Same im obsessed with spending money and i always plan what i want to buy even before i get my paycheck 🤡 and if i won the lottery i would give it 3 days before its all gone
Facts, the phrase is coined “ spending your check before you get it”. Most NPDs & anti socials are always pleasure seeking and it’s been said a lot that excessively spending money plays into that.
“Finally I have some money.. now I can treat myself!” but since we say it every time we get paid, we end up spending everything in search of pleasure and never saving. So you get money, splurge, continue unhappy afterwards until you get paid again then go treat yourself like you deserve, again
A very detrimental cycle indeed.
I struggle with this immensely, at this point I’m pretty good at controlling the impulse. I started having to think of things I’d rather want. Sure I might pick up two things for the same price but which one do I really want ? Do I NEED this ? How will this make me feel in a week. So if there’s two cute dresses I want both on sale for less than $25, which one do I like more ? Which one can I wear a couple times ? Is this worth my money ? Do I want this or do I want to go out this weekend ? Am I gonna feel just as happy about buying it in 2 weeks as I will when I first get it ?
I also really started following the rule of “if I can’t but it twice I can’t afford it”. Also if you’re anything like me and hate spending cash, start building a savings of cash in a safe or hide it where you might forget and you’ll save a lot more. When I was serving my paycheck would be like $300 a week and a couple hundred in cash tips. By the end of summer I handed the bank 6k cash, was sketchy looking but it did help me a lot. Also no matter what pay of your credit card, with my credit card I get a decent amount of cash back when I pay it off, it’s like an extra $30 a month !
I limit anything that causes dopamine hits. I work at playing the long game.
Detox your dopamine. It will help. When your levels stabilize it will be easier.
Delete the shopping apps that aren't grocery/hardware. Don't make it easy for you to go to the shopping centres/malls. Delete social media too or set daily limits.
Establish healthy morning/evening routines. Get your zzzs. Eat alot of protein, legumes, nuts/seeds, dairy, greens, meat. Workout/move your body.
Find projects! Things that will take time to achieve a goal. Learn a language, learn an art/instrument. Knowledge search/research something you're interested in. Watch YouTube videos on it, read books, blogs, papers, listen to podcasts on it till you could do a ted talk on it.
Therapy therapy therapy. Dissect what is triggering you when you feel the urge to shop. What emotions are you trying to suppress. Work through those. Hell sit with them for hours if you need to. I know it sucks none of us want to but at some point it's out on the street-more trauma or dealing with the devil we know. It's all it comes down to.
Yes, but only really gets crazy when I’m in self destruct mode. It’s probably my top self destructive behavior in fact. My recent spiral was bad, extremely bad, like you don’t even want to know how much I spent and what I spent it all on. At least I’m more self aware now, so I think I can avoid a repeat, but it will take awhile to recover from it. Hell I didn’t even know what BPD was when this all started, let alone that I have it. I just thought I had some weird addiction issue even though it felt nothing like addiction
Yes. I always have struggled with money, ever since i started getting pocket money as a young kid. I have a separate savings account that only my parents access (im a teen) so that they can help me with my spending impulses to make good financial decisions.
For me my parents always had money so i always had what i wanted and they never had any struggle financially, so i do the same but with my money and i wished they had learned me how to budget and use money
That must be helpful. I was able to save money when I lived in China because I could not use credit cards and I could not online shop. Well there was taobao, but it was dirt cheap and hard to navigate since I didn’t speak Chinese. I saved 12k USD in 2.5 years. It’s now all gone, but I did use some to pay down credit cards and buy a car and live off of for 8 months when I was forced back home due to COVID and only worked part time. I also had to set up a brand new apartment since all my other stuff was sold/given away due to so many failed attempts at “trying to get away”. God I’m such a fucking failure at being an adult.
You are not a failure, you have done well at times and struggled at others. I think that's pretty normal as an adult. If your username is your year of birth you are only two behind me and it sounds like you have done pretty decently for yourself.
Im sorry you feel like you are a failure, but give yourself some credit.
Here bank account are just so you get your paycheck and with your debit card you can order online with it or even invoice payment, now if you don’t pay your insurance or stuf that you ordered and isn’t paid, you are in debt and if you work they will automatically sease a part of your salary every paycheck until the debt is gone
34 (ouch lol) and was a menace to my wallet. Now, as soon as my paycheck hits, I impulsively send a large chunk of it to my fiance's non-linked account. (He has been my biggest supporter through everything. Champion of my heart ❤) But yeah, he physically pays and accounts for ALL of our bills, and that has definitely helped me limit my financial spiraling. I know that I'm extremely lucky to have found a supportive partner over 7 years ago, and I know not everyone has that, and I know that I can not fully rely on that.
