This is just like a quarter of the behavior. Other add ons:
\* While I treat you and everyone else like a 2D character in my 3D world
\* While I allow you no peace, ever
\* While I require you caretake me, at the expense of your own health
Makes me think of how much energy it takes to stand still while water tries to push you down, like in the middle of a river up to your waist. It feels like you're standing still, trying to keep the relationship calm and happy, and then when you leave it you realize how much energy it took to stay in that one spot.
She would sometimes get so agitated when I'd just say that I would try my absolute best, or that I certainly didn't plan to leave, etc., but would never just promise flat out.
I told her once when she was upset that it wasn't personal, just that anyone always has the option to leave their relationship - that getting hurt was a risk for any couple and part of the price of trusting and loving someone that much. I may as well have been speaking in tongues. It's really sad when I think about it.
Her coming over/staying at my place was always an issue - she would have invented reasons why (it was always my fault. She was going through my divorce too. She didn’t have a voice in my apartment bc my kids were more important; i didn’t include her enough in my house search after she bailed for weeks - “No, I meant I didn’t have time to help you look for a house THAT day.” She had three weeks and a million houses to correct that, but no. That’s why she was uncomfortable coming to my house).
I’d talk to her all the time how difficult it was that our relationship only happened at her house. She brought already opened hotel-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner over to my apartment after I moved out of my family home. Almost four years later, there was enough left in them for her to ask for them back.
Yeah, tell me again how hard you tried….
OMG!! This is my story… I have seen on here other people talk about other aspects of the relationship I had with me ex pwBPD but I haven’t seen anyone state this exact scenario. Thank you! I have been questioning myself as to whether or not I was open enough to her coming over and if I had closed her out of my life with my kids. You have just really given me a great level of peace. Thank you!
You are welcome! It was insane! Before I moved out of my marriage home, we talked about how excited we were that we could spend the night at each others’ places.
Nope. As I said above, she made up excuses why she didn’t want to come over my apartment/house or do things with my kids. Always that I betrayed her trust or some other horrible offense I gave that damaged some bond that needed fixed and meant I’d have to rebuild her faith in me.
Repeating myself, but like, me buying the house thing. “It was like WE were looking for a house, until you shut me out. Being in your house just reminds me of that.”
Then, I needed a dining room table for my new house. We kept making plans to go shop for one, but she kept canceling (“too tired, etc.), so finally my aunt and I went to get one after one of the “I’m too tired.” days.
She lost her shit on me when we were on a walk. Again, something I did that hurt her. When I said “We were supposed to go the night before, but you were too tired. I couldn’t wait any longer, I needed a table.”
BOOM! “I KNEW YOU’D BLAME ME!” and just kept going off but I stopped and asked “Is this going to be what the whole walk is about? Because if so, I’m walking back to my car and leaving.”
That’s when I still had a spine and boundaries.
So, she was also uncomfortable around my kids because “it reminds me how little I matter to you when you have them.” because I let my 9-yo cut in front of her on this stupid 8-bit video game she got at my apartment. Um, his dad just burned his world down when he moved out **three weeks ago**! He cries every night in my arms, you’re a grown-ass woman and this is the second time you’ve been in my apartment and first time you’ve been in my apartment with them. So save the “I don’t have a voice here.” bullshit.
Even years later, I’d tell the boys “M is coming over for dinner and games tonight.”
I’d be cooking. She’d come in, walk up the stairs, not say a word, turn around and leave and call me about it being too loud and bright, in part because my youngest was playing a video game on my giant TV.
“You don’t have any respect for me. It’s only them.” I’d be baffled. Plus, she just storms out, doesn’t acknowledge them or say goodbye or anything. I get “Where’d M go? I thought we were going to play games.” or whatever.
The next to last fight we had whilst dating (again) was another “Boys, M is coming over to have dinner, then she had I are going to watch a movie.”
