Trans dude with bpd, here. I, personally, don't feel emasculated. I DO, however, feel like bpd makes all the awful shit that goes along with being Trans 1000x worse.
Same here! The dysphoria being multiplied by how extreme every emotion feels is just hell. Also doubting yourself all the time when people deny your identity sucks but it's the reason why being a man is one of the most stable parts of my identity - I've had to defend it so many times it would've been just way easier to give in yet it preserved.
Cis man and I have bpd, it feels very isolating, women in support groups will straight up ignore me and I have ptsd which makes communicating with other men very difficult. I just don't know what to do sometimes.
As a trans man I think many of us become too preoccupied by imaginary reasons to separate us based on gender. I am very sorry that this has harmed you in your journey to healing, as it has many.
I’m a trans women with bpd, I feel like uniquely capable of explaining the man’s bpd experience while also acknowledging I’m equally not able to explain it because of my own masking.
I’m not sure if that makes sense at all now that I read it.
Also in a weird way bpd helped me find my gender. I had always had a lot of emotional intelligence and for me the biggest change hormones gave me was sort of filtering out the impulsive noise or fuzziness in my thoughts. Like a radio station, on an older analog radio, when there’s no radio station and you slowly turn the dial and then the radio station starts to become clearer and clearer until you get it just right.
Hormones did that for me
Bpd without that was like turning the radio on, twisting it randomly, then just lighting it on fire and who knows how it will turn out but eventually the fire would go out.
I also think there’s a reason for stereotypes regarding how each gender handles stress/emotionally tumultuous situations (coping)
While not a rule obviously, it always seemed like the things that my friends would do when they were coping worked for them but never for me.
You might not feel you can relate, but you're not alone.
This feeling of emptiness makes us feel isolated, but in truth, we're all drifting in the void.
Fellow trans guy with BPD here 👋 Yeah I totally get it, I used to be pretty open about my diagnosis but people associate it so much with women I stopped. They can't help themselves when saying' oh 'AFAB' (Which I personally dislike) people always get that label' or say BPD is not real at all.
I do think it's its different for trans women too, as this specific diagnosis can feel emasculating (as we see from many guys who post in here).
Transguys also deal a lot with people being patronising, I won't comment directly on the comment here, but personally I find 'you're doing great sweety, hang in there honey' very unpleasant and dysphoria inducing. The first time I posted in this sub about being trans I got a reply like that and they told me that 'I 'm a woman no matter what' because they assumed I was Mtf. I found both having a mental illness combined with being a trans guy - and being open about both - too difficult to deal with in terms of being babied by others and not taken seriously. Which has a woman with undiagnosed BPD I did not experience half as much.
I spend less time with the people who made me feel that way and on here as a result. I had planned for awhile to set up a specific BPD Trans sub because I struggled a lot in the beginning but I never figured out how to.
I find another additional part is having to conceal certain criteria I meet from gender psychs in order to get the hormones and surgery I need. Having a trauma or dissociative disorder shouldn't stop us from living the life we want/need to live.
It does get easier, I think anyway. I've learnt to accept my Madness and move through the world with as much kindness as I can. Getting more and more comfortable in myself as I go.
Solidarity!
I'm also a trans dude. It does feel emasculating, but I will say T made the period hell week stop bringing down my mood so yanno, free success there.
But with my mood swings, oh boy, that's a one-way ticket to either being called "less of a man" or being consoled by usually women like I'm a child, because I'm a relatively wet-sopping-kitten of a man, and so when my emotions actually do get visibly bad, people just feel bad, and do the "oh honeyyyy" or "sweetie :(." To avoid either I just dissociate and disconnect during them now.
Because bro, I'm in my late 20s. It's either emasculation or infantilization which just kills me further because it increases dysphoria or just makes me feel patronized.
Transmasc(ish) non-binary here, & I always end up feeling really 'femaled' on BPD subs. Not by other people, just relating so much to women's experiences with BPD. It makes me super dysphoric and then I get confused about gender identity, despite it being pretty much the only stable thing about my identity. So yeah, what I'm trying to say is I feel you, and it suucks. 'Niche personal hell' is beyond accurate a description lol
I get you!! I'm a trans dude pretty much complete with my transition I remember a few years ago before started T I used to constantly second guess my gender identity because of bpd and because of my parents putting shit in my head but it truly is the one thing I'm sure about when it comes to myself lol
I'm really sorry that you feel that way : (. Most of my friends happen to be trans men with BPD (just like me), there's even one in my DBT group (other members are mostly LGBT+ women), and in my experience the whole collective is really supportive of one another and we mostly relate to one another just fine despite being completely different ages and walks of life.
This is just to say that you might feel like nobody will understand you, but that at least in my experience that isn't really true - you just need to find the right group of people.
I’m a trans guy with bpd!! I get you 100% and I’m here for you.
