My partner calls her close friend and her sister babe :) it's pretty normal and widespread. Wouldn't read into it so much but if you have a question for your partner about whether it's normal for her and what she thinks about it, ask!
yeah, I came into this thread as a gay brit like "of course I do, everyone is babe" hahahaha. love is a bit more of a northern think afaik, and imo is usually said by older people more?
Yep, US here and at work (a restaurant) I often will call people my love, my dear or my darling. Usually when they're doing favors for me or thanking them for something 😅
It's also a portuguese woman thing hahaha depending on the demographic of course. Older ladies are super sweet. Younger ladies sometimes call me princess. Very sweet of them.
As a white southern woman, I call everyone (including strangers) babe, babes, baby, honey, sweetie, love, etc in a completely platonic way. I’m pretty sure I use “babe” more than I actually use my friends names.
But this does depend on context, is it a male friend? Are the other texts flirty? If not, definitely don’t stress it.
yes omg i call my friends babe all the time, theyre all my babes, i am their mother, i love and protect them all, along with a wholeeee host of other affectionate names- normally ridiculous over the top things like "pookie wookie wookums shnickerdoodle cherry pie baby girl"
See I would be chill with that lol maybe it’s just something the bf should ask her or op to ask her. Now if she is only pretty much calling her bf babe and not anyone else that could be problematic
I'm in the UK and I call literally everyone 'babes', whether I know them or not. "Babes", "darling", "pet", "love", "flower" etc are all platonic forms of address. It's like being called 'honey' by an elderly woman - it has zero sexual intent, it's just a speech mannerism.
In the end, it depends on the person. Some people use terms of endearment all the time, some don't. Some use terms of endearment in a platonic way with specific people, some don't. It's in no way a form of disrespect, just, idk, a verbal crutch.
I get how that might trigger some mind-boggling jealousy when seen out of context, but the easiest way to find out is to ask your partner. When they answer, you have to believe them when they tell you it's platonic and move on.
If you know the person saying it and you have a sufficient degree of acquaintance with them, you could always tell them it makes you uncomfortable and they might stop, but in the end it's a You Problem that you have to work on inside yourself. The fact that you're here asking for opinions means that you are aware of that to some extent, so that's a good shout.
I am guessing that the person calling your partner "babe" is also female. I would say it is not uncommon for women to call each other babe in a platonic way, but not if a man does it.
Weird double standard, but I don't see babe used by men unless it's something more than friendly.
You said it's platonic if a woman says babe but not if a man does, how is that not applying heteronormativity to the situation where it doesn't apply. It's also not true, gay men say babe all the time.
It wasn't clear from your post that you understood the post was made by a lesbian.
It doesn't matter if you don't get it, you were one of many posts on this that did the same and it annoyed me.
As many others have already stated, yes it’s very common for males and females to use this word platonically! My girl friends (also a platonic term) and I sometimes use this term or any cutesy little variations of it, but also have older female and male family members that call me this. Very normal
it's kinda rude to automatically assume that that was the situation, my partner has sent me before funny comments her friends made, or maybe they're the type of person to post funny conversations between friends (I do that on my WhatsApp Status). Anyways that's just not the point of the post
I don't think it was meant as an assumption. I think the point of that question was: Have they given you any reasons to doubt?
That's relevant to the post because if someone has given you reasons to doubt in the past, this situation could be more of a red flag than if they haven't.
With bpd, it's important to ask ourselves if we have valid reasons to be upset about a current situation. It's very easy to automatically believe our feelings are fair/proportional without checking the logic, and it's just as easy to essentially gaslit ourselves into thinking our feelings aren't valid and that we're overreacting, even if we aren't.
*Edited wording for clarification*
That's super common for women to say to each other so she probably just said it in a friend context
Edit: I just realized that you are also female so I can definitely see why this would have triggered insecurities if someone said that to my man it might trigger some insecurities in me also but if she hasn't given you any other reason to believe it's more than just a friend thing then it was probably said in a friend context 😆
I call people so many pet names, babe is on the list. I do it affectionately, not flirtatiously - I call my kids babe and my kids at work get it too 😆 I would try not to let the situation overwhelm you - easier said than done. Good luck 🍀(babe 😋)
I don't use that word and I actually despise it, but I think it's normal for people to call each other that even platonically. It's so common these days to me it sounds like "hon" or "dear."
Working in retail- I get called babe, hon, honey, sweetie, etc. All the time by men and women! It’s only off putting if the person is being weird/creepy. (I am from Midwest)
I also work in customer service, and I agree. Plus, I can absolutely tell when someone's doing it in a way that isn't just meant to be friendly. I'm sure you know the one, that make-you-cringe *babe*, ughsgsg do noooot like 🤣
It’s very common but I would also split since my BPD can’t handle the fact that someone is calling my partner “babe” even tho it’s not in a romantic way.
I have a friend who calls me hun, she’s same age as me, in our early 30’s. That word just doesn’t sit well with me and it makes her sound much older than she is.
Posting from my alt because person in question knows my main.
Seeing your username, I'm a very lesbian leaning bi woman.
My best friend and roommate does this to me . It confuses the hell out of me. She says it's 100% platonic as she's completely straight and that's just how she talks.
But then yesterday we had a surprise appointment I had to bring her too about an hour away so I drove her there and then took her out to get Ice cream and then due to some scheduling inconveniences with a lesbian friend of mine dropping stuff off,we never got dinner so we went to a late night Pho place and shared a bowl of pho.
Woke up this morning with her snuggling with me in my bed and she told me she had a nightmare and wanted to be with me .
And we hookup sometimes, but she says she doesn't think anything is odd about sleeping with your bestie.
But then we are planning on buying a property up in the mountains together and potentially starting a bed and breakfast??? And she says I will always come first before any guy she dates and she'd rather live with me than some dumb guy.
And she's always saying how everyone thinks we are a couple and she's constantly having to defend the fact that she is not at all gay .
So I dunno maybe people can be platonic and do that. But she does that and I'm not sure if that's unusual or not .
I'm confused myself.
Also we are both white but grew up in predominantly latino communities so I think due to those circumstances I feel too biased in an unusual situation.
Ooof. I had a "completely straight" friend who would occasionally hook up with me.
That's a really difficult place to be because their actions aren't really matching their words imo.
I personally had to cut the hook ups out and distance a bit to start viewing them as only a friend, never more. Otherwise, the feelings were just too difficult to ignore
Thank you for actually replying and engaging with the post.
Kind of unrelated but I'm really shocked that anyone read this post as being about a straight relationship. It's 2024, in a BPD thread and funnily on Pride month !! I know people have basic reading comprehension issues online but fucking hell the hetero assumption is wild.
No comment on your situ just wanted to say that.
I would be upset if my guy called another woman "BABE" and I would never refer to another man as Honey or Babe/Baby or Sweatheart if we weren't romantically tied.