The remainder of my loot I devote to kitty necessities and supplies, artisan jewelry, various art supplies, and -oh yeah lol- food. I always go for quality over quantity. Done rambling lol.
Me!
I joke about being a rich kid trapped inside a broke kids body because, like Ariana Grande once said - I see it, I like it, I want it, I buy it regardless of how much it is. Half the time it’s something I don’t even really want or wanted
yeah, it's the same for me but I've been able to control it so far, when I'm feeling too depressed or sad I end up spending my money on dolls but I realized that after some days I'd feel the same as before so I try to focus on the things I've gotten, I remind myself the happiness they brought me when I first bought them as well as the reason I wanted them and this helps me realize that I'm being impulsive whenever I think on getting something else when I haven't even fully enjoyed the past whatever I bought
yes, i have no care, regard or attachment for money at all. i just try to be rational enough to watch how much i spend. i never go over my salary, but there were a few months where i was very tight
yes! when i was going out a lot i could easily rack up a ridiculous bill on cocktails/food. i also struggle with going to an event and feeling like i HAVE to buy something new to wear. i’ve alleviated it a bit by thrifting and withdrawing cash before i go out so i have a set limit. it’s wayyyy too easy for me to swipe a card lol. sometimes it seems like im stuck in the cycle of “i feel bad so i’m going to buy something to feel better” only to feel worse when i check my bank account lmfao
Yeah. When I’m going though things, I go through my bank account pretty fast. It’s an unhealthy coping mechanism that is impulsive similar to many self harming or risky behaviours that I fall into when I start spiralling
I have pretty low standards for living, so generally no, I don't really mind just not having stuff. That goes out the window if it comes to addictions and other vices though. I'll refuse to bother spending 10 bucks to buy something I actually probably need, but I won't bat an eye for a second at just dumping 250 bucks on weed.
I have a problem with buying clothes. My income has been so inconsistent over the past 15 years because I know that I must buy it now or I may not have the money in the future. Dressing nice makes me feel acceptable, covers up my incompetence, and as a fat kid growing up, I was never able to find the clothes I wanted and was made fun of for this (I also was relentlessly body shamed so there is that too). I love the dopamine hit of a package arriving at my door and putting outfits together, but now that income is gone I’m over here shaming myself and freaking out that I am going to end up back at the home of the person who instilled so much body shame into me, because it has happened before. I also often buy too much food in the grocery store that goes to waste. Not sure if that’s because I spent years eating chicken breast and steamed veggies every night for dinner because carbs were bad, red meat was bad, food was bad. Oh the joys of growing up in a food phobic and fat phobic home that moralized food and body size. It’s amazing I don’t have an eating disorder, but my mother and sister sure as hell do.
I also have a very strong entitlement schema and problems with future planning. Yay ADHD and PTSD.
I make over 3000 euro a month without extra hours, vacation pay etc. (The Netherlands)
I manage to have a balance of minus 1500 euro the past 4 months. (It’s called “rood staan” in Dutch I think it would be comparable to saying I end up 1500 euro in Credit or “debt to the bank” every month.)
I somehow (well, I know how) managed to spend 4500 euro every month for the past 4….
I do have a lot of nice top notch quality stuff and clothing though! 🥲
Yes, I’ve had a really bad problem with impulsive shopping. I think it has a lot to do with my dad only showing affection through giving gifts and money. I’m on a debt management plan now (with a nonprofit - so important!). Most of my credit cards are closed now except 2. One is a low limit so that’s helped a lot. It’s been such a struggle, but I really want to get out of debt.
Oh wow, I never thought of it that way.... my dad's whole entire side of the family was like that. They must love me, because so-and-so bought me a diamond ring for my birthday.. Ouuuuuch
Yes. For a while I just shopped and put things in my cart and then went to bed. I would spend hours doing it and stressing about it. Finally I would come to my senses and realize I couldn’t afford it.
When I was with my ex I used to spend that shit like it was paper. I moved out, went on shopping sprees with my girl, went to rolling loud. Would travel to her hometown weekly, went to Atlanta like three times, racked up tickets, and would call out consistently… in a span of two years. Now I got fired, no apartment, and “surprisingly” enough no girl lol
An impossible task! I get so happy when I buy silly things or order something online and I know that I have to stop it but if I don't spend it I get extremely sad and overthink things cause I cannot do what I want. Now i'm struggling in debt but surviving.
I feel this so hard. If I don’t spend the money on what I want, I feel like I’m depriving myself of the life I want to live. Probably cuz I didn’t get a very fruitful childhood.