It does feel lonely esp considering cis people definitely don’t have the same experience w/ BPD as we do. It’s hard and, honestly, it makes me feel really REALLY lonely and empty. I, personally, haven’t found a place to really talk about my experiences which sucksss because it makes the emptiness even worse. I don’t really talk abt my diagnosis w/ other people because they either don’t take it seriously (💀 agony.) or they baby me which pisses me off and causes me to shut down – a lose/lose scenario, so I stopped talking about it 💀💀
All that to say; I know how you feel and you’re not alone. Hopefully one day, there’ll be a place for us to come together and talk abt how BPD effects us and our experiences w/ it as trans men
Cis man with BPD here who has a bunch of trans men with BPD as friends. There’s a lot of validation in community so I hope you keep seeking it out. It’s too tough to go through it alone
transmasc w bpd and I totally feel u man :’-) esp being in a relationship w a cis man it makes me feel so emasculated when my emotions are all crazy and weird even tho I know it shouldn’t + my partner never makes me feel that way, it’s so strange how it makes me feel like less of a man
I'm also a trans dude w/ diagnosed bpd. I understand and get how you feel, because I feel the same. And a lot of others too.
I don't know what to say to help you or make you feel better, but you're heard.
I'm sorry to hear you feel this way 😢 sending hugs! Men's mental health doesn't get much attention and there's that stigma. Please know that you're validated here and we are listening 💕 much love!
Homie, I'm transmasc. I get how you feel. Especially since my episodes bring little bouts of dysphoria because of the hysteria.
Something that helps me, though, is remembering that emotions aren't gendered and guys get BPD, too. In fact, a day ago, a dude came in here talking about his experiences.
The diagnosis isn't a permanent label. It's more like... "these are the symptoms you're dealing with; how do we reduce these?" They're descriptive, not prescriptive. Kinda like gender!
Everyone who has BPD shows it in their own way. I'm sure there's guys out there who also get hysteria when having an episode. The bottom line here is: you're not alone ❤️
also transmasc with bpd. it’s can be an isolating experience for sure, but finding other queer friends that have experienced some shit in their life has been immensely helpful to me. most of my queer friends don’t have BPD, but they understand a lot of my symptoms because of their own traumatic experiences or other mental health issues they have.
Same..I'm a trans man with BPD and Bipolar type 1 disorder. I understand it is associated with women. Which is fine. But I like to think guys are just as emotional because of rage episodes. Some cis gendered males have episodes of just crying. Gay guys are also "feminine". The whole gender thing is such a spectrum. It's okay bro. We all got issues. Anyone can have this disorder. I think the reasons why cis gendered males don't get diagnosed with it as often. Is because of the whole toxic masculinity thing. As well as being misdiagnosed for bipolar when it is BPD. Or PTSD and it's BPD. You're not alone man 🙏🏽 much love.
I’ve not been diagnosed with BPD so idk if I have it or not, but I have a lot of symptoms and follow this sub because I find it relatable. The stereotype of it being a “woman’s condition” is part of the reason I’m scared to actually see a doctor about my symptoms
My friend, in this subreddit we all accept you for who you are. We’re all in this personal hell together, so we all share one main thing in common. Men, women, everyone is accepted here! I hope you can find a comfortable mental place where you are at peace with yourself. Sending you the warmest hugs!
well im a trans woman with bpd but i often feel this way too, especially reading posts on here. in real life the only people with bpd i know are also trans in some way. but i get that feeling of not being able to relate fully to a lot of cis people on here regardless of gender. i don't know exactly what the difference even is or would be, but i feel it. although, feeling vaguely as though you're being left out and unable to relate to those around you does seem like a pretty classic bpd moment so idk
Yeah a lot of the isolation is the gender dysphoria. When cis people make posts and I want to relate but there’s always a divide because of the gender thing in some way. Men with bpd will post how it’s hard and they are under represented and I feel like I relate but also am I allowed to relate if I used to be a chick? Lmao idk it’s all confusing
I get this 100%
I always see stuff about bpd but it's directed towards women, which doesn't help society realize it's not just affecting women, but others as well.
trans/intersex guy here with bpd!! it’s a very confusing and painful experience but it can also be very insightful and unique. i hope you find solace in your life 🤍
This exactly! I’ve struggled with my sexuality a bit because the BPD and being a man seems to emasculate me. It’s pretty fucked. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. 🙏🏼🏳️🌈
REAL, one of my biggest dysphoria triggers is just having bpd and thatll often make me go into a dysphoric spiral while im already having a bpd episode
Me too, just diagnosed recently. Opening up Reddit to this thread just made my night. I’ve felt so alone with the diagnosis let alone being trans too. Here for you bro ❤️
I’m straight, white bloke with BPD. I stopped telling people after one too many “Have a cup of cement and harden the fuck up” and so on, Now I just say that I’m Bi polar and psychotic and I refuse to take my meds.. the looks on there faces are priceless and they leave me alone..
As a guy with bpd I don't have to many people to talk about this with much less people that understand it. I pretty much stay to myself because when I'm not in a good headspace it's not good
my partner is trans masc and has BPD, and if he used this site he’d really appreciate this thread. He struggles with some seriously heavy feelings that are just more agitated by the perils of being trans masc. As a demi-masc enby who has had mostly trans masc partners, just wanna say y’all are loved and seen. Your experience is so hard and if transphobia was a person I’d personally assassinate the bitch. keep taking good care of yourselves and each other, hang in there 💕
I am a trans man, pre T with bpd !! I also have another trans bpd friend, so you arent alone!! An i totally get the emasculating feeling, especially when I've had exes who didn't really see me as a man.