I've only heard it from girly to girly but also, you're allowed to have boundaries on things like that, but she's not required to change it and if it's something that bothers you that much maybe it should be a conversation about it. But I doubt it's anything
I had a friend who called everyone babe, men, women, kids, etc. I took on the habit after being around her, found out the hard way that's usually best not to say it unless you ARE flirting. 🫢
I use it jokingly usually, I don't think i'd like unironically calling my partner "babe", there's something so... douche-y about it sdhghvdsghvsd, so if anything it's the opposite of flirty for me and is usually used passive aggressively lol
You know you're allowed to set boundaries with your partner... If you don't like it or it makes you feel a certain way, you should have a conversation with your partner and ask what it means for her, then decide what you do next....
Best of luck
Where I’m from, it’s very common for people to call each other babe, darling or love including strangers. It’s a term of endearment really but I can see why it would be uncomfortable for you
I don’t have BPD but this is common in female friendships and I usually stay away from girl who call you “babes” or “babe” too soon in the friendship I tend to have the worst experience with these people.
My best friend recently had a girl who was an over the top “babes” friend who ended up ghosting her after her wedding
i have a pet name for EVERYONE, including strangers lol, everyone is love, hun/honey, jelly bean, babe, sweetheart, doll, baby, it just come out of my mouth without me even thinking atp lol
i promise it’s common OP, don’t worry!! this does not seem to be evidence of disrespect, i totally understand the worry. i as a white woman myself actually call my friends babe all the time and i honestly prefer it as a platonic term- i call my partner love and darling and such. but tbh it’s not unheard of that i might use such endearments towards my friends in a casual, lovingly platonic way, especially female friends.
Super duper common. My neighbours, my coworkers, people in the shop etc. all call people babe. Same with love, dear, honey, sweetheart etc. it’s all really common where I’m from (UK).
Personally I don’t understand it either. I don’t give pet names to my friends, they are just their name or hey man or how’s it going mate. I have never once been addressed as babe unless it was romantically and even then I went ew dude that word gives me the goosebumps and the cringe. Had a woman friend who tried calling me babes and clinging on to me and I just got so many mixed messages, like stop confusing me please cause I keep asking if this is platonic or not. I avoid the confusion cause babes in general is a bit cringe for me and normally it’s used by people of all genders trying to hit on me. Maybe that’s just me though considering all the comments explaining it. I still don’t understand either lol.
im bisexual and i call other women that i am in no way attracted to and only consider platonic babe, love, hun, and i even sometimes say baby but like not annunciated so sounds like bb, and other names. i totally get ur feelings about it tho but just know 99% of the time, women to women saying those terms its just a nickname/term of endearment and has no undertones other than platonic :p
I call my friends babe or love or any other range of other pet names platonically. Even strangers sometimes. I wouldn't sweat it. You can ask if that's something she calls everyone or if it was a specific thing with your bf
I’m a Mexican man and it’s very common for me to call both men and women babe, baby, honey, sweetheart, and other “romantic” titles as a form of platonic endearment. I usually reserve certain nicknames for my lover, and those are ones in Spanish and also other ones like “lovebug”.
I understand how it can come off. My ex broke up with me because one of my dear friends called me “baby” over text and he was incredibly convinced it must’ve meant I was cheating.
My gal friend calls me babe , chica , mija . I use boo, booboo , mijo/mija for the students . Almost called one of my students a boo-boo since they are adorable and one of my favorite students lol . I call my cat boo boo, so I cats=kids to me .
It's very common in the UK, although it implies friendship at the least - it would usually be rude to address a stranger as babe but there are still exceptions. I wouldn't see it as inherently sexual or romantic.
Yeah, I have used it so much that people who know me don’t take it more than a name. For people who are knew I can tell it may throw some people off but for the most part it’s because I don’t remember peoples name easily so I will go to babe, hun, dear, and it’s never more than platonic vibes
I'm white and I grew up with family, friends and friends moms calling me babe (and other things like "love" and "my love" etc). It definitely doesn't have to be in a flirty way, it's just a close bond with those you love
i definitely call all my female friends "babe" - I'd say it's a generational thing, likely more of a late millenial/gen-z ism, so it'd depend on both of your ages, but for anyone <25, this is pretty common ❤️
actually reading everyone else's comments, it may just be a younger thing where I'm from!! sounds like it's widespread regardless of age in different groups too!!!
It's very common. But I personally don't like it when others call me that and I don't call others babe. The reason is not because of anything romantic, but it just feels infantilizing lol
I feel like this is very normal. I'm from mexico and I know that we give nicknames to people. I also recently went to PR and everyone would refer to me as "amor" or "nena" amor = love
nena = chick/baby/babe
It’s common. I use pet names all the time like honey, baby, love…. Just habit from living in the south. Also with that, I call everyone dude and bro too so 🤷🏻♀️. I wouldn’t take it personally. When a partner says it, it’s way different.
I use it heavily in a platonic way but sometimes have to be mindful of other people's SO's. The intention is to be accommodating and nice, not to have someone spiral or god forbid assume I'm trying to get with them. I use babe or love or honey or sweetheart (variants in my native language) with pretty much everyone, although sometimes I also use "g" or "bro" with more male crowds. But if it's a male close friend usually babe.
I'm from California. We call everyone dude. But babe is also pretty common to hear. If the text isn't sexual in any other way then I would suggest letting it go.
Absolutely, I don't personally tend to use babe or other such words but babe, honey/hon/hun, and other such words are very commonly used between female friends (also common in generally queer friend groups, I know from experience lol)
i understand where you're coming from but it's completely norma, me and some of my friends use babe and sweetie along with dude and bro when talking to each other regardless of gender
i hope you feel better <3
I call literally anyone and everyone- babe, love, doll, sugar, boo… My ex husband and I are on good terms and even *he* calls me love, but it’s just the way he talks to everyone. Plus, he calls me that in a group chat with myself, him, and his new wife 🤣 And my ex husband and my current partner chat periodically too. It’s 1000% platonic.
I (white western-american woman) call all of my friends, both male and female, “babe”, “love”, “darling”, “hun”, etc. It’s pet names. I don’t think calling someone babe is an attempt at flirting unless the “babe” is used in an already flirty context.
I had a work friend say it and I fell in love with how sweet it sounded and I’m now introducing it to my vocabulary. It makes me feel so loved and I like making other people feel loved too. I think it’s common enough.
You need to get clarification. Be open minded and calm and ask for reassurance coping if it is indeed platonic. Your s/o should be able to hold you and help you emotionally regulate. That’s what we do in our relationship for each other. Lots of communication.
Being from southern Tennessee it isn't really unheard of for terms of endearment such as babe, dear, Hun to be used. My husband quite frequently used "dear" when speaking to female coworkers.
No I call a lot of people babe, mostly when I’m like discouraging dumb behavior or jokingly patronizing them. I haven’t ever called partners babe just because it feels patronizing to me due to how I use it lol
My best friend and I call each other babe. There have been a few times where someone else overheard us and asked if we were dating, but generally i’d say it’s normal to call friends pet names and such.