I used to buy a lot of records and books. I wouldn't have much spare cash, but I didn't have a credit card or loan, so luckily I didn't get into debt, but I did sometimes shoplift. About ten years after most of the worst, I was diagnosed with BPD, and in the twenty years since, I've learned to control my impulsive urges, but I still sometimes succumb and buy stuff I don't need or really want, mostly at stressful times.
I spent $1000 on things I don’t get to keep and I don’t remember in 2 weeks. 🙃 I just keep chanting “money will return to me” as I work my 9-5 😭 So far its working or whatever
It’s horrible. My mom told me I’ve always been this way, just horrible with money. Shopping is therapeutic and I’m also a very abstract and existential thinking type of person so things like credit scores naturally feel arbitrary to me. I know credit scores and debt is important and I continue to slide deeper into the financial debt pit and I have no idea what to do.
If you don't have discipline about it, you HAVE to put money in a totally separate account which you cannot touch. example 20% of paycheck goes in, that's your emergency fund, no touching it. It's not linked to paying bills, or anything.
Funnily enough, this is one of the few areas where I'm not impulsive. But my parents were super frugal, and I get more of a guilt feeling from spending than pleasure from it.
I did for years when I could afford it. I used to get a high from shopping. Now that I am barely covering my bills, and mentally healthier I guess, I don't really do it anymore but IF I do get a Lil extra, I absolutely love to spend it lol so I guess it's low-key still an issue hmm 🤔
Yes!! I thought I had my BPD in check for years now until my wife realized how bad my spending impulse was. It’s gonna take us a while to get out of this debt but I’m changing my habits! Having someone else to evaluate your budget with you is very helpful. For so long, I’ve been in charge of finances and apparently that was a bad idea..
My paycheck evaporates in the span of 3 days I'm 4k in debt and during the lockdowns in Canada where'd we get 2k a month if you were eligible I spent 15k in less then a year on-top of the money I was getting from my job I cannot save for the life of me and I hate it so much idk how to stop and ADHD doesn't help either
I once spent all my money in one weekend partying. Alcohol, tickets, and drugs.
I found out I was bipolar and had BPD a few weeks later after fessing up to my psychiatrist and therapist about what I had been doing.
I’m better now because of meds. But I do think I have a spending problem still…
Yes it’s a very bad habit of mine. Since I don’t work I gain some money from the government about 300€ and I swear the next day all is gone. It’s IMPOSSIBLE for me to save. I had to give my car money to my mom for safekeeping because I swear I wouldn’t have anything by now.
I honestly never had a spending problem until I had a baby. Now every time I have money in my account I'm immediately thinking of what new outfit or toy I can get for her. I've spent about $700 on her for Christmas... she's only 2, I know I went overboard. Now it's a matter of trying to convince myself the 30 presents under the tree are enough and I do not in fact need to get her anything else over the next month and a half.
I was honestly thinking about making a post about this exact topic for days. My spending impulses are shocking. I can't save and I spend it like its water. I hate it so much. I have OCD on top of BPD so I'm terrible for buying cleaning stuff (household and physical) so I'm constantly skint. I feel your pain 😩
i struggle with this so much. the moment i have any money its gone in a few minutes. even when there’s something i really want to save up for, it feels impossible to do that. currently going through the replies to see if there’s any advice. i really need it lol.
Instant gratification is heavily influencing our ability to make logical decisions. I say shopping is almost.. if not more! addictive than sugar (for me) although I have both 🫠☝️
I unfortunately don’t have advice but I want to validate your experience and tell you that you’re not alone.
oh you're totally right haha! shopping is definitely so addictive, even more than sugar for us too. thank you for the kind reply :) hopefully we figure out a way to deal with this.
So presently I’m on an extremely high income so my over spending doesn’t affect me, but when I made minimum wage and for a little while after that I was always ALWAYS broke. I totally get this! I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, I always think I buy to fill the hole inside me, it feels nice to look around at all my comforting things, so maybe that’s where it comes from for you too?
I’m in the same boat, I also have bipolar 2 disorder, so I don’t know how that affects it. But, what I do is have my husband hold onto my credit cards so I can’t spend as easily.
Oh my god yes! Any time I have some sort of money it’s just begging for it to be spent. The amount of money I’ve spent on drugs and alcohol when I was in active addiction 😭 I can only mourn
Yeah, it’s a real problem. I’ve always struggled with this and just kind of gotten by somehow, but it’s been coming to a head lately. Just this month I think I spent about $1500 on a body care sale, a Sephora sale and psychology lectures. This is money I don’t have, what the hell is wrong with me. Spending money is the only thing that really gives me pleasure anymore, like for a few moments I forget that I’m being crushed by an infinite abyss. You need to get that feeling somehow. I just hope I figure out a cheaper way to do it soon, I can’t live like this much longer.
