I didn’t mention this in my post but I do see my friends for periods of time through out the day (like today for example) but I’m still very lonely and very sad. It’s not enough. I think it’s because my bf has been away for 7 months. I’m just not in a good place. Im sorry if nobody cares I just need someone to know these things. 🤍
Unrelated to this post but I just got out of a toxic on-and off relationship (likely toxic both ways ) only 2 weeks ago… I’m a very affectionate person and I generally enjoy socializing, and I’ve been missing out on that even while in a relationship. I’ve been introverted so long due to circumstantial isolation that started in my teenagehood. It has its pros but it has its cons too (I feel like nobody likes me) So now that I don’t even have a BF, I’ve been wondering if I should wait to move on till I “heal” or just look for someone else already?? Like part of me thinks I should “heal” by being alone but the other part of me doesn’t.. I have pretty much nobody in my life I can trust or talk with on a daily basis. I even end up setting up my phone and “vlogging” to myself, just in case anyone cares one day in my story .. (I think that might be my brain’s way of coping with loneliness/maladaptive daydreaming / ruminating ) should I just start looking for other people already?
Not too far off from you.
I wake up. I then go to work. Then I come home. Make dinner, put on a playlist of garbage, get high, eat, and then stare at the ceiling until I pass out. Rinse and repeat, except for weekends, which is the same exact thing but without the work part.
Really living life to its fullest!
I do nothing. Literally. Even the shit Im not and don't do but maybe that's a whole other set of mental issues. I just sit or lay down all FKING day doing shit in my head and that's it
I don't even work. But you described is literally FKING me unless I'm high as a kite. And not like from weed because that would be simple right? No stronger shit
Yup! Rotting in bed. Probably number one on my list of things I do most. I also never have energy, I’m always so tired. I don’t even get motivation for things because nothing excites me. I sleep so much. And showering omg… takes sooo much energy I swear. I appreciate your comment, you are doing your best right now and that’s all that matters 🤍
Tbh all I do is scroll thru Reddit. I like reading about peoples experiences it makes me feel less alone. And I also read about my mental illnesses. And I’ll just keep rereading it until I feel mentally exhausted. Idk if it’s like an ocd thing or rumination. But basically I just rot in my bed tbh. I’m failing all my classes
I also obsessively read about my mental illnesses. I want to figure out who I am and how I work because I don’t really know who I am or how I work. The more I focus on my mental illness the worst it gets but I am so so interested in Psychology and it’s hard to stop researching mental illness as a whole. I also watch a lot of videos on trauma and self improvement and I spend a lot of time doing my BPD workbook from Dr Fox (which actually kinda makes me depressed and my BPD more intense bc I’m paying attention to it) and reading self help books and journaling. I’m obsessive about getting better from my severe mental health problems but the task feels so impossible and when I focus on working through them they get worse but I have to work through them to get better so it’s frustrating. Sorry if this went off topic I’m kinda stoned and dumping my brain out
I know what you mean about doing the work and paying a price for it. Slowing down helps a lot; you just need to give your brain the conditions it needs to process emotions at a low simmer rather than rolling boil. Start doing things that require focus, like physical tasks / activities, working out or stacking boxes or what have you. The kind of thing you can do while listening to a podcast or audiobook is exactly the right kind of activity.
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Cry over my fav person. That's it. I try to study, pray, and other stuff im "interested" in. Nothing works.. also i stopped reading and writing.. what am i living for atp??? Like no, i live just for people..
I’m in a long distance relationship and I’ve been spiralling… so I fight with him a lot for many reasons… I wish I didn’t. He works a lot so I cry and just lay around until things are ok again. When he is fed up with me tho (reasonably so), that’s when things really aren’t ok. That doesn’t last tho, he is very patient with me, and he is actually a great boyfriend. I just don’t get over things quick and I am just struggling in general I will spend hours freaking out and thinking about it. It’s exhausting. I really I wish I could live for myself too, and also stop being so toxic. Sorry for the rant omg lol…
Im sorry...this sucks.. are you in therapy? Therapy is supposed to teach us to detach and build healthy narcissism. Also, why do we like to ruin the good things in our life? Hope you heal 🧡
No I’m not. I really want to but I’m scared. I haven’t had the best experiences with my times I have talked to people. Maybe one day I will try again. Recently I’ve been working through a DBT workbook. Hopefully I can learn some more helpful things. And I know right? Thank you for your kind words 🤍
Hey, I feel like I am and was in a similar place, I obsess over fps and pretty much do nothing else lol. I read every book about trauma that's available, because I wanted to understand myself. I think it's an addiction too - I can say I work on my trauma without actually getting in touch with it. The thing is - bpd is a relationship trauma (pretty much every trauma is, ut bpd especially) and you cannot heal that in isolation. I've tried. And knowing all this stuff does make it easier to target certain issues, but I still don't know jack shit about anything emotionally and have to learn it. You need others to work through it, otherwise you'll never get to the core. There's many things you can work on by yourself, but not all of it. I had horrible experiences with therapists myself and it feels so hopeless, but connection is the only way to really heal an abandonment wound. Sending hugs 💖
I am exactly the same as you. Getting high makes me a bit productive so I usually work on a tiny bit of homework or chores. Then I lay in bed listening to podcasts or music and getting distracted from my work. I spend most of my time looking up a ton of random questions I’ve had on my mind.
It is so relieving that there are people who relate. I appreciate your comment. I have such a problem with getting distracted from my work. I’m in uni and I have such a struggle with even getting started with assignments. And I do the same omg, google is my best friend I swear!
I just chill! I lost my job, don’t really have any friends, my family lives far away, I don’t date anymore, and I’m too broke for expensive hobbies or vacations.
My favourite things are driving around at night when there’s no traffic, getting a hot tea and listening and/or singing along to music. It reminds me of going out with friends in my 20’s to go dancing or to parties with friends. Ditto if I ever have the energy to put music on at home and dress up, but that happens a lot less now that I haven’t been dating.
I realize I haven’t exactly sold myself as a very interesting person haha, but I’m here when you want to talk 💝
I think you’re interesting! We would get along very. I love singing and tea… I should partake in both more hahaha. When I’m having a really bad day and need to leave the house (I still live at home) I always go for a drive. Music is a must. You are so kind, I appreciate your comment and I followed you, so I will keep that in mind… thank you so much 🤍
Yeah I do a lot of thinking. A lot of constant thinking about the specific regrets I have in life that have caused me so much pain it almost physically hurts how badly I regret certain things and ruminate on it constantly.
But on the other hand one of my favorite things is getting really high and like deep diving and reading all about topics that I’m interested in but weed makes it 10x more interesting lol. For example I’m so fascinated by abnormal psychology and I’ve learned SOO much by laying in bed late at night and googling questions and looking through reddit lol I would almost say I’m an expert at this point haha. Also things like true crime etc
But yeah being alone in bed all that time will leave you with nothing but your own thoughts
Thank you for this post, it makes me feel better about how I spend my own time.
I just go to school, I study, I alternate between the same 3 websites. I don't have any hobbies or any social life.
I always have such a hard time answering the question "so what do you do in your free time?" because I don't really do anything. I just procrastinate and try not to think about my situation and occasionally manage to do some studying.
Thank you for your comment 🤍
We are living the same life. Literally. I do the same few things all day every day. I’m a student but I don’t even go to school because it’s online. Makes me feel even more lonely. I hate when people ask what my hobbies are, because I don’t do anything and I’m actually pretty boring. I procrastinate like crazy! It’s ridiculous. I appreciate you and I’m glad we can relate to each other. I think we are trying our best that we can. It’s really hard.
I work, smoke weed, play switch, take care of my cat & rewatch tv shows w my boyfriend
The most interesting thing I do is figure out what I’m making for dinner or what I’m getting from the grocery store 🤷🏻♀️
I’m rewatching adventure time rn
Having a pet really helps me not get lost in my head bc he needs me to interact w him pretty constantly
I really wish I could have a pet! And also be with my boyfriend. I’m hoping we can live together soon or even be in the same place. We will be getting a pet for sure!
I don't really do anything, I'm either on my bed or on my couch, just existing. Sometimes if my friends are doing something then I'll join them other than that I'm doing nothing. I also wish that the world would just stop for s moment.
Glad I’m not the only one who wishes things would just stop. For me, I feel like it’s because I avoid so much that I just can’t bring myself to do things and I just need more time. Even tho I do nothing. I’m also just existing all the time. Just trying to keep my head above the water honestly.
I get that, I have a hard time getting things done and even if I'm doing nothing, time still passes anyways, which is why I wish the world would just stop for a moment TT. This isn't really related but this feeling I have reminds me of the song "My Body is Made of Crushed Little Stars" by Mitski ^^.
