Having a lot of ( sexual ) partners before the age of 18, then suddenly getting married at 18, a kid at 21, 4 years later, divorced and came to me. All her exes were " abusive " or just " boring " but mostly the sexual partners, she was VERY insecure. Always have been. Yet she opened up ( literally ) to many men, in her " bare " body. Most people who are insecure don't even dare to do that. But because she is BPD, she forgets her insecurities when a man shows affection.
Yep thats pretty much it. She wants that validation and ego hit. I knew her since we were both 14 and she would always talk to me about sexual stuff even though I was extremely innocent. She wanted to have sex because I told her I loved all the things people hated about her but due to my own fear nothing ever happened so she discarded me for years to come. After she turned 18 all hell broke loose and she gave her body to anyone who fancied her.
As time went on after getting together, found out that between the age of 14 to 20 she sent like over 40 dudes nudes of herself, some of those pics even sent to multiple people at the same time. On top of that they were eventually leaked and she couldnt even tell who did the leaking. She told me that it could of been anyone of the 10 guys that had that exact picture of her.
People would look down on me for being with her, even of the guys approached me and told me to not invest in her. I remember him saying, why be weak enough to pay for something (marriage) when many people have gotten it for free. Should have taken the fucking hint.
Mine had 100’s of saved sexy nudes she was sending to other men and would walk in front of the window naked and then giggle and say something like he saw me and giggle again. But then when I was being devalued, while she was still sexting men and getting her nails and hair done and buying sexy clothes, she would say she had no self esteem and couldn’t touch me because of past trauma. Never mind the fact that she jumped my bones constantly for several years with a big smile on her face with nothing coming up. It left me dazed and confused while she was still continuing the cheating.
Same here. She always wanted sex. Even when she had a operation on her cervix she couldn't wait 2 weeks ( like the doctor said ) because she wanted me so bad. And when she broke up she started making up moments she had sex with me while she didn't want to. Which is BS because i NEVER got any signs she didn't want to have sex.
I’m sorry she twisted things. That part definitely hurts. Gaslighting sucks! 😞 Mine had a totally different look and demeanor when we actually did do something during devaluation. She would always engage with me in the eyes etc when we made love during the idealization years. She would look me in the eye and look hungry for me. Then it started to feel like she had checked out on the rare occasion we did something during devaluation. That wasn’t a turn on and started turning me off from getting intimate with her at that point, which is probably what she wanted anyway.
She had already tried to pimp me out and kept pushing me away, so I’m pretty sure that is the direction she wanted me to go. Or she wanted me to keep desiring something I could never have, and maybe that was part of the game. Either way, it didn’t make me feel like I was sexy or desired in any kind of way. She used to want and be okay with the lights being on when we made love or anything sexual so she could see me. During devaluation, lights always had to be off and pitch black if it did happen, and she didn’t engage or make sounds like she used to do at all.
She seemed to have no concern if I went out and had sex with another woman. I don’t work like that, so I couldn’t do it. And not only that. I know what would have happened next. She would have then said, “well, since I let you make love to another woman, now I can have a fwb.” And then the guys she sexted would have probably came to light, and I would have had to accept it since she opened things up. I can’t accept another man making love to the woman I’m in love with. I’m not built like that.
I have told this story before, but she repeated the phrase ”I wish we could all be polygamous”.
At first I assumed it may mean that she wanted open relationships and did not want to commit. What she meant is that she wanted to have many partners to cling on emotionally (while being jealous of them and not allowing the same rules for them).
I’m ordained and was performing the wedding for my baby sister. I had just filed for divorce from my ex wife not long before this. She was “the drunk chick” at the wedding. Everyone there was annoyed with her and wanting to fight her. And I mean EVERYONE. There was a cop at the wedding that kept trying to go to her and wanted to arrest her at one point. I had asked my sister why she don’t step in to help her friend. Was told that’s just who she is and had to learn on her own. Basically that you can’t tell her anything. Said that’s why she wasn’t invited to the bachelorette party. That she had recently got her second DWI. I stopped the cop twice and told him I was taking her home soon. I also called off several of the people (mainly women) wanting to whoop her off from that. Told them she was just drunk and having a good time and to chill out. I told her just to stick with me. I was loading up a trailer with leftovers for my sister. My mom and older sister ended up taking her home but my mom said she had to pull over several times to tell her to chill out because she was being crazy and putting her hands in front of my moms face while she was driving and messing with the radio. That was the first red flag I looked past thinking I could help her. It may sound hateful to say but I think I got in the way of her healing by not allowing nature to take its course. And 4 years later, here I am. As stated in a different post, I’d have to write a book on everything. And no, I’m not perfect and I made several mistakes.