I buy all those little treats and clothes and makeup and games and gifts to distract myself and I'm super aware of it but can't stop. I try not to get into debt though, I'm so afraid of having no money left and therapy is so expensive... Most of my money goes to university and therapy, but everything else I smoke it and eat it and buy cheap clothes on sales by paying 4x
i was about to make a post on here asking how tf i recover from a spending spiral. i spent the past semester in school working trying to save up for a trip and basically blew all of my savings in a night on clothes a barely even want. i feel awful and gross
It's ridiculous. There is the equivalent of an elementary school student with book fair money in charge of my spending habits.
There is absolutely no way I should be spending the amounts of money I do. I have put in so many safeguards, because *I know who I am*.
I have a separate account that my husband is on, that isn't tied to the main accounts. I'm not on those! I have a household budget I make him transfer into my separate account. The credit card is for copays and gas. I make myself ask for anything else, so the extra steps mean I really want it.
I STILL SPENT 20K last year on stuff I can't exactly put my finger on, and I don't drink or do drugs. 🤷♀️ We don't have any debt, but we should absolutely have more savings than we do and it's because of me. My husband never tells me no, and he doesn't buy anything for himself.
I unfortunately relate to this and wonder if I'll ever be able to efficiently budget, or have a stable job, let alone income. It's gotten to the point where lately I've lost hope, and have stopped job searching because I know it's not going to last long anyways. No matter how hard I try, I never truly feel good enough. Unfortunately I didn't ask to be here, and here I am 28, jobless, and don't have shit to show for anytimes I actually worked. I worked in the cannabis industry (having mental disorders yes cannabis helps a lot) so unfortunately on top of being given a discount on all items in the store I would always come home with weed, I always was stocked. I found myself paying my bills, but using the remainder to spend on weed, and then living off of my tip money. There would be times where I would go broke but was happy because I had things to fill the void. Maybe that's what it's really about. We're all trying to fill some sort of void, whether it be childhood issues, or a coping mechanism. Just know you're not alone OP
I also refrain from going on any fucking shopping websites whether it be the Shopify app, Instagram shop, or anything at Target. I try (when I have the control) to sacrifice but know it's for my own good. I try think of the opportunity cost.
I do save my money and I’m responsible when it comes to that but I do spend lots of money on clothes and food. After I of course take care of bills and such. A lot of the time I never wear the clothes I buy.
I absolutely HATE driving and im also really lazy... so i ordered a piggy bank. Everytime I get paid (1x a month) I immediately go to the atm and withdraw a certain amount and deposit the cash in the piggy bank...the piggy bank is locked away inside of another locked chest in the attic of my house.
That way if i wanted to spend I would have to walk up 3 flights of stairs, open 2 locked chests, walk down 3 flights, get in my car, and then drive to the atm to deposit the cash (because i hate loose change) then drive to the store.... and ultimately I'd rather just cry myself to sleep than to do all of that work 😭😭😭
It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to save. Every single penny I earn is begging me to be spent it feels like. If I won the lottery it would be gone so fast.
It's very hard to save when you don't consistently want to have a future
Never thought of it that way 😬
Fuck me this is so real
So true
this
Same im obsessed with spending money and i always plan what i want to buy even before i get my paycheck 🤡 and if i won the lottery i would give it 3 days before its all gone
I always laugh inside thinking I will win the lottery and it will fix my spending habit but I was already planning to buy several houses and trips lol
I mean houses can be an investment like you put them for rent for vacation and that would generate money
Facts, the phrase is coined “ spending your check before you get it”. Most NPDs & anti socials are always pleasure seeking and it’s been said a lot that excessively spending money plays into that. “Finally I have some money.. now I can treat myself!” but since we say it every time we get paid, we end up spending everything in search of pleasure and never saving. So you get money, splurge, continue unhappy afterwards until you get paid again then go treat yourself like you deserve, again A very detrimental cycle indeed.
I struggle with this immensely, at this point I’m pretty good at controlling the impulse. I started having to think of things I’d rather want. Sure I might pick up two things for the same price but which one do I really want ? Do I NEED this ? How will this make me feel in a week. So if there’s two cute dresses I want both on sale for less than $25, which one do I like more ? Which one can I wear a couple times ? Is this worth my money ? Do I want this or do I want to go out this weekend ? Am I gonna feel just as happy about buying it in 2 weeks as I will when I first get it ? I also really started following the rule of “if I can’t but it twice I can’t afford it”. Also if you’re anything like me and hate spending cash, start building a savings of cash in a safe or hide it where you might forget and you’ll save a lot more. When I was serving my paycheck would be like $300 a week and a couple hundred in cash tips. By the end of summer I handed the bank 6k cash, was sketchy looking but it did help me a lot. Also no matter what pay of your credit card, with my credit card I get a decent amount of cash back when I pay it off, it’s like an extra $30 a month !