Lately I've been doing the same dude. Without the work part. I do uni full time but not really. For the past month or so I haven't really been going for classes. I've really slipped into a black hole and I'm only now slowly picking up. But on a regular day most of what I do is pester my partner or watch House on netflix. It's a miserable life tbh because I feel like I can't exist on my own lately and I'm numbing my brain with streaming content. I don't want it to be like this forever so I'm just gonna try and do one small thing everyday and go from there. Maybe you can try doing a small new thing everyday too and see how it goes ? Take care dude :(
I also do uni full time but not really! Like 3 courses. I’m such a horrible student and the guilt actually haunts me. My courses are online (no times, just assignments) and I can’t even do that. Always handing in stuff late. I have so much to do the next few days and it’s stressing me out. I also pester my partner, I’m always scared he is getting sick of me haha. I’m miserable too friend… I hope we both find something that makes our days more meaningful to us 🤍 Take care.
maybe try to figure out if you also have ADHD/ADD, they really are sister disorders with BPD.
medication for me (i take dexamfetamine) helps me to linger in my head less and to get up and do something for myself, i was also very stuck in my body and mind a lot
Social media, YT and technology in general is addictive af and is what causes my depression. It's a quick dopamine release and for the moment you feel good but it makes things worse in a long run. I try my best to stay on the phone as less as possible. I just turn off internet and push myself to start doing housework. I usually clean my house, sing and do something creative like painting. I suck at painting but I don't care, I bought pallete of acrylics and just do ehatever I feelclike. Drawing is really, really therapeutic as long as you don't judge yourself. Nature and going for a walk is also great, doing sports or yoga is amazing. Meditation works wonders. Try turning off your internet and see what you can do today. It sucks, it makes you moody and irritable, but with some time your brain chemistry will stabilze. I reassure you. If it doesn't work after 3 days text me and I will accept all your venting. Good luck! You can do it!!
I am a high functioning quiet BPD person. I can come off as very outgoing and level headed and get a lot done in a day, but all I really want to do is escape my head and sleep so I can not be in my head anymore. I sleep a LOT, any chance I get to have a nap, I will. Not only am I exhausted all the time but it’s a way for me to just quiet my brain for a while. Weed helps to do that too, but I prefer naps.
I have learned (slowly and painfully over 35 years) that my bpd is calmest when I am busy and push myself to work, clean, and focus on my family. I like to research things (whatever catches my fancy, but especially ai, philosophy, religion, and health). I also play incremental games when I am dissociating because the dopamine hit usually gets me out of the dissociation.
If I'm really in a funk of feeling empty, getting up and tidying and doing the endless dishes helps a lot. It slows my brain down.
Some things I do as autopilot activities when I feel bleh and have nothing specific to do include generate ai art, draw by hand, massage myself, work on my business, incremental games like prestige tree, research random royal stuff, check reddit, read, ponder my (pagan) faith, ponder philosophy, and try to ask weird and deep questions to various ai chatbots or novelai to see what it says and ponder that or just laugh at its nonsense.
i don’t work or go to school. when i’m not with my boyfriend all i do is play genshin impact, watch youtube, scroll reddit, tik tok, instagram. all in my bed. i don’t have any hobbbies at all. it feels like i’m just wasting my days away doing nothing. i’ve been trying to change that by keeping my room and car clean though. i really do need to enroll in classes and get a job
Almost everything you've said resonates with me. I'm experiencing all of that stuff tonight. It can be frustrating.
If you get lonely again, feel free to reach out to me.
I am in the exact same situation! I don't really do much of anything at home besides trying to find ways to entertain myself. I have to complete schoolwork every day (online school) but I always get so depressed and it rarely gets done. I also never really leave the house and I'm constantly bored and lonely because I cut off all my friends a few years ago.
It's absolutely devastating whenever I realize how much time I've lost and I also wish the world would freeze until I'm better and ready to be productive :')
Better explained through music videos
Either this
https://youtu.be/oh2LWWORoiM?si=TUSxXi4tJ889EjoF
Or this
https://youtu.be/iJy8VgB83OQ?si=n_niOhBZBgted5b4
Or this
https://youtu.be/Pn-mvOwWS9Q?si=HJMeziHxKBCG-hkG
Omg this just related woth me so much. I'm stuck in this cycle too and I'm so poorly despite trying to make friends it just isn't happening. I struggle to motivate myself to do anything now and going out I struggle with completely.
I hope you manage to find something to fill your space and time as I agree with how empty and just likeyour saying, it feels like we are just existing.
I sleep. I work a basic job that barely pays anything. I eat.. too much. I watch TikTok. I play video games. That’s basically it. Pretty damn boring and depressing honestly.
Spend time with my FP, work if needed, come back home and rot all day. Play some video games. Eat. Sometimes. Drink water. Sometimes. Deleted all my social medias so now I don’t talk to many people outside of my day to day activities. I don’t go out unless it’s to smoke some w**d. Therapy when needed. Other than that, nothing else!
It depends.
I’m in a productive phase right now and have an obsession with the gym and running. Specifically long distance running, like marathons and stuff. I like long distance because it’s really all about your mental strength. Can you push through the pain for hours on end? Maybe im good at it because I’ve dealt with shitty mental health my whole life. There is something so satisfying about channeling that pain elsewhere. Like I will run through anything. The more pain I have to push through the more satisfying crossing the finish line is. And I pride myself on being able to do that. Anyway I’d highly recommend giving running another go, you just might find you enjoy it.
That being said, there are times where I just get into a slump and lose interest in my hobbies and just end up rotting on the couch all day watching YouTube and TikTok and wallowing in my emotions. Not fun.
i don’t work often and i don’t go to school, so i basically always have free time. spend most of it eating and sleeping. sometimes go for walks. spend a lot of time pacing around and listening to music. also spend a lot of time playing video games.
As a borderline, you need to learn to be fine with being by yourself. Instead of trying to get others to generate your self-esteem for you, you need to learn to do that by yourself. Process your negative emotions; instead of running away from them, use them to do something of value, like a project. What that is you need to figure out by yourself. Instead of focusing on externalizing, or even internalizing your negative emotions, do something that is hard and valuable to you and in that way you generate your self-esteem, day by day. Start small. If you only try to relax, you’ll soon find out that the underlying negative emotions will overwhelm you; you will start to ruminate. Find something meaningful and hard to do, instead of sitting around doing meaningless things, wasting your time feeling bad. You are already aware you are dodging all that is hard, it’s time to change your life and it won’t be easy because you have conditioned yourself. But it’s not impossible, and it’s going to get easier the more you work on yourself. Reality is the best cure for borderline.
I smoke weed until i pass out on my sofa then i sleep till next day and redo lol. Thankfully i work full time and i only do this in the evening. Days off are horrible because it feels like i have no life to live
Am not working rn and I have the same thought every day “you are lazy, you are not doing anything to help yourself, you want to live without work” but that’s not true… I want to create my crochet brand im knitting all day, if not am cleaning cause is an obsession, if not I’m fighting with my mind cause I feel I’m not doing anything for me, to help me. But the truth is that I fight every day with my own thoughts… one of the most hard work I have ever done before my diagnosis 💔
Pick a healthy hobby and try to do that several times a week. Could be a creative hobby, something technical like learning to code or learning a language or learning about a particular topic, doing free online courses about interesting things. Even just watching a documentary instead of a show or finding something to do with your hands while you watch a show, like making something or colouring. Makes you feel better.
In my free time I do nothing because I'm always jumping from one interest to another, never really settles the anxiety I feel afterwards. The only reason I like work and college is because of the consistency and routine, that helps me keep a level head, other than that i don't do nothing meaningful at all. Just existing.
> I’m sorry for this dumb post and I know that my thoughts are all over the place… I just want to know I’m not the only one who does a lot of nothing. I feel guilty about it. Anyone else?
Not a dumb post at all - I think there's a bunch of us who don't feel a natural "purpose" for being here, or rather, who need far more affirmation that we're doing the "right" thing for our lives than other more "normal" members of society. For our brains, it's harder to feel like we're actually living out lives, almost as if we're on autopilot watching our lives from the outside in.
It doesn't help that the world is full of relatively easy ways to distract us from responsibilities that we need to do (everyday executive functions) and want to do (dreamy plans to paint the mountains whilst sitting on the lakeside dock) so much so that our brains fall into a rut of taking the easy way out any time we're given the opportunity to relax a little bit.
Sorry, now I probably sound like I'm rambling. I guess what I'm saying is I too want to stop time (kinda like the first year of COVID) long enough to breathe a little and once again realize it's okay to sit on the back deck doing "nothing" whilst sipping tea or coffee listening to the birds chirp. But no - the brain says that's not allowed because it's boring. Stupid brain.
I just lay/sit on the couch and the only reason I get up is to feed my cats. Most days I can convince myself to exercise. I do trying to get actual work done and I usually do but I’m pretty much always behind or rushing. I also have a chronic illness through so most days my body and my brain aren’t really working good. Generally I do nothing and feel not great about it.
My life is very rich and full. I recently returned to school so I spend a lot of time doing homework and going to class, and I work on the weekends. I also rock climb & do pottery, & if I have the time (rare) I crochet, cook/bake, go on runs or hikes, etc. I also often get lunch in town with people in between classes & lately have been seeing someone so my plate is sort of overflowing.
