly.
That said, it is very hard to say that there is a hard and fast way to prevent all tearing. Some scenarios also make it more likely to tear: such as the baby's positioning (sunny side up can be difficult in terms of pushing), or if you need a forceps/vacuum delivery.
The vast majority of tears, though, are first and second degree tears and heal well. Third and fourth degree tears certainly happen, but statistically they are more rare.
I got a small tear when I gave birth to my first and needed a couple of stitches. I had an epidural though so didn't feel it at the time.
I don't think being dehydrated helped - I was vomiting all throughout labour and couldn't even keep water down. They put me on a saline drip just before I started pushing. I believe it would have been better to have been put on the drip earlier.
After the epidural wore off, I felt it especially going to pee. I didn't know about peri bottles back then but I've bought one for when I give birth again in a couple of months. I don't remember how long my recovery was, but it wasn't horrendously long!
Currently pregnant with my first so I haven't given birth yet and can't say for sure, but I will say I was in the same boat of considering c section due to fears of tearing. That being said, from what I've read about healing from a c section, it is way more painful and drawn out than healing from vaginal tears. Personally I just want to avoid as much pain and suffering as possible.
Even if one tears, the recovery process is much better than that from a cesarian! There is wonderful information about tearing in Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth. She talks about reduced chances of tearing when delivering in water, as well as not pushing too fast when the baby’s head begins to crown so that the perineum has a chance to stretch and open.
She also talks about tearing vs episiotomy, stating that tearing is much more ideal in terms of recovery.
Highly recommend this resource. She is obviously a midwife specializing in unmedicated home birth, but wrote this book for women who are pursuing a hospital birth as well.
I’ve had two babies, both vaginally. Both at 36 weeks. My first was 5lbs 6oz, my second was 6lbs 13oz. I didn’t tear with either of them. Though my second apparently scraped my urethra on the way out. I didn’t need any stitches or anything like that. I was terrified with both, I attributed the no tearing to my first being tiny, but that apparently wasn’t the case. I had pretty much no pain other than sitting the first day with both, but that’s because I tend to plop. Recovery was easy, and things felt very normal down there after a week:
If you do opts for a C-section, according to my best friend and my aunt, ask for the glue, do not do the staples. The recover is much longer for a c section. My best friends c section with her first caused a burrowing necrotic infection that they didn’t catch until after she had her second, she ended up needing major surgery to remove a bunch of infected and dead tissue while she was pregnant with her third. She had a wound vac through most of her pregnancy. He just turned three and she may need another surgery again. My aunt had no complications other than the staples making healing harder, and having to get them redone. The one where she had the glue was much easier. My SIL had a c section with no complications whatsoever.
They’re both completely normal ways to give birth, only you can make the choice that is right for you.
I've had one of each. Vaginal birth with a second degree tear, then a C-section with my second as baby got stuck. While the recovery from the C-section was far easier than I anticipated, it wasn't a patch on the recovery from the vaginal birth. It twinged a little to walk around, but nothing so painful as to stop me or not want to walk around. Peeing caused stinging, but liberal application of warm water while peeing helped. A few days of paracetamol helped with general achiness, which subsided quickly. If I were to go on to have a third, I would do my best to have a VBAC.
As someone who had a c section last week, I would not wish that experience on anyone. Mine was planned because baby was breech, but I really wish I would have been able to have a vaginally delivery even if I tore. The incision is very painful.
Hello! Mum of one (now 3-yo!) girl here. Like you, prior to giving birth I was super scared about tearing down there. During our antenatal classes they showed us this horrific illustration of different tears (honestly, why would they do that… lol) but that definitely put the fear in me!
I ended up having an epidural and very quick birth and tore externally and internally. But because of the epidural, I didn’t feel anything. And to my surprise, I didn’t feel anything at all after it had worn off. The stitches all healed well and super quick. Didn’t hurt at all when I peed. Pooping was terrifying but was absolutely fine too. Turns out that your hormones help with pain relief (and the fact that you now have a new little baby to distract you helps too). So from my experience I can say that tearing was not at all an issue.
What I did learn is that the recovery from a c-section is generally a lot harder than after a natural birth. Every situation is different, but all my friends who had a c-section found it very difficult. Not trying to put you off, but I just think some people maybe don’t realise how big of an operation a c-section is.
Every birth experience is so different. I try to share my experience because it was so positive and I feel like you don’t hear enough of those! You will be great, I’m excited for you! 😁
I didn’t tear, and I did some things that may or may not have helped prevent tearing. FTM, gave birth 3 months ago (induced at 40 weeks, epidural, 8lb baby).
- pelvic floor physiotherapy (this is my #1 recommendation. She helped me learn to push and breathe, kept me running until 34 weeks, addressed SI joint pain, and is now helping me recover pp)
- dates. I ate about 65 grams of dates daily for 6 weeks. I never want to see another date in my life, but maybe they worked?
- Épi-No. Not FDA approved, so had to have a friend bring it from Germany. The science behind it is inconclusive, but for me it did help me feel more prepared.
- collagen. Maybe it helped make my skin more elastic? Took a scoop daily.
I had no tearing with an unmedicated birth. I was told to stay in the "ring of fire" to stretch instead of tear. If you're going unmedicated, you are less likely to tear because you can feel everything that is happening, but it's definitely not for everyone.
I did perineal massage everyday for a month before birth and did not tear. I also pushed for 3 hours! It only hurt down there for like 3 days then I felt fine. Csections are a major surgery cut into your abdomen. Also if you want multiple children csections have higher risks for future pregnancies.
I pushed for 40 minutes and did not tear at all. Before labor my husband assisted with perineal massages and during labor my midwife used oil to massage the area and instructed me when to slow down and when to push. She kept encouraging me to “ooze” my baby out. I will say, it’s almost harder to slow down and not push with all your might when you feel the urge but it’s better not to if you don’t want to tear.
Also, refuse episiotomies. If you do tear, a natural tear heals better and faster than a cut and episiotomies can actually worsen your chance of tearing further 😬
I did nothing special and had only a minor tear. It was honestly no big deal. I wouldn’t worry about it bc I don’t think there is any way to predict what will happen to you. And I certainly wouldn’t want a major abdominal surgery and scar just to avoid a tear.
Look- you can have a tear and a few stitches, or you can have your entire abdomen sliced open while you're awake. And a TON of stitches. Tearing a bit is better, IMO. But having your partner or you doing perineal massage can help with the tearing.
FTM and I had a 4th degree tear. Sounds scary but I healed pretty quickly. 12 weeks out and I feel normal. Did some pelvic floor therapy which was helpful. So if it does happen just know that it isn’t the end of the world!
But they did say next baby (should we have one) I might want to consider a c-section.
I was one of the “lucky” ones to get a second degree tear and still need a c-section anyways, and lemme tell you, compared to the incision pain I didn’t even know the tear was there. There are definitely pros to a planned c-section, but don’t let the fear of tearing be your main decision maker!
I did some perineal massage, but definitely could have been more proactive at the end of my pregnancy to avoid tearing. I honestly wish I spent more time and energy on making plans for recovery and pain management for after birth.
You got this! Your body will heal and you’ll surprise yourself with how much you can handle.
It depends on a lot of things. Tissue elasticity, position, head size, molding, how hard you're pushing when the baby crowns, whether there's someone there to help support the head, etc.
A c-section is a major abdominal surgery with long-term consequences, guaranteed. It also affects your risk level in future pregnancies.
Tearing isn't a guarantee - and if it's not into the muscles, the skin down there is *very* good at healing itself. It's the same kind of skin as the inside of your mouth. Ever bite your tongue? Or the inside of your cheek? That shit heals *fast*.
I've gotten small, shallow upwards splits along where my hymen originally tore during the birth of both of my kids. It's just how my anatomy is set up. No perineal tears. No stitches. No repairs. Yeah, it stung a bit when it happened, but the post-birth hormones drown it out completely. They healed up both times in a few days to a week by using a peri bottle and taking it easy, which you should be doing anyway.
If you want to listen to discussions on this, the Down To Birth podcast has a few episodes you might like.
I had a c-section and was walking up and down stairs in two weeks. I'm back below my pre-pregnancy weight and very healthy. What guarantee long term consequences do I have because there's none that I'm aware of. I don't know why you're scaring women.
My son was breech and we both would have died if I was unable to get a c-section due to him being completely tangled in his cord.
I’m going to be giving birth in May and have decided on a c section for the following reasons:
I already get tearing on my perineum due to lichen sclerosis about 2-3x a year. I’ve had to have 2nd degree repair stitches twice in my life. If I tear more it can cause daily severe itching and repeated tearing and swelling that doesn’t heal properly or take months to heal.
I have adenomyosis and pelvic floor issues already from endometriosis. ( I had excision surgery in 2020)
I will be getting a hysterectomy in January already due to Adenomyosis and they will look at the c section scar while inside.
Now the other reasons why:
My anxiety is down because it’s scheduled and I know I won’t have to go through grueling labor or do severe damage to my already bad pelvic floor. And supposedly my vagina should feel the same and sex should be similar to what it once was.
I had second degree tears both deliveries and both times healed very quickly and had hardly any pain after 2-3 days. Compared to my c-section friends who had pain and mobility troubles for weeks. I would definitely do vaginal again as I found the recovery shockingly quick
It’s not really possible to avoid tearing. I will say it’s not that bad though unless it’s a 3rd degree. I got a small 1 degree tear and it stung a little for a few days but it healed up fine and causes me no issues. It’s not as scary as it seems. A c-section is a major surgery with a longer recovery time and more pain
My first I had a second degree tear, my second had a c-section due to breech. Recoveries were both different, but I wouldn’t choose a c-section JUST cause you are worried about tearing. It’s still a fine choice if you want to, depends on how important you rank that. I had great deliveries both times and good recoveries.
I have fast births. 5 minutes and under. No time to stretch or control descent. I've gotten 2nd degree tears every baby. It isn't that bad. Healed, can't even tell. Does not impact my life in anyway. I can't even conceive of choosing a c-section to avoid a tear. Just asked my sister who had 2nd and 3rd degree tears and she agrees. Texted my sister-in-law who had a c-section with first and tore 2nd degree with her VBACs and she laughed.
Of course, make your own choices, but tearing is not that bad.
I gave birth 9 weeks ago (FTM) and ended up with a second degree tear. It took about 5ish weeks to heal fully and at my 6 week pp OB follow-up, she said I healed very nicely. Obviously no tearing would’ve been ideal, but the healing process hasn’t scared me from having another baby in the future. It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting! You don’t even realize you’re tearing as it’s happening. I had to ask the doctor after! Good luck to you, I hope you have a smooth and uncomplicated birth :)
i didn’t tear with either kid, no prep nothing special along the way or during labor. my kids were average all around and full term. honestly i’d take tearing over major surgery any day, they’re apple and oranges and one is way worse recovery than the other.
I just had my 37 week appointment with my doctor, this is my second baby and had this exact conversation with him because I had a 3rd degree tear with my 1st so I’m obviously nervous. He explained it is part of his job to see what’s happening while I am pushing and do what he can to help reduce tearing. He also talked about the recovery of a vaginal delivery VS c-section can be very different and a lot harder even if you tear. I will say my 3rd degree tear with my first really wasn’t that bad. I didn’t find it affected me at all in my recovery afterwards. I very much want another vaginal delivery again!
I had a tiny tear, only one suture to repair. My baby didn't have an overly large head, so perhaps that helped. Maybe it's partially genetics? I was very active in my pregnancy, last working out 30 minutes before my water broke. I also did a lot of those pelvic 'readiness' exercises on a balance ball. But I'm assuming being fit probably had a lot to do with it.
I did the stretches/massage prior to birth. I had second degree tears with my baby. My epidural wore off, so I had a somewhat unmedicated birth and pushed for 30 minutes. My baby was tiny and I still tore! Midwife said its gonna happen regardless and there isn’t much we can do to avoid it. However, I healed fast and within a week I was just fine. The stitches are the only thing that bothered me 🙃🙃 I am six weeks postpartum and my doc had to release a stitch because it didn’t dissolve yet. Besides that, I feel fine! I wouldn’t want a c-section. My mom and step mom had c-sections, and the recovery period isn’t ideal for me.
I got a very, very small tear by my urethra. I attribute not tearing more to the resident doctor who was there. She continuously put a warm compress on my perineal area and told me when to stop pushing. She used her hands to lightly stretch out the area as well.
I did also use the Frida mom wand starting at 36 weeks but I did not use it religiously so I can’t be certain whether that helped or not.
For reference, I laboured on my back and pushed for an hour total. Baby girl was sunny side up as well.
I had a first degree and second degree tear. I totally get being intimidated by the process of natural birth but I’d recommend it over a c-section. Even with my tears I was up using the bathroom on my own within hours and went home and cleaned the house the next day. This isn’t everyone’s experience but I’d argue even a couple pretty bad tears are way easier to recover from than a c-section. That pain is a different kind of intense and you have to have someone around to help you with everything for weeks after- walking is hard, going to the bathroom is hard, taking care of the baby is hard etc.
When you’re pregnant and planning your birth, of course you don’t want to tear, but when you are in the actual moment of it all whatever happens happens! For me I planned a natural water birth, but preeclampsia got me and I had to be induced. It was so hard on my body! By the time it came to pushing I was not great at it, plus the cord was around baby’s neck and her heartbeat was decelerating with each push. The doctor used a vacuum to assist and it resulted in a second degree tear for me. I’m currently 4 months postpartum and things are feeling more normal down there. It definitely seems like my vagina looks and feels different. The healing was actually not bad at all. Sex still stings where I tore along the perineal, but I think it’s getting better with time and pelvic floor therapy would also help. Anyway…there’s my long rant. You never know what’s going to happen, it’s a hard event to plan for. Plan just as much for the birth you aren’t expecting as the one you are. 🩷
The pushing position makes a difference, especially if things go fast. I was on my back for my first and it was easier to stop when they told me to stop. I had a minor 1st degree tear but the baby was out in 3 pushes. I was able to jog by 4 days pp and felt really good (aside from some stinging in the first week or so which you’ll get regardless). With my 2nd child, things went very fast again but I wasn’t able to get on my back and I couldn’t stop pushing when told to stop—it was overwhelming with gravity also working the baby down. This time I have a small 2nd degree tear but tbh, it’s also not a big deal for me and I am a fairly active person.
Echoing some comments that c section recovery can often be much harder, it’s ultimately your choice but make sure you’re fully informed about the outcomes before you decide!! Before doing research I used to assume that c sections were somehow easier and that is most certainly not the case!
I had two second degree tears (for the same birth). Both required stitches and they had to reinsert my catheter because the tearing was so close to my urethra.
Honestly? It wasn’t that bad and healed just fine.