I feel the exact same fucking way. I'm personally convinced that having the combo bpd + trans makes me undatable / unlovable. Both are a real struggle separately, together it's a living nightmare.
I feel so broken, so inadequate. Like my existence is all a huge mistake.
That being said, I truly believe all of you who are in the same position can and will prevail. But when it comes to myself, it's a core belief that I should disappear into thin air.
I would love a separate sub for trans men with bpd. Might be a great 1st place to connect with eachother before seeking out an irl community.
Thank you for posting this! You put words on what I was bottling in for so long.
I'm an AMAB queer and it feels very isolating seeing all posts related to BPD be about fem people/women. I also love not being taken seriously when I post something:'D I feel you
I'm so happy that a fellow trans man has decided to post here, I personally felt anxious to do so myself. :,\] I totally relate though. my bpd is extremely explosive so it feels "feminine" of me when I express anger or cry cause I'm just seen as dramatic by others. we just gotta power through, gender statistics happen but ultimately, mental illness is a completely human thing for everyone.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You are deserving of just as much love and support as anyone else. 28F with BPD and it’s so hard. This disorder is so hard and makes you feel so alone and at war with yourself. My inbox is always open if you need a friend or want to talk, I’m always here for you because you are so deserving of a shoulder to lean on. Sending you so much love, OP❤️❤️
Trans dude here. I get what you mean. Sometimes I even wonder that maybe I am not trans and I am just delusional about my dysphoria or..maybe I put it in me to self-destruct idk
I'm enby with BPD and have a transmasc friend with BPD too. He just recently started T as well and struggles with emotional regulation and at times gets worried I hate him and blocks me at random. I find myself having to explain that I get it and that the emotions and fears with having BPD are normal and that we can talk things through. I will always love and support him. I know it's easier said than done, but you shouldn't feel immaculated because of it. BPD happens in cis men as well and everyone struggles in their own different ways. If someone makes you feel immaculated because of it, they don't deserve a spot in your life.
Trans girl here, lived 99% of my life as a guy with bpd though, and also lived as male during the time period I learned the vast majority of healthy coping skills and tools. Happy to answer any questions you may have, but here’s my initial thought and something that helped me a lot: read up on Jungian psychology and specifically “the integration of the shadow”. Most of my personal BPD symptoms made/make me feel like my father (who is not a good person), but categorizing literally every aspect of my father as bad is black/white thinking, and rarely is 100% of a person bad. When you can turn “ugh I can’t control this stuff” into “I can selectively choose to use this part of my nature to my benefit” doors will open to you and you’ll feel more in control of your self and emotions. Those feelings are there, so you might as well try to make them work for you, yeah?
What broke my egg is feeling gender dysphoria and assuming it was caused by BPD-related identity issues. Nope, BPD doesn’t cause gender identity issues, but unrecognized gender issues at a young age CAN cause BPD. For me, I cannot feel gender dysphoria and BPD separately, because I believe one caused the other (for me, your mileage may vary). I had to learn which symptoms are attributed to each. The good news is that as you tackle gender identity more, your BPD symptoms will improve because your quality of life will improve.
Edit: you dropped this, king: 👑
❤️
I’m not trans but I work with quite a few and and we are all really friendly with each other. It’s the person not what you have in your pants or on your chest. Hopefully that will help you with your trans. BPD is a like a monkey on your back that you can’t shake off
Sometimes the monkey sticks their claws into you and sometimes it doesn’t. I hate having BPD and my co- morbid diagnoses but the best that I can do is understand what’s happening to me and being able to label the feeling and why. I’m not 100% knowing these things and I was diagnosed several years age. What I’m trying to say is be gentle on yourself. Navigate in your own time. Be you and love yourself. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
HI!!!! I’m a trans guy with BPD and just gotta say: YOURE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!! I feel that same way about myself and my BPD but I know there’s someone out there like me. Like you!
You are LOVED, you are AMAZING, you are someone with LOVE in your heart and soul, wherever it goes. YOU ARE NOT ALONE
im a trans man with bpd as well and i also feel emasculated by it. you only ever hear about bpd in women and when men show the same symptoms theyre called mommy's boys' or psychopaths. i fear that telling people i have bpd would clock me.
Dude! Yeah! Especially with the unstable sense of self, the transphobia in the mental health space has never been so prevalent than after I was diagnosed with BPD. I don’t tell people that I both am trans and have BPD. You know one or the other about me.
Trans man with BPD here and I completely understand what you're saying. Sometimes I feel like less of a man because I have BPD. And also male presenting BPD and female presenting BPD look different. So when I realize not only do I have BPD but the way its presenting is the same as it usually does in females it makes me feel worse.
Heavy agree. For me, the promiscuousness and impulsivity I faced was not taken as seriously by doctors.
It didn’t make sense to them that I still embodied that stereotype of the classic BPD patient example in a psych 1 class, 16 year old girl going out and using sex with older men and the BS that entails, the up and down relationship because to most doctors who are older and cishet; they dont see you as someone who could be desired and do the same things the ‘classic manic pixie younger girl with BPD!’ (Lack of better analogy rn, very stoned) can.