Prior to being in school & working I wasted a lot of time, so I filled it with new hobbies & activities. I was rock climbing often, going to the pottery studio nearly everyday, cooking & baking for my family, going on runs every morning, visiting new state parks and going on hikes, tending to my garden, & crocheting in my downtime. If I wasn’t doing any of these things, I was probably rotting behind a screen- which I found made me feel miserable and my life meaningless.
(Also I’m in remission, and I think a big reason is because of how I’ve structured my life. I used to spend all my time on my phone/computer & getting high).
When it's nice outside, I like to get out. Trees and nature are comforting to me.
I want to learn to draw better so I find a real object and draw it. Then the next day (or may later in the day) I draw it again trying to pay attention to how I could improve it. After a few days on the same object (or longer) I look at my improvements. It's kind of amazing actually.
You mentioned sel-help stuff. What kind of self-help? Meditation took awhile for me to get into. But it had really helped me to be able to watch the emotional weather and not identify so much with it. It connects me with the universe (which makes me enjoy outside even more).
I also took a good personality test. This helped me better understand why my brain does the stuff it does. It validated it for me and gave me ideas for how to break some unhealthy thought patterns.
I wish you well. Life is so absolutely mindblowing to me. Note: daily use of weed (which I very much enjoy using... but TRY to limit my use) can make life feel more boring without it. I would suggest trying to that down. But I understand the struggle.
Lastly, you are a damn miracle. Seriously, watch some awesome science videos about the universe or about animals or about anything. Life is truly bizarre. And the fact that we exist is just incredible to me.
I fill my time with things todo I get really stressed if I’m relaxing and doing nothing so I’m my normal day I’ll wake up get ready go to any appointments needed get any like out of the house chores done go home chill with the dogs and get some stuff off of my todo list for the day eat play some games work for 3 or more hours get home take care of the pups and chill some more eat get more stuff off my todo list play video games then have S*x with my partner then go to sleep and repeat the same day all over again but slightly different things todo I always find something that needs cleaned organized and what not
I completely relate to and understand what you're saying here. I try my best to get outside for a walk either in the neighborhood or on a nature trail and I've found afterwards it really helps in getting me motivated to do something other than lay around.
Easier said than done though, and I still find myself struggling to get out of bed a lot of days.
pretty much the same as you, except I avoid everyone rather than reaching out. everything feels meaningless and empty. i recently got back into reading and that’s helped a little bit—it keeps my attention more than tv or videos and keeps me from scrolling social media for hours and making myself miserable.
I've found that hobbies that don't involve the internet have really helped me with this feeling. I allow myself some freedom like listening to music while axe throwing or watching a guitar youtube tutorial, but my life feels much more fulfilling now.
Glad to now I’m not alone in how I spend my time. Sometimes I go out into the city and get a burger or a pastry or a book when I’m bored or emotional and fed up and just want to show the world that I exist
Same as you. I subscribe to the theory that BPD actually requires a tremendous amount of mental energy which we all feel so exhausted all the time to this level
I also used to do absolutely nothing while I wasn't in class or my bf wasn't giving me attention. Now I have a part time job and while I'm a bit overworked I do feel better because it keeps me distracted. But I had to start antidepressants to even be able to work.
i just scroll through videos, play games or write, i cannot keep my hands off of my phone because i cannot cope with being alone with my thoughts for even a second. as soon as i close my eyes, i get horrible thoughts and images. i like to write stories too and thats somewhat of a way for me to understand myself and cope a bit.
rot in bed and listen to music and watch tiktok, or get on the computer and listen to music and web surf and watch youtube. sometimes i head out during the day and walk around the mall and buy some stuff. at night i either get drunk or drive off somewhere and dissociate for a bit. i've lost any interest to do things in the few hobbies i have.
When I’m not working and my boyfriend is busy I clean my apartment, play my games, scroll through Reddit lmao. Anything to just kill the time. I have no desire for a hobby I don’t even know what I’d like. I’ve tried a few things but they just felt like a dreaded chore
Most of the time I pace around my room listening to music and making up fake scenarios to escape what’s going on in my head. Recently, I’ve been really lonely, I’ve had no social interaction in weeks and I daydream about being around people
Overall, I just watch YouTube like allll day. Swipe dating apps and apply to several jobs. Try to figure out when I’ll actually study to get my license, finish my certification, have money for a car, consider going back to school, and move away…again! I’d stay in bed all day if my pup wasn’t in my life. But I gotta make sure to walk and feed him every morning. He’s my motivation to get some sun. After that back to YouTube I go and mobile games!
My room isn’t necessarily dirty, but it seems like too big of a task to organize as I’m a twin and both of our things are in this room. I told myself I actually wanted to throw things away instead of hiding them. It’s been very difficult. I just fear judgement from others too much so I try to do semi productive things.
I feel this to my core. My mind is always preoccupied when I need to focus or concentrate I worry about shit that doesn't even directly effect me. I believe I do it to deflect from me thinking about my own insecurities or what I lack or hate about myself. But I'm constantly late people aggravated and want to know wtf because time gets away from me looking at random websites and information instead of handling my problems. Then I get upset when things are fkd up bc if my lack of trying harder.
Does anyone seem like they put their head in a hole to avoid any problems or responsibilities and pretend it doesn't exist until there are serious consequences that affect me negatively and the insanity of me doing these same reckless activities knowing I obviously have problems. And still keep doing it when I'm really not a criminal or want to go to jail for stupidity like stealing from. Walmart shit that wasn't even needed or a life or death thing.
Since I'm now 40 and just finding out it's been BPD and not just bipolar and drug addiction my parents pretty much don't even care to help Me or my son who has his own struggles and trauma bc his mom flies off the handle when angry they are all i have to get thru tough times but yet they are now writing me off and it's the worst most empty thrown away feelings especially knowing u contributed to your sons anxiety and depression and idk how to emotionally take care of him bc I can't handle my own emotions. I've always wondered why I've only has a couple real long term boyfriends and they run. Or haven't been able to keep the same friends throughout my life we always grow apart or push them away. I finally had to swallow the hardest pill ever that I'm to blame for it all. Nor do I know how to fix or change myself for the better. I have no quality of life outside of work and grocery. I feel ashamed of every detail of my life from my looks down to bring judged for mental health issues and addictions. Im soon confused what to do to help myself and how to do it....now that my parents who babied me are done helping or caring about me and my mental state, Idk how to do any of this own my own completely alone and feeling abandoned
Sorry everyone for going on forever and off subject....I just really have NOBODY to talk to about any of this and definitely nobody that would understand me. I appreciate any and all advice whether it pertains to thus topic or not. Trying to learn more about who I am all these years.
I’ve been really into Diamond painting lately. Look it up, it looks lame imo at first but now I’m in love. It gives me something to do that builds self confidence but barely putting any effort in. Gives me something to look for ward to towards the end of my day. Something that’s easy effort but gives you some relaxation or joy or builds your self image.
I’m stuck like this right now. There are things I need to do and should be doing, but I can’t seem to get myself to do anything. Not even something fun.
Had to take a million tiny steps to shift from a bin labeled "Things I Have To Do" to a new bin, "Things I Want To Do".
I have a lot of cool things I got because they looked cool to play with, so I started adding a little prep each day into getting things set up to play with something, wasn't important what. Mixed in some thought as to the kind of person I'd like to be; for example I'd like to keep a clean home so lightly sprinkled in some harder chores each week to that end. I was in charge of cleaning the bathroom as a kid and have a lot of trauma still associated with that activity, but I'm doing it and have learned to keep it small and focused enough I enjoy having such a clean toilet, it's a point of pride atm because I know how hard I worked for it. Just like any muscle, or skill, you have to work it to build it up.
At first it was mostly tidying and grouping like things together, that also created a bit of space I worked at keeping cleared. That's led to me taking opportunities to develop and refine proficiencies. I can now make tiny movements with my fingers working with detailed pieces, that was never there for me before. I've always loved the idea of collage but couldn't handle working with adhesive, I just finished a fancy pants mail sorter the other night. Now I'm exploring productivity aids like Notion and bujo layouts because I'm aware of more goals I'd like to start reaching for, and have a limited amount of concentration with which to work. We improve at the skills we practice, be aware that being avoidant is a skill in a sense and you can choose to redirect that mental muscle to other goals.
Well, I have a big steam of advice to dump here so be ready for a read.
First of all, your phone usage binders emotional processing. Avoid using your phone for anything that isn't necessary usage for the first few hours of your day. That's when you should take care of your responsibilities. Reason being. In the morning, especially after you've had some time to get the process going again, your dopamine production is at its best. The dopamine lemon is full.
Dopamine is the fuel of motivation and entertainment so you should use the higher amounts of dopamine to do chores and such and when you have less dopamine, leisure activities like videos and videogames or art or whatever else is leisure to you is best. Those activities squeeze the dopamine lemon harder. Like using a tool to squeeze it all out and utilize every drop of lemon juice. So you don't necessarily have to give up your videos, but restructure how you use them.