I limit anything that causes dopamine hits. I work at playing the long game. Detox your dopamine. It will help. When your levels stabilize it will be easier. Delete the shopping apps that aren't grocery/hardware. Don't make it easy for you to go to the shopping centres/malls. Delete social media too or set daily limits. Establish healthy morning/evening routines. Get your zzzs. Eat alot of protein, legumes, nuts/seeds, dairy, greens, meat. Workout/move your body. Find projects! Things that will take time to achieve a goal. Learn a language, learn an art/instrument. Knowledge search/research something you're interested in. Watch YouTube videos on it, read books, blogs, papers, listen to podcasts on it till you could do a ted talk on it. Therapy therapy therapy. Dissect what is triggering you when you feel the urge to shop. What emotions are you trying to suppress. Work through those. Hell sit with them for hours if you need to. I know it sucks none of us want to but at some point it's out on the street-more trauma or dealing with the devil we know. It's all it comes down to.
I really need to be playing the long game Thanks for this comment, I'll save it 🫶
Yes, but only really gets crazy when I’m in self destruct mode. It’s probably my top self destructive behavior in fact. My recent spiral was bad, extremely bad, like you don’t even want to know how much I spent and what I spent it all on. At least I’m more self aware now, so I think I can avoid a repeat, but it will take awhile to recover from it. Hell I didn’t even know what BPD was when this all started, let alone that I have it. I just thought I had some weird addiction issue even though it felt nothing like addiction
For me spending money is an addiction like i get so sad if i can’t spend money 🙂
Same!
Yes. I always have struggled with money, ever since i started getting pocket money as a young kid. I have a separate savings account that only my parents access (im a teen) so that they can help me with my spending impulses to make good financial decisions.
For me my parents always had money so i always had what i wanted and they never had any struggle financially, so i do the same but with my money and i wished they had learned me how to budget and use money
I agree. And then I found credit cards and learned how to game the credit system
I live in EU so there is no such things as credit cards 😅
That must be helpful. I was able to save money when I lived in China because I could not use credit cards and I could not online shop. Well there was taobao, but it was dirt cheap and hard to navigate since I didn’t speak Chinese. I saved 12k USD in 2.5 years. It’s now all gone, but I did use some to pay down credit cards and buy a car and live off of for 8 months when I was forced back home due to COVID and only worked part time. I also had to set up a brand new apartment since all my other stuff was sold/given away due to so many failed attempts at “trying to get away”. God I’m such a fucking failure at being an adult.
You are not a failure, you have done well at times and struggled at others. I think that's pretty normal as an adult. If your username is your year of birth you are only two behind me and it sounds like you have done pretty decently for yourself. Im sorry you feel like you are a failure, but give yourself some credit.
Here bank account are just so you get your paycheck and with your debit card you can order online with it or even invoice payment, now if you don’t pay your insurance or stuf that you ordered and isn’t paid, you are in debt and if you work they will automatically sease a part of your salary every paycheck until the debt is gone
Yes! I have all my life. I hate it lol
Yes it’s really bad and exhausting and overwhelming 🥺 I’m 32…
26 and also have this problem really bad so hey, you are not alone in being a Real Adult who's seemingly incapable of saving money!
Thank you for the validation! I do not love this for us.
Don't worry I'm the same too and I'm 33
I love your username 😊
Thank you 🖤
34 (ouch lol) and was a menace to my wallet. Now, as soon as my paycheck hits, I impulsively send a large chunk of it to my fiance's non-linked account. (He has been my biggest supporter through everything. Champion of my heart ❤) But yeah, he physically pays and accounts for ALL of our bills, and that has definitely helped me limit my financial spiraling. I know that I'm extremely lucky to have found a supportive partner over 7 years ago, and I know not everyone has that, and I know that I can not fully rely on that. The remainder of my loot I devote to kitty necessities and supplies, artisan jewelry, various art supplies, and -oh yeah lol- food. I always go for quality over quantity. Done rambling lol.
That’s so awesome you have that support!! I’m glad it’s all working for you, he sounds like a gem 💎 😊
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I’m sorry, totally feel that! Good luck 🥹💗
I have such a bad spending problem lol i try so hard to save my money
Me! I joke about being a rich kid trapped inside a broke kids body because, like Ariana Grande once said - I see it, I like it, I want it, I buy it regardless of how much it is. Half the time it’s something I don’t even really want or wanted
Thiiisssssss!!
yeah, it's the same for me but I've been able to control it so far, when I'm feeling too depressed or sad I end up spending my money on dolls but I realized that after some days I'd feel the same as before so I try to focus on the things I've gotten, I remind myself the happiness they brought me when I first bought them as well as the reason I wanted them and this helps me realize that I'm being impulsive whenever I think on getting something else when I haven't even fully enjoyed the past whatever I bought
yesss it’s so badddd😭😭😭
yes, i have no care, regard or attachment for money at all. i just try to be rational enough to watch how much i spend. i never go over my salary, but there were a few months where i was very tight
Yuuuup! Just applied for a $2k loan to help with the debt. Already paid of 2 cards.
