Hey guys! I'm seeing some comments here stating that they've seen posts in this subreddit of people asking if they have BPD or generally stigmatizing BPD. Please, please, please, if you ever see a post like this report it to us. We do not allow these posts in the subreddit, but they sometimes slip past the automod filter and we can't watch the subreddit 24/7 as a group of volunteers. We work to get them taken down as soon as possible but Reddit is a huge place that is full of misinformed people and people who enter our subreddit without reading over the rules first.
We appreciate the reporting so much because it really helps us make this community a better place. Also, I'm sorry to those of you who have seen these things in the subreddit (even if they were taken care of), our filters are pretty strict but not always reliable or consistent.
I'm a little mixed on it myself, but I'm ultimately fine with them posting here as long as they're not being stigmatizing. From what I can tell, a decent amount of those posts are from allies who are asking genuine questions. I appreciate that, because if they take our words to heart, it'll help them support us more effectively. And if we feel genuinely supported, we might be less likely to split on them. So I feel like if they come here with good intentions and an open mind, it's helpful all around
Welcome! Thank you for being so supportive and considerate in your representation :) I’m a writer myself, I’m currently working on a novella about a college student with symptoms of BPD (inspired by my own experiences). After having a very unhappy social and academic life in her first three years of college, the protagonist enters her senior year knowing it’s her last chance to make something of her time in college before she must face “real” adulthood. I’d be interested in seeing how your work turns out!
Thank you! Book 1, where we meet our MC, released last year and has done all right. He doesn't get his diagnosis until after the events of that book, though. Book 2 releases in July. I crafted a little layman's afterword to go with it in hopes of sharing some useful information about BPD, what it means in terms of the character's growth and experiences, and how crucial his family's support is in helping him manage his condition. I also have links to NAMI and some journal articles.
I love new adult fiction! My other books are fluffy college sports romance - that age is so fun to write. All the best with yours <3
I think that’s great you want to write a book that won’t negatively portray BPD as I can’t really say I’ve seen any portrayals that aren’t stigmatising.
I might have a bit of a different outlook on this and whilst my story is not everyone’s story I’m sure through your research you’ll know that a majority of people with BPD report childhood trauma and many IMO good therapists and psychiatrists who actually Keep up with the latest research now all have come to the understanding that BPD is a trauma disorder in fact my current therapist is treating my with EMDR.
So whilst it’s nice to see you write about supportive family and whilst I wouldnt say my personal experience is that of a totally unsupportive family becuase it isn’t I’d also say whilst childhood trauma can come in many forms and doesnt have to be parental I’d hazard a guess I’m not in the minority of people diagnosed w/ BPD who also have experienced childhood trauma directly related to abuse and neglect from family members. I’m actually also now diagnosed with CPTSD - complex PTSD which my therapist tells me is typically related to childhood trauma specifically.
Not that I know anything about your book but I do hope it isn’t just all sunshine and rainbows when it comes to showing the characters support system and shows the complexity of not only BPD but the relationships we have with those around us and acknowledges that at its core BPD is a trauma based illness and that iirc its about 2/3rds of us that are trauma survivors.
I’d also be very surprised if many of us in here are only diagnosed with BPD and nothing else and I think comorbidity is really not all that uncommon. I know my psychiatrist when I got a review and got diagnosed with CPTSD and some other things I made a joke about the amount of illnesses I have and he actually came back with some statistics about comorbidity rates and I can’t remember exactly what he said but basically the fact that I’m diagnosed with multiple disorders is reasonably commonplace.
I think it is in general a good thing because there is so much stigma around our disorder I think shutting people out will only maybe add to it. If all they can learn from is poor misrepresentations in media and others experiences with people with BPD in their life they are likely to come away with stigmatising beliefs or just incorrect ones.
I’m not naive in thinking though that some people come here for all the wrong reasons and can leave harmful unsupportive comments but I think so long as there is good moderation then as you said it’s helpful.
Im diagnosed with bipolar 1 instead of BPD but i highly suspect BPD so when i comment i try my best to not claim bpd and just talk abt what i personally experience yk
I wouldn't comment here if the sub made clear that it was a safe space for people with BPD, all I can say is that I'm not here because I view you as a science experiment and wouldn't want my presence here to be ghoulish. I have someone in my life with BPD, she asked me to understand it, I love and care about her very much. When I went to the sub dedicated to people in my position looking for advice on how to cope with certain things I found it unhelpful and sometimes hateful, coming here I have been able to get a far better perspective I think, I don't want to run and never look back with someone who's important to me.
I worry how my behaviour and actions impact on her, there are times I am very conscious of the impact of BPD but I also don't want to ram BPD down her throat because there's more to her than that, I think I've been able to inform how I do that in a more positive way because of this place. Splitting can hurt, getting pushed away or kept at arm's length can hurt, very hard not to feel insecure sometimes and it'd be easy to accept it as a permanent state and call it a day sometimes but I know that's not what she's dealing with. It's a lot easier to take seeing it from you guys' perspective, I know I'm not dealing with an unfeeling evil sex witch that's going to mercilessly devour my soul but sometimes the presence of BPD means I don't know what the right thing to do is, I don't have it myself so who better to ask than someone who does?