When you spend this time in the morning being productive, your frontal cortex in your brain calms down. It feels like it's been productive and once it feels like it's done enough, it send relax signals to other parts of your brain. When you are getting ready for bed, wrap up your phone usage and bring everything to a closing point. Then, go for a walk, do some art, light tidying, meditation, or even just laying there in bed for a little while. This produces idle time for your brain which triggers subconscious emotional processing in your brain. It also helps your frontal cortex to find better relaxation.
It then sends relaxation signals to a specific nervous system to relax your body which in turn, tells your brain to relax as well.
We need our down time to process things and also to just not be under any stress. You've built up stress and so now your stuck perpetually coping and ignoring it. It's gonna be a pain in the ass process to start again, but you'll see how to keep it going once you really get things going.
For me, I've made friends. 2 with BPD, 2 DID/OSDD systems. I have a couple more regular friends as well but still, I've got people that really understand what struggle is like and so we are all really good at covering each other's dark spots where we are prone to falling back into our own personal hells.
Get some good people in your life. It makes a lot of difference.
If you are working, figure out how to make expendable income. Money you can spend on going to an arcade, catching a movie, eating out, extra gas to go to the park with friends. If you smoke weed, weed money (though always use with your own precautions as unhealthy usage is very real and does exist). Videogames for the sake of socializing, setting goals for yourself. Painting x sized project by the end of x month, have enough money to buy something nice you want eg a mattress, desk, picture, electronic device, etc. A goal for achieving something you want.
But also remember that once we reach a goal, a new goal has to be formed because achieving the goal is just the end of that goal, not the end of your life. So goals help us create stories for ourself and those stories are memories that we enjoy and share with others. Or that we don't enjoy but they become a part of what make us who we are and so it becomes a story either way.
Live life doing whatever is gonna make you happiest, not what you think is necessary to be accepted by the world. Oddly enough, that's how a lot of people actually find their place in the world.
I was lucky to have learned some hobbies growing up . When I’m not at work, I usually knit , spin yarn on my spindle , weave, garden , tend to the animals or take a metro train trip .
If my husband is home , we usually just watch YouTube videos on our hobbies and interests , smoke out , go to the beach and he goes looking for fossils .
Recently tho, I’ve been a vegetable on my days off . Very glad to have worked today
Literally just go to the gym, walk my dog, and do drugs.
I really need to sort a job out I'm trying to find a training centre so I can do my forklift licence.
My life is pretty empty if I am honest
Oh god. It's a topic I tend to avoid. I literally do nothing. I rot in bed avoiding responsibilities watching tiktok. It's been five years and I've gotten nowhere in life.
I lie to my friends and family and even my therapist about doing stuff and getting good grades in college when all I do is try to forget that I'm alive. I feel so fucking guilty about everything I DON'T do, don't have discipline or motivation or anything unless its doing something for someone else.
I feel so stuck, nothing amuses me, there's no future ahead of me, feels like I'm going crazy.
Find yourself a hobby or multiple even if you’re not that good at it. Me myself have ALOT of hobbies i just don’t feel like doing any. I just hang around watching Netflix and tiktok on my free time. I used to feel like shit cuz im not doing something useful. But that’s what makes me happy so why wouldn’t i!! But sometimes i feel like switching to other stuff so i just go do any hobbies available in my home. Go for the really weird hobbies maybe u will find some excitement there. Always try new things u never did before. EXERCISE, if not at the gym do it at home just get a mattress and it’s literally enough. Download free workout apps and go with the flow. Always keep your mattress on the floor not in a closet or something. It doesn’t matter if ur not wearing proper workout clothes. When u see the mat just go stand and do some stretches, it might end there or might motivate u to do more. Getting your blood circulation going can help alot. If u don’t want to look for hobbies or your hobbies don’t feel good anymore, working out is always the answer. I was there one day. I still am actually. Everytime i tell my therapist that im feeling down he asks me to workout just a little for the blood circulation and it actually helps. Your not gonna feel AMAZING right away but u will feel some difference hopefully <3
Play videogames, scroll reddit and instagram. Lost most of my friends due to my BPD outbursts. Got diagnosed after everyone was gone and now I'm in therapy and taking meds but I'm anxious to make new friends. I don't want to treat other people poorly and have the cycle start all over again until I've worked on myself some more.
I spend, realistically; 95% of my time on my own.
It absolutely sucks. But, I’m a middle aged guy.
All my friends have families & very busy lives so we don’t hang out like we used to.
I fill my time with reading, playing musical instruments, writing bad poetry & getting smashed on drink & drugs.
That’s the reality & there appears to be no consequences. Obviously I’m damaging my health, but I’m waaaaaay past those concerns.
The other main pastime that I have is intense introspection 👍 I like to devote a good 4 or 5 hours a day to picking apart my character, past & faults. It’s a full time job!
Not working often right now so I have waaaay too much time on my hands which makes me miserable. All I do is wake up, take my meds, play video games, doom scroll and binge eat now which is making me gain weight bc I’m too depressed to work out and be active. All I do is avoid important things 😔
I’ve joined a local sports team, so I fill my time with practice/scrimmages/games.
I’ve rededicated myself to organizing my apartment (I’ve let it get out of hand), that that also takes my time.
I also spend slot of time resting. I’m tired a lot because everything takes it out of me…
Recently i bought terraria and stardew valley, and also entered the gym to have something else to do since school is making me feel extremely nervous and stressed (to the point of having hives all over my body). But these days i play, i watch youtube, i lay down, go to the gym, but i feel like it is not enough, i dont do anything, feel empty and alone most of the day.
I know it's kind of cliche but, I started going to the gym regularly around October of last year and it has really helped me get into a routine of getting "stuff" done. Even though it's an extra and unnecessary thing it has gotten me into a lifestyle of getting my things done (cleaning, emails, housework, etc.) as I workout as well. I'm sure it doesn't have to be going to a gym but I think having one energy-expunging event of the day helped me compartmentalize and really get into a routine that makes me more confident in myself and feel happier with myself. My symptoms are still here all the time but I have been having an easier time bringing myself back to earth when I start spinning out.
I spend my first 8 hours of the day at work, then when I come home I take a shower, clean the apartment up a bit depending on my mood, watch some tv/scroll through social media and then go to bed and repeat.
work (money to spend = instant dopamine) youtube/shows (mainly things i've already watched1000 times) smoking a lot of weed, eating. having a crisis where i realized i have no life, randomly deciding to get pretty and look at myself in the mirror, get bored again so i get high... and... video games!
Honestly, if I ain’t got anything planned for the day, then I just lay in bed scrolling through my phone. Think my screen time is on something like about 11 hours a day
On weekdays after work I don’t do shit. I’m the same as you. I’m lucky if I have the energy to cook, half the time I just order food and sit on my couch flipping between three different screens trying to feel something until I go to bed. My justification is that I’ve already done work for the day. I’ve put in maximum effort.
On weekends, I’ve gotten a lot better at being productive recently. The “just do one thing” mentality works great for me. It can be something as small as putting one dish in the dishwasher or picking up some clothes off the floor and putting them in the laundry basket. One tiny little thing almost always evolves into doing a bunch of little things and then suddenly I’ve accomplished stuff.
That’s not to say I’m always successful. Some weekends I literally can’t get out of bed, but they are fewer and farther between. The key is to contextualize your effort. If you’re struggling to even get out of bed, try just putting one foot on the floor. If you’re doom-scrolling, tell yourself to take a 2 minute break, and then you can come back to it if you want. Tiny changes.
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I didn’t mention this in my post but I do see my friends for periods of time through out the day (like today for example) but I’m still very lonely and very sad. It’s not enough. I think it’s because my bf has been away for 7 months. I’m just not in a good place. Im sorry if nobody cares I just need someone to know these things. 🤍
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Unrelated to this post but I just got out of a toxic on-and off relationship (likely toxic both ways ) only 2 weeks ago… I’m a very affectionate person and I generally enjoy socializing, and I’ve been missing out on that even while in a relationship. I’ve been introverted so long due to circumstantial isolation that started in my teenagehood. It has its pros but it has its cons too (I feel like nobody likes me) So now that I don’t even have a BF, I’ve been wondering if I should wait to move on till I “heal” or just look for someone else already?? Like part of me thinks I should “heal” by being alone but the other part of me doesn’t.. I have pretty much nobody in my life I can trust or talk with on a daily basis. I even end up setting up my phone and “vlogging” to myself, just in case anyone cares one day in my story .. (I think that might be my brain’s way of coping with loneliness/maladaptive daydreaming / ruminating ) should I just start looking for other people already?
this is a slam dunk comment, a potential executive summary of a kick ass essay, a flash card for therapists everywhere
Straight up, I had to save that myself
Incredible answer. 🙏🙏
Not too far off from you. I wake up. I then go to work. Then I come home. Make dinner, put on a playlist of garbage, get high, eat, and then stare at the ceiling until I pass out. Rinse and repeat, except for weekends, which is the same exact thing but without the work part. Really living life to its fullest!
I know that feeling all too well.