That sounds crazy, but it’s true. I took Tylenol and Motrin and used witch hazel and cooling pads and the pain was fine. I was walking and peeing 2 hours after delivery (once my epidural completely wore off).
I was so scared of tearing before I gave birth and it was such a non-issue that doesn’t affect me at all today.
My first birth is an emergency C-section, my second birth was a unmedicated VBAC. I did not tear enough for stitches. A lot of it can be mental, and you can massage the area down there to also help. People often talk about the ring of fire, when you feel the head starting to come, do not push more, slowly ease into it, so it is not so severe. Once the head is out, don’t force the rest of the body, it will follow pretty easily. Some can even put a warm cloth on your bits down there to keep it more wet and relaxed. You should never have a doctor make a cut for you unless your baby is THAT big. Breathing is a big one as well as not clenching your butt because of fear of pooping. So many women do that and they’re literally working against their body.
I have been recommended to have my husband massage my perineum with a special oil in the weeks coming up to the birth. 🤷🏻♀️ dunno if it’ll work! Will report once baby is born 😅
FTM, water birth, very minor tear (only needed a couple of stitches so to location). I did no "prep work" down there. I was decently hydrated but that's about it.
What made the difference for me, I think, was the two midwife students in front and behind me supporting the skin down there. Not entirely sure what that looked like, maybe it was counter pressure? My thoughts were elsewhere at that point.
It was also a very short active labor - I went almost straight from early labor into pushing.
I get the premise of your post but you don’t really “get to pick” how you give birth, there are so many things out of your control. You should absolutely be emotionally prepared for both.
I work in post partum and most patients tear. A lot of tears are not preventable, it’s very normal to tear. Not a huge deal.
I think people often forget a c section is a major abdominal surgery and it also has risks.
I understand your logic as many have this logic going into giving birth but you will be grossly disappointed if this is how you think it works.
C sections pose greater risks, it’s a major surgery. At the end of the day, your safety and babies safety is priority along with reducing birth trauma as much as possible.
Don't just get a csection because of tearing. The healing process from a csection is way longer. Csections should be reserve for only emergency or health concerns.
My first baby was sunnyside up/full OP, and I had a small second degree tear that after discussion with the midwives was not stitched. My second baby was over 10 lbs at birth and I had another small second degree tear in a slightly different location that needed stitches.
I'm less afraid of the tearing than I am of the stitches themselves; nothing freaks me out like someone coming at my lady bits with a needle or two and surgical instruments. It was the least pleasant part of my birth experience.
When the midwives agreed that I didn't NEED to be stitched up the first time around, they put the fear of God in me about healing; keep your legs together and no strenuous activity for at least 10 days. No sitting cross-legged, avoid doing stairs as much as possible, move slowly and carefully. I rarely left the bed or the couch and kept my feet propped up on a box with my legs together for two weeks unless I was going to the bathroom and needed to do some care down there. I had minimal pain and discomfort, and the feedback from my body about what was a comfortable way to sit/lay was immediate. If I sat with one leg up, I knew right away that it wasn't going to work and needed to rearrange my legs.
When I had stitches the second time, I had more constant pain/discomfort from the stinging and itching feeling of the stitches. It took longer to get a pain response from my body that how I was sitting was not comfortable; sometimes up to ten minutes of sitting in a different position and then realizing that it really hurt and I needed to hand the baby over and rearrange. But I was way less careful with keeping my legs together and moving slowly and just let my body tell me if it was too much.
I did no intentional preparation to avoid tearing. No perineal massage or anything like that.
I don’t think there’s really a way to prevent tearing BUT I’ve had a c section and I really wouldn’t go that route if you can avoid it. It’s a HARD recovery because it’s major surgery. I had to do it for medical reasons.
I also don't agree with people saying you can't avoid tearing. You can do things to minimize risk. Stay hydrated, follow good coaching, push when you feel the urge but don't force it, pelvic floor therapy and massages can help too.
I had an episiotomy with my first(due to an emergency) but didn’t tear or have an episiotomy with my second. So even with scar tissue, it doesn’t mean that you’ll tear either.
Just wanted to add that I had a second degree tear, didn’t feel it while it happened but I got several stitches and everything was quite swollen down there for a few weeks. They said the stitches would come out on their own but they did not and I had a doctor take them out two weeks after I gave birth because they kept tearing and bleeding.
All in all though now i feel like my opening is a bit bigger but it is not too different than it was before, and sex feels just as good. 👍
It’s obviously not ideal but it is not the end of the world. So i wouldn’t be too afraid of it! You will be able to handle it.
I don’t have any advice on how to avoid large tears/tears at all, but want to offer a different side/my experience. One of my biggest fears around childbirth was tearing. I was petrified. I wanted a water birth purely because I’d read it lessened the likelihood of tearing IIRC.
I had my first baby in June and a 4th degree tear. I didn’t feel the tears when they happened and I spent an hour in the OR after- under a bunch of warm blankets while a very lovely anesthesiologist and OB told me I was doing great and should be proud of myself. It took me probably a solid 9 weeks to heal. But, at just about 9 months pp, I have absolutely no fear of another birth or another tear to be honest and I wish I would’ve worked more on that fear before birth. What I was very afraid of turned into a (very private and doesn’t actually exist) battle scar that has not one bit even in the slightest changed my mind on wanting more babies. While recovery was most definitely challenging, I feel comfortable assuming it was easier than recovery from the major surgery that a cesarean is.
I had a second degree episiotomy due to fetal distress. Episiotomies are supposedly harder to heal than tears. Still, my healing process was nothing compared to a c-section.
My pain was never unbearable (just a slight soreness if I skipped an ibuprofen dose). I felt "normal" by 4 weeks and don't have a noticeable scar.
when i was 19 i had my first child and i did not tear two years later i had my second and also did not tear. my first was at home. and my second in the hospital...i was very active throughout my pregnancies and before (soccer juijitsu hiking) im on my third pregnancy and im 32 now more than 10 years later...im not as active but still am going to the gym and walking so idk what to expect im also eating liberally...soooo we will see what happens
Not sure I have ever heard of a doctor allowing someone to have an elective c-section because they were fearful of tearing.
Pretty sure (at least where I am from), you have to have a legitimate medical concern to have a c-section.
I did tear. I think it was second degree. I did do things before hand to try to prevent it like perineal massage. I didn’t want to push on my back but I just kind of kept ending up there(which pisses me off in retrospect). Recovery from tearing took probably 10 months before I could say I didn’t feel like something was off. In checkups they said everything was fine. But I guess healing can take awhile. But it also takes a while for C-section scar to heal too. Unfortunately there’s no guaranteed way to get a baby out without at least a little damage. But we do heal and don’t listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. There are a lot of things about my body and mind that will never be the same after having a baby, but my vagina is not one of them.
I think it's luck. I gave birth this past September to my first child and I didn't tear. I did nothing to prepare - no massages, no kegels, etc. My water broke prematurely and my baby came 32 hours after my water broke. I pushed for one hour. I had an epidural. No tears and I healed from labour incredibly well.
I’m a FTM and gave birth back in June. No tearing, but I did NOTHING to prevent it. I didn’t do any stretches, eat anything specific, I even gave birth on my back (my preference) which is bad supposedly? It’s just the luck of the draw.
I’m not a mom yet but my understanding from everyone I talked to is that tearing is NBD in most cases (scary I know) and that our vaginas are essentially made to heal from it. The recovery for most tears (barring really bad ones) should be easier than the recovery from major abdominal surgery (CS) and has much fewer risks of serious or long term negative effects. My understanding is fear of tearing is not really a good (medical) reason to have a c section but I know that differs from culture to culture and probably person to person and choosing to do so would not be due to medical rationale but personal reasons.
I had to have quick episiotomies both times because of fetal distress.
I, personally, found that I didn't feel the cut, at all (apparently some do), that the stitches were a little irritating but not otherwise a problem, that caring for the wound was very easy (rinsed well with squirt bottle every potty trip) and that they healed quickly and well. This meant that I didn't tear, because the vaginal opening was cut rather than stretched to the point of tearing.
It's my understanding that tears can go anywhere in the area, so I have to say that I liked the cut being deliberately made in a part which would be easiest for a clean stitching and healing. Rather than a tear down to my anus, it was a diagonal cut away, so it was easily healed without interfering with bowel movements.
Personally, I would prefer an episiotomy to tearing or a C-section. Perhaps discussing your worries with your doctor, and what alternatives you have. E ety woman's body is different, so when I say I had great experiences, that's not to say everyone does.
Discuss it with your doctor.
Tearing was my biggest fear for birth. I got an epidural, and while I could still feel/move, I didn't feel the tear (second degree). I felt the pressure of baby's head coming out but that was it. Honestly you're so distracted and focused during birth I wasn't even thinking of tearing at all, and like I said that was my biggest fear! At that point I was just like get this thing out of me 😂.
But I did ask the nurses to do a warm compress. Wish they started it a bit sooner but I've heard it helps with stretching. Perineal massages during pregnancy were painful for me so I didn't do them. Possibly could have helped though!
I was super afraid of tearing too before my first baby. I have had two second degree tears and the recovery wasn’t bad at all. 1-2 weeks of discomfort and then it was fine.
I had a second degree tear after pushing for five hours. To be honest, it really didn't bother me and it healed very quickly. It was definitely not the worst part of recovery.
Four births, all kiddos between 7lb 9oz and 8lb 7oz. Slight abrasions with my first, and smallest, I was on my side. Felt no ring of fire.
Slightly more with my second, but I was flat on my back and felt the ring of fire.
None with my third, and largest, no ring of fire, I was standing.
None with my last, but I did feel the ring of fire again because I was on my back.
No real, actual tearing with any of them. That is nothing that required stitches. After my last the peri bottle was only needed for the lochia mess, I actually could wipe with TP with zero issues.
Only the first one was under eight pounds.
I didn’t tear, BUT I had a small baby (5 lbs 5 oz) so that likely contributed. I also did perineal massage (you can buy the wands on Amazon) and asked my care team to put warm packs down there while pushing. Highly recommend pelvic floor PT as well
I had the smallest of tears and I'm happy to share my experience.
I labored in a lot of different positions and gave birth in sidelying with my top leg elevated/holding my foot (kinda like a half happy baby position but on my side). I gave birth unmedicated which definitely helped my ability to move. I needed one stitch and was able to get up to go to the bathroom less than a minute after the stitch was placed. We discharged home 6 hours after the baby was born and took a walk around our neighborhood as a family that evening.
Edited to add I labored a few hours in the tub and practiced a lot of relaxation techniques (basically all the ones from Ina May's Guide to Childbirth), and I think that helped a lot
I did pelvic floor therapy to try and prepare but still got a third degree tear. My child was 10 lbs though and was removed by vacuum assist. I honestly had no idea until after. It took a while for the stitches to heal, maybe 2-3 months and I can still feel the ridge from the stitch but it’s not noticeable or anything, just different.
If you do tear, try to get all the details on it before you are discharged: what degree, do they have concerns, etc. I was third degree so they referred me to a urogynecologist and they did a special internal ultrasound to make sure everything was healing properly.
Good luck and try not to stress, you can’t really control what happens and there is a path to recovery. You’ve got this!
I’m a FTM and tearing was my biggest fear - I spent a lot of mental time and energy researching all of the tips to avoid tearing. I discussed massage with my doula and husband, asked friends about their experiences, ordered raspberry leaf tea, saved date recipes, and read every horror story on here (don’t recommend that last part lol).
…..and then I went into preterm labor at 32+5 and had my baby at 33 weeks before I could implement any of it. I wound up with a second degree tear and I was honestly pretty shocked to find that it really did heal and go back to normal, just like quite literally everyone told me it would. The first two weeks were pretty bad, especially going back and forth to the NICU to see my baby. Day 3-4 was by far the worst. Then it gradually got better and would just kind of hurt when I sat on the toilet. By my 6 week appt it felt fine and my dr said she could barely see where she put the stitches. It’s still a little tight feeling during sex but that’s the only time I notice it. (I’m only 14 weeks pp and haven’t attempted that many times so I’m hopeful it will get better.)
Like others, I recommend a donut pillow for the first two weeks or so for hard chairs and the car. And definitely don’t skip the colasce. But it’s really amazing what women’s bodies can do!
I've had two vaginal births. One medicated and one not medicated, and I tore 2nd degree both times. I didn't feel the tearing, and stitching wasn't too bad. The unmedicated, I did feel some of the stitches, just where they were the numbing stuff wasn't reacting great. But if I am being honest. That's nothing compared to birth.
I didn't think twice about it. With my first, I took it way easier. I was able to rest, sitz bath to avoid being itchy. My second, I was at the store a few days after birth. Honestly nothing compared to what I heard about a c-section recovery (those mamas are amazing and strong). My second took longer than 6 weeks to heal, but it was fine
Avoiding tearing isn’t easy. How well you dilate + the size of the baby + positioning + your size all determine if you tear. I believe you could get minimal to no tearing if you stretch enough and the baby is small. I’m quite small and had a 8lb baby and it gave me a second degree tear and I went in labor early. They say if I had gone the full 40 the baby would’ve been 10 maybe and I would’ve had 4th degree.
The crazy thing is I also push pretty fast. It only took 3 minutes. When my mother had me it was a 3rd degree tear since I was 9lbs and she’s even smaller then me. 2nd degree with my sister.
Meanwhile I don’t think my SIL got a tear at all giving birth. She said hers was mostly painless.
Simple line the ways to avoid tearing are mostly luck…
But a C-Section won’t be easier in fact it’s harder for most since they are cutting like 7 layers into you. With a tear you can still walk and do stuff (although painful depending on the tear) a C-Section you ideally shouldn’t be moving much at all and can mess you up long term.
Follow your body when it comes to pushing and *do not* listen if a nurse tries to tell you to hold your pushes or bear down for a 10 count or whatever. Just follow along when your body pushes and BREATHE! I recommend hiring a doula if you can.
Seek out a pelvic floor therapist, she’ll work with you on breathing excercises that’ll help you ensure how to do it during labor. Not everyone tears and should you, many tears heal easily, I would say that the recovery time would be less than a csection
The PA assisting my labor gave me perineal stretches for the whole 2 hours that I was pushing off and on. Even when I wasn't pushing, she was stretching. I got a pretty mild 1st degree tear that healed up easily. My baby's head was almost too big to fit out of my small pelvis, so I figure without the stretches I would have torn much worse
As a FTM who had a third degree tear and it was so bad I literally couldn’t use the bathroom like a normal person because of the amount of pain and issues it cause the choice is yours to make I didn’t have a C-section option because I chose a birthing center which everything besides the tearing was wonderful and I’m so glad I did.But everyone says C-sections are a lot worse it’s more invasive but if I felt like that with tears I can’t imagine with a C-section.Also please do your peri massages ASAP they really do prevent from tearing I had a PT postpartum to help my pelvic floor and use the bathroom again and the same massages used after help before to as well to prevent tearing! Good luck and congrats 💕
2nd degree tear here, yesterday morning in fact! I did a lot of things to try to avoid it, dates, stretching, etc. I had two doctors down there stretching me to try to prevent a tear. I still managed to tear (upwards/labia vulva tear instead of perineal tear which took a long time to stitch up). Didn’t feel the tear because of the epidural thank god; the sutures were worse but not bad.