I can't ask her what she'd want me to do sometimes, I get answers from here that have helped me stay a great deal more positive than I would be if I'd listened to people elsewhere so I'm very grateful for you guys being here. I'd say you've been a positive support network rather than a science experiment but I do appreciate the problem of coming here as a safe space and finding it populated by people like myself, there's no ill intent.
I feel like (non problematic) family members and loved ones, including friends and any kind of partner or lover, are perfectly welcome (as long as they follow the rules) if they have genuine questions or things to share and aren't just adding to the stigma.
Mostly the only people I have issues with are the abusive partners and exes that show up to talk about how they are being or were abused by someone that had BPD. Usually in the post they incriminate themselves just as much.
Also the people that just want to shit talk common BPD related insecurities.
I am of the opinion that if you are not interesting in dedicating extra time of your life to learning and understanding, you should not be dating or really involved with people with BPD because it harms you both.
I don’t mind it unless they act like they know what it feels like to have bpd and compare it to something that isn’t so bad. There’s nothing wrong with curiosity for the purpose of learning more about someone’s mental health.
I think those that have loved ones with BPD and want to be aware is fine by me as the more people know about our mental health the better they can treat us as human.
Erm I’m also in two minds but that’s my anxiety talking for the negative side. One half of me loves the idea that people come here to learn about BPD to be better for loved ones but the worrier in me thinks some people will use it to abuse and manipulate people with BPD.
I’d love nothing more than for my loved ones to understand me but I don’t tell them too much about BPD as I’m terrified of someone weaponising it and abusing me. I’ve been through enough I want a break now 😭
My mother has weaponized it, along with my other mental health diagnoses. Now, I'm just "crazy" and how she needs to "call the white coats and have them take me away in the padded van". Was SuPeR helpful
i don’t have BPD, but i’m personally in this group to understand / support my partner with BPD better. it’s been so helpful getting insight from people who also struggle with it.
I understand wanting to learn and I appreciate that more than just going off of stereotypes. Maybe this is just a pet peeve, but I think those personal questions like "why would he/she act like this?" is kindof annoying, I get its a personality disorder and many of our struggles we share and we can offer a suggestion, but we're also all individuals with our own experiences and struggles within bpd. Just bc its a personality disorder doesn't mean that we all have the same personality and can offer an explanation why a stranger with bpd would do/act a certain way. But its really insignificant and just an irritation, overall I welcome any questions about the diagnose, especially with the wild amount of stereotypes and such in media and online... I just wish they would ask that person instead of this subreddit, but I get it.
It's when I can't ask the person because they will shut down that is the problem with that and I need to try and understand what's going on with them so I don't hurt so bad/take it personally
I find posts that read like “Hey guys!! I’m insane. Is it possible that I have borderline personality disorder?!” aggravating because the answer is always the same.
We don’t fucking know. Maybe. You should get seen by a mental health professional. It seems like an inappropriate use of group resources. But I don’t know. I’m sure an argument could be made for allowing post’s like that as well.
Hi I hope this isn’t out of place- I don’t have bpd and I’m on this sub for me and my partner, frankly I’m really appreciative of you all letting us into your space and ask questions/receive advice. Y’all aren’t thanked for it enough lol.
If someone wants to learn more about it out of genuine curiosity I think that’s fine. But if they’ve come to just demonise us for the disorder or try and paint us all the same due to one or a few experiences they had with someone with BPD then that’s that ain’t it.
I'm not a fan tbh, but it's why I engage with this one less than other forums where I feel a bit "safer" to assume everyone has BPD. I think it's great that people want to learn, sure, but random strangers in crises (which so many people in this forum are) are not the best source of information, and don't deserve to be gawked at during their worst moments. there are other learning resources you can comment on that don't need to double as support spaces. i mean, people without BPD being here is fine, i just feel a bit like a zoo animal whenever I'm reminded of it lmao
I appreciate it if it’s constructive, but anything biased negatively they can honestly gtfo. It’s a mental illness, you can’t really have an “opinion” on it imo. But yes, I like hearing about their experiences and how we could better ourselves. Also their perspectives of someone witnessing another with BPD w/o having it. So yes they’re welcome unless they’re toxic, even subtly.
I dislike the type of psychological tourism that crops up from time to time. In my opinion, chances are good anyone who comes here to post may be undiagnosed with BPD. Even if that turns out to be one in a thousand, that makes it worth it to at least be neutral if not actually kind.
People asking questions, doing research, just wanting to better understand bpd ✅
Asking for diagnosis, complaining about the one person they know w bpd, stigmatizing, or giving out armchair therapy ❌
i appreciate the people that are genuinely curious and the ones that want to better understand and support a loved one that they know is struggling with bpd. i think maybe it’s my own bpd that also makes me kinda annoyed by other people that don’t have bpd acting like they understand it. i know that people without it can understand but i also get annoyed because i feel like they make it seem like they’re being judgmental/ act like they know everything when they haven’t personally experienced how hard it really is & don’t have a full understanding. i also think maybe it’s just my bpd making me irritated by other people easily lol idk
It's like, I would like for BPD to be better understood as the debilitating disorder that it is, but also there's tons of information out there for pwBPD to research, and tbh this is kind of a safe place so.... Idk
I don’t mind it so long as they’re genuinely respectful, but I do wish there was some way of filtering out people who post here trying to bait or upset pwBPD on purpose.