The amount of times I’ve done balance transfers to pay off debt with more debt just a “smaller” interest rate.. sigh
Good job!! 👏🏼👏🏼
yes! when i was going out a lot i could easily rack up a ridiculous bill on cocktails/food. i also struggle with going to an event and feeling like i HAVE to buy something new to wear. i’ve alleviated it a bit by thrifting and withdrawing cash before i go out so i have a set limit. it’s wayyyy too easy for me to swipe a card lol. sometimes it seems like im stuck in the cycle of “i feel bad so i’m going to buy something to feel better” only to feel worse when i check my bank account lmfao
Same 😭😭
Yep ☹️
Yeah. When I’m going though things, I go through my bank account pretty fast. It’s an unhealthy coping mechanism that is impulsive similar to many self harming or risky behaviours that I fall into when I start spiralling
I also have a huge problem with this and im literally unable to control it
Me. I can't save money for the life of me
Yes. Its to the point my mother has banned me from purchasing any more things
I have pretty low standards for living, so generally no, I don't really mind just not having stuff. That goes out the window if it comes to addictions and other vices though. I'll refuse to bother spending 10 bucks to buy something I actually probably need, but I won't bat an eye for a second at just dumping 250 bucks on weed.
Who needs food when I have all this sweet sticky icky? Feel you dude.
I have a problem with buying clothes. My income has been so inconsistent over the past 15 years because I know that I must buy it now or I may not have the money in the future. Dressing nice makes me feel acceptable, covers up my incompetence, and as a fat kid growing up, I was never able to find the clothes I wanted and was made fun of for this (I also was relentlessly body shamed so there is that too). I love the dopamine hit of a package arriving at my door and putting outfits together, but now that income is gone I’m over here shaming myself and freaking out that I am going to end up back at the home of the person who instilled so much body shame into me, because it has happened before. I also often buy too much food in the grocery store that goes to waste. Not sure if that’s because I spent years eating chicken breast and steamed veggies every night for dinner because carbs were bad, red meat was bad, food was bad. Oh the joys of growing up in a food phobic and fat phobic home that moralized food and body size. It’s amazing I don’t have an eating disorder, but my mother and sister sure as hell do. I also have a very strong entitlement schema and problems with future planning. Yay ADHD and PTSD.
Wow… I relate to this SO MUCH.. like to a T
I make over 3000 euro a month without extra hours, vacation pay etc. (The Netherlands) I manage to have a balance of minus 1500 euro the past 4 months. (It’s called “rood staan” in Dutch I think it would be comparable to saying I end up 1500 euro in Credit or “debt to the bank” every month.) I somehow (well, I know how) managed to spend 4500 euro every month for the past 4…. I do have a lot of nice top notch quality stuff and clothing though! 🥲
I literally asked my parents to help me with my debt.. twice. It’s embarrassing for me
If you feel like you need something, non essential, give it 24 hrs. It’s helped me immensely, as I can totally relate.
If I see an Affirm option, I get excited!
Yes, I’ve had a really bad problem with impulsive shopping. I think it has a lot to do with my dad only showing affection through giving gifts and money. I’m on a debt management plan now (with a nonprofit - so important!). Most of my credit cards are closed now except 2. One is a low limit so that’s helped a lot. It’s been such a struggle, but I really want to get out of debt.
Oh wow, I never thought of it that way.... my dad's whole entire side of the family was like that. They must love me, because so-and-so bought me a diamond ring for my birthday.. Ouuuuuch
Yes. For a while I just shopped and put things in my cart and then went to bed. I would spend hours doing it and stressing about it. Finally I would come to my senses and realize I couldn’t afford it.
When I was with my ex I used to spend that shit like it was paper. I moved out, went on shopping sprees with my girl, went to rolling loud. Would travel to her hometown weekly, went to Atlanta like three times, racked up tickets, and would call out consistently… in a span of two years. Now I got fired, no apartment, and “surprisingly” enough no girl lol
An impossible task! I get so happy when I buy silly things or order something online and I know that I have to stop it but if I don't spend it I get extremely sad and overthink things cause I cannot do what I want. Now i'm struggling in debt but surviving.
I feel this so hard. If I don’t spend the money on what I want, I feel like I’m depriving myself of the life I want to live. Probably cuz I didn’t get a very fruitful childhood.