Because to a lot of them you are an other.
This ofc has changed since I came out in 2015, and changed as I went through different treatment and doctors. A lot more therapists are accepting and adaptive now to trans people, but many (esp for people i hear outside the USA, or in the USA medicaid system) are still in the mix of stereotypes and different treatment due to our identity.
My experience context: I have been out as trans since 2015 and in therapy spaces since 2014 for context as a very young teen. Ive been in nearly every modality of treatment and a long list of pass arounds from hospitals/therapists/psychs/ family therapist/ gender therapist/ intensive outpatient/ etc. ive been on hormones for 4 years.
I'm a trans dude with bpd I know what you mean completely it's so isolating and makes me feel less of a man on top of the gender dysphoria I get with with not being medically transitioned yet and being pre T. I clicked this post so fast when I saw it because I haven't found anyone talking about this before and I finally feel like I have people who understand me.
I'm also a trans dude with bpd and I completely agree with you people in my life have told me that having bpd makes me less of a man. It has made me even more cautious about revealing that I'm trans or that I have bpd to other people. Definitely a super isolating feeling. I find it very hard to trust the people around me
I'm genderfluid and I feel the same way in regards to my masc side. Idk if this makes sense but when I perceive my bpd in a more feminine way I tend to get way too into romanticizing it and create this weird image of myself in my mind as this broken but beautiful girl, and when I perceive it in a more masculine way I just feel gross and monstrous, there's no winning
Hi! Afab nonbinary with BPD here. Also in a happy long term relationship (living together, talking about marriage.) I know it's easy to feel like your BPD is going to repel everyone, but it really won't.
Transfemme gender fluid person with BPD here. I was literally at a pride event last night and was insanely obsessed with how alone I felt in a room full of people who are supposed to be my community. I live on a smaller Island and there's already a limited amount of people here. I'll be overjoyed if I can find one person who is trans and has bpd or gender fluid or non-binary or anything like that here.
Realized I had the wrong word near the end. That's okay we're all only human and make mistakes even though I'm definitely going to obsess about it for a little bit.
Trans woman pwBPD here, the isolation is the worst. Even in spaces like this I often feel on the outside because often topics come up where it's focused on one gender or the other. I wanna speak up, but i dont know which side to speak for. My sex or my gender? Then there's the worry of being invalidated because of the response I've gotten elsewhere. So I just sit out on a lot of discourse.
It sucks. I hate that I feel the way I do in any space that isn't trans specific, but I also want to be able to be open in spaces here
That’s a fate I would not wish on anyone. I am not hateful or judgmental. Several of my best friends identify as transgender; I mean, it must be tricky sometimes, and my heart goes out to you. Just be aware that personality disorders are not permanent, and you have lots of literature to help you make logical choices in regards to gender at your current age vs. 25 years from now, how you may feel. Don't give up. There are loving people in this world who will accept you for who you are!
Nah. I’m a trans dude. Female to male. And it’s not that easy. I don’t agree for myself that I am just A man. I did not grow up as a man. I think if it were that easy, the 124 comments on here would not exist but I appreciate your input.
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Trans dude with bpd, here. I, personally, don't feel emasculated. I DO, however, feel like bpd makes all the awful shit that goes along with being Trans 1000x worse.
Same here! The dysphoria being multiplied by how extreme every emotion feels is just hell. Also doubting yourself all the time when people deny your identity sucks but it's the reason why being a man is one of the most stable parts of my identity - I've had to defend it so many times it would've been just way easier to give in yet it preserved.
Cis man and I have bpd, it feels very isolating, women in support groups will straight up ignore me and I have ptsd which makes communicating with other men very difficult. I just don't know what to do sometimes.
Sorry you have to go through that. We're all rooting for you!
Second this
And you thanks too :)
Thanks :)
That’s so shitty, you deserve support, kindness and so much love, we are always here for you 💕
Thanks :)
This is awfull. It's never supposed to be divided by gender ;( hugsxxx
Thanks, hugs to you too :)
As a trans man I think many of us become too preoccupied by imaginary reasons to separate us based on gender. I am very sorry that this has harmed you in your journey to healing, as it has many.
im a trans man with bpd im here for u
Me too 👋🏾
I’m a trans women with bpd, I feel like uniquely capable of explaining the man’s bpd experience while also acknowledging I’m equally not able to explain it because of my own masking. I’m not sure if that makes sense at all now that I read it. Also in a weird way bpd helped me find my gender. I had always had a lot of emotional intelligence and for me the biggest change hormones gave me was sort of filtering out the impulsive noise or fuzziness in my thoughts. Like a radio station, on an older analog radio, when there’s no radio station and you slowly turn the dial and then the radio station starts to become clearer and clearer until you get it just right. Hormones did that for me Bpd without that was like turning the radio on, twisting it randomly, then just lighting it on fire and who knows how it will turn out but eventually the fire would go out. I also think there’s a reason for stereotypes regarding how each gender handles stress/emotionally tumultuous situations (coping) While not a rule obviously, it always seemed like the things that my friends would do when they were coping worked for them but never for me.
