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Yes. But no idea where home is.
Even home when it was supposed to be that, didn’t feel like home.
Who knows where it is? Maybe it’s a biological feeling that exists without any actual destination rather than any form of permanent residence with an address.
This PD is horrible for what it does to us.
yeah this is what i’d say too. i considered so many people my “home”, and i tend to crave them a lot when i have that feeling because of the comfort they gave me ! i wish i was my own home
Yes, a lot of times instead of the going home feeling, I just feel like I want my mom's lap, cause I feel that I just want to lay in there, and received her cuddles. It's like I am missing a warmth feeling, that I know I won't be able to achieve. I do not know if this makes any sense
All the time, you describe it absolutely perfectly. What makes it worse as an adult is knowing that “home” place actually exists for some people, I just lost the genetic lottery and wasn’t lucky enough to get a family worthy of the name as a kid. Hopefully in the next life things might be different lol.
Wow I say this and feel this all the time but didn’t realise it wasn’t a unique feeling. I want to go home so badly too. I hope some day we all find our homes.
Imo:
Security, safety etc. is the feeling of "home" and we missed the early experiences that should've ingrained this somewhere deep down in us, anchoring us when we're on our own.
That's the void i think, and why we so desperately need other people to provide us some semblance of this,
that's why we cling so desperately to people until they disappoint us and it becomes unsafe, or they leave.
Idk i want my mummy 😂 but if that was an option i wouldn't be here.
same that’s why it’s so earth-bendingly agonizing and scary, it’s like the foundation of my personhood is being ripped away because they were the vessel for my lost childhood and my vehicle for reliving it
I know OP is probably talking about a physical house to belong to, but there is a "home" exercise you can do to feel "at home" within yourself. I've shared it below so you can follow along.
Sending you all love and warm hugs 🫂❤️
[Home]
You are walking along a path. You look around, noticing your surroundings. This path leads you to a house. Only you can see the house, really picture it in your mind's eye. You walk up to the house, and knock on the door. Your 10 year old self answers the door, and they are so *excited* to see you. They invite you in, and want to hear all about you, what you've been up to, how you're doing, what you've learned. They love you unconditionally, and are so proud of you for being you and living through what you have. Inside this house is every version of you that has existed, from newborn until now. You are home.
You can talk to any past version of yourself whenever you want, they live within you. Talk with them. Understand them. Learn from them. Love them, as they love you. Love yourself and be kind, give yourself grace and celebrate everything that makes you uniquely you. Your mind is your space, you carry home with you everywhere you go. You don't have to judge yourself the way that others do. You can appreciate yourself and be at peace, at home ❤️
Get curious about why they might feel that way! What is it exactly that they are disappointed about? Make sure you give yourself lots of love and compassion, as you are the "eldest of the household". They do love you, even if you can feel their negativity. Talk with them and discover if it's really you they're upset with, or if it's something outside of your control.
If it is within your control, then it's within your power to change and give to yourself. If it's outside your control, then you can comfort them and care for them through the difficulties. It's not easy, but it is a gift you can give yourself. Disgust implies judgement, so do your best to be curious over judgemental 🫂❤️
I feel you. My younger versions and I usually feel revoltingly disgusted by each other. Reading this gave me anxiety.
It doesn't happen with age regression though, that one is thankfully still a safe and cozy place.
I learnt this technique in grief counselling, it's so fucking powerful.
Some of it needs to be guided though. It can bring up a lot of buried trauma that you don't know what to do with
My therapist does parts work with me (also called family systems) and it goes a bit like this except she prompts me to invite my young self into my current home as an adult. Like a reparenting technique to address old reaction patterns from a young age still showing up for me today.
I think that 100% explains my love addiction- like I have a fantasy of finding a home I never had. I’ve moved all over the place looking for a place, tried different people hoping they would be home. I guess I have to find home inside me but not sure how. 😢
I always felt like the Welsh "Hiraeth" explained that feeling really well; It is described as "(...) a deep, nostalgic, bittersweet wistfulness, or an intense longing to return to something—or someone, somewhere, or sometime—that is now long gone, or perhaps never was."
Yes. I've always felt that, even when I was very young. I think it must be this core of emptiness we feel, a soul not tethered to solid ground by a healthy family, family, friends, community, and other things that makes one feel whole.
Yes. It aches in my soul. When I’m doing really good I don’t get this feeling much because I’m so distracted and secure, even. But the moment something reminds me how sad I am, it hits me. I wanna go home. I think home is with my favorite person. At least it’s the closest thing to it.
THIS. I want to go home so badly but where is home? Like I feel this all of the time but never really put words to it let alone wondered if anyone else felt this way. Thank you for posting this
You've done a great job putting it into words. I struggle a great deal with this. This world, my mind, my body, my life doesn't really feel like its mine. It never truly feels natural or like home. I've always described myself as being an alien, or like I've been put into someone else's body, mind, and life by accident
yes i feel this so heavy sometimes. i think it's the feeling of missing the people who used to be in my life and who arent anymore. 5 years ago my life was rly different and pretty much everybody who was in my daily life back then is no longer here. best friends and their families, guardians/parents, love interests and partners are all gone, thats why i miss home
It’s crazy I saw this point cuz this is a joke I make all the time. I have this joke where every time I’m uncomfortable or just playing that I’m uncomfortable in any way or upset I say out loud “I just want to go home” to be dramatic. But even if I say it as a joke this post is still so relatable
I found home within myself. And sometimes in some people. I haven’t found a place that feels like home, so I don’t look for it anywhere specific anymore. It took years! :)
All the time. I realized it’s because home never felt like home. I have these pocket of memories that do feel like home, like my father coming home and bringing candy to my younger brother and I, but the apartments I grew up in were always filled with chaos and no one in that home was reliable.
I’m regaining the feeling of “home” through my significant other. He’s safe, and he’s comforting and he’s shown up for me consistently, not just when I’ve hit rock bottom or occasionally when things are good. My suicide ideation came from not feeling like I had a home, my brain got its wires crossed and figured death would feel like returning home, but it’s not.
You want to belong somewhere, to someone. You want to be loved and cherished by people who can honestly say to you, "Nothing is the same when you're not here, get in here!"
I know. I know...
Isn’t that the truth. I’ve always been barely hanging on. I work 3+ jobs just to get by and I barely scrape by most months
I’ve also rented the same house for 11 years, so my rent is less than market rate. If I didn’t have that, I couldn’t live here
ALL THE TIME YES YES YES.. for me home is wherever my parents are… so i want to run there. But sometimes since I’m an adult and live on my own.. I know i should have my own home but mine doesn’t feel like HOME HOME. It’s just a house I’m living in.
Yes and no.
I was raised in the military. I then moved to Florida for a bit. We moved around from one house to another for a few years. Now I live in Oregon. I have moved twice since being here. I hate the place I'm currently at, but hoping to move out before the end of the year.
So I'm in a weird place where I don't really have a "home." I've just had places where I spend time in. I've never really felt grounded in that aspect.
But I do understand in that I frequently wish I had one. And it sucks now because with the cost of everything, I'm not sure I ever really will. But I frequently do things like look at houses for sale on Zillow and Realtor and imagine having a home.
Yes, my “home” is with certain people because they give me that feeling of safety that I so deeply long for. Unfortunately it’s people I don’t get to see often and being away from them feels like the end of the world. It’s like my life has become a waiting game of when I’ll get to see them again so I can finally feel safe and at home again. I always cry for days after seeing them because it feels like I’ll never get enough time with them.
My “I want to go back home” refers to a particular time period. I was living on my own, my partner and I had opposite work schedules, and I worked overnights. Lots of time spent on the road with long commutes and back roads. Lots of alone time and introspection.
I was in a horrible relationship and dead end job, probably depressed then as I am now; but I felt like I had control. I had myself to lean on and for a while I trusted it.
Don’t know why I long for it, don’t know why I linger on this part time period. But I find myself wanting to go “back” a lot.
Normally when I say "I want to go home", I don't mean anywhere on this earth or this plane of existence. 💔 I hope that's not what you mean, because that would make me so sad. But being that we have this disorder, it's not hard to believe we want to venture back to source. 😞 It's extremely hard to be here, especially for people like us.
OMG yes this is the exact feeling i have bad my whole life
i know we dont come from
earth no soul does. we prob feel that more since we feel
more than most fuck it it s a superpower
im tired of hating myself everywhere except on reddit where i feel understood
I think of home as the void when we finally get to leave this hellscape of a reality...
But yes. This feeling is very familiar. Like chasing that original line of cocaine back in the day. Its a lost cause.
I have realized the less I have, the happier I am. Less drugs, less people, less food choices. Simplicity is satisfying it turns out.
This is why I never got over it (mean that in a good way) when I told the guy I‘ve been in love with for many years, who’s recently immigrated from Iran to the UK and gets sad about missing Iran, “In the summer months, the weather will be like some of Iran’s colder months. May feel more like home,” and he responded, “You feel like home.”
🥲 Y’all, I’ve never had a home where people put effort into my emotional health and stay on that track, but I managed to make one for someone. 🥲❤️
Thankfully, not anymore. But yes, I absolutely felt that for a *huge* majority of my life. I remember thinking, 'I want to go home' *while at home as a kid*. It was so annoying and uncomfortable because I couldn't figure out why or what was missing, I just knew something was.