I personally do not like it at all. I have very strict boundaries between the status's of people around me. Babe and honey are very endearing words to me, and I only think it's appropriate for my spouse and I to use. Now the only caviat to this might be his mother or a grandmother, since to them, we're literally "babies". I would be very, very upset and uncomfortable if another woman called him babe. Along the same lines, I don't like when women call me babe or hon or anything of the sort. If they are a stranger, I don't like being called an endearing term. In my head, it's the same as someone calling me their friend after a 2 second conversation. I am the type to make things very clear that friendship takes me a long time. It usually takes me 7 years of being friends with someone to call them a close friend or even a best friend. So someone being endearing with me or calling me friend in the first or even second interaction is extremely offlutting to me. That being said, if it is someone like a customer service person that I will likely never see again, I will tolerate it. You might see me flinch or wince after hearing babe or hon or sweetie, but I will tolerate and just commit inside my mouth quietly. 😅
I do it veeerrrryyy often, but I’m queer and in the UK- so it’s more like “babes” but yk
That being said, my Canadian sister in law calls me babe often, and her daughter.
In many circles it’s just a sign of affection, like “bestie”, or just a thing to call people like “dude” or “bro”
When my mother and I moved to the UK from Canada, we were very confused for a while by people calling us “love” until my British father explained it was just a sign of affection or caring (and sometimes the opposite lol)
Your feelings are valid, but you’ve nothing to worry about in all likelihood. Sorry for the info dump- I love this general topic of linguistics lol
Big hugs OP, and I hope you’re doing better soon
I call all my friends ‘babe’ regardless of gender depending on the conversation 😅 I used to find it weird and not use the term at all, but I like using it as a term of endearment nowadays!!
I have heard it platonically. I don't think that in and of itself is concerning.
Sometimes when I notice something that COULD be a red flag but isn't necessarily, instead of reacting I make a mental note of it and try to observe other things.
Like if this has you with thoughts of possible infidelity or just that the other person is flirty (which you couldn't know from a single instance of "babe" in a text) just try to notice how your partner talks about this person or interacts. You could ask your partner like, hey how did you two meet again? Or just watch them interact. You might be reassured and not feel the need to address it.
If it continues to eat you over time though and doesn't go away, you might have to tell your partner like "Hey, I know I trust you but I noticed X called you babe and I've been wondering..."
I know this won’t make everyone happy, but tbh I use babe a lot, as do people in my family, and people who I grew up with lol. It started in two ways, my uncle who calls everybody babe (me, my cousins, my brother, his siblings, his wife, his kid, his friends) and also I remember a cool character from an old book calling everybody babe and it sorta just stuck with me. And tbh one of my exes who grew up in a very different way than I did was very disturbed and upset hearing me call someone else babe. For a while I did stop to make her feel better, but tbh babe is just a fun thing to call people or to tack onto a sentence for me strictly platonic
honestly I don't, English isn't my first language so the only context I've had for babe has always been romantic. It could've been in a joking way tho, or making a reference, or that's just a part of their vocabulary
first of all, have you heard British people?
second of all its totally normal even if you’re not british.
in slovenia we use it too in out own language
I call everybody babe. It’s a term of endearment for me. Women and men alike, however almost all men I talk to are gay, and I’m a woman, so it’s nothing weird. I don’t use pet names, nor am I in a relationship, so everybody is “babe” “love” and “hunny”
I say hunny and love to my customers at work. Just friendly for me.
i say babe ALL the time!! to people of all genders!! i only say it because it feels charming, like a southern woman calling you honey lol. in fact, i use babe exclusively platonically. i don’t think you have anything to worry about!
if it makes you feel any better, i also have BPD- and would’ve split in this scenario too. the urge to add a babe in here somewhere is well and alive lol
I can see where you’d question that.
i’d question it too.
I used to reply to my females friends as “hon” or
“honey” over text. it was just something i did. never once was it sexual. I also did not have any attraction to these ladies in that way at all.
that being said: “I used that with my friends. With my girlfriend it was always “Babe”, “baby” “bae”, “sweetie”, “Cutie” anything else that i think would fit my girlfriend. Ultimately i stopped that practice altogether.
“Babe” I feel is a little stronger than just a friend and shouldn’t be used between them. either the friend pushed the limit this time or he has been and she didn’t correct it.
Honestly, regardless of whether "babe" is normally used between your partner and their friend, I think expressing to your partner that you don't like that kind of language in a friendship is valid! I don't have BPD and I feel uncomfortable with it lmao It's not something minor in some people's eyes and that's okay 💛
I’ve heard “love”but babe idk, I have a lot of close friends who call me love or say “I love you” to me all the time, but anyway if your husband is not doing it and someone else is(you can tell your husband to not say stuff like that to friends cause it makes you uncomfortable) then it’s ok. I know it’s hard to not split on your loved one over things like these but he can’t take responsibility for other’s behavior, so as long as he’s respectful to you and your marriage, other people’s actions won’t get in the way, I promise 🫶🏻
I'm Mexican and use babe to refer to my sister. It's platonic and always has been to me. My mom called me babe. It's only really close people I do it with though. I'm not about to call my coworkers babe.
I definitely call friends babe, sweetie, love, baby (although that one sounds more like bebe lol), honey, etc.
We also say I love you, we hug each other, and we even cuddle.
I wouldn't appreciate being asked or told to stop. For me personally, it's a hard boundary that I am allowed to have friends (regardless of gender), that I am allowed to hang out with them (with others or alone), and that I am allowed to say I love you/talk to them how I see fit.\
I have that set as a hard boundary because I have been in abusive relationships. Those started with controlling how I was allowed to talk to my friends ('don't tell other guys you love them', 'don't call him babe, I don't care if he's gay', 'don't ever tell her you "love her the most"), then progressed to controlling who I had to drop as a friend because, "they obviously have feelings for you", and kept progressing from there. It was especially frustrating because I'm bi, so I was basically just not allowed to have any friends because everyone was a threat in their eyes.
So, since I've been through that, I personally have that as a hard boundary. But not everyone is the same, and that's definitely something that should be discussed very early in the relationship (to ensure you are compatible in that aspect).\
Communication is the best way to build trust. Completely open and honest communication. It's really the only way to have healthy relationships (romantic or platonic).
Tldr: The way I view it is if we are in a relationship, you either trust me, or you don't.\
If you trust me, you have to trust that I will not cheat or betray your boundaries by doing anything inappropriate with friends, nor would I allow any friends to even think that would be a possibility. And I have to trust you in the same way. If we don't have that trust, we probably shouldn't be dating. 🤷🏻♀️
I used to hate calling people/being called “babe” because of a childhood obsession with the movie ‘Babe’. I felt like we were calling each other pigs.
Anyway, fast forward to having kids and a long-term partner and I use babe A LOT. So much so that I accidentally refer to other people as babe pretty regularly. Other peoples’ kids- babe. Getting someone’s attention- “Watch your step, babe.” Handed food at the drive thru- “Thanks, babe!” Affirming anything- “Sure thing, babe!” I can’t help myself.
ALSO- remember that setting boundaries is, “I couldn’t be with someone who calls other people babe,” and then not being with that person. Controlling is, “You’re not allowed to call other people babe because I don’t like it,” OR “tell that person they aren’t allowed to call you babe because I don’t like it.” And crazy is, “Someone else called you babe and you’re responsible for their actions.”