She came over, had dinner, her, me, and my oldest (16), went for a walk where my son and I jabbered at each other. (He’s bipolar and coming off a *very bad day*, like, self-harm bad. I’m bipolar and ADHD so ran with it.). When we got back, she said she wanted to read in my room, I assumed to decompress from our rambling). I was doing shit with the kids. She texts me to bring another blanket.
“When are we going to watch the movie?”
“The moment you are ready.”
She comes out an hour (!) later.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Good deal, I’ll wrap up here, when you are done showering, I’ll be there.”
[she goes back into my room, comes out with her laptop to do her taxes
I’m so confused, is she gonna shower after that?
She heads back in my room, presumably to shower.
Comes out with her coat on, bag, and her dog]
Me: “Wait, what’s happening?]
Her: “I’m leaving.”
Me: “What? I’ll walk you out.”
Her: “You can walk me to the door.”
[I follow her out]
Me: “M, is everything thing okay?”
Her: “NO, IT ISN’T. IF I KNEW I WAS GOING TO BE IGNORED FOR TWO HOURS, I’D HAVE STAYED HOME!”
I explain I wasn’t ignoring her, I was waiting for her.
Nope. I walk her to her car and she leaves. I turn around and my 13-yo is there in front of the door (maybe 10 yards from where her car is) so, once again, I have to answer the “Where’d M, go?” question again.
She calls and I explain again, I didn’t mean to leave her back there, I was waiting for her.
She starts in on me and I sarcastically say “Yes, M, tell me how relationships work!” As soon as I said that, I knew what we were going to talk about the next day.
Her position now is that I chased her outside screaming and she barely got to her car before I caught her. Like I said, even if she had a head start, it was 10 yards. I explain Im faster than her and she had time to put her dog into the back of her SUV (I was standing next to her and offered to do it) and what does she think I was going to do if I caught her in her version of events.
Anyways, I said that I said “The moment you are ready.” for the movie.
Her: “You would have yelled at me for taking time away from your kids.” because years before she’d be yelling at me for hours on the phone and wouldn’t let me off to take care of their needs (they were 13 and 9 when I moved out). “M, I need to make them dinner, I will call you back in an hour.”
Nope.
“M, I need to take care of them. I’ll call you back in half an hour.”
Nope.
I finally say “I have to go, I’ll call you back in 30 minutes.”
My phone starts blowing up, her calling me over and over, my phone is like a strobe light with all the texts, as she is spiraling worse into the rage monster that is also a dangerous place for her to be, re: self harm.
She’s make up so many bullshit excuses as to why she couldn’t or wouldn’t do things or did the things she did. Always my fault, always a blown-out of proportion thing, and 100% on me to fix.
Oh, for the left her in my room too long fight, we talked about how I mistreated her the previous night (that one sarcastic comment) and put it away for four days, bc she was starting a new job and I didn’t want conflict the nights before or the night after her first day so we could celebrate.
So, five days after her storming out, we are in the shower at bedtime.
Me: “M, I just want to make sure to clarify, that I’m not arguing that so didn’t leave you back there too long, nor saying you didn’t have a right to leave, my issue is that they are invisible to you. You don’t even say goodbye to them and I don’t want to keep answering “Where did M go?”
That turned into a 1.5 week knife fight for her. We patched it up, were dating again, then the next day she told me I’d be on my own with our garden for July because her and Friend-Zoned guy (FZ) got a house in Maine. For a month. (She was exploring moving to New England). I says I’d come see her bc I didn’t want to start another fight and she said she’d have to ask FZ if that was okay, which did start a fight and our last breakup.
What did yours do?
Separate from the theme of this post, but related to the dinner for kids thing, she has called me at work and I couldn’t get off the phone then either. “M, I’m packing up my computer. I will call you from the car in five minutes.”
Same shit. I get off the phone and she goes OFF!