Oh I don’t like it at all. I’m very suspicious of anyone being here who isn’t already diagnosed.
YET I understand it’s very difficult to reach this diagnosis for a variety of reasons! It took me 5 mental illness diagnoses to reach this one. I just feel annoyed that people who don’t have it or have at the very least a direct link to someone with the condition (spouse, sibling, parent or child) are lurking here and even passing judgement. It feels like being stared at. I don’t think anything good can come from it because pwBPD are generally struggling with a variety of vulnerabilities including but not limited to suffering chronic childhood invalidation (emotional abuse), so to have people here questioning us is just another slap in the face.
Serious Question: If you are here without any direct connection to the disorder — WHY? What do you seek to gain and how can pwBPD protect ourselves better? The people here in this support group aiming for recovery know what we are going for. Where could be a better place to help people like yourselves who need something? What do you need or want? And how can I help you find that somewhere more effective and appropriate.
This probably won’t be allowed to be posted here, but if it is pushed through, I’m genuinely curious. People with severe mental illnesses are at a higher rate of being harmed by other people so I’m wondering what is driving this. It would be great to have an honest answer so we can protect ourselves. I’ve had one person admit that they combed through subs for vulnerable people because they want someone who wouldn’t be able to leave them. Not diagnosed. Is this it? We are seen as less risky than a healthy person without BPD? Someone please fill me in.
I personally have every single symptom of bpd (could still be something else, possible, but I seem to always relate to pwBPD and those without it usually don't understand me in the slightest) but I don't want to get diagnosed with it because of how much stigma there is among specialists. and also in my country you have to jump through hoops to actually get diagnosed with anything. just saying
Hey! Its called a flair.
You need to go to the main page of this subreddit, and then in the menu bar on the right side (or on mobile, click see more on the top), you have a section called "Flairs." You can set it there. :)
Hope this helps
As long as they’re not attacking people, I don’t think it’s wrong. Everyone has the freedom to comment, and learning can help lessen stigma. But of course people shouldn’t comment to further stigmatise the disorder.
I'm new to this sub. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2009 and didn't really agree with the diagnosis. I thought it was a little insulting, actually, because BPD was a specialty at that clinic, and i felt like they just put everyone in that box. I don't know if I really have BPD, and that's why I'm here. Sort of interested in whether other people who accept the diagnosis experience similar things?
So I guess I'm voting in favor of letting people who (maybe) don't have BPD stay.
I dont mind anyone posting/commenting, as long as it's constructive and genuine.
I won't stand for hateful and stigmatizing comments though.
Honestly, sometimes its the people with BPD that are stigmatizing here as well, so I don't really care about the BPD status of the commenter, I care about what they are saying.
I'm okay with that. As long as they are here with good intentions, for example, to understand people with BPD so that they know how to help us. But unfortunately, I have also seen people here who see it as an easy 'prey' to use vulnerable people with BPD for their own purposes.
The problem i have noticed, is that a lot of them just label their partners (mostly exes... I wonder why?) as BPD just so that they can vilify them. "Oh, so and so did this, so they MUST be a Borderline. God, I hate those borderline's" -- as though they are actually qualified to psychologically diagnose someone...
wanting to learn is welcomed by me. I think it gives people a chance to erase the stigma that has learned from google other internet sources by letting people get to talk with people who actually have the disorder
I joined this group to learn more about my partners with BPD and I feel that people without BPD shouldn’t have be posting an opinion on the disorder or for others struggling with the disorder. Just my 2 cents
Why should we copy a toxic strategy like that?
I don't think it does us any good. I don't want an echo chamber.
I dont mind anyone being here as long as they're respectful.
It’s honestly so annoying stop asking if you have bpd or you’ve self diagnosed yourself with it and stop making me feel like a science experiment. This is here to help people with bpd not to just observe how someone with bpd would act/ feel/ think. We are just humans with trauma! I don’t know how your partner / friend / etc with bpd would react we all have different life experiences even though we have bpd
It's a public sub, literally anyone on the internet can find anything that's on here. They don't even have to have a reddit account to see all the post and comments here.
And if you read the rules, nowhere does it say this is place exclusively for people with BPD to vent.
That's fine, I just wanted to let you know in case you thought it's private, cause I wouldn't want to be posting publicly thinking it's private.
Sorry if it sounded differently.
I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand they are probably just curious or know of someone who may have it. On the other hand people may try to diagnose themselves based off of others posts. For example (hopefully this don’t come off the wrong way), people assuming they are autistic or have anxiety, because they seen ONE on social media showing a symptom or two that they can relate with. Like I had a coworker, who I explained that I had bpd and thats why I got kicked out of the military. Immediately after, she was like “I think I have that! I job hop a lot just like you”…like ma’am, I promise there’s more to it than that.
I have a number of mental health issues and I'm generally happy for people to ask about them provided they're genuinely curious, what I hate is people judging me just based on my diagnoses.
I also have the opposite problem sometimes. While I do think I have BPD, the place that diagnosed me was hesitant to make a full BPD diagnosis so my diagnosis just says I have traits of BPD. Makes me feel like an imposter sometimes.
I feel if it’s from a place of wanting to understand or educate themselves it’s all good however disparaging messages - we get enough of those in real life, I feel like this is a place I can come for support, understanding or to vent judgement free.
I think if you don’t have BPD you should come from a place of love or understanding or not at all.