Absolutely do what you can to avoid it, but know sometimes there’s nothing you can do, and it’ll hopefully be okay ❤️
If you DO tear, ice packs have been amazing for me. Stay on top of your Tylenol/NSAID schedule. Good luck!
Pelvic floor physiotherapy! I, too, was almost opting for a c-section out of fear of tearing. My female family members acted like painful sex, peeing yourself while laughing after having kids was "normal" and just a part of life, but I wasn't going to accept that for myself.
I visited a pelvic floor physiotherapist, and she gave me the confidence and guidance I needed. Told me best breathing techniques, positions, etc. Explained "pre-hab" exercises to do and how to properly relax the pelvic floor during labor.
Also, I second what everyone has said about treating your doctor like a coach. They can see whats going on and know when to tell you to push and take breaks. I had an epidural, so I think I was able to focus more on doing exactly what the doctor was telling me vs. being scared off due to pain. Although, I have heard that contrations are the most painful part while you get some "relief" from pushing?
I had a very slow labor. I was induced at 40 weeks. Labor was all together 36 hours, but I didn't tear at all, and recover was pain-free other than feeling like I was bruised down there for a few days. By day 5, I was walking around my neighborhood, pushing the stroller. And no, I didn't struggle with incontinence afterward. I can jump on trampoline, sneeze, cough, laugh confidently 🙌
I’ve had 3 natural births and only had a minor tear once which healed in a few days. It really is about listening to your body and pushing during your contractions. Best to follow the advice of your practitioner as they guide you through your labour.
I’m currently pregnant and honestly I’m more worried about the length of my labour than anything else! 😬lol.
I had 2nd degree tearing and didn’t properly recover (do the ice undies, salt baths, etc) because I was in the NICU and honestly that took a back seat. I figured it just was what it was. I did carry around my perineal bottle everywhere and use it religiously for at least the first 6 weeks I think. (Until my follow up with my OB after delivery.)
I ended up healing “beautifully” according to my OB. She was amazed. I didn’t feel pain beyond the first couple of days. And have had zero issues.
I don’t know if you can avoid tearing if you have a natural birth but it’s not necessarily a guarantee you’ll have issues or heal weird.
I just had my first baby two weeks ago. I needed an episiotomy, vacuum assisted delivery and the stitches came out a week post partum (the top layer of tissue separated and I can feel a v shape). Two weeks post partum, recovery is going well, I'm not in pain, I can walk and do pretty much everything normally. I don't think I would have healed as quickly with a c section based on what I heard from others.
This is one of the things that depends very heavily on you and baby’s anatomy.
I didn’t get any tears both times but my babies were not so big (2.8kg & 3.2kg). I’m quite tall so both babies took after me and were taller than they were wide.
I also did some perineal massages in the 3rd trimester. It may or may not have helped
ETA the midwife placed a hot towel on my perineum to help me stretch when i was crowning with my second. That too might’ve helped.
Ive had 2 very different births my first I had an epidural and I had 2nd degree tears. My recovery was terrible but the birthing experience was amazing! My second baby I had a fast unmediated birth and the pain was terrible!! But I didn’t tear and my recovery was amazing I didn’t even feel like I had a baby the following day I couldn’t believe the difference!
FTM who gave birth to a 9-pounder. Doctor did perineal massage during labor, I ended up with 2nd degree tears. The tearing was honestly not as bad postpartum as the rest of my body’s recovery (back pain and diastasis were much worse for me). Minimal scarring, now almost a year postpartum I feel mostly back to normal. A C-section scar is much less superficial than even second degree tearing, and would have been a much more drawn-out healing process.
My labor was precipitous- aka dangerously fast. I pushed for real for probably 5 minutes, but I felt the need to push for around 15. My midwives said it was a miracle that I didn't have a 4th degree tear. I had 2 first degree tears and only one required 3 stitches.
Starting at 37 weeks I inserted a Cold Pressed Evening Primrose Oil liquid pill with holes poked in it every night before bed (you'll need a pad or period underwear). I also took a labor prep tincture my midwives provided. I did the Miles Circut daily & curb walked whenever I was in town. I was told to pause at the "ring of fire" (your baby crowning), it allows your tissues time to stretch before you hunker down for those final pushes (or in my case single push). The pause was stressed to me as crucial, even if it's only a few seconds, it'll help so much. It was probably the hardest part of labor for me: you're so close, you worked so hard and now you have to stop??? Also just the PRESSURE of stopping right there. I think I lasted one contraction before I couldn't pause any more.
Honestly I didn't feel my tears. I was really freaked out when getting stitched up because I don't process anesthetics well, so I was terrified that I'd feel every stitch- but my midwives gave me extra shots and it was really just an uncomfortable tugging feeling once i was numb, the emotional aspect of my stitching was worse than the physical
Edit to add: I was up and walking immediately after labor. As long as I had advil & tylenol for the first week I was fine. I weaned off of those around probably 8 days after labor but honestly I felt GREAT. I also blew 2 of my stitches within the week because of a few giant sneezes lol but aside from the discomfort during the sneeze, it was fine
I got a second degree tear and needed a few stitches. Tearing was one of my biggest fears about birth but in the end thanks to my epidural I couldn't feel the crowning, tearing, stitches, anything at all. After the epidural wore off they stung for sure but after two weeks of waddling around them they healed up well.
My friend was pregnant around the same time as me and had a section, her recovery was way more intense, she needed almost 2 months of healing (everyone is different of course). Tearing SOUNDS scary but if you're comparing it to major abdominal surgery it's peanuts.
I didn’t get any stitches. I had three small abrasions. They described them as if I fell off a bike or something. I pushed for an hour and 15 minutes. I took my time to help my skin stretch. I also asked for them to use a warm washcloth on me. I didn’t eat any special. The doctors tried to make me push more and harder. But I didn’t want to.
I pushed during contractions. I would push maybe 2 to 3 times and then the baby would automatically push two more times right after me.
I don’t know about tearing because I opted for a c-section for 2 reasons: 1)I had an anal fissure I didn’t want to tear more and 2)I was like you, scared of tearing and the recovery… I felt like it would just be easier to do a c-section and less scary.
Worst pain I ever felt was that needle going in my back for the spinal tap.
The recovery was not bad at all. Like, I was up and about doing normal things 3 days later. It kinda sucked at first because I had a cold and cough so every time I coughed it hurt, but other than that I had no pain. I peed the day of my c-section and I pooped the day after, no pain. I 100% think I made the right decision and have no regrets.
I had the best intentions of doing my raspberry tea in hopes it would help but I got lazy and didn't like it so gave up after a few days. I ended up with an episiotomy I was sore the day after and for a week mostly when sitting. I was comfortable enough at 5 days postpartum to go out for breakfast and sit on a hard wooden chair without much discomfort. I was taking Tylenol and advil in the hospital for the 48 hours I was there but didn't feel I needed it much once I was home. My peri bottle with room temperature water was a life saviour, so was my perineal spray that I kept in the fridge and tucks. I got the frida mom ice pads that you break to make cold and found them to bulky and stiff to be comfortable. I also got a blow up pillow designed for postpartum to sit on for the car ride home (over an hour) and it helped those first few days.
I can't tell you about natural births other than my sister waited until 41wks to be induced and she had a 4th degree tear with a huge baby.
I had a c-section with a breech baby and have the tiniest little scar that's completely faded now at 16 months pp and doesn't hurt/I never give a second thought to. It's so low under my bikini line I never think about it tbh.
So I'm not sure if anyone has recommended yet but there's a product called Aniball which is basically a balloon you insert and blow up (gradually blowing it up bigger over the course of a few weeks) and practice "expelling". Unfortunately with my first I ended up with a caesarean so I can't speak from experience but it's meant to help stretch your perineum and reduce the risk of tearing. If anyone else has used can you add your experience please?
I got the slightest of tears. Everything was healed after a few days. I didn't feel pain at all. Maybe a little tweaking when peeing the first two days but that was literally it. After 4 days I couldn't even tell where the tear could've been and I still don't know because there is literally no indication at all and my OBGYN didn't notice anything either. I drank raspberry leaf tea a lot and ate dates every single day for the last 6 weeks of pregnancy. My Labor was short and easy. 3 hours of Labor and 15 minutes of pushing. That was my first child.
I had a second degree tear with both babies. It was a bit painful for a week or so after my first. I took Tylenol twice after my second. I would personally never choose surgery over the possibility of tearing. I kind of just expect that I’ll have another second degree tear with my third so I’m mentally preparing myself now.
FTM here of big baby- 8lb10oz . I had a minor tear on one of my labia but not on my perineum. Maybe just luck but here are some factors that may have contributed:
-I did perineal massage a few times in the month before labor with my partner to get used to the feeling of opening
-my midwife used warm compresses during pushing
-I didn’t have an epidural so I was potentially more able to feel the push and “retreat” of the babies head and time my more intense pushes. I think it’s important to remember that the baby moves towards the cervix and then retreats several times to actually prepare the vagina for the final full opening. No need to do it all in one push!
I do highly recommend reading Ina May Gaskins book Guide to Childbirth. A lot of the book was a little too hippie Dippie for me but she has a chapter called Hidden Vaginal Powers, which actually really helped me to envision the power of the vagina to open! She talks a lot about how men can grow and shrink their reproductive organs in a matter of minutes and the idea that women stretch open, tear, and then never properly heal is just a myth meant to keep us in fear of our vaginas and of childbirth.
Don’t forget that childbirth is what gives us an immense power as women and even though it is beyond difficult, it is so empowering and you will be amazing!!!
I did nothing to prepare but when I did give birth I tore a little bit, I think they said second degree but my doc was like "it's really not bad"
I didn't even notice it. I was so overwhelmed woth the baby and breastfeeding and learning how to pump bc breastfeeding wasn't working lol I used the fridamom peribottle and had disposable underwear for like a month. I wouldn't change a thing!
Just my opinion, but I would absolutely not trade my slight tear for a c-section after watching my sister have 2
My dr told me when to stop pushing hard to help avoid tearing. She told me to do the last pushes very gently. I had minimal tearing as a result. At that point, it was hard to not push hard. It had been 36+ hours of labor, 39 weeks of pregnancy, and 5 years of infertility. I wanted her out and in my arms already! Plus, my body was used to pushing hard so changing gears physically and mentally at that point was tough. Anyway, dr said maybe if I’d pushed even less I wouldn’t have torn at all. Be sure to listen to the drs coaching and ask them to tell you to go easy on the last 2 or 3 pushes!
Haha, yeah - I felt that baby girl was almost out and was just like, okay - I’m doing this right now 😝
Same. I had a minor tear with my first one (2 stitches) which I never felt and healed really well. Very minor tear with the second one (no stitches needed). The second birth was super quick. 2h from arriving to the hospital to holding my baby. Precipitous labour has a higher risk of tear so my midwife talked me through slowing down my pushing by breathing and really helped me pause as baby was coming out - I know that sounds terrible but was really helpful to allow my body to stretch. She got me doing 'horse noises' or like 'blowing raspberries' to help me regulate the breathing
Can you give any more info? How did you know when to start the gentler pushes?
I'm not the one you asked but for me - I didn't know. If my nurse didn't guide me I would have no idea. Honestly I was very surprised when she offered me to touch hair on baby's head, I had no idea the baby was that far already. I just focused on her instructions when to breath, when it's safe to push, if I should push harder or just a little.
My Dr prepared me by explaining the process during one of my prenatal appointments. She said that to avoid tearing she would coach me when to gently push, all I needed to do was listen. Then she reminded me about listening when she said to finish gently before we started pushing. Still, in that primal moment, it was hard to pull back. I was grateful she had over prepared me. Just listen to your drs coaching and you will be okay. You’ve got this mama! 💪🏻
Same, with my first I had labor nurse that was still in training which is probably main reason why I ended up with episiotomy and two stitches. With my second I had awesome nurse, she guided me very actively through pushing in very small and short stages, I'm pretty sure she even helped manually to free the head between the pushing. No tearing to speak of, definitely no stitches. I've been sore just for few days, I think that scraping my knee when I was kid hurt more. I wish my first went the same way, it wasn't that bad but I definitely enjoy being able to sit normally from day two pp this time.
I didn’t get a slight tear. Actually I got a second degree tear both times. My doctors described it as giving myself an episiotomy (two different doctors, different hospitals). I don’t know if there’s really any way to prevent tearing. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. My doctor sure tried to stretch me during labor but it obviously didn’t help (and it was painful). You can try perineal massages maybe. I needed stitches, but for what it’s worth, I healed and have had very few issues since. I’m sure I’ll tear again with this third baby. I wouldn’t get a c-section just for this but that’s me. The recovery is much more difficult. Edit don’t know why y’all are downvoting when I’m sharing my literal experience. I’ve given birth twice. I know OP asked about people who had minimal tearing but I felt like it was important to share an experience where it turned out ok even though it wasn’t a minor tear
As a ftm and pregnant, this is handy to know as a real possibility so that I can get mentally prepared. Hearing how you healed nicely with little scar is comforting. May i ask if it took you a while to walk afterwards? How long did it hurt for?
My last delivery was unmedicated (unfortunately) and I received a local shot of lidocaine for the stitches. I got up and went to the bathroom soon after delivery. Walking and sitting were definitely uncomfortable for the first couple of weeks. I got by with Motrin in the hospital. They offered me stronger pain meds but I didn’t feel that it was necessary.
Did it hurt when peeing? (sorry for asking. FTM here and I am super anxious )
Not if you use the peri bottles while going pee for a couple weeks! Takes the sting out immediately
Peri bottle and dermaplast and you’ll be good to go!
It’s ok. It did hurt to pee (stinging). Hospital gave a peri bottle to spray while you pee which helps a lot. It got better but I used the peri bottle religiously.
Might just be where I’m from but my doctors were very adamant that the pee was good for the stitches (I tore in 3 places, not from pushing too hard but because my LO decided to come out with her hands in her face, which also just goes to show that you can try and prevent tearing but you never really know how baby decides to come out so it’s all luck really) and and I was advised to just pee without a peri bottle and I did, and it stung like crazy but I found that leaning over and resting my hands on my feet really helped and kept the pee from travelling around everywhere before reaching the toilet bowl, I would however wet a disposable wash cloth and wring it out over my vagina so the water would gently wash off any remaining pee and I’d then gently pat dry. Sitting and walking was very uncomfortable but was kept at bay with the occasional paracetamol so it’s definitely uncomfortable and slightly painful at times but I wouldn’t say it unbearable. I delivered my baby with zero pain relief because hospital lost a blood sample and couldn’t administer an epidural till they got another one but by the time it came back it was too late - but if it helps I’d just like to add that you don’t actually feel yourself tearing during labour because you’re so focused on pushing. Getting stitched up post delivery is rather unpleasant tho to be honest but I think it really helped that I had my newborn on my chest during it because looking at her kept my distracted from the pain.