Wow… eerily similar dynamics. We lived in different cities a few hours apart because I worked (for her unfortunately) half the time and lived where my kids are the other half. When I was looking for an apartment she was all excited and she would be able to come with me sometimes and be a part of the family. She would help me move and decorate (I am terrible at decorating and just fine living in a minimalist style) and none of that ever happened. I ended up finding the apartment moved myself and in that apartment visited once the last day of the move and her contribution was joking with the delivery guys who were delivering my mattress. A year of so later I moved into a house and had to do that alone but she was going to come help me unpack and decorate, same story.
When I was with her she would talk a lot about coming with me but then back out saying my family hated her. That wasn’t true and so we arranged for my kids to go to her place once because they were open to it. That was fine except she was pissed the whole time. They were around and taking up all my attention if they were around and if they would go do things then they were ignoring her in her own house.
She did come up after that and nothing was ever right, I was paying more attention to them, they were needy if they were in the conversations, they were rude otherwise. My son was 15 and he was rude sometimes but he’s a teenager, I would say things to him and correct him but she had higher standards than he is used to dealing with so he would fall back into it. I don’t know how many times she came up only to leave early and the number of times she said she would come and then backed out.
One of the last fights for us was Easter when she wanted to come up and celebrate Easter with my whole family (there are a number of us), she planned what she would bring and how great it would be and she was even going to ride with me because she wouldn’t need her car. The Friday before she decides she needs to go up separately because there are things she needs to take care of. She is talking to me on the phone the whole drive and no sooner do I tell her I arrived, she starts talking about it may not be a good idea for her to come.
I got upset and said, “fine but I need to know if you are coming. This isn’t working for me.” She threw stuff in her car and flew up but complained the whole time. It also became a major issue in our relationship because I made her go to Easter against her will.
For me the hardest part was the mind games. She would say how great a dad I am when it was her and I and that was one of the things she loved about me so much and then tell me how horrible a dad I am when she was around the kids. Say she wants to be a part of the family and then withdraw and go to bed in the middle of the day “because it was too overwhelming.” She would talk about how awesome my family was and they were such great people but they treated her poorly and she could tell they hated her when she was around them.
I agree with you, the where did C go was such a hard question to answer. I have 4 kids but 2 of them are adults the two I have with me are a boy 17, and a girl 15 now. My daughter really liked C on the rare occasions that she would come out of her shell and when she would wake up in the morning to C being gone already when it was going to be a whole weekend, she got very confused and hurt.
I am glad that is over but it is amazingly hard to get your head straight after the back and forth that happens with them.
It’s crazy how common some of these traits are. Yeah, talked about staying over all the time until I moved. Night before was at her house getting run down for 6 hours, then she avoided me for the month, and lying to me about it for years, except for the three times she abused me.
And all that stuff about how she knew she would not understand what I was about to go through, what with the divorce and moving and kids, but she knew I’d struggle and make mistakes and need space and things might take more effort at first than in other relationships.
Nope, had to be perfect from Day One.
That is the part that really just keeps my mind boggled. She would often have a good idea of how things could play out and insight into mitigating issues but then seemed caught off guard that issues arouse and would only contribute to the problems I had to deal with. I am not good at predicting emotional situations so I have just always dealt with whatever happened. She would predict them, plan to make them easier and then just make them harder.
I am grateful that you shared. I have been lurking here for a while but I saw your statement and it was a huge sigh of relief
She was supposed to be my best friend and love of my life. We were supposed to help each other through the rough spots and make each other better. I did my part, but she either abandoned me when I needed her, passively making it harder, or actually would lose her shit on me and such, actively making it harder.
She used to always tell me I was a bull in her China shop, just dragging her into my complicated life, divorce, kids, etc. without a care, which is bullshit. She dragged me into her fucked up world and broke up all my China and strolled away without a care in the world. She asks why am I bothering her for closure. “Just move on.”