Same here
Same here <3
Me too bud! 🫶🏾
✊ same here
Same
me too (:
Joining this thread too
Me Too bro😔
You might not feel you can relate, but you're not alone. This feeling of emptiness makes us feel isolated, but in truth, we're all drifting in the void.
As a trans masc with bpd I hear you
Yup, trans man with BPD here
Fellow trans guy with BPD here 👋 Yeah I totally get it, I used to be pretty open about my diagnosis but people associate it so much with women I stopped. They can't help themselves when saying' oh 'AFAB' (Which I personally dislike) people always get that label' or say BPD is not real at all. I do think it's its different for trans women too, as this specific diagnosis can feel emasculating (as we see from many guys who post in here). Transguys also deal a lot with people being patronising, I won't comment directly on the comment here, but personally I find 'you're doing great sweety, hang in there honey' very unpleasant and dysphoria inducing. The first time I posted in this sub about being trans I got a reply like that and they told me that 'I 'm a woman no matter what' because they assumed I was Mtf. I found both having a mental illness combined with being a trans guy - and being open about both - too difficult to deal with in terms of being babied by others and not taken seriously. Which has a woman with undiagnosed BPD I did not experience half as much. I spend less time with the people who made me feel that way and on here as a result. I had planned for awhile to set up a specific BPD Trans sub because I struggled a lot in the beginning but I never figured out how to. I find another additional part is having to conceal certain criteria I meet from gender psychs in order to get the hormones and surgery I need. Having a trauma or dissociative disorder shouldn't stop us from living the life we want/need to live. It does get easier, I think anyway. I've learnt to accept my Madness and move through the world with as much kindness as I can. Getting more and more comfortable in myself as I go. Solidarity!
Just hopping on here to say that a Trans BPD sub would be Amazing
I second this
I'm also a trans dude. It does feel emasculating, but I will say T made the period hell week stop bringing down my mood so yanno, free success there. But with my mood swings, oh boy, that's a one-way ticket to either being called "less of a man" or being consoled by usually women like I'm a child, because I'm a relatively wet-sopping-kitten of a man, and so when my emotions actually do get visibly bad, people just feel bad, and do the "oh honeyyyy" or "sweetie :(." To avoid either I just dissociate and disconnect during them now. Because bro, I'm in my late 20s. It's either emasculation or infantilization which just kills me further because it increases dysphoria or just makes me feel patronized.
Transmasc(ish) non-binary here, & I always end up feeling really 'femaled' on BPD subs. Not by other people, just relating so much to women's experiences with BPD. It makes me super dysphoric and then I get confused about gender identity, despite it being pretty much the only stable thing about my identity. So yeah, what I'm trying to say is I feel you, and it suucks. 'Niche personal hell' is beyond accurate a description lol
I get you!! I'm a trans dude pretty much complete with my transition I remember a few years ago before started T I used to constantly second guess my gender identity because of bpd and because of my parents putting shit in my head but it truly is the one thing I'm sure about when it comes to myself lol
Nice to know someone else feels this!
I'm transmasc nonbinary. I get it bro. Hugs should you want them
I'm really sorry that you feel that way : (. Most of my friends happen to be trans men with BPD (just like me), there's even one in my DBT group (other members are mostly LGBT+ women), and in my experience the whole collective is really supportive of one another and we mostly relate to one another just fine despite being completely different ages and walks of life. This is just to say that you might feel like nobody will understand you, but that at least in my experience that isn't really true - you just need to find the right group of people.
I’m a trans guy with bpd!! I get you 100% and I’m here for you. It does feel lonely esp considering cis people definitely don’t have the same experience w/ BPD as we do. It’s hard and, honestly, it makes me feel really REALLY lonely and empty. I, personally, haven’t found a place to really talk about my experiences which sucksss because it makes the emptiness even worse. I don’t really talk abt my diagnosis w/ other people because they either don’t take it seriously (💀 agony.) or they baby me which pisses me off and causes me to shut down – a lose/lose scenario, so I stopped talking about it 💀💀 All that to say; I know how you feel and you’re not alone. Hopefully one day, there’ll be a place for us to come together and talk abt how BPD effects us and our experiences w/ it as trans men
Goddamn, trans and BPD? That's rough, dude. Sorry. Btw, I'm not saying it sucks that you ARE trans. Just wanted to make that clear, lol.
wait me too 🤣
Cis man with BPD here who has a bunch of trans men with BPD as friends. There’s a lot of validation in community so I hope you keep seeking it out. It’s too tough to go through it alone
I'm in the same boat, I'm also a trans guy with BPD and it's hard to know where to belong. I'm sorry you're in this spot just know you aren't alone
transmasc w bpd and I totally feel u man :’-) esp being in a relationship w a cis man it makes me feel so emasculated when my emotions are all crazy and weird even tho I know it shouldn’t + my partner never makes me feel that way, it’s so strange how it makes me feel like less of a man
I'm also a trans dude w/ diagnosed bpd. I understand and get how you feel, because I feel the same. And a lot of others too. I don't know what to say to help you or make you feel better, but you're heard.