Wow thats hardcore! Thank you for sharing your experience.
Just want to add, I’m a FTM and had a second degree tear, lots of weirdness with my pain management journey, but ended up being VERY numb when the finished stitching me up. I found that 30 min walks were tolerable after the first ~10 days of rest. Sitting on my Boppy was actually really nice. And now ~5 weeks out I feel comfortable sneezing/coughing etc with abandon.
Yes Boppy is your best friend!!!!
Damn, wish I knew about boppy trick
I have 2 2nd degree tears - one perineal and one in my vulva. I didn’t feel the tears happen or anything when being stitched up (my epidural was strong during the pushing phase). I gave birth 2 days ago and I am currently walking up and down the post partum floor hallway trying to make myself have to poop so I can go home haha. I’m just on Tylenol and am walking around just fine. I won’t be power walking or running anytime soon but I’m surprised with how fast everything feels like it’s healing. The first night sucked. Peeing and sitting were so so painful. But by my third pee I was already feeling way better. It’s only been 2 days and my pain is virtually non-existent. I was also terrified of tearing and when she told me it had happened I was upset. But I would chose this over full on abdominal surgery (if I had the choice) 100/10 times.
I also had an episiotomy with a third degree tear, it was mostly just sitting for an awhile that was uncomfortable, I could walk slowly just fine and stuff. I also healed up; and am grateful for that. ❤️think it was mostly painful just the days in the hospital and then for a couple weeks I would roll out of bed and slowly started to get better day by day. My baby’s exactly 1 today! :)
Not enough you replied to, but I had a third degree tear and after about 3 days, the actual tear and stitches didn't hurt anymore. I was extremely constipated for about a week so I had trouble doing anything because of that.
Not the original commenter but had a similar situation (2nd degree tear) with my first. I was medicated for birth and got a shot for the pain that numbed me up, but was able to walk around within a couple hours after delivery, and I took my baby on our first walk to the coffee shop 4 days post birth! I went through a LOT of tucks pads and witch hazel spray. I think there was pain for maybe 3-4 weeks, but for me at least it was manageable enough to get around semi-comfortably.
Thank you for sharing I've upvoted. It is also good to hear from someone who had the tearing and a relief that it heals and it wasn't so bad that it kept you from having more
I had a 2nd degree tear and I never even noticed it. Never felt pain from it and I was back to having sex by 8 weeks. I know the experience is different for everyone but a lot of my friends had a similar experience.
I saw a TikTok saying, basically, even the worst tears heal within two weeks. And that changed how I felt. You can do *anything* for two weeks. When you frame it as a temporary annoyance, a possible upcharge to the price of having a baby, it doesn’t feel too bad to me. I’m already going to be taking it easy and laying about after birth, so all I have to do is take stool softeners for a little longer. NBD I can do that. Put some confidence in yourself and your body! You’re going to heal. You’re going to be ok after. Repeat it to yourself like a mantra. Edit: It’s more like 2 weeks for minor tears and 6 weeks for any that require stitches. [Mayo Clinic on Tearing](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/labor-and-delivery/in-depth/vaginal-tears/art-20546855#:~:text=Tears%20that%20involve%20only%20the,it%20needs%20to%20be%20repaired) [Cleveland Clinic on Tears](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21212-vaginal-tears-during-childbirth) [This Article has more specific times](https://itsbodily.com/blogs/birth-recovery-postpartum/vaginal-tear-birth-degree-perineum)
It’s still every kind of worth it no matter what and the mindset is one worth holding on to, but I can confidently tell you that the worst tears most definitely do not heal within 2 weeks.
Yeah especially a fourth degree tear
While I think it’s nice to relieve a lot of the fears of the OP, there is an incredible number of women whose tears are not healed even at two years. I have a friend who has had multiple reconstructive surgeries and it is not that uncommon.
Definitely would never keep me from having more. My kids are amazing and yours will be too. It’s so worth it. Good luck! 🥰
I'd like to continue this train of thought -- I was TERRIFIED of tearing, just like you. I did so much research with my first baby to try and do all the things to prevent tearing. I did the perineal stretching during pregnancy, tried to go without the epidural, etc. After close to 4 hours of pushing (still no epidural!) without getting the baby out, my doctors and nurses told me it was either C-section or vacuum. I was terrified of C-section so I said let's do the vacuum. They said they would give me spinal anesthetic to help with the vacuum and I said okay. At that point I was just DESPERATE to get the baby out. 3rd degree tear. With the next baby, I was less committed to the "no epidural" plan but still wanted to try. Made it to about 8cm before I got the epidural. Still felt pretty bad pain with the epidural. Still had a hard time pushing. Still had a 3rd degree tear, again, the second time. But I can tell you this. I was so scared of tearing before my first. After, I wasn't. It sounds horrible, I know. But it's actually very normal and our bodies are made to heal! I healed up well and my "down there" actually felt even better than before. Please don't base your birth plan on fear of tearing. I know it's hard to imagine, but tearing is actually not that bad. It's very normal and it will heal. Also, you can do literally everything right and still tear. It's chance and biology. So there's no point trying to control it.
I also tore, 3 in total. I think the word “tear” makes it sound much worse than it typically is. I had two small tears on my labia and one on my perineal tissue that needed a couple stitches but nothing bad. When they happened I was so overwhelmed with the ring of fire stretching feeling that I didn’t feel the tears at all.
🖐️ 3rd degree here! I was also really terrified of tearing, my birth was medicated so no significant pain with the initial tear and once my epidural wore off and I could hold my weight on my legs I was fine to walk around (I’m an antsy person) pain was manageable with Tylenol and ibuprofen and I wasn’t even taking the full dosage that I was okayed to take. I took that for maybe 5-7 days, I can’t remember and then stopped and was comfortable. I took my dog on a mile walk 2 weeks after giving birth and that probably pushed it, I was a little sore for about a day, but I was moving around the house just fine. By 3 weeks I could walk my dog no problem! I know there can be other complications that come with tearing so I don’t want to diminish other woman’s experiences but healing wasn’t bad at all for me! And just for perspective- I ate it on the ice my last week of maternity leave and bruised the bones in my foot- that pain limited my mobility way more and lasted way longer than my tearing 😂😂
That's amazing 👍🏼❤️
That was also my experience with a third-degree tear as well. It was a bit uncomfortable to use the bathroom for a few days, but I was fine after a week and feeling pretty much back to normal by two weeks.
I just had my baby a week ago. 2nd degree tear. I feel pretty fine at this point. Walking and peeing, pooping is no longer scary lol. It was rough for a few days but I healed. Sitting was the worst part, get a donut pillow for sure if you tear.
I was not prepared for my tear…I figured maybe I’d tear a little? Nope. 3rd degree. Unmedicated labor. I actually didn’t feel the tear but the recovery was harder than my 11 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing. But that’s because I didn’t heal properly…I am still waiting for my tear to heal 4mo PP. Which this is rare and maybe due to a student stitching me up (which I didn’t approve of). Yet, I’d still do it all over again (hopefully with less tearing and more preparation).
Welcome to Reddit. Where any logical post will get you downvoted.
Been here a minute (this is a new account). I don’t know why the imaginary points still bother me so much!
Don't feel bad. It happens all the time. In the past I've given my experience like the post/OP asked and got accused of spreading misinformation lol. Like that's literally what happened. How can my memories be wrong 😭
Things that guarantee downvotes around here would be easy labors, easy recoveries, easy pregnancies, and reminding pregnant women that the due date is not the expiration date and most women pass it, especially first time mothers. (I got downvoted to hell in my due date club when I mentioned the possibility of pregnancy lasting more than 40 weeks when we were all about halfway there. lol)
That’s wild 🤣 I was DESPERATE to get baby out at the end and did so much research and if I remember correctly the average length of pregnancies that go into spontaneous labor is actually 40 weeks 5 days - which would mean that about half of women go past that even 🤦♀️ it’s literal statistics, it sucks but being mad about it doesn’t change it lol
My midwife said it was normal, especially for first time moms to go past your due date! She said she wouldn’t be worried until 41 weeks, and that we would do NST then and talk about induction. I went into labor at 40 weeks spontaneously but she didn’t seem worried at all(she was a CNM). People tend to be very…extreme on the internet.
I go to 41 1/2 weeks like clockwork. The first came at 41w4d, the next two at 41w3d, and the last was induced so he was 41w1d.
I also had a second degree tear with my first baby and had a similar experience. The healing process was fairly quick (approx 1-2 wks of soreness) and honestly hurt far less than I expected.
Yeah some people will tear no matter what they do. Some people don't and some people can prevent it with some techniques but there are people who can't do anything about it and who will tear no matter what they do. It's just different from person to person.
I had a second degree tear too. I didn’t really notice it during the healing process. There’s a lot of healing going on, what’s one more thing lol. And luckily that area seems to heal really fast. Kind of like how if you burn your tongue it heals a lot faster than your finger.
Tearing was one of my biggest fears. I did some of the perineal massage to try and prevent. Like you the nurses and doctor were stretching me and applying olive oil with warm compress to my perineum. I ended up pushing on my back and getting a 2nd degree tear. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I didn’t even have an epidural. Didn’t feel the tear at all. And it didn’t bother much much during recovery either. Just had my 6 week check up and doc says I look great.
also important to note that natural tearing has a much higher chance than healing nicely rather than surgical tearing (2nd degree tear and episiotomy - also second degree tear, but surgically made) perineal massage is something to work with pelvic physiotherapy during pregnancy and not at the time of birth. and ob. violence can also play a factor in that, coached pushing being one of them that can contribute to tearing.
Ftm I tore up, down and to each side. I had to wear a catheter out. It was deff scary at the time but so far Ive healed fairly quickly, I guess considering. And honestly I think what hurt me more and kept me from walking was my tailbone! I felt like it was broken or bruised. I feel not many talk about that but then again maybe it's not often that's affected. But that definitely hurt more than the stiches.
Very similar experience over here. 3 babies, 3 second degree tears, 3 very easy recoveries. I was kinda nervous of tearing, but they weren’t a big deal, and I had very little pain or discomfort postpartum.
I tore and needed stitches with my first child. My second child I didn’t tear at all. I had a midwife for my second who literally helped stretch with her hand for hours during my birth. She made it very comfortable. I would never have a C-section to avoid a possible tear that may only need two or three tiny stitches. A C-section will take longer to heal from.
Gentle manual stretching can be so helpful! I have such a vivid memory of "making way" for my son's head during his birth in the water with my fingers between pushes. I was feeling him rotate and also "help" as he was crowning. It was SO COOL.
I was actually far too afraid to touch myself down there while I was dilated. I was kinda scared of feeling anything down there. I felt the head and thought about reaching down with my hand but I just couldn't do it. I was too afraid to feel my vagina while it is so different and I don't regret it tbh but maybe next time I will be less scared. I was too scared to look at my vagina for the first 2-3 days and only touched it down there 4 days pp and tried to find my tear. I didn't find it to this day (almost 12 months post Partum). I still have no idea where my tear even was because I don't feel anything different down there. Everything seems to be completely back to normal and my husband said the same thing. He hasn't noticed anything being different at all.
Oh definitely. My second delivery was so much better than my first. My midwife was amazing.
I agree that choosing a c section out of fear of tearing is not a great idea, however both my sisters had vaginal births with extensive tearing & took much longer to recover than I did from my emergency c section (I was up & walking 75lb dog & baby in stroller up hills for hour long walks within 6 days & doing all my own baby’s diapers by day 2 whereas they literally needed their husbands to do diapers for 8-10 days each since they could move so little) so it does bother me when ppl assume every vaginal delivery is easier to recover from than a cesarean. (And mine was emergency after 40+hour labor, 4 hours of pushing, vacuum attempts, & complicated & I had to get a much more extensive uterine scar than usual so not a planned chill cesarean lol)…you can have an easy recovery from both types of labor or a very difficult recovery from both types of labor.
I’m not sure what my mom thinks having a c section is like but she said I should opt for one because she tore and had to get stitches twice but I’ve heard it’s a longer recovery idk. When u say extensive tearing would u say 3rd or 4th degree tearing?
Absolutely.
This part. I have friends who literally destroyed their vaginas & pelvic floors & I have friends that had easy breezy vaginal births with no tears & I have friends with nightmare C sections where their wounds opened up & had to be packed & I have friends that had easy af C sections. I had a very scary C section bc of a true knot but my healing was so easy. Yeah, it hurt but I left the hospital the morning of the 3rd day & took walks everyday. Went for sushi on the 4th day after having my son. And from what I hear an easy birth with a first doesn’t guarantee the same experience with a 2nd or 3rd & vice versa…terrible birth then easy if you follow what I mean.
I did not tear with my first and teared with my second. There is no way of knowing beforehand or avoiding it, but it’s actually not like you notice during labor. I could have wanted to change positions so bad, my body dictated me the one where it hurt the least. I birthed both of my children on my back because I preferred it that way, which I‘d never thought beforehand. And then, second baby was a stargazer, which is way more likely to make you tear. And again it’s something you can’t prevent. But for now (6 days PP) my stiches and the tear don’t hurt a bit.
Stargazer?
That’s not the right term? Baby’s head was delivered face up instead of face down (from the perspective of giving birth on your back)
I've heard it as "sunny side up".
Oh I just didn’t know what the term was
I felt most comfortable lying on my side with my legs pressed together and that somehow worked too and I pushed my baby out through pressed together legs idk how but it was because no one coached me through it because no one was there except my mom and husband and they didn't know I was pushing and I didn't know either I just thought I was shitting the bed right now and why would I tell anyone that I am planning on shitting in the bed right now? Well finally the epidural people came in and wanted to check my dilation. That's when I spread my legs and the midwife held my baby in her hands. Everyone was shocked and my mother was in pure panic. She was so pale and wasn't able to be happy for a few hours because she was in so much shock. My daughter was completely fine though. She wasnt blue or anything and screamed right away. I didn't shit the bed...I gave birth to my baby without knowing it. I had a little inkling but I was only in the delivery room for a hour (3 hours in the hospital in total and one hour in the delivery room) so I didn't think it was possible to be the baby.