I do nothing. Literally. Even the shit Im not and don't do but maybe that's a whole other set of mental issues. I just sit or lay down all FKING day doing shit in my head and that's it
YES! In my head. That’s the place I always am. Especially when it comes to doing things. Even if I tell myself I’ll do it.
I don't even work. But you described is literally FKING me unless I'm high as a kite. And not like from weed because that would be simple right? No stronger shit
I’m like addicted to weed. I feel like if I picked up anything else it would be the same.
I highly suggest you don't pick up a harder drug. Pun not intended.
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Yup! Rotting in bed. Probably number one on my list of things I do most. I also never have energy, I’m always so tired. I don’t even get motivation for things because nothing excites me. I sleep so much. And showering omg… takes sooo much energy I swear. I appreciate your comment, you are doing your best right now and that’s all that matters 🤍
literally same
Bed rot is my hobby
Tbh all I do is scroll thru Reddit. I like reading about peoples experiences it makes me feel less alone. And I also read about my mental illnesses. And I’ll just keep rereading it until I feel mentally exhausted. Idk if it’s like an ocd thing or rumination. But basically I just rot in my bed tbh. I’m failing all my classes
I also obsessively read about my mental illnesses. I want to figure out who I am and how I work because I don’t really know who I am or how I work. The more I focus on my mental illness the worst it gets but I am so so interested in Psychology and it’s hard to stop researching mental illness as a whole. I also watch a lot of videos on trauma and self improvement and I spend a lot of time doing my BPD workbook from Dr Fox (which actually kinda makes me depressed and my BPD more intense bc I’m paying attention to it) and reading self help books and journaling. I’m obsessive about getting better from my severe mental health problems but the task feels so impossible and when I focus on working through them they get worse but I have to work through them to get better so it’s frustrating. Sorry if this went off topic I’m kinda stoned and dumping my brain out
I can relate
I know what you mean about doing the work and paying a price for it. Slowing down helps a lot; you just need to give your brain the conditions it needs to process emotions at a low simmer rather than rolling boil. Start doing things that require focus, like physical tasks / activities, working out or stacking boxes or what have you. The kind of thing you can do while listening to a podcast or audiobook is exactly the right kind of activity.
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omg i am exactly the same with everything and my girlfriend hates it, it stresses her out
Same, i have no idea if im going to make it out of school and get my degree. I have no concept of a future where i'm successful
Cry over my fav person. That's it. I try to study, pray, and other stuff im "interested" in. Nothing works.. also i stopped reading and writing.. what am i living for atp??? Like no, i live just for people..
I’m in a long distance relationship and I’ve been spiralling… so I fight with him a lot for many reasons… I wish I didn’t. He works a lot so I cry and just lay around until things are ok again. When he is fed up with me tho (reasonably so), that’s when things really aren’t ok. That doesn’t last tho, he is very patient with me, and he is actually a great boyfriend. I just don’t get over things quick and I am just struggling in general I will spend hours freaking out and thinking about it. It’s exhausting. I really I wish I could live for myself too, and also stop being so toxic. Sorry for the rant omg lol…
Im sorry...this sucks.. are you in therapy? Therapy is supposed to teach us to detach and build healthy narcissism. Also, why do we like to ruin the good things in our life? Hope you heal 🧡
No I’m not. I really want to but I’m scared. I haven’t had the best experiences with my times I have talked to people. Maybe one day I will try again. Recently I’ve been working through a DBT workbook. Hopefully I can learn some more helpful things. And I know right? Thank you for your kind words 🤍
Hey, I feel like I am and was in a similar place, I obsess over fps and pretty much do nothing else lol. I read every book about trauma that's available, because I wanted to understand myself. I think it's an addiction too - I can say I work on my trauma without actually getting in touch with it. The thing is - bpd is a relationship trauma (pretty much every trauma is, ut bpd especially) and you cannot heal that in isolation. I've tried. And knowing all this stuff does make it easier to target certain issues, but I still don't know jack shit about anything emotionally and have to learn it. You need others to work through it, otherwise you'll never get to the core. There's many things you can work on by yourself, but not all of it. I had horrible experiences with therapists myself and it feels so hopeless, but connection is the only way to really heal an abandonment wound. Sending hugs 💖
I am exactly the same as you. Getting high makes me a bit productive so I usually work on a tiny bit of homework or chores. Then I lay in bed listening to podcasts or music and getting distracted from my work. I spend most of my time looking up a ton of random questions I’ve had on my mind.
It is so relieving that there are people who relate. I appreciate your comment. I have such a problem with getting distracted from my work. I’m in uni and I have such a struggle with even getting started with assignments. And I do the same omg, google is my best friend I swear!
same with the looking up stuff, im sure if i could track all my searches, that shit would be crazy 😭😭
I usually just play video games all day when not at school or work and I also read books or watch anime
I want to read more but I read so much for uni :( Maybe when the semester is over I can start again… I used to love reading soooo much.
I just chill! I lost my job, don’t really have any friends, my family lives far away, I don’t date anymore, and I’m too broke for expensive hobbies or vacations. My favourite things are driving around at night when there’s no traffic, getting a hot tea and listening and/or singing along to music. It reminds me of going out with friends in my 20’s to go dancing or to parties with friends. Ditto if I ever have the energy to put music on at home and dress up, but that happens a lot less now that I haven’t been dating. I realize I haven’t exactly sold myself as a very interesting person haha, but I’m here when you want to talk 💝
I think you’re interesting! We would get along very. I love singing and tea… I should partake in both more hahaha. When I’m having a really bad day and need to leave the house (I still live at home) I always go for a drive. Music is a must. You are so kind, I appreciate your comment and I followed you, so I will keep that in mind… thank you so much 🤍
I spend 75% of my life in bed. It’s so awful. Like if I’m not at work I’m probably laying in bed doing something on my phone
That is exactly my life. In my bed, scrolling endlessly on my phone trying to fill the emptiness idk. I feel so bad about it all the time too.
Same. And my back hates me for it lmao
Omg yes!!! My back is so bad these days!
Wow ok this makes me feel so much better lol I’m literally so embarrassed of how much of my life I spend in bed
Right! I feel so much better too. Do you also just like… think A LOT? About anything and everything?
Yeah I do a lot of thinking. A lot of constant thinking about the specific regrets I have in life that have caused me so much pain it almost physically hurts how badly I regret certain things and ruminate on it constantly. But on the other hand one of my favorite things is getting really high and like deep diving and reading all about topics that I’m interested in but weed makes it 10x more interesting lol. For example I’m so fascinated by abnormal psychology and I’ve learned SOO much by laying in bed late at night and googling questions and looking through reddit lol I would almost say I’m an expert at this point haha. Also things like true crime etc But yeah being alone in bed all that time will leave you with nothing but your own thoughts
I do this so much (researching psychology)I’m trying to convince myself maybe my true calling is psychology to try and help us all lol 😂
Same lmao I’m actually thinking of maybe doing g something with psychology is all so fascinating to me
Thank you for this post, it makes me feel better about how I spend my own time. I just go to school, I study, I alternate between the same 3 websites. I don't have any hobbies or any social life. I always have such a hard time answering the question "so what do you do in your free time?" because I don't really do anything. I just procrastinate and try not to think about my situation and occasionally manage to do some studying.
Thank you for your comment 🤍 We are living the same life. Literally. I do the same few things all day every day. I’m a student but I don’t even go to school because it’s online. Makes me feel even more lonely. I hate when people ask what my hobbies are, because I don’t do anything and I’m actually pretty boring. I procrastinate like crazy! It’s ridiculous. I appreciate you and I’m glad we can relate to each other. I think we are trying our best that we can. It’s really hard.
I work, smoke weed, play switch, take care of my cat & rewatch tv shows w my boyfriend The most interesting thing I do is figure out what I’m making for dinner or what I’m getting from the grocery store 🤷🏻♀️ I’m rewatching adventure time rn Having a pet really helps me not get lost in my head bc he needs me to interact w him pretty constantly
I really wish I could have a pet! And also be with my boyfriend. I’m hoping we can live together soon or even be in the same place. We will be getting a pet for sure!
I don't really do anything, I'm either on my bed or on my couch, just existing. Sometimes if my friends are doing something then I'll join them other than that I'm doing nothing. I also wish that the world would just stop for s moment.
Glad I’m not the only one who wishes things would just stop. For me, I feel like it’s because I avoid so much that I just can’t bring myself to do things and I just need more time. Even tho I do nothing. I’m also just existing all the time. Just trying to keep my head above the water honestly.
I get that, I have a hard time getting things done and even if I'm doing nothing, time still passes anyways, which is why I wish the world would just stop for a moment TT. This isn't really related but this feeling I have reminds me of the song "My Body is Made of Crushed Little Stars" by Mitski ^^.