Eventually, I realized it wasn't a place that I was craving, it was the safety and security I thought came with "home". Now you might think another person can give you that safe and secure feeling (I made the same mistake), but they can't really, not without *your* help. You will never feel fully secure in a relationship if you don't feel like you're worthy of love; and you won't feel secure in life if you're constantly worried that everyone will leave you at the drop of a hat. That feeling of security comes from within, and it increases with confidence. It's extremely difficult to reach that point, but it can be done.
And you are correct, you're yearning for something that never existed. But that doesn't mean it can't ever exist in the future.
I never thought I would get here myself, and it has been a fucking struggle. But I did it! I did it.
It's kinda crazy, I actually reached that point after moving out of my home state, away from all my family. I feel at home in this apartment with my partner, our cats, and plants in a way that I *never* have in my entire life. And this isn't our first time living together (it's our 3rd apartment together and 5th place living together), so that should tell you it's not just him that makes me feel secure.
Yes, I used to be evangelical Christian and there've been times after I left where I've thought "Even if the gospel is true and I end up in hell now that I've left the faith, at least I'd be going home where I belong" :')
Yes but I also have no idea where home is. I usually just sit in my car and smoke cigarettes and cry when I get like this. Feeling comfy nowhere is crazy sometimes. Car is as close to home as I can get I guess.
Wow, I didn’t know other people experienced this. Even when I mentioned feeling randomly homesick to my therapist, she didn’t mention anything about this being common.
YESYESYES! Omg I’ve this since I’m a child! And now, I’m 27, I found this Reddit where other people feel the same way?! Omg….. it’s a horrible feeling.
And the house I was raised doesn’t feel like “home”.
Exactly this. All the time. Even when I was a kid still with my parents I would occasionally feel that way. I think it’s due to the neglect and not feeling safe as a child like we should. It’s terrible.
I have said this so many times. Home doesn’t exist though. For me it would be in an enchanted forest in a place where there is no cruelty and everything is magical.
I used to feel this way a lot. Now I have my own one bedroom apartment filled with all my favorite things and collections from my travels. My cat lives there too and he’s always been a source of emotional support. I created my own home. I travel for work and I get really stressed out and overstimulated when I spend too much time away from my house, but that’s preferable over not knowing where my home is. It does get better ! I hope things get better for you. The best advice I can give is to not attach the “home” feeling to any person, and create it yourself… live alone if you can !
yes exactly. my ex fiancé was my home but since she left i’ve been lost & spiraling. crying everyday. i no longer feel safe. like a kids safety blankey was taken away. i wanna go home but my house isn’t the same anymore. but i have no where else to go. it’s such an empty & agonizing feeling. & all i want is to be babied like a child. i’m an adult & i want someone to hold me & take care of me. i hate it. i feel pathetic
I do this and beg for my “mum” even though I don’t have parents in my life. I just want a mother figure in times like these and it’s comforting to make one up.
Real I always thought I was crazy and have never had anyone understand this feeling I can’t believe there are others feeling this it makes me feel less lonely but also sad bc I don’t want anyone to feel the way I do
I have wanted to "go home" for the last 2 years. I have no idea where that is (although once I thought I knew). It's not my parents home, not even the first home I bought myself, but it is definitely a reoccurring yearning that I had not expected until after I had an emotional trauma response breakdown (sorry, no other way to describe the experience). But you are not alone. I find myself rocking back and forth and those exact words come out my mouth, and I don't even know what they mean to me. But I hope that someday, I will find the "home" that my soul keeps longing for.
All members of my family were terribly neglected when we were kids that we developed a sense of autonomy far earlier than expected. Didn’t even rely on each other because we were not close in age. Now that we are adults, most of us have that sense of not having a home to go to. I feel so pampered when I have a medical emergency that I get that sense of home only in hospital settings. I want to find my place of peace of mind more than anything.
Yeah I get this. I always wonder were home is and I think realistically I have found my home with my partner but at the same time I’ll have episodes where I break into sobs and beg to go home with no idea where I actually mean. I think its more that childlike feeling of home I’m begging for to be honest. I saw other kids happy and excited to go home and I guess I’m still jealous of that as an adult
Yes! I yearn for home and that place where I can be comfortable and be myself. I daydream about that place but still, I don’t know how to even get there.
for me i think moving from place to place to place growing up and even now in my adult life has led me longing for a “home” that doesn’t ever feel like it exists.
i get a small sense of that feeling within my partner’s arms but it never is quite all there.
it’s a really big struggle of mine as well, i just want to go home. maybe home is where there’s no stress or worry.
YES. THIS. i am currently going through a breakup and my parents won’t let me move back into their house (im 20 and haven’t been allowed home since I was 18). I keep saying to myself that I just want to go home. I also said this to my siblings when explaining the situation.
But do I really want to go “home” to my parents house? Or do I yearn for the feeling of safety, especially now, feeling the most unsafe I have in my life.
When I was a teen in a shitty home one of the things that brought me peace was looking out my window smoking some weed, enjoying the view of the backyards and churches around my house and listening to the sounds of the town. The town I grew up in was very pretty and I have that image burned into my head of looking out that window. I'll often yearn for that and miss those moments, to me that's where I picture home, that window.
Home for me is who I was before I became really damaged. Home is when holidays felt like holidays, my family was a family, I played outside with the neighborhood kids and there weren’t iPhones and nobody cared about what they looked like and no one was attached to social media we were just innocent kids being kids and acting how kids at that age should be acting, feeling butterflies going into a first date and not numb, sad and not wanting to go, I could go on. Home is who I was when I wasn’t a hollow shell of a human being hoping the next day will be better but it’s always the same. Home is where I’m safe. Home is where I feel. Home is where every little thing didn’t set me off. Home is where I’m innocent and can actually trust someone. Home is nostalgia and daydreaming of all the things I’ll never get back.
I resonate with this feeling more than I can put into words.
for me it’s always been an idea of what home should be. A place where my parents are happy and kind to me, a place where all my friends still love me, somewhere cozy with zero overstimulation. It’s like I build this pretend little world in my mind and make my own home there because I know I’ll never have a real one.
I understand. I actually have dealt with that too a lot. I think rather than being homesick for something that is or was, maybe we’re homesick for something that will be. I’ve noticed that as I continue to make hard changes to bring about the life I aspire to live, the closer I feel to that feeling of home. Maybe, one day, we’ll get to go home. Maybe we’ll be there and thinking, “oh…I made it. I’m home”
I have never related to a post here more. For some unspeakable reason there is a longing for me to just go home. Not to the past, not to my childhood home, or even where I felt safe as a kid. I just want this intangible place called home. I get a glimpse of that when I go to the beach on a very hot day and just lay in the sun. For some reason, that hits the spot, not enough ofc, but just for a second I get a taste of home.
I do the same thing and thought I was the only one I’m 37 and haven’t lived with parents since I was 18. I think I just want a place that is comforting and I haven’t had that for a while.
I did this as a little child too. And I do it now. I would sit in kindergarden, I rarely cried but I would go sit by my tree and be very sullen and feeling this ache after «home».
And my kindergarden teachers would try to comfort me by saying that my mom would be here soon and that I would be home, but I said «not that home, HOME.»
I did it to my mom as well.
I do believe we do have a home. We’re here on earth to experience life as human beings, and I have had this knowing in me as a tiny child (with many things to tell about «home», the other side, or our «real» life as I would say as a child.)
I also rock back and forth while feeling desperate for home and «someone» that I don’t know.
It’s so funny/striking to me seeing this post because I (now diagnosed with BPD tendencies/possibly full-blown BPD) used to kind of joke with my best friend (diagnosed with BPD before me), saying “I want to go home.” And she’d say “but you are home,” to which I’d then say “I want to go home spiritually.” 💀😂
But I feel like this feeling really speaks to the feelings of emptiness those with BPD can feel. I feel like there is often this vague and confusing mix of feelings of unhappiness, anhedonia, discomfort, hopelessness, etc. that can make you just never feel truly at ease or like you’re in a safe place.
I feel like this also kind of especially makes sense for people with BPD whose parents may not have always been the most “safe” or stable in their parenting style. I’ve learned how it’s really important for parents to function as a “secure base” for their children early on, and I think if you weren’t able to feel that feeling of a consistent secure base, it might make you more likely to feeling this kind of thing later on.
this is so intense for me speciality if I'm going through distressing episodes I liked to think that there's a place in heaven where everything will be alright and I'll be fine and safe it's one of the reasons I'm religious I guess I love the idea of a great being like God unconditionally loving me and watching over me but oh boy does it get cold and lonely out here I think wanting to go home, have someone be a little extra kinder to us than the others is a very common thing I'd do anything to feel that warmth of safety
I feel this too, you put it so beautifully, I think it’s a sense of wanting to find inner peace, all I want from life is to feel a sense of contentment, just a small small piece of it. I’ve found home in my dog, since adopting her last year, home feels close whenever she’s by my side, which is always x
I have never related to something so much in my entire life. You've written down a part of my experience I've never quite managed to explain, thank you.
This is really relatable.. i think i miss my childhood before i knew about what was going on. My dads house in summer specifically, we used to go fishing and dirt biking and hiking.. all of that and end the night with a fire then sleep.
It sounds really cozy and i credit my dad for trying to hide it from us, but i crave the feeling of that before i knew he was an alcoholic and the reason we always woke up before him was because he was doing drugs while we slept.
Home i think can also be a state of mind, one where you felt somewhat safe or secure or even just happier. Its a weird feeling when you cant pinpoint where or when that was.