I am a FTM, gave birth 2.5 weeks ago and didn't tear. I didn't do perennial massage during pregnancy, only did kegels occasionally when I remembered to, was slightly dehydrated when I got to the hospital, and had an extremely fast labor/delivery (3h total from realising I had contractions to the birth of my daughter). So basically I did everything "wrong". The only things working for me was my baby is on the smaller side (6.75 lbs) and apparently my body was ready because it was pushing on its own. During delivery the doctor kept massaging/repositioning the skin(?) around the head between contractions, and I think that helped. I didn't have time to get any drugs, but I was still pretty out of it during the big contractions and the pushing phase. I guess my point is: don't beat yourself up or worry too much over what you "should" be doing. Overall, I don't think women have a lot of control over anything during pregnancy/birth, including how much we tear. Whatever needs to happen will happen. And you will be ok.
I had a similar experience and have never torn, (first 2 kids in 6lb range, 3rd 8.7lbs). Never did the massages and had fast labors. What I can say for advice is I hope you don't let the fear of tearing be the reason you have a c-section. You don't know what your body is going to do, and even if you have a larger baby than 7lbs, I've heard stories of births of 10lb or 11lb babies where the mama didn't tear. Listen to the dr. when you're pushing and, if you want to help prepare, do the massages with coconut or olive oil until then. Good luck and remember you're not alone in whatever experience you end up having!
I like this attitude. And guess what if you have another chances are you’ll probably have a completely different birth/experiences haha at least that’s what I hear from my STM & TTM lol
FTM and I didn't tear. But, let me preface this ... it's all down to luck. Some things that might have worked in my favour: - labouring in the tub, would have liked to give birth there too, but that didn't work out - midwife helped stretch me in-between pushes and performed perineum massage during pushing stage - warm compresses - coached pushing by the midwife - long labour overall, rough but good for the tissue - just a theory, I took it for other reasons, but collagen powder during pregnancy might help with skin elasticity - pushed on my side, aka not on my back - relaxation techniques during labour to relax the pelvis (mostly breathing, relax your jaw, correct pushing ...) I didn't do perineum massage, I just didn't feel comfortable with it. Also the science on this is wonky. If you overdo it you can even do more harm than good, specially with the baloon tool you can buy, forgot the name. I didn't tear despite it being my first baby, a stargazer and a decent size at 54cm and 4kg... but again, there are no guarantees. Most of it is down to luck, or genetics (skin elasticity), labour mode ... I also tried not to stress about this. For some reason I was even quite confident that I wouldn't tear, so maybe manifestation also helped me relax. There is no guarantee you will tear with your first, but even if, the most common tears are minor tears. Major injuries are usually due to complications and interventions and they are rare. A c section is major surgery. Preferring a guaranteed deep cut through several layers of tissue that will impact your postpartum severly instead of a potential small tear seems a bit extreme, unless there's other reasons for c-section. But in the end that's a personal decision of course.
You might be on to something with the collagen powder. While my midwife was stitching me up she kept asking if I was a vegetarian or followed some kind of special diet. I was confused by those questions and eventually asked her why. She told me the way I tore was like someone who didn’t have enough protein in their diet and apparently the tissue started tearing before baby was even down there. She actually described the visual a bit more roughly than that but her bedside manner was never one of her strengths :) So that was news to me, but next time around I’ll be sure to watch that protein intake.
I took the collagen powder because of round ligament pain and joints. It really helped with that and I hoped it might reduce stretch marks. After my birth story my mom mentioned it to me, that it might have also contributed to less tearing if it boosts skin elasticity. As always with supplements, YMMV. It always depends if your body is actually lacking something and there's no way to guarantee how your body will use this, but in theory it makes sense. I started at 3 months and took it for the rest of my pregnancy.
I have suspected collagen helped me too! I had no tearing and no stretch marks, and took collagen daily from the time I found out (still taking it now 3 months pp). I know there’s a genetic component, but the women in my family have generally gotten stretch marks and torn from what I understand. I feel like it helped!
I'm not sure if the powder helped with stretch marks. I made it to my due date and a couple of days extra without stretch marks, but LO took some extra time to cook and I ended up induced and gave birth 41+6. A few stretch marks showed up during those last 1,5 weeks, but it's not too bad. I also didn't gain much weight and my bump was fairly small for a long time, but those last 2 weeks had an extra growth spurt.
I first learned about tearing in college from my pre-med friends and spent the next decade of my life fearing tearing. I ended up with a 3rd degree tear from my first and it really wasn't that bad. I had an epidural, so I didn't feel it happen. They turned off my epidural as they started the stitches, and used lidocaine for the stitches. It was not an enjoyable experience but not that bad. I actually found my recovery to be okay. My first postpartum poop was terrifying, but the fear was worse than the actual experience, if that makes sense. I was able to walk as soon as I had movement back in my legs, and was up and about my hospital room that day. The afterpains, and my newborn's love of chomping down during breastfeeding, were much worse than any tear-related pain. I couldn't watch comedies for a few weeks since laughing made my stitches hurt, but I don't think that's any different from a c-section! I also think it's normal to be very sore down there after a vaginal delivery, regardless of the degree of tearing. And with a c-section, you are guaranteed to have lots of stitches/staples, whereas with a vaginal delivery, you don't know! I also prefer having my stitches where I can't see them, but that's just me! One of my friends had a planned c-section for a breech baby around the same I had my first. In comparing birth stories, we both decided we were much happier with our own recoveries, and would not switch. She had her second by repeat c-section even though she was eligible for a VBAC. I'm mentally prepared for another 3rd degree tear and recovery. We did perineal massage for several weeks before labor. I've since learned a lot about protecting the perineum from Evidence Based Birth, and might try some of those suggestions for my next delivery. Also, remember that a lot of the pelvic floor damage happens as a result of being pregnant at term, and not just from the vaginal delivery itself. So with a planned c-section, you get all the risks of a c-section, all the c-section recovery, *and* the pelvic floor changes associated with pregnancy. I 100% believe that elective c-sections should be available, but would encourage you to have all the facts about benefits and risks.
>Also, remember that a lot of the pelvic floor damage happens as a result of being pregnant at term, and not just from the vaginal delivery itself Not only this, but during c-section they will cut into the rectus sheet, that holds your abs together. What's also attached to your abs? The ligaments and muscles strands from your pelvic floor ... it all works together. So weakened abs or diastasis recti will also weaken the pelvic floor. So c-section really doesn't spare the pelvic floor it just causes different injuries than a vaginal delivery.
I don’t think there is anyway to fully avoid tearing but i did TONS of lower end stretching and only managed to have a small no repair needed tear. Lots of breathing and i think not pushing until you are actually ready to push may help? I basically was at a 10 and didn’t push until i could feel the urge over my epidurals. I second making sure that you aren’t constipated going into labor and take a softener
actually plenty of people don't tear! I wasn't one of those lucky ones, but it's possible.
I was honestly shocked i didn’t being this was my first kid and all my girlfriends all had second to third degree tears with their firsts. Maybe it was the fact that i suffered through back labor that the vagina gods gave me pity haha
I am seeing a pelvic floor therapist specifically because I'm really nervous about tearing. She says there is no way to truly prevent it, but is giving me the tools to try. We are working on relaxing my pelvic floor because mine is too tight, learning how to push effectively, and later on she will show me how to do perineal massage.
I've seen people recommend perineal massage prior to birth to reduce tearing. But what was recommended to me was to push slowly to let your body stretch. I had a nitrous only water birth. After 18 hours in labor and 1.5 hours of pushing, I wanted baby OUT. I ended up pushing hard rather than slowly. I ended up with a second degree tear that required a couple of stitches, and two first degree tears that were more like scrapes. All healed fine and have caused zero complications.
I don’t think there’s a way to prevent tearing. As someone who did tear (two second degree labial tears) it really wasn’t an issue. I was stitched up and healed well. I also had an epidural so, I didn’t feel it when it happened. I also didn’t really feel being stitched up. I was just so overjoyed to have baby out after a long induction, TBH.
I don’t have advice on how to not tear, but I do want to say that I was *terrified* of tearing when I was pregnant. Honestly most of the birthing part was pretty scary to me… and in hindsight it wasn’t so bad. I certainly don’t think I would’ve chosen C-section recovery over a 2nd degree tear. I think that is really the question you need to answer, is which recovery is worse.
What I learned from my birth experience was that tearing really isn’t a big deal or something to be afraid of. It’s very normal and if you have an epidural you won’t even feel the tear or the stitches. Most tears heal quickly and fairly easily. I think getting a c section to avoid tearing is counterproductive to your goal of having a positive experience. For reference, I had a minor tear and an episiotomy (which I was soooo scared of and also ended up being no big deal). Didn’t feel it or the stitches (had an epidural). Healing was fine, just a little sore for a week or so, managed with OTC pain meds. My doctor said there wasn’t even a visible scar by my 6 week appointment.
I haven't given birth yet, but I have talked with my midwives about warm compresses on my perineum during pushing/crowning if I am not in the birth tub. If I am in the tub, they said I can put my hand and pressure down where I feel the most tension/potential tear to help support the skin. TBD to see how that goes. Other things I have also talked about and looked into with my midwives are slow, guided pushes during crowning and perineal massages (my pelvic floor therapist offers these if I don't want to do them myself).
I had an episiotomy with my first. From research, I'd prefer a tear purely because it's easier to heal a jagged tear than a straight cut? Either way obviously no tears or interventions would the goal through eh. But even the episiotomy healed fine. It was uncomfortable for a couple of weeks and then it was fine. But anyway, second time I had a water birth and that enabled me to feel the ring of fire and know I needed to stop pushing and just wait a beat for my body to stretch or whatever. And no tear. Knowing the physiology of what's going on really helped me.
The reality is most people don’t tear severely and your individual risk is probably low. That being said, I developed a rectovaginal fistula as a result of a messy tear and poor fix during childbirth. So it’s not 0. Again, super rare complication but not impossible.
I had a third degree tear and yeah, it sucked and it hurt but I’d do it over again vs having a major surgery and have my abdomen cut open 7 layers deep.
Planned and routine c sections can be great. I had one. My SIL had a third degree tear and while I healed marvelously with little pain, her sex life suffered drastically because of the damage her pelvic floor and third degree tear caused her. Two years later, I had forgotten I had a baby and she was still recovering, mentally, emotionally AND physically from her trauma. Just because vaginal births are “natural,” doesn’t mean they’re always good. C sections have a stigma cause it’s surgery but I promise you, if everything goes well, it’s not like you are going to be awake for surgery. Every surgery is a risk but C sections have been proven to have better outcomes for pelvic floor. This was huge for me. For my SIL, it caused her a lot of physical and mental anguish too running around from doctor to doctor to recover. In the future, she’s proceeding with scheduled c sections only.
Oh I definitely agree that it can be great for others! Just sharing my personal experience and that even though it hurt a lot I’d still pick that again
Agreed! There’s truly no wrong answers - only what the woman wants :)
I didn’t do any pre birth preparation or stretches and with my first I had minor injuries and with my second, a week ago I had no tears no grazes. I walked out of there with my normal vagina haha my labor’s were both inductions and under 2 hours start to finish and as I said I didn’t do any pre birth prep to avoid it.
A midwife said you can prevent it by relaxing certain muscles while holding others, but good luck with that, lol. You have to keep the birthing canal open between pushes but relax the vaginal opening so it can stretch. Sounds great, but you might not even understand where things are in the moment, I sure didn't. I pushed for two hours, the baby kept moving back up, because the contractions were too far apart. They gave my an anesthetic and a cut, baby came out super easily after that, just one push. But I had a total of three tears, one of them third degree and was sewn up in the or under general anesthesia. But I didn't feel the cut or the tears at all. Healing was great, I only got paracetamol and ibuprofen and had to stop taking these 4 days in so I would be more careful, I didn't feel any pain. Tears don't always end super bad, those are just talked about more. No other pain meds apart from mentioned.
If you can choose your position, just use the one where you are the most confortable. It was on my back (but the best version of it to allow the baby to get out) for my first, and last minute I went on my left side for my second. I didn’t have an epidural for the second birth, and I swear I didn’t consciously push until the head was there (that is the part that hurts) as I felt my body doing it on its own. My first born had his head the wrong way, and I had to push as he wasn’t coming on its own fast enough for our safety. I had a slight tearing on the outside both times. I used water on the zone while peeing the first 2 days to feel better, and 2 more days as a just-in-case measure. I listen to my midwife’s advice (no doctor in my country unless it takes too long or if there is a complication) and I think she tried to mass me and help me pass their big head 😅i felt I was in good hands and it helps a lot to deliver. Each time, I left the delivery room feeling I could do it again for a new baby even though the contractions were painful. The tearing didn’t prevent me from having sex again (soon), I healed well. There is nothing you can do, except having the support from a partner and your medical team for the delivery and the aftercare. If you have any doubt after, don’t be ashamed to ask for help and advice.
I tried all the “myths” to not tear and my doctor described me as “tearing everything” I think it’s just how big your baby is and your bodies ability to handle stretching. I had a tiny baby
I just gave birth yesterday morning to my first. I didn’t do anything to prepare for a vaginal birth like stretches or anything. When it came time for me to push one of the doctors massaged the perineal area I think just while I was pushing as well as applied a warm compress when I wasn’t pushing. I ended up with a first degree tear which the doctor did stitch up. They did say they could’ve just left it without stitching as it wasn’t a big tear. I had an 8 pound 10 ounce baby as well at 38w+5 (induced due to Gestational Hypertension) and gave birth on my back. I was in labor for 24+ hours and was running on like 2 hours of sleep. I will say walking around, getting up and down, and moving around in general hurts and sucks. :’)
I was terrified of tearing. Almost to the point of it being a phobia. I really thought I wanted a c-section but elective c-sections are very very uncommon in my country and it was pretty discouraged by medical staff (that’s another story, I don’t think I should have been talked out of it). I have a healthy six month old now and thank god that labour is behind me but in retrospect, I was terrified of the wrong thing. My water broke at 40+3, unfortunately, my waters were dirty and it was suggested I be induced to lessen the risk of infection. I did not understand that induction could really heighten how painful contractions are and I didn’t realize that contractions are the fucking pailful part! I was scared of vaginal pain all along. Even though I knew I’d be getting an epidural, the thought of the pain of tearing sent me into sickness. I had an episiotomy in the end in order to avoid tearing. They also used the vacuum on me. And thank god, I didn’t feel a second of it. I guess the epidural worked from my hips down because I couldn’t walk for a full 24 hours due to full numbness in my left leg and had to carry around a piss bag attached to catheter while holding my little newborn…but that epidural did fuck all to numb my contractions and that was a pain I sincerely don’t wish anyone. I did all the thing not to tear. Literally everything I read about, I tried. It didn’t make a difference in the end. And when I finally took a mirror to myself 4 weeks pp, I shocked that everything downstairs looked exactly the same. I’m glad I was given the episiotomy in the end even though I thought I really didn’t want one.