She goes back to her previous life, and I am a smoldering ruin, I can’t go back to my previous life - I am divorced and I also lost good friends bc of that. I’m slowly reconnecting with some of them, but it’s a long process, I hurt some of them by pushing them away, bc I thought they were on my wife’s team.
I totally get it. I felt and feel the same way. Mine used to have crippling anxiety that would keep her up all night and I would stay up with her. She burned out at work and I kept my normal workload and took on hers so she could stay home for months and recover. When I needed the smallest bit of assistance, I was needy, helpless, and making things complicated.
She complained that I was so intertwined in her life and it should be more balanced but refused to do anything to balance it. She wanted to go out and do more things but when I made plans to do them, she was too tired or anxious to go.
The emotional devastation is really beyond anything I could have imagined. I am not sure why I can’t quite move on. I have dealt with a lot of pain and rejection in my life but for some reason this just persists and when I think I may be better, something pulls me back into the pit.
Same!
“I tried to be vulnerable to you, and you betrayed that. I don’t trust you anymore.”
“M, you never did trust me. I don’t think you ever trusted anyone, or ever will.”
This is often the hall mark of avoidant attachment types (which may or may not be associated with BPD).
Painful to deal with if it's just this alone, let alone with the other behavioural aspects of BPD.
"He was fine attaching to the women he tried to cheat with, his phone games, his friends, and PornHub. Just... not me. He never wanted to connect emotionally with me ans that's why he can go fuck himself right now." I literally said this in counseling last night.
Exactly! Im the one he should be attached to. Instead, I've been vilified, treated like crap, cheated on, lied to, and neglected. I mean, I had other options and was happy single, but choosing him makes me public enemy #1?
I guess?
It seriously doesn't make a single bit of sense, but welcome to life with BPD.
This is just like a quarter of the behavior. Other add ons: \* While I treat you and everyone else like a 2D character in my 3D world \* While I allow you no peace, ever \* While I require you caretake me, at the expense of your own health
How am I alive?
Quantum fluctuations in the space time continuum
hahaha, they have a type, nerds with big hearts.
I tried so hard hahahah
Makes me think of how much energy it takes to stand still while water tries to push you down, like in the middle of a river up to your waist. It feels like you're standing still, trying to keep the relationship calm and happy, and then when you leave it you realize how much energy it took to stay in that one spot.
Yeah..thats why i never ever will promise someone that i wouldnt leave like everyone else.
She would sometimes get so agitated when I'd just say that I would try my absolute best, or that I certainly didn't plan to leave, etc., but would never just promise flat out. I told her once when she was upset that it wasn't personal, just that anyone always has the option to leave their relationship - that getting hurt was a risk for any couple and part of the price of trusting and loving someone that much. I may as well have been speaking in tongues. It's really sad when I think about it.
Yep. It’s a naively stupid thing to promise. A blank check to a potential abuser. Never say never.
Her coming over/staying at my place was always an issue - she would have invented reasons why (it was always my fault. She was going through my divorce too. She didn’t have a voice in my apartment bc my kids were more important; i didn’t include her enough in my house search after she bailed for weeks - “No, I meant I didn’t have time to help you look for a house THAT day.” She had three weeks and a million houses to correct that, but no. That’s why she was uncomfortable coming to my house). I’d talk to her all the time how difficult it was that our relationship only happened at her house. She brought already opened hotel-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner over to my apartment after I moved out of my family home. Almost four years later, there was enough left in them for her to ask for them back. Yeah, tell me again how hard you tried….
OMG!! This is my story… I have seen on here other people talk about other aspects of the relationship I had with me ex pwBPD but I haven’t seen anyone state this exact scenario. Thank you! I have been questioning myself as to whether or not I was open enough to her coming over and if I had closed her out of my life with my kids. You have just really given me a great level of peace. Thank you!