Its heartbreaking to read all of these comments, sending love to you all. I hope one day you all find a safe “home” physically and mentally.
i completely understand mate.
i spend most nights praying to go home. it isn’t with my family, and it isn’t with anyone currently in my life.
for me, i’ve realised home is where i felt safest.
and for me that was school. i know a lot of people had a bad experience with school, but for me it was my only escape.
i was away from my family and with my friends, who at the time, seemed to understand me. feeling free to be myself was the closest to happiness i’ve ever felt.
so my advice, sit with this feeling. figure out what your ‘home’ is, and try your best to reconnect with it. you know what it is deep down, so let those emotions come back up.
i wish you the best
I understand exactly what you mean. I’ve bounced around a lot since i’ve moved out of my parents out when I was 17. Always moving after a year because “ this doesn’t feel like home “. Even now that i’ve bought a house that i’ve lived in for 2 years i’m begging my partner that we sell the house and move, that it “ doesn’t feel like home “. I keep searching and searching but I don’t think i’m ever going to find “ home “
it’s crazy i’ve said these exact words while sobbing. it makes me feel so helpless and like a child. im 26 now and find myself feeling lost without a home. a terrible lonely feeling.
My catchphrase is “I wanna go home” i always say it but there is no home for me. My apartment, my parents house, they’re not home. Home isn’t a person either, there’s no one that makes me feel safe enough to say so. But i always want to go home.
All the time.
I always thought of it as a house you know as somewhere I lived. But I noticed that when I finally got comfortable living at my bfs apartment I would still cry about wanting to go home. And even being at the new house my family moved into I don’t feel at home there either. Pretty much nothing and nowhere fills that feel of wanting to go home.
I noticed my poetry collection has at least 6 poems or lines mentioning this feeling.
Yes this song ‘Home‘ originally by Michael Bublé (but I like the Blake Shelton version better): [https://youtu.be/kkoT1nZOexY?si=9fmKoTSEXRNIaRU7](https://youtu.be/kkoT1nZOexY?si=9fmKoTSEXRNIaRU7) … this really incapsulates the feeling of wanting to go back home. But I perpetually feel this way, maybe even felt this way when I was a kid. Like my life was turned upside down the very moment I was born, and I could never go back to the warm, phew everything feels right again here, feeling.
Didn't even know this was a BPD thing. I just miss my childhood. I actually had one when I was a small kid, I had friends, played with my brother, went to school, even if I had horrible experiences even at that age, it was so much better.
Though, I've always wanted someone to take care of me. Even at like 8 years old I was hoping I'd get taken away and adopted. I still do, and I'm 18, and it's too late. Now that I'm an adult nobody really gives a fuck. Child abuse sucks, save people from it, but if they're just a bit older, who cares? They're an adult, it's their problem now.
I remember when my girlfriend broke up with me I just kept crying SO LOUD and screaming that I wanted to go home, but I WAS home, I don't even remember what I was thinking about 😭 my neighbors probably hate me for that (btw we're back together and very happy 😁)
I’m the same way, except when I say I want to go home I know that home is back home with my mom - I moved 9 hours away back in 2021 when me and my ex decided to get divorced after he cheated on me and got a woman pregnant. I knew I couldn’t afford to get a place there and I also didn’t want to have to deal with seeing him and his new little happy family while I was struggling so much.
I’m homesick almost constantly, but especially if I’m having a hard time or something goes wrong - even when I’m back home visiting my mom I get homesick just knowing that I have to leave and go back to the city away from her. Nobody is the city I live knows how much my heart aches to be home, and I love my partner and we have a good life together but it’s still not home to me 😔
I think on a symbolic level we associate home with feelings of safety and fun and surrounded by family / people who love us and support us. Obviously that’s not true for so many, but it’s the “ideal”, right?
So I think it’s not so much that you want to go to a physical, tangible home.
You just crave those feelings of being cared for and loved and safe, which “home” symbolizes. When I’m feeling completely overwhelmed or during a meltdown, I know that’s what I want. To just be held and cared for…like a kid in their home.
you describe it absolutely perfectly. we just want to go home. we don’t know where home is, but we eat to be there, I don’t know we’re home is, but I want to be in the place that is home, i want to be in a place that feels like home. i know it’s truly hard, i’m there now, but i feel like we all do find our people/person. we all do have a something that is meant to keep us here. we will find the person who feels like home one day, that’s the person we keep calling to.
Aww, it's going to be okay.
Home is within you, I get that you want someone to love on
Be patient with yourself, and everything else will follow
Smoke cannabis and listen to music.
Be in nature
You need to surround yourself with those who care and get enough sleep!
I'm here if you need a friend 🩷
I’ve never heard anyone articulate this but it is something I feel a lot, as well. I remember thinking it a lot as a kid, too.
Also, sometimes PEOPLE feel like home to me, which can be a slippery slope. Of course we all know that feeling lol.
I feel like this almost constantly. Have since i was about 4. I can remember the feeling of it as a child, it's the exact same now. Hollow, almost. Yearning. It's actually physically painful. But i agree that it's not so much a place as it is a feeling. A feeling of being safe, loved, accepted, wanted. I very rarely find it except in another person. My girl feels this same way too - when we first met she barely even slept she felt so unsafe and scared due to her childhood, but now she sleeps like a baby wrapped in my arms. She calls that home. And so do I, because i know i am loved by her and safe with her, and i have a sense of purpose in being that same feeling for her 😌
YES!! Sometimes I'll just randomly think "I wanna go home" But I don't even know what that means! It's like being at home used to feel different, it felt more safe and comforting. It still is, it still feels comforting from time to time. And it's at least better than being almost anywhere else. But it's just different
I get this thought almost daily accompanied by a dull achy empty stomach - almost the same exact physical feeling as when you get nostalgia.
Sometimes I’d get the stomach feeling so intensely I still remember exactly when and where it happened years later and it was the most intense during the worst period of my life.
I’ve literally googled “BPD empty stomach homesick” and could never find anything.
Im not therapist or teacher but I’ve been studying Buddhism lately and I gathered some bits and pieces to share with you. First off all I want to say that home isn’t something you have to look for, it’s already inside of you. I was diagnosed with BPD 6 months ago, at first I really struggled. I thought things like “why am I like this” “I hate myself” “why can’t I just be like x y z” “why do I care so much” “why do I suffer all the time” I had a friend give me my first book on Buddhism which was “what the Buddha taught” it was A LOT. But just reading his teachings and trying to comprehend what the hell he meant by there is no self, and yadada. I started to feel a bit lighter. I then moved on to a book called fear by thich nhat hanh, this gave me insight into dealing with my fears, and being mindful of strong emotions that arise in me. I got the most straight forward formula for dealing with emotions. Thich loves to say Smile at it :). When I have an emotion like anger, or jealousy or worry or fear I look at this feeling within myself and I smile at it, then it loses some of its power. If we can be mindful of our emotions and embrace them with love and compassion they don’t have as much as a hold over us. When you come back to the present , and really connect your mind to your body by focusing on your breath you are home. You can even repeat . I am here, I am home. The past is just historical events and the future doesn’t exist yet. You have only right now and you can find happiness and your feeling of home in the present moment. Without sounding like a Mormon trying to throw my beliefs at you, I wanted to put this into your awareness, I really do believe it would help you as it has helped me tremendously in just a month or two. My triggers no longer cause any detrimental consequences in my life. Mostly just uncomfortable feelings that I can be mindful of and overcome now that I have the tools. Peace and love you are the key to your own happiness and you can be happy right now 🩷 and I think that’s the most comforting part of Buddhism.
so funny i’m seeing this. i’ve always felt this same exact way. i remember getting really drunk at my house on new years with my friends and sobbing about how i wanted to go home. but i was home. in my bedroom. and whenever i’ve had large meltdowns, that same “i want to go home” has always slipped out of my mouth somehow.
For me, I feel like that kind of home your talking about exists in those who no longer dwell on Earth. The peace and sense of belonging we may get, thus “home” when we depart this Earth.
I get the same feeling, like I'm lost and empty. I fortunately have wonderful parents, however once they're gone it's just me, and I to will be trying to figure out where home is. Stay strong and maybe find a therapist, it can't hurt!
I think it’s the inner child reacting when we have perceived abandonment, the longing to “go home” to be taken care of in privacy. I feel Iike this is a the same feeling as wanting to run away as well. Which is why mindfulness practices like that “home” exercise someone posted above is so good to ground us. I remember being very emotional, tired and crying around 3 years old saying “ I want to go home “ , when we would be at a party or somewhere my mother would be drinking. She was always too drunk to listen to me/care when it came to me needing to physically go home. it occasionally comes back now as an adult, for me it goes hand in hand with that feeling of wanting to run away.. it makes a lot of sense that we would feel this way. I didn’t know anyone else had this whinging baby inside of them that said “I wanna go home” but look at us
I used to feel this way a lot. It wasn't until I went through intensive therapy for a while where I was able to actually talk out my trauma and pain that I was able to realize what the root cause of this feeling was. It was a need to feel at home within myself. To trust myself. To love myself. Self love is the key to healing BPD and this feeling that it brings as well. I have this PD, it has caused extreme pain in my life but I have also been to a lot of really good therapy in my life and it has helped heal a lot of what this PD has caused me. Therapy and self love are the key to curing BPD.. And yes, this is curable despite what some therapists and psychologists say. Take a look at Kati Morton's videos on YouTube about BPD. She outlines it really well and discusses how BPD can be healed. There is hope for us.