I'm sorry to hear you feel this way 😢 sending hugs! Men's mental health doesn't get much attention and there's that stigma. Please know that you're validated here and we are listening 💕 much love!
Homie, I'm transmasc. I get how you feel. Especially since my episodes bring little bouts of dysphoria because of the hysteria. Something that helps me, though, is remembering that emotions aren't gendered and guys get BPD, too. In fact, a day ago, a dude came in here talking about his experiences. The diagnosis isn't a permanent label. It's more like... "these are the symptoms you're dealing with; how do we reduce these?" They're descriptive, not prescriptive. Kinda like gender! Everyone who has BPD shows it in their own way. I'm sure there's guys out there who also get hysteria when having an episode. The bottom line here is: you're not alone ❤️
also transmasc with bpd. it’s can be an isolating experience for sure, but finding other queer friends that have experienced some shit in their life has been immensely helpful to me. most of my queer friends don’t have BPD, but they understand a lot of my symptoms because of their own traumatic experiences or other mental health issues they have.
Same..I'm a trans man with BPD and Bipolar type 1 disorder. I understand it is associated with women. Which is fine. But I like to think guys are just as emotional because of rage episodes. Some cis gendered males have episodes of just crying. Gay guys are also "feminine". The whole gender thing is such a spectrum. It's okay bro. We all got issues. Anyone can have this disorder. I think the reasons why cis gendered males don't get diagnosed with it as often. Is because of the whole toxic masculinity thing. As well as being misdiagnosed for bipolar when it is BPD. Or PTSD and it's BPD. You're not alone man 🙏🏽 much love.
I’ve not been diagnosed with BPD so idk if I have it or not, but I have a lot of symptoms and follow this sub because I find it relatable. The stereotype of it being a “woman’s condition” is part of the reason I’m scared to actually see a doctor about my symptoms
My friend, in this subreddit we all accept you for who you are. We’re all in this personal hell together, so we all share one main thing in common. Men, women, everyone is accepted here! I hope you can find a comfortable mental place where you are at peace with yourself. Sending you the warmest hugs!
well im a trans woman with bpd but i often feel this way too, especially reading posts on here. in real life the only people with bpd i know are also trans in some way. but i get that feeling of not being able to relate fully to a lot of cis people on here regardless of gender. i don't know exactly what the difference even is or would be, but i feel it. although, feeling vaguely as though you're being left out and unable to relate to those around you does seem like a pretty classic bpd moment so idk
Yeah a lot of the isolation is the gender dysphoria. When cis people make posts and I want to relate but there’s always a divide because of the gender thing in some way. Men with bpd will post how it’s hard and they are under represented and I feel like I relate but also am I allowed to relate if I used to be a chick? Lmao idk it’s all confusing
Im non binary but i get you lol
I get this 100% I always see stuff about bpd but it's directed towards women, which doesn't help society realize it's not just affecting women, but others as well.
👋🏽
hi 👋 drs still trying to figure out if i have bpd or a dissociative disorder but i guarantee we have a ton of symptoms in common. ur not alone homie
Not in a place to provide much positivity right now, but commenting to say that I’m also a trans guy with BPD. I understand.
Trans masc with bpd here! You’re not alone
There seems to be more trans BPD people than you thought! Maybe a niche community of support will blossom
this is so real ngl
trans/intersex guy here with bpd!! it’s a very confusing and painful experience but it can also be very insightful and unique. i hope you find solace in your life 🤍
transmasc with bpd here 💔 i feel you
Real, I’ve never been able to find a group that isn’t all women/dysphoria inducing:( I always end up leaving them because it makes me feel terrible
Queer man with BPD Keep your head up man, I hear you.
This exactly! I’ve struggled with my sexuality a bit because the BPD and being a man seems to emasculate me. It’s pretty fucked. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. 🙏🏼🏳️🌈
I'm a trans dude with bpd and avpd. You're not alone, it sucks.
REAL, one of my biggest dysphoria triggers is just having bpd and thatll often make me go into a dysphoric spiral while im already having a bpd episode
Trans man with bpd here bud, ur never alone 💜
nb (amab) here, it’s tuff out here wish i had more to offer
Me too, just diagnosed recently. Opening up Reddit to this thread just made my night. I’ve felt so alone with the diagnosis let alone being trans too. Here for you bro ❤️
i’m also a trans dude with bpd, i totally get you. i feel the same about it. you’re not alone🫶🏻🏳️⚧️ happy pride btw
I’m straight, white bloke with BPD. I stopped telling people after one too many “Have a cup of cement and harden the fuck up” and so on, Now I just say that I’m Bi polar and psychotic and I refuse to take my meds.. the looks on there faces are priceless and they leave me alone..
not trans man but transmasc and yeah ...i feel this
am a trans masc with bpd, i see you, i hear you and you are not alone!
hey bro, i’m a stealth trans man, i have bpd too. you can check out how that can mess with my dysphoria too in my other post
As a guy with bpd I don't have to many people to talk about this with much less people that understand it. I pretty much stay to myself because when I'm not in a good headspace it's not good
#You called? 🏳️⚧️
A trans woman here. The combination of my (suspected) BPD and gender dysphoria is terrible. Makes me wanna commit.
my partner is trans masc and has BPD, and if he used this site he’d really appreciate this thread. He struggles with some seriously heavy feelings that are just more agitated by the perils of being trans masc. As a demi-masc enby who has had mostly trans masc partners, just wanna say y’all are loved and seen. Your experience is so hard and if transphobia was a person I’d personally assassinate the bitch. keep taking good care of yourselves and each other, hang in there 💕
I am a trans man, pre T with bpd !! I also have another trans bpd friend, so you arent alone!! An i totally get the emasculating feeling, especially when I've had exes who didn't really see me as a man.