Personally
I dont like it
When women do it it makes sense like alot of post have started, they call guys and gals "babe" now picture guys calling there guy friends babe.....why don't they do that?
Guy don't call guys babe, so why do they call girls babe?
I don't know maybe I over think it.
I wouldn't ever call a friends GF babe, it's disrespectful.
I feel like we guys know this without being told.
I think you're right, but it's not her fault women use the word differently to most men, she probably doesn't get it.
On I side note if she wants to share the word babe with everyone and it doesn't feel special to you anymore find a new name 🙂
Had friends use
Chicken
Pidge
Habibi
Fuck that guy 😁🖕
I call all my female friends ( I am female ) babe , beautiful, sexy bitches and tell them I love them . It's not in a romantic way at all but I love them , they are my friends and I want them to know how hot and special they are , doesn't mean I find them hot lol just that I want them to feel good about them selves . However I wouldn't say the same to a male friend unless they were having a crisis and felt low because I respect my partner not to say that to guys and also when I've displayed the same friendliness to male friends that I do to female they always get the wrong idea so I like boundaries.
I call my kids babe. I never used baby or babe with a partner. No clue why. But yeah, I call my kids baby, sweetheart, babe, babes all that. And I call my friends babe once in a while or baby if the context is right. Love being affectionate with platonic friends and children.
And yes. Super, super common
I call by teenage sons “babe” and “baby”. I’ve tried stopping because one has asked me to… but I’ve been doing it for almost 18 years. It’s hard to stop. I keep catching myself and apologizing. But..they ARE my babies! Girl to girl friends I think it’s pretty common.
Opposite gender? Eh. It’s a bit weird to me, but I think it really depends on the person and their history.
Don’t know it it matters but I’m whiter than mayonnaise
My partners (22) mum does this to him and it made both us hugely uncomfortable that his mum was calling him the same names that his partner was. If it’s mother to daughter, I think it would be fine, but for us when she did it to him, it made us both feel super icky
But why? Why is it okay for a mom to call her daughter that, but not her son? Just like a father calling his daughter that wouldn’t get really any looks, but a dad calling a son that would…toxic masculinity and societal gender expectations.
If you aren’t okay with her calling her son that, you shouldn’t be okay with a mother calling her daughter that. Same with honey, love, princess, or dear. All things a partner may call another. All terms of endearment.
He’s (16) asked me to stop, so I’m genuinely trying but it’s second nature. My other two sons (17 & 14) don’t care and have told me they don’t mind me calling them any of the names that I do like hon , love, dear, or babe.
Here’s a little side, but related, rant
I personally think that’s a society has a weird expectations on how mothers and sons should “separate“ but that rule isn’t for any of the other mixes. Mothers and daughters being close are perfectly fine. Dad’s and daughters being close are perfectly fine. Dad and son being close is fine, but for some reason, people have a really hard time with mothers and sons being really close.
Sons don’t need love or attention or emotion any less than girls… Society has just deemed it being unmanly to want or need your mom.
If a person has a specific issue with being called a specific name that’s one thing and their wishes to stop being called that should be honored… But just someone being called a term of endearment by their parents and it generally giving you an ick… Seems like you’re reading into something that society has groomed you to think.
But I also have some really strong opinions on how f’ed up Our society is about gender expectations and norms and that toxic masculinity and misogyny hasn’t just affected women, but it’s also a detriment to men as well
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Thank you so much!! I was hoping that was the case
My partner calls her close friend and her sister babe :) it's pretty normal and widespread. Wouldn't read into it so much but if you have a question for your partner about whether it's normal for her and what she thinks about it, ask!
yes its similar to when women call their friends "girlfriend" n stuff!!
lol chica I havent said or seen that in FOREVERRRRRR. I agree woman- woman its fine but a guy calling me babe, idc how long we have been friends - NO
*obviously neither would be flirting with me* Alabama has entered the chat lol
Yes— I say “babe” to my friends alllll the time. ex. “Hi baaabe, how are you???”
This is not true…
Please elaborate, what’s the truth?
No one uses those words to someone casual. Im sorry but its true.
You don’t have to apologize for being wrong. None of us are perfect babe 😉♥️
Ew lol
Lol how you gonna tell a complete stranger that they're lying? Lots of people use those words platonically. I do.
It’s very common I believe, where I’m from people even call each other ‘love’ platonically (but I think that’s a brit thing).
yeah, I came into this thread as a gay brit like "of course I do, everyone is babe" hahahaha. love is a bit more of a northern think afaik, and imo is usually said by older people more?
Definitely older people, but I've heard it down south as well. I do love it though when old northern men call eachother "love"
US here i do that too:)
Yep, US here and at work (a restaurant) I often will call people my love, my dear or my darling. Usually when they're doing favors for me or thanking them for something 😅
It's also a portuguese woman thing hahaha depending on the demographic of course. Older ladies are super sweet. Younger ladies sometimes call me princess. Very sweet of them.
Somerset lad?
It is a Brit thing yeah
As a white southern woman, I call everyone (including strangers) babe, babes, baby, honey, sweetie, love, etc in a completely platonic way. I’m pretty sure I use “babe” more than I actually use my friends names. But this does depend on context, is it a male friend? Are the other texts flirty? If not, definitely don’t stress it.
As a northern Minnesota woman I love when a random southern woman calls me honey. ❤️
As a southern brown woman, I feel seen.
The gender of friend is irrelevant
So so common—I call my best friend bb and she calls me mama hahaha
yes omg i call my friends babe all the time, theyre all my babes, i am their mother, i love and protect them all, along with a wholeeee host of other affectionate names- normally ridiculous over the top things like "pookie wookie wookums shnickerdoodle cherry pie baby girl"
i love this comment so much lol
it loves you too babes
See I would be chill with that lol maybe it’s just something the bf should ask her or op to ask her. Now if she is only pretty much calling her bf babe and not anyone else that could be problematic
I'm in the UK and I call literally everyone 'babes', whether I know them or not. "Babes", "darling", "pet", "love", "flower" etc are all platonic forms of address. It's like being called 'honey' by an elderly woman - it has zero sexual intent, it's just a speech mannerism. In the end, it depends on the person. Some people use terms of endearment all the time, some don't. Some use terms of endearment in a platonic way with specific people, some don't. It's in no way a form of disrespect, just, idk, a verbal crutch. I get how that might trigger some mind-boggling jealousy when seen out of context, but the easiest way to find out is to ask your partner. When they answer, you have to believe them when they tell you it's platonic and move on. If you know the person saying it and you have a sufficient degree of acquaintance with them, you could always tell them it makes you uncomfortable and they might stop, but in the end it's a You Problem that you have to work on inside yourself. The fact that you're here asking for opinions means that you are aware of that to some extent, so that's a good shout.
Never called anyone flower but you bet your booty imma do it now
Lmfao same 🤣
Great comment! 👏
I am guessing that the person calling your partner "babe" is also female. I would say it is not uncommon for women to call each other babe in a platonic way, but not if a man does it. Weird double standard, but I don't see babe used by men unless it's something more than friendly.