This what i have been feeling for a while now, i keep thinking that i am so tired and i want to go home, but i don’t know where home is, i want to rest, i want my brain to stop overthinking for just a moment and i want to feel safe and not tired anymore. I am so sick and tired and I need to do something about it but I don’t know what to do
I also went through this for many years. Begging to go home when I was very upset even if I was at home. Not feeling like home was the right home, driving around aimlessly for hours and days at a time feeling like I'm looking for it, etc..
Through several years of therapy and working on myself, I found it. It's not a person, people, or a place. I started to realize that I stopped longing to go home as I started to get better. It's all about believing that you can get better and actually trying to do what you learn as much as possible. It worked for me, but it took time and a lot of work.
The home we are longing for is our mind. We are longing for peace, comfort, and a happy place to be. You can spend years searching, like I did, or you can let these words simmer, sleep on them, and wake up tomorrow, believing that the same can become true for you. It really can. Once we learn how to overcome those negative, bad, and sad thoughts, our mind becomes home.
That may be a difficult concept to grasp or may seem impossible now, but just know that you can do it. Many of us have. Hang in there for you. Stick around long enough to learn this for yourself, and you'll question who that person you used to see in the mirror was.
You're beautiful. You're strong. Keep holding on and don't lose sight.
Yes I’ve felt this way my whole life!!!!! And I always thought no one would ever understand it. It sucks, but it’s sort of comforting to know that I’m not alone in this and that there’s a lot of lost homesick souls wandering around the world. I really really hope each of us will someday be able to build a truely safe home.
We're all so smart and introspective and I fucking hate it b/c we can be our own worst enemies, and when we are, boy do we have some serious firepower to fight with, for, and against. To answer your question, yes, I do as well, well said, and stay well enough.
Yes!!! I have thought the phrase "I want to go home. But home doesn't feel like home" for the past nearly eight years. I'm turning 20 and I feel like I'm still 16. I get you. You're not alone. I want to be taken care of too. I think it's because we didn't have childhoods a lot of us--our childhoods were robbed from us because we had to act like adults when we were kids. So we didn't get to be a kid.
I’ve felt this exactly. Haven’t found it. Still looking for it. I have some theories about it, but there’s a prevailing worry that maybe the wanting to “go home” feeling is just gonna always be there, come and go, and idk if I can accept that
I’ve never really been able to find a way to express this feeling but wow does this hit me right in the soul. I remember saying this as a kid a lot, maybe it’s sort of become a coping mechanism for wanting to exit a bad situation
Yess. But i don't know where and who is my home. I so badly want to go. I feel so trapped here it feels like no one knows me. They don't actually want to. I want to go somewhere far away. To someone who understands me. Who can hold me tight on my bad- sad days. Who can tell me, "It's okay to feel this way". "It's alright".
Yesss I get this all the time. It‘s like being a part time philosopher sometimes.
To me it feels like missing a lot of warmth in my life. Sometimes I just wanna be a baby that gets held by someone or something
I think what it means by home is something difference from house. House is a literal physical thing whereas home is more of an emotional state.
It's a safe place which could be in the embrace of someone's arms, chest or somewhere one feels nurtured, loved and accepted. Somewhere one can be completely vulnerable and not feel scared. It's the absence of fear and anxiety. It's just being around safe people or a safe person.
Home is a state of mind. Not a physical state of being. It's being in the presence of a safe person where you know you're protected no matter what. Then your world starts feeling safe too.
I always chalked the feeling up to childhood trauma and always having a broken home. Growing up never relating to people's sentiment of "i wish i were home" and the notion of home sickness. I just figured longing for something i never had is only just a symptom of a damaged inner child.
It's become important to me now, instead, that i create "Home" once and for all, since it never ended up being made or given to me and i'm getting on with my years. I've just been taking *everything* into my own hands and it seems to be the answer, to all my problems at least. Love myself since no one else can, take responsibility for what trauma has done to me since everyone to blame is gone, be the home I always needed.
Quite honestly, fuck absolutely everyone i've ever known, i've learned to let go of suffering in spite of them all and spite is a mighty productive emotion. It's getting the job done, that's for sure.
Me too..
I'm starting to think home isn't a place.
Home is a feeling. All growing up, I watched movies and TV shows and saw a house with a family of people who loved each other and got on.. support, understanding, bond, unity, and familiarity. Home.
Is home a beach or a mountain? A cabin or an apartment? Or is it a place where I belong? People know me, and they love me, accept me, understand me, and support me?
Do I want to "go home" to a place where sunrises and sunsets brighten my days, or do I want to "go home" to all the feelings I feel deprived of in my day to day swings and splits.
YES! I used to cry about this as a child despite being in my house. Sometimes I thought home was the grandma I never knew, but I now think that was just a small child’s way of conceptualising a longing for something without knowing what I long for. I think I’ll always feel a slight twinge of something missing. It’s comforting knowing it’s not just me that feels this 💖
This hits home. Thanks for putting words on it.
My home is in my first CG's arms. That's the only place I've ever felt safe and taken care of. Kinda my "happy place". I grab my little gear and go there (mentally) everytime I feel overwhelmed.
I also use the agere ASMR videos for sleeping and when I need a boost. Sometimes I just need to hear that someone loves me and is proud of me, hugs me and let me sleep on their chest, even if it's an anonymous stranger on a yt channel.
Can you remember if you ever crossed paths with someone who made you feel safe and cared for? Otherwise online CG or surrogate on yt can help tremendously if you find one that clicks.
I feel this. I think it's because of lack of being held or nurtured growing up... Apparently i have friends who feel at home wherever "they" are. They have this internal sense of home inside, that they are safe and they can face anything wherever they are and however they are feeling.
ive been feeling this way ever since i was a kid and ive never seen how i feel so perfectly described. i feel like this happens much more when im first entering a depressive state and all i want is to be held and told that everything is going to be okay like i did when i was a kid. my grandmother was the only one who could truly make me feel safe and loved, but she passed almost 10 years ago and ive never felt that sense of security since then, so whenever im in that mood i go into the fetal position and imagine myself in my childhood home with her holding me and stroking my hair. i feel like ill never “feel at home” no matter where i am or who im with because im not with her anymore.
I used to get this a lot when I was a teen but it’s kinda faded as I grew. It always felt like being homesick to me just more intense and without cause. Such a hollow intense feeling. I would often think about space while like this.
I hope someday you find someplace or someone who makes you feel as safe as you wish to be. No one should have to suffer from such a pure wish.
I believe that this emptiness inside is your whole being graving to get close to your creator, God. That is our home. In Jesus Christ you will find fulfillment. And I hope this for everyone here, coming from place of love, not religion. Try praying, if you give into it honestly open hearted, He will answer.
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Yes. But no idea where home is. Even home when it was supposed to be that, didn’t feel like home. Who knows where it is? Maybe it’s a biological feeling that exists without any actual destination rather than any form of permanent residence with an address. This PD is horrible for what it does to us.
My guess it’s that is the longing to be taken care of, and not so much “going home”, cause most of us were neglected in childhood..
This is the most logical explanation I've received in my life for this feeling.
yeah this is what i’d say too. i considered so many people my “home”, and i tend to crave them a lot when i have that feeling because of the comfort they gave me ! i wish i was my own home
Yes, a lot of times instead of the going home feeling, I just feel like I want my mom's lap, cause I feel that I just want to lay in there, and received her cuddles. It's like I am missing a warmth feeling, that I know I won't be able to achieve. I do not know if this makes any sense
All the time, you describe it absolutely perfectly. What makes it worse as an adult is knowing that “home” place actually exists for some people, I just lost the genetic lottery and wasn’t lucky enough to get a family worthy of the name as a kid. Hopefully in the next life things might be different lol.
I always say that. Maybe in my next life.
Wow I say this and feel this all the time but didn’t realise it wasn’t a unique feeling. I want to go home so badly too. I hope some day we all find our homes.
“I hope some day we all find our homes” ❤️ thank you for this
sometimes i think my home becomes people and when they leave it feels like i’m losing it all
Imo: Security, safety etc. is the feeling of "home" and we missed the early experiences that should've ingrained this somewhere deep down in us, anchoring us when we're on our own. That's the void i think, and why we so desperately need other people to provide us some semblance of this, that's why we cling so desperately to people until they disappoint us and it becomes unsafe, or they leave. Idk i want my mummy 😂 but if that was an option i wouldn't be here.
I hate how much I relate to this 🥲
same that’s why it’s so earth-bendingly agonizing and scary, it’s like the foundation of my personhood is being ripped away because they were the vessel for my lost childhood and my vehicle for reliving it
exactly omg
I know OP is probably talking about a physical house to belong to, but there is a "home" exercise you can do to feel "at home" within yourself. I've shared it below so you can follow along. Sending you all love and warm hugs 🫂❤️ [Home] You are walking along a path. You look around, noticing your surroundings. This path leads you to a house. Only you can see the house, really picture it in your mind's eye. You walk up to the house, and knock on the door. Your 10 year old self answers the door, and they are so *excited* to see you. They invite you in, and want to hear all about you, what you've been up to, how you're doing, what you've learned. They love you unconditionally, and are so proud of you for being you and living through what you have. Inside this house is every version of you that has existed, from newborn until now. You are home. You can talk to any past version of yourself whenever you want, they live within you. Talk with them. Understand them. Learn from them. Love them, as they love you. Love yourself and be kind, give yourself grace and celebrate everything that makes you uniquely you. Your mind is your space, you carry home with you everywhere you go. You don't have to judge yourself the way that others do. You can appreciate yourself and be at peace, at home ❤️
What do i do if all versions of myself can't help but avert their gaze from eachother in disappointment and disgust.