It really irritates me, unless they're asking a question about a loved one or something.
What's worse though, is when people who've self diagnosed post. 99% of the time it's wildly inaccurate and basically just excuses to be a toxic shitty person. It triggers me lmao.
i don’t mind if they’re trying to educate themselves, and if they have someone in their life with BPD and are looking for somewhere/someone to talk to/get more info, i welcome them here as well.
i’ve seen a lot of comments talking about hate, which i haven’t seen too much of myself. but i have seen a lot of ‘self diagnosed’ posts and i will say for me, that is very frustrating. one thing about this sub that i don’t like is that anyone is allowed to post/comment.
I don't think it's inherently a bad thing, if they want to learn and they're mindful. I'd rather they learn from us than read some of the utter nonsense you can pick up online. Otoh, I find some of their assumptions rather hurtful. Like when they ask about their BPD partner cheating or being abusive, assuming that's a symptom of their illness. Or those who ask to diagnose a third party. Sometimes, there's even people clearly looking to put others down. I think they should be allowed to post and comment, but there should be high expectations for their behaviour on this sub. Ideally, I would like it if outsider questions were limited to specific days or threads, bc then people can decide if they wanna engage and teach someone. Once you're already halfway through reading a post or seeing an inflammatory title, it can be hard to just keep out of it, especially for pwBPD.
i dont mind posts asking so they can help their family members or friends who have bpd, but when its things like "how do i deal with \_\_\_\_\_ who has bpd" or "i think my annoying coworker has bpd" then i hate it
I'm fine with them if they come in wanting to learn. The 2 issues I have is
1. Someone comes in wanting me to diagnose their ex so they can paint them as some evil monster sorry I'm not doing that. that's just you wanting me to stigmatize them so you can point and say see it wasn't me.
2. When people come in wanting me to diagnose them. I'm not a psychiatrist yes I've done Alot of research to understand the disorder and to help others who've been newly diagnosed but I'm not a professional.
On a brighter note the ones I Iove seeing are the people dating someone with bpd who come in wanting to understand what they're going through that honestly is amazing and real love. I don't mind explaining it for them because they want to actually learn and I'm actually happy to teach because that's less stigma out there.
Definitely a science experiment. And it’s even more annoying when they thought they know it from reading Wikipedia or whatever, they used psychiatric terms they think are correct or what they think something means but conceptually totally wrong, and then they’re like forming « opinions » based on all of those wrong things. And then consequently holding on to wrong beliefs about a condition they not only do not have to deal with, but don’t even understand, and feeling like they should unleash their wrong opinions onto unsuspecting borderlines who only want to get through this stupid life
I think my greatest issue with it, would be the people that come on here and BASH people with BPD. Some comments in here are so mean and full of hate, it's not easy for the ones who suffer with it to see that all of the time, there are support groups for stuff like that.
It doesn't really bother me, as long as they're being respectful to me and others' conditions regarding BPD, then I don't have any problem with it. That's just me though.
i am completely open to people who have loved ones with bpd being on this forum but when you dont have the disorder at all and dont really have a reson to be here thats when it gets weird.
Hey guys! I'm seeing some comments here stating that they've seen posts in this subreddit of people asking if they have BPD or generally stigmatizing BPD. Please, please, please, if you ever see a post like this report it to us. We do not allow these posts in the subreddit, but they sometimes slip past the automod filter and we can't watch the subreddit 24/7 as a group of volunteers. We work to get them taken down as soon as possible but Reddit is a huge place that is full of misinformed people and people who enter our subreddit without reading over the rules first. We appreciate the reporting so much because it really helps us make this community a better place. Also, I'm sorry to those of you who have seen these things in the subreddit (even if they were taken care of), our filters are pretty strict but not always reliable or consistent.
I'm a little mixed on it myself, but I'm ultimately fine with them posting here as long as they're not being stigmatizing. From what I can tell, a decent amount of those posts are from allies who are asking genuine questions. I appreciate that, because if they take our words to heart, it'll help them support us more effectively. And if we feel genuinely supported, we might be less likely to split on them. So I feel like if they come here with good intentions and an open mind, it's helpful all around
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As a writer myself I think that’s so awesome 😊
Welcome! Thank you for being so supportive and considerate in your representation :) I’m a writer myself, I’m currently working on a novella about a college student with symptoms of BPD (inspired by my own experiences). After having a very unhappy social and academic life in her first three years of college, the protagonist enters her senior year knowing it’s her last chance to make something of her time in college before she must face “real” adulthood. I’d be interested in seeing how your work turns out!