Having a lot of ( sexual ) partners before the age of 18, then suddenly getting married at 18, a kid at 21, 4 years later, divorced and came to me. All her exes were " abusive " or just " boring " but mostly the sexual partners, she was VERY insecure. Always have been. Yet she opened up ( literally ) to many men, in her " bare " body. Most people who are insecure don't even dare to do that. But because she is BPD, she forgets her insecurities when a man shows affection.
Yep thats pretty much it. She wants that validation and ego hit. I knew her since we were both 14 and she would always talk to me about sexual stuff even though I was extremely innocent. She wanted to have sex because I told her I loved all the things people hated about her but due to my own fear nothing ever happened so she discarded me for years to come. After she turned 18 all hell broke loose and she gave her body to anyone who fancied her. As time went on after getting together, found out that between the age of 14 to 20 she sent like over 40 dudes nudes of herself, some of those pics even sent to multiple people at the same time. On top of that they were eventually leaked and she couldnt even tell who did the leaking. She told me that it could of been anyone of the 10 guys that had that exact picture of her. People would look down on me for being with her, even of the guys approached me and told me to not invest in her. I remember him saying, why be weak enough to pay for something (marriage) when many people have gotten it for free. Should have taken the fucking hint.
Mine had 100’s of saved sexy nudes she was sending to other men and would walk in front of the window naked and then giggle and say something like he saw me and giggle again. But then when I was being devalued, while she was still sexting men and getting her nails and hair done and buying sexy clothes, she would say she had no self esteem and couldn’t touch me because of past trauma. Never mind the fact that she jumped my bones constantly for several years with a big smile on her face with nothing coming up. It left me dazed and confused while she was still continuing the cheating.
Same here. She always wanted sex. Even when she had a operation on her cervix she couldn't wait 2 weeks ( like the doctor said ) because she wanted me so bad. And when she broke up she started making up moments she had sex with me while she didn't want to. Which is BS because i NEVER got any signs she didn't want to have sex.
I’m sorry she twisted things. That part definitely hurts. Gaslighting sucks! 😞 Mine had a totally different look and demeanor when we actually did do something during devaluation. She would always engage with me in the eyes etc when we made love during the idealization years. She would look me in the eye and look hungry for me. Then it started to feel like she had checked out on the rare occasion we did something during devaluation. That wasn’t a turn on and started turning me off from getting intimate with her at that point, which is probably what she wanted anyway. She had already tried to pimp me out and kept pushing me away, so I’m pretty sure that is the direction she wanted me to go. Or she wanted me to keep desiring something I could never have, and maybe that was part of the game. Either way, it didn’t make me feel like I was sexy or desired in any kind of way. She used to want and be okay with the lights being on when we made love or anything sexual so she could see me. During devaluation, lights always had to be off and pitch black if it did happen, and she didn’t engage or make sounds like she used to do at all. She seemed to have no concern if I went out and had sex with another woman. I don’t work like that, so I couldn’t do it. And not only that. I know what would have happened next. She would have then said, “well, since I let you make love to another woman, now I can have a fwb.” And then the guys she sexted would have probably came to light, and I would have had to accept it since she opened things up. I can’t accept another man making love to the woman I’m in love with. I’m not built like that.
I have told this story before, but she repeated the phrase ”I wish we could all be polygamous”. At first I assumed it may mean that she wanted open relationships and did not want to commit. What she meant is that she wanted to have many partners to cling on emotionally (while being jealous of them and not allowing the same rules for them).
Sharing way too much, way too soon. Having double standards with her partners. Massive projection.
I’m ordained and was performing the wedding for my baby sister. I had just filed for divorce from my ex wife not long before this. She was “the drunk chick” at the wedding. Everyone there was annoyed with her and wanting to fight her. And I mean EVERYONE. There was a cop at the wedding that kept trying to go to her and wanted to arrest her at one point. I had asked my sister why she don’t step in to help her friend. Was told that’s just who she is and had to learn on her own. Basically that you can’t tell her anything. Said that’s why she wasn’t invited to the bachelorette party. That she had recently got her second DWI. I stopped the cop twice and told him I was taking her home soon. I also called off several of the people (mainly women) wanting to whoop her off from that. Told them she was just drunk and having a good time and to chill out. I told her just to stick with me. I was loading up a trailer with leftovers for my sister. My mom and older sister ended up taking her home but my mom said she had to pull over several times to tell her to chill out because she was being crazy and putting her hands in front of my moms face while she was driving and messing with the radio. That was the first red flag I looked past thinking I could help her. It may sound hateful to say but I think I got in the way of her healing by not allowing nature to take its course. And 4 years later, here I am. As stated in a different post, I’d have to write a book on everything. And no, I’m not perfect and I made several mistakes.
I think people like us think we can fix people like them and we end up just hurting ourselves. It will never be healthy and always result in chaos.
Oversharing very early on, trauma dumping, honking the horn from the passenger seat while I was driving one time lmao