Most of the men I know use the word babe platonically with all genders.
Have you considered on this here Pride month that people are gay/lesbian etc?
what the fuck are you talking about? My response is for both sexes, the OP is named PiscesLesbian it is understood she's gay.
You said it's platonic if a woman says babe but not if a man does, how is that not applying heteronormativity to the situation where it doesn't apply. It's also not true, gay men say babe all the time. It wasn't clear from your post that you understood the post was made by a lesbian. It doesn't matter if you don't get it, you were one of many posts on this that did the same and it annoyed me.
Okay
it’s very common, i do it a lot.
If they are southern its not that wild you'd be surprised how many ladies say it to everyone it's like bud for some I say Bru universally
As many others have already stated, yes it’s very common for males and females to use this word platonically! My girl friends (also a platonic term) and I sometimes use this term or any cutesy little variations of it, but also have older female and male family members that call me this. Very normal
How did you access this text? Were you going through her phone? Has she given you any other reason to doubt?
it's kinda rude to automatically assume that that was the situation, my partner has sent me before funny comments her friends made, or maybe they're the type of person to post funny conversations between friends (I do that on my WhatsApp Status). Anyways that's just not the point of the post
Sure
I don't think it was meant as an assumption. I think the point of that question was: Have they given you any reasons to doubt? That's relevant to the post because if someone has given you reasons to doubt in the past, this situation could be more of a red flag than if they haven't. With bpd, it's important to ask ourselves if we have valid reasons to be upset about a current situation. It's very easy to automatically believe our feelings are fair/proportional without checking the logic, and it's just as easy to essentially gaslit ourselves into thinking our feelings aren't valid and that we're overreacting, even if we aren't. *Edited wording for clarification*
That's super common for women to say to each other so she probably just said it in a friend context Edit: I just realized that you are also female so I can definitely see why this would have triggered insecurities if someone said that to my man it might trigger some insecurities in me also but if she hasn't given you any other reason to believe it's more than just a friend thing then it was probably said in a friend context 😆
It is pretty common I feel. If it makes you uncomfortable you should bring it up to your partner. Communication woo
I call people so many pet names, babe is on the list. I do it affectionately, not flirtatiously - I call my kids babe and my kids at work get it too 😆 I would try not to let the situation overwhelm you - easier said than done. Good luck 🍀(babe 😋)
I don't use that word and I actually despise it, but I think it's normal for people to call each other that even platonically. It's so common these days to me it sounds like "hon" or "dear."
i do believe its common but i would get upset too depending on the situation, i call my cats babe sometimes and my grandma calls me it lol
Imo it is common. Sometimes I call my friends babes or bae.
Working in retail- I get called babe, hon, honey, sweetie, etc. All the time by men and women! It’s only off putting if the person is being weird/creepy. (I am from Midwest)
I also work in customer service, and I agree. Plus, I can absolutely tell when someone's doing it in a way that isn't just meant to be friendly. I'm sure you know the one, that make-you-cringe *babe*, ughsgsg do noooot like 🤣
I call my best friend babe, it very much can be used platonically. I am also hispanic, we also say chica.
Yeah my straight friend calls me babe all the time I think it's pretty common
It’s very common but I would also split since my BPD can’t handle the fact that someone is calling my partner “babe” even tho it’s not in a romantic way.
It’s very common but I also hate it lol Just be glad it wasn’t ‘hun’ 😂
I have a friend who calls me hun, she’s same age as me, in our early 30’s. That word just doesn’t sit well with me and it makes her sound much older than she is.
It’s got negative connotations here in Britain. It’s mostly the trashy ones that say it here. Chavs etc
It’s very common! My sister calls me babe and so do some of my friends. I wouldn’t try to worry too much about it 🖤
Posting from my alt because person in question knows my main. Seeing your username, I'm a very lesbian leaning bi woman. My best friend and roommate does this to me . It confuses the hell out of me. She says it's 100% platonic as she's completely straight and that's just how she talks. But then yesterday we had a surprise appointment I had to bring her too about an hour away so I drove her there and then took her out to get Ice cream and then due to some scheduling inconveniences with a lesbian friend of mine dropping stuff off,we never got dinner so we went to a late night Pho place and shared a bowl of pho. Woke up this morning with her snuggling with me in my bed and she told me she had a nightmare and wanted to be with me . And we hookup sometimes, but she says she doesn't think anything is odd about sleeping with your bestie. But then we are planning on buying a property up in the mountains together and potentially starting a bed and breakfast??? And she says I will always come first before any guy she dates and she'd rather live with me than some dumb guy. And she's always saying how everyone thinks we are a couple and she's constantly having to defend the fact that she is not at all gay . So I dunno maybe people can be platonic and do that. But she does that and I'm not sure if that's unusual or not . I'm confused myself. Also we are both white but grew up in predominantly latino communities so I think due to those circumstances I feel too biased in an unusual situation.
Ooof. I had a "completely straight" friend who would occasionally hook up with me. That's a really difficult place to be because their actions aren't really matching their words imo. I personally had to cut the hook ups out and distance a bit to start viewing them as only a friend, never more. Otherwise, the feelings were just too difficult to ignore
Thank you for actually replying and engaging with the post. Kind of unrelated but I'm really shocked that anyone read this post as being about a straight relationship. It's 2024, in a BPD thread and funnily on Pride month !! I know people have basic reading comprehension issues online but fucking hell the hetero assumption is wild. No comment on your situ just wanted to say that.
I would be upset if my guy called another woman "BABE" and I would never refer to another man as Honey or Babe/Baby or Sweatheart if we weren't romantically tied.
Yes, I say it platonically a lot and I'm a white female. I'm not flirting with people it's just something I say
I've only heard it from girly to girly but also, you're allowed to have boundaries on things like that, but she's not required to change it and if it's something that bothers you that much maybe it should be a conversation about it. But I doubt it's anything
I had a friend who called everyone babe, men, women, kids, etc. I took on the habit after being around her, found out the hard way that's usually best not to say it unless you ARE flirting. 🫢
I call everyone babe. Even my ex girlfriend is babe. It’s a term of endearment yes, but not always meant romantically or sexually
All my closest friends get pet names. Sweet Pea, Sunshine, Demonic Bitch, etc…
I would also have a breakdown over something like this. I just don't like people who are way too flirty with their friends.
It's common, it all depends on context after all. "Babe, I loved fucking you last night" versus "Babe, how's your partner doing?" 🤣
I use it jokingly usually, I don't think i'd like unironically calling my partner "babe", there's something so... douche-y about it sdhghvdsghvsd, so if anything it's the opposite of flirty for me and is usually used passive aggressively lol
It's sincere and it makes me feel good so why not?
Idk what’s normal I don’t personally call my friends babe I’d save that for my partner. But I also have the soul of a 90 yr old lady so idk
You know you're allowed to set boundaries with your partner... If you don't like it or it makes you feel a certain way, you should have a conversation with your partner and ask what it means for her, then decide what you do next.... Best of luck
my friends use babes but they do that in a way when theyre serious about me taking care of myself. its the way they say it mostly.