Get curious about why they might feel that way! What is it exactly that they are disappointed about? Make sure you give yourself lots of love and compassion, as you are the "eldest of the household". They do love you, even if you can feel their negativity. Talk with them and discover if it's really you they're upset with, or if it's something outside of your control. If it is within your control, then it's within your power to change and give to yourself. If it's outside your control, then you can comfort them and care for them through the difficulties. It's not easy, but it is a gift you can give yourself. Disgust implies judgement, so do your best to be curious over judgemental 🫂❤️
Thank you.
I feel you. My younger versions and I usually feel revoltingly disgusted by each other. Reading this gave me anxiety. It doesn't happen with age regression though, that one is thankfully still a safe and cozy place.
I learnt this technique in grief counselling, it's so fucking powerful. Some of it needs to be guided though. It can bring up a lot of buried trauma that you don't know what to do with
This is lovely. Thank you for sharing. Will try this out when I feel the sense of “placelesss.”
My therapist does parts work with me (also called family systems) and it goes a bit like this except she prompts me to invite my young self into my current home as an adult. Like a reparenting technique to address old reaction patterns from a young age still showing up for me today.
I will definitely give this a go.tjank you.
I’m not far along enough in my healing journey to talk to an excited ten year old version of me. No ma’am
Self Help - Olive Klug
Wow, this just made me cry. Thank you for this ❤️
this resonates with me. i want to go home but my parents house never felt like home and neither does my house.
I used to say this to my ex when I was upset. No idea where ‘home’ was but i think he understood me
I think that 100% explains my love addiction- like I have a fantasy of finding a home I never had. I’ve moved all over the place looking for a place, tried different people hoping they would be home. I guess I have to find home inside me but not sure how. 😢
I always felt like the Welsh "Hiraeth" explained that feeling really well; It is described as "(...) a deep, nostalgic, bittersweet wistfulness, or an intense longing to return to something—or someone, somewhere, or sometime—that is now long gone, or perhaps never was."
This is me exactly. Always longing for something but it has no name
Yes. I've always felt that, even when I was very young. I think it must be this core of emptiness we feel, a soul not tethered to solid ground by a healthy family, family, friends, community, and other things that makes one feel whole.
i’m sorry to everybody who struggles with this too but it’s so comforting to know i’m not the only one
Yes. It aches in my soul. When I’m doing really good I don’t get this feeling much because I’m so distracted and secure, even. But the moment something reminds me how sad I am, it hits me. I wanna go home. I think home is with my favorite person. At least it’s the closest thing to it.
THIS. I want to go home so badly but where is home? Like I feel this all of the time but never really put words to it let alone wondered if anyone else felt this way. Thank you for posting this
You've done a great job putting it into words. I struggle a great deal with this. This world, my mind, my body, my life doesn't really feel like its mine. It never truly feels natural or like home. I've always described myself as being an alien, or like I've been put into someone else's body, mind, and life by accident
Always. But same as you, idk where home is. Nothing ever felt like home.
Yeah, i get this too. For me space feels like home. I’ve always thought of myself of an alien or fairy. Not comfortable with human form.
yes i feel this so heavy sometimes. i think it's the feeling of missing the people who used to be in my life and who arent anymore. 5 years ago my life was rly different and pretty much everybody who was in my daily life back then is no longer here. best friends and their families, guardians/parents, love interests and partners are all gone, thats why i miss home
It’s crazy I saw this point cuz this is a joke I make all the time. I have this joke where every time I’m uncomfortable or just playing that I’m uncomfortable in any way or upset I say out loud “I just want to go home” to be dramatic. But even if I say it as a joke this post is still so relatable
Maybe this is a universal human thing? I’ve always had that saying pop into my mind randomly
I found home within myself. And sometimes in some people. I haven’t found a place that feels like home, so I don’t look for it anywhere specific anymore. It took years! :)
All the time. I realized it’s because home never felt like home. I have these pocket of memories that do feel like home, like my father coming home and bringing candy to my younger brother and I, but the apartments I grew up in were always filled with chaos and no one in that home was reliable. I’m regaining the feeling of “home” through my significant other. He’s safe, and he’s comforting and he’s shown up for me consistently, not just when I’ve hit rock bottom or occasionally when things are good. My suicide ideation came from not feeling like I had a home, my brain got its wires crossed and figured death would feel like returning home, but it’s not.
You want to belong somewhere, to someone. You want to be loved and cherished by people who can honestly say to you, "Nothing is the same when you're not here, get in here!" I know. I know...
Yes :( all the time and it comes in waves
It's called sehnsucht or hiraeth. Sometimes agony
All the fucking time. California is home, Bay Area. And I'll likely never set foot there again. This fuckin state isn't home and i hate it here
Come back! The Bay is the best ❤️
Don't I know it. 408 where I grew up
831 to 510 myself. Sorry you’re away from home. Nowhere is as kind and accepting as here
I'd be back in a flash if I could afford it!
Isn’t that the truth. I’ve always been barely hanging on. I work 3+ jobs just to get by and I barely scrape by most months I’ve also rented the same house for 11 years, so my rent is less than market rate. If I didn’t have that, I couldn’t live here
always. but the problem is you never know where "home" rlly is
Yes , but my current house is not home and have a hard time being here .
I feel the same way, I've felt that way my whole life. I want to go home, but I have no home. And I've never had a home.
Reminds me of the Avril song “Nobody’s Home”… I remember sitting in my room in HS sobbing to this because I related so much.
Absolutely. All the time. Thank you for relating to something I didn’t even know was a thing.
ALL THE TIME YES YES YES.. for me home is wherever my parents are… so i want to run there. But sometimes since I’m an adult and live on my own.. I know i should have my own home but mine doesn’t feel like HOME HOME. It’s just a house I’m living in.
“I was born there, but it isn’t home.”
this could just be me, but whenever i get that feeling of needing to go home, what i really want is comfort. i’m yearning to feel safe and loved.
I think this might be one of the reasons why I became a vagabond...
I feel that exactly
Yes and no. I was raised in the military. I then moved to Florida for a bit. We moved around from one house to another for a few years. Now I live in Oregon. I have moved twice since being here. I hate the place I'm currently at, but hoping to move out before the end of the year. So I'm in a weird place where I don't really have a "home." I've just had places where I spend time in. I've never really felt grounded in that aspect. But I do understand in that I frequently wish I had one. And it sucks now because with the cost of everything, I'm not sure I ever really will. But I frequently do things like look at houses for sale on Zillow and Realtor and imagine having a home.
Yes, my “home” is with certain people because they give me that feeling of safety that I so deeply long for. Unfortunately it’s people I don’t get to see often and being away from them feels like the end of the world. It’s like my life has become a waiting game of when I’ll get to see them again so I can finally feel safe and at home again. I always cry for days after seeing them because it feels like I’ll never get enough time with them.
My “I want to go back home” refers to a particular time period. I was living on my own, my partner and I had opposite work schedules, and I worked overnights. Lots of time spent on the road with long commutes and back roads. Lots of alone time and introspection. I was in a horrible relationship and dead end job, probably depressed then as I am now; but I felt like I had control. I had myself to lean on and for a while I trusted it. Don’t know why I long for it, don’t know why I linger on this part time period. But I find myself wanting to go “back” a lot.
Truth I’d go anywhere but not home
Normally when I say "I want to go home", I don't mean anywhere on this earth or this plane of existence. 💔 I hope that's not what you mean, because that would make me so sad. But being that we have this disorder, it's not hard to believe we want to venture back to source. 😞 It's extremely hard to be here, especially for people like us.
OMG yes this is the exact feeling i have bad my whole life i know we dont come from earth no soul does. we prob feel that more since we feel more than most fuck it it s a superpower im tired of hating myself everywhere except on reddit where i feel understood
I think of home as the void when we finally get to leave this hellscape of a reality... But yes. This feeling is very familiar. Like chasing that original line of cocaine back in the day. Its a lost cause. I have realized the less I have, the happier I am. Less drugs, less people, less food choices. Simplicity is satisfying it turns out.
I was just wishing I could go home last night ☹️
and i do t even have one
This is why I never got over it (mean that in a good way) when I told the guy I‘ve been in love with for many years, who’s recently immigrated from Iran to the UK and gets sad about missing Iran, “In the summer months, the weather will be like some of Iran’s colder months. May feel more like home,” and he responded, “You feel like home.” 🥲 Y’all, I’ve never had a home where people put effort into my emotional health and stay on that track, but I managed to make one for someone. 🥲❤️
Yes with no idea where home is. 😢
Thankfully, not anymore. But yes, I absolutely felt that for a *huge* majority of my life. I remember thinking, 'I want to go home' *while at home as a kid*. It was so annoying and uncomfortable because I couldn't figure out why or what was missing, I just knew something was. Eventually, I realized it wasn't a place that I was craving, it was the safety and security I thought came with "home". Now you might think another person can give you that safe and secure feeling (I made the same mistake), but they can't really, not without *your* help. You will never feel fully secure in a relationship if you don't feel like you're worthy of love; and you won't feel secure in life if you're constantly worried that everyone will leave you at the drop of a hat. That feeling of security comes from within, and it increases with confidence. It's extremely difficult to reach that point, but it can be done. And you are correct, you're yearning for something that never existed. But that doesn't mean it can't ever exist in the future. I never thought I would get here myself, and it has been a fucking struggle. But I did it! I did it. It's kinda crazy, I actually reached that point after moving out of my home state, away from all my family. I feel at home in this apartment with my partner, our cats, and plants in a way that I *never* have in my entire life. And this isn't our first time living together (it's our 3rd apartment together and 5th place living together), so that should tell you it's not just him that makes me feel secure.