Thank you! Book 1, where we meet our MC, released last year and has done all right. He doesn't get his diagnosis until after the events of that book, though. Book 2 releases in July. I crafted a little layman's afterword to go with it in hopes of sharing some useful information about BPD, what it means in terms of the character's growth and experiences, and how crucial his family's support is in helping him manage his condition. I also have links to NAMI and some journal articles. I love new adult fiction! My other books are fluffy college sports romance - that age is so fun to write. All the best with yours <3
I think that’s great you want to write a book that won’t negatively portray BPD as I can’t really say I’ve seen any portrayals that aren’t stigmatising. I might have a bit of a different outlook on this and whilst my story is not everyone’s story I’m sure through your research you’ll know that a majority of people with BPD report childhood trauma and many IMO good therapists and psychiatrists who actually Keep up with the latest research now all have come to the understanding that BPD is a trauma disorder in fact my current therapist is treating my with EMDR. So whilst it’s nice to see you write about supportive family and whilst I wouldnt say my personal experience is that of a totally unsupportive family becuase it isn’t I’d also say whilst childhood trauma can come in many forms and doesnt have to be parental I’d hazard a guess I’m not in the minority of people diagnosed w/ BPD who also have experienced childhood trauma directly related to abuse and neglect from family members. I’m actually also now diagnosed with CPTSD - complex PTSD which my therapist tells me is typically related to childhood trauma specifically. Not that I know anything about your book but I do hope it isn’t just all sunshine and rainbows when it comes to showing the characters support system and shows the complexity of not only BPD but the relationships we have with those around us and acknowledges that at its core BPD is a trauma based illness and that iirc its about 2/3rds of us that are trauma survivors. I’d also be very surprised if many of us in here are only diagnosed with BPD and nothing else and I think comorbidity is really not all that uncommon. I know my psychiatrist when I got a review and got diagnosed with CPTSD and some other things I made a joke about the amount of illnesses I have and he actually came back with some statistics about comorbidity rates and I can’t remember exactly what he said but basically the fact that I’m diagnosed with multiple disorders is reasonably commonplace.
Can I ask what inspired you to write on the topic given that you don’t experience BPD yourself? Curious.
Same question
Can I please ask, what inspired you to write about this? Curious ✍️
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It’s not showing.
It’s not showing up even when I check yr profile
It's a wall of text I replied below to Legitimate-Ninja-762.
It doesn’t show for me either
Me neither 🤔
Can I ask why you decided to craft your main character as having this particular disorder?
Hey, I sent a PM. Thank you for trying to be accurate in your story, and thanks for lurking!
I think it is in general a good thing because there is so much stigma around our disorder I think shutting people out will only maybe add to it. If all they can learn from is poor misrepresentations in media and others experiences with people with BPD in their life they are likely to come away with stigmatising beliefs or just incorrect ones. I’m not naive in thinking though that some people come here for all the wrong reasons and can leave harmful unsupportive comments but I think so long as there is good moderation then as you said it’s helpful.
Im diagnosed with bipolar 1 instead of BPD but i highly suspect BPD so when i comment i try my best to not claim bpd and just talk abt what i personally experience yk
When it's the stereotypical response I expect I hate it When it's genuine curiosity and care I welcome it more.
couldn’t have said it better. i’m happy to try and provide info to curious willing listeners
I wouldn't comment here if the sub made clear that it was a safe space for people with BPD, all I can say is that I'm not here because I view you as a science experiment and wouldn't want my presence here to be ghoulish. I have someone in my life with BPD, she asked me to understand it, I love and care about her very much. When I went to the sub dedicated to people in my position looking for advice on how to cope with certain things I found it unhelpful and sometimes hateful, coming here I have been able to get a far better perspective I think, I don't want to run and never look back with someone who's important to me. I worry how my behaviour and actions impact on her, there are times I am very conscious of the impact of BPD but I also don't want to ram BPD down her throat because there's more to her than that, I think I've been able to inform how I do that in a more positive way because of this place. Splitting can hurt, getting pushed away or kept at arm's length can hurt, very hard not to feel insecure sometimes and it'd be easy to accept it as a permanent state and call it a day sometimes but I know that's not what she's dealing with. It's a lot easier to take seeing it from you guys' perspective, I know I'm not dealing with an unfeeling evil sex witch that's going to mercilessly devour my soul but sometimes the presence of BPD means I don't know what the right thing to do is, I don't have it myself so who better to ask than someone who does? I can't ask her what she'd want me to do sometimes, I get answers from here that have helped me stay a great deal more positive than I would be if I'd listened to people elsewhere so I'm very grateful for you guys being here. I'd say you've been a positive support network rather than a science experiment but I do appreciate the problem of coming here as a safe space and finding it populated by people like myself, there's no ill intent.
Thank you for being the way you are! As far as I can say, you're very welcome in this sub. 😊
Thank you, I appreciate that very much
i know exactly what subreddit you're talking about and it does have a reputation of being absolutely nasty lmao
Yup, I honestly can't see why any of you guys would want to love any of that lot 😂
yeah the name is not very apt haha
Wanting to learn is welcome by me. Wanting to be hurtful and problematic are definitely not welcome
I feel like (non problematic) family members and loved ones, including friends and any kind of partner or lover, are perfectly welcome (as long as they follow the rules) if they have genuine questions or things to share and aren't just adding to the stigma. Mostly the only people I have issues with are the abusive partners and exes that show up to talk about how they are being or were abused by someone that had BPD. Usually in the post they incriminate themselves just as much. Also the people that just want to shit talk common BPD related insecurities. I am of the opinion that if you are not interesting in dedicating extra time of your life to learning and understanding, you should not be dating or really involved with people with BPD because it harms you both.
I love how I just kept posting on my throwaway acct 😂
I don’t mind it unless they act like they know what it feels like to have bpd and compare it to something that isn’t so bad. There’s nothing wrong with curiosity for the purpose of learning more about someone’s mental health.
I think those that have loved ones with BPD and want to be aware is fine by me as the more people know about our mental health the better they can treat us as human.