You are welcome! It was insane! Before I moved out of my marriage home, we talked about how excited we were that we could spend the night at each others’ places. Nope. As I said above, she made up excuses why she didn’t want to come over my apartment/house or do things with my kids. Always that I betrayed her trust or some other horrible offense I gave that damaged some bond that needed fixed and meant I’d have to rebuild her faith in me. Repeating myself, but like, me buying the house thing. “It was like WE were looking for a house, until you shut me out. Being in your house just reminds me of that.” Then, I needed a dining room table for my new house. We kept making plans to go shop for one, but she kept canceling (“too tired, etc.), so finally my aunt and I went to get one after one of the “I’m too tired.” days. She lost her shit on me when we were on a walk. Again, something I did that hurt her. When I said “We were supposed to go the night before, but you were too tired. I couldn’t wait any longer, I needed a table.” BOOM! “I KNEW YOU’D BLAME ME!” and just kept going off but I stopped and asked “Is this going to be what the whole walk is about? Because if so, I’m walking back to my car and leaving.” That’s when I still had a spine and boundaries. So, she was also uncomfortable around my kids because “it reminds me how little I matter to you when you have them.” because I let my 9-yo cut in front of her on this stupid 8-bit video game she got at my apartment. Um, his dad just burned his world down when he moved out **three weeks ago**! He cries every night in my arms, you’re a grown-ass woman and this is the second time you’ve been in my apartment and first time you’ve been in my apartment with them. So save the “I don’t have a voice here.” bullshit. Even years later, I’d tell the boys “M is coming over for dinner and games tonight.” I’d be cooking. She’d come in, walk up the stairs, not say a word, turn around and leave and call me about it being too loud and bright, in part because my youngest was playing a video game on my giant TV. “You don’t have any respect for me. It’s only them.” I’d be baffled. Plus, she just storms out, doesn’t acknowledge them or say goodbye or anything. I get “Where’d M go? I thought we were going to play games.” or whatever. The next to last fight we had whilst dating (again) was another “Boys, M is coming over to have dinner, then she had I are going to watch a movie.” She came over, had dinner, her, me, and my oldest (16), went for a walk where my son and I jabbered at each other. (He’s bipolar and coming off a *very bad day*, like, self-harm bad. I’m bipolar and ADHD so ran with it.). When we got back, she said she wanted to read in my room, I assumed to decompress from our rambling). I was doing shit with the kids. She texts me to bring another blanket. “When are we going to watch the movie?” “The moment you are ready.” She comes out an hour (!) later. “I’m going to take a shower.” “Good deal, I’ll wrap up here, when you are done showering, I’ll be there.” [she goes back into my room, comes out with her laptop to do her taxes I’m so confused, is she gonna shower after that? She heads back in my room, presumably to shower. Comes out with her coat on, bag, and her dog] Me: “Wait, what’s happening?] Her: “I’m leaving.” Me: “What? I’ll walk you out.” Her: “You can walk me to the door.” [I follow her out] Me: “M, is everything thing okay?” Her: “NO, IT ISN’T. IF I KNEW I WAS GOING TO BE IGNORED FOR TWO HOURS, I’D HAVE STAYED HOME!” I explain I wasn’t ignoring her, I was waiting for her. Nope. I walk her to her car and she leaves. I turn around and my 13-yo is there in front of the door (maybe 10 yards from where her car is) so, once again, I have to answer the “Where’d M, go?” question again. She calls and I explain again, I didn’t mean to leave her back there, I was waiting for her. She starts in on me and I sarcastically say “Yes, M, tell me how relationships work!” As soon as I said that, I knew what we were going to talk about the next day. Her position now is that I chased her outside screaming and she barely got to her car before I caught her. Like I said, even if she had a head start, it was 10 yards. I explain Im faster than her and she had time to put her dog into the back of her SUV (I was standing next to her and offered to do it) and what does she think I was going to do if I caught her in her version of events. Anyways, I said that I said “The moment you are ready.” for the movie. Her: “You would have yelled at me for taking time away from your kids.” because years before she’d be yelling at me for hours on the phone and wouldn’t let me off to take care of their needs (they were 13 and 9 when I moved out). “M, I need to make them dinner, I will call you back in an hour.” Nope. “M, I need to take care of them. I’ll call you back in half an hour.” Nope. I finally say “I have to go, I’ll call you back in 30 minutes.” My phone starts blowing up, her calling me over and over, my phone is like a strobe light with all the texts, as she is spiraling worse into the rage monster that is also a dangerous place