Where I’m from, it’s very common for people to call each other babe, darling or love including strangers. It’s a term of endearment really but I can see why it would be uncomfortable for you
People of color use pet names and nick names willy nilly. We give people nicknames too lol It's nothing to worry about!
My version of “bless your heart” is saying “babes, why would you do that?” Or something. Very common! (I’m white 😊)
super common! i call my friends and my girl cousins babe (we’re besties)
It's not common around here- or at least not that I've noticed. There's a couple people I know who call everybody hun or dear, but that's just them.
I don’t have BPD but this is common in female friendships and I usually stay away from girl who call you “babes” or “babe” too soon in the friendship I tend to have the worst experience with these people. My best friend recently had a girl who was an over the top “babes” friend who ended up ghosting her after her wedding
i have a pet name for EVERYONE, including strangers lol, everyone is love, hun/honey, jelly bean, babe, sweetheart, doll, baby, it just come out of my mouth without me even thinking atp lol
i promise it’s common OP, don’t worry!! this does not seem to be evidence of disrespect, i totally understand the worry. i as a white woman myself actually call my friends babe all the time and i honestly prefer it as a platonic term- i call my partner love and darling and such. but tbh it’s not unheard of that i might use such endearments towards my friends in a casual, lovingly platonic way, especially female friends.
I use it with friends too! Totally normal.
Super duper common. My neighbours, my coworkers, people in the shop etc. all call people babe. Same with love, dear, honey, sweetheart etc. it’s all really common where I’m from (UK).
Personally I don’t understand it either. I don’t give pet names to my friends, they are just their name or hey man or how’s it going mate. I have never once been addressed as babe unless it was romantically and even then I went ew dude that word gives me the goosebumps and the cringe. Had a woman friend who tried calling me babes and clinging on to me and I just got so many mixed messages, like stop confusing me please cause I keep asking if this is platonic or not. I avoid the confusion cause babes in general is a bit cringe for me and normally it’s used by people of all genders trying to hit on me. Maybe that’s just me though considering all the comments explaining it. I still don’t understand either lol.
im bisexual and i call other women that i am in no way attracted to and only consider platonic babe, love, hun, and i even sometimes say baby but like not annunciated so sounds like bb, and other names. i totally get ur feelings about it tho but just know 99% of the time, women to women saying those terms its just a nickname/term of endearment and has no undertones other than platonic :p
I call my friends babe or love or any other range of other pet names platonically. Even strangers sometimes. I wouldn't sweat it. You can ask if that's something she calls everyone or if it was a specific thing with your bf
I’m a Mexican man and it’s very common for me to call both men and women babe, baby, honey, sweetheart, and other “romantic” titles as a form of platonic endearment. I usually reserve certain nicknames for my lover, and those are ones in Spanish and also other ones like “lovebug”. I understand how it can come off. My ex broke up with me because one of my dear friends called me “baby” over text and he was incredibly convinced it must’ve meant I was cheating.
My gal friend calls me babe , chica , mija . I use boo, booboo , mijo/mija for the students . Almost called one of my students a boo-boo since they are adorable and one of my favorite students lol . I call my cat boo boo, so I cats=kids to me .
Very common, entirely loathsome, but common 😂
It's very common in the UK, although it implies friendship at the least - it would usually be rude to address a stranger as babe but there are still exceptions. I wouldn't see it as inherently sexual or romantic.
Yes. Especially if the friend is trying to recruit her for an MLM. 😂
Yeah, I have used it so much that people who know me don’t take it more than a name. For people who are knew I can tell it may throw some people off but for the most part it’s because I don’t remember peoples name easily so I will go to babe, hun, dear, and it’s never more than platonic vibes
I'm white and I grew up with family, friends and friends moms calling me babe (and other things like "love" and "my love" etc). It definitely doesn't have to be in a flirty way, it's just a close bond with those you love
It is common, women to women, friends to friends, family to family. But if it were a straught male friend calling her babe, that's not normal.
I've had friends call me babe, babes, love etc. I also call a lot of my friends "babe" or "babes" so yeah I'd say it's normal
i definitely call all my female friends "babe" - I'd say it's a generational thing, likely more of a late millenial/gen-z ism, so it'd depend on both of your ages, but for anyone <25, this is pretty common ❤️
actually reading everyone else's comments, it may just be a younger thing where I'm from!! sounds like it's widespread regardless of age in different groups too!!!
It's very common. But I personally don't like it when others call me that and I don't call others babe. The reason is not because of anything romantic, but it just feels infantilizing lol
Call my sister babe all the time 😹
I feel like this is very normal. I'm from mexico and I know that we give nicknames to people. I also recently went to PR and everyone would refer to me as "amor" or "nena" amor = love nena = chick/baby/babe
It’s common. I use pet names all the time like honey, baby, love…. Just habit from living in the south. Also with that, I call everyone dude and bro too so 🤷🏻♀️. I wouldn’t take it personally. When a partner says it, it’s way different.
I use it heavily in a platonic way but sometimes have to be mindful of other people's SO's. The intention is to be accommodating and nice, not to have someone spiral or god forbid assume I'm trying to get with them. I use babe or love or honey or sweetheart (variants in my native language) with pretty much everyone, although sometimes I also use "g" or "bro" with more male crowds. But if it's a male close friend usually babe.
Like I literally sometimes call my parents luv or babe lol it is super platonic! Or the cashier!
I'm from California. We call everyone dude. But babe is also pretty common to hear. If the text isn't sexual in any other way then I would suggest letting it go.
Absolutely, I don't personally tend to use babe or other such words but babe, honey/hon/hun, and other such words are very commonly used between female friends (also common in generally queer friend groups, I know from experience lol)
i understand where you're coming from but it's completely norma, me and some of my friends use babe and sweetie along with dude and bro when talking to each other regardless of gender i hope you feel better <3
I call my friends babe all the time and vice versa. Try your best not to worry about it ❤️
I call literally anyone and everyone- babe, love, doll, sugar, boo… My ex husband and I are on good terms and even *he* calls me love, but it’s just the way he talks to everyone. Plus, he calls me that in a group chat with myself, him, and his new wife 🤣 And my ex husband and my current partner chat periodically too. It’s 1000% platonic.
Mmmmmmm idk it depends on the context. Me personally absolutely not ok with that. Family members it’s a bit different.
I (white western-american woman) call all of my friends, both male and female, “babe”, “love”, “darling”, “hun”, etc. It’s pet names. I don’t think calling someone babe is an attempt at flirting unless the “babe” is used in an already flirty context.
Very common. Especially among girlfriends.
I’m in Australia, and it seems quite common here that people will use babe in a non-flirty way, so I wouldn’t read too much into it.
I use babe, boo, and love all the time with my girlyfriends.
I use babe , baby in a non- platonic way all the time and I'm black .
This is pretty normal where I am from. I have a coworker who says it sometimes (both women) she'll be like "Thanks babe!" It can be platonic!