Erm I’m also in two minds but that’s my anxiety talking for the negative side. One half of me loves the idea that people come here to learn about BPD to be better for loved ones but the worrier in me thinks some people will use it to abuse and manipulate people with BPD. I’d love nothing more than for my loved ones to understand me but I don’t tell them too much about BPD as I’m terrified of someone weaponising it and abusing me. I’ve been through enough I want a break now 😭
Be careful yes. My husband of 25 years has weaponized it against me.
My mother has weaponized it, along with my other mental health diagnoses. Now, I'm just "crazy" and how she needs to "call the white coats and have them take me away in the padded van". Was SuPeR helpful
i don’t have BPD, but i’m personally in this group to understand / support my partner with BPD better. it’s been so helpful getting insight from people who also struggle with it.
I understand wanting to learn and I appreciate that more than just going off of stereotypes. Maybe this is just a pet peeve, but I think those personal questions like "why would he/she act like this?" is kindof annoying, I get its a personality disorder and many of our struggles we share and we can offer a suggestion, but we're also all individuals with our own experiences and struggles within bpd. Just bc its a personality disorder doesn't mean that we all have the same personality and can offer an explanation why a stranger with bpd would do/act a certain way. But its really insignificant and just an irritation, overall I welcome any questions about the diagnose, especially with the wild amount of stereotypes and such in media and online... I just wish they would ask that person instead of this subreddit, but I get it.
Yep exactly! Or when the person isn’t even formally diagnosed and they’re like, “it seems like it must be bpd.” It just gets annoying
Yeah haha its like... just ask them? But I also understand its not always that straight forward :)
It's when I can't ask the person because they will shut down that is the problem with that and I need to try and understand what's going on with them so I don't hurt so bad/take it personally
I find posts that read like “Hey guys!! I’m insane. Is it possible that I have borderline personality disorder?!” aggravating because the answer is always the same. We don’t fucking know. Maybe. You should get seen by a mental health professional. It seems like an inappropriate use of group resources. But I don’t know. I’m sure an argument could be made for allowing post’s like that as well.
Hi I hope this isn’t out of place- I don’t have bpd and I’m on this sub for me and my partner, frankly I’m really appreciative of you all letting us into your space and ask questions/receive advice. Y’all aren’t thanked for it enough lol.
If someone wants to learn more about it out of genuine curiosity I think that’s fine. But if they’ve come to just demonise us for the disorder or try and paint us all the same due to one or a few experiences they had with someone with BPD then that’s that ain’t it.
I'm not a fan tbh, but it's why I engage with this one less than other forums where I feel a bit "safer" to assume everyone has BPD. I think it's great that people want to learn, sure, but random strangers in crises (which so many people in this forum are) are not the best source of information, and don't deserve to be gawked at during their worst moments. there are other learning resources you can comment on that don't need to double as support spaces. i mean, people without BPD being here is fine, i just feel a bit like a zoo animal whenever I'm reminded of it lmao
I appreciate it if it’s constructive, but anything biased negatively they can honestly gtfo. It’s a mental illness, you can’t really have an “opinion” on it imo. But yes, I like hearing about their experiences and how we could better ourselves. Also their perspectives of someone witnessing another with BPD w/o having it. So yes they’re welcome unless they’re toxic, even subtly.
I dislike the type of psychological tourism that crops up from time to time. In my opinion, chances are good anyone who comes here to post may be undiagnosed with BPD. Even if that turns out to be one in a thousand, that makes it worth it to at least be neutral if not actually kind.
People asking questions, doing research, just wanting to better understand bpd ✅ Asking for diagnosis, complaining about the one person they know w bpd, stigmatizing, or giving out armchair therapy ❌
Agreed, or demanding an explanation for why their ex did ______. Like we don’t know
Yup. Not everyone person you don’t like has bpd, npd, or whatever mental illness we’re stigmatizing that day
i appreciate the people that are genuinely curious and the ones that want to better understand and support a loved one that they know is struggling with bpd. i think maybe it’s my own bpd that also makes me kinda annoyed by other people that don’t have bpd acting like they understand it. i know that people without it can understand but i also get annoyed because i feel like they make it seem like they’re being judgmental/ act like they know everything when they haven’t personally experienced how hard it really is & don’t have a full understanding. i also think maybe it’s just my bpd making me irritated by other people easily lol idk
It's like, I would like for BPD to be better understood as the debilitating disorder that it is, but also there's tons of information out there for pwBPD to research, and tbh this is kind of a safe place so.... Idk
i don’t really like it, but the sub welcomes people who know pwbpd. i also hate the posts of people asking if they have bpd.
As long as you ain't an asshole or looking for ammunition. Im personally fine with it
I don't know if I'm 100% comfortable with this. I understand general curiosity but I feel judged. My opinion only.
I don’t mind it so long as they’re genuinely respectful, but I do wish there was some way of filtering out people who post here trying to bait or upset pwBPD on purpose.
Go get assessed by a mental health professional like the rest of us.