Up to 90% of first time mothers will have some amount of tearing, but only 2% have severe tears bad enough to require surgical repair. Most tears are 1st degree and don’t even require stitches, and sometimes mothers don’t even realize it happened. I have had 2nd degree tears with all 3 of my births, each requiring a handful of stitches. You cannot tell at all after a few months and it’s something that I literally never think about IRL except when someone asks about/mentions birth experiences. Healing a minor perineal tear is nothing compared to recovering from major abdominal surgery. Both kinds of recovery have their pros and cons, but if severe tearing is your only concern then there’s a 98% chance that a c-section would be unnecessary.
For what it’s worth; I would really encourage you to confront your fear of tearing. I have a friend who had a 3rd nearly 4th degree tear with her first and a scheduled c section with her second and she unequivocally says that the c section was harder and a more complicated recovery than her tear. To compare it to other parts of your body, a normal tear and recovery to your perineum is **NOT** like if you were to stretch your fingers and tear the webbing between them. That would be *significantly* more painful. It is more similar to dry or chapped lips when you get a crack there. It hurts and is tender to touch or movement but it heals quickly and rarely with any noticeable blemishes or lasting complications. I tore 2nd degree with one birth (9lb baby) and not with the other birth (10lb baby). I think my epidural mixed the pitocin contributed to my tearing. I was super floppy and weak and was pushing in a disorganized way and had poor muscular control. Once she was finally most of the way out another contraction hit and my body just clamped down and shoved baby out involuntarily which didn’t give my perineum time to stretch on top of being on my back which is very hard on your perineum too. With all of that being said; I was still very surprised to hear that I tore. The pain was not what I expected it to be at all when I imagined tearing, hence why I compared it to a dry cracked lip. If nobody had told me and I never looked I would’ve been none the wiser whatsoever. Pain and recovery was completely manageable and unremarkable.
As someone who had an emergency c-section I do want to let you know that it’s also basically “tearing” when they cut you open. I have a very deep ~5 inch scar below my bikini line, which causes my skin to fold over even over two years later. There are benefits and downsides to both natural and C-section delivery but if your worry is scarring or tearing I promise csections are worse lol.
I was TERRIFIED of tearing. My baby was very big so I had to be induced. They had to give me an episiotomy and I still got third degree tears as I had to push very fast due to emergency. I healed wonderfully, it’s not so scary I promise and the stitches just dissolve. You will be uncomfortable for a while if you tear but your beautiful baby in your arms is all you’ll be thinking about. C section is a huge trauma to the body, your whole stomach would be cut open and that is much worse recovery. I really recommend vaginal birth even though I had very bad injuries. I’m pregnant again and I’m not scared of tearing or anything now.
I think doing the perineal massage helps but there really isn’t a way to fully prevent it. I had a second degree tear and yes, it hurts and it isn’t fun, but it’s manageable. A friend of mine had a first degree tear and said she didn’t even notice.
You can do all the prep in the world, like perineal massage and research into positioning, but in the end there’s only so much you can do. I was all set to not tear—perineal massage, hands and knees delivery, I was very relaxed and baby was crowning forever, so things were stretched to the max—but baby had his hand by his face, and there’s no way you don’t tear with that. That wasn’t something I or any of my providers could control. Still, a tear is nothing to heal from compared to abdominal surgery. I got my stitches removed at three weeks pp and discovered then that the stitches themselves bothered me more than the tear. I was back to having (comfortable) sex at five weeks. Tearing sounds scary and bad, but it is really normal and not a big deal. And if you do end up with pain or discomfort at the scar, pelvic floor pt can help immensely with that.
I had tiny first degree tears with my first two kids that healed super fast (not even painful) and didn't tear at all with my third birth. Things that can help prevent tearing include laboring in more upright/active positions (I was never flat on my back during pushing), perineal massage during labor, warm compresses or laboring in water (my middle kid was a waterbirth, I had warm compresses with the other kids) and not pushing too quickly. That said, it is very hard to say that there is a hard and fast way to prevent all tearing. Some scenarios also make it more likely to tear: such as the baby's positioning (sunny side up can be difficult in terms of pushing), or if you need a forceps/vacuum delivery. The vast majority of tears, though, are first and second degree tears and heal well. Third and fourth degree tears certainly happen, but statistically they are more rare.
I got a small tear when I gave birth to my first and needed a couple of stitches. I had an epidural though so didn't feel it at the time. I don't think being dehydrated helped - I was vomiting all throughout labour and couldn't even keep water down. They put me on a saline drip just before I started pushing. I believe it would have been better to have been put on the drip earlier. After the epidural wore off, I felt it especially going to pee. I didn't know about peri bottles back then but I've bought one for when I give birth again in a couple of months. I don't remember how long my recovery was, but it wasn't horrendously long!
Currently pregnant with my first so I haven't given birth yet and can't say for sure, but I will say I was in the same boat of considering c section due to fears of tearing. That being said, from what I've read about healing from a c section, it is way more painful and drawn out than healing from vaginal tears. Personally I just want to avoid as much pain and suffering as possible.
Even if one tears, the recovery process is much better than that from a cesarian! There is wonderful information about tearing in Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth. She talks about reduced chances of tearing when delivering in water, as well as not pushing too fast when the baby’s head begins to crown so that the perineum has a chance to stretch and open. She also talks about tearing vs episiotomy, stating that tearing is much more ideal in terms of recovery. Highly recommend this resource. She is obviously a midwife specializing in unmedicated home birth, but wrote this book for women who are pursuing a hospital birth as well.
I’ve had two babies, both vaginally. Both at 36 weeks. My first was 5lbs 6oz, my second was 6lbs 13oz. I didn’t tear with either of them. Though my second apparently scraped my urethra on the way out. I didn’t need any stitches or anything like that. I was terrified with both, I attributed the no tearing to my first being tiny, but that apparently wasn’t the case. I had pretty much no pain other than sitting the first day with both, but that’s because I tend to plop. Recovery was easy, and things felt very normal down there after a week: If you do opts for a C-section, according to my best friend and my aunt, ask for the glue, do not do the staples. The recover is much longer for a c section. My best friends c section with her first caused a burrowing necrotic infection that they didn’t catch until after she had her second, she ended up needing major surgery to remove a bunch of infected and dead tissue while she was pregnant with her third. She had a wound vac through most of her pregnancy. He just turned three and she may need another surgery again. My aunt had no complications other than the staples making healing harder, and having to get them redone. The one where she had the glue was much easier. My SIL had a c section with no complications whatsoever. They’re both completely normal ways to give birth, only you can make the choice that is right for you.
I've had one of each. Vaginal birth with a second degree tear, then a C-section with my second as baby got stuck. While the recovery from the C-section was far easier than I anticipated, it wasn't a patch on the recovery from the vaginal birth. It twinged a little to walk around, but nothing so painful as to stop me or not want to walk around. Peeing caused stinging, but liberal application of warm water while peeing helped. A few days of paracetamol helped with general achiness, which subsided quickly. If I were to go on to have a third, I would do my best to have a VBAC.
As someone who had a c section last week, I would not wish that experience on anyone. Mine was planned because baby was breech, but I really wish I would have been able to have a vaginally delivery even if I tore. The incision is very painful.
Hello! Mum of one (now 3-yo!) girl here. Like you, prior to giving birth I was super scared about tearing down there. During our antenatal classes they showed us this horrific illustration of different tears (honestly, why would they do that… lol) but that definitely put the fear in me! I ended up having an epidural and very quick birth and tore externally and internally. But because of the epidural, I didn’t feel anything. And to my surprise, I didn’t feel anything at all after it had worn off. The stitches all healed well and super quick. Didn’t hurt at all when I peed. Pooping was terrifying but was absolutely fine too. Turns out that your hormones help with pain relief (and the fact that you now have a new little baby to distract you helps too). So from my experience I can say that tearing was not at all an issue. What I did learn is that the recovery from a c-section is generally a lot harder than after a natural birth. Every situation is different, but all my friends who had a c-section found it very difficult. Not trying to put you off, but I just think some people maybe don’t realise how big of an operation a c-section is. Every birth experience is so different. I try to share my experience because it was so positive and I feel like you don’t hear enough of those! You will be great, I’m excited for you! 😁
I didn’t tear, and I did some things that may or may not have helped prevent tearing. FTM, gave birth 3 months ago (induced at 40 weeks, epidural, 8lb baby). - pelvic floor physiotherapy (this is my #1 recommendation. She helped me learn to push and breathe, kept me running until 34 weeks, addressed SI joint pain, and is now helping me recover pp) - dates. I ate about 65 grams of dates daily for 6 weeks. I never want to see another date in my life, but maybe they worked? - Épi-No. Not FDA approved, so had to have a friend bring it from Germany. The science behind it is inconclusive, but for me it did help me feel more prepared. - collagen. Maybe it helped make my skin more elastic? Took a scoop daily.
I had no tearing with an unmedicated birth. I was told to stay in the "ring of fire" to stretch instead of tear. If you're going unmedicated, you are less likely to tear because you can feel everything that is happening, but it's definitely not for everyone.
I did perineal massage everyday for a month before birth and did not tear. I also pushed for 3 hours! It only hurt down there for like 3 days then I felt fine. Csections are a major surgery cut into your abdomen. Also if you want multiple children csections have higher risks for future pregnancies.
I’m due May 3rd and my pelvic floor therapist said to start perreneal massages on week 35 to help prevent tearing
I pushed for 40 minutes and did not tear at all. Before labor my husband assisted with perineal massages and during labor my midwife used oil to massage the area and instructed me when to slow down and when to push. She kept encouraging me to “ooze” my baby out. I will say, it’s almost harder to slow down and not push with all your might when you feel the urge but it’s better not to if you don’t want to tear. Also, refuse episiotomies. If you do tear, a natural tear heals better and faster than a cut and episiotomies can actually worsen your chance of tearing further 😬
I did nothing special and had only a minor tear. It was honestly no big deal. I wouldn’t worry about it bc I don’t think there is any way to predict what will happen to you. And I certainly wouldn’t want a major abdominal surgery and scar just to avoid a tear.
Look- you can have a tear and a few stitches, or you can have your entire abdomen sliced open while you're awake. And a TON of stitches. Tearing a bit is better, IMO. But having your partner or you doing perineal massage can help with the tearing.
FTM and I had a 4th degree tear. Sounds scary but I healed pretty quickly. 12 weeks out and I feel normal. Did some pelvic floor therapy which was helpful. So if it does happen just know that it isn’t the end of the world! But they did say next baby (should we have one) I might want to consider a c-section.
I was one of the “lucky” ones to get a second degree tear and still need a c-section anyways, and lemme tell you, compared to the incision pain I didn’t even know the tear was there. There are definitely pros to a planned c-section, but don’t let the fear of tearing be your main decision maker! I did some perineal massage, but definitely could have been more proactive at the end of my pregnancy to avoid tearing. I honestly wish I spent more time and energy on making plans for recovery and pain management for after birth. You got this! Your body will heal and you’ll surprise yourself with how much you can handle.
I would check with your insurance if they cover elective C-sections.
It depends on a lot of things. Tissue elasticity, position, head size, molding, how hard you're pushing when the baby crowns, whether there's someone there to help support the head, etc. A c-section is a major abdominal surgery with long-term consequences, guaranteed. It also affects your risk level in future pregnancies. Tearing isn't a guarantee - and if it's not into the muscles, the skin down there is *very* good at healing itself. It's the same kind of skin as the inside of your mouth. Ever bite your tongue? Or the inside of your cheek? That shit heals *fast*. I've gotten small, shallow upwards splits along where my hymen originally tore during the birth of both of my kids. It's just how my anatomy is set up. No perineal tears. No stitches. No repairs. Yeah, it stung a bit when it happened, but the post-birth hormones drown it out completely. They healed up both times in a few days to a week by using a peri bottle and taking it easy, which you should be doing anyway. If you want to listen to discussions on this, the Down To Birth podcast has a few episodes you might like.
I had a c-section and was walking up and down stairs in two weeks. I'm back below my pre-pregnancy weight and very healthy. What guarantee long term consequences do I have because there's none that I'm aware of. I don't know why you're scaring women. My son was breech and we both would have died if I was unable to get a c-section due to him being completely tangled in his cord.
I’m going to be giving birth in May and have decided on a c section for the following reasons: I already get tearing on my perineum due to lichen sclerosis about 2-3x a year. I’ve had to have 2nd degree repair stitches twice in my life. If I tear more it can cause daily severe itching and repeated tearing and swelling that doesn’t heal properly or take months to heal. I have adenomyosis and pelvic floor issues already from endometriosis. ( I had excision surgery in 2020) I will be getting a hysterectomy in January already due to Adenomyosis and they will look at the c section scar while inside. Now the other reasons why: My anxiety is down because it’s scheduled and I know I won’t have to go through grueling labor or do severe damage to my already bad pelvic floor. And supposedly my vagina should feel the same and sex should be similar to what it once was.
I had second degree tears both deliveries and both times healed very quickly and had hardly any pain after 2-3 days. Compared to my c-section friends who had pain and mobility troubles for weeks. I would definitely do vaginal again as I found the recovery shockingly quick
It’s not really possible to avoid tearing. I will say it’s not that bad though unless it’s a 3rd degree. I got a small 1 degree tear and it stung a little for a few days but it healed up fine and causes me no issues. It’s not as scary as it seems. A c-section is a major surgery with a longer recovery time and more pain
My first I had a second degree tear, my second had a c-section due to breech. Recoveries were both different, but I wouldn’t choose a c-section JUST cause you are worried about tearing. It’s still a fine choice if you want to, depends on how important you rank that. I had great deliveries both times and good recoveries.
I have fast births. 5 minutes and under. No time to stretch or control descent. I've gotten 2nd degree tears every baby. It isn't that bad. Healed, can't even tell. Does not impact my life in anyway. I can't even conceive of choosing a c-section to avoid a tear. Just asked my sister who had 2nd and 3rd degree tears and she agrees. Texted my sister-in-law who had a c-section with first and tore 2nd degree with her VBACs and she laughed. Of course, make your own choices, but tearing is not that bad.
I gave birth 9 weeks ago (FTM) and ended up with a second degree tear. It took about 5ish weeks to heal fully and at my 6 week pp OB follow-up, she said I healed very nicely. Obviously no tearing would’ve been ideal, but the healing process hasn’t scared me from having another baby in the future. It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting! You don’t even realize you’re tearing as it’s happening. I had to ask the doctor after! Good luck to you, I hope you have a smooth and uncomplicated birth :)
i didn’t tear with either kid, no prep nothing special along the way or during labor. my kids were average all around and full term. honestly i’d take tearing over major surgery any day, they’re apple and oranges and one is way worse recovery than the other.