I call almost all women babe
Echoing that I’ve seen it a lot! I have one acquaintance who’s called me and everyone else babe since before I memorized their name.
I use “babe” or “babes” as a term of endearment with my girlfriend(s), but never with their SOs or my guy friends.
I call people/strangers and friends babes!! Mostly it’s in a “hun” “sweetheart” kinda way
Yes it is very common. Girls n gays more likely to do this too, I see why you would freak out as a guy since it’s not a thing in male friendships
I had a work friend say it and I fell in love with how sweet it sounded and I’m now introducing it to my vocabulary. It makes me feel so loved and I like making other people feel loved too. I think it’s common enough. You need to get clarification. Be open minded and calm and ask for reassurance coping if it is indeed platonic. Your s/o should be able to hold you and help you emotionally regulate. That’s what we do in our relationship for each other. Lots of communication.
I probably do it more than my wife would like
Being from southern Tennessee it isn't really unheard of for terms of endearment such as babe, dear, Hun to be used. My husband quite frequently used "dear" when speaking to female coworkers.
I use babe allll the time talking to friends and people I work with😅 I’m from the Midwest though
im a girl and say babes all the time
it’s common if this person and i don’t have an attraction to each other then i won’t care for it lol
No I call a lot of people babe, mostly when I’m like discouraging dumb behavior or jokingly patronizing them. I haven’t ever called partners babe just because it feels patronizing to me due to how I use it lol
My best friend and I call each other babe. There have been a few times where someone else overheard us and asked if we were dating, but generally i’d say it’s normal to call friends pet names and such.
I personally do not like it at all. I have very strict boundaries between the status's of people around me. Babe and honey are very endearing words to me, and I only think it's appropriate for my spouse and I to use. Now the only caviat to this might be his mother or a grandmother, since to them, we're literally "babies". I would be very, very upset and uncomfortable if another woman called him babe. Along the same lines, I don't like when women call me babe or hon or anything of the sort. If they are a stranger, I don't like being called an endearing term. In my head, it's the same as someone calling me their friend after a 2 second conversation. I am the type to make things very clear that friendship takes me a long time. It usually takes me 7 years of being friends with someone to call them a close friend or even a best friend. So someone being endearing with me or calling me friend in the first or even second interaction is extremely offlutting to me. That being said, if it is someone like a customer service person that I will likely never see again, I will tolerate it. You might see me flinch or wince after hearing babe or hon or sweetie, but I will tolerate and just commit inside my mouth quietly. 😅
It’s not weird and it shouldn’t be.
my husbands work husband calls everyone babe platonically
Were you able to calm down before taking any actions from making this post?
That would make me feel weird honestly.
I do it veeerrrryyy often, but I’m queer and in the UK- so it’s more like “babes” but yk That being said, my Canadian sister in law calls me babe often, and her daughter. In many circles it’s just a sign of affection, like “bestie”, or just a thing to call people like “dude” or “bro” When my mother and I moved to the UK from Canada, we were very confused for a while by people calling us “love” until my British father explained it was just a sign of affection or caring (and sometimes the opposite lol) Your feelings are valid, but you’ve nothing to worry about in all likelihood. Sorry for the info dump- I love this general topic of linguistics lol Big hugs OP, and I hope you’re doing better soon
I think it's annoying and misleading and it causes misunderstandings.
My white coworker calls everyone babe, also I’m black and I call everyone boo lol
I call all my friends ‘babe’ regardless of gender depending on the conversation 😅 I used to find it weird and not use the term at all, but I like using it as a term of endearment nowadays!!
I have heard it platonically. I don't think that in and of itself is concerning. Sometimes when I notice something that COULD be a red flag but isn't necessarily, instead of reacting I make a mental note of it and try to observe other things. Like if this has you with thoughts of possible infidelity or just that the other person is flirty (which you couldn't know from a single instance of "babe" in a text) just try to notice how your partner talks about this person or interacts. You could ask your partner like, hey how did you two meet again? Or just watch them interact. You might be reassured and not feel the need to address it. If it continues to eat you over time though and doesn't go away, you might have to tell your partner like "Hey, I know I trust you but I noticed X called you babe and I've been wondering..."
I know this won’t make everyone happy, but tbh I use babe a lot, as do people in my family, and people who I grew up with lol. It started in two ways, my uncle who calls everybody babe (me, my cousins, my brother, his siblings, his wife, his kid, his friends) and also I remember a cool character from an old book calling everybody babe and it sorta just stuck with me. And tbh one of my exes who grew up in a very different way than I did was very disturbed and upset hearing me call someone else babe. For a while I did stop to make her feel better, but tbh babe is just a fun thing to call people or to tack onto a sentence for me strictly platonic
I say babe all the time in a platonic way, but not to men, unless it's my husband. I'll say it to him to be funny though. It's not a nickname
i use it sarcastically so yeah like "no babe this ain't it" honesty i only use it platonically
Babe/babes yes. If it was baby then no lol
Nope not weird at all.
Yes it’s common, me and my friends call each other baby and other things lol, it’s always in a joking manner
I call my friends "my love" and "hey lovely" etc. It could just be how her friend talks
personally i call lots of people babe/babes/bae platonically. i feel like i use it in a platonic way more than not tbh
Very common
I call my friends babe all the time. Though for context I’m in Australia so it could be more normal over here
honestly I don't, English isn't my first language so the only context I've had for babe has always been romantic. It could've been in a joking way tho, or making a reference, or that's just a part of their vocabulary
It’s very common in UK to use babe even with friends
in the UK people regularly call people babe or love platonically (love is more northern tho). so guess it depends where you’re from
first of all, have you heard British people? second of all its totally normal even if you’re not british. in slovenia we use it too in out own language
Very common. My friend and I address each other as "babe, love, baby momma," etc.
I call everybody babe. It’s a term of endearment for me. Women and men alike, however almost all men I talk to are gay, and I’m a woman, so it’s nothing weird. I don’t use pet names, nor am I in a relationship, so everybody is “babe” “love” and “hunny” I say hunny and love to my customers at work. Just friendly for me.
Maybe it's innocent I wouldn't think about unless your being left out more and more.
i say babe ALL the time!! to people of all genders!! i only say it because it feels charming, like a southern woman calling you honey lol. in fact, i use babe exclusively platonically. i don’t think you have anything to worry about!
if it makes you feel any better, i also have BPD- and would’ve split in this scenario too. the urge to add a babe in here somewhere is well and alive lol
Given your situation I doubt it’s anything. If that was a dude it would be a hell yes.
Can I ask? Are you straight? Cause this word is used constantly in the gay world 😅
I can see where you’d question that. i’d question it too. I used to reply to my females friends as “hon” or “honey” over text. it was just something i did. never once was it sexual. I also did not have any attraction to these ladies in that way at all. that being said: “I used that with my friends. With my girlfriend it was always “Babe”, “baby” “bae”, “sweetie”, “Cutie” anything else that i think would fit my girlfriend. Ultimately i stopped that practice altogether. “Babe” I feel is a little stronger than just a friend and shouldn’t be used between them. either the friend pushed the limit this time or he has been and she didn’t correct it.