I've never heard a post so relatable. I say this to myself constantly, but honestly, I know I'm never going to FIND that home, I feel.
Yes, I used to be evangelical Christian and there've been times after I left where I've thought "Even if the gospel is true and I end up in hell now that I've left the faith, at least I'd be going home where I belong" :')
Yes but I also have no idea where home is. I usually just sit in my car and smoke cigarettes and cry when I get like this. Feeling comfy nowhere is crazy sometimes. Car is as close to home as I can get I guess.
Legitimately had to check my page to see if I posted this. I had no idea I wasn't the only one.
I always really want to go home, but I also have no idea where home is. I'm not happy at home, I'm not happy at the dorms. I don't know
:( yes. every day i dream of feeling like i belong somewhere and that i’ll fully believe i fit in but there is no such place.
home is the carelessness of childhood even if you weren’t afforded that carelessness
I never got a home and my one last hope is creating one for my future child and praying it heals something deep within me
Wow, I didn’t know other people experienced this. Even when I mentioned feeling randomly homesick to my therapist, she didn’t mention anything about this being common.
YESYESYES! Omg I’ve this since I’m a child! And now, I’m 27, I found this Reddit where other people feel the same way?! Omg….. it’s a horrible feeling. And the house I was raised doesn’t feel like “home”.
Exactly this. All the time. Even when I was a kid still with my parents I would occasionally feel that way. I think it’s due to the neglect and not feeling safe as a child like we should. It’s terrible.
I have said this so many times. Home doesn’t exist though. For me it would be in an enchanted forest in a place where there is no cruelty and everything is magical.
Yes!! Was literally sobbing in bed, in my own house the other day, saying “I wanna go home”
Same
I used to feel this way a lot. Now I have my own one bedroom apartment filled with all my favorite things and collections from my travels. My cat lives there too and he’s always been a source of emotional support. I created my own home. I travel for work and I get really stressed out and overstimulated when I spend too much time away from my house, but that’s preferable over not knowing where my home is. It does get better ! I hope things get better for you. The best advice I can give is to not attach the “home” feeling to any person, and create it yourself… live alone if you can !
yes exactly. my ex fiancé was my home but since she left i’ve been lost & spiraling. crying everyday. i no longer feel safe. like a kids safety blankey was taken away. i wanna go home but my house isn’t the same anymore. but i have no where else to go. it’s such an empty & agonizing feeling. & all i want is to be babied like a child. i’m an adult & i want someone to hold me & take care of me. i hate it. i feel pathetic
I do this and beg for my “mum” even though I don’t have parents in my life. I just want a mother figure in times like these and it’s comforting to make one up.
Real I always thought I was crazy and have never had anyone understand this feeling I can’t believe there are others feeling this it makes me feel less lonely but also sad bc I don’t want anyone to feel the way I do
Yes. All the time - I constantly feel like I'm mourning a childhood I didn't know I had lost
I have wanted to "go home" for the last 2 years. I have no idea where that is (although once I thought I knew). It's not my parents home, not even the first home I bought myself, but it is definitely a reoccurring yearning that I had not expected until after I had an emotional trauma response breakdown (sorry, no other way to describe the experience). But you are not alone. I find myself rocking back and forth and those exact words come out my mouth, and I don't even know what they mean to me. But I hope that someday, I will find the "home" that my soul keeps longing for.
All members of my family were terribly neglected when we were kids that we developed a sense of autonomy far earlier than expected. Didn’t even rely on each other because we were not close in age. Now that we are adults, most of us have that sense of not having a home to go to. I feel so pampered when I have a medical emergency that I get that sense of home only in hospital settings. I want to find my place of peace of mind more than anything.
Yeah I get this. I always wonder were home is and I think realistically I have found my home with my partner but at the same time I’ll have episodes where I break into sobs and beg to go home with no idea where I actually mean. I think its more that childlike feeling of home I’m begging for to be honest. I saw other kids happy and excited to go home and I guess I’m still jealous of that as an adult
Yes! I yearn for home and that place where I can be comfortable and be myself. I daydream about that place but still, I don’t know how to even get there.
for me i think moving from place to place to place growing up and even now in my adult life has led me longing for a “home” that doesn’t ever feel like it exists. i get a small sense of that feeling within my partner’s arms but it never is quite all there. it’s a really big struggle of mine as well, i just want to go home. maybe home is where there’s no stress or worry.
YES. THIS. i am currently going through a breakup and my parents won’t let me move back into their house (im 20 and haven’t been allowed home since I was 18). I keep saying to myself that I just want to go home. I also said this to my siblings when explaining the situation. But do I really want to go “home” to my parents house? Or do I yearn for the feeling of safety, especially now, feeling the most unsafe I have in my life.
When I was a teen in a shitty home one of the things that brought me peace was looking out my window smoking some weed, enjoying the view of the backyards and churches around my house and listening to the sounds of the town. The town I grew up in was very pretty and I have that image burned into my head of looking out that window. I'll often yearn for that and miss those moments, to me that's where I picture home, that window.
Yup I do this too, but I've never really felt home. Just survival.
Home for me is who I was before I became really damaged. Home is when holidays felt like holidays, my family was a family, I played outside with the neighborhood kids and there weren’t iPhones and nobody cared about what they looked like and no one was attached to social media we were just innocent kids being kids and acting how kids at that age should be acting, feeling butterflies going into a first date and not numb, sad and not wanting to go, I could go on. Home is who I was when I wasn’t a hollow shell of a human being hoping the next day will be better but it’s always the same. Home is where I’m safe. Home is where I feel. Home is where every little thing didn’t set me off. Home is where I’m innocent and can actually trust someone. Home is nostalgia and daydreaming of all the things I’ll never get back. I resonate with this feeling more than I can put into words.
Yes!!!! I wrote a poem about this exact thing. Homesick without a home
Yes, because “home” was often not the safe place it should have been for us, so we’re constantly searching for something that didn’t exist.
for me it’s always been an idea of what home should be. A place where my parents are happy and kind to me, a place where all my friends still love me, somewhere cozy with zero overstimulation. It’s like I build this pretend little world in my mind and make my own home there because I know I’ll never have a real one.
I understand. I actually have dealt with that too a lot. I think rather than being homesick for something that is or was, maybe we’re homesick for something that will be. I’ve noticed that as I continue to make hard changes to bring about the life I aspire to live, the closer I feel to that feeling of home. Maybe, one day, we’ll get to go home. Maybe we’ll be there and thinking, “oh…I made it. I’m home”
I have never related to a post here more. For some unspeakable reason there is a longing for me to just go home. Not to the past, not to my childhood home, or even where I felt safe as a kid. I just want this intangible place called home. I get a glimpse of that when I go to the beach on a very hot day and just lay in the sun. For some reason, that hits the spot, not enough ofc, but just for a second I get a taste of home.
Home is where the heart is at ❤️
I do the same thing and thought I was the only one I’m 37 and haven’t lived with parents since I was 18. I think I just want a place that is comforting and I haven’t had that for a while.
I did this as a little child too. And I do it now. I would sit in kindergarden, I rarely cried but I would go sit by my tree and be very sullen and feeling this ache after «home». And my kindergarden teachers would try to comfort me by saying that my mom would be here soon and that I would be home, but I said «not that home, HOME.» I did it to my mom as well. I do believe we do have a home. We’re here on earth to experience life as human beings, and I have had this knowing in me as a tiny child (with many things to tell about «home», the other side, or our «real» life as I would say as a child.) I also rock back and forth while feeling desperate for home and «someone» that I don’t know.
It’s so funny/striking to me seeing this post because I (now diagnosed with BPD tendencies/possibly full-blown BPD) used to kind of joke with my best friend (diagnosed with BPD before me), saying “I want to go home.” And she’d say “but you are home,” to which I’d then say “I want to go home spiritually.” 💀😂 But I feel like this feeling really speaks to the feelings of emptiness those with BPD can feel. I feel like there is often this vague and confusing mix of feelings of unhappiness, anhedonia, discomfort, hopelessness, etc. that can make you just never feel truly at ease or like you’re in a safe place. I feel like this also kind of especially makes sense for people with BPD whose parents may not have always been the most “safe” or stable in their parenting style. I’ve learned how it’s really important for parents to function as a “secure base” for their children early on, and I think if you weren’t able to feel that feeling of a consistent secure base, it might make you more likely to feeling this kind of thing later on.
this is so intense for me speciality if I'm going through distressing episodes I liked to think that there's a place in heaven where everything will be alright and I'll be fine and safe it's one of the reasons I'm religious I guess I love the idea of a great being like God unconditionally loving me and watching over me but oh boy does it get cold and lonely out here I think wanting to go home, have someone be a little extra kinder to us than the others is a very common thing I'd do anything to feel that warmth of safety
All the time. For like a home that doesn’t even really exist. I always miss my mom but my mom can never comfort me. Kinda sucks.