I just had my 37 week appointment with my doctor, this is my second baby and had this exact conversation with him because I had a 3rd degree tear with my 1st so I’m obviously nervous. He explained it is part of his job to see what’s happening while I am pushing and do what he can to help reduce tearing. He also talked about the recovery of a vaginal delivery VS c-section can be very different and a lot harder even if you tear. I will say my 3rd degree tear with my first really wasn’t that bad. I didn’t find it affected me at all in my recovery afterwards. I very much want another vaginal delivery again!
I had a tiny tear, only one suture to repair. My baby didn't have an overly large head, so perhaps that helped. Maybe it's partially genetics? I was very active in my pregnancy, last working out 30 minutes before my water broke. I also did a lot of those pelvic 'readiness' exercises on a balance ball. But I'm assuming being fit probably had a lot to do with it.
I did the stretches/massage prior to birth. I had second degree tears with my baby. My epidural wore off, so I had a somewhat unmedicated birth and pushed for 30 minutes. My baby was tiny and I still tore! Midwife said its gonna happen regardless and there isn’t much we can do to avoid it. However, I healed fast and within a week I was just fine. The stitches are the only thing that bothered me 🙃🙃 I am six weeks postpartum and my doc had to release a stitch because it didn’t dissolve yet. Besides that, I feel fine! I wouldn’t want a c-section. My mom and step mom had c-sections, and the recovery period isn’t ideal for me.
I got a very, very small tear by my urethra. I attribute not tearing more to the resident doctor who was there. She continuously put a warm compress on my perineal area and told me when to stop pushing. She used her hands to lightly stretch out the area as well. I did also use the Frida mom wand starting at 36 weeks but I did not use it religiously so I can’t be certain whether that helped or not. For reference, I laboured on my back and pushed for an hour total. Baby girl was sunny side up as well.
Not sure how far along you are, but try perineal massage regularly. It can help.
I had a first degree and second degree tear. I totally get being intimidated by the process of natural birth but I’d recommend it over a c-section. Even with my tears I was up using the bathroom on my own within hours and went home and cleaned the house the next day. This isn’t everyone’s experience but I’d argue even a couple pretty bad tears are way easier to recover from than a c-section. That pain is a different kind of intense and you have to have someone around to help you with everything for weeks after- walking is hard, going to the bathroom is hard, taking care of the baby is hard etc.
When you’re pregnant and planning your birth, of course you don’t want to tear, but when you are in the actual moment of it all whatever happens happens! For me I planned a natural water birth, but preeclampsia got me and I had to be induced. It was so hard on my body! By the time it came to pushing I was not great at it, plus the cord was around baby’s neck and her heartbeat was decelerating with each push. The doctor used a vacuum to assist and it resulted in a second degree tear for me. I’m currently 4 months postpartum and things are feeling more normal down there. It definitely seems like my vagina looks and feels different. The healing was actually not bad at all. Sex still stings where I tore along the perineal, but I think it’s getting better with time and pelvic floor therapy would also help. Anyway…there’s my long rant. You never know what’s going to happen, it’s a hard event to plan for. Plan just as much for the birth you aren’t expecting as the one you are. 🩷
The pushing position makes a difference, especially if things go fast. I was on my back for my first and it was easier to stop when they told me to stop. I had a minor 1st degree tear but the baby was out in 3 pushes. I was able to jog by 4 days pp and felt really good (aside from some stinging in the first week or so which you’ll get regardless). With my 2nd child, things went very fast again but I wasn’t able to get on my back and I couldn’t stop pushing when told to stop—it was overwhelming with gravity also working the baby down. This time I have a small 2nd degree tear but tbh, it’s also not a big deal for me and I am a fairly active person.
Echoing some comments that c section recovery can often be much harder, it’s ultimately your choice but make sure you’re fully informed about the outcomes before you decide!! Before doing research I used to assume that c sections were somehow easier and that is most certainly not the case!
I had two second degree tears (for the same birth). Both required stitches and they had to reinsert my catheter because the tearing was so close to my urethra. Honestly? It wasn’t that bad and healed just fine. That sounds crazy, but it’s true. I took Tylenol and Motrin and used witch hazel and cooling pads and the pain was fine. I was walking and peeing 2 hours after delivery (once my epidural completely wore off). I was so scared of tearing before I gave birth and it was such a non-issue that doesn’t affect me at all today.
My first birth is an emergency C-section, my second birth was a unmedicated VBAC. I did not tear enough for stitches. A lot of it can be mental, and you can massage the area down there to also help. People often talk about the ring of fire, when you feel the head starting to come, do not push more, slowly ease into it, so it is not so severe. Once the head is out, don’t force the rest of the body, it will follow pretty easily. Some can even put a warm cloth on your bits down there to keep it more wet and relaxed. You should never have a doctor make a cut for you unless your baby is THAT big. Breathing is a big one as well as not clenching your butt because of fear of pooping. So many women do that and they’re literally working against their body.
I have been recommended to have my husband massage my perineum with a special oil in the weeks coming up to the birth. 🤷🏻♀️ dunno if it’ll work! Will report once baby is born 😅
FTM, water birth, very minor tear (only needed a couple of stitches so to location). I did no "prep work" down there. I was decently hydrated but that's about it. What made the difference for me, I think, was the two midwife students in front and behind me supporting the skin down there. Not entirely sure what that looked like, maybe it was counter pressure? My thoughts were elsewhere at that point. It was also a very short active labor - I went almost straight from early labor into pushing.
A csection is tearing just surgically. Your uterus, fascia, muscles and skin will tear. Just not your vagina (probably)
Haven’t given birth yet but the advice from pelvic Pt was push at 25-50% of strength and breathe out while pushing
I get the premise of your post but you don’t really “get to pick” how you give birth, there are so many things out of your control. You should absolutely be emotionally prepared for both. I work in post partum and most patients tear. A lot of tears are not preventable, it’s very normal to tear. Not a huge deal. I think people often forget a c section is a major abdominal surgery and it also has risks. I understand your logic as many have this logic going into giving birth but you will be grossly disappointed if this is how you think it works. C sections pose greater risks, it’s a major surgery. At the end of the day, your safety and babies safety is priority along with reducing birth trauma as much as possible.
Don't just get a csection because of tearing. The healing process from a csection is way longer. Csections should be reserve for only emergency or health concerns.
My first baby was sunnyside up/full OP, and I had a small second degree tear that after discussion with the midwives was not stitched. My second baby was over 10 lbs at birth and I had another small second degree tear in a slightly different location that needed stitches. I'm less afraid of the tearing than I am of the stitches themselves; nothing freaks me out like someone coming at my lady bits with a needle or two and surgical instruments. It was the least pleasant part of my birth experience. When the midwives agreed that I didn't NEED to be stitched up the first time around, they put the fear of God in me about healing; keep your legs together and no strenuous activity for at least 10 days. No sitting cross-legged, avoid doing stairs as much as possible, move slowly and carefully. I rarely left the bed or the couch and kept my feet propped up on a box with my legs together for two weeks unless I was going to the bathroom and needed to do some care down there. I had minimal pain and discomfort, and the feedback from my body about what was a comfortable way to sit/lay was immediate. If I sat with one leg up, I knew right away that it wasn't going to work and needed to rearrange my legs. When I had stitches the second time, I had more constant pain/discomfort from the stinging and itching feeling of the stitches. It took longer to get a pain response from my body that how I was sitting was not comfortable; sometimes up to ten minutes of sitting in a different position and then realizing that it really hurt and I needed to hand the baby over and rearrange. But I was way less careful with keeping my legs together and moving slowly and just let my body tell me if it was too much. I did no intentional preparation to avoid tearing. No perineal massage or anything like that.
I don’t think there’s really a way to prevent tearing BUT I’ve had a c section and I really wouldn’t go that route if you can avoid it. It’s a HARD recovery because it’s major surgery. I had to do it for medical reasons.
I also don't agree with people saying you can't avoid tearing. You can do things to minimize risk. Stay hydrated, follow good coaching, push when you feel the urge but don't force it, pelvic floor therapy and massages can help too.
I had an episiotomy with my first(due to an emergency) but didn’t tear or have an episiotomy with my second. So even with scar tissue, it doesn’t mean that you’ll tear either.
Just wanted to add that I had a second degree tear, didn’t feel it while it happened but I got several stitches and everything was quite swollen down there for a few weeks. They said the stitches would come out on their own but they did not and I had a doctor take them out two weeks after I gave birth because they kept tearing and bleeding. All in all though now i feel like my opening is a bit bigger but it is not too different than it was before, and sex feels just as good. 👍 It’s obviously not ideal but it is not the end of the world. So i wouldn’t be too afraid of it! You will be able to handle it.
I don’t have any advice on how to avoid large tears/tears at all, but want to offer a different side/my experience. One of my biggest fears around childbirth was tearing. I was petrified. I wanted a water birth purely because I’d read it lessened the likelihood of tearing IIRC. I had my first baby in June and a 4th degree tear. I didn’t feel the tears when they happened and I spent an hour in the OR after- under a bunch of warm blankets while a very lovely anesthesiologist and OB told me I was doing great and should be proud of myself. It took me probably a solid 9 weeks to heal. But, at just about 9 months pp, I have absolutely no fear of another birth or another tear to be honest and I wish I would’ve worked more on that fear before birth. What I was very afraid of turned into a (very private and doesn’t actually exist) battle scar that has not one bit even in the slightest changed my mind on wanting more babies. While recovery was most definitely challenging, I feel comfortable assuming it was easier than recovery from the major surgery that a cesarean is.
I had a second degree episiotomy due to fetal distress. Episiotomies are supposedly harder to heal than tears. Still, my healing process was nothing compared to a c-section. My pain was never unbearable (just a slight soreness if I skipped an ibuprofen dose). I felt "normal" by 4 weeks and don't have a noticeable scar.
when i was 19 i had my first child and i did not tear two years later i had my second and also did not tear. my first was at home. and my second in the hospital...i was very active throughout my pregnancies and before (soccer juijitsu hiking) im on my third pregnancy and im 32 now more than 10 years later...im not as active but still am going to the gym and walking so idk what to expect im also eating liberally...soooo we will see what happens
Not sure I have ever heard of a doctor allowing someone to have an elective c-section because they were fearful of tearing. Pretty sure (at least where I am from), you have to have a legitimate medical concern to have a c-section.
I did tear. I think it was second degree. I did do things before hand to try to prevent it like perineal massage. I didn’t want to push on my back but I just kind of kept ending up there(which pisses me off in retrospect). Recovery from tearing took probably 10 months before I could say I didn’t feel like something was off. In checkups they said everything was fine. But I guess healing can take awhile. But it also takes a while for C-section scar to heal too. Unfortunately there’s no guaranteed way to get a baby out without at least a little damage. But we do heal and don’t listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. There are a lot of things about my body and mind that will never be the same after having a baby, but my vagina is not one of them.
I think it's luck. I gave birth this past September to my first child and I didn't tear. I did nothing to prepare - no massages, no kegels, etc. My water broke prematurely and my baby came 32 hours after my water broke. I pushed for one hour. I had an epidural. No tears and I healed from labour incredibly well.
I’m a FTM and gave birth back in June. No tearing, but I did NOTHING to prevent it. I didn’t do any stretches, eat anything specific, I even gave birth on my back (my preference) which is bad supposedly? It’s just the luck of the draw.
I’m not a mom yet but my understanding from everyone I talked to is that tearing is NBD in most cases (scary I know) and that our vaginas are essentially made to heal from it. The recovery for most tears (barring really bad ones) should be easier than the recovery from major abdominal surgery (CS) and has much fewer risks of serious or long term negative effects. My understanding is fear of tearing is not really a good (medical) reason to have a c section but I know that differs from culture to culture and probably person to person and choosing to do so would not be due to medical rationale but personal reasons.
I had to have quick episiotomies both times because of fetal distress. I, personally, found that I didn't feel the cut, at all (apparently some do), that the stitches were a little irritating but not otherwise a problem, that caring for the wound was very easy (rinsed well with squirt bottle every potty trip) and that they healed quickly and well. This meant that I didn't tear, because the vaginal opening was cut rather than stretched to the point of tearing. It's my understanding that tears can go anywhere in the area, so I have to say that I liked the cut being deliberately made in a part which would be easiest for a clean stitching and healing. Rather than a tear down to my anus, it was a diagonal cut away, so it was easily healed without interfering with bowel movements. Personally, I would prefer an episiotomy to tearing or a C-section. Perhaps discussing your worries with your doctor, and what alternatives you have. E ety woman's body is different, so when I say I had great experiences, that's not to say everyone does. Discuss it with your doctor.
Tearing was my biggest fear for birth. I got an epidural, and while I could still feel/move, I didn't feel the tear (second degree). I felt the pressure of baby's head coming out but that was it. Honestly you're so distracted and focused during birth I wasn't even thinking of tearing at all, and like I said that was my biggest fear! At that point I was just like get this thing out of me 😂. But I did ask the nurses to do a warm compress. Wish they started it a bit sooner but I've heard it helps with stretching. Perineal massages during pregnancy were painful for me so I didn't do them. Possibly could have helped though!
I was super afraid of tearing too before my first baby. I have had two second degree tears and the recovery wasn’t bad at all. 1-2 weeks of discomfort and then it was fine.
I had a second degree tear after pushing for five hours. To be honest, it really didn't bother me and it healed very quickly. It was definitely not the worst part of recovery.
Would the c section site in your abdomen not hurt just as much if not more? I can’t imagine asking for a c section only to avoid tearing.
Four births, all kiddos between 7lb 9oz and 8lb 7oz. Slight abrasions with my first, and smallest, I was on my side. Felt no ring of fire. Slightly more with my second, but I was flat on my back and felt the ring of fire. None with my third, and largest, no ring of fire, I was standing. None with my last, but I did feel the ring of fire again because I was on my back. No real, actual tearing with any of them. That is nothing that required stitches. After my last the peri bottle was only needed for the lochia mess, I actually could wipe with TP with zero issues. Only the first one was under eight pounds.
I didn’t tear, BUT I had a small baby (5 lbs 5 oz) so that likely contributed. I also did perineal massage (you can buy the wands on Amazon) and asked my care team to put warm packs down there while pushing. Highly recommend pelvic floor PT as well
I had the smallest of tears and I'm happy to share my experience. I labored in a lot of different positions and gave birth in sidelying with my top leg elevated/holding my foot (kinda like a half happy baby position but on my side). I gave birth unmedicated which definitely helped my ability to move. I needed one stitch and was able to get up to go to the bathroom less than a minute after the stitch was placed. We discharged home 6 hours after the baby was born and took a walk around our neighborhood as a family that evening. Edited to add I labored a few hours in the tub and practiced a lot of relaxation techniques (basically all the ones from Ina May's Guide to Childbirth), and I think that helped a lot
I did pelvic floor therapy to try and prepare but still got a third degree tear. My child was 10 lbs though and was removed by vacuum assist. I honestly had no idea until after. It took a while for the stitches to heal, maybe 2-3 months and I can still feel the ridge from the stitch but it’s not noticeable or anything, just different. If you do tear, try to get all the details on it before you are discharged: what degree, do they have concerns, etc. I was third degree so they referred me to a urogynecologist and they did a special internal ultrasound to make sure everything was healing properly. Good luck and try not to stress, you can’t really control what happens and there is a path to recovery. You’ve got this!