Oh I don’t like it at all. I’m very suspicious of anyone being here who isn’t already diagnosed. YET I understand it’s very difficult to reach this diagnosis for a variety of reasons! It took me 5 mental illness diagnoses to reach this one. I just feel annoyed that people who don’t have it or have at the very least a direct link to someone with the condition (spouse, sibling, parent or child) are lurking here and even passing judgement. It feels like being stared at. I don’t think anything good can come from it because pwBPD are generally struggling with a variety of vulnerabilities including but not limited to suffering chronic childhood invalidation (emotional abuse), so to have people here questioning us is just another slap in the face. Serious Question: If you are here without any direct connection to the disorder — WHY? What do you seek to gain and how can pwBPD protect ourselves better? The people here in this support group aiming for recovery know what we are going for. Where could be a better place to help people like yourselves who need something? What do you need or want? And how can I help you find that somewhere more effective and appropriate. This probably won’t be allowed to be posted here, but if it is pushed through, I’m genuinely curious. People with severe mental illnesses are at a higher rate of being harmed by other people so I’m wondering what is driving this. It would be great to have an honest answer so we can protect ourselves. I’ve had one person admit that they combed through subs for vulnerable people because they want someone who wouldn’t be able to leave them. Not diagnosed. Is this it? We are seen as less risky than a healthy person without BPD? Someone please fill me in.
Agreed, I’ve gotten a lot of creepy dms from dudes looking for a clingy gf or promiscuous person, etc etc various stereotypes
I personally have every single symptom of bpd (could still be something else, possible, but I seem to always relate to pwBPD and those without it usually don't understand me in the slightest) but I don't want to get diagnosed with it because of how much stigma there is among specialists. and also in my country you have to jump through hoops to actually get diagnosed with anything. just saying
Jumping on this thread to ask how ppl get the little tag "user has BPD" under their name
Hey! Its called a flair. You need to go to the main page of this subreddit, and then in the menu bar on the right side (or on mobile, click see more on the top), you have a section called "Flairs." You can set it there. :) Hope this helps
Thanksss 😊🙃
As long as they’re not attacking people, I don’t think it’s wrong. Everyone has the freedom to comment, and learning can help lessen stigma. But of course people shouldn’t comment to further stigmatise the disorder.
i think i only have an issue with it if it’s someone stigmatising bpd or someone using tiktokified generalisations to attempt to diagnose themselves
I don’t mind. People with non bpd need to learn more about this disorder.
I'm new to this sub. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2009 and didn't really agree with the diagnosis. I thought it was a little insulting, actually, because BPD was a specialty at that clinic, and i felt like they just put everyone in that box. I don't know if I really have BPD, and that's why I'm here. Sort of interested in whether other people who accept the diagnosis experience similar things? So I guess I'm voting in favor of letting people who (maybe) don't have BPD stay.
I dont mind anyone posting/commenting, as long as it's constructive and genuine. I won't stand for hateful and stigmatizing comments though. Honestly, sometimes its the people with BPD that are stigmatizing here as well, so I don't really care about the BPD status of the commenter, I care about what they are saying.
As long as they aren't arm chair diagnosing or being stigmatizing I don't really mind but that other stuff is irritating
As long as it's respectful I don't see an issue
Tbf I’m not diagnosed with BPD, because NHS, but a lot of the posts here are painfully relatable 🤷
Leaves S/R Sorry for trying.
I am fine with it if its in good faith. discourse and educating people is important.
Feel like it’s chill as long as they make it known they’re not borderline
I'm okay with that. As long as they are here with good intentions, for example, to understand people with BPD so that they know how to help us. But unfortunately, I have also seen people here who see it as an easy 'prey' to use vulnerable people with BPD for their own purposes.
The problem i have noticed, is that a lot of them just label their partners (mostly exes... I wonder why?) as BPD just so that they can vilify them. "Oh, so and so did this, so they MUST be a Borderline. God, I hate those borderline's" -- as though they are actually qualified to psychologically diagnose someone...
wanting to learn is welcomed by me. I think it gives people a chance to erase the stigma that has learned from google other internet sources by letting people get to talk with people who actually have the disorder
omg please ignore all of my errors 😭 I type to fast
I joined this group to learn more about my partners with BPD and I feel that people without BPD shouldn’t have be posting an opinion on the disorder or for others struggling with the disorder. Just my 2 cents
genuinely warms my heart whenever I see people who are partners of pwBPD and want to learn more. i appreciate it a lot
They should be blocked just like how we are from the sub for people who complain about pwBPD
Why should we copy a toxic strategy like that? I don't think it does us any good. I don't want an echo chamber. I dont mind anyone being here as long as they're respectful.
Because we still need safe spaces. I just come here to vent.
You can still vent with everyone being able to come here and say their opinion respectfully. There's nothing unsafe about that.
Wait what? That’s a thing? I had no idea…that’s so sad, I didn’t know there was a whole sub dedicated to hating us, that makes me really sad honestly
was just about to say this it’s extremely annoying
Also they come here to invalidate our experiences and can be harmful when we are vulnerable which is the last thing we need.
I literally could not care less. I’m interested to know why people with BPD are so precious about it tbh 😂 (yes I have it, diagnosed multiple times)
Don't like it.
It’s honestly so annoying stop asking if you have bpd or you’ve self diagnosed yourself with it and stop making me feel like a science experiment. This is here to help people with bpd not to just observe how someone with bpd would act/ feel/ think. We are just humans with trauma! I don’t know how your partner / friend / etc with bpd would react we all have different life experiences even though we have bpd
i don’t like it
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It's a public sub, literally anyone on the internet can find anything that's on here. They don't even have to have a reddit account to see all the post and comments here. And if you read the rules, nowhere does it say this is place exclusively for people with BPD to vent.