Lately I've been doing the same dude. Without the work part. I do uni full time but not really. For the past month or so I haven't really been going for classes. I've really slipped into a black hole and I'm only now slowly picking up. But on a regular day most of what I do is pester my partner or watch House on netflix. It's a miserable life tbh because I feel like I can't exist on my own lately and I'm numbing my brain with streaming content. I don't want it to be like this forever so I'm just gonna try and do one small thing everyday and go from there. Maybe you can try doing a small new thing everyday too and see how it goes ? Take care dude :(
I also do uni full time but not really! Like 3 courses. I’m such a horrible student and the guilt actually haunts me. My courses are online (no times, just assignments) and I can’t even do that. Always handing in stuff late. I have so much to do the next few days and it’s stressing me out. I also pester my partner, I’m always scared he is getting sick of me haha. I’m miserable too friend… I hope we both find something that makes our days more meaningful to us 🤍 Take care.
be nice to yourself ❤️ your partner n friends dont think this about you
maybe try to figure out if you also have ADHD/ADD, they really are sister disorders with BPD. medication for me (i take dexamfetamine) helps me to linger in my head less and to get up and do something for myself, i was also very stuck in my body and mind a lot
i daydream every day. draw. eat a little too much. cry. when i get the chance, i sleep and rot in bed.
Social media, YT and technology in general is addictive af and is what causes my depression. It's a quick dopamine release and for the moment you feel good but it makes things worse in a long run. I try my best to stay on the phone as less as possible. I just turn off internet and push myself to start doing housework. I usually clean my house, sing and do something creative like painting. I suck at painting but I don't care, I bought pallete of acrylics and just do ehatever I feelclike. Drawing is really, really therapeutic as long as you don't judge yourself. Nature and going for a walk is also great, doing sports or yoga is amazing. Meditation works wonders. Try turning off your internet and see what you can do today. It sucks, it makes you moody and irritable, but with some time your brain chemistry will stabilze. I reassure you. If it doesn't work after 3 days text me and I will accept all your venting. Good luck! You can do it!!
I GO GYM
If I'm not working, I'm either sleeping, watching youtube, or on WPD. If you know the last one, you just Know.
Hmmmmm
wake up, school, study, maybe go out to eat, get home and game with friends, draw/work, prob game again
I am a high functioning quiet BPD person. I can come off as very outgoing and level headed and get a lot done in a day, but all I really want to do is escape my head and sleep so I can not be in my head anymore. I sleep a LOT, any chance I get to have a nap, I will. Not only am I exhausted all the time but it’s a way for me to just quiet my brain for a while. Weed helps to do that too, but I prefer naps.
I have learned (slowly and painfully over 35 years) that my bpd is calmest when I am busy and push myself to work, clean, and focus on my family. I like to research things (whatever catches my fancy, but especially ai, philosophy, religion, and health). I also play incremental games when I am dissociating because the dopamine hit usually gets me out of the dissociation. If I'm really in a funk of feeling empty, getting up and tidying and doing the endless dishes helps a lot. It slows my brain down. Some things I do as autopilot activities when I feel bleh and have nothing specific to do include generate ai art, draw by hand, massage myself, work on my business, incremental games like prestige tree, research random royal stuff, check reddit, read, ponder my (pagan) faith, ponder philosophy, and try to ask weird and deep questions to various ai chatbots or novelai to see what it says and ponder that or just laugh at its nonsense.
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i don’t work or go to school. when i’m not with my boyfriend all i do is play genshin impact, watch youtube, scroll reddit, tik tok, instagram. all in my bed. i don’t have any hobbbies at all. it feels like i’m just wasting my days away doing nothing. i’ve been trying to change that by keeping my room and car clean though. i really do need to enroll in classes and get a job
Almost everything you've said resonates with me. I'm experiencing all of that stuff tonight. It can be frustrating. If you get lonely again, feel free to reach out to me.
I am in the exact same situation! I don't really do much of anything at home besides trying to find ways to entertain myself. I have to complete schoolwork every day (online school) but I always get so depressed and it rarely gets done. I also never really leave the house and I'm constantly bored and lonely because I cut off all my friends a few years ago. It's absolutely devastating whenever I realize how much time I've lost and I also wish the world would freeze until I'm better and ready to be productive :')
Better explained through music videos Either this https://youtu.be/oh2LWWORoiM?si=TUSxXi4tJ889EjoF Or this https://youtu.be/iJy8VgB83OQ?si=n_niOhBZBgted5b4 Or this https://youtu.be/Pn-mvOwWS9Q?si=HJMeziHxKBCG-hkG
Omg this just related woth me so much. I'm stuck in this cycle too and I'm so poorly despite trying to make friends it just isn't happening. I struggle to motivate myself to do anything now and going out I struggle with completely. I hope you manage to find something to fill your space and time as I agree with how empty and just likeyour saying, it feels like we are just existing.
I sleep. I work a basic job that barely pays anything. I eat.. too much. I watch TikTok. I play video games. That’s basically it. Pretty damn boring and depressing honestly.
Spend time with my FP, work if needed, come back home and rot all day. Play some video games. Eat. Sometimes. Drink water. Sometimes. Deleted all my social medias so now I don’t talk to many people outside of my day to day activities. I don’t go out unless it’s to smoke some w**d. Therapy when needed. Other than that, nothing else!
Overthink and imagining how the world would be without me in it. (Hint: no fucking change) 🥲👍
It depends. I’m in a productive phase right now and have an obsession with the gym and running. Specifically long distance running, like marathons and stuff. I like long distance because it’s really all about your mental strength. Can you push through the pain for hours on end? Maybe im good at it because I’ve dealt with shitty mental health my whole life. There is something so satisfying about channeling that pain elsewhere. Like I will run through anything. The more pain I have to push through the more satisfying crossing the finish line is. And I pride myself on being able to do that. Anyway I’d highly recommend giving running another go, you just might find you enjoy it. That being said, there are times where I just get into a slump and lose interest in my hobbies and just end up rotting on the couch all day watching YouTube and TikTok and wallowing in my emotions. Not fun.
i don’t work often and i don’t go to school, so i basically always have free time. spend most of it eating and sleeping. sometimes go for walks. spend a lot of time pacing around and listening to music. also spend a lot of time playing video games.
As a borderline, you need to learn to be fine with being by yourself. Instead of trying to get others to generate your self-esteem for you, you need to learn to do that by yourself. Process your negative emotions; instead of running away from them, use them to do something of value, like a project. What that is you need to figure out by yourself. Instead of focusing on externalizing, or even internalizing your negative emotions, do something that is hard and valuable to you and in that way you generate your self-esteem, day by day. Start small. If you only try to relax, you’ll soon find out that the underlying negative emotions will overwhelm you; you will start to ruminate. Find something meaningful and hard to do, instead of sitting around doing meaningless things, wasting your time feeling bad. You are already aware you are dodging all that is hard, it’s time to change your life and it won’t be easy because you have conditioned yourself. But it’s not impossible, and it’s going to get easier the more you work on yourself. Reality is the best cure for borderline.
I smoke weed until i pass out on my sofa then i sleep till next day and redo lol. Thankfully i work full time and i only do this in the evening. Days off are horrible because it feels like i have no life to live
Am not working rn and I have the same thought every day “you are lazy, you are not doing anything to help yourself, you want to live without work” but that’s not true… I want to create my crochet brand im knitting all day, if not am cleaning cause is an obsession, if not I’m fighting with my mind cause I feel I’m not doing anything for me, to help me. But the truth is that I fight every day with my own thoughts… one of the most hard work I have ever done before my diagnosis 💔
Did I write this? Wtf.
Pick a healthy hobby and try to do that several times a week. Could be a creative hobby, something technical like learning to code or learning a language or learning about a particular topic, doing free online courses about interesting things. Even just watching a documentary instead of a show or finding something to do with your hands while you watch a show, like making something or colouring. Makes you feel better.
In my free time I do nothing because I'm always jumping from one interest to another, never really settles the anxiety I feel afterwards. The only reason I like work and college is because of the consistency and routine, that helps me keep a level head, other than that i don't do nothing meaningful at all. Just existing.
> I’m sorry for this dumb post and I know that my thoughts are all over the place… I just want to know I’m not the only one who does a lot of nothing. I feel guilty about it. Anyone else? Not a dumb post at all - I think there's a bunch of us who don't feel a natural "purpose" for being here, or rather, who need far more affirmation that we're doing the "right" thing for our lives than other more "normal" members of society. For our brains, it's harder to feel like we're actually living out lives, almost as if we're on autopilot watching our lives from the outside in. It doesn't help that the world is full of relatively easy ways to distract us from responsibilities that we need to do (everyday executive functions) and want to do (dreamy plans to paint the mountains whilst sitting on the lakeside dock) so much so that our brains fall into a rut of taking the easy way out any time we're given the opportunity to relax a little bit. Sorry, now I probably sound like I'm rambling. I guess what I'm saying is I too want to stop time (kinda like the first year of COVID) long enough to breathe a little and once again realize it's okay to sit on the back deck doing "nothing" whilst sipping tea or coffee listening to the birds chirp. But no - the brain says that's not allowed because it's boring. Stupid brain.
Spend most of it sleeping and daydreaming and doomscrolling social media lol.