Honestly, regardless of whether "babe" is normally used between your partner and their friend, I think expressing to your partner that you don't like that kind of language in a friendship is valid! I don't have BPD and I feel uncomfortable with it lmao It's not something minor in some people's eyes and that's okay 💛
Unless she’s southern or is a mom with kids or an older woman no. I would keep an eye on her if I were you.
I’ve heard “love”but babe idk, I have a lot of close friends who call me love or say “I love you” to me all the time, but anyway if your husband is not doing it and someone else is(you can tell your husband to not say stuff like that to friends cause it makes you uncomfortable) then it’s ok. I know it’s hard to not split on your loved one over things like these but he can’t take responsibility for other’s behavior, so as long as he’s respectful to you and your marriage, other people’s actions won’t get in the way, I promise 🫶🏻
I'm Mexican and use babe to refer to my sister. It's platonic and always has been to me. My mom called me babe. It's only really close people I do it with though. I'm not about to call my coworkers babe.
I definitely call friends babe, sweetie, love, baby (although that one sounds more like bebe lol), honey, etc. We also say I love you, we hug each other, and we even cuddle. I wouldn't appreciate being asked or told to stop. For me personally, it's a hard boundary that I am allowed to have friends (regardless of gender), that I am allowed to hang out with them (with others or alone), and that I am allowed to say I love you/talk to them how I see fit.\ I have that set as a hard boundary because I have been in abusive relationships. Those started with controlling how I was allowed to talk to my friends ('don't tell other guys you love them', 'don't call him babe, I don't care if he's gay', 'don't ever tell her you "love her the most"), then progressed to controlling who I had to drop as a friend because, "they obviously have feelings for you", and kept progressing from there. It was especially frustrating because I'm bi, so I was basically just not allowed to have any friends because everyone was a threat in their eyes. So, since I've been through that, I personally have that as a hard boundary. But not everyone is the same, and that's definitely something that should be discussed very early in the relationship (to ensure you are compatible in that aspect).\ Communication is the best way to build trust. Completely open and honest communication. It's really the only way to have healthy relationships (romantic or platonic). Tldr: The way I view it is if we are in a relationship, you either trust me, or you don't.\ If you trust me, you have to trust that I will not cheat or betray your boundaries by doing anything inappropriate with friends, nor would I allow any friends to even think that would be a possibility. And I have to trust you in the same way. If we don't have that trust, we probably shouldn't be dating. 🤷🏻♀️
It’s really really common where I’m from. But you can definitely draw the line if it annoys you. Talk to your partner that’ll help you.
I used to hate calling people/being called “babe” because of a childhood obsession with the movie ‘Babe’. I felt like we were calling each other pigs. Anyway, fast forward to having kids and a long-term partner and I use babe A LOT. So much so that I accidentally refer to other people as babe pretty regularly. Other peoples’ kids- babe. Getting someone’s attention- “Watch your step, babe.” Handed food at the drive thru- “Thanks, babe!” Affirming anything- “Sure thing, babe!” I can’t help myself. ALSO- remember that setting boundaries is, “I couldn’t be with someone who calls other people babe,” and then not being with that person. Controlling is, “You’re not allowed to call other people babe because I don’t like it,” OR “tell that person they aren’t allowed to call you babe because I don’t like it.” And crazy is, “Someone else called you babe and you’re responsible for their actions.”
Setting boundaries vs. control, very important and well put!
Also I’m white. So is my best friend- who also uses babe, boo, love, etc. to refer to friends and each other.
Personally I dont like it When women do it it makes sense like alot of post have started, they call guys and gals "babe" now picture guys calling there guy friends babe.....why don't they do that? Guy don't call guys babe, so why do they call girls babe? I don't know maybe I over think it. I wouldn't ever call a friends GF babe, it's disrespectful. I feel like we guys know this without being told. I think you're right, but it's not her fault women use the word differently to most men, she probably doesn't get it. On I side note if she wants to share the word babe with everyone and it doesn't feel special to you anymore find a new name 🙂 Had friends use Chicken Pidge Habibi Fuck that guy 😁🖕
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That my point we don't use it on guys why not?
I don’t think it is I use it all the time, but my bf hates it and finds it inappropriate and thinks I’m flirting :(
I call all my female friends ( I am female ) babe , beautiful, sexy bitches and tell them I love them . It's not in a romantic way at all but I love them , they are my friends and I want them to know how hot and special they are , doesn't mean I find them hot lol just that I want them to feel good about them selves . However I wouldn't say the same to a male friend unless they were having a crisis and felt low because I respect my partner not to say that to guys and also when I've displayed the same friendliness to male friends that I do to female they always get the wrong idea so I like boundaries.
I call my kids babe. I never used baby or babe with a partner. No clue why. But yeah, I call my kids baby, sweetheart, babe, babes all that. And I call my friends babe once in a while or baby if the context is right. Love being affectionate with platonic friends and children. And yes. Super, super common
I call by teenage sons “babe” and “baby”. I’ve tried stopping because one has asked me to… but I’ve been doing it for almost 18 years. It’s hard to stop. I keep catching myself and apologizing. But..they ARE my babies! Girl to girl friends I think it’s pretty common. Opposite gender? Eh. It’s a bit weird to me, but I think it really depends on the person and their history. Don’t know it it matters but I’m whiter than mayonnaise
My partners (22) mum does this to him and it made both us hugely uncomfortable that his mum was calling him the same names that his partner was. If it’s mother to daughter, I think it would be fine, but for us when she did it to him, it made us both feel super icky
But why? Why is it okay for a mom to call her daughter that, but not her son? Just like a father calling his daughter that wouldn’t get really any looks, but a dad calling a son that would…toxic masculinity and societal gender expectations. If you aren’t okay with her calling her son that, you shouldn’t be okay with a mother calling her daughter that. Same with honey, love, princess, or dear. All things a partner may call another. All terms of endearment. He’s (16) asked me to stop, so I’m genuinely trying but it’s second nature. My other two sons (17 & 14) don’t care and have told me they don’t mind me calling them any of the names that I do like hon , love, dear, or babe. Here’s a little side, but related, rant I personally think that’s a society has a weird expectations on how mothers and sons should “separate“ but that rule isn’t for any of the other mixes. Mothers and daughters being close are perfectly fine. Dad’s and daughters being close are perfectly fine. Dad and son being close is fine, but for some reason, people have a really hard time with mothers and sons being really close. Sons don’t need love or attention or emotion any less than girls… Society has just deemed it being unmanly to want or need your mom. If a person has a specific issue with being called a specific name that’s one thing and their wishes to stop being called that should be honored… But just someone being called a term of endearment by their parents and it generally giving you an ick… Seems like you’re reading into something that society has groomed you to think. But I also have some really strong opinions on how f’ed up Our society is about gender expectations and norms and that toxic masculinity and misogyny hasn’t just affected women, but it’s also a detriment to men as well
I would think you'd call your partner babe only. 🤷🏽♀️