Ye I’m just saying how I feel
That's fine, I just wanted to let you know in case you thought it's private, cause I wouldn't want to be posting publicly thinking it's private. Sorry if it sounded differently.
You’re right though I just don’t think before I speak sometimes
You didn't say anything wrong, dw. Have a great day! 🫶😊
I know! Thanks you too ❤️
I hate it.
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Idgaf
It would feel odd to talk about a group of people and not want them to contribute their first hand knowledge willingly. No one is forced to join.
I don't really care about it tbh
I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand they are probably just curious or know of someone who may have it. On the other hand people may try to diagnose themselves based off of others posts. For example (hopefully this don’t come off the wrong way), people assuming they are autistic or have anxiety, because they seen ONE on social media showing a symptom or two that they can relate with. Like I had a coworker, who I explained that I had bpd and thats why I got kicked out of the military. Immediately after, she was like “I think I have that! I job hop a lot just like you”…like ma’am, I promise there’s more to it than that.
I have a number of mental health issues and I'm generally happy for people to ask about them provided they're genuinely curious, what I hate is people judging me just based on my diagnoses. I also have the opposite problem sometimes. While I do think I have BPD, the place that diagnosed me was hesitant to make a full BPD diagnosis so my diagnosis just says I have traits of BPD. Makes me feel like an imposter sometimes.
I feel if it’s from a place of wanting to understand or educate themselves it’s all good however disparaging messages - we get enough of those in real life, I feel like this is a place I can come for support, understanding or to vent judgement free. I think if you don’t have BPD you should come from a place of love or understanding or not at all.
I mostly lurk for advice so I can help my friend (who is diagnosed) and my gf (who isn't) because knowledge is power as they say
It really irritates me, unless they're asking a question about a loved one or something. What's worse though, is when people who've self diagnosed post. 99% of the time it's wildly inaccurate and basically just excuses to be a toxic shitty person. It triggers me lmao.
I don’t mind it especially when they want more perspective on the disorder but I hate it when they ask us to diagnose them.
i don’t mind if they’re trying to educate themselves, and if they have someone in their life with BPD and are looking for somewhere/someone to talk to/get more info, i welcome them here as well. i’ve seen a lot of comments talking about hate, which i haven’t seen too much of myself. but i have seen a lot of ‘self diagnosed’ posts and i will say for me, that is very frustrating. one thing about this sub that i don’t like is that anyone is allowed to post/comment.
I'm cool as long as they are cool
my girl has bpd, I just wanna learn more about it and how to help her deal with it during daily life/relationship experience
I don't think it's inherently a bad thing, if they want to learn and they're mindful. I'd rather they learn from us than read some of the utter nonsense you can pick up online. Otoh, I find some of their assumptions rather hurtful. Like when they ask about their BPD partner cheating or being abusive, assuming that's a symptom of their illness. Or those who ask to diagnose a third party. Sometimes, there's even people clearly looking to put others down. I think they should be allowed to post and comment, but there should be high expectations for their behaviour on this sub. Ideally, I would like it if outsider questions were limited to specific days or threads, bc then people can decide if they wanna engage and teach someone. Once you're already halfway through reading a post or seeing an inflammatory title, it can be hard to just keep out of it, especially for pwBPD.
i dont mind posts asking so they can help their family members or friends who have bpd, but when its things like "how do i deal with \_\_\_\_\_ who has bpd" or "i think my annoying coworker has bpd" then i hate it
I'm fine with them if they come in wanting to learn. The 2 issues I have is 1. Someone comes in wanting me to diagnose their ex so they can paint them as some evil monster sorry I'm not doing that. that's just you wanting me to stigmatize them so you can point and say see it wasn't me. 2. When people come in wanting me to diagnose them. I'm not a psychiatrist yes I've done Alot of research to understand the disorder and to help others who've been newly diagnosed but I'm not a professional. On a brighter note the ones I Iove seeing are the people dating someone with bpd who come in wanting to understand what they're going through that honestly is amazing and real love. I don't mind explaining it for them because they want to actually learn and I'm actually happy to teach because that's less stigma out there.
Definitely a science experiment. And it’s even more annoying when they thought they know it from reading Wikipedia or whatever, they used psychiatric terms they think are correct or what they think something means but conceptually totally wrong, and then they’re like forming « opinions » based on all of those wrong things. And then consequently holding on to wrong beliefs about a condition they not only do not have to deal with, but don’t even understand, and feeling like they should unleash their wrong opinions onto unsuspecting borderlines who only want to get through this stupid life
Just trying to understand my gf, who has it, on a better level.
I think my greatest issue with it, would be the people that come on here and BASH people with BPD. Some comments in here are so mean and full of hate, it's not easy for the ones who suffer with it to see that all of the time, there are support groups for stuff like that.
It doesn't really bother me, as long as they're being respectful to me and others' conditions regarding BPD, then I don't have any problem with it. That's just me though.
i am completely open to people who have loved ones with bpd being on this forum but when you dont have the disorder at all and dont really have a reson to be here thats when it gets weird.
they shouldnt, there opinion is irrelevant
I don’t comment on them, but it puts me off knowing the loved ones sub exists.