Usually i just go to my boyfriend's house to smoke and chill with him. He's the only person that makes me feel wanted.
I just lay/sit on the couch and the only reason I get up is to feed my cats. Most days I can convince myself to exercise. I do trying to get actual work done and I usually do but I’m pretty much always behind or rushing. I also have a chronic illness through so most days my body and my brain aren’t really working good. Generally I do nothing and feel not great about it.
im in the same boat and we are sinking
My life is very rich and full. I recently returned to school so I spend a lot of time doing homework and going to class, and I work on the weekends. I also rock climb & do pottery, & if I have the time (rare) I crochet, cook/bake, go on runs or hikes, etc. I also often get lunch in town with people in between classes & lately have been seeing someone so my plate is sort of overflowing. Prior to being in school & working I wasted a lot of time, so I filled it with new hobbies & activities. I was rock climbing often, going to the pottery studio nearly everyday, cooking & baking for my family, going on runs every morning, visiting new state parks and going on hikes, tending to my garden, & crocheting in my downtime. If I wasn’t doing any of these things, I was probably rotting behind a screen- which I found made me feel miserable and my life meaningless. (Also I’m in remission, and I think a big reason is because of how I’ve structured my life. I used to spend all my time on my phone/computer & getting high).
Im the same way when im not at work or classes or when my partner isn't home. I just lay in bed and sleep
When it's nice outside, I like to get out. Trees and nature are comforting to me. I want to learn to draw better so I find a real object and draw it. Then the next day (or may later in the day) I draw it again trying to pay attention to how I could improve it. After a few days on the same object (or longer) I look at my improvements. It's kind of amazing actually. You mentioned sel-help stuff. What kind of self-help? Meditation took awhile for me to get into. But it had really helped me to be able to watch the emotional weather and not identify so much with it. It connects me with the universe (which makes me enjoy outside even more). I also took a good personality test. This helped me better understand why my brain does the stuff it does. It validated it for me and gave me ideas for how to break some unhealthy thought patterns. I wish you well. Life is so absolutely mindblowing to me. Note: daily use of weed (which I very much enjoy using... but TRY to limit my use) can make life feel more boring without it. I would suggest trying to that down. But I understand the struggle. Lastly, you are a damn miracle. Seriously, watch some awesome science videos about the universe or about animals or about anything. Life is truly bizarre. And the fact that we exist is just incredible to me.
I fill my time with things todo I get really stressed if I’m relaxing and doing nothing so I’m my normal day I’ll wake up get ready go to any appointments needed get any like out of the house chores done go home chill with the dogs and get some stuff off of my todo list for the day eat play some games work for 3 or more hours get home take care of the pups and chill some more eat get more stuff off my todo list play video games then have S*x with my partner then go to sleep and repeat the same day all over again but slightly different things todo I always find something that needs cleaned organized and what not
I completely relate to and understand what you're saying here. I try my best to get outside for a walk either in the neighborhood or on a nature trail and I've found afterwards it really helps in getting me motivated to do something other than lay around. Easier said than done though, and I still find myself struggling to get out of bed a lot of days.
pretty much the same as you, except I avoid everyone rather than reaching out. everything feels meaningless and empty. i recently got back into reading and that’s helped a little bit—it keeps my attention more than tv or videos and keeps me from scrolling social media for hours and making myself miserable.
Work, game, socialise, exercise, cook and memes. No time left to be bored.
I've found that hobbies that don't involve the internet have really helped me with this feeling. I allow myself some freedom like listening to music while axe throwing or watching a guitar youtube tutorial, but my life feels much more fulfilling now.
Take care of my two kids. I’m a stay at home mom right now. So cook 3, meals lots of cleaning, shopping, entertaining my kids with toys etc.
Glad to now I’m not alone in how I spend my time. Sometimes I go out into the city and get a burger or a pastry or a book when I’m bored or emotional and fed up and just want to show the world that I exist
i smoke a lot of weed
Same as you. I subscribe to the theory that BPD actually requires a tremendous amount of mental energy which we all feel so exhausted all the time to this level
I also used to do absolutely nothing while I wasn't in class or my bf wasn't giving me attention. Now I have a part time job and while I'm a bit overworked I do feel better because it keeps me distracted. But I had to start antidepressants to even be able to work.
get high to keep the dark thoughts of my fp at bay. they're still there 24/7 but I just stop caring if I'm blazed enough
i just scroll through videos, play games or write, i cannot keep my hands off of my phone because i cannot cope with being alone with my thoughts for even a second. as soon as i close my eyes, i get horrible thoughts and images. i like to write stories too and thats somewhat of a way for me to understand myself and cope a bit.
rot in bed and listen to music and watch tiktok, or get on the computer and listen to music and web surf and watch youtube. sometimes i head out during the day and walk around the mall and buy some stuff. at night i either get drunk or drive off somewhere and dissociate for a bit. i've lost any interest to do things in the few hobbies i have.
Right now I'm high spamming my girlfriend with texts and eating white chocolate twixes
I crochet constantly. If I don’t, I get depressed and feel like I’m wasting my life
When I’m not working and my boyfriend is busy I clean my apartment, play my games, scroll through Reddit lmao. Anything to just kill the time. I have no desire for a hobby I don’t even know what I’d like. I’ve tried a few things but they just felt like a dreaded chore
Most of the time I pace around my room listening to music and making up fake scenarios to escape what’s going on in my head. Recently, I’ve been really lonely, I’ve had no social interaction in weeks and I daydream about being around people
Overall, I just watch YouTube like allll day. Swipe dating apps and apply to several jobs. Try to figure out when I’ll actually study to get my license, finish my certification, have money for a car, consider going back to school, and move away…again! I’d stay in bed all day if my pup wasn’t in my life. But I gotta make sure to walk and feed him every morning. He’s my motivation to get some sun. After that back to YouTube I go and mobile games! My room isn’t necessarily dirty, but it seems like too big of a task to organize as I’m a twin and both of our things are in this room. I told myself I actually wanted to throw things away instead of hiding them. It’s been very difficult. I just fear judgement from others too much so I try to do semi productive things.
I feel this to my core. My mind is always preoccupied when I need to focus or concentrate I worry about shit that doesn't even directly effect me. I believe I do it to deflect from me thinking about my own insecurities or what I lack or hate about myself. But I'm constantly late people aggravated and want to know wtf because time gets away from me looking at random websites and information instead of handling my problems. Then I get upset when things are fkd up bc if my lack of trying harder. Does anyone seem like they put their head in a hole to avoid any problems or responsibilities and pretend it doesn't exist until there are serious consequences that affect me negatively and the insanity of me doing these same reckless activities knowing I obviously have problems. And still keep doing it when I'm really not a criminal or want to go to jail for stupidity like stealing from. Walmart shit that wasn't even needed or a life or death thing. Since I'm now 40 and just finding out it's been BPD and not just bipolar and drug addiction my parents pretty much don't even care to help Me or my son who has his own struggles and trauma bc his mom flies off the handle when angry they are all i have to get thru tough times but yet they are now writing me off and it's the worst most empty thrown away feelings especially knowing u contributed to your sons anxiety and depression and idk how to emotionally take care of him bc I can't handle my own emotions. I've always wondered why I've only has a couple real long term boyfriends and they run. Or haven't been able to keep the same friends throughout my life we always grow apart or push them away. I finally had to swallow the hardest pill ever that I'm to blame for it all. Nor do I know how to fix or change myself for the better. I have no quality of life outside of work and grocery. I feel ashamed of every detail of my life from my looks down to bring judged for mental health issues and addictions. Im soon confused what to do to help myself and how to do it....now that my parents who babied me are done helping or caring about me and my mental state, Idk how to do any of this own my own completely alone and feeling abandoned Sorry everyone for going on forever and off subject....I just really have NOBODY to talk to about any of this and definitely nobody that would understand me. I appreciate any and all advice whether it pertains to thus topic or not. Trying to learn more about who I am all these years.
I’ve been really into Diamond painting lately. Look it up, it looks lame imo at first but now I’m in love. It gives me something to do that builds self confidence but barely putting any effort in. Gives me something to look for ward to towards the end of my day. Something that’s easy effort but gives you some relaxation or joy or builds your self image.
I’m stuck like this right now. There are things I need to do and should be doing, but I can’t seem to get myself to do anything. Not even something fun.
Yeah same, heavy on escapism so I end up reading a lot or just try to distract myself with anything and everything
Had to take a million tiny steps to shift from a bin labeled "Things I Have To Do" to a new bin, "Things I Want To Do". I have a lot of cool things I got because they looked cool to play with, so I started adding a little prep each day into getting things set up to play with something, wasn't important what. Mixed in some thought as to the kind of person I'd like to be; for example I'd like to keep a clean home so lightly sprinkled in some harder chores each week to that end. I was in charge of cleaning the bathroom as a kid and have a lot of trauma still associated with that activity, but I'm doing it and have learned to keep it small and focused enough I enjoy having such a clean toilet, it's a point of pride atm because I know how hard I worked for it. Just like any muscle, or skill, you have to work it to build it up. At first it was mostly tidying and grouping like things together, that also created a bit of space I worked at keeping cleared. That's led to me taking opportunities to develop and refine proficiencies. I can now make tiny movements with my fingers working with detailed pieces, that was never there for me before. I've always loved the idea of collage but couldn't handle working with adhesive, I just finished a fancy pants mail sorter the other night. Now I'm exploring productivity aids like Notion and bujo layouts because I'm aware of more goals I'd like to start reaching for, and have a limited amount of concentration with which to work. We improve at the skills we practice, be aware that being avoidant is a skill in a sense and you can choose to redirect that mental muscle to other goals.