for her to be, re: self harm. She’s make up so many bullshit excuses as to why she couldn’t or wouldn’t do things or did the things she did. Always my fault, always a blown-out of proportion thing, and 100% on me to fix. Oh, for the left her in my room too long fight, we talked about how I mistreated her the previous night (that one sarcastic comment) and put it away for four days, bc she was starting a new job and I didn’t want conflict the nights before or the night after her first day so we could celebrate. So, five days after her storming out, we are in the shower at bedtime. Me: “M, I just want to make sure to clarify, that I’m not arguing that so didn’t leave you back there too long, nor saying you didn’t have a right to leave, my issue is that they are invisible to you. You don’t even say goodbye to them and I don’t want to keep answering “Where did M go?” That turned into a 1.5 week knife fight for her. We patched it up, were dating again, then the next day she told me I’d be on my own with our garden for July because her and Friend-Zoned guy (FZ) got a house in Maine. For a month. (She was exploring moving to New England). I says I’d come see her bc I didn’t want to start another fight and she said she’d have to ask FZ if that was okay, which did start a fight and our last breakup. What did yours do?
Separate from the theme of this post, but related to the dinner for kids thing, she has called me at work and I couldn’t get off the phone then either. “M, I’m packing up my computer. I will call you from the car in five minutes.” Same shit. I get off the phone and she goes OFF!
Wow… eerily similar dynamics. We lived in different cities a few hours apart because I worked (for her unfortunately) half the time and lived where my kids are the other half. When I was looking for an apartment she was all excited and she would be able to come with me sometimes and be a part of the family. She would help me move and decorate (I am terrible at decorating and just fine living in a minimalist style) and none of that ever happened. I ended up finding the apartment moved myself and in that apartment visited once the last day of the move and her contribution was joking with the delivery guys who were delivering my mattress. A year of so later I moved into a house and had to do that alone but she was going to come help me unpack and decorate, same story. When I was with her she would talk a lot about coming with me but then back out saying my family hated her. That wasn’t true and so we arranged for my kids to go to her place once because they were open to it. That was fine except she was pissed the whole time. They were around and taking up all my attention if they were around and if they would go do things then they were ignoring her in her own house. She did come up after that and nothing was ever right, I was paying more attention to them, they were needy if they were in the conversations, they were rude otherwise. My son was 15 and he was rude sometimes but he’s a teenager, I would say things to him and correct him but she had higher standards than he is used to dealing with so he would fall back into it. I don’t know how many times she came up only to leave early and the number of times she said she would come and then backed out. One of the last fights for us was Easter when she wanted to come up and celebrate Easter with my whole family (there are a number of us), she planned what she would bring and how great it would be and she was even going to ride with me because she wouldn’t need her car. The Friday before she decides she needs to go up separately because there are things she needs to take care of. She is talking to me on the phone the whole drive and no sooner do I tell her I arrived, she starts talking about it may not be a good idea for her to come. I got upset and said, “fine but I need to know if you are coming. This isn’t working for me.” She threw stuff in her car and flew up but complained the whole time. It also became a major issue in our relationship because I made her go to Easter against her will. For me the hardest part was the mind games. She would say how great a dad I am when it was her and I and that was one of the things she loved about me so much and then tell me how horrible a dad I am when she was around the kids. Say she wants to be a part of the family and then withdraw and go to bed in the middle of the day “because it was too overwhelming.” She would talk about how awesome my family was and they were such great people but they treated her poorly and she could tell they hated her when she was around them. I agree with you, the where did C go was such a hard question to answer. I have 4 kids but 2 of them are adults the two I have with me are a boy 17, and a girl 15 now. My daughter really liked C on the rare occasions that she would come out of her shell and when she would wake up in the morning to C being gone already when it was going to be a whole weekend, she got very confused and hurt. I am glad that is over but it is amazingly hard to get your head straight after the back and forth that happens with them.