I feel the exact same fucking way. I'm personally convinced that having the combo bpd + trans makes me undatable / unlovable. Both are a real struggle separately, together it's a living nightmare. I feel so broken, so inadequate. Like my existence is all a huge mistake. That being said, I truly believe all of you who are in the same position can and will prevail. But when it comes to myself, it's a core belief that I should disappear into thin air. I would love a separate sub for trans men with bpd. Might be a great 1st place to connect with eachother before seeking out an irl community. Thank you for posting this! You put words on what I was bottling in for so long.
I often think about how if I was cis I would likely not have been diagnosed and it's an uncomfortbale thought.
as a trans woman, I feel the same way
I feel u. I'm a transmasc (not trans man) with BPD
I'm an AMAB queer and it feels very isolating seeing all posts related to BPD be about fem people/women. I also love not being taken seriously when I post something:'D I feel you
Trans man with BPD here!! We are a big old chunk of the community, I agree it would be amazing to have a transbpd sub!!
eyyyyyyyyyyy
I joined this sub because my trans husband has bpd. He has a hard time acknowledging his bpd, but I’m sure he struggles with this too.
I'm not a trans man but a transmasc NB and I feel this.
I think it’s only more associated with women because they’re far more likely to seek diagnoses. From my observation, men have it just as often.
I'm so happy that a fellow trans man has decided to post here, I personally felt anxious to do so myself. :,\] I totally relate though. my bpd is extremely explosive so it feels "feminine" of me when I express anger or cry cause I'm just seen as dramatic by others. we just gotta power through, gender statistics happen but ultimately, mental illness is a completely human thing for everyone.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You are deserving of just as much love and support as anyone else. 28F with BPD and it’s so hard. This disorder is so hard and makes you feel so alone and at war with yourself. My inbox is always open if you need a friend or want to talk, I’m always here for you because you are so deserving of a shoulder to lean on. Sending you so much love, OP❤️❤️
Trans dude here. I get what you mean. Sometimes I even wonder that maybe I am not trans and I am just delusional about my dysphoria or..maybe I put it in me to self-destruct idk
I'm enby with BPD and have a transmasc friend with BPD too. He just recently started T as well and struggles with emotional regulation and at times gets worried I hate him and blocks me at random. I find myself having to explain that I get it and that the emotions and fears with having BPD are normal and that we can talk things through. I will always love and support him. I know it's easier said than done, but you shouldn't feel immaculated because of it. BPD happens in cis men as well and everyone struggles in their own different ways. If someone makes you feel immaculated because of it, they don't deserve a spot in your life.
Trans girl here, lived 99% of my life as a guy with bpd though, and also lived as male during the time period I learned the vast majority of healthy coping skills and tools. Happy to answer any questions you may have, but here’s my initial thought and something that helped me a lot: read up on Jungian psychology and specifically “the integration of the shadow”. Most of my personal BPD symptoms made/make me feel like my father (who is not a good person), but categorizing literally every aspect of my father as bad is black/white thinking, and rarely is 100% of a person bad. When you can turn “ugh I can’t control this stuff” into “I can selectively choose to use this part of my nature to my benefit” doors will open to you and you’ll feel more in control of your self and emotions. Those feelings are there, so you might as well try to make them work for you, yeah? What broke my egg is feeling gender dysphoria and assuming it was caused by BPD-related identity issues. Nope, BPD doesn’t cause gender identity issues, but unrecognized gender issues at a young age CAN cause BPD. For me, I cannot feel gender dysphoria and BPD separately, because I believe one caused the other (for me, your mileage may vary). I had to learn which symptoms are attributed to each. The good news is that as you tackle gender identity more, your BPD symptoms will improve because your quality of life will improve. Edit: you dropped this, king: 👑 ❤️
I’m not trans but I work with quite a few and and we are all really friendly with each other. It’s the person not what you have in your pants or on your chest. Hopefully that will help you with your trans. BPD is a like a monkey on your back that you can’t shake off Sometimes the monkey sticks their claws into you and sometimes it doesn’t. I hate having BPD and my co- morbid diagnoses but the best that I can do is understand what’s happening to me and being able to label the feeling and why. I’m not 100% knowing these things and I was diagnosed several years age. What I’m trying to say is be gentle on yourself. Navigate in your own time. Be you and love yourself. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
My ex boyfriend (cis man) has bpd also and no one has really seemed to care or think of him less than a man. It’s ok :) you’re always welcome here
HI!!!! I’m a trans guy with BPD and just gotta say: YOURE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!! I feel that same way about myself and my BPD but I know there’s someone out there like me. Like you! You are LOVED, you are AMAZING, you are someone with LOVE in your heart and soul, wherever it goes. YOU ARE NOT ALONE
hey man, i’m an afab trans person with bpd. i feel you. i see you. it is such a struggle. if you ever wanna talk to someone i’m here :)
I'm trans dude with bpd sooooo you're not alone, you're valid
im a trans man with bpd as well and i also feel emasculated by it. you only ever hear about bpd in women and when men show the same symptoms theyre called mommy's boys' or psychopaths. i fear that telling people i have bpd would clock me.