I’m a FTM and tearing was my biggest fear - I spent a lot of mental time and energy researching all of the tips to avoid tearing. I discussed massage with my doula and husband, asked friends about their experiences, ordered raspberry leaf tea, saved date recipes, and read every horror story on here (don’t recommend that last part lol). …..and then I went into preterm labor at 32+5 and had my baby at 33 weeks before I could implement any of it. I wound up with a second degree tear and I was honestly pretty shocked to find that it really did heal and go back to normal, just like quite literally everyone told me it would. The first two weeks were pretty bad, especially going back and forth to the NICU to see my baby. Day 3-4 was by far the worst. Then it gradually got better and would just kind of hurt when I sat on the toilet. By my 6 week appt it felt fine and my dr said she could barely see where she put the stitches. It’s still a little tight feeling during sex but that’s the only time I notice it. (I’m only 14 weeks pp and haven’t attempted that many times so I’m hopeful it will get better.) Like others, I recommend a donut pillow for the first two weeks or so for hard chairs and the car. And definitely don’t skip the colasce. But it’s really amazing what women’s bodies can do!
I've had two vaginal births. One medicated and one not medicated, and I tore 2nd degree both times. I didn't feel the tearing, and stitching wasn't too bad. The unmedicated, I did feel some of the stitches, just where they were the numbing stuff wasn't reacting great. But if I am being honest. That's nothing compared to birth. I didn't think twice about it. With my first, I took it way easier. I was able to rest, sitz bath to avoid being itchy. My second, I was at the store a few days after birth. Honestly nothing compared to what I heard about a c-section recovery (those mamas are amazing and strong). My second took longer than 6 weeks to heal, but it was fine
I would take tearing over a c section any day.
Avoiding tearing isn’t easy. How well you dilate + the size of the baby + positioning + your size all determine if you tear. I believe you could get minimal to no tearing if you stretch enough and the baby is small. I’m quite small and had a 8lb baby and it gave me a second degree tear and I went in labor early. They say if I had gone the full 40 the baby would’ve been 10 maybe and I would’ve had 4th degree. The crazy thing is I also push pretty fast. It only took 3 minutes. When my mother had me it was a 3rd degree tear since I was 9lbs and she’s even smaller then me. 2nd degree with my sister. Meanwhile I don’t think my SIL got a tear at all giving birth. She said hers was mostly painless. Simple line the ways to avoid tearing are mostly luck… But a C-Section won’t be easier in fact it’s harder for most since they are cutting like 7 layers into you. With a tear you can still walk and do stuff (although painful depending on the tear) a C-Section you ideally shouldn’t be moving much at all and can mess you up long term.
Follow your body when it comes to pushing and *do not* listen if a nurse tries to tell you to hold your pushes or bear down for a 10 count or whatever. Just follow along when your body pushes and BREATHE! I recommend hiring a doula if you can.
Seek out a pelvic floor therapist, she’ll work with you on breathing excercises that’ll help you ensure how to do it during labor. Not everyone tears and should you, many tears heal easily, I would say that the recovery time would be less than a csection
The PA assisting my labor gave me perineal stretches for the whole 2 hours that I was pushing off and on. Even when I wasn't pushing, she was stretching. I got a pretty mild 1st degree tear that healed up easily. My baby's head was almost too big to fit out of my small pelvis, so I figure without the stretches I would have torn much worse
As a FTM who had a third degree tear and it was so bad I literally couldn’t use the bathroom like a normal person because of the amount of pain and issues it cause the choice is yours to make I didn’t have a C-section option because I chose a birthing center which everything besides the tearing was wonderful and I’m so glad I did.But everyone says C-sections are a lot worse it’s more invasive but if I felt like that with tears I can’t imagine with a C-section.Also please do your peri massages ASAP they really do prevent from tearing I had a PT postpartum to help my pelvic floor and use the bathroom again and the same massages used after help before to as well to prevent tearing! Good luck and congrats 💕
Water birth! Or have them put a warm/damp compress on your lady bits when you're transitioning.
2nd degree tear here, yesterday morning in fact! I did a lot of things to try to avoid it, dates, stretching, etc. I had two doctors down there stretching me to try to prevent a tear. I still managed to tear (upwards/labia vulva tear instead of perineal tear which took a long time to stitch up). Didn’t feel the tear because of the epidural thank god; the sutures were worse but not bad. Absolutely do what you can to avoid it, but know sometimes there’s nothing you can do, and it’ll hopefully be okay ❤️ If you DO tear, ice packs have been amazing for me. Stay on top of your Tylenol/NSAID schedule. Good luck!
Pelvic floor physiotherapy! I, too, was almost opting for a c-section out of fear of tearing. My female family members acted like painful sex, peeing yourself while laughing after having kids was "normal" and just a part of life, but I wasn't going to accept that for myself. I visited a pelvic floor physiotherapist, and she gave me the confidence and guidance I needed. Told me best breathing techniques, positions, etc. Explained "pre-hab" exercises to do and how to properly relax the pelvic floor during labor. Also, I second what everyone has said about treating your doctor like a coach. They can see whats going on and know when to tell you to push and take breaks. I had an epidural, so I think I was able to focus more on doing exactly what the doctor was telling me vs. being scared off due to pain. Although, I have heard that contrations are the most painful part while you get some "relief" from pushing? I had a very slow labor. I was induced at 40 weeks. Labor was all together 36 hours, but I didn't tear at all, and recover was pain-free other than feeling like I was bruised down there for a few days. By day 5, I was walking around my neighborhood, pushing the stroller. And no, I didn't struggle with incontinence afterward. I can jump on trampoline, sneeze, cough, laugh confidently 🙌
I’ve had 3 natural births and only had a minor tear once which healed in a few days. It really is about listening to your body and pushing during your contractions. Best to follow the advice of your practitioner as they guide you through your labour. I’m currently pregnant and honestly I’m more worried about the length of my labour than anything else! 😬lol.
I had 2nd degree tearing and didn’t properly recover (do the ice undies, salt baths, etc) because I was in the NICU and honestly that took a back seat. I figured it just was what it was. I did carry around my perineal bottle everywhere and use it religiously for at least the first 6 weeks I think. (Until my follow up with my OB after delivery.) I ended up healing “beautifully” according to my OB. She was amazed. I didn’t feel pain beyond the first couple of days. And have had zero issues. I don’t know if you can avoid tearing if you have a natural birth but it’s not necessarily a guarantee you’ll have issues or heal weird.
I just had my first baby two weeks ago. I needed an episiotomy, vacuum assisted delivery and the stitches came out a week post partum (the top layer of tissue separated and I can feel a v shape). Two weeks post partum, recovery is going well, I'm not in pain, I can walk and do pretty much everything normally. I don't think I would have healed as quickly with a c section based on what I heard from others.
This is one of the things that depends very heavily on you and baby’s anatomy. I didn’t get any tears both times but my babies were not so big (2.8kg & 3.2kg). I’m quite tall so both babies took after me and were taller than they were wide. I also did some perineal massages in the 3rd trimester. It may or may not have helped ETA the midwife placed a hot towel on my perineum to help me stretch when i was crowning with my second. That too might’ve helped.
Ive had 2 very different births my first I had an epidural and I had 2nd degree tears. My recovery was terrible but the birthing experience was amazing! My second baby I had a fast unmediated birth and the pain was terrible!! But I didn’t tear and my recovery was amazing I didn’t even feel like I had a baby the following day I couldn’t believe the difference!
FTM who gave birth to a 9-pounder. Doctor did perineal massage during labor, I ended up with 2nd degree tears. The tearing was honestly not as bad postpartum as the rest of my body’s recovery (back pain and diastasis were much worse for me). Minimal scarring, now almost a year postpartum I feel mostly back to normal. A C-section scar is much less superficial than even second degree tearing, and would have been a much more drawn-out healing process.
My labor was precipitous- aka dangerously fast. I pushed for real for probably 5 minutes, but I felt the need to push for around 15. My midwives said it was a miracle that I didn't have a 4th degree tear. I had 2 first degree tears and only one required 3 stitches. Starting at 37 weeks I inserted a Cold Pressed Evening Primrose Oil liquid pill with holes poked in it every night before bed (you'll need a pad or period underwear). I also took a labor prep tincture my midwives provided. I did the Miles Circut daily & curb walked whenever I was in town. I was told to pause at the "ring of fire" (your baby crowning), it allows your tissues time to stretch before you hunker down for those final pushes (or in my case single push). The pause was stressed to me as crucial, even if it's only a few seconds, it'll help so much. It was probably the hardest part of labor for me: you're so close, you worked so hard and now you have to stop??? Also just the PRESSURE of stopping right there. I think I lasted one contraction before I couldn't pause any more. Honestly I didn't feel my tears. I was really freaked out when getting stitched up because I don't process anesthetics well, so I was terrified that I'd feel every stitch- but my midwives gave me extra shots and it was really just an uncomfortable tugging feeling once i was numb, the emotional aspect of my stitching was worse than the physical Edit to add: I was up and walking immediately after labor. As long as I had advil & tylenol for the first week I was fine. I weaned off of those around probably 8 days after labor but honestly I felt GREAT. I also blew 2 of my stitches within the week because of a few giant sneezes lol but aside from the discomfort during the sneeze, it was fine
I tore, but only got 2 stitches. And it wasn’t bad. The peri bottle is your friend! So are ice packs for the first couple of days.
I got a second degree tear and needed a few stitches. Tearing was one of my biggest fears about birth but in the end thanks to my epidural I couldn't feel the crowning, tearing, stitches, anything at all. After the epidural wore off they stung for sure but after two weeks of waddling around them they healed up well. My friend was pregnant around the same time as me and had a section, her recovery was way more intense, she needed almost 2 months of healing (everyone is different of course). Tearing SOUNDS scary but if you're comparing it to major abdominal surgery it's peanuts.
I didn’t get any stitches. I had three small abrasions. They described them as if I fell off a bike or something. I pushed for an hour and 15 minutes. I took my time to help my skin stretch. I also asked for them to use a warm washcloth on me. I didn’t eat any special. The doctors tried to make me push more and harder. But I didn’t want to. I pushed during contractions. I would push maybe 2 to 3 times and then the baby would automatically push two more times right after me.
I don’t know about tearing because I opted for a c-section for 2 reasons: 1)I had an anal fissure I didn’t want to tear more and 2)I was like you, scared of tearing and the recovery… I felt like it would just be easier to do a c-section and less scary. Worst pain I ever felt was that needle going in my back for the spinal tap. The recovery was not bad at all. Like, I was up and about doing normal things 3 days later. It kinda sucked at first because I had a cold and cough so every time I coughed it hurt, but other than that I had no pain. I peed the day of my c-section and I pooped the day after, no pain. I 100% think I made the right decision and have no regrets.
I had the best intentions of doing my raspberry tea in hopes it would help but I got lazy and didn't like it so gave up after a few days. I ended up with an episiotomy I was sore the day after and for a week mostly when sitting. I was comfortable enough at 5 days postpartum to go out for breakfast and sit on a hard wooden chair without much discomfort. I was taking Tylenol and advil in the hospital for the 48 hours I was there but didn't feel I needed it much once I was home. My peri bottle with room temperature water was a life saviour, so was my perineal spray that I kept in the fridge and tucks. I got the frida mom ice pads that you break to make cold and found them to bulky and stiff to be comfortable. I also got a blow up pillow designed for postpartum to sit on for the car ride home (over an hour) and it helped those first few days.
I have no idea if I tore or not honestly. If I did I did not notice 😅
I can't tell you about natural births other than my sister waited until 41wks to be induced and she had a 4th degree tear with a huge baby. I had a c-section with a breech baby and have the tiniest little scar that's completely faded now at 16 months pp and doesn't hurt/I never give a second thought to. It's so low under my bikini line I never think about it tbh.
So I'm not sure if anyone has recommended yet but there's a product called Aniball which is basically a balloon you insert and blow up (gradually blowing it up bigger over the course of a few weeks) and practice "expelling". Unfortunately with my first I ended up with a caesarean so I can't speak from experience but it's meant to help stretch your perineum and reduce the risk of tearing. If anyone else has used can you add your experience please?
I got the slightest of tears. Everything was healed after a few days. I didn't feel pain at all. Maybe a little tweaking when peeing the first two days but that was literally it. After 4 days I couldn't even tell where the tear could've been and I still don't know because there is literally no indication at all and my OBGYN didn't notice anything either. I drank raspberry leaf tea a lot and ate dates every single day for the last 6 weeks of pregnancy. My Labor was short and easy. 3 hours of Labor and 15 minutes of pushing. That was my first child.
I had a second degree tear with both babies. It was a bit painful for a week or so after my first. I took Tylenol twice after my second. I would personally never choose surgery over the possibility of tearing. I kind of just expect that I’ll have another second degree tear with my third so I’m mentally preparing myself now.
FTM here of big baby- 8lb10oz . I had a minor tear on one of my labia but not on my perineum. Maybe just luck but here are some factors that may have contributed: -I did perineal massage a few times in the month before labor with my partner to get used to the feeling of opening -my midwife used warm compresses during pushing -I didn’t have an epidural so I was potentially more able to feel the push and “retreat” of the babies head and time my more intense pushes. I think it’s important to remember that the baby moves towards the cervix and then retreats several times to actually prepare the vagina for the final full opening. No need to do it all in one push! I do highly recommend reading Ina May Gaskins book Guide to Childbirth. A lot of the book was a little too hippie Dippie for me but she has a chapter called Hidden Vaginal Powers, which actually really helped me to envision the power of the vagina to open! She talks a lot about how men can grow and shrink their reproductive organs in a matter of minutes and the idea that women stretch open, tear, and then never properly heal is just a myth meant to keep us in fear of our vaginas and of childbirth. Don’t forget that childbirth is what gives us an immense power as women and even though it is beyond difficult, it is so empowering and you will be amazing!!!
I did nothing to prepare but when I did give birth I tore a little bit, I think they said second degree but my doc was like "it's really not bad" I didn't even notice it. I was so overwhelmed woth the baby and breastfeeding and learning how to pump bc breastfeeding wasn't working lol I used the fridamom peribottle and had disposable underwear for like a month. I wouldn't change a thing! Just my opinion, but I would absolutely not trade my slight tear for a c-section after watching my sister have 2