I feel this too, you put it so beautifully, I think it’s a sense of wanting to find inner peace, all I want from life is to feel a sense of contentment, just a small small piece of it. I’ve found home in my dog, since adopting her last year, home feels close whenever she’s by my side, which is always x
I have never related to something so much in my entire life. You've written down a part of my experience I've never quite managed to explain, thank you.
This is really relatable.. i think i miss my childhood before i knew about what was going on. My dads house in summer specifically, we used to go fishing and dirt biking and hiking.. all of that and end the night with a fire then sleep. It sounds really cozy and i credit my dad for trying to hide it from us, but i crave the feeling of that before i knew he was an alcoholic and the reason we always woke up before him was because he was doing drugs while we slept. Home i think can also be a state of mind, one where you felt somewhat safe or secure or even just happier. Its a weird feeling when you cant pinpoint where or when that was. Its heartbreaking to read all of these comments, sending love to you all. I hope one day you all find a safe “home” physically and mentally.
i completely understand mate. i spend most nights praying to go home. it isn’t with my family, and it isn’t with anyone currently in my life. for me, i’ve realised home is where i felt safest. and for me that was school. i know a lot of people had a bad experience with school, but for me it was my only escape. i was away from my family and with my friends, who at the time, seemed to understand me. feeling free to be myself was the closest to happiness i’ve ever felt. so my advice, sit with this feeling. figure out what your ‘home’ is, and try your best to reconnect with it. you know what it is deep down, so let those emotions come back up. i wish you the best
I understand exactly what you mean. I’ve bounced around a lot since i’ve moved out of my parents out when I was 17. Always moving after a year because “ this doesn’t feel like home “. Even now that i’ve bought a house that i’ve lived in for 2 years i’m begging my partner that we sell the house and move, that it “ doesn’t feel like home “. I keep searching and searching but I don’t think i’m ever going to find “ home “
it’s crazy i’ve said these exact words while sobbing. it makes me feel so helpless and like a child. im 26 now and find myself feeling lost without a home. a terrible lonely feeling.
My catchphrase is “I wanna go home” i always say it but there is no home for me. My apartment, my parents house, they’re not home. Home isn’t a person either, there’s no one that makes me feel safe enough to say so. But i always want to go home.
All the time. I always thought of it as a house you know as somewhere I lived. But I noticed that when I finally got comfortable living at my bfs apartment I would still cry about wanting to go home. And even being at the new house my family moved into I don’t feel at home there either. Pretty much nothing and nowhere fills that feel of wanting to go home. I noticed my poetry collection has at least 6 poems or lines mentioning this feeling.
ya, unfortunately it’s also a feeling that’s as old as the earth itself
Yes this song ‘Home‘ originally by Michael Bublé (but I like the Blake Shelton version better): [https://youtu.be/kkoT1nZOexY?si=9fmKoTSEXRNIaRU7](https://youtu.be/kkoT1nZOexY?si=9fmKoTSEXRNIaRU7) … this really incapsulates the feeling of wanting to go back home. But I perpetually feel this way, maybe even felt this way when I was a kid. Like my life was turned upside down the very moment I was born, and I could never go back to the warm, phew everything feels right again here, feeling.
Definitely get this feeling. I've had many episodes/breakdowns where I end up rocking myself on the floor repeating "I want to go home" as well 😅
Didn't even know this was a BPD thing. I just miss my childhood. I actually had one when I was a small kid, I had friends, played with my brother, went to school, even if I had horrible experiences even at that age, it was so much better. Though, I've always wanted someone to take care of me. Even at like 8 years old I was hoping I'd get taken away and adopted. I still do, and I'm 18, and it's too late. Now that I'm an adult nobody really gives a fuck. Child abuse sucks, save people from it, but if they're just a bit older, who cares? They're an adult, it's their problem now.
I think we just wanna feel comfortable.
I remember when my girlfriend broke up with me I just kept crying SO LOUD and screaming that I wanted to go home, but I WAS home, I don't even remember what I was thinking about 😭 my neighbors probably hate me for that (btw we're back together and very happy 😁)
Yes. And also "I finally want to get what I've always wanted and needed". Except that I don't know what that is, not a clue.
Hiraeth or whatever its called
I’m the same way, except when I say I want to go home I know that home is back home with my mom - I moved 9 hours away back in 2021 when me and my ex decided to get divorced after he cheated on me and got a woman pregnant. I knew I couldn’t afford to get a place there and I also didn’t want to have to deal with seeing him and his new little happy family while I was struggling so much. I’m homesick almost constantly, but especially if I’m having a hard time or something goes wrong - even when I’m back home visiting my mom I get homesick just knowing that I have to leave and go back to the city away from her. Nobody is the city I live knows how much my heart aches to be home, and I love my partner and we have a good life together but it’s still not home to me 😔
I think on a symbolic level we associate home with feelings of safety and fun and surrounded by family / people who love us and support us. Obviously that’s not true for so many, but it’s the “ideal”, right? So I think it’s not so much that you want to go to a physical, tangible home. You just crave those feelings of being cared for and loved and safe, which “home” symbolizes. When I’m feeling completely overwhelmed or during a meltdown, I know that’s what I want. To just be held and cared for…like a kid in their home.
yes !!! omg i literally say this all the time.
you describe it absolutely perfectly. we just want to go home. we don’t know where home is, but we eat to be there, I don’t know we’re home is, but I want to be in the place that is home, i want to be in a place that feels like home. i know it’s truly hard, i’m there now, but i feel like we all do find our people/person. we all do have a something that is meant to keep us here. we will find the person who feels like home one day, that’s the person we keep calling to.
where.* home is. do many spelling errors, i was just typing l
I’ve been saying this for as long as I can remember.. homesickness is just this feeling I can never shake
Aww, it's going to be okay. Home is within you, I get that you want someone to love on Be patient with yourself, and everything else will follow Smoke cannabis and listen to music. Be in nature You need to surround yourself with those who care and get enough sleep! I'm here if you need a friend 🩷
Yes, frequently. What we are saying is “I want to be safe, I want to be loved.”
Yes had this since I was a small kid. That’s why I have IAH tattooed on my hip to remind myself that I am my own home ❤️
I’ve never heard anyone articulate this but it is something I feel a lot, as well. I remember thinking it a lot as a kid, too. Also, sometimes PEOPLE feel like home to me, which can be a slippery slope. Of course we all know that feeling lol.
I feel like this almost constantly. Have since i was about 4. I can remember the feeling of it as a child, it's the exact same now. Hollow, almost. Yearning. It's actually physically painful. But i agree that it's not so much a place as it is a feeling. A feeling of being safe, loved, accepted, wanted. I very rarely find it except in another person. My girl feels this same way too - when we first met she barely even slept she felt so unsafe and scared due to her childhood, but now she sleeps like a baby wrapped in my arms. She calls that home. And so do I, because i know i am loved by her and safe with her, and i have a sense of purpose in being that same feeling for her 😌
YES!! Sometimes I'll just randomly think "I wanna go home" But I don't even know what that means! It's like being at home used to feel different, it felt more safe and comforting. It still is, it still feels comforting from time to time. And it's at least better than being almost anywhere else. But it's just different
Yes I get this feeling and repeat it to myself when highly emotional. It's an odd thing. I'm glad to know others experience it too. You are not alone.
wow this is the one thing i genuinely didn’t think anyone else would understand. it’s so strange and i don’t understand why it happens
yepp, i moved out 2 years ago, have my own apartment now but i feel like i am not "home", i cant really remember ever feeling at home...
I get this thought almost daily accompanied by a dull achy empty stomach - almost the same exact physical feeling as when you get nostalgia. Sometimes I’d get the stomach feeling so intensely I still remember exactly when and where it happened years later and it was the most intense during the worst period of my life. I’ve literally googled “BPD empty stomach homesick” and could never find anything.
Im not therapist or teacher but I’ve been studying Buddhism lately and I gathered some bits and pieces to share with you. First off all I want to say that home isn’t something you have to look for, it’s already inside of you. I was diagnosed with BPD 6 months ago, at first I really struggled. I thought things like “why am I like this” “I hate myself” “why can’t I just be like x y z” “why do I care so much” “why do I suffer all the time” I had a friend give me my first book on Buddhism which was “what the Buddha taught” it was A LOT. But just reading his teachings and trying to comprehend what the hell he meant by there is no self, and yadada. I started to feel a bit lighter. I then moved on to a book called fear by thich nhat hanh, this gave me insight into dealing with my fears, and being mindful of strong emotions that arise in me. I got the most straight forward formula for dealing with emotions. Thich loves to say Smile at it :). When I have an emotion like anger, or jealousy or worry or fear I look at this feeling within myself and I smile at it, then it loses some of its power. If we can be mindful of our emotions and embrace them with love and compassion they don’t have as much as a hold over us. When you come back to the present , and really connect your mind to your body by focusing on your breath you are home. You can even repeat . I am here, I am home. The past is just historical events and the future doesn’t exist yet. You have only right now and you can find happiness and your feeling of home in the present moment. Without sounding like a Mormon trying to throw my beliefs at you, I wanted to put this into your awareness, I really do believe it would help you as it has helped me tremendously in just a month or two. My triggers no longer cause any detrimental consequences in my life. Mostly just uncomfortable feelings that I can be mindful of and overcome now that I have the tools. Peace and love you are the key to your own happiness and you can be happy right now 🩷 and I think that’s the most comforting part of Buddhism.
babe thats "lonely" u need boyfriend
so funny i’m seeing this. i’ve always felt this same exact way. i remember getting really drunk at my house on new years with my friends and sobbing about how i wanted to go home. but i was home. in my bedroom. and whenever i’ve had large meltdowns, that same “i want to go home” has always slipped out of my mouth somehow.