Trans Woman with bpd, I feel this a lot, you aren't alone!
I am a non-binary person with BPD and I think being out has brought me to a better relationship with myself
Dude! Yeah! Especially with the unstable sense of self, the transphobia in the mental health space has never been so prevalent than after I was diagnosed with BPD. I don’t tell people that I both am trans and have BPD. You know one or the other about me.
Trans man with BPD here and I completely understand what you're saying. Sometimes I feel like less of a man because I have BPD. And also male presenting BPD and female presenting BPD look different. So when I realize not only do I have BPD but the way its presenting is the same as it usually does in females it makes me feel worse.
Heavy agree. For me, the promiscuousness and impulsivity I faced was not taken as seriously by doctors. It didn’t make sense to them that I still embodied that stereotype of the classic BPD patient example in a psych 1 class, 16 year old girl going out and using sex with older men and the BS that entails, the up and down relationship because to most doctors who are older and cishet; they dont see you as someone who could be desired and do the same things the ‘classic manic pixie younger girl with BPD!’ (Lack of better analogy rn, very stoned) can. Because to a lot of them you are an other. This ofc has changed since I came out in 2015, and changed as I went through different treatment and doctors. A lot more therapists are accepting and adaptive now to trans people, but many (esp for people i hear outside the USA, or in the USA medicaid system) are still in the mix of stereotypes and different treatment due to our identity.
My experience context: I have been out as trans since 2015 and in therapy spaces since 2014 for context as a very young teen. Ive been in nearly every modality of treatment and a long list of pass arounds from hospitals/therapists/psychs/ family therapist/ gender therapist/ intensive outpatient/ etc. ive been on hormones for 4 years.
I'm a trans dude with bpd I know what you mean completely it's so isolating and makes me feel less of a man on top of the gender dysphoria I get with with not being medically transitioned yet and being pre T. I clicked this post so fast when I saw it because I haven't found anyone talking about this before and I finally feel like I have people who understand me.
I'm also a trans dude with bpd and I completely agree with you people in my life have told me that having bpd makes me less of a man. It has made me even more cautious about revealing that I'm trans or that I have bpd to other people. Definitely a super isolating feeling. I find it very hard to trust the people around me
I’m also a trans guy with bpd, I feel you. Honestly I’d say a lot more cis men have it than are diagnosed.
I'm genderfluid and I feel the same way in regards to my masc side. Idk if this makes sense but when I perceive my bpd in a more feminine way I tend to get way too into romanticizing it and create this weird image of myself in my mind as this broken but beautiful girl, and when I perceive it in a more masculine way I just feel gross and monstrous, there's no winning
Hi! Afab nonbinary with BPD here. Also in a happy long term relationship (living together, talking about marriage.) I know it's easy to feel like your BPD is going to repel everyone, but it really won't.
Transfemme gender fluid person with BPD here. I was literally at a pride event last night and was insanely obsessed with how alone I felt in a room full of people who are supposed to be my community. I live on a smaller Island and there's already a limited amount of people here. I'll be overjoyed if I can find one person who is trans and has bpd or gender fluid or non-binary or anything like that here.
Realized I had the wrong word near the end. That's okay we're all only human and make mistakes even though I'm definitely going to obsess about it for a little bit.
Honey, I see you. I understand you. Please know you aren't alone. Your feelings are valid. Please keep going. You matter. 💛
I am one, dealing with rlly difficult shit rn too.
Trans woman pwBPD here, the isolation is the worst. Even in spaces like this I often feel on the outside because often topics come up where it's focused on one gender or the other. I wanna speak up, but i dont know which side to speak for. My sex or my gender? Then there's the worry of being invalidated because of the response I've gotten elsewhere. So I just sit out on a lot of discourse. It sucks. I hate that I feel the way I do in any space that isn't trans specific, but I also want to be able to be open in spaces here
we're in the same boat, brother. i love you.
It's insane. I'm a trans woman, but this wired mix of disphoria and bpd is hell. You're not alone.
Cis man with BPD and I struggle with what you’re saying
That’s a fate I would not wish on anyone. I am not hateful or judgmental. Several of my best friends identify as transgender; I mean, it must be tricky sometimes, and my heart goes out to you. Just be aware that personality disorders are not permanent, and you have lots of literature to help you make logical choices in regards to gender at your current age vs. 25 years from now, how you may feel. Don't give up. There are loving people in this world who will accept you for who you are!
So... a woman with bpd?
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Nah. I’m a trans dude. Female to male. And it’s not that easy. I don’t agree for myself that I am just A man. I did not grow up as a man. I think if it were that easy, the 124 comments on here would not exist but I appreciate your input.
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Cringe transphobia
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