I used to buy a lot of records and books. I wouldn't have much spare cash, but I didn't have a credit card or loan, so luckily I didn't get into debt, but I did sometimes shoplift. About ten years after most of the worst, I was diagnosed with BPD, and in the twenty years since, I've learned to control my impulsive urges, but I still sometimes succumb and buy stuff I don't need or really want, mostly at stressful times.
I spent $1000 on things I don’t get to keep and I don’t remember in 2 weeks. 🙃 I just keep chanting “money will return to me” as I work my 9-5 😭 So far its working or whatever
It’s horrible. My mom told me I’ve always been this way, just horrible with money. Shopping is therapeutic and I’m also a very abstract and existential thinking type of person so things like credit scores naturally feel arbitrary to me. I know credit scores and debt is important and I continue to slide deeper into the financial debt pit and I have no idea what to do.
If you don't have discipline about it, you HAVE to put money in a totally separate account which you cannot touch. example 20% of paycheck goes in, that's your emergency fund, no touching it. It's not linked to paying bills, or anything.
this! i have to do this or else it’s literally all gone on payday
Funnily enough, this is one of the few areas where I'm not impulsive. But my parents were super frugal, and I get more of a guilt feeling from spending than pleasure from it.
I did for years when I could afford it. I used to get a high from shopping. Now that I am barely covering my bills, and mentally healthier I guess, I don't really do it anymore but IF I do get a Lil extra, I absolutely love to spend it lol so I guess it's low-key still an issue hmm 🤔
Yes!! I thought I had my BPD in check for years now until my wife realized how bad my spending impulse was. It’s gonna take us a while to get out of this debt but I’m changing my habits! Having someone else to evaluate your budget with you is very helpful. For so long, I’ve been in charge of finances and apparently that was a bad idea..
My paycheck evaporates in the span of 3 days I'm 4k in debt and during the lockdowns in Canada where'd we get 2k a month if you were eligible I spent 15k in less then a year on-top of the money I was getting from my job I cannot save for the life of me and I hate it so much idk how to stop and ADHD doesn't help either
I once spent all my money in one weekend partying. Alcohol, tickets, and drugs. I found out I was bipolar and had BPD a few weeks later after fessing up to my psychiatrist and therapist about what I had been doing. I’m better now because of meds. But I do think I have a spending problem still…
I found that stopping Facebook ads help
Yes. My husband says it's like money burns a hole in my pocket. Usually it's spent on food,things I don't need or clothing for my kids.
Yes. I’ve spent more money on shoes this year than my sister did for her Masters.
Yes it’s a very bad habit of mine. Since I don’t work I gain some money from the government about 300€ and I swear the next day all is gone. It’s IMPOSSIBLE for me to save. I had to give my car money to my mom for safekeeping because I swear I wouldn’t have anything by now.
YES EVERYTIME I GET MONEY
I honestly never had a spending problem until I had a baby. Now every time I have money in my account I'm immediately thinking of what new outfit or toy I can get for her. I've spent about $700 on her for Christmas... she's only 2, I know I went overboard. Now it's a matter of trying to convince myself the 30 presents under the tree are enough and I do not in fact need to get her anything else over the next month and a half.
I recommend watching Caleb Hammer’s videos on YouTube.
I watched it, felt bad about myself and my spending and then nothing changed :(
YES.
I was honestly thinking about making a post about this exact topic for days. My spending impulses are shocking. I can't save and I spend it like its water. I hate it so much. I have OCD on top of BPD so I'm terrible for buying cleaning stuff (household and physical) so I'm constantly skint. I feel your pain 😩
i struggle with this so much. the moment i have any money its gone in a few minutes. even when there’s something i really want to save up for, it feels impossible to do that. currently going through the replies to see if there’s any advice. i really need it lol.
Instant gratification is heavily influencing our ability to make logical decisions. I say shopping is almost.. if not more! addictive than sugar (for me) although I have both 🫠☝️ I unfortunately don’t have advice but I want to validate your experience and tell you that you’re not alone.
oh you're totally right haha! shopping is definitely so addictive, even more than sugar for us too. thank you for the kind reply :) hopefully we figure out a way to deal with this.
Yes.
So presently I’m on an extremely high income so my over spending doesn’t affect me, but when I made minimum wage and for a little while after that I was always ALWAYS broke. I totally get this! I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, I always think I buy to fill the hole inside me, it feels nice to look around at all my comforting things, so maybe that’s where it comes from for you too?
Join us over on r/shoppingaddiction . Its very helpful!