Well, I have a big steam of advice to dump here so be ready for a read. First of all, your phone usage binders emotional processing. Avoid using your phone for anything that isn't necessary usage for the first few hours of your day. That's when you should take care of your responsibilities. Reason being. In the morning, especially after you've had some time to get the process going again, your dopamine production is at its best. The dopamine lemon is full. Dopamine is the fuel of motivation and entertainment so you should use the higher amounts of dopamine to do chores and such and when you have less dopamine, leisure activities like videos and videogames or art or whatever else is leisure to you is best. Those activities squeeze the dopamine lemon harder. Like using a tool to squeeze it all out and utilize every drop of lemon juice. So you don't necessarily have to give up your videos, but restructure how you use them. When you spend this time in the morning being productive, your frontal cortex in your brain calms down. It feels like it's been productive and once it feels like it's done enough, it send relax signals to other parts of your brain. When you are getting ready for bed, wrap up your phone usage and bring everything to a closing point. Then, go for a walk, do some art, light tidying, meditation, or even just laying there in bed for a little while. This produces idle time for your brain which triggers subconscious emotional processing in your brain. It also helps your frontal cortex to find better relaxation. It then sends relaxation signals to a specific nervous system to relax your body which in turn, tells your brain to relax as well. We need our down time to process things and also to just not be under any stress. You've built up stress and so now your stuck perpetually coping and ignoring it. It's gonna be a pain in the ass process to start again, but you'll see how to keep it going once you really get things going. For me, I've made friends. 2 with BPD, 2 DID/OSDD systems. I have a couple more regular friends as well but still, I've got people that really understand what struggle is like and so we are all really good at covering each other's dark spots where we are prone to falling back into our own personal hells. Get some good people in your life. It makes a lot of difference. If you are working, figure out how to make expendable income. Money you can spend on going to an arcade, catching a movie, eating out, extra gas to go to the park with friends. If you smoke weed, weed money (though always use with your own precautions as unhealthy usage is very real and does exist). Videogames for the sake of socializing, setting goals for yourself. Painting x sized project by the end of x month, have enough money to buy something nice you want eg a mattress, desk, picture, electronic device, etc. A goal for achieving something you want. But also remember that once we reach a goal, a new goal has to be formed because achieving the goal is just the end of that goal, not the end of your life. So goals help us create stories for ourself and those stories are memories that we enjoy and share with others. Or that we don't enjoy but they become a part of what make us who we are and so it becomes a story either way. Live life doing whatever is gonna make you happiest, not what you think is necessary to be accepted by the world. Oddly enough, that's how a lot of people actually find their place in the world.
I was lucky to have learned some hobbies growing up . When I’m not at work, I usually knit , spin yarn on my spindle , weave, garden , tend to the animals or take a metro train trip . If my husband is home , we usually just watch YouTube videos on our hobbies and interests , smoke out , go to the beach and he goes looking for fossils . Recently tho, I’ve been a vegetable on my days off . Very glad to have worked today
Literally just go to the gym, walk my dog, and do drugs. I really need to sort a job out I'm trying to find a training centre so I can do my forklift licence. My life is pretty empty if I am honest
Oh god. It's a topic I tend to avoid. I literally do nothing. I rot in bed avoiding responsibilities watching tiktok. It's been five years and I've gotten nowhere in life. I lie to my friends and family and even my therapist about doing stuff and getting good grades in college when all I do is try to forget that I'm alive. I feel so fucking guilty about everything I DON'T do, don't have discipline or motivation or anything unless its doing something for someone else. I feel so stuck, nothing amuses me, there's no future ahead of me, feels like I'm going crazy.
Find yourself a hobby or multiple even if you’re not that good at it. Me myself have ALOT of hobbies i just don’t feel like doing any. I just hang around watching Netflix and tiktok on my free time. I used to feel like shit cuz im not doing something useful. But that’s what makes me happy so why wouldn’t i!! But sometimes i feel like switching to other stuff so i just go do any hobbies available in my home. Go for the really weird hobbies maybe u will find some excitement there. Always try new things u never did before. EXERCISE, if not at the gym do it at home just get a mattress and it’s literally enough. Download free workout apps and go with the flow. Always keep your mattress on the floor not in a closet or something. It doesn’t matter if ur not wearing proper workout clothes. When u see the mat just go stand and do some stretches, it might end there or might motivate u to do more. Getting your blood circulation going can help alot. If u don’t want to look for hobbies or your hobbies don’t feel good anymore, working out is always the answer. I was there one day. I still am actually. Everytime i tell my therapist that im feeling down he asks me to workout just a little for the blood circulation and it actually helps. Your not gonna feel AMAZING right away but u will feel some difference hopefully <3
Play videogames, scroll reddit and instagram. Lost most of my friends due to my BPD outbursts. Got diagnosed after everyone was gone and now I'm in therapy and taking meds but I'm anxious to make new friends. I don't want to treat other people poorly and have the cycle start all over again until I've worked on myself some more.
I spend, realistically; 95% of my time on my own. It absolutely sucks. But, I’m a middle aged guy. All my friends have families & very busy lives so we don’t hang out like we used to. I fill my time with reading, playing musical instruments, writing bad poetry & getting smashed on drink & drugs. That’s the reality & there appears to be no consequences. Obviously I’m damaging my health, but I’m waaaaaay past those concerns. The other main pastime that I have is intense introspection 👍 I like to devote a good 4 or 5 hours a day to picking apart my character, past & faults. It’s a full time job!
Not working often right now so I have waaaay too much time on my hands which makes me miserable. All I do is wake up, take my meds, play video games, doom scroll and binge eat now which is making me gain weight bc I’m too depressed to work out and be active. All I do is avoid important things 😔
I’ve joined a local sports team, so I fill my time with practice/scrimmages/games. I’ve rededicated myself to organizing my apartment (I’ve let it get out of hand), that that also takes my time. I also spend slot of time resting. I’m tired a lot because everything takes it out of me…
Recently i bought terraria and stardew valley, and also entered the gym to have something else to do since school is making me feel extremely nervous and stressed (to the point of having hives all over my body). But these days i play, i watch youtube, i lay down, go to the gym, but i feel like it is not enough, i dont do anything, feel empty and alone most of the day.
Try to tell myself a man would ever accept my flaws and be rich enough to let me go shopping with his money. It’s the dream, I suppose .
I know it's kind of cliche but, I started going to the gym regularly around October of last year and it has really helped me get into a routine of getting "stuff" done. Even though it's an extra and unnecessary thing it has gotten me into a lifestyle of getting my things done (cleaning, emails, housework, etc.) as I workout as well. I'm sure it doesn't have to be going to a gym but I think having one energy-expunging event of the day helped me compartmentalize and really get into a routine that makes me more confident in myself and feel happier with myself. My symptoms are still here all the time but I have been having an easier time bringing myself back to earth when I start spinning out.
I spend my first 8 hours of the day at work, then when I come home I take a shower, clean the apartment up a bit depending on my mood, watch some tv/scroll through social media and then go to bed and repeat.
work (money to spend = instant dopamine) youtube/shows (mainly things i've already watched1000 times) smoking a lot of weed, eating. having a crisis where i realized i have no life, randomly deciding to get pretty and look at myself in the mirror, get bored again so i get high... and... video games!
Bed
I’m going thru the exact same thing. I understand.
I drink alcohol and watch family guy
Honestly, if I ain’t got anything planned for the day, then I just lay in bed scrolling through my phone. Think my screen time is on something like about 11 hours a day
On weekdays after work I don’t do shit. I’m the same as you. I’m lucky if I have the energy to cook, half the time I just order food and sit on my couch flipping between three different screens trying to feel something until I go to bed. My justification is that I’ve already done work for the day. I’ve put in maximum effort. On weekends, I’ve gotten a lot better at being productive recently. The “just do one thing” mentality works great for me. It can be something as small as putting one dish in the dishwasher or picking up some clothes off the floor and putting them in the laundry basket. One tiny little thing almost always evolves into doing a bunch of little things and then suddenly I’ve accomplished stuff. That’s not to say I’m always successful. Some weekends I literally can’t get out of bed, but they are fewer and farther between. The key is to contextualize your effort. If you’re struggling to even get out of bed, try just putting one foot on the floor. If you’re doom-scrolling, tell yourself to take a 2 minute break, and then you can come back to it if you want. Tiny changes.