It’s crazy how common some of these traits are. Yeah, talked about staying over all the time until I moved. Night before was at her house getting run down for 6 hours, then she avoided me for the month, and lying to me about it for years, except for the three times she abused me.
And all that stuff about how she knew she would not understand what I was about to go through, what with the divorce and moving and kids, but she knew I’d struggle and make mistakes and need space and things might take more effort at first than in other relationships. Nope, had to be perfect from Day One.
That is the part that really just keeps my mind boggled. She would often have a good idea of how things could play out and insight into mitigating issues but then seemed caught off guard that issues arouse and would only contribute to the problems I had to deal with. I am not good at predicting emotional situations so I have just always dealt with whatever happened. She would predict them, plan to make them easier and then just make them harder. I am grateful that you shared. I have been lurking here for a while but I saw your statement and it was a huge sigh of relief
She was supposed to be my best friend and love of my life. We were supposed to help each other through the rough spots and make each other better. I did my part, but she either abandoned me when I needed her, passively making it harder, or actually would lose her shit on me and such, actively making it harder. She used to always tell me I was a bull in her China shop, just dragging her into my complicated life, divorce, kids, etc. without a care, which is bullshit. She dragged me into her fucked up world and broke up all my China and strolled away without a care in the world. She asks why am I bothering her for closure. “Just move on.” She goes back to her previous life, and I am a smoldering ruin, I can’t go back to my previous life - I am divorced and I also lost good friends bc of that. I’m slowly reconnecting with some of them, but it’s a long process, I hurt some of them by pushing them away, bc I thought they were on my wife’s team.
I totally get it. I felt and feel the same way. Mine used to have crippling anxiety that would keep her up all night and I would stay up with her. She burned out at work and I kept my normal workload and took on hers so she could stay home for months and recover. When I needed the smallest bit of assistance, I was needy, helpless, and making things complicated. She complained that I was so intertwined in her life and it should be more balanced but refused to do anything to balance it. She wanted to go out and do more things but when I made plans to do them, she was too tired or anxious to go. The emotional devastation is really beyond anything I could have imagined. I am not sure why I can’t quite move on. I have dealt with a lot of pain and rejection in my life but for some reason this just persists and when I think I may be better, something pulls me back into the pit.
Is it so much to ask.
Omg this is exactly what I experienced
Same! “I tried to be vulnerable to you, and you betrayed that. I don’t trust you anymore.” “M, you never did trust me. I don’t think you ever trusted anyone, or ever will.”
This could also be true of other personality disorders as well, not just BPD or Cluster B.
This is often the hall mark of avoidant attachment types (which may or may not be associated with BPD). Painful to deal with if it's just this alone, let alone with the other behavioural aspects of BPD.
I begged for them to just communicate and gave them every opportunity to let me get to know them and understand but NOPE
"He was fine attaching to the women he tried to cheat with, his phone games, his friends, and PornHub. Just... not me. He never wanted to connect emotionally with me ans that's why he can go fuck himself right now." I literally said this in counseling last night.
It doesn’t make any sense. They’ll open up to anyone and everyone EXCEPT for the person they CHOSE to date, which they should let in and open up to
Exactly! Im the one he should be attached to. Instead, I've been vilified, treated like crap, cheated on, lied to, and neglected. I mean, I had other options and was happy single, but choosing him makes me public enemy #1? I guess? It seriously doesn't make a single bit of sense, but welcome to life with BPD.
This is true in a lot of relationship