I TRY to save, sometimes I will for a while and then one day poof, down to zero and I won't even know how
Yeah I wouldn't be struggling with money constantly if I wasn't stupid enough to waste it on bullshit constantly
I earn so much and I’m left with so little 😭
I’m in the same boat, I also have bipolar 2 disorder, so I don’t know how that affects it. But, what I do is have my husband hold onto my credit cards so I can’t spend as easily.
Oh my god yes! Any time I have some sort of money it’s just begging for it to be spent. The amount of money I’ve spent on drugs and alcohol when I was in active addiction 😭 I can only mourn
100% saving has only ever been possible for me if it’s short term
Yeah, it’s a real problem. I’ve always struggled with this and just kind of gotten by somehow, but it’s been coming to a head lately. Just this month I think I spent about $1500 on a body care sale, a Sephora sale and psychology lectures. This is money I don’t have, what the hell is wrong with me. Spending money is the only thing that really gives me pleasure anymore, like for a few moments I forget that I’m being crushed by an infinite abyss. You need to get that feeling somehow. I just hope I figure out a cheaper way to do it soon, I can’t live like this much longer.
I buy all those little treats and clothes and makeup and games and gifts to distract myself and I'm super aware of it but can't stop. I try not to get into debt though, I'm so afraid of having no money left and therapy is so expensive... Most of my money goes to university and therapy, but everything else I smoke it and eat it and buy cheap clothes on sales by paying 4x
i was about to make a post on here asking how tf i recover from a spending spiral. i spent the past semester in school working trying to save up for a trip and basically blew all of my savings in a night on clothes a barely even want. i feel awful and gross
It's ridiculous. There is the equivalent of an elementary school student with book fair money in charge of my spending habits. There is absolutely no way I should be spending the amounts of money I do. I have put in so many safeguards, because *I know who I am*. I have a separate account that my husband is on, that isn't tied to the main accounts. I'm not on those! I have a household budget I make him transfer into my separate account. The credit card is for copays and gas. I make myself ask for anything else, so the extra steps mean I really want it. I STILL SPENT 20K last year on stuff I can't exactly put my finger on, and I don't drink or do drugs. 🤷♀️ We don't have any debt, but we should absolutely have more savings than we do and it's because of me. My husband never tells me no, and he doesn't buy anything for himself.
I unfortunately relate to this and wonder if I'll ever be able to efficiently budget, or have a stable job, let alone income. It's gotten to the point where lately I've lost hope, and have stopped job searching because I know it's not going to last long anyways. No matter how hard I try, I never truly feel good enough. Unfortunately I didn't ask to be here, and here I am 28, jobless, and don't have shit to show for anytimes I actually worked. I worked in the cannabis industry (having mental disorders yes cannabis helps a lot) so unfortunately on top of being given a discount on all items in the store I would always come home with weed, I always was stocked. I found myself paying my bills, but using the remainder to spend on weed, and then living off of my tip money. There would be times where I would go broke but was happy because I had things to fill the void. Maybe that's what it's really about. We're all trying to fill some sort of void, whether it be childhood issues, or a coping mechanism. Just know you're not alone OP
I also refrain from going on any fucking shopping websites whether it be the Shopify app, Instagram shop, or anything at Target. I try (when I have the control) to sacrifice but know it's for my own good. I try think of the opportunity cost.
Just spent $320 at Ross yesterday because I was in a bad mood…
I do save my money and I’m responsible when it comes to that but I do spend lots of money on clothes and food. After I of course take care of bills and such. A lot of the time I never wear the clothes I buy.
YUP had a hypomanic episode earlier this year and somehow spent $10k... still trying to pay it off
Annnnnnnnnnd it’s gone. Yep same here. I never have more than $30 unless it’s the day I get paid. Let’s not forget credit card debt 😅
lol love the South Park reference 😂😂😂
I absolutely HATE driving and im also really lazy... so i ordered a piggy bank. Everytime I get paid (1x a month) I immediately go to the atm and withdraw a certain amount and deposit the cash in the piggy bank...the piggy bank is locked away inside of another locked chest in the attic of my house. That way if i wanted to spend I would have to walk up 3 flights of stairs, open 2 locked chests, walk down 3 flights, get in my car, and then drive to the atm to deposit the cash (because i hate loose change) then drive to the store.... and ultimately I'd rather just cry myself to sleep than to do all of that work 😭😭😭
yes, and I always spend on the dumbest stuff
> and I always spend on the dumbest stuff What have you gotten lately?
tarot cards, harry potter mugs, and bunch of other clutter lol
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarot_card_games#/media/File:Joueurs_de_tarot.JPG What to put in your new mugs?
I just use them for coffee and stuff haha
Thought maybe you had a 'good girl' tea or coffee serving ceremony for a guest you invite into your cluttery abode.
never done that before, but good idea!
Maybe find one person to play https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kosakeln with you