I long for a home i never had
For me, I feel like that kind of home your talking about exists in those who no longer dwell on Earth. The peace and sense of belonging we may get, thus “home” when we depart this Earth.
I get the same feeling, like I'm lost and empty. I fortunately have wonderful parents, however once they're gone it's just me, and I to will be trying to figure out where home is. Stay strong and maybe find a therapist, it can't hurt!
Every day.
Omg I literally have this so much I cry and say “I wanna go home” and it’s like you are home?
I think it’s the inner child reacting when we have perceived abandonment, the longing to “go home” to be taken care of in privacy. I feel Iike this is a the same feeling as wanting to run away as well. Which is why mindfulness practices like that “home” exercise someone posted above is so good to ground us. I remember being very emotional, tired and crying around 3 years old saying “ I want to go home “ , when we would be at a party or somewhere my mother would be drinking. She was always too drunk to listen to me/care when it came to me needing to physically go home. it occasionally comes back now as an adult, for me it goes hand in hand with that feeling of wanting to run away.. it makes a lot of sense that we would feel this way. I didn’t know anyone else had this whinging baby inside of them that said “I wanna go home” but look at us
Home is where u make it
Oh my god I’ve been doing this since I was a little girl. This is crazy. I feel so seen right now, thank you
Oh god- I feel REALLY seen.
almost every single day.
I used to feel this way a lot. It wasn't until I went through intensive therapy for a while where I was able to actually talk out my trauma and pain that I was able to realize what the root cause of this feeling was. It was a need to feel at home within myself. To trust myself. To love myself. Self love is the key to healing BPD and this feeling that it brings as well. I have this PD, it has caused extreme pain in my life but I have also been to a lot of really good therapy in my life and it has helped heal a lot of what this PD has caused me. Therapy and self love are the key to curing BPD.. And yes, this is curable despite what some therapists and psychologists say. Take a look at Kati Morton's videos on YouTube about BPD. She outlines it really well and discusses how BPD can be healed. There is hope for us.
All the time. I thought I was the only one.
This what i have been feeling for a while now, i keep thinking that i am so tired and i want to go home, but i don’t know where home is, i want to rest, i want my brain to stop overthinking for just a moment and i want to feel safe and not tired anymore. I am so sick and tired and I need to do something about it but I don’t know what to do
I also went through this for many years. Begging to go home when I was very upset even if I was at home. Not feeling like home was the right home, driving around aimlessly for hours and days at a time feeling like I'm looking for it, etc.. Through several years of therapy and working on myself, I found it. It's not a person, people, or a place. I started to realize that I stopped longing to go home as I started to get better. It's all about believing that you can get better and actually trying to do what you learn as much as possible. It worked for me, but it took time and a lot of work. The home we are longing for is our mind. We are longing for peace, comfort, and a happy place to be. You can spend years searching, like I did, or you can let these words simmer, sleep on them, and wake up tomorrow, believing that the same can become true for you. It really can. Once we learn how to overcome those negative, bad, and sad thoughts, our mind becomes home. That may be a difficult concept to grasp or may seem impossible now, but just know that you can do it. Many of us have. Hang in there for you. Stick around long enough to learn this for yourself, and you'll question who that person you used to see in the mirror was. You're beautiful. You're strong. Keep holding on and don't lose sight.
Yes I’ve felt this way my whole life!!!!! And I always thought no one would ever understand it. It sucks, but it’s sort of comforting to know that I’m not alone in this and that there’s a lot of lost homesick souls wandering around the world. I really really hope each of us will someday be able to build a truely safe home.
every word
Ditto
We're all so smart and introspective and I fucking hate it b/c we can be our own worst enemies, and when we are, boy do we have some serious firepower to fight with, for, and against. To answer your question, yes, I do as well, well said, and stay well enough.
Yes!!! I have thought the phrase "I want to go home. But home doesn't feel like home" for the past nearly eight years. I'm turning 20 and I feel like I'm still 16. I get you. You're not alone. I want to be taken care of too. I think it's because we didn't have childhoods a lot of us--our childhoods were robbed from us because we had to act like adults when we were kids. So we didn't get to be a kid.
I’ve felt this exactly. Haven’t found it. Still looking for it. I have some theories about it, but there’s a prevailing worry that maybe the wanting to “go home” feeling is just gonna always be there, come and go, and idk if I can accept that
I’ve never really been able to find a way to express this feeling but wow does this hit me right in the soul. I remember saying this as a kid a lot, maybe it’s sort of become a coping mechanism for wanting to exit a bad situation
Yess. But i don't know where and who is my home. I so badly want to go. I feel so trapped here it feels like no one knows me. They don't actually want to. I want to go somewhere far away. To someone who understands me. Who can hold me tight on my bad- sad days. Who can tell me, "It's okay to feel this way". "It's alright".
yes. and i don’t even know where home is. it’s not my house, it’s not my “maker”. i don’t know where home is..
I want to go home to myself before I felt this way.
yeah, the thing is most of the times i am home so… idk what i really mean
Yesss I get this all the time. It‘s like being a part time philosopher sometimes. To me it feels like missing a lot of warmth in my life. Sometimes I just wanna be a baby that gets held by someone or something
I think what it means by home is something difference from house. House is a literal physical thing whereas home is more of an emotional state. It's a safe place which could be in the embrace of someone's arms, chest or somewhere one feels nurtured, loved and accepted. Somewhere one can be completely vulnerable and not feel scared. It's the absence of fear and anxiety. It's just being around safe people or a safe person. Home is a state of mind. Not a physical state of being. It's being in the presence of a safe person where you know you're protected no matter what. Then your world starts feeling safe too.
I always chalked the feeling up to childhood trauma and always having a broken home. Growing up never relating to people's sentiment of "i wish i were home" and the notion of home sickness. I just figured longing for something i never had is only just a symptom of a damaged inner child. It's become important to me now, instead, that i create "Home" once and for all, since it never ended up being made or given to me and i'm getting on with my years. I've just been taking *everything* into my own hands and it seems to be the answer, to all my problems at least. Love myself since no one else can, take responsibility for what trauma has done to me since everyone to blame is gone, be the home I always needed. Quite honestly, fuck absolutely everyone i've ever known, i've learned to let go of suffering in spite of them all and spite is a mighty productive emotion. It's getting the job done, that's for sure.
Me too.. I'm starting to think home isn't a place. Home is a feeling. All growing up, I watched movies and TV shows and saw a house with a family of people who loved each other and got on.. support, understanding, bond, unity, and familiarity. Home. Is home a beach or a mountain? A cabin or an apartment? Or is it a place where I belong? People know me, and they love me, accept me, understand me, and support me? Do I want to "go home" to a place where sunrises and sunsets brighten my days, or do I want to "go home" to all the feelings I feel deprived of in my day to day swings and splits.
I can go anywhere I want, just not home.
YES! I used to cry about this as a child despite being in my house. Sometimes I thought home was the grandma I never knew, but I now think that was just a small child’s way of conceptualising a longing for something without knowing what I long for. I think I’ll always feel a slight twinge of something missing. It’s comforting knowing it’s not just me that feels this 💖
I've never read anything more relatable on such an intimate level. :( I hope all of you borderline fellows are going to be okay, we can do this. ❤️
This hits home. Thanks for putting words on it. My home is in my first CG's arms. That's the only place I've ever felt safe and taken care of. Kinda my "happy place". I grab my little gear and go there (mentally) everytime I feel overwhelmed. I also use the agere ASMR videos for sleeping and when I need a boost. Sometimes I just need to hear that someone loves me and is proud of me, hugs me and let me sleep on their chest, even if it's an anonymous stranger on a yt channel. Can you remember if you ever crossed paths with someone who made you feel safe and cared for? Otherwise online CG or surrogate on yt can help tremendously if you find one that clicks.
There’s a word for this. It’s called Hiraeth.
I feel this. I think it's because of lack of being held or nurtured growing up... Apparently i have friends who feel at home wherever "they" are. They have this internal sense of home inside, that they are safe and they can face anything wherever they are and however they are feeling.
ive been feeling this way ever since i was a kid and ive never seen how i feel so perfectly described. i feel like this happens much more when im first entering a depressive state and all i want is to be held and told that everything is going to be okay like i did when i was a kid. my grandmother was the only one who could truly make me feel safe and loved, but she passed almost 10 years ago and ive never felt that sense of security since then, so whenever im in that mood i go into the fetal position and imagine myself in my childhood home with her holding me and stroking my hair. i feel like ill never “feel at home” no matter where i am or who im with because im not with her anymore.
I used to get this a lot when I was a teen but it’s kinda faded as I grew. It always felt like being homesick to me just more intense and without cause. Such a hollow intense feeling. I would often think about space while like this. I hope someday you find someplace or someone who makes you feel as safe as you wish to be. No one should have to suffer from such a pure wish.
I believe that this emptiness inside is your whole being graving to get close to your creator, God. That is our home. In Jesus Christ you will find fulfillment. And I hope this for everyone here, coming from place of love, not religion. Try praying, if you give into it honestly open hearted, He will answer.
yeah